Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Waking Up To Your Own Life - If You Are Questioning Your Marriage, Navigating Separation or Divorce

Transcript

Waking Up To Your Own Life - If You Are Questioning Your Marriage, Navigating Separation or Divorce · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Coolin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And today we are exploring together something that might feel a little bit unsettling or confronting, maybe even a little bit scary.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to talk about waking up to your own life.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you are questioning your marriage, wondering whether to stay or leave, or you're in the early days, or even that messy middle part of separation or divorce, there's a moment.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a moment that comes for almost every one of us and for almost every one of my clients.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the moment when you realize you've actually been staying in the dark, under the covers, eyes shut really tight, eyes closed to everything that you've been trying so hard not to see.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because opening your eyes means facing it all, facing everything you've been avoiding.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: The pain, the truth, the responsibility, and also the possibility.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been stuck in the same stories, maybe the same sadness, that same protective cocoon, it makes perfect sense.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sense because we will avoid what we think or has potential to cause hurt to ourselves, to others.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: As humans, we are hardwired to avoid anything that causes us pain and pushes us outside of our comfort zone, outside of what feels familiar.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are hardwired to protect ourselves from discomfort, uncertainty, and the vulnerability of change.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: We dislike and avoid the unknown, the risk, the risk of disappointment.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: We avoid what feels too big, too much, too overwhelming for us to handle.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe, maybe there's also a quieter, deeper, buried, hidden part of you that's ready or close to ready or almost ready, ready to actually lift those covers off your head, ready to look, ready to step out, ready to let go, ready to open up, and ready to really see, ready to see, and also to risk being seen, being changed, being cracked open for the chance, for the chance of something different, more beautiful, and full of possibility, even if it's hard and even if it might hurt.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a part of you that's ready to take the risk, to risk your comfort, your certainty, your old stories, and everything that's familiar for the chance of something different, deeper, more honest, more alive, even if it feels a little bit terrifying.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: This behavior, this urge to stay hidden, this quiet sort of insistence to not look, to not look at the truth of your relationship, of your life.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: A part of you wants to stay tucked up, hidden under the covers still.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Part of you wants to stay tucked away, safe in the familiar, no matter how that makes you feel, how heavy it feels.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Eyes closed, not willing, not able to look.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But eyes closed also means heart closed.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's a part of you that has all the good reasons for staying tucked up under the covers and not looking.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to protect you from hurt, disappointment, change.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It believes if you don't look, you don't have to feel.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't feel, you don't have to move.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't move, nothing new can demand anything of you.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are not asked to do anything different or anything more.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: This part of you might be clinging, holding to the belief that it is safer to stay curled up in the sadness or the anger or even just the numbness.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it feels easier to keep drifting along day by day in something that's near enough, good enough, a relationship that isn't truly fulfilling, but maybe isn't terrible either.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's easier to go through the motions, telling yourself that this is just how it is, that it's selfish to want more, that wanting something different would hurt too many people, all the stories.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it can feel almost comforting, comfortable to stay in those familiar routines even when they leave you empty, hollow.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's easier to keep busy, to keep distracted, to go through the motions and to avoid those quiet moments, to avoid looking into your life, really looking, because that would mean you'd have to admit the truth, that this isn't what you hoped for, that you've been shrinking parts of yourself to fit this version of life, that you are actually aching and longing for something more real, more alive, more honest.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And even if part of you aches for that change, there's another part that says, better the known discomfort than the risk of stepping into the unknown.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: What if, what if?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the grass isn't greener, but maybe for you it looks and feels safer, safer to hold on to where you are, hold on to blame, safer to keep repeating the same old story that creating something different is too big, too hard, too much, or for you it's too late.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, sometimes it will, it does feel too much.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the dark under the covers, eyes closed is comforting because it doesn't ask anything of you.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you could step past the fear of actually looking?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if you were to open your eyes and really look?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: What might you see?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you would see all the ways that staying in this life, in this version of life, in this relationship is actually hurting you.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you'd feel and see the waves of grief that you've been trying to outrun.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you would have to acknowledge disappointment, disappointment in yourself, in your in others, in how things turned out.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe, maybe you'd also see something else.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: That being awake means taking responsibility, responsibility for how you respond, responsibility for how you move forward, responsibility for how you heal, and responsibility for what happens next.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Responsibility for what's coming for you next.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there is probably a part of you that's afraid, afraid to do this, because once you really see, you can't unsee, and once you take ownership, you can't keep pointing outward.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have to turn the lens and look inward.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that ownership, that responsibility asks something of you.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: There is a choice to be made here.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: The choice to awaken to your own life.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you hear, if you're listening to this, you already know there's another part of you, the part that is tired of staying stuck, tired of replaying the same old stories on loop, tired of settling, accepting, making excuses for what isn't working, making excuses for not creating change for yourself.