Latest / She's Next Level / 31: How Your Relationship With Food Reveals Your Relationship With Everything Else
Transcript
- Darshna Patel: Hello everybody and welcome back to the She's Next Level podcast. It's your girl Darsh. Today's episode is going to be a game motherfucking changer because we are going to be talking about something that most people aren't aware of and it changes the game in the way that you start to understand yourself better on a deeper level and start to notice certain patterns, certain habits. that are not probably serving you the best and the easiest way to do so is through food. We all love food. I'm a big foodie, guys. Like, let me know in the comments below if you're watching on Spotify. If you are a big foodie yourself, what your favorite food is, I'd actually love to know. For me, my favorite food is ⁓ Mexican. It's Thai food. It's Italian food. and Mediterranean food. Those are like my top four go-to's and there's no like number one. It's just based on my mood, but those are like my go-to's. But anyways, this episode is going to be all around helping you understand your relationship with food and how your relationship with food determines your relationship with everything else. I was recently reading a book that I've had a while back and then I read a bit of it, didn't really finish it. And then I felt pulled to read it. ⁓ And I opened up a certain section and I just the whole freaking thing and I was just like, wow. And it was interesting because some of the things that she was saying on a physical level to help you improve your relationship with food and therefore yourself was things that I was doing a couple months ago that I started doing. So it was a great like refresher and validation and confirmation overall of like, wow, I am always on the right path and the things that I'm doing. And it was perfect timing because I was like, we need to talk about this, especially because I really do want to help women. you know, not only heal their mental health, but their physical health too. I've, know, you guys know if you've been listening to a couple of the episodes prior that I've been working on reducing stress in my body, getting my hormones rebalanced out and really healing more of my feminine energy and getting my nervous system baseline to safety and baseline of ease and flow and rewiring all of these things that I have picked up on throughout the years that has caused me to be hypervigilant, alert, and on top and on. You know how it is when you're an ambitious woman. You know my girl, because you're listening. Anyways, so back to the book, And I was like, we need to talk about this because I feel like a lot of women struggle with enoughness, this feeling of enoughness, right? And it's because of programming since we were kids that don't be too much or be a good girl or like, you you're asking for too much or like all of these things that made us dim our light and dim ourselves and not really be our authentic selves. And food was one of the ways that was nourishing for us, was self-soothing for us, right? Like, food is one of those things that, I mean, I've rarely met people that have said that like, I don't, I'm not into food like that. Like most people are, they love food. They're like, it makes them feel so good. It's kind of like, we eat food for so many different reasons and I'll be getting into the habits and patterns later on so you can start being more aware. But your relationship with food tells you everything about your relationship with everything else and the way that you interact with food and the way that you treat it and you treat your body and everything that you do. So, for example, if you feel like you don't have enough money, ⁓ right, it's going to tell you that same way that you feel with everything else and the habits and patterns that come up are going to show you ⁓ how it ties into that belief and how it ties into other areas of life that that same belief that you have of how it's not enough. And food is the most active thing that we do and it is the most unconscious thing that we do. just starting even with food and recognizing some of the habits and the patterns here and what they're telling you, what they could be and just allowing yourself to explore this area of life and in this way is going to tell you a lot about the other areas of your life and you can start to make changes. And in my opinion, food is one of the easiest places to start. It's easy and it's not easy, but it is like technically easy because it's something that you're able to control and measure like in your day-to-day life. So that's why I recommend starting here. And I want to take you guys way back to when I was a kid. You know, my relationship with food and my eating patterns and my eating habits was very, very, very unhealthy growing up. was raised in a family where ⁓ they knew that being healthy a socially acceptable thing. Right? Everyone freaking knows that being healthy is like normal However, ⁓ they were not practicing that at all. Like I grew on Taco Bell, ⁓ Domino's, ⁓ like just soda. for convenience was more important than health. ⁓ And it's okay because it's perfect. But I definitely grew up as a chubby kid. And it was very like, it's a very unhealthy relationship because, you know, my parents would feed me food and they would just give to me and it was amazing, more than I even needed. But then they would also, you know, it would be in a funny way, but like they would call me fat or like, they'd be like, you need to lose weight or like, you know, you're getting big and all of these comments. And let me know if you have went through the same thing because it really fucks your relationship with food and like yourself, right? When you're like getting contradicting info and feedback back and forth. And so I would find myself overindulging in food whenever I would feel so excited or I feel like I need more. I feel like I just like need something to feel alive or feel good. And just like it was like a sense of comfort for me. But then on the other hand, when I would was grieving, when I went through like my teenage heartbreak