Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 87: Bigger than basketball - adoption, identity, and “stacking days” with Coach Stevie Johnson

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Ep. 87: Bigger than basketball - adoption, identity, and “stacking days” with Coach Stevie Johnson · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

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I'm really grateful to be here with not only a friend of mine,
0:04
but a a former coach of one of my kiddos.
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So very interesting perspective on, you know, all things kids,
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all things coaching. But most importantly, I'm really
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excited for our guest to I'm gonna introduce in a second
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because I think he has a thing or two to say about life's
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adversity. So if you're new here, hello,
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welcome. Thanks for joining.
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My name is Bree Wilson and I started this podcast couple
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years ago for really one reason, to build a community that can
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talk openly about how we turn life's adversity in its many,
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many forms into an adventure. So with that, I'm going to stop
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talking just for a little while and introduce Stevie.
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And thank you, Stevie, for joining us.
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A+ plus plus on the intro by the way.
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I loved it. Hello everyone, I am Stevie
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Johnson, a basketball skills development coach here in the
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East Bay. I have over, I want to date
1:12
myself, but I have over 15 years of experience.
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Of course, I played in college and tried to do some pro things
1:20
that we may dive into a little later, but I love basketball.
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I love my job. I'm also certified as a strength
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and conditioning coach, so I have some background and
1:30
physical fitness and training and things of that nature.
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So yeah, just want to share my story and inspire if I can.
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Thank you. Well, you already are.
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You've inspired me. You've inspired my kids.
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And a little back story, Stevie and I, let's see, we met at Club
1:48
Sport in San Ramon, our gym. And Braden, my 10 year old was
1:54
getting into basketball. Maybe it was a couple.
1:56
Was it a couple years ago? Was it?
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A couple years ago, yes, that, yeah, 'cause he was young,
2:01
young. He was the tiny tyke in the
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class. So he's like a little like, who
2:07
are you? So you did some hands on skills
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coaching. I think it was on Mondays and
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Wednesdays for I think like four or five months with him and
2:18
which was really awesome. And then we'd be working out.
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So if you're local basketball skills training, check out the
2:24
show notes, all the info. I'm going to say that a lot, but
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no. So we met through there through
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Brayden playing basketball. He's not playing basketball
2:33
right now, but I will say I love enjoying seeing you and your
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energy when we walk through the gym.
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I think, you know, there's people when you see on a regular
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basis, We've talked about this where in your community and
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you're kind of like, hey, hey. And then sometimes you're like,
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hey, how are you? Like we see each other a lot.
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How you doing? Yeah, right.
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And then you had stopped me. You're like, you have a podcast.
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And I was like, 'cause I anytime I'm like, you know, I have a
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podcast. Oh, so.
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And that's how this came to be, right?
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Like I think I then asked you if you ever want to be on it.
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Yes, true story. Yes, that's all true.
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Yes. That's all true.
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So that's the connection and Stevie, I want to ask you, so
3:17
take us back to you know, obviously your passion is
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basketball. I'm just going to read about you
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here just for a second one through 5 basketball Academy and
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the thing I love about your tagline on your website, it's
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bigger than basketball. I mean mic drop for you right
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there cuz. Tell me about your journey, tell
3:40
me about everything and I'm just going to be quiet now.
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How did that start? So overall with my with
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basketball and my background from being adopted to not being
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recruited, of course I played high school.
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I kind of did the, I would say not the traditional route.
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I went to JC, I sat out a year. Then I went to my university,
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which was Cal State Hayward at the time.
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Now it's East Bay, but you know, usually people's journeys a
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little bit more. Hey, I go to high school, I go
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to JC, I go to college where I had time in between actually,
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from high school to junior college, junior college to my
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university. And there's more reasoning
4:22
behind it. But deep down, I just know
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there's more that goes on behind the scene.
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And it's support, it's faith, it's trust, it's who who's in
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your circle. And me being older and being
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able to take a step back and look at other people's
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basketball journey. And I'm like, Hey, why is this
4:40
person here? And I'm like, man, this
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basketball's what's maybe driven them there, but it's the things
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outside of basketball. So I, I just noticed that a lot
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of this stuff is way bigger than basketball, right?
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You know so. That that's super cool.
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Like it's, it's, it's looking back, just playing sports
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growing up and then my kids, you know, the adults in your life
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outside your family, coaches literally have an incredible
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opportunity and it happens a lot.
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And I'm sure you see it where you, you have such a amazing
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opportunity if if the child is receptive.
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And I'm sure it's different, different times and different
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things, but what a cool opportunity to impact someone's
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basketball life and their life life.
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Yes, right, yes and that's what I'm all about and that's what
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kind of the bigger than basketball like I I say holistic
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approach it's you know, how's home, how's school, how's your
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friend network, all these things can play into it.
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So you could be a phenomenal player, but if things aren't
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right and you're you're worried about what's going on at home
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or, yeah, your academics aren't doing well, it plays a part
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into, you know, what the decisions you make and how you
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feel about yourself and things like that.
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So yeah, that's kind of how I came up with that.
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Well, and tell me like on that note, when you I mean you're in
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the gym, you've got kids of all different the age range goes
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from tell me the age range again that you coach.
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So I started as young as 8. The bulk of my business is more
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like high school kids. So I would say that 14 to 14, a
6:29
17 range. But I train a lot of kids who
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play like high level. Like I have some kids playing up
6:35
with T's still in college and now they're like 20/21/22, which
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is really cool to see kids that I've been working with for
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middle school and mom and dad would bring them to the gym to
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now they have mustaches and they're muscular and they're
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yeah, they're, they're, they're running the show now.
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And I never see the parents, but it's a cool dynamic.
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But yeah, I train. I've even trained some people
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that's like in their 40s just because they like basketball.
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They they're one thing I commend for them.
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And I know other people kind of like, what are you doing?
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You're not going to make it to the NBA, that type of thing.
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But it's like you're always constantly learning and you
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should be constantly learning. And even me as a basketball
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trainer, just because that's my job, I'm still learning every
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day and trying to consume knowledge and figure out ways to
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to make myself better. So I commend people who who do
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that and and basketball is just a vehicle to help you with
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fitness. So I'm all for it.
