Latest / WOMEN MAJORING IN MARRIAGE / EPISODE #17 KEEP IT REAL - BREAKING THE SILENCE

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EPISODE #17 KEEP IT REAL - BREAKING THE SILENCE · WOMEN MAJORING IN MARRIAGE

0:02
Welcome to the women, majoring in marriage podcast with your
0:05
host Janice L. Vance.
0:09
Girl, if you are a married woman that desire is not just to have
0:12
a surviving marriage, you know, the kind that's just on cruise
0:16
control but actually want a thriving marriage.
0:19
You are in the right place. If you are engaged, this show
0:22
can inspire you to prepare for your marriage, before preparing,
0:26
for that expensive, wedding day. Oh, and all my single ladies out
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there. There that are in their season
0:31
of waiting on God, to send your husband.
0:33
We've got something for you as well, girl, marriage is not
0:36
hard, but it certainly is work. So relax.
0:39
Get your pen and paper, and let us major in marriage.
0:46
Well, hello to all of my queens and welcome to the women major
0:50
in marriage podcast with yours. Truly Janice Vance.
0:54
Today, I have a special guest with me when I say a special
0:58
guest. I have a special guest with me
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Gina Friday. You know, Friday is going to
1:05
tell her story you in for a treat.
1:07
You going to be blessed this going to be episode number 17
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and this episode will be out on November the 23rd. 23rd, you'll
1:17
be hearing this episode and I just want to say, I want to
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thank you Queen. So she continued to rock with
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me, I see where you are listening to my podcast and I do
1:27
appreciate it and I promise you all that I would get guests from
1:31
time to time and I do pray and ask God, who he would have me to
1:36
be on my podcast. So I know without a shadow of a
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doubt is not by accident. Is God ordained that I have
1:44
missed Nina fry. Ride.
1:46
It was me. It is such a blessing in and
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I'll have never met in person. I book, I just feel like I know
1:53
you either. I feel like, I feel like we are
1:57
on that sofa and just chatted. She and I was writing a book at
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the same time, we were in a book writing lab.
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Let me get a shout out to our coach Hannah's.
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We would you can find Candace, be would on Facebook.
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She is excellent if you thinking about writing a book or if you
2:22
look even started and you don't even know where to go from
2:25
there. I advise you to connect with.
2:29
Can this be wood? Because that was my situation.
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God had led me to write a book. And I kept fighting it because I
2:36
was like, I don't know what I'm writing about, but I look and
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she had this lab on Facebook and Candice and I we've been in
2:44
we've been in coaching again. Now that she and I was
2:46
accountability Partners at one time and I saw that and I got in
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there and that group being around like-minded, people with
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the same vision and goal. It helped me because Candice
3:00
will let me say this she wrote she will keep you accountable
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and that is so important I think that was the key.
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She provided all the tools all the strategies for me to write
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my first Book and in the about on the 20th on my birthday it'll
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be two years that I released my November 22 years ago that I
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released my first book. So in and I we were in that lab
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and we just, we just been connecting.
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We just reconnected me, Facebook friends, she's in my group.
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So I it is just an honor in a to just have you here.
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And I'm going to tell you a little about it and she'll tell
3:43
you all, The rest about her, and her story in a Friday is known
3:51
as the resilient calories. Wow, that stays a lot.
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Wonder what she got that name from.
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She was given this name after. She was given this name after
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hearing her story of how she overcame childhood trauma of
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child, sexual abuse. And fault where she is
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determined determined? She had the determination which,
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which says a whole lot being a child sexual abuse and thought
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what she's determined to be the woman that God has called her to
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be in all areas of her life. She has been married for six
4:43
years, she has three adult children, one grand daughter,
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and a granddaughter on the way. And, you know, it is a published
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author as I stated. And this is her book.
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This is how the silence breaking the Sabbath, all right.
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Tell us your story. You going to give you your this
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episode at the top. What would you name and why?
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And just tell us. Just it's just you and I we just
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sit here chitchat and we just talked and so just have your
5:28
way. All right.
5:29
Thank you so much. Jane is, thank you for this.
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Like you said, it's no coincidence and I think when we
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first met, it was just got ordained.
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I'm so grateful for all the great connections.
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And yes, Candice has when we were writing when I was getting
5:44
this book together she said any you are a resilient catalyst.
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So that's where this name came from.
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Our amazing coach Candice and she made me see where that is
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actually true and I believe it. And it's been something that I
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tell everybody now because my story breaking the silence.
6:03
If I had to name this episode it was I would say keep it real,
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keep it real and keep your real. About your life.
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I think the worst thing that happened in my life was not
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being true to who I was not being true.
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And believing who God said, I was even when I wasn't totally
6:25
Walking with God because there's a part of my life where God was
6:29
not a part of me from my aspect. And we know they got.
