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Man Talk133 - Living With Intention featuring Farron Dozier · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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Welcome to Man Talk 133 with Charles and Darl, the movement
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Are you ready to be part of the coalition?
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Let's dive in. Welcome to Man Talk 133 by being
2:08
unite. What's you know what y'all?
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I got a superstar on tonight, y'all, I ain't gonna lie.
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Yeah, you here, You here. Yo, brother, it's been it.
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Look, we've been trying to work on this thing for a minute.
2:23
Cool. And we finally got it.
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Finally got it worked out. Yeah.
2:28
So tell the people who you are, tell them about you, and we go
2:33
from there, man. All right, again, thank you for
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this opportunity to be on your show, man.
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And who I am is that others see their greatness for myself
2:40
expression while empowering others in their causes, all of
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helping others see their forgiveness in their language
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while I get to be here and here right as I work on my eternal
2:53
salvation. So that's who I get to be.
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Now, what I do in the world is a whole nother conversation.
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We can go down the line. I'm an advocate for sickle cell
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trait. I'm sure we'll get into that
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conversation. A grandfather, dad, you know
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what else I'm nonprofit for sickle cell trait awareness.
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I'm a speaker for mental toughness, mental health,
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veteran suicide, youth suicide, co-owner of three ABA basketball
3:22
teams here out in California, partner in another company
3:27
called ECR Athletics, where I'm the volunteer president running
3:29
that company out there with some guys and that with that we go
3:33
into school districts teaching leadership, emotional
3:37
intelligence, social emotional and sports conditioning that's.
3:42
A lot. Yeah, I got a lot of vehicles,
3:45
man, a lot of vehicles. And I'm on radio and I'm on the
3:47
radio like 2 1/2. I got 2 1/2 shows.
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Let me get one vehicles man, so I could.
3:54
Let's grow. Yeah, for real man.
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So alright, so now you name a lot of things you're doing
4:01
right? Where did you start?
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Like OK, like for example me, I've been on the show like 2
4:07
years or something. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, you know what I mean. So where did you start?
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Like, I know you're veteran, veteran.
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Just like I'm Air Force. You're Army, right?
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Tell us, tell us more about your story.
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You know, to me, where did it start?
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How did you get into the sickle cell?
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Because I think you have it. Yeah.
4:25
Trey Carrier. Yeah, Trey Carrier.
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So give us some, give us some background on that.
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Yeah, how I got into radio is is where this all started literally
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when I collapsed in the military 2006 from sickle cell trade
4:37
exertion with rhythm myelosis. But we'll talk about more than
4:40
that, more about that. But the depression, suicide
4:42
ideation, I was lost, lost interest in sports, A lot of
4:46
things in life are lost interest in.
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And just one day my buddies was like, man, you need to do
4:50
something with yourself. I guess they saw me spiraling
4:52
out, out of out of control, but they were like, you need to do
4:54
something. So in 2009, I went on Internet.
5:00
I found this station called Blog Talk Radio, did some research
5:04
and I created a show. Back then it was free.
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You got two hours for free, and I created a talk show.
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I realized today that that interrupted the willingness to
5:14
die. So finding that Internet radio
5:17
station actually gave me a space to start to live in the future
5:20
of those episodes. So created a sports show.
5:23
I found the guy went on Facebook and found the guy named sports
5:26
log sports wall. He posted everything on his
5:29
Facebook page for about sports. I mean, you name it water polo,
5:32
everything was on his page. So I reached out to him and I
5:35
was like, hey, man, look, I want to do this, this show.
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And I wonder if you would be my my Co host or my host.
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And and he said yes. And he was in Boston.
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So I'm in Atlanta here in Boston, 3 hours difference.
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And he was on every episode with me when we started man.
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And I didn't really, I still don't watch sports, but I could
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talk trash, right? I could, you know, I could
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communicate. So he really pretty much led the
5:57
show and and kept me alive, man. And, and then when I saw that
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sickle cell trait had caused a lot of deaths in athletes, so I
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saw my connection back to sports from another perspective of
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this, my relationship to sports now is that athletes have
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collapsed and died. And NCA made it mandatory for
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student athletes to have a sickle cell trade test done.
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So I started interviewing the sickle cell community.
6:22
So I went from defending this country thinking that my life
6:25
was over when that uniform came to an end, to finding a whole
6:28
another community of people that I was connected to with this
6:31
inheritage gene. And that was the start of all
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these vehicles and, and just where I'm at today with it.
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Wow, so so I never been in this place before.
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Like wanting to take your life. What made you get to that point?
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You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure.
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I can articulate it to you today after 16 years of work of
6:53
peeling these layers off and, and it, and it was my identity.
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My identity was trapped in that camouflage in that rank.
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I mean, I joined the military at 19 years old.
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So I spent most of my life from 19 to to 43 in the military.
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So I can tell you the day it shifted basic training, about 3
7:14
weeks in, we got smoke that day. I was laying on my bunk that
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night after taking that shower and I was looking back the
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ceiling and I was like, what am I doing here?
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And then my brain clicked and it became a routine.
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Wow. It became a routine after that.
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I was no longer that, you know, young 19 year old child.
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Now I'm now I'm, I'm a soldier and I took everything that they
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cracked apart. It was going to keep me alive,
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keep me safe and protect my brothers and sisters.
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So then the biggest change was going from E4 to E5, that rank
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so that I became Sergeant. So it was like, so the pride
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that came with that, all of that, the E 6, E 7.
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And then I real and and so when that medical board process,
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because it wasn't about my choice, it was because of my
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collapsing with the trade. They found me not fit for
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service. So I wasn't trying to get out.
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I've been trying to, you know, I was at my E8 school.
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So I'm working on my next rank, you know, progress.
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So I'm not I got I want to do like at least 31 years.
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So I'm not trying to get out. But at that episode, it, it
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altered my career, man. And, and so that, that identity
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crisis that I experienced was, and I, I've, I've had stress,
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you know, but, but that mental anguish that I felt during that
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time, man, I had never felt nothing like I knew I had, I
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knew I had mental toughness because I play basketball.
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So I'm like mental toughness, leave my stress on the court,
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you know, but because I, I had that physical episode, so I
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couldn't play ball no more. I couldn't exercise, so I had no
8:45
stress relief. So I internalized everything.
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And then it led to that. It's hopeless.
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So my my military career is over, my life is over, and I
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collapsed. Those in it, wow, it's just kind
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of like a, it's kind of like an athlete.
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They play their whole career, and once they don't hear this, a
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lot of them, you know, go into that spy or they want to, you
9:09
know, take their lives. Yeah.
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It's kind of like the same thing basically you went through,
9:14
right? Yeah, no, that's, that's how we
9:16
teach it. That's how we, that's how we,
9:17
that's how we teach it. The relatedness is athletes.
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But look at police officers, 5 people that wear uniforms and if
9:24
you've been in that space for a lot of your life and when that
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uniform comes off, athletes are are close to us because you've
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been playing football since you was five years old or whatever
9:34
age and you've been blessed to go to the next levels and maybe
9:37
that professional level. And then when, like you said,
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when that's over, who am I? And if you haven't found your
9:43
space during that time, you know, a lot of a lot of us, you
9:48
know, and that what's next? We don't, we don't, we don't
9:50
realize that there's life after the military, there's life after
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sport. And so.
