Latest / Dear Chelsea / Keeping the Tags On with Atsuko Okatsuka

Transcript

Keeping the Tags On with Atsuko Okatsuka · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Oh hate Chelsea. I was with my sister
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: in San Francisco, caretaking for her because she had that
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: surgical procedure. Oh my god. I was such a good nurse.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, yeah, she has this huge scar
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: down her back which was really gnarly, and I was
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: like listen. I was up there for ten days over Thanksgiving,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: in between my tour dates, and I was able to
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: like be there for her, which was very meaningful. But
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: right away I was like, let's get into some physical therapy.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Like I brought bands, I had my like pilates ring,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I had like very light weights. She's like, Chelsea. They
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: told me not to do anything for six to eight weeks,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: like you're not a doctor. I'm like, bitch, I am
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: a fucking doctor. And until the physical therapist, because we
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: had to wait to find a pt that could come.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: She was gonna wait a month to go to physical therapy.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Finally I found, you know, through my assistant. She found
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: somebody to come over to her apartment. Right away gave
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: her every single exercise that I gave her. The physical
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: therapist is like, now you do, and she's looking at me.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: She goes, oh my god, you are a doctor, And
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I was like, I am a doctor, Simone, Okay, you
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: need to follow my lead. You need to keep your
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: at moving at all times. That's how you gain strength.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: That's why they make you like get up after you know,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: six hours after the worst, most gnarly surgeries. They make
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: you You've got to get up right away. It's not
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: like forty years ago, you know what I mean, Like,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: you have to build strength. And we'd go for walks
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: each day. We would add a thousand steps and by
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: the time I left, we walked over the Golden Gate
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Bridge together and Shoppy, oh my god. Yeah, she was
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: in great shape. She's like, wow, you really know what
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you're talking about. I was like, yeah, I do. She's
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: a medical professional everyone, and I know you have a
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: cold this week. But we actually recorded most of this
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: episode with Otsko a few weeks ago when we were
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: all in the throes of midterm elections. Uh, Chelsea, I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: have a time sensitive question that I wanted to get
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: your opinion on. So Karen sent us an email. She's
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: thirty four, she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest child
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: of a mildly dysfunctional family and have two older sisters
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: forty and forty five, respectively, and an older brother. All
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: my siblings are married with children, and I'm the KIANTI
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: to eight nieces and nephews ranging an age from eighteen
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: down to two. I'm in need of your perspective and advice.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: My brother and sister in law just sent out an
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: email to myself and my two sisters stating how that
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: now that their oldest is eighteen, they don't want us
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: giving presents to her for Christmas or birthdays. They said,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: we have to stop giving gifts at some point. I
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: disagree and replied, stating that I think gift giving is
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the voluntary choice of the giver, and so if they
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: don't want to give anything, don't. But you can't tell
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: me not to, especially about giving a gift to another adult,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: even if they are your child. It's been over a
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: week and it's radio silence on the group email, no replies,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: but I know that she has since started side messages
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: with each of my sisters. I've come to terms with
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: my place in the family and the fact that I'm
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: given less credibility because I'm unmarried with no children, even
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: though I'm an independently successful woman in a high powered career,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: my own mortgage, retirement savings, and have traveled the world.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: But what do I know? I'm not sure how to
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: go forward with Christmas? This here. I love giving a
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: good gift and seeing the joy on someone's face when
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: you nail it. I don't want it to feel like
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I'm punishing my brother's kids by not giving a gift
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: to them either, since that would only be fair. What
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: should I do, though? Do I give nothing to everyone?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Do I leave one out or three out? Do I
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: give extra presents to spite my sister in law? Do
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I make a donation in their name or buy them
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: therapy sessions to unpack their childhood? Help? As a fellow youngest?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: What do I do? I'm at a loss. Karen, Oh, Karen,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: do your thing, Get your gifts for all of your
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: nieces and nephews. Don't overdo it. Just do what you
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: would normally do. Nobody can control whether or not you
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: give a gift to somebody else. That's their prerogative. If
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: they don't want to give the gift to their eighteen
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: year old kid, you're that You're an aunt, that's your specialty.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: That's what we're here for, is gift giving, so keep
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: continuing to do that. I co sign exactly give those gifts. Amen.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: But anyway, this episode is exciting. We take this episode earlier,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: you guys. It's with one of my favorite Comedianssko Okotska,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: who's special is now available to stream on HBO called
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: the Instruder, and she's our guest today and she's fucking funny.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So get ready Otsko Okotska, everybody say it three times,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Katsko cut Scott, thank you, Chesse. You know what it is.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: It's actually Chelsea, It's it isn't my yarka. Do you
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: all remember it is? It's Chelsea. That's that's like they
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: always have to add like a little flare right. Well,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: my my German grandmother used to call me Chelsei and
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I fucking hated that pronunciation. I mean she sounded like
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: such a Nazi every time she said it. Nine yeah,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: nine is no in German. How's the Spanish going? Thank
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: you for asking? Actually, yeah, pay attention, and you know
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: what it is. When you know Otsko Kotska, it's just
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: like so different than than Spanish. And I'm like, oh,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: maybe she's got Spanish brain. Well that's a great use,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: but no, I mean, I've been taking Spanish lessons again.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: My Spanish is getting very good, actually not very good,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: but like my Bell now speaks to me only in
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Spanish and I understand of what she's saying rather than
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: it used to be. And now I can speak in
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: the past tense, which I learned through my tutor. So
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: it's developing, and I'm just going to keep my practice
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: in my books every day like a little girl. Well
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: not every day, but like once a week I do
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: my workbook for my homework for my Spanish class. So
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: it feels good. Like I like to learn, you know,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: and I'm so into language, so it's perfect. And my
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Bell is like I was talking to her about like
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: pronunciations and she was like, oh, you know, you don't
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: say that in Mexico and I'm like, well, no offense,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: but like I'm using this for Spain and she's like, well,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I just only know it in slang, and I'm like, well,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: no offense either, but I'm not trying to learn slang.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to learn proper Spanish that I could speak regionally,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: and I had different sorts of regions. She's trying to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: make you relatable to the streets yeah, yeah, well, exactly
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: how many languages do you speak out? I speak three,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: but I feel like all of them not that well,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: and one of them is the one I'm talking to
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: you in. You know, it's really just like a lot
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: of its improvisation. What are the languages that you speak?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I speak Mandarin, Japanese and English and oh oh no, no,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: she's been moisten. O god, and it's fruit punch flavored
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: electrolytes because I'm eight. Oh, it's okay. Why does that stain? Yeah,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: that's okay. I'm just gonna have a stained shirt. No, No,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: it's okay, don't worry. There's nothing that's gonna help it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I'm drinking during this podcast too, so hopefully I also
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: have a spill. I'm so shy. She's just like that
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: a maxim is that a Maxi shield? I have Maxi
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: shields before you though, okay, I give them to every
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: guest before Maxi shield it's for you put in your
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Pikachu when you have your period and your underwear. It's
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: like a little padne. But I like the word shield, yeah,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: because it sounds ridiculous. You know, I was like, I
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: need to know that this new invention I don't use
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: that because I'm getting what they call an ablazeon next
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: month before Christmas as my Christmas gift to myself, which
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: means they go inside your uterus and scorch it, blanche
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it with steaming hot water so that you don't bleed anymore,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: because I'm so sick of getting my period, like I'm
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: over it. So it just gets so hot that your
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: uterus just goes like no more. It's just you're killing it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: You're killing the blood, so the blood. Like one percent
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: of people have a period again after they do this,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: But my sister did it because my periods just like
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't I don't want to deal with
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: this anymore. And you know I have too much other
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: ship to deal with. I don't want to deal with it. Yeah,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: every three weeks, it's like again again again it's supposed
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: to be every four weeks. Are you getting your period
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: every three weeks? Because I'm a guy to cologist? Oh
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: isn't that every Oh it's oh my gosh. You know
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: mine comes at different times. We're very different people. You're
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: on it, you know, I see your videos about like
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: this is how you pronounced this word. I'm the type
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: of person that's like, look, you know what I meant,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: you know, and you just imagine what I meant. But honestly,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I thought it was every three weeks, because then a
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: week is when I have the period. Can you make
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: sure the cameras on? Because her price tag is still
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: on her clothing. That's what I'm saying by we're different people.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I used to do this everyone I worked. Your price
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: tags are still on your clothes and you gotta return
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: this or should I take? Can you tell me how
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: much it was before? I'm okay put it back in
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: because I'm still thinking about I thought, for some reason,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: this was like a sale one. Anyway, Otsko always wears
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: the same outfit when I see her, and so I'm
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: convinced that she went and got this outfit just to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: be like I have different outfits because she's like I listen,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: you've seen all my outfits already. Oh girl, I'm going
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: to free people right after this. Yeah, I'll be like,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: do you take returns after I've been near a spill?
