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The Fifth Hour: MallerPalooza Recap · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kabooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor starts right now in.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: The air eywhere the Fifth Hour with me, Ben Malor
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: and you there were hanging out together.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: It is a early Friday, after another.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: Full week of the the radio show. It is the
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: one hundred and ninety eighth day of the year. There
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: are just one hundred and sixty seven days to go.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: That's it week number I believe it was week twenty nine.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: I believe we celebrate National Peach ice Cream Day. You
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: can celebrate that for me and who invented peach ice cream? Well,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: nobody knows for sure, although my favorite story about peach
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: ice cream goes back to actually fell down a rabbit hole.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: I was trying to find out, well, who invented peach
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: ice cream? And said, well, it goes back to the
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: you know, the early days people would take fruit and
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: try to freeze it and all that. Anyway, one of
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: the earliest documented American recipes for peach ice cream came
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: from eighteen seventy seven.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: A woman named Mary Mallin was her name m A. L.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: O n. And she was a.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Cook who made this peach ice cream for very wealthy families.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: And she'd take different ingredients and chopped up the peaches
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: and ended up making freezing it making an ice cream.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: And her method she took mashed right peaches, sweetening them
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: with sugar and whatnot, freezing them with cream and a
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: touch of cherie. And that was very popular. That woman,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: though would not be known for her recipe. She didn't
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: invent peach ice cream, but she perfected it. Mary would
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: become much more famous by her gangster name Typhoid Mary. Yes,
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Typhoid Mary, very big on the peach ice cream back
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: in the day. Now Peach melba, which is a ice
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: cream dessert with peaches and whatnot, that was invented later
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: on by a French chef at the Savoy Hotel in
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: London to honor some Australian soprano, as the legend goes.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: It is also World Emoji Day. Today and I love emojis.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: I use a lot of emojis on my phone, not
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: so much on my computer. On my phone and they're greats,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: They're wonderful. They were first used in Japan in the
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: nineties on mobile phones and there.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Were just a couple of them, and over the years now.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: There are over three thousand, close to four thousand emojis,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: close to four thousand emojis in the Unicode standard. And
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: my favorite part of the emoji story, and this is
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: another thing I discovered a fun fact if you will,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: for Alf the Alien, Opiner and ferg Dog and malaprop guy, the.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Root of emojis. The root of emojis.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: The yellow smiley face of the nineteen sixties and seventies.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: That was a gentleman named Harvey Ball. Have a ball now.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Harvey Ball is the guy that came up with that.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: He created the smiley face in nineteen sixty three. Harvey Ball,
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: a commercial artist from.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: You know where.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: This guy was the guy that created the yellow face
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: which became the most popular emoji.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: That would be Worcester, Yes, Worcester, Massachusetts.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Where we had the malor meet and greet that we
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: did a few months back.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: With all the legends that showed up.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: Matt Kay was there, Danny de Vito, we had our
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: buddy from the Cape that came over. Andre and Alf
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: was there, and so many. It was just a wonderful
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: a wonderful time. And many people I'm not mentioning right
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: now who are.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Like, what about me, ahole, you didn't mention my name?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: What about me? Okay? I know you were there, Thank
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: you all right now.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Emojis were technically first created by a Japanese designer in
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: nineteen ninety nine who was inspired by emoticons used in
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: chat rooms. And it is true if you go around
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: the world, emojis are breaking linguistic boundaries. It's been described
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: is a universal language that you can have global interaction
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: if you can figure out.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: What the emojis mean. So there is that. It is
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: yellow Pig day. I don't have anything on that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Today is the anniversary of Disneyland, opened in nineteen fifty
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: five for Walt Disney.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: On this day, it is also.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: David Hasselhoff's birthday, the Baywatch star for many. For me,
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: he was night writer and The Harvard School of Dentistry
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: became the first dental school in the US in eighteen
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: sixty seven. And oh, by the way, it is my
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: wedding anniversary today and I am doing a podcast.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: So what a world? What a world? Enough of that,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: let's get to the main event. Main event. Oh what
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: a night. It was a couple of nights ago.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Every year, when the Malard Palooza rolls out, I become
