Latest / The You Project / #2154 Sharing My Notes... - Harps

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#2154 Sharing My Notes... - Harps · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good team.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: So no guest today, And I've been thinking about what
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: I might do. Would I do a podcast? And I
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: was leaning towards not, because I hate it when I
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: feel like I've got to be creative or spontaneous or
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: I've got to come up with something to me, it
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel authentic or organic. And I really only like
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: doing solos when I've got something that I want to
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: share or I think is front of mine for me,
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: or I think is going to be potentially interesting or valuable,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: or maybe a bit who knows, insightful or inspirational whatever.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So I'd kind of resigned myself to add no potty today.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Then I've just been sitting on mapooda in front of
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: me and just culling some of the eighteen million word
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: documents I have from the Second World War when I
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: started accumulating stuff, and I came across.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I came across.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: A not even a book, a collection of notes that
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: are jotted down for myself from about five years ago
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: that were going to be the beginnings of a book.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: So the way that my process works, So for those
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: of you who want to write a book, definitely this
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: is not the protocol, but this is often my protocol,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I don't I often don't know exactly where it's going
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: to go. I don't think I'm going to write a
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: book it's going to be specifically about this only I'm
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: going to go down this path. I'm going to tick
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: these boxes along the way. I'm going to cover these
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: eight key areas, which probably how I should.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Do it, but I don't.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: So the way that I do it is I just
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: have an idea or a thought, and I think, oh,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: that's interesting, and I write down the idea or the thought.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: And sometimes that idea or thought or lesson or insight
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: or even question would be a sentence. Sometimes it's a paragraph,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's two paragraphs. But I think I can use these,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: or I find these interesting. I find these worth considering
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: and exploring and learning about. I have some experience in this,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: so this might help people, or I've had a lesson
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: in this space. Maybe this is of value or interest.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: And then I kind of figure out which bit will
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: go where, and I switch them around and I go
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: what flows into what if anything? Does this need to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: be a standalone message or story, and so on and
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: so on. So I stumbled across a bunch of notes
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: that I'd written and I hadn't looked at for years,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: and it's what is it, two hundred and fifty six words,
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: So not a lot of words in the context of
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: a book. It's eight pages. But I was reading through
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: those notes just now. I was figuring out, will I
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: delete this file?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Will I keep it?
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I got way too much shit as not just in my.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Life but on my anyway.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: I was trying to figure out what I might do
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: with this, so I was about to press delete. Then
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: I started reading and I went, some of these things
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: are actually worth pondering for me and maybe for you.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: So these are all random, maybe interconnected in a way,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: but there's no logical sequence. I'm literally I'm on page one,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: line one. I want to share with you some of
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: the notes that I've jotted down because I think some
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: of these will be for you worth exploring, or there
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: might be a self contained message within the brief kind
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: of bit that I share. Either way, I think I
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: think some of you will find this interesting and also
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: to understand my process. Even if I'm coming up with
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: a workshop and I want to call that workshop optimizing you,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: for example, I go, well, what does that mean? And
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I go Wow, there's the mind stuff. There's the body stuff.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: There's social stuff. There's the money stuff, there's the living
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: life stuff, there's the health stuff. You know, there's how
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: do I optimize my brain stuff? How do I be
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: a better human? What's a light better? All that stuff?
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: And I come up with all these disparate but somewhat
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: interconnected concepts or.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Themes, and then I get it all down. I'll write.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I might write one line, and then I'll come back
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: to that line because I've written thirty other lines of
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  Speaker 2: thirty other topics. I might come back to it this
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: afternoon and added another couple of lines. Then I'll go
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: for a scroll, a bit of a verbal or a
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  Speaker 2: written meander through my own work, and go, I could
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  Speaker 2: add this to that. I know a story about that
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  Speaker 2: that would add on to this little bit of insight
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  Speaker 2: or this bit of science or this bit of information.
