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Bullied Nostalgia: The Witches · Bullied Nostalgia

• 0:00
  I've never seen this movie before.
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  Wait, is it from my? Past.
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  Now my nightmares have been unearthed on the riversness down
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  your broadcast. Hello everyone, it's the spooky
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  time of year, so we at the Bullied Nostalgia Podcast use
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  this as an opportunity to revisit movies that gave us
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  nightmares as kids. My name's Tim, and I'm joined by
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  Chance. Howdy.
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  Kai. Oh my God.
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  Hello. And John?
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  I'll never have a shower again. Thank you, John.
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  If you like what we do here, feel free to subscribe and or
• 0:51
  reach out. Our e-mail address is
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  bullypod@gmail.com and you can find ourmerch@redbubble.com by
• 1:01
  searching Bully Pod. Today's episode is about the
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  witches. Our plan is to revisit each of
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  our childhood traumas, but this one is on the books for the
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  Halloween season because it literally was repressed
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  nostalgia. I had forgotten all about it
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  until recently. So let's dive into it.
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  Before we talk much about this movie, you guys, do you at least
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  understand why this was traumatic to me as a kid?
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  Yeah. I would say normally this time
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  of year we make fun someone's bad choice of.
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  Nightmares or what? This was scary.
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  This was actually genuinely scary.
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  I think a child would be frightened for the rest of time
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  by this. Yeah.
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  It's scarier than your CGI monkeys from Jumanji.
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  It is objectively scary. I don't know if I'd say that.
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  It's just I don't know if this movie's trying not to be a kids
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  horror movie or not. It is trying to be horror.
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  But it's so slapstick. Yeah.
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  Okay, so I'll describe this movie a little bit and then we
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  can really get into it. This is a 1990 film based on a
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  1983 novel by Roald Dahl, though he would criticize the film as
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  its ending differed from his book, which we can talk about
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  more later if you'd like. For people who are unfamiliar
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  with Roald Dahl, he wrote tons of classics, everything from BFG
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  to James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate
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  Factory, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and more.
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  So this was definitely right for Hollywood, if that's a word.
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  All of his other stuff is getting movies.
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  Of course, this would too. But this would tragically be the
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  last movie that Jim Henson worked on before his death, and
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  Roald Dahl also passed away that same year.
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  This movie's cursed. There are definitely some cursed
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  things about. Are we sure that when they died
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  there wasn't a missing body and a mouse standing where they?
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  Jim Henson is probably in a painting somewhere.
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  Chance. That's a great segue.
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  Can you walk us through the script of this movie?
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  The movie follows Luke, whose parents are fringed right off
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  the beginning. You mean by fringed?
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  Killed off screen. Thank you.
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  Like the famous Green Lantern comic in which Green Lantern's
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  girlfriend was killed off screen early to motion.
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  So his parents are fringed real quick, and then him and his
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  grandma go to this hotel and the whole idea is that they're
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  supposed to go and enjoy the time, but they actually come
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  upon the Wiccan of all witches in London, and after a run in
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  with them, Luke is turned into a teen tiny mouse.
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  And so now it is up to Mouse Luke and his grandma to stop the
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  witches from turning all children in the world mice.
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  This movie is weird. Like really weird is.
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  A strange movie. I'll tell you what.
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  From the moment this movie started, I felt like I needed to
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  wake up. I mean, wake up to look around
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  you in the world. No, everything about it felt
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  wrong. The opening scene was like this
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  plain drone shot of some mountain.
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  Firstly, the movie never has anything to do with snow or
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  mountain. Also the camera was played at
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  like 100 times speed but there was no camera stabilization so
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  it was just constantly shaking around.
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  Oh, it's so I love it. Wake up, guy.
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  And then also the movie starts with this incredibly hard to
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  hear narration of grandma talking to her kid about all the
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  ways he could die horrifically just for like hours on end.
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  This is how you could die to a witch.
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  And then the kid goes to sleep immediately after.
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  Like that's how that kid gets nares.
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  You know what does this nail? Is strangely similar to John.
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  Is the grandma telling the little boy about these fictional
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  creatures that could kill him and all the mythology attached
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  to it? Really reminded me of Troll 2,
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  how the grandpa is telling the kid all of the evil things that
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  goblins do and disguising it as the creepiest bedtime story of
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  all time. Essentially the grandma has some
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  kind of history of her own with the witches, so that's how she
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  knows about them. It's actually a super cool take
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  on witches. I thought that was.
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  Oh, yes, yes, yes. No.
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  Sure, adjectives. Here we have a list of notes
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  about witches. Do you want me to go through
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  them? Sure.
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  So features that witches have They are bald and they wear
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  itchy wigs. They have no toes, so they wear
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  square shoes. They have human face masks,
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  purple eyes, an incredible sense of smell, and gloves.
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  This is them have human face masks.
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  That is the description that the grandmother gave at the start of
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  the movie. I wrote these down at the start
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  of the movie, so I'm assuming that all of them look like that
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  or look worse under their masks. And they hate children, but we
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  have no idea why. Well, no.
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  No, no, it's because children smell like dogs.
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  Droppings to them so they just have to get rid of the smell.
