Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 138 - Elementary Homeschooling: How Much Independence Should Kids Really Have? | Smooth Days Part 2

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Ep. 138 - Elementary Homeschooling: How Much Independence Should Kids Really Have? | Smooth Days Part 2 · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Welcome to the podcast series, how to get smooth homeschool days. We're gonna break this up into four parts to take some pressure off your shoulders and bring joy back into your home. Once our kids get into the elementary years of homeschooling, they have a lot more capability. They can read, they can write, and learn some really fun cool stuff. So why does pushing them keep backfiring?
• 0:20
  Why are the days so rough? This is supposed to be fun. In episode two of our series, we're talking about the elementary years. This is the stretch where essential tools of learning get built. But there's a catch.
• 0:31
  An elementary kid will only accept a higher standard from someone they believe is on their side. So we gotta talk about things like disappointment triggers, the math anxiety loop, and how to change your correction to connection ratio without lowering your standards. But also knowing what standards are appropriate. That's really important. If you are homeschooling an elementary aged kid, you've probably lived through some version of this morning I'm about to describe.
• 1:07
  On Monday, your child did multi digit multiplication or long division perfectly. They looked confident. They understood the steps, and you thought, finally, we've turned a corner. But then today rolls around. You set the same math problems right in front of them, equal difficulty, maybe different problems, but equal difficulty, and they stare at it as if it's written in a foreign language.
• 1:25
  And you feel your throat tighten, and you try to stay calm, but your voice sharpens just a little bit, and you ask, what do you mean you don't know? We just did this a couple days ago. And suddenly, what was supposed to be a quiet, calm math lesson becomes a battleground of tears, heavy sighs, and the dreaded head down on the table meltdown. And that's mild. I know.
• 1:47
  Welcome to our series, how to get smooth homeschool days. I'm your host, Christy-Faith, and today we're diving into the elementary years, third through sixth grade. Before we dismantle those math meltdowns, and we will, let's take a hot second to zoom out. If you're new to this podcast or if you've been here since the beginning, I want you to know exactly how we have structured this little series for you. You're right in the middle of a four part series to match distinct developmental rhythms of a child's life.
• 2:13
  Episode one was all about the early years, preschool through second grade. That was a lot about matching our expectations with our kids' capacities. If you have a little one, please listen to that. Episode two is today, the elementary pivot. The episode coming up after this is all about homeschooling teens.
• 2:28
  And then the last episode of the series is putting it all together, how to manage multiple kids in all different grade levels. But today though is the elementary pivot. This is a season where the essential tools of learning get built, reading fluency, math fact automaticity, and paragraph writing. It's also the age where your child suddenly looks capable enough to push a little bit, and yet perhaps pushing them keeps backfiring. You're getting resistance, battles, tears.
• 2:54
  Today, we're gonna explore why that happens and how to raise the bar because you want them to grow and you wanna stretch them appropriately while protecting the relationship at the exact time. It's possible. I promise. Okay. So the first thing I wanna talk about today is cognitive realities and the myth of independent work.
• 3:13
  The elementary years represent a massive transition, and this is the age where moms start looking forward to maybe not having to sit next to their kid for everything. Your child can now read, they can write, they can sit longer than they could at five, and pushing them, which isn't a bad thing as long as it's appropriate, it only really works if you know what is online cognitively and what parts of them in their brains are still very much under construction. Because if you push on a skill that is ready, your child grows. And if you push on one that isn't, you get a fight, which leads to a closed off brain, which leads to absolutely no learning. So let's look at the developmental science between the ages of eight eleven.
• 3:51
  This is when a child's thinking gets organized. One Swiss psychologist calls this the concrete operational stage. It's the age where a child can start to hold two ideas in their mind at once, reverse an operation, sort objects by multiple rules, and follow rules that they didn't invent themselves. But here's the crucial limit. They still cannot reliably reason about things that they cannot physically picture.