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  Speaker 2: I think they go well together. So that's how I
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: do it. Which, again, as I said, I'm not recommending
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  Speaker 2: you do it that way. This is just how my brain.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: My brain works, So I'm going to share some of
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: my notes. So Note one is this, many times I
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: thought my life needed to change, but what really needed
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: to change was me in the middle of that life.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: And then amazingly, when I changed, so did my life.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: So from that, well, did my life really change? Well,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: the answer is, in many ways, no, my life was
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: the same. So I guess I'm talking here about life
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: situation or the practicality of my external world, my life,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: my environment.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: You know, where I work or where I.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Go to school, or where I drive each day, or
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: what I wear each day or what bed I sleep
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: in each night, and all that stuff is kind of
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: a constant, or very often it's a constant. But what
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: I've said in the last sentence there is, amazingly, when
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I changed, so did my life. What I maybe should
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: have written is when I changed, then so did my
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: life experience or the way that I experienced or perceived
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: or enjoyed or hated or processed life. And so I
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: like this idea of considering the disparity or the divergence
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: or the gap between my life situation, what's going on,
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  Speaker 2: where I were, how much money I have, my friends,
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: my environment, my house, all the things that make up
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the external kind of practical, real world visible reality of
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: my life, and then me in the middle of it,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: the perceiver of my life. So I'm going to share
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: that with you once again. Many times I thought my
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: life needed to change, but what really needed to change
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: was me in the middle of that life. And amazingly,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: when I changed, so did my life. And by that
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I mean life experience. Sometimes we think we're in a
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: shit situation, but maybe it's maybe it is maybe it
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  Speaker 2: is that. Maybe it's just a situation, and maybe it's
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: a one out of ten shit, but our thinking makes
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: it a nine out of ten shit because you meet
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: someone one day and then you're like, oh, well.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: This is actually a fucking shit situation. Wow.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Their life is real, legit difficult. They have real, legit problems.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: And I realized that I was turning up the volume
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: on my own problems. And so that is why I
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: am always my biggest project, urgo the view project. That
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: is why I'm always working on me to figure out
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  Speaker 2: what part of this bad experience in inverted commas am
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: I creating? What part of this lack of joy or
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: satisfaction or fulfillment or calm is because of me? Not
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: really because of my life. And we can't really be
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: totally objective because we each look through the subjective window
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: of our mind. Our understanding, our brain, our cognitive function,
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  Speaker 2: our experience, is our truth, our beliefs. But when we
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: can try to edge towards the more objective end of
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  Speaker 2: the scale, and we can start to see our own
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  Speaker 2: life or existence or practical real world three dimensional reality
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: as others see our life or what they think is
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: our life, sometimes we realize, well, my life is actually
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  Speaker 2: pretty good. My life is actually a seven or an eight.
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  Speaker 2: Are their problems? Yes, so their challenges are the things
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  Speaker 2: I need to do and change. But like when I
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: took a when I look at the totality of my
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: existence and what I have, and the real threats and
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: the real dangers and the real problems and the real
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: catastrophes in my life, they are almost zero. My next
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  Speaker 2: note is this, Remember all disparate, all different, not necessarily related.
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  Speaker 2: No matter how much sense it doesn't make to you,
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  Speaker 2: remember that in their mind, it makes all the sense.
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  Speaker 2: In their mind, it makes all the sense. Your job
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  Speaker 2: is not to agree or align with everyone, of course,
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  Speaker 2: but rather to understand an emotional, psychological, and philosophical or
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: experiential reality different to yours. And we've spoken about this
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: many times, trying to understand how other people are back
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  Speaker 2: to the notes.
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  Speaker 1: This is the.
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  Speaker 2: Starting point for a type of connect and understanding that
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: can't happen when we exist in an echo chamber of thought, behavior,
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  Speaker 2: and ideology.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And this is a.
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  Speaker 2: Hard thing to do, because we exist in our own
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  Speaker 2: echo chamber. We'd like to think we don't because we
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: like to think we're open minded and we're objective in
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: all of those things. And I like to think that too.
