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Narcissists Get Worse As They Get Older · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So stop waiting around for a narcissist to grow up because
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  the older a narcissist gets, the worst they get.
• 0:08
  That's what we're tackling today in the video.
• 0:10
  Y'all waiting around for your narcissistic partner or ex or
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  whatever, whoever they are in your life to grow up and change
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  their behaviors. Maybe when they get 25 or 30.
• 0:19
  You know, the the brain doesn't fully develop until they're 25
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  with your, your, your husband's 47.
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  Well, 25 in dog years. You see what I'm saying?
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  But this literally what we're talking about today, Y'all, how
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  narcissistic people, toxic people never ever get better
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  with age as they grow up. Well, most of them.
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  Let's keep let's keep it hot and ready, y'all.
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  Most narcissists don't get better with age.
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  And when I look, when I say the word most, I don't need y'all
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  hopping in my comment section saying, well, Lee, you or just
• 0:51
  like Lee, you gave me hope. But my part is going to change
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  their behaviors that they're going to grow up and be better,
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  that they're going to change and do all this and do all that.
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  I'm like, look, I didn't say that.
• 1:02
  You didn't hear me say that either now, did you?
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  No good, good, we got it. But this seriously out because a
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  lot of people will say a lot of people will take it that way,
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  right? There's a lot of people out
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  there that will hear me say like the narcissist never that most
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  narcissists never get better age.
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  They'll take that and run with it like it's the gospel.
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  Like OK Lee gave me hope. He said most not all.
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  So mine, maybe mine, maybe my narcissistic partner will fall
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  into the most category, not the every single one of them
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  category. No y'all don't stick around
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  waiting for them to grow up. Ask yourself if you've already
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  given this person like 5-10 fifteen years to change their
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  behaviors, to grow up because they've been, they've been
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  acting immature because they've been treating you horribly for
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  5/10/15 twenty years. What?
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  What makes you think that they're going to change their
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  behaviors now? Because false hope, misplaced
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  hope is a dangerous thing. Y'all dangerous?
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  I'm not. Look, I'm not even joking.
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  Misplaced hope is a dangerous thing because so many people get
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  caught up in it. So many people get get tied up
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  in this space right here where they think this is like if I
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  keep hoping or I keep praying, like if I just stay strong, like
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  stay, if I stick around, that they're going to change their
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  behaviors for me, that they're going to be better for the kids,
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  that they're going to be better for this, be better for that.
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  No, y'all, it does not work that way.
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  I promise you once they get set in their ways, you know, even
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  even non narcissists, once they get set in their ways, this is
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  who they're going to be. And this is not me trying to be
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  like, well, no, no, once they get set in their ways, this is
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  who they're going to be. You have, you probably have an
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  older grandparent that is just set in their ways that refuses
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  to take accountability, that refuses to do anything outside
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  of what makes them comfortable. You probably have a parent just
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  like that, right? So in that space, when you're
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  dealing with somebody that has that mindset, you probably
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  understand exactly what I'm saying, right?
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  You understand exactly what I'm saying, that they don't get
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  better with age. And a lot of times they get
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  nastier because the, the aging narcissist is afraid of passing
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  away, right? Like when a narcissist is young,
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  a narcissistic person is younger, they don't think about
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  it. That doesn't cross their mind.
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  Like, OK, I'm cool. I'm, I'm, I'm going to live
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  forever, right? You're doing all kinds of
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  things. They're going above and beyond
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  their risk takers, right? They're jumping out of
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  airplanes. They're doing whatever, right?
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  Not every single one of them, but as they get older and they
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  might lose someone close to them or like somebody close to them
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  might pass away or whatever the case may be, get hurt, get
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  injured. Now that fear starts to kick in.
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  Now when they get older, they start to treat you differently
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  because they feel like they haven't accomplished everything
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  that they've wanted to in life, right?
