Latest / Sober Talk SA / Sober Talk SA - Leah

Transcript

Sober Talk SA - Leah · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
• 0:03
  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
• 0:06
  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
• 0:19
  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:21
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
• 0:24
  fellowship of men and women. We share the experience,
• 0:27
  strength and hope with each other.
• 0:28
  They must solve their come problems and help others to
• 0:32
  recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for
• 0:35
  membership is a desire to stop drinking.
• 0:38
  There are no Jews at fees for a membership.
• 0:40
  We are self support through our own contributions, is not allied
• 0:44
  with any second nomination Politics, organization or
• 0:48
  institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy,
• 0:52
  neither endorses or oppose any causes.
• 0:55
  Our primary purpose is Stairsome and help other Alcoholics
• 0:58
  achieve sobriety. Hi, I'm Leah and I'm an
• 1:01
  Akaphili. I started going to a a OR nearly
• 1:07
  ten years ago now. I had a problem with drinking
• 1:13
  from my very earth Spring. I was a blackout drinker, Yeah
• 1:21
  and A and a drink made me feel better.
• 1:23
  It's. It took away all that anxiety
• 1:27
  and all the all the nerves that helped me fit in it.
• 1:33
  It helped me do life. It was like my best friend.
• 1:39
  Yeah, when I put it down, I didn't know.
• 1:41
  I didn't know how to do life without it.
• 1:45
  My drinking wine in in stages where I am good.
• 1:50
  I'd swear off of that and stopped very for a while.
• 1:53
  And then? And then I'd start drinking
• 1:55
  again and then I'd had start off with one drink and it would
• 1:58
  increase and it, you know, start off years or something.
• 2:02
  And then it turned into a six pack.
• 2:03
  And then it'll be a bottle of wine and it'll just be a couple
• 2:08
  of glasses of and it'll be the whole bottle.
• 2:10
  And then it would be the cast. Yeah, just as soon as I had that
• 2:16
  first drink, I I couldn't stove. It's it turn off that ocean.
• 2:20
  And I wanted four. And I I couldn't drink like
• 2:24
  normal people I I had I would mix my drinks really strong and
• 2:30
  I would drink them really quickly to get that effect.
• 2:34
  Now the the first drink just like sort of soothed everything
• 2:38
  and and then I'd want more So I chased that feeling and then and
• 2:42
  then or on your I'd be in a blackout or I'd be causing
• 2:46
  carnage or. You know, ringing out, ringing
• 2:51
  people off on the phone and telling them what I thought
• 2:53
  about them or you know, messaging or abusing people.
• 2:58
  Things that are to the like annoyed me.
• 3:00
  That would boil up and yeah, wake up the next morning not
• 3:07
  knowing what I'd done or who I'd have used or, you know, always
• 3:13
  in trouble. Car accidents still alive?
• 3:19
  Assaulting police officers. Lots of things.
• 3:23
  I could. I could never guarantee my
• 3:25
  behavior when I drank. Yeah and yeah, I just couldn't
• 3:33
  drink normally like I'd have it if I had people over.
• 3:36
  I would have a normal, my normal drink, my glass sitting out
• 3:40
  where everybody else was, and then I'd be scaling drinks
• 3:43
  inside because I couldn't drink. I didn't know how big.
• 3:46
  Just drank, sipped on their drink or?
• 3:49
  I had one glass of wine with their dinner or and I took a six
• 3:55
  pack to a party or a couple of EDLS and just draped them the
• 3:59
  whole time. I would drink before I got there
• 4:02
  so I could fit in and and then I'd just make a fool of myself
• 4:07
  there and drink all. And yeah, they say, you know, an
• 4:15
  alcoholic gets drunk to go to a party, a normal person.
• 4:18
  Goes to a party to drink now. Yeah, I was that alcoholic.
• 4:24
  No drink. Driving with my kids in the car.
• 4:30
  Yeah, just always getting myself into trouble drinking certain
• 4:33
  drinks because, well, like Faulkner, she can't smell that.
• 4:38
  Well, that's what I thought. No, I'd I'd have Booker in my
• 4:41
  water bottle sometimes. Sweeping on that.
• 4:46
  The first time I ever went to the gym, I'd have.
• 4:48
  I had both her. I had the pores of my skin.
• 4:52
  You can smell it a mile away. But yeah, I just didn't just
• 4:58
  yeah, I didn't know what was wrong with me.
