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The one question Narcissists ask themselves · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This your first time I see my
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  face or hear my voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and they use my platform on social media to
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  raise awareness for NPD, get more people in their therapy and
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  also validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said
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  disorder, said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about the one question that
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  narcissists ask themselves all the time before they do
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  something, before they take action.
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  The number one question How does this serve me?
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  And most narcissistic people are going to ask themselves their
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  question. How does this serve me?
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  Before we dig into today's episode, y'all make sure you hop
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  all over to Amazon. Take a look at myself.
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  Love journal. Lee Hammock I Love Me available
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  on Amazon. Helps you rebuild that self love
• 1:00
  and authenticity and identity after it talks to relationship
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  space. But yeah, y'all how does this
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  serve me? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
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  me, me. That's literally how it goes.
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  You know? It's just in that space right
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  there. That's that's it.
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  That's literally it. How does this serve me before I
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  take action, before I do anything?
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  That question pops up into my head before I do something for
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  my kids, before I do something for my wife, before I do
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  something for anybody. How does this serve me?
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  And I know people going to ask like, well, is this the same
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  question pop up into your head right now?
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  Yeah, yeah, it does. But like, I I've been in therapy
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  for six years, so I understand that it's not always about me.
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  And how does how does this serve me?
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  I'm doing things, you know, because I love my kids, I love
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  my family, I love my wife. You know, it is how it goes
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  right there. So how does this serve me?
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  Because it's a question. Yeah, that's the question.
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  When you're dealing with a narcissistic person and you're
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  trying to communicate with them and you're trying to to
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  negotiate with them and you're trying to coparent with them or
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  you're trying to do something, you're just trying to exist with
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  them. You're trying to live with them.
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  You're trying to survive with them?
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  Ask you hey yo, that's the question that a narcissist is
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  asking themselves. How does this serve me?
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  How right now, in this moment, how does this serve me?
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  Because that's what most narcissists and people are
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  always wondering Y'all, how does this serve me and you and you,
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  like, say, if you're dealing with the narcissistic person,
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  ask yourself that question. Ask yourself the other side of
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  that question. How does this serve them?
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  Because to before a narcissist takes action on most things,
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  they see how it benefits them. They see how it's going to
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  affect them in a positive way. They see what they can get from
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  this. Very rarely do you get a
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  narcissist that does something from the kindness of their own
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  heart, from the genuineness of their own heart, from coming
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  from a level of empathy and compassion.
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  Very rarely does that happen. Most times it's self-serving.
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  It's a self-serving action. So to communicate with a
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  narcissist, to live with a narcissist, that's one of the
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  questions you need to ask yourself.
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  How does this serve them? That's how you do it.
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  Y'all because people ask me like how do I communicate with them
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  better? How do I negotiate?
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  How do I get them to do this? How do I get them to do that?
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  Yeah, it has to benefit them in some way, shape or form, or at
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  least at least they have to feel like it benefits them in some
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  way, shape or form. It has to.
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  They have to feel like there's a benefit to this, to them doing
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  this. They have to feel like there's a
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  benefit for them to do that. You see what I'm saying?
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  They have to feel like there's some type of benefit associated
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  with this situation right here. They they just have to.
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  It has to benefit them. Narcissist.
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  Most narcissists are going to be selfserving people.
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  Me first, me first, you second. You me first.
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  Me second. Me third.
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  Maybe you 4th, maybe me fourth. You see what I'm saying?
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  Ask yourself that question. Because, like, that's the number
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  one. One of the best ways to
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  communicate with the Narcis is to see how it benefits them.
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  Make them think that it's their idea.
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  Make them think that it's benefited.
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  I know you're going to say that. That sounds like manipulation.
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  Yeah. Sometimes you have to play the
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  game with narcissistic people. I know you want.
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  I know you want to be safe and I don't want to stoop to their
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  level. Y'all.
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  You're not stooping to their level.
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  You're finding a way to communicate with them in a way
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  that's beneficial to you. This is how it goes.
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  Literally, they're fine. You're finding a way to
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  communicate with them. You are.
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  You just are this one of them thing.
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  That's one of those spaces that you have to be into, Be inside
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  of right there, you know? How does this benefit me?
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  How does this benefit them? Do you have to get inside the
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  mind of a narcissistic person? That's the number one question.
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  I mean, like I say, it took me a while to come up with that
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  question right there. I was like, how I'm like, what's
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  the number? What's the number one thing that
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  goes into my mind. And it's just like the stuff for
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  the stuff that I've been have done years before I got on
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  social media, it always had to benefit me.
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  Very rarely did I do something that didn't that didn't affect
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  me in a positive way. Very rarely even.
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  Like I said, be be even showing some type of cognitive empathy,
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  you know, had to serve me in some way, shape or form.
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  You know what I mean, Sir? Being honest with you, the
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  empathy. Having more empathy nowadays
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  serves me more in like it still serves me.
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  Having empathy serves me. How does this serve me?
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  How does how does having empathy serve me?
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  It helps me connect the people more.
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  It helps me be a better human being.
