Latest / Mental Health and the Mission of the Church / Boundaries CTF School of Ministry #4

Transcript

Boundaries CTF School of Ministry #4 · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

0:02
SPEAKER_01: Just so you can be thinking about it, I'm gonna need a a volunteer to come up here and write in just a minute.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: So be thinking about if you want to do that.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: And when we pull out the hula hoop in a minute, I'll need somebody to help with that.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: So so that now we're not actually gonna hula hoop.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: That thing's kind of beat up.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: It'd be pretty hard to do it with that thing.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: But we are gonna start shifting our gears toward the boundary stuff.
0:25
SPEAKER_01: So you should have your notes in front of you, right?
0:27
SPEAKER_01: And uh we'll start.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, you got it all good.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: And um, we'll just take our time through it.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: I think I told you this yesterday morning, but let me just re-re-state it that um questions um I like them.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: So as as we as we hit on a concept, if it if it jars a question in you, whether it's a clarification, an application, you know, you might think, well, you mean like in this situation?
0:55
SPEAKER_01: And uh I'm happy to stop and do that.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I thought about it as I was walking back with my coffee, since we are videotaping, I might try to remember to let your question get in the mic if I can remember to do that, but I don't know if I will or not.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: But we're gonna start talking.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I I said a few minutes ago that um, you know, if you asked me what are the most important things you've learned in the last 20 years, I would say number one is learning to receive and rest in the Father's love.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: The second thing I would tell you I've learned that has helped me a lot is this whole issue of boundaries.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: And that may sound a little overstated, um, but you'll see as we go through it, it's just a very, very, very practical teaching, but it really affects your relationships and your responsibilities, and it's just a really cool way to think about some things that I've found to be very helpful as I've uh walked out my life marriage, parenting, pastoring, counseling, and now traveling and working in different environments.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: So it's just been a really helpful teaching.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna kind of roll in that direction, all right?
2:06
SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna be using the PowerPoint up here.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: So if you would hit that first one, please, sir.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Probably one of my top ten scriptures in the whole Bible.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: I love this passage.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I'll give you more to do.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Is that what it says?
2:25
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I'll give you more stress.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Is that what it says?
2:33
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: Who's talking, first of all?
2:36
SPEAKER_01: If you had a red letter Bible, what color would this be?
2:39
SPEAKER_01: Be red.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: This is Jesus talking.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: Now, for me, how many of you believe God wrote the Bible?
2:45
SPEAKER_01: You know?
2:45
SPEAKER_01: Now he used people to do it, but God wrote the Bible.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: So how many of you think God is selective in his use of words and concepts, right?
2:53
SPEAKER_01: In other words, to me, you got to think about why, why, you know, it's just cool to think that Jesus took the time to say this, and God took the time to make sure it was recorded in what we call scripture slash the Bible.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: So Jesus talking says, Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I'll give you what?
3:15
SPEAKER_01: Rest.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: Now, I've learned over the years teaching this that something really special happens if you learn to say the word rest correctly.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm now from South Carolina, and we have a bit of an accent down there.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: So if you learn to say rest correctly, this blanket of rest will settle in the room.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: But you have to say it with two syllables and really slowly.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: Alright?
3:46
SPEAKER_01: So get ready.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: If you say it correctly, the this anointing of rest will settle in the room.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me all you labored a heavy laden, I'll give you reasons.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: So y'all are pitiful.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: Are y'all ready?
4:03
SPEAKER_01: You gotta say it right and it won't happen.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: So get ready.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: You gotta say it like a good southerner.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: Southerners know how to chill with a glass of iced tea.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: We know how to chill, man.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: Come on to me, all you labor in a heavy laden, and I'll give you ready.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: You can't say rest in a hurry.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: You gotta say it slow.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: How many of you wanna learn to rest in God?
4:33
SPEAKER_01: So you gotta say it right, or it won't happen.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me, all you labor and heavy laden, and I'll give you rea.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: See, if you say it right, it just takes you there.
4:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you get one more chance.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: Ready?
4:48
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me, all of you who labor and are heavy laden, and I'll give you rea.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: I have a PhD in rest.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: I live very restfully.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: Now, very important, rest is not inactivity.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: Rest is an internal place of peace from which you engage activity.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: So rest is not about sitting motionless, rest is about an attitude posture of heart.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: So there's something about coming to Jesus correctly that can bring us into a state of rest.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: Would you say that's the testimony of most Christians?
5:47
SPEAKER_01: Would you look at the church at large and say, wow, one of the first things that happens to people when they become a Christian is they just become restful.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: Yes or no?
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Not hardly.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: They get busier and more stressed.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: I think one of, not the, but one of the most important first things we should teach people after they become Christians is how to rest.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: Rayest.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: So there's something about learning to rest, and it's all tied up in this teaching that we're about to go into.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: So come unto me, all you get ready one more time.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: Come unto me, all you laboring heavy laden, I'll give you re yes.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: It's cool to learn to live restfully.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: I have this one pastor friend of mine, he just thinks I'm a nutcase from the beach.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: He just gets he gets crazy about, I use the word dude a lot.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: I call my wife dude, I call my son dude.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: I told, we've got our first grandchild.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: You know what name I want my grandkids to call me?
6:53
SPEAKER_01: Granddude.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: My wife nixed it.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: She said, no, they're not calling you granddude.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: But she went out and bought me a t-shirt that says dude across the chest.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: So I like I like the whole concept of just not taking yourself so stinking seriously.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Life is serious.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: Life is serious, but you're gonna engage it better for the long haul if you learn to live from a center of restfulness.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: It's a cool way to live.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: All right, come on, even all you laboring heavy laden, I'll give you reest.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Take my yoke upon you.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: What does a yoke represent?
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, yoke an oxen is to do what?
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Work.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: So here's the deal, folks.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: There is some work to be done, but there's a way to do it.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: Jesus says, take my yoke upon you and learn from me.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: Is learn an event or a process?
7:52
SPEAKER_01: It's a process.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: So is this a weekend project?
7:55
SPEAKER_01: No.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: This is a lifelong, life-wide exercise.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: So take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I'm gentle and lowly in heart.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: Please, please don't rush by that.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: Who said this?
8:11
SPEAKER_01: Who was Jesus in the flesh?
8:13
SPEAKER_01: The creator of heaven and earth?
8:16
SPEAKER_01: The holder of all power and authority?
8:19
SPEAKER_01: And do you realize the holder of all power and authority, from whom all things exist, said, I'm gentle and lowly in heart.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: God said, I will not force my way to anywhere you don't want me to go.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: God.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that crazy?
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Only God could have said that.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: If we invented a God, we would not have invented a God who was gentle and humble of heart.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: We just wouldn't have done it.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: That's part of what makes me crazy about God.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: He is so cool.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: One time I was counseling this guy.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: First time I'd ever met him in my life, he came in, you know, he's all jacked up, and his life's all jacked up.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: And we sit down and we talk, and then I'm like, oh wow, we got work to do.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: So we just talk a little bit.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Well, he comes back the next week for his appointment, and he he literally looks physically different.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm like, wow, what's going on?
9:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, this is gonna be interesting.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: I almost like couldn't wait to sit down and get talking because I was like, wow, what happened in this guy's life?
9:33
SPEAKER_01: So we sit down and he's like ready to pop.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: Said, man, he said, you said something last week that just rocked my world.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, wow, what was it?
9:41
SPEAKER_01: So we start talking.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: And he said, last week, we you know, you asked me if you could talk about God, because I meet with people in counseling that aren't Christians yet.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: And you know, so I asked permission to talk about God, so I did.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: And he said, You asked to talk if I could be okay with you talking about God, and sure.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: And then you said something that just I'd never heard anybody say before in my life.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: And he said, It's been messing with me all week.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I said, Really?
10:05
SPEAKER_01: What was it?
10:06
SPEAKER_01: He said, You said that God is the nicest person you've ever met.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: God is the nicest person I've ever met.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever thought about it like that?
10:22
SPEAKER_01: And you realize God is the nicest person you're ever gonna meet.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And that's revolutionary.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: Jesus said, take my yoke upon you and learn from me.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna force myself on you.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm gentle and lowly in heart.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: And if you do that, you will find what?
10:45
SPEAKER_01: Rest for your soul.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: And then he says, My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about y'all, but I read those three verses and I look at the church and I'm like, really?
11:06
SPEAKER_01: One time I was talking to a friend of mine, and he said a phrase that I'll never forget.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: He said, You know what's wrong with most people's Christianity?
11:14
SPEAKER_01: There's too much sweat in it.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: There's too much sweat.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: Jesus didn't mean for this to be so hard.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: God didn't mean for this to be so hard.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: How many of you saw the movie The Passion of the Christ?
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Was that amazing or what?
11:36
SPEAKER_01: How in the world Mel Gibson pulled it off?
11:38
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: But he did.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: I think it's just an amazing work of art.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: But here's the deal.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: I think what Jesus went through was even worse than that.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: Even worse.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: But how many of you'd agree with this statement?
11:54
SPEAKER_01: Jesus did it hard so we could do it easy.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: Say this with me.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Jesus did it hard so I could do it easy.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: And what do I mean?
12:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't mean life in general, because life is hard.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: Life's tricky, but life can be hard.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about Christianity.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: Jesus did it hard so that you and I could engage God easy.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: Jesus did it, say it with me, Jesus did it hard so I could do it easy.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: Listen to me.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: One of the things you you ought to be trying to learn while you're up here is how to make engaging God easy.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: I've learned how to engage the presence of God easy.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: You ever heard the Celtic phrase or thought, a thin place?
12:53
SPEAKER_01: Say yes if you've ever heard of that.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: Say no if you haven't.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: It's too cool to not tell you if you haven't.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: You know, in the Celtic Christianity, they would talk about a thin place.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: And a thin place was somewhere, a people or a place that had so gone after God that the barrier between this realm and that realm had become thin.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: You know what I want my life to be?
13:23
SPEAKER_01: I want my life to be a mobile, thin place.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: Where the separation between his realm and ours is thin.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: I was up in uh Cleveland, Ohio, actually down from here, ministering at a church.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, the best worship I have ever experienced in my entire life.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: I've been in some good worship.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: Every time I've ever been to this church, I got wrecked.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, just wasted in the presence of God.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they they knew how to go after God, man.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, the worship leader was a lady, and she was a recovered, saved, redeemed, heroine addict.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, this lady's life was messed up.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: And she got gloriously saved, and she's now a worship leader, and they had like members of the Cleveland Symphony that played in their worship band.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm not kidding you.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: Their worship was unbed.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: I'd almost every time I was there, I'm on the front row getting ready to speak, and their worship would wait, I would, I would just be like wasted, and I'd say, God, you can't do this to me now.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm getting ready to speak.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, one of the times I was up there, the pastor and I were going to meet with this worship lady at her house, and she texted or called or whatever and said, I'll be in the back of the property in my prayer cabin.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, she had this little prayer cabin.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: And she said, just meet me back there.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Or no, she said, I'll meet you at the prayer cabin.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: She wasn't there yet.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: So we get to the house, and he knew where it was, so we walk around the house into this back prayer thing.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: And it's just this little old beat-up shack.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's probably like 10 by 12, with like a wooden porch out front.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: And we're walking through the backyard, just kind of talking.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: I step onto the porch to go into this prayer thing.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: And as soon as I do, I'm engulfed in the presence of God.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: And I just thought, oh my God, she's created a thin place.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: Because she's so pursued God in this place.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: And she's so gone after God in this place.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: That the space between us and him was thin.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, you can learn to live on the edge of both places and be very effective in both places.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: It's a ridiculously cool place to live.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And you can just get to where inviting and engaging the presence of God is easy.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: It's just easy.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: Thursday night, Lord willing.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: I think this is what we're going to do.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: I was going to do it yesterday, and then I thought, no, let's do it Thursday.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: But Thursday night, we're going to talk about enlarging your capacity to receive from God.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: But really, part of what we're going to be dealing with is what I was just talking about.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: Learning how to create that thin space between you and God.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: How'd you like to get to the place where almost at will you can just turn your attention to God and ah sometimes I'll be in worship at my home church, love my church.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: Pastor Rod that I turned it over to is just doing an awesome job.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: And there's times we'll be in worship and just the presence of God is so sweet.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: And I'll just consciously say, Father, I receive your love.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: And I mean it's like turning on a spigot almost.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: And I just feel his liquid love come.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: Why shouldn't it be like that?
17:36
SPEAKER_01: Why couldn't it be like that?
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Now remember what I said earlier.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Don't let me make this look easy, although I'm trying to tell you it is easy.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: It takes time to learn, to walk consistently in how you see him, how he sees you, and learning to enjoy him.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, God wants to just wreck you.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean wreck you like a drunk, that's cool for bits and times, but he wants to change the way that you do life.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: How many of you want some of that?
18:11
SPEAKER_01: Alright, this stuff we're gonna look at is part of how God helped me get there.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: So my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: God meant for this thing to be easier than we're making it.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Somebody hit the slide back there.
19:09
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Is that the first one?
19:11
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't paying attention.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: I think it is.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Alright, look at this verse from Proverbs.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: He who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: Now here's what I love about this verse.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: Here's what I hear God saying.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: God is as proud of you if you learn to manage the person sitting in your chair as he would be if you let an army and conquered an enemy stronghold.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: God really, really, really wants you to learn to manage what's going on inside your skin.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: Down at the bottom is the New Living translation of that same verse.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: It's better to be patient than powerful.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: It's better to have self-control than to conquer a city.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please, sir.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Another one in Proverbs.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Another way to say it, a person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken down walls.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: So what we're going to talk about for the next few days is this whole concept of boundaries and how it affects the way we do life.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please, sir.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: Alright, would you be interested in a teaching that helps you enter into rest?
