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Why dont narcissists like talking about their feelings? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  I am Lee Hammock, the diagnosed self aware narcissist known as
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  mental illness and welcome to another episode of the
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  narcissist code. If this is your first time, sit
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  in my face or hear my voice. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I
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  use my platform on social media to raise awareness for NPD, get
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  more people into therapy like myself, and also validate the
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  victims, survivors and thrivers of sad disorder, said Toxic
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  people said toxic traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  about why don't narcissists like to talk about their feelings?
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  Why don't? Why do narcissists keep their
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  feelings to themselves? Why don't?
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  Why don't they like to voice their feelings and whatnot?
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  Y'all, before you hop into today's episode, make sure y'all
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  hop over to Amazon. Check out my new book.
• 0:44
  Remember, it's not your fault. It's a kids book designed to
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  help kids understand it. You know, it's not their fault
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  being raised in toxic households and not to take blame for what
• 0:54
  their parents do to them or say to them.
• 0:56
  It's available on Amazon if you already got the book, thank you
• 0:58
  so much. Hit that five stars for me on
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  Amazon. Thank you.
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  Thank you, thank you. But yeah, why don't narcissist
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  like to talk about their feelings?
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  The simplest, easiest, not not easiest.
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  The simplest thing to say is that narcissistic people, a lot
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  of them, view expressing your feelings as a sign of weakness.
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  Vulnerability is weakness. So it's talking about my
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  feelings, telling you how I feel, tell you, telling you
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  what's going on inside of my head feels like weakness.
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  And I don't want to seem weak. A lot of narcissistic people
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  don't want to seem weak. A lot of narcissistic people are
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  typically going to appear shut off to you emotionally.
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  They're going to be emotionally shut off to you to the point
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  where it's hard to communicate with somebody.
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  It's hard to communicate with a narcissist or tax person or
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  whoever that isn't emotionally shut off, that is has shut down
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  their emotions and doesn't communicate with you in a
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  healthy way at all. And it happens a lot.
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  We're dealing with people in this type of relationship
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  because they see it as weakness and I don't want to appear weak.
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  I I like something happened to a lot of narcissists in their
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  childhood that made them emotionally walled up.
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  Like they made them wall up their emotions and build like a
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  a Moat and a a 17 foot high wall around their emotions and
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  vulnerability. Something happened to them, you
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  know, something happened to us. You know what I mean?
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  I've been so me personally on my journey.
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  I've been emotionally neglected by my, you know, my my my father
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  in my youth, you know, my mom, she worked.
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  So she was there for us. You know, she did, she provided
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  for us and whatnot. But she, you know, she was, she
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  worked, she wasn't able to be there emotionally a lot for us
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  as well. So we kind of, you know, we kind
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  of became emotionally walled up, emotionally shut off.
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  So it's tough dealing with that and trying to, you know,
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  deconstruct that as a 30 year old, a 38 year old adult, which
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  I was 30, it's hard to deconstruct that and see where a
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  lot of things are coming from, see where a lot of people come
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  from in this space and whatnot. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or toxic person or whoever you this is part of the,
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  this is part of our hair, this is part of the dynamic that a
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  lot of people face. Is it like, I accept because I I
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  got hurt in my childhood expressing my emotions.
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  I don't express them well in my adulthood.
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  I don't know how to express them in my adulthood.
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  I don't know, you know, because I'm afraid there's a fear behind
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  it. It does boil down to being
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  afraid of expressing yourself. Because if you if you're afraid
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  to look weak, you're afraid to be weak.
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  You're afraid to that. If you express yourself to the
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  wrong person, if you open yourself up to the wrong person,
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  if you let the, if you let down your walls and let's build build
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  a bridge across the emotional Moat, then that person can hurt
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  you. So that's why a lot of times the
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  closer you get to a narcissist, the more you get hurt.
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  It's just kind of like the closer you get, the worst, the
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  closer you get to them, the worst version of them you tend
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  to get. You know, the closer you get to
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  me, the worst I'm going to be. The closer you, you know, the
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  more you encroach upon my The more you encroach upon my
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  vulnerability, the worse I'm going to be.
