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Bargain Day At Tutt House · Classic Humorous Short Stories from America

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Speaker 1: Story fifteen of the Best American Humorous Short Stories by
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Speaker 1: Alexander Jessop, editor. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
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Speaker 1: Story fifteen Bargain Day at tut House nineteen o five
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Speaker 1: by George Randolph Chester, from mc clure's Magazine, June nineteen
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Speaker 1: o five, Copyright nineteen o five by the S. S.
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Speaker 1: Mc clure Company. Republished by the author's permission. One, just
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Speaker 1: as the stage rumbled over the rickety old bridge, creaking
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Speaker 1: and groaning, the sun came from behind the clouds that
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Speaker 1: had frowned all the way, and the passengers cheered up
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Speaker 1: a bit. The two richly dressed matrons, who had been
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Speaker 1: so utterly and unnecessarily oblivious to the presence of each other,
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Speaker 1: now suspended hostilities for the moment by mutual and unspoken consent,
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Speaker 1: and viewed with relief the little golden tinted valley and
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Speaker 1: the tree clad road just beyond. The respective husbands of
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Speaker 1: these two ladies exchanged a mere glance, no more of comfort.
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Speaker 1: They too were relieved, though more by the momentary truce
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Speaker 1: than by anything else. They regretted very much to be
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Speaker 1: compelled to hate each other, for each had reckoned up
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Speaker 1: his visa vie as a rather proper sort of fellow,
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Speaker 1: probably a man of some achievement, used to good living
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Speaker 1: and good company. Extreme iciness was unavoidable between them. However,
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Speaker 1: when one stranger has a splendidly preserved blonde wife and
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Speaker 1: the other a splendidly preserved brunette wife, both of whom
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Speaker 1: have won social prominence by years of hard fighting and aloofness,
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Speaker 1: there remains nothing for the two men but to follow
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Speaker 1: the lead, especially when directly under the eyes of the
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Speaker 1: leaders the the sun of the blonde matron smiled cheerfully
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Speaker 1: as the welcome light flooded the coach. He was a
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Speaker 1: nice looking young man of about twenty two, one might judge,
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Speaker 1: and he did his smiling, though in a perfectly impersonal
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Speaker 1: and correct sort of manner, at the pretty daughter of
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Speaker 1: the brunette matron. The pretty daughter also smiled, but her
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Speaker 1: smile was demurely directed at the trees outside, clad as
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Speaker 1: they were in all the flaming glory of their autumn tents,
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Speaker 1: glistening with the recent rain and dripping with gems that
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Speaker 1: sparkled and flashed in the noonday sun as they fell.
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Speaker 1: It is marvelous how much one can see out of
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Speaker 1: the corner of the eye while seeming to view mere scenery.
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Speaker 1: The driver looked down as he drove safely off the
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Speaker 1: bridge and shook his head at the swirl of water
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Speaker 1: that rushed and eddied, dark and muddy close up under
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Speaker 1: the rotten planking. Then he cracked his whip and the
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Speaker 1: horses sturdily attacked the little hill. Thick overhanging trees on
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Speaker 1: either side now dimmed the light again, and the two
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Speaker 1: plump matrons once more glared past the opposite shoulders, profoundly
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Speaker 1: unaware of each other. The husbands took on the politely
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Speaker 1: surly look required of them. The blond son's eyes still
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Speaker 1: sought the brunette daughter, but it was furtively done, and
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Speaker 1: quite unsuccessfully, for the daughter was now doing a little
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Speaker 1: glaring on her own account. The blond matron had just
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Speaker 1: swept her eyes across the daughter's skirt, estimating the fit
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Speaker 1: and material of it, with contempt so artistically veiled that
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Speaker 1: it could almost be understood in the dark. Two the
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Speaker 1: big bays swung to the brow of the hill with
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Speaker 1: ease and dash into a small circular clearing, where a
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Speaker 1: quaint little two story building with a mossy watering trough
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Speaker 1: out in front, nestled under the shade of majestic old
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Speaker 1: trees that reared their brown and scarlet crowns proudly into
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Speaker 1: the sky. A long, low porch ran across the front
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Speaker 1: of the structure, and a complaining sign hung out, announcing
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Speaker 1: in dim weather flecked letters on a cracked board that
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Speaker 1: this was the tut house. A gray headed man in
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Speaker 1: brown overalls and faded blue jumper stood on the porch
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Speaker 1: and shook his fist at the stage as it whirled by.
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Speaker 1: What a delightfully old fashioned in exclaimed the pretty daughter.
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Speaker 1: How I should like to stop there over night. You
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Speaker 1: would probably wish yourself away before morning, Evelyn replied her
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Speaker 1: mother indifferently. No doubt it would be a mere siege
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Speaker 1: of discomfort. The blond matron turned to her husband. The
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Speaker 1: pretty daughter had been looking at the picturesque inn between
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Speaker 1: the heads of this lady and her son, Edward. Please
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Speaker 1: pull down the shade behind me, she directed, There is
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Speaker 1: quite a draft from that broken window. The pretty daughter
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Speaker 1: bit her lip. Their brunette matron continued to stare at
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Speaker 1: the shade in the exact spot upon which her gaze
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Speaker 1: had been before directed, and she never quivered an eyelash.
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Speaker 1: The young man seemed very uncomfortable, and he tried to
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Speaker 1: look his apologies to the pretty daughter, but she could
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Speaker 1: not see him now, not even if her eyes had
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Speaker 1: been all corners. They were bowling along through another avenue
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Speaker 1: of trees when the driver suddenly shouted, whoa there. The
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Speaker 1: horses were brought up with a jerk that was well
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Speaker 1: nigh fatal to the assortment of dignity. Inside the coach,
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Speaker 1: a loud roaring could be heard both ahead and in
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Speaker 1: the rear, a sharp splitting like a fusillade of pistol shots,
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Speaker 1: then a creaking and tearing of timbers. The driver bent
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Speaker 1: suddenly forward. Get up, he cried, and the horses sprang
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Speaker 1: forward with a lurch. He swung them around a sharp
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Speaker 1: bend with a skillful hand and poised his weight above
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Speaker 1: the brake as they plunged at terrific speed down a
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Speaker 1: steep grade. The roaring was louder than ever now, and
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Speaker 1: it became deafening as they suddenly emerged from the thick
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Speaker 1: underbrush at the bottom of the declivity, caught by gravy.
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Speaker 1: Ejaculated the driver and for the second time, he brought
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Speaker 1: the coach to an abrupt stop. Do see what is
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Speaker 1: the matter, Ralph, said the blonde matron impatiently. Thus commanded
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Speaker 1: the young man swung out and asked the driver about it.
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Speaker 1: Paints filled, dams busted. He was informed, A ben a
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Speaker 1: looking for for it, this many a year, an this
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Speaker 1: here fresh had done it. You see the holler there, well,
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Speaker 1: there's ten foot o water in it, and it had
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Speaker 1: ought to be stone dry. The bridge is tore out
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Speaker 1: behind us, and we're stuck here till that water runs out.