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  Is that the whole point? Do you want a world that doesn't
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  smell like dog poop? I think they equally hate
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  children and dog poop witches. They're on dog poop cleaning and
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  children. Verdure I want to say I
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  appreciate that this movie takes it from a very mythological
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  standpoint. I feel like with modern tellings
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  of stories, sometimes shows get like really bogged down trying
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  to make things make sense. Well, the greatest fairy tales
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  don't make sense at all. So I do appreciate those movies.
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  Like this is what witches are. This is what they do.
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  There's no reason why just. Watch out for them.
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  It doesn't help though that spoiler alert at the end of the
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  movie it's shown that if a witch does good things, they lose all
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  of their terrible traits. I do know.
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  What that means is that the world's smelling like dog poop.
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  That's a choice. They they don't.
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  That's their job. They decided that they wanted to
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  do that, I guess. Yes, that's to say at the very
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  end of the movie there's one witch who essentially turns to
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  the good side. And Chance was explained earlier
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  that Luke, the main character, gets turned into a mouse by the
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  witches. But this witch at the very end
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  of the movie does a good act and turns him back to a human boy
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  and. Then she loses all of her witchy
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  traits. Yes, which to be fair, Kim was
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  mentioning earlier. That's the big change that the
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  movie made from the book. In the book, Luke stayed a mouse
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  and. Then they go witch hunting as a
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  mouse. And this this idea that a witch
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  could turn good wasn't necessarily in the original book
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  which. I think is the right call
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  because that would have been such an unsatisfying ending.
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  I'm being honest. What?
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  OK, hold on. Yes, he wouldn't be a human boy
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  anymore, but did you see his cool carnival setup that he had
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  and train tracks? Racetrack was awesome.
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  Yeah, he fly in on an airplane to receive a package.
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  There's so many great toys there.
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  He's riding around in a Lego space train set and it's built
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  onto a zip line that's made out of constructs, which was a
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  building toy that I had when I was little.
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  And of course, he's staying in the Ghostbusters Firehouse toy.
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  Tons of great toys that he now gets to experience from a whole
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  different perspective. That's peak 80s cool.
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  Tim, is that to say that you would have chosen to stay a
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  mouse if you were in his shoes? The movie and the book both make
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  it very clear that he has a very shortened lifespan.
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  It depends if I was thinking like a kid or as an adult.
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  There is kid 80s fantasy there of just like playing with cool
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  toys as a smaller creature that. You think he would just be
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  really disappointed when he got turned back into a human?
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  Yeah, well, you got man in the fire hall when he grew, so
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  that's a tough toy to get back. Chance he's ended like snake
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  dying in metal. Gears all.
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  Thank you. Thank you.
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  So the head witch in this movie was played by Angelica Houston.
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  She would become famous shortly after this movie for being
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  Morticia. In the Addams Family movies she
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  is in many other things, but that would be her skyrocket to
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  fame. At the time of this movie she
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  was actually dating Jack Nicholson so he was regularly on
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  set in England being all creepy weird.
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  I'm sure Jack Nicholson has such a weird, creepy like goblin face
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  that I'm sure that that that some amount to this.
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  And of course, we've got Rowan Atkinson in this movie who would
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  become famous this year as Mr. Bean.
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  How did you guys feel about seeing someone who embodies a
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  certain character playing something completely different?
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  It was. Really weird hearing him talk.
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  Yeah, I was talking to my wife about it.
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  Something's bad. And in fact he's quite good.
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  It's just so unnerving to hear in something I'm not.
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  Used to and like the fact that he was kind of playing the
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  character that you would root against.
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  It did not feel right. Well, rooting against Kai and I
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  made some comments while watching this movie.
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  No one in this movie is likable. You are not rooting for anyone.
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  Even Luke and his grandma are not nice and they pretty much
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  blackmail the hotel to let them keep mice in their hotel room.
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  OK as like fresh sets of eyes to this movie.
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  What were your takeaways? Chance?
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  What did you like or dislike about this movie?
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  What was a surprise to you? I really appreciate anything
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  that Jim Henson does. The work is phenomenal.
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  I really love the woman playing the head, which she's given that
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  performance all she's got, and it's really entertaining.
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  To that end, though, once again, I don't know what the purpose of
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  this movie was. The movie, like Coraline, is
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  meant to be a horror movie for kids, but I don't know what the
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  intended purpose of this movie was.
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  Is it supposed to be scary? Is it supposed to be slapstick
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  times in this movie where I'm like oh this is so silly and
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  weird. Then there were other times like
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  this is genuinely hard to watch. For example, there's one scene
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  where one of the witches pushes a baby stroller with a baby in
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  it down a Cliff, hoping it'll smash and die.
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  And all the witches. Are like, oh, a baby, a baby
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  falling till it's dead, Yeah. Literally like 20 women all
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  cheering for the inevitable death of this baby.
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  Like, wow, this is hard to watch.
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  And then there's like, oh, they're turning into mice.
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  I do a funny little spin and they CG squish and shrink and
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  it's all funny enough and. Then they turn into a terrifying
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  bobble head of a creature that looks like it should never have
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  been made. Yeah, weird.
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  Real weird all around. I don't think this movie uses
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  any CG Bruno. Turns into a mouse.
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  It does. No, those are puppies, man.