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe you should try and return this as an extra challenge.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You've already dried up, just like your pussy is gonna do.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you, just like my pussy is
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: gonna dry up right after that ablation. There's really nothing
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: grosser than dry pussy. Like even when any anyone says
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: anything like that, it's such a disgusting thought. I know,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I know that's not what I meant. You know. What
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I meant was I'm so stoked for you that that
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: that you're never going to get your period again. It's
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: all I dream about, it's all that's what I'm doing
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: it for you, and I can't. You know, I don't
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: use tampons because not that it's like, oh I'm so
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: small down there, but it always falls out. Yeah that
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: means you're actually big if so that is a problem.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Oh right, yeah either way. Yeah, So I hate using pads.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I just feel like a baby once a month. I don't, like,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I've never used a pad, even the first time I
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: got my period, I think it was thirteen, and my
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: sister came into the bathroom and she was like, Okay,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: you can use this or this, and I was like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna not gonna walk around with blood floating between
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: my legs in like open areas, Like that's gross. It's
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: so gross. But I guess some people really don't tampons.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I swear to God a tampa. I do not know
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: how to keep it in. That would be the advice
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I ask you about later. I mean, we could to
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: keep a tamp on it, and I'll show you we
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: can do some kegels. But had to wrap this episode
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: up when where I swear it's not because I'm too big.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I think it's because I'm too small, Like I literally,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: are you putting it in the front? Are you putting
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: in the back? I'm putting it what like, Okay, this
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: is a trick question, but what do you mean back?
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: You know that when you get your period, you're supposed
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: to put your fut in your asshole, and they put
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: it in my PV hole. What do you think I'm not?
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not bird brained. I have Yeah, obviously I'm putting
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: it in where you're getting scorched. That's why I'm putting
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: where you're putting your tampon it and it falls out
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: no matter what size you use, yes, like yeah, it's
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: it's just always halfway hanging out. You know what, I
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: don't understand about tampons. And this sounds really stupid at
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: my age, but I am stupid about a lot of things.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna say it because my old assistant
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Karen Whacker, told me, She's like, you know, your tampon
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: isn't going into your p hole. It's going into your
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: your vagina hole where you have sex out of. And
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, but then why when I pe,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: does the tampon get get wet? Yeah? I do have
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that question too, maybe because it's like falling out a
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: little bit already, Like especially if it's already a little
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: bit soaked, it can fall out a little bit and
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, no, this is it's got p
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: on it. It shouldn't be getting that. It does, though,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: it does every time I take a tampon out, even
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: if it hasn't come out a little and I've paid
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: with it in like if you because for me, I'm
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: always like, oh, I just thought you always had to
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: take your tampon out when you pee because it was
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: coming out of the same hole. And this was until
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I was in my thirties and someone explained to me
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: it's a different hole, and I was like, oh, ship
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: shitsky doodle again, wait way to come late to the party.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, but wait, why does it
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: always get wet and it comes out a little when
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you pee, sometimes the tampon can come out. That's that's
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Maybe because you're bearing down, are you
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: bearing down a little bit? I mean I'm always bearing
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: down at all time. There's always some thing in there,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: and I have to hold on to whatever is in there.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Even when I'm driving. Sometimes this is stick shift. Sometimes
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: it's just like, don't come out right. That's why I'm
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: a pad girl. That's why I walk around like a
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: baby every month, and one day soon I will do
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: the ablation to ablizion ablation. Yeah, ots go is another
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: person that isn't looking to have children, so you could
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: get an oblation. Right? Are you still there? Do you
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: still feel that we're still there? I don't think that's
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: going to change. People would say, oh, you know that
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: clock it's gonna hit right, and I'm like, what what clock?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I know that much about myself where I don't think
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I'll change. I know, I know it's so annoying people
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: still ask me that I'm forty seven years old. I'm like,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: when are you going to get the fucking message that
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I can't have a baby anymore? Yeah? Like little things change,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: like maybe my favorite color, but like you know what
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, Like, I'm not gonna a whole life change. Okays,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: talk a little bit. Tell everybody about your history and
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: how you moved over here, the circumstances about how you
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: moved over to the United States, because it's a fascinating story. Yeah.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I came to the States when I was ten.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: My uma said we were coming for a two months vacation,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: and then she had us oversteered towards visas, and then
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: we became undocumented, and then we were stuck here, and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: then I made the best of it by doing stand
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: up comedy. You lived in a garage, right right, Yeah,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I lived in my uncle's garage with your mother and
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: your grandmother, with my mother and grandmother. It's like if
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: you've seen great gardens, it's kind of like that, but
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: let's less room to move around probably, but yeah, great gardens,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: but poor and one more person. If you follow Otso
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: on social media, she posted videos all the time of
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: her and her grandmother, who is adorable, and our grandmother
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: gets down to business. So tell us about that experience, though.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: What was that like going to school when you I mean,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: you had to learn the language when you got here, right, Yeah,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and so it's kind of like immersion. What my bell
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: is doing to you right now, it's part time emersion
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: was doing too you Yeah, part time you know pretty much. Yeah,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: where you know, everyone's speaking that language, and that is
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: really the quickest way to learn a language is uh,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: no forgiveness, you know what I mean, no room for
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you know, explaining what's going on. No, just this is
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: how I talked to you. Yeah, it was. It was
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: tough because also like you're a kid and you want
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: to really fit in, and I feel like yeah. And
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: then I was also embarrassed about our circumstances. So I
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: didn't invite friends back to my place because you know,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: even for birthdays or something. If it was my birthday,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: you know, I would just not have a party because
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't want them being like, oh, you live here,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, And my mom and grandma,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: they're just like elbow to elbow. A garage is it's
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: a lot to hold three generations of people, you know
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: what I mean, and our whole as personalities and baggage.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: It's not enough space for My mom has schizophrenia. And
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: then I developed an eating disorder too, And I remember
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: like thinking back, being like, God, a garage is not
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: enough space for and eating disorder, and you need a
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: lot of space. Well, you need privacy for an eating disorder,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you do. Yeah, And so we were just so on
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: top of each other, and so I'm kind of you know,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I joked that I'm sort of delayed and stunted as
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: an adult because I feel like it wasn't until I
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: got out of that situation that I was able to
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: finally have like the confidence to be like, hey, you know,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: do you want to hang out? Do you want to
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: be friends? So I'm kind of late in the game
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: with socializing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met Otsco at Largo, Yes, yeah, Largo?
