Latest / Two Broke Chicks / $0 Formula To Enter Your Unbothered Era ft Alexis Fernandez

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$0 Formula To Enter Your Unbothered Era ft Alexis Fernandez · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always
0:03
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
0:12
Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm.
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Speaker 3: Sal and I'm out and this is too broke Chicks
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Speaker 3: to show that she has life lessons and tips to
0:16
Speaker 3: help make you rich in life. And welcome back to
0:19
Speaker 3: our angel and friend.
0:20
Speaker 2: Alexis back. She's back, baby. How many times have we
0:25
Speaker 2: had you on the pod? Now?
0:26
Speaker 4: I feel like poor yeah, or this is the fourth
0:30
Speaker 4: I don't know this is this is the fourth, but
0:32
Speaker 4: everyone's obsessed with you.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, So we're going to get Alexis back on.
0:37
Speaker 3: And if you chicks aren't familiar, Alexis hosts the Do
0:39
Speaker 3: Your Fucking Mind podcast and we've had her on the
0:42
Speaker 3: show quite a few times, and today we have you
0:45
Speaker 3: on because we're about to enter our unbothered era.
0:48
Speaker 2: This is the unbothered era. We need bummy. Yeah, yeah,
0:52
Speaker 2: I'll give it today. Yeah, I love it. I can't wait.
0:55
Speaker 3: And as too chronic overthinkers, I think we're like the
0:58
Speaker 3: perfect patience for you, naughty man.
1:03
Speaker 2: How are we giving you like one on one therapy?
1:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, but before we get into the juicy part of
1:08
Speaker 3: the episode, you know, we love to start with a
1:10
Speaker 3: life lesson yes of the week.
1:11
Speaker 2: So would you like to kick yourself?
1:13
Speaker 4: I guess my life lesson of the week is do
1:18
Speaker 4: less to do more. So I find that when I
1:23
Speaker 4: really lean into like really slow afternoons or really slow Sundays,
1:29
Speaker 4: or just like pockets, and it doesn't have to be
1:31
Speaker 4: a full day, but pockets in the week where I
1:33
Speaker 4: do next to nothing but intentional. So I'm not talking
1:35
Speaker 4: about doom scrolling, but intentional rest.
1:40
Speaker 2: Like R and R, I am then.
1:42
Speaker 4: At least fourfold more productive when I actually am working.
1:46
Speaker 4: So it's like, if you're feeling burnt out, it's so counterproductive.
1:49
Speaker 4: You think you're doing more because you have to do more,
1:51
Speaker 4: but you are so much slower in everything that you
1:53
Speaker 4: do because you've just got way too much shit on.
1:55
Speaker 4: You're trying to juggle a thousand things at the same time.
1:57
Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, everyone who's listening a fucking go.
2:00
Speaker 2: It's so good.
2:02
Speaker 1: That ties into my word of the year. My word
2:03
Speaker 1: of the year is less. Yes, yeah, this it's a lot.
2:06
Speaker 5: That less is so much fucking isn't it.
2:09
Speaker 3: Do you have any hacks on how to actually switch off?
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Speaker 4: Well, so one thing, my sister calls it because she's
2:16
Speaker 4: a firefighter, so it's yeah, she's like she's hardcore. She's
2:19
Speaker 4: an absolute weapon. She's like in special rescue. She's hardcore,
2:23
Speaker 4: and she does like twenty four hour shifts, and she
2:26
Speaker 4: does these like scheduled pajama days, so it's a day
2:29
Speaker 4: where you do not get out of your pajamas a
2:31
Speaker 4: whole day.
2:32
Speaker 2: She's like, you could do.
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Speaker 4: A scheduled You're like, I did that.
2:34
Speaker 2: I supposed to be scheduled. You didn't have to.
2:40
Speaker 4: But it's like, as long as you are intending to
2:43
Speaker 4: do not much at all. So she's like, the intention
2:45
Speaker 4: of that day is to make it so lazy that
2:49
Speaker 4: by the time tomorrow rolls around, I cannot.
2:51
Speaker 2: I am leaving it.
2:53
Speaker 4: So she will, And if you don't have a full day,
2:56
Speaker 4: that's fine, you could you could schedule like this afternoon,
2:58
Speaker 4: I'm actually blocking out three hours before, but so like
3:02
Speaker 4: make it way earlier, get into my pajamas earlier, and
3:04
Speaker 4: just read a book or you know, if you enjoy cooking,
3:08
Speaker 4: like slowly cook a meal, watching a rom com, that's
3:10
Speaker 4: what I do. So my way switching off in the
3:12
Speaker 4: afternoon if I've had a really hectic day rom com
3:15
Speaker 4: while like cooking a meal that I really enjoy because
3:18
Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of cooking normally. But if it's
3:20
Speaker 4: like it's for me, it's almost a meditation. It winds,
3:23
Speaker 4: it unwinds.
3:24
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, like it's it's something methodical.
3:27
Speaker 4: Yes, because if you if you try to just sit
3:29
Speaker 4: in silence, your mind will be going on going. So
3:32
Speaker 4: you're almost better doing a methodical task that doesn't require
3:35
Speaker 4: high focus and you slowly unwind and you start to
3:38
Speaker 4: really relax.
3:39
Speaker 2: So yeah, either a scheduled.
3:40
Speaker 4: Pajama day or you know, some methodical task that will
3:44
Speaker 4: help you.
3:44
Speaker 2: Unwind and comfort. Movie.
3:46
Speaker 5: But it's the number one rom com.
3:47
Speaker 2: Oh okay, these are like I don't know about number one.
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Speaker 4: But I love French Kiss, I love You've Got Mail,
3:54
Speaker 4: I love Made of Honor.
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Speaker 2: It's complicated. There's just so many, Okay.
3:59
Speaker 1: I would like to have a full circle moment since
4:01
Speaker 1: Alexis is back. Last time Alexis was on the show,
4:05
Speaker 1: we read out the top fifteen most attractive male hobbies.
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Speaker 2: Yeah that's right now.
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Speaker 1: After getting reefed on social media for reading the most attractive,
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Speaker 1: I'd like to read the least yay it if I
4:21
Speaker 1: choose to put this on TikTok men.
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Speaker 2: I didn't write this list.
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Speaker 1: Okay, this was surveyed from another person.
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Speaker 2: It's not personal and you're beautiful.
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Speaker 5: Okay, all right. So from number fifteen.
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Speaker 2: What is that? What is that? It says, Mano sphere.
4:46
Speaker 2: I do a quick google. I'm getting it's like a
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Speaker 2: computer game. Well, okay.
4:51
Speaker 3: The Google suggestions are Manosphere podcast, Manosphere read it Manosphere.