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  Chance I did research. There was no technology for
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  that. Everything was practical
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  effects. You're telling me that was
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  practical effects? Yes, I wouldn't know how much.
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  Nightmare puppets. Jim Henson Company has the
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  ability to create creatures of your nightmares, as we've
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  learned from our other Muppets episodes.
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  But yeah, I make this statement when I watch Jim Henson movies.
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  Oh, I wonder when Jim Henson Company is going to be involved
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  in this movie. Because when Jim Henson puppets
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  are used, it's very obvious they go all out.
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  And so from the start of this movie, I was like, I wonder when
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  the puppets are going to be used.
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  And I kept on saying that. And I was like, oh, I think the
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  main kid, I think he's a Muppet. I think that's what's going on.
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  But eventually we reached the point where the witches are
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  having a counselor or whatever, and the main witch steps onto
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  stage. Now take off your face, take off
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  your wigs. And then she takes off her face
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  mask. It's like this horrifying
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  creature that's like a long nose of loaded skin all over the
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  place. And I'm like, yeah, that's Jim
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  Henson. But then further, when the kid
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  gets turned into a mouse, there's now a mouse puppet
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  that's really well articulated. I wasn't expecting that at all.
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  I did like that Yes. The mouse puppet was a massive
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  improvement. There's actually two boys who
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  turn into mice. Luke, the main character, and
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  then there's another boy staying at the hotel named Bruno, who's
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  the son of a wealthy couple, and Bruno's personality is that he
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  likes to eat food. I initially thought that Bruno
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  was going to get killed as soon as he was transformed into a
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  mouse to raise the stakes, but he actually became a really
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  important character alongside Luke.
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  Aren't you happy that that happened?
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  Honestly, Bruno was a lot cuter as a mouse.
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  He seemed a little bit more entitled as a human.
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  Did he do anything in this movie?
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  No. Yes.
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  Eight things. Even when he got turned into a
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  mouse, Luke did everything right.
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  Before. He would dream of love parents
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  that he was a. Mouse and then sat in a purse
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  the entire movie. Before he became a mouse, he
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  nibbled on the edge of the cookies which Luke used as
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  blackmail to lie to Rowan Atkinson and tell him that they
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  had rats in the hotel. So you tell me.
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  Necessary. Yeah, integral plot.
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  Point Interesting in like Charlie and the Chocolate
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  Factory, there's also a kid whose personality is just
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  eating. That was a big thing of the
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  time. That you would write certain
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  characters who just like to eat. Yeah, when he was first
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  introduced, I was like, oh, we did not need a Ron Weasley in
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  this, but that kind of character is in a lot of movies.
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  I would argue this movie does need a Ron Weasley because it
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  needs a single likable character, even 1.
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  Bruno, was your single likable? Character I don't know because.
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  Any of the characters in the movies are likable.
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  I found Luke. He was a bit of a timid boy
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  before, but when he turned into a mouse, he became an action
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  hero. He was like, Oh yeah, let's
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  destroy all the witches. I got this.
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  I'm super confident. Don't worry about me, Grandma.
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  I got this handled. So that felt like a little bit
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  of a character shift. What do you think about giving a
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  child 500 doses of your toxic brew?
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  I think it's frankly wasteful. It's at 5 doses and it takes
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  into effect immediately. What are the extra 495 going to
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  do? Huh.
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  And I think I was also wondering if the witches are really set on
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  killing children. This seems like a really
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  roundabout way to do it. The one which was like, I know
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  let's poison them and the head, which is like, that's a terrible
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  idea. We only use magic and so the.
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  Reason why is because then there would be bodies and they would
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  get caught if you know there were.
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  And as the bodies decay, they would stink.
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  The whole purpose is to lower the stink factor on earth.
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  We don't want stinky corpses. We don't want stinky dogs.
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  Stinky. Value.
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  What's the solution? Turn them into mice?
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  Way less stinky. But to be clear, they didn't
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  just turn children into mice, they also put them in paintings.
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  No, they put one child in a painting and then there was a
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  second painting where they erased an already drawn in
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  person out. Of and that would not be very.
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  Stinky Helen, are you trying to say that that made sense?
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  That they erased. An already drawn person out of a
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  painting? No.
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  No, but like Luigi's mansion has putting people in paintings.
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  Are you going to tell me that Luigi's mansion doesn't make
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  sense? And if you were to describe
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  wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, if you were going to describe
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  Luigi's Mansion in five words, I guarantee none of them would be
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  stinky. This is true.
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  This is true. To be clear at the start of the
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  movie grandma is much younger and her friend Erica gets
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  kidnapped by a witch and that friend eventually starts showing
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  up in her families painting in the kitchen and she ages with
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  the painting and disappears one day and.
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  Nobody about it. Yeah, this is happening.
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  And. She.
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  Dies. Yes, but Kylan, you're saying
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  this like it makes sense. Is that what the?
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  Gimmick is that witches have been around for a while so there
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  are multiple ways that they have of killing children already.
• 18:44
  OK. So this is one of the ones that
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  they use. It's basic.
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  Science. I don't think witches suddenly
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  come into existence. The maths all work out, John.