6:32
If he has his hand on you, he's going to be with you even if
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you're not ready, right? And so God is going to get the
6:39
glory out of everything that he Tires.
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And I thank God that he kept his hand on my life because as a
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young child like you said, several times a young child
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being sexually abused. I was actually in a third and
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fourth grade and I when did a speaking engagement at last
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month and I told the women, can you imagine carrying the weights
7:01
of being sexually, abused by a family member?
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And then you see this person periodically, and your family
7:10
around your family. You're just like what in the
7:12
world and you don't even know but you're young and you carry
7:16
this on. So, third grade, you an
7:18
elementary, then you go to Junior High, then you go to high
7:21
school and I was when I finally told my mom but even when I told
7:27
my mother because of all the years that had passed and she
7:30
believed me and she went tried to get help and they said it was
7:34
past the statutory limitation, which I find is think it's crazy
7:38
that anytime somebody comes clean about About their their
7:42
past when it does, it has something to do with being
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sexually abused. I don't think it should be any
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limitations. So right, I'll keep praying
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about that. I was still carrying around all
7:54
the hurt and Trauma all my life. Elementary, junior, high high
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school. I'm now on my preteens, I'm a
8:03
young adult and I have a, I was married before and I got married
8:08
at a young 19 year old as a young 19 year old girl.
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And the reason why I say, keep it real is because I was running
8:16
from something looking for something in all the wrong
8:18
places, to feel those boys to make me feel better than I
8:23
thought of myself. So I could hear people saying
8:26
things about me. Made me feel good, but was it
8:29
good for me? Right?
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So I hadn't totally gotten, I wasn't healed because I hadn't
8:34
dealt with it. And my ex-husband really didn't
8:38
know to the extent of what happened to me.
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So I'm 19, I get I get pregnant and I have children and I'm
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married for 13 years, married for 13 years and all of these
8:51
years. The way I was treated and talked
8:55
about in a marriage, it was like I didn't even care because I
8:59
already thought of myself as no good.
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I already saw myself as not being worthy or or valuable or
9:06
loved or enough worthy enough to even be anything, whatever
9:10
healthy look like for me. So it was all the trick of the
9:14
enemy anyway. And you know that, I know that
9:16
now, but back then I didn't know it and as I got older, I started
9:22
learning a little bit more about myself and I had to start
9:25
learning about how do I do. With this.
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Because if I continue to hide behind this trauma and not
9:32
really deal with the issue in the things that has caused me in
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my life, whatever I get in my relationships, my marriage, my
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life, everything that I'm attached to my to be What
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affected by me, and the way I carry myself, and the way I look
9:51
at my own self and I was a people pleaser, and that's not
9:54
good. I was a people pleaser.
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I wanted people to like like me, I wanted to be included.
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I was searching but I wasn't searching for the right thing.
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I wasn't searching for God's help to help deliver me from the
10:07
trauma. Experience to show me that
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you're not your past, you can have a loving relationship, a
10:14
loving marriage. Someone who values you someone
10:17
who sees it sees that you are worthy and they're going to
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treat you the way that I say they should they should treat
10:23
you. So a lot of years of just going
10:26
through learning How to be true to myself.
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And I think the biggest thing when I say that I'm a resilient
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catalyst is that I pressed on and I wouldn't stop because I
10:36
knew that God has something bigger for me.
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Inside of me, not for the world yet, not for what I'm doing now.
10:44
But just embracing who I am. So that when God brings me that
10:49
husband right into my life, I'm going to already know if you're
10:54
for me or not. Like I'm not gonna just settle
10:56
because I did a lot of selling And so when I finally
11:01
surrendered and say, God I want to be home and I want to be
11:04
healed and I want to stop hiding.
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I want to be real about my life, I want to be real.
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And what I when you can be real about your life, that means that
11:13
you're no longer a shame right now.
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You don't walk around with guilt.
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You don't walk around with condemnation, condemning
11:21
yourself for something that you had no control over.
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And so I began to see myself in a brighter light.
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Like you know what that sign that I thought used to be on the
11:31
back of my head? That told everybody that I was a
11:33
dirty, girl, that is why I believe, I believe that
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everybody that saw me saw a sign on the back of my head and said,
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I was a dirty girl because I was tampered, I was, I was, I was,
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you know, I was abused. And so I thought that everybody
11:49
knew it, you know, that is nothing but the enemy because
11:52
nobody know that and she was, right.
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All right. Thought that Jen is for.
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Most of my young adult life 20s even going into my 30s.
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This is what I thought about myself, that I was no good.
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Then I was damaged and there was no hope for me.
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So it showed in the things and the relationships that I allowed
12:13
to come into my life and I got sick and tired, you know what
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they say? Janice when you get sick and
12:18
tired of being sick and tired, you can tell.
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Yes, I was so sick and tired. I am, I tell people now when
12:25
they asked when I when I tell my To give them a visual.