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Yes or no?
20:31
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that releases you and others from unrealistic expectations?
20:37
SPEAKER_01: Alright?
20:38
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that frees up your relationships from destructive cycles?
20:44
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that releases God's purpose in your life?
20:48
SPEAKER_01: Not mom, dad, uncle or aunt, grandpa or grandma's, pastor or whatever, but God.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: Now, hopefully they all get God's purpose for you, but they might not.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: So we want to help release God's purpose in your life.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that helps you to become more emotionally stable?
21:05
SPEAKER_01: You want some of that?
21:07
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Emotionally stable.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: Is life supposed to be like this emotionally?
21:11
SPEAKER_01: A flat line?
21:13
SPEAKER_01: Is being a flat line healthy?
21:15
SPEAKER_01: No.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: But is it supposed to be like this?
21:19
SPEAKER_01: No.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: Life's supposed to be kind of like this.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: But not like this and not like this.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: This teaching will help you be more emotionally stable.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that would enable you to raise healthy er children?
21:35
SPEAKER_01: Say er one time.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: Why do you think I stressed healthy er children?
21:43
SPEAKER_01: Are you going to raise perfect kids?
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Why not?
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Because you raised them.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: Why are your kids going to be messed up?
21:53
SPEAKER_01: Because you're messed up.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: What am I trying to say?
21:59
SPEAKER_01: Throw the word perfect in the trash.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: The word perfect is almost worthless.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: It's just no good.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: Hardly.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: So when you think about parenting, your goal is not to raise perfect kids or even perfectly healthy kids.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: You've done a great job if you raise kids that are healthier than you are.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: Make sense?
22:25
SPEAKER_01: How many of you have at least one area of your life God's still working on?
22:29
SPEAKER_01: How many of you figure when we throw dirt on you, you're still not going to be finished yet?
22:34
SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
22:36
SPEAKER_01: You're never going to be finished.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: There's always going to be stuff God's working on.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: So just Give up that idea of perfection.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: Just throw it out.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: All right, last one.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: How about a teaching that would help you build a great marriage?
22:48
SPEAKER_01: You want some of that?
22:51
SPEAKER_01: This teaching really, really helps in a marriage.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: All right, next one, please, sir.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Next slide.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Is that right?
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Is that the next one?
23:04
SPEAKER_01: Go back one more?
23:06
SPEAKER_01: It might be then.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Alright, it is.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: I didn't think it was.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Alright, you might want to write this off to the side.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: More people suffer from trying to change or control others than any other disease.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: More people suffer from trying to change or control others than any other disease.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: How many of you'd agree with that?
23:26
SPEAKER_01: If we could just learn to manage what we're supposed to manage and quit trying to manage what we're not supposed to manage, and that's really what this whole teaching's about.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to slide that direction.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: Next slide, please.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Alright, here's where I need a secretary up here.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Who wants to come up here and write for us for a minute?
23:46
SPEAKER_01: Somebody?
23:47
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: You want to do the hula hoo?
23:53
SPEAKER_01: All right.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: All right.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: If you would, draw a circle, but leave room on the two sides.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: Just draw a pretty big circle.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Pretty big circle in the middle.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: Alright?
24:06
SPEAKER_01: Here's what we want to do.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: Outside of the circle, down the two sides, we want to write what things you spend time and energy thinking about.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: What I want you to do is call out to me different things as you go through a day, a week, a month, a year, just as you go through life, what are some of the things that you stress over as you go through life?
24:24
SPEAKER_01: Worry about, pray about.
24:26
SPEAKER_01: So just call out some of the different things that we expend our life energy on.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: Worry, prayer, concern, whatever.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: Call some stuff out.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: The future, your future, my future, the future.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: All right, my future.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
24:43
SPEAKER_01: What else?
24:45
SPEAKER_01: Money.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: Pardon me?
24:50
SPEAKER_01: Studies?
24:54
SPEAKER_01: Family?
24:55
SPEAKER_01: Family?
24:58
SPEAKER_01: Work.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: You can go ahead over here if you want to.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: What was that other one?
25:05
SPEAKER_01: Friends?
25:07
SPEAKER_01: Relationships?
25:12
SPEAKER_01: What else?
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Pretend you're married ten years from now.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: What else might be up there?
25:20
SPEAKER_01: Children.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm just putting that up there because it's something important we can do with that.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, that probably wouldn't be your first thought right now.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: Anything else?
25:29
SPEAKER_01: One more?
25:32
SPEAKER_01: Pardon me?
25:32
unknown: Health.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Health.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Very good one.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: All right.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: What we want to do is we want to start thinking about a filtering system that we can take the stuff of life and put it through a filtering system that where we land is a way to determine what should we be expending energy on and what shouldn't we be expending energy on.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: And that'll make more sense in just a second.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: Go to that next slide, please.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: I just threw some up there.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: I am disappointed.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: None of you said world peace.
26:06
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what we just did, the whole board represents what you might call your circle of concern.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: All the different things that you're concerned about.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: And they can, you know, cover everything.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: But what we want to do is try to shrink that to make it more manageable.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to talk about a way to do that.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Alright, there's three types of control.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Let me give you one and we'll see if you can guess any of the others.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: One is no control.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: That's the third one.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: There are some things over which we have no control.
26:45
SPEAKER_01: Anyone want to try to guess the other two?
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Alright, hit that next slide, please.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: There are things over which we have direct control, and then there's things over which we have indirect control, and then of course there's things over which we have no control.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: So what we want to do is we want to use those three, and we want to look at all of our list of concerns.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: Now here's where we're going.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: Anything we have direct control or indirect control over, we're going to put inside the circle.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: Anything we have no control over, we're going to leave outside the circle.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: Direct or indirect control in the circle, no control outside of the circle.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: Alright?
27:37
SPEAKER_01: Alright, let's start with my future.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: My future.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: Direct control, indirect control, or no control?
27:46
SPEAKER_01: My future.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Direct control.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: Alright, let me give you a little thought here.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: Anything over which you have direct control, you can determine the outcome.
28:00
SPEAKER_01: If you have direct control, you can determine the outcome.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: So, my future, direct, indirect, or no control?
28:11
SPEAKER_01: We have some direct control.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Would you agree with that?
28:15
SPEAKER_01: We have some maybe indirect, right?
28:20
SPEAKER_01: But would anybody feel comfortable saying you have no control over your future?
28:25
SPEAKER_01: I hope not.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: We need to minister to you.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: So, what do you want to do with future?
28:30
SPEAKER_01: In or out of the circle?
28:32
SPEAKER_01: In the circle.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: So draw an arrow from my future into the circle.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what's the next one?
28:40
SPEAKER_01: Money.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: Now, some of you may, I don't know any of your situations, but let's say some of you, somebody's sitting here, maybe your parents are still financing your school and expenses.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: So you may feel like you don't have much control over that.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: But let's say that you're not, you're working or whatever.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Would you say direct, indirect, or no control over money?
