Latest / Classic Adventure Audiobooks: Lost Worlds, Treasure Hunts & Survival Stories / 🟡 Those Extraordinary Twins (Full Audiobook) | Mark Twain

Transcript

🟡 Those Extraordinary Twins (Full Audiobook) | Mark Twain · Classic Adventure Audiobooks: Lost Worlds, Treasure Hunts & Survival Stories

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Those Extraordinary Twins introduction. This LibriVox recording is in the
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, visit LibriVox
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: dot org. Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain introduction. A
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: man who is born with the novel writing gift has
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: a troublesome time of it when he tries to build
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: a novel. I know this from experience. He has no
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: clear idea of his story. In fact, he has no story.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: He merely has some people in his mind and an
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: incident or two, also a locality. He knows these people,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: he knows the selected locality, and he trusts that he
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: So he goes to work to write a novel. No
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: that is a thought which comes later. In the beginning.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: He is only proposing to tell a little tale, a
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: very little tale, a six page tale. But as it
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: is a tale which he is not acquainted with and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: can only find out what it is by listening as
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: it goes along telling itself, it is more than apt
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: to go on and on and on till it spreads
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: itself into a book. I know about this because it
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: has happened to me so many times. And I have
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: noticed another thing, that as the short tale grows into
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: the long tale, the original intention or motif is apt
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: to get abolished and find itself superseded by a quite
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: different one. It was so in the case of a
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: magazine sketch which I once started to write, a funny
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: and fantastic sketch about of prints and a pauper. It
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: presently assumed a grave cast of its own accord, and
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: in that new shape spread itself out into a book.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Much the same thing happened with pudd'nhead Wilson. I had
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: a sufficiently hard time with that tale, because it changed
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: itself from a farce to a tragedy while I was
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: going along with it, a most embarrassing circumstance. But what
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: was a great deal worse was that it was not
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: one story, but two stories tangled together, and they obstructed
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: and interrupted each other at every turn, and created no
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: end of confusion and annoyance. I could not offer the
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: book for publication, for I was afraid it would unseat
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: the reader's reason. I did not know what was the
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: matter with it, for I had not noticed as yet
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: that it was two stories in one. It took me
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: months to make that discovery. I carried the manuscript back
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and forth across the Atlantic two or three times, and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: read it and studied over it on shipboard, and at
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: last I saw where the difficulty lay. I had no
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: further trouble. I pulled one of the stories out by
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: the roots and left the other one a kind of
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: literary cesarean operation. Would the reader care to know something
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: about the story which I pulled out? He has been
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: told many a time how the born and trained novelist works.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Won't he let me round and complete his knowledge by
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: telling him how the jack leg does it. Originally the
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: story was called Those Extraordinary Twins. I meant to make
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: it very short. I had seen a picture of a
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: youthful Italian freak, or freaks which was or which were
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: on exhibition in our cities, a combination consisting of two
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: heads and four arms joined to a single body, and
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: a single pair of legs. And I thought I would
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: write an extravagantly fantastic little story with this freak of
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: nature for hero or heroes, a silly young miss for heroine,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: and two old ladies and two boys for the minor parts.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I lavishly elaborated these people and their doings, of course,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: but the tale kept spreading along and spreading along, and
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: other people got to intruding themselves and taking up more
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: and more room with their talk and their affairs. Among
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: them came a stranger named pudd'nhead Wilson and a woman
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: named Roxanna, And presently the doings of these two pushed
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: up into prominence a young fellow named Tom Driscoll, whose
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: proper place was away in the obscure background. Before the
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: book was half finished, those three were taking things almost
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: entirely into their own hands, and working the whole tale
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: as a private venture of their own, a tale which
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: they had nothing at all to do with by rights.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: When the book was finished and I came to look
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: around to see what had become of the team I
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: had originally started out with Aunt Patsy Cooper, Aunt Betsy Hale,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: the two boys, and Rowena, the lightweight heroine. They were
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: nowhere to be seen. They had disappeared from the story
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: some time or other. I hunted about and found them,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: found them stranded, idle, forgotten, and permanently useless. It was
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: very awkward. It was awkward all round, but more particularly
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: in the case of Rowena, because the there was a
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: love match on between her and one of the twins
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: that constituted the Freak, and I had worked it up
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: to a blistering heat and thrown in a quite dramatic
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: love quarrel, wherein Rowena scathingly denounced her betrothed for getting
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: drunk and scoffed at his explanation of how it had happened,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: and wouldn't listen to it, and had driven him from
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: her in the usual forever way. And now here she
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: sat crying and broken hearted, for she had found that
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: he had spoken only the truth, that it was not
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: he but the other half of the Freak that had
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: drunk the liquor that made him drunk, That her half
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: was a prohibitionist and had never drunk a drop in
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: his life, and although tight as a brick three days
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: in the week, was wholly innocent of blame. And indeed,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: when sober, was constantly doing all he could to reform
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: his brother, the other half, who never got any satisfaction
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: out of drinking anyway, because liquor never affected him. Yes,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: here she was stranded with that deep injustice of hers
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: torturing her poor torn heart. I didn't know what to
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: do with her. I was as sorry for her as
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: anybody could be. But the campaign was over, the book
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: was finished, she was sidetracked, and there was no possible
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: way of crowding her in anywhere. I could not leave
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: her there, of course, it would not do. After spreading
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: her out so and making such a to do over
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: her affairs. It would be absolutely necessary to account to
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: the reader for her. I thought and thought, and studied
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: and studied, but I arrived at nothing. I finally saw
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: plainly that there was really no way but one. I
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: must simply give her the grand bounce. It grieved me
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: to do it, for after associating with her so much,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I had come to kind of like her after a fashion.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Notwithstanding she was such an ass and said such stupid,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: irritating things, and was so nauseatingly sentimental. Still it had
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: to be done. So at the top of chap ter seventeen,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I put in a calendar remark concerning July fourth, and
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: began the chapter with this statistic. Rowena went out in
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: the back yard after supper to see the fireworks, and
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: fell down the well and got drowned. It seemed abrupt,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: but I thought maybe the reader wouldn't notice it because
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I changed the subject right away to something else. Anyway,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: it loosened up Rowena from where she was stuck and
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: got her out of the way, and that was the
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: main thing. It seemed a prompt, good way of weeding
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: out people that had got stalled, and a plenty good
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: enough way for those others. So I hunted up the
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: two boys and said they went out back one night
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: to stone the cat and fell down the well and
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: got drowned. Next, I searched around and found old Aunt
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Patsy Cooper and Aunt Betsy Hale where they were aground,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: and said they went out back one night to visit
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: the sick and fell down the well and got drowned.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I was going to drown some of the others, but
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I gave up the idea, partly because I believed that
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: if I kept that up, it would arouse attention and
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: perhaps sympathy with those people, and partly because it was
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: not a large well and would not hold any more anyway. Still,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: the story was unsatisfactory. Here was a set of new
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: characters who were become inordinately prominent, and who persisted in
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: remaining so to the end and back Yonder was an
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: older set who made a large noise and a great
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: to do for a little while, and then suddenly played
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: out utterly and fell down the well. There was a
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: radical defect somewhere, and I must search it out and
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: cure it. The defect turned out to be the one
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: already spoken of. Two stories in one, a farce and
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: a tragedy. So I pulled out the farce and left
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: the tragedy. This left the original team in, but only
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: as mere names, not as characters. Their prominence was wholly gone.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: They were not even worth drowning. So I removed that dear. Also,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I took those twins apart and made two separate men
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: of them. They had no occasion to have foreign names now.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: But it was too much trouble to remove them all through,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: so I left them christened as they were, and made
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: no explanation. End of introduction. This is chapter one of
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain. Chapter one, The Twins
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: as they really were. The Conglomerate Twins were brought on
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: the stage in chapter one of the original Extravaganza. Aunt
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Patsy Cooper has received their letter applying for board and lodging,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and Rowena, her daughter, insane with joy, is begging for
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: a hearing of it. Well, sit down, then and be
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: quiet a minute, and don't fly around. So it fairly
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: makes me tired to see you. It starts off so honored, madam.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I like that, Ma, don't you It shows they're high bred. Yes,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I noticed that when I first read it. My brother
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: and I have seen your advertisement by chance in a
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: copy of your local journal. It's so beautiful and smooth, Ma,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: don't you think so? Yes, seems so to me, and
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: beg leave to take the room you offer. We are
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: twenty four years of age and twins. Twins, how sweet?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I do hope they are handsome, and I just know
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: they are. Don't you hope they are? Ma, Land I
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: ain't particular. We are Italians by birth. It's so romantic.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Just think there's never been one in this town, and
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: everybody will want to see them, and they're all hours
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: think of that, but have lived long in the various
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: countries of Europe and several years in the United States. Oh,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: just think what wonders they've seen. Ma. Won't it be
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: good to hear them talk? I reckon so yes, I reckon.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: So our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello beautiful, perfectly beautiful,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: not like Jones and Robinson and those horrible names you desire.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: But one guest. But dear madam, if you will allow
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: us to pay for two, we will not discommode you.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: We will sleep together in the same bed. We've always
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: been used to this and prefer it. And then he
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: goes on to say they will be down Thursday, and
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: this is Tuesday. I don't know how I'm ever going
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: to wait, Ma. The time does drag along so and
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: I'm so dying to see them. Which of them do
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: you reckon is the tallest? Ma? How do you suppose
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I can tell? Child? Mostly they are the same size.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Twins are well. Then, which do you reckon is the
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: best looking? Goodness? Nos? No, I don't I think Angelo is.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: It's the prettiest name anyway. Don't you think it's a
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: sweet name? Mah, yes, it's well enough. I'd like both
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: of them better if I knew the way to pronounce them.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: The Italian way, I mean the Missouri way, and the
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Italian way is different, I judge maybe, yes, it's Luigi
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: that writes the letter. What do you reckon is the
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: reason Angelo didn't write it? Why? How can I tell?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: What's the difference? Who writes it? So long as it's done. Oh,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I hope it wasn't because he is sick. You don't
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: think he is sick, do you? Mah sick? You're a granny.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: What's to make him sick? Oh, there's never any telling.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: These foreigners with that kind of names are so delicate.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: And of course that kind of names are not suited
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: to our climate. You wouldn't expect it, and so on
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: and so on. No end the time drags Alongay comes.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: The boat arrives in a pouring storm toward midnight. At last,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: there was a knock at the door, and the anxious
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: family jumped to open it. Two Negro men entered, each
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: carrying a trunk, and proceeded upstairs toward the guest room.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Then followed a stupefying apparition, a double headed human creature
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: with four arms, one body, and a single pair of legs.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: It or they, as you please, bowed with elaborate foreign formality,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: but the coopers could not respond immediately they were paralyzed.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: At this moment, there came from the rear of the
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: group of fervent ejaculation my land, followed by a crash
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: of crockery and the slave. Whence Nancy stood petrified and staring,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: with a tray of wrecked tea things at her feet.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: The incident broke the spell and brought the family to consciousness.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: The beautiful heads of the newcomer bowed again, and one
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: of them said, with easy grace and dignity, I crave
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: the honor, madam, and miss to introduce you to my brother,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Count Luigi Capellio. The other head bowed and myself Count Angelo,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and at the same time offer sincere apologies for the
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: lateness of our coming, which was unavoidable, and both heads
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: bowed again. The poor old lady was in a whirl
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: of amazement and confusion, but she managed to stammer out,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm glad to make your acquaintance, sir, I mean, gentlemen,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: as for the delay, it is nothing. Don't mention it.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: This is my daughter Rwena. Sir, gentlemen, please step into
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: the parlor and sit down and have a bite and sup.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: You are dreadful, wet and must be uncomfortable, both of you,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I mean. But to the old lady's relief. They courteously
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: excused themselves, saying it would be wrong to keep the
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: family out of their beds longer. Then each head bowed
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: in turn and uttered a friendly good night, and the
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: singular figure moved away in the wake of Rowena's small brothers,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: who bore candles and disappeared up the stairs. The widow
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: tottered into the parlor and sank into a chair with
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: a gasp, and Rowena followed. Tongue tied and dazed. The
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: two sat silent in the throbbing summer heat, unconscious of
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: the million voiced music of the mosquitoes, Unconscious of the
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: roaring gale, the lashing and thrashing of the rain along
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: the windows and the roof, the white glare of the lightning,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: the tumultuous booming and bellowing of the thunder, Conscious of
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: nothing but that prodigy, that uncanny apparition that had come
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: and gone so suddenly, that weird, strange thing that was
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: so soft spoken and so gentle of manner, and yet
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: had shaken them up like an earthquake with the shock
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: of its gruesome aspect. At last, a cold little shudder
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: quivered along down the widow's meager frame, and she said,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: in a weak voice, Ugh, it was awful, just the
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: mere look of that. Philippine Rowena did not answer. Her
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: faculties were still caked. She had not yet found her voice. Presently,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: the widow said, a little resentfully. Always been used to
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: sleeping together, in fact prefer it, And I was thinking
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: it was to accommodate me. I thought it was very
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: good of them. Whereas a person situated as that young
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: man is, MA, you oughtn't to begin by getting up
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: a prejudice against him. I'm sure he is good hearted
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and means well. Both of his faces show it. I'm
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: not so certain about that. The one on the left,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, the one on its left hasn't near as
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: good a face, in my opinion, as its brother. That's Luigi, yes, Luigi. Anyway,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: it's the dark skinned one, the one that was west
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: of his brother when they stood in the door, up
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: to all kinds of mischief and disobedience. When he is
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: a boy, I'll be bound. I lay his mother had
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: trouble to lay her hand on him when she wanted him.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: But the one on the right is as good as gold.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I can see that. That's Angelo, Yes, Angelo, I reckon
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: though I can't tell t'other from which by their names yet, awhile,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: But it's the right hand one, the blond one. He
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: has such kind blue eyes, and curly copper hair, and
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: fresh complexion, and such a noble face. Oh, it is
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: a noble face, Ma, just royal, you may say, and beautiful,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: deary me, how beautiful? But both are that? The dark
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: ones as beautiful as a picture. There's no such wonderful
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: faces and handsome heads in this town, none that even begin.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: And such hands, especially Angelo's, so shapely and stuff. How
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: could you tell which they belonged to? They had gloves on.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Why didn't I see them take off their hats? That
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: don't signify they might have taken off each other's hats.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Nobody could tell. There was just a wormy squirming of
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: arms in the air. Seemed to be a couple a
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: dozen of them, all writhing at once, and it just
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: made me dizzy to see them go. Why, MA, hadn't
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: any difficulty. There's two arms on each shoulder. There now
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: one arm on each shoulder belongs to each of the creatures.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Don't it for a person to have two arms on
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: one shoulder? Wouldn't do him any good, would it? Of
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: course not each has an arm on each shoulder. Now,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: then you tell me which one of them belongs to which,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: if you can. They don't know themselves. They just work
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: whichever arm comes handy. Of course they do, especially if
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: they are in a hurry and can't stop to think
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: which belongs to which. The mother seemed to have the
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: rights of the argument, so the daughter abandoned the struggle. Presently,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: the widow rose with a yawn and said, poor thing,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I hope it won't catch cold. It was powerful wet,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: just drenched. You may say, I hope it has left
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: its boots outside so they can be dried. Then she
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: gave a little start and looked perplexed. Now I remember
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I heard one of them ask Joe to call him
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: at half after seven. I think it was the one
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: on the left, No, it was the one to the
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: east of the other one. But I didn't hear the
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: other one say anything. I wonder if he wants to
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: be called too, do you reckon? It's too late to ask, why, Mama,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: it's not necessary calling one is calling both. If one
