Latest / The Mami Collective / How to Pivot When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
Transcript
- Paulina: Welcome to the Mommy Collective. I'm Paulina Rowe, radio host, TV contributor, writer, and mom of one. This is where ambitious moms come to keep their identity intact while navigating motherhood. Here we talk about the real stuff, career, money, relationships, identity, and everything that gets messy in between. You won't find sugar coating or cliches. What you will find are unfiltered conversations, real resources, and proof that you don't have to lose yourself to be a good mom. The Mommy Collective is here to remind you, you can be Hello, welcome back to the Mommy Collective podcast. Paulina Rowe, iHeartRadio, On Air Personality, TV contributor, writer, and your favorite reminder that you could be a mom and still figure out your life in real time. because that's exactly what I be doing. So today I am thinking a little bit of a solo pod where I get to just chat with you because I really haven't caught up with you in a minute and it feels really good to be able to just sit down, wrap my thoughts around a couple of things and kind of just put this out into the universe because like I said, I haven't really got a chance to do that in a while with you. So I'm excited to do that. So today I want to talk about something that I feel like we don't really prepare enough for and it's really not our fault. just think no one ever thinks these things kind of happen. But what the hell do you do when things just don't go according to plan? So let's be very honest, OK? You had a plan, you had a timeline, you had a vision. And I know we all do because we all say certain things. We all even start to do certain things, right? But then life is like, LOL, no, no, honey. ⁓ Instead of spiraling, which, yes, I've done myself too. ⁓ We've all been there, but I want to talk about kind of how to pivot and the power of the pivot. And if you were at our summit last year here in Chicago for the mommy collective, we like we showed out when it came to the pivot and that was really unintentional to like the whole theme was circled around it. It was truly, truly, truly amazing. So I don't know. This ought to be really gonna talk about it because I feel like I've been seeing this theme lately whether it's in social media in real life sometimes if I talk to you guys I hear a lot about it And I don't want to talk about this and everything happens for a reason kind of way even though I am a believer That everything does happen for a reason if you guys know me. I'm a manifestation queen I do believe in the power of the universe God of my ancestors But I want to talk about this more in like a real grounded almost kind of unhinged but productive way because like I said I want to make sure we kind to leave today with not even just understanding the pivot, but just kind of having an action plan. Because whether it's happened to you or not, even though I know the answer, it has happened to each and every one of you at some point, the pivot is going to happen to you. You've got a plan. You think it's going to go this way, that way. And it could be with anything like career. can be, which happens a lot. And I'm seeing more and more of that. Unfortunately, people are getting laid off. People are shutting down their businesses. I'm seeing a lot of this. Or, you know, even in your own relationship, marriage, right? You think you're going to be with somebody forever and it just doesn't happen that way. So I want to kind of give you a list because you know that I love a list around here, but I love a plan more. So even when the plan sort of falls apart, I kind of want you to come back to this and really think about it. OK, so step one, we'll start there. Accept that the plan is dead. I need you to hear me on this, okay? Please. The faster you accept that the original plan is no longer happening the way that you thought, the faster you can actually move forward, okay? So, what do we do instead? We tend to cling. I get it. I've done it. But we try to force it. We romanticize what should have been. I know we've all been there. And that keeps you kind of stuck, right? In a version of your life that literally just doesn't exist anymore. So... This is your permission slip to say, okay, that didn't go how I thought, now what? I feel like I pride myself in being like that sometimes if things don't go a certain way or I need to move some things around. I tell my husband, I'm like, okay, didn't happen this way, not happening. What's the next step? Let's solve it. One of my best friends, Jason Brown, he always says to kind of come with a solution, right? If there's a problem at work, if we're having some issue with audio or something on the radio side, because I work in radio. He'll say, we'll come with a solution so that way when you go to somebody with a problem, you have a solution, you have an option. And I kind of like that. And I think we should all use that in real life. So let's not say, why me? This isn't fair, because it's not fair. There's so much shit that's just not fair. And I am the first to tell you that. And I hate that. But I really want you to think, now what? Okay? Because that