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Transcript

Love Me Two Times · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Mea acknowledges
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: is recorded on we all know what they say. If
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: there are question marks or gut feelings early on need
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: a relationship, it's probably because it's not the right one.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Your match should be someone with whom you have no doubts.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: It should be easy.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I did have so many of my friends say to me,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: this is in game.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: But sometimes even the best, strongest and happiest relationships can
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: carry secrets, some small and insignificant in the scheme of things,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: but others, no matter how hard they've been hidden, once
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: out can destroy everything.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I like sort of walked over to them and I
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: was liked, And she came up and gave me a
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: hugin I was like, what's going on? I like, saw
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: my gray mattress in the back of the car. I
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: went all fat and blimp.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ads.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Molly was
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: nineteen when our story begins, living in New Zealand, a
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: year out of school. Where else would you meet a
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: guy but a music festival.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: We sort of met on the day on the dance floor,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: didn't really think much of it. And then I went
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: to some afters following the event and got a random
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: text message on my phone and he had got my
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: number off of a friend and.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: He was like, what are you doing? Do you want
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: to hang out?
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: And I was like, no, I don't really want to
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: hang out with you. I've only just met you. But
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: he was obviously a friend of a friend that he
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: was really nice, and so I was like, okay, fine,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: and I know you're not supposed to do this, but
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, you can come around to where I
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: was living. I was living with six girls, so I
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: felt pretty safe and yeah, I was, I think watching
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Love Island and he just came round and sat on
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: the couch with us girls and then I said to him,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: nothing is happening tonight, just so you know. When he
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: was so fine with that. I was nineteen and he
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: was twenty two at the time. I was at university
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: in New Zealand.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I had.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Been in a relationship a year previous for a while,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: since I was quite young. I was in a good place,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: just really happy, enjoying my life, enjoying the freedom of
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: university and going to lots of parties.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: And he was working in the city, so he had.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Gone to the same university as me, but he had
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: actually graduated a couple of years earlier, and he was
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: in his first year of working. When I initially met
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: him at the fistal, I didn't quite realize until he
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: came over just how good looking he was. He was
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: very nice on the eyes, and yeah, we had a
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: lot in common. I am really into surfing and so
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: is he. So we sort of talked about that and
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: started off pretty strong, just on common grounds, and yeah,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: it was one of those things where it was pretty
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: hard and fast from the get go. After that first night,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: he ended up staying over at my place until about
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: three pm the next day. He just didn't leave, and
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: yet we were just like chatting and hanging out and yeah,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: and from then we stayed in touch, and it was
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: only a couple days later he asked me to meet
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: him for a drink. We had our first date, and
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: it was pretty much all on from there. I think
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: it was it's only maybe five weeks into us dating
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: that he asked me to be his girlfriend. And in
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: the same day we were drunk at the races and
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: he said I love you as well. So it all, yeah,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: happened really quick. I was on cloud nine. I was like,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: this is my perfect guy on paper, just everything. He
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: was really smart, really sporty, he loved the beach, he
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: loved surfing, he was just yeah, he was really quite
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: extroverted like me, and yeah, I was over the moon,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: really really happy. We both had said to each other,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: you know, we've never felt like this before. But yeah,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I definitely didn't anticipate on getting into such a serious
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: relationship so quickly after my last one, and I was
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: wanting to just be young and dumb and do my
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: own thing. But yeah, I think once I was in
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: love again, the blinkers were on, and I was just
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: very smitten and hopeful that we would go the distance.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: So I think, you know, when people saw us together
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: you know, all my friends were just like, you've met
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: this really nice guy who's just so similar, and he's
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: all the things that you've ever looked for.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: And a guy this is in game.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: So far, so good.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: The first year, year and a half of our relationship
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: was amazing. We had so much fun.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: The following year after we got together, we were supposed
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: to go to Central America. He was flying over early
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: February twenty twenty and I was going to meet him
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: in March, and then pretty much as soon as he
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: got there, we went into lockdown, so he had to
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: fly back, and obviously my plans got canceled.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: So we went into life with his family.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: My family were living in another city, and yeah, it
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: was the best time. It was me and him, one
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: of my best friends dates his brother, so it was yeah,
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: all four of us and then the parents.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Was super super fun.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: So that was a big chunk of twenty twenty and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: after COVID we just sort of traveled a lot around
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: New Zealand and just made the most of our backyard things.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I guess started to feel a little bit rocky around
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: the beginning of twenty twenty one.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: We were living.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Over the summer at his parents' place, and he had
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: sort of become a little bit distant all of a sudden,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: and I was sort of like, what's going on. He
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: was always all in and just like very affectionate and loving,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: and he wasn't and he was really over his job.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: And he just kept saying, it's my mental health. I'm
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: just not in a good place, not feeling great. And
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: obviously I was just like, well, I'll do whatever to
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: help you. He was acknowledging he was off, but he
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: just kept putting it down to you know, he's just
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: feeling like he's in a rut. He didn't get to
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: go traveling the year before. He wants to move to Australia,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: and that was always our plan. It was pretty much
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: ever since we met, was to move, but I had
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: to finish university and I kept saying, like, we can
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: go as soon as I finish. I had six more
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: months left. He was just not really being as physical
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: with me and just not talking as much. Yeah, we
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: used to always have our arms around each other, always
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: be holding your hands, always be really cuddled up close,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: and it'd sort of be sitting on the other side
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: of the couch just whenever I sort of tried to,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: you know, be like come on, like cuddle me whatever.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: It's sort of be like, you know, you could.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Just feel he just wasn't really, so of course my
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: mind just keep going to well, you'd.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: Clearly like it it is me, and he was like, no, no, no,
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: it's not, it's not you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: It's not I love you and I'm you know, I
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: want to be with you forever. A few weeks of
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: that and it just really got to me. And there
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: was one time we were supposed to go away together
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: for the weekend and he was just being really often
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: and I was like, look, I'm going to fly home
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: for the weekend. It's a long weekend. I'm going to
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: go see my family. You should go away with the boys.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: That weekend when I went up to visit my family,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I didn't even tell any of my friends that I
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: was coming up because I was just like, I was
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: almost embarrassed. You know, I'm coming up because I'm in
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: such a bad headspace because I don't know what's going
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: on with my own partner and with living together, and
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: everybody has this view of us, and things went what
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: it seemed. I'd even spoken to his mum before I
