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Grief Season Is Over · That Old Trope with Nathaniel Kressen

• 1:28
  From
• 1:28
  Jackknoid
• 1:29
  Paralope.
• 1:29
  This
• 1:30
  is
• 1:30
  that
• 1:30
  old
• 1:30
  trope
• 1:31
  with
• 1:31
  Nathaniel
• 1:32
  Cresson.
• 1:33
  I
• 1:34
  am
• 1:34
  your
• 1:35
  Nathaniel
• 1:35
  David
• 1:36
  Penfield
• 1:36
  Crescent.
• 1:38
  And
• 1:40
  this
• 1:40
  is
• 1:40
  kind
• 1:40
  of
• 1:40
  a
• 1:40
  special
• 1:41
  episode.
• 1:41
  The
• 1:42
  title
• 1:42
  of
• 1:42
  this
• 1:43
  episode
• 1:43
  is
• 1:43
  going
• 1:43
  to
• 1:44
  be
• 1:44
  called
• 1:44
  Grief
• 1:44
  Season
• 1:44
  is
• 1:45
  Over.
• 1:47
  Through
• 1:48
  a
• 1:49
  sequence
• 1:49
  of
• 1:49
  events
• 1:50
  I'll
• 1:50
  get
• 1:50
  to,
• 1:52
  I
• 1:53
  was
• 1:53
  reminded
• 1:54
  that
• 1:54
  as
• 1:54
  of
• 1:55
  the
• 1:55
  recording
• 1:55
  of
• 1:55
  this,
• 1:55
  I'm
• 1:55
  recording
• 1:56
  this
• 1:56
  on
• 1:56
  May
• 1:56
  19th.
• 1:58
  May
• 1:58
  20th
• 1:59
  last
• 1:59
  year
• 2:00
  was
• 2:01
  a
• 2:01
  day
• 2:01
  that
• 2:02
  I
• 2:02
  declared
• 2:02
  grief
• 2:03
  season
• 2:03
  to
• 2:04
  be
• 2:04
  over.
• 2:06
  I
• 2:06
  had
• 2:06
  been
• 2:06
  going
• 2:06
  through
• 2:07
  it.
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  had
• 2:08
  been
• 2:08
  at
• 2:08
  the
• 2:08
  nadir
• 2:09
  of
• 2:09
  depression,
• 2:09
  or
• 2:10
  at
• 2:10
  least
• 2:10
  approaching
• 2:10
  it
• 2:10
  around
• 2:11
  the
• 2:11
  holiday
• 2:11
  season
• 2:12
  just
• 2:12
  a
• 2:12
  few
• 2:12
  months
• 2:12
  prior.
• 2:15
  And
• 2:15
  I'd
• 2:15
  made
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  choice
• 2:16
  to
• 2:17
  move
• 2:17
  out
• 2:17
  of
• 2:17
  it.
• 2:18
  Coming
• 2:18
  away
• 2:18
  from
• 2:19
  seeing
• 2:19
  Michael
• 2:19
  down
• 2:19
  in
• 2:20
  Tennessee,
• 2:20
  Michael
• 2:20
  from
• 2:21
  the
• 2:21
  Beta
• 2:21
  Boy
• 2:21
  breakdown,
• 2:21
  and
• 2:22
  my
• 2:22
  longtime
• 2:22
  friend
• 2:22
  of
• 2:23
  20
• 2:23
  years
• 2:23
  who
• 2:24
  has
• 2:24
  been
• 2:24
  crucial
• 2:25
  in
• 2:25
  helping
• 2:25
  me
• 2:26
  through
• 2:26
  this
• 2:26
  post
• 2:27
  divorce
• 2:27
  period.
• 2:29
  I'd
• 2:29
  gone
• 2:29
  down
• 2:30
  to
• 2:30
  see
• 2:30
  him
• 2:30
  in
• 2:30
  person
• 2:31
  for
• 2:31
  the
• 2:31
  first
• 2:31
  time
• 2:31
  in
• 2:31
  years.
• 2:34
  That
• 2:34
  holiday
• 2:34
  season
• 2:35
  moved
• 2:35
  out
• 2:35
  of
• 2:35
  it
• 2:36
  depression
• 2:37
  wise
• 2:38
  over
• 2:38
  the
• 2:38
  following
• 2:38
  months.
• 2:39
  And
• 2:40
  When
• 2:40
  May
• 2:40
  struck,
• 2:41
  May
• 2:42
  20th
• 2:42
  struck,
• 2:44
  I
• 2:44
  was
• 2:45
  starting
• 2:45
  to
• 2:45
  feel
• 2:46
  the
• 2:46
  hum.
• 2:47
  I
• 2:48
  was
• 2:48
  in
• 2:48
  an
• 2:48
  airport
• 2:49
  flying
• 2:49
  to
• 2:50
  Chicago
• 2:50
  to
• 2:50
  do
• 2:51
  my
• 2:51
  first
• 2:51
  keynote
• 2:51
  speech
• 2:52
  ever.
• 2:53
  It
• 2:54
  was
• 2:54
  a
• 2:55
  speech
• 2:56
  based
• 2:57
  on
• 2:57
  my
• 2:57
  work
• 2:57
  experience.
• 2:59
  Learning
• 2:59
  to
• 2:59
  do
• 2:59
  podcasts
• 3:00
  on
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  fly,
• 3:00
  having
• 3:01
  gone
• 3:01
  from
• 3:01
  theater
• 3:02
  school
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  then
• 3:03
  corporate
• 3:04
  life,
• 3:07
  growing
• 3:07
  a
• 3:07
  video
• 3:08
  function
• 3:08
  from
• 3:08
  the
• 3:08
  ground
• 3:09
  up,
• 3:10
  taking
• 3:10
  over
• 3:10
  their
• 3:11
  podcast
• 3:12
  and
• 3:13
  learning
• 3:13
  how
• 3:13
  to
• 3:13
  produce
• 3:14
  myself,
• 3:14
  learning
• 3:15
  how
• 3:15
  to
• 3:15
  produce
• 3:15
  for
• 3:16
  podcasts
• 3:16
  and
• 3:17
  tell
• 3:17
  a
• 3:17
  story
• 3:18
  for
• 3:18
  podcasts,
• 3:19
  which
• 3:19
  is
• 3:19
  very
• 3:19
  different
• 3:20
  than
• 3:20
  novels,
• 3:22
  very
• 3:22
  different
• 3:23
  than
• 3:23
  do
• 3:23
  it
• 3:24
  a
• 3:24
  play.
• 3:25
  It's
• 3:25
  an
• 3:25
  entirely
• 3:26
  different
• 3:27
  mechanism
• 3:29
  and
• 3:29
  different
• 3:29
  things
• 3:29
  work
• 3:30
  better
• 3:30
  for
• 3:31
  other
• 3:31
  art
• 3:31
  forms
• 3:31
  that
• 3:32
  do
• 3:32
  not
• 3:32
  work
• 3:32
  in
• 3:32
  podcast.
• 3:33
  And
• 3:33
  I
• 3:33
  went
• 3:34
  through,
• 3:35
  in
• 3:35
  this
• 3:35
  keynote,
• 3:38
  that
• 3:38
  kind
• 3:39
  of
• 3:39
  discovery
• 3:40
  process.
• 3:40
  I
• 3:41
  had
• 3:41
  two
• 3:41
  core
• 3:41
  questions.
• 3:42
  In
• 3:42
  a
• 3:42
  data
• 3:43
  driven
• 3:43
  institution,
• 3:44
  how
• 3:44
  do
• 3:45
  you
• 3:45
  tell
• 3:45
  a
• 3:45
  compelling
• 3:45
  human
• 3:46
  story?
• 3:47
  And
• 3:48
  in
• 3:48
  an
• 3:48
  apolitical
• 3:49
  organization,
• 3:50
  how
• 3:50
  do
• 3:50
  you
• 3:52
  address
• 3:52
  the
• 3:52
  issues
• 3:53
  of
• 3:53
  the
• 3:53
  day?
• 3:55
  These
• 3:55
  were
• 3:55
  two
• 3:56
  questions
• 3:56
  that
• 3:56
  were
• 3:56
  really
• 3:58
  important
• 3:58
  to
• 3:59
  me
• 4:00
  and
• 4:01
  had
• 4:01
  come
• 4:01
  to
• 4:01
  define
• 4:02
  much
• 4:02
  of
• 4:02
  my
• 4:02
  career.
• 4:04
  I
• 4:05
  was
• 4:05
  flying
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  do
• 4:06
  a
• 4:06
  keynote
• 4:07
  where
• 4:08
  I
• 4:08
  was
• 4:08
  opening
• 4:09
  up
• 4:09
  as
• 4:09
  a
• 4:09
  human.
• 4:10
  You
• 4:10
  know,
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  was
• 4:11
  planning
• 4:11
  to
• 4:12
  open
• 4:12
  up
• 4:12
  as
• 4:12
  a
• 4:12
  human
• 4:13
  on
• 4:13
  stage
• 4:14
  and
• 4:14
  talk
• 4:14
  about
• 4:15
  very
• 4:15
  real
• 4:15
  challenges
• 4:16
  that
• 4:16
  I
• 4:16
  had
• 4:17
  figured
• 4:17
  out
• 4:17
  how
• 4:17
  to
• 4:17
  move
• 4:17
  through.
• 4:18
  And,
• 4:19
  you
• 4:19
  know,
• 4:20
  if
• 4:20
  there's
• 4:21
  such
• 4:21
  a
• 4:21
  thing
• 4:21
  as
• 4:21
  failure,
• 4:22
  which
• 4:22
  I
• 4:22
  don't
• 4:22
  think
• 4:22
  there
• 4:22
  is,
• 4:23
  I
• 4:23
  think
• 4:23
  there's
• 4:23
  only
• 4:23
  learning
• 4:24
  and
• 4:24
  how
• 4:24
  you
• 4:24
  respond
• 4:25
  to
• 4:25
  and
• 4:25
  all
• 4:25
  that,
• 4:26
  if
• 4:26
  there
• 4:26
  is
• 4:27
  such
• 4:27
  a
• 4:27
  thing
• 4:27
  as
• 4:27
  failure.
• 4:28
  I
• 4:28
  had
• 4:29
  accepted
• 4:29
  the,
• 4:31
  the
• 4:31
  possibility
• 4:32
  that
• 4:34
  everything
• 4:34
  had
• 4:35
  driven
• 4:35
  me
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  a
• 4:35
  point
• 4:35
  where
• 4:35
  I
• 4:35
  was
• 4:36
  going
• 4:36
  to
• 4:36
  talk
• 4:36
  about
• 4:36
  stuff
• 4:36
  that
• 4:36
  I
• 4:37
  didn't
• 4:37
  know
• 4:37
  if
• 4:37
  it
• 4:37
  was
• 4:37
  okay
• 4:37
  to
• 4:37
  talk
• 4:38
  about,
• 4:38
  but
• 4:39
  I
• 4:39
  was
• 4:39
  going
• 4:39
  to
• 4:39
  do
• 4:39
  it.
• 4:39
  Anyways,
• 4:40
  because
• 4:40
  I'm
• 4:40
  a
• 4:40
  Sagittarius
• 4:41
  fiery,
• 4:42
  fiery
• 4:42
  motherfucker.
• 4:44
  And
• 4:44
  when
• 4:44
  I
• 4:45
  found
• 4:45
  my
• 4:45
  truth,
• 4:46
  as
• 4:46
  we
• 4:46
  know
• 4:46
  from
• 4:46
  this
• 4:47
  podcast
• 4:47
  and
• 4:47
  the
• 4:47
  other
• 4:48
  podcast,
• 4:48
  I
• 4:48
  do
• 4:49
  not
• 4:51
  entertain
• 4:51
  the
• 4:52
  other
• 4:53
  anymore.
• 4:59
  Flying
• 4:59
  Dog
• 5:00
  Brewery
• 5:02
  Double
• 5:02
  Dog
• 5:03
  Double
• 5:04
  IPA
• 5:06
  is
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  chosen
• 5:07
  beverage
• 5:07
  of
• 5:07
  that
• 5:07
  old
• 5:08
  trope.
• 5:09
  It
• 5:09
  is
• 5:10
  best
• 5:10
  served
• 5:10
  in
• 5:11
  a
• 5:11
  chilled,
• 5:12
  chilled,
• 5:13
  chill,
• 5:14
  cooler
• 5:14
  than
• 5:15
  cool
• 5:16
  Outcast
• 5:17
  Motherfuckers
• 5:19
  Mason
• 5:20
  jar
• 5:21
  that's
• 5:21
  been
• 5:22
  sitting
• 5:23
  in
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  freezer,
• 5:26
  waiting,
• 5:27
  beckoning
• 5:28
  for
• 5:29
  that
• 5:29
  first
• 5:30
  taste
• 5:32
  of
• 5:32
  Flying
• 5:33
  Dog
• 5:33
  Breweries.
• 5:33
  Double
• 5:34
  Dog
• 5:34
  Double
• 5:34
  ipa.
• 5:37
  This
• 5:37
  is
• 5:38
  a
• 5:38
  leftover
• 5:38
  third
• 5:39
  of
• 5:39
  a
• 5:39
  beer
• 5:39
  I
• 5:39
  opened
• 5:40
  three
• 5:40
  days
• 5:40
  ago
• 5:41
  and
• 5:41
  put
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  cap
• 5:41
  back
• 5:41
  on
• 5:42
  in
• 5:42
  the
• 5:42
  fridge.
• 5:43
  So
• 5:43
  it's
• 5:43
  a
• 5:43
  little
• 5:43
  flat,
• 5:44
  but
• 5:44
  it's
• 5:44
  still
• 5:44
  delicious.
• 5:46
  One
• 5:46
  must
• 5:47
  listen
• 5:48
  to
• 5:48
  one's
• 5:48
  own
• 5:49
  moderation
• 5:49
  system.
• 5:50
  Perhaps
• 5:50
  that's
• 5:50
  a
• 5:50
  fitting
• 5:51
  metaphor
• 5:51
  as
• 5:51
  any
• 5:52
  for
• 5:52
  this
• 5:52
  thing.
• 5:54
  So
• 5:55
  I
• 5:55
  was
• 5:55
  feeling
• 5:55
  like
• 5:55
  a
• 5:55
  fly
• 5:56
  motherfucker
• 5:57
  in
• 5:57
  this
• 5:57
  airport,
• 5:59
  knowing
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  was
• 6:00
  moving
• 6:01
  quite
• 6:01
  literally
• 6:02
  from
• 6:02
  one
• 6:02
  phase
• 6:03
  into
• 6:03
  another,
• 6:03
  feeling
• 6:04
  it
• 6:04
  in
• 6:04
  my
• 6:04
  fucking
• 6:05
  bones.
• 6:07
  And
• 6:09
  I
• 6:10
  posted
• 6:12
  that
• 6:15
  it
• 6:16
  was
• 6:16
  a
• 6:16
  message,
• 6:16
  it
• 6:16
  was
• 6:16
  a
• 6:17
  declaration
• 6:19
  talking
• 6:19
  about
• 6:20
  how
• 6:23
  I
• 6:23
  had
• 6:24
  many
• 6:24
  things
• 6:24
  going
• 6:24
  on
• 6:25
  I
• 6:25
  was
• 6:25
  looking
• 6:25
  forward
• 6:25
  to.
• 6:26
  I
• 6:27
  was
• 6:27
  going
• 6:27
  to
• 6:28
  do
• 6:28
  this
• 6:28
  keynote,
• 6:29
  first
• 6:29
  keynote
• 6:30
  of
• 6:30
  my
• 6:30
  life
• 6:30
  when
• 6:31
  I
• 6:31
  got
• 6:31
  back.
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  was
• 6:32
  going
• 6:33
  to
• 6:33
  do
• 6:33
  my
• 6:33
  first
• 6:33
  stage
• 6:33
  production
• 6:34
  as
• 6:34
  an
• 6:34
  actor
• 6:34
  in
• 6:34
  over
• 6:35
  a
• 6:35
  decade.
• 6:35
  I
• 6:35
  took
• 6:36
  a
• 6:36
  long
• 6:36
  time
• 6:36
  away
• 6:37
  from
• 6:37
  acting,
• 6:38
  and
• 6:39
  I
• 6:39
  was
• 6:39
  coming
• 6:40
  back
• 6:40
  to
• 6:40
  it
• 6:40
  with
• 6:40
  a
• 6:41
  script
• 6:41
  written
• 6:42
  by
• 6:42
  my
• 6:42
  dear
• 6:43
  friend
• 6:43
  Patrick
• 6:43
  Laughton.
• 6:44
  And
• 6:45
  it
• 6:45
  was
• 6:45
  fucking
• 6:45
  beautiful.
• 6:46
  It
• 6:46
  was
• 6:46
  a
• 6:46
  show
• 6:46
  called,
• 6:47
  well,
• 6:47
  Here
• 6:47
  We
• 6:47
  Are.
• 6:48
  I
• 6:48
  acted
• 6:49
  opposite
• 6:49
  dear
• 6:49
  friend
• 6:50
  Ilana
• 6:50
  Jarrens.
• 6:51
  Both
• 6:51
  of
• 6:51
  these
• 6:51
  folks
• 6:51
  I
• 6:52
  met,
• 6:53
  they
• 6:53
  are
• 6:53
  formative
• 6:53
  to
• 6:54
  my
• 6:54
  Naked
• 6:54
  Angels
• 6:54
  community
• 6:55
  experience.
• 6:56
  Alana
• 6:57
  is
• 6:57
  the
• 6:57
  way
• 6:57
  I
• 6:57
  found
• 6:58
  Naked
• 6:58
  Angels.
• 6:58
  Originally,
• 6:59
  we
• 6:59
  were
• 6:59
  both
• 6:59
  at
• 6:59
  a
• 6:59
  NYU
• 7:00
  Tisch
• 7:00
  alumni
• 7:01
  event
• 7:01
  and
• 7:01
  just
• 7:02
  struck
• 7:02
  into
• 7:02
  a
• 7:03
  conversation
• 7:03
  and
• 7:04
  she
• 7:04
  let
• 7:04
  me
• 7:04
  know
• 7:04
  about
• 7:04
  this
• 7:04
  thing.