• 4:14
  This means that abstract reasoning, like letting letters stand for numbers, arguing from an unpictured principle, or engaging in deep what if hypothesis testing might not be possible. They're finding that that type of thinking starts around age 11 or 12. And even when it does start to come online, it remains uneven for years. So what that means is when your nine year old is brilliant at fractions when you're cutting up a real pizza, but completely lost when those same fractions are written as dry numbers on a worksheet, they aren't being lazy or stubborn. It's worth investigating.
• 4:47
  It could be that they are nine. The concrete operational brain requires physical or mental imagery at this age to make sense of even math. So remember that as you're working through problems and material starts getting a little bit more abstract and difficult, investigator and try to figure out if they're capable of doing it. And even if they're capable of doing one thing, remember that it's gonna be asynchronous, meaning it's gonna be uneven and spotty for probably a couple of years. Okay.
• 5:12
  So next, we need to talk about attention span. I did this in the previous episode. It is so important to continue to talk about. So the general rule of thumb for a child's chosen activity is roughly two to three minutes per year of age. Now remember that I said chosen activity.
• 5:27
  So yes, your 10 year old can disappear into a Lego project or a drawing for a half an hour, maybe longer. But for assigned work, non chosen tasks, which is a lot of what homeschooling is, you gotta cut that number in half. A realistic baseline for an elementary kid is ten to fifteen minutes of focused work per setting for ages eight and nine. Fifteen to twenty minutes for ages 10 and 11, and after that, they need a shift. Now it doesn't have to be a full blown recess.
• 5:53
  It can be a shift to a different subject, moving to a different chair, or taking a quick walk to the mailbox, shooting some hoops, but they do need it. And let's dispel a myth really quick here, like the video game myth. Right? I can hear the mom now saying, but he can play Minecraft for two hours. So his fifteen minute grammar lesson is just defiance.
• 6:11
  I know it might feel like defiance, but it is misinterpreting the biology. Video games and grammar worksheets use completely different cognitive systems. I'm holding your hand while I'm saying this, and I'm only saying this so that you can have more appropriate expectations and have smooth days and enjoy your days. Okay. So those cognitive systems.
• 6:29
  The video game system is pulled along by external high frequency novelty and reward. Think slot machine. The grammar worksheet on the other hand requires the brain to steer itself internally, and the prefrontal muscle that does the steering is still growing. This is also the age where working memory expands, which is awesome. Now remember what working memory is.
• 6:51
  It's the ability to hold information in your head while you're working on something. Think of it as the brain's sticky note, and you need that in order to work through more complex math problems, grammar worksheets, reading comp. An eight year old's mental note holds about three chunks of new information. And by age 11 or 12, it is close to the adult capacity of four chunks. What this means, yay, is that by this age, kids can follow multistep directions much better than they did at age five.
• 7:17
  But remember, close to an adult is not an adult. A three step direction delivered while they are in the middle of telling you a story will still overflow their mental notepad. The absolute best accommodation at this age, write it down. I can't tell you how valuable just the habit of making lists have been for my own home. It reduces anxiety.
• 7:35
  It allows kids to come back to things, remind themselves. Game changer. Even when your kids come to you overwhelmed with anxiety and nervousness, make a list. It's really just problems that are too big for them to solve on their own, and we wanna build that skill to help them solve it. And sometimes, a brain dump is the best place to start.
• 7:52
  Okay. We've covered a lot so far, but when we come back, I wanna talk about a huge myth in the elementary years. And most people get it wrong. I'll see you on the other side. As you guys know, this show is free to you because our sponsors make it free, and I love them.
• 8:05
  So make sure to click on the links. If you're buying that kind of stuff anyway, man, please click the links and check out what they're doing. We love our sponsors, and as you know, podcasts are not an inexpensive thing to produce. So it is a wonderful way to say thank you. And also, don't forget to like and subscribe or give me the stars if I deserve it.
• 8:22
  Those little robots behind the screen, they push out episodes that have a lot of engagement. So if you like watching this show and you think a friend could benefit from it, send it to her. Comment a word of encouragement. Ask a question. We read all of the comments.
• 8:34
  And they help boost the show and put it in front of more eyeballs. So thank you so much. It fills my cup. It really does. Homeschooling four kids means I'm juggling roughly 24 different subjects at any given time.