shift alone really changes everything. Truly acceptance really does open doors and it really does kind of start the shift. So step one, I love it. We're gonna accept the plan is dead. So number two is separate the vision from the route. So this is where we get it a little twisted, right? We didn't just have a plan, we kind of had a route. So the way that we envisioned it all going, the way that we thought things would happen, ⁓ the vision is still yours. I just want to say that the vision is still yours. The vision is very much still there. Like don't let that part go away. Don't get discouraged. ⁓ and I'll give an example. So let's say, let's just say you wanted financial freedom. You thought it would come from this job, this timeline, this opportunity, whatever it might be, but that route might be gone, but the destination is still very valid. We still want financial freedom, right? That's that's, let's just say that's what your, your goal is, your vision. Like I want you to understand that the destination. is still very much valid. can still have that and still want that. So instead of mourning what exactly you thought would happen, let's ask ourselves this. What am I actually trying to build? Like what am I actually trying to do here? Because there are a hundred different ways to get there. So if this route didn't work or this plan didn't work, let's try another one. Let's pivot. Okay, keyword is pivot. You guys know I love that word. I love that word so much. ⁓ Number three, step three, stop waiting to feel ready. ⁓ this is a big one. And I had to learn the hard way too. You're not gonna feel ready to pivot. Honestly, in life, you're not gonna feel ready to do a lot of things. People don't feel ready to quit their job and pursue their side hustle full time. People don't feel ready to leave their marriage when they know that this isn't healthy. It's not gonna go anywhere. So you're not gonna feel ready to pivot. You're gonna feel scared, annoyed, and probably a little embarrassed. Let's be real. I think we overshare on social media. So what happens is if I'm over here telling people, ⁓ you know, this and that, I love my man, he's the best, but let's just say deep inside, it's not like that. And it's really miserable at home and just miserable everywhere because I'm with this person and it's just not working out. Now, imagine if I just one day post like, ⁓ yeah, I'm single. Like we overthink it to the point where it's like, hey, we people care so much. But also number two, like we're embarrassed because we were just saying something completely different. But who cares? That's good. That's a signal. Because pivots don't come wrapped in confidence, they come wrapped in uncertainty. Okay? So if you sit around waiting to feel 100 % sure, you're gonna be sitting there forever. So what I want you to do is ask, what is the next small move that I can make? Just one small move. Not the whole plan, just literally the next step. Number four, let's get honest about what's actually working and what's not working. So sometimes the plan doesn't fall apart. It really just slowly stops working and we ignore it. Okay, so if you have a plan to launch a specific kind of business, right? And maybe it works for a little bit and then you're realizing it's not sustainable, it's not working, whatever it might be. You know that feeling, right? Something's off and you're like, let's just give it little bit more time. Well, I'm kind of here to say no, we're kind of not going to do that anymore. I know, I know controversial, right? Hot take. But I think the pivot requires honesty. So ask yourself, right? What's draining me? What's no longer aligning with me? What am I holding onto just because I already invested time in it? Again, a relationship, a job, maybe a business that you know, isn't for you or isn't going to work, right? So, you know, because time invested does not really equal time well spent. I think this is where the pivot truly comes in. So you're allowed to outgrow things. I want you to know that. Okay. I'm going to say it one more time. You are so allowed to outgrow things. Even the things you once prayed for. I want to be so clear. Okay. Take that one in too. Number five, let it look different than you imagined. This is a big one that I had to like really come to terms with myself. So your life might not look the way you thought it would, right? That doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's different and different can be better, right? Because we're too busy comparing it to the original plan to really even see it. So because of the aesthetic of what we thought our life would look like because of the time that, you know, the vision wasn't even because half the time the vision wasn't even ours. It was kind of something that we picked up from social media, which happens family expectations or what you thought you should want. And that happens a lot. for us women, especially moms. So let it evolve, let it evolve. Number six, build while you pivot. So you don't have to burn everything down to pivot, okay? Just please remember that, you don't gotta burn it to the ground, baby. This isn't like a dramatic thing that needs to happen. I think you can just try