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#1953 Not Afraid To Be Afraid - Jim Murphy · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get our team. Welcome to another installment of the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: You Project. Jim Murphy, Welcome to the land down Under,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: if not literally virtually.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: How are you? I'm great? Thanks Cregil.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Ha ha. I knew I shouldn't have told you that.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: I was telling everyone before we went live. I was
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: telling Jim everyone that about how Australians tend to mutilate
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: names and chuck a Y on the end or an
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: O on the end, or abbreviate your surnames. So I'm
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: going to be calling you Jim Bow throughout the whole podcast,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: just to get back at you. Tell my listeners where
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: you are and what time is it over there? It's
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: in the PM right, yeah, Sarah Creigil, I am in
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: New York City. Just I say New York City right now.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I've done here yesterday from Chicago.
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  Speaker 2: Okay? Perfect?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: And how's the how's the meteoric rise to fame and
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: recognition and attention.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: It since I mean early this year?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I think we'll talk about it because most of Australians
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: won't know the story and with respect.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Won't know you, but a lot of them will.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Now, how's it been having a big kind of shift
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: in your reality?
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: From a public perspective, it's been amazing, you know, right
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: off the bat, the first week January twelfth is when
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: everything started with aj Brown and being reading the book
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: on the sidelines and being filmed, and that week it
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: was it was It's been an incredible change in my
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: life since then, with the message of inter excellence going
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: around the world. It's going to be in twenty five
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: languages this coming year. But the main message of interactionence
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: is what's important, not Jim Murphy and the messages, is
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: that cling to your life and lose it and give
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: up your life for others and gain it selfless is fearless.
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  Speaker 2: And this is the most important thing, not not what
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  Speaker 2: happens to this guy here.
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  Speaker 1: It isn't I mean, one hundred percent, and I love that.
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  Speaker 1: But also it's been great that this attention and recognition
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: and as the kids would say, brand awareness. You know,
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  Speaker 1: you're a brand, Jim, brand awareness. I mean, it gives
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: you a platform to share these ideas and your ideology
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  Speaker 1: and philosophy, you know. So it is really about the message,
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  Speaker 1: not the messenger. But it must be great to have
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the capacity to intersect and interact with millions of people,
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  Speaker 1: not thousands.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, incredible gifts from God that I can hopefully be
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  Speaker 2: a part of someone's lives, someone's lives and help them
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  Speaker 2: have a transformed heart.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So could you just tell I mean, I know the story,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: but my listeners who don't know the story. So you
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: wrote a book. Jim's book is called Inner Excellence Achieve
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Extraordinary Business Success through Mental Toughness.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Did I get all of that? Correct? Yeah, that's exactly
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: what it was from two thousand and nine, the book
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  Speaker 2: that was first published by McGraw hill, and then I
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: got to write in twenty eighteen and I self published
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: in twenty twenty. So the book that Aj Brown read
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  Speaker 2: on National TV and during the Super Bowl was any
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  Speaker 2: Excellence train your mind for extraordinary performance in the best
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  Speaker 2: possible life. Correct.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I've got that underneath my other night. I should
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: have read that, not to self. So just give my
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: audience a quick insight into January twelve this year. So
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  Speaker 1: what for those who don't know the story, let us
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  Speaker 1: know what happened.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Sure. There's an NFL football player named AJ Brown
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: and he plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. He's, if not
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: the best wide receiver in the NFL, one of the
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: best in the NFL. And he was filmed during a
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: playoff game, the Wildcard game, which is the first round
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: of the playoffs, reading the book during the game. And
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: so they asked him afterwards, you know, you know, the
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: announcers zoomed in on it and said, wow, what's going
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: on here? This is very unique. They interviewed him after
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: the game and they said, you know, why were you reading?
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Were you frustrated or what's going on? And he said, oh,
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  Speaker 2: I bring that book in Excellence with me to every
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: single game. I use it to get prepared and centered
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  Speaker 2: before the game. I read it after every drive during
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  Speaker 2: the game. It gets me centered and that's why I
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: read it. And he said to you know, my teammates
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  Speaker 2: call it the recipe. And so that was the start
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: in January twelfth, and then then they filmed them reading
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  Speaker 2: it every game in the playoffs and including during the
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  Speaker 2: Super Bowl. And have you subsequently met with him? Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: amazing guy, very humble, gentle guy. And so it was
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: it was wonderful to get to speak with AJ. So
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  Speaker 2: what's his royalty cat? Thirty percent? Has that work? Well? Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I mean I'm so grateful that AJ. See what AJ did,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: was he he stayed true to himself. You know, you know,
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  Speaker 2: if you're going to be reading a book, look on
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  Speaker 2: the sidelines during the game, people are going to question you.
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  Speaker 2: And what he did is he said, Hey, what I
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  Speaker 2: want to do and show the world. You know, whether
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: the world likes it or not, I know they may
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  Speaker 2: judge me, but that's up to them. I just want
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  Speaker 2: to be true to myself and this book helps me
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  Speaker 2: stay centered and focused. And so I'm going to do
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  Speaker 2: that regardless of what the world says. It's going to
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  Speaker 2: make me a better teammate, a better person, and a
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: better player. And so I'm going to do it even
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: though it may look awkward. And I think that's one
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  Speaker 2: thing he showed us that that to be great, you
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  Speaker 2: need to take risks, and you know, risk what people
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  Speaker 2: think about you. And he also showed us that we
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  Speaker 2: all have time to read. Yeah, yeah, did you when
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  Speaker 2: you met with him? How does he like?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Does he does he have certain paragraphs or certain messages
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  Speaker 1: that are highlighted that he just goes back and rereads
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  Speaker 1: like a bit of a mantra, or like, clearly he's
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  Speaker 1: not just browsing through the book on the sideline.
