Latest / The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast / Episode 10: Nerd Sniping

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Episode 10: Nerd Sniping · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

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  to this week's sponsor for the Tom and Jerry Show find the venue that I
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  m How are you doing? And indeed, how is all the listeners of
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  the Tom and Jerry Show doing? I feeling extremely manly, Jerry, I
• 1:22
  have been working a mixer and whatnot my poor hands. Honestly, I know.
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  I showed you my finger last week and people got quite excited when we
• 1:29
  put the video up off my busted finger and your your did we see your
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  name? Your makey toe? See? We did? We put it up
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  on the social media there, Yes we did. People were delighted with both
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  of our indigens. Yes, I'd forgotten what my poor comedian hands felt like
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  after you putting up I think called expanding metal. You know, well what
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  it's I know it's metal very well. Well, I'm a cheap, cheap
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  bastard and I bought four inch stuff, but I only needed to cover two
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  in? So what did I do there? That role doubled? I can
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  tell you what I said of sniffs, but what you're left with is if
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  you imagine tiny, tiny, a roll of tiny, tiny, tiny rabbit
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  wire, that's what it is. The smallest rabbit in the world would need
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  this. But it's far stapling or nailing onto a piece of timber that you
• 2:20
  want to plaster over. I eat a wall plate. I eat a piece
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  of timber on top of the wall. And now we just got right into
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  it this week, Tom, Look, I just wanted to tell you why
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  my poor little hands are falling apart because they're full of pinholes. I was
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  using a cement mixer, yes, because I had a bunch of plasters onsite,
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  and I was driving them hard. I drove them to eight o'clock last
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  night. And now my poor little hands are all lime burnt and dry,
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  and I'm going to need some sort of gloves. Is what you need?
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  Gloves are exactly what you need, neither left nor right of it. And
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  actual fact, you don't need gloves. You needed gloves. Ah, Yes,
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  you knew that I did that picture of me, Tom thombs up at
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  the mixer last night. You went where where your scoop and cement with your
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  bare hands into the mixing. Yeah. I had to check the consistency because
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  they were scudden. I had to check the consistence was good and shloppy like
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  so would you not normally possibly be wearing a pair of gloves for that.
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  I'm not asking you dumb to put on a pair of like mink skin driving
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  gloves. You know, their merrygols, the ones to come with a little
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  actual flower on the top. Yeah. Yeah, green gloves a revolution in
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  their day. I gotta tell you. There's a yellow and green building glove
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  that I think started life as a garden glove. I was. I was
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  around when they weren't around, and they were the big canvas coal miners mits.
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  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. You couldn't make a fist with
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  them. They just wouldn't turn. And then yeah, you remember those ones,
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  they were like dipped plastic. Do you remember those ones? They were
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  yeah, yeah, yeah, the red ones, and it just likes going
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  around yea, yeah yeah. And and now now, I say, now
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  these days, twenty years ago they introduced like a hardy green rubber glove with
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  like a yellow cloth back to them. That was nice and flexible. And
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  I believe they're orange and black now these days there's a pair. My wife
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  has left a pair on the site, a pair of green and a pair
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  of orange. I hastened to I kind of kind of test to see which
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  ones she picks up first, if you know what I mean, and see
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  if I made the right choices seven years ago when I married her. Do
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  you know what I mean? I want to see she picks up the green
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  pair or the orange the You're welcome along with the Tom and Jerry Show.
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  I know I welcome just along. But if this is your first episode of
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  the Tom and Jerry Show, it's a lot like this. Yeah, yeah,
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  it doesn't. It's very an awful lot, like you know what I
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  mean. There's bits and bobs in between, but you know what I mean,
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  It's like that's this is it? Yeah, this is I learned a
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  wonderful phrase, Tom, I learned a wonderful phrase this very day. We'll
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  get into the show now in a little second, but I want to this
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  phrase your way. Every love a phrase, love a phrase. It's it's,
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  it's, it's, it's kind of it's it's a technique, it's,
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  it's, it's, it's, it's a whole thing. Hiken. That's a
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  word I love hiking hiking about. No, this is called nerd sniping,
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  Okay, nerd SNIPINGRD Well, I guess you could hyphenate it there if you
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  want to, and basically what it is. It's a form of attack.
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  Oh are you attacking nerds? They call it nerd sniping, But you can
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  attack anybody and it's an attack of the mind. It's throwing out a spurious
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  piece of information or a complicated puzzle based on something that you know the person
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  you're attacking has interest in to distract them and allow you to get your kicks
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  in or run away. That you're pretty fucking nerdy jury to be well like,
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  it's it's so so give me mar hampler, as they say in Irish,
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  Marhampler with you, Tom. If you or me were to get into
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  a shin dig outside of pub, all right, okay, we wouldn't.
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  But if we did, and you're coming at me and I'm coming at you,
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  and I probably think, now Tom Bear has me on this one,
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  all right, but I could say something like Tom, I'm going to hit
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  you like a toty kilo bag of cement. Yeah right, okay, yeah,
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  yeah, yeah, okay, all right, And what immediately would your
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  brain say, Jesus Christ, might that's that's too big because it's only twenty
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  five kilobas meant these days, right, yeah, right, And that might
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  get that little shimmy in your brain might give me the window to get the
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  falsest box you've ever seen. Was gonna get the fuck out of the run
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  away or run the fu away one of the other. Right, But you
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  see what I'm saying, Tom, that's great. So that's that's what nerd
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  sniping. That's a nerd snipe. And you could you could, you know,
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  you could, You could say to me, you know this is this
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  is this is harder than playing Super Mario. Want a Sega Mega Drive and
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  we'll brain would explode for a second and go no, wa, no,
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  hang on a second, No, you're right. Yeah, Or you could
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  or you could Rather than just throwing a spurious piece of information like that,
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  I could I could throw you at like a puzzle. So I could throw
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  at you go like, hey, Tom, real quick, how you know
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  how would you get an sds D a little bit into a non sds chuck
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  right and you that would take you a little you know, I would know
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  that would be something you might have interest in. Ah, this doesn't have
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  to be like combat fighting, Tom, you know, this would be a
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  lot more like you know, if you were in the pub. I don't
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  know why so many of these fights take place in the pub where else is
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  a fight and if someone was at you and they'd like you, if I
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  wish this bollocks had shut up, or Jesus, I just need I need
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  five minutes apiece with this fella, just a round put non sd an sts
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  real bit in a non sts chuckle and that might just shut him up.
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  To sip a pint for three or four. I need that. I need
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  that, but I'm kind of wary about it. I actually need that right
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  now because there's a guy that I continuously run into. And I love moving
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  back home, but I have continuously running into this guy. I didn't know
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  him beforehand, but by god, do I know him now? And I
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  don't know if I know him at all, But he's the most boring human
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  on the planet with Gusto. He's boring with Gusto, and he'd fool you
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  for the first while, he'd fool anybody with how he talks with such niceness.
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  But then you realize you're saying do you know he's saying phrases like us?
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  And I mean, I wore a jacket out this morning. She wouldn't
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  know what way the weather be ah yes, sweating bullets now, Shan and
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  then I would you drop the jacket home? That's the question you have to
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  be asking yourself, like sure, and you would know that Ireland before for
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  four US in the day. And I swear to God, I want to
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  run my own face into a wall listening to it. It's just even at
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  that time, like you know, that's like I know he's just doing that
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  because he might be born fair enough, but he if he was to turn
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  that skill for evil. I genuine I genuinely think he has. It's like
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  water on a rock now this sach and I am absolutely busted. I can't,
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  I can't abide. I can't, And I feel bad. He's brilliantly
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  gaslight to me in that I cannot. I feel bad. See going around
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  and going around behind you, Robin the van and you wouldn't because you're literally
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  just worn down. Yeah. Yeah, And this this is not a new
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  thing, Tom, and we won't get into the show now in two wee
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  seconds. But this technique is not a new thing. There's examples of it
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  going back to World War Two. This was a military campaign to halt the
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  production of the V two rockets, the German V two pockets, and Germany
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  was like trying to create their own atomic bomb and all this kind of crack.
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  It's probably like going over. So if you guys were having Nitzelhauses this
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  morning, would you have like warm tea or would you have like sweet tea?
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  I'm just asking you, Tom, Tom, Yeah, that's what was
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  happening. There were there was a there was a plan, whether ever,
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  when they'd the players or not, to like air drop leaflets with complex mathematical
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  equations. Oh my god, and what can sidoku? Was writ sigh up
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  to just pay turn people's eye away from you know, some government taxing all
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  of our underpantss you know, and and and and and. The idea would
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  be that these these taxing uh not taxing in the form you're talking about,
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  but these challenging arithmetic problems and scientific formulas and whatnot would be of no interest
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  to absolutely anybody whatsoever. But if a lad who was a physician physicist working
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  on an on a V two rocket even caught a look of it, it
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  would bug all day, It would vex them all day. Okay, So
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  this is what tech TikTok is essentially, this is what Yeah, it finds
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  what you're interested in. It shows you loads of it, and then you
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  kind of go, oh, where'd me they go? Where did the production
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  go? Where are my V two rockets? They should be raining down on
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  London as we speak. I was about to make a counteract, you know,
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  a some sort of anti venom. And now look the look it has
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  gone from me. I'm gonna home and and and and you know you couldn't
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  turn around and explain it or superior in the in the s s or whatever
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  you were in. Why why haven't you got why haven't you got nerve gas?