• 8:46
  And a few years back during a particularly busy season, I hit a wall. I needed some serious help with the heavy lifting of teaching everything myself and managing schedules for four kids. That's when I found BJU Press Homeschool, and we've loved their courses so much that we keep going back. Some families use them for everything and love it. I use them for certain subjects.
• 9:05
  Either way, total mental load relief. Here's what my mornings look like now. Let us take science for example. My three girls do that one together. They fire up the lesson taught by a real teacher, well produced, actual teaching, not just click through busy work.
• 9:19
  And I sit there with my coffee, watch them, or make breakfast, and we discuss the big ideas. Every BJU Press homeschool course prioritizes critical thinking, a biblical worldview, and hands on learning. I just guide the conversation and pick which activity or pages or projects we want to do, and everything's already planned out. They have an online platform included for you called the homeschool hub, and it keeps everyone on track, both me and my kids, without micromanaging or nagging. And when I have questions, I call my Homeworks consultant.
• 9:47
  These people don't just help you get set up. They're available for you whenever you need them. It's like having a homeschool expert on speed dial. Go to bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes to find out more. I wanna talk about homeschool math for a minute, specifically CTC math, who I'm so glad is sponsoring this episode because you need to know about them.
• 10:08
  I'm picky about curriculum, and there are a few subjects I won't compromise on, and math is on the top of that list. CTC math is what I use with all four of my kids, and it's an excellent k to 12 math program. Rigorous, thorough, comprehensive, everything I want my kids to have in their math education. But without all the stress, the tears, and me having to learn long division all over again. Here's what happens at our house now.
• 10:35
  My kids log in. A real math teacher walks them through the lesson four to nine minutes clear step by step. They do their lesson and finish up with practice problems. The program grades them, and I don't have to remember how to do fractions with unlike denominators or where exactly they left off last week, which means I get to be the mom in the room. I can sit nearby, listen in, encourage, fold the laundry, and watch math get done beautifully.
• 11:01
  Easier on mom? No sacrifice on academics? Yes, please. Join me and tens of thousands of homeschool families using CTC math for their go to math curriculum. Links in the show notes.
• 11:14
  Grab your free trial today, and you'll see why we love it for our kids. Okay. Welcome back. The great myth of the elementary years is around independent work. So, yes, this is the age where independence becomes possible, but it's also the age where many moms overestimate what their kids can do.
• 11:33
  This happened to me yesterday. I thought my two seventh graders and my fifth grader could do something alone. It was a page assigned by one of the co op teachers. And on that page, I think there were three to four separate individual tasks. None of those tasks were outside of their capacity, but put together, it was.
• 11:51
  Even for my seventh graders, I got a lot of overwhelm. They weren't able to do it. They weren't being rebellious or defiant. They were stressed out. And actually, what happened was I forget what I had to do.
• 12:00
  I think I had work meetings yesterday. So in that moment, I needed them to be able to do that alone, and they couldn't. So I said, stop. I'm gonna set aside time tomorrow, and we're gonna do this together. And actually, what I did is I took each of the girls aside individually to do the task.
• 12:15
  And then we talked about the plan moving forward for them to be able to do it more independently. Now will they be able to do that multilevel task list next week? No. I don't expect them to be able to do it. But I do think that if I walk through it with them and they really learn how to do it well, my guess is by week five, six, seven, they'll be able to do it at a clip, no problem.
• 12:34
  So let's establish what is actually realistic regarding independent work for these ages. At ages eight and nine, fifteen to twenty minutes of independent work on a familiar task is appropriate. So yesterday, that task was unfamiliar. I got zero. So familiar is a practice or a review, nothing brand new that they have to process and figure out.
• 12:54
  At ages 10 and 11, we're looking at thirty to forty five minutes of independent work with a clear written list, and you checking in at the start, middle, and end. What is never realistic at this age is expecting a child to learn brand new academic material from a textbook all by themselves, or expecting them to self monitor well. A 10 year old doesn't reliably notice when they have stopped understanding. I think that's pivotal here. That self awareness isn't quite there yet.
