Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 11 Red Flags of Narcissistic People

Transcript

11 Red Flags of Narcissistic People · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Come on in here, y'all, come on in here.
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about red flags of narcissists and toxic
• 0:05
  people that you might have missed, that you may have missed
• 0:09
  that may, that may have skirted past you, skipped past you with
• 0:14
  their narcissistic little red flag legs, right?
• 0:17
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:18
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:19
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I give you the perspective, the an
• 0:23
  inner look at the mind of a narcissist, right?
• 0:26
  So today we're talking about red flags, literally the red flags
• 0:30
  of narcissistic people, toxic people.
• 0:32
  And not every single person that you're dealing with will exude
• 0:36
  we'll, we'll have these red flags, y'all.
• 0:38
  Let me say that right there. Not every single person is going
• 0:41
  to have these red flags and be super, as I say, red flaggy.
• 0:48
  You know, I say that all the time, red flaggy.
• 0:51
  So the first red flag that you might have missed, that you may
• 0:54
  have missed or that may be going on right now, which is somebody
• 0:57
  that you're seeing, right? The first red flag that I'm
• 0:59
  going to talk about is they listen to you and don't talk
• 1:04
  back bully. You got to shut the hell up.
• 1:09
  How is listening to you but not talking back a red flag?
• 1:14
  A lot of narcissists are very analytical people, which means
• 1:18
  they like to analyze the people that they're with.
• 1:21
  They like to analyze the people that they are around.
• 1:23
  They like to you see what I'm saying?
• 1:25
  They like to take in as much information as possible.
• 1:27
  They're information gatherers. So if I'm trying to gather
• 1:30
  information, I'm going to listen and let you talk since so I can
• 1:34
  love bomb you. So if you're dealing with a
• 1:36
  person who is not sharing information with you, but
• 1:39
  getting all the information from you, that could be Oh yeah, that
• 1:44
  could be a red flag, right? That could be one of these.
• 1:50
  Am I am I right? Am I right?
• 1:51
  Yes. So be careful of people that
• 1:54
  you're dating or you're seeing or you're getting to know that
• 1:56
  are not sharing information with you.
• 1:59
  They're just listening to you. I know a lot of y'all are not
• 2:02
  used to people listening to you and letting you talk and that
• 2:05
  feels good and it could it it might not be a red flag, but it
• 2:09
  could be red flag Y right, red flag ish right it's burnt
• 2:13
  orange. It's a burnt orange flag.
• 2:14
  Just stay just stay attuned to it.
• 2:16
  Y'all. The next thing I have on here, I
• 2:19
  got my list from side right here.
• 2:21
  The next thing that you might have been, the next red flag is
• 2:24
  the room talking about their exes.
• 2:27
  Now I know asking somebody why they're single should not be a
• 2:32
  red flag, but a lot of narcissistic people tend to be
• 2:36
  obsessed with their exes in one way or another.
• 2:39
  Like they either hate their exes and all their exes are crazy, or
• 2:42
  their ex was the best thing that happened to them and they can't
• 2:45
  believe the relationship ended, right?
• 2:47
  Either way, that could be red flaggy, it could be super red
• 2:53
  flaggy with this person that is that seem that is seemingly
• 2:56
  consumed with their ex. They won't stop talking about
• 2:59
  their ex. That really really just keeps
• 3:01
  just keeps bringing up their ex. No matter what the conversation
• 3:04
  is, no matter what the situation is going on with you, they just
• 3:07
  keep bringing up that damn ex in a good way or a bad way.
• 3:11
  That could be a red flag. So be very careful.
• 3:13
  We I say people are going to talk about their exes.
• 3:16
  Their exes are part of life, right?
• 3:17
  Correct. Your ex is a part of your life.
• 3:20
  You could have had a crazy narcissistic ex, right?
• 3:23
  So it makes sense for this person who could have had a
• 3:25
  toxic ex. But just listen closely.
• 3:28
  If you listen closely, narcissistic people tend to tell
• 3:32
  on themselves, right? It's like we can't help it.
• 3:34
  We can't help but telling ourselves.