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Speaker 1: We can't get away till tomorrow. Anyways, He pointed out
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Speaker 1: the peculiar topography of the place, and Ralph got back
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Speaker 1: in the coach. We're practically on a flood made island,
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Speaker 1: he exclaimed, with one eye on the pretty daughter, and
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Speaker 1: we shall have to stop over night at that quaint
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Speaker 1: old fashioned inn we passed a few moments ago. The
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Speaker 1: pretty daughter's eyes twinkled, and he thought he caught a
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Speaker 1: swift direct gleam from under the long lashes, but he
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Speaker 1: was not sure. Dear me, how annoying, said the blonde matron.
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Speaker 1: But the brunette matron still stared without the slightest trace
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Speaker 1: of interest in anything else at the infinitesimal spot she
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Speaker 1: had selected on the affronting window shade. The two men
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Speaker 1: gave sighs of resignation and cast carefully concealed glances at
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Speaker 1: each other, speculating on the possibility of a cigar and
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Speaker 1: a glass and maybe a good story or two, or
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Speaker 1: possibly even a game of poker after the evening meal.
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Speaker 1: Who could tell what might or might not happen. Three.
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Speaker 1: When the stage drew up in front of the little hotel,
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Speaker 1: it found Uncle Billy Tutt prepared for his revenge. In
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Speaker 1: former days, the stage had always stopped at the Tut
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Speaker 1: house for the noonday meal. Since the new railway was
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Speaker 1: built through the adjoining county, however, the stage trip became
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Speaker 1: a mere twelve mile cross country transfer from one railroad
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Speaker 1: to another, and the stage made a later trip, allowing
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Speaker 1: the passengers plenty of time for dinner before they started.
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Speaker 1: Day after day, as the coach flashed by with its
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Speaker 1: money laden passengers, Uncle Billy had hoped it would break down.
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Speaker 1: But this was better, much better. The coach might be
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Speaker 1: quickly mended, but not the flood. I'm a gaunt to
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Speaker 1: charge him till they squeal, He declared to the timidly
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Speaker 1: protesting Aunt Margaret, and then I'm going to charge him
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Speaker 1: at least my more dratam. He retreated behind the rough
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Speaker 1: wooden counter that did duty as a desk, slammed open
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Speaker 1: the flimsy paper bound cash book that served as a register,
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Speaker 1: and planted his elbows uncompromisingly on either side of it.
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Speaker 1: Let him bring in their own traps, he commented, and
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Speaker 1: Aunt Margaret fled, ashamed and conscious smitten to the kitchen.
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Speaker 1: It seemed awful. The first one out of the coach
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Speaker 1: was the husband of the brunette matron, and proceeding under instructions,
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Speaker 1: he waited neither for luggage nor womenfolk, but hurried straight
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Speaker 1: into the tut house. The other man would have been
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Speaker 1: neck and neck with him in the race if it
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Speaker 1: had not been that he paused to seize two suit
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Speaker 1: cases and had the misfortune to drop one, which burst
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Speaker 1: open and scattered a choice assortment of langerie from one
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Speaker 1: end of the dingy coach to the other. In the
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Speaker 1: confusion of rescuing the fluffery, the owner of the suit
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Speaker 1: case had to sacrifice her hauteur and help her husband
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Speaker 1: and son block up the aisle while the other matron
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Speaker 1: had the ineffable satisfaction of being kept waiting, at last
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Speaker 1: being enabled to say, sweetly, and with the most polite consideration,
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Speaker 1: will you kindly allow me to pass? The blond matron
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Speaker 1: raised up and swept her skirts back perfectly flat. She
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Speaker 1: was pale but collected. Her husband was pink but collected.
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Speaker 1: Her son was crimson and uncollected. The brunette daughter could
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Speaker 1: not have found an eye anywhere in his countenance as
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Speaker 1: she rustled out after her mother. I do hope that
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Speaker 1: Belmont has been able to secure choice quarters, the triumphing
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Speaker 1: matron remarked, as her daughter joined her on the ground.
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Speaker 1: This place looked so very small that there can scarcely
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Speaker 1: be more than one comfortable suite in it. It was
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Speaker 1: a vital thrust. Only a splendidly cultivated self control prevented
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Speaker 1: the blonde matron from retaliating upon the unfortunate who had
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Speaker 1: muddled things. Even so, her eyes spoke whole shells of volumes.
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Speaker 1: The man who first reached the register wrote in a
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Speaker 1: straight black scrawl, J Belmont von comp wife and daughter.
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Speaker 1: There being no space left for his he put none down.
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Speaker 1: I want three adjoining rooms, A sweet if possible, he demanded, three,
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Speaker 1: exclaimed Uncle Billy, scratching his head, won't two, do yer.
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Speaker 1: I ain't got but six bedrooms in the house. Ma'am
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Speaker 1: oud sleeps in one, and we're a gettin too old
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Speaker 1: for a shakedown on the floor. I'll have to save
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Speaker 1: one room for the driver, and that leads four. You
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Speaker 1: take two now, mister van Camp cast a hasty glance
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Speaker 1: out of the window. The other man was getting out
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Speaker 1: of the coach. His own wife was stepping on the porch.
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Speaker 1: What do you ask for meals and lodging until this
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Speaker 1: time tomorrow? He interrupted. The decisive moment had arrived. Uncle
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Speaker 1: Billy drew a deep breath. Two dollars ahead, he defiantly announced,
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Speaker 1: there it was out. He wished Margaret had stayed to
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Speaker 1: hear him say it. The guest did not seem to
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Speaker 1: be seriously shocked, and Uncle Billy was beginning to be
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Speaker 1: sorry he had not said three dollars when mister van
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Speaker 1: Camp stopped the landlord's own breath. I'll give you fifteen
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Speaker 1: dollars for the three best rooms in the house, he
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Speaker 1: calmly said, and Landlord tut gasped as the money fluttered
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Speaker 1: down under his nose. Just take your folks right on up,
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Speaker 1: mister camp said Uncle Billy, bouncing on the money. The
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Speaker 1: room is the three right along the whole front of
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Speaker 1: the house. I'll be up and make a fire in
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Speaker 1: a minute. Just take the Jonesville Banna and the Udiki
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Speaker 1: clarion along with you. As the swish of skirts marked
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Speaker 1: the passage of the van camps up the wide hall stairway.
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Speaker 1: The other party swept into the room. The man wrote
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Speaker 1: in a round flourish Edward Eastman, Ellsworth, wife and son.
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Speaker 1: I'd like three choice rooms on suite, he said. Gosh,
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Speaker 1: said Uncle Billy regretfully. That's what mister camp MP wanted,
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Speaker 1: fust off, and he got it the haint, But the
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Speaker 1: little room over the kitchen left. I'll have to put
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Speaker 1: you and your wife in that, and let your boy
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Speaker 1: sleep with the driver. The consternation in the Ellsworth party
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Speaker 1: was past calculating by any known standards of measurement. The
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Speaker 1: thing was an outrage. It was not to be borne.
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Speaker 1: They would not submit to it. Uncle Billy, however, secure
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Speaker 1: in his mastery of the situation, calmly quartered them as
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Speaker 1: he had said, and let him splutter all they want to,
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Speaker 1: he commented comfortably to himself. Four. The Ellsworth were holding
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Speaker 1: a family indignation meeting on the broad porch when the
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Speaker 1: Van Camps came contentedly down for a walk and brushed
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Speaker 1: by them with unseeing eyes. It makes a perfectly fascinating suite,
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Speaker 1: observed Missus van Camp in a pleasantly conversational tone that
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Speaker 1: could be easily overheard by any one impolite enough to listen.
