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Why Gen Z Is Struggling — and What Managers and Parents Need to Do Differently · Loud & Lifted

0:00
Welcome to Loud and Lifted. I'm your host, Betsy
0:02
Hamm. There has been a lot of conversation lately
0:04
about Gen Z at work, and not in a flattering
0:07
way. A recent Fortune article highlighted that
0:10
some employees are firing Gen Z grads just months
0:12
after hiring them, pointing to issues like poor
0:15
communication, lack of initiative, and unprofessionalism.
0:18
So today, we're not doing the lazy generational
0:21
hot takes. We're getting into the more useful
0:23
conversation. How do we get here? What does Gen
0:26
Z actually need to succeed? What are managers
0:29
missing? And as parents, how do we support our
0:32
kids without over -helping them or under -preparing
0:35
them? Joining us today is Dr. Andrea Mata, a
0:38
clinical psychologist, speaker, and author whose
0:40
work focuses on Gen Z, their resilience, adaptability,
0:44
accountability, and helping young people build
0:46
the skills they need for real life and real work.
0:49
She's known for a direct, practical approach
0:51
that cuts through the noise and gets to what
0:53
actually helps. In this episode, we talk about
0:55
how managers can better set Gen Z employees up
0:58
for success. the advice Gen Z -ers need to hear,
1:01
and what parents can do to raise capable, resilient
1:05
young adults. Let's get into it. Dr. Dre, welcome
1:08
to Loud and Lifted. Thank you so much for being
1:11
here. Thanks so much for having me. I'm looking
1:14
forward to it. So you have instant credibility
1:17
when I say Dr. Dre, and I can also say Andrea,
1:19
which is a great first name. But I mean, hello,
1:22
Dr. Dre. Like, yes, cool, because you're a doctor,
1:24
but like anybody who grew up with 90s perhaps
1:27
knows that's a great name. So I love it. So thank
1:31
you for being here. And just a little bit of
1:33
background. I was at an event a couple of weeks
1:36
ago and I had two different women come up to
1:39
me after the event that I was speaking was like,
1:41
we need you to cover a certain topic. And I'm
1:44
like, sure, of course. I always love to hear
1:46
what would be relatable to our listeners. And
1:49
separately, they both said, Gen Z, we need help
1:54
with Gen Z. We don't know how to manage them.
1:57
And I was like, That's awesome. I know the perfect
2:00
person to call. So here we are. Thank you for
2:03
being here. Thanks for the inspiration from our
2:05
listeners. So Tommy, how has this become your
2:09
focus? You're a clinical psychologist, but how
2:11
has this become your focus of your work? Yeah.
2:13
So I was a college professor for nine years.
2:16
So I resigned from a job I could never be fired
2:18
from back in 2021. And so I worked with, you
2:22
know, and as they were, as I was leaving, that's
2:24
when the Gen Z's were starting to, you know,
2:26
they started to come into college and So. But
2:29
then I wrote a book, the number two parenting
2:31
book, Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent.
2:34
And I remember one of my business coaches looked
2:36
at me and he was like, okay, what's the one thing
2:39
that parents are getting wrong? And I was like,
2:43
gentle parenting. So then I went on this like
2:46
rampage and started screaming like gentle parenting
2:48
doesn't work because it doesn't. And then it
2:51
was like, okay, well, what is gentle parenting?
2:53
What is happening? And it's like, okay, well,
2:56
gentle parenting is leading to all of these issues
2:59
in the workplace and then and it's kind of like
3:02
I love that the two women came up to you and
3:04
like they whispered about it because it's something
3:06
that like people aren't I think people are noticing,
3:10
but people aren't talking about it and they don't
3:12
know why it's happening. They just think like
3:16
Gen Z's are coming out of like the womb like
3:18
soft, but they're not. It's like the the environments
3:22
that we are raising them in, the gentle parenting
3:25
movement for the last 20 years and then more
3:28
of the trauma informed practices in like schools
3:30
and stuff like that. And then when they get to
3:33
the workplace, well, then they think they should
3:36
be promoted within like a a few months of being
3:38
hired, they can't dress, they don't know how
3:42
to behave, they have poor communication. And
3:46
so I'm just starting to see, and more and more
3:48
people are starting to send me stuff about Gen
3:50
Z in the workplace and more research is coming
3:52
out. And so that's kind of how I found my niche,
3:55
where it's like, okay, gentle parenting, and
3:57
what are companies actually gonna care about?