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  Why haven't you got B two rockets? I just you know what?
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  The good will hunting me? So the day that they put they put formul
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  up on a blackboard, and I've been looking at it all day. They
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  got not done. They dropped. They dropped loads of little moving flicker flicker
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  books of funny goats falling over. And now, now, honestly, like
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  that, that was it. It was like they would drop like little mazes
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  and things, and even if you got it, you couldn't walk past it.
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  I'm just going to finish this maze. I'm gonna I'm just gonna do
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  this scientific problem. God, hey, have them distracted. You can do
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  whatever you want, you can stab them, do whatever you want. I
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  want to do. I want a couple of listeners to do some nerd sniping
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  this week, just for the crack on a family member, a loved one,
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  just for the crack, to see if you can, if how well
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  it works by pulling them off in the other direction and then hitting them with
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  something that you were maybe about to broach them with, Like I'm heading out
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  advised the weekend, but you know you've thrown or vice verse. I'm heading
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  out with the girls the weekend and what what? Yeah? Fire fire away?
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  Where's that? Where's that twenty? We're gonna lend me Jesus CHRISTI here?
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  Well, all that said, Tom, we appear to have nerd sniped
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  ourselves. We have, actually we have. We have a show to them
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  Christ and we better get into it. We start we are we every week
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  toime we take a look at the big news of the week, don't you
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  know the brew the Shenanigans? Tom, what we have come here on the
• 13:07
  Tom and Jerry Show to refer to as the weekly what have You? This
• 13:11
  is a very complicated case, Mad. You know a lot of a lot
• 13:15
  of what have you? And uh, a lot of strands to keep in
• 13:18
  my head. Man, go on, I mean there's been you know,
• 13:22
  we probably don't you know, there was possibility that we jumped the gun.
• 13:26
  But there's a lot left to be said about because again I'm very new to
• 13:31
  politics, so I'm only paying attention to it now really truthfully, So I
• 13:37
  suppose you know, but I am. I've never given two shots to it
• 13:41
  before and I still lovely don't. But I'm finding the nuances that we're talking
• 13:46
  about very very funny and very very interesting. And you you pointed out in
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  this is that is? This is what it is. Why don't seem when
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  you go looking and honest to God, you'd be shouted at if you carry
• 13:58
  it on after an under fourteen county final the way they count inside in the
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  basketball court somewhere in the middle of Ireland where they do the counting. Because
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  you all know people what we're talking about immediately, Here's what it is.
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  This gives anybody's dropping in here out of space time we better bring them up
• 14:15
  to speed that we are still even though we talked about it last week,
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  we are still talking about the local and European elections, which if you're listening
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  to this when it drops on Thursday. Please God, they have all the
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  counting done, because we're recording this late on Tuesday evening and it is still
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  going. It's not is it serious? Oh they're still elactin lads. Yeah,
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  oh, this is a fact. They're up to the seventeen count here
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  in Dublin. What oh yeah, No, I'd be I'd be putting a
• 14:41
  match to whatever was left and saying figured out lads. Oh, now that's
• 14:43
  going shredding and going underneath a guinea pig somewhere if you have to get yeah,
• 14:48
  just turning wrong, going like who's who's who's standing him over there?
• 14:50
  But all that being said, we're not going to take you into who won
• 14:54
  and who got a seat and all that kind of place. I'm sure you
• 14:56
  can find that out. Do go find it out. You get your news
• 15:01
  from r Indeed, all the podcasts that are dedicated to it, we are
• 15:03
  more dedicated to talking shout and that's what we're going to do. And what
• 15:07
  we're going to talk shit about is what Tom was saying there, which is
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  the custom in Ireland. And I haven't I don't know if this is a
• 15:15
  UK. Yeah, I've seen this across the continent. This is definitely it's
• 15:20
  whoever wins or ever gets elected, whoever gets the set immediately gets hoisted up
• 15:26
  onto the shoulders of the people who are around them. Yeah, I thought
• 15:31
  it was just originally he raised down and call or carry, But it's not.
• 15:35
  It seems to be. And the awkwardness of it jair. Some people
• 15:39
  don't want it. Some people you say, it happens the country over right.
• 15:43
  I saw this guy and he was after winning something. It was some
• 15:46
  Dublin district. He was out of winning. But he was a big old
• 15:50
  unit like, he was a big tall man and stuff. And I could
• 15:52
  see a few people kind of tentively going at him, but he was so
• 15:56
  excited he kind of started punching the air and swinging himself like flinging. He
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  would have cleaned somebody's head clean off if they got tim too early, but
• 16:06
  they were still they were making inroads to lift him. But he almost killed
• 16:10
  somebody with a punch when an excited air punch. You say that he was
• 16:12
  a big unit, right, there's two things at fault here, Tom,
• 16:17
  Okay, what we're gonna do here now? In case anybody thinks we're gonna
• 16:19
  go Candida by candy and say he would and wouldn't lift. We're not going
• 16:23
  to do that. Although, when you were driving around over the last two
• 16:26
  weeks, ladies and gentlemen of the Tom and Jerry Show listenership, and you've
• 16:30
  seen all those posters up around you, did any of those people look like
• 16:34
  they would be easy to carry? One fella? Genuinely, one fellow when
• 16:38
  we were discussing this, Yes he was. His poster was still up.
• 16:44
  I know. I think it worked out too well for him. He looked
• 16:47
  like the farmer from Babe. Do you know that doctor James Crumb with the
• 16:52
  narrowest neck and narrowest face I've ever seen. It was like I could probably
• 16:56
  lift that guy. I could well, you know, in three or four
• 17:00
  seconds. But I don't think he got lifted. No, I'm not being
• 17:03
  bad man or Tom. But there was a couple of people out of their
• 17:06
  way and their posters needed three cable ties. Yeah, not being the good
• 17:14
  ones too, not the not the yourship ones, the good ones. Yeah.
• 17:18
  So what we're what we're gonna do with the Tom and Jerry Show.
• 17:19
  We don't care who got elected really one way or another. You know,
• 17:22
  May that God go with them. But what we want to offer to everybody
• 17:26
  here now is a manual handling course because some of you clearly have never been
• 17:32
  sat down and shown how to bend at the knees while keeping your back straight.
• 17:37
  Oh Lord saves, yeah, clearly. The lad the Laddin question,
• 17:41
  the Laddin question that I seen where I was like, no, no,
• 17:42
  no, that's that's a spinal injury right there. Oh yeah, and he
• 17:48
  was, he was. He wasn't a big unit by any means, but
• 17:49
  like he is a grown adult man, so he had to be thirteen fourteen
• 17:53
  stone right like a grown man. Yeah, and country to so you know
• 17:59
  he dead yeah, dense, yeah, bones and there yeah yeah, and
• 18:03
  some here's this it's okay, it's the person that's being lifted, right,
• 18:07
  fair enough, uh huh. But then also you have the people that are
• 18:12
  lifting them, which tends to be they're elderly relatives, honestly, like or
• 18:18
  some that wull be the point where I would because you don't want many if
• 18:22
  you if you're carrying a few, you don't want to be embarrassed like and
• 18:25
  going oh Jesus, And it's like get them up here, now, get
• 18:29
  them up and it's like you know, you're da on one side and your
• 18:32
  oldest uncle on the other side, and they are buckling like whatever you're being
• 18:37
  elected to, you better have a ward with whoever does the hospitals because you
• 18:40
  need to hip replacements straight away. You have to wonder like you kind of
• 18:44
  you know, if you're campaigning for somebody in canvas in away and you're kind
• 18:47
  of going, you know, they suggest maybe jumping in the carn and walking
• 18:52
  on to the next bit, and you're like, do you know what,
• 18:53
  maybe we should just power k to that. I'm just saying, yeah,
• 18:56
  you know, what have you have? You got a fitbit on just an
• 19:00
  idea, Hey, it could look good for fitness, and we're out and
• 19:03
  about. You know, we look like you know that RFK guy who looks
• 19:04
  as who's doing push ups and chin ups and stuff. He look fit.
• 19:08
  I'm just saying, You're like, but no, we'll drive, No,
• 19:12
  no, no, we'll we'll we'll get a salad on the way home.
• 19:15
  Actually as well. But while we look at it, because I can see
• 19:18
  you winning and I'm gonna have to get a shoulder on you. Yeah,
• 19:22
  but I watched about I'd say I actually typed it in Politicians lived and it
• 19:27
  does and it comes Oh my good, got everyone on the jure hamstring's blown
• 19:33
  out, lower back sciatica's I can see the saatic nerves are just being snapped.
• 19:38
  The one lad like I said, this lad I was telling you about
• 19:41
  that would have been about thirteen, and we'll give them thirteen. Okay,
• 19:42
  we'll be generous. We say thirteen, okay, maybe thirteen and a half.
• 19:45
  Right, And it chapped him in like there's the lift where it's one
• 19:52
  lad on either side and it's somewhat of a high stop. You catch him
• 19:55
  underneath the legs and he's arson and lift them up. You got to cheek
• 19:56
  on either shoulder, right, yeah, But in this instance a boy came
• 20:02
  on the stuck his head like the way and we're married men now, but
• 20:07
  we weren't always. But you remember, like, you know, if you
• 20:10
  were at Oxygen and some young ones said, can I get up on your
• 20:14
  shoulders to see kaiser chiefs or whoever the hell it might be? Yeah,
• 20:17
  yeah, and you just go yeah, all right, and you give them
• 20:18
  a who shop on the shoulders and to be sitting up like well, up
• 20:22
  on your shoulders until you were like, where's this going? Love? Right?