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I said, if you remember that woman in the Bible, the bench
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woman, the woman that was bent over for all those 18 years,
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right? What did the calculation Janice
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of the time that I was molested up until the time that I
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practically surrendered and start seeking God?
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It was around 18 years. Wow that was profiled!
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It was about 18 years and that is when God began to lift me up.
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And begin to change the way I walk and change the way I talk
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and change. The way I thought my
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relationship was guy was from feeling now and so if you are,
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you know, a lot of women, I found that I talked to have
13:12
passed of being sat attracted sexually abused in their past
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and they haven't told a soul. And some of these women are very
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much older than I am. They haven't told one soul and
13:24
they take it to their grades. But then you wonder why their
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relationships are not healthy, right, right?
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They're not. It's not a fulfilling marriage.
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And this is a, you have a marriage group and you're all
13:38
about marriage. So when you think about, if
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you're not true to your life and who you are, what happened to
13:44
you, how can you have a flourishing marriage, a thriving
13:49
Carriage, how can you be intimate with your spouse?
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Because now your spouse doesn't even know why.
13:56
You know, sex is not important to them.
13:58
We're trying like I don't want, you know, or you're standoffish
14:03
certain things trigger you. So you these are things that I
14:06
had to get real about to talk to to to understand that if I was
14:11
to ever get married to me again. I need to make sure that I'm
14:14
able to be true and honest about my life.
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And if I have triggers, thank God.
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I don't have triggers anymore. But I used to have triggers,
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right? Because I wasn't free, right?
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Right, we're free. Think they came frequently
14:28
because in the back of your mind, you're already thinking
14:32
about what happened to you, because you're not healed,
14:35
right? Yo, those thoughts don't come up
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the way they used to, because you put them in their place and
14:41
you no longer are living your life based on the lives of the
14:45
past. So when I became, when I got
14:48
free and start telling my truth to other to, whoever God start
14:53
putting the people in my path and I would just boom.
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People just come out. I don't even know why it would
14:58
come out, but God Was preparing me for the journey that I'm on
15:02
now. And I didn't know that.
15:05
So I tell women all the time, if you are not healed from any of
15:10
you see, anything of your past, it doesn't even have to be
15:13
sexual abuse, maybe it's a pass/fail marriage, maybe it's
15:19
just how you see, see yourself, but you haven't dealt with it.
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You have to get real with these things.
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Otherwise, As you are going to you're not going to be authentic
15:28
and who you are. Hmm.
15:30
Be able to change who you are for.
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Who that next person that you meet?
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Whether it's a friend, somebody, you're talking to a
15:39
relationship, maybe you're dating someone, you're going to
15:43
flip and change to who you think you need to be for that person
15:47
at that time because you're not healed.
15:50
So getting healed and getting free and being true and keeping
15:53
it real about your life in this. That you've been doing is so key
15:58
and you being free and who you are totally in all aspects of
16:03
your life. And and that's what I found
16:06
Janice and I thank God because little did I know when we were
16:10
writing our book, the guy was still working on some more in me
16:14
that I didn't know, right? So writing my book breaking the
16:18
silence. I have women calling me and
16:21
breaking their side, want to break my silence with you.
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I want to break my silence with you and I say Pedro, you know,
16:27
this is big. You know, this is huge and I
16:29
started seeing that. So many women are carrying this
16:33
know that they don't have to be suffering in silence, a friend
16:38
and silence over something that you did not have any control of
16:43
this. Wasn't your, you didn't ask for
16:45
this, you didn't you're a child? I think, if you wasn't a child,
16:49
maybe you are re you didn't ask for this.
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We have people. I had to do things and hurt the
16:54
people. And so, One Way Janice, I
16:57
learned how to deal with this sááá hurting people hurt people
17:01
and I said, you know, I wonder how many people that were
17:05
molesters been molested. Hmm, I started seeing that in
17:10
another way because I said, you know, one that could be very
17:14
true as to why some people are hurting and have their right to
17:21
just just focus and I changed my perspective.
17:26
Spective changing your perspective, on things in life
17:29
is going to help. So I thank God for my healthy
17:32
marriage for my loving husband, because God did bring somebody
17:36
in my life, that understood me, that understood.
17:40
And I didn't have to be afraid to talk about it, even though
17:43
I'm not held bondage by that any longer, but you still need to
17:47
know because it's important because you just never know.
17:50
And I just said, you know what, if I'm going to be true and keep
17:54
it real, then it does. Matter if I desire to be married
17:58
again because I always desired managed but I wanted it the way
18:01
they got song and so I'm just so thankful to God in all that he's
18:07
doing now. Because once I got free, God
18:09
began to use me. And that's another reason why
18:11
you want to be able to keep it real.
18:13
Because God is waiting to use you in a capacity that you have
18:17
no idea. Like now I'm a licensed ordained
18:20
minister like who would ever thought, right?
