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Peter Durand - From Dad life to an Empty Nest Life · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

0:03
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.
0:06
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and, as I promised, we do finally have a new and exciting sponsor that's going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so, and they it is called the authentic edge podcast, which is going to be launching very, very soon.
0:26
Speaker 2: It is a podcast that is led by the fantastic and successful Jason DeLuca and executive sales and people leader at Dexian, as well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo, who is a global sales leader at indeedcom.
0:41
Speaker 2: This podcast, authentic edge, as I mentioned, is, is launching in the next month and it's really about a journey into the heart and genuine relationships into the workplace.
0:50
Speaker 2: So they're going to talk about uncovering the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering long-term partnerships, as well as creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Jason and Paul.
1:08
Speaker 2: So, without further ado, let's get right to the next episode, and I hope that you check out the authentic edge wherever you consume your podcasts.
1:15
Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, it's Casey Jay Cox with the quarterback dad cast.
1:19
Speaker 2: We're in season five and it feels fantastic that we're still rolling.
1:23
Speaker 2: We've had some moms in February We've had, which never thought was happened, but it happened and unfortunately, because we had some moms on, we had a talented one named Sunny Lineberger.
1:32
Speaker 2: This next guest only happens because of her.
1:33
Speaker 2: His name is Peter Duran.
1:35
Speaker 2: He is a serial entrepreneur.
1:37
Speaker 2: He's an executive who's done fantastic things wherever he goes.
1:40
Speaker 2: He's currently the CEO of Crucible Partners.
1:42
Speaker 2: He is also the host of Eating Crow podcast that's been around for almost four years.
1:46
Speaker 2: He might be Pounce the Panther We'll find out.
1:49
Speaker 2: I don't know if that was true or not but more importantly, he's a dad and we're going to learn about how he's working hard to continue to be that ultimate quarterback or leader of his households.
1:56
Speaker 2: Without further ado, mr Peter Duran, welcome to the quarterback dad cast.
2:06
Speaker 2: It is good to be here and I hope everybody listens to this before they listen to Sonny's episode, cause she is a baller, she is, she's a beast, savage.
2:12
Speaker 3: The first time I was on her show and she started talking.
2:14
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my God, where did that voice come from?
2:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't mess with her.
2:17
Speaker 3: No, she's a.
2:19
Speaker 3: She's the real deal.
2:20
Speaker 2: Go listen to her podcast too Evoke Greatness, great show I tapped out, she was like I couldn't take it.
2:25
Speaker 2: She's too good.
2:27
Speaker 2: Joking aside, sonny, we love you.
2:29
Speaker 2: You're very, very good and talented, and if you're an executive in the healthcare space, reach out to her, because she does a lot of great work in hospitals and the medical health industry.
2:37
Speaker 2: All right, but today's about you, brother.
2:40
Speaker 2: We always start out with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
2:45
Speaker 3: Okay, my wonderful grandson.
2:47
Speaker 3: So I've got a two-year-old grandson.
2:50
Speaker 3: So my daughter Sydney and her husband Chase, wonderfully blessed I won the lottery with a son-in-law and I think pretty highly of my only daughter, so we're blessed and they're blessed.
3:02
Speaker 3: That carries forward my oldest son, doing great working with him as well.
3:06
Speaker 3: He's got a wonderful girl in his life and doing good things.
3:09
Speaker 3: And then my youngest son, Sammy's, graduating from college this year and headed off to the big city of New York to conquer things up there for Ernst Young.
3:19
Speaker 3: So as a parent goes, I can look pretty positively in what's happening right now.
3:25
Speaker 3: We all have our moments, but right now it's kind of a good place.
3:28
Speaker 2: So good I'm, I'm, I'm a few years behind you, I'm about to send my first off to college and, uh, it's, it's getting real.
3:34
Speaker 2: I actually yesterday, yesterday, I was doing something in his room, like hanging a shirt for him while he's at school, and I went and I saw his cap and gown and it literally almost brought me to tears.
3:44
Speaker 2: I was like what?
3:45
Speaker 2: And somehow, like I knew he got it, but I had never seen it.
3:49
Speaker 2: And then my wife had hung up in his room and just seeing that I was like, oh man, this is going to be tough.
3:53
Speaker 2: But I'd say what I'm grateful for is, um, so my son Ryder, he's going off to play golf at uh, uh school called Southern Oregon in the fall.
4:01
Speaker 2: And his roommate, who we don't know at all I won't say his name, but he played in a tournament recently in Eastern Washington and did great, and I didn't know that.
4:14
Speaker 2: My son came in and he goes hey, dad, my roommate, he played in a tournament, he did a fantastic.
4:16
Speaker 2: I go, what did he shoot?
4:16
Speaker 2: He got he shot even.
4:17
Speaker 2: I said that's sweet.
4:18
Speaker 2: Two days he had two under, two over and he goes, dad, you know what I'm most excited about?
4:21
Speaker 2: That my roommate's going to push me and make me better, wow, and I was like my heart melted.
4:28
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, mom and dad done something right to craft that mindset to like, versus being of comparison or victim, or oh, I'm like, no, like, surround yourself with people who are better than you and you're going to be a better person for it.
4:39
Speaker 3: Oh, that's an amazing mindset.
4:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was super proud, so I'm very, very grateful, very, very grateful, that by the way, everyone I know that I play golf with is better than me and I got to give love to my always my wife, always grateful for Carrie.
4:56
Speaker 2: But my daughter Riley, this is like the little things.
5:04
Speaker 2: So she's a basketball player.
5:04
Speaker 2: I'm grateful that she still finds happiness in doing form shooting.
5:06
Speaker 2: Before she starts her workouts, like the two foot little make five in a row from three spots, and last night there was a Caitlin Clark put something on Instagram that she says why form shooting is like what she does, and that's why I said it to her.
5:17
Speaker 2: I'm like see, even she does it.
5:19
Speaker 2: So I'm grateful for that.
5:21
Speaker 2: Just they.
5:21
Speaker 2: They see the little things which I'm very, very happy for.
5:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, that mindset's important.
5:26
Speaker 2: I think it's all we got.
5:28
Speaker 2: I think it's uh, you know, I'm almost 50 and a lot of the work I do now is like a coach is working on people's minds, but it's and I work on my own minds.
5:38
Speaker 2: I get to work with people but like as a no matter what you do, if your mindset's not right, you're done.
5:48
Speaker 2: Um, and most people don't slow down to think about their mind.
5:49
Speaker 2: They just they, let they just go through life and it's the last thing they think about, right, but it's so important, okay, so you briefly talked about your I call this your huddle, so as as a quarterback of your home um.
6:01
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear a little bit about each individual team member, as well as how you and your wife met.
6:08
Speaker 3: Oh, my wife and I it's the age old story.
6:10
Speaker 3: We met in a bar in college, sweet, so she went to.
6:17
Speaker 3: We both went to University of Wisconsin System Colleges, one about three hours apart.
6:22
Speaker 3: My football team played her football team and a lot of my high school friends weren't aware she went to school.
6:26
Speaker 3: So I knew the campus, knew a lot of people.
6:28
Speaker 3: She walked into the bar with a friend of mine and I looked across the room this is not a joke and I knew instantly, before I even met her.
6:42
Speaker 3: I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and apparently Casey that came out of my mouth.
6:48
Speaker 3: So she's like just keep that guy away from me.
6:52
Speaker 3: Who's a stalker?
6:54
Speaker 3: Exactly so you know.
6:57
Speaker 3: We ended up chatting later on the night and, uh, she was drinking water, which I thought was wildly compelling and attractive, and uh, we literally talked till four in the morning and caught up with my roommates.
7:11
Speaker 3: And she woke up the next morning and she said to her friend she goes.
7:15
Speaker 3: I think there's a guy sleeping on our couch right now, because at four in the morning I didn't even know where my buddies were staying.
7:24
Speaker 3: I said would you mind if I crash on your couch and then I'll make my way to my roommates and make it home.
7:28
Speaker 3: She goes are you serious?
7:29
Speaker 3: I said yeah, she was surprised I didn't try to make a move and I said, yeah, I'd like to see you again, so I'd like to, you know, panel this properly.
7:42
Speaker 3: She was like, okay, not that she would have allowed the move, she was just surprised.
7:47
Speaker 3: I didn't make the move.
7:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, and uh, and I said I'd like your phone number, and this is remember we had landlines.
7:53
Speaker 3: I was like there was a cord attached to the phone when I called her.
7:56
Speaker 2: How long was your cord?
7:57
Speaker 2: No pun intended.
7:58
Speaker 3: Uh, 20 feet yeah.
8:00
Speaker 3: I had the long make it around the second floor, the second floor of the house I lived in with six guys, so I called her.
8:04
Speaker 3: She had been at the library that night, oddly enough talking with some friends, and so they met this guy.
8:14
Speaker 3: He's from, I think, your town, Sarah.
8:16
Speaker 3: Sarah said what's his name.
8:17
Speaker 3: She said Pete Duran.
8:18
Speaker 3: She said, oh my God, I dated him in high school.
8:24
Speaker 3: So she literally met one of my she's like best friends with one of my high school girlfriends.