• 20:26
  Oh look I can see my boyfriend from here. Get it up all
• 20:30
  right? Then you get all right and you go nice. Knowing you this
• 20:33
  pillat stuck his head on their kneath and between your man's legs. Right,
• 20:37
  so the way he was standing, he was like at an l He was
• 20:41
  at a ninety degree angle, like that bracket right there on the meat,
• 20:47
  yeah, at the back of his neck underneath a man's goots, with the
• 20:51
  intention that when he stood up. So if you can imagine, oh,
• 20:53
  I see a penny, I bent over and I picked it up, and
• 20:56
  when you stand up, you're just gonna stand up. Except now you have
• 21:00
  a fourteen stone man. I know he's gained half a stone there. Now.
• 21:03
  Yeah, you talk about him last Tom, I'm going to tell you
• 21:07
  that's not happening, not at that angle, not at that angle, at
• 21:11
  that angle. So what we want to do is if you are going to
• 21:15
  do that, that particularly gonna hosh someone up on your shoulder. The elections
• 21:19
  are gone, but we are heading into festival season. So if you find
• 21:22
  yourself at longitude, then you you you know, you want to lift one
• 21:26
  of your pals up, or you want to you need to get somebody higher
• 21:30
  than they area here's as best as I can the best advice I can offer
• 21:33
  you based on the manual handling that I've done in my life. Let's do
• 21:37
  bend at the knees. They ain't caning around with that Tom. Bend at
• 21:41
  the knees, like bend down like you're gonna, you know, like you're
• 21:42
  Scott and you're a cave man scotting to take a poot behind a rock.
• 21:45
  Yeah yeah, right, then get whoever it is too slowly, all right,
• 21:51
  and gently put themselves up onto your shoulder, right, okay, because
• 21:56
  what was that? What I've seen in the basketball courts around Ireland over the
• 22:00
  weekend was everybody trying to do this in one clean and jerk motion. Terrible
• 22:04
  idea. Nobody warmed up nothing, No, d you're saying all this kind
• 22:10
  of air air punching and wriggling around and and all this kind of track.
• 22:15
  No, No, this is the thing where everybody wants to be somewhat steady
• 22:18
  on their feet, right, And they're probably in like dress shoes too,
• 22:22
  because a lot of people are wearing slecks. You know what I mean,
• 22:25
  you gotta be in their courts court style shoes. If you want grip,
• 22:27
  you need good, like to start like Jerry's right, bend your back bender
• 22:32
  or you know what I mean, straight back, straight up, bend your
• 22:33
  needs, get your ass nearly touching the ground. You want those feet planted
• 22:37
  a little over shoulder with a part pointing forward so they're they're directly parallel to
• 22:44
  your knees, and how they point not out the way, not in the
• 22:45
  way out straight ahead, in line with your needs. And you gotta like
• 22:51
  you gotta you gotta have a good pair of shoes on me. Like I'm
• 22:55
  not saying you gotta have you gotta lay them up to the gin, but
• 22:57
  you gotta have shoes on it, like you can't be in the shitp and
• 23:00
  crocks, you know what I mean. And not for nothing neither. Now
• 23:03
  I know you know not the error of your election, Tom, but a
• 23:07
  lot of these guys have been standing around Account and Center for fourteen hours.
• 23:11
  So yeah, you're you're not going it? Okay, Look that's going to
• 23:15
  be that right. We can't account for when you're going to be lifted up.
• 23:18
  Here's the bit of advice I want to give you. Plenty of boys
• 23:21
  around you, right if you are going to be the lifty, if you're
• 23:25
  going to have this lad up on your shoulders. Yeah, you don't want
• 23:29
  to be the man to do all the lifting. Here's where the two boys
• 23:34
  come in on either other side. Yeah, okay, to catch the buye
• 23:37
  underneath the oxters and that's under nater arm your armpit for those of you that
• 23:41
  aren't caught from the country by on either side. Caught him by the oxers,
• 23:47
  and they do the bulk of the lifting. Yeah, but the lifty
• 23:51
  too, jir, I'm I mean you do the lifty does a bit.
• 23:52
  I can give a like count, like assuming that they don't have the shortest
• 23:57
  legs in the world in a big long back. If they've if they've stood
• 24:00
  in over your shoulders on that one, two three, a little bounce wouldn't
• 24:06
  hurt a little A little up onto the toes and up we go. This
• 24:08
  is what happens when the undertaker puts you up for a choke slam. Right
• 24:12
  he half the work has been done by it has been done by Sean Michael's
• 24:17
  doing right. So if you're being lifted, help your man out, like,
• 24:22
  jump up with them, don't sand bag them. Yeah yeah, and
• 24:26
  you'll have a by either side of your arms under the oxors and they are
• 24:30
  going to be doing the bulk at the lifting, so that the guy who
• 24:33
  you are going to end up on the shoulders of all he really has to
• 24:37
  do is stand up. Yeah, and none of this huge amounts of lifting.
• 24:45
  None of us flapping around either, because I've seen this. They're wiggling.
• 24:48
  They're happy, they're excited, and maybe it's something to do with the
• 24:51
  base of the human that's under them, but they're way wiggling back and forth.
• 24:55
  Get yourself steady, give the one finger in the air like the boxers
• 24:59
  kind of pose. Let's have one of them, Like, let's have one
• 25:02
  of them, number one, baby, number one. Now the dismount jer
• 25:06
  this is where things can go fair wrong. When you think everything's all right.
• 25:10
  You've gotten them up there. Hey, I feel fine, no back
• 25:12
  pain, no shoulder paints. This is actually okay. You could stay up
• 25:15
  there for a good minute. The boys are supporting everything. Once you have,
• 25:19
  once you have the weight up on your shoulders, Tom like, oh
• 25:22
  you take stand there for half an hour? Yeah you could, but it's
• 25:26
  a dismount. Now, this is where things could get very messy, you
• 25:30
  know what I mean. I mean, look, I would say if you're
• 25:33
  ever in that position. You have to do it at whatever, whether it's
• 25:37
  an especially an election, because things only agree can kick off at a wedding
• 25:41
  as well, I will say, but I'm saying it. The only female
• 25:45
  I saw getting lifted was in like a Jackie o Nessa's style pants suit,
• 25:51
  you know what I mean, Like like it was a trousers. There was
• 25:53
  trousers going on a lot. Can I don't know where this where the line
• 25:57
  is drawn in a woe wearing a skirt or something like. It's like,
• 26:00
  okay, well now all of a sudden, my head's upper skirt and that's
• 26:03
  a photo opportunity. Just wait. But aside from all that, that's just
• 26:07
  a side note. Keep an eye on what they're wearing. If they're wearing
• 26:11
  quarterized walk away, you don't want that on your neck, you know what
• 26:14
  I mean, you don't. It's the dismount. R the dismount very tempting
• 26:18
  to just lean forward and flop off, get off, you're done. I
• 26:23
  was going to say, it's very very just to kick your legs out and
• 26:26
  fall directly backwards, bounce up and then just choke slam them. Yeah yeah,
• 26:33
  drop the drop, drop the elbow and them. Yeah, yeah,
• 26:37
  yeah, yeah, F five then or whatever after that. Great, the
• 26:41
  you gotta think about the dismount. They need to work with you. Everybody
• 26:44
  needs to do the exact same thing, only in reverse. In reverse,
• 26:51
  you are not out of danger until their heels are back on the ground again.
• 26:56
  You know you are going to hear a knepop. Guaranteed you're gonna hear
• 26:59
  your own need when you come down slowly, but feet planted under you down
• 27:04
  slowly, have their oxters held, yes, be touched the ground you're on.
• 27:08
  Okay, I would, I'd scooch forward a little bit because they're they're
• 27:14
  you know, their legs are probably gone dead because they've been on the shoulders
• 27:15
  for half an hour. Scooch forward a little bit in that kind of schlev
• 27:19
  style crouch, and then you're way out of it. Just wash the back
• 27:26
  of your neck after that, up there for half an hour, you know
• 27:27
  it's and if you are the way or the man or woman who has after
• 27:30
  being elected and you're hushed up on shoulders like fight the urged, do like
• 27:34
  a franky the Tory style dismount. Yeah you know, yeah, yeah yeah,
• 27:40
  because chances are you're not in a pair of air Jordan Ones either in
• 27:45
  same basketball court. Do you know what I mean? You're gonna probably land
• 27:48
  crack your tailbone, you know, because very few of these are fresh people.
• 27:53
  Very few of these you know what I mean. They all have their
• 27:56
  back teeth, and some of them they're starting to curl, you know,
• 27:59
  like an out horse. And I go back to Tom, like, why
• 28:03
  why we feel that we can offer advice on this is that we have had
• 28:08
  more than our fair share. I would imagine of manual handling courses like every
• 28:14
  you people don't understand every job I ever started in my life up but very
• 28:18
  recently, they would sit you down. You'd be brought in on a Saturday,
• 28:22
  like normally on a Saturday, and sat down and showed like, you
• 28:26
  know, the correct way to lift the box, the correct way to slide
• 28:30
  a box off a table, the correct way to do all this, how
• 28:33
  to carry a thing from here to here. And it wasn't for your employer
• 28:36
  who wanted to save your back. It was your It was an insurance thing,
• 28:38
  right, of course I did one two months ago. I did want
• 28:44
  to two months ago. And and I'm looking at this and the guy's going,
• 28:47
  you know yourself, Tom, And he was right, like there was.
