Latest / Ebbs of History / When an Emperor Made His Horse a Senator
Transcript
- Jason: Lessons we've learned today. Time for the Fun Fact Challenge! This day in History! Dad and Zoe: Welcome to the ebbs of history, the show where we dive into the strangest, wildest, and sometimes downright creepiest stories the past has to offer. From dancing plagues to pirate queens, you'll laugh, you'll gasp, you'll even groan at my impeccable dad jokes. But, most importantly, you'll learn how history is way cooler than your textbook ever told you. Gavin: We are history loving hosts, Zoe. Gavin. Dad and Zoe: I'm Jason, and in every episode the three of us will take a quick trip through time and see what lessons we can still learn today. This is the EBS of history. Hey there history lovers, welcome back to another episode of Ebs of History, we're so glad you're here with us today. Zoe, Gavin, how was everyone's week? Gavin: It's been a pretty good week so far. kind of... the week back from swim break, so it's a little little rough. But it's been... Dad and Zoe: Very good. Gavin? Gavin: been a good week, same thing ⁓ from Spring Break, so that's kind of a bummer. ⁓ other than that, we've been pretty good. How about you? Dad and Zoe: I've been very, very, very busy at work doing a bunch of of technical stuff that ⁓ is draining my brain and I get home and my eyes burn and all I want to do is go to sleep. I've been having a blast doing it. So it's actually been really good. Thanks asking. ⁓ Gavin: No one ever asks. Dad and Zoe: That's right, no one ever asked. Gavin: No. Dad and Zoe: Okay, what if I told you that the most powerful man on earth once tried to appoint his horse to the highest office in government? Not as a joke, but for real. Today, we're uncovering the wild story of Emperor Caligula and the horse who nearly ran Rome. Let's set the scene. Rome around 40 CE. Roman Empire arguably the most powerful civilization the world has ever seen, stretching from the coast of Scotland to the deserts of Syria and from the Rhine River down to the Sahara. Millions of people, of languages, and at the very top of it all, ⁓ one man with unchallengeable unchallenging a book. Gavin: unchallengeable. Dad and Zoe: Thank you power. He had unchallengeable power over every single one of those people That man is Emperor Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Gavin: Can you say that again? Can I just read your manicus? Dad and Zoe: No, because that's his dad's Gaius ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ Gavin: this guy who was named Germany after like... Dad and Zoe: I'm not quite sure to be honest, but sure there's some connections there not not to Caligula, but the Germanicus name But called him that for reasons. ⁓ Gavin: Yeah. see why. Dad and Zoe: Yeah, ⁓ What do you think the name Caligula actually means? Because it's not part of his name, right? Of all those names, Caligula is not one of them. So it's a nickname. Gavin: It probably means like some sort of like power or like official ⁓ like Latin or something. I'm the best ⁓ Dad and Zoe: And so you think I'm the best? Gavin: the best or something. Dad and Zoe: Okay. it means little boots. ⁓ When he was a toddler, his father, Germanicus, was one of Rome's most celebrated generals. Gaius would toddle around the military camp wearing a tiny soldier's uniform ⁓ parents had made for him, including miniature collagi, the heavy sandal boots Roman soldiers wore on campaign. The hardened veterans of the Roman army thought that this was the most adorable thing that they had ever seen in their lives. They started to call him Caligula, Little Boots. The stuck for the rest of his life. Gavin: I like, I'm not sure, like if I were him knowing who he is, I'd be like, I would not like that name, you know? Right. Like I'm guessing that he didn't like that nickname. Dad and Zoe: an adorable toddler named Little Boots ⁓ become one history's most infamous rulers? Well, he didn't start out that way at all. When Caligula became emperor at the age of 24 ⁓ in 37 Romans were absolutely ecstatic. His predecessor, Tiberius, had been a paranoid, joyless tyrant who spent his final years on the island of Capri throwing political enemies off of cliffs. True story. After years of that, what do you think the Romans were hoping for from the young, charismatic son of a beloved general? Gavin: that he would be like his father. cause like the family name nepotism. ⁓ Dad and Zoe: Yeah. Okay. no tyranny? More joy? political executions? Someone who