• 3:36
  So we have to. You have to listen closely to
• 3:38
  us. We're giving you the clues.
• 3:40
  We're giving you the clues. So they're talking about their
• 3:42
  exes in a good way or bad way consistently.
• 3:45
  That could be a red flag right there, right?
• 3:49
  Just make sure you pay attention to what they're saying.
• 3:51
  Make sure you pay attention to what they're doing.
• 3:52
  You don't want to get slipped up and snuck up on with a
• 3:55
  narcissist that is that is clearly being toxic and
• 3:58
  manipulative to you. Talk about their exes.
• 4:00
  My exes crazy. I hate it.
• 4:01
  I hate my ex. I wish she would 6 feet under
• 4:04
  and six she was, she was 7 feet under 'cause she she need to go
• 4:08
  straight to hell, right #3 The third red flag is moving too
• 4:15
  fast. I feel like that should be, I
• 4:20
  feel right there. I feel like that should be a no
• 4:22
  brainer. Now, is everybody that going
• 4:26
  through a whirlwind romance going to be a Natasha
• 4:28
  relationship? No, but moving too fast could
• 4:31
  absolutely be one of these, right?
• 4:36
  Moving too fast could absolutely be a red flag that you need to
• 4:41
  think about because if if if they're if you're moving in an
• 4:45
  uncomfortable pace and you try to slow it down and they get
• 4:48
  angry or they keep trying to press you, they keep trying to
• 4:50
  disrespect your boundary of wanting to slow things down.
• 4:53
  That's one of these. Moving too fast is a red flag.
• 4:57
  The love by me face. Narcissistic people tend to want
• 5:00
  to move fast, so you don't get to know who they really are.
• 5:03
  Like I'm moving so fast you don't know who I am.
• 5:06
  So when you bought time, bought time.
• 5:08
  You see who I really am. You're in love or you're
• 5:10
  pregnant or I'm you're or I'm you're pregnant or they're
• 5:16
  pregnant by you. Y'all already living together?
• 5:18
  Y'all bought a house together. Y'all are committed to each
• 5:20
  other in some different way. So be very careful about moving
• 5:23
  too fast. The 4th red flag, possible red
• 5:26
  flag is moving too slow. Well, Lee, how are you moving?
• 5:31
  Too slow moving too fast moving. Is this the Berenstain bears?
• 5:35
  This is like what is this the Berenstain bears?
• 5:38
  3 little bears like too too hot, too cold, just right too fast,
• 5:42
  too slow, just right. Too slow is a red flag too,
• 5:45
  y'all? Yes, too.
• 5:47
  Somebody moving too slow could be a sign of commitment.
• 5:50
  Fear, a fear of commitment. Or they just dragging.
• 5:53
  They're stringing you alone. Yeah, if y'all been messing
• 5:56
  around and clapping cheeks and sharing bodily fluids for a year
• 6:02
  and they don't want to establish the relationship, they don't
• 6:04
  want to put a title to the relationship.
• 6:05
  Come on now. Come on.
• 6:10
  We got to wake up now. Like what are we?
• 6:12
  Well, we just sleeping together. We just do it.
• 6:15
  We're just having fun. It's been 4 years of fun.
• 6:18
  Our relationship is a senior in fun high school.
• 6:22
  We bought my our relationship about the graduate with honors
• 6:26
  from a our relationship is about to get a bachelor's degree.
• 6:31
  You said man, it's about to get a bachelor's in industrial
• 6:33
  engineering from North Carolina Agriculture and Technical State
• 6:37
  University. Aggie pride seriously moving too
• 6:42
  slow. It's also a red flag out there.
• 6:44
  Sometimes people are going to string you along.
• 6:47
  And as you know, narcissists, a lot of narcissists do not care
• 6:50
  about wasting your time. They absolutely do not.
• 6:54
  They don't care about wasting your time.
• 6:56
  They think you're wasting your own time by being with them.
• 6:58
  They think you made the choice to be with them, so you're
• 7:00
  wasting your own time. So there's absolutely something
• 7:03
  to think about #5 not introducing you to family and
• 7:09
  friends. Yeah, if they y'all, if y'all
• 7:13
  been together for a long time and you never met their friends
• 7:16
  or family members, come on y'all.