• 28:49
  Some of it was a bit like, I don't know if you remember,
• 28:53
  or you could pick any robot from any TV series ever where you turn,
• 28:57
  have you ever you know to turn with the yeah, yeah, yeah
• 29:00
  yeah, and you're literally you are already Arty two D two or you know
• 29:04
  you're your man from Red Dwarf or whatever. You know. It's but I
• 29:10
  was kind of sniggering all these things. I'm like, I have been Hooshi
• 29:12
  and stuff. I've done this these courses before. I was probably ninety percent
• 29:17
  right. I was there there about ninety percent right, Okay, a few
• 29:19
  things, I'm like, I will never ever be doing that. I promise
• 29:23
  you. I will get a big moldovan to do that before I will do
• 29:27
  that. But the guy beside me, I don't. I don't think that
• 29:32
  poor man has ever even pulled up his own underpants correctly. I've never seen
• 29:36
  a more awkward human in all my life. God bless him. I couldn't.
• 29:41
  I couldn't be as awkward as him. If I, in my Daniel
• 29:45
  day Lewis could study this man for six months, he could marry the man's
• 29:49
  wife, move into his home, care for his kids. Yeah, as
• 29:56
  part of his upcoming role in the awkwardest man life. He would still still
• 30:03
  not nail it. He would quit acting because he would fail so badly at
• 30:07
  trying to be as awkward as this man. I honestly, if he's not
• 30:11
  listening because English was in his first language, if he ever has to ever
• 30:17
  lift any I literally said to the guy, he'd be working there long.
• 30:19
  This is two weeks, I went, I'd go find something else. If
• 30:23
  I were you, this is going to be horrific for you because they will
• 30:29
  work you into the ground because they've taught you how to lift as far as
• 30:32
  they've concerned. As far as that is it. If you turn around in
• 30:34
  six months time and say I have a very sore back, I've got like
• 30:38
  the jam has come out of my donut. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah
• 30:42
  yeah. For any of you who've done a manual handling course, you'll know
• 30:45
  that the jam coming out of your donut is what you don't want to happen.
• 30:48
  If you want any collaboration on that, imagine your spine as being a
• 30:52
  stack of donuts. Yeah yeah, so and figure it out from that.
• 30:56
  And I'm pretty sure somewhere down through the years we've talked about our own jellies
• 31:00
  jumping out jelly for the American listeners. I don't know why you call it
• 31:03
  jelly. Jelly's not that, but anyway not jam. So you don't want
• 31:07
  the jam. If you go to your boss and go, excuse me,
• 31:10
  the jam has come out im, don't I'm incredibly sore. He can turn
• 31:12
  around and go like, well, I don't know why you have a sore
• 31:15
  back. I paid money to put you on a manual handling course, and
• 31:19
  the instructor clearly showed you how to lift the box, and you demonstrated that
• 31:23
  you understood what it was. So take your claim elsewhere. Yes, that's
• 31:27
  it. That's the long and the short of it. So yeah, that's
• 31:32
  that's exactly what my seven Jerry are telling you. If you've never done a
• 31:34
  manual handling course, chances are you will never need one. Now, just
• 31:40
  stay away from lifting anything. That's all I'm gonna say. If you,
• 31:45
  particularly newly elected members to the European Parliament who were upwards of thirteen stone,
• 31:52
  and you look like something to Crowchett in the family, what would be your
• 31:59
  celebration If they said, all right, jer my celebration will be turning left
• 32:02
  and right to those of REMI and saying leave me the fu. I think
• 32:07
  I if I thought it was upcoming, I think i'd take some breakdown,
• 32:09
  some classes because I'm on a parking floor. J hit him with a Spinnerroonie.
• 32:14
  I just hit him with the spinner ronie. I think I'd put on
• 32:16
  a hoodie and all of a sudden, I'm like, you know that be
• 32:19
  you know that that that you know that kind of that that bit kind of
• 32:22
  walk around the floor that they do first, like I do one of those
• 32:25
  over my suit. I'd pull on a hoodie, put up the hoodie and
• 32:29
  pull on my pair of you know what, actually, do you know what
• 32:31
  time you've given me an idea? You know what? I would go up
• 32:35
  on shoulders. I absolutely would go up on shoulders, and when they dropped
• 32:38
  me back down, I'd be like, yep, someone help me, Someone
• 32:44
  help me? And then I do I put a count over your shoulder,
• 32:47
  like when are you going to get a chance? Not even again? An
• 32:57
  Irish flag the drip an Irish flag over ah. That's the problem we see
• 33:04
  it is there's I think, if you want to stand, we'll teach you
• 33:07
  how to be a politician another day. But I think if you want to
• 33:09
  stand out every so use those little moments, just those little moments, these
• 33:13
  little moments like that. Just don't lift anything. I would suggest ever,
• 33:17
  if you haven't done now, don't bother. Start, don't bother. But
• 33:22
  that's good advice any rate. That's those lads, Tom, you know what
• 33:24
  I mean, And plenty of those lads. And last he's got elected,
• 33:28
  don't you know, over the last week, and as we speak, they
• 33:30
  are still being elected. And we wish them all the best in the future
• 33:34
  endeavors. Don't mess this up, guys, because a lot of eyes on
• 33:37
  you now at this stage. But that's those lads, and we've talked about
• 33:42
  them. But every now and then there's you know, one particular lad who
• 33:45
  shines out above all the rest of them. Okay, And when we're talking
• 33:50
  about that lad, we don't say, oh yeah, there's that lad.
• 33:52
  We say and there's this lad. Now there's that guy. This week's this
• 34:00
  is era to be fair to him. He's probably a long time coming to
• 34:05
  the Toma Jerry Show in some which way shape, for he is due to
• 34:08
  get to the Tom and Jerry Show in all fairness, And as soon as
• 34:12
  I messaged you, you were like I knew it. I didn't even have
• 34:14
  to if I turned up to surprise yet you'd go, yeah, probably one
• 34:21
  of the just the longest running guys that you just can't have a you can
• 34:25
  not have a smile. And when you think of Dick van Dyke, for
• 34:29
  so many reasons, Van Dyke a name that would never get through the Actor's
• 34:34
  Guild in today's in today's field, never not a hope if you turned up
• 34:40
  with the name Dick van Dyke jer to the Actors Guild because you know,
• 34:43
  they got to change their names every so often, like they're you know,
• 34:45
  Jerry McBride. Sorry, there's three, Jeremy Bride's. One is in Missouri,
• 34:49
  ones in Canada, and you gotta be You're like, okay, I'll
• 34:52
  take my mother's maiden name. No, you know, give me my dogs
• 34:54
  and my mother's maiden name, Zippy McFarland, you know, And all of
• 35:00
  a sudden, people in ten years time gets shocked to find out that you're
• 35:02
  actually called Jerry McBride. Well, he's actually close enough to Dick Van Dyke,
• 35:07
  I think, isn't he know he is rich he is born Richard van
• 35:10
  Dyke. But as you say yourself, when he rocked up for his first
• 35:13
  audition and they said, okay, what's your name? And he's like Dick,
• 35:15
  and I was like, okay, the rest of this better carry it.
• 35:21
  Okay, well, all right, what's your second name? But it's
• 35:25
  we call it a surname Van Dyke. There you go. There's gonna be
• 35:30
  just gonna be a deep breath in the room, like when you Dick Van
• 35:35
  well, my god as well, Dick Van Dyke's real name is Dick Van
• 35:37
  Dyke, Like wow, you know, okay, I would have thought that
• 35:39
  was a stage name. Not going to derail it, not gonna nerd this
• 35:42
  night, be here. But you know what, Billy Crystal's real name is,
• 35:45
  go on, Billy Crystal. He was just born Billy Crystal. What
• 35:50
  the hell else was he not going to be other than a star? Same
• 35:52
  with Tyson Fury, Like Tyson Fury wasn't going to be radio DJ. The
• 35:57
  only thing I will say about maybe Billy Crystal, maybe Dick Fan Dyke,
• 36:00
  We're always destined to be that. But literally, like, was Tyson Fury
• 36:02
  ever going to be anything but Tyson Fury? You know what I mean.