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Speaker 1: That delightful old fashioned fireplace in the middle apartment makes
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Speaker 1: it an ideal sitting room, and the beds are so
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Speaker 1: roomy and comfortable. I just knew it would be like this,
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Speaker 1: chirruped Miss Evelyn, I remarked as we passed the place,
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Speaker 1: if you will remember how charming it would be to
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Speaker 1: stop in this dear, quaint old inn. Overnight all my
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Speaker 1: wishes seemed to come true this year. These simple and
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Speaker 1: of course entirely unpremeditated remarks were as vinegar and wormwood
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Speaker 1: to Missus Ellsworth, and she gazed after the retreating Van
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Speaker 1: Camps with a glint in her eye that would make
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Speaker 1: one understand Lucretia Borgia. At last, her son also gazed
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Speaker 1: after the retreating Van Camp. She had an exquisite figure,
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Speaker 1: and she carried herself with the most delible grace. As
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Speaker 1: the party drew away from the inn, she dropped behind
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Speaker 1: the elders and wandered off into a side path to
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Speaker 1: gather autumn leaves. Ralph too started off for a walk,
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Speaker 1: but naturally not in the same direction. Edward suddenly said,
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Speaker 1: missus Ellsworth, I want you to turn those people out
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Speaker 1: of that suite before night. Very well, he replied with
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Speaker 1: a sigh, and got up to do it. He had
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Speaker 1: wrecked a railroad and made one, and had operated successful
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Speaker 1: corners in Nutmegs and Chicory. No task seemed impossible. He
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Speaker 1: walked in to see the landlord. What are the van
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Speaker 1: Camp's paying you for those three rooms? He asked? Fifteen dollars.
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Speaker 1: Uncle Billy informed him, smoking one of mister van Camp's
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Speaker 1: good cigars and twiddling his thumbs in huge content. I'll
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Speaker 1: give you thirty for them. Just set their baggage out
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Speaker 1: side and tell them the rooms are occupied. No, sir, ree,
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Speaker 1: rejoined Uncle Billy. A bargain's a bargain, and an ally
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Speaker 1: stick to one. I make mister Ellsworth withdrew but not defeated.
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Speaker 1: He had never supposed that such an absurd proposition would
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Speaker 1: be accepted. It was only a feeler, and he had
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Speaker 1: noticed a WinCE of regret in his landlord. He sat
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Speaker 1: down on the porch and lit a strong cigar. His
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Speaker 1: wife did not bother him. She gazed complacently at the
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Speaker 1: flaming foliage opposite and allowed him to think getting impossible
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Speaker 1: things was his business in life, and she had confidence
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Speaker 1: in him. I want to rent your entire house for
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Speaker 1: a week, he announced to uncle Billy. A few minutes later,
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Speaker 1: it had occurred to him that the flood might last
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Speaker 1: longer than they anticipated. Uncle Billy's eyes twinkled. I reckon
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Speaker 1: it ken be dead, he allowed, I reckon a hotel.
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Speaker 1: Man's got a right to rent his whole house every minute,
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Speaker 1: of course he has. How much do you want? Uncle
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Speaker 1: Billy had made one mistake in not asking this sort
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Speaker 1: of folks enough, and he reflected, in perplexity, make me
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Speaker 1: an offer, He proposed, effin it hain't an not. I'll
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Speaker 1: tell you you want to rent the whole place, back
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Speaker 1: lot and all. No, just the mere house. That will
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Speaker 1: be enough, answered the other with a smile. He was
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Speaker 1: on the point of offering a hundred dollars when he
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Speaker 1: saw the little wrinkles about mister Tutt's eyes, and he said,
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Speaker 1: seventy five. Sure you're jokin, retorted Uncle Billy. He had
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Speaker 1: been considered a fine horse trader in that part of
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Speaker 1: the country. Make it a hundred and twenty five and
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Speaker 1: I'll go you. Mister Ellsworth counted out some bills. Here's
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Speaker 1: a hundred. He said, that ought to be about right.
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Speaker 1: Fifteen more, insisted Uncle Billy, with a little frown of impatience.
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Speaker 1: The other counted off the extra money and handed it over.
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Speaker 1: Uncle Billy gravely handed it back. Them's the fifteen dollars,
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Speaker 1: mister camp give me, he explained. You've got the whole
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Speaker 1: house for a week, and of course all the money
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Speaker 1: that's took an inn is yrn. You can do as
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Speaker 1: you please about rentin out rooms to other folks. I
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Speaker 1: reckon a bargain's a bargain, and I all a stick
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Speaker 1: to one. I make five. Ralph Ellsworth stalked among the trees,
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Speaker 1: feverishly searching for squirrels, scarlet leaves, and the glint of
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Speaker 1: a brown walking dress, this last not being so easy
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Speaker 1: to locate in sunlit autumn woods. Time after time, he
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Speaker 1: quickened his pace, only to find that he had been
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Speaker 1: fooled by a patch of dogwood, a clump of haw bushes,
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Speaker 1: or even a leaf strewn knoll. But at last he
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Speaker 1: unmistakably saw the dress, and then he slowed down to
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Speaker 1: a careless saunter. She was reaching up for some brilliantly
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Speaker 1: colored maple leaves, and was entirely unconscious of his presence,
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Speaker 1: especially after she had seen him. Her pose showed her
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Speaker 1: pretty figure to advantage, but of course she did not
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Speaker 1: know that how should she. Ralph admired the picture very much.
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Speaker 1: The hat, the hair, the gown, the dainty shoes, even
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Speaker 1: the narrow strip of silken hose that was revealed as
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Speaker 1: she stood a tiptoe, were all of a deep, rich
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Speaker 1: brown that proved an exquisite foil for the pink and
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Speaker 1: cream of her cheeks. He remembered that her eyes were
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Speaker 1: almost the same shade, and wondered how it was that
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Speaker 1: women folk happened on combinations in dress that so well
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Speaker 1: set off their natural charms. The fool he was about
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Speaker 1: three trees away now, and a panic akin to that
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Speaker 1: which hunters described as buck agw seized him. He decided
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Speaker 1: that he really had no excuse for coming any nearer.