• 7:18
  Come on now. Y'all.
• 7:20
  Not people. I talked to my one-on-one
• 7:21
  coaching mentalillness.net for the coaching courses, support
• 7:25
  groups, y'all, not many people I talk to doing one-on-one
• 7:27
  coachings. Like we've been together for
• 7:28
  three years and I've never met their mom.
• 7:31
  I've never met their brother or their sister.
• 7:33
  I've never met their their their kids.
• 7:36
  There's been three years. Yeah, I'm a throw.
• 7:39
  Look, I'm a throw the damn red flag at you.
• 7:41
  I'm a throw it at you. If they're refusing to introduce
• 7:44
  you to their family, could it be that their family, they don't
• 7:47
  like their family and their family is toxic?
• 7:48
  Yeah, they could be true, but or or they're hiding you.
• 7:55
  They don't want you to meet your family and friends because they
• 7:58
  their family and friends will look at them like they crazy.
• 8:00
  I think, hey, ain't you married? Who's this?
• 8:02
  I'm gonna throw it. I'm gonna throw it.
• 8:07
  I'm going throw it. I really am going to throw this
• 8:09
  naked job. Chill out.
• 8:11
  The next one number six is they introduce you to their family
• 8:15
  and friends very quickly. The opposite, it can be true as
• 8:18
  well. I know it's a lot of red flags
• 8:20
  lately. There's too many red flags.
• 8:22
  I'm just gonna, I'm gonna date my cat, right?
• 8:24
  I'm just have my, I'm just gonna be a cat lady or dog man, right?
• 8:28
  You just like I know, but you have to take your time and get
• 8:31
  to know people for real. This is why taking your time and
• 8:33
  setting boundaries is so important in the beginning
• 8:35
  because like I said #6 if they introduce you to their family
• 8:38
  and friends too quickly, yeah, you should not be meeting their
• 8:40
  mom on the second date. You should not be meeting their
• 8:45
  dad or their kids on the second date or the third day or the
• 8:48
  first date, the first within the first week of meeting somebody.
• 8:51
  Y'all already know the kids. Come on.
• 8:54
  This is a way to get you entangled in their lives faster.
• 8:56
  They get you attached to them faster because I know y'all see
• 8:59
  online a real man don't play games.
• 9:02
  They going to show you. They want you.
• 9:03
  Yeah, they going to show you what they they going to show you
• 9:04
  that they want you by by manipulating you.
• 9:08
  If you're meeting their kids and the the kids, my kids, they
• 9:12
  going to call your mom too, right?
• 9:13
  I know you don't even know their last names, but their first
• 9:15
  names by it. For instance, they're gonna call
• 9:17
  your mom or they're gonna call you Papa.
• 9:19
  You see what I'm saying? Introducing to the grandkids
• 9:22
  fat. I've talked to some of the folks
• 9:23
  in the old in the older generation.
• 9:25
  Maybe Introducing to the grandkids fat.
• 9:27
  Well, technically I could be a grandpa.
• 9:28
  So not the not the older generation.
• 9:31
  I'm about to be 40 on July 14th. Wait a minute, not the older
• 9:35
  generation. Young folks have a grandparents
• 9:37
  too. Damn it #7 taking up all your
• 9:43
  time. I know this doesn't make sense
• 9:47
  to a lot of people because when you first meet somebody during a
• 9:50
  love bombing face, especially a narcissistic person, they're
• 9:53
  going to take up a lot of your time.
• 9:56
  It looks sweet, it feels sweet but it's controlling.
• 9:59
  Like when you're getting to know somebody and they have try to
• 10:02
  have you on the Bluetooth all day or FaceTime all day.
• 10:06
  You got to fall asleep on FaceTime at night.
• 10:07
  Y'all think it's sweet? We fell asleep the face we fall
• 10:10
  asleep on FaceTime every night. They looking around your room
• 10:13
  thinking somebody under the bed, they worried about you.
• 10:16
  They kind of trying to control your space and time.
• 10:18
  It could be a red flag. Yeah, it's sweet.