29:09
SPEAKER_01: Again, would you feel like you have no control over money?
29:14
SPEAKER_01: Total direct control?
29:16
SPEAKER_01: All I'm trying to do is get you to feel some of this.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: Right?
29:21
SPEAKER_01: So in the circle or out?
29:24
SPEAKER_01: In the circle.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: Alright, how about your studies?
29:28
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control?
29:31
SPEAKER_01: Direct.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Can you determine the outcome?
29:37
SPEAKER_01: So definitely in or out of the circle.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: In the circle.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: Alright, how about family?
29:42
SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control?
29:51
SPEAKER_01: Can you directly control your family?
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Can you indirectly?
29:58
SPEAKER_01: You know?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: So in or out of the circle?
30:01
SPEAKER_01: How about if we put them on the edge of the circle?
30:03
SPEAKER_01: Just in a little bit.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: Alright, how about work?
30:09
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control?
30:16
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you're in school, so you're not actually working, I guess, right?
30:20
SPEAKER_01: You don't have jobs while you're here, right?
30:22
SPEAKER_01: Other than around here.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: So let's say you are working now.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control?
30:30
SPEAKER_01: Now you you can't determine how the economy goes, but you can position yourself, right?
30:37
SPEAKER_01: So in or out of the circle?
30:39
SPEAKER_01: In the circle.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: Alright, how about friends?
30:43
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: Can you directly control your friends?
30:49
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, you don't want to.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: Can you indirectly control your friends?
30:58
SPEAKER_01: Can you make someone else like you?
31:02
SPEAKER_01: Can you live in a way that makes it more likely they might like you?
31:06
SPEAKER_01: Can you pick your spouse?
31:11
SPEAKER_01: You can look at somebody and say, that person's gonna fall in love with me and marry me.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Can you do that?
31:19
SPEAKER_01: Can you live in such a way that it's more likely that person might fall in love with you?
31:28
SPEAKER_01: All I'm trying to do is get you to feel the difference between direct control, indirect control, and no control.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: Make sense?
31:37
SPEAKER_01: So friends in or out.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: On the edge.
31:42
SPEAKER_01: Let's put it on the edge.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
31:44
SPEAKER_01: How about relationships?
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Similar.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: Um anybody getting anything different from that and what friends, what we talked about?
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: I guess we'll just put that barely in the circle.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: All right, children, let's pretend that everyone here has kids.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: And we'll talk about this more as we get into this the next day or so.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: Here's the cool thing about parenting.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: If you parent your children correctly, they should go through, guess what?
32:32
SPEAKER_01: All three stages.
32:35
SPEAKER_01: There should be a season of life where you have direct control.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: There should be a season of life where you have indirect control, and we're going to talk more about this later in the teaching.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: And then there should be a season of life.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: Your job as a parent is to raise a person who doesn't need you.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: Your job is to launch someone out into life that doesn't need you.
32:59
SPEAKER_01: To raise an independent, healthy, self-care-driven person.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so children will just kind of leave if as long as you understand they go through all three phases.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: Now, the interesting thing about the stage that a lot of you are in is you're somebody's children that you're still very, very, very engaged and connected to that family and how it does life.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: So as we think our way through this, you might it might be helpful, but be careful as you think through how your family does its parenting in the sense of direct, indirect, and no control.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: All right, how about health?
33:39
SPEAKER_01: Direct, indirect, or no control?
33:44
SPEAKER_01: Do you have no control over your health?
33:47
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing you can do to make your health good or bad.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
33:52
SPEAKER_01: Do you have direct control?
33:54
SPEAKER_01: In other words, you can make your health go wherever you want it to go.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: So what do you have a lot of?
34:01
SPEAKER_01: That in between.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: Now let me just say a little sidebar here.
34:05
SPEAKER_01: If when I say name a topic and then say direct, indirect, or no control, if your first impulse on almost every one was to say no control, that can be, I'm not saying it is, but it can be an indication of what I would call victim thinking.
34:26
SPEAKER_01: Because a victim always talks like this.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: Why do they keep doing that to me?
34:34
SPEAKER_01: A victim always believes his or her problem is outside of themselves.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Therefore, since it's outside of myself, there's nothing I can do about it.
34:46
SPEAKER_01: Hence, I'm a victim.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: So if your first impulse is to feel like you have no control, it might be an indication that you need help in that area of victim thinking.
34:58
SPEAKER_01: And that's part of what this whole teaching is about as we go through it.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so what we just did was we placed these things on this little filtering system of direct, indirect, and no control.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: Hit that slide one more time, please.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: Let me give you different words to use.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: And this is blanks in your notes for this.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: I think we're done with the writing for now.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: I think.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: Anything over which you have direct control, God is going to hold you responsible.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: And you're going to find in just a few minutes that that's a really, really important word.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Responsibility.
35:37
SPEAKER_01: So remember, direct control means you can determine the outcome.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: Anything over which you can determine the outcome, God is very likely going to hold you responsible.
35:47
SPEAKER_01: Or in life, you need to think of yourself as responsible.
35:52
SPEAKER_01: Anything over which you have indirect control, you can't determine the outcome, but you can influence the outcome.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: For instance, you've got a friend that you really would like to see come to the Lord.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: They don't know the Lord, don't go to church, don't have a relationship with God.
36:11
SPEAKER_01: But you really would like them to.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: Can you make them have a relationship with God?
36:18
SPEAKER_01: Can you do anything that might make it more likely they would have a relationship with God?
36:25
SPEAKER_01: Like what?
36:29
SPEAKER_01: You can pray with them, for them, I mean.
36:31
SPEAKER_01: You can share the gospel with them.
36:33
SPEAKER_01: What else could you do?
36:35
SPEAKER_01: Pardon me?
36:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: Testimony?
36:40
SPEAKER_01: Share love with them, serve them, live a halfway decent life yourself.
36:45
SPEAKER_01: But no matter what you do, can you guarantee they're going to accept Jesus as their Savior and Lord?
36:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, very important point.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: Then are you responsible for the outcome?
36:58
SPEAKER_01: No.
36:58
SPEAKER_01: What are you?
36:59
SPEAKER_01: You are privileged to try to influence them toward God.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: Then there's stuff in life over which you have no control, and things over which you have no control, you've got to find someone bigger than yourself that you can trust.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: Who should that be?
37:20
SPEAKER_01: God.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: So what we're gonna do is we're gonna start building a teaching around responsibility, influence, and trust, and hopefully help you guys figure out exactly how that should look and feel.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: Alright, next slide, please.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what we just did was we took the whole board, your circle of it concern, and we shrunk it down to that part of your life over which you either have responsibility or influence.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: And I promise you life goes much, much, much better if you learn to focus on the parts of it over which you have responsibility andor the privilege and opportunity of influence.