actually cared about the people themselves? Maybe? ⁓ first, he delivered completely. Caligula threw lavish public festivals. He abolished and unpopular sales tax. He released political prisoners. He restored elections that Tiberius had canceled. He handed out cash bonuses to soldiers and gave grain to citizens. For the first several months, Romans were pinching themselves. Was this the emperor that we've been waiting for and he's actually good? Then in the fall of 37 CE, something changed. Historians have debated for 2,000 years what happened exactly. They don't know if it's a serious illness, possibly encephalitis or brain fever, maybe a psychological break, maybe just the discovery of what truly unlimited power actually feels like. Whatever it was, Caligula came out the other side as a completely different person, and things got very strange, very fast. Here's a question. you suddenly had total unchecked authority over the entire Roman Empire, no laws had applied to you, no consequences for anything that you did, what's the most ⁓ unhinged thing that might do? ⁓ Yeah. Yeah, because it's the Empire. Gavin: In this time... moment time yeah want to evil with it ⁓ Dad and Zoe: That's good to hear. Gavin: I think I would do something really stupid, put a rule in place that everyone has to wear weird hats ⁓ other Thursday of every other month or something. Something so weird ⁓ people would just be like, what is going on? ⁓ Wednesdays, everyone needs to wear pink. Dad and Zoe: There go. On Wednesdays we wear pink. ⁓ there you go. Gavin: Well, everyone gives me a dollar. Or whatever Roman currency they have. Dad and Zoe: Mm-hmm Caligula had you both beat he declared himself a living God and to worshipped alongside Jupiter and Apollo He Roman senators powerful men from ancient families ⁓ to run alongside his chariot in their formal togas while he rode He built a two mile bridge of boats across the Bay of Bwali, commissioning hundreds of Roman merchant ships to construct it so that he could spend two days ⁓ his horse back and forth across the water. You ask yourself why? Why would he do this? Because years a fortune teller had told him that he had as much of a chance of becoming emperor as of riding a horse across the bay. So he wanted to prove the fortune teller wrong. Gavin: I mean, Dad and Zoe: He had an extraordinary relationship with Spite. the act that truly immortalized him in the history books involves a horse. So we're passionate and intense baseball fans, right? Gavin: very much so. Dad and Zoe: We watch baseball all the time. I've seen some pretty crazy stuff, right? ⁓ the fan tore a ball out of Mookie Betts' hands. Yeah. Or with tattoos of their teams. Or just how people when it comes to their teams and thinking about like the EFL, know, the, ⁓ the premier league and things like that. How just absolutely bonkers people are, right? Gavin: I think I remember. But you can't really see that in like American football, not like, like, Both, both footballs. Yeah, I guess. Dad and Zoe: What's the craziest thing you think you've seen? Gavin: I think it's crazy that the fans from different teams have to be sectioned off. In general, inside the stadiums. the rivalries are so heated. I remember one of the Bears, when the playoffs last season, I just saw so much people with so much face paint, a ton of stuff on. And I was just like, oh my Dad and Zoe: Like in soccer, Gavin: God. Yeah. I never realized how big football culture was until now. Dad and Zoe: And we bleed blue doing ⁓ everything is comfortable Gavin: They're not gonna be ready for my alpha tomorrow. I know. ⁓ my god comes out in all cubby blue Dad and Zoe: So think about all these crazy fans, And soccer and everything like that. Take that situation and triple it. And you're still probably not even close to what ancient Roman chariot racing levels of fandom got to. The Circus Maximus, Rome's main racetrack, could hold somewhere between 150,000 and 250,000 screaming spectators. It's possibly the largest sports ever constructed in human history. Gavin: for horse racing, chair racing. Dad and Zoe: Racing teams were identified by colors, the blues, the greens, the reds, the whites. Fan loyalty was so violent that historians record full-scale street riots between supporters of rival teams. Sound familiar? Yeah. Yup. coming up pretty soon with the World Cup. Gavin: I'm excited for that. Dad and Zoe: Caligula was absolutely obsessed with the races and his absolute favorite competitor was a horse named Incitatus. It can