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And how cool that those, those 40 year olds, 50 year olds,
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whoever, that's like just pure joy, like the joy of playing.
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Like. Why not like, actually like,
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that's so cool. When someone's like, oh, I'm
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taking a violin class, my friend Omaira, I'm like, you're taking
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a violin class. Like what are you doing you?
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Work with Apple like oh. Exactly.
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I'm like. You're awesome.
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Yeah, that's good. And then I'm and.
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Then I'm going to visit the horsey and then I'm I'm like
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you, you she like cultivates time for joy and.
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That's important and it's balance.
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I just seen something on social media talking about balance.
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And also taking it a step further, I realized there's some
8:15
correlation between things. So with Steph Curry, him golfing
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actually calms down his heart and his thinking to help him on
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the basketball court. So him shooting a free throw,
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he's like, man, I'm I'm putting from, you know, 15 to 20 yards
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out or 20 feet out. I'm a slow down my breathing,
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I'm a channel in. And so there's carryover as
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where as well. So super important.
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Yeah. And you having you, you look at
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it from having played basketball as a player, then you've got it
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from the coaching, then you've got it from your background and
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like knowing Physiology and what's actually happening in
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your body when you're in like a game situation and like how to
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calm yourself, right? And then you also, I've been in
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that situation, then you've studied, you've seen it from all
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angles. Holistic.
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It's you're it's so much more than basketball, I mean, and so
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the question I want to ask you day-to-day, you have age 8 to 18
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to 20 to coming back for, you know, between college seasons,
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all that. Tell me how when your players
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walk into the gym or run into the gym, or you know, they're
9:29
goofing off running in, or they're like, tell me how, how
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do you, what have you learned about like reading the energy
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and picking up on the energy of your, your players?
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And like, I guess that question is, is when your players walk
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in, what's going through your mind and what, what are you kind
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of thinking about as a coach? So I'm trying to, you know, read
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them, but I'm trying to like lighten the mood because like
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you said, I don't know what's happened at home.
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Which did they promise test? Did they have a breaker?
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You know, were they speeding here?
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Did they get a like all these things?
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So I just try to lighten the mood, crack a joke.
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I'm big on, like I said, this holistic approach.
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I'm big on like empowering each other.
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So I'm like, shake a hand, say what's up?
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I like your shirt. How are you doing?
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A lot of my kids, I'm not going to lie, are very, they say shy
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and they're like, I don't want to interrupt, but I'm like,
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you're not interrupting. Just say hi and and then do it
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moving like get out the way. Have to have like some big hug,
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handshake, twirl around. It's just hey, coach, like, you
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know, I'm gonna go to the side. Most of my kids, especially the
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kids have been trying to move for a long time.
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They know there's daily vitamins and things that we have to kind
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of do before we get started. So it could be foam rolling to
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kind of, you know, work on some stretching.
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There's ball handling. They're shooting some kids kind
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of go off to the side and, and meditate.
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So it kind of, I would say depends on their age, where they
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are. And then like the newbies, they
11:10
just stand around and just look at me like I don't know what to
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do. And I'm like, relax.
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We're like, grab a ball, shoot, say hi to somebody.
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Yeah, Shake, you're making me nervous.
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And it's actually, that's probably one of my hardest parts
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is like incorporating new people because they're like, so stick,
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you can tell they stand out And I'm just like relaxed.
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You're in a gym, there's a free up, There's a few open baskets
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like, and I know with COVID and social media and things like
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that, I, I've seen a big change in kids personality, like kids,
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hey, can I shoot with you? Or now it'll be, you know, 4
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kids shooting on four different baskets.
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And I'm like, why don't you guys just shoot together, like meet
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somebody talk So, but it is what it is.
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I I try to figure out a way to cultivate a positive environment
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for sure. Well, so many good points there
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'cause what what I was thinking when you were saying all that
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was you are literally teaching them and helping them with
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social skills. It's literally social skills
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with a basketball. And.
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Learning how to fail and learning how to handle fear and
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learning how to celebrate. But like be humble and then also
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be be respectful. But then like, don't you know?
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But then stand up for like, it's so many things.
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Yes. And then you're, you're a
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psychologist in a way. I mean, you're not.
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You are not. Yeah, yeah, you.
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Are not a psychologist, you are the sports psychology as the
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coach is also in your description.
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Brown Yes, yes, it's funny. I always joke around and I'm
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like, you know, for example, if I was training you, I'm like,
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hey, what do you like outside of basketball?
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And you would be like, I like ice cream.
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And I'm like, hey, Johnny in the group, his dad owns 5 ice cream
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shops. And you might be able to get
13:03
free ice cream if you would talk to like because you never know
13:08
who, who's who. And also I really encourage and
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I used to be a little reluctant to do it, but I want groups of
13:15
like different age groups, different backgrounds so we can
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kind of, oh, he comes from a single home family.
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He comes from, you know, grandma and grandpa have to bring him.
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But it you start caring for each other, you, you realize
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everybody's situation isn't the same, but we can all coexist.
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And it's just, I think it's super important.
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And I I was kind of put in those situations like organically and
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didn't know it at the time. And now looking back, I'm like,
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man, my best friend was, you know, a white kid who was a
13:46
artist and does tattoos now. And you know, some, all my other
13:49
friends played. I was only one of my peers who
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played basketball and I had to like, should I like be a
13:55
football player? I'm like, I love who, Like I'm a
13:57
who. And then my friends would
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support me, you know, when after their football season with my
14:02
basketball. So, you know, just betting on
14:04
myself and being me, which I've always kind of tried to do so.
14:08
I love that. And I remember when Brayden
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would go, whenever I'd pick him up, he'd be with like a girl
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that was way older, like 3 feet taller.
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And I'd be like sweet. Like, this is awesome 'cause
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it's like, And then it was like they were, I mean, it was such a
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beautiful, like, let's go, come on.
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Like you, you're capable. Like you can follow rules too.
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Just 'cause you're little doesn't mean you can't.
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You know. Yeah, and they learn and I loved
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it and I loved it was boys and girls and ages and different
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races. It's it's literally how life
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should be because who cares anyway?
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Like who cares what you look like, what you're we care about?
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Like the connection. We care about like, that's super
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important. That's it.
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Like, why are we doing all like, what are we here for?
