Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Feel Like an Impostor
Transcript
- Lucas: So you know that feeling where you're sitting in a meeting, nodding along, and inside you're thinking 'they're going to figure out I have no idea what I'm doing'? Luna: Yeah, that knot in your stomach. Like any second someone's going to tap you on the shoulder and say 'we know you're faking it.' Lucas: Exactly. That's imposter syndrome, and it's surprisingly common among high achievers. But here's the problem — when that feeling is strongest is often when you most need a mentor. And yet, imposter syndrome makes asking for help feel like admitting defeat. Luna: So you're stuck. You need guidance, but your brain tells you that reaching out will expose you as a fraud. Lucas: Right. And I want to ground this in a real story. A few years ago, a marketing director at Procter & Gamble — let's call her Sarah — was up for a global brand role. She had ten years of experience, strong results, but when she thought about finding a mentor to help navigate the promotion process, she froze. She told me she felt like she'd 'fooled everyone so far' and that asking for mentorship would be like handing them the evidence. Luna: And that's not just her. There's a 2024 study from Harvard Business Review that found roughly 62% of professionals under 40 report experiencing imposter feelings at work. That's nearly two out of three. Lucas: And the irony is that the same study showed that people who proactively sought mentorship reported a 40% decrease in those feelings over six months. So the very thing your imposter brain is telling you to avoid is the thing that actually helps. Luna: So how do you break that cycle? What did Sarah do? Lucas: She started by reframing what mentorship is. Instead of seeing it as a confession — 'I'm weak, help me' — she started seeing it as a mutual exchange of value. She had insights about digital marketing in emerging markets that a senior leader might not have. She wasn't asking for a handout; she was offering a trade. Luna: That's a powerful shift. So you approach a potential mentor not as a supplicant, but as a peer with something to contribute. Lucas: Exactly. And the second thing she did was prepare a specific ask. Not 'can you be my mentor?' but 'I'm working on the Latin America launch strategy, and I'd love your perspective on how you navigated regulatory hurdles in your first global role.' That's concrete. It's easy for someone to say yes to. Luna: And it doesn't trigger the imposter voice because it's framed as a specific problem, not a general inadequacy. Lucas: Right. And here's a third tactic that I think is underused: leverage your accomplishments, even the small ones, as proof that you belong. Before reaching out, Sarah made a list of three wins from the past year. Not to brag, but to remind herself that she had legitimate insights to share. That list became her anchor. Luna: So it's like building a counter-narrative to the imposter story. What did the research say about that? Lucas: The HBR study also found that people who kept a 'brag file' — a running document of positive feedback and achievements — were 30% more likely to initiate mentor conversations. It literally rewires your brain's default self-doubt. Luna: I love that. So practical. And what about when you're actually in the conversation? How do you keep the imposter voice from hijacking the moment? Lucas: One tactic Sarah used was to lead with a question that acknowledged her knowledge gap but also demonstrated her preparation. She'd say something like 'I've read the industry reports on X, but I'm struggling to connect it to our specific context. How did you think about that?' That signals competence — she's done the homework — while still being vulnerable. Luna: So it's vulnerability with a spine. Not just 'help me,' but 'I've done my part, now I need your expertise to take it further.' Lucas: Exactly. And for listeners, I'd say the biggest takeaway is this: imposter syndrome is not a signal that you're a fraud. It's a signal that you're stretching. And the people you admire as mentors? Most of them felt the same way at some point. If you ask them, they'll tell you. Luna: And that's the beautiful irony. The act of asking for help is itself proof that you're the kind of person who grows. It's not weakness. Lucas: You know, this is exactly the kind of conversation we try to have on this show — practical, honest, no fluff. And we deliberately keep it free of ads because we think career advice should be accessible. If that resonates with you and you want to support that mission, you can do so at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to help us keep doing what we do, and every bit helps. Lucas: And speaking of support, let's circle back to Sarah. She did get that global role, and she now mentors three junior marketers. She told me the best part isn't the promotion — it's watching them navigate their own imposter moments with the tools she shared. Luna: That's the full circle. So for anyone listening right now, feeling that knot: the first step is to pick one specific question, one win from your list, one person you respect. And just send the email. The worst that happens is they say no, and you're no worse off. Lucas: And the best that happens? You start a conversation that changes your career. That's worth the risk, imposter voice and all.