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Speaker 4: Like the male podcast where they're like, I'm a man's microphone.
5:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is dark.
5:04
Speaker 3: The Manisphere is a network of online men's communities against
5:07
Speaker 3: the empowerment of women and who promote anti feminists and
5:09
Speaker 3: sexistpl Yeah.
5:10
Speaker 1: That makes sense, and I'm really they're not number one,
5:12
Speaker 1: Oh what the fuck?
5:14
Speaker 2: Okay, that's only number fifteen, all right, okay.
5:17
Speaker 1: Number fourteen, gambling, number thirteen, pawn wow, yeah, number twelve
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Speaker 1: arguing online. Another one funko is that like those funko pops?
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Speaker 2: Surely not sure it's going to be something.
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Speaker 1: Okay, Number ten marijuana, Number nine clubbing, clubbing.
5:39
Speaker 2: I think it's I think that.
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Speaker 4: I mean, if you're going out clubbing all the time
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Speaker 4: and you're like an adult who's got respond to mind
5:47
Speaker 4: a good party, I'm like, I love a spontaneous night out.
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Speaker 5: I love getting a bit drunk with my boyfriend.
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Speaker 3: I'm imagining those guys though, who like go out with
5:56
Speaker 3: the lads and.
5:56
Speaker 1: They like get table absolutely with like the bottle of vodka.
6:00
Speaker 3: Exactly, and then they like, you know, go and ask
6:02
Speaker 3: for a bunch of chicks numbers and don't reply to
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Speaker 3: their girlfriend.
6:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well if it's that then yeah, yeah, right, next
6:07
Speaker 1: one's cigars.
6:09
Speaker 2: Okay, don't mind a cigar.
6:10
Speaker 5: I'm like for a special occase.
6:14
Speaker 1: The next one, crypto, this one, I completely disagree with.
6:19
Speaker 2: Makeup. No, that's fine, Yeah, that would be amazing.
6:23
Speaker 5: Put eyeliner on. I actually prefer it.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, great, men in makeup, men in makeup smash Yeah,
6:30
Speaker 3: why not?
6:32
Speaker 5: Then we have anime and then MTG.
6:36
Speaker 3: I don't know what that is, but I'm scared to
6:39
Speaker 3: look at the magic the gathering.
6:41
Speaker 2: Is that a game?
6:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, the trading card game?
6:44
Speaker 2: Oh my god?
6:47
Speaker 5: If that is that they're referring number five.
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Speaker 1: Okay, so now we're in the top four of the
6:53
Speaker 1: top four least attractive male hobbies for is drinking?
6:58
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm going to sell you that is like its sessive.
7:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a beautiful dinner and they know how
7:03
Speaker 2: to choose a wine. That's what They're.
7:05
Speaker 5: Like, let's pair this one, and I'm like, the cheapish rot.
7:08
Speaker 1: Please they have wine anyway.
7:14
Speaker 5: Number three debating don't argue with me?
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Speaker 2: Isn't that also arguing online?
7:20
Speaker 5: So kind of but this is maying in person, so
7:23
Speaker 5: basically shut up.
7:25
Speaker 2: They just want the Basically they just wanted to shut up.
7:28
Speaker 2: Agree with me, agree with me.
7:30
Speaker 1: Number two is cosplay, and then number one is comic books.
7:36
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, I mean, okay, it's not attractive, but
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Speaker 4: I would not have that as number one.
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Speaker 2: No comparison to so many of them.
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Speaker 3: Fifteen number fifteen should be number one. I'm so surprised
7:49
Speaker 3: because people don't know what it is the people who
7:52
Speaker 3: are being served, I think.
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Speaker 5: So I feel like I agreed with the most attractive.
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Speaker 2: Well, yes, because reading was number one, wasn't it. Yeah, right,
8:01
Speaker 2: So we love reading, but we don't like comic books.
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Speaker 2: They're not the same air. It's so judgmental, it's the
8:07
Speaker 2: same thing. But yeah, it's time to get into our
8:10
Speaker 2: unbothered era.
8:10
Speaker 5: Time to get into our unbothered air.
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Speaker 3: Okay, So, starting off, what's the difference between being unbothered
8:24
Speaker 3: and being indifferent and just not giving a fuck about anything.
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Speaker 4: Yes, okay, so I think that firstly you want to
8:31
Speaker 4: look at what does bothered mean? Because to care about something,
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Speaker 4: to have you know, passion behind something is I think
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Speaker 4: the most important thing in life, right Like, if we
8:41
Speaker 4: don't have that, then what is the point. So to
8:43
Speaker 4: care to invest your time, your energy, your emotions into
8:47
Speaker 4: something that is all kind of I think what we
8:49
Speaker 4: strive for end life because the happiest people in the
8:52
Speaker 4: world are the ones that give a shit that the
8:54
Speaker 4: ones that like really put their heart and soul into
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Speaker 4: they invest. The most unhappy people are the ones that
8:58
Speaker 4: are very surface level.
8:59
Speaker 2: And a lot. So that is caring.
9:03
Speaker 4: And I think bothered is things that it's kind of
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Speaker 4: It looks like overthinking, It looks like being irritable, It
9:10
Speaker 4: looks like being embarrassed and revisiting embarrassing moments. It looks
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Speaker 4: like trying to mind read Oh my god, they're maybe
9:18
Speaker 4: thinking these or oh my god, oh or you know,
9:21
Speaker 4: or they're going to want me to say this, or
9:23
Speaker 4: you know, people pleasing it is all these things. It's
9:27
Speaker 4: trying to mold yourself into something because you think you're
9:31
Speaker 4: going to get a better result. So I've got to
9:33
Speaker 4: pretend to be someone else so he likes my message
9:35
Speaker 4: or he replies to me, or all that kind of stuff.
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Speaker 2: So that's bothered. I'm now bothered.
9:39
Speaker 4: And also to add another layer to that, when you're unbothered,
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Speaker 4: it should never negatively impact somebody else.
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Speaker 2: So it shouldn't be like I don't give a fuck,
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Speaker 2: I'm not fuck. It's not not caring.
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Speaker 4: It's I need to be less bothered, so this doesn't
9:55
Speaker 4: affect my mental health. That's how you want to look
9:58
Speaker 4: at being unbothered. Care, care about the people you love,
10:01
Speaker 4: care about your life, passions, put in all your energy
10:05
Speaker 4: into that, but not into the stuff that makes you bothered.
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Speaker 4: You know, because something that's important isn't bothering you. It
10:12
Speaker 4: might be weighing on you, it might be you know,
10:14
Speaker 4: but it shouldn't bother you. So that's how I differentiate
10:17
Speaker 4: the two.