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: gets up, the other's got to shaw. Of course, I
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: never thought of that. Well, come along maybe we can
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: get some sleep, but I don't know. I'm so shook
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: up with what we've been through. The stranger had made
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: an impression on the boys too. They had a word
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: of talk as they were getting to bed. Henry the gentle,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: the humane, said, I feel ever so sorry for it,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: don't you, Joe? But Joe was a boy of this world, active, enterprising,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and had a theatrical side to him. Sorry, why how
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: you talk? It can't stir a step without attracting attention.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: It's just grand, Henry said, reproachfully instead of pitying it. Joe,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you talk as if talk is if what I know?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: One thing mt a certain if you can fix me
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: so I can eat for two and only have to
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: stub toes for one. I ain't gonna fool away, No
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: such chance, Just for a sentiment. The twins were wet
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: and tired, and they proceeded to undress without any preliminary remarks.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: The abundance of sleeve made the partnership coat hard to
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: get off, for it was like skinning a tarantula. But
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: it came at last, after much tugging and perspiring. The
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: mutual vest followed. Then the brothers stood up before the glass,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: and each took off his own cravat and collar. The
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: collars were of the standing kind and came high up
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: under the ears, like the sides of a wheelbarrow, as
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: required by the fashion of the day. The cravats were
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: as broad as a bank bill, with fringed ends, which
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: stood far out to the right and left, like the
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: wings of a dragonfly. And this also was strictly in
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: accordance with the fashion of the time. Each cravat, as
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: to color, was in perfect taste so far as its
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: owner's complexion was concerned. A delicate pink in the case
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: of the blond brother, a violent scarlet in the case
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: of the brunette. But as a combination they broke all
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: the laws of taste known to civilization. Nothing more fiendish
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: and irreconcilable than those shrieking and blaspheming colors could have
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: been contrived. The wet boots gave no end of trouble
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: to Luigi. When they were off. At last, Angelo said,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: with bitterness, I wish you wouldn't wear such tight boots.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: They hurt my feet. Luigi answered with indifference, my friend,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: when I am in command of our body, I choose
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: my apparel according to my own convenience, as I have
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: remarked more than several times already, when you are in
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: command and I beg you will do as you please.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Angelo was hurt and the tears came into his eyes.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: There was gentle reproach in his voice, but not anger
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: when he replied, Luigi, I often consult your wishes, but
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: you never consult mine. When I am in command, I
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: treat you as a guest. I try to make you
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: feel at home. When you are in command. You treat
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: me as an intruder. You make me feel unwelcome. It
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: embarrasses me cruelly in company, for I can see that
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: people notice it and comment on it. Oh damn, the
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: people responded the brother languidly and with the air of
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: one who is tired of the subject. A slight shudder
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: shook the frame of Angelo, but he said nothing, and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: the conversation ceased. Each buttoned his own share of the
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: night shirt in silence. Then Luigi, with Paine's Age of
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Reason in his hand, sat down in one chair and
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: put his feet in another, and lit his pipe, while
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Angelo took his whole duty of man, and both began
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: to read. Angelo presently began to cough. His coughing increased
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and became mixed with gaspings for breath, and he was
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: finally obliged to make an appeal to his brother's humanity. Luigi,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: if you would only smoke a little mild of tobacco,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I am sure I could learn not to mind it
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: in time. But this is so strong and the pipe
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: is so rank that Angelo, I wouldn't be such a baby.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I have learned to smoke in a week, and the
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: trouble is already over with me. If you would try,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: you could learn too, and then you would stop spoiling
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: my comfort with your everlasting complaints. Ah, brother, that is
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: a strong word, everlasting, and it isn't quite fair. I
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: only complain when I suffocate, you know, I don't complain
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: when we are in the open air. Well. Anyway, you
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: could learn to smoke yourself, but my principles, Luigi, you
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: forget my principles. You would not have me do a
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: thing which I gods a sin. Oh bosh. The conversation
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: ceased again, for Angelo was sick and discouraged and strangling,
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: But after some time he closed his book and asked
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Luigi to sing from Greenland's icy mountains with him, but
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: he would not, and when he tried to sing by himself,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Luigi did his best to drown his plaintive tenor with
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: a rude and rollicking song delivered in a thundering bass.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: After the singing, there was silence, and neither brother was happy.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Before blowing the light out, Luigi swallowed half a tumbler
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: of whisky, and Angelo, whose sensitive organization could not endure
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: intoxicants of any kind, took a pill to keep it
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: from giving him the headache. End of chapter one. This
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: is chapter two of Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Twain too. Ma Cooper gets all mixed up. The family
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: sat in the breakfast room waiting for the twins to
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: come down. The widow was quiet, the daughter was alive
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: with happy excitement. She said, Ah, they're a boon, Ma,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: just a boon, won't you think so? Las? I hope so.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, Ma, yes you do. They're so
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: fine and handsome and high bred and polite, so every
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: way superior to our gawks here in this village. Why
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: they'll make life different from what it was? So humdrum
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: and commonplace. You know, Oh, you may be sure they're
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: full of accomplishments and knowledge of the world and all
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: that that will be an immense advantage to society here,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: don't you think so? Ma, mercy on me? How should
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I know? And I've hardly set eyes on them yet?
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: After a pause, she added, they made considerable noise after
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: they went up. Noise? Why Ma, they were singing and
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: it was beautiful too. Oh, it was well enough, But
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: two mixed ups seemed to me. Now, Ma, honor bright,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: did you ever hear Greenland's Icy Mountains sung sweeter? Now?
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Did you? If it had been sung by itself, it
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: would have been uncommon? Sweet, I don't deny it, but
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: what they wanted to mix it up with old Bob Ridley?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: For I can't make out why they don't go together
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: at all. They're not of the same nature. Bob Ridley
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: is a common rackety slam bang secular song, one of
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: the rippingest and rantingest and noisiest there is. I am
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: no judge of music, and I don't claim it, but
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: in my opinion, nobody can make those two songs go together? Right?
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Why Ma, I thought it? Don't make any difference what
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: you thought, it can't be done. They tried it, and
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: to my mind it was a failure. I never heard
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: such a crazy uproar seemed to me sometimes the roof
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: would come off. And as for the cats, well, I've
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: lived many a year and seen cats aggravated in more way,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: but I've never seen cats take on the way they
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: took on last night. Well, I don't think that that
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: goes for anything, ma, because it is the nature of
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: cats that any sound that is unusual unusual, you may
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: well call it. So. Now, if they are going to
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: sing duets every night, I do hope they will both
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: sing the same tune at the same time, For in
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: my opinion, a duet that is made up of two
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: different tunes is a mistake, especially when the tunes ain't
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: any kin to one another. That way, But Ma, I
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: think it must be a foreign custom, and it must
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: be right too, and the best way, because they have
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: had every opportunity to know what is right. And it
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: don't stand to reason that with their education they would
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: do anything but what the highest musical authorities have sanctioned.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: You can't help but admit that, Ma. The argument was
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: formidably strong the old lady could not find any way
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: around it, so after thinking it over a while, she
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: gave in with a sigh of discontent and admitted that
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: the daughter's position was probably correct. Being vanquished, she had
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: no mind to continue the topic at that disadvantage, and
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: was about to seek a change when a change came
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: of itself. A footstep was heard on the stairs, and
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: she said, there he's coming. They Ma, you ought to
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: say they It's nearer right. The new lodger, rather shoutingly
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: dressed but looking superbly handsome, stepped with courtly carnage into
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: the trim little breakfast room and put out all his
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: cordial arms at once, like one of those pocket knives
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: with a multiplicity of blades, and shook hands with the
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: whole family simultaneously. He was so easy and pleasant and
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: hearty that all embarrassment presently thawed away and disappeared, and
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: a cheery feeling of friendliness and comradeship took its place.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: He or preferably, they were asked to occupy the seat
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: of honor at the foot of the table. They consented
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: with thanks, and car of the beef steak with one
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: set of their hands while they distributed it at the
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: same time with the other set. Will you have coffee, gentlemen,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: or tea coffee for Luigi if you please, Madam tea
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: for me, cream and sugar for me. Yes, Madam Luigi
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: takes his coffee black. Our natures differ a good deal
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: from each other, and our tastes also. The first time,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: the Negro girl Nancy appeared in the door and saw
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: the two heads turned in opposite directions and both talking
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: at once. Then saw the commingling arms feed potatoes into
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: one mouth and coffee into the other at the same time.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: She had to pause and pull herself out of a
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: faintness that came over her. But after that she held
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: her grip and was able to wait on the table
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: with fair courage. Conversation fell naturally into the customary grooves.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: It was a little jerky at first, because none of
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: the family could get smoothly through a sentence without a
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: wobble in it here and a break there caused by
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: some new surprise in the way of attitude or gesture
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: on the part of the twins. The weather suffered the most.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: The weather was all finished up and disposed of as
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: a subject before the simple Missourians had gotten sufficiently wanted
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: to the spectacle of one body feeding two heads to
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: feel composed and reconciled in the presence of so bizarre
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: a miracle. And even after everybody's mind became tranquilized, there
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: was still one slight distraction left. The hand that picked
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: up a biscuit carried it to the wrong head as
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: often as any other way, and the wrong mouth devoured it.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: This was a puzzling thing and marred the talk a little.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: It bothered the widow to such a degree that she
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: presently dropped out of the conversation without knowing it, and
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: fell to watching and guessing and talking to herself. Now
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: that hand is going to take that coffee to No,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: it's gone to the other mouth. I can't understand it.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: And now here is the dark complexed hand with a
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: potato in its fork. I'll see what goes with it.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: There the light complexed heads got it as sure as
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I live. Finally, Rowena said, MA, what is the matter
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: with you? Are you dreaming about something? The old lady
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: came to herself and blushed. Then she explained, with the
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: first random thing that came into her mind, I saw
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: mister Angelo take up mister Luigi's coffee, and I thought
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: maybe he sha'n't I give you a cup? Mister Angelo.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Oh no, madam, I am very much obliged, but I
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: never drink coffee, much as I would like to. You
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: did see me take up Luigi's cup, It is true,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: but if you noticed, I didn't carry it to my
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: mouth but to his. Yes, I thought you did. Did
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: you mean to how? The widow was a little embarrassed again.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: She said, I don't know but what I'm foolish and
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: you mustn't mind. But you see, he got the coffee
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I was expecting to see you drink, and you got
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: a potato that I thought he was going to get.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: So I thought it might be a mistake all around,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: and everybody getting what wasn't intended for him. Both twins laughed,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: and Luigi said, dear madam, there wasn't any mistake. We
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: are always helping each other that way. It is a
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: great economy for us both. It saves time and labor.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: We have a system of signs which nobody can notice
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: or understand but ourselves. If I am using both my
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: hands and want some coffee, I make the sign and
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Angelo furnishes it. To me, and you saw that when
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: he needed a potato, I delivered it. How convenient, Yes,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: and often of the extremest value. Take the Mississippi boats,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: for instance, they are always overcrowded. There is table room
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: for only half of the passengers. Therefore they have to
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: set a second table for the second half. The stewarts
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: rush both parties. They give them no time to eat
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: a satisfying meal, both to leave the table hungry. It
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: isn't so with us. Angelo books himself for the one table.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: I book myself for the other. Neither of us eats
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: anything at the other's table, but just simply works. Works.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Thus you see there are four hands to feed Angelo,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: and the same four to feed me. Each of us
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: eats two meals. The old lady was dazed with admiration
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: and kept saying it is perfectly wonderful, perfectly wonderful. And
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: the boy Joe licked his chops enviously, but said nothing
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: at least aloud. Yes, continued Luigi. Our construction may have
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: its disadvantages, in fact has but it also has its
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: compensations of one sort and another. Take travel, for instance.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Travel is enormously expensive in all countries we have been
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: obliged to do a vast deal of it. Come angelou,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: don't put any more sugar in your tea. I'm just
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: over one indigestion and don't want another right away. Been
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: obliged to do a deal of it. As I was saying, well,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: we always travel as one person, since we occupy but
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: one seat, so we save half the fair How romantic,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: interjected Rowena with effusion. Yes, my dear young lady, and
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: how practical too, and economical. In Europe, beds in the
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: hotels are not charged with the board, but separately, another
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: saving for we stood to our rights and paid for
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: the one bed only. The landlords often insisted that as
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: both of us occupied the bed, we ought. No, they didn't,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: said Angelo. They did it only twice, and in both
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: cases it was a double bed, a rare thing in Europe,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: and the double bed gave them some excuse be fair
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: to the landlords. Twice doesn't constitute often. Well, that depends,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: That depends. I knew a man who fell down a
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: well twice. He said he didn't mind the first time,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: but he thought the second time was once too often?
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Have I misused that word, missus Cooper To tell the truth,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I was afraid you had, but it seems to look
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: now like you hadn't. She stopped and was evidently struggling
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: with a difficult problem a moment. Then she added, in
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: the tone of one who is convinced without being converted,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: seems so, but I can't somehow tell why. Rowena thought
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Luigi's retort was wonderfully quick and bright, and she remarked
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: to herself with satisfaction that there wasn't any young native
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: of Dawson's Landing that could have risen to the occasion
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: like that. Luigi detected the applause in her face and
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: expressed his pleasure and his thanks with his eyes, and
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: so eloquently with all that. The girl was proud and
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: pleased and hung out the delicate sign of it on
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: her cheeks. Luigi went on with animation. Both of us
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: get a bath for one ticket. Theater seat for one
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: ticket pew rent is on the same basis, but at
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: peep shows we pay double. We have much to be
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: thankful for, said Angelo impressively, with a reverent light in
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: his eye and a reminiscent tone in his voice. We
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: have been greatly blessed. As a rule, what one of
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: us has lacked the other by the bounty of providence,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: has been able to supply. My brother is heardy. I
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: am not. He is very masculine, assertive, aggressive. I am
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: much less so I am subject to illness. He is
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: never ill. I cannot abide medicines and cannot take them,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: but he has no prejudice against them. And why, Goodness gracious,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: interrupted the widow, When you are sick, does he take
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: the medicine for you? Always? Madam? Why I never heard
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: such a thing in my life. I think it's beautiful
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: of you. Oh madam, it's nothing. I don't mention it.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: It's really nothing at all. But I say it's beautiful,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: and I stick to it, cried the widow, with a
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: speaking moisture in her eye. A well brother to take
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: the medicine for his poor sick brother. I wish I
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: had such a son. And she glanced reproachfully at her boys.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: I declare, I'll never rest till I've shook you by
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: the hand. And she scrambled out of her chair in
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: a fever of generous enthusiasm, and made for the twins,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: blind with her tears, and began to shake the boy.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Joe corrected her you're shaking the wrong one. Ma. This
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: flurried her, but she made a swift change and went
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: on shaking. Got the wrong one again, Ma, said the boy.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Oh shut up, can't you? Said the widow, embarrassed and irritated.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: Give me all your hands. I want to shake them all,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: for I know you are both just as good as
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: you can be. It was a victorious thought, a master's
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: stroke of diplomacy, though that never occurred to her, and
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: she cared nothing for diplomacy. She shook the four hands
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: in turn cordially, and went back to her place, in
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: a state of high and fine exultation that made her
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: look young and handsome. I owe everything to Luigi, said
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Angelo affectionately. But for him, I could not have survived
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: our boyhood days when we were friendless and poor, uh
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: so poor. We lived from hand to mouth, lived on
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: the coarse fare of unwilling charity, and for weeks and
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: weeks together, not a morsel of food passed my lips,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: for its character revolted me, and I could not eat it.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: But for Luigi I should have died. He ate for
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: us both, how noble, sighed Rowena. Do you hear that?