• 7:05
  Three
• 7:05
  days
• 7:05
  later,
• 7:05
  I
• 7:06
  was
• 7:06
  there.
• 7:06
  And
• 7:07
  the
• 7:07
  of
• 7:07
  the
• 7:07
  rest,
• 7:07
  the
• 7:07
  rest
• 7:07
  is
• 7:07
  history.
• 7:08
  Life
• 7:08
  changed.
• 7:10
  And
• 7:11
  these
• 7:11
  folks
• 7:12
  have
• 7:12
  become
• 7:12
  my
• 7:12
  creative
• 7:13
  family.
• 7:13
  Just,
• 7:14
  you
• 7:14
  know,
• 7:14
  really
• 7:14
  my
• 7:15
  family.
• 7:15
  I
• 7:16
  fucking
• 7:16
  love
• 7:16
  a
• 7:16
  lot
• 7:16
  of
• 7:17
  people
• 7:17
  at
• 7:17
  this
• 7:17
  place.
• 7:19
  I
• 7:19
  had
• 7:20
  the
• 7:20
  keynote,
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  had
• 7:21
  the
• 7:21
  play.
• 7:23
  And
• 7:23
  then
• 7:24
  when
• 7:24
  I
• 7:24
  was
• 7:24
  done
• 7:24
  with
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  play,
• 7:24
  I
• 7:25
  was
• 7:25
  going
• 7:25
  straight
• 7:25
  over
• 7:25
  to
• 7:25
  Macedonia
• 7:26
  for
• 7:26
  an
• 7:26
  artist
• 7:27
  retreat.
• 7:28
  I
• 7:28
  was
• 7:28
  doing
• 7:29
  a
• 7:29
  residency
• 7:29
  at
• 7:30
  this
• 7:30
  place
• 7:30
  called
• 7:30
  Vevchani
• 7:31
  Gatherings.
• 7:32
  Then
• 7:32
  my
• 7:32
  friend
• 7:32
  Dallas
• 7:33
  Athent,
• 7:34
  shout
• 7:34
  out
• 7:34
  to
• 7:35
  Dallas
• 7:35
  Athent,
• 7:36
  American
• 7:37
  expat
• 7:37
  living
• 7:37
  in
• 7:38
  London,
• 7:38
  fucking
• 7:38
  brilliant
• 7:39
  writer,
• 7:40
  also
• 7:41
  a
• 7:41
  community
• 7:41
  organizer,
• 7:42
  does
• 7:42
  a
• 7:42
  ton
• 7:42
  of
• 7:42
  fucking
• 7:43
  shit
• 7:44
  visual
• 7:44
  artist.
• 7:45
  And
• 7:45
  she
• 7:45
  had
• 7:46
  fallen
• 7:46
  into
• 7:46
  this
• 7:47
  through
• 7:47
  another
• 7:47
  artist
• 7:48
  friend,
• 7:49
  I
• 7:49
  believe,
• 7:49
  Maria
• 7:50
  Popova.
• 7:51
  And
• 7:54
  I
• 7:54
  was
• 7:54
  lucky
• 7:55
  enough
• 7:55
  to
• 7:55
  have
• 7:55
  to
• 7:55
  come
• 7:55
  over
• 7:56
  as
• 7:56
  a
• 7:56
  writer
• 7:56
  to
• 7:56
  capture
• 7:57
  the
• 7:57
  vibe,
• 7:58
  to
• 7:58
  capture
• 7:59
  the
• 7:59
  experience.
• 7:59
  But
• 8:00
  I
• 8:00
  had
• 8:01
  this
• 8:02
  airport
• 8:02
  moment
• 8:02
  where
• 8:03
  it
• 8:03
  was
• 8:03
  Sleek.
• 8:03
  It
• 8:04
  was
• 8:04
  like
• 8:04
  the
• 8:04
  newly
• 8:04
  renovated
• 8:05
  LaGuardia
• 8:05
  Airport.
• 8:06
  The
• 8:06
  sun
• 8:06
  was
• 8:06
  shining
• 8:07
  through
• 8:07
  these
• 8:07
  giant
• 8:08
  window
• 8:08
  walls.
• 8:09
  The
• 8:09
  sun
• 8:09
  was
• 8:10
  hitting.
• 8:10
  It
• 8:10
  was.
• 8:11
  It
• 8:11
  was
• 8:11
  like
• 8:11
  summertime
• 8:13
  when
• 8:13
  you
• 8:14
  just
• 8:14
  feel
• 8:14
  like
• 8:14
  a
• 8:15
  fly
• 8:15
  motherfucker.
• 8:16
  And
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  declared
• 8:21
  grief
• 8:21
  season
• 8:21
  to
• 8:21
  be
• 8:21
  over.
• 8:22
  Even
• 8:22
  though
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  was
• 8:22
  still
• 8:22
  feeling
• 8:23
  the
• 8:23
  sad,
• 8:23
  sads
• 8:24
  and
• 8:24
  all
• 8:24
  that
• 8:24
  stuff,
• 8:24
  I
• 8:25
  declared
• 8:25
  it
• 8:25
  to
• 8:25
  be
• 8:25
  over.
• 8:25
  And
• 8:25
  I
• 8:26
  said,
• 8:26
  here's
• 8:26
  the
• 8:26
  things
• 8:26
  that
• 8:26
  are
• 8:27
  happening.
• 8:29
  Grief
• 8:29
  season
• 8:29
  is
• 8:29
  over.
• 8:30
  Time
• 8:30
  to
• 8:30
  build.
• 8:33
  And.
• 8:39
  I
• 8:39
  could
• 8:40
  feel
• 8:40
  the
• 8:40
  universe
• 8:40
  shift
• 8:41
  a
• 8:41
  little
• 8:41
  bit
• 8:41
  because.
• 8:46
  My
• 8:47
  now
• 8:48
  partner,
• 8:50
  who
• 8:50
  feels
• 8:51
  like
• 8:52
  such
• 8:52
  an
• 8:53
  intuitive
• 8:53
  fit,
• 8:54
  who
• 8:55
  feels
• 8:55
  like
• 8:55
  home,
• 8:58
  she
• 8:58
  and
• 8:58
  I
• 9:00
  talked
• 9:01
  a
• 9:02
  lot
• 9:02
  that
• 9:02
  day
• 9:03
  over
• 9:03
  Instagram
• 9:04
  messaging
• 9:06
  without
• 9:07
  a
• 9:07
  drive
• 9:08
  toward
• 9:08
  anything
• 9:08
  romantic.
• 9:10
  But
• 9:11
  it
• 9:11
  was
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  beautiful
• 9:11
  thing
• 9:12
  to
• 9:12
  say.
• 9:13
  I'm
• 9:13
  done
• 9:14
  being
• 9:14
  sad.
• 9:15
  Here
• 9:16
  comes
• 9:16
  hard
• 9:16
  work
• 9:16
  and
• 9:17
  joy.
• 9:18
  And
• 9:18
  the
• 9:18
  person
• 9:19
  I
• 9:19
  now
• 9:19
  feel
• 9:21
  future
• 9:21
  with
• 9:22
  is
• 9:22
  integral
• 9:23
  to
• 9:23
  that
• 9:23
  moment.
• 9:23
  Even
• 9:24
  from
• 9:24
  afar,
• 9:26
  I
• 9:27
  like
• 9:27
  that
• 9:27
  little
• 9:27
  element.
• 9:29
  But
• 9:30
  beyond
• 9:30
  the
• 9:30
  romantic,
• 9:34
  it
• 9:34
  was
• 9:35
  a
• 9:35
  declaration
• 9:36
  that
• 9:36
  I
• 9:36
  was
• 9:36
  ready
• 9:36
  to
• 9:37
  move
• 9:37
  forward.
• 9:40
  I
• 9:40
  can
• 9:40
  keep
• 9:41
  drowning
• 9:41
  in
• 9:41
  sorrow
• 9:43
  or
• 9:43
  I
• 9:43
  can
• 9:43
  move
• 9:44
  on.
• 9:45
  And
• 9:45
  there
• 9:45
  was
• 9:45
  this.
• 9:47
  This
• 9:47
  line
• 9:47
  in
• 9:48
  a
• 9:48
  book,
• 9:48
  it's
• 9:48
  called
• 9:49
  Lust
• 9:49
  Life.
• 9:49
  It's
• 9:50
  a
• 9:50
  fictionalization
• 9:50
  of
• 9:51
  one
• 9:51
  of
• 9:51
  my
• 9:51
  favorite
• 9:51
  artists,
• 9:52
  Vincent
• 9:52
  Van
• 9:52
  Gogh.
• 9:54
  And
• 9:54
  I
• 9:54
  found
• 9:54
  this
• 9:55
  random
• 9:55
  book
• 9:55
  on
• 9:55
  a
• 9:56
  very
• 9:56
  distinct
• 9:57
  weekend.
• 9:58
  And
• 9:59
  the
• 9:59
  line
• 9:59
  in
• 9:59
  it
• 9:59
  was,
• 10:03
  at
• 10:03
  some
• 10:03
  point
• 10:05
  in
• 10:05
  every
• 10:05
  man's
• 10:06
  life,
• 10:07
  he
• 10:08
  must
• 10:08
  throw
• 10:08
  off
• 10:09
  suffering
• 10:10
  like
• 10:10
  an
• 10:11
  old
• 10:11
  cloak.
• 10:14
  And
• 10:14
  let
• 10:14
  me
• 10:14
  tell
• 10:14
  you,
• 10:15
  that
• 10:15
  cloak
• 10:18
  is
• 10:18
  heavy,
• 10:20
  it's
• 10:20
  sticky,
• 10:23
  it
• 10:24
  is
• 10:24
  a
• 10:25
  fucking
• 10:25
  trickster
• 10:26
  because
• 10:26
  you
• 10:26
  think
• 10:26
  you're
• 10:27
  rid
• 10:27
  of
• 10:27
  it
• 10:28
  and
• 10:28
  it
• 10:28
  sticks
• 10:29
  around.
• 10:33
  But
• 10:34
  I
• 10:34
  wanted
• 10:35
  to
• 10:36
  be
• 10:36
  a
• 10:37
  representation
• 10:39
  of
• 10:40
  that
• 10:40
  sentiment.
• 10:42
  So
• 10:43
  there's
• 10:43
  a
• 10:43
  May
• 10:43
  thing
• 10:44
  going
• 10:44
  on.
• 10:44
  In
• 10:44
  case
• 10:44
  you
• 10:44
  can't
• 10:45
  tell,
• 10:45
  today
• 10:45
  is
• 10:46
  May
• 10:46
  19,
• 10:46
  May
• 10:47
  19,
• 10:48
  2026.
• 10:49
  And
• 10:50
  that
• 10:50
  moment,
• 10:51
  finding
• 10:54
  the
• 10:55
  courage
• 10:55
  to
• 10:55
  say,
• 10:56
  I'm
• 10:57
  moving
• 10:57
  forward
• 10:57
  in
• 10:58
  the
• 10:58
  airport
• 10:58
  on
• 10:58
  my
• 10:59
  way
• 10:59
  to
• 10:59
  give
• 10:59
  the
• 10:59
  keynote,
• 11:00
  that
• 11:00
  was
• 11:00
  May
• 11:01
  20,
• 11:02
  2025.
• 11:03
  That
• 11:04
  same
• 11:04
  time
• 11:04
  period
• 11:04
  in
• 11:05
  2024
• 11:06
  was
• 11:06
  the
• 11:06
  last
• 11:06
  time
• 11:06
  I
• 11:07
  was
• 11:07
  in
• 11:07
  my
• 11:07
  house
• 11:09
  that
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  was
• 11:11
  renovating
• 11:13
  that
• 11:13
  I
• 11:13
  had
• 11:13
  done
• 11:13
  a
• 11:13
  penny
• 11:14
  floor
• 11:14
  in.
• 11:15
  I've
• 11:15
  done
• 11:15
  a
• 11:15
  penny
• 11:16
  floor
• 11:16
  by
• 11:16
  hand
• 11:16
  of
• 11:16
  30,000
• 11:17
  pennies.
• 11:18
  And
• 11:19
  it
• 11:19
  is
• 11:19
  a
• 11:19
  jewel
• 11:20
  box
• 11:20
  of
• 11:20
  a
• 11:20
  kitchen.
• 11:21
  And
• 11:21
  I
• 11:21
  love
• 11:21
  it.
• 11:23
  And
• 11:23
  I
• 11:24
  may
• 11:24
  never
• 11:25
  see
• 11:25
  it
• 11:25
  again,
• 11:25
  and
• 11:25
  that's
• 11:26
  okay.
• 11:27
  But
• 11:27
  this
• 11:27
  was
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  last
• 11:28
  time
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  saw
• 11:28
  it.
• 11:29
  And
• 11:30
  I
• 11:30
  was
• 11:30
  there
• 11:31
  to
• 11:31
  go
• 11:32
  to
• 11:32
  a
• 11:32
  really
• 11:33
  meaningful,
• 11:34
  you
• 11:34
  know,
• 11:34
  music
• 11:34
  concert.
• 11:37
  It
• 11:37
  was
• 11:37
  the
• 11:37
  24
• 11:38
  hour
• 11:38
  drone
• 11:38
  festival.
• 11:41
  And.
• 11:47
  I
• 11:47
  found
• 11:47
  that
• 11:47
  book
• 11:48
  on
• 11:48
  a
• 11:48
  break
• 11:48
  from
• 11:48
  that
• 11:48
  concert.
• 11:49
  And
• 11:49
  I
• 11:49
  took
• 11:50
  it
• 11:50
  to
• 11:50
  heart
• 11:50
  and
• 11:50
  I
• 11:50
  took
• 11:50
  the
• 11:51
  book
• 11:51
  home
• 11:51
  and
• 11:51
  I
• 11:51
  read
• 11:51
  it,
• 11:51
  and
• 11:52
  it's
• 11:52
  actually
• 11:52
  really
• 11:52
  good.
• 11:55
  I
• 11:55
  don't
• 11:56
  read
• 11:56
  all
• 11:56
  that
• 11:56
  often
• 11:57
  because
• 11:57
  my
• 11:57
  head
• 11:57
  is
• 11:57
  kind
• 11:58
  of
• 11:58
  full.
• 11:59
  You
• 11:59
  and
• 11:59
  it
• 12:00
  proves
• 12:00
  difficult.
• 12:00
  But
• 12:01
  I
• 12:01
  found
• 12:01
  that
• 12:01
  I
• 12:01
  really
• 12:02
  love
• 12:02
  reading
• 12:03
  out
• 12:03
  loud.
• 12:03
  That
• 12:04
  helps
• 12:04
  me
• 12:04
  absorb
• 12:04
  it
• 12:04
  a
• 12:04
  little
• 12:05
  bit
• 12:05
  more
• 12:05
  and
• 12:05
  move
• 12:05
  forward.
• 12:05
  And
• 12:06
  it
• 12:06
  also,
• 12:06
  you
• 12:06
  know,
• 12:06
  allows
• 12:07
  me
• 12:07
  to
• 12:07
  act
• 12:08
  full
• 12:08
  out,
• 12:09
  you
• 12:09
  know,
• 12:09
  just
• 12:09
  act
• 12:09
  for
• 12:10
  me
• 12:10
  and
• 12:10
  grounded
• 12:11
  in
• 12:11
  truth.
• 12:11
  And
• 12:11
  I
• 12:11
  think
• 12:11
  that
• 12:12
  that
• 12:12
  translates.
• 12:15
  So
• 12:17
  I
• 12:17
  made
• 12:17
  the
• 12:18
  declaration
• 12:22
  one
• 12:22
  year
• 12:22
  ago
• 12:22
  today.
• 12:25
  And
• 12:29
  two
• 12:30
  years
• 12:30
  ago
• 12:30
  was
• 12:30
  that
• 12:30
  last
• 12:31
  time
• 12:31
  in
• 12:31
  the
• 12:31
  house.
• 12:34
  And
• 12:34
  on
• 12:35
  that
• 12:35
  time
• 12:35
  in
• 12:35
  the
• 12:35
  house
• 12:38
  before,
• 12:38
  I'd
• 12:39
  found
• 12:39
  the
• 12:39
  book.
• 12:40
  But,
• 12:41
  you
• 12:41
  know,
• 12:42
  while
• 12:42
  I
• 12:42
  was
• 12:42
  still
• 12:43
  staying
• 12:43
  in
• 12:43
  the
• 12:44
  house,
• 12:46
  I
• 12:46
  took
• 12:46
  a
• 12:47
  long
• 12:47
  walk
• 12:47
  with
• 12:47
  my
• 12:47
  puppy,
• 12:49
  and
• 12:52
  we
• 12:52
  went
• 12:52
  down
• 12:52
  a
• 12:52
  road
• 12:53
  that
• 12:54
  we
• 12:54
  hadn't
• 12:54
  gone
• 12:54
  down
• 12:54
  before.
• 12:56
  And
• 12:57
  I
• 12:57
  was
• 12:57
  feeling
• 12:57
  a
• 12:57
  whole
• 12:57
  lot
• 12:58
  of
• 12:58
  spiritual
• 12:58
  vibes.
• 13:00
  And
• 13:01
  the
• 13:01
  birds
• 13:01
  were
• 13:01
  chirping,
• 13:02
  and
• 13:02
  I
• 13:02
  was
• 13:03
  kind
• 13:03
  of
• 13:04
  like
• 13:04
  knocking
• 13:04
  two
• 13:04
  little
• 13:05
  sticks.
• 13:05
  I
• 13:05
  picked
• 13:05
  off
• 13:06
  the
• 13:07
  street
• 13:09
  off
• 13:09
  a
• 13:09
  little
• 13:09
  blacktop
• 13:10
  road
• 13:10
  going
• 13:11
  between
• 13:11
  farmlands,
• 13:13
  just
• 13:13
  beautiful
• 13:14
  nature
• 13:14
  all
• 13:15
  around.