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  So it still affects me in a positive way.
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  You see, I have to have the. I have to have those
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  conversations with myself. I have to, you know, being a
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  self award narcissist, I have to literally not just like I said,
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  I I have to negotiate with myself on certain things.
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  I have to empower myself. I have to do a lot of this stuff
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  to be as safe and to be as strong as I possibly can, you
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  know, I mean, how, But think think about it again.
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  Y'all, how does this serve me? At the end of the day, it has to
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  benefit them in some way, shape or form.
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  So ask yourself that question. Y'all.
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  That's how you get better to communicate with them.
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  That's how you get better at dealing with narcissistic
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  people. You have to think on their level
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  or they get. And that's how you not only
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  think on their level, that's how you get ahead of them.
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  That's how you try to stay one step ahead of them.
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  How did this serve me? And sometimes will narcissists
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  suffer? The I know.
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  I already know where you're going to go.
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  But Lee, sometimes they self destruct their own lives.
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  They blow their own lives up. So how do you enroll?
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  How did that serve them? Blowing their own life up?
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  How did that serve them Leaving their family?
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  How did y'all self destruction is still serving them.
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  If my this is the mindset of some narcissist right here.
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  Y'all if my life is going to fall apart, which I make, which
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  I am anticipating on it to fall on apart.
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  If my life is going to fall apart, then guess what?
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  I want to be the person that who who makes it fall apart.
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  I want to be the person who kind of tears it down brick by brick.
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  You see what I'm saying? I want to be that person, not
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  you. I don't want you.
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  I don't want to give you the satisfaction of having any kind
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  of any type of power or control over me.
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  So I need to do I I go about it this way.
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  I need to be the one who does this.
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  I need to be the one who says that I need to be the one.
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  I need to be the one if my life is going to explode.
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  I have my hand on The detonator. I blew it up.
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  So it's still serving them. Even when they destroy their own
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  lives, it's still serving them. At least I did it.
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  You didn't do it. You didn't take me down.
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  I took me down. You didn't break it with me.
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  I broke it with you. Even though I cheated on you, I
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  did something horrible to you. I broke up with you.
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  You see what I'm saying? I did what I had to do to
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  protect. To protect my egos and their
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  ego. Yeah, Narcissist ego is so damn
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  big and fragile. It's like a big.
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  It's like the the narcissist ego is bigger than the damn Eiffel
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  Tower. It's bigger than the the what's
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  the building in New York? The Eiffel Tower in New York?
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  No, I was out of New York. I'm stupid, huh?
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  The biggest skyscraper in New York.
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  Like, it's bigger than that right there.
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  You mean biggest building in New York?
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  It is going to bother me. The Empire State Building 11
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  World Trade Center's the biggest building.
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  But I was I was thinking about the Empire State Building is the
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  narcissist. Ego is bigger than the Empire
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  State Building, but it's made of flimsy thin glass.
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  A Pebble could break it, you say you see this big huge ego, but a
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  Pebble the size of 1/4 or nickel can break it, You know what I'm
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  saying? It's a huge ego, but it's
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  fragile. So I need to protect this huge,
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  fragile ego. I'm going if you I'm not going
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  to throw it out. I'm not going to let you throw a
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  Pebble and break my building now.
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  I'm going to break it down. I'm going to just slam the door.
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  I'm going to slam the door really hard on the bottom floor.
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  It's going to make everything else come crashing now.
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  So ask yourself that question y'all when you're trying to deal
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  with the Narciss, when you're trying to Co parent with them,
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  when you're trying to negotiate, negotiate with them at the like
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  at the divorce table or any type of any type of mediation or
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  something like that. Ask yourself that question.
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  How does this serve them? Because that's the question that
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  they are asking themselves. How does this serve me?
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  It has to be of a benefit For a narcissist to take action.
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  There has to be some type of benefit.
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  There has to be some type of benefit to it.
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  So you a lot of times you have to make, you have to make it
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  seem like it's benefiting them, make it seem like there's a
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  benefit to showing up on time for the the kids exchanges,
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  making sure it make it something.
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  It's a benefit for them to give you the house in the cars or
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  whatever. Make it seem like it's a benefit
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  for them to walk away from the, make it sound like, make it seem
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  like it's beneficial to them. And I don't know how that works
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  for your own specific situation because everybody the situation
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  is so different. But you have to make it seem
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  like this. Here this option is your idea
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  and it works good for you. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's how you have to think sometimes.
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  I know it sounds stupid. I know it sounds super toxic
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  sometimes, but that's the mindset of a lot of narcissistic
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  people right there. Y'all you have to make it feel
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  like it's it comes from their own mind.
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  Like they harvested this idea from their own garden.
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  Even though you planted the seed and you watered it, they they
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  harvested it. It has to be their harvest.
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  You planted the seed on their form farm, you watered it, you
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  put the fertilizer on it, You turn the so you aerated the soil
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  dude, you did everything but they harvested it.
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  They harvested your little idea plant you know what I mean But
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  it's how it goes. Like y'all take y'all tuning in.
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• 11:09
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• 11:12
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