3:59
Companies are gonna care about Gen Z in the workplace
4:02
because it's costing them. money and productivity
4:07
and retention. And they don't even realize it,
4:09
but it's how causing them a huge cost. And it's
4:13
all because of how Gen Zs have been raised. Oh,
4:16
that's so amazing. And I switched because, you
4:19
know, I have two Gen Zers. So I don't want to
4:22
be that person who screws up my kids for the
4:25
future employer. Hopefully not. I don't think
4:29
I'm very gentle. But it's funny because I think
4:31
back to a couple years ago, and you're right,
4:33
nobody was really talking about as bosses. We
4:36
were just like, what the hell's going on? This
4:37
is so annoying. And just sort of rolled our eyes
4:41
and moved on. And now you're starting to see
4:43
more. like research and conversations. And that
4:46
was a Forbes article recently that got a lot
4:48
of exposure about like, holy cow, getting fired
4:51
at these crazy rates. So here we are. So now
4:54
we're in this shit show, right, from a corporate
4:57
perspective of having Gen Z. And we got to figure
5:00
out how to deal with it. So what are leaders
5:02
getting wrong? And what do we need to do better
5:05
to manage Gen Z and help them be successful?
5:08
I think the first thing and When I think about
5:11
like I've had this conversation with like my
5:13
brand manager lots of times when we were coming
5:16
up with my website of like, OK, how do we phrase
5:18
this? Because we don't want it come off like
5:21
that. We're just ragging on Gen Z all of the
5:23
time. So I think that's the number one kind of
5:27
flip that we need to do is that we're not like,
5:30
God, like they're just so frustrating. I get
5:33
that they're frustrating. I get that they're
5:35
like you're like, why are they like this? But
5:37
the thing is, because of the environments that
5:40
they've been raised in, that's why they're like
5:43
this. So they're under, so a lot of the time
5:45
I use the language of like, they're under equipped.
5:48
They don't have the skills. It doesn't mean that
5:51
they're broken and that they're never gonna be
5:53
able to develop those skills. It's just up to
5:56
the leaders, which is annoying, but it's what
5:59
has happened in our society. It's up to the leaders
6:02
to start giving them the skills that they need
6:05
to be successful, because they can be successful.
6:09
We've had firsthand experience seeing how if
6:12
we develop them and give them the skills that
6:14
they need, how they can be rockstar employees.
6:18
See, there's optimism here. I love that. There's
6:20
opportunity for this to get better. So if someone's
6:23
listening to this and they're like, okay, I have
6:26
Gen Zs in my team. I want to help them. I want
6:28
to support them. How do we even start? How do
6:30
we go about that? Yeah. So the phrase that I
6:33
always use with this kind of for to help leaders
6:35
and managers of Gen Z employees is you want to
6:38
set high expectations within high supports. You
6:42
need to have both of those. So because they've
6:46
been essentially coddled their whole lives, they
6:50
still... They need to have those expectations.
6:52
We don't want to like lower the bar for them.
6:54
You want to set the bar high, but you also want
6:58
to bring in the supports so that they can obtain
7:01
or reach that, those expectations. So like these
7:05
are the expectations that we have. And then,
7:07
okay, like, and I do more evaluations with them.
7:10
So I encourage like get rid of one year evaluations,
7:13
go more towards like 12 week evaluations where
7:17
you are listing out behavioral expectations.
7:20
Not like very broad things like, we want you
7:25
to sell. No, we want you to be making 10 sales
7:30
calls every single day. So you want to be very
7:32
specific, very concise, and you want to lead
7:36
them with behavioral expectations. And you want
7:38
to be having pretty constant, for at least 12
7:42
weeks, you want to be having constant conversations
7:45
with them about these expectations. And then
7:47
by getting to know them, you're able to evaluate,
7:50
okay, what are the skills that they don't have
7:53
that they need for this position? And then, okay,
7:56
who do we know? Who can we put them into contact
7:58
with? What kind of courses can we buy for them
8:01
so that they can come alongside? And then you're
8:03
giving them the skills and the professional development
8:06
that they need in order to meet those expectations.
8:10
That makes sense. And I know a lot of the bad
8:13
rap is around like... being lazy and disengaged
8:16
and not being professional and showing up. So
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how do we address those things that are, I don't
8:22
want to say they're soft skills, but like, you
8:23
know, hitting call it big tensile calls, like
8:25
that's very black and white, but how do you address
8:28
that sort of like how people show up? Yeah, so
8:30
I would say like showing up, it's like, okay,
8:33
the very off the bat, like you want to establish
8:37
what it looks like to show up on your team on
8:40
a daily basis. I remember when I was in grad
8:43
school, on the very first day that I showed up,
8:47
my mentor handed me like a multiple, like a pretty
8:51
thick document, and the very first line was,
8:53
You will be working 60 hours a week. And that
8:56
was spelled out. And these are the expectations.