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: There is a part of you that is done, exhausted, tired of feeling powerless, helpless, resigned, tired of living your life on autopilot without fully living it, without fully feeling it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this part of you is starting to whisper that it's time.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is time to open your eyes and look honestly.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to open your eyes and look honestly at what is working for you and what's not.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to look at what hurts, what needs to shift, what needs to change.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to see the patterns that you're ready to outgrow or that you've already outgrown.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to actually throw the covers off your head and stand up in your life instead of hiding from your own life.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this doesn't mean that you have to have it all figured out.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you have to know exactly how to let go, how to heal, how to move forward.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have all the answers right now.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: What this means is that you are willing.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are willing to be awake.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are willing to look openly, honestly.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: You are willing to be responsible for yourself and your future.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: You are willing to love yourself enough to look, to see, and take some type, some sort of action, even if it's just one small step.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It means you are willing to begin.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: You are willing to begin, to move forward, to look and create the change that you want for yourself.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're willing actually to ask yourself a different kind of question.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, is this too hard, too much, too painful?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Am I hoping for too much?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Am I too much?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can start asking, is this, is this worth my peace?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Is holding on to this version of life, this version of relationship, worth what it's costing me, worth the cost to my life.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Am I ready to let some of it go?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not for them, not for the other person, not for the other people, but for me.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: What am I ready and willing to look at, to see and let go of?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because at some point, all of it, all that you've been holding, all that you've been unwilling or unable to really honestly see, all those truths you've avoided, that's what's keeping you where you are.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Asleep to your own life, numb to the possibility that things could be different, disconnected from that part of you that still hopes, still wants, still dreams, still believes in the possibility, still believes that there is actually more waiting for you.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Waking up to your own life can feel destabilizing, disorienting at first, but it's also where everything begins to shift.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: If what I'm sharing about in this episode or any episode is speaking to you and you would like to explore working more closely with me, there is an opportunity to book a free intro call with me in the show notes.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to support you through your own reflect, reclaim, and liberate coaching experience.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's where you remember that you do have agency, you do have choices, and that you don't have to keep living the same story on repeat.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: That something fuller, truer, more alive is possible, even if you can't see all the steps yet.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if all of that feels really heavy, you also have the power to set it down little by little, moment by moment.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to hold it all right now.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes an invitation to really see, but also to really hear, to listen for that voice of possibility.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: When you when you look and you see, and then go still.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you're very still, you might just hear the voice of that part of you that is ready, the part that wants to lift the covers off your head and look into light, look into possibility, the part that's ready to stop choosing to hide, the part that's ready to actually live with your eyes wide open and your heart also cracked wide open.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: The part that's ready to tell the truth about what you want, what you hope for, what you dream of, what you need, and who you are.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: This part of you doesn't want to stay small and hidden and stalled and tucked up under the covers.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to expand, it wants to remember that inside you is freedom, abundance, choice, power to create something different for yourself.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Every meaningful change we ever make in life starts when we decide to look, to look honestly, and to listen to the quiet inner knowing we all have, and to choose to say yes to ourselves.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to know every step ahead, you don't have to have it all figured out just yet.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have written the final chapter.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to be willing to take the first step, the first action, to open your eyes and wake up to the reality, the possibility of your own life, to take radical personal responsibility, to be courageous enough to claim something different for yourself, to let go of the old stories, to forgive yourself for staying stuck, to for to forgive the other person, to release what no longer serves you, and to claim the life that is waiting for you.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: One that is real, awake, alive, and yours because you are worth it.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Your one precious, beautiful life is worth it.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, in closing, I want you to take a deep breath.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel your body here.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to feel, I want you to feel your heart beating, even if you put your hand on your heart, and if you can, even if it's just for a moment, even if it's just for today, open your eyes.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Look gently, kindly at where you are.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Look with compassion at what hurts, what harms, what is not serving you, and look with grace and courage at what comes next.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe, just maybe you are more ready than you think.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this is about embracing the quiet courage to look, to let go, and to wake up to your own life.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And this can be true and helpful and useful for you, even if you are all the way through your separation, divorce, and reorganizing your life afterwards.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's an opportunity to really look what do I want?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I headed?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: What's important to me, to really open your eyes and wake up to your own life because it is full of possibility.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you know someone who would be supported and held by listening to this episode, please please share it with them.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's how we get it in the ears of anybody who needs this support.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, go gently, but go courageously and wake up to your own life.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Until then