• 13:16
  Hear,
• 13:16
  like,
• 13:16
  mowers
• 13:17
  in
• 13:17
  the
• 13:17
  background.
• 13:17
  But
• 13:18
  otherwise
• 13:18
  it's
• 13:18
  just
• 13:18
  nature
• 13:19
  on
• 13:19
  nature
• 13:19
  on
• 13:19
  nature.
• 13:19
  It's
• 13:20
  farm
• 13:20
  sounds,
• 13:22
  cows,
• 13:22
  sunshine,
• 13:23
  beauty,
• 13:24
  birds.
• 13:25
  And
• 13:25
  I'm
• 13:26
  clicking
• 13:26
  these
• 13:26
  things
• 13:27
  together,
• 13:27
  like
• 13:27
  the
• 13:28
  percussive
• 13:28
  instruments,
• 13:30
  the
• 13:30
  claves,
• 13:31
  that's
• 13:31
  what
• 13:31
  they're
• 13:32
  called.
• 13:33
  And
• 13:33
  they
• 13:33
  sound
• 13:33
  perfect,
• 13:34
  and
• 13:34
  they're
• 13:35
  echoing
• 13:35
  in
• 13:35
  just
• 13:35
  the
• 13:36
  right
• 13:36
  way.
• 13:36
  And
• 13:36
  the
• 13:36
  birds
• 13:36
  are
• 13:37
  kind
• 13:37
  of
• 13:37
  singing
• 13:37
  along,
• 13:37
  and
• 13:37
  I'm
• 13:38
  whistling,
• 13:38
  and,
• 13:38
  like,
• 13:38
  it's
• 13:39
  a
• 13:39
  whole,
• 13:39
  like,
• 13:40
  you
• 13:40
  know,
• 13:40
  Disney
• 13:41
  scene.
• 13:43
  And
• 13:45
  a
• 13:45
  buzzing
• 13:46
  starts
• 13:47
  up,
• 13:48
  and
• 13:48
  then
• 13:48
  some
• 13:49
  more
• 13:49
  buzzing
• 13:49
  comes
• 13:50
  up,
• 13:52
  and
• 13:52
  it
• 13:52
  gets
• 13:53
  louder.
• 13:53
  And
• 13:53
  then
• 13:54
  I
• 13:54
  realize
• 13:54
  it's
• 13:54
  a
• 13:54
  whole
• 13:55
  swarm
• 13:55
  of
• 13:55
  flies,
• 13:56
  big
• 13:56
  old
• 13:56
  black
• 13:57
  flies.
• 13:57
  And
• 13:59
  without
• 13:59
  even
• 14:00
  seeing,
• 14:00
  I
• 14:01
  know
• 14:01
  something
• 14:02
  has
• 14:02
  got
• 14:02
  to
• 14:02
  be
• 14:03
  out
• 14:03
  of
• 14:03
  sight
• 14:04
  that
• 14:04
  they're
• 14:04
  hovering
• 14:05
  over.
• 14:07
  And
• 14:07
  it's
• 14:08
  this
• 14:08
  blacktop
• 14:08
  road
• 14:09
  between
• 14:09
  two
• 14:09
  farms.
• 14:10
  And
• 14:10
  it's
• 14:10
  raised
• 14:11
  up.
• 14:11
  It's,
• 14:11
  like,
• 14:11
  higher,
• 14:12
  much
• 14:12
  higher
• 14:13
  than
• 14:13
  the
• 14:13
  ground
• 14:13
  on
• 14:13
  either
• 14:14
  side.
• 14:15
  So
• 14:15
  it's
• 14:15
  a
• 14:15
  drop
• 14:15
  off
• 14:15
  of,
• 14:16
  like,
• 14:16
  at
• 14:16
  least
• 14:16
  5ft
• 14:17
  off
• 14:17
  the
• 14:17
  road,
• 14:18
  which,
• 14:18
  come
• 14:19
  to
• 14:19
  think
• 14:19
  of
• 14:19
  it,
• 14:19
  without
• 14:19
  streetlights,
• 14:20
  without
• 14:20
  anything
• 14:20
  in
• 14:20
  that
• 14:21
  section.
• 14:21
  A
• 14:22
  little
• 14:22
  bit
• 14:22
  dangerous,
• 14:22
  guys,
• 14:22
  but
• 14:23
  I'm
• 14:23
  sure
• 14:23
  it
• 14:23
  helps
• 14:23
  with
• 14:23
  rain
• 14:27
  down
• 14:27
  there
• 14:27
  is
• 14:28
  a
• 14:28
  deer
• 14:29
  that's
• 14:29
  dead.
• 14:29
  I'm
• 14:30
  covered
• 14:30
  in
• 14:31
  a
• 14:31
  whole
• 14:31
  lot
• 14:31
  of
• 14:31
  black
• 14:32
  flies.
• 14:32
  And
• 14:32
  I
• 14:32
  was
• 14:32
  very
• 14:33
  much
• 14:33
  in
• 14:33
  grief
• 14:33
  season
• 14:34
  at
• 14:34
  that
• 14:34
  point.
• 14:34
  I
• 14:35
  was,
• 14:35
  you
• 14:35
  know,
• 14:36
  still
• 14:36
  pretty
• 14:36
  close
• 14:37
  to
• 14:39
  going
• 14:39
  through
• 14:39
  PTSD
• 14:43
  from
• 14:43
  the
• 14:43
  fire
• 14:43
  next
• 14:44
  door,
• 14:44
  which
• 14:45
  lasted
• 14:45
  a
• 14:45
  long
• 14:45
  time.
• 14:47
  And,
• 14:50
  you
• 14:50
  know,
• 14:50
  very,
• 14:51
  very
• 14:51
  fresh
• 14:52
  from
• 14:52
  separation
• 14:52
  decision
• 14:53
  about
• 14:53
  a
• 14:53
  month.
• 14:55
  And.
• 15:01
  It
• 15:01
  was
• 15:01
  hard
• 15:01
  seeing
• 15:02
  something
• 15:02
  dead
• 15:04
  because
• 15:04
  I'm
• 15:04
  a
• 15:04
  very,
• 15:05
  very
• 15:05
  sensitive
• 15:06
  dude,
• 15:07
  very
• 15:07
  spiritual
• 15:07
  sensitive
• 15:08
  dude.
• 15:08
  And
• 15:09
  I
• 15:09
  feel
• 15:09
  a
• 15:09
  lot.
• 15:10
  And
• 15:10
  things
• 15:11
  like
• 15:11
  that
• 15:11
  hurt
• 15:12
  me.
• 15:12
  They
• 15:12
  actually
• 15:12
  hurt.
• 15:15
  And
• 15:18
  I
• 15:19
  stood
• 15:19
  over
• 15:19
  it
• 15:21
  and
• 15:22
  I
• 15:22
  put
• 15:23
  my
• 15:23
  hand
• 15:23
  to
• 15:23
  my
• 15:24
  heart.
• 15:29
  And
• 15:29
  I
• 15:30
  said
• 15:32
  an
• 15:32
  adaptation
• 15:33
  from
• 15:34
  a
• 15:34
  phrase
• 15:35
  that
• 15:35
  somebody
• 15:35
  in
• 15:35
  my
• 15:35
  life
• 15:36
  at
• 15:36
  that
• 15:36
  point,
• 15:38
  had
• 15:38
  said
• 15:38
  before
• 15:39
  that
• 15:40
  I
• 15:40
  made
• 15:40
  my
• 15:40
  own.
• 15:43
  The
• 15:43
  first
• 15:44
  half
• 15:44
  is
• 15:44
  from
• 15:44
  them.
• 15:44
  The
• 15:44
  second
• 15:45
  half
• 15:45
  is
• 15:45
  from
• 15:45
  me
• 15:48
  saying,
• 15:51
  may
• 15:51
  your
• 15:51
  memory
• 15:51
  be
• 15:52
  a
• 15:52
  blessing,
• 15:55
  and
• 15:55
  may
• 15:55
  your
• 15:55
  flesh
• 15:56
  feed
• 15:56
  the
• 15:56
  earth.
• 16:00
  And
• 16:00
  I
• 16:01
  took
• 16:04
  a
• 16:04
  few
• 16:05
  steps
• 16:06
  away.
• 16:06
  After
• 16:07
  being
• 16:07
  there
• 16:08
  for
• 16:08
  a
• 16:08
  time,
• 16:11
  I
• 16:12
  said,
• 16:12
  and
• 16:12
  the
• 16:12
  same
• 16:13
  goes
• 16:13
  for
• 16:13
  me.
• 16:15
  Meaning
• 16:18
  at
• 16:18
  that
• 16:18
  point,
• 16:19
  same
• 16:19
  goes
• 16:19
  for
• 16:19
  the
• 16:20
  marriage.
• 16:22
  May
• 16:22
  its
• 16:22
  memory
• 16:22
  be
• 16:23
  a
• 16:23
  blessing.
• 16:26
  May
• 16:26
  I
• 16:26
  cherish
• 16:26
  it.
• 16:28
  May
• 16:28
  I
• 16:29
  really
• 16:29
  cherish
• 16:29
  it.
• 16:33
  And
• 16:34
  may
• 16:34
  its
• 16:34
  flesh
• 16:35
  feed
• 16:35
  the
• 16:35
  earth.
• 16:37
  That
• 16:37
  moving
• 16:38
  away
• 16:39
  from
• 16:39
  that
• 16:40
  into
• 16:40
  unknown
• 16:41
  territory,
• 16:41
  may
• 16:42
  it
• 16:45
  help
• 16:45
  to
• 16:45
  grow
• 16:45
  beautiful
• 16:46
  things.
• 16:49
  May
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  things
• 16:49
  I
• 16:50
  experienced
• 16:51
  good,
• 16:51
  bad,
• 16:52
  and
• 16:52
  everything
• 16:52
  in
• 16:52
  between,
• 16:54
  may
• 16:54
  they
• 16:56
  grow.
• 16:57
  May
• 16:57
  they
• 16:57
  help
• 16:58
  to
• 16:58
  grow
• 16:58
  something
• 16:59
  truly
• 17:00
  tremendous
• 17:00
  and
• 17:00
  special.
• 17:04
  I
• 17:04
  had
• 17:05
  deep,
• 17:05
  deep
• 17:05
  love
• 17:05
  in
• 17:06
  my
• 17:06
  marriage,
• 17:09
  and
• 17:09
  I
• 17:09
  will
• 17:09
  always
• 17:10
  have
• 17:10
  deep,
• 17:10
  deep
• 17:10
  love
• 17:10
  for
• 17:11
  that
• 17:11
  person.
• 17:18
  And
• 17:18
  it
• 17:19
  broke
• 17:19
  me
• 17:20
  to.
• 17:25
  Know
• 17:25
  how
• 17:25
  to
• 17:26
  stand,
• 17:27
  you
• 17:28
  know,
• 17:28
  like,
• 17:29
  I
• 17:29
  had
• 17:29
  to.
• 17:32
  I
• 17:33
  had
• 17:33
  to
• 17:33
  really
• 17:34
  let
• 17:34
  go
• 17:34
  of
• 17:35
  the
• 17:35
  idea
• 17:38
  that
• 17:38
  I
• 17:38
  had
• 17:38
  it
• 17:39
  figured
• 17:39
  out,
• 17:41
  that
• 17:42
  there
• 17:43
  was
• 17:43
  only
• 17:43
  one
• 17:43
  solution,
• 17:48
  that
• 17:48
  we
• 17:48
  shared
• 17:49
  what
• 17:49
  that
• 17:49
  solution
• 17:49
  was.
• 17:53
  And
• 17:53
  it
• 17:53
  really
• 17:54
  hurt.
• 17:54
  It
• 17:54
  really
• 17:55
  broke
• 17:56
  me.
• 17:57
  I
• 17:58
  knew
• 17:58
  it
• 17:58
  was
• 18:01
  true,
• 18:03
  but
• 18:04
  it
• 18:05
  broke
• 18:05
  me.
• 18:09
  And
• 18:12
  so
• 18:13
  I
• 18:13
  took
• 18:13
  a
• 18:13
  few
• 18:13
  steps
• 18:13
  away
• 18:14
  from
• 18:14
  this
• 18:14
  deer
• 18:14
  on
• 18:14
  the
• 18:14
  side
• 18:14
  of
• 18:15
  the
• 18:15
  road,
• 18:15
  and
• 18:15
  I
• 18:15
  thought,
• 18:15
  same
• 18:16
  goes
• 18:16
  for
• 18:16
  my
• 18:16
  marriage.
• 18:18
  May
• 18:18
  its
• 18:18
  memory
• 18:18
  be
• 18:19
  a
• 18:19
  blessing,
• 18:20
  and
• 18:20
  may
• 18:21
  its
• 18:21
  flesh
• 18:21
  feed
• 18:21
  the
• 18:21
  earth.
• 18:27
  Now
• 18:27
  we're
• 18:27
  back
• 18:28
  in
• 18:28
  May.
• 18:28
  Two
• 18:28
  years
• 18:29
  after
• 18:29
  that,
• 18:29
  and
• 18:30
  one
• 18:30
  year
• 18:30
  after
• 18:30
  declaring
• 18:31
  grief
• 18:31
  season
• 18:31
  to
• 18:31
  be
• 18:31
  over,
• 18:32
  we're
• 18:32
  here
• 18:33
  at
• 18:33
  May
• 18:33
  again.
• 18:34
  And
• 18:34
  I
• 18:34
  found
• 18:35
  myself
• 18:36
  being
• 18:37
  there
• 18:37
  for
• 18:37
  quite
• 18:38
  a
• 18:38
  few
• 18:38
  instances
• 18:39
  of
• 18:39
  grief
• 18:40
  in
• 18:41
  other
• 18:41
  people
• 18:41
  and
• 18:41
  mourning
• 18:42
  at
• 18:42
  other
• 18:42
  people
• 18:42
  and
• 18:43
  struggling
• 18:44
  and
• 18:44
  illness
• 18:45
  and
• 18:46
  worry
• 18:47
  and
• 18:47
  anxiety.
• 18:49
  And
• 18:49
  there
• 18:50
  was
• 18:50
  an
• 18:50
  earlier
• 18:50
  episode
• 18:52
  that
• 18:52
  talked
• 18:53
  about
• 18:53
  kindness
• 18:53
  and
• 18:54
  capacity,
• 18:55
  and
• 18:56
  that's
• 18:56
  an
• 18:56
  important
• 18:57
  episode.
• 18:58
  And
• 18:58
  I
• 18:58
  tend
• 18:58
  to
• 18:59
  have
• 18:59
  to
• 18:59
  relearn
• 18:59
  the
• 19:00
  same
• 19:00
  lessons
• 19:00
  over
• 19:00
  and
• 19:00
  over.
• 19:01
  So.
• 19:07
  Ever
• 19:07
  spiraling
• 19:08
  upward.
• 19:10
  How
• 19:10
  are
• 19:11
  things,
• 19:11
  Nathaniel?
• 19:12
  Ups
• 19:13
  and
• 19:13
  downs,
• 19:14
  strikes
• 19:14
  and
• 19:14
  gutters,
• 19:15
  but
• 19:16
  overall,
• 19:16
  spiraling
• 19:17
  upward.
• 19:28
  May
• 19:28
  past
• 19:28
  seasons
• 19:30
  feed
• 19:31
  the
• 19:31
  future.
• 19:37
  So
• 19:37
  I'm
• 19:37
  being
• 19:38
  there
• 19:38
  for
• 19:38
  others
• 19:38
  in
• 19:39
  mourning
• 19:40
  a
• 19:40
  lot
• 19:41
  recently.
• 19:44
  And
• 19:44
  between,
• 19:45
  you
• 19:46
  know,
• 19:46
  tarot
• 19:46
  readings,
• 19:48
  which
• 19:48
  I
• 19:49
  do
• 19:50
  religiously
• 19:50
  every
• 19:50
  day,
• 19:57
  Between
• 19:59
  all
• 19:59
  the
• 19:59
  tarot
• 20:00
  that
• 20:00
  I
• 20:00
  read
• 20:02
  and
• 20:02
  all
• 20:03
  the
• 20:03
  silent
• 20:04
  prayer
• 20:06
  and
• 20:06
  all
• 20:06
  the
• 20:06
  just
• 20:07
  breath
• 20:11
  and
• 20:11
  the
• 20:11
  trust,
• 20:17
  I
• 20:17
  find
• 20:18
  myself
• 20:20
  being
• 20:20
  there
• 20:20
  for
• 20:21
  me
• 20:21
  a
• 20:21
  lot
• 20:22
  these
• 20:22
  days
• 20:23
  in
• 20:23
  ways
• 20:23
  that
• 20:23
  I
• 20:24
  have
• 20:24
  not
• 20:24
  been
• 20:24
  before.
• 20:26
  And
• 20:27
  that's
• 20:27
  inherently
• 20:28
  just
• 20:28
  allowing
• 20:29
  me
• 20:29
  a
• 20:29
  little
• 20:29
  bit
• 20:29
  more
• 20:30
  bandwidth
• 20:30
  to
• 20:30
  be
• 20:30
  there
• 20:31
  for
• 20:31
  other
• 20:31
  people,
• 20:32
  which
• 20:32
  is
• 20:32
  beautiful,
• 20:34
  not
• 20:35
  perfect.
• 20:35
  Never
• 20:36
  going
• 20:36
  to
• 20:36
  be
• 20:36
  perfect.
• 20:36
  That's
• 20:37
  all
• 20:37
  right.
• 20:42
  I
• 20:42
  was
• 20:42
  going
• 20:42
  to
• 20:43
  stay
• 20:43
  with
• 20:43
  the
• 20:43
  penny
• 20:43
  floor
• 20:44
  before
• 20:44
  I
• 20:44
  got
• 20:44
  sidetracked.