• 5:01
  I didn't matter why I drank like I did.
• 5:03
  I thought it was my upbringing. I thought it was, you know,
• 5:06
  certain events that had happened in my life, which is nothing
• 5:09
  really major like them. But I always blamed my drinking
• 5:14
  on something else or someone else, and wasn't until I went to
• 5:18
  my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, I realized I drank
• 5:22
  the way that I did because I'm an alcoholic and there was no
• 5:27
  other, no other reason. Like I have that one drink, It
• 5:31
  sets up a ocean and I want more. I did a lot of damage with my
• 5:36
  drinking, with people around me, that people that cared about me.
• 5:42
  I'd isolate myself, you know, I thought I had agoraphobia.
• 5:48
  I didn't want to leave the house.
• 5:49
  I didn't even want to go out to the letterbox some days until
• 5:52
  I'd had that, that first dream. Yeah, Gee, just helped me fit in
• 5:57
  and helped me. It helped me cope with life, you
• 6:02
  know? And I was always wondering why I
• 6:04
  was depressed and anxious and. You know, I didn't didn't want
• 6:08
  to think it would be alcohol until I actually put it down
• 6:11
  that yeah, coming up nearly ten years in sobriety and I've I've
• 6:20
  had to learn to live sober again.
• 6:24
  You know just had to learn to do like daily, everyday daily
• 6:28
  things like housework, looking the gardening.
• 6:31
  I always had a threat. Well, I was doing all of that
• 6:34
  other stuff, but. You know today I've I've learned
• 6:39
  how to do like without it, and my confidence has grown.
• 6:45
  My awareness of myself and others Acabolics anonymously to
• 6:50
  them, has taught me a lot. That it's taught me how to live
• 6:54
  again and how to deal with other few of me to to look at my party
• 7:01
  thing to yeah, it brought me a lot to.
• 7:09
  There. I don't have to pick up the
• 7:13
  drinks to fit in anymore. Like, you know, I can.
• 7:19
  I can do social events, I can, I can do parties or family things.
• 7:24
  I don't need the alcohol to give me courage.
• 7:27
  I don't need it to leave the house today.
• 7:31
  I no longer have to worry about the police.
• 7:33
  When I was always, when I was always doing the wrong thing or
• 7:36
  I was drinking, it's like, oh, the police.
• 7:37
  And now I now I don't have to worry about that.
• 7:41
  I'm doing the right thing. But I I it's it's given me a
• 7:44
  lot. It's, you know, I've been able
• 7:49
  to buy a house in sobriety of my own, you know, yeah.
• 7:55
  I've achieved the law without drinking.
• 7:57
  Like, you know, I can hold down a job today.
• 7:59
  I'm no longer bringing up seat. With a hangover or making up,
• 8:04
  you know, a million excuses on why I'm not coming to work this
• 8:10
  week or today, you know, You know, it's it's maybe an honest
• 8:14
  person. I'm.
• 8:15
  I'm no longer having to lie or cover up.
• 8:19
  You know, I was always when I drank, I was, you know, always
• 8:24
  forgetting what I told people and covering up.
• 8:26
  You know, I wouldn't want to go somewhere so I'd lie about it.
• 8:30
  You know, I was always having to remember what lie I had lied, I
• 8:34
  had said, and I don't have to do that today.
• 8:38
  And I have to be honest. And, you know, if I don't feel
• 8:41
  like doing something or don't feel like going anywhere, like I
• 8:44
  don't have to like, you know, it's.
• 8:47
  But why not drunk hold It's not. Yeah.
• 8:50
  To have that group to to keep me the courage.
• 8:56
  Yeah. But life is good sober.
• 9:00
  You know, I had to learn a lot of stuff.
• 9:02
  I had to learn to parents again. I had to learn just to be a
• 9:08
  decent human being. I had to unlearn all those toxic
• 9:12
  behaviours that I've had when I was drinking and really look at,
• 9:18
  look at my behaviour as none. Yeah, but you know, I no longer
• 9:26
  have to wake up and feel that. That that wrenching feeling in
• 9:32
  my stomach of not knowing what I'd done the night before.
• 9:35
  And I know the hangovers at the the dehydration and all that
• 9:41
  sort of stuff, but I had to learn to look after myself again
• 9:44
  as well. Like, I had to learn to eat
• 9:46
  healthy and get regular exercise and drink water.