• 10:21
  I just thought that they were just thinking about me.
• 10:23
  Yeah, they could be right. But like I just said, they could
• 10:27
  absolutely be trying to control your time.
• 10:30
  Like literally, they trying to like they try to stay with you
• 10:33
  every single day, every single night.
• 10:34
  Don't let you go to work. Like, OK, babe, I got to go to
• 10:37
  work. Wow, You got to work.
• 10:38
  Wow. You can't just chill with me.
• 10:39
  Wow. Damn.
• 10:41
  I guess work is more important. Yeah, I got to pay my bills.
• 10:43
  You going to pay my bills? No.
• 10:44
  Then my you probably got a boyfriend at work.
• 10:46
  Don't you see that's why you want to go to work so bad.
• 10:48
  You want to go super somebody at work.
• 10:50
  Come on now y'all come on man come on.
• 10:54
  That's it was a #7 that's too quick.
• 10:57
  Like say if they take it up all your time, that's way too Dang
• 11:01
  going fast. So you have to be very careful
• 11:03
  12345607 take it up all your time.
• 11:09
  It's not sweet, it's controlling.
• 11:11
  Be very careful if they just like they don't, especially if
• 11:13
  you try to get off the phone with them.
• 11:14
  Hey, I need to take a break, I need to take a nap.
• 11:16
  Who you napping with? Who's over there?
• 11:18
  Just kidding. They're not kidding, they're
• 11:20
  controlling. They're not kidding, they're
• 11:22
  controlling. OK #8 I mean, I don't know.
• 11:27
  I got I'll just right now. Red flags.
• 11:29
  Ghosting you #8 is ghosting you. If somebody ghost you when
• 11:33
  you're getting to know them and they ghost you, don't let they
• 11:36
  asses back in their life. Please don't.
• 11:40
  Why y'all do? Like if they ghost you, you need
• 11:42
  to let them remain Casper ghosting.
• 11:44
  If you're not being abusive, ghosting is disrespectful as
• 11:47
  hell. They just disappear in your
• 11:49
  life. No goodbye.
• 11:50
  And then they try to come back. Sorry, I've been very busy for
• 11:53
  the last nine months. Nine months, get the hell out of
• 11:55
  here. You've been busy for nine
• 11:58
  months. You can pick the phone up and
• 11:59
  text or call or nothing. Nine months, get the I want to
• 12:02
  cuss. I'm trying to cuss less.
• 12:03
  Y'all get the hell out of here. Ain't nobody that damn busy.
• 12:08
  There's nobody that busy. If they ghost you, let them
• 12:10
  remain, Casper. Because if they ghost you one
• 12:12
  time, they'll do it again. And then you'll be shocked that
• 12:14
  they did it again. We'll leave.
• 12:15
  I thought enough time it went by and I thought they were cool.
• 12:18
  No, they're not cool. I was trying to find the cuss.
• 12:22
  They're not cool. They're playing you.
• 12:24
  They're wasting your time, and they think you're OK with it.
• 12:27
  A person that a person that ghosts you.
• 12:30
  A person that ghosts you doesn't respect you.
• 12:35
  I'll say it like that. A person that ghosts you does
• 12:37
  not respect you #9 rage. Signs of rage early on.
• 12:44
  Signs of rage early on. If they, if you just get in to
• 12:46
  know somebody and they start yelling and screaming at the
• 12:48
  waiter, or they're yelling and screaming in traffic, or they're
• 12:50
  yelling and screaming at you very early on.
• 12:52
  Yo, that is a definite, I'm putting it over there that
• 12:55
  that's a definite red flag. You can't even see me.
• 12:58
  It's so red flaggy you can't even see me.
• 13:02
  And rage is not just yelling and screaming, y'all.
• 13:04
  Rage could be the solid treatment.
• 13:06
  The solid treatment is also rage.
• 13:08
  I call it silent rage because they're mad as hell at you.
• 13:11
  They refuse to talk to you. So if they give you the solid
• 13:14
  treatment early on or later on, if they're raging out at you
• 13:18
  early on or later on, that's it's one of these, that's one of
• 13:23
  these. What's that #9 That's one of
• 13:25
  these #10 OK, 10:00 and 11:00. That's all 11.