• 36:07
  I'm a fighting man. I'll come over them I'll fight you. I'll fight
• 36:13
  Yourjova, I'll fight your washing me Jane a bloody. I'm a fighting man,
• 36:16
  and I do a respect to fighting man. He's a godfear in fighting
• 36:20
  man. But there you go. I because when I heard Tyson, because
• 36:24
  that's like a wrestler's name right there. I know, a wrestling heavy this
• 36:28
  particular episode, Tom, that's like a wrestler's name, Tyson Fury, Like
• 36:30
  you made that up for the marquee no born, mister and missus Fury a
• 36:35
  son Tyson. Yeah, anyway, we're getting away from it. Why is
• 36:37
  Dick van Dyke this week's this guy? Because Dick Van Dyke is ninety eight
• 36:42
  years old. Not just that, but he's the oldest Emmy winner, Yes
• 36:47
  for his guest appearance. And I more than anything, I can't believe that
• 36:52
  this is still on the Goal, the daytime long long running show of Days
• 36:59
  of Our Lives. He got an Emmy for a guest appearance on like he's
• 37:02
  still making a pit like you know he turns up to any set you're gonna
• 37:07
  go, that's Stick van Dykelan, it's Stick van Dyke because I know he
• 37:12
  was in the They made a new Mary Poppins a couple of years ago and
• 37:16
  he showed up as a little cameo role. I refuse to watch it,
• 37:20
  and we had no interest in the house either. But I knew he was
• 37:22
  ninety eight, and I read it before I saw it, and it was
• 37:25
  like, ninety eight year old Dick Van Dyke shows up at the red carpet
• 37:29
  of the Emmy's and I'm like, oh God, love him. Like the
• 37:30
  Wheel the Morning and Iron Long or something, you know, yeah, like
• 37:34
  this is going to be sad, and he's shocking and jiving and just the
• 37:37
  thing he turns the fucking worm on the red carpet. It's the I'll tell
• 37:42
  you one thing I want to see Dick Van Dyke win an election, because
• 37:45
  that man is gonna start moon walking across the fucking dance floor of some West
• 37:51
  Limerick basketball court. Like I'm not like, I love the guy. He
• 37:55
  shows up the things and it's like, well, Vick Van Dyke. He's
• 37:59
  like, oh, are you think I'm old, dear, And all of
• 38:00
  a sudden he starts breakdancing and ship. It's like Jesus Christ. Dick Van
• 38:04
  Dyke. He is one of the last surviving members of like the Old Hollywood
• 38:08
  sect. We do this like every year or whenever we're watching It's a Wonderful
• 38:12
  Life, Yes, yeah, yeah, or like, is there is there
• 38:15
  any of the cast of It's a Wonderful Life left alive? Absolutely not.
• 38:20
  I think one of the one of George Bailey's kids, like Zuzu with Our
• 38:24
  Petals is like ninety six or something like that, like this, like we're
• 38:30
  down to that. After that, everybody's dead. Kirk Douglas is dead.
• 38:34
  That he got to one hundred, very white, ninety nine. And then
• 38:37
  you turn around with Dick van Dyke. Surely, no, there he is.
• 38:39
  There's Dick van Dyke, not a bother on him. It would have
• 38:43
  fine head of hair, fine beard. He's He has looked the same,
• 38:47
  like pretty much the same bar as long as I can, Like I remember
• 38:52
  seeing him like in The Golden Girls turning up as can you get us?
• 38:57
  Can you remember his character's name of the Golden Girl? No, doctor Harry
• 39:00
  West? Oh yeah? How how how? Because somewhere deep inside me,
• 39:07
  I absolutely love Dick lan Dyke. He's class. He's just class, and
• 39:10
  even even owl for hanging around with owl ones And I was only a gust
• 39:16
  and the young fella. Yeah, forty years ago. And I remember then
• 39:19
  seeing him and you're watching because obviously Bang Bang and Mary Poppins was an outnow
• 39:23
  time because it's like a sixties or seven seventies movies or whatever, and he
• 39:27
  goes, oh, there's a young dick Lan Dyke who's still do you know
• 39:30
  he didn't make his communion doing that either. He was a bloke in that.
• 39:34
  Yeah, a grown ass man, Jesus. What I remember him from
• 39:37
  was in the mid nineties, I would say into the early two thousands.
• 39:40
  He had a long standing TV role on a TV show called Diagnosis Murder.
• 39:46
  Yes, and because he had his his TV he has thatsh It was always
• 39:51
  always a bit of a Sean Connry Diagnoses Murderer. Yeah, And like even
• 39:54
  at that he was like an old man. He was an old gray haired
• 39:59
  man party years ago and now you come to find out, Yeah, well
• 40:00
  he would have been sixty five. God damn, that's an old ass man,
• 40:05
  right, he's sixty five. And if you remember in Diagnosis Murder,
• 40:10
  the second lead was played by his son. Yes, his name was like
• 40:15
  Barry Van Dyke or something yeah, like this right, and he couldn't act
• 40:19
  worth a damn. But you could clearly see that he had like the Dick
• 40:21
  Van Dyke jeans. He was like a handsome enough sort of dude, and
• 40:24
  he was like barrel chested in that nineties American kind of way. And I
• 40:29
  was like, okay, so after diagnosis murder one, dad's not on the
• 40:31
  executive producer credits. What else are you gonna do? Barry van Dyke?
• 40:35
  All right? Nothing' Well he doesn't have to. It's Barry van Dyke.
• 40:38
  He's he's got that. He's got that diagnosis murder. Money coming in.
• 40:44
  You said, Dick van Dyke is ninety eight years of page. What would
• 40:45
  you ascribe that to? Tom? Because I know what I ascribe it to
• 40:50
  a lifetime of not giving a fall. No, I tell you one thing,
• 40:52
  because we're only talking myself and l we're talking about the cork Douglas recently
• 40:58
  enough. It's ferbinating me. You know he's gone a long time. I
• 41:01
  spu he was going a long time. Of course, he was going a
• 41:05
  long time. If you don't care about things like the price of ESB going
• 41:10
  on, do you know what I mean? If you don't give a bollix
• 41:15
  that your man next door is spread and slurry. If you don't give a
• 41:19
  shite that the traffic leg is broken. It broke out in the oak and
• 41:21
  you've got to sit in track. That is an accumulative amount of stress that
• 41:25
  pours down on top of a man over years, and we'll just drive you
• 41:30
  into what is seemingly an early grave. We had the potential to live to
• 41:32
  over one hundreds. Of course, Kirk Douglas and Dick Van Dyke are first
• 41:37
  of all, they've both got really cool names, do you know, and
• 41:42
  you're just everywhere you imagine j everywhere you walk in. It's not that oh
• 41:46
  my god, you know ed sheeran vibe when we walk into a room,
• 41:52
  but where there's hysteria and really it's only you know, the girls in the
• 41:55
  room. Everybody when Dick van Dyke walks on the set is gone. Clay
• 42:01
  Clay the Dick van Dyke story that I always go back to, and I
• 42:07
  had to look it up because in my mind, I'm like, well,
• 42:09
  he was an old man, so it must have only been a couple of
• 42:12
  years ago. But no, it was nearly fifteen years ago and he was
• 42:15
  still an old man. He was still like in his mid eighties. He
• 42:20
  fell asleep on a surfboard into ten. Do you remember this? I have
• 42:28
  a vague memory of this. Did he almost die? No, he fell
• 42:31
  asleep on a surfboard and got carried out to the to the ocean. Okay,
• 42:37
  Well, if anybody wants to go to last week's episode, you can
• 42:38
  tell what I think of that scenario. All right. So, and number
• 42:43
  one part of me thinks that would have been a wonderful death for Dick van
• 42:47
  Dyke, like the mystery of Dick Van Dyke? Where did he get?
• 42:52
  Like he would have never been found again? Only maybe like he would have
• 42:55
  been swept out to sea, and only if you know, like, hey,
• 42:58
  where's Dick van Dyke? Where do you see him? Las? He's
• 43:00
  on a surfboard there he look kind of sleepy. H he was trying to
• 43:05
  clean some chimney potts. He's gone to clean the chimney pots in heaven.
• 43:08
  That's where he's gone. You did never know whatever happened to him, and
• 43:12
  you'd be like, you know, what do you call that? What do
• 43:13
  you call your man? That singer and the Jeff Buckley or some such Okay
• 43:16
  that died? Yes, hell yeah, didn't he like coastwimming or fall off
• 43:23
  a boat or something, and yeah it was a mysterious one, all right,
• 43:28
  but they reckoned. He's living on an island with Elvis and I'm getting
• 43:30
  I'm all over the place. This shows a research that we don't know.
• 43:34
  Everybody knows what happened to Jeff Buckley. It was the lead singer of the
• 43:37
  Manic Street Preachers, not the one we know, but the byby for him.
• 43:40
  He vanished and was never found again. And it was water related,
• 43:44
  but he felt whatever maybe or something. I digress, Tom, did you're
• 43:50
  really kneeling on the water related to you know? What happened to one of
• 43:55
  these people? Let us know in the comments, right, But they found
• 43:59
  that I fell asleep on a surfboard and got carried out to sea and made
• 44:04
  it back to shore no small feet, Like he was carried fuck out to
• 44:09
  see right international waters And how he got back into land was a shoal of
• 44:20
  dolphins came around him and coaxed him back to the sea. Now we only
• 44:27
  have Dick Van Dyke's word for this, right, Yeah, but apparently this
• 44:31
  is a thing that happens, like surfers will go out and dolphins will will
• 44:37
  come around them and they won't like bash them and bring them down to the
• 44:40
  murky depth. The dolphins will help you get back to the sea or at
• 44:44
  least the still sort of like, and they'll swim towards you know what they're
• 44:46
  doing at you know which way to head or which way to paddle? Do
• 44:50
  you know what they're doing here? They're gone? What are you doing here?
• 44:52
  What are you doing? This is you know, business is in this
• 44:55
  place. This is for Dick van Dyke. I wonder where they like cartoon
• 45:00
  animated dolphins, like in the like in Mary Poppins. You know, it
• 45:07
  just started just jumping around. Before he knew it. He was up on
• 45:09
  the sort of board tap dancing gone, just a stone fall of sugar god
• 45:15
  hollow Mary pop Pins, just absolutely tripping balls. I guarantee you, because
• 45:22
  you know for a fact, a fellow like him, who doesn't give a
• 45:24
  ship, he's turning up tap dancing at funerals. He I saw him do
• 45:30
  the worm and a lad stag because he was having dinner. They went up
• 45:32
  to him. It was somebody video that he was in a restaurant and he
• 45:36
  had gone up to the bar to pay and they were like, oh my
• 45:37
  god, it's Dick van Dyke. Can we get a photographer, I'll do
• 45:38
  even one better. And he just starts dancing for him. Yeah, before
• 45:44
  you know it, he's down doing the worm across a broken glass floor.