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So after, after that part, after once you found out what's next,
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I guess what's next was the radio show.
10:03
Yeah, this year, but that, that was a space like, you know, how
10:06
people use music to for therapy. So they're, they're different
10:09
therapists. So the the in the radio became
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my therapy, my personal therapy because I was living into those
10:15
next episodes. So I had to interrupt that
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willingness to die by creating those different talk shows.
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Wow. So you mentioned me alive.
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You mentioned 16 years of going. Yeah, 16.
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So I would imagine the 1st like 6 months to a year had to been
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like the like really bad. Oh, it was terrible.
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I was. I was drinking vodka and
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cranberry juice before every episode because I was trying to
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calm my nerves. Wow.
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Because I'm like who's I don't even know who's listening, like
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I don't know. Like it was brand new to me.
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So I had no idea what I was doing.
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All I knew is I had my laptop, a phone line and and my buddy
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sports luck on the other end of that phone line, man.
11:00
And we was just, we would talk about life and sports, man.
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So after that, then you went to what was next after that radio
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show. So it was crazy.
11:10
Yeah, it was crazy because when I saw that connection to sports
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and my sickle cell trait, it opened up a whole nother world
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that I could be this advocate. So the advocate I did.
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So all I was doing was changing changing identities.
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I went. From the basketball identity as
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a child to the soldier identity. And then when that one was
11:30
coming to the end, I created the, you know, the little
11:33
podcast, but it was Internet radio back then.
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It wasn't even podcast. It was Internet radio host.
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And then I went to a advocate for sickle cell trade.
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So I still even becoming an advocate, I had to peel that
11:44
layer off because I kept getting trapped in those identities.
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So I went to God. Like, look man, who am I without
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all of these? Yeah, labels.
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Yeah. Who is for Ron with with none of
11:56
this stuff? Yeah.
11:58
And and that was the work that I went into.
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Wow, So the sickle cell, when you found that out, you were old
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in your career when you found that out, right?
12:08
That I was 29 years old. The Air Force, I took my second
12:12
physical at a Air Force LA Air Force Base and I was
12:16
transferring to Michigan to be a supply surgeon for infantry
12:18
company and I had to take the physical for that supply job.
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So I took that physical. The Air Force did my blood work
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and because they test for sickle cell trait for their job skills,
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they found my trait man. And they called me in a panic
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like, you need to come back to the clinic like today.
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And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, what did y'all find?
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Like, like what'd you find? So I rushed back over there,
12:41
man. And I sit down with my doctor
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and he's like, do you know you have sickle cell trait?
12:45
I'm like, no, OK. I just want to let you know
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you're a trait care. I'm like, hold on, hold on hold.
12:50
I got a cousin with sickle cell anemia.
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He's like, no, it's not the anemia.
12:53
You're just the carrier. So you should have no problems.
12:56
Just don't have a baby with someone who has a trait because
12:58
you can have a baby with. I'm like, bro, I got three
13:00
daughters already. I'm.
13:01
I'm leaving the state. I'm, I'm, I got no problems.
13:04
Cool. I'm out like in one and out the
13:06
other. And, and that was no pamphlet,
13:08
no brochure, no nothing. I'm like, all right, cool, I'm
13:10
out. Wow, wow.
13:12
So OK, so I know I'm kind of squirreling, but all you're
13:17
good. But what's the what's the
13:18
difference in the trait? How does the trait affect you
13:22
versus having the sickle cell anemia?
13:25
Right. So, so sickle cell trait we're
13:27
the carriers. So the parents who have children
13:29
with sickle cell anemia or type of sickle cell disease, that
13:32
means they carry that inherited gene.
13:35
So we're we're if so, my I'm AS so I have a normal adult
13:39
hemoglobin and I have a sickle cell trait hemoglobin.
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So I don't, I don't get to choose which the gene I passed.
13:46
So I was, I was passed from my dad his sickle cell trait gene
13:50
and then I passed it to one of my daughter's.
13:52
So it's inherited. OK, I got you.
13:54
I got. It so if 2 if two children have,
13:58
if the child is born with sickle cell trait, I mean sickle cell
14:01
anemia or sickle cell disease, that means they have two genes
14:05
that can have complications, which is which is way more
14:08
severe than what I carry in the sense, right?
14:11
Because we're told that sickle cell trait carries you don't
14:13
have problems. But we do have one copy of the
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gene. So what is that one copy doing
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versus 2 copies? Well, the one copy is also it
14:23
can also give symptoms like a person with sickle cell anemia,
14:28
but in our own way. So the risk factors of exertion,
14:32
blood clots, retina issues, false positive 8A1C levels of a
14:42
rare kidney cancer. So we we, we do so that one gene
14:47
is a pain crane. I've been having pain in my arm
14:49
since I was 2 years old. My mom said.
14:51
But I was told. I was told it was growing pains.
14:54
Wow. So I'm 56 today and I have this
14:57
the same pain in my arm. Wow, wow.
15:00
So we're going to get, I got some questions.
15:02
So we're going to get back to it after the break.
15:04
We're cool. Cool.
15:05
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16:49
Welcome back to Man TALK. 1/3 NB Radio.
16:53
NB radio dot US yeah we back with brother for Ron.
16:58
So I before we went to the break right you was like you was
17:01
breaking down the difference between the two.
17:04
So how OK, when you collapsed, how did that disqualify you just
17:10
because you collapsed and you had the trial?
17:13
Yeah, so that that morning I was at a knock.
17:16
They called it back then 2006, I was working my I was at my E8
17:20
school for Masters garden rank finish that school.
17:23
I'd have been on the list for the promotion for EA.
17:26
So that last lap, I remember coming around the curve and I
17:30
can hear the instructor 15451546.
17:34
So I'm like, oh, shoot, I'm doing good.
17:38
I'm 36 at the time. I got 1721 to pass and I'm here
17:42
in 1540. So I'm like, oh man, let me let
17:45
me you know, let me get my best time because I'm at the school.
17:48
So, so my subconscious mind, get your best time.
17:51
So I take off to Sprint and I and I did feel like this
17:55
vibration come over my body like this electrical charge, but I
17:59
didn't think anything of it crossed the finish line 16
18:01
minutes and on my heads, you know, handled my head to get
18:04
air, my lungs, all the stuff we're trained to do.
18:06
And then my peripheral got dark. I started feeling weird, kind of
18:09
nauseous. So I nailed down, closed my
18:12
eyes, open my eyes, everything was spent like 1,000,000 miles
18:14
an hour. So they rushed me.
18:16
They rushed me to the doctor, medics came to get to got me,
18:19
rushed me to the hospital. Doctor gives me an IV, comes
18:22
back in and says you ever had kidney problems?
18:24
No, what you do now? And he walks out.
18:28
So I'm like, what's for doll, right.
18:31
So the instructor's there with me and I'm like, man, what's
18:33
happening? So the doctor comes back in and
18:34
says, you know what, it's probably heat stroke,
18:37
dehydration. I'm going to give you one more
18:38
IV, take the day off. You should be cool.
