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Living Without Fear - Love as a Legacy to Our Families | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

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  Welcome back, my dear friends, to the 129th silver episode of
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  Living Without Fear. I'm Esther Murky, your host from
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  Switzerland. I'm so grateful that you're here
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  with me today, listening with an open heart.
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  You know, I always want to share with you my most personal
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  stories, the ones that don't always look shiny on the
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  surface, that carry within them the deepest lessons.
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  Because I truly believe that when we open up about our own
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  struggles, we give others permission to be a real tool.
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  So today, I want to share again something very personal with
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  you. It's a topic I hesitated to
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  speak about because it feels so vulnerable, so raw.
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  And yet I know that speaking about it might touch some of you
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  deeply. For the past seven years, I've
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  been single. A single woman, a single mom,
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  walking through life without a partner by my side.
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  And I want to say this right at the beginning, these years have
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  been sacred. They have shaped me because in
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  the past, I was always in a relationship, always seeking
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  love, approval and validation from the outside world.
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  It was as if my worth depended on whether someone loved me
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  back. But these seven years alone,
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  they forced me to turn inward, to stop running, to look inside
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  and finally meet myself. To discover that love must first
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  grow from within. It was a long process, but the
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  beautiful one I needed. This time it was my training
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  ground for self love. It's taught me that I am whole
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  even when no one else is holding my hand.
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  And for a long time, I felt completely fine being single.
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  Until something shifted at the Tony Robbins event in Germany.
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  Sitting in this huge arena, surrounded by 12,000 people from
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  all over the world, I suddenly had an awakening moment.
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  I realized being single wasn't just about me anymore.
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  It was also about the two most important people in my life, my
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  sons. Why?
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  Because as a mother, I am their role model.
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  And whether we realise it or not, our children absorb
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  everything. We show them the way we love,
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  the way we argue, the way we give or don't.
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  It all becomes part of their inner image of what love is
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  supposed to look like. And as I sat there in that arena
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  watching Tony Robbins working with a lady single like me, I
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  suddenly had tears running down my face because I realized what
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  kind of role model had I been. I didn't have a healthy
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  relationship with their father. I criticized him openly when the
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  boys were small and even later after our divorce, they saw me
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  in 2 relationships that didn't make me happy.
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  I thought I was showing them something different, something
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  better. But in truth, I wasn't.
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  And that realization hit me hard, because if I want my sons
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  to believe in love, if I want them to build healthy families
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  of their own, I have to show them something new, not only for
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  myself, but for them, for their future partners, for their
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  future children. What I heal within myself will
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  ripple through generations. And then another image appeared
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  in my mind. My future grandchildren,
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  children who are not even born yet.
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  And I thought, what will they inherit from me?
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  Will they inherit the armour of a woman who shut her heart to
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  protect herself, or the openness of a woman who dared to love
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  again even after being hurt? That moment was powerful because
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  I suddenly understood that every choice I make becomes part of my
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  family story. And I want that story to be 1 of
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  love, not fear. For many years I carried the
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  badge of being the strong woman. I told myself I didn't need a
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  man. I could do it all.
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  Raise my children, pay the bills, carry the weight.
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  I became both mother and father. I carried so much masculine
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  energy that there was no space left for a truly strong, loving
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  man to enter my life. And if I look back, I can see
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  how this pattern started long ago.
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  My father wanted me to be intelligent, rational,
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  emotionally strong, the opposite of my mother who suffered from
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  low self esteem but carried a lot of masculine energy herself.
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  As a teenager I promised myself I will never be like my mother.
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  I wanted to be like my father, but at the same time I resented
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  him for being such a patriarch. So I grew up with this inner
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  confusion about what it really means to be a woman and what it
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  means to be a man. And of course that confusion
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  played out in my relationships. Maybe you can relate to that.
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  Maybe you 2 have borne armor for years, telling yourself you
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  don't need anyone, while deep down a part of you is longing to
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  be held, to be cared for, to be seen in your softness.
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  I don't pretend to have all the answers.
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  I'm still on this path. It's trial and error, learning
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  and unlearning again and again. But here is what I've
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  discovered. I don't have to change who I am.
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  I just have to stop pretending. I don't have to play the role of
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  the strong woman who never needs help.
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  I can show myself fragile. I can cry.
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  I can laugh like a little girl. I can be silly and playful.
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  And you know what? When I imagine myself living
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  from that place, soft, feminine, radiant, I feel lighter.
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  It's as if a heavy armor is melting off my shoulders.
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  I breathe differently, I walk differently, I smile
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  differently. Maybe that's what you need, too.
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  To stop proving, to stop carrying the world alone.
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  To allow yourself to receive love and kindness without guilt.
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  To remember that true strength doesn't come from hardness.
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  It comes from openness, from trust, from allowing life to
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  touch you. So here are a few small steps
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  that might help you reconnect with that soft, radiant energy
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  within you. Allow yourself to receive.
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  When someone helps you or gives you a compliment, say thank you
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  and let it in play. Bring back lightness, sing,
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  dance, laugh at yourself, Show your emotions.
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  Tears are not weakness, they're release.
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  Heal your past. Forgive your parents, they did
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  the best they could and make peace with your own inner mother
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  and father. Visualize love not from a place
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  of need, but from a place of openness.
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  See yourself in a loving, supportive partnership.
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  Model love even if you're single.
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  Model kindness, patience, and joy in the way you treat
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  yourself. And lastly, believe in change.
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  It's never too late, just like I saw in my father how even at 90
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  he could still change. It is never too late for any of
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  us. So my dear listener, this is
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  where I stand today. I'm still single, but for the
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  first time in years, I feel my heart opening again.
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  And I'm not doing it only for me.
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  I'm doing it for my sons, for their future partners, for the
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  generations that will follow. Because every change we make, no
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  matter how small, ripples outward.
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  It becomes our legacy. And maybe one day, when my sons
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  hold their own children in their arms, they will remember their
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  mother as a woman who dared to grow, who dared to soften, who
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  dared to love again. And if that becomes my legacy,
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  then every struggle was worth it.
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  Thank you for listening to my heart today.
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  If this message spoke to you, take it as a gentle reminder.
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  You are allowed to be real, you are allowed to be soft, and you
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  are allowed to love again. Because love is never lost.
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  It's always there, waiting quietly inside us until we are
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  ready to open the door. And if you feel called to work
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  with me, please reach out. I would love to help you
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  breakthrough all patterns and step into your new version with
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  ease and love. Thank you for letting me share
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  this very personal story with you.
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  It means so much to me to know that my voice reaches your
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  heart. Until next week.