8:27
Speaker 3: The connection was never drawn, so she got all the G2 she needed on me right then and there, and we saw each other every weekend after that until we got married, which was wonderful.
8:39
Speaker 2: Love it.
8:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I I mentioned my daughter, sydney.
8:42
Speaker 3: She's 30.
8:44
Speaker 3: Uh, baller athlete, six feet tall, was the female athlete of the year where she went to high school.
8:51
Speaker 3: It's the number one athletic high school in North Carolina.
8:53
Speaker 3: She played volleyball, basketball and soccer and played in the state championship basketball game and soccer game and the semifinals in volleyball in her four-year career.
9:02
Speaker 3: It was amazing.
9:03
Speaker 3: We had the best Tuesday night, wednesday night, thursday night, friday night for four years watching her play sports.
9:10
Speaker 3: It was amazing, amazing to watch, love it.
9:13
Speaker 3: And she married a kid who went to high school with her, graduated in three years.
9:17
Speaker 3: He went and played soccer at Duke and got a full ride in mechanical engineering.
9:25
Speaker 3: They went to New York and he was on.
9:26
Speaker 3: Wall Street for a few years and then decided that they didn't want to do that and want to raise family in there in Charlotte and doing great, Really good.
9:31
Speaker 3: And then my oldest son, Vinny, played soccer at NC State.
9:34
Speaker 3: Really wonderful kid, we talk about the mindset.
9:37
Speaker 3: He was recruited by James Madison and then when NC State had a coaching change they actually called and asked him to transfer to go to NC State and be the goalie there, Won the starting job, as they expected he would, in the spring, Broke his ankle.
9:50
Speaker 3: His sophomore year, the day before the first game they had just signed, the German national team keeper who comes in ACC freshman of the year, Lit it up.
9:59
Speaker 3: My son's like I might not play a college game of soccer ever.
10:04
Speaker 3: First kid to give him a water bottle, pat him on the back, train him as the number two guy, became very close friends.
10:11
Speaker 3: My son's senior year, his redshirt year, very first game.
10:16
Speaker 3: This kid goes out, twists, blows his whole knee out.
10:18
Speaker 3: First game of the season, first half.
10:21
Speaker 3: Coach walks up to Vinny and goes no one's worked harder than you for this.
10:25
Speaker 3: You're now an ACC goalie.
10:27
Speaker 3: It's the show.
10:27
Speaker 3: It's the biggest soccer conference in the country.
10:29
Speaker 3: Go kill it.
10:30
Speaker 3: And he crushed it.
10:32
Speaker 3: He had an incredible, incredible season, Won a bunch of awards Player of the Week, a bunch of things and when he graduated he won the Heart of the Pack Award, which they give to one female and one male athlete in the whole school year, and he won it.
10:46
Speaker 3: It was kind of cool, Really good.
10:48
Speaker 3: So he's just a grinder.
10:59
Speaker 3: And then my youngest son just finished up playing soccer at Elon, had a great career, got there, didn't think he'd play.
11:02
Speaker 3: They start nine international players, ended up starting getting quality time, scored a couple of goals, game winner um, had a wonderful career and uh, um, you know he's, he's been blessed.
11:12
Speaker 3: He's been to Prague, Dubai, um, New York, Chicago for school, Um and uh, took a job in New York.
11:19
Speaker 3: So I think he knows what's coming when he gets to New York, because his sister lived there.
11:26
Speaker 3: But I'm not sure if he's ready quite for the reality of the work days he's about to have and the fact that it's, you know, $25 for a hamburger.
11:33
Speaker 3: So it'll be a good burger.
11:38
Speaker 3: I think he's prepared.
11:39
Speaker 3: He's excited.
11:39
Speaker 3: I think he wants to do this.
11:40
Speaker 3: He's got to get that box checked to try it.
11:42
Speaker 3: He's got a wonderful girlfriend that lives in Florida, so we're very happy there.
11:46
Speaker 3: We're very blessed that.
11:47
Speaker 3: The two women in our boys' lives are wonderful.
11:51
Speaker 3: So when we team huddle it's a pretty positive experience.
11:58
Speaker 3: When my wife gets the whole crew together, she's the happiest.
12:01
Speaker 2: That's the happiest she is.
12:02
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
12:04
Speaker 2: Why aren't your kids more successful in sports?
12:08
Speaker 3: Um, you know I consider myself competitive, but the dirty secret is my wife is the most competitive person in the family.
12:16
Speaker 3: Wow, with, uh, with uh.
12:20
Speaker 3: And, by the way, she's a professional sports mom.
12:22
Speaker 3: By the way, she's a professional sports mom.
12:27
Speaker 3: She literally loves everything about it.
12:29
Speaker 3: I mean travel, soccer.
12:30
Speaker 3: We traveled all over the world, all over the country, and there were very often times where we were in two different cities.
12:35
Speaker 3: She'd be in Miami, I'd be in Richmond, vice versa, and she loved every minute.
12:41
Speaker 3: She cared about, she was those, every one of those kids in that team.
12:43
Speaker 3: It'd be the coach and one of us and she and they were her mom.
12:47
Speaker 3: She was their mom, I mean, and they looked at her, they respected her, they all treated her well and you know, even at Elon she was the unofficial self-appointed team mom.
12:57
Speaker 3: She coordinated all the events, the, the team dinners, whatever.
13:09
Speaker 3: And she's still distraught.
13:10
Speaker 3: Casey, that he's done.
13:11
Speaker 3: She will be at my grandson's very first peewee soccer game handing out oranges.
13:13
Speaker 3: In the sideline.
13:13
Speaker 3: People are like who the heck is this lady?
13:15
Speaker 2: Do you think she'll paint up for the game?
13:16
Speaker 2: Oh, she would.
13:19
Speaker 3: Funny story.
13:19
Speaker 3: She's such a sports fan.
13:21
Speaker 3: We moved to Laguna Beach, california.
13:23
Speaker 3: She's born in Green Bay.
13:24
Speaker 3: We have season tickets.
13:25
Speaker 3: They've been in her family for generations.
13:28
Speaker 3: She's a diehard fan.
13:29
Speaker 3: We're living in Southern California.
13:32
Speaker 3: It's the first Sunday morning in the fall.
13:34
Speaker 3: Sydney's five, maybe three, sydney's three Vinny's, maybe one infant.
13:42
Speaker 3: I'm upstairs giving the kids a bath.
13:44
Speaker 3: At nine o'clock in the morning, which is noon, green May time, I hear son of a.
13:50
Speaker 3: We don't get the game.
13:52
Speaker 3: I'm going to a bar.
13:54
Speaker 3: You got the kids Click door shut.
13:55
Speaker 3: So she went down to Dana Point on the beach and found a Packer bar and every Sunday from that point forward I would watch the kids so she could go see the game and then we'd wander around Orange County and people are like hey Julie, hey Bob, that's Bob.
14:11
Speaker 3: He's from Milwaukee, Been here 20 years.
14:13
Speaker 3: She knows all these Packer fans.
14:17
Speaker 2: That's fantastic.
14:19
Speaker 3: She can network man and Packer fans travel well, I love it.
14:25
Speaker 2: Well, I want to dive into your kids, but we're going to start.
14:31
Speaker 2: I want to dive into you first and I want to learn about what was life like growing up for Peter and talk about the impact your parents had on you now that you're a grandpa.
14:37
Speaker 3: So blessed.
14:38
Speaker 3: My dad is one of the greatest men I've ever met in my life.
14:44
Speaker 3: My dad is one of the greatest men I've ever met in my life.
14:46
Speaker 3: I'm lucky to say that A lot of kids don't feel that way.
14:49
Speaker 3: I've never met a person who's ever had an unkind thing to say about my father.
14:54
Speaker 3: It's not because my father's a pushover.
14:55
Speaker 3: He's very clear-lined in the sand.
14:57
Speaker 3: He just treats everyone fairly and honestly and I've never seen anybody work harder.
15:01
Speaker 3: I've never seen him intentionally do anything wrong or take a shortcut on anything ever.
15:10
Speaker 3: That let that sink in and you think about how kids absorb.
15:15
Speaker 3: But I've never, ever seen my dad take a shortcut or do something not to the best of his abilities or do it the right way or say an unkind thing.
15:23
Speaker 3: It's just so when I slip up, it's on me Like it's not, like I didn't have a good example.
15:30
Speaker 3: It's like, dude, you got to be better.
15:32
Speaker 3: Where did he learn that?
15:33
Speaker 3: You know, I think his my grandmother, his mother was quiet.
15:39
Speaker 3: She was raised in a farm.
15:40
Speaker 3: My grandfather was an alcoholic.
15:42
Speaker 3: My dad at 10 years old would have to pick him up at the bars and drive him back home in their truck every night.
15:49
Speaker 3: But my grandfather was extremely hardworking and incredibly talented, intelligent, built all of his own tools.
15:56
Speaker 3: I mean, he was a.
15:57
Speaker 3: He was a Renaissance man.
15:58
Speaker 3: So I don't think my dad picked up.
16:01
Speaker 3: I think what my dad learned there is I will never be that guy.