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Said the widow, severely to her boys. Let it be
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: an example to you, I mean you, Joe. Joe gave
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: his head a barely perceptible disparaging toss and said, ain't
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: for both. It ain't anything i'd a done it. Hush.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: If you haven't got any better manners than that, you
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: don't see the point at all. It wasn't good food.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I don't care. It was food, and I'd added if
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: it was rotten. Shame such language. Can't you understand? They
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: were starving, actually starve, and he ate for both and shocks.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: You give me a chance and out there now close
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: your head, and don't you open it again till you're asked.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Angelo goes on and tells how his parents, the Count
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: and Countess, had to fly from Florence for political reasons
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: and died poor in Berlin, bereft of their great property
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: by confiscation, and how he and Luigi had to travel
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: with a freak show during two years and suffer semi
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: starvation that hateful black bread. But I seldom made anything
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: during that time. That was poor Luigi's affair. I'll never
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: mister him again, cried the widow, with strong emotion. He's
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Luigi to me from this out. Thank you a thousand times, Madam,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: a thousand times, though in truth I don't deserve it.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Ah Luigi is always the fortunate one when honors are showering,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: said Angelo plaintively. Now what have I done, missus Cooper
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: that you leave me out come? You must strain a
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: point in my favor? Call you Angelo? Why, certainly I will.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: What are you thinking of in the case of twins? Why?
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: But Ma, you're breaking up the story? Do let him
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: go on? You keep still, Rowena Cooper, and he can
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: go on all the better. I reckon one interruption, don't hurt.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: It's two that makes the trouble. But you've added one now,
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: and that is three. Rowena. I will not allow you
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: to talk back at me when you have got nothing
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: rational to say. End of chapter two. This is chapter
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: three of Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording is in
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain. Chapter three,
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Angelo is blue. After breakfast, the whole village crowded in,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: and there was a grand reception in honor of the twins,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: And at the close of it, the gifted freak captured
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: everybody's admiration by sitting down at the piano and knocking
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: out a class sick four handed piece in great style.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Then the judge took it or them, driving in his
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: buggy and showed off his village. All along the streets,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: the people crowded the windows and stared at the amazing twins.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Troops of small boys flocked after the buggy, excited and yelling.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: At first, the dogs showed no interest. They thought they
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: merely saw three men in a buggy, a matter of
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: no consequence. But when they found out the facts of
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: the case, they altered their opinion pretty radically and joined
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: the boys, expressing their minds as they came. Other dogs
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: got interested, indeed, all the dogs. It was a spirited
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: sight to see them come, leaping fences, tearing around corners,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: swarming out of every by street and alley. The noise
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: they made was something beyond belief or praise. They did
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: not seem to be moved by malice, but only by prejudice,
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: the common human prejudice against lack of conformity. If the
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: twins turned their heads, they broke and fled in every direction,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: but stopped at a safe distance and faced about, and
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: then formed and came on again as soon as the
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: strangers showed them their back. Negroes and farmers wives took
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: to the woods when the buggy came upon them suddenly,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: and all together the drive was pleasant and animated, and
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: a refreshment all around. It was a long and lively drive.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Angelo was a Methodist, Luigi was a freethinker. The judge
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: was very proud of his Freethinker's Society, which was flourishing
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: along in a most prosperous way, and already had two members,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: himself and the obscure and neglected pudd'nhead Wilson. It was
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: to meet that evening, and he invited Luigi to join,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: a thing, which Luigi was glad to do, partly because
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: it would please himself and partly because it would gravel Angelo.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: They had now arrived at the Widow's Gate, and the
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: excursion was ended. The twins politely expressed their their obligations
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: for the pleasant outing which had been afforded them, to
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: which the judge bowed his thanks, and then said he
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: would now go and arrange for the Freethinker's meeting, and
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: would call for Count Luigi in the evening. For you also,
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: dear sir, he added, hastily, turning to Angelo, and bowing
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: in addressing myself, particularly to your brother. I was not
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: meaning to leave you out. It was an unintentional rudeness,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I assure you, and due wholly to accident, accident and preoccupation,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I beg you to forgive me. His quick eye had
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: seen the sensitive blood mount into Angelo's face, betraying the
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: wound that had been inflicted. The sting of the slight
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: had gone deep, but the apology was so prompt and
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: so evidently sincere, that the hurt was almost immediately healed,
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: and a forgiving smile testified to the kindly judge that
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: all was well again. Concealed behind Angelo's modest and unassuming exterior,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: and unsuspected by any but his intimates, was a lofty
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: a pride of almost abnormal proportions, indeed, and this rendered
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: him ever the prey of slights, And although they were
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: almost always imaginary ones, they hurt none the less. On
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: that account. By ill fortune, Judge Driscoll had happened to
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: touch his sorus point i e. His conviction that his
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: brother's presence was welcomer everywhere than his own, that he
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: was often invited out of mere courtesy, where only his
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: brother was wanted, and that in a majority of cases
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: he would not be included in an invitation if he
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: could be left out without offense. A sensitive nature like
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: this is necessarily subject to moods, moods which traverse the
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: whole gamut of feeling, moods which know all the climes
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: of emotion, from the sunny heights of joy to the
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: black abysses of despair. At times, in his seasons of
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: deepest depressions, Angelo almost wished that he and his brother
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: might become segregated from each other and be separate individuals
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: like other men. But of course, as soon as his
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: mind cleared and these diseased imaginings passed away, he shuddered
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: at the repulsive thought, and earnestly prayed that it might
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: visit him no more. To be separate, and as other
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: men are, how awkward it would seem, how unendurable. What
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: would he do with his hands, his arms? How would
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: his legs feel? How odd and strange and grotesque? Every action, attitude, movement,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: gesture would be to sleep by himself, eat by himself,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: walk by himself. How lonely, how unspeakably lonely. No, no
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: any fate but that in every way, and from every
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: point the idea was revolting. This was, of course natural.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: To have felt otherwise would have been unnatural. He had
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: known no life but a combined one. He had been
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: familiar with it from his birth. He was not able
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: to conceive of any other as being agreeable or even
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: bearable to him in the privacy of his secret thoughts.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: All other men were monsters, deformities, and during three fourths
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: of his life their aspect had filled him with what
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: promised to be an unconquerable aversion. But at eighteen his
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: eye began to take note of female beauty, and little
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: by little, undefined longings grew up in his heart, under
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: whose softening influences the old, stubborn aversion gradually diminished and
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: finally disappeared. Men were still monstrosities to him, still deformities,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: and in his sober moments he had no desire to
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: be like them, but their strange and unsocial and uncanny
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: construction was no longer offensive to him. This had been
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: a hard day for him, physically and mentally. He had
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: been called in the morning before he had quite slept
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: off the effects of the liquor which Luigi had drunk
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: and so for the first half hour had had the
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: seedy feeling and languor, the brooding depression, the cobwebby mouth
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: and druggy taste that come of dissipation and are so
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: ill a preparation for bodily or intellectual activities. The long
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: violent strain of the reception had followed, and this had
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: been followed in turn by the dreary sight seeing, the
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: judge's wearying explanations and laudations of the sights, and the
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: stupefying clamor of the dogs, as a congruous conclusion, a
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: fitting end. His feelings had been hurt, a slight had
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: been put upon him, he would have been glad to
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: forego dinner and betake himself to rest and sleep. But
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: he held his peace and said no word, for he
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: knew his brother Luigi was fresh, unweary, full of life,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: spirit energy. He would have scoffed at the idea of
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: wasting valuable time on a bed or sofa, and would
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: have refused permission. End of chapter three. This is chapter
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: four of Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording is in
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain. Chapter four,
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: Supernatural chronometry. Rowena was dining out. Joe and Harry were
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: belated at play. There were but three chairs and four
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: persons at noon at the home dinner table, the twins,
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: the widow, and her chum aunt Betsy Hale. The widow
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: soon perceived that Angelo's spirits were as low as Luigi's
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: were high, and also that he had a jaded look.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: Her motherly solicitude was aroused, and she tried to get
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: him interested in the talk and win him to a
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: happier frame of mind. But the cloud of sadness remained
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: on his countenance. Luigi lent his help too. He used
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: a form and a phrase which he was always accustomed
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: to employ in these circumstances. He gave his brother an
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: affectionate slap on the shoulder and said, encouragingly, cheer up.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: The worst is yet to come. But this did no good.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: It never did. If anything, it made the matter worse
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: as a rule, because it irritated Angelo, this made it
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: a favorite with Luigi. By and by, the widow said, Angelo,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: you are tired, you've overdone yourself. You go right to
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: bed after dinner and get a good nap and a rest.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Then you'll be all right. Indeed, I would give anything
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: if I could do that, madam. And what's to hinder
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I'd like to know land? The room's yours to do
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: what you please, with the idea that you can't do
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: what you like with your own. But you see, there's
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: one prime essential, an essential of the very first importance,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: which isn't my own. What is that my body? The
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: old ladies looked puzzled, and Aunt Betsy Hale said, why,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: bless your heart, how is that it's my brother's your brothers.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: I don't quite understand. I supposed it belonged to both
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: of you, So it does, but not to both at
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: the same time. That is mighty curious. I don't see
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: how it can be. I shouldn't think it could be
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: managed that way. Oh, it's a good enough arrangement and
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: goes very well. In fact, it wouldn't do to have
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: it otherwise. I find that the teetotalers and the anti
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: teetotalers hire the use of the same hall for their meetings.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Both parties don't use it at the same time, do they.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: You bet they don't, said both old ladies in a breath.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: And moreover, said Aunt Betsy, the freethinkers and the Baptist's
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: Bible class use the same room over the market house,
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: but you can take my word for it. They don't
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: mush up together and use it at the same time.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: Very well, said Angelo. You understand it now, and it
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: stands to reason that the arrangement couldn't be improved. I'll
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: prove it to you. If our lake tried to obey
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: two wills, how could we ever get anywhere? I would
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: start one way, Luigi would start another at the same moment.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: The result would be a standstill. Wouldn't it as sure
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: as you were born? Now? Ain't that wonderful? A body
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: would never have thought of it. We should always be
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: arguing and fussing and disputing over the merest rifles. We
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: should lose worlds of time for we couldn't go downstairs
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: or up, couldn't go to bed, couldn't rise, couldn't wash,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: couldn't dress, couldn't stand up, couldn't sit down, couldn't even
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: cross our legs without calling a meeting first and explaining
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: the case and passing resolutions and getting consent. It wouldn't
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: ever do, now, would it do? Why it would wear
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: a person out in a week? Did you ever hear
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: anything like it, Patsy Cooper, Oh, you'll find there's more
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: than one thing about them that ain't commonplace, said the widow,
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: with the complacent air of a person with a property
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: riding a novelty that is under admiring scrutiny. Well, now,
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: however do you manage it? I don't mind saying. I'm
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: suffering to know he who made us, said Angelo reverently,
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: and with us this difficulty also provided a way out
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: of it by a mysterious law of our being. Each
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: of us has utter and indisputable command of our body
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: a week at a time. Turn and turn about. Well,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: I never now, ain't that beautiful? Yes? It is beautiful
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: and infinitely wise, and just the week ends every Saturday,
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: at midnight to the minute to the second to the
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: last shade of a fraction of a second, infallibly unerringly,
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: and in that instant, the one brother's power over the
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: body vanishes, and the other brother takes possession. Asleep or awake.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: How marvelous are his ways and past finding out, Luigi
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: said so exactly too. The instant does the change that
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: during our stay. In many of the great cities of
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: the world, the public clocks were regulated by it, and
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: as hundreds of thousands of private clocks and watches were
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: set and corrected in accordance with the public clocks, we
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: really furnished the standard time for the entire city. Don't
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: tell me that he don't do miracles any more. Blowing
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: down the walls of Jericho with ramshorns want as difficult,
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: in my opinion. And that is not all, said Angelo.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: A thing that is even more marvelous, perhaps, is the
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: fact that the change takes note of longitude and fits
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: itself to the Merivian we are on. Luigi is in
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: command this week. Now, if on Saturday night, at a
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: moment before midnight, we could fly in an instant to
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: appoint fifteen degrees west of here, he would hold possession
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: of the power another hour. For the change observes local
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: time and no other. Betsy Hale was deeply impressed and
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: said with solemnity, Patsy Cooper for detail. It lay over
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: the passage of the Red Sea. Now I shouldn't go
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: as far as that, said Aunt Patsy, But if you've
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: a mind to say sodom and Gomorrah, I am with you,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Betsy Hale. I am agreeable then, though I do think
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: I was right, and I believe Parson Motby would say
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: the same. Well, now there's another thing. Suppose one of
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: you wants to borrow the legs a minute from the
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: one that's got them. Could he let him? Yes? But
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: we hardly ever do that. There were disagreeable results several times,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: and so we very seldom ask or grant the privilege nowadays,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: and we never even think of such a thing unless
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: the case is extremely urgent. Besides, a week's possession at
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: a time seems so little that we can't bear to
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: spare a minute of it. People who have the use
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: of their legs all the time never think of what
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: a blessing it is. Of course, it never occurs to them.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: It's just their natural, ordinary condition, and so it does
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: not excite them at all. But when I wake up
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: on Sunday morning and it's my week, and I feel
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: the power all through me, Oh, such a wave of
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: exultation and thanksgiving goes surging over me, and I want
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: a shout. I can walk, I can walk, madam? Do
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: you ever, at your uprising want a shout? I can walk?
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: I can walk? No, you poor unfortunate creatur. But I'll
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: never get out of my bed again without doing it.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Laws to think I've had this unspeakable blessing all my
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: long life and never had the grace to thank the
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: good Lord that gave it to me. DearS stood in
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: the eyes of both the old ladies and the widow,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: said softly, Betsy Hale, we have learned something, you and me.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: The conversation now drifted wide, but by and by floated
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: back once more to that admired detail, the rigid and
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: beautiful impartiality with which the possession of power had been
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: distributed between the twins, and Betsy saw on it a
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: far finer justice than human law exhibits in related cases.