• 9:49
  And, you know, when I was drinking alcohol, I barely drank
• 9:52
  water. Like I would have been so
• 9:53
  dehydrated. I was, you know, I went to a
• 9:56
  natural bath and they just. They gave me all these vitamins
• 9:59
  and stuff to take, but I was drinking straight Vogner on top
• 10:02
  of that stuff. Yeah my body wasn't absorbing
• 10:05
  anything. So yeah, now like I actually
• 10:10
  look up myself but I just don't does for everything of my
• 10:16
  system. Yeah, life is good.
• 10:20
  So, but last night I thought when I first gave up drinking,
• 10:25
  just a lot of not. And not having a drink well it's
• 10:28
  just a day at 9 you just get through it day by day but and
• 10:32
  then there's the dates I think he gets it for the Parkinson add
• 10:38
  up but yeah the thought of not having nap or in my life begin
• 10:44
  with was like it was our best friend that got me through life
• 10:48
  that it's really scary but I'm. Yeah, The longer that I put it
• 10:55
  down for the better, I felt. And I know today I think that
• 10:59
  the dreams are only going to lose everything that I've worked
• 11:02
  so hard for. And yeah, life's too good.
• 11:07
  Like, you know, you get that after a while of giving up.
• 11:12
  You get that, you know you get all, yeah, you get all your
• 11:15
  emotions and your feelings but which which can be a bad like
• 11:19
  that's very I drank to numb all those feelings and.
• 11:23
  Freaks out. But you know you also get like
• 11:26
  all the happiness back again as well.
• 11:28
  Like that exciting little feeling that you got as a kid,
• 11:32
  like you know, in your tummy. And yeah.
• 11:37
  Life's Yeah. Life's stupid habit And yeah.
• 11:41
  And I don't want to stop it. Yes.
• 11:43
  Just to. Yeah.
• 11:44
  And I don't know. It's not like my drink wasn't
• 11:47
  on. It just brought me in trouble.
• 11:51
  Yeah. That was probably fun in my
• 11:53
  young years. And it just, yeah, just turned
• 11:58
  bad and you know, ruined relationships, ruined
• 12:03
  friendships and you know, I always caused problems in the
• 12:07
  family and he all that sort of stuff.
• 12:10
  Like I was just, yeah, just just never fun.
• 12:13
  In the end. I can't drink like normal
• 12:15
  people. I yeah, I can't sit there and
• 12:19
  have one wine or one beer. I'll I'll have the whole lot
• 12:23
  less more. And yeah.
• 12:27
  So anyway I'm yeah. I'm I'm just grateful that I
• 12:31
  found. Hey it helps.
• 12:33
  It helps me learn to leave. It gives me direction.
• 12:39
  You know I pulled my life. I went to counselors
• 12:41
  psychologists. Dr. Now what What's wrong with
• 12:45
  me? Why do I feel like this.
• 12:48
  I would go in there and just tell them what I wanted them to
• 12:50
  hear and. You know, tell them that I was
• 12:53
  drinking one or two wines, which, yeah, I was drinking way
• 12:57
  more. Yeah, it's total.
• 12:59
  But I want to want it up tonight.
• 13:01
  And yeah, I had to put the drink out down and get honest with
• 13:05
  myself and I wanted it a lot, fizzle bit.
• 13:10
  So how did you how did you go with the God side of the
• 13:17
  program? I I wasn't sure about, you know,
• 13:23
  I'm not religious or anything, but it's a it's a spiritual
• 13:26
  program. It's not yet.
• 13:30
  It's not a it's not a religious program.
• 13:33
  I guess it's it's your understanding of a God.
• 13:37
  I do believe there is something I didn't.
• 13:42
  Yeah. I felt a bit funny with it to
• 13:45
  begin with, but. I think like, you know, I was in
• 13:48
  enough pain that I believed, you know, have to have a, you know,
• 13:52
  I I would involve, yeah. So they're like, you know, I
• 13:58
  needed help. So you know, I was I was willing
• 14:00
  to give anything a go. So yeah.
• 14:03
  But to me it's a spiritual. It's a spiritual program.
• 14:06
  I I do believe there is a God of some sort.
• 14:11
  I I do have faith today. Like I I know that everything,
• 14:14
  you know, everything's. Worked out the way that it has
• 14:18
  for a reason, Yeah. And what about making amends?