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: had flown up. She drove me to the airport and
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I was just like crying. I was like, I don't
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: know what more I can do. It's just getting to
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: the point where he's adam minutes his mental health. But
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I can't live like this. He's just not himself. And
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: she was really concerned about him too, and she said,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: this is sometimes what relationships are about. You know, you
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: just got to help each other through. So just keep
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: supporting him, and you know, if it gets too hard,
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: just come talk to me.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: And we can sort it out. She was really supportive.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: When I came back from my hometown after that weekend,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: everything was sort of back to normal kind of. I
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: wrote like a huge three page letter of that. You know,
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I'm here for him whatever he needs. I'm willing to
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: do whatever it takes. He didn't say a whole lot,
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: which I didn't really expect him to, but I just
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: put it on the bit side table and he said, yeah,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: it's really nice, and he obviously knows all those things,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: and you know, any going on, you know, you're such
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: a supportive, loyal girlfriend.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Molly felt confident things were getting back on track. They'd
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: taken the little break they needed and both realized what
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: they really needed was each other.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: A couple of weeks later, it was my twenty first birthday,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: so my parents flew us up. I was sort of
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: having a small ish get together, not a big event
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: for my twenty first, but you know, all my girlfriends
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: and my family and stuff, and he came up for that,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: and it's always nice when he would come visit my
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: hometown and be around my friends. That night, on the
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: night of my twenty first, we all went into the
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: city afterwards, and I already didn't really want to go out.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: I was having a lot of fun just at home,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: like dancing with my aunties and my friends.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: But he was like, no, you know, we're in the
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: big city. Let's go out.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: And he had had some friends also from his hometown visiting,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: so we went and meet up with them. It got
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: super late, and I was just like, I'm going to
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: go home, and he was like, I'm going to stay out.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: And I was already a little bit annoyed about that,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: because I was like, it's my birthday weekend and my
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: parents are flowing you up, and all you really care
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: about us just like seeing your mates. But I went
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: home and he did come home the next day till
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: about two pm. Eventually I got hold of him and
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: he was like, I've crashed at this person's house. I'm
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: gonna get I'm going to get an uber home soon.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go catch up with this other mate.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: And I was just like, what the hell?
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Like he was flying out at like maybe five pm
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: that night. It was also Valentine's Day as well. I
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: was with my parents.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: They were livid.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: I was on the couch, you know, just in like
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: a fetal position, just so upset, like We've come up
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: in such a nice weekend and now I can barely
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: get hold of him and he's still not home, and
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm embarrassed at.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: My parents have had to see that.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: So when he finally walked through the door at two pm,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: we went upstairs to my room and I was just like,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I can't do this anymore. I'm done whatever's going on,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I can't do it. And he was like, no, no,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: can't break up. I don't want to break up. I
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: don't I love you, I'm so sorry, and so on
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: so forth. He was adamant, you know, he really really
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: didn't want to break up. Yeah, So I was like, okay, well,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I'll give you one more chance, And of course I
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: flew back to the town we were living, and it
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: was good for the first few days, and then it
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: just sort of went downhill again to the point where
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I was living back at my new place by then
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: with my friends at UNI, and he just wasn't really
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: making an effort and I just sort of I called
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: his mum one day and I was like, I'm done.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: It's been you know, a.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Couple months of this whatever, and yeah, I don't have
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: the capacity to deal with this.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: So I tried to get.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Him to come over, but he would not come over
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: it and I was like, can we please meet to discuss,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: like to talk about this, but he knew I was
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: going to break up with him and he was not
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: going to have that, so he was like, no, not tonight,
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: not tonight. He gave me a call and I just
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: said to him, I was like, you know, we really
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: need to talk, like I'm really unhappy, and he was like,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to break up with me, and
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: I was like, you know, maybe this is what you need.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I just can't keep doing this anymore. And he was
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: really upset. He cried.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: At one point he had to go and get his mum,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: and he was really, yeah, really really upset.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: We ended up breaking up over the phone.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: It wasn't what either of them wanted, but Molly was
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: adamant she couldn't keep putting up with this behavior. She
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: was young, Yes she was in love, but it shouldn't
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: look like this.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I really really missed him. I was really sad.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: And we kept in touch a little bit, but it
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: was really sad. But yeah, after maybe even only six weeks,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: he had messaged me to say that he had actually
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: gotten a job in Perth, and that to me actually
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: really indicated like, Okay, he was serious about really not
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: liking his job, about really wanting to do something about
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: it and wanting to you know, spread his wings. And
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: he was like, yeah, I'm leaving in a month. I
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: was like wow, okay, And we agreed to meet and
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: it was supposed to be more like a bit of
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: a is this going to be a goodbye? But I
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: went over and we pretty much immediately just were we
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: miss each other so much and we want.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: To get back together.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: And of course he was leaving to Perth in a month,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: and because I guess that had always been the plan,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: he sort of Yeah. He just was like, you know,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: well you can come over, you can come and visit me,
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: and then when you finish university. It was only about
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: four months away, but I was graduating, he said you
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: can move over and join me.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: So that was sort of the plan.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: And the next month was just like amazing, just trying
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: to make the most of our time together. I was
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: sort of making up a decision. Am I going to
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: trust this person again?
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: He was adamant.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: You know, it was just my mental health. I just
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: you know, I feel so much better now I've quit
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: my job.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: I'm leaving.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: He's like, I just felt like so stuck, like I
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: needed to get out of here. I was like, I'm
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: so glad that you're out of that now. And I
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: don't know, it just seemed like one of those sort
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: of healthy breakup slash breaks. It worked and he sorted
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: himself out. We got back together.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: During their time apart, Molly had decided she was going
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: to move to Australia herself no matter what. So now
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: they were back together and Tom was being the great
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: boyfriend again. It was an easy decision. She'd finished her
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: last few months of UNI, pack up her things and headworst.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: About three or four days before my flight, we went
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: into lockdown and my light obviously got canceled because the
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: borders closed immediately.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: This was in July that this happened.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: End of July, I think, And yeah, I spent until
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: the end of December pretty much stuck in New Zealand
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: because of, yeah, the lockdowns and the restrictions and things.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: So every day was hard because I didn't have a
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: job anymore.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: And then obviously day to day just worried, you know,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: when am I going to be able to actually get there,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: When am I going to be able to see him?