10:18
Speaker 2: I love sad.
10:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's an important distinction. And you recently
10:23
Speaker 3: did an episode on how to enter our Unbothered era
10:26
Speaker 3: and you had five steps. Yes, so we'll start with
10:29
Speaker 3: step one, which was detach. Can you explain that process
10:34
Speaker 3: of how we attach ourselves to things that bother us,
10:37
Speaker 3: how to identify that and then how to detach.
10:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we I think that it's so easy to
10:43
Speaker 4: become attached to something.
10:45
Speaker 2: And the reason we become attached to things, whether.
10:47
Speaker 4: It be through limeerents, like somebody that is not texting
10:50
Speaker 4: us back, and we're attached to that, whether it be
10:52
Speaker 4: something about our identity, whether it be you know, we
10:55
Speaker 4: attach ourselves to the outcome of something so heavily. And
10:59
Speaker 4: the reason for that is because like attracts like. And
11:01
Speaker 4: I say it all the fucking time, but basically, one
11:04
Speaker 4: thought makes it so much easier to think of a
11:06
Speaker 4: similar thought and then a similar feeling thought similar, and
11:08
Speaker 4: that's where we end up spiraling.
11:10
Speaker 2: That's like catastrophic thoughts, that's you know. So that's how it.
11:14
Speaker 4: Becomes really easy to be attached to something. And also
11:16
Speaker 4: it comes down to how much emotion you are putting
11:19
Speaker 4: behind that thing. So when something is emotionally charged, whether
11:23
Speaker 4: it's good or whether it's bad, we get deeper and
11:26
Speaker 4: deeper and deeper into that emotion. So one of the
11:29
Speaker 4: best ways to become less attached when you're looking at
11:32
Speaker 4: a negative emotion like anxiety or fear or you know,
11:35
Speaker 4: fear of the unknown is to name what it is
11:40
Speaker 4: that is causing you this like anguish in your body.
11:44
Speaker 4: So for example, you could be like, you know, you
11:46
Speaker 4: feel a straight away, you feel a change in your body.
11:49
Speaker 4: Always listen to your body first, and you think, okay,
11:50
Speaker 4: I feel a bit heavier. I'm just like, something's clearly wrong.
11:53
Speaker 4: When did this start? And then you think it's when
11:55
Speaker 4: I received that text message. It's when I open my emails,
11:57
Speaker 4: That's when it started. Then you think a kind going
11:59
Speaker 4: to name it was the email that I received from
12:02
Speaker 4: this person. Okay, now I've named it. And it sounds
12:04
Speaker 4: so basic because you're just naming something, but you actually
12:07
Speaker 4: use a different part of the brain when you name something.
12:11
Speaker 4: And it's been tested on all kinds of different fears,
12:15
Speaker 4: Like they've done studies on this stuff.
12:16
Speaker 2: And one of the major studies that actually.
12:18
Speaker 4: Did it on people with like full blown orchnophobia, like
12:20
Speaker 4: fear of spiders. They had a group of people who
12:24
Speaker 4: would go and interact or just.
12:26
Speaker 2: Like get really close to a spider. So one group
12:28
Speaker 2: had to be.
12:29
Speaker 4: Like, just let just just be emotional, just be and
12:31
Speaker 4: so they're like, oh my god, hyperventilating, having a really
12:34
Speaker 4: bad time. The other group just had to name what
12:36
Speaker 4: they were feeling, like, I'm feeling very scared, I'm feeling actually,
12:39
Speaker 4: i'm feeling sweaty, I'm feeling whatever. Then the other group
12:42
Speaker 4: had to be like, I'm all good, it's fine, i
12:43
Speaker 4: feel great, it's all good.
12:45
Speaker 2: Then the next time round, they.
12:47
Speaker 4: Wanted to see how it changed how they approached the
12:49
Speaker 4: spider the next time, like two days later. I can't
12:51
Speaker 4: remember the time frame, but there was like a bit
12:52
Speaker 4: of a wash out period they went and the people
12:55
Speaker 4: that named their fear were able to get a lot
12:58
Speaker 4: closer to that spider. They were able to rationalize their
13:01
Speaker 4: fear so much more. And the reason for that, it's
13:03
Speaker 4: called name it to tainment, And you can do this
13:05
Speaker 4: with any emotion. The reason for that is when we
13:08
Speaker 4: feel an emotional feeling, you're using like the amygdala, the
13:11
Speaker 4: olympic system.
13:12
Speaker 2: It's like part of the mid brain. It's more primitive.
13:14
Speaker 4: It's what causes us to respond in the moment, so
13:16
Speaker 4: we need it. It's important. But then it goes like
13:18
Speaker 4: off the rails for a lot of us, and then
13:20
Speaker 4: when you for most of us, and then when you
13:23
Speaker 4: name it, you're using your prefrontal cortex that's like you're
13:26
Speaker 4: reasoning your forward planning, your executive function. So that causes instantly,
13:30
Speaker 4: it causes these two brain regions to communicate, so you're
13:33
Speaker 4: already in your head without having to talk yourself down
13:36
Speaker 4: off the ledge. Your brain's already doing that for you.
13:38
Speaker 4: It starts to reason. So it doesn't it doesn't eliminate
13:41
Speaker 4: the stimulus. The spider is still there, the person still
13:44
Speaker 4: hasn't messaged you back, but your brain stops catastrophsing. Yeah,
13:49
Speaker 4: I'm still aware that this thing is there, but I'm
13:52
Speaker 4: so much more capable for dealing with it right now instantly,
13:55
Speaker 4: like takes the edge off. There's going to be a
13:57
Speaker 4: population of people out there because I did a TikTok
13:59
Speaker 4: on this and so many people like, wow, it's worked
14:01
Speaker 4: straight away, This has worked for me, And there's like
14:03
Speaker 4: a couple of like this doesn't work for me.
14:04
Speaker 2: It's like, this is general advice. There might be one
14:06
Speaker 2: or two people that need to try.
14:07
Speaker 4: It a few tu difference, but for the general population,
14:12
Speaker 4: that is one of the best ways to detach yourself
14:15
Speaker 4: from an emotional investment in something that feels really negative.
14:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, also like things like that, it does take work.
14:20
Speaker 1: It does take effort, and it does depend on the
14:22
Speaker 1: thing that you're dealing with. It's like a big time
14:24
Speaker 1: you know, it's not a way to be like if
14:26
Speaker 1: you're stressed.
14:26
Speaker 2: And like, no, don't be stressed.
14:28
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like when someone's sad and they're like, no,
14:30
Speaker 1: be sad, and it's like no, it's not going to
14:32
Speaker 1: work like that.
14:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, And we're not saying you're going to cure the problem.
14:34
Speaker 4: If I'm feeling heartbroken and I'm having a really really
14:37
Speaker 4: bad time, I can just be like, look, I'm feeling
14:39
Speaker 4: really anxious because and I can just explain what's going
14:42
Speaker 4: on to myself.
14:42
Speaker 2: That doesn't remove the heartbreaking.
14:44
Speaker 1: Is it just you know, yeah, it seem sort of
14:46
Speaker 1: cognitive diffusion. Yes, yeah. So it's like you're naming the
14:51
Speaker 1: feeling exactly and the emotion rather than that it being
14:54
Speaker 1: a fact exactly. Yeah.
14:55
Speaker 4: So you're just yeah, and you're like kind of talking
14:57
Speaker 4: yourself through what it is that you're experiencing, and you're
14:59
Speaker 4: just really, what you're aiming to do is to.
15:02
Speaker 2: Get the brain regions communicating better.
15:05
Speaker 4: And when they communicate better than you, you self soothe
15:07
Speaker 4: a whole lot better.
15:08
Speaker 1: And I also find it so interesting that the denial
15:11
Speaker 1: group wasn't the best I know, because it's you can
15:14
Speaker 1: so often think that if you know positive affirmations, but
15:16
Speaker 1: it's like not acknowledging it and just burying it. Yes,
15:19
Speaker 1: wasn't actually the best method.
15:22
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people think, oh, well, I've
15:24
Speaker 4: got to think positive thoughts all the time.
15:25
Speaker 2: I got to think good thoughts. But it's not.
15:27
Speaker 4: It's I need to know what I'm feeling so I
15:30
Speaker 4: can actually process it better. Like and this is me
15:33
Speaker 4: going on a tangent, but there's other studies that we've
15:36
Speaker 4: done that people that cry when they need to cry
15:39
Speaker 4: are a lot happier than people that try and hold
15:43
Speaker 4: back tears.
15:43
Speaker 5: Crying so happy.
15:46
Speaker 2: It's actually really therapeutic. It's like a tactical cry.
15:49
Speaker 4: If you can cry when you actually so, it's not
15:51
Speaker 4: saying I'll put it on a sad song and force
15:53
Speaker 4: yourself to cry. That's not at all it and it
15:55
Speaker 4: doesn't recommend that you do that. But if you're like,
15:57
Speaker 4: oh my god, I need to grunte to cry, because
15:59
Speaker 4: it's sure like neurochemicals that gets released in your tears
16:03
Speaker 4: that make you feel better. So it's never about avoiding
16:05
Speaker 4: your emotions. It's feel it, but don't exacerbate it and
16:07
Speaker 4: don't force yourself to spiral.
16:09
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like a tactical cry in
16:12
Speaker 1: your late twenties and thirties is like a tactical bomb.
16:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, tactical cry is the new tactical bomb. Yeah, that's
16:21
Speaker 2: your lesson.
16:23
Speaker 1: What if you're.
16:24
Speaker 5: Vomiting and crying?
16:32
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's move on to step two, which is
16:35
Speaker 1: the pause. So how can you identify the triggers?
16:39
Speaker 2: The pause is a great thing.
16:40
Speaker 4: So the pause is literally for anything that requires a
16:44
Speaker 4: bit of thought or emotion behind it.
16:46
Speaker 2: And I'll get into that in one second.
16:47
Speaker 4: Give yourself a pause that's long enough to take a
16:51
Speaker 4: deep breath.
16:52
Speaker 2: Okay.
16:53
Speaker 4: So, for example, if you're someone with social anxiety and
16:56
Speaker 4: someone invites you out and you're a people pleaser, and
16:58
Speaker 4: you say, oh yeah, yeah, yep, and then you're like,
17:00
Speaker 4: how do I cancel later? How do I This is
17:04
Speaker 4: where you take a breath. Doesn't even have to be
17:06
Speaker 4: that obvious.
17:06
Speaker 2: You don't have to be like you just quietly go pause,
17:13
Speaker 2: and then you say can I get back to you
17:14
Speaker 2: on that?
17:15
Speaker 4: You've already just made your life so much because when
17:18
Speaker 4: you pause, you stop going you go.
17:21
Speaker 2: From reactive to proactive.
17:22
Speaker 4: You give yourself that moment your brain thing switches on,
17:25
Speaker 4: it switches, something changes, and you think, I've got that
17:29
Speaker 4: one moment to become self aware enough that I'm not
17:31
Speaker 4: going to be reactive anymore. I had that moment to
17:33
Speaker 4: remove the reactivity, and now I can say, and you
17:35
Speaker 4: can prep yourself for these things.
17:36
Speaker 2: I'll get back to you on that. I have to
17:38
Speaker 2: check my diary.
17:38
Speaker 4: And then when you're in your own comfortable space, you think,
17:41
Speaker 4: am I actually do I actually want to be at
17:43
Speaker 4: this event? And if I do, how can I prepare
17:45
Speaker 4: myself so I feel safe going to this event without
17:47
Speaker 4: having like a full mental breakdown when I'm there.
17:50
Speaker 2: Or another thing would be if I'm really.
17:51
Speaker 4: Angry and someone says something to me and I snap
17:54
Speaker 4: and say something hopeful and then I've got demons take
17:57
Speaker 4: a pause and just say I need to talk about
18:01
Speaker 4: this at another time, or like I need a moment.
18:03
Speaker 2: I just need a moment.
18:04
Speaker 4: Like I always say to people, if you're having an
18:05
Speaker 4: argument with your partner, the healthiest thing you can do
18:07
Speaker 4: is like, can we just have five and come back,
18:09
Speaker 4: Because by the time.
18:10
Speaker 2: You come back, you are not screaming at each other. Yeah,
18:12
Speaker 2: and you communicate so much better because people are.
18:14
Speaker 4: Like, but I want it now in the moment, it's like, no,
18:16
Speaker 4: I'm giving you the worst version of myself right now.
18:18
Speaker 2: This is just not helpful.
18:20
Speaker 4: So the same God, there's so many times where you're
18:23
Speaker 4: basically when you think, if I'm reacting, if I'm going
18:25
Speaker 4: to react, take a breath. And the other reason why
18:29
Speaker 4: it's important to and ideally take a big breath if
18:31
Speaker 4: possible is this the sigh. When you take a sigh
18:36
Speaker 4: and the best so dogs teach us a lot about this.
18:39
Speaker 4: So dogs, if you observe a dog just before they're
18:41
Speaker 4: going to go to sleep, they will.
18:43
Speaker 2: Circle, SoC socle, lie down, huge sign, I do yes.
18:47
Speaker 5: And when you've got a dog and you go big.