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. I think that was the first
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: time we met, that's true. Yeah, yeah, because I was
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: following her on social media and she's so funny. And
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: she also did that drop down challenge where everybody, what's
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: that song called again? Yeah? Beyonce's partition, give me something? Yeah,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: and then you dropped your ass down, which is basically
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: the only dance move I can do, and I can't
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: even really nail that one. It's so slow motion that
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: I thought maybe this is for me. That's what you're like,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: one of the most athletic people I know, well athletic,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: but I don't have rhythm. But it's like a squad.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: That's why I could do it. And then Odsco slid
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: into my d MS asking if she could open me,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: open for me, open me. She wanted to open me,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: and I said, sure, open for me on a couple
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: of stand up dates, and I was like, yeah, absolutely,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I love that you asked me. And then I met
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: your husband, who's also just a sweetheart, and you just
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: taped your HBO special which is going to come out
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: in December. I did, which you gave me so much
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: advice about, and so I super appreciate it because I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: called you to be like, I had this opportunity to
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: maybe do it all Broadway first, which would mean more
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: dates running it, you know, maybe a hundred more times
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: more than that before taping it, and you're like, you know,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: just tape it because and that's how I worked too,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: and so that was really great advice. And that's why
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: it's coming out already. You know, that's exciting. Do you
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: know the date it's coming out yet? December tenth is
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: exciting going for Yeah, December. T Your special comes out
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: December ten. My special comes out December hers this on
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: HBO minus on Netflix amazing, Yes, yeah, baby, December is
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: a good time. People are at home, they want to
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: watch stuff with family. Maybe they're sad. Yeah, I love that.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Oh how nice? Is that? Awesome? And how did the
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: taping go? Tell us the taping went? Well, it was
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: in New York. I kind of wish I did it
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: in l A now, but everyone's always like, don't do
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: it in l A. L A. People are jaded with cameras,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: so they're not gonna show it as much excitement, you know.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: But I'm an l A baby. I've been here since
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I was ten, and so it's just one thing I
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: would for my next for your next special. Yeah, it's
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: a good experience. Nonetheless, I mean for your next special,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: we'll take that in l A. Yeah. And so New
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: York was great, Brot. Grandma flew Grandma first you guys,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I saw you posting her on for her in first class.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she was. She she was like this
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: lays down flat, you know. Oh. And I could just
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: keep bugging the people for food and snacks. And I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: found Chelsea that when I was in first class because
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I had never flown first class too. I could not
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: sleep because I was like, oh, I think I need
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: to be a little uncomfortable to be able to sleep,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: because that's what I'm used to. Well, no, it's not sad,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: but it's like I can see that being true. Yeah,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: where it's like, oh, like you know, I need too comfortable.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I need to be sitting up straight and my neck
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: cricket and I need to have a kink in my
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: neck when I wake up. Truly be comfortable. It's so wild. Yeah, anyway,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: be totally exhausted, feeling awful. That's how you fall asleep
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: on a plane. You don't ever win. It's what I'm saying.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: It's yeah, the grass is always greener, and then even
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: when you get there, the grasses and stopped being green
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: and it turns yellow. Oh yeah, we got to Well,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: somebody urinated on it or had their period who didn't
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: have an oblation in that order. Everybody, if you're having
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: trouble following this conversation, you're not alone. Yeah, go back
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: listen to what we just talked about. Catch yourself up
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: and talk about how you met your husband. We met
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: through a mutual friend, and you know, we had gosh,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: like third day in we were at this patio. You know,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: it was a nice, nice day in l A. And
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: there was somebody who was sort of talking to themselves
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: and people at the restaurant were sort of afraid and
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: didn't know what to do. And Ryan, my husband, knew
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: how to handle the person and sort of calmed them down.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: And it kind of surprised me because I was like, wait,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: how do you know to do that? Because it was
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: like signs of schizophrenia, which is one my mom has.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: So I recognized it and I was like, how do
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: you know how to deal with someone with that? And
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: he's like, oh, my mom has it too, and so
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: that was yeah. So it was kind of cool where
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, I was already feeling you and
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: liking you a lot, but this really like turn yeah
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: a connection, yeah, a connection and the empathy. You know,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: everyone was scared to deal with this unhoused person who
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: was talking to themselves. But this guy that I was
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: ready to funk, but I was like, yeah, well funck
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: now you know right where he was like so kind
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: to this person and knew how to calm them down,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: you know, So that's it's always surprising when men surprise
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: us with just regular things that women would do, and
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: we're like, that's so hot and so sexy. When men
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: show empathy, Yeah, that's why. That's why there's waves of
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: like women, I don't think we'll have the fandom of
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: like Kianu Reeves or you know, oh his Mystery. You
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: know he's worked with mostly women directors, and that's supposed
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: to be mind blowing, you know, like where I was like,
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: oh my god, he is so hot God, and he's
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: just you know, he just lives in hotels and you know,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: he works with mostly women directors and it's like you
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like when women do that, it's
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: like not as much of an allure I think. So
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: it's not hot, it's more like, oh, they're starting a movement,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: you know what. I'm going to Disney that after this
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: actually psychotic. Actually, Katherine just came from Disney, you did.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I just went this weekend. Oh my gosh. Yes, I
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: got a Mickey tumbler. I bought all the Christmas merch.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I haven't even told my husband about it yet. I
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: got bowls with Christmas Mickey. I got a platter with
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Christmas Mickey. It was too much. It's too much. Katherine
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: and I have nothing in common. No, I mean I
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: was gonna. I mentioned this because I was like, I mean,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: how does it feel to have too Disney adult friends
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: great right next to you on election day? When our
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: bodies are at stack? You guys are changing on a
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: roller coaster. Because that's how I deal with chaos. You're
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: gonna go to Disneyland. Have you done this before during
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: a chaotic day? No? But this year it felt right.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, if I find out what
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: happens with the elections, I want to at least be
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: upside down on the roller coaster screaming. You know, I know,
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if we're going to find out everything.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Today people are like already filing lawsuits for things that
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: haven't even happened yet. It's just like, oh, great, this
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: could carry on for weeks. I hope not. I mean,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I hope most of them get called. But yeah, I'm
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: not that optimistic. I hope we have some surprises, but
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I just I'm so sick and tired of this nonsense.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: You know, for sure, Yeah for this you can always
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: move to Spain. Yeah I can I can move to Spain,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: or I can move to Canada. Yeah that's closer. But
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: you're learning Spanish, you know, But I'm also learning Canadian.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It's so cool. What have you learned? I'll talk to
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you about that later. Okay. All you have to learn