18:41
All right, cool, let's do that. Go back to the barracks.
18:43
I wake up mid afternoon, man, and I'm worse.
18:46
I'm throwing up, almost crapped to myself, man.
18:49
I'm in a bad state. So I lay back down.
18:51
Of course it's 1630 because my classmates coming to barracks,
18:54
they see me, they rushed me back to the hospital that night.
18:57
The night doctor does some more blood work and he sees that my
19:00
creatinine kines levels are like 12,000 and rising.
19:04
So that condition is called rhydomyosis.
19:07
What they diagnosed me with that night it's called rhabdo
19:09
rhabdomyosis. So it wasn't even sickle cell
19:12
trait related. This is just because no one, I
19:15
never I didn't think about it, no problems, right, right.
19:18
So that was my diagnosis rhabdo. So that's they sent me home.
19:23
I couldn't finish the class. So the doctor, I was seeing a
19:25
doctor for until 2009 trying to figure out what happened to me
19:29
in O 6. And we just agreed that you
19:31
can't exercise no more. Because every time I got on the
19:33
treadmill, I tried to exercise. I felt like I got off a roller
19:36
coaster ride, like I was still dizzy and my Vertigo triggered
19:39
and I was just like in the bad state.
19:41
So he was like, OK, you just can't, can't exercise.
19:43
I'm like, cool, can't do the run.
19:45
I could do the Walker, you know, the bicycle.
19:48
I don't, I swim like a Chevy truck, like a rock.
19:52
So I was like, I'll do, I'll do another.
19:54
I've seen people with worse. So yeah, I'll be fine, man.
19:57
We turned that paperwork in to the to the medical officers man.
20:01
And they was like, Oh no, dude, you done like you can't do
20:04
anything. I'm like, what?
20:06
So I guess when they read my information and the diagnosis in
20:09
the chart, finally they were like, Nah, you got to go.
20:12
You got to you, you can't. You got to get a pre AP4
20:14
profile. We got to find out what happened
20:16
to you. Like, man, that's 2 1/2 years
20:18
ago. I'm cool.
20:19
They're like, Nah. So that was the, that was the
20:21
start of the process, you know, almost three years later.
20:25
And it took until from from 20, from 2010 until 13, I fought it
20:31
for three years trying to stay in man and, and because my body
20:35
started to break down, developed a case of arthritis.
20:39
So my whole body was inflamed. And so they was like, you're
20:42
not, you're not fit for service. So the medical board process
20:46
started and I, like I said, I fought it as long as I could.
20:50
And they were like, now you got to go.
20:52
Wow, that was it. That's tough blow there boy.
20:56
My life is over. I made it mean my life is over
21:00
and that that's that's what I I want my our brothers and sisters
21:04
at arms to understand. If I could say that the
21:08
camouflage, that uniform is the soldiers, what you get to do.
21:12
It's not who you are as a person.
21:14
And I tell them when I speak now at the bases, don't lose
21:17
yourself. Find the community that you
21:20
connect to those childhood dreams that you wanted to be,
21:23
whatever that is. Find something that you care
21:24
about and stay connected to that so you can keep that connection
21:28
to the outside world. So when you're when those boots
21:31
are done and that uniform comes to an end, you're not lost.
21:35
Yeah, yeah. You're not trying to figure out
21:37
who you are outside of that camouflage.
21:40
Yeah, that's a good point because a lot of people get, you
21:43
can see it now, yes. You know, people still, even
21:47
though they're out, they still have the haircuts, they still
21:50
have the, you know, you can just tell they still want to be in.
21:53
They haven't let it go yet and it's OK to let it go.
21:57
Like you said, it's OK to let that part of your life grow and
22:01
go into something else like you did.
22:02
Like after after that, the after the military you got got out of
22:07
that. You went to the radio show, Then
22:10
what? And then the I saw the middle
22:14
health provider that I was that I was going to at the Air Force
22:16
Base asked me one day, what are you going to do when you retire?
22:22
I said, man, I'm going to sit on the dock of the Bay and watch
22:24
the tides roll away and whistle. That was my retirement song.
22:29
Bro, I'm like, I'm chilling. I'm like, but I do have an idea
22:32
for a sports brand. You know, God gave me this idea
22:35
called what's the count? I played basketball.
22:38
It was the count. So I said, I do have an idea
22:43
about maybe selling some hats and T-shirts or something like
22:45
that with this idea. And so he opened up this book
22:48
that he had written with his colleague and it was a, a
22:50
handbook for high school to college athletes.
22:54
And so he opened up this page and it had two paragraphs of
22:58
athletes collapsing really with rhabdo and sickle cell trade.
23:03
And he was like, you can become an advocate.
23:06
I'm like, what's an advocate? He's like, you could actually
23:09
still have some T-shirts of your brand and that could pay for
23:12
your travel and you can go educate people about your
23:14
experience. Man, it was like the cartoon
23:17
with the light bulb on top of my head.
23:18
You're right, yeah. I was like, Ding, Ding, Ding and
23:22
it, and it was like, it was like I heard him and it was like, I
23:26
know what I like. I know why I'm here.
23:29
And I went home that day, man. And I, I did my research.
23:33
I, I made a brochure. I found this whole sickle cell
23:36
community. I jumped on the plane for the
23:38
convention flew to Maryland, showed up Kiki Shepherd was
23:42
hosting that town hall meeting that that that that event man
23:45
and I went in there. She passed me to Mike.
23:48
I introduced myself and it was the whole room went silence
23:53
because it was a sickle cell disease conference and I'm over
23:55
here talking about the trade. They're like, dude, what what
23:58
you you were in the wrong place. You were the.
24:01
Wrong. Like what convention bro?
24:02
You were the wrong convention, right?
24:03
I'm like, what? So there was one lady, Phyllis
24:06
Zachary Thomas, who had sickle cell.
24:08
Her husband was in the Army and she saw me and she grabbed me
24:11
and says, Faron, I'm going to you can work with me because I
24:15
know how important the sickle cell trait conversation is.
24:18
And so she embraced me and I work.
24:21
I work with her. And during our relationship, she
24:26
passed away in 2012. So we're talking about 2010 to
24:29
2012. We had two years together and
24:32
when she went to a do an interview and she was out of
24:34
Atlanta and a prophet was at this interview and he told her
24:37
to go read Judges chapter 4. So she goes home after that and
24:42
reads chap Judges chapter 4 calls me Monday morning and
24:44
says, Ron, you need to get your Bible.
24:47
So I grabbed my Bible and we're reading the passage of Judges
24:49
chapter 4 and it's about Deborah and Barack and the war on
24:53
Sisera. Wow.
24:55
Well guess what, I'm Barack in that passage and she was Deborah
25:00
and and Sisera is sickle cell trade and Jabin is the no
25:05
sickle. Sisra is sickle cell, Jabman is
25:08
the trait, and jail is the community.
25:10
Wow. And when we got that revelation,
25:12
man, we cried. And I'm like, all right, God, I
25:14
got it. I got it.
