Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 298. They Know You're Under Pressure (And What To Do About It)

Transcript

298. They Know You're Under Pressure (And What To Do About It) · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie (2): Have you ever noticed that when pressure enters the room, people become more of who they already are?
• 0:07
  Kathie (2): Some people become calm.
• 0:09
  Kathie (2): Some people become controlling.
• 0:11
  Kathie (2): Some become angry.
• 0:12
  Kathie (2): Some become helpful.
• 0:14
  Kathie (2): Some freeze.
• 0:15
  Kathie (2): Some lead.
• 0:16
  Kathie (2): And here's what's fascinating.
• 0:18
  Kathie (2): Most people don't notice these patterns, but once you see them, you can't unsee them.
• 0:25
  Kathie (2): One of the most powerful things I teach my consulting clients is this: study pressure situations.
• 0:32
  Kathie (2): Watch people when pressure enters the room.
• 0:35
  Kathie (2): Watch a sporting event.
• 0:36
  Kathie (2): Watch a business meeting.
• 0:38
  Kathie (2): Watch a family gathering.
• 0:40
  Kathie (2): Watch an airport when flights get delayed.
• 0:42
  Kathie (2): Watch what happens when a project goes sideways.
• 0:45
  Kathie (2): Watch what happens when a leader receives bad news.
• 0:49
  Kathie (2): Watch what happens when uncertainty shows up.
• 0:54
  Kathie (2): Because pressure reveals patterns.
• 0:57
  Kathie (2): Imagine you're sitting in an office building.
• 0:59
  Kathie (2): Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off.
• 1:01
  Kathie (2): Nobody expected it.
• 1:03
  Kathie (2): Nobody planned for it.
• 1:05
  Kathie (2): Pressure enters the system.
• 1:07
  Kathie (2): Now watch.
• 1:08
  Kathie (2): One person freezes.
• 1:10
  Kathie (2): Another starts panicking.
• 1:12
  Kathie (2): Someone starts becoming irritated.
• 1:16
  Kathie (2): Someone starts blaming.
• 1:17
  Kathie (2): Someone starts giving orders.
• 1:20
  Kathie (2): Someone quietly starts helping people.
• 1:23
  Kathie (2): Someone becomes the calmest person in the room.
• 1:28
  Kathie (2): Now ask yourself this question: Who do people naturally follow?
• 1:34
  Kathie (2): Not who has the title, not who has the authority, not who sits in the biggest office.
• 1:40
  Kathie (2): Who do people naturally follow?
• 1:44
  Kathie (2): The answer is usually the person whose nervous system feels safest under pressure, and that's exactly what we're talking about in today's episode.
• 1:56
  Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.
• 1:58
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen.
• 2:00
  Kathie (2): I'm a speaker, consultant, and the author of Human Patterns Under Pressure.
• 2:06
  Kathie (2): On this podcast, we explore what pressure reveals about leadership, communication, decision-making, emotional contagion, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives long before we're aware of them.
• 2:20
  Kathie (2): Because pressure doesn't create the pattern, pressure reveals the pattern, and today we're talking about something your team already knows.
• 2:29
  Kathie (2): They know when you're under pressure.
• 2:32
  Kathie (2): Your employees know.
• 2:34
  Kathie (2): Your clients know.
• 2:35
  Kathie (2): Your spouse knows.
• 2:36
  Kathie (2): Your children know.
• 2:37
  Kathie (2): Your friends know.
• 2:39
  Kathie (2): The question isn't whether people feel your leadership, the question is, what does your leadership feel like?
• 2:48
  Kathie (2): Most people think leadership is about communication, strategy, authority, experience, and yes, those things matter, but before any of those things matter, people are asking questions they may never say out loud.
• 3:04
  Kathie (2): Can I trust this person?
• 3:06
  Kathie (2): Are they stable?
• 3:07
  Kathie (2): Do they see me?
• 3:08
  Kathie (2): Can I bring them bad news?
• 3:10
  Kathie (2): Will I be blamed?
• 3:11
  Kathie (2): Will I be supported?
• 3:13
  Kathie (2): Humans are constantly reading nervous systems.
• 3:18
  Kathie (2): We feel tension before a word is spoken.
• 3:22
  Kathie (2): We sense frustration before a conversation begins.
• 3:26
  Kathie (2): We know when someone is fully present.
• 3:29
  Kathie (2): We know when they are not.
• 3:32
  Kathie (2): That's why your team knows when you're under pressure, even if you think you're hiding it.
• 3:38
  Kathie (2): One of my favorite concepts comes from the book The Charisma Myth.
• 3:43
  Kathie (2): The author talks about three qualities that create influence: power, presence, and warmth.
• 3:50
  Kathie (2): Power is confidence.
• 3:52
  Kathie (2): Presence is being fully here.
• 3:54
  Kathie (2): Warmth is making people feel valued.
• 3:58
  Kathie (2): When all three are present, people trust you.