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  You buy several candy stores, put the local businesses out of
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  work, get all the kids to buy your candy, and then you lace it
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  with one to 500 doses of a toxic chemical that turns them into
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  mice. It's very odd to me that the
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  witches seem aware of the fact that the mice can speak and you
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  convert them, but also think that that's less obvious than
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  having a dead body of a child. I wouldn't make a statement
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  though that except for like mosquitoes or something, mice
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  are one of the animals. People shoot first, ask
• 19:30
  questions later. I think it's very hard to get
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  somebody to take a second and listen to the.
• 19:35
  Mouse. OK but like what if a mouse is
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  like hiding in a wall? Like they seem to have normal
• 19:39
  human voice. Yes, when it makes you furry and
• 19:42
  smaller, it does not change your vocal cords.
• 19:45
  This is simple math you guys. So the mice like 90% vocal cord.
• 19:50
  Obviously that's where they keep the rest in their tail.
• 19:54
  Did you notice that his voice went up a tiny bit after his
• 19:58
  tail got chopped? Why did they put that in the
• 20:00
  movie? They chopped this kids tail off
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  and then later he was like the butcher tried to chop my tail
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  off. He did.
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  The butcher did chop your tail off.
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  What did this kid lose? Yeah, when he got turned back.
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  Into a human head when he became a normal child again.
• 20:15
  Good question. What is wild to me?
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  Is that we never get any closure on the girl whose neck is
• 20:22
  turning into a mouse. Yeah.
• 20:24
  So. Oh.
• 20:24
  My gosh, that's a plot for. Those who don't know Mr. Bean,
• 20:29
  he's the hotel manager and he's getting his flirt on with one of
• 20:34
  his staff who's really terrified of mice.
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  But she goes in to clean the head Witch's room finds her
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  Formula 86, which is what turns children into mice, and she
• 20:45
  thinks that's a little bit of perfume, so she helps herself by
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  dabbing it on her neck. Mr. Bean goes in for a little
• 20:53
  bit of neck kiss later, only to find that she's developed fur in
• 20:57
  those spots. What do people think?
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  Happened to her after this. So we know that a bottle is 500
• 21:04
  doses and she definitely used a lot more than a few doses for
• 21:08
  that, right She. Didn't ingest it.
• 21:10
  Sure, but she did apply several doses to the outside of her
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  body, on her hands and on her neck.
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  Yes, Interesting. So I think I'll leave it at
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  that. I was watching this with Emily
• 21:22
  and she said that's weird she's using the hotel guest's perfume
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  and then I said I don't know I might use someone's perfume if
• 21:30
  they weren't around. Isn't perfume and clone like a
• 21:33
  communal thing? What do you guys think?
• 21:35
  No, I think that this movie tried, you know it.
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  And a lot of. Old movies try to enforce the
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  fact that if you do something wrong, it will come back to bite
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  you. So it's like, oh, she's
• 21:48
  stealing. So because of that, she's going
• 21:51
  to get turned into a blueberry. I mean, sorry, she's going to
• 21:53
  get turned into a mask. Wow.
• 21:55
  Really cranking at these. Roald Dahl, Yeah.
• 21:57
  I think that's just how this guy writes stuff.
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  I think John was just trying to create controversy.
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  I don't think he would actually use someone's perfume if they
• 22:05
  weren't around. You.
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  Haven't noticed not smelling like you, Tim.
• 22:09
  How do I smell John? What do I use to create this
• 22:13
  odor? So whatever's on my body right
• 22:16
  now, children. Dog poop, it's all the same.
• 22:20
  They rub children all over me. Children, that's so much worse.
• 22:26
  What do you think of this idea? Because the Gram explains that
• 22:29
  if the boy stays clean and showers, the witches can
• 22:33
  actually smell his dog poopiness better and so it's actually
• 22:37
  better for him not to shower. What did you guys feel about
• 22:39
  that? The witches are like, oh man,
• 22:41
  something stinks in here, but at least it's not a child.
• 22:46
  And like if people are considered legal adults at
• 22:49
  different ages in different countries, is the smell based on
• 22:54
  the legal age of a minor? I think it wanes.
• 22:58
  OK, so like they smelled, they tried.
• 22:59
  Putting that baby off the Cliff and they all got real excited.
• 23:03
  I think we got more. Excited.
• 23:05
  Aside that, once again, this movie's at its best when it
• 23:09
  leans into the mythology of how it doesn't work.
• 23:12
  You know, where it's like, they can smell kids.
• 23:14
  It's like, OK, what does that mean?
• 23:16
  I don't know. Are you a kid?
• 23:17
  That's all that matters. What is like art?
• 23:21
  Right now, twins and what rhythm is born right before midnight
• 23:25
  and the other one is born right after midnight legally?
• 23:29
  Would one of them mention something about a different
• 23:31
  movie real quick that might have spoils for a modern movie?
• 23:35
  Well, what's the movie? I might not want you to spoil
• 23:38
  it. OK, Do you care if I talk about
• 23:39
  weapons at all, Don? Yes, that movie just came out
• 23:43
  this week. Are you planning to watch it?
• 23:45
  Yes. OK, then I won't mention
• 23:47
  anything. I didn't know you like horror
• 23:50
  movies drawn. Yes, I do.
• 23:53
  I'm the one who doesn't. Well, John, just, you know,
• 23:55
  weapons doesn't make sense, I think is where chance is going
• 23:58
  to go with that. No, what I wanted to say.