25:16
You know what? Your purpose?
25:17
Is I know it's in the Bible. The blueprint was in the Bible
25:20
bro. And I was like and I'm like all
25:21
right, God, I got it. Wow, I got it.
25:24
You got an interesting story, man.
25:26
Like, because it's certain things like you can't really
25:30
experience unless you're in it. And I go back to I'm going back
25:35
to this because it's, it's, it's seem like it's hopeless when you
25:38
get in the situation where you want to take your own life,
25:41
right? And you don't know how to get
25:43
out of it. You know, it's just like you, I
25:46
guess I never experienced. I'm just thinking from a
25:48
perspective of being stuck, you know what I mean?
25:51
Like, and that's what I want people to try to, to get from
25:56
you. Like you've been in the process,
25:58
you've been in places and things that people have never
26:00
experienced. So if you get in these
26:03
situations, this is living proof that you can make it through it.
26:08
I'm, I'm, I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you this for,
26:10
for, for, for those who listen, you mentioned hope, right?
26:14
So we got hope, but but the hope for us and our soul is mixed
26:19
with hope and hopelessness, right?
26:21
So it's mixed together. They feel the same, but they're
26:23
mixed together. And then when you get past the
26:25
hope and hopelessness, it becomes to disappointment.
26:30
So now the hopelessness becomes disappointment because I was mad
26:33
at myself. Why did I Sprint that day?
26:35
I didn't have to Sprint. I had plenty of time.
26:37
I could have, would have, should have still been in.
26:40
So now I'm not disappointed in the military.
26:42
I'm disappointed myself. I'm not realizing I have to
26:44
forgive myself in this episode that I wasn't, I wasn't aware
26:47
yet. Yeah, yeah.
26:48
But I was, so I was disappointed in myself.
26:51
The disappointment led to despair.
26:56
The despair led to self loathing.
27:00
The self loathing led to why bother?
27:02
Yeah. Yeah, and, and, and so there are
27:05
days I'm fine and there's days I go back to that hopelessness,
27:09
the disappointment and despair. So until I was able to start
27:12
doing that work, I was up and down the scale.
27:17
I was up and down. But I, I, I, I was blessed that
27:21
my mom, I know my mom prayed because when I found this
27:24
personal development course, it was something that she prayed
27:27
that she went to God. Like, please give my son
27:29
something. If it's not the word, give him
27:32
something to put him on track. And, and I tell you what God,
27:35
God did he, he gave me that personal development education.
27:39
Technically there are biblical principles, but they don't label
27:41
it as that. But it's clearly ecclesiastics.
27:44
It's clearly the fruit of the spirit.
27:46
It's clearly the, the attitudes, right?
27:48
It's just the thing was different.
27:50
And it's not, and it's not a spiritual conversation because
27:52
anybody could take those classes.
27:53
But when I got into that education, man, it led me back
27:57
to the end of the course as well.
27:59
What's your purpose after you made-up all these stories about
28:02
yourself? That ain't the truth.
28:05
What's your purpose? And so I grew up in church from
28:08
a born into it. So it was like, oh, my
28:11
grandfather purpose, passions and gifts come from the Bible.
28:14
So right back to the word for the so it's it.
28:17
All those seeds were planted in me man, since that's my mother's
28:21
womb bro. Wow, so why do you think most
28:25
people never discovered their purpose?
28:28
Then you discovered to a big, I guess through the military
28:32
incident, you know, sick self trait, right?
28:35
So why do you think many people don't discover their purpose?
28:38
Because, you know, you can ask, since since we're talking to the
28:43
men, you can ask a lot of men right now, What's your purpose?
28:46
Exactly. They don't know.
28:49
And they wonder why they stay lost and stuck in a place they
28:52
don't know what the purpose is. It could be coaching.
28:55
Whatever it is. I'm telling people, whatever it
28:57
is that you're good at, that you can inspire people, that's your
29:00
purpose. So why do you think people never
29:03
really, most people never discover that purpose?
29:07
If you look at life, you look at our life experiences, usually no
29:13
one wants to talk about that negative experience.
29:15
Yeah, no. One wants to talk about that
29:17
hurt. Yeah.
29:18
That upset that maybe the molestation, maybe the drugs,
29:23
maybe whatever that whatever that episode is, maybe it's that
29:25
chronic illness that we think that it's embarrassing.
29:29
So you have to look at that human experience of if I tell
29:33
you what I'm dealing with, then you might not be my friend no
29:35
more. It's embarrassing.
29:38
So those afflictions, that and those thorns that the Bible talk
29:41
about, those are supposed to draw us close to the God.
29:44
Not so the world has opinions about that stuff, but what does
29:47
God have to say? So we got to get back in
29:49
alignment with what God's word if you want to find out where
29:52
your purpose and passion. So the world has all these
29:54
opinions. So I'm not going to want to
29:56
share that with you, bro, even though it's probably the thing
29:59
that I'm dealing with silently emotionally.
30:03
Who wants to know that was I felt like I was abandoned by my
30:05
mom. I grew up like my dad didn't
30:08
love me. We want to share that, right?
30:10
We want to share that. Nobody or or even if they like
30:14
you said, if you take a man he's been molested, who's going to
30:18
want to share that and we up against the break.
30:19
So we're going to jump right back in it.
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speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions
31:51
of any entities they represent. Welcome back to MAN Talk 133.
31:57
It's called me you Name. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:59
So we back at it. So before we went to the break,
32:02
we was talking about purpose, right?
32:05
So I kind of forgot where I. Left, let me drop one more on
32:08
you, right? Because I was streaming to you.
32:10
Why we don't share, right? Yeah, one of the things you go,
32:13
yeah. Definitely one of the things I
32:14
learned when I end up going to TV broadcasting.
32:17
I went to radio broadcasting 1st and then with the TV
32:20
broadcasting school. But in radio broadcasting, one
32:23
of the things that they told us in the school is that you can
32:26
take an interview of a person that you're interviewing and
32:29
chop that interview up and make them sound like the worst person
32:32
on the planet just by that's true rearranging those clips,
32:35
right? Yep.
32:36
So what they call that is slander.
32:38
Wow. So I'm like, how can I tell you
32:44
what I'm dealing with in my deepest, darkest secrets when
32:48
I'm afraid that not you're going to judge me, but you might
32:50
slander, you might slander my name.
32:52
You might take what I tell you about my experience and go tell
32:55
other people about it. Oh no, they're going to.
32:58
Slander. They're going to do that for
33:01
sure. So why would I want to again?
33:04
So why would I even want to voice that?
33:06
Why would that even come out of my mouth when I feel like that's
33:09
going to be like the end of all? Yeah, yeah.
33:13
But that could be that unity of people need to hear your story.
33:20
Yes. That's what we we know that, but
33:23
no one makes no difference. Sometime.
33:25
Yeah, yeah, we know a lot of stuff, but no one makes no
33:28
difference. But if you know that hey I can
33:31
share my story and I could help make one person.
33:35
Yeah, yeah. My story's not for the whole
33:38
world, but I had to go to God to find out.
33:40
We know am I cool because I want to educate the whole world.