16:03
Speaker 3: Right, I'm never going to be this guy, and I think my grandmother probably had more of an influence on him than we know.
16:12
Speaker 3: Um, you know he's old school.
16:14
Speaker 3: He's like you know, when I married your mom, she's my first person.
16:18
Speaker 3: Well, god first, she's second.
16:20
Speaker 3: You guys are third, fourth, fifth and sixth.
16:29
Speaker 3: Don't ever make me choose between the two of you, because you will lose every time.
16:31
Speaker 3: As long as that's clear, understood, which I had a healthy respect for.
16:33
Speaker 3: Like amazing, yeah, and my mom is the exact opposite personality she is.
16:34
Speaker 3: She talks all the time, she's got the hugest heart, she would do anything for anybody, and she's constantly thinking of other people before herself.
16:42
Speaker 3: Like he is, but almost to a, almost to a fault.
16:44
Speaker 3: Um, well, she's worried about everybody else's thing.
16:45
Speaker 3: And to the point where, like hey, we constantly thinking of other people before herself.
16:47
Speaker 3: Like he is, but almost to a, almost to a fault.
16:48
Speaker 3: Um, well, she's worried about everybody else's thing.
16:49
Speaker 3: And to the point where, like, hey, we got it, we're going to be okay, let's just, you know, and they've been married, uh, over 50 years, um, and don't each other still go to church every day together?
17:02
Speaker 3: Right, I mean, there I had, uh, I had, I'm the oldest of five, so, um, I got a brother a year younger, another brother you're younger and then two sisters, uh, 11 and 12 years younger, kind of like the Catholic Oops.
17:19
Speaker 3: You know, they, they, they, they call the team meeting.
17:21
Speaker 3: My brothers and I together were 12, 11 and nine, I think, or 10 at the time.
17:25
Speaker 3: What's something you guys have always wanted Jack, knife, go-kart, mini bike.
17:32
Speaker 3: How about a brother or sister?
17:34
Speaker 3: Whoa, I was like you guys still do that.
17:37
Speaker 3: I was like you guys still do that.
17:42
Speaker 3: A blessing, I love my sisters.
17:43
Speaker 3: I, you know, at 12 years old you're now kind of a semi-parent, right Built in babysitters changing diapers, bottles, raising.
17:51
Speaker 3: You know it was amazing.
17:53
Speaker 3: And I'm a baby.
17:55
Speaker 3: I love kids, I love every.
17:57
Speaker 3: There wasn't any age, right out of the womb.
18:01
Speaker 3: Man, give me, I'll hold them Through the whole process.
18:02
Speaker 3: There's not a single.
18:03
Speaker 3: I talked to dads like I don't want to leave, not really good, until they started interacting with me.
18:07
Speaker 3: I'm like, are you kidding me?
18:08
Speaker 3: That's when you build that bond with them where they just they sense you right, they sense you and your calm and your love.
18:17
Speaker 3: And then that my grandson and I man, he's my favorite human and I'm for some reason, right now his favorite human, so I'm going to milk that as long as he thinks grandpa's cool.
18:26
Speaker 3: He calls me silly grandpa, which he pronounces silly pa, which is awesome.
18:32
Speaker 3: Um, so that's cool.
18:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a very blessed upbringing typical Midwest middle-class home and, uh, I'm very, very blessed that my dad taught me a lot of things and my mom provides a lot of my personality.
18:46
Speaker 3: What were their careers.
18:50
Speaker 3: My dad was an engineer in school and ran a machine shop and then went to work and retired at Johnson Controls heading up quality for one of their divisions or plants.
18:58
Speaker 3: He probably couldn't have gone to the CEO role in any company but chose not to move and not to take the executive role so he could be home and be present, because he's just a really humble guy.
19:11
Speaker 3: I mean, it takes a lot.
19:12
Speaker 3: I didn't have that, I don't have that switch where I could turn that off and did it.
19:16
Speaker 3: He just he knew I make enough money to take care of my family, I'll retire, I'll do those things, and he just had it scope.
19:23
Speaker 3: My mom stayed home with us and then, when my sisters got old enough to go to school, she started to run a daycare for teachers.
19:30
Speaker 3: So she only worked during the school year.
19:32
Speaker 3: She goes, I want to have summers off, and so it was amazing those kids would show up on Monday, sassy, misbehaving, and she'd hand them back on Friday and they'd be perfect little angels.
19:46
Speaker 3: And by the time she got them on Monday they're like oh my God, please do that again.
19:51
Speaker 3: We enjoy Friday nights and Saturday mornings and it's just.
19:54
Speaker 3: You know, it's off the wagon until then.
19:56
Speaker 3: So they ran a pretty tight ship wagon until then.
19:57
Speaker 3: So uh, they ran a pretty tight ship Wow.
20:00
Speaker 2: Now are your siblings, are they um?
20:10
Speaker 3: as driven and did they take after your mom and dad, grandpa and grandma?
20:12
Speaker 3: Uh, all the above, yeah, I think my brother Dave's a gazillionaire.
20:14
Speaker 3: He's founded and sold companies.
20:16
Speaker 3: He's very, very well off and he's probably one of the most intelligent business people I've ever met.
20:21
Speaker 3: Literally, he sits in a room and he sees things other people don't see.
20:24
Speaker 3: He's one of those.
20:25
Speaker 3: I will it to success.
20:26
Speaker 3: I don't care if there's failures along the way, we're going to get through it.
20:28
Speaker 3: Very smart business guy, very hardworking and driven, has a gear that a lot of people just don't have.
20:35
Speaker 3: My younger brother, dan, probably the most intelligent of the three of us, hardcore engineer, runs IT for a very large French company.
20:46
Speaker 3: He's based here in the States, could do anything.
20:50
Speaker 3: I mean he could build a house, right, he could build a house with his Barry.
20:56
Speaker 3: He could handle the plumbing, electrical, mechanical, the frame.
20:59
Speaker 3: He could do it all.
21:01
Speaker 3: My dad has passed those skills down Dave.
21:04
Speaker 3: My middle brother could do maybe a little bit, but he'd rather just call it up and have somebody come do it.
21:10
Speaker 3: He's that, yep, I'll take the yellow pages.
21:12
Speaker 3: Dan and I are like bring it on, let's try the project.
21:16
Speaker 3: My sister, kathy, actually works for my brother, dave, dave, and is their top performing sales rep.
21:21
Speaker 3: She was a teacher and went into sales and absolutely killed it.
21:26
Speaker 3: Wow, she's doing incredibly well.
21:29
Speaker 3: And then my younger sister is a counselor.
21:33
Speaker 3: So she's I tell you what, after COVID she's a busy woman handling families and teens who are struggling.
21:42
Speaker 3: She's got a way of being direct with them but empathetic and not letting them off the hook making their own stuff.
21:51
Speaker 3: If you put any one of us on an athletic field, it gets pretty competitive quickly.
21:59
Speaker 3: I don't care if it's pickleball, we make up games, it's, it's a, it's game.
22:05
Speaker 3: And then all the nieces and nephews there's a bunch of them just as competitive.
22:09
Speaker 3: And now they're all getting married and having kids.
22:11
Speaker 2: So it's, it's a it's a hoot so good.
22:15
Speaker 2: You're making me think of like wedding crashers, but it's, like you know, the Catalina wine mixer where, yeah, yeah.
22:22
Speaker 3: It wouldn't be.
22:22
Speaker 3: It wouldn't be too different.
22:23
Speaker 3: We're the G.
22:25
Speaker 3: We're the G version of wedding crashers, so good.
22:29
Speaker 2: Um, as you think about like core values, if you had to like name two or three core values that were just like non-negotiables that you just were, either you learned through osmosis or you learned by teaching.
22:40
Speaker 2: That hit you, that you, that you applied in business life, that, um, you passed down to your kids.
22:47
Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind.
22:49
Speaker 3: I'll give you a couple of core values and I'll give you my three hot buttons which will tell you the antithesis of the of the core value, right?
22:55
Speaker 3: So for me, um, back to one of my dad's examples I, I try to do this.
23:08
Speaker 3: I think I'm probably decent at it, but I'm a big believer in doing the right thing every time.
23:11
Speaker 3: If you do that, that lends itself to a lot of other values, right?
23:13
Speaker 3: That's integrity, that's honesty, that drives work ethic, because the right thing is to do work hard in that situation.
23:20
Speaker 3: So, to me, do the right thing.
23:21
Speaker 3: Never is the wrong thing.
23:22
Speaker 3: Very straightforward, um, honesty is a big core thing for me.
23:31
Speaker 3: Um, and my kids know it, Don't lie to me.
23:33
Speaker 3: You're going to be much better off telling me the truth and taking the heat than you will be to lie to me and find out about it later.
23:38
Speaker 3: And taking the heat, then you will be delighted to find out about it later.
23:46
Speaker 3: You know, I think I'm a pretty empathetic person.
23:47
Speaker 3: I think that comes a lot from my mom.
23:49
Speaker 3: My dad's empathetic too, but he didn't always show it because he's just so calm.
24:00
Speaker 3: The more he's gotten older, the more he's, you know, the more he's outwardly emotional.