• 20:46
  There
• 20:46
  was
• 20:46
  this
• 20:47
  understanding
• 20:48
  when
• 20:48
  I
• 20:48
  did
• 20:48
  it.
• 20:48
  30,000
• 20:49
  pennies
• 20:49
  is
• 20:50
  a
• 20:50
  lot
• 20:50
  of
• 20:50
  pennies.
• 20:50
  And
• 20:51
  thought
• 20:51
  it
• 20:52
  would
• 20:52
  take
• 20:52
  six
• 20:52
  days.
• 20:52
  It
• 20:53
  took
• 20:53
  six
• 20:53
  weeks
• 20:54
  but
• 20:55
  there
• 20:55
  was
• 20:55
  a
• 20:55
  drive
• 20:56
  that
• 20:57
  I
• 20:57
  had
• 20:57
  to
• 20:57
  honor
• 20:58
  about
• 20:58
  imperfect
• 20:59
  completion.
• 21:04
  Something
• 21:04
  that
• 21:04
  is
• 21:05
  imperfect
• 21:06
  and
• 21:06
  done
• 21:07
  is
• 21:08
  better
• 21:08
  than
• 21:09
  something
• 21:09
  that
• 21:09
  is
• 21:10
  unfinished,
• 21:11
  perfect
• 21:12
  up
• 21:12
  to
• 21:12
  a
• 21:12
  point.
• 21:13
  And
• 21:14
  I
• 21:14
  started
• 21:14
  learning
• 21:15
  with
• 21:15
  that
• 21:15
  process
• 21:17
  truly
• 21:18
  what
• 21:19
  it
• 21:19
  truly
• 21:19
  meant
• 21:22
  to
• 21:22
  commit
• 21:22
  to
• 21:22
  finishing
• 21:23
  something
• 21:23
  I
• 21:24
  started
• 21:26
  and
• 21:26
  allow
• 21:26
  myself
• 21:28
  to
• 21:28
  get
• 21:28
  a
• 21:28
  B
• 21:28
  on
• 21:29
  things,
• 21:30
  maybe
• 21:31
  even
• 21:31
  sometimes
• 21:31
  a
• 21:31
  C
• 21:32
  on
• 21:32
  things,
• 21:34
  but
• 21:34
  to
• 21:34
  get
• 21:34
  through
• 21:35
  them
• 21:36
  and
• 21:36
  move
• 21:36
  the
• 21:37
  fuck
• 21:37
  on.
• 21:43
  I'm
• 21:43
  living
• 21:44
  a
• 21:44
  lot
• 21:44
  in
• 21:44
  calm
• 21:45
  joy
• 21:45
  these
• 21:45
  days.
• 21:48
  Very
• 21:49
  little
• 21:49
  extra
• 21:50
  in
• 21:50
  my
• 21:51
  life
• 21:52
  by
• 21:53
  design.
• 21:54
  I've
• 21:54
  never
• 21:54
  had
• 21:55
  more
• 21:57
  temptation.
• 21:59
  I've
• 21:59
  never
• 21:59
  had
• 21:59
  more
• 22:00
  opportunity.
• 22:01
  I've
• 22:01
  never
• 22:01
  had
• 22:02
  more
• 22:02
  curiosity.
• 22:03
  I've
• 22:03
  never
• 22:03
  had
• 22:04
  more
• 22:05
  whimsy
• 22:05
  and
• 22:05
  sparkle
• 22:06
  and
• 22:06
  light
• 22:07
  and
• 22:07
  fire
• 22:09
  and
• 22:10
  in
• 22:11
  terror
• 22:11
  and
• 22:11
  anxiety
• 22:12
  and
• 22:12
  stress
• 22:13
  and
• 22:13
  like,
• 22:13
  you
• 22:13
  know,
• 22:14
  all
• 22:14
  the
• 22:14
  fucking
• 22:14
  shit
• 22:15
  still
• 22:15
  all
• 22:15
  exists.
• 22:17
  I've
• 22:17
  never
• 22:17
  had
• 22:18
  it
• 22:18
  so
• 22:18
  fiery.
• 22:20
  And
• 22:20
  I'm
• 22:21
  endowing
• 22:21
  the
• 22:21
  fire,
• 22:22
  but
• 22:22
  I'm
• 22:23
  endowing
• 22:23
  it
• 22:23
  where
• 22:24
  it
• 22:24
  needs
• 22:24
  to
• 22:24
  go.
• 22:26
  I
• 22:26
  am
• 22:26
  honoring
• 22:27
  the
• 22:27
  power
• 22:28
  of
• 22:28
  the
• 22:28
  thunderbolt
• 22:30
  and
• 22:30
  making
• 22:31
  sure
• 22:31
  I
• 22:31
  know
• 22:32
  how
• 22:32
  to
• 22:32
  wield
• 22:32
  it
• 22:33
  before
• 22:33
  I
• 22:33
  use
• 22:33
  it.
• 22:36
  And
• 22:38
  it's
• 22:39
  good.
• 22:40
  That's
• 22:41
  new.
• 22:43
  And
• 22:43
  there
• 22:43
  was
• 22:43
  a
• 22:43
  thing
• 22:44
  that
• 22:45
  was
• 22:45
  set
• 22:45
  at
• 22:45
  a
• 22:45
  funeral
• 22:46
  recently
• 22:47
  that
• 22:47
  I
• 22:47
  went
• 22:48
  to
• 22:49
  that
• 22:49
  kind
• 22:49
  of
• 22:49
  spoke
• 22:50
  to
• 22:50
  me.
• 22:50
  It's
• 22:51
  this
• 22:51
  idea
• 22:51
  of
• 22:52
  making
• 22:53
  what's
• 22:54
  corruptible
• 22:55
  inside
• 22:55
  us
• 22:56
  and
• 22:56
  we
• 22:56
  can
• 22:56
  take
• 22:57
  issue
• 22:57
  with
• 22:57
  the
• 22:57
  words
• 22:57
  and
• 22:57
  stuff
• 22:58
  and
• 22:58
  that's
• 22:58
  fine.
• 22:58
  I'm
• 22:58
  not.
• 22:58
  I'm
• 22:59
  bored
• 22:59
  with
• 22:59
  the
• 22:59
  words.
• 23:00
  But
• 23:00
  look
• 23:00
  at
• 23:01
  the
• 23:01
  thing
• 23:01
  that's
• 23:01
  corruptible
• 23:03
  inside
• 23:03
  us
• 23:04
  and
• 23:05
  make
• 23:05
  it
• 23:05
  incorruptible.
• 23:07
  Now
• 23:08
  if
• 23:08
  we
• 23:08
  take
• 23:08
  away
• 23:08
  the
• 23:09
  judgment
• 23:09
  factor
• 23:10
  that
• 23:10
  could
• 23:10
  be
• 23:10
  perceived
• 23:10
  in
• 23:11
  there
• 23:11
  like
• 23:11
  that,
• 23:11
  there
• 23:11
  is
• 23:12
  such
• 23:12
  a
• 23:12
  thing
• 23:12
  as
• 23:12
  corruption.
• 23:14
  What
• 23:14
  is
• 23:14
  corruption?
• 23:15
  If
• 23:15
  it
• 23:15
  is?
• 23:15
  If
• 23:15
  I
• 23:16
  had
• 23:16
  to
• 23:16
  define
• 23:16
  corruption
• 23:17
  for
• 23:17
  me
• 23:17
  the
• 23:18
  way
• 23:18
  that
• 23:18
  I
• 23:18
  read
• 23:18
  it
• 23:19
  in
• 23:19
  this,
• 23:19
  it
• 23:20
  is.
• 23:25
  Corruption
• 23:25
  is
• 23:26
  me
• 23:26
  going
• 23:26
  against
• 23:26
  my
• 23:26
  values
• 23:27
  and
• 23:27
  better
• 23:27
  judgment.
• 23:30
  Corruption
• 23:30
  is
• 23:30
  being
• 23:31
  lured
• 23:31
  to
• 23:32
  betray
• 23:32
  myself.
• 23:34
  Now
• 23:35
  my
• 23:36
  values
• 23:37
  and
• 23:38
  better
• 23:38
  judgment
• 23:39
  belong
• 23:39
  to
• 23:40
  me
• 23:40
  and
• 23:40
  nobody
• 23:40
  else.
• 23:41
  And
• 23:41
  I'm
• 23:42
  not
• 23:42
  presuming
• 23:43
  to
• 23:44
  speak
• 23:44
  on
• 23:44
  behalf
• 23:44
  of
• 23:45
  anybody
• 23:45
  other
• 23:45
  than
• 23:46
  myself.
• 23:46
  In
• 23:46
  a
• 23:46
  recent
• 23:47
  Beta
• 23:47
  Boy
• 23:47
  recording
• 23:48
  with
• 23:48
  Michael
• 23:48
  and
• 23:49
  a
• 23:49
  trad
• 23:49
  wife,
• 23:49
  actually
• 23:51
  lovely
• 23:51
  gal,
• 23:52
  Beta
• 23:53
  Boy
• 23:53
  Breakdown
• 23:53
  with
• 23:54
  Michael
• 23:54
  and
• 23:54
  Nathaniel.
• 23:54
  Seven
• 23:55
  episodes
• 23:55
  already
• 23:55
  live.
• 23:57
  Check
• 23:57
  it
• 23:57
  out.
• 23:59
  Our
• 24:00
  flagship
• 24:00
  original
• 24:01
  proof
• 24:01
  of
• 24:01
  concept
• 24:02
  show
• 24:02
  here
• 24:02
  at
• 24:02
  Jack
• 24:03
  Annoyed
• 24:05
  Beta
• 24:05
  Boy
• 24:05
  has
• 24:06
  started
• 24:06
  it
• 24:06
  all.
• 24:07
  I
• 24:07
  talk
• 24:07
  about
• 24:07
  masculinity
• 24:08
  all
• 24:08
  the
• 24:09
  time.
• 24:10
  And
• 24:10
  I
• 24:10
  keep
• 24:11
  telling
• 24:11
  people,
• 24:11
  like,
• 24:12
  I
• 24:12
  know
• 24:12
  under
• 24:12
  my
• 24:12
  breath,
• 24:12
  it's
• 24:12
  like,
• 24:13
  you
• 24:13
  know,
• 24:13
  I
• 24:13
  really
• 24:13
  don't
• 24:13
  care,
• 24:13
  right?
• 24:15
  Like
• 24:15
  I
• 24:15
  do.
• 24:16
  But
• 24:16
  to
• 24:17
  be
• 24:17
  treated
• 24:17
  like
• 24:17
  Christopher
• 24:18
  Walken
• 24:18
  with
• 24:18
  more
• 24:19
  cowbell
• 24:19
  being
• 24:19
  heckled
• 24:20
  at
• 24:20
  him
• 24:20
  every
• 24:20
  day
• 24:20
  of
• 24:20
  his
• 24:21
  life,
• 24:21
  that's
• 24:22
  becoming
• 24:22
  what
• 24:22
  masculinity
• 24:23
  is
• 24:23
  for
• 24:23
  me.
• 24:24
  Everybody
• 24:24
  wants
• 24:25
  to
• 24:25
  talk
• 24:25
  about
• 24:25
  issues
• 24:25
  of
• 24:25
  masculinity
• 24:26
  and
• 24:26
  men's
• 24:27
  plate
• 24:28
  and
• 24:29
  women's
• 24:29
  plight
• 24:29
  and
• 24:30
  all
• 24:30
  the
• 24:30
  plates.
• 24:35
  So
• 24:35
  corruption,
• 24:40
  To
• 24:40
  me,
• 24:41
  is
• 24:41
  going
• 24:41
  against
• 24:41
  my
• 24:42
  values
• 24:43
  and
• 24:43
  better
• 24:43
  judgment.
• 24:44
  And
• 24:45
  my
• 24:45
  values
• 24:45
  and
• 24:45
  better
• 24:45
  judgment
• 24:47
  are
• 24:47
  not
• 24:50
  intended
• 24:50
  to
• 24:51
  be
• 24:51
  a
• 24:51
  metric
• 24:51
  for
• 24:52
  other
• 24:52
  people.
• 24:53
  I
• 24:53
  think
• 24:53
  everybody
• 24:54
  has
• 24:54
  different
• 24:54
  lives
• 24:55
  to
• 24:55
  lead.
• 24:55
  Everybody
• 24:56
  has
• 24:56
  room
• 24:56
  to
• 24:57
  lead
• 24:57
  the
• 24:57
  lives
• 24:57
  they
• 24:58
  lead.
• 24:59
  And
• 24:59
  I.
• 25:01
  I
• 25:01
  really
• 25:01
  hope
• 25:01
  most
• 25:02
  people
• 25:02
  choose
• 25:02
  not
• 25:02
  to
• 25:03
  cause
• 25:03
  harm
• 25:03
  to
• 25:04
  others.
• 25:06
  There's
• 25:06
  a
• 25:06
  lot
• 25:06
  that's
• 25:07
  making
• 25:07
  us
• 25:07
  feel
• 25:08
  these
• 25:08
  days
• 25:08
  like
• 25:08
  we
• 25:08
  are
• 25:09
  under
• 25:09
  attack.
• 25:10
  And
• 25:10
  by
• 25:10
  we,
• 25:11
  I
• 25:11
  don't
• 25:11
  mean
• 25:11
  men,
• 25:12
  I
• 25:12
  don't
• 25:12
  mean
• 25:12
  white
• 25:13
  men.
• 25:13
  I
• 25:13
  don't
• 25:13
  mean
• 25:14
  one
• 25:14
  side
• 25:14
  of
• 25:14
  the
• 25:14
  political
• 25:15
  spectrum.
• 25:15
  I
• 25:15
  don't
• 25:16
  mean
• 25:16
  anything
• 25:16
  by
• 25:17
  that.
• 25:17
  I
• 25:17
  mean
• 25:18
  everybody.
• 25:20
  We
• 25:20
  are
• 25:20
  all
• 25:21
  made
• 25:21
  to
• 25:21
  feel
• 25:22
  that
• 25:22
  we
• 25:22
  are
• 25:22
  under
• 25:23
  attack
• 25:24
  and
• 25:25
  that
• 25:25
  we
• 25:25
  stand
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  lose
• 25:26
  something
• 25:26
  if
• 25:27
  we
• 25:27
  don't
• 25:27
  stand
• 25:27
  up
• 25:28
  for
• 25:28
  ourselves
• 25:28
  and
• 25:29
  ours.
• 25:31
  We
• 25:31
  stand
• 25:31
  to
• 25:31
  lose
• 25:32
  something
• 25:33
  that
• 25:33
  this
• 25:33
  thing
• 25:34
  that
• 25:34
  we
• 25:34
  can't
• 25:34
  even
• 25:35
  define,
• 25:35
  whether
• 25:35
  it's
• 25:35
  joy,
• 25:36
  whether
• 25:36
  it's
• 25:36
  happiness,
• 25:36
  whether
• 25:37
  it's
• 25:37
  safety,
• 25:38
  security
• 25:41
  is
• 25:41
  finite
• 25:42
  and
• 25:43
  somebody
• 25:43
  else
• 25:43
  is
• 25:43
  trying
• 25:43
  to
• 25:44
  take
• 25:44
  it
• 25:44
  away
• 25:44
  from
• 25:44
  us.
• 25:46
  There
• 25:46
  is
• 25:48
  scarcity
• 25:50
  unless
• 25:50
  we
• 25:51
  buy
• 25:51
  everything
• 25:51
  we
• 25:52
  can.
• 25:56
  There
• 25:56
  is
• 25:56
  loss
• 25:56
  of
• 25:57
  control
• 25:57
  unless
• 25:58
  we
• 25:58
  take
• 25:58
  control
• 25:59
  first.
• 26:05
  So
• 26:05
  if
• 26:05
  I
• 26:05
  were
• 26:05
  to
• 26:05
  give
• 26:05
  in
• 26:06
  to
• 26:06
  those
• 26:06
  things,
• 26:09
  if
• 26:10
  I
• 26:10
  were
• 26:10
  to
• 26:10
  give
• 26:10
  in
• 26:11
  to
• 26:11
  the
• 26:12
  idea
• 26:14
  that
• 26:15
  I
• 26:15
  need
• 26:15
  to
• 26:15
  be
• 26:15
  a
• 26:15
  certain
• 26:16
  way
• 26:18
  to
• 26:19
  get
• 26:19
  what
• 26:20
  I'm
• 26:20
  due,
• 26:23
  that
• 26:23
  locks
• 26:24
  me
• 26:24
  into
• 26:24
  a
• 26:24
  pattern,
• 26:25
  that
• 26:25
  locks
• 26:25
  me
• 26:25
  into
• 26:25
  behavior,
• 26:26
  that
• 26:26
  locks
• 26:26
  me
• 26:26
  into
• 26:26
  thinking
• 26:27
  that
• 26:27
  other
• 26:27
  people
• 26:28
  should
• 26:28
  also
• 26:28
  behave
• 26:29
  that
• 26:29
  way
• 26:29
  or
• 26:30
  that
• 26:30
  they
• 26:30
  shouldn't,
• 26:30
  so
• 26:30
  that
• 26:30
  I
• 26:31
  can
• 26:31
  get
• 26:31
  on
• 26:31
  that
• 26:31
  I
• 26:32
  can.
• 26:33
  Like,
• 26:34
  it
• 26:34
  positions
• 26:35
  life
• 26:37
  as
• 26:38
  something
• 26:39
  static
• 26:40
  and
• 26:40
  figured
• 26:40
  out.
• 26:42
  And
• 26:42
  I
• 26:43
  don't
• 26:43
  agree
• 26:43
  with
• 26:43
  that.
• 26:45
  I
• 26:46
  really
• 26:46
  like
• 26:46
  who
• 26:46
  I
• 26:46
  am
• 26:47
  these
• 26:47
  days.