33:43
You know, no for on your story is for the people who are put in
33:46
your path. And you might be at a conference
33:48
of 10,000 people. It might one person might need
33:50
to hear your message. You're going to go, are you
33:53
going to go show up? What if it's only 5 people at
33:55
that event? Are you going to go show up at
33:57
that? Because there might be one out
33:59
of five that needs to hear your talk.
34:01
It's the same energy. So when I got that for myself,
34:05
like I said, OK, God, I got it. It's now I got to do the work.
34:09
Now you got to do the work. Be the work.
34:11
I got to be the work. Yeah, and just like you were
34:13
saying, man, you know, like people are going to talk about
34:17
you regardless, right? And like we was talking about if
34:21
a man's been molested, he's not going to share that.
34:25
He's going to hold that in. And I was watching the show and
34:28
I forgot what it was, but the dude had this coach had
34:34
molesting guys, right? He had videotapes of it.
34:38
And he found his tape. He fought.
34:42
He fought and he fought. He did not want to watch it.
34:45
He was just. And.
34:46
And by him thinking that he was expressing anger.
34:51
Yeah. Just all this anger was coming
34:52
out. And then at the end, he ended up
34:54
watching it. And it did happen to him.
34:57
Yeah. And he, he, he kind of dealt
34:59
with it better. And I guess it's kind of what
35:01
you're saying. Like once you know what it is,
35:03
you can identify it, then you can handle it better.
35:07
See, I I didn't tell my mom what happened to me in that in that
35:10
same conversation until I was 46 years old.
35:14
OK. And, and, and I didn't, I had to
35:16
go back and look at how did that affect me.
35:19
Yeah, right. Because it did for sure.
35:22
And it affected me in the military because I would wait, I
35:27
I wouldn't take my shower until like one or 2:00 in the morning
35:29
when there was nobody in the bathroom in the shower, bro.
35:31
Why was that? Why?
35:34
Was that because of what happened to me as a child?
35:36
Oh. OK, OK.
35:37
I see what you said. Well, that was that was how it
35:39
affected me. Wow, wow, ain't that something,
35:43
man? And I didn't tell my mom until I
35:45
was in my 40s, bro. After I started this work of
35:47
healing. It was, it was right there
35:49
packed away. Yeah.
35:51
Yeah. And I went to my mom and she was
35:52
like, she wasn't surprised either.
35:54
Wow. Because it was like, you know,
35:56
family members, she was like, oh, makes it, you know, I'm
35:59
like, what? But I'm a 46 at the time, you
36:03
know, I'm 46 now. What I'm sharing this, what
36:05
happened at six at happened at 5-6 years old is you know, it's
36:08
years 40 years ago. And that's so dangerous, right?
36:12
Packing it in like that, That's the dangerous part about it
36:15
because we think that it doesn't affect us and it really does in
36:21
a way like now you, when you talked about that at an older
36:24
age, how did it impact you? Like was it like a relief?
36:28
Only only because I had dealt with the like.
36:31
I had peeled layers off before I got to that one.
36:33
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I had.
36:34
I had. I had responsibility of my past,
36:37
you know, own my own, my past, you know, own my decisions and
36:41
and the experiences. So I was able to as I was
36:44
peeling those layers because that first layer that I had to
36:46
get in that education was the suicide ideation.
36:49
Like my life was over, man. When I took that class, it was
36:52
over. I was ready.
36:53
I had the plan, the willingness. I had everything.
36:56
I had all of it ready to go. But I held on to my youngest
37:00
daughter, Asia. I knew I had mental toughness
37:04
and I knew I didn't want to do that, but it was that battle in
37:07
my mind like. But no, it's hopeless.
37:10
Why bother bro? Nobody cares.
37:12
Nobody cares, right? That's what you think?
37:14
That's what I think, but I had my daughter and I'm like, I
37:17
can't do that to her. So I battled and that's what
37:19
kept me, you know, from from doing that.
37:21
Yeah. So, so you said it was 16 years.
37:24
What year do you think 567 would you really?
37:29
I felt like you had it under control, like, you know, the
37:32
suicidal thoughts in the you know what I mean?
37:35
Like when it oh. I was, I won't even say it's
37:39
under control right now. OK, I will.
37:42
I will say that at 40 years old, turning 40, there was this blink
37:50
in my in my mind that said there's got to be something
37:52
better than this. Yeah.
37:54
And you know, biblically, 40 years, 40 years is a
37:58
generational change. So I was into that 40 year old
38:02
phase of life. And you know, like I said, those
38:05
prayers got answered. I got in that education.
38:07
So from 46, from 40. And I'm so I'm 56 now.
38:12
So 16 years I've been in personal development, I've done
38:16
cognitive behavior, I've done listening skills, I've done
38:19
grief classes, I've done, I've been in the word six of those 16
38:25
years, I've done recently grief support group.
38:30
And so applying all that to my life in that conscious mind, the
38:36
conscience mind is the middle mind, right?
38:38
Where our morals, right? So we get, that's where the
38:40
information, that's where the word of God is getting into.
38:43
That's where when you take therapy, it's getting into that
38:46
part of the mind of your right or wrongs, good or bads, all
38:48
those opinions lives in that middle mind right there, right.
38:51
So when you start to filter that out with more truths, with, with
38:55
your truths, not the stories of the truth, it, it, it, there's a
38:59
shift that they call that where transformation lives.
39:03
And so I applied all those things, man.
39:06
And I've, I've had, I had a challenge.
39:07
The 1st 40 years of my life is what I did.
39:10
Wow. So I went back all the way from
39:12
40 and and and my memory goes back to A2 year old decision
39:16
that I made about my mom and my grandmother.
39:18
Wow. And inside of that, 2 to 4012
39:22
decisions total. Wow.
39:26
And I've been pulling off each one of them.
39:28
That's why I said it ain't it ain't, it ain't, it ain't
39:30
completely over. But I'm definitely on the I'm on
39:32
the other side of it right now. Yeah, so people got to
39:34
understand it's work. Oh, it's work.
39:37
It's work, it's work. And you got to pull off
39:41
different layers like that. And it's, it's not easy layers,
39:44
it's hard layers, you know what I mean?
39:47
You got to get inside and pull out that all that old stuff.
39:51
It's just like a, you know, taking, taking like a, you know,
39:53
like a a snake. And you put it down into the
39:58
plumbing. Yeah, exactly.
40:00
That's kind of what it's like. And you got to keep doing it
40:03
over and over and over. Yeah.
40:05
And that and and and and the biggest part of that was at that
40:11
blink that I heard the willingness see people not
40:14
willing to do their work. Yeah.
40:16
It's conceptual. Oh, that sounds good for him.
40:18
Oh, that sounds good for him. I can't do that.
40:22
Are you willing, though, you're willing to do the work and just
40:25
take? Because once you find that one,
40:26
I found 12, but it was the first one that I found that opened up
40:29
the door to look at the rest of my life.
40:31
Because if I made that story up that my life was over because my
40:34
military career came to an end, well, what else did I make up?
40:38
And then I was, I was willing to look.