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: in Canada has had to skim. Has never been skiing though, right, No,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not like a outdoors athletics person. Like the extreme sports.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I don't I like to watch. Yeah, I got it.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Do you like to watch it? Though? Like if my
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: friend is doing it, I'll stand there and watch. Okay,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: it's very horny energy, Like would you like to watch
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: the Olympics when that happens? Oh? Not really? Yeah, yeah,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I watched the I watched the performance. Oh the Spice
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: girls are back together, you know that kind of thing. Yeah,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: well that's the super Bowl the Olympics. That Icce girls
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: don't fucking perform, so they did one time in London
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: a long time for the Olympics. Yeah, yes, I was
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: at the Olympics that those Olympics. Yeah, I went to
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: the London Olympic competing. Yes, I actually was. I was
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: doing the curl. It's called curling, but I call it
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: the curl and it's men's I was competing with the
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: men's team. So on this podcast, we give advice, life
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: advice to people. So I just molested you. Um, we
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: give life advice. We have real people calling, in writing,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: in calling Katherine, you can break down for us what
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: we have in store for today. Yes, we actually have
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: a couple of really big questions. And you're so open
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: about so much of the stuff that you've been through.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I was able to pull some really great questions for
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you that are right in your wheelhouse. So oh great,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: even better, the stakes are high. Yeah, we can take
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: a quick break and then we'll be right back for callers. Okay,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we're back. We're back,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back. So our first question comes
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: from Kalina. She's in Romania. I was just gonna say
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: where the fund is Kalina from, because I have never
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: heard that Lena Romania, Romania. Dear Chelsea, my name is Kalina.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old girl from Romania. I really
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: enjoy your podcast. It opens my mind while making me laugh.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Great combo. I struggle with anxiety, with depression, sprinkles. I'm
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: also neurodivergent, which makes life even more interesting. I'm an
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: only child and the only family I have close by
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: are my parents, so all my life I relied on
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: making strong connections with friends, which come easy. I'm currently
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: going to therapy, but it's a long process. As you know,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: based on your experience as a human on this planet,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I would love your input. I tend to rely on
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: other people to feel safe, to feel loved, and to
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: feel worthy, which is funny because I really enjoy being alone,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: but I just need to know that there's someone there
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: just in case. Because of this, I sacrifice my knees
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: and self sabotage, sometimes spending time with people who don't
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: treat me well because of that fear of being alone,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: even though I'm well aware that what people do is
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: out of my control. My question is how do I
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: become enough for myself? How do I become secure enough
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: to make decisions and be clear about what I want?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: How do I feel worthy? Thank you for sharing your joy, Kalina. Oh,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear that, Kalina. I think that one
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: of the ways in which you can make yourself feel
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: more full without relying on somebody to fill you up,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: because that's not really a great recipe, you know, Like
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, you can get that from a spouse or
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: a partner in the best, most ideal situation, but ideally
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: for you even to find that person or best friend,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: you really have to be full on your own because
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: you kind of attract what you are. So if you
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: are healthy and you are alone and you're happy doing that,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: which is an exercise, not everybody feels comfortable being alone.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: And there was a long period of time in my
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: life where I was never alone. I always had a
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: group of people around me. I always had lots of
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: you know, action, chaos. Even when I grew up, I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: was in a family of six kids, so there was
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: always commotion and there was always action and I took
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: that through my adulthood because I thought that's the way
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: things were supposed to be. And it wasn't until I
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: went to therapy where I learned how to be by
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: myself and through therapy, and this is something that I
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: learned even before therapy, is like what do you do
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: when you are alone? What are the things and the
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: activities that fill you up? Like for me, it's reading
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: books and watching TV and exercising, Like I love to
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: do all of those three things, and I do that
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: always alone. I don't like to exercise with other people.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I obviously don't like to read books with other people
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: because that doesn't make any sense. And I like watching
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: TV with people, but it's like my alone activities. So
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: what I would say, on a very basic, fundamental level,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: is to pick three things that you really love to do,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: and then start doing that in your alone time by yourself,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: to just kind of recharge and regenerate your own relationship
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: with yourself, because that's really all that is ever going
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: to matter in your life. When you can depend on you,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: that is going to get you through every difficult time
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: and every happy time. And the more secure you become,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: the more secure that the people you attract in your
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: life are going to be. What do you think, Wow,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: that was really you know, as a person who's never alone,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm so opposite, you know, because I'm like, gosh, I'm
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: just always with at least my husband. And so I
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: will say I was working out to somebody, and I
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: that is a time I do it myself. Besides, you know,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: I like to work out by myself too. The workout
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: teacher said, you know, she had gone through a divorce.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I get very heavily invested in my fitness instructors. But
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: she just went through divorce, and she was saying, you know,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: it was hard to get through the divorce and having
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: to wake up alone because she hadn't been alone in
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: a long time. But once he was gone, you know
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: from her life, she was instead of waking up and
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: loving someone else, she was forced to love herself. And
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh wow, that's so true. And so
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: you know, it's just that switch of a mindset where
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: it's like when people aren't around, take that as an
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: opportunity to be like, oh, I can invest in me
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: right now. What am I thinking? What am I my feelings?
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: I love myself instead of being like what do you
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: need right now? What do you need to know? What
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: do I need right now? And so I think it's
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: just a switch of a mindset kind of like instead
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: of I'm nervous to go on stage, it's I'm excited
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: to go on stage kind of yes, or nerves me
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: and I'm excited, you know. Or nerves are a good thing.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: That's what I remember someone telling me, Like, when you're nervous,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: it means you care. I'm like, Okay, Now, if I
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: can think about it that way, this means I care,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: which is much better than not caring at all. And
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I think one of the things that you said that
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: stood out, Kalina, is it, Kalina, Yeah, am I saying
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: that right? Okay? Great? Is that your friends are like
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: sometimes you're not hanging around with the best people that
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: you could choose to hang out with, and that's a
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: telltale sign that you have work to do on yourself,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: because a healthy person just doesn't need that in their lives.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: So don't settle just for whoever you can hang out with.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Actually be discerning about the people you choose to hang
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: out with, and I think that will yield a much
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: better quality of person. Mm hmm. These questions are the
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: big questions in life, like how do I make myself
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: feel worthy and feel like I am enough by myself?
