Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Longing for Connection and Worth: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Seven

Transcript

Longing for Connection and Worth: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Seven · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Enea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this: to hear your own story differently.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well, you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine walking into a room and instantly sensing who needs what.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: A refill, a smile, a little encouragement?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost second nature.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Tuning in, showing up, and helping without being asked.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm inviting you to step into the heart of someone who thrives on connection, someone who gives freely, loves deeply, and sometimes forgets that they're allowed to need too.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can you guess who it might be, which Enneagram type we're going to be talking about?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let's step into the world and see what it feels like through their eyes.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: The string lights are twinkling, the lemonade is flowing, and the patio is buzzing with laughter and conversation.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's my friend's birthday, and I help pull together every detail.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: The playlist, the balloons, the handwritten place cards, all the little touches that make people feel special.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone, while they seem happy, relaxed and grateful.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But halfway through the evening, as I refill the chip bowl for the third time and wipe down the counter again, I catch myself scanning the crowd and wondering why hasn't anyone said thank you?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do they even notice how much work went into this?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Would anyone care if I just stepped away?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: My kids?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they showed up, but they're starting families of their own now.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: They just snapped a few photos and then wandered off.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Totally fine, totally independent.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: No coming to me.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Mom, can you help me?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: No little arms pulling me close.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And for a second, that old ache rises.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: If no one needs me right now, do they even want me?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then it happens.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: One of the guests raises a glass for a toast.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: But they think someone else for planning the party.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: They don't even mention me at all.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I freeze for a second, smiling politely, of course, but inside, oh man, it hurts and it hurts deep.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I decide to laugh it off and I brush the crumbs off the counter.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then I offer to top off someone else's drink.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I do, because that's what I do best.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I show up, I pigeon, I make people feel seen.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But tonight, I feel that quiet ache that I usually keep buried.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think back to how when I was little, I used to always make little gifts for my teachers.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I would sit with the lonely kid at recess.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And also I remember how good it felt when someone said, Hey, you're so thoughtful.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe somewhere along the way, my little girl self just learned that love looks like doing.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that being helpful made me worthy of love.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: But here I am standing on the sidelines of a party I helped create and plan.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And all I want to feel is is wanted.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I slip outside for a breath of air.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: The sky is dusky and wide, streaked with pink and lavender.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And for a moment, I stand there hugging my arms around myself, feeling the quiet ache in my chest.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And in this stillness, I whisper, Oh Jesus, please help me remember that I'm worthy of love.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Even when everything I've done goes unseen, unappreciated, and unnoticed.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: My words hang there in the warm night.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I take a deep breath, letting it all sink in.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I watch the twinkle lights way in the distance.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: I hear laughter ripple from the patio behind me.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then something small, but brave rises up.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of slipping further into the shadows like I normally would, I pull up my phone and text my best friend.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, are you free for coffee next week?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've been feeling a little off, and I'd just love to have someone listen to me for a little bit.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds simple, but for me, this is a huge step.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because tonight I'm not just going to show up for everyone else.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am taking a tiny step to let someone show up for me too.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And as I turn back toward the party, not to refill a triple or straighten the napkins, but to simply just be there and be present, my shoulders feel just a bit lighter.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Loved, wanted, enough.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, friend, before I reveal whose evening we just witnessed, who do you think I'm talking about?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who sees the world like this?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is it an Enneagram nine, an Enneagram two, or an Enneagram four?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you guessed the Enneagram type two, you are correct.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Twos are warm, generous, and deeply tuned in to what others need.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're typically the glue that holds families, friendships, and communities together.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And at the heart of it all, their biggest fear is being unloved or unwanted.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And what do they long for most?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: To feel loved, needed, and appreciated just for being themselves.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Vineagram 2's biggest struggle is pride.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the loud showy kind.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's the subtle belief that says, others need me more than I need help myself.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Two's do give and give and give, but sometimes they struggle to ask for what they need.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And their love is genuine.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's real.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: But it can get tangled up with the quiet ache to feel indispensable.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the good news.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: When an Enneagram two starts to believe that they are already loved, apart from anything they do or give, something can shift.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: They become radiant, they love with open hands, not from scarcity, but from overflow.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Twos teach the rest of us something so important, that real love isn't measured by how much you give, but by how fully you're willing to receive.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: They remind us that showing up for others is beautiful, but so is allowing others to show up for you.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: That being strong and dependable is good.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: But so is emitting when you're the one who needs help or rest.