18:49
Speaker 4: S And so dogs when they want to drift into
18:55
Speaker 4: a different state, either date, relaxation, or sleep, they'll do
18:58
Speaker 4: a big sign because they're like telling their brain I'm
19:01
Speaker 4: changing states. What happens is you basically go into reactivity.
19:07
Speaker 2: You know you're changing.
19:08
Speaker 4: You know your nervous system is always telling you, do
19:10
Speaker 4: I need to be on high alert or can I relax?
19:13
Speaker 4: So if you're on high alert, you're not digesting properly.
19:15
Speaker 4: That's why stress causes a lot of digestive issues. When
19:18
Speaker 4: you're you know, you're like your heart is racing, you
19:21
Speaker 4: don't feel that good. If you are anxious and stressed,
19:24
Speaker 4: you are not doing a deep breath, so your body
19:26
Speaker 4: knows that, so you trick your body. A deep sigh
19:30
Speaker 4: makes your body think, well, I mustn't be under threat
19:32
Speaker 4: if I can take a nice, long, deep breath, so
19:35
Speaker 4: you instantly switch into rest and relaxation mode. You tell
19:38
Speaker 4: your brain has a switch, and you think, oh, well,
19:41
Speaker 4: I must be okay because.
19:43
Speaker 2: If you actually were danger, because if.
19:44
Speaker 4: It was actually made at danger, you couldn't stop and
19:47
Speaker 4: have a big side. You were actually responding to the
19:49
Speaker 4: d You're like, oh well, I'm about to be hit
19:50
Speaker 4: bike a big side.
19:51
Speaker 2: Like you wouldn't. You're like, I need to actually respond
19:54
Speaker 2: right now.
19:54
Speaker 4: So when you're able to do the big site, it's
19:57
Speaker 4: almost like you're intercepting what's happening. So that's why, when
20:00
Speaker 4: ever possible, in this pause time, you're like, change my state,
20:03
Speaker 4: change my state before I react, big breath, let it
20:07
Speaker 4: all out, and instantly you're able to be like, I
20:09
Speaker 4: can't give you the answer right now, or just I
20:11
Speaker 4: need a moment, or you know, I'm not gonna say
20:13
Speaker 4: that hateful thing. I can just say what I actually
20:16
Speaker 4: mean without lashing out. There's so many moments where you think, wow,
20:20
Speaker 4: the way I reacted to that.
20:21
Speaker 2: I'm actually now less bothered.
20:24
Speaker 4: But if I reacted in a way that was that
20:25
Speaker 4: was lashing out, not only have you probably hurt someone
20:29
Speaker 4: with what you've said, but then you've also got demons
20:32
Speaker 4: for weeks to come being like now I'm a psycho.
20:37
Speaker 5: Like I didn't want to react that way, and that's
20:39
Speaker 5: bothering you.
20:40
Speaker 2: Then you're bothered, you know.
20:41
Speaker 4: So I think it's so important if you can master
20:43
Speaker 4: the pause, it will change your life and you become
20:46
Speaker 4: a much more relaxed person because that then becomes automatic.
20:49
Speaker 2: It's like it's.
20:50
Speaker 4: Kind of forced at the start, but then the more
20:52
Speaker 4: you do it, your body just uses that as the
20:54
Speaker 4: automatic reply every time.
20:57
Speaker 1: I really love that analogy, not even an analogy, but
21:01
Speaker 1: that example.
21:02
Speaker 4: Of the dogs, and now when you see a dog doing.
21:07
Speaker 1: It's so I feel like even just visualizing that makes
21:10
Speaker 1: it so helpful. It's like when you're like spiraling your baby,
21:14
Speaker 1: like no, think of a dogs, like.
21:15
Speaker 4: Think of the dog trying to fall asleep, huge sigh,
21:18
Speaker 4: and then they're.
21:19
Speaker 2: Off to I love that. It's like a magic trick.
21:22
Speaker 3: Yeah it is, because like why can't our brains tell
21:25
Speaker 3: the difference between I've received an email and I'm getting
21:29
Speaker 3: chased down.
21:30
Speaker 2: By a bear? Like why those responses are the same.
21:32
Speaker 3: But I love that in having that in your tool kit,
21:37
Speaker 3: let's go onto step three self talk. So how does
21:40
Speaker 3: the way that we speak to ourselves impact our emotions
21:44
Speaker 3: and how we respond to things?
21:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, so massively.
21:47
Speaker 4: So kind of similar to what I was talking about
21:50
Speaker 4: with you know, getting different brain regions to communicate with
21:52
Speaker 4: each other, and it helps talk you down at the
21:54
Speaker 4: ledge like name entertainment. Self talk overall makes you feel
21:59
Speaker 4: a whole lot more more in control of your emotions.
22:01
Speaker 4: That's kind of the basis of this whole unbothered thing
22:04
Speaker 4: is I want to be in control of my emotions,
22:07
Speaker 4: and I don't want my emotions to be in control
22:09
Speaker 4: of me. It's not about not feeling emotions. You still
22:12
Speaker 4: should feel the entire spectrum of emotions that there is.
22:14
Speaker 4: Like I still get anxious, I still get hurt, I
22:16
Speaker 4: still get embarrassed, I still you know, because I think
22:18
Speaker 4: people think, well, how do you never It's like, I
22:21
Speaker 4: feel everything you feel. But I guess the thing that
22:23
Speaker 4: I like to claim is that I can intercept it
22:28
Speaker 4: relatively quickly. Yeah, you know so, And that is in
22:31
Speaker 4: how you talk to yourself. So, for example, you have
22:34
Speaker 4: a thought about yourself or about a situation, and you
22:38
Speaker 4: want to look at how you are wording that thought
22:42
Speaker 4: and if the wording is really universal. Like, for example,
22:46
Speaker 4: let's say you embarrass yourself.
22:48
Speaker 2: In front of someone.
22:49
Speaker 4: You like, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid,
22:52
Speaker 4: I'm so this, I'm sorry, and then you start and
22:54
Speaker 4: then you feel really bad. And even if you're not
22:56
Speaker 4: speaking the words, because some people say, oh but I
22:58
Speaker 4: don't think in words, but you're feeling it. You're feeling shame,
23:02
Speaker 4: you feel embarrassment, you feel like you don't want to
23:04
Speaker 4: be seen in public. You feel but we all know
23:06
Speaker 4: that feeling. But we're being very catastrophic here. So what
23:10
Speaker 4: you have to do is then name again, name the thing,
23:14
Speaker 4: but replace it with a statement. And when you replace
23:17
Speaker 4: it with a statement like I'm all for affirmations, I'm
23:20
Speaker 4: big on affirmations.