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Speaker 1: It would not do either to be seen staring at
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Speaker 1: her if she should happen to turn her head, so
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Speaker 1: he veered off, intending to regain the road. It would
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Speaker 1: be impossible to do this without passing directly in her
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Speaker 1: range of vision, and he did not intend to try
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Speaker 1: to avoid it. He had a fine manly figure of
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Speaker 1: his own. He had just passed the nearest radius to
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Speaker 1: her circle, and was proceeding along the tangent that he
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Speaker 1: had laid out for himself, when the unwitting maid looked
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Speaker 1: carefully down and saw a tangle of roots at her
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Speaker 1: very feet. She was so unfortunate a second later as
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Speaker 1: to slip her foot in this very tangle and give
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Speaker 1: her ankle ever so slight a twist. Oh, cried Miss
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Speaker 1: van Camp, and Ralph Ellsworth flew to the rescue. He
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Speaker 1: had not been noticing her at all, and yet he
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Speaker 1: had started to her side before she had even cried out,
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Speaker 1: which was strange. She had a very attractive voice. May
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Speaker 1: I be of assistance, he anxiously inquired, I think not,
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Speaker 1: Thank you, she replied, compressing her lips to keep back
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Speaker 1: the intolerable pain and half closing her eyes to show
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Speaker 1: the fine lashes. Declining the proffered help, she extricated her foot,
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Speaker 1: picked up her autumn branches, and turned away. She was
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Speaker 1: intensely averse to anything that could be construed as a flirtation,
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Speaker 1: even of the mildest. He could certainly see that. She
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Speaker 1: took a step, swayed slightly, dropped the leaves, and clutched
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Speaker 1: out her hand to him. Ah, it is nothing, she
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Speaker 1: assured him in a moment, withdrawing the hand after he
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Speaker 1: had helped it quite long enough. Nothing whatever. I gave
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Speaker 1: my foot a slight wrench and turned the least bit
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Speaker 1: faint for a moment. You must permit me to walk back,
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Speaker 1: at least to the road with you, he insisted, gathering
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Speaker 1: up her armload of branches. I couldn't think of leaving
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Speaker 1: you here alone. As he stooped to raise the gay
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Speaker 1: woodland treasures, he smiled to himself, ever so slightly. This
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Speaker 1: was not his first season out either. Delightful spot, isn't it,
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Speaker 1: he observed, as they regained the road and sauntered in
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Speaker 1: the direction of the tut house. Quite so, she reservedly answered.
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Speaker 1: She had noticed that smile as he stooped. He must
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Speaker 1: be snubbed a little. It would be so good for him.
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Speaker 1: You don't happen to know Billy Evans of Boston, do you,
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Speaker 1: he asked. I think not. I am, but very little
24:00
Speaker 1: acquainted in Boston. Too bad, he went on. I was
24:05
Speaker 1: rather in hope she knew Billy all sorts of a
24:08
Speaker 1: splendid fellow, and knows everybody. Not quite, it seems, she
24:14
Speaker 1: reminded him, and he winced at the error. In spite
24:19
Speaker 1: of the sly smile that he had permitted to himself,
24:22
Speaker 1: he was unusually interested. He tried the weather, the flood,
24:27
Speaker 1: the accident, golf books, and three good, substantial warranted jokes,
24:34
Speaker 1: but the conversation lagged. In spite of him. Miss van
24:38
Speaker 1: Camp would not for the world have it understood that
24:42
Speaker 1: this unconventional meeting, made allowable by her wrenched ankle, could
24:47
Speaker 1: possibly fulfill the functions of a formal introduction. What a
24:53
Speaker 1: ripping queer old building, that is, he exclaimed, making one
24:57
Speaker 1: more brave effort as they came in sight of it.
25:00
Speaker 1: The hotel it is, rather, she assented. The rooms in
25:05
Speaker 1: it are as quaint and delightful as the exterior too.
25:09
Speaker 1: She looked as harmless and innocent as a basket of peaches,
25:13
Speaker 1: as she said it, and never the suspicion of a
25:16
Speaker 1: smile deepened the dimple in the cheek toward him. The
25:20
Speaker 1: smile was glowing cheerfully away inside, though he could feel
25:25
Speaker 1: it if he could not see it, and he laughed aloud.
25:29
Speaker 1: Your crowd rather got the better of us there, he admitted,
25:32
Speaker 1: with the keen appreciation of one still quite close to
25:36
Speaker 1: college days. Of course, the mater is furious, but I
25:40
Speaker 1: rather look on it as a lark, she thawed, like
25:44
Speaker 1: an april icicle. It's perfectly jolly, she laughed with him.
25:49
Speaker 1: Awfully selfish of us too, I know, but such loads
25:52
Speaker 1: of fun. They were close to the tut house now,
25:56
Speaker 1: and her limp, that had entirely disappeared as they emerged
26:01
Speaker 1: from the woods, now became quite perceptible. There might be
26:06
Speaker 1: people looking out of the windows, though it is hard
26:09
Speaker 1: to see why that would effect a limp. Ralph was
26:13
Speaker 1: delighted to find that a thaw had set in, and
26:16
Speaker 1: he made one more attempt to establish at least a
26:19
Speaker 1: proxy acquaintance. You don't happen to know, Payson Kingsley of Philadelphia,
26:25
Speaker 1: do you? I'm afraid I don't, she replied, I know
26:30
Speaker 1: so few Philadelphia people, you see. She was rather regretful
26:35
Speaker 1: about it this time. He really was a clever sort
26:38
Speaker 1: of a fellow. In spite of that smile. The center
26:42
Speaker 1: window in the second floor of the tut house swung open,
26:46
Speaker 1: its little squares of glass flashing jubilantly in the sunlight.
26:50
Speaker 1: Missus Ellsworth leaned out over the sill from the quaint
26:54
Speaker 1: old sitting room of the Van Camp apartments. Oh Ralph,
26:59
Speaker 1: she called, in her most dulcet tones, Kindly excuse yourself
27:03
Speaker 1: and come right on up to our suite for a
27:06
Speaker 1: few moments. Six. It is not nearly so easy to
27:12
Speaker 1: take a practical joke as to perpetuate one. Evelyn was
27:16
Speaker 1: sitting thoughtfully on the porch when her father and mother returned.
27:21
Speaker 1: Missus Ellsworth was sitting at the center window above placidly
27:25
Speaker 1: looking out. Her eyes swept carelessly over the Van Camps
27:29
Speaker 1: and unconcernedly passed on to the rest of the landscape.
27:34
Speaker 1: Missus van Camp gasped and clutched the arm of her husband.
27:39
Speaker 1: There was no need, he too, had seen the apparition. Evelyn,
27:45
Speaker 1: now for the first time, saw the real humor of
27:49
Speaker 1: the situation. She smiled as she thought of Ralph. She
27:53
Speaker 1: owed him one, but she never worried about her debts.
27:57
Speaker 1: She always managed to get them paid princes and interest.
28:02
Speaker 1: Mister van Camp suddenly glowered and strode into the tut House.
28:06
Speaker 1: Uncle Billy met him at the door, reflectively chewing a straw,
28:10
Speaker 1: and handed him an envelope. Mister van Camp tore it
28:14
Speaker 1: open and drew out a note. Three five dollar bills
28:19
Speaker 1: came out with it and fluttered to the porch floor.
28:22
Speaker 1: This missive confronted him, mister J. Belmont van Camp, Dear sir,
28:28
Speaker 1: this is to notify you that I have rented the
28:31
Speaker 1: entire tut House for the ensuing week and am compelled
28:35
Speaker 1: to assume possession of the three second floor front rooms.
28:39
Speaker 1: Herewith I am enclosing the fifteen dollars you paid to
28:43
Speaker 1: secure the suite. You are quite welcome to make use
28:46
Speaker 1: as my guest of the small room over the kitchen.