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: And we'd already been doing long distance since May.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Part of me was like, he's going to be out
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: there having so much fun in this new city, and
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: he's going to meet all these new people, and you
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: know what if he decides he doesn't want me, you know,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: as part of that new life anymore. But he was
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: just so desperate to have me there, and he let
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: me know that every day without a doubt. He was
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: finding it just as hard, if not harder than I was,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: being away from me, and he just wanted nothing more
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: than me to just be there and to join him.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: We were at facetiming multiple times a day. He'd sort
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: of call me on his way to work, his way
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: after work, we would have date nights over video call
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: and get dressed up. It was actually a really nice time,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: even though at the time I was desperate to go.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, one day, when I was in lockdown, I
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: had gotten a message from a friend of mine who
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I had only met earlier that year, just because she
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: had moved to the place that Tom and I were living,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: and she was actually my friend's cousin, so she sort
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: of got introduced to the friend group and she's lovely,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: lovely girl, and she had messaged me saying like, hey, Molly,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: you're all doing well. Do you mind if I give
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: you a call? I just want to talk about it
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: a few things. My gut sort of told me like, no,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: you should go for a drive. And when she called me,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: she was just like immediately crying and she was like,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I didn't know whether to tell you this.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I've been sitting on it for so long. But me
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: and Tom hooked up earlier in the year when he
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: was down away on that voice weekend. She had no
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: idea who I was at that time. I had no
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: idea who she was, so it had absolutely nothing to
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: do with her. She was actually living down where they went,
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: and she had just you know, met this guy at
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: a bar they you know, were talking, He walked her home,
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: got her number, They hooked up and continued messaging for
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: a few days, and then after that she obviously tried
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: looking him up on like social media and all of that,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: and he actually has a very private social media account.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: So she was saying like it was so hard to
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: find him and she only had a first name, and
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: she actually just couldn't figure out who this guy was.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: She sort of gave up, he stopped texting her back
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: when eventually she had figured it out. And the poor thing,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: when we had become rins around that exact same time,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: my Instagram had gotten deleted, and so I had no
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: when she first met me. It wasn't even like she
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: could go on to my Instagram and stalk and see
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: this boyfriend I was talking about that I had just
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: got back.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: With and was moving to Perth with.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: So she knew about this guy like Tom, but she
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: never put two and two together. And then so when
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: she did, I think I made a post, you know,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: when we were in lockdown and and she saw that
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: and was like, oh my god, this is the same guy.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: So yeah, she was just devastated. So I was speech
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: just like I felt so sick, like I had just
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you know, I was about to go move overseas for
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: this guy. And I was just so blindsided. I was
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: just like wait, what, Like how is this even? How
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: is this happening? Like this doesn't happen to people like
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: you never think it's going to happen to you. And
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I said to her, you know, she told me all
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: the details, and she sent me the screenshots of them
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: texting and you know, as him, let me know when
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: you get home safe, and then him the next day
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: asking her to send photos sort of organizing to potentially
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: meet up again. And it was just a full blowing
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: coincidence that she had moved to our town. So straight
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: away I just called him. I was like calling him
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: and he was at work in Perth, and I just
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: said to him, like, I know everything, She's told me everything.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: How stupid do you think I am? Like, how do
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: you think that I could not find this out? And
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, it's not even what you did, it's
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: the fact that you lied about it. And the fact
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: that you knew I would find out eventually, and he
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: was like, I know, I was in denial. I was
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: just hoping that you wouldn't find out. I was like why,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Like how did you not think that I wouldn't find out?
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: And he was like, honestly, every day you messaged me,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: I just thought, today's the day she's going to find out.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: And I was like, what the heck? Why would you
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: want to live like that?
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: And at that time, I was trying to get an
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: exemption to go in and do hotel quarantine and we
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: were trying to do that, and we had to go
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: through that whole process and go through the whole to
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: facto relationship trying to get me into WA despite the
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: borders closing. And I said to him, I was like,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: you knew I was going to find out eventually, Like
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: were you just waiting for me to get to WA
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: because you knew once I got there, I couldn't leave.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: And he was like, you know, I just hope that
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: when we're in person, you know, I could, you know,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: explain things better.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to lose you.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: And then when we got back together, I didn't see
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: the point in telling you I knew you'd never get
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: back with me, and he knew my stance on cheating
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: as well. Like, yeah, so it was a lot of
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: back and forth. You know, he was cooling my parents
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: and then you know, his mum was calling me. Everyone
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: was really worried about him and his mental health while
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: he was over there, and I was just like, oh, God,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: like you know, of course everything's now just you know,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: everyone's worried about him again. And yeah, I basically said
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: to him, I'm not coming to birth cheatings of one thing,
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: you know, like the one thing that I just do
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: not stand for, and the lying on top of that
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: to not even feel guilty enough to try and make
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: it up to me on my twenty first birthday, you know,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: and that was only a week later.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was just like.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Nah, I didn't say anything to anyone. I asked the
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: girl not to talk to anyone about it. I didn't
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: tell any of my friends. I had one friend, like
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: our mutual friend with the other girl, that knew, but
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell any of my friends at home. Only
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: my family knew, and his family knew. I was just
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: so humiliated, like so embarrassed. I said, this is so embarrassing.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I was just about to move countries for someone and
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: all along like he's been lying to me the last
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: six months, and yeah, I was just like I was
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: just livid and I just didn't want anyone to know.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: And I also had my kid also telling me, like
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: the coincidence of this all like how could this be
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: the first time, I don't know, you know, we've been
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: together for over two years at this point, I doubt it.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I just you know, it explained all the
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: weird behavior and all of that around the time. But
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: it also was kind of like made me a bit sick.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: How also normal he.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Could act straight after it.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: He was Adam, and he was like, I want to
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: be with you forever. I would never do this to
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: you again. He was willing to do whatever it took