• 26:47
  I
• 26:47
  think
• 26:48
  I
• 26:48
  show
• 26:48
  up
• 26:48
  pretty
• 26:48
  well
• 26:49
  and
• 26:49
  I
• 26:49
  learn
• 26:49
  every
• 26:50
  day
• 26:51
  new
• 26:51
  things
• 26:52
  and
• 26:53
  even
• 26:53
  kind
• 26:53
  of
• 26:53
  discover,
• 26:53
  like,
• 26:54
  I'm
• 26:54
  already
• 26:54
  employing
• 26:54
  things
• 26:55
  that
• 26:55
  I
• 26:55
  didn't
• 26:55
  consciously
• 26:56
  like,
• 26:56
  come
• 26:57
  up
• 26:57
  with
• 26:57
  or
• 26:57
  decide
• 26:58
  to
• 26:58
  follow.
• 26:58
  Like,
• 26:58
  they're
• 26:59
  just
• 26:59
  kind
• 26:59
  of
• 26:59
  there.
• 27:01
  And
• 27:01
  that's
• 27:01
  beautiful,
• 27:02
  because
• 27:02
  now
• 27:02
  it
• 27:02
  feels
• 27:02
  like
• 27:02
  the
• 27:03
  card
• 27:03
  is
• 27:03
  leading
• 27:03
  the
• 27:03
  horse,
• 27:03
  and
• 27:03
  I'm
• 27:04
  like,
• 27:04
  oh,
• 27:05
  well,
• 27:05
  I
• 27:05
  behave
• 27:05
  in
• 27:05
  this
• 27:06
  and
• 27:06
  this
• 27:06
  and
• 27:06
  this
• 27:06
  way
• 27:06
  when
• 27:07
  this
• 27:07
  comes
• 27:07
  up.
• 27:07
  So
• 27:07
  maybe
• 27:08
  I
• 27:08
  actually
• 27:08
  don't
• 27:08
  want
• 27:09
  the
• 27:09
  things
• 27:09
  that
• 27:09
  I
• 27:09
  did
• 27:10
  think
• 27:10
  that
• 27:10
  I
• 27:10
  did.
• 27:11
  Because,
• 27:12
  like,
• 27:13
  I'm
• 27:13
  not
• 27:13
  restricted
• 27:14
  by
• 27:14
  anything
• 27:14
  right
• 27:14
  now.
• 27:15
  And
• 27:15
  this
• 27:16
  is
• 27:16
  how
• 27:16
  I
• 27:16
  choose.
• 27:17
  My
• 27:17
  time
• 27:17
  is
• 27:17
  most
• 27:18
  well
• 27:18
  spent
• 27:18
  and
• 27:18
  most
• 27:19
  in
• 27:19
  line
• 27:19
  with
• 27:19
  my
• 27:19
  values,
• 27:20
  most
• 27:21
  in
• 27:21
  line
• 27:21
  with
• 27:21
  what
• 27:21
  I
• 27:21
  love.
• 27:25
  And
• 27:29
  that's
• 27:30
  good
• 27:31
  calm
• 27:32
  and
• 27:32
  joy
• 27:33
  and
• 27:34
  nothing
• 27:34
  extra.
• 27:38
  That's
• 27:38
  good
• 27:39
  because
• 27:39
  that
• 27:39
  is
• 27:39
  what
• 27:40
  makes
• 27:40
  grief
• 27:40
  season
• 27:40
  be
• 27:41
  over.
• 27:43
  Grief
• 27:46
  is
• 27:46
  loss,
• 27:48
  perceived
• 27:49
  loss,
• 27:50
  or
• 27:50
  real
• 27:51
  loss.
• 27:52
  It's
• 27:53
  loss
• 27:53
  of
• 27:54
  something
• 27:54
  that
• 27:54
  was
• 27:54
  important
• 27:56
  and
• 27:57
  meaningful
• 28:00
  in
• 28:00
  the
• 28:01
  absence
• 28:01
  of
• 28:02
  it.
• 28:02
  The
• 28:02
  space
• 28:03
  that
• 28:03
  it
• 28:03
  used
• 28:03
  to
• 28:04
  take
• 28:04
  up
• 28:04
  in
• 28:04
  one's
• 28:04
  heart
• 28:05
  and
• 28:05
  life
• 28:05
  and
• 28:06
  soul.
• 28:14
  Is
• 28:15
  not
• 28:15
  something
• 28:16
  that
• 28:17
  goes
• 28:17
  away,
• 28:20
  but
• 28:20
  the
• 28:20
  self
• 28:21
  can
• 28:21
  grow
• 28:21
  bigger
• 28:22
  around
• 28:22
  it.
• 28:24
  And
• 28:24
  this
• 28:24
  is
• 28:25
  something
• 28:25
  I'm
• 28:25
  stealing
• 28:25
  from
• 28:25
  my
• 28:26
  therapist
• 28:28
  who
• 28:28
  I
• 28:29
  love.
• 28:30
  I
• 28:30
  love
• 28:30
  my
• 28:30
  therapist.
• 28:31
  She
• 28:32
  is
• 28:32
  so
• 28:32
  fucking
• 28:32
  good.
• 28:33
  And
• 28:33
  she,
• 28:34
  like,
• 28:34
  I've
• 28:34
  done
• 28:34
  the
• 28:34
  work,
• 28:35
  but,
• 28:35
  like,
• 28:37
  if
• 28:37
  I'm.
• 28:39
  If
• 28:39
  I'm
• 28:40
  Dante,
• 28:40
  like,
• 28:42
  she's
• 28:42
  Virgil,
• 28:43
  you
• 28:43
  know,
• 28:44
  she's
• 28:44
  been
• 28:44
  holding
• 28:44
  the
• 28:44
  lantern,
• 28:47
  and
• 28:47
  there's
• 28:48
  been
• 28:48
  tremendous
• 28:49
  things
• 28:49
  that
• 28:49
  I
• 28:50
  have
• 28:50
  worked
• 28:50
  through
• 28:51
  by
• 28:52
  having
• 28:52
  a
• 28:52
  safe
• 28:52
  space
• 28:53
  to
• 28:53
  do
• 28:53
  so.
• 28:54
  So,
• 28:54
  you
• 28:54
  know
• 28:55
  what?
• 28:55
  Maybe
• 28:55
  this
• 28:55
  is
• 28:55
  good
• 28:55
  to
• 28:56
  take
• 28:56
  five
• 28:56
  seconds
• 28:56
  on.
• 28:57
  Hey,
• 28:58
  men,
• 29:00
  it's
• 29:01
  okay.
• 29:03
  You'll
• 29:04
  find
• 29:04
  you're
• 29:04
  stronger.
• 29:06
  You'll
• 29:07
  find
• 29:08
  real
• 29:09
  fucking
• 29:09
  strength.
• 29:22
  I
• 29:22
  don't
• 29:22
  yet
• 29:22
  know
• 29:24
  it
• 29:24
  will
• 29:24
  be
• 29:24
  another
• 29:25
  episode
• 29:25
  of
• 29:25
  this.
• 29:27
  I
• 29:27
  don't
• 29:27
  yet
• 29:28
  know
• 29:28
  how
• 29:28
  I
• 29:28
  want
• 29:28
  to
• 29:29
  talk
• 29:29
  about
• 29:29
  masculinity
• 29:30
  on
• 29:30
  my
• 29:31
  own
• 29:31
  show,
• 29:33
  because
• 29:33
  in
• 29:34
  conversation,
• 29:34
  I
• 29:35
  seem
• 29:35
  to
• 29:35
  trust
• 29:35
  my
• 29:36
  gut
• 29:36
  a
• 29:36
  little
• 29:36
  bit
• 29:37
  and
• 29:37
  learn
• 29:37
  from
• 29:37
  other
• 29:38
  people
• 29:38
  and
• 29:39
  express
• 29:39
  what
• 29:39
  feels
• 29:40
  true
• 29:40
  and
• 29:40
  be
• 29:40
  willing
• 29:41
  to
• 29:41
  shift
• 29:41
  and
• 29:42
  shape
• 29:42
  and
• 29:42
  evolve
• 29:42
  and
• 29:43
  all
• 29:43
  that
• 29:43
  stuff.
• 29:43
  But
• 29:45
  in
• 29:45
  this,
• 29:47
  I
• 29:47
  am
• 29:47
  currently
• 29:47
  in
• 29:48
  a
• 29:48
  moment
• 29:48
  where
• 29:49
  I'm
• 29:50
  pretty
• 29:51
  disenchanted
• 29:53
  and
• 29:54
  frustrated
• 29:56
  about
• 29:56
  the
• 29:56
  lack
• 29:57
  of
• 29:57
  sensitivity
• 29:57
  and
• 29:58
  awareness
• 29:59
  that
• 29:59
  a
• 29:59
  lot
• 30:00
  of
• 30:00
  men
• 30:00
  exhibit.
• 30:02
  And
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  found
• 30:02
  myself
• 30:03
  in
• 30:03
  these
• 30:03
  conversations
• 30:04
  about
• 30:04
  it
• 30:05
  a
• 30:05
  lot
• 30:06
  with
• 30:06
  women
• 30:06
  and
• 30:06
  men
• 30:08
  about
• 30:08
  emotional
• 30:08
  knowledge,
• 30:09
  emotional
• 30:09
  capacity.
• 30:11
  Michael
• 30:11
  and
• 30:12
  I
• 30:12
  talk
• 30:12
  quite
• 30:12
  a
• 30:12
  bit
• 30:12
  about
• 30:13
  this
• 30:13
  in
• 30:13
  the
• 30:13
  second
• 30:13
  season
• 30:13
  of
• 30:14
  Beta
• 30:14
  Boy
• 30:14
  Breakdown
• 30:15
  that
• 30:15
  we're
• 30:15
  recording
• 30:15
  right
• 30:16
  now,
• 30:16
  and
• 30:16
  I'm
• 30:16
  sure
• 30:16
  will
• 30:17
  come
• 30:17
  up
• 30:17
  in
• 30:17
  other
• 30:17
  things,
• 30:17
  too,
• 30:18
  but
• 30:18
  like
• 30:22
  this.
• 30:24
  This
• 30:24
  awareness
• 30:25
  not
• 30:25
  only
• 30:25
  of
• 30:26
  what
• 30:26
  inside
• 30:27
  men
• 30:27
  is
• 30:29
  a
• 30:30
  frustrating
• 30:31
  limitation
• 30:31
  that's
• 30:32
  learned,
• 30:37
  But
• 30:37
  a
• 30:38
  surrounding
• 30:40
  ecosystem
• 30:43
  that
• 30:44
  not
• 30:44
  only
• 30:44
  enables,
• 30:45
  promote,
• 30:45
  but
• 30:46
  promotes
• 30:46
  that.
• 30:51
  A
• 30:51
  whole
• 30:52
  constellation
• 30:52
  of
• 30:53
  really,
• 30:53
  really
• 30:54
  bright
• 30:54
  signals
• 30:56
  that
• 30:57
  make
• 30:57
  us
• 30:57
  feel
• 30:59
  things
• 30:59
  that
• 31:00
  feel
• 31:00
  like
• 31:01
  core
• 31:01
  truths
• 31:01
  and
• 31:02
  inevitabilities.
• 31:02
  And
• 31:05
  I've
• 31:06
  said
• 31:06
  for
• 31:06
  a
• 31:06
  while,
• 31:07
  and
• 31:07
  I
• 31:07
  go
• 31:08
  through
• 31:08
  phases
• 31:08
  of
• 31:09
  not
• 31:09
  really
• 31:09
  buying
• 31:10
  it,
• 31:11
  but
• 31:11
  I've
• 31:11
  said
• 31:11
  for
• 31:11
  a
• 31:12
  while,
• 31:12
  the
• 31:12
  only
• 31:12
  thing
• 31:13
  I
• 31:14
  truly
• 31:15
  disagree
• 31:15
  with
• 31:16
  is
• 31:17
  certainty.
• 31:22
  I
• 31:22
  care
• 31:23
  deeply,
• 31:23
  I
• 31:23
  think
• 31:24
  deeply,
• 31:25
  and
• 31:25
  I
• 31:25
  am
• 31:25
  not
• 31:26
  certain.
• 31:30
  I
• 31:30
  think
• 31:30
  there's
• 31:31
  terror
• 31:31
  in
• 31:31
  admitting
• 31:32
  that
• 31:33
  we
• 31:33
  don't
• 31:33
  know
• 31:34
  what
• 31:34
  we're
• 31:34
  doing.
• 31:36
  But
• 31:36
  if
• 31:36
  we
• 31:37
  all
• 31:37
  talk
• 31:37
  about
• 31:37
  that
• 31:38
  stuff,
• 31:38
  then
• 31:38
  it
• 31:38
  feels
• 31:39
  a
• 31:39
  lot
• 31:39
  more
• 31:39
  collaborative
• 31:40
  and
• 31:40
  a
• 31:40
  lot
• 31:40
  more
• 31:40
  communal.
• 31:41
  And
• 31:41
  we
• 31:41
  can
• 31:41
  share
• 31:41
  things,
• 31:42
  we
• 31:43
  can
• 31:43
  learn
• 31:43
  how
• 31:43
  to
• 31:43
  do
• 31:44
  things
• 31:44
  together,
• 31:44
  or
• 31:45
  we
• 31:45
  can
• 31:45
  just
• 31:45
  kind
• 31:45
  of,
• 31:45
  like,
• 31:45
  all
• 31:46
  shrug
• 31:46
  our
• 31:46
  shoulders
• 31:46
  at
• 31:46
  each
• 31:47
  other
• 31:47
  and
• 31:47
  be
• 31:47
  like,
• 31:47
  yeah,
• 31:47
  this
• 31:47
  is
• 31:47
  kind
• 31:48
  of
• 31:48
  hard.
• 31:49
  It's
• 31:49
  kind
• 31:49
  of
• 31:50
  hard,
• 31:51
  but
• 31:52
  at
• 31:52
  least
• 31:52
  we're
• 31:52
  all
• 31:52
  in
• 31:52
  it
• 31:53
  together.
• 31:54
  Nobody
• 31:54
  really
• 31:55
  seems
• 31:55
  to
• 31:55
  have
• 31:55
  it
• 31:55
  figured
• 31:56
  out.
• 31:57
  Nobody
• 31:57
  comes
• 31:58
  along
• 31:58
  and
• 31:58
  says,
• 31:58
  hey,
• 32:00
  good
• 32:00
  job
• 32:01
  lifing.
• 32:02
  Good
• 32:03
  Job
• 32:03
  remembering
• 32:04
  to
• 32:04
  feed
• 32:04
  yourself
• 32:04
  and
• 32:04
  getting
• 32:05
  enough
• 32:05
  sleep
• 32:05
  and
• 32:06
  remembering
• 32:06
  to
• 32:06
  do
• 32:06
  laundry
• 32:07
  and
• 32:07
  actually
• 32:08
  dealing
• 32:08
  with
• 32:08
  the
• 32:08
  mail
• 32:09
  and
• 32:10
  figuring
• 32:11
  out
• 32:11
  how
• 32:11
  to
• 32:11
  do
• 32:11
  financial
• 32:12
  things
• 32:12
  and
• 32:13
  coming
• 32:13
  up
• 32:13
  with
• 32:13
  what
• 32:14
  a
• 32:14
  right
• 32:14
  approach
• 32:15
  for
• 32:15
  you
• 32:15
  is.
• 32:15
  That
• 32:16
  might
• 32:16
  not
• 32:16
  be
• 32:16
  what
• 32:16
  anybody
• 32:17
  else
• 32:17
  would
• 32:17
  tell
• 32:17
  you
• 32:17
  to
• 32:18
  do,
• 32:18
  but
• 32:18
  you
• 32:18
  know
• 32:18
  what's
• 32:18
  right
• 32:19
  for
• 32:19
  you.
• 32:19
  I
• 32:19
  mean,
• 32:19
  like,
• 32:19
  come
• 32:20
  on,
• 32:22
  it'd
• 32:22
  be
• 32:22
  nice
• 32:22
  for
• 32:22
  somebody
• 32:23
  to
• 32:23
  come
• 32:23
  along
• 32:23
  and
• 32:23
  do
• 32:23
  that.
• 32:25
  Cause,
• 32:25
  like,
• 32:28
  it's
• 32:28
  scary.
• 32:31
  It's
• 32:31
  scary.
• 32:33
  Life
• 32:33
  is
• 32:33
  scary
• 32:35
  and
• 32:36
  joyous
• 32:36
  and
• 32:37
  silly
• 32:37
  and
• 32:38
  weird
• 32:38
  and
• 32:40
  fucked
• 32:40
  up
• 32:40
  and
• 32:41
  really
• 32:41
  what
• 32:41
  you
• 32:42
  make
• 32:42
  of
• 32:42
  it,
• 32:42
  because,
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  know,
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  hear
• 32:44
  all
• 32:44
  these
• 32:44
  sirens
• 32:44
  and
• 32:45
  these
• 32:45
  helicopters
• 32:46
  and
• 32:46
  all
• 32:46
  this
• 32:46
  shit.
• 32:47
  There's
• 32:47
  some
• 32:47
  shit
• 32:48
  going
• 32:48
  down
• 32:48
  in
• 32:48
  the
• 32:48
  country.
• 32:49
  There's
• 32:49
  some
• 32:49
  really,
• 32:50
  really
• 32:50
  big
• 32:51
  shit
• 32:51
  happening
• 32:51
  in
• 32:51
  the.
• 32:53
  And
• 32:53
  we're
• 32:53
  also
• 32:54
  just
• 32:54
  kind
• 32:54
  of
• 32:54
  like
• 32:54
  doing
• 32:55
  a
• 32:55
  podcast
• 32:55
  here
• 32:56
  with
• 32:56
  water
• 32:56
  that's
• 32:57
  distilled
• 32:58
  in
• 32:58
  my
• 32:59
  fucking,
• 32:59
  like,
• 32:59
  you
• 33:00
  know,
• 33:00
  mason
• 33:00
  jar.
• 33:01
  And
• 33:02
  like,
• 33:02
  I'm
• 33:02
  finishing
• 33:02
  a
• 33:03
  three
• 33:03
  day
• 33:03
  old
• 33:03
  beer
• 33:04
  and
• 33:04
  I'm
• 33:04
  talking
• 33:04
  to
• 33:04
  you
• 33:04
  about
• 33:05
  Macedonia.