28:50
Speaker 1: You will find your luggage in that room. Regretting any
28:54
Speaker 1: inconvenience that this transaction may cause you, I am yours, respectfully,
28:59
Speaker 1: Edward Eastman Ellsworth. Mister van Camp passed the note to
29:04
Speaker 1: his wife, and sat down on a large chair. He
29:08
Speaker 1: was glad that the chair was comfortable and roomy. Evelyn
29:12
Speaker 1: picked up the bills and tucked them into her waist.
29:15
Speaker 1: She never overlooked any of her perquisites. Missus van Camp
29:19
Speaker 1: read the note and the tip of her nose became white.
29:23
Speaker 1: She also sat down, but she was the first to
29:26
Speaker 1: find her voice atrocious, she exclaimed, atrocious, simply atrocious. Belmont,
29:33
Speaker 1: this is a house of public entertainment. They can't turn
29:37
Speaker 1: us out in this high handed manner. Isn't there a
29:40
Speaker 1: law or something to that effect. It wouldn't matter if
29:44
Speaker 1: there was, he thoughtfully replied. This fellow Ellsworth would be
29:48
Speaker 1: too clever to be caught by it. He would say
29:51
Speaker 1: that the house was not a hotel, but a private
29:54
Speaker 1: residence during the period for which he has rented it personally,
29:59
Speaker 1: He rather there admired. Ellsworth seemed to be a resourceful
30:03
Speaker 1: sort of chap who knew how to make money, behave itself,
30:07
Speaker 1: and do its little tricks without bulking in the harness.
30:10
Speaker 1: Then you can make him take down the sign, his
30:13
Speaker 1: wife declared. He shook his head decidedly. It wouldn't do bell,
30:19
Speaker 1: he replied, It would be spite, not retaliation, and not
30:23
Speaker 1: at all sportsmanlike. The course you suggest would be little
30:28
Speaker 1: us more than it would annoy them. There must be
30:31
Speaker 1: some other way. He went in to talk with Uncle Billy.
30:36
Speaker 1: I want to buy this place, he stated, Is it
30:39
Speaker 1: for sale? It sartin is, replied Uncle Billy. He did
30:44
Speaker 1: not merely twinkle this time. He grinned how much three
30:49
Speaker 1: thousand dollars mister Tutt was used to charging by this time,
30:54
Speaker 1: and he betrayed no hesitation. I'll write you out a
30:58
Speaker 1: check at once, And mister van Camp reached in his
31:02
Speaker 1: pocket with the reflection that the spot, after all, was
31:06
Speaker 1: an ideal one for a quiet summer retreat. Ain't you
31:10
Speaker 1: gone to scribble that there three thousand on a piece
31:12
Speaker 1: of paper, inquired Uncle Billy, sitting bolt upright eff and
31:16
Speaker 1: you are figurin on that, mister Camp. Just you save
31:19
Speaker 1: your time. I give a man four dollars for one
31:22
Speaker 1: of them checkin things once, and I owe myself them
31:26
Speaker 1: four dollars. Yet mister van Camp retired in disorder, but
31:31
Speaker 1: the thought of his wife and daughter waiting confidently on
31:34
Speaker 1: the porch stopped him. Moreover, the thing had resolved itself
31:39
Speaker 1: rather into a contest between Ellsworth and himself, and he
31:43
Speaker 1: had done a little making and breaking of men and
31:47
Speaker 1: things in his own time. He did some gatling gun
31:51
Speaker 1: thinking out by the nwell post, and presently rejoined Uncle Billy.
31:56
Speaker 1: Mister Tutt, tell me just exactly what mister Ellsworth rented, please,
32:02
Speaker 1: he requested the whole house, replied Billy, And then he
32:06
Speaker 1: somewhat sternly added, paid miss Spot cash for it too.
32:10
Speaker 1: Mister van Camp took a wad of loose bills from
32:13
Speaker 1: his trousers pocket, straightened them out leisurely, and placed them
32:17
Speaker 1: in his bill book, along with some smooth yellow backs
32:21
Speaker 1: of eye bulging denominations. Uncle Billy sat up and stopped
32:26
Speaker 1: twiddling his thumbs. Nothing was said about uh, the furniture
32:31
Speaker 1: was there, suavely, inquired van Camp. Uncle Billy leaned blankly
32:36
Speaker 1: back in his chair. Little by little, the light dawned
32:40
Speaker 1: on the ex horse trader. The crow's feet reappeared about
32:44
Speaker 1: his eyes. His mouth twitched, he smiled, he grinned, then
32:49
Speaker 1: he slapped his thigh and haw had no roared Uncle Billy. No,
32:55
Speaker 1: there wasn't, by gum, nothing but the house his very
32:59
Speaker 1: own words, chuckled Uncle Billy. Just the mere house, says he,
33:03
Speaker 1: and he gets it. A bargain's a bargain, and I
33:06
Speaker 1: allays stick to one. I make how much for the
33:10
Speaker 1: furniture for the week? Fifty dollars? Mister tutt knew how
33:14
Speaker 1: to do business with this kind of people, now you bet.
33:18
Speaker 1: Mister van Camp promptly counted out the money. Drat it,
33:22
Speaker 1: commented Uncle Billy to himself. I could have got more.
33:25
Speaker 1: Now where can we make ourselves comfortable with this furniture?
33:29
Speaker 1: Uncle Billy chirked up. All was not yet lost? Wow,
33:35
Speaker 1: he reflectively drawled, there's the new bond. It ain't been
33:39
Speaker 1: used for nothing yet since I built it two years ago.
33:42
Speaker 1: I just hadn't the heart to put the crit is
33:44
Speaker 1: in as long as the old one stood up. The
33:47
Speaker 1: other smiled at this flashlight on Uncle Billy's character, and
33:52
Speaker 1: they went out to look at the barn. Seven. Uncle
33:57
Speaker 1: Billy came back from the Tutthouse annex as mister van
34:01
Speaker 1: Camp dubbed the barn with enough more money to make
34:04
Speaker 1: him love all the world until he got used to
34:07
Speaker 1: having it. Uncle Billy belongs to a large family. Mister
34:12
Speaker 1: van Camp joined the women on the porch and explained
34:15
Speaker 1: the attractively novel situation to them. They were chatting gaily
34:20
Speaker 1: when the Ellsworths came down the stairs. Mister Ellsworth paused
34:24
Speaker 1: for a moment to exchange a word with Uncle Billy.