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You know, another thing you said, like, you don't really
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know who's walking in with what. And it's just such a powerful
15:01
reminder, like every single day. How often do we forget that
15:07
like. All the time in.
15:09
Every setting you're in doesn't matter where you go.
15:12
Something's happened today for everybody, a bad call, a good
15:16
call. And so, so a text, a hiccup on
15:20
the way to wherever you're something is happening.
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So like I said, I'm, I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that
15:28
you know, because like I said, I don't, you don't know.
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You really don't. And then like, how often are we
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like, gosh, they have no idea what I'm going through.
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And I'm like, how often do I, I have no idea what you're going
15:40
through. Like that's exactly you get
15:42
caught up in your own right and not knowing about other, you
15:46
know, other people's, you know, feelings and things of that
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nature. Oh, yeah.
15:51
So tell me and I'm going to a little bit more.
15:54
I want to do a little, I'm going to, we're going to talk about
15:55
basketball throughout, but I want to talk a little bit more
15:58
about what like how you're working with kids and all that.
16:01
And then if it's OK with you, I'd like to rewind and kind of
16:05
talk about more of your journey kind of leading to this point.
16:08
If that works for you, that's hard.
16:11
Yeah. And I'm all, I always tell my
16:12
guests I'm like squirrel all over the place.
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You know, I'm very like, I try to have a flow.
16:18
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
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But when you're working with kids, young adults, for the
16:25
parents out there, for the aunts, for the uncles, for the
16:29
all the people that interact with kids from age 8 to teens to
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the 20s. What have you learned and what
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can you help us with? How do you connect?
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What have you found about LIKE? What helps foster that
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connection on and off the court? I would say communication is
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super important. Patience is super important in
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understanding it's a process. And far as the communication,
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it's a lot, a lot more times than not, I feel like the
17:03
parents or the, you know, whoever the guardian is doing
17:07
more of the legwork far as the talking and the expectations as
17:11
opposed to just checking in with the kid.
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And hey, like, do you, do you like this?
17:16
What did you learn? What didn't you like seeing the
17:22
kid grow? So I'll commend you and your
17:25
husband for when you know, your son would come to my class, you
17:29
guys would kind of stick around and like, what is he doing?
17:32
Like is he yelling at my kid? Is my kid paying attention?
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Is my kid improving? But then there's a communication
17:39
piece afterward of like, hey, I seen you doing this drill.
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I seemed hard. He'd be like, oh, it it wasn't
17:46
that hard or we're getting better and things of that
17:50
nature. So I would just encourage people
17:51
to just communicate and then just be patient and understand
17:55
it's a process like Steph Curry. And I'm sorry to keep kind of
17:59
just bringing him up and just, you know, he's he's an icon,
18:03
right? And he's a Bay guy.
18:05
We we adopted him, but his his success didn't come overnight.
18:11
He's a testament of hard work and betting on yourself.
18:15
So just like these little kids, 8 years old, nine years old and
18:19
even my middle school and high school kids, it's like, Hey,
18:22
your story's not finished. Like just keep stacking days.
18:25
And that's something I always like tell my kids, I don't know
18:29
if you see the checkered flag emoji on that's my that's my
18:34
favorite emoji and it's a a symbol of a marathon and you
18:39
just continue to stack days. And when we Fast forward, we're
18:44
like, whoa, I can't believe, just like with you, I'm
18:47
committing you for 86. But it started off with one.
18:51
That's amazing, right? So yeah, no, no, no worries.
18:56
So yeah, just be patient. That was a clip.
18:59
That was a clip immediately when you said stack in days.
19:04
I love how you said that because it's just with anything, right?
19:10
Like it just feels sometimes so insurmountable when you start,
19:13
You're like, how? The hell am I?
19:14
Gonna develop this skill or how am I going to get to this or how
19:18
am I going to build this business or how am I going to
19:20
raise this kid and do it right it's like well sounds like
19:24
you're going to do it one day at a time that's.
19:26
How you're going to do it exactly?
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I'm getting chills like there's always a moment where I'm like
19:33
stacking days. That's all you have.
19:36
And repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and days turn into
19:41
weeks turn into months turn into a year.
19:44
And you are where you are. So it, it doesn't happen
19:48
overnight. And that's what in a world where
19:50
it's Instagram, Hey, I post this picture, I'm cute, I get 1000
19:53
likes. You know that's not real life,
19:56
right? It takes time losing weight.
20:00
It you didn't gain it overnight. You don't lose it overnight.
20:04
It takes time, right? Totally.
20:08
And then it's the instant gratification.
20:11
It fades so quickly. There's no, I mean, not, no
20:15
there, there's not as much struggle.
20:17
Like the struggle's tough, right?
20:19
But like in anything, but it makes that that end point or
20:23
that point so sweeter where you're like, damn, I waited for
20:26
that. There's a lot of stacking days
20:28
and there's a lot of sore muscles or a lot of like self
20:31
doubt. But I kept stacking days Despite
20:34
that, right? Also, I feel like you appreciate
20:37
it more when you, when you put in the work.
20:40
I just seen. I just read something and it was
20:43
talking about getting to the finish line fast and how like
20:48
you, you know, the speed as opposed to just being
20:50
consistent. I may have been a little
20:52
confused, but basically it's just more so, hey, consistency
20:55
is always going to prevail over hey, the quick, quick fix, the
20:59
quick I got to the destination point.
21:02
Like no, like be consistent. It's like you know, you're going
21:06
to appreciate it more. It's easier to maintain.
21:09
Yes, yes, I love that you mentioned so again, so much and
21:17
again, anything I say, please go check the show notes.
21:20
You can learn more about Stevie about, you know, bigger than
21:23
basketball about everything. He offers fitness coaching,
21:27
mentorship on the on the court, which naturally just leads to
21:32
mentorship in life, which I think is beautiful.
21:36
You mentioned one word that I love faith when you were talking
21:41
about just your journey and everything.
21:44
What? What does faith mean to you?