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  Speaker 2: How did it work? Yeah, there's big sections that he
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  Speaker 2: has highlighted almost every sentence early on in the book
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  Speaker 2: in the first chapter that was really important to him.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: And so inter Excellence is really about understanding that self
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  Speaker 2: centered This is the biggest challenge that we face. It
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: leads to fear and when you're a wide receiver in
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  Speaker 2: the NFL, you can't be focusing on your what you
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  Speaker 2: want but can't control, and you've got to have this
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  Speaker 2: sort of fearlessness and got to be willing to take
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  Speaker 2: risks and to fail and put yourself out there if
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  Speaker 2: you want to be a great receiver, which he is.
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  Speaker 2: And so the book helps him stay centered and do that.
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  Speaker 1: What's your understanding of all, Like if you had to
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  Speaker 1: try to explain, like my page day is literally in
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  Speaker 1: the mind, right, and if even for meta and not
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  Speaker 1: that I'm a journius, but even for me to try
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  Speaker 1: to explain self awareness and the self regulation and understanding
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  Speaker 1: the mind and metacognition and metaperception and all this stuff, right,
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  Speaker 1: try to understand the self that's in the middle of me.
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  Speaker 1: You know, how do you explain the mind to people?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Because part of the toddle of your book is trying
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  Speaker 1: your mind. So if we don't understand our mind, we
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  Speaker 1: can't try and it rot. How do we understand ourselves
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: knowing that our perspective of everything is a subjective one.
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  Speaker 2: The first thing that understand is that you are not
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  Speaker 2: your mind. Your mind is a part of you that
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  Speaker 2: you need to train. And if you don't understand this,
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  Speaker 2: and this is not something that we're taught in school,
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  Speaker 2: that I am not my mind, then you're going to
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  Speaker 2: fuse with your thoughts. The problem with fusing with your
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  Speaker 2: thoughts is you're going to get a lot of thoughts
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  Speaker 2: that come from the environment that are really negative and
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  Speaker 2: maybe even horrible thoughts that come into your mind. And
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  Speaker 2: if you don't understand that I am not my mind,
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  Speaker 2: then you're going to think, oh, I just thought a
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  Speaker 2: terrible thought. I am a terrible person. And this is
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  Speaker 2: absolutely not true. The most compassionate, loving people in the
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  Speaker 2: world have terrible thoughts that come into their head from
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: the environment and so sore and understand that you are
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: not your mind, but it's part of you that needs
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  Speaker 2: to needs training.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's I mean that awareness that in the
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  Speaker 1: moment awareness that you're talking about, which is spot on.
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  Speaker 1: It's like realizing that this isn't me. And this doesn't
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  Speaker 1: mean I'm a bad person or even a good person necessarily.
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  Speaker 1: It just means that I'm having this thought in this
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  Speaker 1: moment and to be able to lean into that like
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  Speaker 1: I'm always interested what's the origin story of this? Like
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  Speaker 1: why is this here now?
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  Speaker 2: This thought? Where did this come from?
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  Speaker 1: And you know, for me, over the years, it's usually
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: been about insecurity or self doubt or imposter syndrome or
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  Speaker 1: a myriad of other negative emotional kind of triggers, and
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  Speaker 1: being able to perhaps have a thought like I'm not
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  Speaker 1: good enough while actually knowing at the same time I
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  Speaker 1: am good enough.
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  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? It's almost this juxtaposition.
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  Speaker 2: So I do a lot of.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure you stand in front of a lot of groups,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: but I do a lot of speaking, and I can simultaneously,
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  Speaker 1: you know, I did a speaking gig yesterday in Queensland,
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  Speaker 1: which is up the top of Australia. We're down the bottom,
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  Speaker 1: and as I was being introduced, I often have this feeling,
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  Speaker 1: you know, this is the day that you're going to
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  Speaker 1: crash and burn. They won't like you know, all this
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  Speaker 1: stuff right, It's not overwhelming, but it's just there. This
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  Speaker 1: could be the last time, you know. But I've got
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  Speaker 1: all this knowledge, I've got all this data that says, well, Craig,
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  Speaker 1: you're not terrible at this. You're not terrible. So there's
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  Speaker 1: these two things that can coexist. One is this fear
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  Speaker 1: that I'm useless. The other is the knowledge that I'm
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  Speaker 1: not useless.
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  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, And so what inter Excellence says is, let's
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  Speaker 2: get out of that whole game altogether, that whole idea altogether.
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  Speaker 2: As I am useless, i am not useless. I'm good enough.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not good enough. I can do this, I can
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  Speaker 2: do this. Let's get out of that altogether and be completelyelfless.
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  Speaker 2: Because when you're selfless, you're fearless. And so if I
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  Speaker 2: was thinking that I'm the one that's doing this, that
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  Speaker 2: I wrote this book, that people are loving all around
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  Speaker 2: the world, and that I'm making a difference in people's lives,
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  Speaker 2: then it would be very stressful for me. But I
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  Speaker 2: don't think I'm doing it. I'm not. I'm just well,
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  Speaker 2: First of all, the book is just this compilation of
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  Speaker 2: ideas that I didn't create. I just put them together
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and God helped me put them together. And every good
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  Speaker 2: thing I've ever done was God gave me this gift
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  Speaker 2: that I've been sharing and being able to be a
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  Speaker 2: part of. And so I don't want any self confidence whatsoever.
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  Speaker 2: I don't even want to think about Jim at all.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I want to be completely selfless and therefore fearless. I
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: want to be trusting God, not Jim, the creator of
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: the universe, not me, and so I don't want to
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  Speaker 2: be in the picture of whatsoever.
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  Speaker 1: I love that kind of like I'm not the solution.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just pointing to the solution. And I love that
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you said that none of these ideas or none of
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: the wisdom comes from you, it comes through you, kind
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  Speaker 1: of thing, right, which I think is so true.
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  Speaker 2: And it's funny.