9:00
And I remember he sat down with me and he was
9:02
like, these are the things that I expect from
9:04
you. So sitting down, what is the dress code?
9:07
Because they don't know how to dress. They think
9:09
leggings are pants. And if you think leggings
9:12
are pants, go ahead and come at me. I'm ready
9:14
for it. But they think leggings are pants. So
9:19
I think having dress code conversations. What
9:22
are the hour expectations? expectations? Is there
9:26
flexibility in that? And what does it mean to
9:30
show up and really list that out? And you want
9:33
to be having those conversations on day one.
9:37
And then you also want to be, as soon as you
9:39
see that they're not meeting an expectation,
9:42
that's when you're going to come in and you're
9:44
going to give them feedback immediately. Now
9:47
be aware that if you give them feedback, they
9:51
might take a mental health break that next day
9:55
because a high percentage of them will take a
9:57
mental health break but then that's another kind
10:00
of conversation that you want to have with them
10:02
of like hey you're okay you're there's nothing
10:07
wrong with you it's just these are the expectations
10:10
uh that makes sense and you know the other piece
10:14
that i feel like goes along with that and i this
10:16
is when I do fight with my own teenagers, is
10:18
the entitlement piece, right? Like, I can come
10:21
into work, I can work less than 40 hours, I need
10:24
flexibility, I need mental health days, I should
10:26
make $100 ,000 with no experience, whatever it
10:29
is. They just have, again, stereotypically, have
10:33
this very entitled opinion about how the world
10:36
should go. I'm asking this from what my mom likes
10:39
to do. How do you... How do you have those conversations
10:44
when there is this entitlement that people are
10:45
coming into from the workforce? Yeah, so I mean,
10:49
I think that's the other big piece with the entitlement
10:52
is that you want to be, you don't want to like
10:55
come at them because everyone is telling them
10:57
that they're entitled. You're entitled, you're
11:00
entitled, you're entitled. And so as soon as
11:01
they hear that word, they're probably going to
11:03
tune you out. And so I would go at it from kind
11:06
of digging, coming from it from a support side
11:09
and really building that relationship with them
11:13
of like, hey, I want you to succeed in this role.
11:17
because this is what it means for you to succeed,
11:22
and this is what it means for us to succeed,
11:24
and it means what the business to succeed. And
11:26
so having those conversations, because they are
11:29
more purpose -oriented, they wanna know what
11:32
they're doing is actually having an effect. And
11:36
so talking to them about how their behaviors.
11:39
what consequences their behaviors have on everyone
11:43
else on the team. And then hopefully that kind
11:46
of reduces the entitlement piece. That makes
11:48
sense. So where are most leaders getting this
11:51
wrong with with supporting? I must say handling.
11:54
I'm going to say supporting. I think the big
11:57
thing is that they're they're not They're not
12:01
listening out the expectations and then they're
12:04
just getting frustrated They're not giving the
12:07
support and then they just they just throw up
12:09
their hands and they're like this generation,
12:12
we're not going to do anything, and then they
12:14
end up firing them. Because I think it's like
12:17
60 % of businesses have fired a Gen Z employee
12:20
within months of hiring them for the reasons
12:23
that we've already talked about. And here's the
12:26
thing, I know Sherm has come out and has said
12:28
that when you fire someone, it takes about like
12:32
50 % of that person's salary. to replace that
12:36
person when it comes to interviewing, onboarding,
12:40
all of the things, and then developing that person.
12:43
So if you're hiring an employee for $50 ,000
12:45
and then you fire them within a few months, well,
12:48
now you're costing your business $100 ,000 when
12:52
what you can be doing is just giving them coaching.
12:55
You could spend a few thousand dollars coaching
12:58
them. And if you don't have time, reach out to
13:01
people who, there's tons of people who specialize.