23:21
Speaker 2: However, you've got to do them right for them to work.
23:24
Speaker 4: And if you're in a really low vibration state, like
23:28
Speaker 4: I'm a failure to then say everybody loves me does
23:32
Speaker 4: not feel real and then you're like shit.
23:35
Speaker 2: And so what I.
23:35
Speaker 4: Say is like, what is a thought that's a bit
23:38
Speaker 4: more empowering than that. So you could say, if you think,
23:41
Speaker 4: oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, I'm such a failure,
23:43
Speaker 4: I'm this and that, just say I embarrass myself one
23:46
Speaker 4: time I provide so much laughter to my friends, or
23:49
Speaker 4: I provide so much value to my friends.
23:51
Speaker 3: You know.
23:52
Speaker 4: You know, I can think of one example where I
23:53
Speaker 4: embarrass myself, but I can think of three really great
23:56
Speaker 4: examples where I've excelled socially, like I just pulled my
23:58
Speaker 4: friend out of her heartbreak yesterday, or I just, you know,
24:00
Speaker 4: was that shoulder to cry on for somebody else, Or
24:02
Speaker 4: I made these people laugh or I you know, So
24:05
Speaker 4: that you start to counter and that's with yourself talk.
24:08
Speaker 4: So then the more you do that, the easier it
24:12
Speaker 4: is to counteract thought. It takes practice, just like any
24:17
Speaker 4: you know, growing a muscle or whatever, but eventually that
24:20
Speaker 4: actually becomes automatic in the brain. So if we're someone
24:23
Speaker 4: that instantly thinks the worst and starts to spiral and
24:26
Speaker 4: the only way we snap out of it is by
24:27
Speaker 4: being distracted.
24:28
Speaker 2: Then you've never fixed the problem. So you want to
24:31
Speaker 2: be like, I don't want.
24:32
Speaker 4: To wait for a distraction for me to start feeling
24:34
Speaker 4: better about myself. I want to be the one who
24:37
Speaker 4: can pull myself out of this. I want to be
24:38
Speaker 4: able to rely on myself to pull myself out of
24:41
Speaker 4: this really like low feeling thought, and the same thing
24:44
Speaker 4: goes for like, oh I failed that exam, Now I
24:46
Speaker 4: feel like a failure. You can think I failed one thing,
24:49
Speaker 4: but here's three things that have really succeeded at. He's
24:51
Speaker 4: three things that are pretty good at And then when
24:52
Speaker 4: you go to that next step, then you think it's
24:54
Speaker 4: possible for me to get better at that.
24:56
Speaker 2: It's possible. What would it take for me to actually
24:58
Speaker 2: be good at this?
25:00
Speaker 4: When you go from this like low vibration to think
25:02
Speaker 4: I could do that, this could be possible.
25:04
Speaker 2: This you know, same like when you're embarrassed. It's like
25:07
Speaker 2: embarrassing things happen to people.
25:08
Speaker 4: All the time, and I've there's been things that have
25:10
Speaker 4: happened to my friends that have been so embarrassing that
25:11
Speaker 4: I've been laughing my head off that I now can't recall,
25:14
Speaker 4: and it's like in stitches laughing and now I'm.
25:16
Speaker 5: Like, I could remember that, but I'm that friend I don't.
25:21
Speaker 2: Being hilarious.
25:23
Speaker 4: So it's like, really, just like you've got to you
25:27
Speaker 4: need to kind of minimize it, because we're very good
25:30
Speaker 4: at grabbing one isolated event and magnifying at times one
25:34
Speaker 4: hundred and thinking that everyone else perceives it the way
25:36
Speaker 4: we perceive it. It's never the case. It's never the case.
25:38
Speaker 4: Even if people laugh at you, it's still never the case,
25:41
Speaker 4: you know, because they've got their own shit. They might
25:42
Speaker 4: have laughed, but now they're thinking about something else. You
25:44
Speaker 4: can't let that determine how you're going to behave around
25:46
Speaker 4: that same person again in the future and things like that.
25:49
Speaker 2: So that's what I mean by how you talk to yourself.
25:52
Speaker 4: You're just basically thinking of how can I counter this
25:55
Speaker 4: with a more empowering thoughts.
25:56
Speaker 1: Okay, we've got two more steps, So the emotional toolkit.
26:02
Speaker 5: What is an emotional toolkit?
26:03
Speaker 4: So an emotional toolkit is something that you can refer
26:06
Speaker 4: back to that will always lift your mood and make
26:09
Speaker 4: you feel either funny like me, Yeah, like a menu,
26:14
Speaker 4: but even easier than a dopamine menu because you don't
26:17
Speaker 4: even have to be doing things. So I have, for example,
26:23
Speaker 4: so I got a list of funny things.
26:25
Speaker 2: So that's one thing that I could go to.
26:27
Speaker 4: I've got a particular playlist that I have that it's
26:30
Speaker 4: literally to turn my mood around. That for me is
26:34
Speaker 4: you've got to really curate that playlist. It kind of
26:36
Speaker 4: any sad lyrics, it kind of any it's got to
26:38
Speaker 4: be an empowering playlist. If any song that could pick
26:41
Speaker 4: any song out of that playlist and be like, no,
26:42
Speaker 4: I'm in a better mood.
26:43
Speaker 5: What kind of song's on it?
26:44
Speaker 4: Oh, there's all sorts of things. I've got like reggaeton
26:47
Speaker 4: in there. I've got a lot of like nineties music
26:51
Speaker 4: that's been remade into house all music classics. It's just
26:56
Speaker 4: empowering banger after banger.
26:58
Speaker 2: Love it. So that is another one.
27:00
Speaker 4: Another one is like I've got a whole bunch of
27:02
Speaker 4: screenshots from people that have written to me with the podcast.
27:06
Speaker 4: So if I'm ever like or if I'm ever feeling
27:09
Speaker 4: like a little bit like lacking in like inspiration for
27:14
Speaker 4: the podcast, if I just read a few.
27:15
Speaker 2: Of those, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so inspired.
27:18
Speaker 3: You know.
27:18
Speaker 4: So when you're needing that inspiration, then I think that's
27:21
Speaker 4: where you kind of lean towards the screenshots, the music,
27:27
Speaker 4: the funny thing. So you've got like, depending on your mood,
27:29
Speaker 4: sometimes you're like, oh, reading funny things isn't going to
27:31
Speaker 4: turn my mood around, but a playlist will, or you know,
27:34
Speaker 4: things like that I think will always very very.
27:38
Speaker 2: Quickly switch your mood. A good example of.