34:28
Speaker 1: Mister tut said, he, laughing, if we go for a
34:31
Speaker 1: bit of exercise, will you guarantee us the possession of
34:34
Speaker 1: our rooms when we come back? Yes, sir ree, Uncle
34:37
Speaker 1: Billy assured him. They shan't nobody take them rooms away
34:41
Speaker 1: from you for money, marbles, nor chalk. A bargain's a bargain,
34:45
Speaker 1: and all is stick to one I make. And he
34:48
Speaker 1: virtuously took a chew of tobacco while he inspected the
34:51
Speaker 1: afternoon sky with a clear conscience. I want to get
34:55
Speaker 1: some of those splendid autumn leaves to decorate our cozy apartments,
35:00
Speaker 1: Missus Ellsworth told her husband as they passed in hearing
35:03
Speaker 1: of the van Camps. Do you know those old time
35:07
Speaker 1: rag rugs are the most oddly decorative effects that I
35:10
Speaker 1: have ever seen. They are so rich in color and
35:14
Speaker 1: so exquisitely blended. There were reasons why this poisoned arrow
35:20
Speaker 1: failed to rankle, but the Vancamps did not trouble to
35:23
Speaker 1: explain they were waiting for Ralph to come out and
35:26
Speaker 1: join his parents. Ralph, it seemed, however, had decided not
35:31
Speaker 1: to take a walk. He had already fatigued himself, he
35:34
Speaker 1: had explained, and his mother had favored him with a
35:38
Speaker 1: significant look. She could readily believe him. She had assured him,
35:43
Speaker 1: and had then left him in scorn. The van Camps
35:48
Speaker 1: went out to consider the arrangement of the barn. Evelyn
35:52
Speaker 1: returned first and came out on the porch to find
35:55
Speaker 1: a handkerchief. It was not there, but Ralph was. She
35:59
Speaker 1: was very much surprised to see him, and she intimated
36:03
Speaker 1: as much. It's dreadfully damp in the woods, he explained.
36:07
Speaker 1: By the way, you don't happen to know the Whitleys
36:10
Speaker 1: of Washington, do you? Most excellent people? I am quite
36:15
Speaker 1: sorry that I do not, she replied, But you will
36:18
Speaker 1: have to excuse me. We shall be kept very busy
36:21
Speaker 1: with arranging our apartments. Ralph sprang to his feet with
36:25
Speaker 1: a ludicrous expression. Not the second floor front sweet, he exclaimed.
36:31
Speaker 1: Oh no, not at all, she reassured him. He laughed lightly.
36:36
Speaker 1: Honors are about even in that game, he said. Evelyn
36:41
Speaker 1: called her mother from the hall. Please come and take
36:44
Speaker 1: those front sweet curtains down to the barn. Pardon me
36:48
Speaker 1: while we take the next trick, remarked Evelyn with a
36:52
Speaker 1: laugh quite as light and gleeful as his own, and
36:55
Speaker 1: disappeared into the hall. He followed her slowly and was
37:00
Speaker 1: met at the door by her father. You are the younger,
37:04
Speaker 1: mister Ellsworth, I believe, politely said mister van Camp. Ralph Ellsworth, Yes, sir,
37:10
Speaker 1: here is a note for your father. It is unsealed.
37:14
Speaker 1: You are quite at liberty to read it. Mister van
37:17
Speaker 1: Camp bowed himself away, and Ralph opened the note, which
37:21
Speaker 1: read Edward Eastman Ellsworth esquire. Dear sir, this is to
37:27
Speaker 1: notify you that I have rented the entire furniture of
37:30
Speaker 1: the Tut House for the ensuing week, and am compelled
37:34
Speaker 1: to assume possession of that in the three second floor
37:37
Speaker 1: front rooms, as well as all the balance not in
37:41
Speaker 1: actual use by mister and missus Tutt and the driver
37:44
Speaker 1: of the stage. You are quite welcome, however, to make
37:48
Speaker 1: use of the furnishings in the small room over the
37:50
Speaker 1: kitchen your luggage you will find undisturbed, regretting any inconvenience
37:56
Speaker 1: that this transaction may cause I remain your respectfully j
38:02
Speaker 1: Belmont van Camp Ralph scratched his head in amused perplexity.
38:08
Speaker 1: It devolved upon him to even up the affair a
38:11
Speaker 1: little before his mother came back. He must support the
38:15
Speaker 1: family reputation for resourcefulness, but it took quite a bit
38:19
Speaker 1: of scalp irritation before he aggravated the right idea into being.
38:24
Speaker 1: As soon as the idea came, he went in and
38:27
Speaker 1: made a hide bound bargain with Uncle Billy. Then he
38:31
Speaker 1: went out into the hall and waited until Evelyn came
38:34
Speaker 1: down with a huge armload of window curtains. Honors are
38:38
Speaker 1: still even, he remarked. I have just bought all the
38:42
Speaker 1: eatables about the place, whether in the cellar, the house,
38:46
Speaker 1: or any of the surrounding structures in the ground above
38:49
Speaker 1: the ground, dead or alive, and a Bargain's a bargain
38:53
Speaker 1: as between man and man. Clever of you, I'm sure,
38:57
Speaker 1: commented Miss van Camp reflectively. Suddenly her lips parted with
39:02
Speaker 1: a smile that revealed a double row of most beautiful teeth.
39:07
Speaker 1: He meditatively watched the curve of her lips. Isn't that
39:11
Speaker 1: rather a heavy load? He suggested, I'd be delighted to
39:14
Speaker 1: help you move the things, don't you know? It is
39:18
Speaker 1: quite kind of you, and what the men would call game,
39:22
Speaker 1: I believe, under the circumstances, she answered, But really it
39:26
Speaker 1: will not be necessary. We have hired mister Tutt and
39:30
Speaker 1: the driver to do the heavier part of the work,
39:33
Speaker 1: and the rest of it will be really a pleasant diversion,
39:36
Speaker 1: no doubt, agreed Ralph, with an appreciative grin. By the way,
39:41
Speaker 1: you don't happen to know maud and Dorothy Partridge of Baltimore.
39:45
Speaker 1: Do you stunning pretty girls both of them? And no
39:49
Speaker 1: end of swells? I know so very few people in Baltimore,
39:54
Speaker 1: she murmured, and tripped on down to the barn. Ralph
39:58
Speaker 1: went out on the port and smoked. There was nothing
40:02
Speaker 1: else that he could do. Eight It was growing dusk
40:08
Speaker 1: when the elder Ellsworth returned, almost hidden by great masses
40:13
Speaker 1: of autumn boughs. You should have been with us, Ralph enthusiastically,
40:17
Speaker 1: said his mother. I never saw such gorgeous tents in
40:21
Speaker 1: all my life. We have brought nearly the entire woods
40:24
Speaker 1: with us. It was a good idea, said Ralph, A
40:28
Speaker 1: stunning good idea they may come in handy to sleep on.
40:32
Speaker 1: Missus Ellsworth turned cold. What do you mean, she gasped.