38:10
SPEAKER_01: And hopefully life's gonna feel more manageable when you learn to do that.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Alright, next one please.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: Alright, here's a little thought in your notes that's really important as we go forward.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: I call this the law of stewardship.
38:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I got that from somebody.
38:25
SPEAKER_01: I sometimes call it the Trinity of Triumph.
38:28
SPEAKER_01: And all I mean by that is I believe these three words always go together, and I believe they always go in this order.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: They always travel together, and they're always in this order.
38:43
unknown: Okay.
38:43
SPEAKER_01: Responsibility, authority, and power.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: Very important three words.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: Hit it one more time, please.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: All right, remember R before A.
38:57
SPEAKER_01: What do I mean by that?
38:59
SPEAKER_01: Train yourself to think responsibility before authority.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: Responsibility before authority.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: What do I mean by that?
39:09
SPEAKER_01: Kind of a tacky little sarcastic story, but it kind of helps get the point across.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: This is not true, it didn't happen exactly this way, but it just makes the point.
39:20
SPEAKER_01: Imagine I'm in a counseling appointment with Bubba and Mary Lou.
39:26
SPEAKER_01: And Bubba doesn't want to be there.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: He's there because Mary Lou made him come.
39:31
SPEAKER_01: So they're there because their marriage is not working real well.
39:35
SPEAKER_01: So we get talking, and I do my job, which is to create a safe environment in which we can kind of start talking about what's happening at home and you know in their relationship.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, Mary Lou gets kind of comfortable and she starts talking about how life really goes at home.
39:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, it gets kind of uncomfortable for Bubba.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: And finally, Bubba says, Preacher, tell her what the Bible says.
40:01
SPEAKER_01: And I say, Well, Bubba, I'm a little slow this morning.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: Now, what's one scripture every man on the planet never heard of Jesus, never heard of church, never heard of the Bible?
40:14
SPEAKER_01: What's one passage of scripture every man on the planet can quote?
40:19
SPEAKER_01: Wives, submit to your husbands.
40:22
SPEAKER_01: So I say, Bubba, you know, I'm a little bit lost.
40:24
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
40:25
SPEAKER_01: And he says, you know, preacher, tell her that one about wives, submit to your husbands.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: And I reach over and I slap Bubba so hard his head spins.
40:36
SPEAKER_01: And I say, Bubba, don't you ever mention that verse again in my presence.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: Until you're doing your job first.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: And then I say, Bubba, what is your job?
40:52
SPEAKER_01: You know what Bubba says?
40:55
SPEAKER_01: Duh.
40:57
SPEAKER_01: Because Bubba don't know his job.
41:00
SPEAKER_01: What is his job?
41:01
SPEAKER_01: Husbands?
41:04
SPEAKER_01: Love your wife as Christ loves the church.
41:08
SPEAKER_01: Now, what did Bubba do?
41:14
SPEAKER_01: He wanted me to back his authority, and he wasn't doing his responsibility.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: How many of you'd like to be a leader, whether it's of children, spouse, work, mission, ministry, whatever?
41:30
SPEAKER_01: How many of you'd like to be a leader in some place of influence that people wanted to follow?
41:36
SPEAKER_01: Raise your hand if you want to be a leader that people want to follow.
41:40
SPEAKER_01: It's really quite simple, easy.
41:44
SPEAKER_01: Start with your responsibility and let your authority take care of itself.
41:50
SPEAKER_01: One of my pet peeves with the church is I want to be careful here.
41:57
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the way we teach honor stresses positional authority, not relational or servant authority.
42:09
SPEAKER_01: I found a secret.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: Fellas, listen to me.
42:11
SPEAKER_01: I found a secret to making it much easier for your wife to live in quote, submitted to your leadership.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: The best way to have a marriage where your wife submits to your leadership is serve her.
42:28
SPEAKER_01: Serve her.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: Serve her.
42:34
SPEAKER_01: What do I mean?
42:35
SPEAKER_01: Put her needs before your own.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: How many of you think it'd be a whole lot easier to follow someone's leadership if they cared more about you getting what you need than they did them getting what they need?
42:49
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
42:51
SPEAKER_01: Here's a cool little thought for you.
42:53
SPEAKER_01: Heard a guy teaching one time, a guy named Ed Cole.
42:56
SPEAKER_01: And he said this love is when I'm committed to meeting your need at my expense.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: Love is when I'm committed to meeting your need at my expense.
43:08
SPEAKER_01: Lust is when I want you to meet my need at your expense.
43:15
SPEAKER_01: Love, your need, my expense.
43:18
SPEAKER_01: Lust, my need, your expense.
43:23
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you put R before A, you're gonna walk in love.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: Your needs, my expense.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: You walk in that kind of leadership, and people are gonna want to follow you.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: They're gonna enjoy following you.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: They're gonna feel safe following you.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: Alright, the second one there is R equals A.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: This is a simple way to know for the rest of your life, in any situation you ever find yourself, how much authority do I have?
43:57
SPEAKER_01: It's really quite simple.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: However much responsibility you have, that's how much authority you have.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: Very simple.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: However much responsibility you have, that's how much authority you have.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
44:16
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever been in a restaurant, a grocery store, or whatever, and you watched a child misbehave and you wanted to go over there and discipline the child?
44:27
SPEAKER_01: It was like, please do something with this kid.
44:30
SPEAKER_01: Now, why can't you do that?
44:33
SPEAKER_01: They're not your responsibility.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: So you have no authority.
44:39
SPEAKER_01: You have no authority.
44:41
SPEAKER_01: Anywhere for the rest of your life, when you feel the need to get involved, express your opinion, state your goal or objective, just check yourself.
44:53
SPEAKER_01: If you don't rule it, don't judge it.
44:58
SPEAKER_01: If you don't rule it, don't judge it.
45:02
SPEAKER_01: If you have no responsibility, you have no authority.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm a counselor.
45:09
SPEAKER_01: People pay money to come talk to me to help them solve their problems.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: In that moment, they're temporarily saying, in this confinement of time and space, in this little room together, I'm inviting you in to temporarily have some responsibility for sorting out my life.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: So what does that temporarily give me a little bit of?
45:38
SPEAKER_01: Authority.
45:39
SPEAKER_01: Now listen carefully.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: As soon as they walk out the door, how much authority do I have?
45:48
SPEAKER_01: Zero.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: Why?
45:50
SPEAKER_01: Because as soon as they walk out the door, I have how much responsibility?
45:55
SPEAKER_01: Zero.
45:57
SPEAKER_01: One of the most important things I've learned is how to care but not carry.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: How to care but not carry.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: I care deeply about people, marriages, families.
46:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean I care big time, but I don't carry.
46:19
SPEAKER_01: Shared it with you yesterday, Philippians 2.13.
46:24
SPEAKER_01: For it is God who's at work.
46:28
SPEAKER_01: For it is God who You know what's cool about counseling that I've learned?