24:06
Speaker 3: So those three things are important to me.
24:07
Speaker 3: Those kind of are the counter to my three hot buttons.
24:09
Speaker 3: My three hot buttons are laziness.
24:12
Speaker 3: I don't tolerate laziness in anyone, it just bothers me.
24:19
Speaker 3: It's a red, big button to push Dishonesty.
24:23
Speaker 3: So those two again.
24:24
Speaker 3: And the last one is kind of interesting.
24:32
Speaker 3: I don't tolerate meanness.
24:33
Speaker 3: If I see someone being mean to someone else I'll engage, particularly if that person is in a position not to be able to defend themselves.
24:39
Speaker 1: Do you have an example.
24:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
24:42
Speaker 3: I mean I think my kids would do the same thing.
24:44
Speaker 3: If I was in school and somebody was getting picked on, no problem stepping in and going, oh, this isn't happening anymore, and sometimes it was overt, sometimes it was.
25:00
Speaker 3: I'd walk over to that person later, maybe trade in my hostess cupcake for something else and be their friend and intentionally be their friend, like not just one moment, but actually try to engage with them and say hi to them in the hallways, do whatever.
25:08
Speaker 3: My youngest son I'll give you two examples that kind of back to your son where he said this person is going to make me better, where you see those moments you're like maybe my kids, kids are paying attention.
25:18
Speaker 3: So we were in church one time and, um, we had to get up and walk around the pew for something and come back and there was an older gentleman in a wheelchair and my wife has incredible empathy and compassion for the elderly like she.
25:32
Speaker 3: She just has a gear that most people don't have and my son, who's probably 18 at the time, walked by this guy, knelt down in front of him, grabbed his hand, shook his hand and said God bless you.
25:45
Speaker 3: I hope you're doing okay today.
25:46
Speaker 3: And the guy looked at me and looked at him like what just happened?
25:49
Speaker 3: And he wasn't doing it.
25:52
Speaker 3: He just did it and kept on his way.
25:54
Speaker 3: Julie's like well, there you go.
25:56
Speaker 3: Vinny's just wired like that, right, he's aware of other people's feelings.
26:00
Speaker 3: Sammy, in school he's probably third grade we're having dinner one night.
26:06
Speaker 3: He goes hey, I was wondering if I could have this kid in my class named Timmy over for dinner.
26:11
Speaker 3: Well, he said sure, why do you want to have Timmy for dinner?
26:16
Speaker 3: He goes he's new.
26:18
Speaker 3: I don't think he has a lot of friends and I think it'd be good for him to come to dinner with us.
26:22
Speaker 3: Great, that's awesome.
26:24
Speaker 3: So we have Timmy for dinner and our standard dinner for us is like grilled chicken or beef or something, fresh vegetables, maybe a little rice and some fruit.
26:33
Speaker 3: That would be a standard.
26:35
Speaker 3: You come to our house five days a week.
26:37
Speaker 3: You're going to see something similar to that.
26:38
Speaker 3: So we put this grilled chicken on his plate.
26:41
Speaker 3: He goes.
26:41
Speaker 3: Timmy goes what's this?
26:43
Speaker 3: We said that's chicken.
26:45
Speaker 3: He goes that's not chicken.
26:46
Speaker 3: Chicken for Timmy was a chicken McNugget.
26:49
Speaker 3: He'd never had a fresh piece of chicken grilled ever.
26:53
Speaker 3: He's like well, I won't eat that.
26:56
Speaker 3: I said hey, timmy, that's not a problem, but that's what we're having, so if you'd like to have dinner, dig in.
27:01
Speaker 3: I bet you like it.
27:02
Speaker 3: So he sat there for a minute, and then he had a piece and he's like wow, I kind of like this.
27:09
Speaker 3: So you know, I think, uh, I think Sammy, without telling us, was like Timmy and maybe, maybe we can help them.
27:23
Speaker 2: So you know, um, as you know, your kids will pay a lot more attention to how you behave than what you say.
27:28
Speaker 2: Totally, yeah, totally, man.
27:29
Speaker 2: Um, I would love so.
27:32
Speaker 2: I think you know there's there's a lot of sports parents out there.
27:35
Speaker 2: We've I've had a lot of episodes about this that that turn into like probably the person they don't want to be.
27:39
Speaker 2: They get a little bit too overboard.
27:44
Speaker 2: There's a guy named Bruce Brown who has been a great mentor from afar that I was lucky enough to meet him.
27:50
Speaker 2: He wrote a great article called the Car Ride Home.
27:52
Speaker 2: He ended up speaking about Sage's Olive Place and fantastic dude.
27:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually got to meet him.
27:57
Speaker 2: I spent five hours with him at his house up in north of Seattle.
28:02
Speaker 2: He's an amazing dude, you know.
28:05
Speaker 2: I think to have three Division I athletes is unheard of.
28:09
Speaker 2: That is so uncommon.
28:12
Speaker 2: I mean I can think of the Heward family we're out right here.
28:15
Speaker 2: You know Brock Damon and what's his name?
28:18
Speaker 2: I can't remember Luke Heward.
28:19
Speaker 2: I think he played quarterback north carolina for a little bit.
28:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, so, yeah, um.
28:22
Speaker 2: So for the parents at home dads listen, um, even me, like, as you, as you reflect back, how I mean you could say luck, oh, they're all wired that way.
28:34
Speaker 2: Maybe they were, but I'd love to know, like what did you and sarah do differently that maybe other parents didn't do?
28:42
Speaker 3: So I think for the most part Julie and I were pretty aligned on what was going to happen when we raised our kids in sports.
28:49
Speaker 3: Sorry, I called her Sarah.
28:50
Speaker 3: Sorry about that, sarah Connor, that's right, she has a very Terminator vibe to her.
28:53
Speaker 3: Just kidding, babe.
28:55
Speaker 3: And oddly enough, julie sometimes would say to me you know, why don't you go drive Sammy a little harder or go spend time with him on the field or coach him?
29:08
Speaker 3: And this was at a point where all of my kids kind of graduated from the rec league to the point where they've now stepped up into competitive sports, club sports that are playing soccer four nights a week and two days on the weekend.
29:26
Speaker 3: So when they shifted gears from amateur dads to high level coaching, I said I don't want to be that dad If my kid ever asks me to go out and play ball with them or catch.
29:38
Speaker 3: And as little.
29:38
Speaker 3: We played a lot of catch, a lot of ball.
29:40
Speaker 3: We played ball all the time, but it was fun, we did it.
29:44
Speaker 3: Some of my favorite things to do with all three of my kids was have a catch.
29:47
Speaker 3: We'd have a catch, football or baseball.
29:48
Speaker 3: We'd sit out there for an hour and just talk and throw the pill.
29:51
Speaker 3: And what's great is we connected and they learned good technique.
29:56
Speaker 3: They learned coordination at a young age.
29:59
Speaker 3: My kids at a young age could throw a tight spiral, hit a baseball, all those things.
30:02
Speaker 3: Even my daughter just could laser it in and those were really important fun times for us.
30:08
Speaker 3: But when they got to playing four nights a week and two days a week and I said, babe, when I'm with them I want to be their dad.
30:14
Speaker 3: I don't want to be the guy asking them to get better.
30:18
Speaker 3: If any of them ask, I will go as far as they want to go, but they're getting four nights of this, they've got class, they've got friends, they're traveling every weekend.
30:28
Speaker 3: They're missing a whole lot of things their other teammates aren't or their students aren't doing.
30:33
Speaker 3: I just don't want to be that guy.
30:35
Speaker 3: And she's like I get it Great.
30:37
Speaker 3: And there were dads that were.
30:39
Speaker 3: You know they'd find an extra coach or a tutor or practice and do whatever they want.
30:43
Speaker 3: And all my kids at some point asked my oldest son, can I get some extra goalie coaching?
30:47
Speaker 3: No problem.
30:48
Speaker 3: My youngest son, can I get some extra coordination and speed training and finishing coaching?
30:53
Speaker 3: No problem.
30:53
Speaker 3: We found a couple of guys that were really good at that.
30:55
Speaker 3: That we liked that, were great.
30:56
Speaker 3: With them they became good friends, but I would never drop them off and watch.
31:00
Speaker 3: I would drop them off and leave.
31:03
Speaker 3: By the way, julie handed me 99% of this.
31:04
Speaker 3: She was 35,000 miles in her van between practices and school every day.
31:10
Speaker 3: She was a pro at it.
31:14
Speaker 3: They got a usual pregame pep talk from mom or a text every game and I I would say, hey, go hard, have fun.
31:28
Speaker 3: I only had two rules for them when they came off the field, so the ride home great subject line.
31:35
Speaker 3: Right?
31:35
Speaker 3: I would be very, I would be brutally honest with them and I would only critique one thing, and that would be effort.
31:47
Speaker 3: You will only hear from me if you didn't work hard, and that also includes if you hang your head right.
31:54
Speaker 3: If you don't work hard and you don't bring the right attitude to your teammates, you'll hear from me all day.
32:00
Speaker 3: It won't be a lecture for an hour at home.