40:40
So I, I look all the way back down 40 and I found 2 year old,
40:45
5 year old, 6 year old, 8 year old, 11 year old, 14 year old,
40:49
17 year old, 23 year old, 36 year old and 40 year old
40:53
decision. Wow.
40:55
And I had to go and take responsibility because I made,
40:57
when I made all that up, I made it up.
41:00
It was not. It was my truth, but it wasn't
41:02
the truth. Yeah.
41:04
So as a male, when you go through those different layers
41:07
like that, how does it affect relationships and, you know,
41:11
stuff like that? Buddy let me tell you after I
41:17
went back and I started to, to, to discover those relationships
41:22
that I that I sabotaged. I called ex girlfriends.
41:27
I got 2 failed marriages. So I called people in my life
41:31
asking for forgiveness, man. Yeah.
41:33
I took responsibility like that. That was me.
41:36
Yeah, that was me. And so by by being able to be
41:40
willing to do that and call people in my life for forgive,
41:43
not apologizing, but forgiveness because I'm changing my
41:46
behavior, right? So by asking for forgiveness
41:51
again, yes, it's for them, but it's more it's for us first.
41:55
Yeah, yeah. So that I took responsibility.
41:58
And of course, I got mixed. I got mixed.
42:00
What are you calling me for? Don't call me again.
42:02
Yeah. I knew you was crazy.
42:04
Like I got. I got all of that.
42:05
I got all of it. I got all of it.
42:08
Freedom. That's why forgiveness is so
42:11
powerful, because there's freedom on the other side of it,
42:14
man. Yeah.
42:15
Yeah. Self forgiveness.
42:18
Now that through in that process, I already know it was
42:23
some distractions and it was some boy.
42:26
It was the enemy. Was the Devils going at you with
42:30
everything he had? Everything and the.
42:34
The, the, the, the, the fact that you're still here, it says
42:38
that you were willing. You know what I mean?
42:41
And you made the point that people got to be willing.
42:44
You got to be willing to pull them layers off.
42:46
You're not willing to pull those layers off.
42:49
It's a wrap. It's a wrap, man.
42:50
I hate to say it, you know, I know people say, well, you know,
42:53
you, you know, you pray and you seek the Lord.
42:55
Yeah, but you still got to do something.
42:57
It's action. It's all actions.
43:00
Action, action. Hope is an action.
43:03
Prayer is an action. Faith is an action word.
43:05
Those are action words. The Bible, the biblical
43:08
principles, you have to. That's what I tell people.
43:11
A hammer. You look at a hammer in the
43:13
toolbox. We know the hammer is powerful
43:14
because this is a hammer. Yeah, you don't.
43:16
You don't. You don't experience it until
43:18
you actually pick it up and it's used by you.
43:20
Yeah, yeah. The hammer has to be used by us
43:22
to experience the power. Yeah, that's that's all therapy
43:26
is. That's all the Bible principles
43:29
are. That's all kinds of behavior.
43:31
You got to take those curriculums of education and
43:33
apply it to your life. It's not conceptual.
43:37
When you apply it to your life, you're not going to be the same
43:40
person. The more that you practice
43:41
applying those principles and those tools, you're not going to
43:44
be the same person. And some people, like you said,
43:46
it's too hard. They'd rather stay in this stuck
43:49
place brother, than just like, you know what?
43:51
I know I need help. I know some a little off with
43:55
me. I know it's just something
43:58
that's just a little bit off, but you know, I'm good with
44:01
that. That's just how God made me.
44:04
They'll use that one in a heartbeat.
44:06
But it's that's not how he wants you to live it toward me all the
44:11
time. It's just, you know, it's just
44:12
different, man. Some people, you look at it from
44:14
a different perspective than what other people have looked
44:18
at. You know, I've been watching,
44:19
you know, following and watching your shows and stuff like that.
44:21
That's one of the reasons why I think the enemy was fighting so
44:24
hard for us to get on here because he already knew the
44:27
power of agreement. In fact, it's going to, you
44:30
know, people watching this show that can really, really get free
44:34
from as, as men. As as men and women, we're not
44:38
exempt. Minimum women aren't exempt.
44:39
We suffer in silence. We suffer in silence.
44:41
And what is that? Yeah, What is that?
44:45
And then it's something and so you got to find somebody.
44:48
You, you have confidence. I don't even like the word trust
44:50
anymore because the word says trust in the Lord have
44:55
confidence in man. So we don't I'm not supposed to
44:58
put my trust in you. I don't trust myself 100%.
45:00
So why would I trust you 100% when I don't trust myself,
45:03
right? So you got to again the word
45:04
says love God with your heart, soul, mind, body and love your
45:10
neighbor with the same measure that you love yourself.
45:12
So guess what? I just been measuring my own
45:14
self first man. Yeah, that's all you got to do.
45:17
When I measure me. OK, No, go ahead, go ahead.
45:19
No. I'm just saying when I when I
45:20
measure myself, then I can see how much I could give away to
45:23
you. I can't give, I can't give you
45:25
100% if I don't have like, I can't give that.
45:27
So I got to measure myself first.
45:29
Exactly. And we've finished this up right
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after the break. Long.
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46:35
Hey folks, thanks for tuning in. You're giving veterans a voice
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Find us on the web at MB radio dot.
46:47
The station where our veterans voices are heard.
46:49
MBR talk. Hey thanks for tuning.
46:55
In Welcome Back are those of the speakers and do not necessarily
46:59
reflect the views or positions of any entities they represent.
47:04
The web at MB radio dot. Welcome back to Man Talk 133
47:10
with my man around up here talking some real stuff, y'all.
47:13
I'm telling you like you can only understand if somebody's
47:19
been through it. Just like, you know, some drug
47:21
addicts make good evangelists because they can go into places
47:24
that we never been in, right? And they can really talk to
47:29
people. You have been in some places
47:31
that you know, a lot of people have not been in, you know, lose
47:36
your military career, want to commit suicide, Sickle cell
47:40
trait, and the list is going on and on and on and on.
47:43
Childhood. We talk about childhood trauma,
47:46
but we know that we got Mama and daddy issues.
47:49
Yeah, we got all that stuff going on.
47:51
But see the the cool part about you is like you, you're in so
47:54
many cars, right? Vehicles.
47:57
Yeah. The fun part, I guess, would be
48:00
the sports side of it, right? So tell us a little bit about
48:04
that man. You know you're not.
48:06
I mean, I still can hoop. I I still got it.
48:09
You know what I'm saying a little bit.
48:10
You know what I'm saying? I can still do a little
48:12
something something. Man, so my basketball identity
48:16
came from changing schools so much.
48:20
So my, my 7th, 7th grade, I went to a school in the valley and
48:25
then we moved 2 Melrose and I went to a school that was up the
48:29
street. So being a new kid on the block,
48:32
it's like I walk on, I walk on the yard, man.
48:34
And I'm, I'm, I don't know. I don't know anybody.
48:36
I'm, I'm like, I don't know nothing.
48:38
So I see these guys in the morning playing basketball on
48:41
the court, man. So I go to the court, man.
48:43
So now guess what? Aran's on the basketball court
48:46
in the morning, recess, lunch after school.