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: to make up for it, and he was putting in
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: the hard yards. He was like, as soon as the
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: border is open, I'm going to be back in New Zealand.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I'm going to move back.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: I'm going to work this out. And I just said,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: all I need is just time. I'm so hurt and
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: confused right now. I just need some space. So luckily
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I was in lockdown. Can do a lot of reflecting,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: and I just sort of eventually came to the conclusion that,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: you know, I was still going to go. This was
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: has been the plan for me to go, and if
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it for myself, like I'm going over for myself,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: and if he does this to me again, then shame
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: on me sort of thing. And you know, I was
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: still only twenty one. I really wanted to believe and
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: he was telling me everything, you know, pulling out all
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: the stops. He was just like, he was like, you know,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: I'm willing to give you as much space as you want.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Any day I would ask him, can you just tell
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: me exactly what you were thinking at that time? And
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: his excuse was, I wasn't thinking, but I would never
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: do that. I'm willing to do the work and all that.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: So this all sort of happened over the next couple
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: of months, and yeah, come December, things were looking a
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: little bit more positive. I was able to get a
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: flight to Sydney and he was going to leave wa
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: and come and meet me there and then we would
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: just live in the Goal Coast until the border's opened,
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: so for a couple months and he could just work
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: out of the Gold Coast office.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that's what we did. But I felt at
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: that point, you know, very very confident and very trusting
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: because he had instilled a lot of trust in me
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: over that time. He was putting in more effort than
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: ever and sending me flowers and all that sort of stuff.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Also, him leaving WA and doing all that and risking
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: all of that was a lot as well, So that
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: sort of really made me think, you know, he's Darius,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: He's not this.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Type of person. He's not going to do that to
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: me again.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: It was a roller coaster, but she loved him and
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: believed him. She was willing to give him another chance.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: We finally got to Perth and it was amazing. Moved
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: into our new place with our friends, and yeah, it
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: was just such a fun burst few months we had
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: the best time. We were living by the beach and yeah,
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: living with my now best friend and one of his
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: friends also from New Zealand. Our relationship was stronger than ever,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: really really nice. We were just, yeah, just so happy.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: I think having spent all this time apart and not
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: being able to see each other, we just really cherished
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: all of that time that we had together because you know,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: we knew what it was like not to be able
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: to see each other, and that was so hard at
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: the time. So it just felt so nice and to
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: be experiencing all these new things together and being able
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: to catch the train into work together. And I got
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: a job at a place literally across the road from him.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: We go in together and every weekend we go down
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: south and go surfing, and yeah, it was just lovely.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't really think about the cheating much at that point.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: I was well over it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: I was just so happy with where we were at
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: at the time. And yeah, he never gave me any
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: reason to believe that he was going to do that
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: to me again, So yeah, I was really happy. Every
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Friday night we would meet with some of his work
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: colleagues for a drink after work, and so I made
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: a couple of friends there through him. I honestly didn't
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: know like anyone moving a Perth and so that was
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: really nice. And I meet a girl one of his colleagues, Sophie,
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: who we got along really well, and she had long
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: term partner as well, and she would always be there
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: at afterwork drinks, so I still of just sit and
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: chat with her and some of the other girls.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: And yeah, it was really nice to get to know them.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: But after a couple of months, things started to slip
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: back into the routine of Tom staying out later and later.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: They'd go out together, but Molly would always call it
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: first and Tom would stay out. But she knew she
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: was the one in the relationship who'd always call it early,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: and he just wasn't. It was nothing to worry about.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: He was with all of his work friends. They were
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: just at the bars.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: They were just leading off steam on a Friday night,
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: and I loved all of them, like they're all our friends,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: and I would just get tired and go home. It
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: got to about June and we had his work ball,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: which I was super excited about. Sophie and I I
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: planned our outfits together and I was just really excited
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: to get glammed up.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Hadn't done that in so long because of COVID.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Got my dress and we all had drinks beforehands, like
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Tom and I and Sophie and her partner and a
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: couple of our other friends that they worked with. And yeah,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: we had such a good night obviously. Yeah, we all
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: got really really drunk and just had a good night
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: on the dance floor and then afterwards we went into
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: the city and went to a club and yeah, we
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: were just having a really great night and I ended
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: up losing them at one point, and by the time
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: I sort of found them again, my friend had said
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Tom was looking for you, but now he's gone. She
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: was like, Tom has gone to walk Sophie home, because
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Sophie doesn't live so far from the city and her
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: partner had gone home earlier because they had had a
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: bit of an argument, and she had told me in
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: the bathroom he was annoyed that he wanted to go
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: home early and she didn't, so Tom couldn't find me,
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: and some reason decided he'd walk get her home safely instead. Yeah,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: so I was like, oh, okay, and I was trying
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: to get in contact with him to see does he
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: want me to wait to get an uber home together,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: like I'm a.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Bit confused, but I couldn't get in contact with him.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: His phone was clearly off, so I was like, oh, whatever,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: really didn't think too much into it, and we all
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: went home, me and the other housemates, and we fell
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: asleep and in the morning I woke up around nine
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: o'clock and I tried to call and text him and
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: his phone didn't pick up and he hadn't come home
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: all night, So I think because I was so used
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: to him being out late and you know all of that.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: When I got home, you know, i'd had a fearbit
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: to drink, I just sort of was like, he'll be
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: home soon enough. He's probably walked to home and they're
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: going to get an uber and he'll be back soon.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: And so I sort of just fell asleep. And so
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: when I woke up in the morning and he wasn't
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: in bed, I was like, wait what?
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: And I went outside and.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Thought maybe he's on the couch and he wasn't there,
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: and I tried to call him and he wasn't picking up.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: For all we know, he could be dead in a gutter,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: like we don't actually know if he got her home or.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Any of this.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I was just like an anxious miss like
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: where is he?
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Like what's going on? I don't know?