27:41
Speaker 4: This is this this guy did like a TikTok and
27:44
Speaker 4: he said, every time I'm like crying or sad, I
27:47
Speaker 4: put on what was it, party rock anthem. He's like,
27:50
Speaker 4: you cannot cry, he cannot cry. You try, you try
27:55
Speaker 4: to cry, I think flops.
27:59
Speaker 2: Back to like an old video of him crying in
28:01
Speaker 2: the car.
28:02
Speaker 4: These tiny, tiny kind of interceptions really change it for me.
28:07
Speaker 4: We are suckers to like almost wallowing in our pain.
28:10
Speaker 4: So a lot of the time we'll be feeling so
28:12
Speaker 4: just like, no, I need to.
28:12
Speaker 2: Feel sad on you know.
28:14
Speaker 4: It's like, but if you're serious about you know, let's
28:17
Speaker 4: let's turn it around.
28:18
Speaker 2: Let's switch it up.
28:18
Speaker 4: I want I don't want this to affect me how
28:20
Speaker 4: much I put on party rock anthems, try to.
28:23
Speaker 2: Cry, I love that, I feel like.
28:25
Speaker 3: That kind of leads on to step five, which is
28:28
Speaker 3: the micro joy moments. Yes, can you explain what that
28:31
Speaker 3: is and the psychology behind a micro joy moment?
28:34
Speaker 4: Definitely, So we I think, get so like caught up
28:38
Speaker 4: in I will be happy when this thing happens, and
28:41
Speaker 4: I'll be happy when I'm in.
28:42
Speaker 2: A relationship and when this.
28:44
Speaker 4: So we've got these big markers of what we deem
28:47
Speaker 4: to be success emotionally and career wise and all these things.
28:51
Speaker 4: But if you're trying to work towards all of these
28:53
Speaker 4: things while at the same time spiraling being really bothered
28:57
Speaker 4: about things all the time, then it's almost count productive
29:00
Speaker 4: to you achieving anything. Like I was kind of saying before,
29:03
Speaker 4: like do less to do more. It's kind of even emotionally,
29:06
Speaker 4: if everything is in the future, everything's like that will
29:09
Speaker 4: happen when when this? Then we're not actually ever enjoying
29:15
Speaker 4: the present. And sometimes you never want to look back
29:18
Speaker 4: and be like, oh my god, they were such good days.
29:20
Speaker 2: Why was I not thrilled back then? So happy back then?
29:24
Speaker 4: So basically you want to wake up and almost prime
29:27
Speaker 4: yourself so you're more aware of these moments, but you
29:29
Speaker 4: want to wake up and think it's my It's like,
29:33
Speaker 4: it's at the top of my list to find joyful
29:36
Speaker 4: moments today. So like little joyful moments, because when you've
29:40
Speaker 4: primed yourself to look for them, then when they happen,
29:42
Speaker 4: you don't brush over them thinking, oh, like you lean in.
29:45
Speaker 4: For example, when I get home, and this is something
29:48
Speaker 4: that I've really leant into lately. I get home, I'll
29:51
Speaker 4: put everything down and I'll sit on the floor and
29:53
Speaker 4: I'll have at least five minutes if my dog and
29:55
Speaker 4: I don't.
29:55
Speaker 2: Listen to anything, and I'm like squeezing. He's just a
29:58
Speaker 2: beautiful angel. I love him so much.
29:59
Speaker 4: Bus I'm obsessed out can confirm you guys, he loves
30:04
Speaker 4: you guys so much. But yeah, it's like that, and
30:07
Speaker 4: I'm so happy after that interaction.
30:10
Speaker 2: I'm like, I could literally get home pat him on
30:11
Speaker 2: the head.
30:12
Speaker 4: I'm busy, but it's like that moment or it's a
30:15
Speaker 4: moment of Okay, I have this. I love sweet treats,
30:18
Speaker 4: and I'm trying to veer away from sweet treats just
30:20
Speaker 4: a little bit. So I the other day my sister
30:24
Speaker 4: and I were trying to do I've already failed, so
30:26
Speaker 4: don't worry, but I'm starting again the seventy five hard.
30:28
Speaker 4: But I was trying to admind the diet that I
30:30
Speaker 4: set for myself. I'm like, I'm happy with what I eat.
30:32
Speaker 4: I'm not going to really do it, but I will
30:34
Speaker 4: cut out sweet treats because that's the mental challenge for me. Yeah,
30:37
Speaker 4: and I really wanted to sweet treats. So I just
30:39
Speaker 4: went home, opened the frege and I inhaled like thirty
30:42
Speaker 4: olives and it was so beautiful that moment. I'm like,
30:46
Speaker 4: this is a joyful moment, Like I just love olives
30:49
Speaker 4: so much.
30:52
Speaker 2: You know, when a meal arrives, don't be on your phone.
30:54
Speaker 4: If you're at a restaurant and a meal arrives, this
30:56
Speaker 4: is like, savor the moment when you get your cough,
31:00
Speaker 4: don't be distracted, smell it, hold it. And these moments
31:05
Speaker 4: of like joy, these moments where you're like I could
31:08
Speaker 4: be leaning into these tiny moments throughout the day, and
31:10
Speaker 4: before I know it, I've had a really happy day
31:12
Speaker 4: and nothing major happened. But it's just because I was
31:14
Speaker 4: so present in those little things that I live for.
31:16
Speaker 4: But when they're happening, I'm not present, you know, So
31:19
Speaker 4: that's the main thing. And then when you are like that.
31:22
Speaker 2: Your mood is lifted.
31:23
Speaker 4: You can also a tin and more dope that when
31:25
Speaker 4: something not that good happens, you are more unbothered because
31:28
Speaker 4: you're in a better state.
31:29
Speaker 2: Your overall state is better because you're more appreciated, more resilient.
31:33
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're resilient. And then negative things happening.
31:36
Speaker 4: And when you're happy, you are proactive and not reactive,
31:39
Speaker 4: You're able to deal with things better.
31:41
Speaker 2: You can pacify yourself better.
31:42
Speaker 4: Like we were talking about all these tools that we
31:45
Speaker 4: spoke about, you can like intercept them so much easier
31:47
Speaker 4: when you're in a better mood overall.
31:49
Speaker 1: I find it also helpful because like I'm sure a
31:52
Speaker 1: lot of the chicks can relate to this as well.
31:54
Speaker 1: Like my brain just goes like a million miles an hour,
31:56
Speaker 1: and being present isn't always.
31:58
Speaker 2: The easiest task.
32:00
Speaker 1: That even if it's five minutes at the end of
32:02
Speaker 1: the day and going, Okay, what was my highlights this day?
32:05
Speaker 1: Like every night, Robin, I will be like, what was
32:07
Speaker 1: your highlight of the day? His is always coming home
32:10
Speaker 1: and you have to pick.