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  Speaker 1: I talk about often the like the wisdom that comes
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  Speaker 1: out of in your case, that comes out of the
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Bible specifically, probably more relevant a New Testament for most
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: of us, but the Old Testament as well, but even
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: you know the Stoics and all of these insights and
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: all of this wisdom. It's it's like Socrates said two
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  Speaker 1: and a half thousand years ago, the beginning of wisdom
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  Speaker 1: is to know thyself, right, And I'm like, well, that's
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  Speaker 1: literally part of my research. There's nothing new here, Like
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  Speaker 1: we've been trying to figure ourselves out for millennia for
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: probably you know, millions of years, I guess, but or
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: millennia let's go six and a half thousand years biblically.
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  Speaker 1: But you know, trying to understand why I am the
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  Speaker 1: way I am and where do I finish and where
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: does the other stuff start? You know's the what's me?
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  Speaker 1: What's not me?
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  Speaker 2: And yeah, that's kind of It's a really interesting thought,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: is to.
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  Speaker 1: Not take pride in what you're doing or not to
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: be proud in that negative sense.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can share a little bit more about that,
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  Speaker 2: Craig if you like. So as a performance coach, professional
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: athletes and Olympic athletes come to me to perform better,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: and one thing that they often want is more confidence.
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  Speaker 2: It was surprised to me when I first started working
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: with elite athletes that are some of the best in
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the world. For a top ten player in the world
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  Speaker 2: on the PGA Tour or whoever, saying they want more
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: confidence seems strange because they're, you know, already one of
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: the best. And what I found in my experience is
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: that there's something that's that's much more powerful than confidence.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: And like I said, I don't even want to be
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: self confident. What's more powerful than confidence is presence. And
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  Speaker 2: if you fully engaged heart, mind and body and attached
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: to what you're trying to do, then I'll take that person.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: If we have two people of equal talent, I'll take
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: that person every time over someone who's confident, because because
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: when you're confident, you can be careless. But when you're
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: fully engaged, fully present in the moment, then you're going
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: to see way more opportunities and there's no fear in
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: the present moment. Fear is in general a self focused
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: future thing of what's going to happen to me. And
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: so that's how I think about confidence and presence.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: How do we I know this nine to three step
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: plan neither is there with pretty much anything.
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  Speaker 2: But how do we how do we be more present?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: How do we I agree with you, but just telling
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: somebody don't be nervous, don't be fearful, is not a solution.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: It's like somebody is fearful, somebody who is overthinking, Like
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: telling them to not overthink in a solution.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So how do we move towards interaxcellence? Really the whole
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: system of inner excellence. You know, the book is like
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: three hundred pages or something. It's really about that, answering
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: that question, how do I become fully present in a
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: world with so much out of my control, like my
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: careers on the line. How can I be fully present?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: In fact, that was the question that I asked sports
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: psychologists when I first started off on this quest with
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: You know, I spent five years full time writing and researching,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: fifty to sixty hours a week for five years in
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: a row, two and a half years in the desert
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: give away. Over half my possessions went to go live
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: a life of solitude, got rid of my TV. And
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: that question was how can an Olympic athlete train for
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: four years from an event that may last less than
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: a minute and have peace and confidence in that situation.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: And that's what inter excellence is in one sense, largely about,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: is how do we do that? And there's many aspects
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: to that, but it's really getting down to understand human
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: behavior and human optimization and human behavior is understanding that
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: the heart is the key to your life. And this
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: is the first thing, the first major breakthrough that I
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: learned in the five years of writing and research is
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: that if you want to make a difference in your
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: life or in anyone's life, you have to get far
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: more than your mind. We have to get to the heart.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: And when I say heart, I mean your spirit and
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: your will and you doing your PhD in neuropsychology correct.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I think this is the number one thing that as
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: you continue to study, is to really add to your
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: research is the heart and your will and your spirit
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: and heart. I use some swords interchangeably, and it's how
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: do we train the heart? Because when you squeeze, what's
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: in your heart comes out, just like when you squeeze
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: an orange, what comes out is orange juice. Your heart
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: is the source of everything you think, say and do
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: in concert with your subconscious mind. And so we want
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: to get that heart to love most what's most empowering.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: And this is what inter excellence is. And then when
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: you as you continue to do that every day, the
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: number one goal with inter excellence is to learn and
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: grow every day. A big part of self awareness and
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: the number one thing of that self awareness are One
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: of the number one things is to understand that my
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: greatest need as a human is for love and acceptance.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: And similarly, the greatest fear is to not get that
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: love and acceptance, to get rejection, rejected, And so that's
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: why there's so much anxiety. A big reason why there's
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: so much anxiety in the world today is because if
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: I fail, if I look foolish, I'm going to get
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: judged in a huge way because everyone can see it
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: on social media, is going to get replayed over and over,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: and then I'm going to get rejected, which is the
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: biggest fear. Do you think sometimes I love that? Thank you?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Do you think sometimes in our quest for love and
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: acceptance and belonging and connection, we perhaps insert ourselves into
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: the wrong relationship or the wrong group because some connections
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: better than none.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. We're constantly like this is our
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: greatest motivator is to get that love and acceptance. And
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: so we're looking at our world of circumstances and results.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: What's going to get me the most love and acceptance
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: from everybody? And so in the book, I talked about
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: the acronym palms, possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. And
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: so if I can increase any, hopefully all or any
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: of those five things, then I can get more of
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: that love and acceptance. But the problem is so much
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: of this oide of my control. And so then we
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: start really grasping and reaching and hoping people will will
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: love and accept them. So we're going to try and
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: come off in a way that you think better of
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: me when I talk. And so hopefully when we're talking,
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I might slide in some things that make me look
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: good in a certain way so that you will say
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: some things that I'll feel better about myself, because that's
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: ultimately what I'm hoping for as a human. And so
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: if you don't have that sense of deep love, the
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: ideal is to be fully known and fully loved by
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: someone of great importance. If you go out into the
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: world without that, then you're going to do whatever you