• 33:08
  And
• 33:08
  that
• 33:08
  lives
• 33:08
  alongside
• 33:09
  people
• 33:10
  being
• 33:10
  killed
• 33:10
  because
• 33:10
  others
• 33:11
  want
• 33:11
  to
• 33:11
  kill
• 33:11
  them.
• 33:17
  Happens
• 33:17
  alongside
• 33:18
  people
• 33:19
  hurting
• 33:20
  people
• 33:20
  they
• 33:20
  love.
• 33:21
  Like,
• 33:22
  actually
• 33:22
  really
• 33:22
  hurting
• 33:23
  them.
• 33:27
  So,
• 33:27
  like,
• 33:29
  what
• 33:29
  do
• 33:29
  we
• 33:29
  do
• 33:30
  with
• 33:30
  that?
• 33:35
  I'm
• 33:35
  making
• 33:35
  this
• 33:36
  whole,
• 33:36
  like,
• 33:36
  point
• 33:36
  with
• 33:37
  this
• 33:37
  company
• 33:37
  about
• 33:38
  trying
• 33:38
  to
• 33:38
  make
• 33:38
  creativity
• 33:39
  change
• 33:39
  the
• 33:39
  world.
• 33:40
  I
• 33:40
  don't
• 33:40
  know
• 33:40
  if
• 33:41
  I
• 33:41
  believe
• 33:41
  it
• 33:44
  because
• 33:44
  the
• 33:45
  world
• 33:45
  seems
• 33:45
  to
• 33:46
  have
• 33:46
  its
• 33:46
  patterns
• 33:46
  too,
• 33:47
  and
• 33:47
  it
• 33:47
  doesn't
• 33:47
  seem
• 33:47
  to
• 33:47
  want
• 33:48
  to
• 33:48
  do
• 33:48
  the
• 33:48
  introspection.
• 33:50
  I
• 33:50
  think
• 33:50
  it's
• 33:51
  a
• 33:51
  great
• 33:51
  way
• 33:51
  to
• 33:51
  spend
• 33:51
  my
• 33:52
  life.
• 33:53
  I
• 33:53
  want
• 33:53
  to
• 33:53
  fight
• 33:54
  the
• 33:54
  fight,
• 33:54
  you
• 33:54
  know,
• 33:55
  whatever
• 33:55
  the
• 33:55
  fight
• 33:55
  is.
• 33:56
  But
• 33:56
  more
• 33:56
  so
• 33:57
  it
• 33:57
  just
• 33:57
  seems
• 33:58
  like
• 33:58
  a
• 33:58
  nice
• 33:59
  life
• 34:00
  to
• 34:00
  make
• 34:00
  art
• 34:01
  that
• 34:01
  I
• 34:01
  care
• 34:01
  about,
• 34:02
  with
• 34:02
  people
• 34:02
  that
• 34:02
  I
• 34:02
  care
• 34:03
  about,
• 34:03
  about
• 34:03
  things
• 34:04
  that
• 34:04
  I
• 34:04
  care
• 34:04
  about.
• 34:06
  And
• 34:06
  a
• 34:06
  challenge
• 34:08
  to
• 34:08
  kind
• 34:08
  of
• 34:08
  do
• 34:09
  the,
• 34:09
  you
• 34:09
  know,
• 34:10
  weird,
• 34:10
  unthinkable
• 34:11
  of
• 34:11
  making
• 34:11
  it
• 34:11
  profitable,
• 34:12
  of
• 34:12
  making
• 34:12
  it
• 34:13
  a
• 34:13
  really
• 34:13
  kick
• 34:14
  ass
• 34:14
  business
• 34:14
  that
• 34:15
  people
• 34:15
  want
• 34:15
  to
• 34:15
  be
• 34:15
  a
• 34:15
  part
• 34:16
  of
• 34:16
  and
• 34:16
  enjoy
• 34:17
  the
• 34:17
  offerings
• 34:18
  of.
• 34:18
  And
• 34:19
  like,
• 34:20
  I
• 34:20
  really
• 34:20
  want
• 34:20
  to
• 34:20
  do
• 34:21
  this
• 34:22
  and
• 34:22
  I
• 34:22
  don't
• 34:23
  know
• 34:23
  or
• 34:24
  think
• 34:24
  really
• 34:25
  that
• 34:25
  it
• 34:25
  will
• 34:25
  change
• 34:26
  the
• 34:26
  world,
• 34:26
  but
• 34:26
  why
• 34:26
  not
• 34:27
  try?
• 34:27
  You
• 34:27
  know,
• 34:28
  like,
• 34:28
  there's
• 34:29
  worse
• 34:29
  things
• 34:29
  than.
• 34:30
  What
• 34:31
  was
• 34:31
  the
• 34:31
  phrase
• 34:33
  that
• 34:33
  kind
• 34:33
  of
• 34:34
  was
• 34:34
  a
• 34:34
  defining
• 34:34
  little
• 34:35
  mantra
• 34:35
  that
• 34:35
  popped
• 34:36
  me.
• 34:44
  There's
• 34:44
  not
• 34:44
  really
• 34:46
  anything
• 34:47
  sexier
• 34:50
  than
• 34:51
  fighting
• 34:51
  for
• 34:53
  a
• 34:53
  lost
• 34:53
  cause
• 34:55
  that
• 34:55
  you
• 34:55
  believe
• 34:55
  in.
• 35:00
  There's
• 35:00
  nothing
• 35:00
  sexier
• 35:01
  than
• 35:02
  fighting
• 35:02
  for
• 35:02
  a
• 35:02
  lost
• 35:03
  cause
• 35:03
  you
• 35:03
  believe
• 35:04
  in.
• 35:04
  Well,
• 35:05
  you
• 35:06
  know,
• 35:06
  it
• 35:06
  could
• 35:06
  probably
• 35:06
  be
• 35:07
  sexier
• 35:07
  standing
• 35:08
  on
• 35:08
  the
• 35:08
  winner's
• 35:08
  mound
• 35:08
  and
• 35:10
  one
• 35:10
  of
• 35:10
  those
• 35:10
  things,
• 35:10
  the
• 35:11
  first
• 35:11
  place,
• 35:11
  second
• 35:12
  place,
• 35:12
  third
• 35:12
  place,
• 35:12
  you
• 35:13
  know,
• 35:13
  thing
• 35:13
  at
• 35:13
  the
• 35:13
  Olympics.
• 35:14
  Drop
• 35:14
  it
• 35:14
  in
• 35:14
  the
• 35:15
  comments.
• 35:15
  All
• 35:15
  right,
• 35:15
  folks.
• 35:16
  Thousand
• 35:16
  true
• 35:17
  fans,
• 35:17
  I
• 35:17
  know
• 35:17
  you're
• 35:18
  out
• 35:18
  there.
• 35:18
  Our
• 35:18
  numbers
• 35:19
  are
• 35:19
  building.
• 35:24
  So
• 35:24
  leave
• 35:24
  in
• 35:25
  the
• 35:25
  comments
• 35:25
  with
• 35:25
  that
• 35:25
  little
• 35:25
  steppy
• 35:26
  step
• 35:26
  thing
• 35:26
  for
• 35:26
  first
• 35:27
  place,
• 35:27
  second
• 35:27
  place,
• 35:28
  third
• 35:28
  place
• 35:28
  with
• 35:28
  the
• 35:29
  medals
• 35:29
  is.
• 35:33
  And
• 35:34
  while
• 35:34
  you're
• 35:34
  at
• 35:34
  it,
• 35:36
  why
• 35:37
  don't
• 35:37
  we
• 35:37
  see
• 35:38
  what
• 35:39
  the
• 35:39
  most
• 35:39
  bizarre
• 35:41
  photo
• 35:43
  we
• 35:43
  can
• 35:43
  find
• 35:44
  from
• 35:44
  real
• 35:44
  life,
• 35:44
  not
• 35:45
  AI
• 35:45
  the
• 35:46
  most
• 35:46
  bizarre
• 35:46
  photo
• 35:47
  we
• 35:47
  can
• 35:47
  find
• 35:47
  of
• 35:48
  a
• 35:48
  first
• 35:48
  place,
• 35:49
  second
• 35:49
  place,
• 35:49
  third
• 35:49
  place.
• 35:50
  Like
• 35:50
  expressions
• 35:51
  at
• 35:51
  one
• 35:51
  another
• 35:51
  or
• 35:52
  choice
• 35:52
  of
• 35:52
  countries
• 35:52
  or
• 35:53
  like,
• 35:53
  just
• 35:53
  weird
• 35:54
  fucking
• 35:54
  shit.
• 35:54
  Just
• 35:55
  like,
• 35:55
  let's
• 35:56
  go
• 35:56
  for
• 35:56
  it.
• 35:57
  Blow
• 35:57
  the
• 35:57
  comments
• 35:57
  up
• 35:58
  on
• 35:58
  Jack
• 35:58
  and
• 35:58
  Noid
• 35:59
  Substack.
• 35:59
  All
• 35:59
  right,
• 35:59
  subscribe
• 36:00
  today.
• 36:00
  We're
• 36:01
  doing,
• 36:01
  like,
• 36:01
  a
• 36:01
  lot
• 36:02
  of
• 36:02
  cool
• 36:02
  shit,
• 36:02
  both
• 36:02
  for
• 36:03
  the
• 36:03
  free
• 36:03
  followers
• 36:04
  as
• 36:04
  well
• 36:04
  as
• 36:04
  for
• 36:04
  the
• 36:05
  paid
• 36:05
  followers.
• 36:06
  Spoiler
• 36:06
  alert.
• 36:07
  We're
• 36:07
  doing,
• 36:07
  like,
• 36:08
  really
• 36:08
  cool
• 36:08
  shit
• 36:08
  for
• 36:08
  the
• 36:08
  paid
• 36:09
  ones
• 36:09
  because
• 36:09
  it
• 36:09
  helps
• 36:10
  us
• 36:10
  make
• 36:10
  more
• 36:11
  shows
• 36:11
  and
• 36:11
  episodes,
• 36:12
  helps
• 36:12
  us
• 36:13
  do
• 36:13
  all
• 36:13
  these
• 36:13
  necessary
• 36:13
  filings,
• 36:14
  which
• 36:14
  are
• 36:14
  endless.
• 36:15
  And
• 36:15
  it
• 36:16
  helps
• 36:16
  me
• 36:16
  kind
• 36:16
  of
• 36:16
  create
• 36:16
  jobs
• 36:17
  and
• 36:17
  like
• 36:17
  build
• 36:17
  up
• 36:18
  the
• 36:18
  team
• 36:18
  so,
• 36:18
  like,
• 36:19
  your
• 36:19
  money
• 36:19
  goes
• 36:20
  somewhere
• 36:20
  and
• 36:20
  I'm
• 36:20
  really
• 36:21
  going
• 36:21
  to
• 36:21
  make
• 36:21
  it
• 36:21
  worth
• 36:21
  it.
• 36:22
  And
• 36:23
  not
• 36:23
  just
• 36:23
  me,
• 36:23
  other
• 36:23
  people
• 36:24
  I'm
• 36:24
  starting
• 36:24
  to
• 36:24
  loop
• 36:24
  into.
• 36:25
  So,
• 36:25
  like,
• 36:25
  there's
• 36:26
  going
• 36:26
  to
• 36:26
  be
• 36:26
  a
• 36:26
  lot
• 36:26
  of
• 36:26
  cool
• 36:26
  creative
• 36:27
  shit
• 36:28
  that
• 36:28
  only
• 36:29
  gets
• 36:29
  posted
• 36:30
  there.
• 36:30
  I
• 36:30
  want
• 36:30
  it
• 36:31
  to
• 36:31
  be
• 36:31
  the
• 36:31
  place,
• 36:31
  the
• 36:32
  forum,
• 36:32
  the
• 36:32
  ecosystem,
• 36:33
  central
• 36:34
  people
• 36:35
  understanding
• 36:35
  what
• 36:35
  it
• 36:35
  is
• 36:36
  we're
• 36:36
  doing
• 36:36
  at
• 36:36
  Jack
• 36:36
  and
• 36:37
  Pear
• 36:37
  Lope.
• 36:38
  All
• 36:38
  these
• 36:38
  different
• 36:38
  shows,
• 36:39
  you
• 36:40
  know,
• 36:40
  ask
• 36:40
  me
• 36:40
  anythings,
• 36:41
  of
• 36:41
  course,
• 36:41
  like
• 36:41
  bonus
• 36:42
  content
• 36:42
  that
• 36:43
  like
• 36:43
  spicy,
• 36:43
  spicy
• 36:44
  bite
• 36:44
  of
• 36:44
  the
• 36:44
  apple.
• 36:45
  Announcements
• 36:45
  for
• 36:45
  new
• 36:46
  shows,
• 36:46
  advanced
• 36:47
  looks,
• 36:47
  private
• 36:48
  events,
• 36:49
  cool
• 36:49
  little
• 36:49
  bespoke
• 36:50
  haikus
• 36:50
  and
• 36:51
  shit.
• 36:51
  Like,
• 36:53
  you
• 36:53
  know,
• 36:53
  and
• 36:53
  that's
• 36:53
  just
• 36:54
  what
• 36:54
  I
• 36:54
  want
• 36:54
  to
• 36:54
  do
• 36:55
  today.
• 36:55
  We'll
• 36:55
  find
• 36:55
  out
• 36:56
  what
• 36:56
  comes
• 36:56
  tomorrow.
• 37:02
  Anyway,
• 37:02
  now
• 37:03
  that
• 37:03
  I'm
• 37:03
  done
• 37:04
  selling
• 37:04
  you.
• 37:05
  Did
• 37:05
  I
• 37:05
  sell
• 37:06
  you?
• 37:06
  I
• 37:06
  don't
• 37:06
  think
• 37:06
  I
• 37:06
  did.
• 37:07
  I
• 37:07
  don't
• 37:07
  think
• 37:08
  it
• 37:08
  landed.
• 37:08
  I
• 37:08
  don't
• 37:09
  think
• 37:09
  that
• 37:09
  you
• 37:09
  actually
• 37:09
  want
• 37:10
  that.
• 37:11
  I
• 37:12
  don't
• 37:12
  think
• 37:12
  you
• 37:12
  want
• 37:13
  to
• 37:13
  be,
• 37:16
  you
• 37:16
  know,
• 37:17
  one
• 37:17
  of
• 37:17
  the
• 37:17
  early
• 37:17
  ones
• 37:19
  for
• 37:19
  this
• 37:19
  thing
• 37:20
  that
• 37:20
  I'm
• 37:20
  literally
• 37:21
  going
• 37:21
  to
• 37:22
  bust
• 37:22
  open
• 37:23
  my
• 37:23
  heart
• 37:23
  and
• 37:24
  break
• 37:24
  open
• 37:24
  the
• 37:24
  sky
• 37:25
  and
• 37:25
  earth
• 37:25
  to
• 37:26
  the
• 37:26
  best,
• 37:26
  best
• 37:26
  of
• 37:26
  my
• 37:26
  fucking
• 37:27
  ability
• 37:27
  as
• 37:27
  a
• 37:27
  human
• 37:27
  being
• 37:28
  to
• 37:28
  make.
• 37:30
  I
• 37:31
  don't
• 37:31
  think
• 37:31
  you're
• 37:31
  sold
• 37:32
  yet
• 37:32
  that
• 37:32
  you
• 37:32
  want
• 37:33
  to
• 37:33
  subscribe
• 37:33
  and
• 37:33
  see
• 37:34
  what
• 37:34
  I
• 37:34
  got
• 37:34
  in
• 37:34
  store
• 37:34
  for
• 37:34
  you
• 37:36
  and
• 37:36
  what
• 37:36
  I
• 37:37
  am
• 37:37
  lucky
• 37:37
  enough
• 37:38
  to
• 37:39
  partner
• 37:39
  with
• 37:39
  other
• 37:39
  people
• 37:40
  on
• 37:40
  and
• 37:40
  pull
• 37:41
  out
• 37:41
  of
• 37:41
  them.
• 37:42
  I
• 37:43
  don't
• 37:43
  think
• 37:43
  I've
• 37:44
  sold
• 37:44
  you
• 37:44
  yet
• 37:46
  on
• 37:46
  the
• 37:46
  vision
• 37:47
  here,
• 37:51
  but
• 37:51
  I'm
• 37:51
  going
• 37:52
  to
• 37:52
  try.
• 38:00
  Tonight
• 38:02
  I'm
• 38:03
  gonna
• 38:03
  give
• 38:03
  away
• 38:03
  stickers
• 38:05
  at
• 38:06
  Naked
• 38:06
  Angels.
• 38:06
  It's
• 38:07
  our
• 38:07
  last
• 38:08
  community
• 38:09
  group
• 38:11
  session,
• 38:12
  you
• 38:12
  know,
• 38:12
  cold
• 38:13
  reading
• 38:13
  series
• 38:14
  before
• 38:15
  we
• 38:15
  break
• 38:15
  for
• 38:15
  summer.
• 38:18
  It's
• 38:18
  not
• 38:18
  so
• 38:18
  long
• 38:18
  ago
• 38:19
  that
• 38:19
  I
• 38:19
  took
• 38:20
  a
• 38:20
  knee
• 38:20
  before
• 38:20
  a
• 38:21
  night
• 38:21
  There.
• 38:21
  And
• 38:22
  I
• 38:22
  pledged,
• 38:23
  you
• 38:23
  know,
• 38:23
  I
• 38:23
  prayed
• 38:25
  that
• 38:25
  I
• 38:26
  was
• 38:26
  going
• 38:26
  to
• 38:26
  make
• 38:26
  myself
• 38:28
  a
• 38:29
  tool.
• 38:29
  You
• 38:29
  know,
• 38:29
  I
• 38:29
  was
• 38:29
  going
• 38:30
  to
• 38:30
  listen.