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: She said, in my opinion, it ain't right now, and
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: never has been right, the way a twin born a
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: quarter of a minute sooner than the other one gets
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: all the land and grandeurs and nobilities in the old countries,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: and his brother has to go bare and be a nobody.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: Which of you was born first? Angelo's head was resting
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: against Luigi's weariness had overcome him, and for the past
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: five minutes he had been peacefully sleeping. The old ladies
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: had dropped their voices to a lulling drone to help
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: him to steal the rest his brother wouldn't take him
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: upstairs to get Luigi listened a moment to Angelo's regular breathing,
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: then said, in a voice barely audible, we were both
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: born at the same time, but I am six months
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: older than he is. For the land's sake, sh don't
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: wake him up. He wouldn't like my telling this. It
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: has always been kept seeking till now. But how in
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: the world can it be if you were both born
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: at the same time, how can one of you be
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: older than the other. It is very simple, and I
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: assure you it is true. I was born with a
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: full crop of hair. He was as bald as an
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: egg for six months. I could walk six months before
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: he could make a step. I finished teething six months
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: ahead of him. I began to take solids six months
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: before he left the breast. I began to talk six
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: months before he could say a word. Last, and absolutely
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: unassailable proof. The sutures in my skull closed six months
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: ahead of his. All was just that six months difference
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: to a day. Was that accident. Nobody is going to
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: claim that. I'm sure it was ordained. It was law
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: it had its meaning, and we know what that meaning was.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Now what does this overwhelming body of evidence establish. It
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: establishes just one thing, and that thing it establishes beyond
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: any peradventure whatever. Friends, we would not have it known
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: for the world, and I must beg you to keep
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: it strictly to yourselves. But the truth is we are
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: no more twins than you are. The two old ladies
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: were stunned, paralyzed, petrified, one may almost say, and could
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: only sit and gaze vacantly at each other for some moments.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: Then Aunt Betsy Hale said, impressively, there's no getting a
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: round proof like that. I do believe it's the most
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: amazing thing I ever heard of. She sat silent a
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: moment or two and breathing hard with excitement. Then she
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: looked up and surveyed the strangers steadfastly a little while,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: and added, well, it does beat me. But I would
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: have took you for twins anywhere. So would I. So
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: would I, said Aunt Patsy, with the emphasis of a
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: certainty that is not impaired by any shade of doubt.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: Anybody would anybody in the world. I don't care who
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: he is, said Aunt Betsy, with decision. You won't tell,
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: said Luigi appealingly. Oh dear no, answered both ladies promptly.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: You can trust us, don't you be afraid? That is
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: good of you and kind never let on treat us
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: always as if we were twins. You can depend on us,
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: said Aunt Betsy. But it won't be easy, because now
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: that I know you ain't you don't seem so. Luigi
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: muttered to himself with satisfaction that swindle has gone through
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: without change of cars. It was not very kind of
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: him to load the poor things up with a secret
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: like that, which would be always flying to their tongues
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: ends every time they heard any one speak of the
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: strangers as twins, and would become harder and harder to
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: hang on to with every recurrence of the temptation to
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: tell it, while the torture of retaining it would increase
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: with every new strain that was applied. But he never
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: thought of that, and probably would not have worried much
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: about it if he had. A visitor was announced, some
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: one to see the twins. They withdrew to the parlor,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: and the two old ladies began to discuss with interest
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: the strange things which they had been listening to. When
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: they had finished the matter to their satisfaction, and Aunt
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: Betsy rose to go, she stopped to ask a question,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: how does things come on between Roweny and Tom Driscoll?
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: Well about the same. He writes tolerable often, and she
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: answers tolerable seldom. Where is he in Saint Louis? I
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: believe though he's such a gadabout that a body can't
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: be certain of him. I reckon, don't Roweny know? Oh, yes,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: like enough. I haven't asked her lately. Do you know
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: how him and the Judge are getting along now? First rate?
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: I believe missus Pratt says so, And being right in
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: the house and sister to the one and aunt to t'uther.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: Of course she ought to know, She says. The Judge
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: is real fond of him when he's away, but frets
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: when he's around, and is vexed with his ways. And
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not sorry to have him go again. He has
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: been gone three weeks this time a pleasant thing for
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: both of them. I reckon, Tom's rather harm scarm but
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: there ain't anything bad in him, I guess, Oh no,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: he's just young, that's all, still twenty three years old
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: in one way a young man ought to be earning
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: his living by that time. If Tom were doing that,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: or was even trying to do it, the judge would
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: be a heap better satisfied with him. Tom's always going
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: to begin, but somehow he can't seem to find just
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: the opening he likes. Well, now, it's partly the judge's
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: own fault. Promising the boy his property wasn't the way
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: to set him to earning a fortune of his own.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: But what do you think is Roweni beginning to lean
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: any toward him? Or ain't she? Aunt Patsy had a
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: secret in her bosom. She wanted to keep it there,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: but nature was too strong for her. She drew Aunt
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: Betsy aside and said, in her most confidential and mysterious manner,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: don't you be the syllable to a soul. I'm going
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: to tell you something. In my opinion, Tom Driscoll's chances
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: were considerable better yesterday than they are today. Patsy Cooper,
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: what do you mean it's so as sure as you're born.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: I wish you could have been at breakfast and seen
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: for yourself. You don't mean it well. If I'm any judge,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: there's a leaning there's a leaning, sure my land. Which
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: one of them is it? I can't say for certain,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: but I think it's the youngest one, Angie. Then there
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: were hand shakings and congratulations and hopes and so on,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: and the old ladies parted perfectly happy, the one in
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: knowing something which the rest of the town didn't, and
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: the other in having been the sole person able to
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: furnish that knowledge. The visitor who had called to see
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: the twins was the Reverend mister Hodgkiss, pastor of the
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: Baptist church. At the reception, Angelo had told him he
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: had lately experienced a change in his religious views and
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: was now desirous of becoming a Baptist and would immediately
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: join mister Hotchkiss's church. There was no time to say more,
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: and the brief talk ended at that point. The minister
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: was much gratified and had dropped in for a moment
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: now to invite the twins to attend his Bible class
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: at eight that evening. Angelo accepted and was expecting Luigi
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: to decline, but he did not because he knew that
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: the Bible class and the freethinkers met in the same room,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: and he wanted to treat his brother to the embarrassment
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: of being caught in free thinking company. End of chapter four.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: It was this chapter five of Those Extraordinary Twins. This
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: by Mark Twain. Chapter five Guilt and Innocence finally blent parentheses.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: A long and vigorous quarrel follows between the twins, and
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: there is plenty to quarrel about, for Angelo was always
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: seeking truth, and this obliged him to change and improve
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: his religion with frequency, which wearied Luigi and annoyed him too,
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: for he had to be present at each new enlistment,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: which placed him in the false position of seeming to
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: indorse and approve his brother's fickleness. Moreover, he had to
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: go to Angelo's prohibition meetings, and he hated them. On
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: the other hand, when it was his week to command
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: the legs, he gave Angelo just cause of complaint, for
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: he took him to circuses and horse races and fandangoes,
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: exposing him to all sorts of censure and criticism. And
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: he drank too, and whatever he drank went to Angelo's
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: head instead of his own, and made him act disgracefully.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: When the evening was come. The two attended the Freethinker's meeting,
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: where Angelo was sad and silent. Then came the Bible
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: class and looked upon him coldly, finding him in such
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: an company. Then they went to Wilson's house, and chapter
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: eleven of Pudd'nhead Wilson follows, which tells of the girl
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: seen in Tom Driscoll's room, and closes with the kicking
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: of Tom by Luigi at the anti Temperance mass meeting
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: of the Sons of Liberty, with the addition of some
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: account of Roxy's adventures as a chambermaid on a Mississippi boat.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: Her exchange of the children had been flippantly and farcically
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: described in an earlier chapter close parentheses. Next morning, all
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: the town was a buzz with great news. Pudd'nhead Wilson
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: had a law case. The public astonishment was so great,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: and the public curiosity so intense, that when the Justice
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: of the Peace opened his court, the place was packed
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: with people, and even the windows were full. Everybody was
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: flushed and perspiring. The summer heat was almost unendurable. Tom
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Driscoll had brought a charge of assault and battery against
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: the twins. Robert Allen was retained by Driscoll David Wilson
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: by the defense Tom, his native cheerfulness unannihilated by his
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: back breaking and bone bruising passage across the massed heads
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: of the Sons of Liberty the previous night, laughed his
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: little customary laugh and said to Wilson, I've kept my promise.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: You see, I'm throwing my business your way sooner than
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: I was expecting to. It's very good of you, particularly
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: if you mean to keep it up. Well, I can't
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: tell about that yet, but we'll see. If I find
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: you deserve it, I'll take you under my protection and
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: make your fame and fortune for you. I'll try to
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: deserve it. Tom. A jury was sworn in then mister
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: Allen said, we will detain your honor. But a moment
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: with this case, it is not one where any doubt
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: of the fact of the assault can enter in these gentlemen.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: The accused kicked my client at the market hall last night.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: They kicked him with violence, with extraordinary violence, with even
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: unprecedented violence. I may say insomuch that he was lifted
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: entirely off his feet and discharged into the midst of
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: the audience. We can prove this by four hundred witnesses.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: We shall call but three. Mister Harkness will take the stand.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: Mister Harkness, being sworn testified that he was chairman upon
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: the occasion, mentioned that he was close at hand and
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: saw the defendants in this action kick the plaintive into
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: the air, and saw him descend among the audience. Take
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: the witness, said allan. Mister Harkness said, Wilson, you say
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: you saw these gentlemen my clients kick the plaintiff. Are
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: you sure, and please remember that you are on oath.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: Are you perfectly sure that you saw both of them
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: kick him? Or only one? Now be careful. A bewildered
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: look began to spread itself over the witness's face. He hesitated, stammered,
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: but got out nothing. His eyes wandered to the twins
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: and fixed themselves there with a vacant gaze. Please answer,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: mister Harkness, you are keeping the court waiting. It is
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: a very simple question. Counsel for the prosecution broke in
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: with impatience, your honor. The question is an irrelevant triviality. Necessarily,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: they both kicked him, for they have but the one
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: pair of legs and both are responsible for them. Wilson said, sarcastically,
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: will your honor permit this new witness to be sworn?
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: He seems to possess knowledge which can be of the
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: utmost value just at this moment, knowledge which would at
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: once dispose of what every one must see. Is a
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: very difficult question in this case, Brother Allan, will you
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: take the stand? Go on with your case, said Allan petulantly.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: The audience laughed and got a warning from the court. Now,
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: mister Harkness, said Wilson, insinuatingly, we shall have to insist
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: upon an answer to that question. I a er. Well,
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: of course I do not absolutely know, but in my opinion,
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: never mind your opinion, sir, answer the question I why
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: I can't answer it? That will do, mister Harkness stand down.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: The audience tittered, and the disconfited witness retired in a
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: state of great embarrassment. Mister Wakeman took the stand and
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: swore that he saw the twins kick the plaintiff off
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: the platform. The defense took the witness. Mister Wakeman, you
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: have sworn that you saw these gentlemen kick the plaintiff.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: Do I understand you to swear that you saw them
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: both do it, Yes, sir, with decision. How do you
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: know that both did it? Because I saw them do it?
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: The audience laughed and got another warning from the court.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: But by what means do you know that both and
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: not one did it? Well? In the first place, the
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: insult was given to both of them equally, for they
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: were called a pair of scissors. Of course they would
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: both want to resent it. And so wait, you are theorizing.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: Now stick to facts. Counsel will attend to the arguments.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: Go on, Well they both went over there that I
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: saw very good go on, and they both kicked him.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: I swear to it, mister Wakeman. Was Count Luigi here
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: willing to join the Sons of Liberty last night? Yes, sir,
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: he was. He did join too, and drank a glass
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: or two of whisky like a man. Was his brother
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: willing to join, No, sir, he wasn't. He is a
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: teetotaler and was elected through a mistake. Was he given
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: a glass of whiskey? Yes, sir, but of course that
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: was another mistake and not intentional. He wouldn't drink it.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: He set it down a slight pause. Then he added
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: caly and quite simply the plaintiff reached for it and
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: hogged it. There was a fine outburst of laughter, but
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: as the justice was caught out himself, his reprimand was
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: not very vigorous. Mister Allen jumped up and exclaimed, I
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: protest against these foolish irreverlencies. What have they to do
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: with the case, Wilson said, calm yourself, brother, It was
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: only an experiment. Now, mister Wakeman. If one of these
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: gentlemen chooses to join an association and the other doesn't,
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: and if one of them enjoys whiskey and the other doesn't,
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: but sets it aside and leaves it unprotected, titter from
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: the audience, seems to show that they have independent minds
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: and tastes and preferences, and that one of them is
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: able to approve of a thing at the very moment
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: that the other is heartily disapproving of it. Doesn't it
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: seem so to you? Certainly it does. It's perfectly plain. Now.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: Then it might be. I only say, it might be
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: that one of these brothers wanted to kick the plaintiff
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: last night, and that the other didn't want that humiliating
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: punishment inflicted upon him in that public way. And before
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: all those people. Isn't that possible? Of course it is.
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: It's more than possible. I don't believe the blond one
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: would kick anybody. It was the other one that silence,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: shouted the plaintiff's counsel and went on with an angry sentence,
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: which was lost in the wave of laughter that swept
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: the house. That will do, mister Wakeman, said, Wilson, you
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: may stand down. The third witness was called. He had
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: seen the twins kick the plaintiff. Mister Wilson took the witness.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: Mister Rogers, you say you saw these accused gentlemen kick
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: the plaintiff, Yes, sir, both of them, Yes, sir? Which
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: of them kicked him first? Why? They they both kicked
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: him at the same time. Are you perfectly sure of that? Yes?
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: Are What makes you sure of it? Why I stood
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: right behind them and saw them do it? How many
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: kicks were delivered? Only one? If two men kick, the
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: result should be two kicks, shouldn't it? Why? Why? Yes?
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: As a rule, then what do you think went with
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: the other kick? I? Well, the fact is I wasn't
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: thinking of two being necessary this time. What do you
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: think now? Well, I I'm sure I don't quite know
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: what to think, but I reckon that one of them
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: did half of the kick and the other one did
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 1: the other half. Somebody in the crowd sung out, it's
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: the first sane thing that any of them has said.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: The audience applauded. The judge said silence, or I will
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: clear the court. Mister Allen looked pleased, but Wilson did
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: not seem disturbed. He said, mister Rogers, you have favored
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: us with what you think and what you reckon. But
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: as thinking and reckoning are not evidence, I will now
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: give you a chance to come out with something positive
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: one way or the other, and shall require you to
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: produce it. I will ask the accused to stand up
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: and repeat the phenomenal kick of last night. The twins
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: stood up. Now, mister Rogers, please stand behind them. A
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: voice no, stand in front. Laughter silenced by the court.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: Another voice, no, give Tommy another heist. Laughter sharply rebuked
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: by the court. Now, then, mister Rogers, two kicks shall
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: be delivered, one after the other, and I give you
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: my word that at least one of the two shall
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: be delivered by one of the twins alone, without the
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: slightest assistance. From his brother. Watch sharply, for you have
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: got to render a decision without any ifts and hands
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: in it. Rogers bent himself behind the twins with his
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: palms just above his knees in the modern attitude of
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: the catcher at a baseball match, and riveted his eyes
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: on the pair of legs in front of him. Are
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: you ready, mister Rogers? Ready, sir? The kick was launched.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: Have you got that one, classified, mister Rogers? Let me
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: study a minute, sir. Take as much time as you please.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: Let me know when you are ready. For as much
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: as a minute, Rogers pondered, with all eyes and a
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: breathless interest fastened upon him. Then he gave the word, ready, sir. Kick.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: The kick that followed was an exact duplicate of the
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: first one. Now, then, mister Rogers, one of those kicks
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: was an individual kick, not a mutual one. You will
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: now state positively which was the mutual one, the witness said,
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: with a crustfallen look. I've got to give it up.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: There ain't any man in the world that could tell
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: t'other from which, sir, do you still assert that last
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: night's kick was a mutual kick? Indeed, I don't sir,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: that will do. Mister Rogers. If my brother Allan desires
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: to address the court your honor, very well, But as
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: far as I am concerned, I am ready to let
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: the case be at once delivered into the hands of
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: this intelligent jury without comment. Mister Justice Robinson had been
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: in office only two months, and in that short time
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: had not had many cases to try. Of course, he
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: had no knowledge of laws and courts except what he
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: had picked up since he came into office. He was
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: a sore trouble to the lawyers, for his rulings were
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: pretty eccentric sometimes, and he stood by them with Roman
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: simplicity and fortitude. But the people were well satisfied with him,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: for they saw that his intentions were always right, that
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: he was entirely impartial, and that he usually made up
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: in good sense what he lacked in technique, so to speak.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: He now perceived that there was likely to be a
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: miscarriage of justice here, and he rose to the occasion.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: Wait a moment, gentlemen, he said, it is plain that
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: an assault has been committed. It is plain to anybody.