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  Speaker 2: But I'm only objective and open minded to the extent
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  Speaker 2: that I can be a regular human with preconceived ideas
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  Speaker 2: and notions or pre existing I should say, ideas and
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: notions and beliefs and values and stories and history. So
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I go through through that again. No matter how much
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: sense puts teeth in harps, no matter how much sense
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't make to you, remember that in the middle
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  Speaker 2: of their mind, their reality, it makes all the sense.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Your job is not to agree or to align with everybody,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: of course, but rather to understand an emotional, psychological, philosophical,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: and experiential reality different to yours. And when we understand
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: people better again, we can build that connection and rapport
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  Speaker 2: of which I always speak. This is the starting point
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  Speaker 2: for the type of connection and understanding that can't happen
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: when we exist solely in an echo chamber of our
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: own thought, belief, ideology, and even behaviors. I like that.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: That's old. But okay, here's my next one. If John
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: says something, I think I've written something similar to this.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: If John says something and one person is amused, another curious,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: another inspired, and another offended from, where does the offense come?
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Is it caused by what John said, caused in inverted
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  Speaker 2: commas by what John said, or is that offense a
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  Speaker 2: byproduct of that person's thinking brackets about what John said?
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And this is not an invite to rant about what
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: is or isn't generally speaking offensive. We've got enough e
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: co chambers, soapboxes, and finger pointers, but rather to intellectually
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: consider how and why. In the above example, three people
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: are not offended and one is. So getting offended by
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: a certain thing is not a consistent and predictable response
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: to an individual stimuli across the board, but rather the
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: outcome of an individual cognitive process of interpretation and decision
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: making and reality creating, making our own reality. If offense
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: being offended is an individual response to any stimulus, word, behavior, attitude, belief, act,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: then anyone can deem literally anything and everything to be
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: offensive because it's all about a personal response, reaction, or story.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Case in point, my most popular book as fuck on
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: the front cover. And at the same time, the biggest
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: criticism I get people giving me feedback is for saying fuck. Ironically,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: some people are fucked off by the use by the
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: use of the word fuck. Here's my next one, my
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  Speaker 2: next note in my Little Body bundle of notes. You
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: when a desirable and productive behavior, one that is aligned
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: with your values and goals, becomes part of your normal
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: operating system, something hardwired into your subconscious mind, a habit,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: then the need to get motivated get motivated becomes redundant.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'll say that better.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: When it's desirable and productive behavior, one that aligns with
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: your values and goals becomes part of your normal operating system,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: that is, something hardwired into your subconscious mind, a habit,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: then the need to get motivated, inspired, excited, etc. Becomes
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: redundant because now that thing that we know that we
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: should do that's good for our body or brain, or
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: relationships or financial health, or sleep productivity or sleep hygiene
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: or whatever. When that thing that we should do becomes
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: hardwired into our subconscious hardwired into our daily kind of
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: rituals and rules. In other words, it becomes a normal,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: like this is my normal. This is me just being me,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: This is me just doing me. This is not me
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: doing something special or different or amazing because I'm trying
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: to create an amazing outcome. No, this is just how
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I live. Now, this is my new normal. Then when
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: that turns from a sometimes when I'm inspired thing to
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: an all the time ritual or habit or behavior, then
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: now we don't need to keep constantly trying to find
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: ways to get motivated get inspired. We just do the
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: right thing on autopilot. Here's my next one. I think
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: this is note five. Rather than perpetually choosing the path
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: of comfort, train yourself to be comfortable, competent, effective, calm,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: relaxed in the mayhem, madness inconvenience, and discomfort. In doing so,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: your ability to function optimally is not situation dependent, but
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: rather you dependent.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Like it or not.