• 13:22
  Where you and I were able to read a page and say, oh, wait. Wait. I didn't understand that. Let me reread it. They don't have that capacity yet.
• 13:29
  They still need some help. That's a skill that we wanna grow in our kids for sure, but we also wanna So they could very well quietly do an entire page of math incorrectly without realizing it. And we might initially view that as carelessness or they rush through just to get it done, and it might not be that. And even if it was that rushing, that's something to address. Noticing that you have lost that thread of comprehension is a metacognitive skill that is one of the very last executive functions to mature.
• 13:58
  So when something that you did a few days ago vanishes today, don't panic. New skills are highly fragile, especially under fatigue, stress, or change. And unevenness is not regression. Don't panic. Now if you start to see patterns, that's a different conversation.
• 14:13
  We have those conversations every day with women in Thrive Homeschool Community they're worried we ask a lot of questions before we recommend that a child get evaluated. And we do that every day because we know what to ask. So I'm not saying ignore patterns here, but I am saying I think in the elementary years, we expect a lot more of our kids than they're capable of doing. Unevenness in learning is not regression. It's simply what learning looks like as the brain starts to learn how to consolidate information.
• 14:40
  But that's not all I have to say about retention. That's the stuff sticking in the brain. Because what if what they learned on Tuesday and vanishing by Friday isn't about a tired brain? What if there is an invisible emotional roadblock creeping into your lessons? One that is so powerful, it can literally freeze your child's working memory.
• 14:59
  And if we're not careful and handle this well, they can start to believe things about themselves that aren't true. We're gonna dive into that right after the break. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, math? If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles. You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers.
• 15:23
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• 15:51
  Okay. We have to talk about the emotional life of kids in the elementary years and the heavy load of shame. But I don't wanna forget first that if you are new to homeschooling or if you're new to the Christy-Faith realm of things, I wanna let you know that my website has so many free resources for you from a one zero one series on how to homeschool with free download, sample schedules, a five minute homeschool style finder, even a homeschool check-in for those of you who've been homeschooling five, ten years, just to make sure things are healthy. Go to christyfaith.com and grab anything and everything you need. We're happy to have you.
• 16:26
  Let's talk about emotional life. At age five, a bad school day is almost always about physical things, sleep, food, a sudden burst of energy. But by age nine, around there, the emotional variable shifts dramatically. A hard school day in the elementary years is often driven by a core question. Does my mom approve of me?
• 16:46
  How am I doing compared to other kids? Am I smart, not smart? Are my parents disappointed in me? By this age, kids can start to name what they feel. We want that.
• 16:56
  And the constant almost all day long co regulation that our kiddos needed in preschool is less frequent now, but still necessary. You know, people want kids to be able to self regulate emotionally way earlier than they can. I mean, let's be honest. Most adults can't do it, and kids certainly can't do it if we can't. They learn from us.
• 17:16
  So although an elementary kid by this age can wait their turn, handle losing a game, or take a no in stride, under a heavier load or stress when they're tired, embarrassed, or feel criticized, that capacity thins out quickly, and they need to borrow our calm. Now I'm filming this towards the beginning of the school year. This week is the week that co op is starting. And I've noticed as we're layering in tons of new things, getting homework ready for co op, talking about our new schedule there, that the capacity is with the everyday things just aren't as wide. Just this morning, I had a talk with the kids about the learning experience of flexing these flexible thinking muscles and giving ourselves grace when we feel like we have a lot on our plate.
• 18:01
  It's easy to snap at other people, right, when we're stressed out. So when our kids have a lot going on in their own lives that's stressing them out, it's not that they're just explosive and that they aren't moving towards self regulation, which honestly is probably years away anyway. They just become a little bit more needy in a good way. We want you to be the safe person that they go to. And also keep in mind at this age, this is also the window where self conscious emotions bloom.
• 18:25
  Things like pride, guilt, peer comparison, and shame. Let's be honest. Your nine year old knows exactly who reads faster than she does. They are hyper aware of fairness. And this goes without saying, they keep a mental scorecard of everything.