situation and all of these moments, right? Like sad moments. I would punish myself by not eating. I wouldn't want to eat and I wouldn't give my body what it needed. So you can see how, you know, some of these patterns and things that show up based on the trauma that we feel or like based on what's going on can really affect us and then It can end up becoming like a secondary issue with food when it wasn't even ever there if we just addressed our emotions and our feelings and what it is that you were feeling in that moment because it's so easy to grab food. It's so easy to just numb ourselves, but it's not as easy to sit with yourself and like go through that and everything is perfect. Like I don't want you to beat yourself up if you have done that yourself. if you ⁓ are struggling with that right now of like restricting yourself with the diets and then overly eating because of how restrictive the diets are and trying to find your medium and healthy balance. I just want you to start with awareness and just be aware of what's going on so that you guys can understand it better and then make better choices. Just like I have in my journey, I I have been through the restrictive side. of when I was going on my first little weight loss journey was when I was 15 and half going on 16. And I did it the restrictive way. like when I was eating salad, I would use droplets of dressing and I would count it. I'd count every fucking thing. I'd measure everything like a psycho as a teenager. And I would. And I lost 45 pounds. I want to say the word lost. I want to say released. I released 45 pounds in six months. It was very drastic, very fast. I didn't even realize it when it happened because it was so fast. However, I remember the day it was my 16th birthday. Remember the day when someone offered me nachos and I felt guilt and I was just like, yeah, I don't know if I should. Right. How many of you felt that? Especially if you've been on like a weight release journey or like anything with your weight. And then the moment I had it, because I was like, you know, I'm just gonna have it. Thank God I did, because then I started to, you know, allow myself a little bit more freedom to eat better. So eating healthy since then, I mean, it's a habit that I've developed, but I allowed myself to like, be more flexible. It's still been a journey because I'm going to get into some of the habits and patterns so you guys can notice. These are the things that have came up for me personally. And so I want to share that with you guys so you guys can be aware too. And just to mention, these are some of the like common things that I will talk about that I've noticed, especially like, you know, being in personal development for over nine years and being in the healing space and spirituality for over four years. These are like the most common ones that I find have found within myself, but also like I've noticed in other people. And so this will help you just start to notice the parts of yourself where you may be unconscious of and it shows up in your eating. So let's get into it. So the very first one is eating fast. So I have been super guilty of this because I will literally be like a fucking vacuum. Just like I always think of Patrick from Spongebob. And he's like, like there's this one episode where he just like sucks the whole fucking planet. Like that was like literally me. And There's a couple things that could be tied to the reason why, you know, you tend to eat fast. One of them could be from a place of urgency. So feeling like, you know, you're you need to rush you. So it could be a sense of urgency, feeling like you don't feel safe to take time with what it is that you're doing with yourself and you feel like you need to... keep going in order to get where it is that you want to be. And this does not allow you to enjoy the process. Like it doesn't allow you to feel appreciative and grateful and just like be in the process, be present with it. And because you're just trying to move so fast. So it doesn't allow you to enjoy the process, which then leaves you feeling unsatisfied. It feels like you want more. Like have you ever experienced that? Like you eat so fast and you're like, I want more. What else? And it leaves you feeling not as satisfied as you could have been had you take your time. And if you're anything like me, you would want more. So like, I was just like, that's not enough. Like, I need more. Like, I'm not satisfied here, And so it's teaching you that when you truly love something, you take your time with it, right? You're present with it. You enjoy it. So just keep in mind, if you are doing this, if you're eating so fast, maybe try to slow down and you don't have to slow down like all the way right away. Cause I remember when I first did it, like I was, I could feel it in my body, like my mind. was, it was just like, I could hear all my thoughts. It was wild up in there. ⁓ ⁓ Especially if you're an air sign like me, I'm an Aquarius, so air signs can relate. And yeah, like I felt really, really uncomfortable, but I have a tendency to be able to move through discomfort, like the sense of resilience. So like I was just like, no, fuck that, we're doing this. And I just forced myself to stay there and then it's gotten better and better after practice. But if you feel like that's a lot, just like maybe even get I know one of my friends recommended ⁓ a spoon that has a timer on it. So it'll buzz every time you've taken like a scoop of food and you've had it and then it'll buzz for you to wait certain few seconds before you go back and edit again. So that's like a great way to train yourself or just start slower. Like if you're eating super, super fast, like try to not eat as fast, even if you are like just try to go. backwards and start to allow yourself to be more present with the food, be with the food, but that is one of the ⁓ ways that I noticed that this pattern can show up and what it can tell you. This second one is eating until you're full, but like even beyond full, like you're way too full. You know when you eat more than you had the capacity for what you thought you wanted to have, but