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: And while those are huge questions that we can't necessarily
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: answer on this show, I think those specific things are
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: also where things like affirmations can come in. Just like
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Osco said, our brains are very malleable. Just reframing what
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: you're thinking, spending time with yourself telling yourself how great
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: you are. You know, that you're smart, whatever your qualities
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: that you love the most. Finding some affirmations that really
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: feel good to you can help reframe just the thoughts
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: come up in your brain on a routine basis. Yeah,
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: you know, we mentioned Laura Lynn Jackson earlier, that famous
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Long Island medium. She's not the Long Island medium because
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: there's another Long Island medium. But anyway, Laura Lynn Jackson,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: who's a good friend of mine, I go, I just
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: want to be positive towards everybody, even the people that
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I don't like. I want to have good vibes. I
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: want to throw good vibes at them. I want them
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: to succeed. I don't want to wish for anyone to
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: have bad luck or bad fortune or whatever. And she
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: gave me this exercise where you get up every morning
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: and you write, you know, for one minute, the first
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: thing before you do anything, before you even brush your teeth,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: you write down for one minute, just everything you're grateful for.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: And there is scientific data that proves that after twenty
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: one days, you're changing your energetic field, which is the
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: field of energy that you give off. And so I
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: already shared that with like two of my girlfriends because
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: my girlfriend said to me. Three days later, she said
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: the same thing to me. She goes, I am so
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: fucking mad at this woman. I'm so pissed. I hate her.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you don't hate her, don't even put
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: your energy towards that. And I gave her the exercise
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: that I have been doing. It's been like nine or
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: ten days since I've been doing it, and it's so
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: easy to wake up and just write all down, the
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: write down all the things that you're grateful for. It
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: could be your dogs, it could be your bed, it
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: could be your job, it could be the weather, it
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: could be someone you know, your mother's health, all of
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: those things, and you can change your vibe. And I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: think by having a higher vibration, which is a definite
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: scientific thing. It's not woo woo talk, it's true, like
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: are you a positive or you a negative? Everyone knows
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: a negative. And I'm sure I'm not saying that you
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: are clean up. But I think that would be a
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: great exercise for you to do. You do it for
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: twenty one days and you will feel it immediately. I
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: promise you. I love that. Well. Our next color is
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Ryan and um just as what I do, my wife
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: has always going to Disneyland. I hope not, because this
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: one's about a breakup. So, okay, can you imagine if
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: he broke up with you? On my podcast, God talk
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: about a gratitude. So he's twenty three years old, he says,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, he's gay, Right, he's gay. He is gay. Indeed,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: we don't have straight man call in, got it? We
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: have a block. Maybe that's why he's leaving you. I'm
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: currently in a long term relationship and desperate to get out.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: and last year I decided it was time to move
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: in together. I had just graduated college and he was
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: planning on transferring to a school in the big city.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Things were going great for a while. I landed my
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: dream job and love life in the city. The issue is,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I've realized we're each in very different places in our lives,
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: and I don't know that we're still compatible As a result.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: My entire life, I've been told that I was very
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: mature for my age, and I could feel this was
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: true for myself. I feel that I'm at a threshold
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: of an exciting new chapter in life. The transition into
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: adulthood is when I've waited my entire life for and
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: for the first time ever, I feel as if I
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: have all my ducks in a row. My boyfriend, however,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: seems to be feeling the opposite. As twenty something in college,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: he exhibits all of the behavior as one would expect,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: and I don't blame him for any of this. I
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: want him to do all the fun things that you're
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: supposed to do at that time, but I can't help
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: but feel as though we're holding each other back. I've
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: essentially made up my mind about leaving him, but there
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: are two major issues. The first is that he is
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: completely financially dependent on me. When we moved to the city,
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I was the one with the big boy job, so
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: it was clear that I would be the one paying
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: for our new lives. He lives with me here and
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: if we were to break up, he wouldn't have anywhere
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: to go. The other issue is that I know he's
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: still head over heels in love with me, and if
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: I were to end things, I know it would destroy him,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: and I don't know that I have the heart to
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: do it. I have so much love and respect for him,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: but just feel that we're operating in different phases of life.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: In the recent episodes of the podcast, I've listened to
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: you talk so much about showing up for yourself, and
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I think in order to show up for myself, I
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: need to exit this relationship. I just don't know how.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Thanks for your help. Ryan, Hi, Ryan, Hi, Hi Hi.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: This is our special guest Otsco. Nice to meet you. Wow,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: just like so heartfelt and honest, honest words. I'm glad
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: you're so self aware to note that you need to
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: exit though. Thank you. Yeah. In the Chelsea's episode with
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Ross Matthews, she said it's undignified to pretend that things
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: are okay when they're not. And I've never heard somebody
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: phrase it like that, and it is so undignified. And
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: I don't consider myself an undignified person, which has brought
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: me to this decision. The thing is, I made the decision,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: and now I just don't know how to execute it. Okay,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: So how long have you guys lived together? Only a
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: couple of months? About six months? Okay, Well that's great
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: news because it hasn't been like, you know, years, So
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: that's to unravel the relationship. I know you've been dating
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: for longer than six months, but you've been living together
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: for six months, right, correct? And does he work? Yes,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: he does, and he pays a fraction of the rent, but,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: as I said in the letter, is completely financially dependent
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: on me. Okay, well, that's also not your problem, you
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. You can unravel this relationship in
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: a nice, dignified way by just setting up a boundary like, Okay, listen,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I know this is hard. I mean, obviously you're gonna
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: have to break up with him, you know that already.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: So however you want to manage that. The financial aspect
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: and the codependent aspect is something that you can just
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: show grace in. You know, you can say, hey, I'm
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: gonna help you. I'm gonna give you three more months.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Why don't you start saving your money so you don't
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: have to pay me rent? I want to you know
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: you're gonna live alone anyway, right, you can afford to
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: pay your rent for yourself, correct, Right, and give him
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: three months or whatever time frame feels right to you.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Don't let it go though, six more months. That's really unhealthy. Yeah.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: That one other caveat that I forgot to mention in
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: the letter is he's about to go on this giant
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: vacation for the holidays to Germany, And I don't know
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: if I should do it before that and potentially ruin
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: his big trip, or wait until after er and just
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: prolong this pretending that's tricky, that is hard. I I
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: my instinct would say to wait until he gets back.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know what do you girls think about that?
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: How long is he in Germany for? He's gonna go
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks. He'll leave around the nineteenth
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: of December, and he'll get back around New Year's Okay,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: so that's still like about five six weeks away before
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: he leaves. I think if you have a month before
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: he goes, If you have that much time before he goes,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I think you should because that could be an opportunity
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: for him to actually grow a little bit and be
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: out and about in the world, knowing that his relationship
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: isn't there when he gets back. It's not him going
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: on the assumption that he's coming back to you. If
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: you have that amount of time, I would say, definitely
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: do it before. Do it as soon as possible, and
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: you know that you want to do this before he
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: goes on that trip, so you know he's going to
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: have some time to think about things, and you definitely
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: don't want to ruin anything, but you just can't be
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: this dishonest with each other at this point. You're being
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: sawnest with yourself and him. Yeah, yeah, agreed. I think
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: you can't do it like the week before he leaves,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: like do it, do it this week, so he's got
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: a month to adjust and then I'll have a few
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: weeks where you can go like have fun. But you
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: also don't have to be playing the game of like
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: miss you sweetie on the phone and you know that
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: sort of thing. Yeah, And has he left the country
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: like this before on a trip like this? No? Not really. Yeah,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: So I think giving him the space to acclimate to
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: the idea before he goes away. I think major things
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: happen when people go on their first trips overseas, you
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's a major wake up call
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: and it's a major growth spurt. So I think the timing,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: if you can do it sooner than later, give him
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: some you know, room to like, you know, you don't
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: want him to cancel the trip, obviously, and if you
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: did it right before, there's a chance he could do that.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: But you want to give him some space to think
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: about it, and some space when he's away from you,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: when there's distance ince time, that's the best time to
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: contemplate and reflect on things. And by the time he
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: comes back, you know what I mean, you're almost kind
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: of like if you say, from now, I'll get of
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: you two months or three months, don't pay rent to
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: me anymore. I want you to start saving your money.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I'm going to pay the rent whatever is comfortable for
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: you financially. Obviously, don't bend over backwards because he's not
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: your responsibility. You can be generous, but you don't have
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: to be his you know, sugar Daddy, that's just not
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: necessary for anyone when you're breaking up. That's just the
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: way it goes. And just remember people break up all
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: the time, like people get heartbroken a lot. It's you're
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: not the first person to break his heart. And I
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: know that would be difficult for you, But what will
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: be more difficult is living like a lie. Yeah, I agree,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: and I think you're definitely right. I think that giving
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: him some time to go on this trip and heal himself,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: I think is the better is the better option. And
