Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a Manager Yourself
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been managing a team for about a year now. You're past the initial firefighting phase — you know how to run a stand-up, you've done your first performance reviews. But there's this quiet thought that creeps in around month ten or eleven: who do I go to when I don't know what I'm doing? Luna: Right. Because your boss is evaluating you. Your reports see you as the authority. And your former mentor — maybe someone more senior — might not remember what it's like to be in the middle. Lucas: Exactly. That's the manager's mentorship gap. And it's surprisingly common. I've seen research from the Center for Creative Leadership suggesting that nearly 60 percent of new managers stop actively seeking mentorship within six months of stepping into the role. They feel like they're supposed to have it figured out. Luna: That stat is wild. And it's exactly the wrong move — because management is a completely different skill set. You need new guidance. Lucas: You do. And if we've helped you think through a career move or a management challenge, we'd love your support to keep this show ad-free. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Honestly, even a symbolic coffee helps us keep the lights on and the episodes coming. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to say this content matters. And we really appreciate it. Lucas: So today I want to talk about a specific solution: peer mentorship for managers. Not the mentor who's three levels above you — but someone who's sitting in the same chair at a different company, dealing with the same kind of messy stuff. Luna: I like that. It's less intimidating, and there's no power dynamic. Lucas: Exactly. Let me give you a concrete example. I know an engineering manager at a mid-sized SaaS company — let's call her Priya. When she got promoted from senior engineer to manager of a team of seven, she felt isolated. Her skip-level was supportive but busy. Her former engineering mentor was brilliant on architecture, but had never managed people. So Priya did something smart: she reached out to three people she'd worked with earlier in her career who had also moved into management at different companies — one at a fintech startup, one at a large retailer's digital arm, and one at a consultancy. She asked each if they'd be willing to have a thirty-minute call once a quarter. Luna: So she built her own mini advisory board. Lucas: Exactly. And she gave them permission to be brutally honest. She'd bring specific problems: 'One of my direct reports is coasting and I don't know how to address it' or 'My VP wants me to cut headcount but also deliver more features.' The fintech peer had dealt with the same thing six months earlier. The retailer peer had a framework for handling low performers. The consultant peer helped her think about the strategic framing for her VP. Luna: That's so practical. And what I love is that she didn't ask them to be her mentor in some formal, ongoing way. She just created a light-touch network. Lucas: Right. There's research from Harvard Business Review showing that peer mentoring relationships — where both people are at similar levels — actually produce more candid feedback than traditional mentor-mentee pairs. Because there's no career risk. Your peer mentor isn't going to write your performance review. Luna: So what's the first step for someone listening who wants to do this? They're a manager, they feel the gap — how do they actually start? Lucas: First, identify three types of mentors you need. I call them the sounding board, the functional expert, and the strategist. The sounding board is someone who gets the day-to-day — they'll listen to you vent about a difficult employee or a messy process. The functional expert knows your craft — marketing, engineering, finance — and can help you make better technical decisions. The strategist helps you think about your career trajectory and how your team fits into the bigger business picture. Luna: That's a useful framework. And the same person could play multiple roles, but it's good to have at least one for each. Lucas: Exactly. Second, look for peers who are one to two years ahead of you in their management journey. Not ten years ahead — the gap is small enough that their challenges are still fresh, but they've already navigated some of the early landmines. LinkedIn is fine for this, but honestly, former coworkers are the best source. You already have trust. Luna: What about the fear of being vulnerable? Some managers worry that if they admit they're struggling, they'll look weak. Lucas: That's the biggest barrier, and it's exactly why peer mentorship works better than upward mentorship. With a peer, you're equals. You can say 'I have no idea how to run a difficult conversation' without worrying that it will get back to your boss. And in my experience, the best managers are the ones who are open about their gaps. It's not weakness — it's self-awareness. Luna: I'd add that if you're a manager, you're also in a position to offer something back. You can be a peer mentor to someone else. Lucas: Absolutely. Priya's group eventually became a reciprocal arrangement. She'd help the fintech peer with technical architecture questions, and the retailer peer gave her feedback on team motivation. It wasn't one-directional. And that's the beauty of peer mentorship — it's a two-way street from the start. Luna: So if I'm a new manager listening right now, what's one concrete thing I can do today? Lucas: Open your contacts or LinkedIn and find three former colleagues who now manage teams. Send each a short message: 'Hey, I moved into management last year and I'd love to swap notes sometime. No agenda, just a thirty-minute call once a quarter.' You'll be surprised how many say yes. Most managers feel the same isolation. Luna: And if they say no? Lucas: Then you ask someone else. The worst that happens is you don't get a call. But if you ask five people, odds are at least two will say yes. That's enough to start. Luna: I think the key takeaway for me is that you don't need a formal mentor with a title. You need a few people who get it. Lucas: Exactly. And those people are out there. They're probably feeling the same way you are.