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: convinced that we've finally done it.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: We've finally done it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: We've pushed our luck too far, We've tempted the overnight
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: radio gods. We've built up expectations so ridiculously high that
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: there is absolutely no way we can possibly clear the bar.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: This happens literally every year around this time, and every
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: year I tell myself to listen, Ben, this is the one.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: This is where it all falls apart. This is where
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: we f up. This is where the circus tent catches fire,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: and it's not good.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: This is where we're.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Exposed as frauds, someone that doesn't have any talented listeners.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: And yet we've been able to convince thousands of sleep
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: deprived lunatics to stay awake for what is essentially a
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: talent show held together by duct tape and some cheap
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: glue and bad judgment. And yet every year, you idiots.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: I say that lovingly. You somehow make it work. God
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: bless you your Mama Luke's you always.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Make it work.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: And the Wednesday into Thursday overnight spectacular somehow exceeded what
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I think are pretty ridiculous expectations. We created a really
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: cool thing. A really, I didn't do it.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: You did it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: And that bothers me because now now yet again, next year,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: we have to top it. And that is future Ben's problem.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: That is not current Ben's problem. That's future Ben's problem.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: Present Ben. I'm still trying to recover, and it's been
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: a couple of days, my voice hanging on by duct
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: tape unless it's not.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: But the sleep schedule, which is not good.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: Anyway, it already resembles a hostage negotiation. It's become even
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: more complicated now my dog has filed an official agreements.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: Speaking of which, we have breaking news, breaking news on
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: the audio soap box, the Bully Pulpit. We have an
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: in studio, in studio audience for this edition the Fifth
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Hour Podcast.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: I now present to you the Man, myth Dog Legend, Moxie.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: That's it and normally, if you have heard past episodes
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: of this podcast, you know that my dog Moxy guards
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: the couch like she's protecting Fort Knox or the Pentagon.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: She never leaves the little watch tower.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: Sometimes she'll roll over on her side, and sometimes she'll
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: even land her back.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Give you the whole enchilada.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Last night, Moxie, she lumbered into the remote studio, parked
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: herself under my chair and immediately stuck her tongue out
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: and fell asleep, not metaphorically, actually asleep. Now the only
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: applause I received all night is the form of some
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: farting and occasionally snoring. That is love or possibly pity, possibly.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Pitty, and it could be interchangeable.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Right now, the after party for the Malor Palooza twenty
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: twenty six, by the way, completely.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Off the hook.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Not that I attended the after party was I was
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: doing my thing. Approximately six minutes after we signed off,
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: I said, I'm good, which is my version of partying,
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: taking a little time to lay down. Now we should
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: mention that the in studio audience for this fifth hour
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: podcast Moxie hanging out with us here, and it's very rare.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I want to stress it's very I mentioned she came
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: in here.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: She was part of the overnight show, and she's here now,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: but the remote studio for Moxie. She treats it the
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: way most of us treat a CrossFit gym. She knows
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: it's there, she knows it exists, she just has no
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: interest in participating normally. As I said, she's in her
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: command center. She's on the sofa. She's the supreme commander
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: of the neighborhood surveillance. She also is on guard to
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: attack a vacuum, her mortal enemy, the vacuum.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: And so anyways, it's.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Kind of cool that she lumbered over here into the
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: studio and she planted herself underneath and she fell asleep,
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: and she's kind of snoring through the thing, and it's just.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Kind of neat. It's kind of neat.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: And that's the same reactions some of you tell me
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: you have with my monologues. So, as far as the
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Malord Palooz at twenty twenty six, it began with Andrew
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: in Bakersfield, California, batting lead off and in the number
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: one spot, and we went all the way to Massel
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: in Brooklyn closing the show, and it was in ouey, guey,
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: good time. This Malord poaluse at twenty twenty six was
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: organized chaos.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: And Jim McKay taught me when I was a kid.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: You don't know who that is because I'm old and
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: he's been gone for a while. But Jim McKay taught
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: me as a child. He said, the thrill of victory
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: the agony of defeat. Now, I've borrowed that philosophy over
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: the years because overnight radio it's not sports, it's stranger do.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Do do Do Do Do?