13:04
in these specific skills that they need, give
13:08
them some coaching or pay for their coaching
13:10
and then you're developing them and then they're
13:14
gonna stick around for much longer because they're
13:17
bought in, they see that you care about them
13:20
as an individual because you're giving them coaching
13:22
and you want them to be successful. I love the
13:26
coaching concept and you know I think a lot of
13:28
times we think about coaching from like an executive
13:31
level type of person having a business coach
13:33
but that one -on -one conversation where somebody
13:36
can help hold you accountable and yes we've all
13:38
been to great keynotes presentations or workshops
13:41
but you leave and it's you know, what percent
13:43
of that information do you retain or you're not
13:45
really taking it and being actionable. So having
13:48
somebody who's coaching you and is holding you
13:50
accountable and meeting monthly or whatever it
13:52
is, I think that's a great way to make an impact.
13:55
And I feel like enough of businesses aren't investing
13:57
in that as much as they should. So I like that
14:00
concept of that ongoing support and then alleviates
14:03
it from the boss or the manager because again,
14:06
they have 4 ,000 other things going on. And the
14:09
other thing is it's like they're not necessarily
14:11
an expert in what the Gen Z's need. Like what
14:14
I'm talking about is like they need adaptability
14:17
skills. They need skills that so whatever environment
14:21
that they go into, they can thrive and they can
14:25
excel and they can succeed. But like. most managers
14:28
and leaders aren't experts in like, how do we
14:32
make our youth more adaptable? So work smarter,
14:35
not harder, and like hire, you know, delegate
14:38
that out, hire that out and bring in those experts
14:41
who are able to give them the skills that they
14:44
need. Like if I like the reason there's a reason
14:47
why I have a bookkeeper and a CPA, because I
14:49
don't want to have to do anything that comes
14:51
along with finances. So like, I'm not going to
14:54
it's going to take me so much longer. And that's
14:56
not a good use. of my time as we're to hire that
14:59
out. So hire that, those coaching, that coaching
15:01
skill out. No, that makes total sense. So if
15:05
I'm a manager and I have this Gen Z employee
15:07
having this challenge, I hire a coach, they're
15:10
working with them for a couple of months. How
15:11
much time is realistic to say I should. once
15:15
you change and to, okay, I'm going to buckle
15:18
down. This is going to work or like it's time
15:20
to cut ties. Like how do you sort of just, and
15:22
I know it's kind of vague depending on the situation,
15:24
but how do we gauge that? Like where there's
15:26
hope and where there's not. Yeah. I think the
15:29
big thing is going back to that, those 12 week
15:31
periods of time. I love those 12 week periods
15:34
of time because the gen Z's are used to it because
15:39
that's about how long a semester, like a college
15:41
semester is. I mean, college semesters are like
15:44
15, 16 weeks. weeks. But if you don't see a change
15:47
in those behaviors that you're wanting to see
15:50
in them, even though they have the coaching within
15:52
12 weeks, well, then you should probably, you
15:56
know, start to cut your losses at that point.
15:58
Makes sense. Okay. So let's flip this a little
16:01
bit where we talked about if you're the manager,
16:03
here's how to handle this. You need help. So
16:06
if you are someone's a Gen Z listening to this,
16:10
what advice do you have for them? Because I'm
16:12
sure the struggles being felt on their end too,
16:14
right? Like they're probably feeling like they're
16:16
constantly getting in trouble or not doing what's
16:18
supposed to be done. Like how's a Gen Z employee
16:20
starting off? Like how do I show up and handle
16:24
this better? So I think the big thing is, oh,
16:27
I deliver a keynote or a workshop on, it's called
16:30
fireproofing your career. And so in it, I talk
16:33
about the adaptability playbook and it's like,
16:36
okay, so adversity. And so you need to be able
16:40
to deal with adversity and you need to be dependable.
16:45
So like a good team player and you need to, what
16:49
else is there? There's teamwork and there's agencies.
16:53
So like knowing that you are control of your
16:56
life. And then the other one is pride. So this
16:58
is probably my favorite one that I talk about
17:00
because I talk about and like when I talk about
17:03
it, I talk about you have to give a shit and
17:05
like half of like being successful is simply
17:10
just showing up, not high. Like. And my husband
17:17
used to be a superintendent at a plant. And so
17:20
he had like 90 employees. And they were struggling
17:24
to find people during COVID. And he would look
17:26
at me, he's like, Andrea. He's like, I just want
17:30
someone who's going to show up and not be high.
17:34
And so like the bar right now is really, really
17:37
low. If you show up not high and you actually
17:43
give a shit and want to learn and want to get
17:47
better, you are going to climb through the ranks
17:51
so fast compared to any other Gen Z employee
17:55
around. Oh my gosh. That's so simple. I mean,
17:58
it should be simple. It is simple. But that's
18:02
a crazy thing. Show up, not high, do the opposite
18:07
of all the reasons why Gen Z gets fired, do the
18:10
opposite of that stuff, constantly be growing,
18:13
learn, want to get improvement, want feedback,
18:17
and you're going to do so well, so fast. Yeah.