32:01
Speaker 3: It will be a very short conversation, you'll know, and then it's over and then we're going to go have dinner and we're not going to talk about it again Because you're not doing this for me, you're doing this for you.
32:13
Speaker 3: I will never hold that against you.
32:16
Speaker 3: I will never carry to the next game, but you will know the effort you put in the field because your teammates depend on you.
32:22
Speaker 3: You need to need to learn this, this work ethic.
32:25
Speaker 3: You will never hear from me If you miss a goal or let a goal in.
32:27
Speaker 3: You will never miss your shot.
32:28
Speaker 3: But if you don't bring it, you're going to hear it from me, cause this isn't.
32:31
Speaker 3: This isn't rec soccer anymore.
32:33
Speaker 3: I've never given you an effort discussion of playing peewee soccer.
32:43
Speaker 3: But if you say you want going to get from me, and, by the way, when you crush it you'll get a hug, a high five and like that was the baddest-ass game you've ever played and you're going to get the same from me on both ends.
32:52
Speaker 3: You will hear it on both ends.
32:53
Speaker 3: You'll never hear it better.
32:56
Speaker 3: When you bring it and crush it, I'm going to be cheering.
32:59
Speaker 3: So.
33:01
Speaker 3: And then I figured, casey, I figured it would just work.
33:04
Speaker 3: I figured they just get cut, like at some point somebody would just cut them and they wouldn't keep going and they, they all, kept going.
33:12
Speaker 3: So awesome.
33:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I um, I wrote down a couple words that are like important to to me as a dad, which, and one of them, we share the same thing as effort.
33:22
Speaker 2: I think we share the same one.
33:23
Speaker 2: I just I worded differently it to me as body language.
33:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly, hang the head body language.
33:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, you never.
33:28
Speaker 2: I said I always tell my kids I I never want to see someone know how happy you are or sad you are.
33:33
Speaker 2: I want you to stay.
33:35
Speaker 2: You're, you're flying airplane, you're cruise altitude.
33:37
Speaker 2: You're not descending or you're climbing, you're just your cruise.
33:40
Speaker 2: It's easy for everyone and you're avoiding turbulence.
33:42
Speaker 2: Exactly Because when you play the scrappy shit talking type teams and they see that weakness, they're going to pounce.
33:53
Speaker 2: Oh, 100%, they're going to pounce.
33:55
Speaker 2: But if you ignore them, like have you heard the John Stockton Gary Payton story about Love it?
33:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, and for those that don't know, at home, it's Gary Payton asked John Stockton to introduce him to the Hall of Fame because he said Stockton was the only person who would never respond and talk shit to him ever.
34:09
Speaker 2: He could say the worst things about his mom, his kids, grandma, and Stockton never gave him the time of day ever.
34:16
Speaker 3: Just ignored him.
34:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, cold blue steel, just all the time.
34:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like what a great lesson of you know in this day and age of hoop and sports.
34:25
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, how, how much?
34:26
Speaker 2: How much can you talk this, talk that?
34:27
Speaker 2: But it's like why, why?
34:28
Speaker 2: Why do you have to do that?
34:29
Speaker 2: I just, I'm a big believer, just let the actions speak for themselves.
34:33
Speaker 2: Um, you know, if you, you know, maybe an occasional scoreboard and then walk away, or point and walk away, but even that, it's like why, why engage?
34:41
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean tweets, its own right, everybody's different.
34:43
Speaker 3: But, um, yeah, it's very true, and that has two sides of the coin, right, I mean, there's, there's the.
34:49
Speaker 3: Don't let them get to you.
34:50
Speaker 3: And then there's the.
34:51
Speaker 3: Don't be the.
34:52
Speaker 3: Uh, don't be the arrogant guy in the field.
34:55
Speaker 3: Just let the, let the, let your work to the talking.
34:58
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, funny.
34:59
Speaker 2: Do you remember um, oh, who was the New York giants receiver?
35:03
Speaker 2: He did the salsa dance.
35:04
Speaker 2: Um, this is like 15 years ago.
35:06
Speaker 2: You know she was his name.
35:07
Speaker 2: Um, I know what you're talking about.
35:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't remember.
35:11
Speaker 2: Anyway, so, like one of my son early flag football days me and my buddy Kyle, we coached our kids and we'd like a dynasty in flag football is awesome, was very first touchdown.
35:22
Speaker 2: He catches it, spikes it, his sweet catch, spikes it and then does the salsa dance.
35:26
Speaker 2: And flag football is like a seven-year-old and I was like, oh my God, and I walked up.
35:33
Speaker 2: I said, all right, man, great catch bro, hey, but come here real quick.
35:35
Speaker 2: I said you do that again.
35:36
Speaker 2: You're off the team.
35:37
Speaker 1: What.
35:39
Speaker 2: I said, bud, we don't do that in this house and we don't do this on this team.
35:42
Speaker 2: I said you do that in this house and we don't do this on this team.
35:43
Speaker 2: I said you give the ball to ref, go back, thank your teammates, get back in the huddle and we'll do it again, but don't ever do that, ever again.
35:47
Speaker 2: And we clear look of just huge eyes.
35:49
Speaker 2: And then afterwards I went to my buddy.
35:51
Speaker 2: That was pretty sweet though, good dance.
35:53
Speaker 2: We kind of laughed, giggled about it, but I didn't want him to see that our kids were raised by sports center.
35:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right, I mean video games sports center.
36:00
Speaker 3: They actually have the taunts and the dances and everything in the end zone as part of the game.
36:03
Speaker 3: It's part of what they do.
36:04
Speaker 3: My oldest son would never do that.
36:08
Speaker 3: He never let anybody get to him.
36:09
Speaker 3: He was a goalie, right.
36:10
Speaker 3: So teams would do research on his family, his friends, they would have a whole litany of things to stand behind the goal and they would taunt him relentlessly.
36:17
Speaker 3: And he loved it.
36:18
Speaker 3: He loved it.
36:20
Speaker 3: He'd just smile, just smile.
36:23
Speaker 3: They're like you guys have no, you just smile, never, just smile.
36:26
Speaker 3: They're like you guys have no, you can't get to me.
36:27
Speaker 3: And then our team loved it too, because they knew his.
36:29
Speaker 3: You know NC State Wolfpack.
36:29
Speaker 3: They had a whole student section that you know knew.
36:31
Speaker 3: Of any, they were the biggest.
36:33
Speaker 3: So he just always stayed cool.
36:35
Speaker 3: Sammy um, you know he's five years younger, so he was a little more influenced by some social media stuff.
36:42
Speaker 3: He, his sophomore year in high school he scored four goals in a half.
36:45
Speaker 3: Damn.
36:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's still a record um on varsity.
36:51
Speaker 3: I mean it was a, and of course he couldn't fit his head through the door, you know, and I think he he admitted to me he's like senior years.
36:58
Speaker 3: I probably got a little bit, you know, a little bit too inflated.
37:01
Speaker 3: I'm like well, at least you're honest with yourself.
37:03
Speaker 3: Junior year.
37:05
Speaker 3: The next year they win the state championship and he scores two goals in the state championship.
37:09
Speaker 1: He wins the.
37:10
Speaker 3: MVP of the state championship and it's against their biggest rival from Charlotte.
37:14
Speaker 3: Um, it's the top division We've owned these guys.
37:18
Speaker 3: He, their crowd, is just giving him the business because they know who he is.
37:21
Speaker 3: And after he scored the second goal, he ran by the student section and just went like this oh boy.
37:28
Speaker 2: He's shushing everybody at home.
37:30
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know he had finished the game and, by the way, the local news stations are interviewing because his older brother plays at State and he's on the NC State field to win the game.
37:38
Speaker 3: It's kind of blah, blah, blah.
37:39
Speaker 3: And he said what'd you think?
37:41
Speaker 3: I said I loved everything but this, like you didn't need to do that.
37:47
Speaker 3: And he goes.
37:47
Speaker 3: I probably shouldn't have, but he goes.
37:52
Speaker 3: It kind of felt pretty good Cause they were giving me a hard time.
37:54
Speaker 3: I said you weren't obnoxious, you weren't rude, it was subtle but it was still.
37:56
Speaker 3: You know, and you know, I, I, it's emotion, it's emotion.
38:01
Speaker 3: And Vinny would tell you he wants a little more of that from Sammy, because Sammy's also the same guy that if he goes into a hard tackle and a guy got hurt, sammy's the guy waving the coaches over, helping him up, rubbing his leg, tying his shoes.
38:16
Speaker 3: Sammy and Vinny's like no, sammy, that's when you step on his neck, that's when you don't help the other guy up.
38:21
Speaker 3: So there, and I said, sammy, your personality because you're both very empathetic in different ways will serve you.
38:25
Speaker 3: I don't want to unlearn that.
38:26
Speaker 3: So yeah, we all have our moments.
38:30
Speaker 1: Hello everybody.
38:31
Speaker 1: My name is Craig Coe and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship Management for Beeline.
38:36
Speaker 1: For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
38:42
Speaker 1: In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations has become today's industry standards.
38:48
Speaker 1: I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization?
38:53
Speaker 1: And I say this it's simple.
38:55
Speaker 1: The guy flat out gets it.