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  So in this situation right here, because they feel like they
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  haven't accomplished everything, they're going to start taking it
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  out on you. They, because they're going to
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  blame you for that, for holding them back, blame you for having
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  kids or getting them, getting them pregnant, blame you for
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  them not taking that job, blame you for them not graduating high
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  school or college, whatever. Blame you.
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  It's all going to somehow wrap it back around and absolutely be
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  your fault. And that sucks when you're
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  dealing with somebody like this. That sucks when you're trying to
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  make things, you're trying to make sense of everything with a
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  person like this, right? It really, really does because
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  this person is not going to change their behaviors
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  overnight. Like this is absolutely who
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  they're going to be. And it absolutely sucks when
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  you're like you as a human being are trying to make sense of it
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  all. You like, man, what the hell is
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  going on here? Like, can I like please, like
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  you tell your friends, you tell your family members that your
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  partner is like a baby in a grown person's body, like a
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  toddler and a grown person's body and they'll be like, just
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  give them time. You know how it is.
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  Then you got to give them time to grow up.
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  You got to give them time. Give them time, give them time.
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  How much more time are you willing to give them, right?
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  Because you get to a certain point where you're going to feel
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  like you're wasting your time. And you know, time is a limited
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  resource, like time is unreplenishable.
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  I'll let you. Father Time is undefeated,
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  right? Father Time about knocking me
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  out. The other day I pulled my
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  hamstring out there running on the track, 40.
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  I'm 40, but this neither here nor there.
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  I say that all that, I say all that to say this, y'all?
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  When you're dealing with somebody who doesn't put you
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  first, when you're dealing with somebody who doesn't seem to
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  care about how you feel or what you're going through or what
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  you're processing, even if they're 40506070 years old, what
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  are you telling yourself that makes you think that this person
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  is going to do anything differently?
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  What are you telling yourself in your mind that is making you
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  think that this person is going to somehow flip the switch and
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  treat you better because you love them, because you go to
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  church, because you pray for them?
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  That doesn't mean like faith without works is dead.
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  You have the faith. They're not putting the work in,
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  right? You could have all the faiths in
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  the world, but if they're, if they're not putting the work in,
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  what are we doing here? You see what I'm saying?
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  Because in the mind of a narcissist, I'm always going to
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  put myself first. I really, really am.
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  I'm even the older I get, the more selfish that I can become.
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  Yes, I have a fear of being alone.
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  Yes, I have a fear of of getting sick.
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  Yes, I have a fear of getting hurt.
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  Yes, I have all these fears that are absolutely palpable fears,
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  right? Have all these fears.
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  But it's just like in my mind, I just feel like I don't want to
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  go away. So I'm going to start acting
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  irrational. My behaviors are going to get
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  worse when I actually have the resolute fear of passing away,
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  when I have the resolute fear of death or just getting older or
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  just, you know, just not being here anymore.
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  Just like seriously. So why would I change my
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  behaviors for the better? I know some people are just
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  like, well, Lee, that makes that you.
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  That means you should change it. If you have a fear of passed
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  away, you need to get right with the Lord.
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  I'm getting right with the Lord. I'm just telling the most
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  narcissistic people don't feel the need to do that because why
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  would we? If we have people that we feel
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  like are going to always be around us, then hell yeah, We,
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  we always going to, we're going to do what we want to do.
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  We're going to behave how we want to behave, even if it's
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  outside the parameters of like, normal behavior.
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  Seriously, even if it's outside the parameters of normal
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  behavior, I'm still going to do it because it benefits me.
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  You see what I'm saying? But this is what you have to
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  deal with. This is what you have to deal
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  with when you have a narcissistic abusive person in
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  your life that is refusing to hear you through, that is
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  refusing to change the behavior, that is refusing to grow up in
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  any way, shape or form. They're just putting it
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  straight. They're just to leave.
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  Straight up straightforward. I'm not going to change who I am
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  to fit anyone else. So if you want me to, if you
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  want change, then you have to seek it elsewhere.