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Do Do Do doo?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Spainning the globe for the human drama of the person
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: who probably should have gone to bed three or four
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: hours ago, deciding instead to make the life choice to
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: sing a parody song into their phone, and they purchased
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: that on like Prime Day or something. They said, listen,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: this was a triumph. There was success. I should also
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: point out there was disaster, because they have to go
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: back the thriller victory, the agony of defeat.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: There was a secondhand embarrassment.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: There was unexpected genius, sometimes all in the same ninety
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: seconds or two minutes, with Andrew doing is thing, and
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: no safety net, no script, no guarantees any of this
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: would be any good, Just a collection of wonderfully strange
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: people connected by insomnia and some very questionable decisions, right
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: as we said, And so that's my demographic, that's our demographic.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: And we had enough music to qualify for our own
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: streaming service. We could take on Spotify with all this
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: new music. We had enough comedy to qualify for comedy
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: club Chuckles that would go out of business within a
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: couple of weeks, enough technical difficulties to feed Gremlin's.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: For years, years and years and years and years.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: We had so many technical difficulties that we really shouldn't
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: have customer support here, and yet.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: It all kind of clicked. It all kind of clicked
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: like Legos.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: It felt like Motley Crue without Tommy Lee and Vince Neil,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: which now that I think about it, probably increased the
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: odds of everyone surviving the overnight show. We still had
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Home Sweet Home. We definitely had girls, girls girls. We
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: had Kathy and Madison Christy in Kansas, and we didn't
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: have a third.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Woman who entered.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: So I guess Loraina, who was one of our judges
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: for the festivities, and we think Motley Cruze called me
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: just doctor feel good for the Malapulusa. Although after hours
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: and hours, four hours of the Malaplosa. It's more likely
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: than not that I wasn't doctor feel good. I needed
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: a doctor now. One of the coolest moments came courtesy
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: of the United States Postal Service and Dorkko, the comedian
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: from Honolulu Aloha mahalo now. Dorko sent me a box
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: in the mail which has become one of my favorite collectibles,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: the first ever Mallar Palooza twenty twenty six cap. And
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: I love memorabilia like this. I don't have all memorabil
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: but I love this Like people.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: What do you love it?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Though?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: It's just what do you do?
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: It's just gonna collect dust because every goofy little object
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: like this is it's a memory, it's a time capsule.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: It tells a story. And this Malard Palooz at twenty
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: twenty six hat, I have it right next to my
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Malar Man March, the Mallard Militia thing that we did
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: in Seattle in twenty nineteen. I was gifted a hat
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: from I think it was Tammy and Montana back then,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: and I have that proudly displayed in my little trophy
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: thing here from different things we've picked up over the
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: years doing the radio show. So that hat Maller Palou's
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: at twenty to twenty six. It sits right there also
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: next to those stunning championship rings. The great mister Irrigation
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: from Houston has been so generous and so kind over
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: the years to make those rings for the Malard Militia.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: And someday years from now, many many years.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: From now, we hope when Western civilization has completely collapsed.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: It's on its way right now, when Alf the Alien
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: opinter Fergdog and Malard prop Guy form Voltron and decide
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: to open up competing East Coast West Coast Malar museums.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: One would be in Wooster and the other would be
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: in Fullerton, and this will be like the nineteen nineties
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: rap wars. They'll be fighting over this stuff either way.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: The cap that I wore the other night will be
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: displayed under museum quality lighting. And eventually they'll open the
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: doors and children will ask, hey, Daddy, what is a
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Mallard Palooza? And the dad will look at the mom
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: and they'll be flabbergasted and they'll say, I don't know,
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: we don't know. They'll kind of shrug their shoulders. Historians
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: will walk through that museum, the Mallard museum and they'll
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: be completely baffled as well. They'll not they'll nod right,
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: they'll shrug their shoulders as well. Admission will be cheap,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: only going to charge fourteen ninety five for admission for adults.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: Children under five will be three will be free or three.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: If you want.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: And just like every ride now at every amusement park
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: I've been to, when you exit the museum, you have