• 24:04
  We don't go there chance so. I'm just doubling down on what I
• 24:07
  said before. I appreciate it when movies have
• 24:11
  a mythology they like to go for. So the more this movie was like,
• 24:14
  oh, they're witches, they're magic, you know, they do.
• 24:17
  Because they're magic. I.
• 24:18
  Appreciated that more. And it's like potholes.
• 24:21
  I like mythology. There's a.
• 24:23
  Difference. They also film a lot of real
• 24:26
  live mice. Yes, we mean some pretty.
• 24:28
  Wild Things and the mouse has an actual bottle tied around its
• 24:35
  tail. I tried to research if there was
• 24:38
  some animal cruelty claims but it doesn't seem like they took
• 24:41
  any heat for this movie. I.
• 24:42
  Think the mice like that actually.
• 24:44
  Oh, did they? Did you see that mouse?
• 24:46
  Going through the circuits. He didn't want to turn into.
• 24:48
  What the animal cruelty people say is I think the mouse is
• 24:52
  having a good time. You see that?
• 24:53
  Mouse riding on that airplane. You see him in that Ghostbusters
• 24:56
  house. The mice are doing stunts.
• 24:58
  They're climbing on an antennae which are falling down and.
• 25:02
  And stuff, yeah. I am impressed though with how
• 25:05
  effective the mice stunts are. Yeah.
• 25:09
  And how will they blend into that?
• 25:11
  You seen movies where dogs do stunts and it's like, wow,
• 25:14
  that's really impressive. They must have really trained
• 25:16
  those dogs. I didn't know you could train
• 25:18
  mice to this level. So I can tell you as someone who
• 25:23
  watched this movie as a child that I did not remember the mice
• 25:28
  stuff. That was not something that
• 25:31
  scarred me. The stuff that really
• 25:35
  traumatized me was all witch related.
• 25:38
  And what's funny about that is the director, Nicholas Rogue
• 25:43
  actually showed the original cut of this movie to his son, and
• 25:48
  his son was so scared that the director went back and cut all
• 25:53
  the scariest scenes. So what do you guys think is
• 25:57
  missing from this movie? I'm guessing characters who ort
• 26:02
  witches did die on. Screen.
• 26:04
  Like John mentioned, he thought Bruno was going to die.
• 26:07
  I totally foresee a cut where Bruno does actually die.
• 26:10
  Yeah, the opening story, the grandma tells Luke about her
• 26:15
  friend, and it shows this little girl walking down an alley,
• 26:18
  getting kidnapped by a witch and putting for a meeting.
• 26:22
  And I'm just like, Oh my goodness.
• 26:24
  As a child, you're thinking really nice ladies cannot be
• 26:29
  trusted. If they have gloves or wigs or
• 26:32
  itch or pinch their nose. I have to make sure that I don't
• 26:36
  shower or else they'll find me. What if they have purple in
• 26:39
  their eyes? If I'm eating a chocolate given
• 26:42
  to me, could that possibly have this formula on it?
• 26:45
  John, I won't fully agree with you right now.
• 26:48
  However, starting this movie, the grandma is like, these
• 26:51
  witches are super subtle. You have to have a teen eye or
• 26:55
  you won't even notice that they're there.
• 26:57
  Cut 10 minutes later and this the kid is playing in the
• 27:00
  treehouse and then a woman walks up and she was like, hello
• 27:03
  there, child. She takes up her sunglasses and
• 27:07
  her eyes are like beacons of purple light.
• 27:10
  Would you happen to like my bar? He's.
• 27:14
  Like would you like a kid like the?
• 27:16
  Kid shakes his head and she was like, OK, what am I Snake?
• 27:20
  This is the most subtle witch. In the world.
• 27:24
  She knows what dreams this point of all.
• 27:26
  Time and then the kid starts calling out to his grandma and
• 27:30
  they were just like she can't hear.
• 27:32
  You bitches have been doing it wrong.
• 27:35
  They need to intimidate children.
• 27:37
  This movie definitely reiterated this whole stranger danger child
• 27:44
  abduction mentality that was really heavy when we were kids.
• 27:48
  Don't take candy from a stranger.
• 27:50
  But I can tell you this for certain John.
• 27:53
  After this movie I checked so many women for Purple Eye.
• 28:01
  That was like my number one take away from this movie.
• 28:05
  Every person I would meet what color are their eyes getting?
• 28:08
  Close enough, Figure it out, then you're safe.
• 28:11
  For what? Maybe that was counterintuitive.
• 28:14
  Oh, they don't have purple eyes? I'll take their candy and jump
• 28:17
  in their car. So Tim, you would have been like
• 28:20
  7 or 8 when this movie came out. Did you legitimate?
• 28:24
  Like, is this one of these things where you know it's not
• 28:28
  true that there are these witches, but you're still maybe
• 28:31
  a little bit scared? Or were you fully bought in that
• 28:34
  this was real? Evil ladies having purple eyes.
• 28:38
  That definitely impacted me. I was not a confident and scare
• 28:44
  proof child. My nightmares were pretty
• 28:47
  infamous as a kid. You know, even still as an
• 28:50
  adult, there's those times when you have a dream that is just
• 28:54
  close enough to reality that when you wake up, you're like,
• 28:58
  oh, wait, what is reality? And you start to question what
• 29:01
  of that dream could have happened.