38:57
Speaker 1: Relationships matter.
38:58
Speaker 1: His down-to-earth presentation, his real-world experience apply to every area of our business.
39:04
Speaker 1: In fact, his book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal has become required reading for all new members of the global relationship management team.
39:13
Speaker 1: If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn.
39:18
Speaker 1: And if you don't know Casey Jaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn more about how he can help your organization.
39:26
Speaker 1: Now let's get back to today's episode.
39:29
Speaker 2: Well, you made me Salted dances and sushis.
39:31
Speaker 2: I don't mean to make this an Encoreco moment, but you've teased me and I got to tell because.
39:36
Speaker 2: But that's how we learn these moments and so I share this moment of successful failure.
39:42
Speaker 2: So my quarterback coach, offensive coordinator in college, was a guy named Bo Baldwin and he Coach Baldwin coached at Eastern Washington, had a great run.
39:52
Speaker 2: He coached at Cal Poly, coached at Cal, he coached at ASU.
39:56
Speaker 2: He now just got hired to be the quarterback coach at Calgary, stampede up in the Canadian Football League and great mentor in my life, great friend.
40:04
Speaker 2: I still won't call him Bo.
40:05
Speaker 2: He's always coached Baldwin.
40:07
Speaker 2: To me he's like Jay Cox, you're 40.
40:08
Speaker 2: I'm like you're still my coach.
40:09
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm calling you coach Baldwin.
40:14
Speaker 2: And we were playing our rival school called Western Washington and I still probably remember this is scary Trips open right, 41 green and and the Y was split out.
40:22
Speaker 2: I'm in shotgun Guy corner pressed up in man, which converted to a fade, perfect throw in stride.
40:32
Speaker 2: Ty Nunez, my boy who helped me start this podcast back almost five years ago, catches it 60-yard touchdown.
40:38
Speaker 2: And now I lose my mind.
40:40
Speaker 2: I'm sprinting and now the DB had tripped after.
40:43
Speaker 2: He's chasing him and I stop to give him the business on the way to the end.
40:47
Speaker 2: Just gave it to him Like I let you see me so and I didn't think anybody saw.
40:52
Speaker 2: Well, the next day in film we're watching and all of a sudden I didn't tell anybody this and coach Baldwin stops, pause.
40:59
Speaker 2: He goes Jay Cox, what the F are you doing?
41:01
Speaker 2: I'm like I was telling him hey, great game, and do you want, do you need, any help up?
41:07
Speaker 2: Everybody laughs and he's like knock it off.
41:09
Speaker 2: He's like what are you doing?
41:10
Speaker 2: I'm like I was talking to the trash coach.
41:12
Speaker 2: He's like why would you do that?
41:13
Speaker 2: Why would you have to go tell him all those things when the throw spoke for itself?
41:17
Speaker 2: Don't embarrass me, don't embarrass our program again in front of everybody.
41:23
Speaker 2: And I was a captain, you know all league quarterback.
41:25
Speaker 2: He still coached me and I and like that, being able to take it and not let my ego get in the way, like those are stories I'll tell like my kids, I've told my kids and it's like I don't know.
41:34
Speaker 2: I just I get inspired by like these moments that we're talking about because it just reminds me what's important in life.
41:40
Speaker 3: There's a leader of men right there, right, yeah, yeah, there are some coaches that would encourage and love that, and there are some coaches that just gave you a much better lesson than your footwork wasn't good in that throw.
41:52
Speaker 3: You could have done this, and you're still talking about it today.
41:55
Speaker 3: You're not.
41:55
Speaker 3: You're not talking about footwork lessons.
41:56
Speaker 3: You're still talking about that lesson yeah, that's money.
42:00
Speaker 2: yeah, shout out coach baldwin, wherever you are, brother.
42:02
Speaker 2: One question I always like asking, peter, is moments of your dad game.
42:07
Speaker 2: Yep, that as you look back you're like man.
42:09
Speaker 2: I was not my best and if there was one area of my dad game I struggled that if I could go back and give any advice to other dads, I would tell them to do X and learn from me.
42:22
Speaker 3: I don't know that there's a phase or part of my game, but there were moments right, and one of the more pivotal moments I had as a father this is probably one of the defining moments is my oldest son, vinny, was a freshman in high school.
42:36
Speaker 3: He'd had a difficult eighth grade year in grade school because he was the only kid that couldn't play sports with everybody else because he was on the advanced club teams.
42:46
Speaker 3: He couldn't play soccer, basketball or baseball in grade school and it was a very athletic school.
42:50
Speaker 3: The principal, you know, he announced all the games Every Monday.
42:54
Speaker 3: They had the announcement to who won what, and so all the athletes had a pretty tight crew and got a lot of attention.
42:59
Speaker 3: But he was kind of outcast from that because he couldn't participate and I think it was socially difficult.
43:04
Speaker 3: Freshman year in high school I was in the middle of my startup.
43:07
Speaker 3: I was probably having probably one of the intense two or three year periods of my life where I wasn't, I was making no income.
43:13
Speaker 3: I went from a pretty successful career to starting a company to, you know, no income tight for the family during that period of time and I had a home office because I had a studio where I was starting my fitness startup, I did a lot of work at home and one night I'm working late and he's doing homework on the computer behind me.
43:32
Speaker 3: My wife's in the room and he wasn't.
43:35
Speaker 3: He was struggling learning and reading.
43:39
Speaker 3: It wasn't like dyslexia, but he had a hard time kind of translating written text into whatever he didn't like to read.
43:50
Speaker 3: And he was struggling in school a bit and one of the teachers in grade school like well, he's ADHD, we should put him on Ritalin.
43:57
Speaker 3: We're like no, he's not ADHD, we're not putting him on, we're not.
44:00
Speaker 1: I'm not drugging my kids.
44:01
Speaker 3: Your job's easier, not happening the whole side story.
44:03
Speaker 3: So he'd been struggling a little bit and he made a comment to my wife about something she had said do this.
44:11
Speaker 3: And he kind of snapped at her.
44:20
Speaker 3: I lost my shit.
44:21
Speaker 3: I lost my shit on him and I just gave it to a full barrel of verbal assault that probably lasted for 10 minutes and you know it, just it it.
44:26
Speaker 3: He was disrespectful to my wife and I.
44:29
Speaker 3: I just gave it to him and Julie's sitting back like this and she knew better to at this point don't, don't step in the stream, it could be bad.
44:36
Speaker 3: My youngest is watching it.
44:37
Speaker 3: My daughter I don't even think she might've been home, she's watching it and I just gave it to him and he didn't.
44:43
Speaker 3: He just crumbled.
44:44
Speaker 3: He didn't even know how to process it right.
44:45
Speaker 3: He just lost it and put the kids to bed that night and I sat down with my wife and I said I feel horrible, not for drawing the line, but how I drew the line, and what I've realized is I can't communicate with Vinny or any of my kids the way I need to communicate.
45:05
Speaker 3: I need to communicate the way they need to be communicated to, because you know, I'm in my 40s.
45:12
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of lessons from peers, managers, bosses.
45:16
Speaker 3: I've had coaching.
45:17
Speaker 3: I've had coaching all my life.
45:18
Speaker 3: I've been parented all my life.
45:20
Speaker 3: He doesn't even know who he is or what his communication style is yet, and very clearly, this is not going to work.
45:27
Speaker 3: I said I can fast forward 10 years from now.
45:30
Speaker 3: We will hate each other if I do this again.
45:32
Speaker 3: So I said I'm going to.
45:35
Speaker 3: I'm going to think about this differently, I'm going to communicate differently with Vinny and from that point forward I'm going to.
45:43
Speaker 3: I don't know that I raised my voice at him ever again.
45:47
Speaker 3: I don't know.
45:47
Speaker 3: I literally don't think.
45:48
Speaker 3: I've raised my voice at him since then and he's 27.
45:52
Speaker 3: That's when he was 13 or 14.
45:53
Speaker 3: Does he remember it?
45:55
Speaker 3: You think, oh yeah.
45:56
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he remembers it, 100% remembers it, and we have a very open, honest relationship and he's done incredibly well in school since then.
46:09
Speaker 3: He loves to read.
46:10
Speaker 3: He's just changed his whole mantra because I realized I have to figure out how to communicate.
46:16
Speaker 3: And, by the way, that was the most important lesson I got as a leader in a company was to realize if I got 10 people on my team, all 10 of them need to be treated a little differently.
46:25
Speaker 3: The bar, the standards and the morale and ethics are all the same.
46:28
Speaker 3: There's rules, there's guidelines, there's boundaries, but how we navigate in there as people, I have to be the one to recognize where to shift gears and adapt and help them grow.
46:38
Speaker 3: So I feel blessed.
46:41
Speaker 3: Call it divine intervention.
46:42
Speaker 3: God spoke to me and said dude, that's gotta be better.
46:45
Speaker 3: And I listened and, uh, all of my relationships, my kids, my spouse, everyone from that point forward got better.
46:56
Speaker 2: So for a parent at home says I had to learn how to communicate with my kids differently, how would?
