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If Narcissists are so afraid of losing you, why don't they treat you better? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So if narcissists are so afraid of losing you, then why don't
• 0:05
  they just treat you better? Why don't they just go above and
• 0:08
  beyond to try to keep you there instead of just belittling you,
• 0:12
  lying to you, cheating on you, the whole the works, right?
• 0:16
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all?
• 0:17
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:41
  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:43
  Yes the the narcissist and their behaviors.
• 0:48
  Why don't they just If they are so afraid of you leaving, if
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  they don't want to be alone, then why don't they just treat
• 0:56
  you better? Why don't they just take the
• 0:58
  extra step in being nice to you? Why don't they just be kind to
• 1:03
  you? Why don't they just be
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  respectful to you? Why, why, why?
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  Those are the type of questions I get so much on my channel.
• 1:09
  Y'all so many people ask me those that question or or some
• 1:13
  similar version of that question, right?
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  I simply tell them a lot of narcissists are not afraid of
• 1:19
  losing you. Now are there?
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  Are there some that absolutely want you to stay there?
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  Are there some they they have a deathly fear of you leaving them
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  and you being with someone else and you being living happily
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  ever after with someone else. Are those do those narcissists
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  exist? Yes, those narcissists
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  absolutely exist. They are out there somewhere
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  waiting on you like they they're out there somewhere, right?
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  They're not if they might not be right in front of you, but
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  they're out there somewhere, right, got it.
• 1:49
  So being with the fact that those narcissists are out there,
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  you don't mean you have to always guard yourself.
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  You, you, you really just do. That's one of the things that a
• 1:59
  lot of people don't even realize like narcissist.
• 2:02
  In my mind, even if I'm afraid of you leaving, it does not mean
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  I'm going to treat you better because some of them truly,
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  truly believe that you're not going to leave.
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  Let's keep y'all. Let's keep it hot and ready like
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  a Little Caesar's pizza. Some narcissists out here truly
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  believe that you're not going to ever leave them, that you don't
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  have the ability, you don't have the strength.
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  You don't have to work with all to choose yourself and to be to
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  choose happiness outside of the relationship.
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  So hell no. Those narcissists that don't
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  believe you're ever going to leave, they think that they've
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  beaten you down enough emotionally and sometimes
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  physically to the point that you never going to leave them again,
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  that you were always going to be there.
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  Those narcissists are not ever going to treat you better.
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  They they won't because they don't.
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  Yeah, it's not a requirement. Why would I do something that
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  I'm not required to do? Well, Lee, that sounds cold as
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  hell. You're not required to treat
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  somebody better. No.
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  Yes. Yeah.
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  I'm just keeping it high and ready with you.
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  No, it is not a requirement to treat you better as a
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  narcissist. No, especially if you're never
• 3:05
  going to leave. Willie, how do how do those that
• 3:08
  don't know that, how do those that they, they don't think
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  we're going to leave. How do they know that?
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  Because you haven't left yet. If they or you've left and came
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  back, like if they've put you through the ringer, like I said,
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  the ringer, I mean, they've treated you horribly.
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  They've manipulated you, they've been abusive.
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  If they put you through the ringer and you've always come
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  back to them, they have no reason to think that you never
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  would, that you're ever going to stay gone.
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  You see what I'm saying? They have no reason to ever
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  think that. Well, you're going to always
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  stay. This person's going to stay
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  gone. They're never going to do this.
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  They're never going to do that. Y'all don't.
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  Some people don't believe it. I'm being real.
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  Like if you keep going back to them, you are just validating
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  the toxic ass mindset that I can treat you any type of way and
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  you're never going to move on from me.
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  I can do whatever it is that I want to do to you and you'll
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  never leave me. I can put you through hell, take
• 4:01
  you through hell and back, and your ass will still always be
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  there for me. You'll still come back to me for
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  whatever reason. I know people are like, well,
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  Lee, I wouldn't. If you haven't, then good on
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  you, right? But that's the mentality.