• 29:04
  And you identify, OK, this is real.
• 29:06
  This isn't, this is fiction. This is something my brain just
• 29:10
  made-up. I didn't have the logic
• 29:13
  mechanisms in place. At 7 years old.
• 29:16
  I knew this was a fictional movie, but there was enough here
• 29:21
  that I was like, I'm probably not going to get turned into
• 29:24
  mice, but every good story is based on some amount of truth.
• 29:29
  I got to find these purple eyed women.
• 29:32
  When we were first watching this movie, I was like, I wonder what
• 29:35
  kind of movie this is? And then she's telling the story
• 29:37
  about her friend who was taken by the witches, and it shows her
• 29:40
  walking down the. Alleyway, Oh I.
• 29:42
  Wonder what's going to happen, what magic is going to occur?
• 29:45
  Like some windows are going to shut on their own or that kind
• 29:48
  of thing. And then the woman just comes
• 29:49
  out and grabs her through the alleyway.
• 29:52
  I was like, oh, that's not a witch, that's a child pregnant.
• 29:55
  That's what's happening right now.
• 29:56
  It's like, I was so baffled by how just like boots on the
• 30:00
  ground, take the kid by force. They really came into this movie
• 30:04
  not knowing at all what I was getting into.
• 30:07
  These witches, they don't trust any of that fancy, fancy magic.
• 30:11
  They deal with everything with their hands.
• 30:13
  And lasers. And laser beams.
• 30:15
  Yes they do. Laser beams.
• 30:16
  Simplest magic in the world. Crushing mice with their heels?
• 30:20
  That's not even magic at all. And paintings, which I don't.
• 30:23
  I don't know how painting. It was mentioned earlier how
• 30:25
  people liked the acting of the head witch, but legit that whole
• 30:30
  room of witches seriously did such a good job.
• 30:33
  They were all so over the top. And all of them were women.
• 30:38
  Well, there were definitely some men dressed up because I think
• 30:41
  they were short on female actresses.
• 30:44
  Those men were giving it, though.
• 30:46
  They were. Yeah, the messaging of this
• 30:48
  movie really coincides well with our messaging of lookout for
• 30:54
  weirdos. Lookout for the woman with
• 30:56
  purple eyes, gloves square. Shoes.
• 30:59
  Wigs. Yeah, that's the asterisks after
• 31:02
  weirdos. That's just, yeah, everything
• 31:04
  that it entails. This is what a weirdo is.
• 31:06
  It's your longer witches. Lookout for witches.
• 31:09
  What did people think about grandma?
• 31:11
  She's a terrible human being. The entire movie threw I was
• 31:16
  like, man, I do not like this woman.
• 31:18
  She had a. Cigar.
• 31:20
  That's as cool as it gets. So.
• 31:23
  Grandma. Is prone to randomly pass out,
• 31:27
  and I believe it's because, yeah, diabetes.
• 31:30
  There is a point in the movie where she athletes a hotel owner
• 31:34
  where she pours soup on a table and is like, yeah, I'm crazy.
• 31:39
  It's just terrible human being. I take back what I said, Grandma
• 31:43
  is the best. Poured soup on that table for no
• 31:47
  reason. I was thinking she was going to
• 31:49
  be like, don't drink that soup, there's mice in the kitchen.
• 31:52
  The wife is afraid of mice. But no, instead she's going to
• 31:55
  pour the soup on the table and be like, I'm crazy.
• 31:58
  I believe in wishes. I guess that's to say, too, that
• 32:01
  the way they defeat all the witches in the end is that they
• 32:04
  pour this mouse formula into the soup that all the witches are
• 32:09
  eating. Tim, when these witches eat the
• 32:12
  soup, there's something that comes out of their bodies.
• 32:16
  What is that? John, methane gas is invisible.
• 32:20
  No way it's invisible. The room turns green.
• 32:23
  No chance he's making a fart joke.
• 32:26
  He's trying, oh, a fart. Were they farting?
• 32:29
  Only if you. Those are the guys, John.
• 32:32
  Methane gas is invisible and also the hotel staff was not
• 32:36
  concerned about the green gas so.
• 32:39
  How? Are they?
• 32:40
  Concerned about the green gas? By the way, you're waiting all
• 32:43
  these elderly women and the women start belching green gas
• 32:47
  and vanishing, and then 70 mice are in their place.
• 32:52
  Some of the green gas was coming out of their.
• 32:54
  The mice when you squish them also splatter green.
• 32:57
  Yep. Very.
• 32:58
  Green like fluorescent green Gatorade.
• 33:02
  Nickelodeon slime. It is green.
• 33:04
  It is Nickelodeon slime. That's a good. 1 turtle green.
• 33:10
  This movie in German is titled Hexen Hexen, which translates.
• 33:18
  Hexen. To witches practice witchcraft,
• 33:21
  and I just think that's a fun name for a movie.
• 33:25
  That's accurate. Title.
• 33:26
  That's accurate. Yes they do.
• 33:30
  I agree they can put out with me.
• 33:31
  I think that might be the best. Title.