48:49
It became I didn't, I even lost a girlfriend because I was
48:51
playing ball so much in junior high.
48:54
So that basketball identity, right, that was that was my
48:58
connection. See as and our peer age is so
49:01
important. This is what we teach.
49:03
That transition from elementary to middle school is very
49:05
important because by the time I'm 1213, I'm not talking to mom
49:09
and Dad no more. Right, right.
49:11
Because they don't understand me, they're not listening to me.
49:13
So I'm turning my peers for love and acceptance.
49:15
So when I my identity at that age was like, OK, I'm friends
49:19
with the basketball fellas. So.
49:21
Now I'm playing ball my whole that's where basketball came in
49:25
into full effect. So now because I can't play like
49:29
like you, maybe I can still get out there and shoot some threes
49:32
and stuff, you know, maybe play half court.
49:33
But I'm feeling good. But this only these ABA
49:37
basketball teams, it allows me to to fulfill my identity.
49:41
Still, it's still in there, right?
49:43
So I can't run up and down the court.
49:44
But guess what, I'm in. I'm just just to be in the gym
49:48
to hear the squeaky floors, to hear the net pop, you know, just
49:52
to just to be in that of the whistle like that.
49:54
That's fulfilling. But again, it goes back to the
49:58
vehicle of but now these ABA players.
50:02
Something to to maybe in? Their early 40s, they'll chasing
50:06
that hoop dream. What's next?
50:10
What's next? You've got.
50:12
All this knowledge in basketball you've done you.
50:14
Maybe you played overseas, maybe went to college, but now you're
50:17
still it's not right or wrong. Chase the dream when the ABA.
50:22
But then what? What's next?
50:23
How can we take all this information and give it back to
50:25
this next generation of basketball?
50:27
Right. So and men, we're suffering.
50:30
So I'm listening to them. I see myself, I'm hearing the
50:32
conversations. I'm like, I can hear the
50:34
fractures, I can hear the wounds, I can hear the hurt as
50:39
they talk. And I'm like, so I went to God,
50:41
like God, I want to I want to be part of basketball.
50:44
I want a basketball ministry and and it turned into being a part
50:49
of ABA team and then become a co-owner of three teams.
50:52
So that's the vehicle to reach the community with these men,
50:55
right. Who we talking about this man
50:57
talk, this man talk, right. So I'm right there with them and
51:01
I'm growing and learning myself about myself as I'm practicing
51:05
these principles and listen to them and sharing that because I
51:08
I can't talk about nothing that I ain't been through.
51:11
Yeah, yeah. I don't generalize my
51:12
conversations. None of my shows, none of my
51:14
talks are generalized. You either talk from your
51:16
experience or I leave it alone and find somebody else who could
51:19
speak to that. Yes, but being in that
51:21
environment, man, we're all suffering in silence from
51:25
something. And these guys are great
51:26
basketball players. Maybe they didn't make it to the
51:28
level that they thought they should or could, but hey, I'm
51:31
playing pro in the ABA, so that's their identity is
51:34
connected. But men?
51:36
Need services like women? Why?
51:38
Women get all the services, man, Men need services from the
51:41
system just like every. So it's all of that, man.
51:45
And it's it's beautiful, but it's challenging because I got
51:48
to find the players, the coaches, I got to find the money
51:51
I like. So as ABA owner, you got to, you
51:53
only own the territory. So I got to fund.
51:56
I got to find everything to fulfill this basketball season.
51:59
But but that that even grew me. It stretched me because I live
52:04
with I'm not good enough. I'm not worth it.
52:06
Yeah, so that was what was. In the back of my mind, right?
52:09
So all of those decisions that we're talking about, what is
52:12
what is your mind saying to you silently when it talks to you
52:14
about you know you better not do that again.
52:17
You know what happened the last time you did that for Ron.
52:18
Why would you put yourself we're not going to do that.
52:21
You wait, wait. You know you ain't good enough.
52:22
You know you ain't worth it. Why would they want to come to
52:24
your games? Why would they want to play for
52:25
you? You ain't no but you ain't good
52:27
enough. That's how we talk to.
52:29
Ourselves, yeah. For sure so.
52:32
This has helped me even breakthrough.
52:33
Those levels because when I'm sharing from as long as I don't
52:37
put Fahran in the middle of it, if I put Fahran in it, it's no
52:40
good, no good. But if I when I when I talk from
52:43
the cause, yeah, people are all in.
52:50
But if I put front they not so yeah, yeah, I suffer in.
52:57
Silence, because I don't. Think it's good enough, but I
53:00
learned I have to remove Fahran. Yeah, it's not about Faron.
53:04
Yeah, that's that's very. Important.
53:06
And you know, what's so cool about what you're doing is with
53:09
the basketballs that men can relate to that, you know,
53:13
sports, especially basketball. If you give a man a basketball,
53:17
he can be 60 years old, he still think he can ball.
53:20
You know what I mean? I'm sure what I got.
53:22
And, you know, you got air ball, you know, exactly.
53:25
But it's, it's cool because you could it's, it's, it's so
53:28
relatable to the men and you can get them in and minister.
53:32
You know, it's a church across the street.
53:33
They do that. I think it's every Monday.
53:35
So they bring the men in and before they begin, they pray and
53:41
then about midway they stop. And then they have, you know,
53:44
just fellowship praying and talking about and then they
53:47
don't play again. But that's how you, you bring
53:50
men in. Because if you're trying to,
53:52
honestly just being honest, if you're really trying to win a
53:56
man by bringing him to church, it's going to be tough because
54:00
he goes to church and gets beat down.
54:03
You know what I mean? He gets talked about, he's going
54:05
to be Father's Day service and you dog in the mouth.
54:07
I know I'm AI, know I'm a Sinner.
54:09
But that's that's what religious does, though.
54:12
That's why religion is so weaponized in that space like
54:15
that, because look man, I know I'm a Sinner, but tell me
54:19
pastor, tell me how did you get through what you went through?
54:21
See, we know the pastor don't talk about his his stuff.
54:25
He wants to just some, not. Some some.
54:27
Just point to you OK I know I'm a Sinner but I got problems.
54:29
I got bills. I got.
54:32
So we, we want people want power over their circumstances.
54:35
Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the end.
54:37
Of the day, that's what we want. Yes, we want power over our
54:40
circumstances. I know I'm a Sinner.
54:41
I know I'm in rebellion. I know, I know.
54:44
But I got problems. Yes.
54:46
How does that? How?
54:47
Does the word work? How?
54:48
Does the word look like for that?
54:50
Yeah. And that's been the.
54:51
Issue I. Think we're trying to reach them
54:54
in yes you know they want they come in and they want to be Hey
54:59
show me what to do give me be an example understand you love your
55:03
wife. You got to sitting on stage.
55:05
I got it all of that I understand I'm trying to love my
55:09
wife Well you need to love the wife Christ loved the church
55:12
right. I get all that but how did he
55:14
love the church If I don't know that the simple things like
55:18
that. It's still he leave out just
55:20
confused as exactly even more Yeah worse.
55:24
I ain't going back. Yeah, I'm not going back.