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: And so I was then calling her and messaging her
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: to be like, have you seen Tom? Did he leave
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: yours last night? Or did he crash you know, did
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: you crash over? She also I couldn't get hold of her.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: I definitely had a bit of a gut feeling for sure,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: because she lived with her parents, not with her long
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: term boyfriend. They had been together for six years or
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: something like that, a long time, and they were also
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Tom's age, so I just was like, no, she lives
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: at her parents. She honestly, if I couldn't trust him,
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I thought I could trust her. I was like, me
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: and her, you know, we're good friends.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: I know she wouldn't do that to her partner, she
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: wouldn't do that to me. But I did always have
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: a little bit of a feeling that maybe she had
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: a bit of a crush on Tom, which, to be honest,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: he's good looking, he's charismatic. She's probably not the first
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: one to have a little crush. I don't mind that
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: so much. But it was more that I just really
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: trusted her. So for me, I was like, you know,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: maybe his phone was did it was a convenie vedience thing.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: But I was anxious. I was an anxious miss I
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: was thinking, like, has he fallen over and he's been
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: too drunken, He's in a gutter somewhere, like I was thinking,
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: has he tried to get to the train station and
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: fallen asleep at the train station.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Has he ouber to the wrong house, like all those
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: things were going through my kids, just all the scenarios
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: and worst case scenarios.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: At about eleven am, I finally heard from him. Wasn't
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: even a cool back. He texted me back saying, sorry,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: crashed at Sophie's phone died, She's going to drop me
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: home now.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: And obviously I was relieved to hear from him finally.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: But I was also a bit Okay, why is it
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: eleven o'clock? You know, if you're sleeping over at her place,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: at her parents house, you know, I would expect him
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: to be on the couch or something and probably wouldn't
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: be sleeping into eleven am on your friend's parents couch.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: So I was just a bit bit weirded out. So
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: ended up being another.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: Couple of hours till he finally got home in his suit,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: still from the ball. And when he finally got home,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: and I've been calling him, like you said you were
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: getting dropped home an hour ago, like where are you now,
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: and he just wouldn't answer again. And when he finally
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: came through the door and he was like, oh, sorry,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: we just went out for lunch. That was what really
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: just took me back because I was like, wait what
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, we were hungry, so we stopped
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: for lunch on the way back. But I remember thinking,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: not that anything had happened, but thinking worrying to myself,
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: does he want to spend time with her more than
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: he wants to spend time with me? Like should I
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: be worrying that he's not excited to come home to
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: his partner of four years when he can just hang
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: out with her and go out for lunch with her
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: while I'm at home in albeit And so that was hurtfull.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: He wasn't apologetic at all. No, he was just blase.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: He was like like, oh, I need to have a
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: shower and hungover. And I was more just like, you
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: need to tell me when things like that are happening,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Like I can't.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: I was so worried.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: I was like, if that was me and you couldn't
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: get in hold in touch with me for you know,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: twelve hours, you'd be calling the police, like you'd be
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: so worried.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: You can't just go.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: That long without telling me, you know, especially you know
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: when we lived together and you are my one support
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: person here and without you, I don't have any family.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: I don't have. I have the people that I lived with,
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: but I hadn't even had the chance to form those
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: really strong friendships yet.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: For all of these reasons, Molly didn't harp on her
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: any longer. She let Tom know how it made her
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: feel that day, and they moved on. It was one
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: drunken night of people in their early twenties making poor decisions.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I really don't think I thought too much of it
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: after that. I just sort of push it under the bug,
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: I guess, and sort of continued on. And then there
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: was one time where we went out for after work
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: drinks and I met them. We were supposed to go
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: away that week, Hint and me and his brother. His
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: brother had just moved over from New Zealand and was
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: living with us, and we were supposed to go away.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: So me and his brother had like packed up the car,
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: put all the surfboards.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: In everything, and then we said to him, we'll pick
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: you up on our way through and we'll drive straight down.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: And so we get there and he was like, park,
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: you know, just park up and we'll have one drink
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: and then you know, comes so hard to the work friends,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: and then we'll go from there. And so I was
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: literally in my puffa jacket, like in my full camping. Yeah,
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: and we show up and you know, of course he
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: looks already half smashed. So I was like, great, okay,
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: and you know, I went and sat next to Sophie
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: and we were chatting and sort of got like an
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: hour we'd passing, got a you know, seven eight pm,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: and I was like to the boys, okay, like, you
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: guys have both had too much a drink, so I'm
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: going to need to drive now, but like we should go.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: He's like, no, we should just have a night out
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: instead it and we will drive down really early tomorrow.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: He even said we can sleep in the car in
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: the car park and then just drive down. He said
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: we could just send it tonight. And I was like,
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: oh my god. And at that point I was at
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: my WIT's end, and Sophie noticed and she took me
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: to the bathroom. She looked at me and she was like,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you do it. I was crying,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: and I was just like, there's no point in me
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: even trying it. It's just like my whole weekends already
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: just ruins, because you know, we're supposed to drive down
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: and have this weaken away camping and now it's all
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: gone out the window. So yeah, I stayed with them
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: for a little bit, and then I was like, I'm
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: just going to go home. And Tom was just being
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: like super rude this whole night, you know, just like
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: you know, lighting up.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Who cares.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: We'll go down tomorrow morning, it will be fine. And
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: I was just like, all right, well, I'm going to
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: go back home. We did end up going away early
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: next morning, and me and him had a really big
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: chat while we were down and down south, and I
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: said to him like, I'm just over this whole situation.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I just can't be doing stuff like that. But I
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: have nowhere to go. Even if I wanted to break
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: up with him, I didn't have any family I could
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: just go stay with His brother was now living with us.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: You know, I didn't really have friends that had speared
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: rooms in their house. It was just really hard to
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: And then I was also had that pressure of I
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: don't want to go back to New Zealand and be like, hey, guys,
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: like I'm back six months later, and so I was
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: just sort of like getting on with it, and maybe
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: even only a few weeks later. There's another incident where
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: we meet up on a Thursday night for drinks, it was,
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: but at this time it was just me, Tom, his brother,
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: and our other friend and they were just having a
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: drink after work and I we'd to meet them and
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: you know, super chill. It got to about like nineteen
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: o'clock and I was like, all right, I'm going to go,
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: and he's like, yep, love you. I'm going to the
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: next train home. You know, I'll finish my beer and
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: me and the boys be home soon. Then at about midnight,
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I woke up, so I remember going to sleep thinking,
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: but I hope he's home soon, because it's definitely been
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: longer than like an hour at this point. But it's
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: a Thursday night, so I really wasn't expecting him to
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: be home that late. And then I woke up at
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: about midnight to the sound of the boys coming home
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: and they'd gone around.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: The side of the house. So I was sort of
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: like woke up and I was waiting.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: For Tom to come through the door, and when he didn't,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: I got up and I went outside into the living
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: room and all who was sitting there was his brother
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: and our other friend, and they sort of looked at me,
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: and I looked at them, and I was like, oh,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: where's Tom And.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: They were like, oh, he left not long after you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: Is he not home.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I tried to call Tom, his phone.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: Wasn't going through, was completely off. So I was freaking out,
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: like more so than the other night. I was absolutely
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: freaking out.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: And I said to them, I was like, I'm gonna
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: like his car's at the train station, like maybe he's
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: fallen asleep at his car or had too much to
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: drink and then decided to take a nap before you know,
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: he could drive, or maybe he's crashed, like I don't know.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: And I was freaking out.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: And so they were like, well, we can drive you
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: and I was like, no, I'll drive. And so eventually
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: I'd got in the car and started driving to the
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: train station. At this point, it's you know, almost one
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: in the morning, and he finally, guess his phone turned
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: on and he called me and he was like, I'm sorry,
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I bumped into Pat from work. We're having a couple
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: of beers.