• 18:40
  That's normal. They still cry when they get deeply frustrated. It breaks my heart when parents say grow up or you're acting like a baby. They're acting age appropriate. We expect a child at this age to cry still.
• 18:53
  And make no mistake, this is where they start to be more intuitive. Our physical presence is noticed. They can hear microscopic shifts in our voice. They read our nonverbal cues. This is where you start having kids ask, are you mad at me?
• 19:08
  It's because they're reading nonverbal cues. They hear the tiny sigh. They see the fleeting look of frustration on your face, and it's hard for them. They don't know what to do with that information. It's so important that you stay that safe person.
• 19:20
  We want secure attachment. So there was a major developmental review found that how parents are involved in learning matters far more than how much. This is what this means. Parental involvement that is warm and supports the child's own active efforts builds them up. But involvement that carries negative feelings like frustration, disappointment, or heavy control, chastisement, or punishment actually hurts academic outcomes.
• 19:45
  Even if you're spending hours sitting at the table, sitting next to your child for two hours with an edge of tension in your voice is not support. So if that's you right now, I hope this sheds some light for you to look a little bit deeper into what's going on in you and in your kid. And I am not saying that from a judgmental place. I really struggle with this in my early years of homeschooling. I am a card carrying member of high expectations and what I would call now pretty harsh parenting.
• 20:11
  It backfires. But not only is that type of day emotionally hard on everybody involved, but it adds a massive cognitive load. And unlike five year olds, elementary kids remember. Right? A preschool blowout is forgotten by lunchtime, but a nine year old remembers tone, tension, a sigh, and they do begin to build a narrative about themselves.
• 20:32
  Now I am not being shaming here. I am just delivering truth. And no matter where you are right now, you can heal. I had to face this myself. We don't want our kids telling themselves I am bad at math, or mom gets mad when we do school.
• 20:46
  This is why shame is the most dangerous emotional variable at this age. In the early years, we deal with refusal. I won't, or the meltdown, which is I can't. But at eight to 10, shame enters the chat. Identity shifts.
• 21:00
  I'm bad. I must be stupid. I always mess up. I'm just not a math person. Interestingly, research on math anxiety shows it can appear as early as first and second grade.
• 21:11
  It actually hits kids with the strongest working memories the hardest. Now why? Because the mental worry and anxiety consume the exact same working memory notepad that the brain needs to solve the math problem. The kid who freezes is literally experiencing a cognitive block caused by worry. One famous study found that when parents are anxious about math themselves and help their kids frequently with math, their kid actually learns less math over the year and becomes more math anxious.
• 21:38
  So the underlying signal is crystal clear. If math makes you tense, your tension is acting as the roadblock in the room. And the fix isn't to stop homeschooling or say I tried homeschooling and it didn't work. Don't sell yourself short. This is an opportunity for you to grow, to source differently, to get help.
• 21:54
  It's something to work through. So what does this all mean? How does this change what my day to day looks like? We're gonna get practical right after this. Hey.
• 22:01
  Shout out to Summit HealthShare for sponsoring this episode today. I love Summit HealthShare partially because it's my husband's company. What I think they're doing over there is absolutely incredible and life changing for many families. What is Summit HealthShare? Well, first, let me start with one of my rants about health insurance.
• 22:20
  Need I say anything? Probably not. But the co pays, the denials, the in network out of network nonsense, having to get permission to see your doctor, paying thousands a month, and then them still fighting with you every time you need just basic health care. I believe so much in the freedom that comes with leaving health insurance and moving to health sharing. Now it's not health insurance, but it does replace it, and it's been around for over a hundred years.
• 22:47
  With Summit HealthShare, most families and companies save 40 to 60%, and they have a 98% customer satisfaction. You get to see any doctor that you want, even holistic ones. No networks, no permission slips. You ladies know how I feel about freedom. I want medical freedom too.
• 23:04
  Summit HealthShare has different plan options depending on what your family needs. You might just need major medical, and that's great. On our plan, we get a little bit more, and we get free labs, free office visits, free prescriptions, and no co pays. Our family of six has saved a thousand dollars a month. And if it sounds too good to be true, it's not.