• 45:45
  I guarantee you that fella has dropped a fair bit of acid in his time.
• 45:51
  I guarantee you nothing as well that brings me, that brings me to
• 45:53
  the next Stick Van Dyke story. Let's hang in this is this is like
• 45:57
  ten or twelve years ago that that that dolphins story. Keep an eye out
• 46:00
  for that. Like surfers and you know, all these dudes will tell you
• 46:07
  that dolphins will show up to your surfboard and they will not try and drag
• 46:10
  you down to the waters. They will While we're on a nostalgic by Bear,
• 46:16
  can I can you please confirm my thoughts in my head? Do you
• 46:21
  remember there was a whole period of the eighties where there was TV shows of
• 46:23
  a little boy who would have a wild animal friend, i e. As
• 46:29
  Skippy, a flipper and gentle gentle Ben a giant bear by the way,
• 46:34
  a bear? Yeah, yeah, okay. Did they call Flipper by sticking
• 46:38
  some sort of a ruga hooter in the in the water, or did I
• 46:42
  dream that. No, I wasn't a big flipper fan. I do know
• 46:45
  that they call skipy with a oh no people skiping with the grass that piece
• 46:52
  of Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how they call the bear other than
• 46:58
  just going bear if the listeners could confirm that for me, because I have
• 47:02
  tried to look for that. And also I do have the kid that played
• 47:07
  in gentle Bet and the Boy that he ended up being one of the guys
• 47:09
  that was in He was the big fan of the mud dogs in Waterboy.
• 47:13
  You'll see loads of things turning up being the kind of wild redneck, but
• 47:15
  he just went from and door the kid anyway. Sorry, going back Dick
• 47:20
  van after the Dolphin story. The dolphin story, Okay, this is my
• 47:24
  last Dick Van Dyke story. Ah a fair play drum as well. Ah
• 47:29
  yeah, Jesus alive at time of recording. All Right, I know what's
• 47:34
  gonna happen the next two days. Okay, I don't want to. I
• 47:37
  don't want to put that hurt and Dick Van Dyke, but I hope he
• 47:38
  makes it. Look out of the election. Stay out of the elections.
• 47:43
  Don't get to bring it, don't win a seat in double inside your hips
• 47:45
  cannot take it, buddy, Dick Vandyke would People were driving along the freeway
• 47:51
  in Los Angeles one day and see a car on the side of the road
• 47:53
  and it's on fire, like all of it from front to back, and
• 48:00
  they're like, god damn. You know how Americans are all over And there
• 48:04
  is video for this, I'm I get it and post on the socials.
• 48:08
  And they get up to it and they look inside and they're a man in
• 48:12
  it and they're like, oh my good lord. And they opened the door.
• 48:15
  That's just Dick fan like sitting in a like not a car with smoke
• 48:20
  coming out of the engine, like a fully engulfed in flames car, okay,
• 48:24
  And they're like, do you know your car's on fire. He's like,
• 48:27
  yeah, I was just thinking about my next move here steaming. Surely
• 48:31
  he was steaming, was he no? Yeah, he's he is. Yeah,
• 48:35
  he's like a hot man. You know, the way they say,
• 48:37
  don't leave dogs in hot cars. Also, don't leave ninety one year olds,
• 48:40
  don't leave dick Dick ven don't leave your dick in a car, right,
• 48:45
  they said, you out in the California. He what, but he
• 48:47
  must be wasted? Was he like what well, nobody printed that, but
• 48:52
  yes, absolutely he was out for a drive and the car over heated,
• 48:58
  and he pulled over on the side of the road, and the car subsequently
• 49:01
  overheated a lot more tom to the point where it portioned into flames. And
• 49:06
  Dick Van Dyke's theory was, yes, the car is completely on fire,
• 49:10
  but the inside isn't. Yeah, said the lobster to the pot. It's
• 49:17
  not fire in here. In fact, we water in here, will be
• 49:22
  fine, will be grand. And and they were like, you know,
• 49:23
  eventually that class is gonna melt, Dick and come busting into it, So
• 49:27
  could you please, sir, step away from these guys are like holding up
• 49:30
  their coats and ship like this, like to not go on fire themselves.
• 49:35
  And He's just like, sounds like they're making a lot of fuss about nothing,
• 49:37
  but okay, yeah, I suppose we'll get out of the car if
• 49:39
  it comes to it. And then he's to be like he came out and
• 49:42
  he's all black, and they're like, oh, it really is Dick fan.
• 49:46
  But it sounds too like that if Dick got in direct contact with a
• 49:50
  flame. Because I have a funny feeling Dick was on the sauce. He
• 49:52
  was on the road over that felt he was looking for ause party. That's
• 49:57
  what they would looking for. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah they
• 49:59
  dropped. I love that he was driving a car that would be inclined to
• 50:04
  overheat, do you know what I mean? It was probably an old Buick
• 50:07
  like or so you know what I mean, Like, sure, a lot
• 50:10
  of your electric cars nowadays, you know they're not too hectic in the in
• 50:14
  the Californian heater party. But chances are he was driving the OK with proper
• 50:17
  carburettor proper you know, a proper car, like you know, a big
• 50:22
  old link like yeah, big Lincoln or yeah, i'd love that, like
• 50:28
  a fifteen foot long car. Just that's Dick van Dyke fourteen and a half?
• 50:32
  What of an on fire? Yes? Did you? This isn't his
• 50:37
  first award and he's never he's never knocked it out of the departt He's like,
• 50:42
  which I love about him. He's not. I'd say, I'd love
• 50:45
  to know. There's much on him and what he did. I'd say he
• 50:46
  played a lot of a lot of uh golfing, just partied a lot.
• 50:52
  He I love he got he got things like outstanding Guest Actor in a comedy
• 50:57
  series, like Outstanding Guest Actor. That's the the ledgebag who turns up to
• 51:00
  the party, isn't it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's just
• 51:02
  like, hey, Dick, you want to come around here and beyond Daisy
• 51:06
  Lives for an hour and a half. Yeah, go ahead. That was
• 51:08
  his latest one, is that one from Days and Lives back in all the
• 51:12
  way back to nineteen ninety, which is a nice shout. You haven't heard
• 51:14
  that in thirty eight thirty four years, and they go, do you wanna
• 51:16
  you want to jump in here? He got Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Variety
• 51:21
  for his own show at the Dick van Dyke in Company. He got another
• 51:23
  one Outstanding for The Dick van Dyke. He got Outstanding Writing again would believe
• 51:28
  for The Dick van Dyke, which is but he got Best Lead Actor in
• 51:31
  a Drama the Morning after Wednesday Movie of the Week. I mean, I
• 51:40
  love that. I fucking love that. I love that he's not crushing it
• 51:46
  because you know, and he got a bunch more outstandings for turning up to
• 51:50
  different things, mostly his own show and whatnot. But I love that everybody
• 51:54
  knows who he is. Everybody recognizes him immediately. He's still relevant, but
• 52:00
  without being a pure like he's not dying for your love, Like do you
• 52:05
  know what I mean? He's rocking up. He's rocking up the days of
• 52:07
  our lives because he's like every He probably has his own car parking space at
• 52:10
  the NBC studios, you know that. Yeah, people park far away from
• 52:15
  because know the car is going to go on fire. But I love Dick
• 52:17
  Van Dyke. He is not he's not a try hard bastard, but he
• 52:21
  can still pull off moves. And that's what I attribute his longevity is not,
• 52:27
  as you said, not giving abolis. Yeah he's sitting in the burning
• 52:30
  car. This guy's rocking up to TV shows. He's dancing. Still,
• 52:34
  he's dancing, and it's not cringe. It's like, yeah, that's Grandpa
• 52:38
  Dick. He's just out there just living his Literally, that guy, since
• 52:43
  day dot has just lived his best life. And that's what makes him this
• 52:46
  week's this is fair play, mister Dick van Dyke. We wish you another
• 52:50
  ninety eight years. Legend of life. No arguments on that regard to Tom.
• 52:55
  No fights, no falling out, nothing. I don't see why we
• 53:00
  could possibly fall out about the good. No no, indeed anything. What
• 53:05
  the hell would we have to give out about it? Right? Right enough?
• 53:07
  But there's always going to be a few things jair. Oh yeah,
• 53:09
  they can't be running out of that. I can't can't run out of here,
• 53:14
  I feel without having a round because I'm feeling manly now these days and
• 53:19
  not hyper aggressive, but at the same time, I like to have an
• 53:21
  all set to with you don't stop and I don't know where you're standing up,
• 53:30
  but I have a funny feeling that we're going to we are going to
• 53:31
  be at a crossroads with this one. But when it comes to like like
• 53:35
  that, I said, I love Dick Van Di it's the notion that his
• 53:37
  car probably overheated, you know what I mean. I love that. I
• 53:40
  love that people don't break down with an overheating radiator in their car anymore.