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: I'm in the city. I'll uber home now.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: I went back home and got into bed again, and
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: I couldn't sleep because I was just waiting for him
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: to come home and he just didn't come home again
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: for an hour, and every time I went to go
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: call him to chick rears, it's like his phone was
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: turned off again.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: And then eventually again it turned on and he called
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: me and he was like, sorry, sorry, I'm in the
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: uber now I'm coming through and he said this area
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: and I immediately clicked and I was like, well, you
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: wouldn't go through that area if you were coming from
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: the city though, and then he was like, oh, I
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: don't know.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: They must have just gone that way and I was
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: like okay, And in my head, I was like, he's
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: not coming from the city.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: He's coming from somewhere else. He's coming from like a
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: girl's place. This isn't on.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: So when he got home, he walks in and he
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: can't even look at me and hit it straight for
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: the shower and we had an on sweet and I
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: was like, give me your phone and I was like,
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I want to see your uber. He was like, no,
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not giving you my phone. And I was like,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: if you're not lying about where you came from, then
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: you can show me your uber. And I was like,
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: where did you uber from? And he was like, I
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: ubered from the city. I told you, And I was like, no,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: I don't believe you.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Can you just show me if you're really telling the truth?
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: Can show me your uber ride? And I was like,
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: this is is an ending up and he was like fine.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: He gave me his phone and I looked at it
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: and it was from a random suburb, not the city,
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: and he was like, we ended up going back to
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Pat's house.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just didn't mention it.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: And I was like, Pat is in his mid forties,
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: he's married with three kids. You're not going back to
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: his for kick ons on a Thursday. That just is
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: not happening. And he just like looked at me in
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: the eyes and he was like, I'm not lying to you.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: And it's funny because he's done this before. And I
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: just remember thinking you were so lying, like it's so obvious,
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: like just such a terrible liar. And he just couldn't
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: even believe his own lies. I don't think at that
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: point he was like I'm not lying to you. And
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, yes, you are, Like you are lying
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: to me and there's just no doubt in my mind
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: and he was like I'm not. And then yeah, I
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: went to sleep and I made a decision in that moment,
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't care what I have to do.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: I'm getting out of this situation.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: But it wasn't that easy. Well, Molly knew she wanted
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: to get out. She literally didn't have anywhere else to go,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: and to get further in the way of her finding
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: somewhere else and upending her whole life, she was booked
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: in for a hip reconstruction back in New Zealand. Life
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and timing right to absolute bitches.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: When I came back, I was on crutches, couldn't move,
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: couldn't go to the bathroom or the shower by myself.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: So I was in a very very vulnerable position.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: I was had to be on crutches for I think
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: three months, three to six months, and about a week
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: after I got home, literally not even a week, I
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: don't think. I think he picked me up from the
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: airport on the Sunday. The following Saturday, it was Sophie's birthday,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: and so she had invited us to go to out
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: to a bar for her birthday, you know, with her family,
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: her partner and few of her friends.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: Both.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: You know, you got ready and we went, and you know,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: it was a really nice night. Tom was actually being
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: really caring, and you know, he's making sure I've got
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: everything I needed. And she kept being like, oh, let
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: my dad get you a drink. Don't pay for your drinks,
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: and da da da, and I remember her saying like,
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: I'm so so mad that you came.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you're here.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I obviously because I was on crutches, I
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: couldn't go out or anything, and they all wanted to
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: go out into town and into the city, and so
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'm just going to go home.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: And Tom walked me to the uber, you know, said
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm not gonna have a late one, love you,
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: you know, it was all good, and just put me
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: in the Uber and I went home. Of course, that
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: same night I did not hear from him, went home,
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: went to bed, and woke up around like three or
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: four am. Nothing, couldn't get hold of him. Phone was
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: off again, and I just was like, you are kidding.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: I've just had surgery. I can't do anything on my
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: own litt alone.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: I've already got enough on my plate and he can't
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: even come home to me, Like this is a millionth
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: time that this has happened, and I'm just so I can't.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: Do it anymore.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: So he finally comes home at seven am that morning,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: and he can't tell me where he is. And I
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: have actually messaged Sophia quite a few times at this point,
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: you know, okay, have you seen him?
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah? And nothing.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: She messaged me back the next morning saying, sorry, we
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: came home at this time, not sure where he is.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: When he came home, I just got up and I
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: didn't talk to him for the whole day. We went
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: to our brien's birthday and he was trying to help
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: me with my crutches and everything, and I was like,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: don't help me, and then he didn't talk to me
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: for the rest of the day. He went to bed
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: really early that night because he.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: Was hungover and tired.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: And the next day it was a Monday, and he
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: got up super early and went to work and.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: Didn't say goodbye or anything. I think he knew what
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: I was thinking and what was coming.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: His brother had just moved into a place down the road,
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: and I knew they had a sphere room, so it
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: was kind of like my perfect opportunity to be like,
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: you're out, you've got a place to go. I said, okay,
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: when you get home tonight. We should have a talk.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: And then he says, I'm not actually going to come home.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: I'm going to stay at his brother's place. And I
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: was like, I really think we need to have a talk,
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: like I really appreciate if you came home, and he
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: was like no, like I'm not I'm not coming home.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: And so I called him after he finished work. He
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: was on his way to his brothers and I just said,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: you know the conversation that we're going to have, like
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: I just need you to come home because.
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: I cannot do this over the phone again. You cannot.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: This is just cruel at this point, Like you know
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: how unhappy I I've been like a shell of myself
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: the last few weeks months. I can't go one more second.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Like that was my final straw. He just kept saying
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: that we're not breaking up, we're not breaking up, and
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, you've left me no choice and I
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: was like, give me one black reason to stay with
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: you and that he just said nothing, And I was like,
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: if you can't come home, then you know that's on you.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: But I don't. I'm done. I'm so done.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: Now he went silent and I hung up. I was
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: so broken, so sad. This person I loved so much
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: and was supposed to starting our life together over here
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: was supposed to be you know, the beginning of something
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: like a new chapter, and it's just all gone to
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: shit really quickly. Yeah, And I was, yeah, a shell
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: of myself. And the next night I had some my
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: friends over and he came over to click some stuff
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: and I hadn't seen him in person yet, and I
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: went into our bedroom and he was standing in our
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: wardrobe and he was like, oh, I'm just grabbing some
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: things to stay my brother's for a couple more nights.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: And I was like a couple more nights, Like what
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: do you mean?
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: And he was like, well, I'm just going to stay
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: there for a couple more nights. And I was like
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: I don't think you understand. I've broken up with you,
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: Like this is it? And then he like sat on
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: the beard and he was like, is this what you
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: really want? And I was like yes, like this is
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: obviously the situation. None of this is what I want,
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: but like I can't do it anymore. And then he
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: was like okay.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: And you know, all of our stuff at that point,
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: everything's tied up. We've got a car together.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: We've got beard, like all of our furniture everything, and
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: you know, his car. He loved his car, and I
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: was like, you have the car. He was like, you
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: have the bed, all the camping stuff, all the other
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: stuff sought out. We'll just divvy it up. And yeah,
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: that was the start of what felt like.