32:11
Speaker 4: Something yes, yes, yes, that's my hat.
32:13
Speaker 5: Aright, and I'm like you silk well.
32:16
Speaker 4: So another thing you can do if you're like, well,
32:18
Speaker 4: how can I is make the statement in your head
32:21
Speaker 4: of how amazing is it that?
32:24
Speaker 2: Oh like that so?
32:25
Speaker 4: And you can use this like a thousand times in
32:26
Speaker 4: your day. So, for example, the other day, because I'm
32:28
Speaker 4: trying to use that more often. The other day, I
32:30
Speaker 4: grabbed with this book that I started reading, and I
32:32
Speaker 4: such a good book.
32:33
Speaker 2: It's called The Paris Apartment. It's like mystery horror, very cool.
32:37
Speaker 4: And I sit down on my couch, I'd like tidy
32:39
Speaker 4: the place, and I sit down, and before I did anything,
32:40
Speaker 4: I thought.
32:41
Speaker 2: How amazing is it that I'm about.
32:44
Speaker 4: To And it's like that moment, That moment is what
32:46
Speaker 4: you live for. It's like, how amazing is it that
32:48
Speaker 4: I can just walk to my own grocery store?
32:50
Speaker 2: This is pretty cool?
32:51
Speaker 4: Like I live, I really love where I live. I
32:53
Speaker 4: really love Oh, you have a great interaction with your neighbor.
32:55
Speaker 4: How amazing is it that I live in a building
32:56
Speaker 4: where I actually like the people around it. Like, so
32:59
Speaker 4: you just like if you say how amazing is it?
33:00
Speaker 4: That finish the sentence? How many times can you say
33:03
Speaker 4: that in your day.
33:03
Speaker 5: It's actually quite a bit like that challenge.
33:07
Speaker 3: I think that's so important as well, because if you
33:09
Speaker 3: don't do that, even when you do achieve those really
33:12
Speaker 3: big things that are the future milestones that you were
33:14
Speaker 3: talking about before, you can't be grateful for that because
33:19
Speaker 3: you're not in the emotional place to really even appreciate
33:22
Speaker 3: exactly because you're just burnt out.
33:24
Speaker 5: You're not appreciating the small things.
33:26
Speaker 4: And you think, when that amazing thing happened, I don't
33:28
Speaker 4: think I even was that excited because there was so
33:30
Speaker 4: much weighing me down.
33:32
Speaker 2: In other ways.
33:33
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've experienced the same where like big, big things
33:36
Speaker 4: have happened, you know, in my life, and I'm like,
33:40
Speaker 4: I just feel like I could have enjoyed it so
33:42
Speaker 4: much more, but I was so like stressed and focused
33:43
Speaker 4: on that thing.
33:44
Speaker 5: You're like done, what's the next?
33:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, So you need to sit with that for longer
33:47
Speaker 1: and really soak it in.
33:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, smag it up, smack it in.
33:53
Speaker 3: But to wrap up the episode, we always like to
33:56
Speaker 3: ask what's the biggest life lesson? But for this episode,
34:00
Speaker 3: what's the biggest life lesson you've picked up in your
34:02
Speaker 3: unbothered erar.
34:03
Speaker 4: I mean, I kind of already knew this. It's not
34:05
Speaker 4: really the biggest life lesson, but I just feel like
34:11
Speaker 4: actual happiness is just always in the subtleties. It's always
34:16
Speaker 4: in the subtleties, and then when big things happen, it's
34:19
Speaker 4: almost like you can laughing, like, look what I've created
34:23
Speaker 4: through the subtle, you know, and the more unbothered I've been, Like,
34:26
Speaker 4: when you're bothered, when things affect you, you don't appreciate
34:30
Speaker 4: the good things that happen. Like if I allowed a
34:32
Speaker 4: negative email to bother me, then someone could write me
34:35
Speaker 4: something really beautiful and I'll skim over and being like, oh,
34:37
Speaker 4: that's nice, you know, instead of being like, Wow, I
34:40
Speaker 4: didn't really like that email. I'm going to name it
34:41
Speaker 4: entertainment and then I'm going to you know, compartmentalize that.
34:46
Speaker 4: And then someone writes something ask to me and I
34:47
Speaker 4: can really sit in it and be like, this is
34:49
Speaker 4: a happy moment for me. This is so I feel
34:51
Speaker 4: like what I've learned is being unbothered really teaches you
34:55
Speaker 4: to be.
34:56
Speaker 2: So much happier in the moment, like so much more
34:58
Speaker 2: present in the moment.
34:59
Speaker 4: And it takes training, like it takes, you know, all
35:02
Speaker 4: these steps that we were talking about, like.
35:03
Speaker 2: Just consistency, because it feels a little.
35:05
Speaker 4: Bit overwhelming at the start if it's someone who overthinks.
35:07
Speaker 4: But I think that that, yeah, like you'll become just
35:11
Speaker 4: an overall happier person being unbothered.
35:13
Speaker 2: Love it.
35:13
Speaker 3: I feel unbothered right now, right now. But before we
35:19
Speaker 3: let you go, where can the chicks find you? And
35:22
Speaker 3: because you announced something very exciting.
35:25
Speaker 4: So you can find me at my podcast. It's called
35:28
Speaker 4: do You Fucking Mind?
35:29
Speaker 2: Mindset Hacks for a Bad Ours Life?
35:32
Speaker 4: And I am doing a live show too around Australia.
35:37
Speaker 2: I'm so excited.
35:38
Speaker 4: Except Sydney. Sidney will come later in the year because
35:40
Speaker 4: I already did Sydney last year.
35:41
Speaker 2: You had your turn.
35:42
Speaker 4: But yeah, so it would be Gold Coast, Brisbane, Perth,
35:44
Speaker 4: Adelaide and Melbourne. Very excited Melbourn tickets hows are going crazy,
35:49
Speaker 4: die hard beans in Melbourne. And you can get tickets
35:53
Speaker 4: through my website which is dyfmpod dot com. Yeah yeah,
35:58
Speaker 4: and then there's just a page that just as live
36:00
Speaker 4: show tickets and then you find your city gorge you
36:02
Speaker 4: click through.
36:06
Speaker 5: It's always a pleasure, it's always.
36:08
Speaker 2: It's so fun. It's the best. I love it.
36:10
Speaker 1: And thank you to m o K made for making
36:12
Speaker 1: this episode of Two Bread Chicks happen. We love being
36:15
Speaker 1: in your ear holes, kisses, cuddles Next Tuesday.
36:19
Speaker 2: See Next Tuesday, Chicks. I love you, by by bye