40:38
Speaker 1: Ralph sternly demanded his father. You don't mean to tell
40:42
Speaker 1: us that you let the van Camps jockey us out
40:44
Speaker 1: of those rooms after all? Indeed, no, he airily responded,
40:50
Speaker 1: Just come right on up and see. He led the
40:53
Speaker 1: way into the suite and struck a match. One solitary
40:56
Speaker 1: candle had been left upon the mantel shelf. Ralph thought
41:00
Speaker 1: that this had been overlooked, but his mother afterwards set
41:04
Speaker 1: him right about that Missus van Camp had cleverly left
41:07
Speaker 1: it so that the Ellsworth could see how dreadfully bare
41:11
Speaker 1: the place was. One candle in three rooms is drearier
41:15
Speaker 1: than darkness. Anyhow, Missus Ellsworth took in all the desolation,
41:20
Speaker 1: the dismal expanse of the now enormous apartments, the shabby walls,
41:26
Speaker 1: the hideous bright spots where pictures had hung, the splintered flooring,
41:31
Speaker 1: the great gaunt windows, and she gave in. She had
41:36
Speaker 1: met with snub after snub and cut after cut in
41:40
Speaker 1: her social climb. She had had the cook quit in
41:44
Speaker 1: the middle of an important dinner. She had had every
41:48
Speaker 1: disconcerting thing possible happened to her, but this, this was
41:53
Speaker 1: the last bale of straw. She sat down on a
41:56
Speaker 1: suitcase in the middle of the biggest room and cried. Ralph,
42:02
Speaker 1: having waited for this, now told about the food transaction,
42:06
Speaker 1: and she hastily pushed the last coming tear back into
42:10
Speaker 1: her eye. Good, she cried. They will be up here soon,
42:15
Speaker 1: they will be compelled to compromise, and they must not
42:18
Speaker 1: find me with red eyes. She cast a hasty glance
42:22
Speaker 1: around the room, then, in a sudden panic, seized the
42:26
Speaker 1: candle and explored the other two. She went wildly out
42:31
Speaker 1: into the hall, back into the little room over the kitchen, downstairs, everywhere,
42:37
Speaker 1: and returned in consternation. There's not a single mirror left
42:42
Speaker 1: in the house, she moaned. Ralph heartlessly grinned he could
42:48
Speaker 1: appreciate that this was a characteristic woman trick, and wondered
42:52
Speaker 1: admiringly whether Evelyn or her mother had thought of it. However,
42:57
Speaker 1: this was a time for action. I'll get you some
43:01
Speaker 1: water to bathe your eyes, he offered, and ran into
43:04
Speaker 1: the little room over the kitchen to get a pitcher.
43:07
Speaker 1: A cracked shaving mug was the only vessel that had
43:10
Speaker 1: been left, but he hurried down into the yard with it.
43:14
Speaker 1: This was no time for fastidiousness. He had barely creaked
43:19
Speaker 1: the pump handle when mister van Camp hurried up from
43:21
Speaker 1: the barn. I beg your pardon, sir, said mister van Camp,
43:26
Speaker 1: But this water belongs to us. My daughter bought it
43:29
Speaker 1: all that is in the ground above the ground, or
43:32
Speaker 1: that may fall from the sky. Upon these premisses nine.
43:39
Speaker 1: The mutual siege lasted until after seven o'clock, but it
43:43
Speaker 1: was rather one sided. The van Camps could drink all
43:47
Speaker 1: the water they liked. It made them no hungrier. If
43:50
Speaker 1: the Ellsworth ate anything, however, they grew thirstier and moreover.
43:56
Speaker 1: Water was necessary if anything worth while was to be cooked.
44:00
Speaker 1: They knew all this and resisted until missus Ellsworth was
44:04
Speaker 1: tempted and fell. She ate a sandwich and choked. It
44:09
Speaker 1: was heart breaking, but Ralph had to be sent down
44:12
Speaker 1: with a plate of sandwiches and an offer to trade
44:15
Speaker 1: them for water. Half Way between the pump and the house,
44:19
Speaker 1: he met Evelyn coming with a small pail of the
44:22
Speaker 1: precious fluid. They both stopped stock still, then, seeing that
44:27
Speaker 1: it was too late to retreat, both laughed and advanced.
44:32
Speaker 1: Who winds now? Bantered Ralph as they made the exchange.
44:37
Speaker 1: It looks to me like a misdeal, she gaily replied,
44:40
Speaker 1: and was moving away when he called her back. You
44:44
Speaker 1: don't happen to know the Gatelys of New York, do you?
44:47
Speaker 1: He was quite anxious to know. I am truly sorry,
44:52
Speaker 1: but I am acquainted with so few people in New York.
44:55
Speaker 1: We are from Chicago, you know, oh, said he blank
45:00
Speaker 1: and took the water up to the Ellsworth suite. Missus
45:04
Speaker 1: Ellsworth cheered up considerably when she heard that Ralph had
45:08
Speaker 1: been met half way, but her eyes snapped when he
45:11
Speaker 1: confessed that it was miss van Camp who had met him.
45:15
Speaker 1: I hope you are not going to carry on a
45:17
Speaker 1: flirtation with that over dressed creature, she blazed, Why, mother,
45:23
Speaker 1: exclaimed Ralph, shocked beyond measure. What right have you to
45:27
Speaker 1: accuse either this young lady or myself of flirting? Flirting?
45:34
Speaker 1: Missus Ellsworth suddenly attacked the fire with quite unnecessary energy.
45:41
Speaker 1: Ten down at the barn, the wide threshing floor had
45:46
Speaker 1: been covered with gay rag rugs and strewn with tables, couches,
45:50
Speaker 1: and chairs. In picturesque profusion. Roomy boxtalls had been carpeted
45:55
Speaker 1: deep with clean straw, curtained off with gaudy bed quilts,
46:00
Speaker 1: and converted into cozy sleeping apartments. The mow and the
46:04
Speaker 1: stalls had been screened off with lace curtains and blazing counterpanes,
46:09
Speaker 1: and the whole effect was one of oriental luxury and splendor.
46:14
Speaker 1: Alas it was only an effect. The red hot parlor
46:19
Speaker 1: stove smoked abominably. The pipe carried other smoke out through
46:23
Speaker 1: the haymow window, only to let it blow back again.
46:27
Speaker 1: Chill cross drafts whistled in from cracks to numerous to
46:31
Speaker 1: be stopped up, and the miserable van camps could only
46:35
Speaker 1: cough and shiver and envy the tuts and the driver
46:39
Speaker 1: non combatants who had been fed two hours before. Up
46:44
Speaker 1: in the second floor suite, there was a roaring fire
46:46
Speaker 1: in the big fireplace, but there was a chill in
46:49
Speaker 1: the room that no mere fire could drive away, the
46:53
Speaker 1: chill of absolute emptiness. A man can outlive hardships that
46:58
Speaker 1: would kill a woman, but a woman can endure discomforts
47:02
Speaker 1: that would drive a man crazy. Mister Ellsworth went out
47:06
Speaker 1: to hunt up Uncle Billy with an especial solace in mind.
47:10
Speaker 1: The landlord was not in the house, but the yellow
47:13
Speaker 1: gleam of a lantern revealed his presence in the wood shed,
47:17
Speaker 1: and mister Ellsworth stepped in upon him just as he
47:20
Speaker 1: was pouring something yellow and clear into a tumbler from
47:24
Speaker 1: a big jug that he had just taken from under
47:27
Speaker 1: the flooring. How much do you want for that jug
47:30
Speaker 1: and its contents? He asked, with a sigh of gratitude
47:34
Speaker 1: that this supply had been overlooked. Before mister Tutt could answer,
47:39
Speaker 1: mister van Camp hurried in at the door. Wait a moment,
47:42
Speaker 1: he cried, I want a bid on that this here
47:45
Speaker 1: jug hain't for sale at no price. Uncle Billy emphatically announced,
47:51
Speaker 1: nipping all negotiations right in the bug. It's too pesky
47:55
Speaker 1: hard to sneak this skeer liquor in past march, but
47:59
Speaker 1: I reckon it's my treat. Gents, you can have all
48:02
Speaker 1: you want. One minute later, mister van Camp and mister
48:06
Speaker 1: Ellsworth were seated, one on a sawbuck and the other
48:09
Speaker 1: on a nail keg, comfortably eyeing each other across the
48:13
Speaker 1: work bench, and each was holding up a tumbler one
48:17
Speaker 1: third filled with a golden yellow liquid. Your health, sir,
48:21
Speaker 1: courteously proposed mister Ellsworth, And to you, sir, gravely, replied
48:26
Speaker 1: mister van Camp. Eleven. Ralph and Evelyn happened to meet
48:32
Speaker 1: at the pump quite accidentally, after the former had made
48:36
Speaker 1: half a dozen five minutes apart trips for a drink.