• 4:01
  Kathie (2): When pressure enters the room, one of those qualities often disappears first.
• 4:07
  Kathie (2): Some people lose warmth.
• 4:09
  Kathie (2): They become short with others.
• 4:11
  Kathie (2): Some lose presence.
• 4:12
  Kathie (2): Their body is in the room, but their mind is somewhere else.
• 4:17
  Kathie (2): Some lose power.
• 4:18
  Kathie (2): They begin doubting every decision they make.
• 4:21
  Kathie (2): Pressure reveals all of it, which is why awareness matters, because awareness comes before change.
• 4:31
  Kathie (2): This is also why I spend less time teaching techniques and more time teaching observation.
• 4:38
  Kathie (2): Observe pressure situations.
• 4:40
  Kathie (2): Watch how people respond.
• 4:42
  Kathie (2): Watch how leaders respond.
• 4:44
  Kathie (2): Watch how teams respond.
• 4:46
  Kathie (2): Then start observing yourself.
• 4:48
  Kathie (2): Notice what happens when you're stressed.
• 4:51
  Kathie (2): Notice what happens when you're uncertain.
• 4:54
  Kathie (2): Notice what happens when plans change.
• 4:57
  Kathie (2): Notice what happens when expectations aren't met.
• 5:00
  Kathie (2): Notice what happens when someone disagrees with you.
• 5:05
  Kathie (2): Pressure leaves clues.
• 5:07
  Kathie (2): Most people simply aren't looking for them.
• 5:10
  Kathie (2): One place this shows up all the time is micromanagement.
• 5:14
  Kathie (2): Many micromanagers are not bad people.
• 5:17
  Kathie (2): They're uncomfortable with uncertainty.
• 5:20
  Kathie (2): Pressure enters the system.
• 5:22
  Kathie (2): Control becomes the coping mechanism.
• 5:25
  Kathie (2): Over time, that response becomes automatic.
• 5:29
  Kathie (2): That's why telling someone to stop micromanaging rarely works.
• 5:33
  Kathie (2): The behavior isn't the problem.
• 5:35
  Kathie (2): The behavior is revealing the pattern underneath.
• 5:39
  Kathie (2): Awareness comes first, then understanding, then change, and this matters more than most leaders realize.
• 5:48
  Kathie (2): Imagine a CEO walking through the office.
• 5:51
  Kathie (2): They see Linda.
• 5:53
  Kathie (2): "Good morning, Linda.
• 5:54
  Kathie (2): How was your drive in today?" Simple question, but it communicates something powerful.
• 6:00
  Kathie (2): "I see you.
• 6:01
  Kathie (2): You matter." Then the same CEO sees Mike later.
• 6:06
  Kathie (2): "Hey, Mike, how's that project going?" Again, simple, but now Mike knows the CEO remembers his name, remembers what he's working on, and cares enough to ask.
• 6:19
  Kathie (2): These moments seem small, but trust is built in small moments, and trust changes everything.
• 6:28
  Kathie (2): If Linda has a difficult customer later that day, later that week, she's likely to represent the company differently because she feels connected to it.
• 6:39
  Kathie (2): If Mike encounters a problem next week, he's likely to bring it forward because he trusts leadership.
• 6:47
  Kathie (2): This isn't just about being nice either.
• 6:49
  Kathie (2): This is about communication.
• 6:51
  Kathie (2): It's about trust.
• 6:52
  Kathie (2): It's about culture.
• 6:54
  Kathie (2): It is about enterprise value.
• 6:57
  Kathie (2): Organizations become stronger when information moves freely.
• 7:02
  Kathie (2): Information moves freely when people feel safe, and people feel safe when leaders create trust, one conversation at a time, one interaction at a time, one nervous system at a time.
• 7:17
  Kathie (2): So here's the question I wanna leave you with today.
• 7:20
  Kathie (2): What does pressure reveal in you?
• 7:24
  Kathie (2): Because pressure doesn't create the pattern.
• 7:27
  Kathie (2): Pressure reveals the pattern, and once you see the pattern, you can begin to change it.
• 7:33
  Kathie (2): In an upcoming episode, we're gonna go even deeper into this conversation.
• 7:37
  Kathie (2): We're gonna explore why some people become incredibly skilled at reading pressure situations, and how growing up around dysregulated nervous systems can shape the way we experience leadership, relationships, trust, anxiety, and emotional safety.
• 7:58
  Kathie (2): All right, that's my episode for today.
• 8:00
  Kathie (2): I trust that you found it helpful.
• 8:02
  Kathie (2): I always include a blog post with every episode I do that goes deeper into this topic and includes additional resources.
• 8:12
  Kathie (2): You will find that linked in the show notes and description below, and on YouTube it'll be in the first comments.
• 8:19
  Kathie (2): Thank you for spending time with me today.
• 8:21
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen speaker, consultant, and author of Human Patterns Under Pressure, and until next time, keep observing the patterns.
• 8:31
  Kathie (2): I'll see you in the next episode.