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  That's the mindset of so many abusive, manipulative, toxic,
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  narcissistic people. I'm just keeping it hot and
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  ready with you, y'all. They feel like if you've never
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  left before, then they don't think you're going to leave
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  right now, right? Right.
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  Yeah, No, no, on the other side of the equation or the
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  narcissist, right. Or the toxic people out there on
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  the other side of the equation live the narcissist that really
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  that really don't want you to leave, but they're also not
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  going to treat you better. I know y'all would like Lebot,
• 4:47
  Lebot to tell us something good. He bought a hit over some some
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  good news or something. No, there are the narcissists
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  that exist that are definitely afraid of you leaving but still
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  would not treat you better. Well, Lee, why if they, if
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  they're so afraid of us leaving, why don't they treat us better?
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  That's just weird. That doesn't even sound right.
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  I know it sounds stupid. It sounds dumb as hell.
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  It sounds, it sounds as ignorant as it could possibly sound,
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  right. But this is the mindset that
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  goes into it. Like most narcissists want to be
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  very low effort people. They want to be extremely low
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  effort. They want to put little to no
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  effort into the relationship at all.
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  At all. They don't want to put any type
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  of effort into the relationship. They think that you should just
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  accept whatever they're giving you right now, which could be
• 5:31
  the bare minimum or below the bare minimum.
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  They think you should accept it regardless and just take it and
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  shut the hell up. That's what some of them think,
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  right? But there are those that are
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  afraid of you leaving that they y'all, some of them don't know
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  how to treat you better and skirt right before I know people
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  when I heard when I say that right there that they don't know
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  how to treat you better. There are some of y'all they got
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  into your little empathetic noggin that you're going to
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  teach them. Well, Lee, thank goodness you
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  said that. Maybe I can be the one that
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  teaches them this, right? If they don't think, if they
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  don't know how to get, things will get better.
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  If they don't know how to, things are going to change.
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  But maybe I can be the one that teaches them this, right?
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  Can I be the one that does this? Can I be the one that does that?
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  No, yo, it does. It doesn't work that way.
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  You can't. Sorry, I'll hit my camera.
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  You can't teach an adult how to behave better.
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  This is not your child. There's so many people end up
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  being so many people end up playing the role of a parent
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  with a narcissist, but you are not their parents, right?
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  You're absolutely not their parents.
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  It does not work that way. You are not their parent.
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  There's nothing you can do for this person that's going to make
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  them treat you better. I promise you there isn't,
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  right? And there's nothing you can do
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  to teach this person how to treat you better.
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  Can some of them put on an act for a little while to keep you
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  there? Yes, there are some Narces out
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  there. They will absolutely put on a
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  show. They will behave.
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  They'll be on their best damn behavior for a little while.
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  Just do they feel like they got you stuck again.
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  And then once they feel like they have you stuck, they dip
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  the hell out. Once they feel like they have
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  you stuck, once they feel like they have you tied into them
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  again, they dip out on your ass, right?
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  And once they dip out, there's nothing you can do.
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  What are you going to do when they dip out?
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  You know what I'm saying? What are you going to do if this
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  person decides to dip out on you?
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  What happens then? That's that.
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  That's the dilemma that so many people end up facing right
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  there. And I promise you, it's a very
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  difficult dilemma to face. Like when this person gets to
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  the point where they're not just putting in any time, well,
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  they'll they'll be nice for a little while and then they'll
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  wouldn't remove the behaviors. They removed the good behaviors.
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  They removed the good treatment. When it gets to that point right
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  there, you can damn near kiss and all goodbye, right?
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  You can kiss and goodbye because they're going to keep doing this
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  type of stuff over and over and over and over again till it
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  drains you dry. That's what narcissist, there's
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  a lot of narcissists want to do. They want to get to the point
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  where they just drain you dry and use this.
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  They, they've beaten you down so much that you're so exhausted
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  that you can't do anything. You don't even feel like
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  fighting back anymore. They've beaten you down into
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  submission so much so that you don't even put up a fight
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  anymore. You just sit.