46:33
SPEAKER_01: God's engagement, activity, intervention doesn't start when the counseling starts and doesn't stop when the counseling stops.
46:44
SPEAKER_01: What I've learned to rest in is God was working before they ever met me, and God's going to be working after they leave me.
46:52
SPEAKER_01: What does that do for me?
46:55
SPEAKER_01: It helps me just relax.
46:57
SPEAKER_01: Because here's the thing I've learned, folks.
46:59
SPEAKER_01: If God can't fix you, who in the world do I think I am?
47:05
SPEAKER_01: You ever heard the story of the elephant and the mouse?
47:09
SPEAKER_01: Philippians 2.13, God, it's God who's at work.
47:12
SPEAKER_01: Imagine this big old elephant and a little old mouse on his shoulder.
47:16
SPEAKER_01: Big old elephant, little old mouse.
47:18
SPEAKER_01: And they're walking across just a rope-thatched wooden bridge.
47:24
SPEAKER_01: And the whole bridge is creaking and groaning and barely holding together.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: They get to the other side, big old elephant, little old mouse on its shoulder.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: And the mouse says, Boy, we really shook that bridge.
47:39
SPEAKER_01: Now, did the mouse shake the bridge?
47:44
SPEAKER_01: That's my picture of what it's like to work together with God.
47:49
SPEAKER_01: God rocks people's lives.
47:53
SPEAKER_01: But I remind myself, dude, you're just a little old mouse riding the elephant's back.
47:59
SPEAKER_01: Now, what I do is I enjoy the ride.
48:03
SPEAKER_01: It's fun watching God rock people's lives.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: But I don't ever forget I'm just a little old mouse riding an elephant's back.
48:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's just a cool way to just keep straight the RRA stuff.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: Because God's the one who's doing all the cool work.
48:22
SPEAKER_01: All right, next slide, please.
48:25
SPEAKER_01: Outlaws exercise power without permission.
48:30
SPEAKER_01: Permission is just another word for authority.
48:37
SPEAKER_01: How about this phrase?
48:39
SPEAKER_01: God told me to tell you.
48:43
SPEAKER_01: How do you like that one?
48:46
SPEAKER_01: God told me to tell you.
48:49
SPEAKER_01: Who do I have to argue with now?
48:52
SPEAKER_01: Now I gotta argue with God.
48:54
SPEAKER_01: Is that the right way to approach somebody?
48:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't think so.
48:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we love the prophetic around our church, but we handle it differently than we used to.
49:04
SPEAKER_01: So what we've tried to teach people is this when you feel like you have something for someone, how many, what do you do when you go to a friend's house and you want to go in?
49:14
SPEAKER_01: You knock, right?
49:16
SPEAKER_01: And they give you permission.
49:19
SPEAKER_01: Well, we do the same thing.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: How about example for that?
49:24
SPEAKER_01: Do we have an example for that?
49:25
SPEAKER_01: How about Revelation 3.20?
49:27
SPEAKER_01: Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: If any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.
49:34
SPEAKER_01: You realize God knocks before he enters?
49:37
SPEAKER_01: How dare we think we don't have to.
49:41
SPEAKER_01: So when you've been praying for a friend and you feel like God's giving you something for them, you should knock before entering.
49:48
SPEAKER_01: So, how might you do that?
49:50
SPEAKER_01: I was praying for you last night, and I think the Lord gave me something for you.
49:58
SPEAKER_01: Now, does that feel different than God told me to tell you?
50:02
SPEAKER_01: And what are you doing?
50:03
SPEAKER_01: In essence, you're saying, I want permission to share it with you.
50:10
SPEAKER_01: I want you to invite me in.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: Because now I can say no to you instead of God.
50:15
SPEAKER_01: It's a little bit harder to do that.
50:17
SPEAKER_01: Alright, next one please.
50:21
SPEAKER_01: All right, what are boundaries?
50:22
SPEAKER_01: What we're gonna do is we're gonna start addressing this whole issue, and this is where we're gonna use this hula hoop here in just a minute.
50:29
SPEAKER_01: And this seems to be the thing that really look at how beat up that is.
50:33
SPEAKER_01: That's probably what life really looks like.
50:35
SPEAKER_01: But this seems to be the thing that really helps people get a hold of some of this.
50:40
SPEAKER_01: So hopefully that'll happen this morning.
50:42
SPEAKER_01: You gonna help me in a minute?
50:44
SPEAKER_01: I'll need you in just a minute.
50:45
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so we're gonna be filling in some blanks.
50:47
SPEAKER_01: Tell me if I skip blanks.
50:49
SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes the PowerPoint either doesn't hit a blank or they're out of order.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: So let me know if we miss anything.
50:57
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what are boundaries?
50:59
SPEAKER_01: Hit the next one, please, sir.
51:01
SPEAKER_01: Boundaries are the invisible property lines of life.
51:04
SPEAKER_01: One of the most fundamental simple boundaries, look up here real quick, is what?
51:11
SPEAKER_01: Your skin.
51:12
SPEAKER_01: How many of you agree that violations of touch can be very offensive?
51:19
SPEAKER_01: So, early in life, when people are violated by being touched inappropriately, it does very damaging stuff to their boundaries, their sense of identity, etc.
51:31
SPEAKER_01: So violations, how many of you'd agree that everybody has sort of a space around them?
51:36
SPEAKER_01: You ever had somebody talk to you and they stand too close?
51:39
SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's up?
51:40
SPEAKER_01: How's it going?
51:41
SPEAKER_01: You're like, dude.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, and you're like, what?
51:48
SPEAKER_01: And some cultures have different deals with that.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: But how many of you know subconsciously, naturally, intuitively, we all have kind of like this zone, and we guess we all kind of know about what distance to stand when you're talking to somebody.
52:04
SPEAKER_01: So just think about it.
52:05
SPEAKER_01: We all have this area around us that is kind of like the property lines of our life.
52:10
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please.
52:12
SPEAKER_01: Boundaries are the basis of personal identity.
52:17
SPEAKER_01: It's just this whole idea of who we are, and that'll make more sense as we plow through this.
52:23
SPEAKER_01: They kind of set the boundaries for what is what is me and what is not me.
52:29
SPEAKER_01: Next one, please.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: Boundaries are where I stop and others start.
52:36
SPEAKER_01: This sounds so rudimentary, simple, weird, but it's just important that boundaries are where I stop and you start.
52:42
SPEAKER_01: And I've got to always remember that there's a line, a property line, where I stop and you start.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: And that'll make sense as we get to the meat of the teaching here.
52:52
SPEAKER_01: Boundaries define who I am and for what I am responsible.
52:58
SPEAKER_01: Now here's where it starts to get interesting.
53:02
SPEAKER_01: If you would come up here when you get a sec there.
53:09
SPEAKER_01: Boundaries define who I am and for what I am responsible.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: What's your name?
53:13
SPEAKER_00: Cody.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: Cody?
53:15
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: All right.
53:16
SPEAKER_01: You're not married yet, right?