21:49
I feel like it's believing in something higher and bigger and
21:51
better than you. You know what that may be, but
21:57
just knowing, I feel like God gives you things that you can
22:02
control and you can handle. And that's why everybody's
22:04
journey is different. And so if you have faith, it's
22:07
not going to, it's not going to rain forever, like the sun is
22:10
going to come out. So you just got to stack days
22:15
and it's going, you know, things are going to get better, things
22:18
are going to improve. So like I said, just believing
22:21
in something bigger and better and higher than than, you know,
22:24
the individual itself for sure. So the faith actually gives you
22:29
the ability to stack those days when you really you're like, I
22:33
don't feel like stacking another day because it's not working or
22:37
I'm feeling it. But faith is the one thing that
22:40
says, well, we just keep stacking days because that's
22:42
what we do. We have faith that what it's not
22:45
going to once you keep stacking them, everything changes as you
22:49
stack them. Yep, seems.
22:51
Right. Yep.
22:53
I tell my athletes, I say make it happen or make excuses.
22:57
So we all have excuses, but just make it happen.
23:00
I can wake up earlier, I can come at night, I can do do my
23:05
homework at lunchtime. Like you can make it happen or
23:08
you can make excuses. And that's how you continue to
23:11
stack days, right? When?
23:13
You start having the conversations with yourself when
23:16
you're like, well, do I really? And you're like and go do it
23:20
like what are we doing? What are we doing?
23:23
You know, it's like the ability to kind of catch yourself in
23:26
that. But then that's I think that's
23:27
where like you were saying, surrounding yourself with the
23:30
right people, you know, being in positive environments, valuing
23:34
yourself, like you're able to build faith by the people you
23:38
surround your with. Yes, right, yes, yes.
23:41
That's why even a place like the gym, for example, me seeing you
23:45
multiple times a week doing your fitness, I'm like, I got to come
23:48
back again because I know she she's trying to beat me.
23:50
I got to get like, I see her husband bench and I'm like, I
23:53
got a bench too, right? Ryan Oh, you know, I'm going to
23:56
give him a little shout out and he's been on the podcast too.
23:59
He's he'll be 50 in May. And he?
24:03
He loves to live. He's a.
24:05
Live. He's like, there's no reason I
24:08
can't look like Hugh Jackman if he's 55.
24:10
Why can't I'm like, there isn't. And he's like, there's no reason
24:13
I can't. I'm like exactly go.
24:17
Make excuses or make it happen. Totally.
24:21
And I think it's, you know, and it's about for him so much more
24:24
than the actual like, of course it feels good to like be strong
24:28
and feel good and physical. But like, it's a confidence
24:31
thing where he's like, I am, I can.
24:33
It's like lifting every Rep is like a metaphor for life.
24:40
True story, it's. Adversity in every single Rep.
24:43
Right. Yes, yes.
24:45
On purpose, right? Oh man, so many, so many light
24:50
bulb moments going off. OK, so we talked about
24:53
basketball, which I think is a common thread through your life.
24:57
You mentioned faith, you mentioned surrounding yourself
25:00
with good people. And I wanted to thank you for
25:03
for being vulnerable and sharing the fact that you're adopted.
25:06
I appreciate that. I appreciate the authenticity
25:09
and I appreciate the adoptee community that I have learned so
25:15
much more about through interviewing.
25:17
I think you're the 4th person who has has an adoptee story on
25:22
the podcast. So thank you because I think
25:24
it's, I think it's just a community that is full of
25:31
tremendous, amazing people with all different kinds of stories.
25:36
You know, so, and again, I'm not adoptee, so I, I don't want to
25:40
misspeak, but I've learned so much more about that experience
25:44
just in the last six months through through conversations.
25:48
Yeah. So whatever you're comfortable
25:50
sharing, tell me about your journey as as through adoption.
25:56
So I want to say early, maybe when I was like 4 years old, my
26:05
older brother went to a local high school, was a standout
26:10
athlete. I was getting tons of
26:12
scholarship offers to play, to play basketball, run track, and
26:16
he also played football, but he was OK at that.
26:21
But his track and field coach was like, Hey, what's going on?
26:23
Like you're, you're kind of slacking in the classroom.
26:26
So pretty much to my both of my older brothers were kind of
26:29
taking trying to take care of me because my mom and dad weren't
26:32
really in the picture drug use just all just life back in the
26:39
80s, not in the greatest area. You know, I, I was born in
26:45
Vallejo and then eventually I moved to Vacaville with the
26:48
family that eventually adopted me.
26:51
But before I was adopted by this family in Vacaville, his, his
26:54
track and field coach actually took me and for three years to
26:58
help my brother graduate one and earn his scholarship to go to
27:03
Southern University and run track and play basketball.
27:07
And so the plan was for me to just stay with them for four
27:11
years so my brother can graduate and then my brother would take
27:14
me in. But my brother didn't like
27:17
Southern, so he came back. I want to Yeah.
27:19
He came back to California, went to AJC and then transferred to
27:23
the University of Washington. And during my brother's tenure
27:27
at University of Washington where he was playing running
27:30
track, he was still trying to like take me in.
27:33
But I mean, you know, he's 2122 years old trying to take in a 7
27:40
year old like that. That's a lot.
27:43
So during this time, and granted, I'm so young, I don't
27:46
know this is going on. And mind you, my scope of
27:51
location, geography, Vallejo is everything.
27:54
So if you told me, hey, I'm going to San Francisco, I'm
27:57
like, oh, Vallejo, San Francisco, CA Like I, I didn't
28:01
know Vallejo was my, was my hub. So I want to say around like 8
28:08
or 9 years old. Yeah, nine years old.
28:11
I miss school. And we're driving to Vacaville,
28:16
but I don't know what Vacaville is.
28:17
So I'm like looking out the window, like what's going on?
28:21
Why am I not in school? And then I'm sitting with this
28:24
family, a older family, a Christian family, a older
28:28
family, and they're just talking and I'm just sitting there like,
28:31
why am I here? And then I get in the car and
28:34
they're like, how did you like that family?
28:35
I'm like, what do you mean? Like they seem like nice people,
28:38
but I didn't know I was supposed to be like quizzing them or
28:41
taking notes on how they are. But anyway, they're like, Hey,
28:46
you may live with them. And I'm like, well, why?
28:48
They don't look like me? We don't have the same last
28:50
name. They're it's not my family.
28:52
Like what's going on? I'm super confused.