• 14:23
  Did you, how did you go about that?
• 14:25
  Did you did you find that part difficult?
• 14:30
  The the making amends. I think with my sponsor, the
• 14:35
  amends part of it was no making making list of all the people
• 14:40
  that you harmed and them, yeah. Am willing to make amends.
• 14:44
  It was a bit daunting to begin with but she didn't like push
• 14:49
  that on me or anything. She's basically said, like you
• 14:52
  know the time will come up when when you're ready to apologize,
• 14:56
  don't just go out and make an amendment because you think you
• 14:59
  have to. Like, yeah, like little
• 15:01
  situations will come up where I'd run into someone that I'd
• 15:04
  harmed or I'd like, you know, her in my drinking days and.
• 15:09
  You know, and I genuinely felt sorry, so I would apologize.
• 15:12
  So it's not, Yeah. It wasn't as scary as what I
• 15:15
  what I sort of thought, yeah. And did you have any backlash at
• 15:24
  all from making amends? No, I haven't had any, no
• 15:31
  repercussions of anything that might have occurred.
• 15:38
  Yeah, and so did how many mains? What's your main situation?
• 15:45
  Do you do local mains or? Though I when I first got sober,
• 15:50
  I used to go to a couple hour, two or three meetings a week and
• 15:56
  then it sort of increased once I realized that they were helping
• 16:01
  and and I just couldn't see it with myself.
• 16:03
  Like, I didn't hide, you know, the person that I was because of
• 16:08
  my dream. So I found it really hard to sit
• 16:11
  with me. Like, I always had to be busy or
• 16:13
  so I would go to a lot of meetings.
• 16:15
  So I wasn't just sitting with me.
• 16:17
  I was around other other people that understood the way that I
• 16:22
  felt and the way that my brain thought, you know, I just didn't
• 16:26
  feel alone. But yeah, like, like, yeah, I
• 16:29
  think it's important to get to a couple of meetings a week at
• 16:33
  least. Whenever I'm feeling down, I get
• 16:35
  to a meeting and I feel better. So they definitely help, yeah.
• 16:41
  And there's the many meetings run where you live or.
• 16:45
  There is. There's plenty of meetings so
• 16:47
  you can go online and check around.
• 16:51
  There's meetings every day, like lunchtime meeting, that
• 16:55
  afternoon meeting. Yeah, I had to have a lot of
• 16:58
  meetings in Adelaide. Is the many ladies meetings just
• 17:03
  for women or? Yes, they do have women's
• 17:06
  meetings. Yeah.
• 17:10
  So you can sort of share a little bit more in depth or like
• 17:13
  you know, you don't. Yeah.
• 17:15
  Get more comfortable I guess like some, Yeah, some women,
• 17:21
  yeah. Suppose if you're coming out of
• 17:22
  a bad relationship or something like that, it that sort of thing
• 17:26
  helps her. Yeah, it's like a safe place for
• 17:29
  women to go and share and. You know, you can share your
• 17:32
  your stories. Like you know, if you've been
• 17:33
  through similar things and yeah, it'd be more understanding.
• 17:41
  Yeah, good. So you're a member of a group?
• 17:44
  I do you ever joined a group? Do you need to join a group or?
• 17:49
  Well, it does help if you have a Home group because that's your
• 17:53
  base, like you know where you go and it makes you accountable and
• 17:57
  you show up, yeah. And you don't help them set up
• 18:03
  you like, you know help with the tissues or something after or
• 18:07
  and you get to know the people there.
• 18:11
  So you put a do a little bit of service.
• 18:15
  Yeah. Help out.
• 18:16
  Help the meeting up. Yeah, very good.
• 18:20
  Very good. All right then, Leah, thanks
• 18:23
  very much for sharing and keep coming back.
• 18:27
  Thank. You for having me?
• 18:30
  OK, no worries. We have local meetings for the
• 18:37
  full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
• 18:42
  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
• 18:47
  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00, and Friday is Salisbury at
• 18:54
  8:00. There's a meeting at Devron Park
• 18:56
  at 12:00, and on Sunday there's a meeting in Salisbury at 7:00
• 19:01
  and many of the meetings in the area.
• 19:05
  For details of your local maintenance, please phone 1300
• 19:11
  double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
• 19:15
  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 19:18
  Anonymous on 1300 double 22222. The website isasa.org dot A.