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: can to get that from whoever you're interacting with throughout
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: the day.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Can you tell me about you're quite unique? I love that,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I love how how this is not the right word,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: but it's all that comes to mind, how love focused
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: you are, and how much how much your beliefs, your
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: faith drives what you do, and that kind of I
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: know it's not an idea. I know it's a lived
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: experience of selflessness and kindness. Tell me about the intersection
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of your faith and the science and the research and
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: the practical kind of outworking of doing what you do.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so when I was in the desert, that's a
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: great question. I learned that the heart is the key
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: to your life. And so then the big question is, well,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: what do I do with that information? How do I
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: train the heart? Like I've never heard anyone say this before.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: And so what I learned, like I shared, is that
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: that we want to teach train the heart to love
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: most what's most empowering. And you know this is this
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: is this is a challenge. It's a big challenge because
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: as humans, we're constantly wanting instant gratification. I just want
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: to feel better right now. And the reason we don't.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Most people get stuck is that they come to these
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable places in their life. They get these feelings that
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: they don't like, and they try to get rid of
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: the feeling. And this is where addiction happens. Addiction is
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: anything that stops your growth. And so if we look
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: at the cell phone, for example, the cell phone is
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: this it can be this addiction that stops your growth
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: because we get these uncomfortable feelings and we've all done
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: it where I'm really uncomfortable. Right now, I'm going to
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: grab my phone and so I'm going to look at
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: things that will take my mind away from it and
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I can get some relief, just you know, just like
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: watching TV. And so. But in excellence is the number
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: one goal every day is to learn and grow. And
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: that's learning grow and self awareness and learn and grow
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: and love with some encourage. So because who you're becoming
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: is the most important thing about you, not what you're achieving.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Because what you're achieving you may think is the greatest
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: thing in the world. But what I thought was the
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: greatest thing in the world when I was nineteen is
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: very different than what I think it is now. And so, yeah,
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: do you think that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Like in our
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: culture in Australia, I'm sure in the States, I'm sure
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: most places, like success is in the world, it's framed
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: as stuff. What you have, what you earn, what you
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: are and what you drive, where you live, what you
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: look like, what people think, you brand, bank balance, it's
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: all that external. I can see that stuff, right, And
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: you and I both know, I'm sure we both know
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: lots of people who are richly rich, rich, successful, and
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: from the outside looking in, it's all Hollywood and glamour
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: and razzle dazzle, But the inside out is sometimes psychological, emotional,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: and spiritual bankruptcy. Right, So from the outside looking in
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: ace from the inside out a terrible experience. Talk to
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: me a little bit about success and navigating what the
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: world calls success, but then that lived experience in the
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: middle of that.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is this is the big illusion, this pursuit
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: of success, because Western culture says success is having those
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: five things possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status, and it's
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: really this cheeks your tail empty pursuit of these temporary transactions,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: and well, we really want something meaningful and empowering if
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: you really think about it, what you want for yourself
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: and maybe your kids is from most of us, we
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: want I want to live a meaningful life with amazing
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: experiences and deep and enriching relationships where we're learning and
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: growing and making a difference in the world and with
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: an excelance. We have four daily goals that help us
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: help us do that. The number one goal is learn
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: and grow. And then within that our four daily goals
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: is number one is to give the best of what
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: you have today. Some days it's not going to be
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: very much, but understand that even if I maybe a
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: thirty or forty percent day, I'm going to give one
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: hundred percent of that thirty or forty percent. And then
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: two is to be present. Three is to be grateful.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Four is to focus on my routines and only what
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I can control present, because there's no fear in the
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: present moment of greatest obstacle fear and there's no fear
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: in the present moments. We want to be able to
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: constantly practice doesn't mean to be present. And when I
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: say present at the highest level, I mean to have
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: a sense of freedom and joy and that the feeling
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: that anything's possible. And then gratitude is so important because
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: it's directly linked to inner piece, which is directly linked
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: to interstree strength, mental toughness, and they're all linked to beauty,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: and so gratitude is crucial. And one thing that might
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: be helpful to think about is that we're either grateful
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: or entitled. There's only two options in your life and
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: your day to day life. You're either grateful or entitled,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: and you can think of which one you were saying
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: yesterday by like, was I grateful yesterday? Didn't someone follow
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: me around and say, yeah, that's a grateful person, or
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: he was grateful or weren't you. You know, it's your
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: own you can answer it yourself. But and then if
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: you weren't, and then you were entitled. And so I'm
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: not saying this to say you should be a good person.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying that when we're grateful, we're going to
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: have more inner peace in your strength. When we're entitled,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: we're going to have less inner peace. And industryth wow.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: And then the fourth one is to focus on your
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: routines and only what you can control. I love it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: So from when we were born till now, you and
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: may sitting on this chat you're chatting with a weird
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: guy on the other side of the world. You know,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: you and I and everyone listening has been to an
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: extent programed. You know, we've been programmed by culture, media,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: social media, situation, circumstance, environment, people, school, and then we
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: kind of, you know, we end up how we end up.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Part of its genetic part.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Of this programming, this unconscious conditioning of how we see
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: the world and beliefs and values and ideas and some
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: of that programming works in inverted commas, and some of
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: it doesn't, some of its self sabotages, some of it's empowering.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: How do we how do we think more critically and
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: build more awareness self awareness and more space between the programming,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: our involuntary programming, and who we can be? Is that
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: a stupid question?
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Like? Does that make sense to you? Like?
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I feel most people are a bipe, Like we don't
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: think the way we think the way we think.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: Because we've been trying to think that way.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I believe I believe this is the best team because
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Dad said it was the best team on this religion.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Because my family is this religion.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I'm a vegan because mom's a vegan, right, Rather than saying, okay,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: apart from all that programming and conditioning, what do I think?
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: What's my truth? What are my beliefs? You know? Yeah?