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  You know, you did. Like I said, it's not.
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  They're not always going to be. And this is the space.
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  They're not always going to be 100% emotionally shut down.
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  They're they're going to be times where they're they they're
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  seemingly open and vulnerable to you.
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  And a lot of those times happen when they've had a they're under
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  the influence or something. They might have smoked something
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  or had a couple of drinks or whatever and now they're cool.
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  And now that their vulnerability is out to the the, you know, the
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  alcohol or the drugs, whatever, let the the wall come down a
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  little bit so they can peak, they they can like peak their
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  eyes over that 17 foot high wall now.
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  Yeah. So it's kind of like they let
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  their guard down the inhibitions.
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  The guard, the defensiveness has went down a little bit because
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  you get a lot of narcissists. Most narcissists are
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  narcissistically defended. So they're going to defend
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  themselves. And I'm not saying like the
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  narcissist don't know how to express any emotion.
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  Narcissistic rage is a thing. You see what I'm saying?
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  Narcissistic rage, because rage is also rage, is a secondary
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  emotion because rage is typically masking up the primary
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  emotion. Like rage is masking fear, rage
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  is masking happiness. Sometimes rage is masking
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  something else. A rage is a secondary emotion,
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  but it is the emotion nonetheless.
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  From what I've seen, you know, and rage gets the job done.
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  Rage is easy. Rage is power.
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  Rage is control. You know, if I if I'm overly
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  happy with you, I can't control you.
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  But if I'm overly angry at you and rage you out on you, I can
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  control you. I can instill fear into you and
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  whatnot. Because not that narcissists
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  don't know how to express any emotion.
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  They just express the emotions that are beneficial to them.
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  Be me. Being vulnerable all the time
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  isn't beneficial to me. Me being open and honest until
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  you talk about our feelings isn't isn't beneficial to me.
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  It actually makes me feel weak. It actually makes me feel less
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  than you know. So that does happen a lot, you
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  know, Like I said, rage, they they you never heard of
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  narcissistic happiness? Have you, You know, have you
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  ever seen a video, somebody done on narcissistic happiness or
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  narcissistic enjoyment? The elated narcissist?
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  Have you seen the video with that title right there?
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  No, you have it because they don't.
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  They don't express those in a healthy way.
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  They don't even express. But a lot of narcissists don't
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  even express happiness in a healthy way.
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  So it's not just vulnerability and telling you how something
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  effects them negatively. It's happiness as well.
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  It's joy, it's excitement, It's love.
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  It's like they is. It's just so emotionally
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  defended, emotionally locked down.
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  It's not. It's all of the emotions.
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  Y'all all of them. And this is not me trying to
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  make, This is not me trying to get make you feel sorry for a
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  narcissistic person that you might be dealing with.
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  This is me just trying to tell you like all of it.
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  Y'all A lot of times. It's a lot of times.
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  It's these emotional states right here.
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  It's all of it right here. Y'all it's all of it.
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  It's all the emotions. It's all the hurt.
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  It's all the pain. It's all the love.
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  It's all the joy. It all comes out as rage.
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  This is like, and this is my therapist told me she's like, if
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  you don't let this is what she told me, this is what she
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  personally told me. She said if you don't know how
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  to, if you don't learn how to let your emotions out in a
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  healthy way, they're going to come out as rage.
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  Even when you are happy, you going to get you going, You're
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  going to be mad at yourself for not being able to express
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  happiness and you going to get mad and it's going to come out
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  as rage. So your happiness, your original
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  happiness is now rage. It's now anger because you
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  didn't express it in a healthy way.
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  It's just like if you own this pot.
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  If you're in a podcast, you can't see this.
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  But it's like if you put a butterfly, beautiful butterfly
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  in this bottle right here. Y'all if you put a beautiful
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  butterfly in this bottle, it's a candle.
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  But y'all get it, boy, you put a beautiful butterfly in this
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  bottle. It can live in this bottle with
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  the top with the lid off of it, right?
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  But if I put the if I the butterfly in this bottle and I
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  close the lid up tight, I seal it.