also be pronounced Inca-tatus. I came across both pronunciations in my research. Now Zoe, I know your high school has Latin classes, but you are 100 % not in them. do want to take a guess at what incitatus means in Latin? Spelled I-N-C-I-T-A-T-U-S. Okay. Sure. means swift ⁓ at full gallop. So fast. And Incitatus lived up to the name. ⁓ was a champion, fast, powerful, and celebrated. Caligula became completely fixated on him. In the days before big races, Caligula reportedly send soldiers into the neighborhood surrounding the Circus Maximus to enforce total silence. No talking, no cards on the cobblestones, no noise of any kind. Guards were stationed in the streets so that nothing could disturb Incitatus' sleep the night before a But the pampering went far beyond race day rituals. According to ancient historians, Incitatus lived in a marble stable. Not a wooden one like all the other horses back then, but marble. Gavin: What the? Dad and Zoe: with an ivory manger to eat from. reportedly drank wine from golden goblets. His were mixed with flakes of actual gold. Now, here's a question with a very specific answer. According to ancient sources, how many personal servants did Incitatus have attending him? ⁓ The The horse. Gavin: 67. Dad and Zoe: Swear to God. Oh geez. Gavin: 69 we saw 68 I was expecting way more for Roman Roman. He's the horse Dad and Zoe: 18 guys He's a freaking horse 18 dedicated personal servants for one horse. for context, most Roman citizens lived in crowded, cramped apartment buildings ⁓ insulae, with no running water and barely enough food. This horse had a staff of 18 people. And wardrobe. Incitatis wore purple blankets. ⁓ I was just gonna say that might not sound dramatic to our modern ears, but... ⁓ Gavin: No, purple means red. Dad and Zoe: In Rome, do you know why purple was such an enormous deal? Gavin: Because it was associated with the royals and the upper class, so people strived to be... And then the dyes used to make purple fabrics were really expensive. Yes. I was going to say something about like the... Like purple doesn't naturally occur in nature all that much. It's rare. Dad and Zoe: It's rare. Purple dye was produced by crushing thousands of tiny sea snails called Murex. took thousands of snails to produce a single ounce of purple dye, making it more expensive than gold by weight. By Roman custom and law, purple was reserved exclusively for the emperor and the highest of royalty. Caligula dressing his horse in imperial purple was a deliberate, pointed statement. everyone, plebs, landowners, politicians, absolutely everyone, that incitatis ranks with the most powerful figures in Rome. Then Caligula gave Incitatus a house, actual house fully furnished with a complete household staff of slaves for the purpose of hosting dinner parties. Invitations would go out, from Incitatus, technically, to Rome's most powerful senators and generals. These men had no choice but to attend. They had to dress up, show up, and pretend to have perfectly lovely dinner in the company of a horse. Gavin: I would to become a horse, I would want to become this horse. Dad and Zoe: Right? No question. And then came the announcement that made all of these eccentricities look restrained. Caligula declared his intention to appoint Incitatis as a Consul. Do either of you know what a Consul is in Ancient Rome? Gavin: Is it kind of part of their cabinet? Where it's one of their advisors ⁓ that helps them make decisions? ⁓ Dad and Zoe: Not quite. any ideas? Gavin: console is, I'm going to guess ⁓ with the church. Dad and Zoe: It is not. It's a government. So in Rome's governmental system, two consuls were elected each year. Oh my god. Gavin: was there supposed to be a voice? Dad and Zoe: as something like a co-president. Gavin: Thank you, Vice President. Dad and Zoe: Like two vice presidents, yeah. They commanded the armies, presided over the Senate, and wielded enormous authority over the empire's laws and governance. It was the most prestigious elected office in Rome, the pinnacle of a Roman citizen's career. Caligula wanted to give that office to a racehorse. Here's my question for both of you. would he do this? Was Caligula simply completely out of his mind? Or do you think that there might have been some kind of logic at work behind this? Gavin: where it almost mocking the citizens. it's this horse is better than you kind of thing. I ⁓ don't know ⁓ the thought process it, that could be it. Where it's mocking. Like, haha, look at you, a horse is better than