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: like I talked to my best friend about this, and
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: she had said that I had like involuntarily taken on
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: this sort of caretaker role, not even in the There
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: is the financial aspect, but there's also, like I said,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: the biggest thing for me is the emotional aspect that
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I just wasn't really prepared for before all of this.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: So I think you're definitely right, and I think I
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: need to do it sooner around than later. And these
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: are also really honest conversations that you can have. While
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: they may seem challenging, you're going to give him tools
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: for his movement forward by being honest with him that
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: it's too much for it's too much of an emotional
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: burden for you, and and that you know you didn't
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: expect this, and and and your feelings have changed so
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: that when he goes into his next relationship, he has
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: a different dynamic instead of him repeating the same patterns.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: You know, he may do that anyway, but at least
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: if you're truthful with somebody as hurtful as it, maybe
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: there's always a softer way to say everything. And if
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: you're truthful with somebody, then they can really take that
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: information and do something different in their next relationship. Yeah,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I totally agree. Do you think there's a way to
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: offer that, like financial support for a moment of like
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: you can live here for a couple more months, you can,
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: I'll pay you don't have to pay me rent. That
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: doesn't come off as condescending. It sounds like you have
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of respect and love for this person, but
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: it's it is not working out anymore. So I would
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: just say, you know, I want to be there for
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: you as this transition happens, and you know we'll continue
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: to have the situation where I'm paying for the rent
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: for the next however much time. You think that he
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: needs to get on his feet, but like, let's aim
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: for this date for you to be finding somewhere else
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: to be. And I don't think you offering to pay
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: the rent is condescending, you know, like it's not like
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: you I mean, only if you said in a really
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: condescending way. The act of it is very generous and
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: it's sweet, and you love him, you know as a person,
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: you're just not in love with him anymore, and it's
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: not an arguable thing. You know, giving him plenty of
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: time before his trip is generous, giving him plenty of leeway,
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: and when he moves out is also generous. Then you
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: can feel good about this down the road. I mean
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: he's going to have a whole roller coaster of emotions
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: about this, definitely. Yeah, I agree. That was my biggest
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: fear coming into this is that you guys would say,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: you know, you just have to do it. But I
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: think you know when that's I think you just know
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: that that that's what's right. If that's what's you know, okay,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I'll be the devil's advocate. You how can you stay
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: with him? No, it's the loving thing I think to
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: to leave before it turns into resentment and then it's
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: gonna be worse for eat both of you. Yeah, absolutely,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I agree. And there's also a dynamic that can start
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: when someone doesn't leave when they know they're ready to leave,
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: which is that you're wasting his time to go and
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: find out what's next for him, Meet somebody else, make
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: out with a German on his trip, you know, whatever,
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: whatever it might be. Don't say that to him. Don't
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: tell him to make out with a German on his trip.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Nobody likes that when they're being broken up with, go
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: find somebody in Germany. Totally let it be his idea. Yeah,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: I completely agree, and just act with dignity like that
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: sentence struck you remember that, be dignified, you know, to
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: be dignified with your generosity, Be dignified with your attention
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: that he needs while you're breaking up. But don't sell yourself.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Don't say Okay, fine, I'll stay in the relationship because
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: you're so upset. Being dignified means like you have to
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: give people bad news. Absolutely, and that's why I mean
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: that was part of my decision to write into this podcast.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I think you being so candid about all of this
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: has helped me be a more candid and honest person.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: And the candid, honest person that listens to Dear Chelsea
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: would be honest in this relationship, say that it's time
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: for things to end, and doing it, like you said,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: in a dignified way. Yeah, definitely. So you put on
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: that seatbelt, turn that car on, and go straight to
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: talk to him right now now. I'm just kidding, honestly,
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: might just do that? Okay, Well, great, keep us posted.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Will you like check in with us in a few
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: weeks and let us know what happened. I will thank you, Okay,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: thanks so much? Ryan, call us back when ots goes
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: not here. Okay, I'm bad at this. I'm bad at this.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: You are good, though you. There's so much love for
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: him there and you could see it, and that's why
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: this is the decision you're making. Thank you. I appreciate
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: that guy. Thanks for your help. Okay, bye Ryan, Ryan, Bye, bye,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: am I fired. Can you imagine if that was Ryan
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: wearing a disguise and he was really talking about you,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: can you imagine that's a that's our round four, that's
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: our suv reason right now. He shows up to the studio,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: He's like, hey, so I bought you to have ticket
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: to go to Germany. He's like, I know that one
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: if you knew this, but you're going to Germany. Look
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of men out there in Germany. You
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: can make out with the German. Catherine said, so well.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: Our next collar is Anna. The subject line is Shame,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Regret and dental bills. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty four
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: year old woman who's fought hard for the life I
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: lived today. As a young teen, living in a trauma
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: filled household, I developed an eating disorder that followed me
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: through many eras of my life. At one point in
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: my twenty is I was hospitalized multiple times for major
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to bolimia. After a final
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: near death experience, I finally decided that recovery was my
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: only option. Since then, a lot has happened, a divorce,
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: graduate school, major career changes, lots of self discovery. Now
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I'm healthy, happy, and proud of the person I am today.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: I have a job that allows me to be creative
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: while helping others, a wonderful partner of four years, a
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: dog i'm obsessed with, and a life of adventures big
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: and small. For the last several years, I've worked primarily
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: low paying jobs in education and the nonprofit space. While
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: I don't make much, I've worked hard to save a
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: humble amount of money, and I'm in a better place
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: than ever financially. My new job has afforded me with
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: dental insurance, and this summer I went to a dentist
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: for the first time in a couple of years, since
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't have dental insurance prior to that. But because
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: of my years of bolimia, my teeth are very damaged.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: After a thorough exam with my new dentist, I learned
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: that dental work I had done years ago needed to
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: be replaced a SAP to avoid losing multiple teeth. The
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: total cost of the essential procedures is well over ten
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars. There are also additional things that would be
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: really good for me to have done to avoid problems
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: down the line, but those total and additional eighteen thousand dollars.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: My dental insurance will only pay for a thousand dollars
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: worth of work annually, so the rest of that tab
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: is on me. When my dentist went over this information
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: with me, I couldn't help but crumble into tears. The overwhelm,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: the shame, and hopelessness took over. My dentist was lovely
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: and kind and explained how we could break the treatment
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: into chunks to lessen the financial blow. Still, I currently
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: work for a nonprofit making forty dollars a year, and
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: I have two side hustles that pull in about five
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars a year. I have student debts, rent a
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: car payment, and I still managed to put a little
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: into savings every month, but it would take me years
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: to pay this off. I've looked into personal medical dental loans,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: but the interest rates on those are astronomical, so that
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: option is off the table. I've booked the first set
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: of procedures with my dentist totally, and I'll be using
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: that savings money to pay for that. But I know
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I need a plan for how to get the rest
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: of the care I need. Moreover, this experience has thrust
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: me into a familiar spiral of shame, self disgust, and sadness,
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: similar to what I dealt with early in my recovery
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: from trying to heal from health issues resulting from my
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: eating disorder. I worked so hard to overcome those issues
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: while also trying to heal from the trauma that caused
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: by eating disorder. I know that I need to think creatively,
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: ask for help, maybe start a Go fund me campaign,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: but the shame and feelings of self disgusted have me
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: frozen in that regard. How can I find a creative
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: solution to this problem, which at its heart is just
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: a financial issue, but feels so much bigger than that.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: How can I view myself with kindness despite the shame
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: and regret I feel overharming myself so many years ago.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: I know your ingenuity and positivity can illuminate resolutions I
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: may not be able to see right now. Thank you, Anna, Hianna, Yanna. Hi,
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: how are y'all? This is Otsko Okotska. Hi, nice to meet.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: She's our special guest. She's a very funny comedian who
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: also had an eating disorder at one point. I've also
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: had an eating disorder at one point, so I mean
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: most women have, Katherine, did you ever have an eating disorder? Oh? Yeah,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I mean eating disorders take a lot of different forms,
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: but basically, as soon as I learned about calories growing up,
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: I immediately developed an eating disorder. So yeah, so sorry
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: that you feel such shame. I mean that's the first
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: thing that you have to flip around. You know, you're
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: healed now, you're better, and like that's something that's very positive.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: And to like sit there and and rate yourself and
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: self immolate about something that's in the past is pointless.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: That's just pointless. So you can either start by like
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: writing down daily affirmations for yourself. Meditation I think is
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: a good way to start putting some more positivity back
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: into you from you. The financial aspect of this, I'm
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: really not worried about this. You can do is segmented,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: like you're gonna do your first treatment. Yeah, you could
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: start a go fund me or you could get do
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: you have time to get a waitressing job for a
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: short period of time that you work like two shifts
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: a week? Is that a possibility? I have three part
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: time side hustles right now, So I'm definitely doing doing
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: that kind of a thing. The financial aspect of it
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: is obviously kind of the simpler thing in a lot