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  Speaker 2: The shit storm comes for everyone, and how do we
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  Speaker 2: do that? How do we train ourselves in other words,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: to be the calm in the chaos, which is called
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: in Eastern philosophy equanimity. You've heard me say that a
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: thousand times. How do we do that well? We don't
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: get good at performing under pressure or being the calm
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: in the chaos by avoiding hard things. Now, obviously we
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: need to be careful about choosing the hard things. We
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: need to choose something that's hard or difficult, or complicated
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: or uncomfortable in a strategic and logical and intellectual way.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: We know it's going to be hard, we know it
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: won't be fun initially, we know we won't love it,
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: we won't enjoy it. But that's okay because we're doing
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: it to create shift in our productivity and efficiency and outcomes.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And we're also doing it to create shift in ourselves.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And that shift that I get in myself, for example,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: when I'm doing hard things, when I'm learning new things,
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: when I'm stepping into unfamiliar, uncomfortable territory, is that I
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: am now making me a better version of me, who
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: can be more adaptable, who can be socially or behaviorally
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: or cognitively more flexible, who can do what most people
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: can't do when the shit hits the fan. So you
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: will not accidentally become stronger or better, or more skilled,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: or more effective or more resilient. That will not happen
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: unless you put yourself in a situation or a challenge
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: or an environment where this needs to come out of you.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: And it's doing the hard things like lifting the weights
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: that build strength, that builds resilience, and that builds a
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: kind of endurance that a lot of people don't have. Alrighty,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: I like this next one step away from the programming.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: This is metaphorically or intellectually or emotionally psychologically. Step away
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: from the programming, expectation and conformity for a minute. Find
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: some clarity and space. Where does their thinking finish and
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: your start? Where is the programming and where are you
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: think about your thinking? Come to your own conclusions, discover
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: your own truth, purpose, and path. Your potential is way
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: bigger than just meeting the expectations of others, of fitting in,
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: of conforming the enormity of conformity I call it. You
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: might do a big loop and discover that you're actually
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: where you need to be, or you might find yourself
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: on a whole new, exciting trajectory. But this is the challenge,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: This is the ever present challenge of being aware of
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: our programming, being aware of the pressure from others to
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: do what the others think we should do and being
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: brave enough to go, Yeah, look, thanks for your input,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: thanks for the pressure, thanks for telling me what you
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: think my life or my behavior or my choices should be.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: But hey, how about you live your life. I'll live
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: my life.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: You create your own version of normal, and you make
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: your own decisions and choose your own path, and I'll
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: be over here doing the same. But it is a
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: challenge for us when, especially when we're people pleases, especially
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: when we are often guilted into certain things because we
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: want to be loyal and we want to belong and
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: we want to be part of the gang. And while
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: that's understandable, it's also quite often it can be I
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: will say it not always is, but it can be.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: It can be a handbreak to your potential. It can
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: be a barrier to you finding what your purpose should
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: be or could be. All right, here's my next one.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like this.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: It's funny when I say I like something I wrote.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I just like this concept. There's actual kindness, and then
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: there's a gender and manipulation.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Wearing a smile, I'm going.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: To say it again, there's actual kindness where people are
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: genuinely kind and loving and compassionate and caring, and then
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: there's a gender and manipulation wearing a smile. That is,
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: sometimes people who are strategic, strategically nice because they have
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: a strategy to extract something from you, to get something
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: from you, to manipulate, coerce, control, or influence you in
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: a way. In other words, it's not kindness or love
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: at all. It's just somebody trying to get you to
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: be of value to them and to use you for
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: something that sounds the negative.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: It isn't.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: It's just true.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: You know this. I know this.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I've experienced it many times where people will treat me
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: a certain way because I know they want something. And
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: if I couldn't do the things for them that they
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: think I can do, or they thought I was not
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: going to be of any value to them, they wouldn't
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: treat me the way they're currently treating me. There's I
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: don't know why I wrote this, but I put a
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: scripture in here which is from the New Testament Matthew
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: seven to fifteen. Without getting all religious on you, but
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: this is just a nice scripture. It says, watch out
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothings.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: But inwardly they are ferocious wolves. If you want to
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: look that up, it's Matthew chapter seven, verse fifteen.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: It's the bit of religion for the day. So the
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: next one is really short. I'll expand on it a bit,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: but stimulus response it you inevitable optional. You'll be navigating
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: shit for a while yet. And this is a real