• 23:23
  It's actually how health care should work. We've just been accustomed to overpaying for our health care, and a lot of us don't need to do that. So if you are on traditional health insurance at all, here's what I want you to do. I want you to go to summithealthshare.com. When you get to the homepage, you'll see the savings calculator.
• 23:40
  Go ahead and click that. It takes only two minutes. And when you see those numbers, what you should be paying for the health care you need, you are going to be grabbing the phone so fast because health care is a serious thing, and you're gonna have really personalized questions, and they are used to answering all of them. Tell them all of your concerns, all of your questions, and they will tell you full stop if this is gonna be a fit for you or your family. And tell them that you listen to the show because I want you to have the VIP treatment.
• 24:06
  Go to summithealthshare.com today, and the link is in the show notes. This podcast is also brought to you by The Christy-Faith List. Now hold up because I want you to know what this is. I'm really proud of what The Christy-Faith List has become. It started really scrappy just compiling recommendations because I was fed up with guessing which businesses and providers and doctors weren't gonna give me a hard time when I walked through those doors.
• 24:30
  And I had tons of friends and family members with nightmare situations where they felt like they were walking into an ambush situation just when they were trying to get help for their families. And I was sick and tired of the discrimination that homeschool families were getting. But since then, it has grown into a massive directory of colleges, businesses, doctor's offices, reading specialists, occupational therapists, homeschool graduates that are in business themselves now. You name it all in one place. Because why wouldn't we wanna do business with the people who share our values and actually want to work with homeschool families and not give us a hard time?
• 25:04
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• 25:25
  So let's talk about how this plays out in our everyday lives. If your child is tensing up during a lesson, here is the golden rule. Two explanations, then stop. If you have explained a concept two different ways and they still don't understand it, here's your permission to not try to do a third, fourth, or fifth explanation in that same sitting. Each new explanation adds stress and cognitive load, especially when you explain it another way and they still don't get it.
• 25:50
  Now they're starting to be consumed with I'm not getting this. By explanation three, your child is no longer trying to learn math. They're using a 100% of their brains to manage their frustration and maybe even yours. So instead, close the book and calmly say, this concept just needs some time to cook in our brains. Let's put it away, do something we already know how to do that's on our list today, and we'll take a fresh look tomorrow.
• 26:14
  Now does this mean that maybe you will work slower through your curriculum? Yes. Does this mean that you should panic about not finishing your curriculum by the end of the year? No. If you are a mama listening right now and you are stressed about covering all of the material that you need to cover by the end of the school year, please stay in our ecosystem.
• 26:35
  Read the chapter on deschooling in my book, homeschool rising. The faster I can break you of that lie that you tell yourselves, that lie, it's almost an idol. I feel like it has a choke hold on so many of us. The faster I can help break you free of that, the faster you're gonna move to homeschool days and this homeschool life that you absolutely love. And not because you're doing less or giving up, because you actually have a better understanding of what educating a child actually is.
• 27:04
  A child isn't a bucket to be filled? The ancients said that so long ago. It's a fire to be ignited, and education is more about skill, not content. Okay. Let's get into the nitty gritty and talk about academics.
• 27:17
  A common trap for elementary homeschool moms is treating every subject as equally urgent. We're finally at the age where we can do more and we wanna do more. We have shiny object syndrome. Everything is cool from the coding class to karate to basket weaving to nature walks to read alouds, to classical music, you name it. It's so exciting.
• 27:36
  I get it. It really is so exciting. And you can do all of that. You just can't do all of it at once. If we treat every single homeschool subject with equal weight, you are gonna end up with an exhausting six to seven hour day, a burnt out child, none of your responsibilities done, and the constant feeling of being behind.
• 27:56
  How do I know? I was there. In these elementary years, your primary job, make no mistake, is to protect their sense of wonder and their love of learning while also being responsible for three main academic hinges. One, reading fluency. Two, basic numeracy.
• 28:13
  So math, including math fact automaticity, very important. I tell all parents of elementary age kids do math twice a day, do the curriculum, and then later on in the day, practice those math facts. The multiplication tables, the addition, the subtraction, all of that. We don't want our kids counting on their fingers when they're getting to more complex math problems like long division. And three, communication skills, both verbal and solid paragraph writing.