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I think I think if you just go with the flow,
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: you know, this is my life and this is what's
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: kind of been laid out for me, and you know,
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: up until you graduate from high school, that's definitely the
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: best thing to do, is to follow that path, or
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: it's a great thing to do, But once you graduate
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: from high school, now you're making choices on your own,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: and if you don't really be true to yourself, then
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: you're going to become like everyone else and you're going
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: to live a life of mediocrity, let's say. But the
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: big question is what does it mean to be true
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: to myself? And so I talk about this in the
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: book that I wrote called The Best Possible Life, How
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: to Live with deep content and joy and confidence. And
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I mentioned earlier about training in your heart. See, the
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: human heart needs training because we'll at least mind us,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: because you can think about yours credit. So maybe when
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: you're you've been stressed and under pressure, you've always gone
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: to the thing that's most empowering to yourself into the world,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: the most loving thing. But it's not what's happened to
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: me every time. And so we need to train our
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: hearts so that that it does not get caught up
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: in self protection and uh self importance, because then it
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: becomes overinflated or underinflated, and then we don't have an
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: accurate view of the world. And so in order to
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: have an accurate view of the world, which is what
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: I call humility, then we need to train it and
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: uh so that that's a daily process. Yeah, yeah, was there.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Was there something that preempted your journey to the desert?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: You might not want to share. But did something happen
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: because obviously not. Most people don't go to the desert
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: for five years, sell most of their stuff and write
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: a book fifty hours a week or thereabouts.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Like that's quite an ietypical thing. How did that come about?
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Why did that happen? What was going on with you? Yeah?
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: My dream, my whole life since I was eight years old,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: was to be a professional athlete, and so I got
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: dropped by the Chicago Cubs and that was a dream
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: come true. But I played professional baseball for five years
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: and I got injured and had to retire, and I
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: was devastated. I was in my early twenties and my
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: whole identity was as Jim Murphy pro based off player.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: When I lost it, I felt like I lost everything.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: I was driving a truck for a FedEx downtown Seattle, Washington.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I get a call from a college teammate and he says,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: can you take over this coaching this high school baseball
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: team Innercy, Seattle at saw Boys School, which I'd never
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: considered coaching. It just worked with my schedule. I decided
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: to do it, and so I have the best time.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: We go undefeated. And so I was like, oh, how
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: do I realized my destiny was not to be a
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: superstar professional baseball player, but to be a superstar professional
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: baseball coach. But how do I go from coaching fifteen
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: year olds to coaching the Yankees and winning the World Series.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: So I came up with this plan. I'm going to
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: get a master's in coaching science or physical education, and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: so I can get a job teaching pe to pay
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: the bills and a coach of the high school baseball team,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: win a championship, get a job in UNI, coach the
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: baseball team, win a championship, and work my way into
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: the pros. And so that was my plan. I enrolled
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: at the University of British Columbia and Canada. I started
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: a baseball team there. I get my master's in coaching
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: science and for my master's paper, I interview thirty nine
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: major League baseball managers and gms and other coaches on
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: how to build a championship team. Get a job of
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: the Texas Rangers two weeks after graduation. Dream come true.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: But then I quit six months later in tears. It
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: was just was not a good fit. And I thought
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I was a failure because I thought, this is the
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: best job that I could possibly do. It's going to
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: be this extraordinary life. I'm meant to be a superstar.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: And I always had this kind of sense that every
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: girl is going to want to be with me, and
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: every guy is going to want to be me, you know,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: this incredible egotisticol thing. And then so then Jim Murphy
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: pro baseball player becomes Jim Murphy nobody in my mind.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: And then it happens again as a coach, and then
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: I get asked my Major League Baseball if I want
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: to be the hitting coach for South Africa for the
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: two thousand O Big Trials. I don't know if you
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: remember what city that was in, but it was somewhere
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: down south. I yeah, yeah, it was. It was about
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: city to Melbourne. Yeah, I look, it's good.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, I try Sydney, they try, you know, they
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: have a go and it's good. It's just uh, they
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: like a pole cousin to Melbourne.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Everybody does the best of what they have in their heart.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Oh my Sydney listeners a just turning off now. So
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I was fortunate enough to work with South African national team.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: We win Olympic trials, go to Sydney and have one
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: of the biggest subset victories in Olympic baseball in history.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: You get to meet Nelson Mandela. It was an amazing experience.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: I'm still close friends with all those people in the
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: two thousand Olympic team. And after that, I fell in
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: love with Australia. By the way, still one of my
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: favorite countries. But after the Olympics, what am I going
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: to do with my life? I go back to being
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: a personal training which I did in grad school. And
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: then I was just getting restless and I wanted to
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: make a bigger difference in people's lives. I get a
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: call from my teammate in pro baseball, Ricky Shruggs, starting
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: a baseball academy in Tucson, Arizona, in the desert. Can
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: you come for the weekend and help me launch this thing?
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I decide. At the time, I just didn't. I was
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: getting really restless, and I knew I just really felt
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: like I was created to do something important, something special
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: for the world, and I just didn't know what that was.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: And so I was like kind of getting to your question.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I'm going to move to the desert. I'm going to
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: go live a life of solitude. I'm going to give
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: away most of my possessions, including my TV, live a
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: simple life, and I'm going to figure out what I'm
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: My destiny is, what am I put on this earth
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: to do? And I'm going to find something that I'm
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: willing to give my life for that I'm willing to
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: live and die for and dedicate my life to. And
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: so I left for the desert and that's where I
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: ended up deciding to become a personal coach to professional
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: baseball players. My first two clients too amazing. So I'm
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: going to put together a little manual how to have
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: peace and confidence under pressure for future pro baseball players.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Call up a sports psychologist, ask them how long? How
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: can Olympic athlete train for four years and for an
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: event that may take less than a minute and have
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: peace and confidence in that situation? That brings more questions
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: and answer. So I call another psychologists and another and
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I spent five years full time writing and researching that question,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: and through that that becomes the book inter of Excellence. Wow,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: that is that is an interesting story.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And in the middle of all of that, I mean,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: we'll jump out. I want to talk to you about
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: pressure or perceived pressure in a moment, but I want
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: to talk to you about I don't know. I'm scared
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: to open the god door. But did you grow up
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: in a religious household? Did you always have faith? Has
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: that waxed and wind? Have you?