18:22
feedback, right? I mean, no matter where you
18:25
are, you're going to get feedback in your career,
18:27
you're going to get good feedback, you're going
18:27
to get feedback that you got to get it together,
18:29
whatever it is, and being able to take that feedback
18:32
and do something different, right? Like that's,
18:35
I think, one of the struggles is people get feedback,
18:38
and then they shut down, or they're like, mental
18:40
health day, or, you know, not knowing how to
18:43
like, okay. I got that. I agree with this. I
18:46
see what they're saying. And then do something
18:48
different. Like don't keep doing the same thing.
18:51
But you're just bashing your head against the
18:53
wall at that point. Yeah. And it's funny because
18:55
you wonder how much of it is just, I mean, ignorance
18:58
in terms of that they don't know or then if someone
19:01
tells you, can you make those changes? And I
19:04
was mentioning to you before we started recording,
19:05
I was at on a college campus a couple of weeks
19:08
ago, and it was an evening event. I have no expectations
19:11
to what these college kids come in and look like,
19:14
right? I'm just talking, I'm talking about what
19:16
tools they need in order to succeed after graduation.
19:19
And it was fraternities and sororities, and you
19:22
could pick out the different groups. Again, there
19:25
was no professors involved, but somebody and
19:27
some of those sororities were like, you better
19:30
show up and look professional. So coming in,
19:33
hey, jeans, sweater, that's professional to me
19:35
in college. Coming in, showing that professionalism.
19:40
There was a group and I literally went and talked
19:42
to them. They all sat together. They were early.
19:44
They sat in the very front and they were dressed
19:46
appropriately. And then when they told them to
19:49
network, they were the first ones to get up.
19:50
And I'm like, what sorority are you in? Like,
19:53
I literally called them out because they were
19:56
impressive. And I'm like, so somebody within
19:58
that, I guess it was the president of that sorority
20:00
was like, hey, she's, I actually, this is one
20:03
I worked with for the event. She was like, this
20:05
is what we're going to do. This is how you're
20:05
going to be. And guess what? They did. They were
20:08
so blessed. So it was just interesting to see
20:11
how that works. Like, okay, some of them are
20:13
trainable. Listen, they are trainable and it's
20:17
just like, but they have to know that I think
20:19
the big thing is a lot of the time what I'm seeing
20:22
is they don't, they don't, they don't have agency,
20:25
which means is that the belief that you have
20:27
control over your own life, you have control
20:31
over your own attitudes and you have control
20:33
over your own behaviors, your own actions. And
20:36
so like, if you start to become an agent in your
20:39
own life, you will do so well in life. especially
20:44
now. No, that makes sense. The other interesting
20:46
piece is I was talking about personal brand and
20:50
building your image to this college group, and
20:53
I brought up, hey, Gen Z doesn't have a great
20:56
brand right now. Now, of course, like every other
20:58
stereotype, it's not every single Gen Z. But
21:01
if you're a Gen Z and you do have your act together
21:04
and you're listening to this or you know you're
21:07
getting a job, like how do you overcome those
21:09
stereotypes when you roll in? People are like,
21:11
oh great, here's another 23 year old who thinks
21:13
they know it all. You know, do they have to sort
21:15
of overcompensate for what they're bringing to
21:18
the table? I don't think so. I think they just
21:21
have to show up as their bad. Yeah, show up,
21:25
not high and show up as their badass self and
21:29
like they will get noticed. Like I always talk
21:32
about like one of the things I was I was talking
21:35
to high schoolers recently and I was like and
21:37
I was giving that we were going through like
21:39
different plays in the adaptability playbook.
21:42
And one of the things that they were talking
21:44
that I talked about was like pick up the trash
21:46
and they're like what? And I was like, pick up
21:49
the trash. And I'm like, what does this mean?
21:52
And they're like, I don't know. And I was like,
21:54
if you are walking around and you see, and you're
21:58
at your place of employment, and you see a piece
22:01
of trash, squat down, pick it up, and throw it
22:05
away. And like just have that mentality of something
22:10
is broke, go and figure out how to fix it or
22:14
let someone know and you will have this mentality.