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: to leave through the gift shop. That's mandatory, and you
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: can buy malar themed items. Will have the weed man,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: hippie bong a hollering James whistle. When you whistle, it snores.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: How about the no Stredenas fortune teller machine. That'll be
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: a big hit. Like Voltron instead of Vultron will have
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: no Stradinus wearing a Seattle Seahawks onesie. We'll have the
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Robbie the Mariner fan, Robbie the Mariner Fan, Seattle Meriton Trident,
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: souvenir Tridents with Robbie's picture on it, and what else?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: The Mikey and.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Tucson bottle of Booze Whiskey Bourbon Vodka. Andrea the Astrologer
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: will have her Insider Map, the Astrology Insider of the cosmos.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: Lucky Tony can have his own computer link to Lucky
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Tony's wiki porn. That'll be big. How About a tickle
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: Me Angry bill where you pull the string on the
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: doll and he says something offensive. We can have that.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: We can have the mark the full Name Guy soundboard.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Mark the full Name Guy soundboard.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That'll be big. We go on and on here, on
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: and on. What a gift shop that will be.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: If you have any suggestions send them in in the comments.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Here as I post this on the various social media channels.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: The food court that of course only have Mallard food dishes,
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: the Mallard chicken fingers, we can do a wink and
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: a nod to my favorite dish from Canada. We can
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: have Nico's Kitchen of Poutine, my man Nico and Vancouver
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: who welcomed me to the world of Canadian, authentic Canadian poutine.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: That was great.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Love that Stanley Park in Vancouver. I got to get
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: back to Vancouver at some point, back to the Malard Palooza,
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: back to the Malapoosa. So the cap from Dorko, thanks
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: again to Dark of the Hat, is a going to
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: be in my display case until it goes to that
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Malary Museum, and I did post some pictures yesterday.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I believe. I don't even know what day it is.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: I think it was yesterday on Facebook and Instagram, because
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: if you don't post something online, did it ever happen?
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Social media the modern day scrap book a little louder, annoying, angrier,
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: depending on what platform you're on. So Dorco also submitted
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: what probably should have been our opening song, who Goofed
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: I've got to know? Of course we didn't play until
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: hour four. Bad job by us. The notes app on
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: my phone resembles the Dead Sea skulls after one of
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: these events, random observations, half finished thoughts, words that made
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: perfect sense at three in the morning and now look
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: like they were gibberish, written in some weird language trapped
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: in your genes in the back of the washing machine.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Bennett the comedian absolutely crushed it, absolutely crushed it. His
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: younger sister couldn't stay awake, which frankly made for an
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: even better story. Likely the smartest person in the family
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: there the sister. She passed out early. Bennett was bummed out.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: He pivoted the one minute comedian as he had been
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: in years past. Now he became Beethoven and Mozart. We
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: had an overnight concert hall that broke out, and the
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: part about it, which was great. If you're listening, you
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: probably heard this. We could not stop laughing. I couldn't
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: stop and I was wondering whether his sister woke up
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: from peacefully sleeping and thought she'd accidentally wandered into Carnegie
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Hall while Bennett was composing his own symphony, because he's, Oh,
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: my sister went to bed, she has to get up early.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: And I got something for you, and they started playing
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: the piano. Blind Scott delivered one of his the therapeutic
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: musical sessions, equal parts music, original lyrics, Revenge. He managed
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: to work himself into a lather over what he believes
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: is his mortal enemy, Danny DeVito into the lyrics with.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: A body blow, body blow, body blow. Why did he
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: do that? I don't know. I have no idea. I
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: don't know. I stopped asking those kind of questions years ago.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I know in Hollywood, Danny DeVito, the original Dandy Vito
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: probably sneezing and had no idea that he's catching some
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: friendly fire, some shrapnel from Blind Scott.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: There in Boston.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Mentioned Andrew got the party started, and that was controversial
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: for the Mala militia. Some of you were like, this
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: is great, others of you were like, this is offensive.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: He did a HIMN Jesus song, Welcome to the Tabernacle,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: and if.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: You saw that coming, you're a liar. Nobody saw that coming.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: We thought we were hosting a talent show, got a
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: theological knuckleball. We expected comedy, and for a couple of
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: minutes we got a revival tent. And yeah, I was
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: expecting somebody to pass around a collection play probably weed man,
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: panhandling thunderstruck. Literally, Mike the Leprecahn wrote this down produced