it was like so good that you just wanted more and more, but then you start feeling uncomfortable and you're not feeling as good. We've all been there then you're like, let's go for a walk, right? Or whatever. That comes from not feeling satisfied with what you've had. And you are honestly not really truly loving yourself when you're eating beyond that point. Like when you're eating past satisfaction of like, you know, in that feeling in your body when you're like, yeah, this is good. Like, I don't feel like I need more. I feel pretty good. You are not truly loving yourself when you're eating past that because it does feel uncomfortable. It does feel heavy, right? In your stomach. and does make you slow down a bit in your energy because there's just more than what was needed. And this really comes down to also a feeling of not feeling like you have enough and even feeling guilty of wasting food. But this is really just coming from a place of a lack mindset and a lack mentality because even with the wasting food, like my mom is a pro at this. Like she hates it. She'll even eat expired food because she feels bad about wasting quote unquote wasting food. But You're never wasting anything. There's such an abundance of food and there's such an abundance of resources that it's okay. You would rather do that than to fill up your body and make yourself uncomfortable and do that to yourself. That is unnecessary because you feel like maybe there isn't enough food, right? Or maybe you feel guilty of wasting it, right? When you're actually not, because there's so much available for you. One more thing that I want to add on is that eating more than what you need also comes from a place of an attempt to feel whole. Because when you feel whole, when you feel complete as you are, you have everything that you need so you don't feel like you need more. There's not this like need energy. But when you are giving yourself more than what you need, then that can be like, it's tricky when you think about it, but it makes sense when you really like understand it on an energetic level and that it does do that from that behavior. The next is eating with distractions. This is probably the most common one. Literally, I want you to notice this when you go out. I see this all the fucking time Every single person especially for eating alone when you're eating with people I notice it too, but When you're eating alone, you see someone eating by themselves. They are always on their fucking phone or they're doing something They're distracted somehow like I always see this or if you're eating and you're reading a book at the same time, right? or if you're eating and you're watching TV. These are all the ways in how you are using these things as distractions for just not sitting with yourself and just being able to eat by yourself without any of these things. it is such an amazing skill to develop because I have been so guilty of this. My thing was watching TV. ⁓ while I eat. And I would notice now that I'm so aware that every time I would watch something while I was eating, I would end up either eating more or I would just be ⁓ like not with my food and therefore not present with my emotions, my thoughts, right? You notice the difference if you ever ate by yourself. If you ever have, you'll notice like you'll be with yourself. You'll look around your thoughts. You'll start to hear your thoughts. ⁓ It's such a different experience. And the point is not to never eat without any distractions ever again, because like we're human, you know, like for me, TV relaxes my mind. Sometimes I need that. Right. That's not the point. The point is to be able to sit with yourself and eat alone without anything around you that's distracting you, because it's going to be telling you a story of how you feel. Some of the stories that people feel around eating by themselves is loneliness, believe it or not. It's this feeling of loneliness that comes up for them because we all have this innate desire for a sense of belonging in the world. It's a primal thing in our bodies because if we didn't have anybody, we would be killed, right? By the animals or whatever in the back of the days, in the primal days. So our brain is so used to that, right? This like natural primal state of wanting to belong in the world somehow. And so a lot of people associate, you know, eating by themselves, being by themselves, even going out by themselves anywhere as an indicator that, ⁓ they're loser, they're lonely, right? I used to think this way until I was like, no, fuck that. Like I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna meet some people everywhere I go. Had to get used to that, right? Same thing with eating. that comes up for some people. And I just want to say that like when we're eating with distractions, like it makes us further disconnected from ourselves because again, we're not checking in with our thoughts, our emotions that come up while we're eating. Like it's not something you consciously do. It just comes up, right? When you're in that moment of stillness, that is when things come up. Like it could feel uncomfortable, the ⁓ habits, the thought patterns, ⁓ everything that we up. for over the years that may not be serving us today, but it is going to benefit you so much more by being with it. And honestly, sometimes even awareness can shift a lot. You don't have to always try to heal something about yourself that even once you're aware, you're just gonna make different choices and that's enough. So be mindful of this one. You know, don't go buck wild with it, but maybe, you know, if you want. Like if you're someone that watches TV, for example, while you eat, maybe try to do like one day out of the week and start there start training your body to get used to this habit of eating without any distractions. Trust me, girl, you're going to thank me later for this. Another one, and it ties into the one that I just talked about of like eating with distractions is eating when you're not hungry. So eating when you're not hungry, the food is a distraction in itself. Like the act of eating is a distraction in itself because what