28:55
And they're like it just like your course here is kind of like
28:59
ran its course. Your brother isn't graduating on
29:02
time due to his, you know, setbacks from transferring and
29:06
things of that nature. And it looks like he won't be
29:09
able to allow me to move to Washington with him.
29:11
So it may be best for you to go to this family in Vacaville and
29:15
and do that. And so like I said, it was a
29:18
culture shock because it was Vacaville and like the early
29:21
90s, it wasn't too many African American families in the
29:25
community I went from. And I'm not saying all of
29:29
Vallejo is it is is bad, but I went from me and my mom, you
29:34
know, in a one bedroom apartment in the not so nice community to
29:40
then I'm like, you know, nice grass neighbors.
29:45
It was like leave it to Beaver type families.
29:48
I'm like, what's going on? No pit bull, no like broken down
29:51
cars. It was just it was, it was a
29:53
lot, but I think it helped shape me to see like life 360 instead
29:59
of just being tunnel vision and, and, and, you know, thinking and
30:03
moving a certain way. So you were you were 8-9 years
30:07
old during that time. Yeah, so I was adopted from, so
30:11
I had two families. So I, I, I live with my track
30:13
and field coach and they, so there's foster care and then
30:17
there's like full on like adoption where you, you know,
30:19
you can change the name and things like that.
30:22
So I want to say I was in foster care for both because I had no
30:27
name change or nothing. They were just like, yes,
30:32
exactly. And so the people that I live
30:35
with in Vacaville, actually I was the only kid that live with
30:39
them from 9 years old to 18. So they were kind of like a
30:43
transition house for people. So while I stayed with them,
30:46
there was a few kids who would kind of stay there for like a
30:49
couple months before they got placed with somebody else.
30:53
So it it was unique and it was a testament to maybe my behavior
30:58
and then also our connection that I was able to do that
31:01
because I know a lot of kids kind of bounce around if they
31:04
don't have the right fit. So.
31:07
Well, first of all, thank you again and for sharing that.
31:11
I really, I appreciate, you know, I know it's part of your
31:14
story, but I just appreciate like your vulnerability and,
31:17
and, and I don't take it lightly when you're opening up about,
31:21
you know, really big life altering changes at such a young
31:25
age. And then a second thing I, I
31:28
wanted to, obviously, I don't know the families that took you
31:32
in, but like such a reminder of like the good in the world,
31:37
right? And just the when I hear that,
31:40
I'm just like, there's so much good, despite all the tough
31:45
toughness, you see these moments of what a what a beautiful thing
31:49
to do, right? I mean.
31:53
Doesn't mean it wasn't challenging for you and we'll
31:56
get to that, but I just I look at the families who you know,
32:00
provide, you know, like good foster care and and and strong
32:06
like healthy adoptions and it's just it's it's a great to hear
32:11
that. Now.
32:13
One thing I have learned from the I think let's see Julie,
32:18
Jim, Nikki a lot a few people that while they're very grateful
32:27
for that, it is it is hard. It's hard adoption being not
32:33
with your and then I'll be quiet not being with your birth
32:36
parents. Even if it's a better situation
32:39
for you, that's that's traumatic.
32:42
Very so. I want to acknowledge that like.
32:46
It you just feel like so, especially with my SO, the track
32:51
and field coach, because I was around them before I actually
32:55
live with them. It was more like, I'm living
32:58
with my friends, right? And I live right up the street
33:02
from the high school. Their kids were like a little
33:06
bit older than me, but it just, it wasn't so weird.
33:10
But then moving to Vacaville with like, I'm this pretty tall
33:13
at that age. They have a different last name.
33:17
And then you're like, well, my parents don't love me.
33:20
Like you kind of go through that type of thing and you know, you
33:23
see, like I remember my friends would come over and they'd be
33:26
like, where's your pic? Where's the pictures of your
33:28
parents or where's pictures of you when you were little?
33:31
And I'm like, like, I would kind of like lie or try to like just
33:37
just pivot and to be honest, you know, being older now.
33:42
But I would say if you would have met me like 10 years ago
33:44
when we had this podcast, I, I probably wouldn't have said
33:47
anything about being adopted because I was, I didn't like it.
33:53
I thought it was like I had like an ailment or something like
33:56
that. Now with hearing other people's
33:58
story and realizing like I'm pretty blessed to be in this
34:01
situation. The family that took me and
34:04
loved me as if that if I was their own.
34:07
They've since passed, but they're their kids.
34:11
Call me every Christmas, Thanksgiving, come, come over.
34:15
We miss you. We want to see pictures of your
34:16
son. How's your wife?
34:20
So it's been like a really cool thing and I would say for so I
34:25
stayed with them for 9 years. I would say like more than half
34:28
of that time I didn't like it. I was in trouble in school and
34:34
kind of in a shell. And then after I left at 18, I
34:37
came back and realized like, I mean, these are some good
34:39
people. Like, you know, I started
34:42
opening up and being me a little bit.
34:44
So I mean, it was a blessing for sure.
34:46
Yeah. Well.
34:49
Yeah, it's just, listen, life is for any child, any person
34:54
growing up and navigating life, It's, it's not easy for anyone.
34:58
And I, I just think that it's really important to have
35:03
conversations and know that, you know, kids who are in foster
35:08
care, anyone who has been adopted, even as an adult, that
35:12
like, there's, there's a lot that, that you have to reconcile
35:18
and kind of like examine. And I think I just want, and I,
35:22
I'm especially glad that this podcast is a place where the
35:27
community of men, women, kids who have adopt, been adopted or
35:33
adopted kids. Let's just talk about it.
35:35
Let's talk about like what, you know, just what we all go
35:40
through. And like, I just appreciate that
35:43
conversation because I think we are all in a community where we
35:48
don't even know who, who has, we don't know.
35:51
I didn't know you were not like when you had mentioned that to
35:53
me. I was like, oh, but like, I was
35:56
like, Oh my gosh, it was yet another reminder.
35:58
Like you just don't know anything about I, I, I don't
36:02
know. I just sort of.
36:03
I think everybody assumed. Like, you probably grew up here,
36:05
weren't I? You know, you just assume
36:08
assuming. These stories in your hands?
36:10
Yep. And so I think there's so much
36:13
wisdom in like, although it was very difficult, I'm sure you
36:18
have developed so many superpowers as a result of
36:23
having to adjust to adversity at like a very, very young age.