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: The purpose bigger than me? Has that always been a
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Has that been a constant?
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Definitely not in my heart. If you ask people that
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: know me or know me most of my life, they'll say,
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: if you can believe it, Jim was even more self
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: centered back then than he is now. Extremely uh. And
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: so my life was really about Jim for most of
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: my life. And I think it's it's actually the default
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: is self centeredness. And so that's why it's a big challenge,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: because self centeredness leads to fear, at least the comparison
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: and anxiety and fear. My mom is full Japanese and
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: she grew up in Japan and her lineage is Samurai,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: and so I talk about that in the beginning of
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: the book. And so her impact on my life was great,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: and my dad was also had a huge impact on
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: my life. But my life really changed in twenty ten.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: I had a near mental breakdown. And this is right
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: after the book came out. It comes out in bookstores
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: around the world, and I spend my life savings. I'm
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: ninety thousand dollars in debt now and I'm in downtown Denver,
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: and my mind is kind of spiraling out of control.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking, Okay, yeah, the books and bookstores around the world,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: and Barnes and Noble, the biggest chain in the US.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: But you have no money to hire someone to market
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: the book. You don't know how to do marketing, and
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: you don't like promoting yourself. This is not a good
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: marketing plan. And if no one hears about the book,
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: no one's going to buy the book. If no one
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: buys the book, mark Barnes and Noble will pull it
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: off their shelves. And this could happen in a few weeks,
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: and then five years of your life, ninety thousand dollars,
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: all of that, that's all gone, and you're going to
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: be also labeled a failure, a total failure, because everyone
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: knows you're obsessed about this project for five years and
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: ned failed. And if that happens, that I couldn't see
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: how this wouldn't happen, And this is what happens. This
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: is why we're created for a relationship, and this is
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: why it's so important to have to love others so
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: you can have people that you can share your fears with.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: And because fear grows in the dark, and I didn't
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: have anyone that I could go to, and I pretty
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: much isolated myself for five years. And so this is
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: what happens when you isolate yourself, that you can have
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: these near breakdowns, which is what was happening to me.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: And I thought, you know, if I'm a total failure,
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: you know, the book gets pulled off the shelves, then
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to get a regular job because no
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: pro athletes is going to hire a failure to coach them,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: which is why I wrote the book to coach pro athletes.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: And then if no one hires me, then I'm going
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: to have to get a regular job. But it's two
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: thousand and nine. The economy we're in a recession, so
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: no one's going to hire a failure, So I'm going
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: to die alone in the street. So that was what
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: the near mental breakdown happened, and my life and so
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: I think of my life as in terms of before
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: that moment, because that moment was a huge moment in
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: my life. I started my life to God. I meet
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: this homeless harpist who ends up possibly being an angel,
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: and my life completely changes. And I meet these people
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: that total strangers that tell me what's going to happen
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: in my life. They come true, and yeah, it was
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: pretty amazing what God's done. And when was that twenty ten?
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: That yeah, twenty ten. I wrote about this my life
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: story in the book The Best Possible Life.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Identity is an interesting thing, isn't it, Because when your
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: story is I'm going to be well.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: I am right, I am this, or I am.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: That, I'm going to be a finmous author, I'm going
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: to be this whatever, or I am I'm an athlete,
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: and then it took out you don't end up being
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: the athlete.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: You want to be, or.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm a vegan and then somebody disco or
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: then I get some information that doesn't sit with my information,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: or you know, like when when that thing that we
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: identify with either turns out to be not correct or
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: flawed or it doesn't work out, then we don't know
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: who we are, you know, like I for a really
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: silly example, but for a long time to my Also,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I come from a personal training background like you, and
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I actually set up the first personal training center in
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Australia in nine ninety, right, So I have a big
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: background working with clients, and I used to teach and
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: even in the eighties, I'm that old you know about
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: the food pyramid. And then and then one day we
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: all kind of figure out, oh, maybe that's not exactly
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: the best science in the world. And then but I'm
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: really intertwined with that science or that message or that
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: version of the truth because I've been teaching it and
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: telling it and it and then i find out, well, Craig,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: you're totally wrong. And then all of a sudden, I've
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: got to go I've either got to double down or
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I've got to just say, oh that thing that I thought,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: that's that's not true. And so that's a It's identity
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: is an interesting thing because you don't want to become
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like you don't want to
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: become too entwined with well, a lot of ideologies or philosophies,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: you know, because it can be fraught with danger.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Well, One of the biggest problems that we have as
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: humans is we have a single story for our lives.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: What I mean by that is that we have a
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: picture of how my life should go and how it
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: shouldn't go, and pretty much along a certain track, and
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: oftentimes it doesn't go that way. And when it doesn't
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: go that way, then we get really thrown off and
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: have this real fear, anxiety and stress. But the cute
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: understanding is that you don't know it's best for you.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: You know, you have your goals and your dreams, but
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: is it best for you. There could be if you
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: could take your top ten goals right now, and they
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: could maybe none of them are good for you, or
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: maybe there's twenty others that are way better for you
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: than the top ten you have right now. And that's
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: why I want to you know, the first principle of
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: inter excellence is to remember that all things are here
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: to teach me and help me. It's all working for
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: my good and hold things, hold your results and circumstances lately,
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: because far more important than what you achieve is who
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: you're becoming.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I want to chat a little bit about pressure and typically,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: like you know, when we talk about athletes. We talk
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: about performing under pressure, and we know that we can
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: get guys or girls who are amazing in practice and
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: skilled and amazing you know, spatial awareness and timing and execution,
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: and theoretically they're brilliant and even practically they're brilliant in
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: a training setting where there's less or there's little to
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: know pressure at times, sometimes there is, but then under
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: extreme pressure. I worked over here with an AFL club,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: which is the equivalent of an NFL club, which is
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: the Australian Rules Football League. So I worked with a
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: team over here for four years and I would often
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: see guys who on the training track were nine and
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: a half out of ten, but mentally and emotionally just
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: would capitulate at times not always. So when mentally and
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: emotionally they would struggle, then you know their skill goes down,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: their timing goes down, their ability to read the game
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: drops off, their confidence drops off everything. What's your theory
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: on dealing with pressure? I feel like we have it wrong.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so here's kind of how essentially, give you
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: a little analogy. Prout's come to me or Olympic anthiort's
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: come to me because the want to perform better, so
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: they want to be world number one. And when a
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: win a national championship or something like that, a world championship,
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: and they're looking for some transaction, they want to get
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: some achievement. That's I mean. I'm a performance coach. I
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: help people achieve great things when become world number one.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: And it's like they're coming to me for happiness, which
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: I define as a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: They want to get transaction, and what I teach them
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: is how to have joy, which is a deep sense
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: of well being, freedom, and gratitude independent of circumstances. And
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: so can you remember your question?