• 13:31
  OK, 10 and 11 blocking, not, not friending you on social media.
• 13:38
  Well, you're just getting to know somebody and they don't
• 13:41
  want to friend you on social media.
• 13:42
  And you know, they have a social media, they active on social
• 13:44
  media and they don't want to friend you.
• 13:46
  There's probably a reason why. Now, very rarely is there a good
• 13:51
  reason, but there's probably a reason why.
• 13:55
  There's probably a reason why they don't want you to friends,
• 13:57
  be friends with you on social media.
• 13:59
  Now, what are those reasons? What could those reasons be?
• 14:02
  Probably involves another person that they're seeing or dating or
• 14:04
  entertaining. If they're not friending you on
• 14:07
  social media and they give you some kind of crazy ass excuse,
• 14:12
  I'm doing some of the bull right here, Toro, the little bull
• 14:15
  narcissist, Toro, Toro, I'm jumping over.
• 14:18
  I'm jumping over top of them. I'm flipping over top of them
• 14:21
  and the last red flag I have y'all, today I did odd #11 is a
• 14:24
  weird number, right? Blocking you on social media and
• 14:28
  still being in a relationship with you, y'all?
• 14:30
  Now this one, this one right here is going to have some
• 14:32
  nuance to it, right? Because you might block them on
• 14:36
  social media because they're causing problems, right?
• 14:38
  You might block them, but what are the if they decide if you if
• 14:42
  you say, hey, look, I don't like the fact that you're liking
• 14:44
  these other people's pictures that you're leaving heart eyes
• 14:47
  and the water sign and Peaches and eggplants on people's
• 14:50
  pictures and and telling you to telling people that you love
• 14:52
  them on social media. If they block you rather than
• 14:55
  correct the issue. That is an absolute red flag.
• 14:59
  Y'all absolutely a red flag. It's absolutely stop playing
• 15:05
  these games with people early on y'all.
• 15:07
  Nobody is worth that. I don't give a damn how much
• 15:09
  money they get, how funny they are, how cute they are.
• 15:11
  I don't care how good the cheeks look, I don't care they're not
• 15:15
  worth your peace if they are. They just not worth your peace
• 15:20
  y'all. So if any of these red flags pop
• 15:21
  up, just take a take a deeper look before you just ignore
• 15:24
  them. Because ignoring the price you
• 15:27
  pay for ignoring the red flags is way greater than the price
• 15:31
  you will pay if you just leave the person alone.
• 15:33
  The price you will pay for ignoring the red flags is time,
• 15:36
  effort, energy, money, happiness, life, peace, mental
• 15:39
  health. The the price you pay for
• 15:41
  leaving this person early on is just missing out on this one
• 15:44
  person out of billions of other people out there.
• 15:47
  Well what if they're? What if they're my soul mate?
• 15:50
  I don't think that your soul mate is an abusive line Piece of
• 15:56
  goose fraba. Anyways y'all come to the end 11
• 16:02
  red flags for you. Let me know if some of our some
• 16:05
  of them are if I missed some or y'all ask some other ones if you
• 16:09
  experience how many of these did you experience?
• 16:11
  Hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 16:13
  Y'all, we're so close to 500,500 thousand is so close y'all and
• 16:16
  I, I'm thankful every single one of y'all right now, We had like
• 16:19
  484,000. Every single one of y'all that
• 16:21
  watch my videos that has joined my support group that has done a
• 16:23
  one-on-one with me and mental illness.net.
• 16:26
  Everything's still available. I appreciate every single one of
• 16:28
  you listen to this on Spotify or Apple podcast.
• 16:31
  Hit that subscribe button and give me a five star rating on
• 16:33
  it. Y'all, let's get the podcast up
• 16:34
  because my longer podcast, the Mental Illness podcast is
• 16:38
  launching soon. It really is.
• 16:40
  I'm so excited that the mental illness podcast is coming out.
• 16:43
  It really is coming soon. So if you haven't already, hit
• 16:46
  the subscribe button, Stay tuned for more and I'll peace.