36:27
Yes, so it's funny. So I have three tags for my
36:32
business. So one through 5 is the
36:34
positions that I train one through 5 and then so it's OTF,
36:39
but also ones they fear. So I want people to like, hey, I
36:44
trained with Stevie Johnson. I know he's a good trainer and
36:48
kids know that or people know that they're like, oh man, like
36:52
that fear of like I'm playing against Kobe, I'm playing
36:55
against LeBron, like, and then only the family.
36:59
And so I treat all my kids like family.
37:01
And with my journey of being adopted and living with my
37:05
brother's track and field coach and then living with the Lowe's
37:09
was their name. And then I just want to shed a
37:12
little light on my best friend and his family.
37:15
He was a white guy and he lived maybe a block away, but they
37:20
invited me to all their family events and it was only supposed
37:23
to be them. So I'd be like, hey, we're going
37:26
to Tahoe. And Brian, my best friend, would
37:28
be like, oh, can Stevie come? And I'm like, sure, no doubt.
37:32
And then his sister would be like, can I bring a friend
37:34
there? Like, no.
37:35
And she would be like, well, why can't like Stevie's not?
37:38
And they're like, no, he's family.
37:39
So what I realized with like now zooming out, I'm like, family
37:44
doesn't have to be, you know, somebody who looks like you, has
37:47
the last same last name as you. It's just people who are in your
37:51
circle who have your best interests.
37:54
And those are things that I've like realized.
37:56
And I'm actually blessed that the lows took me in one.
38:00
And then I get to see like, I'm like, I would be jealous of some
38:03
of my other peers. I'm like, man, your mom and dad
38:05
are in your life. But I'm like, they're at home
38:08
drinking and nothing against that.
38:09
But you know, it's not as pleasant as it may seem.
38:13
So I'm thinking everything is like bad on my end.
38:15
And I'm like, I'm in a home with people who love me and they're
38:18
doing the best that they can, you know, So everybody's journey
38:23
is different, but. Yeah, yeah, 100%.
38:27
Like you just you never know what is it, what's going on?
38:32
And so it's like to what is it? There's a quote and I think my
38:36
dad must have told me to like assumption is the parent of all
38:39
mistakes or somebody said that like it's just you might get
38:42
lucky and assume right. But a lot of times I probably I
38:45
assume a lot that it's like, where did you come up with that?
38:48
You have no idea what you're talking about.
38:51
Like you literally just created that in your head.
38:53
Like yeah, cool, Which I'm working on that.
38:56
Sometimes I'm just like, what are you stop?
38:58
What are you doing? That's that's that's not
39:00
reality, but yeah, so well, shout out to your best friend,
39:06
shout out to the lows, shout out to your track and field coach,
39:10
shout out to all the mentors and awesome, you know, friends
39:15
turned family, right? Like, and I know you have faith
39:19
and I, I do feel that in the toughest of times, you can be
39:24
like mid crisis and then, you know, some random person walks
39:30
by and says something or is like, Hey, you need a hug and
39:32
you're like. Yeah.
39:34
I do and sure, that literally has happened to me where I'm
39:37
like, yes, I know and I don't even know you, but please.
39:41
And it's cool because like we're all just humans and we all
39:44
really don't know what we're doing, right?
39:46
We're all just figuring it out. So no, I appreciate that
39:50
insight. Do you have, if there's anyone
39:52
listening who is an adoptive parent who is considering
39:57
helping out with fostering, who has a friend that just adopted a
40:02
child or an adolescent? And I think I might, I think I
40:06
know what you're going to say, but I'm going to let you say it.
40:09
Say whatever comes to mind, Any any kind of off the cuff
40:12
coaching for that particular situation because you've been in
40:15
it. For the adoptee or for the
40:20
family? Well, let's start with the
40:22
adoptee. If there's anyone who's an
40:25
adoptee who's listening and might be struggling through
40:27
transitions. I would just say patience, trust
40:36
the process. Understand, like, like I said, I
40:41
know it could, you could feel like, hey, maybe somebody
40:43
doesn't love you, but it's actually like on the back and
40:46
like somebody does love you and they're investing their time and
40:50
energy towards you. And I know every The thing is
40:54
with it, I feel like anything, there's pros and cons to it and
40:58
there's good and bad to it. But it's like, Hey, let me, let
41:02
me see, let me try to make the best of it and, and, and try to
41:08
make it a two way St. instead of a A1 way St.
41:11
And I hear situations where kids are like, you know, going into
41:15
people's homes and, you know, misbehaving and acting out.
41:19
But it's just a form of like, hey, I need attention and things
41:22
of that nature. But I would try to find a way to
41:25
show compassion to them because they're trying to help you out.
41:28
And then just talking, being more upfront and communicating
41:31
and like, hey, this is what's going on.
41:33
This is how I feel. This is where I'm at.
41:37
So then they can understand you as well, right?
41:41
The cool thing about the people that I live with, they were
41:43
older and they're like, do you want us?
41:45
Do you, do you want to call us mom and dad?
41:47
Do you want to call us grandma grandpa?
41:49
Like, do you want to call us just by our last name?
41:52
And I was like, grandma and grandpa seems cool to me.
41:55
So when anybody asks, I was like, Oh, that's my grandma and
41:57
grandpa because it like how they, you know, and, and, but
42:01
their kids call me like their brother.
42:03
And I'm like always like, I want to call you uncle, like I want
42:07
to call you auntie. But it is what it is.
42:10
How cool that they just had that dialogue of what would you like?
42:16
Like what? Ask the question or or or if
42:19
you're it sounds like if you're in the situation, it's really
42:23
hard, but the more you open up, like you have to kind of try
42:28
again. I haven't been in the situation,
42:29
but it sounds like what you're saying is try to ask for help or
42:34
say I'm struggling. I'm.
42:35
Really struggling. With this whole thing, or I
42:38
don't like it that I have to call you this or just try to
42:41
talk right to someone you trust. Yes I feel like communication in
42:46
all forms of life is super important and it doesn't need to
42:49
be a long drawn out but sometimes just like I don't know
42:52
what to say. Can you tell me what you would
42:54
like for me to say or do? Or how would you?
42:57
How can I make this transition easier for you?