• 33:33
  Ever. Not only does it sound cool,
• 33:35
  it's also entirely accurate. We should rename our podcast to
• 33:39
  people watching Stuff. I actually felt like this was
• 33:45
  the kind of story that would lend itself well to a sequel
• 33:48
  because there's. No way that all the witches
• 33:51
  died. Well, and they get the little
• 33:53
  notebook. This is just the witches in
• 33:55
  England that died but they found the notebook of witches in
• 33:58
  America and so I think be a cool sequel for the grandma and Luke
• 34:01
  to go hunt some more witches and the head witch's death in this
• 34:05
  movie was off screen and not super concrete.
• 34:09
  They also. Made a big deal about her
• 34:11
  turning into a mouse that was. Never dealt with.
• 34:13
  Kind of sad that Luke got turned back because I really wanted to
• 34:18
  watch Fivefold Ghost Witch Hunting.
• 34:23
  Yeah, yeah. Bible in the Salem witch Trials.
• 34:27
  I absolutely want to see a mouse with a shotgun.
• 34:29
  Now, yeah, that would have been the best possible outcome.
• 34:32
  Roald Dahl's ghost. Hit me up, I'll write it.
• 34:36
  I'll write it. I need some.
• 34:37
  Divine intervention, but I can do it.
• 34:40
  So maybe let's hop over to closing John.
• 34:44
  Tell me how you feel about my repressed nostalgia.
• 34:49
  This was actually a real treat for me.
• 34:51
  This movie has 96% on Rotten Tomatoes.
• 34:54
  That honestly for good reason. Like it's a really cool story.
• 35:00
  I had never read that book as a kid but the story the world is
• 35:04
  neat. I really like how the witches
• 35:06
  work. I think there was just enough
• 35:09
  80s early 90s cheesiness in the delivery that was fun but also
• 35:13
  just a well told story. The Muppets and some of the
• 35:17
  acting was a ton of fun and if I had seen that as a kid I would
• 35:21
  have been really scared about being kidnapped ending up in my
• 35:24
  parents. Not right now.
• 35:26
  No, no, now that I watch horror movies on the regular, which has
• 35:30
  got nothing on me. He hasn't been bathing.
• 35:33
  He knows Tim, I didn't write a love letter for this one.
• 35:37
  Fair. But I did go to mom and I told
• 35:40
  her about the movie that you had watched and she wasn't aware
• 35:44
  that you had seen in this movie. So I did request that she write
• 35:48
  a letter expressing how she felt about you watching this movie,
• 35:52
  but she declined to write 1. That's probably for the best
• 35:56
  because Mom has some severe revisionist history baked into
• 36:03
  all of our days now, so I I would not have been surprised if
• 36:08
  we saw this in theaters with her.
• 36:11
  So it's probably for the best that she didn't make me OK the
• 36:15
  villain for seeing this to. Be fair, I do not think that
• 36:18
  she'd take you to a movie called The Witches.
• 36:22
  To. Be fair, this was when you were
• 36:25
  just born. You don't know that version of
• 36:28
  Mom. The version who wouldn't let you
• 36:31
  own bad guy toys, correct. OK.
• 36:34
  So overall? Really good.
• 36:36
  Thanks. Kai, how do you feel about my
• 36:39
  repressed nostalgia? The movie was, in fact,
• 36:42
  surprisingly better than I thought.
• 36:45
  We've already addressed the biggest issue in that the
• 36:48
  characters are not likable. And I think the moment that you
• 36:51
  add likable characters to a movie like this, that's a recipe
• 36:54
  for a much better movie. I also think that there's a lot
• 36:57
  of like, Chekhov stuff that never gets dealt with the entire
• 37:01
  movie. They're forcing these hotel
• 37:03
  owners to set up mouse traps and then the mice are like step in
• 37:07
  the mousetrap and then that's the only time they interact with
• 37:10
  like I. Don't know in a movie.
• 37:11
  With. Mr. Bean, no one steps in a
• 37:14
  mousetrap. And even like the witches when
• 37:17
  they turn into mice just get stomped to death.
• 37:20
  Boring. Or stabbed with a giant butcher
• 37:23
  knife. Yeah.
• 37:24
  But yeah, that's all I have to say.
• 37:25
  I think it was pretty good. Chancellor.
• 37:28
  Here's the thing with this movie, I think it suffers with
• 37:32
  some real identity issues. When you mentioned that a lot of
• 37:37
  stuff got cut because it was too scary, I could see how.
• 37:41
  That. Causes some real issues I'm
• 37:44
  going to do what John does and talk about a reality show I'm
• 37:46
  watching my wife and I really love a show called face off
• 37:51
  which is about visual effects artists people who do
• 37:54
  prosthetics like for a movie like this actually and one of
• 37:58
  the main thing on the show that people get critiqued for or
• 38:01
  often cost them is not having a good concept because if you
• 38:05
  don't have a good idea of what you're trying to do ultimately
• 38:08
  even if you do it technically sound you're not going to do
• 38:11
  anything interesting and this movie really suffers from that
• 38:14
  because as I was watching it the whole.