48:40
Speaker 1: It was Miss van Camp this time, who had been
48:43
Speaker 1: studying on the mutual acquaintance problem. You don't happen to
48:47
Speaker 1: know the Tylers of Parkersburg, do you, she asked? The
48:52
Speaker 1: Tylers I should say I'd do, was the unexpected and
48:57
Speaker 1: enthusiastic reply. Why we are on our way now to
49:01
Speaker 1: Miss Georgiana Tyler's wedding to my friend Jimmy Carston. I'm
49:06
Speaker 1: to be best man. How delightful, she exclaimed. We are
49:11
Speaker 1: on the way there too. Georgiana was my dearest chum
49:15
Speaker 1: at school, and I am to be her best girl.
49:19
Speaker 1: Let's go around on the porch and sit down, said
49:22
Speaker 1: Ralph twelve. Mister van Camp, back in the woodshed, looked
49:28
Speaker 1: about him with an eye of content. Rather cozy for
49:32
Speaker 1: a woodshed, he observed, I wonder if we couldn't scare
49:36
Speaker 1: up a little session of dollar limit. Both Uncle Billy
49:40
Speaker 1: and mister Ellsworth were willing death and poker level all Americans.
49:46
Speaker 1: A fourth hand was needed, However, the stage driver was
49:50
Speaker 1: in bed and asleep, and mister Ellsworth volunteered to find
49:54
Speaker 1: the extra player. I'll get Ralph, he said, he plays
49:57
Speaker 1: a fairly stiff game. Finally found his son on the porch,
50:02
Speaker 1: apparently alone, and stated his errand thank you, But I
50:06
Speaker 1: don't believe I care to play this evening, was the
50:09
Speaker 1: astounding reply, and mister Ellsworth looked closer. He made out
50:14
Speaker 1: then a dim figure on the other side of Ralph.
50:18
Speaker 1: Oh uh, of course not. He blundered and went back
50:22
Speaker 1: to the woodshed. Three handed poker is a miserable game,
50:26
Speaker 1: and it seldom lasts long. It did not in this case.
50:31
Speaker 1: After Uncle Billy had won the only jackpot deserving of
50:34
Speaker 1: the name, he was allowed to go blissfully to sleep
50:38
Speaker 1: with his hand on the handle of the big jug.
50:41
Speaker 1: After poker, there is only one other always available amusement
50:45
Speaker 1: for men, and that is business. The two travelers were
50:50
Speaker 1: quite well acquainted when Ralph put his head in at
50:53
Speaker 1: the door. Thought I'd find you here, he explained, It
50:57
Speaker 1: just occurred to me to wonder whether you gentlemen had
50:59
Speaker 1: to say covered as yet that we are all to
51:02
Speaker 1: be house guests at the Carston Tyler wedding. Why no,
51:07
Speaker 1: exclaimed his father in pleased surprise. It is a most
51:11
Speaker 1: agreeable coincidence, mister van Camp, Allow me to introduce my son, Ralph.
51:17
Speaker 1: Mister van Camp and myself, Ralph have found out that
51:20
Speaker 1: we shall be considerably thrown together in a business way
51:24
Speaker 1: from now on. He has just purchased control of the
51:28
Speaker 1: Metropolitan and Western string of Interurbans. Delighted, I'm sure, murmured Ralph,
51:35
Speaker 1: shaking hands, and then he slipped out as quickly as possible.
51:40
Speaker 1: Someone seemed to be waiting for him. Perhaps another twenty
51:44
Speaker 1: minutes had passed when one of the men had an
51:47
Speaker 1: illuminating idea that resulted later on in pleasant relations for
51:52
Speaker 1: all of them. It was about time for missus Ellsworth
51:57
Speaker 1: up in the bare suite and missus van Camp down
52:01
Speaker 1: in the drafty barn, both wrapped up to the chin,
52:04
Speaker 1: and both still chilly, had about reached the limit of
52:08
Speaker 1: patience and endurance. Why can't we make things a little
52:12
Speaker 1: more comfortable for all concerned, suggested mister van Camp. Suppose
52:17
Speaker 1: as a starter that we have Missus van Camp give
52:21
Speaker 1: a shiver party down in the barn. Good idea, agreed
52:26
Speaker 1: mister Ellsworth. A little diplomacy will do it. Each one
52:30
Speaker 1: of us will have to tell his wife that the
52:32
Speaker 1: other fellow made the first abject overtures. Mister van Camp
52:37
Speaker 1: grinned understandingly and agreed to the infamous ruse. By the way,
52:43
Speaker 1: continued mister Ellsworth, with a still happier thought. You must
52:48
Speaker 1: allow missus Ellsworth to furnish the dinner for Missus van
52:51
Speaker 1: Camp's shiver party. Dinner, gasped mister van Camp. By all means,
52:58
Speaker 1: both men felt an anxious yawning in the region of
53:01
Speaker 1: the appetite, and a yearning moisture wetted their tongues. They
53:06
Speaker 1: looked at the slumbering Uncle Billy and decided to see
53:09
Speaker 1: missus tutt themselves about a good hot dinner for six
53:14
Speaker 1: lah me, exclaimed Aunt Margaret when they appeared at the
53:18
Speaker 1: kitchen door. I swear I thought you folks had never
53:21
Speaker 1: come to your senses here. I've had a big pot
53:24
Speaker 1: of stewed chicken ready on the stove for two mortal hours.
53:29
Speaker 1: I can give you that and smashed taters and chicken
53:32
Speaker 1: gravy and dried corn and hot corn pone, and currant
53:36
Speaker 1: gel and strawberry preserves, and my own cannon peaches and
53:41
Speaker 1: pumpkin pie and coffee? Will that do? Ye? Would it do?
53:46
Speaker 1: Would it do? As Aunt Margaret talked, the kitchen door
53:51
Speaker 1: swung wide, and the two men were stricken speechless with astonishment.
53:56
Speaker 1: There across from each other at the kitchen table sat
54:00
Speaker 1: the utterly selfish and traitorous younger members of the rival
54:04
Speaker 1: houses of Ellsworth and van Camp, deep in the joys
54:08
Speaker 1: of chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy and hot cornpone
54:12
Speaker 1: and all the other fixens, laughing and chatting gaily like
54:16
Speaker 1: chums of years standing. They had seemingly just come to
54:20
Speaker 1: an agreement about something or other. For Evelyn, waving the
54:24
Speaker 1: shorter end of a broken wishbone, was vivaciously saying to Ralph,
54:28
Speaker 1: A bargain's a bargain, and I always stick to one
54:31
Speaker 1: I make. End of story fifteen