it is telling you on a deeper level, and I've noticed this for myself because I was doing this a lot too, and I'm honestly still working on it. Like literally last night, and I'm going through my luteal phase, but still I'm being aware of this. I was like, I had dinner and like my stomach is fine. I can feel my body like we're fine. We don't need food, right? And I was like, I want chocolate. I want chocolate. just, it was a thought that popped in my head. And so I checked in with my body. I went straight to my stomach and I was like, do we really want chocolate? And my stomach was like, no bitch. Like we're good. Like we have enough food here. We're trying to work with the food we got. So I was like, no, I don't want chocolate. It's just like a thought in my head that I had. And a lot of it can come from a place of boredom. Especially if you work from home, girl, like it can get real with like when you're taking breaks, you know, when you're you want to treat yourself right and celebrate yourself. Like I used to do that a lot. Like I'm going to treat myself and celebrate myself. So I'm to go get food. There's a lot of other creative ways where we can do that without having to get food. Like it's okay, but just being more mindful of this is going to help a lot. Sometimes it can also come from a place of grief where emotional eating where that kicks in because it gives you this sense of comfort, the sense of like, ⁓ it just numbs emotions because your focus is elsewhere. Gives you that temporary cheap high. It's only temporary, but it ends up creating, like I said, a secondary problem. where that's why we have obesity and that's why we have health issues from all the food that we eat that we don't necessarily need. It could even come up as this feeling of emptiness can be the reason why like you're not 100 % happy and you just feel like drained and empty from within can be the reason why you also eat when you're actually not hungry. It could also be from loneliness. You know, that's a big one so that you go to food because that gives you that feeling that you desire feeling good, right? But it's all temporary, my love. So. Definitely keep out for that one. That one's a really tricky one too. next one is not eating when you need to. So this is kind of the opposite of what I said previously around eating when you're not hungry. ⁓ this one is more about like not eating when you need to by not basically giving yourself what you need and therefore not nourishing yourself. And this can also cause a lot of health issues and it really comes from a lack of self prioritization. ⁓ This one I've also noticed a few times, especially like happens when you're working and when you're out and about, you have so many responsibilities and things that you're doing and your day is quote unquote busy, right? Like all these things that we're doing and that can end up us not giving ourselves what we need to the place where we're starving, right? You find yourself not being on top of giving yourself what you need and not. giving yourself food when you're actually hungry because when you're starving, you're not hungry as you initially think that you are. Why do we get to that place of starving? To think that we're hungry because when we get to that place of starving, we are usually leaning towards the things that are not the best for us. And so this is gonna be a practice with you learning your body and learning how your body communicates with you. ⁓ of what it feels like when you are hungry. For me, it's very subtle. It's kind of like I'm not starving, but I can also feel when the tank feels empty. The last one guys is going to hit and it is restricting yourself with dieting with food in general having rules and restrictions around with food and it's really interesting when I sat with this one and what it actually tells you about yourself because I for one have been dieting my entire life, you know when I lost weight when I was 15 and a half going on 16 I did it alone. I didn't have a fitness trainer or anything. I just kind of watched other people and what they do at the gym, did what they did, and then I like kind of put two and two together of like what's probably healthy and what's not and then just did that. Everything was measured, right? And then I had two other weight loss journeys since then and even with those weight loss journeys, I have dieted. I have only ate certain foods and I restricted myself with how much I'm eating and like kept everything on track, very like managing everything, right? And like what I eat, what I don't eat. to the point where when I would eat a chocolate cake or when I would eat something that would deem to be unhealthy, I would feel like guilty about it. I would feel like I would have to make up for it, right? And that's not healthy. And what this is essentially telling you is that you are feeling like you need to be a certain way, do certain things a certain way in order for you to get what you want, even if it doesn't feel comfortable for you. I want to repeat that again, because I really wanted to land. When you are doing this, when you're on restrictive diets, restricting yourself from certain things, going with this like whole ping pong effect with food. it's happening because you are restricting yourself. You are feeling like you have to be a certain way and do certain things a certain way based on what society has told you in order for you to get results, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. So a lot of it is really being able to trust yourself and tap into your intuition and being your full authentic self and authentically eating based on knowing what it is best for you. So now I intuitively eat. I don't measure anymore. It was very uncomfortable in the very beginning when I been on this like weight release journey for over two years. And a lot of it's like, you know, energetic stuff that I've been working on in the behind the scenes. But I feel so much more healthier now in my relationship with food in general. Don't feel guilty if I eat a chocolate cake or whatever. I even feel a lot more relaxed and a lot more ⁓ open minded