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: But the way things are going, the guilty will certainly
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: escape conviction. I cannot allow this now, But your honor,
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: said Wilson, interrupting him earnestly but respectfully, you are deciding
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: the case yourself. Whereas the jury never minded your ape,
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: Mister Wilson, the jury will have a chance when there
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: is a reasonable doubt for them to take hold of
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: which there isn't so far. There is no doubt whatever
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: that an assault has been committed. The attempt to show
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: that both of the accused committed it has failed. Are
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: they both to escape justice on that account? Not in
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: this court if I can prevent it. It appears to
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: have been a mistake to bring the charge against them
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: as a corporation. Each should have been charged in his
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: capacity as an individual. And but your honor, said Wilson.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: In fairness to my clients, I must insist that inasmuch
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: as the prosecution did not separate, that no wrong will
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: be done your clients, sir, They will be protected also
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: the public and the offended laws. Mister Allen, you will
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: amend your pleadings and put one of the accused on
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: trial at a time, Wilson broke in, But your honor,
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: this is wholly unprecedented to imperil an accused person by
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: arbitrarily altering and widening the charge against him in order
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: to compass his conviction when the charge, as originally brought
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: promises to fail to convict. Is a thing unheard of before,
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: unheard of where in the courts of this or any
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: other state. The judge said, with dignity, I am not
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: acquainted with the customs of other courts, and am not
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: concerned to know what they are. I am responsible for
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: this court, and I cannot conscientiously allow my judgment to
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: be warped and my judicial liberty hampered by trying to
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: conform to the caprices of other courts. Be they but
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: your honor, the oldest and highest courts in Europe. This
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: court is not run on the European plan, mister Wilson.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: It is not run on any plan but its own.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: It has a plan of its own, and that plan
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: is to find justice for both state and accused, no
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: matter what happens to be practice and custom in Europe
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: or anywhere else. Great applause, silence. It has not been
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: the custom of this court to imitate other courts. It
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: has not been the custom of this court to take
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: shelter behind the decisions of other courts. And we will
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: not begin now. We will do the best we can
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: by the light that God has given us. And while
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: this court continues to have his approval, it will remain
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: indifferent to what other organizations may think of it. Applause, gentlemen,
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: I must have order. Quiet yourselves, mister Allen. You will
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: now proceed against the prisoners one at a time, go
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: on with the case. Allan was no at his ease. However,
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: after whispering a moment with his client and with one
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: or two other people, he rose and said, your honor,
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: I find it to be reported and believed that the
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: accused are able to act independently in many ways, but
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: that this independence does not extend to their legs. Authority
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: over their legs being vested exclusively in the one brother
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: during a specific term of days, and then passing to
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: the other brother for a like term, and so on.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: By regular alternation, I could call witnesses who would prove
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: that the accused had revealed to them the existence of
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: this extraordinary fact, and had also made known which of
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 1: them was in possession of the legs yesterday, and this
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: would of course indicate where the guilt of the assault belongs.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: But as this would be mere hearsay evidence, these revelations
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: not having been made under oath. Never mind about that,
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: mister Allen, it may not all be here, say we
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: shall see. It may at least help to put us
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: on the right track. Call the witnesses. Then I will
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: call mister John Buckstone, who is now present, and I
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: beg that missus Patsy Cooper and may be sent for
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: take the stand, mister Buckstone. Buckstone took the oath, and
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: then testified that on the previous evening, the Count Angelo
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: Capello had protested against going to the hall, and had
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: called all present to witness that he was going by
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: compulsion and would not go if he could help himself.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 1: Also that the Count Luigi had replied sharply that he
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: would go just the same, and that he Count Luigi
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: would see to that himself. Also that upon Count Angelo's
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: complaining about being kept on his legs so long, Count
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: Luigi retorted, with apparent surprise, your legs, I like your impudence.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: Now we are getting at the colonel of the thing,
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: observed the judge with grave and earnest satisfaction. It looks
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: as if the Count Luigi was in possession of the
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: battery at the time of the assault. Nothing further was
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: elicited from mister Buckstone. On direct examination, mister Wilson took
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: the witness, mister Buckstone, about what time was it that
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: that conversation took place toward nine yesterday evening? Sir? Did
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: you then proceed directly to the hall? Yes? Sir? How
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: long did it take you to go there? Well, we walked,
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: and as it was from the extreme edge of the town,
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: and there was no hurry, I judge it took us
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: about twenty minutes, maybe a trifle more. About what hour
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: was the kick delivered? About thirteen minutes and a half
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: to ten, admirable. You are a pattern witness, mister Buckstone.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: How did you happen to look at your watch at
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: that particular moment? I always do it when I see
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: an assault. It's likely I shall be called as a witness,
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: and it's a good point to have. It would be
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: well if others were as thoughtful. Was anything said between
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: the conversation at my house and the assault upon the
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: detail which we are now examining into, No, sir, if
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: power over the mutual legs was in the possession of
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: one brother at nine and passed into the possession of
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: the other one during the next thirty or forty minutes.
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: Do you think you could have detected the change? By
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: no means? That is all, mister Buckstone. Missus Patsy Cooper
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: was called. The crowd made way for her, and she came,
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: smiling and bowing through the narrow human lane, with Betsy
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: Hale as escort and support, smiling and bowing in her wake,
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: the audience breaking into welcoming cheers as the old favorites
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: filed along. The judge did not check this kindly demonstration
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: of homage and affection, but let it run its course. Unrebuked,
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: the old ladies stopped and shook hands with the twins
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: with effusion, then gave the judge a friendly nod and
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: bustled into the seats provided for them. They immediately began
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: to deliver a volley of eager questions at the friends
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: around them. What is this thing for? What is that
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: thing for? Who is that young man that's writing at
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: the desk? Why? I declare it's Jack Bunce. I thought
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: he was sick. Which is the jury? Why is that
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: the jury? Billy Price and Job Turner and Jack Lounsbury
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: and well I never now, who would ever have thought.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: But they were gently called to order at this point
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: and asked not to talk in court. Their tongues fell silent,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: but the radiant interest in their faces remained, and their
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: gratitude for the blessing of a new sensation and a
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: novel experience still beamed undimmed from their eyes. Aunt Patsy
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: stood up and took the oath, and mister Allen explained
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: the point in issue and asked her to go on
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 1: now in her own way and throw as much light
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: upon it as she could. She toyed with her reticule
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: a moment or two, as if considering where to begin.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: Then she said, well, the way of it is this.
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 1: They are Luigi's legs a week at a time, and
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: then they are Angelo's, and he can do whatever he
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: wants to with them. You are making a mistake, Aunt
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: Patsy Cooper, said the judge. You shouldn't state that as
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: a fact, because you don't know it to be a fact.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: What's the reason I don't, said Aunt Patsy, bridling a little.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: What is the reason that you do know it the
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: best in the world? Because they told me that isn't
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: a reason. Well, for the land's sake, Betsy Hale, do
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 1: you hear that? Hear it? I should think so, said
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: Aunt Betsy, rising and facing the court. Why Judge, I
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: was there and heard it myself, Luigi says to Angelo,
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: No it was Angelo said it. Come, come, missus Hale,
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: pray sit down, And certainly it's all right. I'm going
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: to sit down presently, but not until i've but you
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: must sit down, must well upon my word if things
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: ain't getting to a pretty pass When the house broke
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: into laughter, but was promptly brought to order, and meantime
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: mister Allen persuaded the old lady to take her seat.
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: Aunt Patsy continued, Yes, they told me that, and I
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: know it's true. They are Luigi's legs this week. But ah,
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: they told you that, did they said the justice with interest? Well, no,
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know that they told me. But that's neither
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: here nor there. I know without that that at dinner
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: yesterday Angelo was tired as a dog, and yet Luigi
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: wouldn't lend him the legs to go up stairs and
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: take a nap with did he ask for them? Let
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 1: me see, it seems to me somehow that that Aunt
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: Betsy do you remember whether he never mind about what
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: Aunt Betsy remembers. She is not a witness. We only
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: want to know what you remember yourself, said the judge. Well,
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: it does seem to me that you are most cantankerously
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 1: particular about a little thing, sim Robinson, Why when I
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: can't remember a thing myself? I always ah? Please go on? Now?
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: How can she when you keep fussing at her all
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: the time? Said Aunt Betsy? Why with a person pecking
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: at me that way, I should get that fuzzled and
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: fuddled that she was on her feet again, but Allan
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: coaxed her into her seat once more, while the court
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: squelched the mirth of the house. Then the judge said, madam,
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: do you know do you absolutely know independently of anything?
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: These gentlemen have told you that the power over their
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 1: legs passes from the one to the other regularly, every week, regularly,
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: bless your heart, regularly. Ain't any name for the exactness
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: of it. All the big cities in Europe used to
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: set the clocks by it. Laughter suppressed by the court.
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: How do you know? That is the question? Please answer
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: it plainly and squarely. Don't you talk to me like that,
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: sim Robinson, I won't have it. How do I know? Indeed,
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 1: how do you know what you know? Because somebody told you?
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: Invented out of your own head? Did you why? These
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: twins are the truthfullest people in the world. And I
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: don't think it becomes you to sit up there and
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 1: throw slurs at them when they haven't been doing anything
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: to you, and they are orphans besides, both of them.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 1: All but Aunt Betsy was up again now, and both
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: old ladies were talking at once and with all their might.
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: But as the house was weltering in a storm of laughter,
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: and the judge was hammering his desk with an iron
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: paper weight, one could only see them talk, not hear them.
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: At last, when quiet was restored, the court said, let
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 1: the ladies retire. But your honor, I have the right,
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: in the interest of my clients to cross exempt. You're
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: not need to exercise at mister Wilson. The evidence is
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: thrown out, thrown out, said Aunt Patsy, ruffled. And what's
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 1: it thrown out for? I'd like to know, and so
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: would I, Patsy Cooper. It seems to me that if
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: we can save these poor persecuted strangers, it is our
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: bounden duty to stand up here and talk for them
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: till there there there do sit down. It cost some
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: trouble and a good deal of coaxing, but they were
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: got into their seats at last. The trial was soon ended.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: Now the twins themselves became witnesses in their own defense.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: They established the fact upon oath that the leg power
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: passed from one to the other every Saturday night at
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: twelve o'clock sharp. But on cross examination, their counsel would
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: not allow them to tell whose week of power the
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: current week was. The judge insisted upon their answering and
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: proposed to compel them. But even the prosecution took fright
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 1: and came to the rescue then and helped stay the
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: sturdy jurist revolutionary hand. So the case had to go
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 1: to the jury, with that important point hanging in the air.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: They were out an hour and brought in this verdict.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: We the jury, do find one that an assault was
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 1: committed as charged, Two, that it was committed by one
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: of the persons accused, he having been seen to do
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: it by several credible witnesses. Three, But that his identity
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: is so merged in his brothers that we have not
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: been able to tell which was him. We cannot convict both,
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 1: for only one is guilty. We cannot acquit both, for
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 1: only one is innocent. Our verdict is that Justice has
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 1: been defeated by the dispensation of God, and asked to
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: be discharged from further duty. This was read aloud in
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: court and brought out a burst of hearty applause. The
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: old ladies made a spring at the twins to shake
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: and congratulate, but were gently disengaged by mister Wilson and
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 1: softly crowded back into their places. The judge rose in
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: his little tribune, laid aside his silver bowed spectacles, broached
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: his gray hair up with his fingers, and said, with
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 1: dignity and solemnity, and even with a certain pathos, in
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: all my experience on the bench, I I have not
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 1: seen Justice bow her head in shame in this court
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 1: until this day. You little realize what far reaching harm
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: has just been wrought here under the fickle forms of law.
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: Imitation is the bane of courts. I thank God that
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 1: this one is free from the contamination of that vice.
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: And in no long time you will see the fatal
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: work of this hour seized upon by profligates, so called
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: guardians of justice, in all the wide circumstance of this planet,
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 1: and perpetuated in their pernicious decisions. I wash my hands
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 1: of this iniquity. I would have compelled these culprits to
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: expose their guilt, but support failed me where I had
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: most right to expect aid and encouragement, and I was
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: confronted by a law made in the interest of crime,
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: which protects the criminal from testifying against himself. Yet I
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: had precedence of my own, whereby I had set aside
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: that law on two different occasions, and thus succeeded in
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: convicting criminals to whose crimes there were no witnesses but themselves.
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 1: What have you accomplished this day? Do you realize it?
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: You have set a drift unadmonished in this community. Two
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: men endowed with an awful and mysterious gift, a hidden
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 1: and grisly power for evil, a power by which each
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 1: in his turn may commit crime after crime of the
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 1: most heinous character, and no man be able to tell
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: which is the guilty or which the innocent party, in
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 1: any case of them. All. Look to your homes, Look
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 1: to your property, Look to your lives, for you have
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 1: need prisoners at the bar stand up through suppression of evidence.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: A jury of your our countrymen have been obliged to
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 1: deliver a verdict concerning your case, which stinks to heaven
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: with the rankness of its injustice. By its terms, you,
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 1: the guilty one, go free, with the innocent, depart in
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 1: peace and come no more. The costs devolve upon the
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: outraged plaintive another iniquity. The court stands dissolved. Almost everybody
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 1: crowded forward to overwhelm the twins and their counsel with congratulations.
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 1: But presently the two old antes dug the duplicates out
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: and bore them away in triumph through the hurrahing crowd,
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 1: while lots of new friends carried pudd'nhead Wilson off Tavern
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 1: ward to feast him and wet down his great and
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: victorious entry into the legal arena. To Wilson, so long
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 1: familiar with neglect and depreciation, this strange new incense of
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: popularity and admiration was as a fragrance blown from the
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 1: fields of paradise. A happy man was Wilson. End of
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: chapter five. This is chapter six of those Extraordinary Twins.
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: Twins by Mark Twain, Chapter six, The Amazing Duel. A
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: deputation came in the evening and conferred upon Wilson the
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: welcome honor of a nomination for mayor for the village
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 1: has just been converted into a city by charter. Tom
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: skulks out of challenging the twins. Judge Driscoll thereupon challenges Angelo,
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 1: Accused by Tom of doing the kicking, He declines, but
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: Luigi accepts in his place, against Angelo's timid protest. It
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: was late Saturday night, nearing eleven. The judge and his
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 1: second found the rest of the war party at the
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 1: further end of the vacant ground, near the haunted house.
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 1: Puddin had. Wilson advanced to meet them, and said, anxiously,
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 1: I must say a word in behalf of my principal's proxy,
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: Count Luigi, to whom you have kindly granted the privilege
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 1: of fighting my Principal's battle for him. It is growing late,
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: and Count Luigi is in great trouble. Lest midnight shall
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: strike before the finish. It is another testimony, said Howard, approvingly,
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 1: that young man is fine all through. He wishes to
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 1: save his brother the sorrow of fighting on the sabbath.