18:23
So now I get to minister to God's people.
18:26
People about being home and living a Victorious, Life, in
18:30
living your life. The way they God says that
18:33
you're supposed to live your life, not living your life on
18:36
your own terms. And that's how I used to live
18:40
that way. So I get to store around
18:42
speaking to women or maybe somebody have something they
18:45
say, hey, can you come speak? And I told God, I said, wherever
18:49
you send me, whatever you have me to do my story for your
18:52
glory, and that's all whenever we go through.
18:55
Once we It has nothing to do with us.
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It has nothing to do with guns, right?
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Everything to do with God, and his kingdom in helping build his
19:07
kingdom. And how can we bring people into
19:10
the kingdom if we are not true about our past, the things that
19:13
we've been through. Because once we show them
19:16
National them us but we show them the God in us through the
19:20
healing that he did inside of us.
19:23
Yes. Free to live for Him, and that's
19:27
all it's about on. The only.
19:29
The only thing that will last is what we do for Christ.
19:32
And so now I get to do may, I see, I get to do ministry, chose
19:38
me and my Ministry is showing people that God can heal you
19:44
from those past wounds from those hurt.
19:47
It doesn't matter because I may have shared one thing that I had
19:50
to overcome, but there was a lot that I had to overcome when God
19:54
told me, you're going to have to be wrong.
19:56
Honorable you're not going to be able to just sit and look cute
19:58
and think that you just got. No, you got to have to be
20:01
vulnerable in some situations because some women need to know
20:05
that you can be vulnerable regardless of what you went
20:08
through, because you're walk heel and when you walk healed
20:13
you know that it doesn't matter what you've been through because
20:18
now it's like I get to be an ambassador for Jesus Christ.
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That's all. Yes, yes.
20:26
Years. Wow.
20:28
That is so that is so powerful and when you talk about women
20:33
suffering in silence, this is so so true because I had someone
20:40
reach, I don't even know them. They reached out to me and they
20:43
email and was talking, I mentioned something about
20:48
suffering in silence and how a lot of women today even in their
20:56
marriage of being affected by what happened to them.
20:58
As a child, you bring into your door who but you don't
21:02
understand why. So she reached out to me.
21:05
But the thing is what would you say to the person that Are
21:11
suffering in silence and like you said, they have been
21:15
suffering for years and a thing she said I don't want to tell
21:23
anybody because I don't want to offend the accuse you can Janice
21:31
that is the number one thing that you hear and it's a lie
21:34
from the pit of Hell. We got to put the devil back
21:37
where he belongs because people always say that is what I've
21:40
been Hearing and I knew you were going to say that I don't want
21:44
to expose or food user, and I don't want to hurt my parents.
21:50
I don't want to hurt this person.
21:52
But what about you, what about you?
21:55
What about you and your freedom? Those people that you are trying
22:00
to protect from what has happened to you, they're walking
22:04
in their freedom, right? The exposer, the one that you
22:08
need to expose. This is what I told a group of
22:10
ladies. He's I said the moment that you
22:12
continue to hide that think about your nieces and nephews
22:16
and cousins that's coming up in the family room, the affected
22:21
and being in an in communicate or around that person.
22:25
Right now I'm doing a disservice to everybody else that you're
22:28
connected to as long as that person is still around because
22:32
that person may still be out doing the same thing to the next
22:36
person. And because you are so worried
22:40
about Finding somebody. My gosh, you're worried about
22:44
offending somebody, but you worried about hurting the
22:47
family. What about you, what about you?
22:51
What about and talk about? These are fully grown went fully
22:57
grown. They have children.
23:00
Yeah, so you so you have children, you're grown, you have
23:03
children. That will have children and
23:06
you're not you're not willing to let out what happened to you.
23:10
For protecting someone else but you are protected, but you're
23:14
not protected. And the reason why you weren't
23:16
protected is because a person that came before you, they
23:19
didn't tell, they didn't tell me, you came before them.
23:22
They didn't tell. So, you know how they say, well,
23:25
you know, we don't really like to call a generational person,
23:27
but let's call it is, right? Is that being passed down
23:32
because people are not being bold enough to open their mouth
23:36
and say, you know what, this is about my freedom and I want to
23:39
protect Me and my family from this.
23:43
Now I don't have to walk around with hate in my heart because we
23:46
don't want that, right? What you want to do is get
23:49
people free, right? You may speak something and that
23:53
person may be able to get help and get free, but you're also
23:56
going to heal yourself because I had somebody just last week.
24:01
Say to me My goodness, this is so real.
24:04
But guess what? I did.
24:06
I finally told my father, this is a grown grown grown grown
24:09
woman. I finally told my father And I
24:14
feel so good. Now, and I'm telling you the
24:17
weight of carrying that it's heavy, it's heavy because you
24:23
have know what you feel like you're walking around.