53:18
SPEAKER_00: No, not married.
53:19
SPEAKER_01: Do you have a girlfriend?
53:20
SPEAKER_00: No.
53:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
53:21
SPEAKER_01: Can we pretend you do?
53:22
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
53:23
SPEAKER_01: All right.
53:23
SPEAKER_01: You want me to pick you one?
53:33
SPEAKER_00: A muscle.
53:35
SPEAKER_00: Who did you point at?
53:38
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
53:46
SPEAKER_01: What was that you played this morning?
53:49
SPEAKER_01: Cello.
53:49
SPEAKER_01: You like a cello, right?
53:50
SPEAKER_01: That's what it is.
53:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
53:54
SPEAKER_01: All right, next slide.
53:57
SPEAKER_01: Everything inside my circle, this is in your notes.
54:00
SPEAKER_01: Everything inside my circle is my responsibility.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: All right, to be honest with you, this moment is maybe the most critical of the whole teaching.
54:07
SPEAKER_01: If you could imagine everyone, I think this might be the next statement.
54:11
SPEAKER_01: Everyone in the room, everyone in the world, imagine they have a hula hoop around them.
54:16
SPEAKER_01: Cody has a hula hoop around them.
54:18
SPEAKER_01: You have a hula hoop around you.
54:19
SPEAKER_01: Everybody in your life has a hula hoop around them.
54:22
SPEAKER_01: Very important thought.
54:23
SPEAKER_01: Now listen, everything inside this circle is whose responsibility?
54:29
SPEAKER_01: Cody's.
54:30
SPEAKER_01: Everything inside yours is your responsibility.
54:34
SPEAKER_01: And you got to think about that.
54:36
SPEAKER_01: Everything inside there's your responsibility.
54:39
SPEAKER_01: Alright, listen to this statement.
54:40
SPEAKER_01: You make me mad.
54:43
SPEAKER_01: What did I just do?
54:45
SPEAKER_01: Where's Cody's anger?
54:48
SPEAKER_01: Inside his circle.
54:50
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside his circle?
54:53
SPEAKER_01: He is.
54:54
SPEAKER_01: What did he just do?
54:56
SPEAKER_01: You make me mad.
54:59
SPEAKER_01: You are responsible for my anger.
55:02
SPEAKER_01: Where's my anger?
55:03
SPEAKER_01: Cody's anger?
55:05
SPEAKER_01: In his circle.
55:05
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside his circle?
55:09
SPEAKER_01: It's virtually always wrong to say you make me mad.
55:14
SPEAKER_01: Because my anger is in my circle.
55:16
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside my circle?
55:19
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside your circle?
55:22
SPEAKER_01: Where's your anger?
55:25
SPEAKER_01: Alright, how about this?
55:27
SPEAKER_01: You make me glad.
55:29
SPEAKER_01: What did I just do?
55:33
SPEAKER_01: I just made you responsible for my happiness.
55:37
SPEAKER_01: Where's my happiness?
55:42
SPEAKER_01: Now that you did that, I can't pick your wife, man.
55:45
SPEAKER_01: It's just not right.
55:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to put Hannah on this.
55:47
SPEAKER_01: Hannah, do you want to come up here?
55:48
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to come up.
55:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to read.
55:50
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't want to do that.
55:51
SPEAKER_01: Somebody might read something into it.
55:52
SPEAKER_01: Some young lady step up here, one of you front row here.
55:55
SPEAKER_01: All right.
55:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm not, I don't mind you doing that, but I don't want to put either one of you in the word spot.
56:01
SPEAKER_01: All right, what is your name?
56:02
SPEAKER_01: Susan.
56:02
SPEAKER_01: Susan.
56:03
SPEAKER_01: Cody and Susan are now married.
56:09
SPEAKER_01: Good.
56:10
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
56:11
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
56:13
SPEAKER_01: We only have one hula hoop, but here's the deal.
56:16
SPEAKER_01: Cody lives in a hula hoop.
56:18
SPEAKER_01: Susan lives in a hula hoop.
56:20
SPEAKER_01: Now, lest I lose any of you, there's another hula hoop around the two of them called a marriage.
56:28
SPEAKER_01: What'd you say?
56:30
SPEAKER_01: So there's a there.
56:36
SPEAKER_01: You guys.
56:37
SPEAKER_01: Picking wives and all this crazy.
56:39
SPEAKER_01: You guys are something else.
56:40
SPEAKER_01: So there's another hula hoop around the two of them.
56:43
SPEAKER_01: Now please listen to me.
56:45
SPEAKER_01: Nobody believes in marriage more than I do.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you step over here closer?
56:48
SPEAKER_01: Nobody believes in marriage more than I do.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: I promise you that.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: So let me stress this.
56:53
SPEAKER_01: The circle around the two of them called a marriage separates them from every other person on this planet.
57:02
SPEAKER_01: But don't you dare think inside that circle, they don't live in separate circles.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: We get this weird idea.
57:12
SPEAKER_01: I know the Bible says two shall become one, but not in the context of what we're talking about.
57:17
SPEAKER_01: No one believes in marriage more than I do.
57:19
SPEAKER_01: But inside my marriage, my wife and I live in separate circles.
57:22
SPEAKER_01: Why is that important?
57:24
SPEAKER_01: Because everything inside Susan's circle is Susan's responsibility.
57:28
SPEAKER_01: Say responsibility one time.
57:29
unknown: Responsibility.
57:31
SPEAKER_01: Everything inside Cody's circle is Cody's responsibility.
57:35
SPEAKER_01: Alright?
57:36
SPEAKER_01: Now, is Cody or Susan alone in their circle?
57:46
SPEAKER_01: Who's in there with them?
57:48
SPEAKER_01: Good answer.
57:50
SPEAKER_01: God is.
57:51
SPEAKER_01: How did God get there?
57:52
SPEAKER_01: Did he kick the door down?
57:55
SPEAKER_01: Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
57:58
SPEAKER_01: So God honors our boundaries.
58:02
SPEAKER_01: So Susan has God in her circle.
58:05
SPEAKER_01: Cody has God in his circle.
58:06
SPEAKER_01: Alright, very important thought.
58:08
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside Susan's circle?
58:12
SPEAKER_01: Susan.
58:12
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside Cody's circle?
58:15
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
58:16
SPEAKER_01: Where is Susan's need for love?
58:20
SPEAKER_01: Inside her circle.
58:21
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside her circle?
58:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
58:26
SPEAKER_01: I've learned one of the secrets of a great marriage.
58:30
SPEAKER_01: One of the secrets of a great marriage is to have an affair.
58:35
SPEAKER_01: So Cody comes over here and he has an affair with God.
58:44
SPEAKER_01: And how much of his need for love does God meet?
58:47
unknown: All of it.
58:49
SPEAKER_01: How much?
58:50
SPEAKER_01: Virtually all of it.
58:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, guess what?
58:53
SPEAKER_01: Susan is following leadership and walking with God herself.