• 28:35
  Now I didn't start formal writing programs with my kiddos until third and fourth grade. I have four kids. Some of them started in third grade. Some of them started in fourth grade. It just doesn't make sense to make kids learn how to write paragraphs when they're not cognitively ready to do it.
• 28:48
  So I watch and I wait. No need to pull our hair out, asking kids to do stuff they're not capable of doing yet. And if those three hinges are pretty solid by the end of fourth grade, what that's gonna do is all their future academic subjects in upper elementary and middle school, even high school, will become infinitely easier. So these are the years where you set up the foundation for future success. Bells and whistles are fun and do them, but don't think that those bells and whistles are as important as these foundational skills.
• 29:16
  Here's what's realistic developmentally. Third grade is that big shift we wanna start seeing the transition from learning to read to reading to learn. Keep reading out loud to your kiddos because listening comprehension is still years ahead of their independent reading comprehension. It's also where they get exposed to more advanced vocabulary and fall in love with story. Math at this age focuses heavily on multiplication and division, and of course, math fluency.
• 29:41
  And writing focuses on crafting one exceptionally solid paragraph with clear topic sentences details. And I do like a variety of writing styles too. But the thing about the paragraph is it also requires the organization of ideas. So although writing a poem and feeling the feels and writing those down are great, amazing exercises. We also want our kids to be able to communicate clearly, which means the prioritization of ideas.
• 30:05
  And during these years, an entire school day should take no more than two to three hours of focused instruction. Now will it take longer because you're taking breaks and yada yada? Yes. But if you were to actually condense into that seat time, the learning time, two to three hours. Fourth grade, age nine ish, math moves into multi digit multiplication, long division, and equivalent fractions.
• 30:24
  This is the year where multiplication facts are a must. In fact, if your kids are not on the road with these, I would stop. I did this with one of my kids. When we went into this and they didn't have the automaticity with the math facts, we stopped the curriculum to shore those up. It took about a month.
• 30:39
  I mentioned this in my book homeschool rising. So important, and I'm glad I did it. Writing now expands to several paragraphs on one topic, simple research reports, and a day runs three to three and a half hours. Probably longer because you're taking breaks and eating and sharpening pencils and snuggling and reading aloud. Alright.
• 30:55
  Fifth grade. Math introduces fraction operations with unlike denominators and decimals, writing moves to multi paragraph pieces with a clear introduction and conclusion. It's a big year. Science and history can now use a real spine. This is where they can start to chew on really fun ideas.
• 31:11
  You know, nothing too heavy, nothing traumatic, but this is where things can start to get interesting. And your day is gonna run three to four hours. Alright. Sixth grade, age 11, math enters the doorway of pre algebra. Right?
• 31:22
  We got ratios, percents, basic equations. Writing is now moving to arguments supported by evidence. Now this is more on the expository side. I'm not talking about the creative writing side in this episode right now. And a meaningful chunk of this school day, we want to work towards more independence.
• 31:37
  We wanna set our kids up to be capable to start managing their own day with our support, not with us abandoning them. Remember what I said earlier in the episode about the expectations that we can hold regarding this. What I don't want you doing with an 11 year old is trying to do every single subject with them every single day and pushing them farther than what they're ready for. It's just not necessary. Like, there's no sense teaching a complex five paragraph essay when they haven't really nailed down paragraph writing.
• 32:04
  And please don't drop the family read aloud just because your child is in junior high. They love it. And a word on the math facts. They've done studies about what makes math facts sticky, and it's a little bit every day, not like a big Friday session of drilling. In our home, we do it in the afternoons, and it's very short.
• 32:23
  And I have all different math learners in my home and they all have mastered their math facts. Go as slow as they need, review consistently, and build that rock solid floor. So in this age range, a big homeschool trap, because we are the teacher, we are the mom, we are the household manager, it is so easy for everything to come out of our mouth to be a directive or a correction. Pick up your pencil. Check number four.