24:26
Of course, you're suffering in silence, right?
24:29
Carrying is, you're dealing with it on your own.
24:32
You don't have anybody to just let it out to you, because
24:35
you're suffering in silence suffering, in silence can be so
24:40
detrimental. That's where depression, set in.
24:42
That's where suicide I thought set in I wanted and I tried I
24:46
had contemplated taking my life two times.
24:48
Wow, I was suffering in Silence. The last of the last time that I
24:55
wanted to take my life. I took my kids to a library and
24:59
they were in about, maybe middle school and I walked into the
25:02
library because I already was planning it and contemplating
25:06
how I was going to do it when I was going to do it.
25:08
I had this thing figured out. So now I was trying to get
25:11
somewhere where I can make it right in my heart when I when I
25:16
go that my kids will be. All right, so I went to To this
25:19
library and I sat down. I said you guys go pick any
25:22
books you want. Let's just have a good day.
25:24
I want you to read. So I was telling myself That I
25:31
spend some time with my kids and then tonight, it was going to be
25:35
it. Wow, Richie, this Library, I
25:39
kid, you not. I kid you.
25:41
Not my God. I went to this Library, send my
25:45
kids over to look at books. And I said there, and I kind of
25:48
just was doing with what I was going to do that night.
25:52
And this tall man walks past me, Jim's, never seen him before in
25:58
my life. Don't even know.
26:01
He was a bright me. I said it was nobody but an
26:04
angel he comes past and I'm sitting down at a table down.
26:09
Look up. And he walks past jettison.
26:13
He backs up and he stops and he said God told me to tell you
26:20
everything is going to be all right.
26:22
Wow, danis. In that was not from God.
26:28
Hmm. That was not from God because I
26:32
was done. I was so tired, I was so tired
26:35
of my life. I was tired of the the things I
26:38
was dealing with. I was tired of getting hurt.
26:41
I was just ready to go but if my kids going to be all right and
26:46
I'm good. Right?
26:50
Mmm. And understand that that was
26:54
nobody, but God, hmm, my life that's it.
27:00
Yes yes. Is when I said you know what, I
27:07
have got to change the way I'm doing life and the first step is
27:13
I have got to get in front of God and I got to get in
27:17
somebody's Church, consistently right.
27:20
Are talking about this thing. And now Was the stop suffering
27:24
in silence because although I told my mother when I was 16, I
27:28
still wasn't healed and I was faking everything right?
27:31
I stake my life. I could change in a moment.
27:35
Nobody know, I can smile and be hurting me.
27:39
Wow, yeah, that's suffering in silence.
27:42
It has to be dealt with you. Got to find somebody that you
27:46
trust my. Somebody trusts start there
27:50
break the silence cuz I always say it's breaking the Silence
27:54
start their talk to them about the issue.
27:56
Talk to them about the sit, talk to them about everything that
28:00
happened, cause you got to get it out.
28:01
Because what that's doing is you're accepting that that
28:04
happened to you, mmm-hmm you have to get all the way to the
28:08
root problem, the root. And the root is, I was a child
28:14
and somebody molested me against my will.
28:19
And they hurt me, they hurt my body, they hurt my mind, my
28:24
spirit, my soul, you have to get real with that.
28:27
Then you have to begin to allow yourself to feel every emotion
28:31
anger, right? Resentment, frustration in all
28:36
those, all those feelings got to come out.
28:39
Because if they don't come out, you're going to be stuck, duck.
28:44
Wow. You know, it's okay to be angry.
28:47
Jesus was angry, right? But you don't have to allow it
28:51
to turn into hate, right. Angry.
28:54
But in, but anger, what you're going to start doing is loving
28:58
on yourself because I didn't deserve this.
29:02
And why didn't deserve this? I need help now because I don't
29:07
want this on me. No more.
29:08
And that mean you gotta get real and I'm never going to tell
29:11
people for some people that's hard and they need counseling.
29:15
Go to counseling. Well, the council, it's okay to
29:18
counseling. Therapy.
29:20
It is perfectly fine to get what you need.
29:24
Yes, we need it. Some people just need a
29:27
listening willing, trusted ear, right?
29:31
Whatever it takes to break your sinus to stop suffering in
29:34
silence. And you have to think about
29:37
yourself. We think about everybody else,
29:40
but we don't think about ourselves.
29:43
Exactly, exactly. So any you, I just can't even
29:47
imagine being that young You think about you think about your
29:53
ground is your granddaughter just turned 6?
29:56
She's in the kindergarten. You know, I think about my
30:00
granddaughter I just can't imagine them having to have to
30:04
have to go through that to go through and that's why it is
30:08
when you say that is so important that we talk to our
30:11
children. Now not just eyeballs, but I
30:14
girls. That's right.
30:16
You got me. We're aware and stop calling
30:20
their private parts nicknames, right?