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: Divorce.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: The first few weeks were fine, and then all of
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: a sudden, he messages me out of the blue, have
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: you got a new beard yet?
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: That's my beard and I need it. And I just.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Kept playing super nice, and because I knew he wanted
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: to reaction, I just kept saying, sure, yep, I'll buy
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: a new beard, no worries, not that you've already taken
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: the car and the bed, and not to mention you know,
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I moved here for your job and you've literally left
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: me with like nothing.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: Two months are probably one of the hardest times of
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: my life.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Like I was a absolute shell, like not being able
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: to walk, still being in pain, but then just being
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: so heartbroken, like I didn't know should I go home,
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: Like all of me was saying go home, go home,
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: but then the other part of me was saying, like
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: I really love my job, you know, I made all
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: these friends here. I also just was so worried about
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: giving up, and like what that looks like? I felt
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: like such a failure, Like I've moved countries and everything's
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: gone to shit and I've blacked the relationship has failed.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: And yeah, it was just awful, like really really awful time.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: I had no proof that he had cheated on me again,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: but I knew in my cart that he had, but
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: I just had nothing, like I couldn't say you cheated
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: on me, or I couldn't go forward going I don't
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: love this person anymore because they did this to me.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: You know. It was just so hard.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: So here she was, after everything, all the trust she'd
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: given him and all the chances, it still ended up
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: this way. So as best she could, she tried to
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: heal the hurt and move on with her life. What
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: she needed was a good old fashioned girls trip with
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: no boys and no drama.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: I went down South get away. It was like a
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: long weekend. It was just a girl's trip. We were
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: going surfing. And that week he had messaged me. I'd
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: actually told him in Simma, can you stop?
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: It's time? I can't need it.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: A really needs space, And I said let's just cut
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Combs New Year's rolls around and he had texted me
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: Happy New Year, Molly, do you still have our gray
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: camping mattress? I was already annoyed that he even messaged
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: me to begin with, because he had messaged one of
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: my friends that who we used to live together with
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: and said, do you know if Molly still has this
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: gray mattress? And my friend was like, well, yeah, it's
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: at our place, but I can drop it round.
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: You don't need to message her for it. But of
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: course he messages.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Me and I said, yeah, I'll leave it outside and
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: he was like cool, sweet, thanks.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: So I knew that he was going away that weekend
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: So fast forward to the weekend away and we get
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: up really early on the Saturday morning to go check
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: the surf and I was literally just looking out to
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: the surf and I see his car in the corner
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: of my eye and I was like, to the girls,
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: oh God, it's Tom. And it was just so busy
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: because we were in a random car park, random surf break.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: There's so many other places he could have been. And
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: then I see the side passenger door open and I
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: see Sophie get out and my stomach just dropped, and
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: I was so confused, and I was like, to the
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: girl's wait, why is Sophie here?
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: I'm so confused. This is a work trip.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: And I was really confused because it had only been
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: a week or so before that that Sophie had been
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: in Japan with her partner. So they had been away
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: over like the New Year's period or whatever Christmas, and
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: so that was the last thing I saw sort of
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: on social media of her, and I had missage how
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: to be like, you know, let me know when you're back,
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: you can meet up black ketch up, and you know,
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: she had said to me, you.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: Know, she's sorry to hear about Tom and I. So
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: I was really confused because I was like, she was
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: just away with her partner, What on earth is going on.
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: I like sort of walked over to them and I
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: was like hey, and she sort of came up and
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: gave me a hug, and I was like, what's going on?
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: What are you guys doing down here? And then Tom
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, you just came down for the night,
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: just camping, you know. I like saw like my gray
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: mattress in the back of the car. I was like,
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: are you guys here together, and he just looked at
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: me and I was like, are you guys together now?
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: And he was just like, yeah, we are. And I
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: was just in shock. I didn't even say anything. I
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: just looked at him and then walked away and went
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: to the girls, and I was like, we've got to go,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: and I went all faint and limp, and I was
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: just yeah, I was beside myself. I was so so
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: upset and just so confused. My friend drove me back
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: to her and I put flight home for a few days,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: back to New Zealand. I'm done, like I'm not. I
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: can't do this, Like I'm not strong enough to handle
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: this on my own. I need to go home and
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: be with my friends and my family, and I don't
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: know if I'll ever come back. It all makes sense now,
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: like it all just completely makes sense. The uber situation
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: makes so much more sense because it was from her area.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: Like of course, it all made sense. Why he never
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: told me about the first one. I think he just
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: never even really felt proper guilt about it. I think
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: he can just do that and sort of keep moving on.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: I messaged him. It was a long message.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: It was basically I knew something was up. I knew
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: you were cheating on me, and you deny and I denied,
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: and I never thought it'd be her. You stayed over
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: at her house when we were together. She was always there,
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: and I thought I had a friendship with this girl,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: and I trusted you around her, and I trusted her
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: around you, and I just trusted both of you, and
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: this whole time, like it all makes sense that things
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: were going on, And of course I wanted to know,
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: like how long this had been going on for and when.
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: Did it start? But I also was just like, it
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: doesn't even matter at this point.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to have any conversation with him.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't need any closure from.
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: The situation because I just knew that whatever he told
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: me was just going to make him feel less guilty,
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: and it's also going to make he's going to spin
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: it however he wants to spin it and make it
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: sound better than what it was.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: And how do I know that.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Anything he's saying is even the truth anyway, Like, let's
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: be real, he's not going to admit anything now.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: I went home and back in New Zealand.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: I went home for about like eight weeks or something,
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: and I was, yeah, lack a shallow myself. I was
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: not myself and just very lost and just so her.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: I've only ever been.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: So supportive and loyal, and I've never ever done anything
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: like that. So I just couldn't comprehend somebody doing that
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: to me and then in the same breath, you know,
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: coming home and saying you know how much they love
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: me and talking about the future and all that stuff,
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: and you know, I'd moved countries for this person, and
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: they just completely betrayed me. I was thinking about all
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: those times that we spent together on a Friday night
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: after work, every time we hung out outside of that
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: and you know, sat there and talked about our relationships.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: She saw Tom and I together, and she knew how
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: much I cared for him, And to think that all
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: those times that we were together and chatting, and to
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: know that there was something deeper going on there and
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: that they had something going on and I just wasn't
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: privy to it. It's actually wild to me that two
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: people could be so nice to you and especially for her,
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: and then also go home with my boyfriend. My whole
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: thought process was, why wouldn't he want to break up?