• 53:45
  And I love old school stuff because that's christy. You know what your dealer
• 53:49
  without when you have it. And that's where it comes to the likes of
• 53:52
  technology. I got a present very recently. It was an early housewarming present
• 53:59
  and it was given to us by a friend of our suit's in Switzerland.
• 54:01
  Loves all sorts of things like he's literally intake in Switzerland, and he loves
• 54:07
  and he's ought to be a glovely thing to send us a an Alexa,
• 54:13
  right, and it stayed in the box. And mother's birthday came around not
• 54:20
  too long after that, and wishll what what is the thing we've all gotten
• 54:23
  really good at regifting? Is what happened there? Because Alexa and her kind
• 54:31
  will never darken the man in the doorway. Everything not a fit, not
• 54:36
  a hope, not a prayer. Well, I'm I'm marginally on the other
• 54:42
  side of that argument. Belts and whistles hanging off you. You have more
• 54:47
  stuff around the place, no doubt. Well, I'm sure making your life
• 54:52
  easy, no doubt. You're probably right. In the long run, you're
• 54:54
  probably going to live as long as Dick van Dyke by making allowing technolology in
• 55:00
  your life to just soften the blow of you know, the the absolute mire
• 55:07
  thatw we find ourselves in these days. I gotta tell you, I don't
• 55:09
  have an Alex in the house. Who have you got? I've got some
• 55:14
  Alexa in every room of the house. There are six Alexes in this No
• 55:19
  that's not yeah, there is well does she not? Does she not hear
• 55:22
  yet? Oh McBride's house is a big house. By the way, it's
• 55:25
  not it's not even that. It's not even that. It's just we got
• 55:29
  one for the kitchen and it worked out so well. I was like,
• 55:31
  oh, like, I'll get one for the I'll get one for the bedroom,
• 55:35
  so and one can talk to the other. It's like an intercomedy of
• 55:37
  you know, I mean you can shout down the stairs. We handy you
• 55:40
  what. There was a notion back in the before times that we were going
• 55:44
  to be civilized, and we were like, Alexa, can you drop in
• 55:45
  at the kitchen? Yeah, one second, drop in Jesus Christ, right,
• 55:50
  And then the children, you know, wanted one, so they got
• 55:52
  one a piece of the rooms just for playing songs and things like this,
• 55:54
  and then the one that was in the kitchen we replaced that with. So
• 55:57
  yeah, yeah, maybe about five the house. They're all right. We
• 56:00
  got them on the cheap. Now these are and they were were this Alexis
• 56:08
  you know, they were like the previous you know, the way if you
• 56:13
  buy the latest iPhone, it's real dear, but the generation before it is
• 56:15
  real cheap. So these are generation Lex's kind of thing. What you gotta
• 56:22
  don't think. I don't think I paid more than twenty euro for one of
• 56:24
  them or that kind of money. Are they that kind of money? Apparently
• 56:29
  this has bells and whistles. Apparently apparently your Swiss friend isn't doing as well
• 56:32
  acause you might have thought, you know what, I'd say, I have
• 56:36
  a funny feeling I got really gifted the pile of ships. Anyway, it
• 56:37
  is the mother, the mother. But then she shit like that, do
• 56:44
  you know what I mean? She loves take Okay, well look at it.
• 56:45
  Look at it like this. Okay, we're not going to have a
• 56:47
  route, but look at it like this. If I told you i'd like
• 56:51
  I had five Alexs in the house, you'd be like, you're a mad
• 56:52
  pass right, But if I told you that I have five voice activated radios
• 56:58
  in my house, now, that doesn't sound so bad, right, because
• 57:00
  that's predominantly what we use it for. Alexa play the radio, right,
• 57:06
  That's as simple as that is. But at the same time, you know
• 57:09
  the story with alexis, don't you how they can map your entire house?
• 57:15
  Now, map your every movement. Do you know what I'm gonna tell you,
• 57:22
  I Alexa is not going to learn anything about me that I wouldn't freely
• 57:27
  tell the internet or indeed freely tell the listeners of a certain podcast I do
• 57:34
  with another Alexa hayden Man at the same time. Listen, you've stubbed your
• 57:39
  toe, right, You've walked around the house. You know, the family's
• 57:44
  gone out to whatever, swim practice or you know whatever they you know,
• 57:47
  track meet whatever the kids do nowadays. Oh yeah, I know they do
• 57:52
  track meets all the time. Time. Yeah. And at some point you're
• 57:55
  gonna go, like, at the top of your voice, you're gonna with
• 58:00
  some of the most like high end abuse of stuff at whatever you just dubbed
• 58:06
  your toet like you're gonna the mother you absolutely rotten dirky. But I should
• 58:12
  chop you up in the tiny and pieces. Do you know what you as
• 58:16
  a as a sofa You shouldn't. You should have never come into it.
• 58:21
  Now you will use enough stuff that with a little bit of editing, could
• 58:25
  absolutely put you through the ring or in any court adjust in any court of
• 58:30
  law. So you're telling me Tom that you know Alexi will come back and
• 58:35
  it'll be saying you big van Dye, I hate you. I am going
• 58:39
  to chop you up. What you are these garden gloves, I'm gonna use
• 58:46
  building gloves, the orange ones with the gray back to them. They are
• 58:52
  loads from this episode alone. They are load, and they're gone for you.
• 58:55
  McBride. I'm telling you, and you are handed on the credit card
• 58:59
  to buy the bullets. I'm telling me, Dick, I'm going to put
• 59:01
  you in the doomsday device. You know what? Yeah, Tom put I'll
• 59:06
  be honest with you. I don't care. And they could probably do that
• 59:10
  with what they're tracking you through your phone anyway on a phone call, Hello,
• 59:15
  how are you? How do you find people doing? Yes, indeed,
• 59:16
  I do hate Dick van Dyke. I am going to hit them win
• 59:19
  an F five. Well, okay, truth be told. I don't I
• 59:22
  don't care what I mean. Jesus Christ, we are you know what I
• 59:25
  mean. We put ourselves out to the world regards anyway. But at the
• 59:29
  same time, would you miss one? Now if it went out like a
• 59:31
  broke, would you got? Geez? I must get I will say I
• 59:35
  unplugged. I unplugged the one upstairs. I think we were going awigh on
• 59:38
  all this, or we're going to wait for a couple of days and I
• 59:40
  tend to plug everort now and I haven't plugged that back in, and I
• 59:44
  don't miss that. The kids have won in the room apiece and that plays
• 59:46
  them like music at night and they listen to the Beatles or whatever it is
• 59:52
  and it sends them off to sleep. I would miss those and the kids
• 59:54
  will be like, hey, come back, come my Lef's is not answering.
• 59:57
  And I would miss the one in the kitchen, because that is the
• 1:00:00
  one in the kitchen is like the hub of the house. You can tell
• 1:00:04
  that, bitch, and you can be like, hey, Alexa, add
• 1:00:06
  sausages to the shopping list, or Hey Alex, what's the weather gonna be?
• 1:00:09
  Orlex a place on Shine one six point eight, or hey Alexa,
• 1:00:12
  tune into the Tomb and Jerry podcast. I tell you listen to me and
• 1:00:16
  Tom talk this father all Ah, do you know what though? I mean,
• 1:00:22
  I hear you and now the rest. But I have enough on my
• 1:00:25
  plate. This is what I'm trying to do. I've no doubt right they
• 1:00:29
  are handed the Owen loves it for the shopping list, Jesus does. She
• 1:00:32
  loves it for the radio, very choice for the shopping list. But here's
• 1:00:37
  the thing. I've said this many times to before. I can't. I
• 1:00:40
  can't let it in, not because I don't. I think foil hacking this
• 1:00:45
  and she's mapping me around the house. I can't lead that level of luxury
• 1:00:50
  into my life, Jare, because that's the slippery slope for me. I
• 1:00:53
  know, I know you're going, Tom, It's not that much I have
• 1:00:57
  to It's not that much luxury, Tom. I mean, like y all
• 1:00:59
  we're talking about. It is not turning a radium dove. I need.
• 1:01:01
  I need a scrap of paper and handwritten things going down to Aldi. I
• 1:01:07
  cannot. I can't because before you know nature, I'm going to have computer
• 1:01:14
  driven what's it's? Do you know? Before you know what, I'm just
• 1:01:19
  going to just end up in an absolute lunatic scenario with everything electrified around me.
• 1:01:24
  I'll have pure anxiety about things not being charged, not being plugged in.
• 1:01:28
  Is that you're going to blow up with that? With that flyer?
• 1:01:30
  Have we got to back up for that thing? What if we I can't
• 1:01:32
  allow myself to be reliant on that's fair enough technological. It's not a phobia
• 1:01:39
  of it. It's that I know if I because I've let things into the
• 1:01:43
  past like tonics, chocolate, bars. I have an addiction problem to those
• 1:01:47
  things. I let them into my life when I was in Scotland for a
• 1:01:51
  month and now intravenously. I would take those things if you let me at
• 1:01:55
  them, I would eat them through the packet, A little bread and gold
• 1:01:58
  foil sole and the likes of these things. This was somebody who's trying to
• 1:02:01
  justify an electric carcter me one day now completely and practical out in the country
• 1:02:06
  side, because you need the thing to do a range, and it sounded
• 1:02:07
  great, Oh you just put your foot down, you don't it just I'm
• 1:02:12
  like no, because now I'm going to worry about that. Have I put
• 1:02:15
  enough of the electricity? Have I poured it? So? I can't here?