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  You just lay there and take it for now.
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  Like you don't even argue back. You don't fuss and fight.
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  There is no, you don't put you just there.
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  You become a you. You pretty much become a prop in
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  the relationship when a narcissist gets you to that
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  point where you feel like you're a prop in a relationship.
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  You pretty much kiss, kiss your sanity goodbye, 'cause that
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  thing that, that, that sanity is cooked, cooked.
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  I cooked, I tell you, because they're going to mess with you.
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  They're going to mess with that. They're going to mess with that
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  noggin. I promise you they're going to
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  mess with that noggin and keep doing things like that to mess
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  with you and just get inside of your head and they will not stop
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  it y'all. So just because they narcissist
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  is begging you and pleading you or whatever to do this and do
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  that does not mean they're going to treat you better.
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  Just because they're begging and crying and threatening to harm
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  themselves does not mean that they're going to be a better
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  person. It does not work that way.
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  Just because they're begging and crying and screaming and and and
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  pining for more, it does not mean that they're going to do
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  better for you. They don't want to.
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  Some of them just do not want to put in any in the extra effort.
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  They feel like they've done enough from the very beginning
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  of the relationship. They feel like they've done
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  enough. They feel like they whatever
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  they've done to you or whatever, they put you through you.
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  If it's enough, like you should just be OK.
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  You should be OK being here with me.
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  Why are we still? Why are we here fussing and
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  fighting? Why are we arguing like you
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  should be OK being here with me? There should be nothing more,
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  nothing less that goes on here. I'm telling you, that's the
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  mentality that so many people face when you're dealing with
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  the manipulative abuse of narcissist.
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  Like they want to put in very low effort.
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  They want to be very low energy. They want to, they don't want to
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  do shit. Let's keep it real y'all.
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  Let's really keep it real here. They really do not want to do
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  anything for you. They want like they don't want
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  any type of reciprocity in a relationship.
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  They want to be the receivers and not the givers.
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  They'll give some time, they'll give just enough to keep you
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  there, but most times they want to be the receiver, right?
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  So that's something you have to deal with if you're going to
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  choose to stay in this relationship with the narcissist
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  like some, like some people do. Not everybody leaves their
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  relationships and I'm not here to judge you.
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  Just not everybody doesn't leave, right?
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  But that's something to consider what I mean.
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  But also, y'all, I'm thinking I'll make to this part of the
• 10:16
  video. I'm about to switch a lot of
• 10:17
  things up on this channel. I'm still going to be doing
• 10:20
  narcissist content and whatnot, but I'll be talking a little bit
• 10:23
  more openly about toxic relationship dynamics overall.
• 10:26
  In general, I'm going to be doing a little bit more reaction
• 10:28
  videos to other people's videos about narcissism.
• 10:31
  So also I'm doing storytelling as well.
• 10:33
  So if you want to send your story in, send send your story
• 10:36
  into mentalillness85@gmail.com. Send your story.
• 10:40
  I'm posting my first story next week.
• 10:41
  You want to see my first story is Rhonda's story.
• 10:45
  Rhonda's story is about to be told.
• 10:47
  It's going y'all going to like this series coming up, but I'm
• 10:49
  switching a few things up here. Y'all taking it in a different
• 10:51
  direction. I'm still going to talk about
• 10:52
  narcissists still helping you, still do my coaching and running
• 10:54
  my groups and stuff like that. It's just that I want to just
• 10:57
  switch it up a little bit to reach more people and to get
• 10:59
  more people interested. So a lot of y'all don't click on
• 11:01
  the videos. No MO, the viewership has went
• 11:03
  way down. What do y'all?
• 11:04
  What do y'all want to see on the channel when we have more
• 11:06
  guests? Let me know what you want to
• 11:08
  see. I'm trying to be more
• 11:09
  interactive with the channel, do more lives and things like that
• 11:11
  as well. Anyways, y'all hit the subscribe
• 11:13
  button if you haven't and I'm out.
• 11:15
  Peace.