55:26
I'm done, you know. And then especially when you
55:28
throw in, you know, the insults, you know, and you rest of a man,
55:33
if you ain't doing this part and this part and this and and like
55:35
I said, it seemed like to me, it just brings back some trauma and
55:39
you get these trauma responses from him and they like, you know
55:42
what, the last time that happened to me, I'm not going.
55:46
Back, not going back. I was gone for 20.
55:48
Years. I left church for 20 at 2021
55:51
years old. I was gone from 21 to 40.
55:54
Yeah, and then I at 40, I started working my way back, but
55:56
I still didn't come all the way back until my dad transitioned
55:59
in 2019 and I went then I started contemplating on how
56:03
much time I had left. Right.
56:05
So I'm like, Oh my. How?
56:06
How and my grandson. Was born two weeks after my dad
56:08
passed. So now I'm an emotional roller
56:10
coaster because my dad's not here.
56:12
But now I got my new grandson. I'm grandpa like all and and I'm
56:16
just bro. And so I went, I went to God.
56:18
Like look man, you're the God of my grandfather and my
56:21
grandmother and my mom and my dad.
56:22
I want to know you for myself. I don't want fire insurance.
56:25
I want to find you for myself. And, and I could tell you that
56:31
just last year, early this year, after all the six years I've
56:35
been in church and all the talks that I've done in church, he
56:38
revealed to me that now go look at the B attitudes.
56:41
What's that first B attitude? Blessed are the the Kingdom of
56:46
for those. Who are poor in spirit.
56:48
I was poor in spirit when I came to Christ at 49.
56:51
I was feeding my soul with all the stuff with the mental health
56:55
and like, which is not right or wrong, but I was feeling.
56:57
So my soul was softened enough that when it was time to come to
57:01
the word, it was a it was the transition, wasn't it wasn't
57:05
difficult because my heart was softened.
57:08
My subconscious mind, my mind was like, OK, I'm a better
57:11
person. But now I add the word to it.
57:14
Oh man, you can't tell. Me.
57:15
Nothing now. You can't tell me.
57:19
Nothing now, man. He taught me how to give my
57:21
opinions about myself. I use the word as a mirror for
57:25
myself 1st and I had a lot of opinions about Ferran man that
57:29
was just negative and cynical and and I talked terrible to
57:34
myself. But you didn't know when and and
57:36
enemy. Just steady feeding it and you
57:39
steady speaking it and you steady manifesting it.
57:42
You know, because people don't know when you start saying
57:45
ignant stuff and I said ignorant, y'all ignorant.
57:49
You're going. To produce ignorant stuff.
57:51
It's just what it is and and men don't understand that when they
57:55
say that stuff to their kids or to their daughters and to their
57:59
wife and it just it manifests and you understand well why my
58:02
house is like it's like it is because this the mouth, you just
58:06
talk too much and you don't pray enough out of it.
58:10
And those but those seeds that I'm.
58:11
Telling you about were planted like I said I could I picked the
58:14
seed of disappointment at two years old.
58:18
I could go back in my mind to two years old man that I made-up
58:22
a story that my I was disconnected from my mother.
58:24
And then I just realized this is honest.
58:26
Just this few weeks ago I realized that that 2 year old
58:31
decision that I discovered at 40 when I did the finally did the
58:34
work at that one. I made-up a story.
58:37
At 2 years old that I. Was lost in relationships, I was
58:40
unsafe in relationships and I never ever ever want to feel
58:44
that disappointment. At all costs that I felt toward
58:49
my. Mother and my grandmother.
58:51
Wow man, that's. Tough because you know not two
58:54
years old and two. You know what?
58:56
But when I. Was took psychology in school.
58:58
There was just talking about how you can ask the kid, hey, did he
59:02
touch you? They say no.
59:04
And you asked us so many different times when I think he
59:07
did right. And then you know what I I
59:10
believe he did touch. Did he touch you like this?
59:13
And he's like, I think he did touch me like that and they
59:16
didn't touch him at all. It's just the mind.
59:18
Like you said, at two years old you created this whole thing at
59:23
2 at two bro. You think about this, I know
59:27
this. Is this is wild.
59:28
We think about no, go ahead, you're 2 years old and you could
59:31
come up with some stuff like that.
59:33
They've been 40 and they can't even figure out how to get out
59:35
for 50. That's what I'm saying.
59:39
But how many? How many?
59:40
How many of us go through life and never discover what those
59:44
fractures were? Like I love.
59:45
My mom and my dad, but they got on my nerve right?
59:48
So I went to work and why did it get on my nerve right?
59:52
And it wasn't. Guess what?
59:52
It wasn't him. It.
59:53
Wasn't him, it was me. The whole.
59:55
Time. It was me the whole time, my
59:57
dad. Loved me.
59:59
He just he loved me the way that he know he knew how to get in
1:00:02
love because of how he grew up. I had to go see I had to go talk
1:00:05
to my dad. How how did you grow up, man?
1:00:07
What was life like? Oh, well, no wonder I went to my
1:00:10
mom. What was life like?
1:00:12
Oh well, no wonder y'all. And and they were 19 and 20
1:00:16
years old. My mom was 18.
1:00:17
She couldn't even walk in high school because she was pregnant
1:00:20
with me. Bro wow.
1:00:22
So they were babies. Now I'm. 40.
1:00:23
Trying to figure out what it is to be a man and I'm holding all
1:00:26
this against my dad who had me at 20.
1:00:28
At 20 bro, that was. Babies.
1:00:31
Yeah, they had no clue. No clue.
1:00:34
So the. So out of that work, the
1:00:36
compassion for my parents arose. And he was like, what, man?
1:00:41
I'm 40 trying to figure this out with three kids.
1:00:44
And here they were at night and with me trying to figure out
1:00:48
life. Man.
1:00:50
No, no. No, no, they did the.
1:00:53
Best they could with what they had.
1:00:54
Exactly. Amen.
1:00:55
We out of time. So Amen, I want to thank you,
1:00:58
man, for covering on the show, man, I'm telling you, this is a
1:01:02
really good show, man. I really appreciate it.
1:01:04
Amen. Let people know where they can
1:01:05
reach out to you, how they can connect with you and stuff like
1:01:08
that. So we could, you know, they they
1:01:10
need to reach out for something they can, you know, connect with
1:01:12
you, no doubt. Thank you at Faron.
1:01:15
Dozier on all platforms. FARONDOZ i.e.
1:01:19
R Faron D dot com will lead you all to everything that I'm up to
1:01:23
as well. So either one of those
1:01:25
locations, yeah, ferrandi.com or at Ferrandozier on Facebook,
1:01:31
Instagram, Twitter, all those platforms.
1:01:33
I'll put all that stuff up too. And MBR.
1:01:37
Wednesdays at 4:00 PM. There you go.
1:01:40
There you go. Hey, man.
1:01:41
Thank you again for. Joining you for having me.
1:01:43
Thank y'all for tuning. Into Man talk 1. 33 with me and
1:01:46
your name. Until next time y'all.
1:01:48
God bless. We appreciate y'all he's hi, I'm
1:01:53
beaker with. Military.
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