43:02
I know I noticed this when I was living with the Lowe's.
43:07
I would get snappy when my grandma would ask me, hey, what
43:09
like I'm like, hey, I'm going to hang out.
43:11
I'm going with Marcus. And she's like, where are you
43:14
going? And I'd be like, don't what like
43:17
and she'd be like, but she wouldn't like, it would kind of
43:21
turn into like a little spat or whatever, a little tiff.
43:24
And now being older and being a parent, I'm like, she was asking
43:28
because, hey, I'm with Marcus and I could be in Sacramento, I
43:32
could be in Fairfield, I could be in San Francisco, I could be
43:35
at his house. So just having that communicate,
43:38
like why am I asking you where you are is not to be nosy or in
43:43
your business, but it's just like, hey, if something happens,
43:45
I know you're 30 minutes away or you're right around the corner.
43:50
So like I said, with communication, I didn't find
43:52
that out until like I was like 18, like getting ready to go to
43:56
college. She was like, you know, I'm not
43:58
trying to, I'm like, oh, OK. So like I said, communication is
44:02
super important. Then the kid just understanding
44:07
this is it's new life. And so the lows they brought me
44:10
like new life because I was in a bad situation living in Vallejo,
44:15
and I could have went down a whole different path.
44:17
And they kind of opened my eyes up to a whole new world by just
44:21
moving 30 minutes away from, you know, where I was raised.
44:25
Your environment, right, like the I think they say like you're
44:29
and I know, especially as a child, but in general like
44:33
you're, you're an average of the again, I'm just pulling out all
44:36
these. Things around.
44:37
The five people you spend the most time with.
44:40
Yes. And I'm like, oh, sorry for
44:43
anyone who hangs out with me all the time, you're probably like,
44:45
but like, I bring up the energy a little.
44:47
But I was like, OK, I was like, let's see my kids, my mom.
44:52
And I'm like, OK, I think I'm doing all right.
44:54
Sounds all right, Accurate. But there was times when I was
44:57
looking at that going, Oh yeah, Bree negative or maybe, oh,
45:00
Bree, what choices are you making?
45:02
Are you a good one in that 5 or are you being?
45:04
Dumb the bad one. Yeah, yeah.
45:06
Are you being a good five for somebody right?
45:10
Yeah, definitely. And OK, so you mentioned that
45:14
your dad and I've seen your cute son at the gym.
45:20
Old is. He now Dominic is 5, going on
45:23
15. He think he'd grown.
45:26
He's far. Yeah.
45:27
So. His cheeks are squishy.
45:29
He's got like major major. He's he's finding his whole
45:34
identity right. Yes, crazy personality, crazy
45:38
personality, but I love it. I'd rather it be like that.
45:41
Then you know him being quiet and you know things.
45:45
Things of that nature you know. Well, I remember him bopping
45:48
around the gym one time, like I saw like him like this is a
45:51
couple of years ago. He must have been two or three
45:53
where he was like, I was like, Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
45:56
Like it was like I couldn't handle it.
45:59
So gosh, that life as a as a basketball coach, as somebody
46:05
who's gone through adversity early, that must really make
46:10
fatherhood such a just incredible experience for you.
46:18
Yes, most definitely. It's funny.
46:20
Sometimes I it's not funny, but me and my wife will like sit
46:24
around and she's like, how how do your parents not talk to you?
46:29
Like how could you imagine doing this to Dominic?
46:31
And I'm like, never in a million years.
46:33
But I know there's other vices out there far as drugs, you
46:41
know, other things in the world that could pull you away.
46:43
So I don't really think it's them intentionally.
46:47
So I don't want to judge and to be honest, like it my unique
46:51
situation, I actually had a relationship with my mom.
46:55
She's alive. I went to see her.
46:57
As I've gotten older, I have I have my brother or sisters
47:01
contact. So my adopting or my adoption
47:05
situation isn't your typical where it's like, hey,
47:08
everybody's cut off, you don't know them.
47:11
It was kind of weird in high school because I was good in
47:15
basketball and I get a lot of notoriety in the newspaper.
47:18
And they were kind of like, Hey, don't, don't put him in the
47:20
newspaper. And I'm like, what do you mean?
47:23
And they like far as like my parents finding me.
47:25
So it was just a lot of weird, weird things.
47:31
But like I kind of went off topic a little bit.
47:34
But like I said, just looking back, I'm like, man, I can't.
47:37
It's a beautiful thing to have my son and see like little
47:40
Stevie, everybody you know calls a little Stevie, you know,
47:44
bopping around and you know, growing up and you know, doing
47:47
what he what he does so. Well, and thank you again for
47:51
for being vulnerable about that, because I think it's when you
47:55
become a parent, you like look at everything in your childhood
48:01
and you're like, oh, like you just you, things are either
48:06
reaffirmed that you believed again, or you're just like,
48:09
whoa, I now I see why that. OK, that makes sense.
48:14
Or I would I probably would have handled that differently.
48:18
But like again, and one of my friends was like, give just like
48:22
you, you know, God says give yourself grace.
48:24
You got to give, give your parents grace in that we are all
48:27
like human. We're all it doesn't dismiss
48:31
accountability, but I do think that I agree with what you said,
48:34
that they're like such strong forces that pull people that
48:40
that their struggle isn't, isn't isn't necessarily is not a
48:45
reflection of who you are. It's it's a struggle that they
48:48
can't beat. That they.
48:50
Can't beat. Exactly.
48:52
And then everybody becomes collateral damage almost, right?
48:57
I mean, just from my observations, it seems like the
49:02
more I learn that the people that hurt you, it's never like
49:07
about you. Yeah, I'm.
49:09
Like it really, really feels like it is.
49:13
But it's really. Not.
49:15
Exactly. What's funny is I'm the I have
49:18
5, I'm one of five siblings and I'm the only one that's adopted.
49:22
I, I, I was the only one that was adopted.
49:25
I have two older brothers, one who passed away and I have a
49:27
younger brother and a younger sister, and I'm the only one
49:29
that's adopted. But wow, I'm thriving and doing
49:33
my, my thing and, and my business and have a good name in
49:37
the community. And I'm kind of like, I'm not
49:40
from San Ramon, but I'm making a thriving business and hopefully
49:44
I have good credibility in the community far as what I'm doing
49:48
just due to my passion and, and, and caring.