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: I was just talking about dealing with pressure, and I
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: feel like our paradigm is, Okay, you got to try
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: and on the pressure. You got to you got to
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: put yourself under immen's pressure. So when the real pressure comes,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: you're acclimatized, you know, mm hmm.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: So uh. Interrextllence is really about a way of life
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: and understanding that there's there's way too much out of
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: your control to be attached to what you want. There's
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: too much out of your control and you don't even
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: know it's good for you, let it alone the best
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: thing for you. And so that's why we have these
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: principles about developing yourself and training your heart and your
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: mind and becoming a certain type of person, because the
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: more you develop yourself, the better you're going to be
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: in every aspect of your life on and off the
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: field and have more joy. And so it's really understanding
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: why do I want to become world number one, for example,
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: or why do I want to have a million dollars
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: or a million followers. So if we say I wanted
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: a million million dollars, well you don't want the money.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: You want what you think it's going to give you, right,
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're not going to take the paper bills
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: and put them in a bathtub and roll around in
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: it unless you're a little bit crazy. What you're going
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: to do is you're going to take that money. You're
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: going to buy something with it. Maybe it's a house
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: or a car, and you don't even want the house
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: or car. What you want is what you think it
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: will give you some experience, which is going to create
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: some feeling. And so what you really want is these feelings.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: And so what I help people understand is what do
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: you really want? Why do you want to achieve this thing?
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: And let's go for that directly, Because if you want
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: to live a life of deep contentment, joy and confidence
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: independent of circumstance, for example, a life with the easy
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: experiences and deep and enriching relationships where you're learning and
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: growing and making a difference, if that's what you really want,
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: then you can have that. Can you become world number one?
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but it's so important to understand, is well,
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: why do you want what you want? Let's go for
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: it directly. I asked this question, in the best possible life,
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: what would you rather have a ten million dollar house
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: on the water, paid off or would you rather live
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: in an apartment paycheck to paycheck, no savings of your life,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: but be guaranteed and amazing experiences with deep and enriching
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: relationships where you're filled with love, peace and joy every
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: single day the rest of your life. Which would you
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: rather have? And it's a I think it's a really
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: interesting question because the human mind in Western culture does
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: not connect the two. It's those are opposites. If you're
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: living paycheck to paycheck, there's no joy, there's no peace.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: But the reason why It's also such a good question
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: is well, why do you want the ten million this
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: beautiful house on the water, And like most of my life,
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: I would have chosen the house. But what if no
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: one could ever see it? Would you still choose the house?
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: What if no one could ever know you have it?
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Would you still choose it? Because for me, most of
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: my life would have chosen the house. Because now I'm picturing, Oh,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have these get togethers and people are
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: going to go, oh man, this is so amazing, and
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: they're going to have these great experiences, and of course
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be loved and they're going to say,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: what a beautiful house. And I'm going to feel so
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: important and loved and I'm going to feel like amazing
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: because of what's going to happen, the attention and the
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: experiences I'm going to have in that. But if we
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: take that away and well with the inner excellence says, hey,
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: let's go for that directly. Let's go for those experiences
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: and that feeling that life directly. And that's what any
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: excellent says. Yeah, I love that.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I mean that's we grow up in stories of well
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: if I get that or own that or earn that
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: or look like that or have that, then I will
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: be content, or I'll be happier, I'll be fulfilled, or
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: i won't be anxious anymore, I'll be calm. So we
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: have this external kind of internal perceived correlation. Is that
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: when that thing in my external physical, three dimensional visible world,
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: the world that everyone can see, when I do that
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: thing or have that thing, then the byproduct is my
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: internal world, the place where living happens, not life. Life
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: happens out there, living happens in here. Then I'm going
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: to be all of these things. It's that kind of
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: what do you want and why do you want it? Well,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: what I want is this, this and this, and then
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: tell me your why, because that's actually what you want,
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: like the reason under the you know, the goal, that's
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: what you really are after you know it's it's it's
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: so true, but it's so hard, especially you know when
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: we do live in a world that values those things
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: so much. And I'm not trying to sound too weird
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: or philosophical or.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Deep everyone, but it's just true. You know.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: It's I've I would say, and I could be wrong,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: but I would say. The people that I worked with
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: over the years who are really, really wealthy were probably
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: slightly more likely to be anxious and depressed and medicated
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: for sleeplessness than the people that I work with who
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: didn't have so much money. I'm not saying it's necessarily causal.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying one equals the other. Of course, there
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: are lots of wealthy people that I know that are
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: pretty happy and pretty functional also, But when you believe
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: that that external achievement will equal this internal outcome or experience,
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: it's a slippery slope.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I don't know.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know that it's that it's hard in our
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: It's not impossible, but it's hard in our culture to
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: tell people you don't need all that, and they're like, well,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: it's all.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Right for you. You know, what about what about the.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: You spoke before about instant gratification And we've got about
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: six or seven minutes to go, so I appreciate your time.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: I feel we are so predisposed to comfort and convenience
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and certainty and predictability and instant gratification when real growth
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: and development and adaptation and resilience kind of lives outside
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: that stuff. So the question is we love convenience, We
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: love certainty. We love predictability, we love comfort, we love familiarity.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: But my question is how do we put that.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Stuff to one side so that we can step into
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: the stuff that's really going to build resilience and competence
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: and skill and understanding, which is usually the opposite. So
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: where we grow is in uncertainty, is in discomfort, is