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: hard thing to live because we often respond or react
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: or behave before we really process or really think deeply
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: or really just take a breath. So we do something smart,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: not something dumb. So there's always going to be, you know,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: something that happens big or small, good or bad, scene
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: or unseen or predicted or not. There's going to be
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: something that happens to you because you inspire you around you,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: and our challenge is to respond hard. I agree it's hard,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: but our challenge is to respond in a way which
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: is best for us but also hopefully for those around us,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: and to respond in a way which is consistent with
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: who we want to be and how we want to be.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: This has been an ongoing challenge for me because my
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: mind works quite quickly and my mouth works even more quickly.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: Is that sometimes something will happen, and I will respond.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I will respond in a way which is inappropriate or
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: inconsistent with the kind of person that I want to be,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And as it's coming out of my mouth, I know
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: this is no shock to you, but I regret it,
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: and I try and retract it. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: I don't realize till later. So one of my challenges
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: me personally, I don't know if this is you, but
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: is between stimulus and response, just hanging out a bit,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: just before I react, before I escalate or elevate, before
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I do or say something that I shouldn't or don't
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: want to, is to just pause for a moment, just
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: to collect myself and consciously not respond in the way
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: that I want to respond immediately. And that really makes
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: a difference socially, It makes a difference emotionally.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: It makes a difference in.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Leadership at work, at home, with all relationships. Is just
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: before you just do that thing or say that thing,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: or respond in that way that you might regret, just
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: put the old verbal brakes on it for a minute,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: shut the fuck up, and then once you've got yourself together,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: maybe then respond.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I like this one too. The next one is what
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: if your best years are yet.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: To come, I honestly think, and I'm sixty two, I
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: don't think necessarily my best years are yet to come,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: but I think great things are yet to come. I
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: hope they are that haven't happened already. I think it's
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: fully my intention at sixty two to keep learning, keep growing,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: keep evolving, keep adapting, keep developing new skills, keep growing
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: my understanding and my compassion and my kindness, and to
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: keep bringing things into the world that are worth listening to,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: or worth watching, or worth reading, or are of value
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: real practical value to people in some way. So what
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: if your best year is a yet to come? What
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: if your peak hasn't come and gone. What if you
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: can be more successful, fulfilled, and empowered in the second
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: half of your life, or maybe the last third of
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: your life, or maybe the last two thirds of your life.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: What if thinking about age is more of a limitation
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: than age itself. What if you could be physically, mentally,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: and emotionally better in inverted commas in your fifties, sixties,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: and seventies, depending on your starting point. Of course, some
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: people definitely can. I've got friends who are in their
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: sixties now and fifties who are in better shape than
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: when they are in their twenties and thirties. What if
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: you went back to study thirty years after you finished school?
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: What if you stopped living age appropriately? You know how,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: there's a way that we're expected to behave. What is
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: age appropriate behavior? What is an age appropriate outfit.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: For you to wear?
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Clothes to wear? What is an age appropriate way for
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: you to speak or live or socialized? Fuck?
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Age appropriate?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: How about maybe it turns out being age appropriate? But
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: what if you just start living passionately and courageously and
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: curiously and even inappropriately for your age. I've been inappropriate
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: for decades.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: You all know that.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Here's my next one. Live olive. Live to live is
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: a present tense verb. It can't happen in the past
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: or future, only in the continuum of now moments, now
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: moments in which you and I exist. Your mind has
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: a database of previous now moments that you call the past.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: You have a relationship in the present with those previous
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: now moments. That relationship thinking, processing, interpreting, obsessing with your past.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: That relationship with your.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Past determines the way in which your previous experiences impact
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: your present. Mental emotional and physical states. So too, your
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: mind has a capacity, maybe even a tendency, to obsess
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: about theoretical yet to happen events and outcomes and problems
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: that may or may not exist in the future, thereby
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: creating real stress, mental and emotional in the now. So
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: we are stressing about things that may happen in the future. That,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: by the way, most of things we worry about happening
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: in the future. There's a research done on this. It's
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: something like ninety two percent don't happen. So we spend
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of time worrying about things that might happen
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: but don't don't eventuate, and then of the ones that do,
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: I think it was eight percent. I think only about
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: half of those eight percent, So four percent actually turn
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: out to be something, you know, very difficult or traumatic