58:57
SPEAKER_01: So she goes over here and she has an affair with God.
59:04
SPEAKER_01: And how much of her need for love does God meet?
59:07
SPEAKER_01: All of it.
59:08
SPEAKER_01: Now imagine they come back toward one another.
59:13
SPEAKER_01: Listen, not to get love, but to give love because they're already full.
59:22
SPEAKER_01: I said this with my wife sitting on the front row the first time I ever said it.
59:27
SPEAKER_01: I don't need my wife to love me.
59:32
SPEAKER_01: I want my wife to love me.
59:34
SPEAKER_01: I like my wife to love me.
59:36
SPEAKER_01: I love it when my wife loves me.
59:38
SPEAKER_01: And my wife loves me so much it scares me.
59:42
SPEAKER_01: But I don't need my wife to love me.
59:47
SPEAKER_01: Why not?
59:49
SPEAKER_01: God meets my need for love.
59:53
SPEAKER_01: I call it the number one relationship mistake most people are still making.
59:58
SPEAKER_01: And that is looking to, believing, relying on, trusting in anyone or thing other than God to meet your needs.
1:00:10
SPEAKER_01: Some of you will fight till the death almost to believe that someday you're going to meet someone who's going to finally meet your need for love.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_01: I want to tell you, beg you, it ain't going to happen.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_01: You've already met the one and only that can meet your need for love.
1:00:31
SPEAKER_01: So where's Cody's need for love?
1:00:34
SPEAKER_01: Inside his circle?
1:00:36
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside his circle?
1:00:39
SPEAKER_01: How much of his need for love can God meet?
1:00:45
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside Susan's circle?
1:00:48
SPEAKER_01: Where's her need for love?
1:00:50
SPEAKER_01: Inside her circle?
1:00:51
SPEAKER_01: Is she alone in there?
1:00:53
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for getting all of her need for love met?
1:00:57
SPEAKER_01: She is.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_01: Who can she turn to to get it met?
1:01:02
SPEAKER_01: Alright, now let's go back to what I was saying.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_01: You make me mad.
1:01:07
SPEAKER_01: Cody, say it to her.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_00: You make me mad.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_01: And now she says, you make me sad.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what just happened?
1:01:17
SPEAKER_01: Where's his anger?
1:01:19
SPEAKER_01: In his circle.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_01: What did he just do?
1:01:21
SPEAKER_01: Made her responsible for his anger.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_01: Back up a couple slides.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_01: Keep going.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_01: Keep going until I tell you to stop, please, sir.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_01: One more, one more.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_01: Right there.
1:01:36
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
1:01:36
SPEAKER_01: He just made her responsible for his anger.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_01: Whether he meant to or not, what did he give away with it?
1:01:45
SPEAKER_01: The authority and power to control him.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_01: Whoever's responsible for your emotions is the one who has the authority and power to control them.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_01: To whomever you give the responsibility, whether you intend to or not, you give the authority and power to control you.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_01: So it may sound good to say you make me mad because you feel like you've given the responsibility away.
1:02:12
SPEAKER_01: What you don't realize is you've sentenced yourself to be under their authority and power because your anger is dependent on their actions.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_01: We said you make me glad.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_01: You make me glad.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_01: What did, let's say you say that.
1:02:31
SPEAKER_01: Susan says, say it to him.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_00: You make me glad.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what did she just do?
1:02:35
SPEAKER_01: She made him what?
1:02:37
SPEAKER_01: Responsible for her happiness.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_01: What went with it, whether she meant to or not?
1:02:43
SPEAKER_01: The authority and power to control her.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_01: Who's responsible for everything inside her circle?
1:02:52
SPEAKER_01: If she lives like she believes that, guess what?
1:02:54
SPEAKER_01: She retains up on the board.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_01: The authority and power to manage her emotions.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_01: If you do not retain the responsibility, let's play with the word for a moment.
1:03:11
SPEAKER_01: Response ability.
1:03:14
SPEAKER_01: You ever played with that word?
1:03:17
SPEAKER_01: Response ability.
1:03:19
SPEAKER_01: You know what it means?
1:03:21
SPEAKER_01: The ability to choose your response.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_01: If you ever give up the ability to choose your response, you're giving up the authority and power to control your life.
1:03:37
SPEAKER_01: No one can make you feel anything without your participation.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_01: No one can make you feel devalued unless you agree with them.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_01: No one can make you feel any emotion without you cooperating with them somehow at some level.
1:03:59
SPEAKER_01: It's really, really important that you understand everything inside that circle is your responsibility.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
1:04:07
SPEAKER_01: Have a seat.
1:04:12
SPEAKER_01: Alright, catch back up to where we were, please.
1:04:14
SPEAKER_01: And let's get through a little bit.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_01: All right.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_01: Alright, we already talked about that.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_01: Go to the next one.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what's inside my circle?
1:04:21
SPEAKER_01: Let me know if I've missed any blanks now.
1:04:25
SPEAKER_01: The key word with boundaries is the R word.
1:04:27
SPEAKER_01: What is that?
1:04:28
SPEAKER_01: Responsibility.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_01: So make sure you fill that one in.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_01: Alright, what's inside my circle?
1:04:34
SPEAKER_01: The most important thing here is not all the separate words like there's some magic list.
1:04:39
SPEAKER_01: The most important thing on that board slide is the first two letters.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_01: What's inside my circle are my feelings, my beliefs, my opinions, my sexuality, my fears.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_01: In other words, everything inside my circle is my responsibility, and it's my job to manage it.
1:05:05
SPEAKER_01: So again, the important thing is not that you get the perfect list, it's just the realization that you start to feel what it feels like to be responsible for your thoughts, your choices, your feelings, your fears.
1:05:22
SPEAKER_01: Because as you journey from here into life, it's going to be really important that you start to take responsibility for how you're feeling as you go through a day, a relationship, an experience, or whatever.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_01: Alright, any questions before we quit?
1:05:40
SPEAKER_01: I know we're a couple minutes early, but it's just a good place to stop.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_01: Any questions about this?
1:05:51
SPEAKER_01: Making sense?
1:05:53
SPEAKER_01: It's really, really helpful.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_01: And we'll the next column there, that right-hand side is really my favorite thing to talk about.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_01: So we'll plow through that when we get together in the morning.
1:06:03
SPEAKER_01: Can I pray for you as we wind up today?
1:06:06
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Father.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: Lord, I thank you for these wonderful folks here in the school in Norway.
1:06:13
SPEAKER_01: We pray for them.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_01: And uh, Father, we just appreciate your love for us.
1:06:17
SPEAKER_01: We appreciate your plan and your purpose in our lives.
1:06:21
SPEAKER_01: And uh we thank you so much that you are at work in us, both to will and to do your good pleasure.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_01: And we thank you for it, sir, in Jesus' name.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_01: All right, bless you guys.
1:06:35
SPEAKER_01: See you in the morning.