30:24
Their private parts, what they are because Cuz when you start
30:29
doing that, do you think for one moment?
30:31
The Predator is going to call it by thing.
30:34
It's going to call your nickname, right?
30:37
We need to call it what it is and explain to them talk to
30:41
them. I talked to my, I've been
30:43
talking to my granddaughter now, know how long in ways that I
30:47
want her to understand. I need you to speak up running
30:51
the bowl. Don't you hold anything in you?
30:53
If something's bothering you, let's talk about it.
30:57
I even told my My son, he's got his wife.
31:00
I said when she comes home and she's had a bad day at school,
31:05
don't get upset with her because she's crying because you never
31:11
know what just took place, right?
31:14
So you want to sit them down and say baby tell me all about your
31:18
day. It's all right.
31:20
Let's talk about your day. What happened?
31:23
What has you upset? What have you feeling this way?
31:27
And I'm right Here. And if you just need me to
31:29
listen and sometimes you have to let them get it out of the way,
31:33
they need to need to don't don't shut them down because it's so
31:38
good. Maybe they used a cuss word.
31:41
Okay, maybe they did. That is not the time to shut
31:46
them down because in that curse, word that came out.
31:50
You might find something that you need to hear behind that
31:52
cuss word but because you shut that word down so quickly.
31:56
Now, they don't want to tell 98, big should shut down on you.
32:00
Yes. Yes, it is so important to talk
32:04
to your little ones, and like you said, not just the boys, but
32:08
there are boys being molested as well.
32:12
Yes, and it's harder I think for the men and boys to talk about
32:17
it because they are man and they don't want their, their, their
32:22
manhood to be destroyed by somebody knowing this, but we
32:27
have to Begin to talk to our boys and girls and a very young
32:32
age. Tell them why it's not okay for
32:35
their brother to be in the bathroom with them.
32:37
Why they're using the bathroom right there brother.
32:40
Can't see them taking a bath. Stop putting the girls, and the
32:43
boys in the tub together. Exactly.
32:46
Come on, come on, come on. We gotta, we gotta deal with
32:50
this thing. This is where curiosity starts,
32:53
all right, it's not doing that. You're telling them that This is
32:58
all. Okay, this is okay.
33:00
It's your girl. And this is your sister and
33:04
we're going to respect each other's privacy and when I go in
33:08
the bathroom, you need to stay out.
33:10
I told my granddaughter years ago when she was getting paid
33:13
training. I said Mimi is going to tell you
33:17
you're going to learn how to wipe yourself properly and if
33:21
you need help you got only have certain people to help you.
33:26
Is that everybody's not going to be to help you.
33:29
So I need you to learn this now because what happens is they go
33:33
somewhere, they don't know how to wipe themselves.
33:38
You've opened the door for somebody else to say is okay,
33:42
say it's okay. And they need to know what is a
33:47
good touch and what is not a good touch touching here?
33:50
Who don't touch you here? And even if it's your parents,
33:53
what kind of touches that because we got to keep it real
33:55
happens from your parents to, right?
33:58
Exactly. And they got to start knowing
34:00
that it's okay to talk to other people outside of Mommy and
34:05
Daddy. Right?
34:07
You know what, I can't stand. Whatever goes on in this house.
34:11
He's it stays in as hell. Something's Happened in the
34:17
house. Exactly.
34:19
Were there ever times? Were there ever times?
34:22
You was like, okay. Today I'm going to tell my mom.
34:27
It was I had a lot of those days but what happens is the Predator
34:35
who's close? Because a lot of times most of
34:36
the times it's somebody close to you and your family they know
34:40
your patterns they know your family.
34:42
They know what makes your parents have said.
34:45
They know how you get in trouble already.
34:47
They already know these things so they use those same things to
34:51
keep you from telling, you know, if you tell your mother she
34:54
don't she don't get you cause you know your mama don't play
34:57
because my mom didn't play, right.
35:00
Get it right. Go.
35:03
You better not be mad at you and you know so these things they
35:12
prey on what they already know about your family and so you
35:16
don't have a good relationship or is strained or it's not.
35:21
So you're not so bold because you got some young kids.
35:25
That's very vocal range is don't mess with vocal kids.
35:30
Bubble kids don't speak up cause we're going to tell it.
35:34
They gonna run into him and he might tell you off into mist,
35:38
right? Have shy kids.
35:41
Yes kids and that was me. I was very shy and I was very
35:48
quiet. And I was very kind of just
35:51
reserved, I was like that as a young girl, and so those kids
35:57
are preyed on in a to be persuaded.
36:01
So you that's why I've been working my granddaughter about
36:05
being bold, you girl, you got this.
36:07
Come on girl, do your thing go ahead, let's do a line.
36:11
That's why she did all those lies for black history month
36:14
because I wanted her to know that she had a voice and people
36:18
paid attention into her voice. Whether she knew that I was
36:21
trying to show her that they're right in her.