• 38:16
  Time I was like, I don't. Know what kind of movie this is
• 38:18
  trying to be? Is this trying to be an
• 38:21
  interesting Jim Henson Fraggle Rock Weird stuff with the real
• 38:26
  world? Is it trying to be a scary movie
• 38:28
  for kids? Or is it trying to be slapstick
• 38:32
  in its silliness about a kid who turns into a mouse and bites off
• 38:36
  big ghouls? So I think this movie really is
• 38:38
  the opportunity to be special. But because, as you mentioned,
• 38:42
  that a lot of it was cut for being too scary, I feel like
• 38:45
  this movie dilutes itself with ambiguity.
• 38:48
  So I think this could very easily be something like a four.
• 38:51
  But I think I'm going to give this one a -3 OK.
• 38:55
  I think it has some good notes. It's interesting to make fun of
• 38:58
  it. I think it possibly could even
• 39:00
  be good, but it's held back. That being said, there are some
• 39:04
  parts I do enjoy making fun of it given a -3.
• 39:07
  For people who don't remember or who are new listeners, the way
• 39:12
  Chances Scale works is he gives movies scores anywhere from -5
• 39:19
  to plus five -5 being so bad it's good and five being so good
• 39:26
  it's good. And so the closer you are to A5
• 39:29
  in either direction tells you how much you'd enjoy that movie.
• 39:33
  You really want to be as far away from zero as possible, so a
• 39:37
  -3 seems like a worthwhile watch is what Chance is saying here.
• 39:43
  Yeah, I would say that 100% if you watch this movie, you will
• 39:46
  have a good time. Yeah, so for me, I don't even
• 39:50
  know what it was. Sometime in the last year or so,
• 39:54
  the witches just landed in my lap again and this flood of
• 40:00
  memories came back to me of me checking random women's eyes.
• 40:06
  The Color Purple, which must have been very strange to mom
• 40:11
  and dad. Like this was happening on all
• 40:16
  your dates too. No, John, Mom and dad are not on
• 40:21
  my dates. I mean, as a child they would
• 40:24
  introduce friends of the family or whatever and I'd be in there
• 40:29
  nonchalantly trying to check their eye color.
• 40:33
  Very traumatic for me, obviously.
• 40:35
  And mom wouldn't give a comment, so you know that means she's
• 40:39
  real upset. I you know if I wasn't happily
• 40:44
  married and I had a dating profile I might put preferred
• 40:48
  not purple eyes just to see if someone will catch my witches
• 40:51
  reference. Interesting.
• 40:55
  Would that be like a positive fact about a person?
• 40:58
  Yeah. Ohh, you know the witches Or ohh
• 41:01
  you know the witches? We didn't really speak to it,
• 41:05
  but another movie got made and I think it was 2020.
• 41:08
  Yes, with. And I was supposed to go to
• 41:10
  theaters and Anne Hathaway was playing the head witch this time
• 41:13
  around. But then the pandemic happened
• 41:16
  and it went straight to HBO Max. And I have not watched it, so I
• 41:20
  cannot tell you if it succeeds in the areas that Chance was
• 41:24
  concerned about, if it knows its identity or not.
• 41:28
  Everyone's just trying to weaponize your nostalgia now,
• 41:31
  even your repressed nostalgias. So yeah, with that, we should
• 41:37
  chat a tiny bit about upcoming things.
• 41:41
  As we've mentioned in recent episodes, episode 50 is right
• 41:46
  around the corner, so please hop over to one of our socials and
• 41:54
  click the link to vote for what your favorite episodes have
• 42:00
  been. It's a head to head format, so
• 42:03
  you only need to pick between two episodes which one you liked
• 42:07
  more. If you don't have feelings on
• 42:09
  either episode or you didn't hear either of them, you can
• 42:11
  just skip to the next one and we'll try and share the data in
• 42:17
  our 50th episode. And our next episode, as far as
• 42:22
  we know, will be the Chipmunk Adventure, which is one of my
• 42:27
  all time faves. I'm actually excited to go back
• 42:31
  to this one. Does anybody have anything they
• 42:34
  want to say before we close? Tim, where's the best place to
• 42:36
  watch the Chipmunk adventure? It is not available for
• 42:41
  streaming on the traditional sites, so a person may need to
• 42:48
  rent or purchase it for viewing unfortunately.
• 42:51
  But I can tell you straight up, it's a great movie.
• 42:56
  It'll have a great time. It's worth the $5 if you've got
• 42:59
  to rent it. OK, look out for weirdos with
• 43:02
  chocolates and snakes and purple eyes.
• 43:05
  Look out for witches. Look out for witches.
• 43:08
  Look out for weirdos with square shoes and itchy scalps, and
• 43:13
  suspect paintings that happened to have a friend of yours in
• 43:16
  them. It's true, true, true, true,
• 43:18
  even if that friend is still also alive.
• 43:21
  And that's just like a painting that they got somebody to.
• 43:23
  Look out for weirdos who own the only candy shop in town or have
• 43:28
  a monopoly of candy shops. And who want to give you their
• 43:31
  candy for free? And who have beaks with human
• 43:34
  faces? Is true, is true all.
• 43:37
  Right. Is that it?
• 43:38
  I can't think of anything else. Praise Beethoven.
• 43:41
  Praise Beethoven. Darn it, so close.
• 43:45
  Don't forget to breathe in and out.