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: or something hard to deal with. So that doesn't mean
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: bad things are not going to happen, of course, But
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: the truth is that for many of us right now,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: maybe if you this is not the case, but right
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: now is okay. Right now is somewhere between not bad
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: and really fucking good. So to acknowledge that there will
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: be a future and things will happen, and to forward,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: plan and think about what we might do, be, create, change, acquire,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: learn you know, unlearn in the future is good, but
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: obsessing about potential problems is not good because obsession and
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: rumination just puts us in a place physiologically endocrime system,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: blood pressure, cardiovascular health, endocrime system, all of these things
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: that puts us in a place in the now where
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: we are anxious now about a thing that might happen
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: in the future, or stress now about something that isn't
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: occurring and probably won. The challenge for us is to
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: acknowledge the past without being held prisoner by the past
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: totally acknowledge easier said than done, and there are lots
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: of variables around this, and full respect to people who've
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: been through traumatic things, but also we can go through
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: trauma acknowledge what was, understand that it was fucking horrible,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: but also go then.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Is not now then?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Is not now, next week, next month, next year, is
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: not now Right now, in this moment, in this present
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: kind of reac that I inhabit, things are okay. So
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: should we ruminate on the past, preferably not? Can we
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: remember the past? Of course we're going to but really
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: the only place that we're ever going to live is
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: in this moment as you hear these words, because living, existing, behaving, loving, connecting,
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: laughing are all present tense verbs. This next one is
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: very random and does not tie in at all with
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: anything I've said, But that's the beauty of just looking
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: through your notes. What is the type of physical workspace
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: that works optimally for your cognitive function, for your creativity, focus,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: emotional state, and productivity. We often don't think about that.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I know for me, the environment, the physical space, the
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: outlook through my windows, the furniture, the way that everything
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: is set up has a big impact on, yes, my
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: mindset and my productivity and efficiency.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: But it also.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: In the simplest of terms, when I'm working in my office,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: which I love, which is a very calm, familiar, pleasing
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: space for me, I'm happier. I'm happier all things aside,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: and when I work in this space, when I sit
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: in this chair that I'm now sitting in this room
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: that I'm now in, with the multiple windows in front
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: of me, looking at nature, looking at bamboo trees, looking
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: at my garden, looking at all these cool things, seeing
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: a few birds right now, sitting on a.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Branch of a tree out. So all of that stuff.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: The type of physical space or environment that we work
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: in that we live in makes quite an impact on
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: our internal reality that sometimes we don't even recognize. I know,
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: for example, if I sit in one of the rooms downstairs,
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: I have a recording studio downstairs. If I try and
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: do written work or creative work, I don't use that studio,
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: by the way, anymore. I'm upstairs in my office, which
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: has a studio setup. But I know that it's a
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: nice room down there. But this one up here, it's different.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: It's better. I'm better. I feel like I'm a bit
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: smarter in this room. I feel like I'm more comfortable.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like I can focus better. In fact, I
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: don't feel like it. I know all that, and so
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: trying to understand where do I work best? What is
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: great for my brain? What is great for my nervous system?
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: What is great for my body? Where is that place? Alright,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: let's do one more. Haven't them read all the way
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: through this one? I probably should pre read it, but
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I like the first few lines this a little bit longer.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: What is a good life? We all want to live
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: a good life. Nobody wants to live a bad life,
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: of course, But what exactly does that mean? Is a
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: good life different for different people or is it the same,
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: or is it different for the same person over their lifetime?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Like twenty years ago, my version of a good life
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: at that point on my journey, I can say with
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: some confidence was slightly different to where I am now
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: at sixty two. My version of a good life. Does
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: a good situation, family, job, house, money, lifestyle, Does that
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: necessarily equal a good life? And if not, why not?
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: What are the symptoms of a good life? I don't
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: know why I write that word, but I quite like it.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: What are the symptoms?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Like? What would we see? What would what would be.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Evident with somebody that's in the middle of a good life?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Is it about the scene stuff or the unseen stuff?
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Is a good life about the internal, non physical world
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: of thoughts and feelings and connection and creativity and purpose
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: and inspiration? Or is a good life about what's being
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: created and achieved and changed and conquered in that physical,
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: three dimensional world, that external world that everyone can see?
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Or maybe and I think maybe.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: This is it?
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Maybe for me anyway, maybe it's a combination of both.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Is it possible that our idea of.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: A good life? What is a good life?