47:00
Speaker 2: How do you know, like, if a parent says, well, I don't, that doesn't make sense, like I hear you, but how do you know how to what tools or or what things did you do that helped you understand how to communicate differently to each one?
47:14
Speaker 3: So I think it probably.
47:16
Speaker 3: I'm blessed because it probably started very early.
47:19
Speaker 3: So I'm a big believer.
47:21
Speaker 3: You don't start parenting your kids when they start talking to you.
47:24
Speaker 3: Start parenting your kids the moment they come out of the womb.
47:26
Speaker 3: Kids need to know that when mom or dad says this is the line, you don't cross it.
47:32
Speaker 3: You don't cross it, period.
47:33
Speaker 3: You don't even cross it, and sometimes it's for safety.
47:36
Speaker 3: You don't put your hand in the socket.
47:38
Speaker 3: You don't get to open the fridge unless I allow you to.
47:43
Speaker 3: You don't get to go in the pantry and eat whatever you want.
47:45
Speaker 3: There are rules.
47:46
Speaker 3: You don't get to watch TV till four in the morning because you want to.
47:49
Speaker 3: There are rules and you will follow them.
47:51
Speaker 3: And if you start young, both my boys could look at me and if I gave them a weird look they would start to cry.
47:57
Speaker 3: They knew dad meant business.
47:58
Speaker 3: I never spanked either one of my boys, by the way, never physically put a hand on them, but they knew from the beginning that when dad drew a line in the sand, you don't cross it.
48:07
Speaker 3: So when I decided to change my communication style, I already knew that I'd established respect and it was one of those times where, if I had not checked him, not happy how I did it, but I had not checked him there.
48:23
Speaker 3: That's the thing that I think parents don't realize.
48:25
Speaker 3: Parenting is freaking hard.
48:26
Speaker 3: That's the thing that I think parents don't realize.
48:25
Speaker 3: Parenting is freaking hard.
48:28
Speaker 3: And it is a full-time, 24-7, never-take-your-eye-off-the-ball job.
48:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, and what I tell people is this is how it starts.
48:37
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of friends ask me like why are your kids attentive and respectful?
48:42
Speaker 3: I'll tell you why.
48:43
Speaker 3: When you come home after work and you've had a long day and you sit down on the couch your wife's had a long day with the kids and your older son is mean to your younger son and you say stop it, vinny, and he looks at you and you're too tired to get up and go address the situation.
49:01
Speaker 3: He does it again.
49:02
Speaker 3: You're like they'll figure it out.
49:03
Speaker 3: You're over, it's done.
49:05
Speaker 2: Forget it.
49:06
Speaker 2: I love that.
49:07
Speaker 2: You just said that dude.
49:07
Speaker 2: Oh my God.
49:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, You're never going to get that back.
49:11
Speaker 3: Try that at 15.
49:11
Speaker 3: Try resetting that at 15.
49:13
Speaker 3: It doesn't work.
49:13
Speaker 3: You know what you need to do.
49:14
Speaker 3: You need to get up off your ass and you grab him and you sit him on the doing, you take it away and you let them know that you mean business.
49:31
Speaker 3: And then guess what?
49:32
Speaker 3: If he does it again, you freaking hammer it again, you do it twice.
49:35
Speaker 3: You'll never have to do it again.
49:36
Speaker 3: It's those moments that parents lose and they don't even know it happened.
49:40
Speaker 3: The other thing none of our kids ever had a TV or a computer or a game in their room.
49:44
Speaker 3: Ever, never.
49:47
Speaker 3: They were never allowed to go to the room and turn on the TV or play a game.
49:49
Speaker 3: The TV was in the family room, the computer was in the kitchen and that's where you used it.
49:53
Speaker 3: And that's cheap parenting, that's easy parenting.
49:57
Speaker 3: We were never allowed to let them go off, because guess what, it's easy for parents Shit, he's in his room painting again.
50:03
Speaker 3: I don't even have to worry about him, he's covered Right that, if you're in, my wife and I were in 100 percent alignment on that.
50:11
Speaker 3: It's exhausting, yeah, but if you do that early, guess what you enjoy being around your kids because they can communicate with you and they start to share the same things with you, like the same music and like the same food, because you did it together.
50:31
Speaker 2: It's harder today than it was when we raised our kids, but that's why it has to be a lot more intentional.
50:35
Speaker 2: Love it.
50:35
Speaker 2: I love that spoke to me brother so much because if there's anything that frustrated me as a young dad, when I would hear other dads or moms say they got to work it out, I'm like they're two, they don't speak English yet how can they work it out?
50:48
Speaker 2: Now, I'm not trying to solve all their problems, but we, I think it's our job to teach, because then, if we don't teach, we're lazy as parents.
50:57
Speaker 2: And I think one of the things that, um, you said, that I think is I love that you said it because, um, it aligns with what I believe and not saying I'm right, I just I believe it is like if, if my son treats his sister like shit at home, right, then I'm telling him it's okay to treat his friends like shit at school, everywhere, absolutely right.
51:18
Speaker 2: And so I think if we just fix it early, then it's all right.
51:23
Speaker 2: I want to learn as we wrap up here.
51:24
Speaker 2: I want to learn a little bit more about what you're doing at Crucible.
51:27
Speaker 2: If people have never heard of them, let's hear a little bit about that.
51:33
Speaker 2: And I also want to hear about your podcast and how people can find it and learn more about it.
51:36
Speaker 2: I think it's a really cool idea behind what you're doing, so talk to us about it.
51:40
Speaker 3: So Crucible.
51:41
Speaker 3: I don't think anybody ever intentionally goes into executive search.
51:45
Speaker 3: So when I sold my company back in 17, I was talking with a friend of mine had started a business almost the same time I did about eight years earlier and the business had had a lot of success and then hit a kind of a bump in the road and he said why don't you just come over here You're not doing anything and help us out?
52:02
Speaker 3: So I did that for a couple of years and one of the bigger challenges they faced after COVID is they lost a bunch of good people and trying to rebuild the team was challenging.
52:10
Speaker 3: So we were not in a position to hire a full-time recruiter or pay large recruiting fees.
52:16
Speaker 3: So we had people source resumes and they were garbage, they weren't screened.
52:20
Speaker 3: So I ended up doing recruiting at night because I was on Zoom calls 10, 12 hours a day.
52:25
Speaker 3: So I literally started to figure out how do I reach out to these people, how do I get them to respond to me, what do I say to them, what do I learn?
52:31
Speaker 3: And I did it for a year and kind of figured out one.
52:37
Speaker 3: I liked it.
52:37
Speaker 3: Two it's a lot more work than people think to run a really good process.
52:41
Speaker 3: And three, I kind of figured out some pretty good hacks.
52:47
Speaker 3: Like I kind of figured out some pretty good hacks.
52:49
Speaker 3: Like I kind of figured out some systems.
52:50
Speaker 3: I built some really good systems that are repeatable, that drive a lot of success.
52:53
Speaker 3: So I some friends started to find out about it.
52:55
Speaker 3: I'm old.
52:56
Speaker 3: I know a lot of people like you can find people.
52:58
Speaker 3: Could you do it for us?
52:59
Speaker 3: Next thing, you know, I had this little cottage search business that produces really good results.
53:04
Speaker 3: Um, and I can do it from anywhere.
53:08
Speaker 3: I love it.
53:08
Speaker 3: It's a lot I meet.
53:08
Speaker 3: I meet cool people like this every day.
53:10
Speaker 3: I get to have these kinds of conversations all day long.
53:13
Speaker 2: What types of positions?
53:14
Speaker 2: What kind of positions are you, are you staffing?
53:17
Speaker 3: You know, C-suite all the way down to primarily anything client facing.
53:22
Speaker 3: So sales, marketing, customer support we do really well client facing roles.
53:26
Speaker 3: We've done CFOs, We've done COOs, We've done HR, accounting, manufacturing, but a lot of work in health, Any health tech or SaaS businesses, we do a lot of work.
53:39
Speaker 3: I mean Twinings Tea, a 300-year-old British tea company, is one of my clients and we've done work for them for years.
53:46
Speaker 3: Great company, great culture.
53:47
Speaker 3: I did a lot of outbound work, early clients and we've done work for them for years, right so um great company, great culture.
53:53
Speaker 3: So um I did a lot of outbound work early Now.
53:54
Speaker 3: Most of our work is referral based.
53:58
Speaker 3: Love it, oh, which which is a really fun spot to be in, and the podcast.
54:03
Speaker 3: You know I started the podcast on a dare I had.
54:05
Speaker 3: Uh, when I was at the company I told you about where I kind of had to find some talent.
54:09
Speaker 3: A friend of mine had built that he was.
54:10
Speaker 3: We had worked together for 30 years and he went.
54:12
Speaker 3: He went over there and built their company and scaled it rapidly and then left to go work for another PE back company.
54:19
Speaker 3: When I got there, I'm like come back, let's do this together again.
54:20
Speaker 3: So they lost some customers that he had won years ago and we went to see one of them together.
54:24
Speaker 3: Bob knew them, I didn't know them, but I got to meet them.
54:28
Speaker 3: We spent two hours and they kind of just lit us up Like this is why you guys lost us, this is why we went with someone else.