22:18
Like you will get this reputation that you are
22:20
awesome and that you are the person to go to
22:24
instead of like, Oh my God, I hate Gen Z. Well,
22:30
and that's so being proactive. And I think back
22:33
to, I mean, still this way now, but early in
22:35
my career, like waitressing, I was picking up
22:38
trash and doing whatever and working at a amusement
22:40
park. And I don't know if anyone ever told me
22:43
to do that and that was just me, but it is funny
22:45
to have to say for people like, okay, pay attention
22:48
to what's going on around you and figure out
22:50
how you can do so proactive versus like, don't
22:53
do the minimum. And that's where I think people
22:55
get themselves in trouble is it's just... doing
22:57
the minimum and it's like, they're oblivious.
22:59
And I don't know, are they distracted on their
23:02
phones? Like what's the driver behind the obliviousness
23:06
of them? I mean, again, I blame like the parents
23:10
and I blame the schools that they're in because
23:13
they've never gotten that piece of feedback or
23:17
they've never gotten that tip of like, hey, put
23:21
your phones away, put them in your pockets and
23:24
look around you and be observant of and be self
23:28
-aware of like how what you are doing in this
23:32
environment is impacting other people. I think
23:35
that's probably one of the biggest things that
23:36
I actually don't talk a whole lot about is with
23:39
the Gen Z is that they haven't really learned
23:43
that their behaviors have. consequences. And
23:47
so they don't know that like their own behaviors
23:51
impact others. So if you're not showing up for
23:55
work, because you're taking a mental health day,
23:58
what impact does that have on the rest of the
24:01
team and your coworkers because they've gentle
24:06
parenting has tried to get rid of rewards and
24:09
punishments of like, okay, we're not going to
24:11
give them consequences and we're just going to
24:13
let them do whatever it is that they feel like
24:15
doing. Oh, that's super interesting. And how
24:19
has technology played a role in all this? I mean,
24:21
we always hear so much about our phones and the
24:23
time, zoom scrolling and wasting and not being
24:25
able to communicate in person. Like is, is technology
24:28
any of this or is it really just the parents
24:30
fault? No, I think technology is because It's
24:34
so I always laugh working with Gen Z because
24:37
they're like, I don't have any time. And I was
24:39
like, bullshit, you don't have any time. I'm
24:42
like, how many hours have you been scrolling
24:44
on TikTok? And they're like seven. And I was
24:47
like, exactly. You're scrolling seven hours in
24:50
a day. What could you you could have freaking
24:52
listened to an audio book in the amount of time
24:56
that you are scrolling on social media like you
24:58
could be learning valuable skills. instead of
25:04
scrolling through TikTok or Instagram. Yeah,
25:09
exactly. All of the rots, right? And so I think
25:13
that's the thing, like technology, it's made
25:15
it easier. for them to just go through the motions
25:21
of scrolling right and not really paying attention
25:26
and not noticing how long it's how much time
25:30
it's costing them and they're just watching their
25:33
life kind of they're not even watching it because
25:36
watching someone else's life They're watching
25:38
someone else's life and they're not living their
25:41
own life I'm gonna do a post about this soon
25:44
but the idea of like all of this New like twitch
25:48
and like people watching other people play video
25:51
games, which I think is so Weird like I remember
25:56
like 10 years ago when a grad undergrad told
25:58
me about this I was like that's weird and she's
26:01
like no It's not any different than sports and
26:02
I was like hold on now like it's so different
26:06
from sports But I think like they're watching
26:08
other people live lives instead of going out
26:11
and living their own life Oh, that is so true.
26:15
And again teenage girls and I get pissed because
26:19
like they'll be sitting at the kitchen counter
26:22
in the morning, eating breakfast, and they're
26:23
both scrolling. They can't even take two seconds.
26:26
They're eating and dropping cereal and fricking
26:30
on their phone watching shit. And I get so mad.
26:33
I'm like, you can't be present for five minutes.
26:37
So clearly there's not gentle parenting in my
26:40
house. That just proved that. But that's the
26:42
part that it's like they're just never present.
26:44
They're always occupied by their phone versus
26:47
like, okay, let's focus on what's being on here.
26:49
Maybe I'd realize I could. Well, maybe they wouldn't
26:51
realize they could unload the dishwasher, but
26:53
just being aware of what's happening and being
26:58
proactive. And also, oh, by the way, like communicating
27:00
person, you're both sitting there in your own
27:02
little phone world. Like that drives me nuts.
27:04
Yeah. And this is the environment that they've
27:07
been raised in and their social skills. Like
27:09
their ability to have spontaneous conversations
27:13
is significantly decreased across the years.