• 1:02:21
  And I certainly can't. I tell you something. I can't have another
• 1:02:24
  voice. I get bothered by voices, and I can't can't. I can't
• 1:02:30
  have a voice, gone giving me back chat of any sort, correcting me
• 1:02:37
  on something I asked the mothers one, I said, asked a fact about
• 1:02:42
  something or other than She went, hm hmm, let me look for that
• 1:02:45
  on Wikipedia. I'm like, no, no, no, no, I
• 1:02:47
  don't want to hear what you find on Wikipedia. In fact, I can
• 1:02:51
  go look at Wikipedia, you lazy cow. Tell me straight off the bat
• 1:02:54
  or you're going through the wall like that's not yours. I went, okay,
• 1:02:58
  Branton, I'm walking out of the house. It's the voice. I
• 1:03:00
  can I will say I can't. I will say if one would be abracus,
• 1:03:05
  I could maybe maybe get my head around it. I will concede this
• 1:03:08
  one point, Tom that when you ask Alexa, or if it's Google Home
• 1:03:15
  or Serio or whatever the hell it is, that you're using yourself if you
• 1:03:17
  when you ask them a very simple thing and they go hmm, I didn't
• 1:03:22
  quite get that. That does put the blood up. I will say,
• 1:03:24
  yeah, what what did I buy you for? What did I buy you
• 1:03:27
  for? And I didn't ask you to do that? I haven't asked you
• 1:03:30
  a place on Shine one or six point eight play the Tama Jerry show,
• 1:03:31
  like I'm not asking you something strange. I only ever asked you to do
• 1:03:35
  four things. And why is it today you don't get me. It makes
• 1:03:37
  me so angry. I want to kill Dick Van Dyke to be fair,
• 1:03:39
  Jerry. And this is why I'm putting a pain in the technology side of
• 1:03:44
  things. Zoom, which we're talking over right now. It's added. It
• 1:03:46
  keeps on adding bills and whistles. Why don't you try and you pop up?
• 1:03:50
  I'm like ever and there's a new thing now of captions and went.
• 1:03:54
  This will be handy for the clips. It will put up well played captions
• 1:03:58
  in real time. Jesus Christ, Jerry, I tried it before you came
• 1:04:01
  on the layir there, you know what, let's just for the crack.
• 1:04:03
  I'll put one up and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. This is
• 1:04:06
  gonna be crystal clear now just a spin, of course, of course it
• 1:04:10
  will. Of course I'm all over the place here and maybe it's a I
• 1:04:14
  did. Oh my god, it did, oh Jesus Christ. Okay,
• 1:04:18
  well, okay, I've got nothing coming up my side, have you not?
• 1:04:21
  Okay, you can radio, by the way, you can click it
• 1:04:24
  on yours. Right. It's literally nailing everything I'm saying right now. Maybe
• 1:04:28
  I'm getting clearer, but this will piss you off. Welcome to the Tom
• 1:04:31
  and Jerry Show. Yeah, I mean it's spelling my name with a jane
• 1:04:36
  not a G. But other than that's it. No complaints. No,
• 1:04:40
  that's what It drew me down and was like, oh you could You couldn't
• 1:04:43
  even pick up on the fact that the guy called Jerry McBride, who's dialed
• 1:04:45
  into this call, who with his name written in the corner, you can't
• 1:04:49
  see it? No, that, No, that tells me that. Let
• 1:04:55
  me think about that. How about you if gross area, don't the bastard
• 1:05:00
  and go down the shop and pick it up for me. How about you
• 1:05:01
  do that? How about you think about it in the black bin. No,
• 1:05:05
  and it doesn't look loads my eyes that we're going to convert you on
• 1:05:09
  this one. Tom, Listen, I love high tech chair. I discovered
• 1:05:14
  the most beautiful thing in the world of the latest. Now they've been around
• 1:05:16
  a while, but they've gotten really good concrete screws. That's all I'm going
• 1:05:20
  to say. People, you find yourself a good concrete screw, and that
• 1:05:24
  would change that concrete screw. You will never again look at the roll plug.
• 1:05:28
  I have door frames to put up chair, and I was having sleepless
• 1:05:30
  nights as to how it's going to make a nice clean impact into these ridiculous
• 1:05:34
  hard blocks that are in this house. They're twenty five Newton blocks. For
• 1:05:36
  whatever reason, this man I tried to concrete screw into the other day with
• 1:05:42
  a little six mili minute before it. Now, I use the Milwaukee bit
• 1:05:45
  because I made my Maade appointed by a good bit Jesus, So I went
• 1:05:51
  like a digestive biscuit. Oh, just amazing, it's amazing. Tom.
• 1:05:56
  All you do is you drill that we eight mel hole and then you come
• 1:06:00
  with the posy bit and you drive the conference crew. That's it. That's
• 1:06:03
  it. Snaped you nerd snaped with the eight mil I saw it kind of.
• 1:06:10
  Do you know what, I won't correct if he's a wide out of
• 1:06:11
  the hardware. Now he's a while out of the hardware. Now that's all
• 1:06:14
  right, that's all right. There you go. There you go, folks.
• 1:06:15
  That's it. That's the Tom and Jerry Show. I don't know what
• 1:06:17
  to tell you. Maybe they'll still be counting in the Dublin election. The
• 1:06:20
  Dublin election. Do you know what the Ireland election? Now? Now?
• 1:06:28
  Did you hear that? People? Yeah? Did you I was a slip
• 1:06:30
  there wasn't it? Wow? That wasn't I know that they're still count in
• 1:06:32
  the Dublin election right now. That's what I do know. I don't know
• 1:06:34
  about the rest of the don't you try and butter over this scenario, Monan
• 1:06:38
  God I everything counted by now or now now Manahan's getting a looking Oh thanks,
• 1:06:43
  thank you very much, Lord McBride. That Lord McBride above them counted
• 1:06:48
  and tallied by Monday morning. That's how efficient you can be when there's thirty
• 1:06:53
  four percent overturnout. But regardless of that, we had a big turnout on
• 1:06:56
  the social media channels over the last week. Thank you very much for that.
• 1:07:00
  Welcome new listeners. We hope you enjoyed what we put out. If
• 1:07:03
  you don't follow us on the social media channels, where are you going to
• 1:07:06
  see er gross toes when we hit them with hammers? Where are you going
• 1:07:10
  to see that news article about Dick van Dyke setting himself on fire? Well,
• 1:07:14
  I don't know where you're going to see it, but you will find
• 1:07:15
  on the social media channels. Follow us at Tom and Jerry Show on Instagram
• 1:07:21
  or Twitter. That will will that will do it? Yeah. Other than
• 1:07:27
  yeah, we don't, we don't. We use it just purely to keep
• 1:07:30
  you entertained, So we don't know anywhere else other than Instagram and Twitter.
• 1:07:32
  If you would please hit subscribe if you haven't, if you're going down,
• 1:07:36
  did I land on number ten, just hit the subscribe, hit the bell
• 1:07:39
  to I don't. I'm as sure, assuming there's an equivalent in all of
• 1:07:42
  them. But there's a bell on Spotify. Hit that so that every Thursday
• 1:07:45
  morning when it lends, it'll land straight into your phone. If you can
• 1:07:47
  give it a high rating, give it a five star, give it a
• 1:07:50
  five tons up, whatever the rating is. If you can't leave a comment
• 1:07:54
  brilliant, why not do a screen grab? Tag us on Instagram or on
• 1:07:58
  Twitter. Let us know where you'll If you're halfway up a ladder, if
• 1:08:01
  you're peeling the pigs bladder, if you're going to a match with the boyes
• 1:08:05
  of the girls, please tell us what you're up to. I did definitely
• 1:08:11
  incorporate some of Pat Shart's jumble back for Breakfast Roads song and there. But
• 1:08:15
  Jerry's in Dublin now, so he probably eats caviar breakfast rolls, do you
• 1:08:18
  know? Yeah, that's what we eat in Dublin, Tom, We eat
• 1:08:20
  caviar breakfast rolls all the go down time. Anything else that we can do
• 1:08:26
  for you, if there's something that you catches your eye, sniper away,
• 1:08:30
  you know what I want to see hear about your very simplistic nerd sniping and
• 1:08:35
  put it to the test. Jerry's already done it a couple of times to
• 1:08:39
  me here, put it to the test. See if you can, not
• 1:08:42
  saying you've got to start out, but at the same time, maybe throw
• 1:08:44
  something out there, give us the results and see if it works in the
• 1:08:46
  wild, because yes, in here, this is obviously a contained laboratory and
• 1:08:51
  everything is to the book on this show, so you know, in the
• 1:08:55
  wild. Let's see your your nerd sniping on the subject as well. If
• 1:08:59
  you follow somebody during your working day that fits the label of this lad,
• 1:09:05
  send them our away. We might give a consideration for this week's this Lad,
• 1:09:09
  because I'm not saying it happened this week, but there having weeks where
• 1:09:12
  we've gotten to the recording date and or like, what are we gonna talk
• 1:09:14
  about this week? Yeah, a lot of people you're kind of going,
• 1:09:16
  yeah, we can't talk about it. Yeah, he is this lad,
• 1:09:20
  but we ain't gonna we ain't gonna talk about him. And with that,
• 1:09:25
  Tom, you've got hands to smash into machines. Now I'm gonna go moisterize
• 1:09:30
  him now just for the craw with my Alexa powered No Alexa Added Tricks or
• 1:09:35
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