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: a wonderful Cheers parody with Malard themed lyrics. Really good
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: writing by Mike the Leprecaun. You know you've made questionable
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: decisions when somebody rewrites the theme song to Cheers in
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: your honor, and it's great, Like sometimes everybody really does
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: know your name, especially if you've called the show seven
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: thousand times, Mike the Leprecaun. Actually it was really wonderful,
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: and I believe Mike the Leprecaun got screwed. And I
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: tell you this to your face, Mike Loraina, I don't
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: know what's going on with you too. She should have
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: given you a higher score. I thought Coop also could
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: have given you more points. It was really good. Eric
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: in Kansas, shocking for a recorded bit, smooth operator, great timing,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: the jokes hit just right, the man understood rhythm. Kathy
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: and Madison are beloved. Heymona once again proved that the
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: last place you would think to find entertainment, you could
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: get a retirement home in sleepy Madison, Wisconsin. And these
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: retirement homes, I'm telling you, they produce some of the
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: great entertainers of our time.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Never underestimate a retiree.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: They've seen everything, they've done everything.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: They know. They're in the ninth inning.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: They're gonna go out with a grand Salami, and they
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: don't care what you think. They don't care what I think.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: They have no shame in their game. And that's freedom.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: That is Slug from Vegas was a wildcard entry, and
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: some say he supplied the most unique Mallard Palooza performance
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: imaginable as he ripped a bong on the show. We
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: had Supermarket Steve, who I thought was the most unique.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: He somehow spelled well. He read the back. He read
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: the alphabet backwards, is what he did. You go a
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: b cd EFG. He went the other way, he said,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: his dad taught him that. Now most of us struggle
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: reading it the right way. So there is that super market.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Steve said, you know, I'm gonna take the scenic crude
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: on Aisle seven. I'm gonna turn to the frozen section
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: of the back and then come back around.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: To the produce.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Sean g gave us the ballaard of Benoit, A musical
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: tribute to Benoit Benjamin. Now there's a sentence I never
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: expected to spew out of my mouth on the malar
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: palooza Benoit. Many of you have no idea who that
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: is because he played long time ago. He played fifteen
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: seasons in the NBA. He was only good for about
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: half of one of those seasons, played with nine different teams,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: mostly known for the Clippers, played with the team they
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: used to call the Sonics the super Sonics in Seattle,
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: the Lakers always. I got such a chuckle when the
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Lakers ended up. He only played a handful of games
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: Benoit with the Lakers. But when Benoit went to the Lakers,
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: oh my god, that was so great. Shangee, I busted
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: the chops of those Laker guys.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I let them have it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: I did play with the nets Memphis, Milwaukee, Toronto, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Vancouver,
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: you name it. He was all over the place. He
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: even spent time with the Harlem Globetrotters. A remarkable talent,
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: legendary athletic gifts for Benoit the work ethic. Here's something
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: that will sum up the work ethic of Panoit Benjamin.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Let's just say, if Effort were frequent flyer miles, Benoit
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: would be walking everywhere because you wouldn't have enough. And
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: Dick Vital here's the story that sums up Benoit. So
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Dick Vitale famously while Benoit, I think this was while
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: he was at Creighton. I'm still waiting for my Creighton
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: blue Jay hat from the Black Irishman.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: So Dick Vital absolutely buried. Banoit said he had.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Zero offensive attitude, zero defensive attitude zero. I gave him
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: a zero for mental attitude. Now you might say, well,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: who cares about that? That's a commentator commentating think about
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I know Dick vi Teal's old and he's had health problems,
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: he hasn't really worked much in years. But think about
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: how difficult that was. Dick Vital loves everybody. He's the
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: broadcasting equivalent of Mother Teresa. He could find sunshine in
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: the middle of a Cat five hurricane except Beanoit Benjamin.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Apparently even Saint Dick had limits, and so Sean's audio
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: unfortunately betrayed him a little bit. Technology is un defeated.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: Every podcast has one sacrificial offering to the audio disruption gods.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: This year it was Sean still his Banoit. I do
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: recommend the Banoit documentary. He tracked down Banoit Benjamin and
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: did a whole thing on YouTube, and you want to
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: fall down a rabbit hole? Check that out on YouTube,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: The Ballad of Benoit. I believe that's what it's called
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: on there. Don't quote me on that, but how many
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: videos could there be about Panoit Benjamin?