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  And they'll threaten you and they'll tell you to leave, but
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  then you leave. They'll lose their damn minds.
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  I had a woman the other day I did a one-on-one with right.
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  I still do those over Zoom mental illness.net.
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  And she was saying to her, she was in her like literally about
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  to get divorced in her late 60s. She was like, yeah, he'd never
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  thought I was going to leave and I'm just tired.
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  She's like, he's grumpy, he's angry as hell.
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  He's he's getting physically abusive.
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  Like he didn't used to be physically abusive.
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  Now he's throwing things at me. Now he's putting his hands on
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  me. He's trying to trying to put his
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  hands around my throat. I'm and I'm divorcing him and
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  he's angry and something I'm divorcing her.
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  He's like, how you going to let me go through this by myself at
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  the end of my life? You know, how you going to let
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  me do this? How you going to do this to me?
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  Still about him. He's making it about him on the
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  way out, even on her way out the door, he's making it about him.
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  What if I get sick? What if I do this?
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  She's like, well, you were on your own.
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  You should have thought about that before you start being
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  physically abusive. You said, well, you should have
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  talked about that before you made me.
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  You made me be physically abusive.
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  You made me do this. You made me do it.
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  Still blaming her to the very end, like she's on her way out
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  the door. He still put it on to her and
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  he's just thinking that that will work because it has before
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  trying to make her feel guilty and things like that.
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  That's what ends up happening. Like narcissistic people take
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  their fears and their anger, their internal fears and their
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  internal anger, they take it out on you.
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  You will feel the wrath of a, of a, of a, an aging narcissist.
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  That's just the way it goes. And again, this is not me just
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  trying to make it be all Mr. Doom and Gloom because that's
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  not what I'm all about. But this is what happens.
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  Like they do not get better as they get older.
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  Most don't. There's a on the on the off
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  chance that you have a narcissist who's not full blown
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  down the spectrum psychopath on the off chance could they get go
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  to therapy and absolutely work on themselves?
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  Yeah, I'm not putting it past putting it past some people.
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  But don't let the fact that I said that make you stay longer
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  because ask yourself this right here.
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  What? Like seriously ask yourself this
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  question right here before you decide to stay, before you
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  decide to take some type of hope from this video, ask yourself
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  this question right here. What, what has this person done
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  in the past that has shown you that shown you that they can be
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  consistent with anything other than consistently abusive or
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  neglectful? Seriously consistent.
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  And when I say consistent with something, it has to be
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  something that doesn't benefit them directly, something that
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  benefits somebody else. When have you seen them do
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  something consistent to better the to better the world around
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  them and not for selfless reasons.
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  Well, lately I watched them give to charity.
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  OK, cool that this is amazing. But most times they're doing it
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  for themselves to get a high off of it, right?
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  There's they're getting narcissistic supply by going by
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  donating to charity and some some things like that.
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  So this thing, that's something you have to consider, y'all,
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  when you're dealing with this type of person, that somebody
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  has this type of mentality and whatnot, they don't get better
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  if they go, they get nastier because they feel like they're
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  losing their looks. They feel like they can't get
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  the narcissistic supply that they used to get.
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  They're going to start losing their minds.
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  I promise you, once they feel like the narcissistic supply
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  that they used to get is gone or they can't get it as frequently
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  as they used to, they're going to lose their minds and they're
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  going to start being angry and they're going to try to flip to
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  getting supply from being torturous or sadistic.
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  Yeah, there are some narcissists who start getting being
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  torturous and sadistic to their partners or their kids or
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  whoever it is around them, their caretakers, because that's how
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  they get supply Now. They become damn near evil to
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  get narcissistic supply from whoever it is around them.
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  So if you know, if you're around that narcissist and you're
• 11:04
  dealing with this type of person, just be careful.
• 11:06
  Y'all, maybe with y'all who made it to the end of this video.
• 11:09
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• 11:11
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• 11:15
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• 11:17
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