36:25
Wow, so things are done intentionally when you're
36:29
raising kids and I always tell my son, don't, don't raise your
36:34
voice. If it's something that you don't
36:37
like that, she's done. You gotta bring it to her.
36:40
You got to talk to her in love, right?
36:43
Maybe it is something that you're upset about, but that's
36:45
not the time because your kids know how to Down.
36:50
And we see kids. Now, today, don't tell their
36:52
parents. Nothing nothing?
36:55
Exactly. Yes, I start.
36:58
So young. And I told my kids when they
37:02
were young, I told my kids when they were young, what happened
37:05
to me? I did it on purpose.
37:06
They needed to know, right? I needed to know and I reminded
37:10
I reminded them because I needed them to know that.
37:13
It's okay to tell me right today, right?
37:17
Come to me. To me.
37:20
Who else do you have in your life that you can talk to start
37:24
telling your kids that they can't talk to anybody else?
37:28
Exactly? They're happy, they should have
37:31
a support system, even young, they need a support system and
37:35
sometimes, it's just now, you parents get over yourself.
37:38
I mean, just think about you, your life growing up.
37:41
Did you have other people that you can find it in that you
37:44
wouldn't talk to with your parents?
37:47
Mmm, that's grown women. That I that I learned to confide
37:52
in because I feel more comfortable because I was still
37:56
afraid of what will happen to my family.
38:01
I was even told I'm going to kill your mama.
38:04
I kill you. I'll kill your fam.
38:06
I'll kill your mother. Right?
38:08
So when your, when your kids are being told this, they shouldn't
38:12
have somebody else to go to. It's just for it's for their
38:17
protection and, you know, praying over your kids and just
38:21
send out. We don't keep people don't sit
38:24
down at dinner table. No more.
38:27
And it is exactly yes, and they exposed to so much.
38:41
Oh my God, I'm so curious it does and it brings them away
38:46
from the family attachment. Right makes them take them into
38:51
this fantasy world. Mmm, have to take that.
38:54
Take that back. We should have power.
38:57
You know, setting time limits and say, you're only going to be
39:00
on this for this much time and then when you are, I need to
39:04
know you need to block certain apps, right?
39:06
Go to because these Predators is out here and they find a way
39:11
through these gaps you know. So we got there more clever,
39:15
they're doing all this what is it sex trafficking getting
39:18
rabbit kids and telling kids to meet them in certain places.
39:21
Come on. So it's deal with it in the
39:25
beginning. Why?
39:27
And that's why it's important for your parents who still
39:30
dealing with the abuse. That happened to them and they
39:33
haven't told a soul, but now, they have children children.
39:37
That means you haven't even been talking to your kids, right?
39:40
We're not real with them. If you haven't told them about
39:43
what happened to you, so, and then you wonder sometimes why
39:47
certain parents react the way they do.
39:50
It's out of fear, not out of knowledge, it's a fear Moon,
39:55
because in the back of your mind, Mind, this happened to me
39:59
and I ain't told nobody but what's going on with my
40:03
childhood are? So now you're reacting right
40:07
acting because you haven't dealt with your own issue.
40:10
And so now you're reacting to 24, think of you're protecting
40:14
them because you're you instead of exposing it dealing with it,
40:20
healing from it and sending your children down and saying look
40:24
This is real out here. Yes, yeah, absolutely.
40:30
Oh wow. Wow, this has been great in.
40:36
I don't even have a question and you have covered.
40:39
Wow. Yeah.
40:41
I I Choose You Everything. Well, I tell you, I'm so
40:47
passionate about this. I'm so passionate about helping
40:53
God. People get free, get free from
40:58
this. It's for my tormented my life
41:01
for so long and to just unjust know that where was I and was, I
41:09
why did I allow this to take me captive this way?
41:13
And that's why I said, God, you know, my story For Your Glory
41:18
because people are going to get healed and they're going to say
41:22
I'm ready, I need to start. I don't have to hold on to this.
41:26
So I get so passionate that I just I just I just say God, I
41:32
know it's you because he told me the reason why you're going to
41:37
have to be vulnerable. It's because people need to see
41:41
real people. Mmm, now that you healed
41:45
yourself, this was not a self healing that God has healed and
41:51
delivered to be able to go His people.
41:56
Hmm, that's that's that's that's where I'm at and I said, you
42:02
know, I can't be like nobody else.
42:05
I just haven't you guys call me to be and whatever path he has
42:09
me on. That's the path that I want to
42:11
be on. Yes, this is so near and dear to
42:15
me and if I wasn't here Janice, I could not do this, there's no
42:20
way I wouldn't even have this in any capacity.
42:24
Cassity but exactly. If people get my vagina's get
42:29
that bull, they're gonna have my story.