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: of ways, right that it is just money. There's a
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: little bit of a time crunch with a couple of
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: the procedures because they are like, we need to do
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: this yesterday, we need to do this last year. Basically
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: I did just get the first set of things done.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: Actually had a crown put on for one of the
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: procedures like two hours ago, so I just left. It's
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: a little while ago, right, and so you know, the
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: plan is of right now is to do it in segments.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Like you were saying, the shame thing is something that
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I've had times where I'm like, I feel good, I
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: feel confident in the person I am. I feel like
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: the people who love me understand my story and accept me,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: and then things like this will happen where you're like,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm such a funk up, like nobody
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: get nobody's gonna get this, everyone's gonna judge me, and
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: then and then it's just such a process to dig
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: out from that, for sure. Yeah, but a real funk
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: up would never be we're sitting where you are. That's
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: not a funk up by the nature very nature of
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: you addressing the issue and having recovered from your eating disorder.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: You've recovered from your eating disorder. So you're not a
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: funk up. You're not. You're the opposite. You're somebody who's
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: going and handling a situation. Do you know how many
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: people would never want to deal with the truth of
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: what they have to do and get the work done
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: because they don't want to they're so scared of the cost,
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: or they're scared of what the doctor's gonna or the
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: dentist is gonna tell them. You've been brave. You are brave,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: and you're recovered. You are on your way. This is
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: all positive and you're there's no reason to make it negative.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: So you need to have like some deep conversations with yourself,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: and you need to start meditating, and you need to
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: start writing daily affirmations down every single morning. When you
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: wake up going, I am brave, I am strong, I
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: am handling my life independently. All of these amazing things
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: that you're doing all by yourself, you have three side
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: hustles going. That's fucking badass too. Yeah, it's it's so
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: positive to be wanting to take care of something. You know.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: My husband just had ten dental procedures done because he
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: was always afraid of it. He grew up with very
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: little money and he was just always insecure about his teeth.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: And he was also ashamed that, like, oh god, I
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: have so many cavities and these root canals that I
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: never got to How could I get it to this point?
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: You know? But it's the positive of like, no, okay,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: now I'm going to find a pathway forward to fixing it.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: Some of them were emergency, like we gotta do it today,
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: and then the financials we figured out. But the shame
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: of it is like all of us are really just
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: trying our best, you know, like my mom, to be honest,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: just to go out there with it. My mom hasn't
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: showered in twenty years because of mental health issues, and
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: she has O c D. She's scared of soap and stuff,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: so talk to people who are supportive about it, because
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: you know, when I talk to my mom, I'm never
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: shaming her. It's not coming from a place of like reprimanding,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: how could you let this come this far? Whatever? Because
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: her to nails are really long, there's infections and stuff,
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: But it's really just about being like so proud, like
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: so being so proud that you were like, I'm gonna
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: start handling it, you know, because that's really a big
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: first step. Honestly, it is a big first step. And
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: you know what, you should find a support group online,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: like for people who are recovering. That's going to be free.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: There's tons of support groups for people who have eating
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: disorders and are recovering from that. And I guarantee you're
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: gonna find so many people that are in the same
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: position that are going to help build you up and
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: may also have ideas of how you can actually afford
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: all of these treatments. You know, you're not the only
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: person that this is happening to, so remember that you're
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: not alone. And I think that would actually be really
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: helpful to you because your shame spiral is just because
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: you don't have anybody else who's going through the same
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: thing sitting around you going, oh god, I did that.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: I did that, you know, and and that would be
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: a good up for you to take as well. I
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: think you're gonna be fine with paying this off in
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: a slower way. I think that's totally reasonable, and you're
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: gonna feel so empowered as soon as you start. I'm
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: sure you already feel a little bit of that after
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: going to the dentist, you know, getting your first crown
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: put on. Yeah, the dentist that I've been seeing too
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: is just so caring and thorough that I also just
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: feel really happy and confident that I'm making the right investment.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: It's not kind of going to be another thing that's
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: an issue in a few years, so so that helps also.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: But yeah, you guys are helping me kind of see
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: too that I think that I have focused on the
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: financial aspect of it, and that's really just been a
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: little bit of a cover for this deeper feeling of
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: overwhelm and shame. I years ago I had tried to
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: kind of do the support group thing and just never
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: invested in it. But one thing I do know about myself,
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: which is probably evident from having all these side hustles
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: and things like that, is that if I set an
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: intention to really do something, I will do it. That's
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: why I'm in recovery. And so, yeah, you took the
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: step to recover from this, you're capable of everything that
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: comes after. That was the hardest part. And I think
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: what you're doing now seeing that as an extension of
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: the self care that you've already done. You have taken
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: the steps to you know, go to therapy, go to recovery,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: get yourself to the point where you no longer are
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: in an active state of self harm. You're in a
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: state of healing, and this is just the next step
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: in your healing journey. But the other thing that I
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: loved in your in your email was about asking for help.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Anybody who hears this story is not going to feel like, man,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: she did that to herself. That's not what's going through
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: anybody's mind. And so you know, you never know who
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: in your life, and maybe you won't know it might
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: be anonymous. If you do set up a go fund me,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: you don't know who is going to step up and
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: you know, donate to the cause or help you out
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: with that. But the first step there is is not
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: being alone in this and not keeping it hidden, which
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: is probably the scariest part. Right. Yeah. I really only
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: talked to my two very closest friends who also have
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: an eating disorder history, and my partner in detail about this,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: and there have all been so wonderful and supportive. But yeah,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: I feel like maybe talking more openly to trusted people
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: would would be healing in its own way. You live
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: in the States, right, yeah. Yeah, for a system that
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: works so hard to keep us down, you're crushing it.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Like for a system where every American girl, the system
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: is made so that we're all supposed to get eating disorders.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I think that average Americans supposed to get a stroke
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: at a heart, heart disease, maybe diabetes to these are
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: things we're actually supposed to have get as America's you're
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: crushing it. May an animals all messed up from the
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: throwing up that I used to do too, and like
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: and so when you set up something like you know,
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: I'll go fund me. Other Americans will understand because it's
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: a system that keeps us down, and so we you know,
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: if anyone will understand, it's fellow people who have gone
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: through it, you know. And yeah, yeah, and I would
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: think I would also offer up to say, like, stop
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: treating it as some big dark secret. You know, have
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: a little levity about it. We all have had eating
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: every four out of four of the women that are
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: talking right now have had an eating disorder. Like it's
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: it's better to be like, oh god, yeah I was.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: I was just you know, a product of my culture.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: I was a product of society. Now I've taken my
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: own life into my own hands and I'm driving the
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: wheel and stead of letting somebody else drive the wheel
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: for me, that's empowering. That is powerful. You're a powerful
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: I can tell that by looking at you. You know,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: your teeth are just a reminder and you're never going
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: to go back there. And now you are fixing the situation.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: And it might take a little bit longer than you
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: would ideally like, but the actual pivot points, like if
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: you're looking at a graph or a chart of where
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: you are in your life, you're headed in the absolute
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: right direction. Yeah, thank you well, And I think that
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: it's it's interesting like I'm thirty four, I'll be thirty
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: five and a couple of months, and when I was
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: like seven was kind of when I was really newly
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: in recovery, and I really embraced being very open about
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: it and talking to it, almost to the point that
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: it was like my whole identity, which is healing in
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: its own way, like and I did connect with a
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: lot of people, but I also felt like, probably around thirty,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I need to do some investing
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: in like I don't want to just be like the
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: recovered girl. I wanted to invest in the woman version
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: of myself and that identity, and I have been doing that,
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: and now I do need to do a little bit
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: of this reconciliation in some way of Okay, you're a
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: woman who's grown in all these different ways, and you're
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: still a person in recovery, and there's still stuff that's
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: going to come up, and some of it might be
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: health problems, and so it's kind of this reintegration again,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: which will continue through through all of life. Absolutely. And
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: here's the thing that I can totally relate to about
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: what you said. I went to therapy and I made
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: so many over corrections, Like I became so self aware
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: that I was like, Okay, maybe you shouldn't talk at all,
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: because you talk too much, you insert yourself too much,
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: you have too many opinions. You're too you tell everybody
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: too much of the truth, and I overcorrected, And there
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: is a period of overcorrection that we do when we're
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: recovering from something, and then we have to kind of
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: balance it out and integrate what we've learned with the
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: new person that we've become. So it's like, that's totally
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: normal what you're describing. Also, like, yeah, that was became
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: kind of your identity. Therapy became my identity for a
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: period of time, you know, And now I get to
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: talk to all these people that call in and help them.