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: So check that out.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Milkman Mike from Colorado attempted to land some jokes. Some
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: of them hit, some of them didn't. Surf for Todd
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: worked the room as you would expect from someone who's
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: done stand up comedy for decades. He also used an
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: offensive joke that didn't make.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: It on the air.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: You only heard that on the podcast. Because we did
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: not want to get in trouble with the powers that be.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Then there were the no shows every Malard Palooza. There's
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: some people that want to do it, say they're going
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: to do it, and don't do it. That's the drama
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: O rama. This year we had hollering James who said
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: I wanted, I wanted. He couldn't do it, weed Man, hippie,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: I'd like to do that, Sure, didn't do it. Mikey
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: in Tucson who did call in. I believe he was
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: stonewalled by Kooper Loop. Nonetheless, three big names on the
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: show did not enter. Also, some of you were mentioning,
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: what was Jed who fled?
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: 'zact? Did Jed do something? No?
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Jed is on hiatus right now. We're renegotiating his financial situation.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: So we've been able to pay Jed his wage, so
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: he has not been part of the show recently. We
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: hoped to raise some funds via GoFundMe to afford him.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: His rate went up Jed who fled, so it's very
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: difficult to afford that anyway. Those were the three James,
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: weed Man, Mikey in Tucson, which is a reminder that
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: hurting radio listeners is roughly the equivalent of organizing cats,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: getting them lined up, and then the surprise ending, and
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: oh what fun it was Marcel in Brooklyn. Now, Marcel
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: attempted to destroy the surprise on this a couple of
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: weeks ago. But I promise you, nobody, and I mean that,
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: nobody expected Marcel and Brooklyn to undergo a quantum leap
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: and turn himself into a legitimate hip hop performer. And
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: he did that via Jascoop and just Josh. Those two
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: entered what I can only describe as a Hogwarts type world,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: a sorcerer's workshop, and they use wizardry or some really
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: good editing, and suddenly Marcel was flowing rhyming. It was
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: like a pair of ill to mention in the multiverse.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: He was keeping the rhythm to.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: The Hip to the Hop.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Sugarhill Gang, that group that came up with to the
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Hip to the Hop would have been very impressed, very
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: very impressed. The impossible had become possible. We were ready
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: to tear up the dance floor. And who had that
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: on their Bengo card? I didn't, absolutely not. I did
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: not have that on my Bengo card at all. Nobody
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: and this is why live radio remains undefeated. Now, some
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: of you think that was AI. From everything I've been
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: able to discover, as far as I know, there was
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: no AI used to make Marcel do his thing. Reality
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: is a much better comedy writer.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Than you, or me or anyone.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: And we also had bonus performances after the main event,
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: because apparently nobody wanted the party to end. We had
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: a few extra ones we tossed out there. I'll last
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: night here on the overnight well. A special appreciation, A
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: tip of the headphones to inca terror who yet again
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: killed it. Legitimately, classically trained musician, pianist like legit performed
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: all over the world, Russia, Europe, all of the different
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: countries in Europe, Australia, major theaters, just the real deal,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: the real McCoy and bless his soul, he stayed awake
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: all night delivering witty commentary. He had some of the
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: funniest lines, some of the funniest lines, all night observations,
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: the one liners, the timing, just wonderful. Chef's kiss. I
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: thought Loreno was outstanding as well. She took some time
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: to write down some notes, legitimate notes, which is what
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: good judges do.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Who does that anymore? I don't even do that. Coople
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Lope embraced the role as the party pooper. The villain.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Judging panel needs a little balance, good cop, bad cop,
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: sarcastic cop. I guess that would be that, or in
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Kotara would be the sarcastic cop.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And so we accomplished that. The mission was accomplished.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: The real MVPs, however, the real MVPs I thought, were
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: obviously the people that participated, the people who reacted in
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: real time, the P one listeners al ferg Dog Malaprop,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: Russian Kid, Michael and Tulsa, o Ho, Texto, Trucker, Joe,
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: Eileen in San Francisco, Kathy and Madison, and everyone else.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: The number one burner account that I'm forgetting countless others right,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: countless others Truck or Joe, whose comments flew by faster
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: than I could read them. We didn't have really time
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: to spend much of that reading that. Trust me, bro,
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: I did see the comments, and even if they didn't
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: make it on the air, they came in a right
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: spot where it made me smile, right, and I did
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: the factor those in And now we go to the results.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Here the judges' scorecards. The judges' scorecards here because talent
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: talent shows create bottlenecks. Everybody ends up packed together. One