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 1: And he is right. It is the right and manly feeling,
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 1: and does him credit. We will make all possible haste,
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: Wilson said. There is also another reason, a consideration in fact,
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: which deeply concerns Count Luigi himself. These twins have command
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: of their mutual legs. Turn about. Count Luigi is in
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 1: command now, but at midnight possession will pass to my principle,
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 1: Count Angelo. And well you can foresee what will happen.
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 1: He will march straight off the field and carry Luigi
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 1: with him. Why, sure enough, cried the judge, We have
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 1: heard something about that extraordinary law of their being already
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 1: nothing very definite. It is true as regards dates and
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 1: durations of power. But I see it is definite enough
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: as regards to night. Of course, we must give Luigi
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 1: every chance omid all the ceremonial possible, gentlemen, and place
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 1: us in position. The seconds at once tossed up a coin.
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 1: Howard won the choice. He placed the judge sixty feet
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: from the haunted house and facing it. Wilson placed the
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 1: twins within fifteen feet of the house and facing the judge.
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: Necessarily the pistol case was opened and the long, slim
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: tubes taken out. When the moonlight glinted from them, a
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: shiver went through Angelo. The doctor was a fool, but
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: a thoroughly well meaning one, with a kind heart and
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 1: a sincere disposition to oblige, but along with it an
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: absence of tact, which often hurt its effectiveness. He brought
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 1: his box of lint and bandages and asked Angelo to
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 1: feel and see how soft and comfortable they were. Angelo's
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 1: head fell over against Luigi's in a faint and precious
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 1: time was lost in bringing him to, which provoked Luigi
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 1: into ex pressing his mind to the doctor with a
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 1: good deal of vigor and frankness. After Angelo came to,
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 1: he was still so weak that Luigi was obliged to
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 1: drink a stiff horn of brandy to brace him up.
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 1: The seconds now stepped at once to their posts half
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: way between the combatants, one of them on each side
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: of the line of fire. Wilson was to count very
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 1: deliberately one, two, three, fire stop, and the duellists could
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 1: bang away at any time they chose. During that recitation,
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: but not after the last word, Angelo grew very nervous
• 1:37:32
  Speaker 1: when he saw Wilson's hand rising slowly into the air
• 1:37:35
  Speaker 1: as a sign to make ready, and he leaned his
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 1: head against Luigi's and said, oh, please take me away
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: from here. I can't stay. I know, I can't. What
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: in the world are you doing? Straighten up? What's the
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: matter with you? You're in no danger. Nobody's going to
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: shoot at you. Straighten up, I tell you. Angelo obeyed
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 1: just in time to hear one bang. Just one report,
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 1: and a little tuft of white hair floated slowly to
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 1: the judge's feet in the moonlight. The judge did not swerve.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: He still stood erect and motionless, like a statue, with
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 1: his pistol arm hanging straight down at his side. He
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: was reserving his fire. Two three fire, Up came the
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 1: pistol arm. Instantly Angelo dodged with the report. He said ouch,
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 1: and fainted again. The doctor examined and bandaged the wound.
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 1: It was of no consequence, he said. Bullet threw fleshy
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: part of arm, no bones broken. The gentleman was still
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 1: able to fight. Let the duel proceed Next time. Angelo
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: jumped just as Luigi fired, which disoriented his aim and
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 1: caused him to cut a chip out of Howard's ear.
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 1: The judge took his time again, and when he fired,
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: Angelo jumped and got a knuckle skinned. The doctor inspected
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 1: and dressed the wounds. Angelo now spoke out and said
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: he was content with the satisfaction he had got and
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: if the judge, Butluigi shut him roughly up and asked
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: him not to make an ass of himself, adding, and
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 1: I want you to stop dodging. You take a great deal,
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 1: too prominent a part in this thing for a person
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 1: who has got nothing to do with it. You should
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 1: remember that you are here only by courtesy and are
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 1: without official recognition. Officially, you are not here at all. Officially,
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 1: you do not even exist. To all intents and purposes.
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 1: You are absent from this place. And you ought, for
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 1: your own modesty's sake to reflect that it cannot become
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 1: a person who is not present here to be taking
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 1: this sort of public and indecent prominence in a matter
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 1: in which he is not in the slightest degree concerned. Now,
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 1: don't dodge again. The bullets are not for you, They
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: are for me. If I want them dodged, I will
• 1:39:47
  Speaker 1: attend to it myself. I never saw a person act.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: So Angelo saw the reasonableness of what his brother had said,
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: and he did try to reform, but it was of
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: no use. Both pistols went off at the same instant,
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: and he jumped once more. He got a sharp scrape
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 1: along his cheek from the Judge's bullet, and so deflected
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 1: Luigi's aim that his ball went wide and chipped a
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: flake of skin from pudd'n head Wilson's chin. The doctor
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 1: attended to the wounded. By the terms, the duel was over,
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 1: but Luigi was entirely out of patience and begged for
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 1: one more exchange of shots, insisting that he had had
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 1: no fair chance on account of his brother's indelicate behavior.
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 1: Howard was opposed to granting so unusual a privilege, but
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 1: the judge took Luigi's part and added that indeed, he
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 1: himself might fairly be considered entitled to another trial, because
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 1: although the proxy on the other side was in no
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 1: way to blame for his the judge's humiliating, resultless work,
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 1: the gentleman with whom he was fighting this duel was
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 1: to blame for it, since if he had played no
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 1: advantages and had held his head still, his proxy would
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 1: have been disposed of early. He added, Count Luigi's request
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 1: for another exchange ringes another proof that he is a
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: brave and chivalrous gentleman, and I beg that the courtesy
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 1: he asks may be accorded him. I thank you most
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 1: sincerely for this generosity, Judge Driscoll, said Luigi, with a
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 1: polite bow, and moving to his place. Then he added
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 1: to Angelo, now hold your grip. Hold your grip, I
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 1: tell you, and I'll land him sure. The men stood
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 1: erect their pistol arms at their sides. The two seconds
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 1: stood at their official posts. The doctor stood five paces
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 1: in Wilson's rear, with his instruments and bandages in his hands.
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: The deep stillness, the peaceful moonlight, the motionless figures made
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 1: an impressive picture, and the impending fatal possibilities augmented this
• 1:41:44
  Speaker 1: impressiveness to solemnity. Wilson's hand began to rise slowly, slowly, higher,
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 1: still higher. In another moment, boom, the first stroke of
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 1: midnight swung up out of the distance. Angelo was off
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 1: like a deer. Oh you un unspeakable traitor, wailed his
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: brother as they went soaring over the fence. The others
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 1: stood astonished and gazing, and so stood watching that strange
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: spectacle until distance dissolved it and swept it from their view.
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 1: Then they rubbed their eyes like people waking out of
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 1: a dream. Well, I've never seen anything like that before,
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 1: said the judge Wilson. I am going to confess now
• 1:42:23
  Speaker 1: that I wasn't quite able to believe in that leg business,
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: and had a suspicion that it was a put up
• 1:42:29
  Speaker 1: convenience between those twins. And when Count Angelo fainted, I
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: thought I saw the whole scheme. Thought it was pretext
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 1: number one, and would be followed by others till twelve
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 1: o'clock should arrive and Luigi would get off with all
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 1: the credit of seeming to want to fight and yet
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: not have to fight after all. But I was mistaken.
• 1:42:48
  Speaker 1: His pluck proved it. He's a brave fellow and did
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 1: want to fight. There isn't any doubt about that, said Howard,
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 1: and added in a grieved tone. But what an unworthy
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: the sort of Christian that Angelo is. I hope and
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 1: believe there are not many like him. It is not
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 1: right to engage in a duel on the Sabbath. I
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 1: could not approve of that. Myself, But to finish one
• 1:43:11
  Speaker 1: that has been begun. That is a duty. Let the
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: day be what it may. They strolled along, still wondering,
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 1: still talking. It is a curious circumstance, remarked the surgeon,
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: halting Wilson a moment to pacet some more cork plaster
• 1:43:26
  Speaker 1: on his chin, which had gone to leaking blood. Again,
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: that in this duel neither of the parties who handled
• 1:43:33
  Speaker 1: the pistols lost blood, while nearly all the persons present,
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 1: in the mere capacity of guests, got hit. I have
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 1: not heard of such a thing before. Don't you think
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 1: it unusual? Yes, said the judge. It has struck me
• 1:43:46
  Speaker 1: as peculiar, peculiar and unfortunate. I was annoyed at it
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: all the time. In the case of Angelo, it made
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 1: no great difference, because he was in a measure concerned,
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 1: though not officially. But it troubled me to see these
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: seconds compromised, and yet I knew no way to mend
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 1: the matter. There was no way to mend it, said Howard,
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 1: whose ear was being readjusted now by the doctor. The
• 1:44:10
  Speaker 1: code fixes our place, and it would not have been
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 1: lawful to change it. If we could have stood at
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 1: your side or behind you or in front of you it,
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 1: but it would not have been legitimate, and the other
• 1:44:21
  Speaker 1: parties would have had a just right to complain of
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 1: our trying to protect ourselves from danger in fractions of
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 1: the code are certainly not permissible. In any case, whatever,
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 1: Wilson offered no remarks. It seemed to him that there
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 1: was very little place here for so much solemnity. But
• 1:44:39
  Speaker 1: he judged that if a duel where nobody was in
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 1: danger or got crippled, but the seconds and the outsiders
• 1:44:45
  Speaker 1: had nothing ridiculous about it, for these gentlemen, his pointing
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 1: out that feature would probably not help them to see it.
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 1: He invited them in to take a night cap, and
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 1: Howard and the judge accepted, But the doctor said he
• 1:44:59
  Speaker 1: would have to go and see how Angelo's principal wound
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: was getting on. It was now Sunday, and in the
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 1: afternoon Angelo was to be received into the Baptist Communion
• 1:45:09
  Speaker 1: by immersion, a doubtful prospect, the doctor feared. End of
• 1:45:14
  Speaker 1: chapter six. This is chapter seven of Those Extraordinary Twins.
• 1:45:23
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary
• 1:45:28
  Speaker 1: Twins by Mark Twain. Chapter seven, Luigi defies Galen. When
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 1: the doctor arrived at Aunt Patsy Cooper's house, he found
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 1: the lights going and everybody up and dressed and in
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 1: a great state of solicitude and excitement. The twins were
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 1: stretched on a sofa in the sitting room. Aunt Patsy
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 1: was fussing at Angelo's arm, Nancy was flying around under
• 1:45:53
  Speaker 1: her commands. The two young boys were trying to keep
• 1:45:57
  Speaker 1: out of the way, and all was getting in it
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 1: in order to see and wonder. Rowena stood apart, helpless
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 1: with apprehension and emotion, and Luigi was growling in unpeasable
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 1: fury over Angelo's shameful flight. As has been reported before,
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 1: the doctor was a fool, a kind hearted and well
• 1:46:17
  Speaker 1: meaning one, but with no tact. And as he was,
• 1:46:21
  Speaker 1: by long odds the most learned physician in the town,
• 1:46:24
  Speaker 1: and was quite well aware of it, and could talk
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: his learning with ease and precision, and liked to show
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 1: off when he had an audience, he was sometimes tempted
• 1:46:34
  Speaker 1: into revealing more of a case than was good for
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 1: the patient. He examined Angelo's wound and was really minded
• 1:46:41
  Speaker 1: to say nothing for once, but Aunt Patsy was so
• 1:46:45
  Speaker 1: anxious and so pressing that he allowed his caution to
• 1:46:49
  Speaker 1: be overcome and proceeded to empty himself as follows with
• 1:46:53
  Speaker 1: scientific relish, without going too much into detail, Madame, for
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 1: you would probably not understand it anyway, I concede that
• 1:47:04
  Speaker 1: great care is going to be necessary here, otherwise exudation
• 1:47:09
  Speaker 1: of the esophagus is nearly sure to ensue, and this
• 1:47:13
  Speaker 1: will be followed by ossification and extradition of the maxillaris superioris,
• 1:47:18
  Speaker 1: which must decompose the granular surfaces of the great infusorial
• 1:47:23
  Speaker 1: ganglionic system, thus obstructing the action of the posterior variloid
• 1:47:29
  Speaker 1: arteries and precipitating compound strangulated cirrhosis of the valvular tissues,
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 1: and ending unavoidably in the dispersion and combustion of the
• 1:47:39
  Speaker 1: marsupial fluxes and the consequent imbrocation of the bicuspid populo
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 1: redax referendum rotolorum. A miserable silence followed. Aunt Patsy's heart sank,
• 1:47:51
  Speaker 1: the pallor of despair invaded her face. She was not
• 1:47:55
  Speaker 1: able to speak. Poor Rowena wrung her hands in privacy
• 1:47:59
  Speaker 1: in silence, and said to herself in the bitterness of
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 1: her young grief. There is no hope. It is plain,
• 1:48:05
  Speaker 1: there is no hope. The good hearted negro wench Nancy
• 1:48:09
  Speaker 1: pale to chocolate, then to orange, then to amber, and
• 1:48:14
  Speaker 1: thought to herself with yearning sympathy and sorrow, poor thing,
• 1:48:19
  Speaker 1: he ain't gwine a last through de half a dat.
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 1: Small Henry choked up and turned his head away to
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 1: hide his rising tears. And his brother Joe said to
• 1:48:28
  Speaker 1: himself with a sense of loss, the baptizing's busted, that's sure.
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 1: Luigi was the only person who had any heart to speak.
• 1:48:37
  Speaker 1: He said a little bit sharply to the doctor. Well, well,
• 1:48:41
  Speaker 1: there's nothing to be gained by wasting precious time. Give
• 1:48:44
  Speaker 1: him a barrel of pills. I'll take them for him,
• 1:48:47
  Speaker 1: you asked the doctor. Yes, did you suppose he was
• 1:48:51
  Speaker 1: going to take them himself? Why? Of course, while it's
• 1:48:55
  Speaker 1: a mistake, he never took a dose of medicine in
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 1: his life. He can't well, upon my word, it's the
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 1: most extraordinary thing I ever heard of, Oh, said Aunt Patsy,
• 1:49:06
  Speaker 1: as pleased as a mother whose child is being admired
• 1:49:09
  Speaker 1: and wondered at. You'll find that there's more about them
• 1:49:12
  Speaker 1: that's wonderful than They're just being made in the image
• 1:49:16
  Speaker 1: of God, like the rest of his creatures. Now you
• 1:49:18
  Speaker 1: can depend on that, I tell you. And she wagged
• 1:49:21
  Speaker 1: her complacent head, like one who could reveal marvelous things
• 1:49:24
  Speaker 1: if she chose. The boy Joe began, Why Ma, they
• 1:49:29
  Speaker 1: ain't made in the im. You shut up and wait
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 1: till you're asked, Joe. I'll let you know when I
• 1:49:34
  Speaker 1: want help. Are you looking for something? Doctor? The doctor
• 1:49:38
  Speaker 1: asked for a few sheets of paper and a pen
• 1:49:40
  Speaker 1: and said he would write a prescription, which he did.
• 1:49:43
  Speaker 1: It was one of Galen's. In fact, it was Galen's
• 1:49:46
  Speaker 1: favorite and had been slaying people for sixteen thousand years.