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think of it like a candle.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: A candle can shine brightly, but first it has to be lit.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when a two lets their own hearts be filled or lets their heart be lit, their love can burn warmer, brighter, and longer than ever before.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe this is the invitation to know that love something isn't you have to hustle for, it is something to open up and receive.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to introduce you to someone who knows what it looks like to live as an Enneagram too, but also someone who has learned to live loved even when she's not the helper in the room.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is her wholehearted transformation journey.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Just about two years ago, I was serving on the executive team of a well-established nonprofit organization.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: From the outside, it looked like I was thriving, doing meaningful work, leading with purpose, but inside I was stretched like an old rubber band, worn thin and just one pull away from snapping, like the kind you find in your grandpa's toolbox.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to give enough hours and attention to my team, to my husband, to my children, and really wanting and wishing that I could be a superhero grandma.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: I kept pushing forward, but it was costing me.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: It cost me my peace, my self-worth, and my health.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I could not find that woman who I thought I was meant to be.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: It felt like I had lost her.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: She was not in my windshield, and I couldn't even see her in my rearview mirror.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Where had she gone?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: The desire to serve was genuine.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: I truly love helping, supporting, and showing up for people, but the way I was doing it, it was not sustainable.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was driven by pressure, perfectionism, and deeply rooted in fear of letting someone down and then ultimately not being needed.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you figured out by now.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm full on in Enneagram 2, the helper.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: For several years it felt like I was continually being swept away by this fierce undertow of one struggle after another.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Where were those rhythms of rest that my coach was talking about?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, the dream of being a superhero grandma had been placed on hold.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: We had been on an eight-year journey of navigating a very painful and confusing break in a relationship with one of our adult children.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: There were seasons when we were invited into their world and everything seemed great, only to be cut off again, without warning, without explanation.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: The cycle was physically exhausting, and the silence felt like emotional abuse.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: My heart ached in a way I never imagined possible.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: We missed celebrations that I thought we would always be a part of.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: I missed connection.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: I missed the laughter, making memories that I had longed for, and of course the desire to serve them well.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: That pain became part of what depleted me, not just emotionally, but spiritually.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Confusion had taken up residence, and it was robbing me of my peace and my joy and even my sleep.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: I remember telling myself over and over again, I wasn't made for all this.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's too much, it's too often, and it's far too painful.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: The rubber band was dried out and frayed and ready to surrender its purpose.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: It was time to get help.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't keep living in survival mode.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: My husband was cheering me on from the sidelines, but he didn't fully understand just how overwhelmed I was.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: My friends had heard my broken record far too many times to even know what to say anymore.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And my family, they were tossing me short lifelines, new ideas, and quick fixes that felt completely unrealistic.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Our family was familiar with the Enneagram personalities, and we had all taken the test and experienced the freedom and understanding of knowing each other's types.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: We enjoyed lots of laughs as we could see perfect matches of characteristics and strengths and even weaknesses.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, it was one of the most eye-opening and beneficial things we had ever done as a family.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Fast forward to the day I was introduced to Amy Wicks, speaker, author, coach, and founder of Simply Wholehearted, I decided to give her a call.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: After just one session, we concurred that I was truly an Enneagram type two.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: At first, I had this misconception of being some pathetic person who needed everyone to affirm them and make them feel wanted.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: The label of helper even triggered me back to what I believed from my childhood that taking care of everyone else equaled true love.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: But Amy quickly explained that the helper, when acting from a healthy state of mind, has discerning qualities that other types may not possess.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: For example, I can walk into a room and see what the need is.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: We are detailed geeks and can see if anything or something can be made better, more comfortable, more invigorating.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: We notice who's sitting alone or needs an introduction.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's like second nature to see if someone needs a refill on their drink or needs us to empty their plate.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: This may not seem like a world changer, but we can certainly make the mission more comfortable.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: I learned that I thrive on connecting people who will benefit greatly from knowing each other.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: I give freely, I love deeply, and use my words carefully and desire to make the world a kinder, more loving place.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Part of my wholehearted journey revealed that it wasn't just about doing less, it was about doing things differently, rooted in love, not fear, in grace and not guilt.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to live a life that looked good from the outside but felt empty on the inside.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted wholeness.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted alignment.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to know that I could serve from overflow, not depletion.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Another life-changing session my coach challenged me with is to examine the motives behind my actions and my plans.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: I begin to notice when I was acting out of a need for affirmation or a pat on the back or a great job or we couldn't have done this without you.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now I strive to base my decisions and actions on pure, quiet motives, love and a genuine desire, not recognition.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: In our next session, I was given the task of making some small changes, like giving myself permission to say no or not now to invitations that would only deplete me.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: And going for walks without feeling guilty, investing in my health, because those small shifts were monumental, because they were rooted in something bigger.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was learning to believe that my value wasn't tied to my serving or my productivity.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: That meant making space to rest, to reflect, and to rediscover what brought me joy, not just purpose.