• 38:30
  I
• 38:30
  was
• 38:30
  following
• 38:31
  up
• 38:31
  on
• 38:31
  other
• 38:31
  things
• 38:31
  spiritually
• 38:32
  that
• 38:32
  I'd
• 38:33
  kind
• 38:33
  of,
• 38:35
  you
• 38:35
  know,
• 38:36
  had
• 38:36
  the
• 38:36
  good
• 38:36
  fortune
• 38:37
  of
• 38:37
  messaging
• 38:37
  and
• 38:37
  stuff
• 38:38
  that
• 38:38
  I
• 38:39
  was
• 38:39
  going
• 38:39
  to
• 38:39
  listen.
• 38:40
  I
• 38:40
  might
• 38:40
  not
• 38:40
  always
• 38:41
  know,
• 38:41
  might
• 38:42
  not
• 38:42
  always
• 38:42
  understand,
• 38:43
  but
• 38:43
  I'm
• 38:43
  listening.
• 38:45
  And
• 38:45
  I
• 38:45
  took
• 38:46
  a
• 38:46
  knee
• 38:46
  and
• 38:46
  I
• 38:46
  took
• 38:46
  a
• 38:46
  pledge.
• 38:47
  And
• 38:47
  that
• 38:48
  night
• 38:48
  was
• 38:48
  a
• 38:48
  really
• 38:48
  special
• 38:48
  night
• 38:49
  at
• 38:49
  Naked
• 38:49
  Angels.
• 38:49
  It
• 38:50
  was
• 38:50
  the
• 38:50
  last
• 38:50
  one
• 38:50
  before
• 38:50
  the
• 38:51
  holidays,
• 38:51
  like
• 38:51
  that
• 38:52
  depression
• 38:52
  holiday.
• 38:53
  It
• 38:53
  was
• 38:53
  right
• 38:53
  before
• 38:54
  that.
• 38:54
  It
• 38:54
  was
• 38:54
  actually
• 38:55
  on
• 38:55
  my
• 38:55
  birthday.
• 38:56
  And
• 38:56
  I
• 38:56
  got
• 38:56
  cast
• 38:57
  that
• 38:57
  night.
• 38:58
  And
• 39:00
  Teresa
• 39:00
  Rose,
• 39:02
  who
• 39:02
  does
• 39:02
  the
• 39:02
  photos
• 39:03
  from
• 39:03
  Naked
• 39:03
  Angels
• 39:04
  on
• 39:04
  their
• 39:04
  Instagram
• 39:04
  account,
• 39:05
  she
• 39:05
  and
• 39:05
  I
• 39:05
  were
• 39:05
  in
• 39:05
  a
• 39:05
  scene
• 39:07
  and
• 39:07
  we
• 39:07
  saw
• 39:07
  one
• 39:07
  another's
• 39:08
  heart.
• 39:10
  We
• 39:10
  saw
• 39:11
  one
• 39:11
  another's
• 39:11
  heart.
• 39:12
  And
• 39:12
  it
• 39:12
  was
• 39:12
  a
• 39:13
  silly
• 39:13
  little
• 39:14
  Christmas
• 39:15
  scene
• 39:15
  with
• 39:15
  like,
• 39:16
  Ludwig
• 39:16
  van
• 39:16
  Beethoven
• 39:17
  popping
• 39:18
  in
• 39:18
  and
• 39:18
  doing,
• 39:19
  like
• 39:19
  a
• 39:19
  whole
• 39:19
  thing
• 39:19
  with
• 39:20
  this
• 39:20
  couple
• 39:21
  that
• 39:21
  we
• 39:21
  had
• 39:21
  that
• 39:22
  we
• 39:22
  played
• 39:23
  that
• 39:23
  might
• 39:23
  not
• 39:24
  make
• 39:24
  it
• 39:24
  through
• 39:24
  this
• 39:24
  holiday
• 39:25
  because
• 39:25
  he's
• 39:26
  all
• 39:26
  worried
• 39:26
  about
• 39:27
  making
• 39:27
  it
• 39:28
  home
• 39:28
  in
• 39:28
  time
• 39:28
  to
• 39:28
  see
• 39:28
  his
• 39:29
  mother,
• 39:30
  and
• 39:30
  she
• 39:30
  has
• 39:31
  decided
• 39:32
  she's
• 39:32
  not
• 39:33
  going
• 39:34
  to.
• 39:36
  And
• 39:36
  Beethoven
• 39:37
  pops
• 39:37
  in
• 39:37
  and
• 39:37
  does
• 39:37
  like
• 39:37
  a
• 39:38
  whole
• 39:38
  thing
• 39:38
  that
• 39:38
  the
• 39:38
  entire,
• 39:39
  you
• 39:39
  know,
• 39:40
  group
• 39:40
  of
• 39:41
  100
• 39:41
  people,
• 39:41
  whatever
• 39:42
  it
• 39:42
  was,
• 39:42
  sang
• 39:42
  along
• 39:43
  with.
• 39:44
  And
• 39:44
  tonight
• 39:45
  is
• 39:45
  the
• 39:45
  last
• 39:45
  night
• 39:45
  of
• 39:48
  our
• 39:48
  spring
• 39:49
  season,
• 39:49
  now,
• 39:49
  a
• 39:49
  year
• 39:50
  and
• 39:50
  a
• 39:50
  half
• 39:50
  later.
• 39:52
  And
• 39:52
  I
• 39:52
  think
• 39:52
  I
• 39:52
  might
• 39:52
  be
• 39:53
  playing
• 39:53
  this
• 39:53
  cool
• 39:53
  version
• 39:54
  of
• 39:54
  Beethoven
• 39:55
  that
• 39:55
  a
• 39:55
  playwright
• 39:55
  there
• 39:56
  is
• 39:56
  working
• 39:56
  on
• 39:56
  that's
• 39:56
  basically
• 39:57
  like
• 39:57
  a
• 39:57
  pop
• 39:57
  star,
• 39:57
  like
• 39:58
  a
• 39:58
  modern
• 39:58
  day
• 39:58
  pop
• 39:58
  star.
• 39:59
  But
• 39:59
  Beethoven
• 39:59
  story,
• 40:00
  what
• 40:00
  would
• 40:00
  that
• 40:00
  be?
• 40:00
  Like?
• 40:01
  This
• 40:01
  fucking
• 40:01
  guy
• 40:02
  named
• 40:02
  Lou,
• 40:03
  he's
• 40:04
  a
• 40:04
  dick.
• 40:04
  He's
• 40:04
  a
• 40:04
  fuckboy.
• 40:05
  And
• 40:06
  I
• 40:06
  really
• 40:06
  enjoyed
• 40:07
  playing
• 40:07
  him
• 40:07
  last
• 40:07
  time.
• 40:07
  I
• 40:08
  got
• 40:08
  to.
• 40:08
  So
• 40:08
  if
• 40:08
  I
• 40:08
  get
• 40:08
  to
• 40:08
  play
• 40:09
  him
• 40:09
  again,
• 40:09
  that's
• 40:09
  a
• 40:09
  cool
• 40:09
  synchronicity,
• 40:10
  because
• 40:10
  the
• 40:11
  taking
• 40:11
  the
• 40:11
  knee
• 40:11
  night
• 40:12
  a
• 40:12
  year
• 40:12
  and
• 40:12
  a
• 40:12
  half
• 40:12
  ago
• 40:13
  corresponded
• 40:14
  to
• 40:14
  Beethoven,
• 40:15
  this
• 40:15
  one
• 40:15
  would
• 40:15
  too.
• 40:17
  But
• 40:17
  anyway,
• 40:18
  I
• 40:18
  took
• 40:18
  a
• 40:18
  knee
• 40:18
  to
• 40:19
  listen
• 40:19
  and
• 40:19
  be
• 40:20
  a
• 40:20
  tool.
• 40:20
  And
• 40:22
  this
• 40:22
  listening
• 40:23
  thing,
• 40:24
  I
• 40:24
  think
• 40:24
  more
• 40:24
  people
• 40:25
  should
• 40:25
  do
• 40:25
  it.
• 40:27
  I
• 40:27
  think
• 40:27
  more
• 40:27
  people
• 40:28
  should
• 40:28
  listen.
• 40:30
  Because
• 40:32
  if
• 40:33
  I'm
• 40:33
  talking,
• 40:36
  I've
• 40:36
  pretty
• 40:36
  much
• 40:37
  figured
• 40:38
  out
• 40:38
  what
• 40:38
  I'm
• 40:38
  gonna
• 40:39
  say,
• 40:39
  or
• 40:39
  at
• 40:39
  the
• 40:39
  very
• 40:39
  least,
• 40:40
  I'm
• 40:40
  working
• 40:40
  it
• 40:40
  out
• 40:40
  as
• 40:41
  I
• 40:41
  go.
• 40:42
  And
• 40:42
  let's
• 40:43
  be
• 40:43
  generous,
• 40:43
  let's
• 40:43
  say
• 40:44
  someone
• 40:44
  needs
• 40:44
  to
• 40:44
  connect
• 40:45
  with
• 40:45
  somebody
• 40:45
  else
• 40:45
  in
• 40:46
  order
• 40:46
  to
• 40:46
  think
• 40:46
  through
• 40:46
  what's
• 40:47
  in
• 40:47
  their
• 40:47
  mind.
• 40:47
  And,
• 40:48
  like,
• 40:48
  is
• 40:48
  that
• 40:48
  kind
• 40:48
  of
• 40:48
  talking?
• 40:49
  That's
• 40:49
  great
• 40:49
  if
• 40:49
  you're
• 40:49
  seeking,
• 40:50
  if
• 40:50
  you're
• 40:50
  curious,
• 40:50
  if
• 40:50
  you're
• 40:50
  looking
• 40:51
  to
• 40:51
  connect,
• 40:51
  great.
• 40:51
  But
• 40:52
  if
• 40:52
  I
• 40:52
  have
• 40:52
  it
• 40:52
  figured
• 40:53
  out
• 40:53
  in
• 40:53
  my
• 40:53
  head
• 40:53
  and
• 40:53
  I'm
• 40:54
  just
• 40:54
  talking
• 40:54
  at
• 40:54
  somebody
• 40:57
  now,
• 40:57
  there
• 40:58
  are
• 40:58
  occasions
• 40:58
  when
• 40:58
  this
• 40:59
  is
• 40:59
  glorious
• 41:00
  and
• 41:00
  beautiful.
• 41:02
  When
• 41:02
  you're
• 41:02
  getting
• 41:02
  to
• 41:03
  know
• 41:03
  somebody,
• 41:04
  when
• 41:04
  you
• 41:04
  want
• 41:05
  to
• 41:05
  share
• 41:05
  pieces
• 41:05
  of
• 41:05
  yourself
• 41:06
  so
• 41:06
  that
• 41:06
  they
• 41:06
  understand
• 41:06
  you
• 41:07
  better,
• 41:08
  that's
• 41:08
  great.
• 41:09
  You're
• 41:09
  looking
• 41:09
  for
• 41:10
  connection.
• 41:11
  If
• 41:12
  you're,
• 41:13
  you
• 41:14
  know,
• 41:14
  once
• 41:14
  again
• 41:14
  looking
• 41:14
  for
• 41:14
  meaning
• 41:15
  or
• 41:15
  clarity,
• 41:15
  whatever
• 41:16
  else,
• 41:16
  great.
• 41:17
  But
• 41:17
  if
• 41:17
  I'm
• 41:18
  not
• 41:18
  curious
• 41:18
  and
• 41:18
  I'm
• 41:19
  not
• 41:19
  really
• 41:19
  interested
• 41:19
  in
• 41:20
  connecting,
• 41:20
  if
• 41:20
  I
• 41:20
  just
• 41:20
  like
• 41:21
  want
• 41:21
  to
• 41:21
  be
• 41:21
  heard,
• 41:23
  if
• 41:23
  I
• 41:23
  just
• 41:23
  want
• 41:24
  to
• 41:24
  be
• 41:24
  heard
• 41:24
  for,
• 41:25
  you
• 41:25
  know,
• 41:25
  what
• 41:26
  I
• 41:26
  have
• 41:26
  in
• 41:26
  my
• 41:26
  mind
• 41:27
  and
• 41:27
  my
• 41:27
  heart,
• 41:28
  there
• 41:28
  are
• 41:28
  occasions
• 41:28
  for
• 41:29
  that
• 41:29
  too.
• 41:29
  I'm
• 41:29
  doing
• 41:29
  it
• 41:30
  right
• 41:30
  now
• 41:30
  with
• 41:30
  this
• 41:30
  podcast,
• 41:31
  right?
• 41:31
  I'm
• 41:31
  talking
• 41:31
  at
• 41:32
  you
• 41:32
  for
• 41:32
  hours,
• 41:34
  for
• 41:34
  hours,
• 41:35
  just
• 41:36
  about
• 41:36
  life
• 41:36
  and
• 41:37
  my
• 41:37
  thoughts
• 41:37
  and
• 41:37
  philosophies
• 41:38
  and
• 41:39
  silly
• 41:39
  isms
• 41:40
  and
• 41:40
  troubles
• 41:41
  and
• 41:41
  successes
• 41:41
  and
• 41:41
  all
• 41:42
  this
• 41:42
  stuff.
• 41:42
  I'm
• 41:43
  talking
• 41:43
  at
• 41:43
  you
• 41:44
  right
• 41:44
  now.
• 41:46
  It's
• 41:46
  also
• 41:47
  for
• 41:47
  connection
• 41:48
  and
• 41:48
  it's
• 41:48
  because
• 41:48
  I
• 41:48
  believe
• 41:49
  in
• 41:49
  the
• 41:49
  thing
• 41:49
  and
• 41:49
  I
• 41:50
  care
• 41:50
  about
• 41:50
  communicating
• 41:51
  it.
• 41:51
  There's
• 41:52
  intention
• 41:52
  there.
• 41:53
  I
• 41:54
  think
• 41:54
  that
• 41:55
  the
• 41:55
  place
• 41:56
  where
• 41:56
  we
• 41:56
  get
• 41:57
  into
• 41:57
  trouble
• 41:57
  as
• 41:58
  Americans
• 41:59
  and
• 41:59
  people
• 42:00
  and
• 42:00
  all
• 42:00
  this
• 42:00
  stuff
• 42:01
  is
• 42:01
  when
• 42:01
  we
• 42:02
  don't
• 42:02
  want
• 42:02
  to
• 42:03
  listen,
• 42:04
  we
• 42:04
  just
• 42:04
  want
• 42:05
  to
• 42:05
  talk.
• 42:08
  When
• 42:08
  we
• 42:08
  have
• 42:09
  stuff
• 42:09
  more
• 42:09
  or
• 42:09
  less
• 42:09
  figured
• 42:10
  out
• 42:10
  or
• 42:10
  at
• 42:10
  the
• 42:10
  very
• 42:10
  least
• 42:11
  we
• 42:11
  just
• 42:11
  want
• 42:11
  to
• 42:11
  spout
• 42:12
  it
• 42:12
  out
• 42:12
  at
• 42:12
  somebody.
• 42:14
  I'm
• 42:14
  not
• 42:14
  learning
• 42:15
  anything.
• 42:15
  I'm
• 42:16
  not
• 42:16
  evolving
• 42:16
  as
• 42:17
  a
• 42:17
  human.
• 42:17
  I'm
• 42:17
  not
• 42:17
  connecting
• 42:18
  deeper
• 42:18
  with
• 42:18
  somebody,
• 42:20
  just
• 42:21
  blabbing.
• 42:23
  And
• 42:24
  it
• 42:24
  could
• 42:25
  be
• 42:25
  the
• 42:25
  coolest
• 42:25
  thing
• 42:25
  in
• 42:25
  the
• 42:26
  world.
• 42:26
  I
• 42:26
  mean,
• 42:26
  like,
• 42:26
  once
• 42:27
  again,
• 42:27
  I'm
• 42:28
  doing
• 42:28
  basically
• 42:28
  a
• 42:28
  one
• 42:29
  person
• 42:29
  show
• 42:29
  here.
• 42:29
  It
• 42:30
  just
• 42:30
  happens
• 42:30
  to
• 42:30
  be
• 42:30
  a
• 42:30
  podcast.
• 42:31
  I
• 42:31
  might
• 42:31
  do
• 42:32
  a
• 42:32
  one
• 42:32
  person
• 42:32
  show
• 42:33
  like,
• 42:33
  you
• 42:33
  know,
• 42:33
  on.
• 42:33
  Let's
• 42:34
  just
• 42:34
  say
• 42:35
  I'm
• 42:35
  gonna
• 42:35
  do
• 42:35
  a
• 42:35
  one
• 42:35
  man
• 42:36
  show.
• 42:36
  Scares
• 42:37
  me
• 42:37
  shitless.
• 42:37
  But
• 42:38
  I
• 42:38
  think
• 42:38
  I
• 42:38
  know
• 42:38
  who
• 42:38
  the
• 42:39
  director
• 42:39
  is
• 42:40
  and
• 42:40
  she
• 42:40
  and
• 42:40
  I,
• 42:40
  I
• 42:41
  think
• 42:41
  would
• 42:41
  work
• 42:41
  well
• 42:41
  together.
• 42:41
  We'll
• 42:42
  see
• 42:42
  how
• 42:42
  it
• 42:42
  goes.
• 42:44
  But
• 42:48
  I
• 42:48
  still
• 42:48
  want
• 42:49
  to
• 42:49
  evolve
• 42:49
  and
• 42:49
  grow
• 42:50
  and
• 42:50
  I
• 42:50
  don't
• 42:50
  presume
• 42:50
  certainty.
• 43:09
  Tonight
• 43:10
  at
• 43:10
  Naked
• 43:10
  Angels,
• 43:13
  I'm
• 43:13
  going
• 43:13
  to
• 43:14
  show
• 43:14
  gratitude
• 43:16
  to
• 43:16
  the
• 43:17
  people
• 43:18
  who
• 43:18
  have
• 43:19
  already
• 43:20
  collaborated,
• 43:21
  contributed
• 43:24
  their
• 43:25
  beautiful
• 43:25
  time
• 43:25
  and
• 43:26
  insights
• 43:26
  and
• 43:27
  artistry,
• 43:29
  including
• 43:29
  the
• 43:29
  people
• 43:30
  I've
• 43:30
  paid
• 43:30
  for
• 43:30
  it.