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: in unfamiliarity, is in the not knowing.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Yees. So interaxcellence has three main areas that everything I
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: do with clients has helped them in three main areas.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: It's belief, freedom and focused BFF like best Friends Forever.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: And belief is really what's the key there. Beliefs I
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: define as a subconscious comfort level with what you feel
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: is possible in your life, and of course with that
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: what you feel is not possible. And so inter excellence
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: is about expanding what you believe is possible. This is
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: a major part of it, if not the main part
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: of interaxcellence. So how do we expand what we believe
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: is possible? Well, what happens is beliefs are feelings, and
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: we get when we come to the edge of our feelings.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: In other words, we get to a point where we're
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: really uncomfortable most people back away and they're like, no,
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: too uncomfortable, I can do this. Stop stop getting out
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: of here. This is the average person, and you know
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: we've all done it. The people that have achieved extraordinary
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: things and have become selfless and therefore fearless, they get
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: to this, the uncomfortable feelings, and they're willing to sit
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: in that discomfort to grow, because that's where the growth happens.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: And when you recognize that if I want to live
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: an extraordinary life with amazing experiences and all those great things,
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: then I need to expand what I believe is possible,
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: and I need to when I come to those moments
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: when I'm really uncomfortable, I need to be able to
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: embrace it and not leave that feeling. It's like Tom
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Cruise said so well, is that everyone's afraid, including myself.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: The difference is that I'm not afraid to be afraid.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: And that's what I find. The biggest separator between the
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: best and the rest is courage and people that are willing.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: And the great thing is that we can all be
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: courageous and if you're willing to face your fears, if
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: you're willing to be embarrassed and willing to fail in
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: a big way. Then if you're willing to face any feeling,
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: now you've got power. But we lose our power because
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: we come to the edge of this comfort level and
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: then most people will shrink away and like, no, I
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: can't deal with this. And so understanding the willingness to
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: have those feelings and to face any feeling is a
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: good question. Am I willing to face any feeling? Along
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: with am I willing to face my fears? Am I
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: willing to fail? And am I willing to be really uncomfortable?
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: And even if that feeling doesn't go away? Am I
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: willing to stay with it? These are really empowering things
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: that can expand what you believe is possible and change
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: your life. We can't be courageous and less we're scared, right, Yeah,
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: that's that's brilliant, cragl. In order to gain wisdom, we
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: need to go through problems, and in order to be
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: to gain physical strength, we need to break down the muscles.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: We need to suffer. And in order to have courage,
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: we have to have things that create the need for it.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: And so most people and most of my life has
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: been backing away from those things. But I don't want
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: to live that way anymore. I want to live a meaningful,
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: fulfilling life, and in order to do that, I have
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: to have courage. Yeah, I love it.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: So appreciate your story and your humility and your self
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: awareness and your transparency.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: So two questions. Then we're going to talk tell people
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: how to access your books. So my last two questions,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: what's one question?
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Two part is something that you're great at, something that
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: you are comfortable to say that you're really good at,
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: and something that you definitely need to be better at.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: It's really interesting, Craig, because I don't think about myself
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: as as I try not to think about myself, and
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: I don't think of myself as great at anything, right,
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: I try. I try to keep myself out of the
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: picture because then I can be fearless when I start
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: thinking about myself. And when fear comes in, oh, I
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: might make a mistake. I might this might happen, or
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: that might happen, and I might look foolish, and and
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: you know these things that lead to fears, this self,
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: uh self and this center thoughts, and so you know,
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: I don't I don't really know if I'm great at anything,
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: but I know that I've I've had a lot to
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: learn and that, uh, you know, self centeredness is likely
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: the biggest challenge that I face every day.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: All Right, I'll answer the question fully. You're a brilliant communitka,
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: You're a brilliant storyteller. You're brilliant at making complicated stuff understandable.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: For the rest of us.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: That's a gift, dude, Like you're great at that. And
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: being able to explain what can be really confronting, challenging,
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable kind of issues and concepts and constructs in a
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: way that's.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: Very user friendly is great. Is great. That's why you know.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there's a bunch of reasons, but
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: for me, that's part of the reason that you're.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: Doing so great and thank you so much.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Not that it matters from me, but I'm super happy
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: for you. Such a good human and you're doing good things.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: So the book, I'm going to get it right this time.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: Everyone in an excellence train your mind for extraordinary performance
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: and the best life possible.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: Jim Murphy is the author.
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: I know you don't use the word mate over there,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: but if I call you mate, that's friendship thing.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Mate.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Tell us about the more recent book that you've re
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: and what's that called?
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Thanks mate. My book and most recent book is
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: called The Best Possible Life, how to Live with Deep
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Contentment and joined confidence. No matter what. That came out
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: in November, self published. We're putting out a new edition.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I signed a three book deal back in January with
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: his Shed Books, and so the revised edition will come
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: out in for very third Yeah. Great.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: Hey, how can people connect with you? Do you want
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: people to follow on social media or check out your
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: website or what's the details for that?
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sign up for my newsletter inter Excellence dot com.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: I share with you principles and ideas that I share
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: with my clients and any news workshops. We've got to
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: retreat coming up when we build houses in Mexico and
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: do inter Excellence retreats together with a great group called
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: Youth with a Mission. And I'm on social media as well. Facebook,
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: We've got a Facebook group and we'll be on Substack soon.
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: Instagram is inter Excellence Jim Murphy. So yeah, thanks so much, Craig.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: I really appreciate you having me. We appreciate you. Breath
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: of fresh air.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: I will say goodbye affair, but for the moment, thanks
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: so much for being on the new project.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, Craig