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Spiritually, I began to hear God's voice more clearly, not because he had been silent, but because I had allowed too many things to wreak havoc in my mind.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: In the quiet, I sensed him gently saying, I never asked you to carry all of this.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: His grace was waiting for me, not just at the end of my to-do list, but right there in the middle of the mess.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: Emotionally, I started untangling my identity from being the dependable one.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I grieved some of the unhealthy patterns and choices I had lived in for over two decades.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I cried, I confessed, and I journaled.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: I prayed prayers that weren't polished or perfect, but they were honest and heartfelt.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And as I continue doing the deeper work, the woman I believe that I was created to be, she has started to emerge.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: I started feeling comfortable in my own skin.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds silly, doesn't it?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Until you don't.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I know some of you listening totally get this.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: As our coaching continued, Amy helped me unearth some unhealthy core values that I had unknowingly adopted.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Our morals and values begin to take shape at a very young age, formed by our families, our culture, and our life experiences.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: But thankfully, in God's faithfulness, he lovingly stepped in and corrected those dysfunctional beliefs.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: He gently reshaped that which was broken, bringing truth and healing where false narratives once were.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: One of the most powerful revelations was how much of my helping had been tied to my need for approval.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was often trading services for the sense of belonging.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that crazy?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: That realization was painful, but it was also freeing.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: My coach encouraged me to sit with those discoveries, not to rush past them or bury them.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, I began to invite God into these broken places.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I started asking him, What do you say about me?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: What is true?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And who do you say that I am?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: As I listened and opened up the pages of his book, I heard whispers of grace.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was already loved.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was already seen, and I was already chosen.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: This didn't mean that I stopped helping.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: It meant that I began helping from a different place, a whole place, no longer driven by the fear of being forgotten or unnoticed, but moved by genuine compassion and a deep awareness that love doesn't need to be earned.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: In closing, it became uncomfortably clear that I had placed my physical and mental health last on my priority list.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Not second or third, but dead last, right there with maybe I'll go on a safari someday or learn how to play the cello.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, taking care of my physical and mental health were just hopes and wishes, but not necessities.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was so focused on others that I didn't even realize how I had neglected the one body, one mind, and one spirit God had given me to take care of.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Amy helped me see that caring for myself wasn't selfish.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually sacred.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: That in order to give sustainably, I had to be willing to receive, to rest, to be refreshed, to nourish not just my body, but my soul and my spirit.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: In conclusion, looking back, I see now that God was never asking me to do more.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: He was gently inviting me to be more, more present, more whole, more aware of his love that doesn't depend on what I offer, but on who he says I am.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Through Amy's coaching and the Holy Spirit's kind conviction, I learned that transformation rarely comes in a flash.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's slow, it's sacred, it's often uncomfortable, but it's always worth unpacking and investing in yourself.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you like me have found your worth tangled up in what you do for others, or if you believe that being needed is the same as being loved, I want you to hear this clearly.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You are God's workmanship.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: You are already loved, you are already his delight, and he delights in your heart more than your hustle.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: There is so much freedom on the other side of striving, so much beauty and simply receiving and acting from pure motives.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: And from that place of rest, we don't stop helping, we just help differently, freely, joyfully, authentically.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: I continue to keep myself in check from being the servant, the solution, and the savior for everyone around me.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: When I pause and wait to see if God is really calling me to act, I'm surprised how he sweetly fulfills the outcome.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: And when we surrender our identity to God alone, this is where we find true rhythms of rest.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't her story powerful?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's true.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are not loved because you're helpful.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are loved because you are you.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the invitation for every Enneagram, too, is to serve from fullness, not to fill a void.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: As we finish up here, I want to leave you with a blessing and breath of prayer and specific for the one who is always ready to help.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: May you know deep down that your worth isn't measured by how much you give, but by the one who made you.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: May grace find you when you feel invisible.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: May you rest in the truth that love doesn't have to be earned.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And hear these words from 1 John 4, 19.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: We love because he first loved us.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Before you offered a thing, you were already loved.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: So let's take this breath together.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am loved and wanted.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: God calls me worthy.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, help me receive your love fully and serve from the overflow, not the emptiness.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Before you jump to listen to the next episode, I want you to take a minute to reflect on this question.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life are you still working to earn love?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what might it look like to simply receive today?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: If that question or anything from this episode stirred something inside you, I want to invite you to continue on your wholehearted transformation journey.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's a number of ways that you can do this.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, you can book a call with me today.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's a breakthrough and clarity call, one where you can get clear on your next right step that is perfect for your stage of life.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simplyhuhearted.com forward slash anyasummer to download your free Enneagram guide sheet and take your next step to better help you receive so you can pour out your love to others.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: This, my friend, is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: We are all broken, we are all blowing it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: But the Brave One, she does something about it.