54:35
Speaker 3: So we in a sense quote unquote we ate crow for two hours and the company had been haunting me like Pete, you've got to do more video, you've got to get out on social.
54:45
Speaker 3: I was getting out of my car.
54:46
Speaker 3: I said, bob, we're going to record a video.
54:47
Speaker 3: So I just flipped the phone out of my car and he was driving and said hey, bob, we encoded it and we talked about it and posted it and it got a pretty big reaction and some people like, dude, if you did a podcast on that, I would devour it.
55:02
Speaker 3: So I kind of ignored it and about a year later, somebody seen the video and people like, dude, you really need to do this.
55:08
Speaker 3: And you know, I think like a lot of people in June of 2020 were like what do I do?
55:16
Speaker 3: So I literally Googled Casey, how do you start a podcast?
55:19
Speaker 3: Love it, wrote down a list of the things I needed to do, recorded the first episode which is really uncomfortable, like just me and then reached out to a buddy and said would you be my first guest?
55:29
Speaker 3: And you know, we're on episode 80.
55:32
Speaker 3: So I did a lot early on.
55:35
Speaker 3: I do them once every two weeks.
55:36
Speaker 3: Now probably should do more because I'm kind of busy, but yeah, it's.
55:40
Speaker 3: I share really cool stories of people who've had some sort of tragedy, trauma or had to rethink the way they approach something and had a moment of eating crow and then turn their life around whether it's personal or business wise, and share it pretty raw.
55:56
Speaker 2: Love it so good.
55:57
Speaker 2: We'll make sure that's linked in the show notes.
55:59
Speaker 2: We'll make sure Crucible is linked in the show notes so people can learn more about you guys and connect with you.
56:02
Speaker 2: It's now time to what I go.
56:05
Speaker 2: What I take my guests through is called lightning round.
56:07
Speaker 2: Okay, I have nothing prepared.
56:07
Speaker 2: What I go, what I take my guests through, is called lightning round.
56:09
Speaker 2: Okay, I have nothing prepared.
56:09
Speaker 2: And I've had.
56:10
Speaker 2: I've just used curiosity today.
56:11
Speaker 2: Uh, I will now ask you random questions.
56:13
Speaker 2: I will show you the hits have taken too many hits, not bong hits, but football hits in college.
56:17
Speaker 2: Sure, your job is to answer them as quickly as you can.
56:19
Speaker 2: My job is try to get a giggle out of you, okay, okay, uh.
56:23
Speaker 2: Uh, true or false?
56:24
Speaker 2: You lost in a fistfight to pounce Panther, false, false.
56:29
Speaker 2: I almost get a good on my own joke.
56:30
Speaker 2: Uh, true or false?
56:32
Speaker 2: You?
56:37
Speaker 2: Um?
56:38
Speaker 3: once met Brett Favre in a bowling alley and beat him Almost true.
56:39
Speaker 3: I met him at a bar.
56:40
Speaker 3: I met him in a bar in green Bay.
56:41
Speaker 3: Okay, very good.
56:43
Speaker 3: Chuck Cecil and Mark tomorrow, and Chuck Cecil hit on my wife.
56:47
Speaker 2: He was the safety of the Packers.
56:48
Speaker 2: Wow, come on, chimmy, ease up bro.
56:49
Speaker 2: True or false, I have been to Lambeau Field Multiple times.
56:54
Speaker 2: True, I've only been Me.
56:56
Speaker 2: Oh, you've been.
56:57
Speaker 2: Have you been there Once?
56:58
Speaker 2: 1999, john Kitna's opening day of the Hawks Holmgren back in Green Bay?
57:04
Speaker 2: I was there Really.
57:06
Speaker 3: John Kitna.
57:06
Speaker 3: Wow, there's a name I haven't heard in a while.
57:08
Speaker 2: Lambeau is a fun place, isn't it?
57:09
Speaker 2: It was the best.
57:10
Speaker 2: It was the most coolest experience.
57:12
Speaker 2: I walked through the neighborhood.
57:17
Speaker 2: I saw moving fans in people's backyards, huge extension cords with couches.
57:19
Speaker 2: I walked in and the biggest joke all the Packers fans said and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
57:23
Speaker 2: And I was like this is the most I'm going to take.
57:24
Speaker 2: This is the best.
57:25
Speaker 2: They just thought, hey, can we get this guy a latte?
57:28
Speaker 2: He needs another latte.
57:28
Speaker 2: Let's get him a latte.
57:29
Speaker 2: Just Seattle coffee jokes nonstop.
57:31
Speaker 2: And they thought it was the funniest thing.
57:32
Speaker 2: Of course they did.
57:33
Speaker 2: I'm like, if that's all I'm taking today, this is the best fans ever and they were so nice.
57:38
Speaker 3: Seattle games are fun.
57:39
Speaker 3: It was probably stadium in the last 25 years.
57:51
Speaker 3: It's, it's plush, now it's beautiful.
57:54
Speaker 3: They've done such a great job upgrading all the facilities because it used to be, you know, like a state fair park it was pretty raw.
58:01
Speaker 2: So good, um, tell me the last book you read.
58:06
Speaker 3: I have it right here Building a Brand Story.
58:09
Speaker 3: It's a great book.
58:10
Speaker 3: It's 2017.
58:11
Speaker 3: I read it like five, six years ago and just reread it again.
58:14
Speaker 3: It's a really good book.
58:15
Speaker 3: It's about using stories to tell your brand, and heroes and guides and villains.
58:22
Speaker 2: It's a really great book.
58:23
Speaker 2: Love that.
58:24
Speaker 2: I'm going to write that down because I always tell my clients story sells slides, don't we all love stories?
58:29
Speaker 2: If I was to come to your house for dinner tonight, what would we?
58:31
Speaker 3: have Steak potatoes that I cook on the grill in aluminum foil and butter and olive oil, fresh green peppers, yellow peppers, red peppers.
58:43
Speaker 3: My wife would bake an amazing fruit salad and homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert.
58:51
Speaker 2: Let's go See you in a couple hours.
58:53
Speaker 2: Yeah that would be it If you were to go on a vacation right now with your wife anywhere in the world.
58:58
Speaker 2: No kids, no grandkids.
58:59
Speaker 2: Tell me where we're going.
59:00
Speaker 2: Florence, okay, I like that.
59:04
Speaker 2: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
59:07
Speaker 2: You Never Saw it Coming, okay.
59:11
Speaker 2: Now this book is crushing it.
59:13
Speaker 2: It's in airports, everybody's reading it.
59:15
Speaker 2: Multiple bestseller.
59:16
Speaker 2: Everybody out there.
59:17
Speaker 2: You're like what, seriously?
59:18
Speaker 2: And now you get a phone call one day and it's Hulu, and then it's Netflix and it's Apple TV.
59:24
Speaker 2: And now they're arguing to try to give you the script, but they say you got to be the casting director.
59:29
Speaker 2: I need to know who's going to star you in this critically acclaimed hit new movie.
59:31
Speaker 2: Will Ferrell.
59:33
Speaker 2: That's so good.
59:33
Speaker 2: He has the face everybody for a Mark Wahlberg, but he goes.
59:39
Speaker 2: Will Ferrell, which is my probably one of my all time favorite actors of all time, and I quote often too often.
59:47
Speaker 3: He is one of the funniest men on the planet, without a doubt.
59:49
Speaker 2: Do you remember so?
59:50
Speaker 2: Do you remember when he was?
59:52
Speaker 2: I think it was, I think it was Anchorman, anchorman, I think it was Anchorman, or yeah, when he, when he used to call dodges a yodge yeah, it was a dodge commercial, so it was a soft like instead of he liked the yogging, a soft J, j, so the soft D.
1:00:13
Speaker 2: When my son was seven, we're we paid.
1:00:14
Speaker 2: I got picked up from work cause we're going on a ferry ride and so we didn't want to have two cars, and so I'm in the front seat, my wife's driving, and my son in the back goes hey dad, look, that's a pretty good looking yacht up there.
1:00:19
Speaker 2: I'm like this is the best day of my life.
1:00:24
Speaker 2: Of course it is Earmuffs, right, totally, yeah, okay.
1:00:30
Speaker 2: Last question Tell me two words that describe your wife Honest and loving.
1:00:34
Speaker 2: So good, lighting rounds over.
1:00:36
Speaker 2: I think I giggled more at my own jokes, which means a complete failure and Peter wins.
1:00:40
Speaker 2: But most dads we always laugh at our own jokes.
1:00:42
Speaker 2: That's what we do.
1:00:43
Speaker 2: I want to say thank you so much to Sonny for making this episode possible and say thank you for spending me nearly an hour today.
1:00:49
Speaker 2: It's been so fun meeting you and so fun getting to know you better and learning more about you and your successful family, and I love how grounded you all are and humble, and it goes back to the little things which you guys do really, really well, and so I just want to say thank you, man, so much for your time and I appreciate you spending some time with me today on this quarterback Cass.
1:01:06
Speaker 3: Casey, it's been a pleasure, great host and uh, I'm going to go listen to Sonny's episode now.
1:01:10
Speaker 3: Very cool.