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Doesn't live up to the reality of it when we
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: get it or when we get what we thought was
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: going to be a good life. And where does our idea,
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: or our understanding, or our belief about or our concept
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: of a good life come from? Did Mum and Dad
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: give it to you?
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Is it culture? Is it society? Is it media? Is
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: it social media?
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Or maybe your idea of a good life has come
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: from something deeper, something more instinctive and intuitive and innate
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: and internal. And I guess the interesting thing is, and
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I know this is very superficial, like we're not doing
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: a deep dive into any of this today, but I
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: encourage you. If I've said or spoken about one idea
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: or concept that is meaningful for you, maybe you might
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: want to do a deep dive. Maybe you want to
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: sit down with your own boring word document and write
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: the question and answer the question and think about it deeply.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Like nobody wants to live a bad life. If I
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: walk into a room of one hundred or tw hundred
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: people who put up Yann, who wants to live a
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: bad life, Nobody, of course put up Yann. If you
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: want to live a good life. Everybody cool? What does
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: that mean? People go ah? Or most people won't be
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: able to describe that exactly. We just kind of, oh,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: you know, I guess having enough dough and not being sick,
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: and maybe all of that's part of it. But is
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: that all of it? Is that the totality of what
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: you want in and for your life?
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: And I just why do.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I consciously ask these questions? Well, I truly believe that
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: most of us are wasting some of our potential, if
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: not a lot. I believe that we are consistently doing
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: things habitually that don't work, that don't serve us. I
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: think we live in thoughts and ideas and psychological patterns
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: and even practical behaviors that are more destructive than productive.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: And I think in many ways we are living an
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: unconscious life, not a conscious life. And I very much
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: believe that there is a positive correlation between living consciously
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: and intentionally and creating the good life that we want,
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: rather than I'm in some kind of emotional, cognitive, social,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: relational behavioral groundhog day where I kind of wake up
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: most days of the year and I kind of do
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: a version of what I always do, and by the
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: way in the middle of that groundhog day. I'm not
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: particularly happy, I'm not particularly fulfilled. I'm not super healthy
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: physically and mentally emotionally, I'm not making great progress. I'm
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: not learning a lot. I'm not evolving. Now that may
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: not be you, so forget this. But if that is you,
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: or part of that is you, there's no self loathing,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: there's no hate, there's no judgment or criticism. Hopefully, there's
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: just awareness. I know that my life will not accidentally
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: end up amazing. I know that I'm not going to
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: wake up when I'm sixty five and go, fuck, how
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: did I get here? This is incredible? Wow, all of
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: these amazing good things have happened. I've really developed, I've
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: you know, I know that that will not accidentally happen.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: I know that if I, for example, I want to
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: be in physically similar shape too I am now in
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: three years or even eight years, then I need to
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: be able to do what works. I need to be
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: consciously and deliberately doing the things that will create that
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: good life or that good health, or that good relationship,
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: or that good bank balance, or those good outcomes that
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I want to create in my life.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: So one is.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Identifying What does that even mean for you? I guess
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: an analogous concept would be what is success for you?
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: It's the same. Nobody wants to be a failure. Everyone
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: wants to be in their own way, in their own world.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Everyone wants to be successful, but we really struggle to
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: create the thing that we can't define. I want to
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: be successful?
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Not sure?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I want to be it?
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Well, maybe you should get sure, Maybe you should think,
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: maybe you should do a deep dive. What is it
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: that I really want? What are my values? What is
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: my purpose? What do I want to be doing with
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: my days? Do I love my job? Do I hate
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: my job? Could I change it? How could I change it?
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: What about my health and wellness and fitness? What about that?
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Could I change my body? Or do I want to
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: just keep talking about it like I have for the
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: last twenty four years?
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Do I want better healthy relationships? Cool?
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: How would that happen? What part of the solution could
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: I be? And I guess this is the overarching theme
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: for virtually everything I talk about. What is a good life?
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: I think we'll leave it there. I know that was
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: lumpy and bumpy. I know I made a few bloody
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: mistakes here and there. I know it wasn't the slickest
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: or the smoothest, but I hope there's some takeaways for you.