49:51
So. You.
49:52
You are, you are. I just want to say you're a
49:57
fantastic member of the community and I really love the
50:01
energy that you bring to the gym, the way you walk.
50:05
I mean, you really you you've had a great energy.
50:08
And it's, it's no surprise to me that now that there's like a
50:11
story of a lot of adversity, because I feel like another
50:15
quote, there's that like adversity introduces a man to
50:18
himself, right? Like you, it really stripped you
50:21
down. And I'm sorry that it had to
50:23
happen to you at such a young age.
50:25
Like just, I know you're doing great now, but I, I, I as a
50:30
mother, feel for that pain that that you must have felt as a
50:33
kid. So I just, you know, it's, it's
50:37
hard hearing stuff like that. But what's beautiful is that
50:40
you've literally taken all of that and, like, transmuted in
50:45
into now you raising your son and you're helping, helping
50:49
parents raise their kids. Yeah, you are.
50:54
Yeah. Like you really are.
50:56
You're an extension of. I mean, they'll probably listen
51:00
to you more in some, in some phases of life, like, ah, my
51:02
parents are annoying. But Coach Stevie, what do you.
51:04
What do you think? And you're like, I have no say
51:07
the same thing as my. Parents, damn it.
51:09
I'm the mediator for a lot. I'm like, hey, mom, Dad, back
51:12
up. I'm talking to the case.
51:14
She has a boyfriend. They broke up.
51:16
Like, I've had conversations and kids have kind of confide to me
51:22
things that they wouldn't tell their parents.
51:24
I've actually told kids like, hey, if you're in a jam, give me
51:28
a call. Like if you don't want to talk
51:30
to mom and dad about this, I'm a somebody you can listen to.
51:34
Yeah, exactly. So that's yeah.
51:38
Kids need that. Adults need that, especially in
51:41
the world today where you even just having one person, one
51:47
sounding board like you're, you're going to get.
51:50
What I really like about your style, though, is you.
51:53
You're authentic with them and you're like, let's go, let's go.
51:55
Like and Brayden needs that. Like, you know, like Brayden,
51:59
Brayden gets some of the I I played, I played softball and
52:03
we're lazy a little bit on the on the court, you know, because
52:05
we don't have to run far distance.
52:06
So like we need I I, it's really good that you also push the
52:13
kids. You're not like coddling them
52:16
like, Oh no, it's like, no, you can come on, let's go pick it
52:19
up. And the way you do it is they
52:22
need to be pushed in a way that like you can tell in your tone
52:26
of voice that you care for them, but you're also pushing them
52:30
outside, like to a good outside their comfort zone.
52:33
That's why you grow. Yeah, exactly.
52:36
So I just want to commend you for that because I think it
52:38
takes, it takes, it's hard to find that balance.
52:43
Yes, very hard. And some kids think it's all
52:45
he's being mean. And I'm like, actually so deep
52:48
down with all this and what I'm doing, I'm like, I care and
52:51
sometimes I I care too much and that's why I get like frustrated
52:55
sometimes with people who don't understand what I'm doing or
52:58
whatever. But I know life, especially
53:01
being an adult now, I'm like, life isn't fair.
53:04
People aren't going to be nice to you when it comes to hey, who
53:07
gets hired, who gets fired. These opportunities, it's the
53:10
ones that's putting in that extra work.
53:12
So I'm like, hopefully within my business and being kind of
53:15
connected to me and learning some of the morals and standards
53:18
that I said, you're like, oh, I'm prepared for these
53:22
opportunities. I know I got to work a little
53:25
bit harder to get this job. I got to work a little bit
53:27
harder to get that A, you know, whatever that may be in, in
53:32
life. So that's what I'm trying to
53:33
like set the tone for for sure. You know it.
53:37
You definitely are because the things that you're teaching them
53:39
in there to like high 5 your neighbor, be accountable for
53:43
your role. Don't be selfish on the court,
53:45
but like also take the big shot. They walk out of there and then
53:49
they see their buddy upset. OK, give him a high five.
53:52
OK, Hey, who wants to volunteer for this presentation?
53:55
Oh, I can do it. It's the same thing, Yeah.
53:58
You're literally coaching them through situations on the court
54:01
that literally map to life. Yes, I think that's amazing.
54:06
Nah, thank you. I appreciate that.
54:08
You are and I'm just I'm looking at the time we're coming up to
54:12
about the sweet spot here. I know that we you did beat our
54:17
friend Irv Irv at interviewing him in the next I think 2 weeks.
54:21
We've got a common friend, but I, I want to put a little pause
54:26
here because I would love to have you back in some capacity
54:32
and I'm thinking maybe like a little coaching panel, maybe AI
54:36
don't know. I, I, my, my brain is already
54:38
cooking up things of, you know, we can talk about kids, mental
54:42
health, sports, sports psychology.
54:44
I think there's just a lot of opportunity to have some really
54:48
important conversations that I think you've you've started
54:51
here. So thank you I.
54:53
Appreciate it, definitely looking forward to help in any
54:55
way I can. Yeah, well guys, I'm going to
54:59
give Stevie one chance here to close it out.
55:02
But before I do that, please again, check out Stevie's
55:05
Instagram, Check out his website.
55:08
It's right there. I'm pointing down low in the
55:11
show notes. Check it out.
55:13
I'm sure he would love to chat with you, whether you're local
55:16
or, you know, you would just like a little bit of his wisdom.
55:20
Now, Stevie, because I don't know how to sign out episodes,
55:24
what would you like to leave us with on this Friday going into
55:28
the weekend? All things adversity.
55:32
The mic is yours. I would encourage you to
55:35
continue to have faith stack days.
55:39
Make sure you have a network of people that are on the same
55:45
journey and path as you, so it makes it easier to kind of
55:48
continue to go down that successful Rd. that you may be
55:51
going down for sure. I love it.
55:54
I love it. Stacking days.
55:56
We're stacking days. And thanks to you, Stevie, we
55:58
are stacking episodes. You are episode 86 guys.
56:04
Check out the show notes. And once again, Stevie, until
56:07
the next panel with Irv and friends.
56:11
We'll find out. Thank you so much, so much.
56:14
I appreciate it.