• 1:49:51
  Speaker 1: Galen used it for everything, applied it to everything, said
• 1:49:54
  Speaker 1: it would remove everything from wartz all the way through
• 1:49:57
  Speaker 1: to lungs, and it generally did. Galen was still the
• 1:50:02
  Speaker 1: only medical authority recognized in Missouri. His practice was the
• 1:50:06
  Speaker 1: only practice known to the Missouri doctors, and his prescriptions
• 1:50:10
  Speaker 1: were the only ammunition they carried when they went out
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 1: for game. By and by, Doctor Claypool laid down his
• 1:50:17
  Speaker 1: pen and read the result of his labors aloud, carefully
• 1:50:21
  Speaker 1: and deliberately. For this battery must be constructed on the
• 1:50:24
  Speaker 1: premises by the family, and mistakes could occur. For he
• 1:50:28
  Speaker 1: wrote a doctor's hand, the hand which from the beginning
• 1:50:31
  Speaker 1: of time has been so disastrous to the apothecary and
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 1: so profitable to the undertaker. Take of afaraboca, henbane, corpo balsamum, each,
• 1:50:42
  Speaker 1: two DRAMs and a half of cloves Opium myrrh cyprus, each,
• 1:50:49
  Speaker 1: two DRAMs of opobalsamum, indian leaf, cinnamon, Zeddyi, ginger kaftus, coral, Cassia, euphorbium, gum, tragacanth, frankincense, Styrax, calamita,
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 1: celtic nard, spignol, hartwort, mustard, sagyfrage dill anis each one
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 1: dram of xyloloes rheum, Ponticum, alypta, musacha, castor, spikenard, galangaals
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 1: apoponax Anacardium, mastich, brimstone, paeony eringo, pulp of dates, red
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 1: and white, hermadactyls, Roses, thyme, acorns, pennyroyal gentian, the bark
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 1: of the root of mandrake germander, valerian bishop's weed, bayberries,
• 1:51:46
  Speaker 1: long and white pepper, Xylobalsamum, carnabanium, Macedonian parsley seeds lovage,
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 1: the seeds of rue and sinon of each, a dram
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 1: and a half of pure gold, pure silver pearls not
• 1:52:03
  Speaker 1: perforated the blatta byzantina, the bone of the stag's heart
• 1:52:08
  Speaker 1: of each, the quantity of fourteen grains of wheat, of sapphire,
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 1: emerald and jasper stones each, one dram of hazel nuts,
• 1:52:18
  Speaker 1: two DRAMs of pilltery of spain, shavings of ivory calamus
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 1: odoritus each, the quantity of twenty nine grains of wheat,
• 1:52:28
  Speaker 1: of honey or sugar, a sufficient quantity boil down and
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 1: skim off. There he said that will fix the patient.
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 1: Give his brother a dipperful every three quarters of an
• 1:52:41
  Speaker 1: hour while he survives, muttered Luigi, and see that the
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 1: room is kept wholesomely hot, and the doors and windows
• 1:52:49
  Speaker 1: closed tight. Keep Count Angelo nicely covered up with six
• 1:52:54
  Speaker 1: or seven blankets. And when he is thirsty, which will
• 1:52:57
  Speaker 1: be frequently, moisten a rag in the vapor of the
• 1:53:00
  Speaker 1: tea kettle, and let his brother suck it. When he
• 1:53:03
  Speaker 1: is hungry, which will also be frequently. He must not
• 1:53:07
  Speaker 1: be humored oftener than every seven or eight hours. Then
• 1:53:11
  Speaker 1: toast part of a cracker until it begins to brown,
• 1:53:14
  Speaker 1: and give it to his brother. That is all very
• 1:53:17
  Speaker 1: well as far as Angelo is concerned, said Luigi. But
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 1: what am I to eat? I do not see that
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 1: there is anything the matter with you, The doctor answered,
• 1:53:27
  Speaker 1: you may, of course eat what you please, and also
• 1:53:32
  Speaker 1: drink what I please. I suppose, oh, certainly at present,
• 1:53:36
  Speaker 1: when the violent and continuous perspiring has reduced your strength,
• 1:53:40
  Speaker 1: I shall have to reduce your diet, of course, and
• 1:53:43
  Speaker 1: also bleed you. But there is no occasion for that yet. Awhile,
• 1:53:47
  Speaker 1: he turned to Aunt Patsy and said he must be
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 1: put to bed and sat up with and tended with
• 1:53:53
  Speaker 1: the greatest care, and not allowed to stir for several
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 1: days and nights. For one I am sacredly thankful for that,
• 1:54:00
  Speaker 1: said Luigi. It postpones the funeral. I am not to
• 1:54:04
  Speaker 1: be drowned to day. Anyhow, Angelo said quietly to the doctor,
• 1:54:09
  Speaker 1: I will cheerfully submit to all your requirements, sir, up
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 1: to two o'clock this afternoon, and will resume them after three,
• 1:54:19
  Speaker 1: but cannot be confined to the house during that intermediate hour.
• 1:54:23
  Speaker 1: Why may I ask, Because I have entered the Baptist communion,
• 1:54:28
  Speaker 1: and by appointment am to be baptized in the river
• 1:54:31
  Speaker 1: at that hour. Oh, insanity, it cannot be allowed, Angelo
• 1:54:36
  Speaker 1: answered with placid firmness. Nothing shall prevent it. If I
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 1: am alive. Why consider, my dear sir, in your condition,
• 1:54:45
  Speaker 1: it might prove fatal. A tender and ecstatic smile beamed
• 1:54:49
  Speaker 1: from Angelo's eyes, and he broke forth in a tone
• 1:54:52
  Speaker 1: of joyous fervency. Ah, how blessed it would be to
• 1:54:56
  Speaker 1: die for such a cause. It would be martyrdom. But
• 1:55:00
  Speaker 1: your brother, consider your brother, You would be risking his
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 1: life too. He risked mine an hour ago, responded Angelo, gloomily.
• 1:55:09
  Speaker 1: Did he consider me? A thought swept through his mind
• 1:55:13
  Speaker 1: that made him shudder. If I had not run, I
• 1:55:16
  Speaker 1: might have been killed in a duel on the Sabbath day,
• 1:55:19
  Speaker 1: and my soul would have been lost lost. Oh, don't fret.
• 1:55:23
  Speaker 1: It wasn't in any danger, said Luigi irritably. They wouldn't
• 1:55:27
  Speaker 1: waste it for a little thing like that. There's a
• 1:55:30
  Speaker 1: glass case all ready for it in the Heavenly Museum,
• 1:55:33
  Speaker 1: and a pin to stick it up with. Aunt Patsy
• 1:55:36
  Speaker 1: was shocked and said Louis. Louis don't talk so dear
• 1:55:41
  Speaker 1: Rowena's soft heart was pierced by Luigi's unfeeling words, and
• 1:55:45
  Speaker 1: she murmured to herself, Oh, if I but had the
• 1:55:48
  Speaker 1: dear privilege of protecting and defending him with my weak voice.
• 1:55:53
  Speaker 1: But alas this sweet boon is denied me by the
• 1:55:56
  Speaker 1: cruel conventions of social intercourse. Get their bed ready, said
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 1: Aunt Patsy to Nancy. And shut up the windows and doors,
• 1:56:03
  Speaker 1: and light their candles, and see that you drive all
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 1: the mosquitoes out of their bar, and make up a
• 1:56:08
  Speaker 1: good fire in their stove, and carry up some bags
• 1:56:12
  Speaker 1: of hot ashes to lay to his feet, and a
• 1:56:14
  Speaker 1: shovel of fire for his head, and a mustard plaster
• 1:56:17
  Speaker 1: for his neck, and some gum shoes for his ears.
• 1:56:20
  Speaker 1: Luigi interrupted with temper and added to himself, damn Nation,
• 1:56:25
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be roasted alive. I just know it. Why, Louis,
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 1: do be quiet. I never saw such a fractious thing.
• 1:56:33
  Speaker 1: A body would think you didn't care for your brother.
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 1: I don't to that extent, Aunt Patsy. I was glad
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 1: the drowning was postponed a minute ago, but I'm not now. No,
• 1:56:43
  Speaker 1: that is all gone by. I want to be drowned.
• 1:56:46
  Speaker 1: You'll bring a judgment on yourself just as sure as
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 1: you live if you go on like that. Why I
• 1:56:51
  Speaker 1: never heard the beat of it? Now there there, you've
• 1:56:55
  Speaker 1: said enough. Not another word out of you. I won't
• 1:56:58
  Speaker 1: have it. But Aunt Patsyluigi, didn't you hear what I
• 1:57:01
  Speaker 1: told you? But Aunt Patsy, I why I'm not going
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 1: to set my heart and lungs afloat in that pail
• 1:57:09
  Speaker 1: of sewage which this criminal here has been prescribed? Yes,
• 1:57:13
  Speaker 1: you are too. You are going to be good and
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 1: do everything I tell you like a dear, and she
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 1: tapped his cheek affectionately with her finger. Ruwena, take the
• 1:57:22
  Speaker 1: prescription and go in the kitchen and hunt up the
• 1:57:25
  Speaker 1: things and lay them out for me. I'll sit up
• 1:57:28
  Speaker 1: with my patient the rest of the night. Doctor, I
• 1:57:30
  Speaker 1: can't trust Nancy. She couldn't make Luigi take the medicine.
• 1:57:34
  Speaker 1: Of course, you'll drop in again during the day. Have
• 1:57:37
  Speaker 1: you got any more directions? No, I believe not, Aunt Patsy.
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 1: If I don't get in earlier, I'll be along by
• 1:57:44
  Speaker 1: early candlelight. Anyway. Meantime, don't allow him to get out
• 1:57:48
  Speaker 1: of his bed, Angelo said, with calm determination, I shall
• 1:57:53
  Speaker 1: be baptized at two o'clock. Nothing but death shall prevent me.
• 1:57:58
  Speaker 1: The doctor said, nothing alone. But to himself, he said,
• 1:58:02
  Speaker 1: why this chap's got a manly side. After all? Physically
• 1:58:06
  Speaker 1: he's a coward, but morally he's a lion. I'll go
• 1:58:09
  Speaker 1: and tell the others about this. It will raise him
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 1: a good deal in their estimation, and the public will
• 1:58:15
  Speaker 1: follow their lead. Of course, privately, Aunt Patsy applauded too,
• 1:58:19
  Speaker 1: and was proud of Angelo's courage in the moral field,
• 1:58:22
  Speaker 1: as she was of Luigi's in the field of honor.
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 1: The boy Henry was troubled, but the boy Joe said,
• 1:58:28
  Speaker 1: inaudibly and gratefully, we're all hunky after all, And no
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 1: postponement on account of the weather. End of chapter seven.
• 1:58:43
  Speaker 1: This is chapter eight of Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins by
• 1:58:51
  Speaker 1: Mark Twain, Chapter eight, Baptism of the Better Half. By
• 1:58:56
  Speaker 1: nine o'clock, the town was humming with the news of
• 1:59:00
  Speaker 1: the midnight duel, and there were but two opinions about it,
• 1:59:04
  Speaker 1: one that Luigi's pluck in the field was most praiseworthy,
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 1: and Angelo's flight most scandalous. The other that Angelo's courage
• 1:59:13
  Speaker 1: in flying the field for conscience sake was as fine
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 1: and credible as was Luigi's in holding the field in
• 1:59:20
  Speaker 1: the face of the bullets. The one opinion was held
• 1:59:23
  Speaker 1: by half of the town, the other one was maintained
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 1: by the other half. The division was clean and exact,
• 1:59:29
  Speaker 1: and it made two parties, an Angelo party and a
• 1:59:32
  Speaker 1: Luigi party. The twins had suddenly become popular idols, along
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 1: with pudd'nhead, Wilson, and haloed with a glory as intense
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 1: as his. The children talked the duel all the way
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 1: to Sunday school. Their elders talked it all the way
• 1:59:47
  Speaker 1: to church. The choir discussed it behind their red curtain.
• 1:59:51
  Speaker 1: It usurped the place of pious thought in the nigger gallery.
• 1:59:55
  Speaker 1: By noon, the doctor had added the news and spread
• 1:59:58
  Speaker 1: it that Count Angelo, in spite of his wound and
• 2:00:02
  Speaker 1: all warnings and supplications, was resolute in his determination to
• 2:00:06
  Speaker 1: be baptized at the hour appointed. This swept the town
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 1: like wildfire, and mightily reinforced the enthusiasm of the Angelo faction,
• 2:00:15
  Speaker 1: who said, if any doubted that it was moral courage,
• 2:00:19
  Speaker 1: that took him from the field. What have they to say? Now?
• 2:00:24
  Speaker 1: Still the excitement grew all the morning. It was traveling
• 2:00:27
  Speaker 1: countryward toward all points of the compass. So whereas before
• 2:00:32
  Speaker 1: only the farmers and their wives were intending to come
• 2:00:34
  Speaker 1: and witness the remarkable baptism, a general holiday was now proclaimed,
• 2:00:39
  Speaker 1: and the children and negroes admitted to the privileges of
• 2:00:42
  Speaker 1: the occasion. All the farms for ten miles around were vacated,
• 2:00:47
  Speaker 1: All the converging roads emptied long processions of wagons, horses,
• 2:00:52
  Speaker 1: and yeomanry into the town. The pack and cram of
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: people vastly exceeded any that had ever been seen in
• 2:00:59
  Speaker 1: that sleepy reas region before. The only thing that had
• 2:01:02
  Speaker 1: ever even approached it was the time long gone by,
• 2:01:05
  Speaker 1: but never forgotten nor even referred to without wonder and pride,
• 2:01:10
  Speaker 1: when two circuses and a fourth of July fell together.
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 1: But the glory of that occasion was extinguished now for good.
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 1: It was but a frischet to this deluge. The great
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 1: invasion massed itself on the river bank and waited hungrily
• 2:01:26
  Speaker 1: for the immense event. Waited and wondered if it would
• 2:01:29
  Speaker 1: really happen, or if the twin who was not a professor,
• 2:01:34
  Speaker 1: would stand out and prevent it. But they were not
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 1: to be disappointed. Angelo was as good as his word.
• 2:01:41
  Speaker 1: He came attended by an escort of honor composed of
• 2:01:44
  Speaker 1: several hundred of the best citizens, all of the Angelo party,
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 1: And when the immersion was finished, they escorted him back home,
• 2:01:52
  Speaker 1: and would even have carried him on their shoulders, but
• 2:01:54
  Speaker 1: that people might think they were carrying Luigi. Far into
• 2:01:58
  Speaker 1: the night, the citizens can continued to discuss and wonder
• 2:02:01
  Speaker 1: over the strangely mated pair of incidents that had distinguished
• 2:02:05
  Speaker 1: and exalted the past twenty four hours above any other
• 2:02:09
  Speaker 1: twenty four in the history of their town for picturesqueness
• 2:02:12
  Speaker 1: and splendid interest. And long before the lights were out
• 2:02:16
  Speaker 1: and Burgher's asleep, it had been decided on all hands
• 2:02:20
  Speaker 1: that in capturing these twins, Dawson's landing had drawn a
• 2:02:24
  Speaker 1: prize in the great lottery of municipal fortune. At midnight,
• 2:02:29
  Speaker 1: Angelo was sleeping peacefully. His immersion had not harmed him.
• 2:02:33
  Speaker 1: It had merely made him wholesomely drowsy, and he had
• 2:02:37
  Speaker 1: been dead asleep many hours now. It had made Luigi
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 1: drowsy too, but he had got only brief naps on
• 2:02:44
  Speaker 1: account of his having to take the medicine every three
• 2:02:46
  Speaker 1: quarters of an hour, and Aunt Betsy Hale was there
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 1: to see that he did it. When he complained and resisted,
• 2:02:53
  Speaker 1: she was quietly firm with him and said, in a
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 1: low voice, No, No, that won't do. You mustn't talk,
• 2:03:01
  Speaker 1: and you mustn't wretch and gag that way either you'll
• 2:03:05
  Speaker 1: wake up your poor brother. Well, what of it, Aunt Betsy,
• 2:03:09
  Speaker 1: he sh, don't make a noise, dear. You mustn't forget
• 2:03:14
  Speaker 1: that your poor brother is sick and sick? Is he? Well?