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: So that's also something that would really help you helping
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: other people that have survived eating disorders and are in recovery.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: Instead of looking at it like you're getting the counseling,
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I think you get a lot of counseling out of
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: counseling others. Yeah. Yeah, And another resource we've talked about
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: quite a bit on this show that maybe a possibility
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: for you as Pandemic of Love. They help people out
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: with different situations that they run into, and they pair
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: donors with somebody who has a financial issue in order
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: to help get that solved. So I would say definitely
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: reach out to them see if they can help with
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: some of the financials. Yeah, thank you, but you're gonna
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: be fine. Everything's going to be great. I appreciate you
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: all so much this. You really have helped me kind
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: of see things from a different perspective. And it's simple
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: and complicated, but that's kind of everything, right Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: So proud of you taking the steps. Thank you. Yeah,
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: all right, well follow up with us. Let let us
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: know how everything goes, okay, Anna, absolutely, Yeah, thank you
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: guys so much. Chelsea. I love you. This is so exciting.
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: I've been breathing this whole time to be calm, but
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: you're incredible. I'm excited for you. Thanks, take care, Chelsea.
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: I did have one idea, so you know, I know
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Anna has talked about setting up a go fund me.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: What if we could have listeners of the show head
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: over to her go fund me. I mean, we can
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: put the name in right here and have people head
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: over and help with some of those even if they
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: have five bucks. Yeah. I think that's a great idea.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Anyone who wants to help somebody who's recovering from an
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: eating disorder, anyone who heard this and who wants to
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: help another person. Yeah, I think that's a great idea, Katherine. Okay, great.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: If you'd like to donate to Anna's go fund me,
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: take a look at the episode description, it'll be right
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: there in the show notes. Good thinking. Well, let's head
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: to a quick break and we'll be right back to
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: wrap up with Osco and Chelsea. And we're back. Hi hi, hi. Oh.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: That was so deep and I learned so much and yeah,
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: I got so emotional, and wow, what a day. That
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: was uplifting. Even though those were sad things to be
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: talking about, they're all uplifting because it's like seeing somebody
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: on the other side of something is really empowering. And
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there are plenty of people that are listening
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: to this who are experiencing disorders at eating disorders at
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: this moment, and plenty of people that are on the
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: other side of eating disorders. So feel free to right
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: in or call in about any of this stuff, you guys,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: Because everybody just needs somebody to just kind of be
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: there for them, and we understand that. And there's something
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: about hearing someone else's story, you know, while that's not
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: exactly my story, I found it so moving and it's
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: exciting to hear about her healing journey and it's tough.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: There's there's tough steps in the middle of that. Yeah,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: I was hoping that you know, one of you, you're
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: more well traveled than I am, would know something about
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: like Mexico. But I don't want to be like because
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: maybe you could get dental work in Mexico, don't people,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's a good idea. Okay, dental work
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: in Mexico. This is how I would do it. But
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: I still have my tag on on my shirt. And
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: my housekeeper went to Mexico for dental work and it
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: was a ship show. Her teeth were not that every
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: dentist in Mexico is bad, but wherever she was going,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I was just too quick. We had to redirect her
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: to U. Yeah, our doctor here. But yeah, so I
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: wouldn't recommend that. I thought, if you could get dental
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: work done in the United States, that's a used to
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: do it good. We're good for something and it's good
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: done to work. See even though it's cash. Wasn't it
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: so good that I didn't bring it up? Though? Yeah,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: I just I want a little prop here for not
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: not being like Mexico. To you hold your tongue because
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: that's totally yeah. I thought about it. Well, Otsco, did
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: you have any advice that you'd like to ask from Chelsea?
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I feel like again like I feel like
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: you've already given me so much with you know, even
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: figuring out the title to my special, which is called
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: The Intruder. It's called the Intruder because there was another option,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: and she was like, intruder, go with your gut instinct.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: And that's such a great piece of advice. Intruder, which
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: airs December ten on HBO. You guys, you're gonna fucking
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: love this woman. She's so funny. You are going to
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: love this special. I cannot wait to see it. Thank you, Chelsea,
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: and December go check out Yo Girl, Chelsea h Okotska
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: on Netflix on Netflix. That's right double duty. Jesse's like,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: how benevolent can I be to the one person? Over
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: and over? She almost sent a person to Mexico and
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: we're gonna go. We should give Mike Berbiglia show a
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: shout out because we're about to go see that together.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: She and I are going to go see that in
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: New York together, and I'm going to come to your
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: show on Tuesday. What's the name The Old Man, The
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: Old Man and the Pool. The Old Man and the
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: Pool is Mike Berbiglia show which had just launched on
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: Broadway and it's getting rave reviews, and if you get
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: a chance to see it, you should definitely go. And
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: we're gonna be there and Chelsea will probably have better
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: seas than I will, but we will both see the
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: same show. Fabulous. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Always
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: check out Osco's new special The Intruder on HBO, And
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: if you'd like to donate to Anna's dental work, take
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: a look at the episode description. A link to her
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: go fund me will be right are in the show notes.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: of the year. I have my last dates and these
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: are the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: from the website Chelsea Handler dot com. If you want
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: Vaccinating and Horning Captain's hats, let's say We're the Captain's
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: now for women only. Our t shirts for men and
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: I only have a few dates left Baltimore, Maryland, and
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: then my very last date is December sixte in Reading, Pennsylvania.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast, and you can
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: any podcast that you like, Subscribing giving it a rating
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: actually make a huge difference. And who all we get
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: served to and helping spread the word. It's okay, Yeah,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: subscribe and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: if you like advice from Chelsea, just send us an
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dickart.