• 32:47
  Sit up straight. Stop poking your brother. Did you do the kitchen? Did you empty the dishwasher? Did you change the laundry?
• 32:53
  None of these are necessarily mean, but if your child hears 50 of these micro corrections by noon, their system does go into defense mode. A landmark three year study of elementary classrooms found a direct linear relationship between a teacher's praise to reprimand ratio and the student's ability to stay on task. And the cool thing is there was no ceiling. More positive attention kept helping. In child development, the standard target is a three to one to five to one ratio of positive connections to corrective directions.
• 33:24
  So how do we restore this ratio without dropping our academic standards? First, and this is what I've done in my own home, and it is half the battle, Routine. If your child knows exactly what their day is gonna look like, what is expected of them, and when, they're gonna look to the list to see what is next. They're gonna be able to move on to the next thing. They're gonna know when the chores are.
• 33:44
  So you don't have to say all day long, put away the grammar and get out the math. And not only does it save you, but kids thrive on structure. You know, there's circles out there that think that kids need all this freedom and choice. That defies seventy years of child research in developmental psychology. Kids thrive on structure and having a trusted, loving adult that they can depend on.
• 34:09
  Okay. And second, batch your corrections. So instead of hovering over their shoulder and correcting every misspelled letter or messy number in real time, let your kids finish the page, then sit down and say, you did a wonderful job today keeping your numbers lined up on these rows. Now let's look at three of these problems together. You can deliver the exact same academic feedback in one warm interaction instead of 10 stressful interruptions.
• 34:32
  Also, is huge at this age is know as the homeschool mom the goal of the particular lesson that they're doing. Okay. So for example, my kids do a lot of writing. They are in strenuous writing programs. And one piece of work that was assigned to them this week was to write a summary for a science textbook page.
• 34:51
  I had them write bullet points, and we did a lesson verbally just in the kitchen as I was making eggs on how to read a textbook, how to look at headings, then pretend you're the teacher and say, hey, class. The most important thing you need to know about the cell is... And then I had them finish the sentence and then quickly write it down. And one of my girls was typing. When I am asking them to learn about the cell, I don't need to obsess over spelling or punctuation.
• 35:16
  Now don't get me wrong. On a grammar page, when one of my kids was asked to write three sentences and there was no capitalization and no punctuation, they had to redo it. Why? Because that lesson was a grammar lesson. It's exhausting to obsess over every little detail, and it's not healthy.
• 35:33
  This also gives our elementary kids a little bit of autonomy and freedom to just learn. Just learn of the cell. Let's have some fun and ask them about their days. This year was the first year that I involved one of my girls in making the family's homeschool schedule. She loved having a say in the creation of the order of our subjects, where our school supplies are going to be so that we don't forget them, and how the school day is paced.
• 35:56
  She loved problem solving that with me. And they also desperately need dignity around mistakes. At this age, be careful of correcting your kiddo in front of their siblings. You can read your own child in these particular scenarios, but there are kids that have sensitivities towards that. And the goal here is learning.
• 36:13
  And although it's a situation where we might not feel humiliation, we need to be in tune if they feel that and why, and that is something to work on. But in the meantime, you can do corrections privately if they need, and that is okay. Elementary homeschooling is a magnificent active season. Your child is ready for a higher standard, and they will rise to it. But the most important thing is to be that person that believes in them, that isn't criticizing them, that is in tune with what their capacities are and matching those as best you can.
• 36:43
  Can you push them a little bit? Yes. But if that pushing starts to impact your relationship, you gotta stop and regroup. It's not worth it. These are important years.
• 36:51
  Why? Because protecting the relationship is the very thing that makes academic growth possible. Remember, a dysregulated nervous system can't learn. Next week, we're stepping into the teenager's world episode three of our four part series. We're gonna talk about the closed doors, the one word answers, the biology of teen sleep, and how we can remain their safest harbor.
• 37:13
  Until then, remember, a short warm day that ends with a smile beats a complete checklist that ends in cheers every single time. Content is not an education. It's part of it, but it's not all of it. I'm Christy-Faith. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next week.