• 43:31
  I've
• 43:32
  had
• 43:32
  some
• 43:32
  early
• 43:32
  collaborators
• 43:33
  that
• 43:33
  have
• 43:33
  helped
• 43:33
  me
• 43:36
  and
• 43:36
  I'm
• 43:37
  grateful
• 43:37
  to
• 43:37
  them.
• 43:38
  So
• 43:39
  I'm
• 43:39
  bringing
• 43:39
  a
• 43:39
  whole
• 43:39
  bunch
• 43:39
  of
• 43:39
  stickers
• 43:40
  for
• 43:40
  everybody
• 43:42
  and
• 43:42
  give
• 43:42
  away
• 43:43
  novels
• 43:44
  that
• 43:44
  I've
• 43:44
  written
• 43:45
  to
• 43:45
  the
• 43:46
  folks
• 43:46
  that
• 43:49
  I've
• 43:49
  worked
• 43:49
  with.
• 43:51
  And
• 43:51
  I
• 43:51
  know
• 43:51
  maybe
• 43:52
  it's
• 43:52
  self
• 43:52
  serving,
• 43:53
  maybe
• 43:54
  I'm
• 43:54
  just
• 43:54
  like
• 43:55
  saying
• 43:55
  thanks
• 43:55
  for
• 43:56
  helping
• 43:56
  me
• 43:56
  with
• 43:56
  my
• 43:56
  art.
• 43:56
  Here's
• 43:57
  some
• 43:57
  more
• 43:57
  of
• 43:57
  my
• 43:57
  art.
• 43:59
  And
• 44:00
  I'm
• 44:01
  kind
• 44:01
  of
• 44:01
  like
• 44:01
  a
• 44:02
  talky,
• 44:03
  talky
• 44:03
  talk
• 44:04
  at
• 44:04
  somebody
• 44:05
  in
• 44:05
  some
• 44:05
  ways
• 44:05
  kind
• 44:06
  of
• 44:06
  artist.
• 44:06
  I
• 44:07
  connect
• 44:07
  to
• 44:07
  people
• 44:08
  with
• 44:08
  people
• 44:09
  by
• 44:10
  Sharing
• 44:10
  all
• 44:10
  of
• 44:11
  me.
• 44:12
  I
• 44:13
  do
• 44:13
  not
• 44:14
  engage
• 44:14
  with
• 44:14
  nuance
• 44:15
  much,
• 44:16
  even
• 44:17
  when
• 44:17
  I'm
• 44:17
  listening.
• 44:18
  It's
• 44:18
  pretty
• 44:18
  clear
• 44:19
  when
• 44:19
  I'm
• 44:19
  done
• 44:19
  with
• 44:19
  the
• 44:19
  conversation
• 44:20
  or
• 44:20
  when
• 44:21
  I'm
• 44:21
  really
• 44:21
  into
• 44:21
  the
• 44:21
  conversation
• 44:22
  or,
• 44:23
  like,
• 44:23
  whatever.
• 44:26
  But
• 44:26
  it's
• 44:26
  how
• 44:27
  I
• 44:27
  work.
• 44:28
  It's
• 44:28
  the
• 44:28
  level
• 44:29
  I
• 44:29
  work
• 44:29
  on.
• 44:30
  And
• 44:31
  I
• 44:31
  show
• 44:32
  my
• 44:32
  love
• 44:32
  by
• 44:33
  cooking
• 44:33
  for
• 44:33
  people,
• 44:34
  which
• 44:34
  also
• 44:34
  has
• 44:34
  become
• 44:35
  an
• 44:35
  art
• 44:35
  form
• 44:36
  that
• 44:37
  I
• 44:37
  treat
• 44:37
  as
• 44:37
  such.
• 44:38
  At
• 44:38
  least
• 44:38
  you
• 44:38
  know,
• 44:40
  I
• 44:41
  show
• 44:41
  I
• 44:41
  care
• 44:41
  by
• 44:41
  sharing
• 44:42
  my
• 44:42
  art.
• 44:43
  And
• 44:44
  sharing
• 44:44
  my
• 44:44
  art
• 44:44
  means
• 44:45
  sharing
• 44:45
  myself.
• 44:47
  And
• 44:47
  I'm
• 44:47
  pretty
• 44:47
  sensitive.
• 44:48
  So
• 44:48
  when
• 44:48
  I
• 44:48
  share
• 44:48
  myself
• 44:49
  with
• 44:49
  somebody,
• 44:49
  it
• 44:50
  matters.
• 44:51
  And
• 44:51
  it's
• 44:51
  actually
• 44:51
  kind
• 44:51
  of
• 44:52
  a
• 44:52
  big
• 44:52
  thing
• 44:52
  to
• 44:52
  do
• 44:52
  this
• 44:52
  podcast
• 44:54
  and
• 44:54
  to
• 44:54
  stand
• 44:54
  my
• 44:55
  own
• 44:55
  ground.
• 44:55
  And
• 44:56
  I've
• 44:57
  been
• 44:57
  talking
• 44:57
  about
• 44:57
  being
• 44:57
  the
• 44:58
  peacock
• 44:58
  and
• 44:58
  wanting
• 44:59
  to
• 44:59
  be
• 44:59
  complimented
• 44:59
  on
• 44:59
  my
• 44:59
  plumage.
• 45:00
  And
• 45:00
  I've
• 45:01
  had
• 45:01
  such
• 45:01
  fun
• 45:02
  acting
• 45:02
  and
• 45:03
  doing
• 45:03
  so
• 45:03
  much
• 45:03
  acting.
• 45:05
  I
• 45:05
  really
• 45:05
  love
• 45:06
  being
• 45:06
  seen.
• 45:07
  And
• 45:08
  I
• 45:08
  have
• 45:08
  also
• 45:08
  been
• 45:08
  scared
• 45:09
  shitless
• 45:09
  of
• 45:10
  truly
• 45:11
  letting
• 45:11
  myself
• 45:12
  be
• 45:12
  fully
• 45:12
  seen
• 45:13
  for
• 45:13
  a
• 45:13
  long
• 45:13
  time.
• 45:14
  And
• 45:14
  that
• 45:14
  is
• 45:14
  what
• 45:14
  I'm
• 45:15
  doing
• 45:15
  these
• 45:15
  days.
• 45:17
  I
• 45:17
  am
• 45:17
  owning
• 45:18
  my
• 45:18
  greatest
• 45:18
  desires
• 45:20
  and
• 45:20
  putting
• 45:20
  forth
• 45:21
  my
• 45:21
  true
• 45:21
  best
• 45:22
  efforts
• 45:25
  because
• 45:25
  I
• 45:25
  believe
• 45:25
  in
• 45:26
  them.
• 45:26
  I
• 45:27
  believe
• 45:27
  that
• 45:27
  that's
• 45:27
  the
• 45:27
  way
• 45:28
  I
• 45:28
  want
• 45:28
  to
• 45:28
  live.
• 45:34
  There's
• 45:35
  something
• 45:35
  on
• 45:36
  graph
• 45:36
  paper
• 45:38
  right
• 45:38
  in
• 45:38
  front
• 45:38
  of
• 45:38
  me,
• 45:39
  taped
• 45:39
  to
• 45:39
  the
• 45:39
  window.
• 45:42
  Do
• 45:42
  the
• 45:42
  thing.
• 45:44
  Courage
• 45:45
  comes
• 45:45
  after.
• 45:49
  I'm
• 45:49
  doing
• 45:49
  the
• 45:49
  thing.
• 45:50
  This
• 45:50
  week.
• 45:51
  This
• 45:51
  week.
• 45:53
  One
• 45:54
  year
• 45:54
  after
• 45:54
  saying,
• 45:55
  one
• 45:56
  day
• 45:56
  shy
• 45:56
  of,
• 45:57
  one
• 45:57
  year
• 45:58
  after
• 45:59
  saying,
• 45:59
  grief
• 45:59
  season
• 45:59
  was
• 46:00
  over.
• 46:00
  Time
• 46:00
  to
• 46:00
  build.
• 46:01
  I'm
• 46:02
  truly
• 46:02
  launching
• 46:02
  this
• 46:03
  company.
• 46:04
  I'm
• 46:04
  launching
• 46:05
  that
• 46:05
  old
• 46:05
  trope
• 46:06
  along
• 46:06
  with
• 46:07
  pilot
• 46:07
  season.
• 46:09
  This
• 46:09
  week
• 46:10
  in
• 46:10
  two
• 46:10
  days.
• 46:13
  I
• 46:13
  have
• 46:13
  already
• 46:13
  launched
• 46:13
  the
• 46:14
  trailer
• 46:14
  and
• 46:14
  one
• 46:14
  teaser.
• 46:15
  As
• 46:15
  of
• 46:15
  this
• 46:16
  recording,
• 46:17
  I've
• 46:17
  written
• 46:17
  some
• 46:18
  substacks
• 46:18
  and
• 46:18
  starting
• 46:19
  to
• 46:19
  build
• 46:19
  that
• 46:19
  out.
• 46:19
  I'm
• 46:20
  starting
• 46:20
  to
• 46:20
  really
• 46:21
  hit
• 46:21
  the
• 46:21
  social
• 46:21
  media
• 46:21
  train.
• 46:23
  And
• 46:23
  I'm
• 46:23
  not
• 46:23
  a
• 46:23
  social
• 46:24
  media
• 46:24
  dude,
• 46:24
  but
• 46:25
  I
• 46:25
  understand.
• 46:26
  I
• 46:26
  understand
• 46:27
  the
• 46:27
  need
• 46:27
  for
• 46:28
  it.
• 46:29
  And
• 46:29
  so
• 46:29
  I'm
• 46:29
  trying
• 46:29
  to
• 46:30
  make
• 46:30
  it
• 46:30
  into
• 46:30
  an
• 46:30
  art
• 46:30
  project
• 46:31
  and
• 46:31
  substack
• 46:31
  into
• 46:32
  an
• 46:32
  art
• 46:32
  project
• 46:32
  and
• 46:32
  really
• 46:33
  just
• 46:33
  speak
• 46:33
  my
• 46:33
  heart.
• 46:33
  I
• 46:34
  did
• 46:34
  the
• 46:34
  first
• 46:34
  mailer,
• 46:35
  first
• 46:35
  real
• 46:36
  mailer
• 46:36
  to
• 46:36
  people
• 46:36
  who
• 46:37
  have
• 46:37
  supported
• 46:37
  my
• 46:37
  art
• 46:37
  for
• 46:38
  decades
• 46:40
  and
• 46:40
  who
• 46:40
  I
• 46:40
  want
• 46:40
  to
• 46:42
  show
• 46:42
  gratitude
• 46:43
  to
• 46:44
  and
• 46:45
  also
• 46:45
  engage
• 46:46
  in
• 46:46
  this
• 46:46
  new
• 46:47
  stuff
• 46:50
  because
• 46:50
  it's
• 46:50
  how
• 46:51
  I
• 46:51
  show
• 46:51
  myself
• 46:51
  and
• 46:51
  it's
• 46:52
  how
• 46:52
  I
• 46:52
  show
• 46:52
  my
• 46:52
  love.
• 46:54
  And
• 46:55
  I
• 46:55
  can
• 46:55
  look
• 46:55
  back
• 46:55
  and
• 46:56
  think,
• 46:56
  wow,
• 46:56
  I
• 46:56
  really
• 46:57
  retreated.
• 46:58
  I
• 46:59
  haven't
• 46:59
  talked
• 46:59
  to
• 46:59
  people
• 46:59
  I
• 46:59
  care
• 47:00
  about
• 47:00
  for
• 47:00
  a
• 47:00
  long,
• 47:00
  long.
• 47:04
  I
• 47:04
  can
• 47:05
  grieve
• 47:05
  that,
• 47:10
  And
• 47:11
  I
• 47:12
  can
• 47:12
  also
• 47:12
  move
• 47:12
  forward
• 47:13
  to
• 47:13
  save
• 47:13
  time
• 47:13
  to
• 47:13
  build.
• 47:14
  And
• 47:14
  the
• 47:14
  people
• 47:15
  who
• 47:15
  I'm
• 47:15
  meant
• 47:15
  to
• 47:15
  reconnect
• 47:16
  with,
• 47:16
  I
• 47:16
  will
• 47:16
  reconnect
• 47:17
  with.
• 47:20
  And
• 47:20
  the
• 47:20
  people
• 47:20
  who
• 47:21
  I
• 47:21
  don't.
• 47:23
  There's
• 47:23
  a
• 47:24
  reason
• 47:24
  for
• 47:24
  it
• 47:24
  on
• 47:25
  my
• 47:25
  side
• 47:25
  or
• 47:25
  theirs
• 47:27
  or
• 47:28
  both.
• 47:31
  It's
• 47:31
  okay
• 47:31
  not
• 47:32
  to
• 47:32
  be
• 47:32
  liked
• 47:32
  by
• 47:32
  everyone.
• 47:33
  That's
• 47:34
  a
• 47:34
  lesson
• 47:34
  I'm
• 47:34
  learning
• 47:34
  these
• 47:35
  days.
• 47:39
  It
• 47:39
  is
• 47:39
  okay
• 47:40
  to
• 47:40
  be
• 47:40
  me,
• 47:41
  imperfections
• 47:43
  and
• 47:43
  all,
• 47:43
  because
• 47:44
  I
• 47:44
  commit
• 47:44
  to
• 47:44
  doing
• 47:45
  things
• 47:45
  and
• 47:45
  getting
• 47:46
  them
• 47:46
  done.
• 47:46
  I
• 47:46
  don't
• 47:46
  even
• 47:46
  need
• 47:47
  a
• 47:47
  because.
• 47:48
  Fuck
• 47:48
  the
• 47:48
  because.
• 47:49
  It
• 47:49
  is
• 47:50
  enough
• 47:51
  being
• 47:52
  me
• 47:52
  with
• 47:52
  all
• 47:52
  my
• 47:53
  blemishes,
• 47:54
  imperfections,
• 47:55
  because
• 47:55
  I
• 47:56
  live
• 47:58
  best
• 47:58
  I
• 47:58
  can
• 47:58
  with
• 47:59
  what
• 47:59
  I
• 47:59
  got
• 47:59
  in
• 48:00
  line
• 48:00
  with
• 48:00
  my
• 48:00
  values
• 48:01
  and
• 48:01
  what
• 48:01
  I
• 48:01
  believe
• 48:02
  in.
• 48:04
  So
• 48:04
  the
• 48:04
  thing
• 48:05
  that
• 48:05
  I'm
• 48:05
  looking
• 48:05
  to
• 48:05
  build,
• 48:06
  I've
• 48:06
  already
• 48:06
  built.
• 48:08
  I've
• 48:08
  built
• 48:09
  a
• 48:09
  life
• 48:13
  that
• 48:13
  I
• 48:14
  can
• 48:15
  stand
• 48:15
  tall
• 48:16
  with
• 48:18
  and
• 48:18
  feel
• 48:18
  calm,
• 48:21
  proud
• 48:22
  to
• 48:22
  call
• 48:23
  mine.
• 48:27
  I
• 48:28
  can
• 48:28
  stand
• 48:28
  simply
• 48:29
  and
• 48:29
  not
• 48:30
  feel
• 48:30
  the
• 48:30
  need
• 48:30
  to
• 48:30
  explain
• 48:31
  it
• 48:31
  or
• 48:31
  apologize
• 48:32
  for
• 48:32
  it.
• 48:37
  That's
• 48:37
  the
• 48:37
  ball
• 48:37
  game.
• 48:44
  As
• 48:44
  a
• 48:45
  man
• 48:45
  who
• 48:45
  eschews
• 48:48
  certainty,
• 48:50
  I
• 48:51
  will
• 48:51
  keep
• 48:51
  listening
• 48:52
  tomorrow.
• 49:02
  The
• 49:02
  theme
• 49:03
  song
• 49:03
  for
• 49:03
  this
• 49:03
  episode
• 49:04
  is
• 49:04
  Growl
• 49:04
  Honey's
• 49:05
  Old
• 49:05
  Man's
• 49:06
  Custard.
• 49:06
  Off
• 49:07
  the
• 49:07
  record
• 49:07
  yonder
• 49:07
  lies
• 49:08
  in
• 49:09
  case
• 49:09
  you
• 49:09
  couldn't
• 49:09
  guess,
• 49:10
  I
• 49:10
  am
• 49:10
  also
• 49:10
  Growl
• 49:11
  Honey.
• 49:11
  You
• 49:11
  can
• 49:11
  find
• 49:12
  Growl
• 49:12
  Honey
• 49:12
  these
• 49:12
  albums
• 49:13
  wherever
• 49:14
  you
• 49:14
  get
• 49:14
  your
• 49:14
  music,
• 49:16
  and
• 49:16
  we're
• 49:16
  starting
• 49:16
  to
• 49:16
  work
• 49:17
  on
• 49:17
  something
• 49:17
  new.
• 49:22
  Check
• 49:22
  out
• 49:22
  jacknoidparalope.com
• 49:24
  for
• 49:24
  all
• 49:25
  our
• 49:25
  other
• 49:25
  shows
• 49:25
  in
• 49:26
  the
• 49:26
  works.
• 49:27
  Podcasts
• 49:28
  around
• 49:28
  creativity,
• 49:29
  community
• 49:29
  and
• 49:29
  social
• 49:30
  good.
• 49:32
  You
• 49:32
  know,
• 49:33
  something
• 49:33
  special
• 49:33
  building.
• 49:36
  I'd
• 49:36
  love
• 49:37
  for
• 49:37
  you
• 49:37
  to
• 49:37
  be
• 49:37
  a
• 49:37
  part
• 49:37
  of
• 49:37
  it.
• 51:46
  Sa.