you. Dad and Zoe: You're not far off. any ideas? Gavin: Like, the people that has so much power that you can make a horse have all this power. Showing his power. Showing power ⁓ by a horse of power. Dad and Zoe: That's a good one too. of those answers serious historical defenders. The pure madness interpretation is the traditional one that we all know. But there's another reading that many modern scholars find very compelling. That this was a calculated, savage insult aimed at the Senate. Roman politics this point had become deeply corrupt. Positions of honor and power were handed to wealthy men ⁓ with the family connections and the right friends. regardless of actual competence. Gavin: I just thought that it connects throughout history. It does. Because later on with, in Italy, with the Medici's, they buy Pope power. They buy, because they have so much money. And then it obviously happens now. Like I just like, I to check the date on my page again. Like are we talking about the same thing? I don't know, just like, ⁓ wow, is so connected. It's funny. History always repeats. It's like, yeah, that's it. History repeats Dad and Zoe: Caligula may have been making the most brutal point possible. You people are so useless, so hollow, that a horse could fill your seat and the empire would run just the same. It was the world's most expensive, most theatrical political commentary. The Senate, for its part, did absolutely nothing. They couldn't. He was the emperor. Caligula's reign ended violently on January 24th, 41, less than four years after it had begun. Members of his Praetorian Guard, the elite soldiers personally sworn to protect the Emperor, stabbed him to death in a corridor beneath the palace. He was 28 years old. The Senate briefly celebrated and talked about restoring the Republic, but then the Praetorian Guard informed them that they had already selected the next emperor, Caligula's uncle, Claudius. And the conversation was quickly over. And what about Incitatus? The horse with 18 servants, a marble stable, golden goblets, imperial purple blankets, dinner parties, and yes, ancient sources also record that Caligula arranged a wife for him, a companion mare named Penelope. ⁓ He simply disappears from the historical record entirely. Whether he lived out his days in comfort, was returned to the races, or met some other fate, history is completely silent. feels like the right ending for a story ⁓ this absurd. ⁓ Gavin: That's kinda ksui. It's probably the calmest ending we've had, like, all podcast. The horse slips out happily. I hope. Poof. Dad and Zoe: Maybe. We don't know. We don't know is better than dying violently. Gavin: Yeah, it's a horse, HESTIOGPHY! Dad and Zoe: Here's where the story gets genuinely complicated. Almost everything we think we know about Caligula comes from sources written decades after his death by writers who had a strong reason to make him look as monstrous as possible. Our two main accounts come from Satonius writing roughly 80 years after Caligula's assassination and Cassius Dio writing nearly 150 years later. had first-hand witnesses Both were writing for audiences who relished scandalous stories about deranged emperors. Modern scholars like Anthony Barrett have argued that many of these stories were exaggerated or completely invented. Later emperors actively benefited from a cartoonishly evil Caligula. It justified his violent overthrow and made every emperor who followed look stable and reasonable by comparison. Some historians now believe Caligula was no worse than many Roman rulers and was simply unfortunate enough to have his story told entirely by his enemies. What we can say with confidence though is that he was killed by his own guards, which means he had made some very powerful people very angry. The rest is history told by people with something to gain, and that distinction matters enormously. The story of and Incitatus is 2,000 years old, and it still has things to teach us. What do you think we can learn from this? ⁓ Gavin: The first thing I think of is too much power could be bad. Well, that's obviously a huge connection throughout history. great power comes great responsibility. Exactly. Like there's so much, ⁓ have all the power in the world. What you do with it? Yes. Like ⁓ it's to have books written about this. ⁓ it's a continuing question forever. mean. Dad and Zoe: Yeah, and these people have all this power and government or these people ⁓ no accountability. Yeah. ⁓ without the ability for anyone else to say no to