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  It's sealed up now, right? What was what happened to that
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  butterfly in a little while? Because there's no air in here.
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  It suffocates. It dies just like any emotion
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  that you don't let breathe. If you don't let your happiness
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  breathe, you don't let your vulnerability breathe.
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  If you don't, if you don't actually let your sensitivities
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  breathe, they die. And then guess what happens?
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  The spirit is still in here. So you come out with the spirit
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  is angry. So it comes out when you When
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  the bottle finally gets open, a lot of times by force, the
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  bottle gets open. By force, like the lid flies
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  off. It's now rage, you see, like
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  dropping a pop, some Pop Rocks or Mentos in a Coca-Cola bottle
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  and putting the lid on the real tight and checking it up.
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  Boom. You going to get, you going to
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  get a big explosion later on. You see narcissistic people,
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  it's just like you. You don't, they don't talk about
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  the feelings because, like I'm just telling you, the more open
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  they are, the more exposed they they seem to be.
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  They they they feel, the more exposed they feel.
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  They don't want to feel exposed. They don't want to feel like the
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  world is out to get there. They don't want to feel like
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  somebody's out to hurt them or just take somebody's out to hurt
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  them or get them or just take advantage of them.
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  You know, I'm so guarded because I don't want to be taken
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  advantage of. I'm so guarded because I don't
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  want to be hurt. I'm so guarded because this.
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  I'm so guarded because that. You see, I'm saying, but if you
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  if you ever dealt with the narcissist, you know exactly
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  what I'm saying. If you've been in a
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  relationship, one if you're a parent like this is this is even
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  worse sometimes y'all. If you have a parent that is
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  narcissistic or highly narcissistic, you know exactly
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  what I'm saying. Because if you have a
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  narcissistic, toxic parent, they don't know how to express their
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  emotions to you. So you your emotions are bottled
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  up. Your emotions are walled up, so
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  you don't they don't even know how to express their emotions in
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  a healthy way. And it's.
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  I'm just telling you, it sucks. Like to have this mindset, even
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  my own personal mindset. It sucks to not be able to
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  express myself, express myself in a healthy way.
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  Because my, I'm, I'm afraid, you know, I have this fear.
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  I have this abjected fear of being hurt.
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  I have this abject fear of being taken advantage of.
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  I have this abject fear of loss of pain, of suffering.
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  I have this abject fear, you know, So it it does happen
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  sometimes in this space where a lot of narcissistic people
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  experience this toxic dynamic, this toxic, you know, this toxic
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  uniqueness, this toxic, you know, it is just, it's just
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  toxic overall. It really, really is y'all and
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  it's hard if they don't learn how to express themselves.
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  Y'all. This is who you're going to be
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  dealing with. Y'all.
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  Like I said, you might have, you might have brief moments of
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  vulnerability and honesty from this person, but overall this is
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  who you going to be dealing with.
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  Because why would they change their why would they change
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  their position or anything? If their needs are currently
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  being met, you know if their needs are being met, if their
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  needs are currently being met, then it's going to change the
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  position. Like they wouldn't change their.
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  They're not going to change the thought process.
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  They're not going to change how their life works.
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  They're not going to change what they do and how to get away with
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  it. You know, why would they?
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  And that's not me trying to be mean.
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  I'm just being realistic. Why would they change something
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  that's working for them? Anyways, y'all thank y'all for
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  tuning in to another episode. I truly appreciate every single
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  morning. Y'all for being here.
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  Make sure y'all check out the kids book like and subscribe.
• 11:16
  Mental illness is out please. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:20
  to the end of my video y'all. If you didn't know, we wrote a
• 11:22
  kids book called Remember, It's not your fault To help kids
• 11:26
  understand that they are not in control of whatever
• 11:28
  circumstances they were born into.
• 11:30
  Talk about boundaries, telling the truth.
• 11:32
  All of that stuff. Y'all.
• 11:33
  It's available on Amazon right now.
• 11:36
  Or the link in my description of every single video or podcast
• 11:38
  that you listen to. Thank you so much.
• 11:40
  Remember, it's not your fault. Peace.