something new on the side, maybe test like a different direction, explore without announcing it to the world. I really beg you, I know we love oversharing and I think social media even rewards us for oversharing. And by rewards, I mean it could be literally like pays you if your video does really good, right? I think it pays you. I don't think it's much, but a couple bucks, whatever, a couple dollars. Or it rewards you by people being invested and engaging and stuff, which is great. And I love honesty and transparency, but let's try to do this without announcing it to the world. Let's work on this first before we do it because quiet pivots are so powerful. Not everything has to be a big public reinvention. I see those so much. We don't need to do it. Let's keep it to ourselves. Sometimes it's just you making better decisions behind the scenes and that's it. All right. So now put yourselves in rooms that expand you. Number seven, put yourself in rooms that expand you. This one I'm very intentional about because I've seen it over and over and over. And as moms, we don't have the time to go to every networking event, to go to every, you know, whatever, sip and paint. I don't even know. We just don't have time. I understand that. And honestly, sometimes We don't even make it out the door because we're so tired by the end of the night or we got our kids got their practices and their dance and their school. There's just so much going on. And that's why at the mommy collective dinner series, that's one of the reasons that I felt like I had to create this to be honest, right? If you if you've been, you already know, but if you haven't, I want to tell you that there's something this is something that happens when you sit at a table with women who just. Kind of get it and I mean like they're building businesses, raising families, navigating pivots in real life. We've had parents and our moms from all walks of life, business owners, teachers, lawyers. We've had everyone at this table, right? CPAs, like I welcome all the mamas because at the end of the day, I think we're all trying to better ourselves. And that can mean so many different things for each and every one of us, right? Some of us want new clients. Some of us want to just make new friends like you name it, we're there. We want to grow our businesses. I love it. So then you realize too sitting there like everyone's got a story, like everyone. So women who have completely, know, women have completely changed careers. They've started over, they've lost things. We've heard this, we've rebuilt. Women have figured it out as they went. ⁓ And it kind of normalizes the pivot, which is incredible to see in real time because again, I think we're so afraid of the pivot that seeing it in front of your face while you're eating dinner. And having this intimate conversation with all these beautiful and amazing women and moms, like you see that it's actually very normal and it's very much happening. So it makes you realize you're not behind, you're not alone, and you're definitely not the only one whose plan didn't go as expected because you're going to hear a lot of that. So it opens doors truly more than anything, though, it opens doors, real conversations, connections and real opportunities that don't happen when you're sitting at home or even behind a computer screen. Just trying to figure it all out by yourself. That's why I'm intentional about these dinners. They are 20 people capped max. No awkward networking. I'm just passionate about this, so I'm just like really like getting fired up, but no surface level conversations. We don't do that. We're real women, real moms, real stories, and just real connections. So it makes you realize, right? Because sometimes the pivot that you need really just comes from being in the right room with the right people. So that's why this was created. ⁓ I still have some tickets left for our May dinner. have a couple dates also remaining for the year. We have July, we have September and we have November. So again, 20 women and moms capped. You don't have to be a mom to attend. We have our moms, we have our mommies and it's just amazing. But get your tickets, message me for more information. It's in Chicago. It's the second Wednesday of these months that I've mentioned. So reach out to me. I would love to see you there. So if you're in a season where things are just not going according to plan. Honestly good and I mean that because this might be the moment where you stop following this plan that you know wasn't fully aligned and maybe you start building something that actually is okay, so you don't have to have it all figured out You just need to be willing to truly move one pivot at a time. That's all it takes So this resonated with you share it with another mom who might be in the middle of her own pivot or even is thinking of starting her pivot And if you've been thinking about coming to one of our dinners, this is your sign. This is your sign. You've been thinking of coming to one of our Mommy Collective, you know, plug dinner series, please reach out to me. Tickets available at themommycollective.com. Always up there, all the information. ⁓ I'll see you there. And I love you, and I mean it.