them, it's very frightening. Yeah. We see it today, don't we? With U.S. world leader, putting him in bombing Iran, ⁓ all of things. no one there to say no him. Yeah. Gavin: You can buy the way out of whatever they want. The team is the yes team. Yes. Whatever you want. Dad and Zoe: That's why checks and balances were invented and why defending checks and balances is so vital. Gavin: Because when there's no checks and balances, you get people horses ⁓ right hand side. There you go. You get people, I mean, ⁓ mean, making a horse part of your council ⁓ cat-kidnapping another world leader. Very different ends of the spectrum, both... One is a horse, the other end is kidnapping, and it's the same, ⁓ it's same, like, it derives from the same... Dad and Zoe: and of the same spectrum though. Uncheck power. It's dangerous. else? Gavin? Gavin: Don't get hyperfixated on something so much that you try to ⁓ make it entire world, ⁓ I guess. This seems just a very big hyperfixation about horses. I like this Dad and Zoe: institutions become corrupt and performative, ⁓ lose faith in them in very destructive ways. If Caligula's horse console stunt was a satire, it only landed because people already believed that the Senate was useless. A government that stops serving its people doesn't just lose its credibility, it loses the will of the governed in ways that can turn ugly very fast. Another one is, ⁓ hatred and contempt is not leadership. Even if Caligula had a valid point about the Senate's incompetence, weaponizing humiliation and making enemies of everyone around you is a strategy with one outcome. He was dead at 28. And finally, your sources. I'm going to pound this into you guys so much. Gavin: The first thing you look at when a DVQ is the source. That's like a big tip. To get the perspective of what you're... because it could be who's not a church leader writing about the church or it could be like the Pope writing about the church. They're going to be very different perspectives. Dad and Zoe: There you go. And in this case, the Caligula that most people know may be largely a story that powerful people needed to tell. Gavin: This is like, was written by the winners, but like a different person that's writing it, you know? Dad and Zoe: It's serving their own things the and they're using the past to justify what they're doing in the future. Does that make sense? ⁓ Gavin: word it's ⁓ ⁓ like in a it's like in court when something happened ⁓ precedent precedent you're using precedent ⁓ their Creating it using it to justify the actions what they're doing But they're twisting it ⁓ a way that makes it ⁓ for them to do it even though that's right. I'll what happened at all Dad and Zoe: creating precedent. Exactly when a historical figure sounds too perfectly monstrous too conveniently terrible Yeah, it's worth asking who wrote it when and what they stood to gain That's not cynicism. That's just good history All right, you know the rules. Let me finish question ⁓ lock in ⁓ best of three And remember, questions are harder now. But I do have them going from easy to hard, so. All right, are we ready? they start for you. Question one. many personal servants did ancient sources claim attended to incitatis? Zoi. No. 18 is correct. Gavin: Should we start at easy? Easy, that's how I do team. So easy too. Dad and Zoe: 2. Suetonius is one of our main sources for reign. Approximately how many years after Caligula's assassination did Suetonius write his account? ⁓ dead silence i will give you i oh yeah i'll give you a range of 10 years Gavin: Can we do a- Can we give a range? Dad and Zoe: Go for it. Yep, that's what's going to happen. 50. Zoe gets that one. It was 80. Gavin: 21. Bye! Dad and Zoe: 80 years after he died. Gavin: I it was a really long span of time. I just didn't write down the exact... Dad and Zoe: Do you remember the other Cassia Diehl. He was 150 years later. Now here's... I thought this was going to be the hardest one, but I don't think so. According to ancient sources, what was the name of the mare that Caligula arranged as a wife for Incitatus? Locked in. Gavin: Yeah, I didn't write down any of that. Penelope! Dad and Zoe: Penelope. got swept. Gavin: could have all of those too! No, except for the second one. could have gotten both of them until you were... ⁓ think I should have gotten that first one. Honestly. ⁓ Dad and Zoe: I'm Well when I go to edit this I'll let you know if I just misheard. Gavin: You can slow down the clip and like... answered first? ⁓ be at the Olympics where