even at the gym and the workouts that I do. I just have an overall better, healthier relationship now that I'm intuitively eating and knowing like, okay, like this feels good for my body. doesn't like allowing myself that flexibility. I'm not measuring anymore anything. And a lot of this will show you the imbalances that you have, the emotional imbalances that you have in your body when you start to realize where are you restricting yourself and why. Just ask yourself these questions, especially with food, because it's going to tell you a lot about the other areas of your life. And this is also why most people struggle with their ⁓ weight release journeys, because they're not aware of the energetic side of things. And they're not aware that like, okay, I could yes get X result by eating an X way, right? It's like science, it's like in a fucking math equation, right? But at what cost, what expense? You know, when I started trading my intuition over a year ago and I... looked back and I was just like intuitively looking in to see like, you know, why did I get the kind of results that I did even when I was doing all these things and now it's just been so different for me. What I saw was that even though I looked a certain way and I thought that I was healthy, actually like my body wasn't healthy as the way it is now. It wasn't as healthy as I thought it was. And if I kept going that route, like your body will show you over time what you have been doing with it. Like the habits and patterns that you have, like your body will show you over time. So don't take that shit for granted. So I want to finish off with a script from the book and I wanted to read it verbatim because it was so freaking good and ⁓ it's really going to lock everything in that I've been talking about. And I just want you guys to have like awareness around this. Just sit with all this info and also relisten as many times as you want because... ⁓ more that you've listened, you're going to pick up more things that you probably weren't aware of or that maybe your emotions were kind of triggered in a certain way ⁓ you just needed some space and time to like re-listen again and something else will click. the script from the book ⁓ is when you longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted. or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop when you believe in yourself more than you believe in food. You will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart. Because the desire to eat when you're not hungry reveals what you truly believe about life. All your beliefs, your relationships, and all your emotions, all your suffering, And this is basically your beliefs, ⁓ relationships, all around feeling your emotions, right? The emotions that you have all around suffering and how you believe and your relationship around suffering, receiving, ⁓ all of nourishment, abundance, resting, ⁓ having enough. So ⁓ just feel like ⁓ You know, the common thread here at the end of it all is again, your relationship with enoughness from everything that I picked up with this book, from everything that I've been doing, everything that I shared in this podcast episode. And I feel like when you start to heal your relationship with feeling enough and feeling like you have enough, everything else starts to shift And biggest, most important thing is to be able to sit with your emotions, feel your emotions, and trust yourself with your emotions. Just know that you're not going to lose your shit if you are sitting with your emotions, if you're feeling your emotions, ⁓ like part of the process of your emotions, and especially the ones that are not, you know, as desirable, the ones that are not. And we're not even getting rid of labels because emotions are just feedback. They're not even right or wrong. ⁓ It's just feedback of where you're at emotionally, what's not in alignment with your true self. And that comes from the beliefs that you hold because the beliefs that you hold trigger the emotions that you have. It's like a cycle. So it's all an awareness. It's all a journey, but it's a journey back to yourself of feeling enough as you are feeling like you have enough. And that is when you start to have a healthier relationship in all the other areas of your life. So I highly recommend if you are fascinated by the stuff I shared, get the book. I really do feel like all women need to buy this book. ⁓ It's really ⁓ so unique, so special, and it really opened up my eyes in very cool way. ⁓ And it's called Food, and by Janine Roth. So I'm sure you can buy it on Amazon. But check it out, it's so good. Also, since I bought up the topic of enoughness, there is a podcast episode in my library somehow. that I made in my podcast around And there's like the two key pieces to enoughness. And then there was another one that I made ⁓ more recently. ⁓ Go check it out. It is so good and if I can find it, will reference it in the description box below for you guys. So you guys can like tune into that one too. But thank you guys so much for tuning in today. I really hope that this was helpful for you guys and I want you guys to take this information, sit with it, re-listen and then implement just one of the things that we talked about, one of the habits to start to sit with, have awareness with. journal on it if you need to for like what's going on there and start implementing. I don't want you guys to do all of this at once because it's going to overwhelm your body. It's going to overwhelm your mind. The habit is not going to stick when you try to change everything right away. Just implement one thing and I want to hear about it. Hit me up on Instagram. My Instagram is Darash Vibes. D-A-R-S-H-V-I-B-E-S-S. Hit me up on Instagram. Let me know how everything goes. I love to hear from you guys, it really helps me help you better. And also if you really enjoy listening to this podcast, please give it a five star review. Let me know your feedback and it really helps just get the podcast more out there in the hands of more women, helping them growing the community more. And I love you guys. I'll catch you guys in the next episode. Bye.