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: point separates five different acts, two points separates seven more.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like airport security, and nobody kind of moves.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: It's slow. Milkman, Mike can't close the deal.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: Neil Andre and his love song to Loraina, Slug and
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: his bong, Surfer Todd and his jokes, Supermarket Steve and
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: his backwards alphabet, Bennett, the comedian, Sean g Kathy, Mike
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: the Leprechaun. Everyone was all clustered together. Then came Andrew.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: Congratulations Andrew, you got eight points. You got a snowman.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Somebody had to finish last, and unfortunately.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: The the Jesus Song did not resonate with the judges
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: unfortunately did not. So that's life, that's radio. Now the
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: heavy hitters, Hey Ben, who are the heavy hitters? The
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: heavy hitters on my scorecard. I've got Eric in Kansas
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: with his comedy Ohio Al and Dick and Dayton a
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: song from the Mallard Meet and Greet, which so many
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: people got to hear for the first time, so we
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: included that.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Christy in Kansas. She's great. I love Christy.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: She calls in once a year for this and the
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: runaway winner among the studio judges Marcel in Brooklyn. So
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: if you had predicted that before that show began, that
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Marcel would have been in this situation, I'd have asked
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: what medication you were taking.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: And so, anyway, we'll have the vote of the people.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: That'll be up at some point here.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's already up, I don't know, but we'll have
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: the vote of the people on X so check for that.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: At some point this weekend. You can vote for who
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: you think is.
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: The top act out of the top four out of
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: the top four, and you can have writing votes and
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: all that. So but thank you, seriously, thank you. You know,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: there were some people who were disappointed they didn't make
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: the show. I tried to warn you guys to get
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: a slot. I promoted it. I solicit slots are going quick,
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: they're filling up, and.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: You didn't take me seriously.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: And a bunch of people at the last minute we're like, hey,
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: I did something I would like to be part.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Well, that's not the way it works. You got to
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: you gotta make sure to reserve a spot and if
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: you didn't do that as bad job by you. So
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: some of you guys were angry.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: A few emails arrived with enough steam to power a locomotive.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: I understand, I get it. You gotta pay attention. You
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: gotta pay attention, and so time remains undefeated.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: We have limited time. We had an ex a large.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: Load of World Cup commercials and those pay much better
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: than our friend Andrew doing hymns on the Mallard palooza,
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: so that's capitalism. We had Malard monologues that are mandated,
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: so you mix all that, the commercials, the monologue, the
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: clock management. We had about thirty minutes each hour to
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: squeeze in the acts. It's kind of like radio Tetris.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: Kind of like radio Tetris, the pieces are falling from
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: the sky, you're trying to make them all fit before
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: everything stacks to the ceiling. And we managed to get
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: almost everyone on. And as I said, we had a
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: few spilled the into bonus time on the show last
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: night here into this morning, but nobody was forgotten intentionally.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: The truth is simple. The show only works because you
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: make it better. And I'm just the ring leader. I'm
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: the carnival Barker, and I'm lucky enough to have the
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: microphone trying desperately to keep the elephants moving in the
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: right direction. And sometimes they listen, and sometimes they're very.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Stubborn and they don't either way. Either way, Again, what
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: a night.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: What a wonderfully, ridiculous, glorious, imperfect unexceptionally magical night it was.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: We'll probably do it all over again next year, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: right around the All Star Game in July. In fact,
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: there will be no All Star Game. We could do
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: a whole week of the Mala Polloosa next year because
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: there's not gonna be any baseball, and so we'll have
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: a lot of extra time. And I'm gonna convince myself
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: it can't possibly live up to life. How about two
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: nights next year? If there's no Baseball'll make a deal
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: right now. Mark this down, and the people that keep
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: track of this stuff. If there's no baseball next summer,
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: we will have not one, but two nights of the Malapollu.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: We'll go back to back and belly to belly on
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: the Malopaloosa. On that note, we're gonna get out. Have
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: a wonderful rest of your Friday. Here the seventeenth day
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: of July. We've got fresh pod all weekend, as we'll
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: crank up the pod machine yet again on the Saturday
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: show and then on the mail Bag on Sunday. Still
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: time to get some questions in for the mail.
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: Bag, do that as soon as possible, as soon as possible,
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: and send it care of Reel fifth Hour at gmail
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: dot com.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: That's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. And we
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: thank you, we thank you, we thank you, And as
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: Dick and Dayton would say, bye boy by boy,