they do the track and field ⁓ then they get it with the millisecond. Dad and Zoe: there were just too many good historical events that happened on this day, April 23rd, throughout history for me to only give three. So here are four and a half. How do we get to half? Because the first one is a historical twofer. April 23rd, 1564, by tradition, William Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon, England. Gavin: and a half. Dad and Zoe: The exact date is unconfirmed, but April 23rd has been celebrated as his birthday for centuries. That's my goat. And then, on the same day in 1616, William Shakespeare... Gavin: Died. No, die. Dad and Zoe: William Shakespeare died at Stratford-upon-Avon at age 52. Gavin: But three years after he was born, he got baptized, I think. Because I wrote a thing in history and it said that his exact birth year wasn't ⁓ ⁓ was baptized this year, which is normally ⁓ three after they were born. Dad and Zoe: On his birthday? Why do you think that? Interesting. So we've been to the house that he was both born and died in. Gavin: I feel like he lived a long time for that time period. That's not that bad. Dad and Zoe: 52? It's not that bad. You know the whole skewing of that number where they say, you know, the average person only lived to 30 or whatever, but they were actually living into their 50s and 60s. It was the infant mortality rate brought everything down. Gavin: Yeah, it was that. The outlier. The outlier. Yes. But I mean, that's still quite old. Dad and Zoe: I guess he was probably yeah ⁓ there's no medicine back then like we have today. You know like they didn't know what bacteria was Gavin: Here's the humors to prescribe people. But like, it's like, ooh, you have this, let's your bile and then you'll be okay. Like, have modern medicine. Dad and Zoe: There you go. Also on this date, in 1616, Miguel de Cervantes, author of Don Quixote. And one of the founders of the modern novel died in Madrid, Spain. The same date as Shakespeare. We thought that cool. Making April 23rd uniquely mournful for the world of literature. I had to leave this one in because I know you guys would do what you just did. Oh yeah? Gavin: So. ⁓ that's so cool. Dad and Zoe: ⁓ 1635, the Boston School was founded in Boston, Massachusetts, ⁓ becoming first public school in what would become the United States. ⁓ It in operation today. That's nuts. That's cool. Gavin: Woo! ⁓ Dad and Zoe: It's almost 400 years. Gavin: I have a whole on right now. ⁓ Dad and Zoe: You're literally wearing a shirt that we got you when mom and dad went to Boston. Gavin: I hate school, so... Dad and Zoe: And then the last one, April 23rd, 2005, the first video was uploaded to YouTube. An 18 second clip called Me at the Zoo. Gavin: a at the That's an iconic clip. Dad and Zoe: Is it? It was filmed at the San Diego Zoo by co-founder Jawad Karim. Gavin: Yeah, I think everyone knows that title. Like that's like a- I didn't. It's a really well-known thing. I mean the first YouTube video. Everyone that watches YouTube a lot knows that. So everyone. Dad and Zoe: Bye! Do you guys know what the first viral YouTube video is? Is considered? There's some debate but it's widely considered the first viral one. Gavin: I'm guess it's like some sort of log. Yeah, that's a good guess. ⁓ Dad and Zoe: It's a digital short from SNL of Andy Samberg. Yep. I know it is. Singing lazy Sunday. You've ever heard that song? ⁓ It's him and Chris Parnell. It's ⁓ digital short and it's a song. You know, he does songs, lot of songs, rap songs. yeah. It's a... That ⁓ was That was the first one. ⁓ First Gavin: That's my goat. Dad and Zoe: Okay, 2000 years later, Caligula's horse still makes us laugh and shudder in equal measure. Absolute power without wisdom doesn't build legacies, it builds cautionary tales. Lead with your character, not your authority. I think that's a good lesson to take away from this. That's it for this episode. Thanks for traveling through time with us on the ebbs of history. If you liked today's story, share it with a teacher, a friend, or your family on Instagram at ebbsofhistory. If you have any show ideas, corrections, or questions, can contact us at ⁓ Gavin: Signing off, this has been your co-host, Gavin. Zoe. Dad and Zoe: and me, Jason, reminding you that history is not just about dates and battles, it's about people, curiosity, and the weird, wonderful choices that shaped our world. Until next time, keep learning through the ebbs of history. That was awesome. Gavin: Keep laughing. Three.