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: I was the one, you know that was really I
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: wanted to walk away. I was willing. He had such
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: an easy out if they you know, if he loved
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: this girl and wanted to be with her, he had
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: the easiest out, because you know, I tried multiple occasions
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: to break up with him, but he was adamant that
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: he didn't want to break up. So that's what was
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: confusing me, is why weren't you willing to leave your
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: current partners for each other? And like, why weren't you
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: you know, like were they having these conversations.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't be surprised if he'd told her, was telling
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: her now that he was the one that broke up
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: with me for her. I did reach out to Sophie afterwards.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: I just sent her a message. I honestly wasn't even
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: going to bother calling or anything. I just said to her, like,
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: you know, I honestly just am so shocked and her
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: I thought we were friends and spoke to you about
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: being cheated on. What had it happened in New Zealand?
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: And to think all those times I'd been so welcoming
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: with you and trusted my boyfriend to stay at your parents' house.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: I just was like I just can't believe it, and
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: just how could you do.
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: That to me? Basically?
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: And then I blocked her after that because I was like,
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: there's nothing like she could say to me either.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: After spending a couple of months back at home with
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: her family trying to grapple with all of these questions,
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: Molly realized she didn't want to let this man defind
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: her life and her choices anymore. She loved Australia and
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: was making a life for herself there. She wanted to
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: prove to herself that not everything she did need it
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: to be about him.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: I had to sort of continue to see them, like
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: he lives not far from me, and I would purposefully go,
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: you know, to the train station really early, or go
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: to the supermarket at different times that I knew that
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: he wouldn't be there. I remember one time I was
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: at yoga and us you know, my one time of
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: the day where I was just really being able to
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: just you know, relax and try and not think about.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: This because it was just consuming me all the time.
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: And I was coming out of the yoga studio and
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: then of course I'm like waiting for the traffic to
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: go to pull out, and they walk right in front
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: of my car. They're on their way down to the beach.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: And that was like the first time that I saw
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: them since I'd got back from New Zealand, and I
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: had already not been sleeping or eating or you know.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: I was just so.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: So sad, Like I'm as sad to think how it
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: was just the most horrible time. This was two years ago,
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: so beginning of twenty twenty three, all of this happened. Yeah,
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: they're still together to this day. You think time will
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: make things easier, and I guess it does, But whenever
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: I see them still, like it's like my whole body
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: just completely gives way and I just feel sick and
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: I can't eat for the rest of the day. Like
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: I just feel I just still feel that hurt, and
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like I can trust probably the same way.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: And I did say that to him in my last
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: text they sent to him, was your actions have bigger implications,
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: Like it's not just about the hurt. I now will
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: never be able to perceive relationships the same way. I'll
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: never be able to trust the same way. Like I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: was such a trustworthy person, never seeking guest anyone because
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't imagine ever doing that to somebody. So
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: now to like know that someone can be so loving
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: and such a good partner and all these things, and
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: then also in the same breath they can be doing
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: these other things whenever I do bump into them. Not
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: that we would ever say hello or anything like that,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: but it literally happened last weekend down at the same place.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: And yeah, the audacity of it though. For example, this
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: is two years on and I'm down at the same
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: place that I saw them the first time, and everything
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: unfolded and I was literally getting ready for a surf
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: and getting my board off the roof and I was
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: like on top of the roof and I look down
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: and I see Sophie and I my heart just dropped.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: I was just like, oh my god, no, I'm be
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: doing this right now.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: And then of course she looks up and sees me,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: and then I see him walk over and put his
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: arm around her there you know, all the fictionate and
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: She's rubbing his.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: Back and I was just like, oh God.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: And then we all left and went to another beach
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: because I was I can't be here like around them,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: and I went to another beach to escape them. And
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: when we got to the other beach was sort of
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: around the bay, and I was just I'd suited up
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: and I was ready to go out for a surf,
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: like finally after a couple breakdowns later, and I was
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: waiting for my sunblock to dry, and I look over
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: and they've just appeared on the beach next to us,
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: and they've obviously paddled around and they've come and they're
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: sitting down, and I was just like, you've got to
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: be kidding me, like and I.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 3: Was just like, oh my god.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: And then they had to walk past, and it was
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: just like, yeah, I don't think it'll ever get easier
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: to see them.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: But in hindsight, even though she wished so many times
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: it didn't happen, the one thing Molly thinks did actually
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: make it easier was the fact that Tom had cheated
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: and lied about it before.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: It would have been a lot harder for me because
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: I would have really felt a lot more pain, like
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: a lot more hurt and a lot more feelings were involved.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: But I think because of the whole cheating that had
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: happened the first time, I just knew I probably wouldn't
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: have left the relationship when I did, like I would
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: have just stuck it out because I probably wouldn't have
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: clocked on as you know, as I did, but because
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: it had happened a time before, I just knew this
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: is all of my fears confirmed. That these people just
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: don't change and they'll continue to do that. I would
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: say that it took me at least like a year
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: to feel okay again mentally. And I think the first year,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: you know, I went traveling and all these things, but
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: I still thought about it a lot, like it was
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: still a still upset me a lot. I was so
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: close to moving home, but at that point I'd sort
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: of made these friendships.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: And I guess being single does that.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like this last year, I think I've been
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: like the happiest I've ever felt, just on my own.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: Just honestly, at the time, you feel like you just
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: cannot leave a situation because you feel like there is
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: just nothing else out there for you and you're going
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: to be so lost without them. But if I can
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: do it in another country away from my family and
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: not many friends here and nowhere to go and no
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: bed to sleep on, people can do it, And like
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: it's so hard, but it's so worth it to get
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: to this.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: Point where you're just on your own. I feel like
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: I'm at a point where I'm so happy on my
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: own that I don't need anyone.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: But if you know, someone comes along and it feels
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: like the right person, then one hundred percent.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: But for now, I'm just I've got.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: Some travel plans and I'm really excited to just go
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: and see more of the world on my own, do
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: some solo traveling, and I'm just super excited for all
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: of that.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: And who knows who held me along the way, But yeah,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: for now, I'm very very happy filling up my own cup.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: I know that it might have changed the way that
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: I trust now, but I think that that's just because
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: I haven't met the right person yet.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex is a Minti Media production and
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
• 1:04:57
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