27:18
So they're like, why would I put... One of the
27:21
challenges that I give a lot of college students
27:23
is like, put your phone away and talk to a stranger.
27:26
And they're like, I can't do that. And I was
27:29
like, bullshit, you can't. See what happens.
27:32
Whenever you're standing online somewhere, put
27:34
your phone away. away and strike up a conversation
27:37
with the person next to you. And they're like,
27:38
oh, that sounds terrible. And I was like, no,
27:41
that's awesome. Because you never know who you're
27:43
going to meet. Oh, my God. I love that. And I've
27:46
literally said that to my kids. I mean, put your
27:47
freaking phone away and be present. What am I
27:49
supposed to do? I'm like, talk to me. Be here.
27:52
Talk to each other. Like, what the hell do you
27:54
mean? What are you supposed to do? But again,
27:56
that's the thought process, which is, and again.
27:58
As adults, we're guilty of that at times too,
28:01
the boredom of just, oh, here, I'm going to stop
28:03
and pick up my phone. So we all need to get away
28:05
from that. But I just think the impact from especially
28:07
communication and relations standpoint is significant.
28:10
So you can tell it pisses me off about my… So
28:14
let's talk about parents. So we started off this
28:16
conversation and clearly any issues with Gen
28:19
Z are the parents' fault. So as a parent of a
28:22
Gen Zer, what are we getting right and what…
28:25
What do we need to do differently so we can stop
28:28
the cycle of putting out these kids that are,
28:31
I was going to say shit kids, the shit kids out
28:33
in the world? Well, I think the big thing is,
28:37
so what has happened is a lot of Gen Xers and
28:43
millennials experienced militant parenting where
28:47
it's like my way or the highway. If you're crying,
28:51
you're like, I'll give you something to cry about.
28:54
All of the Gen Xers and all of the Millennials
28:56
were like, well, I'm not going to parent how
28:58
I was parented. I'm never doing that. And so
29:01
what happened was they swung completely to the
29:03
other side to gentle parenting where they're
29:06
like, we're going to validate all their emotions
29:08
and their feelings and we're going to get rid
29:10
of, you know, punishments and rewards and we're
29:12
going to treat them as if they are equals and
29:15
our friends. But what happened was they missed
29:18
this whole beautiful middle ground called authoritative
29:21
parenting, which is like high expectations within
29:25
the context of the warm and fuzzies. And so I
29:29
think what gentle parenting got right was bringing
29:32
in more feelings. So yes, it is important to
29:35
validate your child's feelings, but... It's also
29:39
important to still make them do what it is that
29:42
you're expecting them to do. So validate their
29:46
emotions, but then also help them work through
29:49
so that they can still behave in the way that
29:56
they need to behave to meet expectations. Cool.
29:59
I love that. And so as a parent, is there anything
30:03
I should be more intentional about? building
30:06
with them. I love that you're bringing in the
30:08
emotions, but you're setting expectations. But
30:11
is there anything else that I should make sure,
30:13
again, 18 and 15 year old girls, that I'm supporting
30:16
them with so they're productive? I think having
30:20
conversations about what are your family values?
30:23
What does the family hold dear? Really laying
30:28
out what those expectations are. Do you want
30:31
your children to be independent? Do you want
30:33
your children to be academic? What are those
30:35
values? What are those expectations? Kind of
30:38
stick laying those out, let them know what they
30:41
are, but then also course correcting it immediately
30:45
when they're not, so you're giving consequences.
30:48
Because like, for instance, this week, my seven
30:51
year old decided that she was going to be a prankster,
30:53
but she doesn't really know what pranking is.
30:57
And so she dumped a whole like freaking, I don't
31:02
even know, like a whole pitcher of water on her
31:06
nine -year -old sister's bed. And she's like,
31:08
how am I pranked? And my husband had to have
31:11
the conversation because I was at work of like,
31:13
no, no, this is not a prank. This is just mean.
31:16
And so then I went to look at it later on the
31:18
next day. I was like, hey, your consequence for
31:21
this, like I get that you don't know the difference
31:23
between, you know, pranking and mean, but you
31:26
were still mean. I get that you didn't mean to
31:29
be mean, but you were still mean. And so your
31:31
consequence is going to be tonight when we are
31:34
cleaning up, you have to help your sister clean
31:37
her room in addition to cleaning your own room.