42:33
Plus they're going to have prayers, they're going to have
42:36
journaling and you're going to have things that you can sit
42:39
down and start talking to your family, your children, maybe
42:43
your aunt, maybe your, I had a woman tell me her mother.
42:49
Got healed by my book. And this is a grown grown grown
42:53
woman. Wow, I have women telling me.
42:57
Thank you, thank you for writing this book.
43:01
Wow, you breaking the silence breaking, the silence breaking.
43:06
The silence breaking, a back of the devil.
43:10
Take a pic power. Yes, now don't listen to the
43:15
lies of the enemy, no more don't matter.
43:17
What happened to you, what matters is what you do.
43:19
Right. Exactly.
43:21
Is it? How can I, how can it get this
43:23
book in? They can get that book.
43:26
They can go to my website and Inna Nichelle.com and you can
43:31
order it from my website. It is also over on Amazon and
43:35
it's all over as it's in the UK said, Barnes and Noble is
43:39
everywhere. So you want to get it.
43:41
You can follow me on Facebook and we can talk or you can go
43:45
right on my website and eating the shell now come and grab you.
43:49
A copy. Yes.
43:51
And you'll thank me later for this book.
43:55
It's a book that you read and you can't put down.
44:00
It's almost like It's almost like a documentary.
44:05
You've said that you said it's like a movie.
44:08
You told me that you and and eventually, even you going to
44:15
come back to me. And tell me what door has been
44:18
open for you. Yes,
44:42
I did an interview with her. And so now I'm on their radio
44:48
show. Every Monday, they actually had
44:50
me come and speak at their church.
44:53
I think it was their anniversary for what all that they do and I
44:56
spoke to the women and the congregation.
44:58
I mean I just I just thank God for the things and the people
45:01
like you said the doors and he's opening, I'm expecting so much
45:05
more because I do know that and I believe in my heart that there
45:11
is way more work to be done when you talk about breaking the
45:15
silence. So so I'm just excited Janice
45:18
and yes, I'm definitely going to be running to you and telling
45:20
you Wow, I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you,
45:29
thank you for allowing God to use you in such a time, as this.
45:35
I mean, this is so needed and just think about how many people
45:41
would have been set free years ago if people felt free years
45:47
ago of telling their story, All the years has passed by the
45:52
guess. What if that person is you?
45:55
It's not too late, it's not too late.
45:59
Reach out to enter, Friday's she's on Facebook and as you
46:03
tell she gave you where you can get her book from.
46:06
If you can't, you can reach out to me and I'll tell you how to
46:09
get in touch with her. But if that person is you tell
46:12
yourself today, I'm going to break the silence.
46:16
I am going to be free. So many people walk.
46:19
Around low self-esteem so many things and just in bondage don't
46:25
do it yourself. Like they're trying to protect
46:28
somebody else. Break the silence in her inner
46:32
end of this was awesome. This was an awesome interview.
46:36
I know that a Shadow of Doubt because I just don't only do
46:41
these podcast twice because you know, I'm trying I was trying it
46:44
out and I see, you know, I want to have a guest once a month.
46:49
As a got every gift. I want you to give that guests
46:56
to me. Leave me if somehow to reach out
46:58
to me that's--that, don't mean, because they reach out and say
47:01
they want to be on my pockets that I'm gonna tell.
47:04
Ya know I'm gonna pray about it and make sure that this is a guy
47:09
and I know without a shadow of Doubt, God had given me you.
47:13
And I know that a shadow of a doubt that this is a God thing.
47:17
And I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you.
47:19
I appreciate Reciate you, and if you're listening to this
47:22
episode, don't just keep it to yourself.
47:25
You might not be a victim, share it.
47:29
You never know. The person that's walking
47:31
around. Smiling looking Happy on the
47:35
outside. It might be for that person.
47:37
Just continue to share because you never know.
47:41
You might. Well, I don't know anybody.
47:43
You could buy this book for somebody, you might know
47:48
somebody that Healing purchase the bull, give it to him as a
47:53
gift, that they have be a blessing because we have got to
47:58
break the silence. We have got to break this island
48:01
because it just going to keep going year after year after
48:05
year, after year. So do they share this episode?
48:10
And may God bless you and I thank you so much once again.
48:15
But I want to say to you queens and thank you for continuing to
48:19
rock. With me and I want to leave you
48:22
with this. Always tell you always try to
48:25
leave a person better than you found them.
48:29
You go and have a fantastic day, and be blessed, be blessed.
48:35
Hi Janice on our website, www.jfn.co.jp/toho order her
48:41
book, women, majoring in marriage and for more fun
48:44
content be sure to check out our Facebook group at women majoring
48:48
in their marriage. Also, if you have any questions
48:50
or would like to reach out, feel free to send us an email at the
48:54
marriage, major at gmail.com. Thanks again for tuning in and
48:58
we'll catch you in the next episode.