31:40
And she's like, okay. And so like going in with
31:43
those consequences and letting them know and
31:46
having those conversations with them and really
31:48
building a relationship with your kids. depending
31:52
on what those values are again because my thing
31:54
is it's like I want to still have a great relationship
31:57
with my kids when they're having kids because
32:00
I want to be taking care of their kids when they're
32:03
having kids so that they can go out and build
32:05
their careers. But in order to do that, you have
32:08
to have relationships with them now. That makes
32:11
sense. So that actually just made me think of
32:13
this. So what is your prediction of what Gen
32:17
Z will be like when they're parents? I hope Ugh,
32:21
what's my prediction? Someone asked me about
32:23
Gen Alpha the other day and I was like, ooh,
32:25
I don't know what they're gonna be. I think they're
32:26
gonna be better than Gen Z. But then Gen Z, I
32:30
think if they're the ones that have not figured
32:33
it out, I think they're just gonna continue to,
32:37
they're gonna be the ones where their kids are
32:39
going to have to parent them. And their kids
32:42
are going to have to grow up a heck of a lot
32:45
faster than, They then any will any child should
32:51
and so I think we're actually going to have like
32:54
the kids that Gen Z's are going to raise are
32:57
going to be the They're going to be adaptable.
33:03
They're going to be able they're going to be
33:04
resourceful They're going to be able to figure
33:05
it out, but I think at the end they're going
33:09
to Burn themselves out because they don't know
33:12
how to establish those boundaries because they've
33:15
had to parent their parents for so long Oh, that's
33:18
super interesting. Well, hopefully we can kind
33:20
of like, I feel like the pendulum always swings,
33:23
right? Like to your point about the Gen X and
33:25
how we were parented to now. And it's like, just
33:28
can we somewhere end in the middle here or like
33:30
- Just go to authoritative parenting. I love
33:32
it. And people are like, you should rebrand that.
33:35
And I was like, it's just authoritative parenting.
33:37
They're like, but it sounds so mean. I'm like,
33:40
why? Because it has authority in it. And they're
33:42
like, yes. And I'm like, being an authority figure
33:44
is not - bad. No, it shouldn't be. And again,
33:49
you're the parent, like we could have a whole
33:50
other conversation about that. But you should
33:53
be the authority because these dumb shits don't
33:56
know what they're doing. Well, no, like there's
34:01
a whole like there's a movement. of child -led
34:05
parenting. And I was like, no, don't do it. That
34:10
is up there with gentle parenting. That might
34:13
actually be worse than gentle parenting, where
34:15
you're going to let your kids, OK, three -year
34:18
-old, what do you want to eat? Ice cream. OK,
34:20
here's some ice cream for you. What kind of diet
34:23
is that kid going to get? Oh, my goodness. Oh,
34:25
we'd be broke, because all my kids would be doing
34:27
is going out to eat and getting coffee and socializing.
34:31
They wouldn't go to school. on a vacation all
34:33
the time, maybe be one big party, be fun for
34:36
a few minutes before you're poor. Broken, like
34:40
75 pounds overweight. Exactly. Well, this is
34:45
so awesome. We could talk about this all day.
34:47
Any party words? We'll jump back to the managers,
34:50
but just anything else for improving their environment
34:54
and supporting Gen Z. think the big thing is
34:58
like I know we've kind of talked about it before
35:00
is like Reaching out and bringing in experts
35:03
to help with them. Like you want it like workshops
35:07
on professional development and personal development
35:11
and just coaching because if you are bringing
35:14
in experts It's going to make them better employees
35:18
and it's going to make your life better and less
35:22
stress because you're going to have adaptable
35:25
employees. I love that. And if people want to
35:28
find more information and connect with you, where
35:30
can they do that? LinkedIn is probably the one
35:34
that I'm on the most. I also have a YouTube channel
35:37
and then my website is Andreadiematta .com. Love
35:43
it. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks
35:45
for having me. That was such an important conversation,
35:48
and not just because I'm a mom of Gen Z -ers.
35:51
But if Gen Z employees are getting hired and
35:53
then fired at alarming rates, the answer can't
35:56
just be, well, this generation's a problem. The
35:59
better question is, what skills are missing?
36:01
What expectations are unclear? And where are
36:03
managers and parents accidentally making these
36:06
things worse instead of better? Andrea's message
36:09
is that support matters, but so do standards,
36:12
resilience, communication, and personal responsibility.
36:15
So whether you lead Gen Z, love a Gen Z -er or
36:19
are raising one, this episode gives you a much
36:21
better lens for what needs to change. If this
36:24
conversation resonated, send it to a manager
36:26
or parent who needs to hear it too. Thanks for
36:29
listening to Loud and Lifted. See you next time.