• 2:03:18
  Speaker 1: I wish? I sh? Will you be quiet? Luigi here?
• 2:03:23
  Speaker 1: Now take the rest of it. Don't keep me holding
• 2:03:26
  Speaker 1: the dipper all night. I declare if you haven't left
• 2:03:29
  Speaker 1: a good fourth of it in the bottom, come, that's
• 2:03:32
  Speaker 1: a good boy, Aunt Betsy. Don't make me I feel
• 2:03:35
  Speaker 1: like I've swallowed a cemetery. I do. Indeed, do let
• 2:03:39
  Speaker 1: me rest a little, just a little. I can't take
• 2:03:42
  Speaker 1: any more of the devilish stuff now, Luigi using such
• 2:03:46
  Speaker 1: language here and him just baptized, do you want the
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 1: roof to fall on you? I wish to goodness it would.
• 2:03:53
  Speaker 1: Why you dreadful thing. I've a good notion to let
• 2:03:57
  Speaker 1: that blanket alone. Do you want your brother to catch
• 2:04:00
  Speaker 1: his death? Aunt Betsy, I've got to have it off.
• 2:04:03
  Speaker 1: I'm being roasted alive. Nobody could stand it. You couldn't yourself.
• 2:04:07
  Speaker 1: Now then you're sneezing again. I just expected it because
• 2:04:12
  Speaker 1: I've caught a cold in my head. I always do
• 2:04:16
  Speaker 1: when I go in the water with my clothes on,
• 2:04:18
  Speaker 1: and it takes me weeks to get over it, too.
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 1: I think it was a shame to serve me so, Luigi,
• 2:04:24
  Speaker 1: you are unreasonable. You know very well they couldn't baptize
• 2:04:27
  Speaker 1: him dry. I should think you would be willing to
• 2:04:30
  Speaker 1: undergo a little inconvenience for your brother's sake. Inconvenience, now,
• 2:04:35
  Speaker 1: how you talk, Aunt Betsy. I came as near as
• 2:04:38
  Speaker 1: anything to getting drowned. You saw that yourself, and you
• 2:04:42
  Speaker 1: call this inconvenience. The room shut up as tight as
• 2:04:45
  Speaker 1: a drum, and so hot the mosquitos are trying to
• 2:04:47
  Speaker 1: get out, and a cold in the head, and dying
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 1: for sleep, and no chance to get any on account
• 2:04:53
  Speaker 1: of this infamous medicine that that assassin prescribe. There you're
• 2:04:57
  Speaker 1: sneezing again. I'm going down and mix some more of
• 2:05:01
  Speaker 1: this truck for you. Dea end of chapter eight. This
• 2:05:10
  Speaker 1: is chapter nine of Those Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording
• 2:05:14
  Speaker 1: is in the public domain. Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain.
• 2:05:18
  Speaker 1: Chapter nine, The Drinkless Drunk. During Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,
• 2:05:25
  Speaker 1: the twins grew steadily worse. But then the doctor was
• 2:05:28
  Speaker 1: summoned south to attend his mother's funeral, and they got
• 2:05:32
  Speaker 1: well in forty eight hours. They appeared on the street
• 2:05:35
  Speaker 1: on Friday and were welcomed with enthusiasm by the newborn
• 2:05:39
  Speaker 1: parties Luigi and Angelo factions. The Luigi faction carried its
• 2:05:44
  Speaker 1: strength into the Democratic Party. The Angelo faction entered into
• 2:05:48
  Speaker 1: a combination with the Whigs. The Democrats nominated Luigi for
• 2:05:52
  Speaker 1: Aldermen under the new City government, and the Whigs put
• 2:05:56
  Speaker 1: up Angelo against him. The Democrats nominated pudd'nhead Will Wilson
• 2:06:00
  Speaker 1: from Ayr, and he was left alone in this glory,
• 2:06:03
  Speaker 1: for the Whigs had no man who was willing to
• 2:06:05
  Speaker 1: enter the lists against such a formidable opponent. No politician
• 2:06:10
  Speaker 1: had scored such a compliment as this before in the
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 1: history of the Mississippi Valley. The political campaign in Dawson's
• 2:06:17
  Speaker 1: Landing opened in a pretty warm fashion and waxed hotter
• 2:06:21
  Speaker 1: every week. Luigi's whole heart was in it, and even
• 2:06:25
  Speaker 1: Angelo developed a surprising amount of interest, which was natural
• 2:06:29
  Speaker 1: because he was not merely representing Whigism, a matter of
• 2:06:33
  Speaker 1: no consequence to him, but he was representing something immensely
• 2:06:37
  Speaker 1: finer and greater to wit. Reform in him was centered
• 2:06:41
  Speaker 1: the hopes of the whole reform element of the town.
• 2:06:45
  Speaker 1: He was the chosen and admired champion of every clique
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 1: that had a pet reform of any sort or kind
• 2:06:51
  Speaker 1: at heart. He was president of the Great Teetotalers Union,
• 2:06:55
  Speaker 1: its chiefest prophet and mouthpiece. But as the canvas went,
• 2:07:00
  Speaker 1: troubles began to spring up all around, Troubles for the
• 2:07:04
  Speaker 1: twins and through them for all the parties and segments
• 2:07:08
  Speaker 1: and fractions of parties. Whenever Luigi had possession of the legs,
• 2:07:12
  Speaker 1: he carried Angelo to balls, rum shops, sons of liberty, parades,
• 2:07:17
  Speaker 1: horse races, campaign riots, and everywhere else that could damage
• 2:07:21
  Speaker 1: him with his party and the church. And when it
• 2:07:24
  Speaker 1: was Angelo's week, he carried Luigi diligently to all manner
• 2:07:28
  Speaker 1: of moral and religious gatherings, doing his best to regain
• 2:07:32
  Speaker 1: the ground he had lost before. As a result of
• 2:07:35
  Speaker 1: these double performances, there was a storm blowing all the time,
• 2:07:39
  Speaker 1: an ever rising storm, too, a storm of frantic criticism
• 2:07:43
  Speaker 1: of the twins and rage over their extravagant, incomprehensible conduct.
• 2:07:48
  Speaker 1: Luigi had the final chance. The legs were his. For
• 2:07:51
  Speaker 1: the closing week of the canvas. He led his brother
• 2:07:55
  Speaker 1: a fearful dance, but he saved his best card for
• 2:07:58
  Speaker 1: the very eve of the election. There was to be
• 2:08:00
  Speaker 1: a grand turn out of the teetotaler's union that day,
• 2:08:04
  Speaker 1: and Angelo was to march at the head of the
• 2:08:06
  Speaker 1: procession and deliver a great oration. Afterward, Luigi drank a
• 2:08:10
  Speaker 1: couple of glasses of whisky, which steadied his nerves and
• 2:08:14
  Speaker 1: clarified his mind, but made Angelo drunk. Everybody who saw
• 2:08:18
  Speaker 1: the march saw that the champions of the teetotalers was
• 2:08:22
  Speaker 1: half seas over, and noted also that his brother, who
• 2:08:25
  Speaker 1: made no hypocritical pretensions to extra temperance virtues, was dignified
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 1: and sober. This eloquent fact could not be unfruitful at
• 2:08:35
  Speaker 1: the end of a hot political canvass. At the mass meeting,
• 2:08:39
  Speaker 1: Angelo tried to make his Great Temperance oration, but was
• 2:08:43
  Speaker 1: so discommoded by hiccoughs and thickness of tongue that he
• 2:08:47
  Speaker 1: had to give it up. Then drowsiness overtook him, and
• 2:08:50
  Speaker 1: his head drooped against Luigi's and he went to sleep.
• 2:08:54
  Speaker 1: Luigi apologized for him and was going on to improve
• 2:08:57
  Speaker 1: his opportunity with an appeal for a mondation of what
• 2:09:01
  Speaker 1: he called the prevailing teetotal madness. But persons in the
• 2:09:05
  Speaker 1: audience began to howl and throw things at him, and
• 2:09:08
  Speaker 1: then the meeting rose in wrath and chased him home.
• 2:09:12
  Speaker 1: This episode was a crusher for Angelo. In another way,
• 2:09:15
  Speaker 1: it destroyed his chances with Rowena. Those chances had been
• 2:09:19
  Speaker 1: growing right along for two months. Rowena had partly confessed
• 2:09:23
  Speaker 1: that she loved him, but wanted time to consider. Now
• 2:09:27
  Speaker 1: the tender dream was ended, and she told him so
• 2:09:30
  Speaker 1: the moment he was sober enough to understand. She said
• 2:09:33
  Speaker 1: she would never marry a man who drank. But I
• 2:09:36
  Speaker 1: don't drink. He pleaded, that is nothing, to the point
• 2:09:41
  Speaker 1: she said coldly, you get drunk, and that is worse.
• 2:09:46
  Speaker 1: There was a long and sufficiently idiotic discussion here which
• 2:09:49
  Speaker 1: ended as reported in a previous note end of chapter nine.
• 2:09:59
  Speaker 1: This is chapter two ten and final remarks of Those
• 2:10:02
  Speaker 1: Extraordinary Twins. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
• 2:10:07
  Speaker 1: Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain, Chapter ten. So they
• 2:10:10
  Speaker 1: hanged Luigi plus final remarks. Dawson's Landing had a week
• 2:10:17
  Speaker 1: of repose after the election, and it needed it for
• 2:10:20
  Speaker 1: the frantic and variegated nightmare which had tormented it all
• 2:10:24
  Speaker 1: through the preceding week had left it limp, haggard, and
• 2:10:28
  Speaker 1: exhausted at the end. It got the week of repose
• 2:10:32
  Speaker 1: because Angelo had the legs and was in too subdued
• 2:10:36
  Speaker 1: a condition to want to go out and mingle with
• 2:10:38
  Speaker 1: an irritated community that had come to distrust and detest
• 2:10:42
  Speaker 1: him because there was such a lack of harmony between
• 2:10:45
  Speaker 1: his morals, which were confessedly excellent, and his methods of
• 2:10:49
  Speaker 1: illustrating them, which were distinctly damnable. The new city officers
• 2:10:54
  Speaker 1: were sworn in on the following Monday, at least all
• 2:10:57
  Speaker 1: but Luigi. There was a complication in his case. His
• 2:11:01
  Speaker 1: election was conceded, but he could not sit in the
• 2:11:05
  Speaker 1: Board of Aldermen without his brother, and his brother could
• 2:11:08
  Speaker 1: not sit there because he was not a member. There
• 2:11:12
  Speaker 1: seemed to be no way out of the difficulty but
• 2:11:14
  Speaker 1: to carry the matter into the courts, so this was
• 2:11:17
  Speaker 1: resolved upon The case was set for the Monday fortnight
• 2:11:21
  Speaker 1: in due course the time arrived. In the meantime, the
• 2:11:25
  Speaker 1: city government had been at a standstill because without Luigi
• 2:11:29
  Speaker 1: there was a tie in the board of Aldermen, whereas
• 2:11:32
  Speaker 1: with him the liquor interest, the richest in the political field,
• 2:11:35
  Speaker 1: would have one majority. But the court decided that Angelo
• 2:11:40
  Speaker 1: could not sit in the board with him, either in
• 2:11:42
  Speaker 1: public or executive sessions, and at the same time forbade
• 2:11:46
  Speaker 1: the board to deny admission to Luigi, a fairly and
• 2:11:49
  Speaker 1: legally chosen alderman. The case was carried up and up
• 2:11:53
  Speaker 1: from court to court, yet still the same old, original
• 2:11:57
  Speaker 1: decision was confirmed every time. As a result, the city
• 2:12:02
  Speaker 1: government not only stood still with its hands tied, but
• 2:12:05
  Speaker 1: everything it was created to protect and care for went
• 2:12:09
  Speaker 1: a steady gait towards rack and ruin. There was no
• 2:12:13
  Speaker 1: way to levy attacks, so the minor officials had to
• 2:12:16
  Speaker 1: resign or starve. Therefore they resigned. There being no city money,
• 2:12:22
  Speaker 1: the enormous legal expenses on both sides had to be
• 2:12:25
  Speaker 1: defrayed by private subscription. But at last the people came
• 2:12:29
  Speaker 1: to their senses and said, put'nhead was right at the start.
• 2:12:34
  Speaker 1: We ought to have hired the official half of that
• 2:12:36
  Speaker 1: human Philippine to resign, but it's too late now. Some
• 2:12:41
  Speaker 1: of us haven't got anything left to hire him with.
• 2:12:44
  Speaker 1: Yes we have, said another citizen. We've got this, and
• 2:12:48
  Speaker 1: he produced a halter. Many shouted that's the ticket, but
• 2:12:53
  Speaker 1: others said, no, Count Angelo is innocent. We mustn't hang him.
• 2:12:59
  Speaker 1: Who said anything about hanging him? We are only going
• 2:13:02
  Speaker 1: to hang the other one. Then that is all right,
• 2:13:06
  Speaker 1: There is no objection to that. So they hanged Luigi,
• 2:13:11
  Speaker 1: and so ends the history of those extraordinary twins. Final remarks.
• 2:13:18
  Speaker 1: As you see, it was an extravagant sort of a
• 2:13:20
  Speaker 1: tale and had no purpose but to exhibit that monstrous
• 2:13:24
  Speaker 1: freak in all sorts of grotesque lights. But when Roxy
• 2:13:29
  Speaker 1: wandered into the tale, she had to be furnished with
• 2:13:31
  Speaker 1: something to do, so she changed the children in the cradle.
• 2:13:35
  Speaker 1: This necessitated the invention of a reason for it. This
• 2:13:38
  Speaker 1: in turn resulted in making the children prominent personages nothing
• 2:13:43
  Speaker 1: could prevent it. Of course, their career began to take
• 2:13:46
  Speaker 1: a tragic aspect, and someone had to be brought in
• 2:13:49
  Speaker 1: to help work the machinery, so puddin Head Wilson was
• 2:13:53
  Speaker 1: introduced and taken on trial. By this time the whole
• 2:13:56
  Speaker 1: show was being run by the New people and in
• 2:13:59
  Speaker 1: their interest, and the original show was become side tracked
• 2:14:02
  Speaker 1: and forgotten. The twin monster and the heroine, and the
• 2:14:06
  Speaker 1: lads and the old ladies had dwindled to inconsequentialities and
• 2:14:11
  Speaker 1: were merely in the way. Their story was one story.
• 2:14:16
  Speaker 1: The New People's story was another story, and there was
• 2:14:19
  Speaker 1: no connection between them, no interdependence, no kinship. It is
• 2:14:24
  Speaker 1: not practicable or rational to try to tell two stories
• 2:14:28
  Speaker 1: at the same time. So I dug out the farce
• 2:14:31
  Speaker 1: and left the tragedy. The reader already knew how the
• 2:14:34
  Speaker 1: expert works. He knows now how the other kind do it.
• 2:14:39
  Speaker 1: Mark Twain, End of Chapter ten and final remarks and
• 2:14:44
  Speaker 1: end of Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain. This is
• 2:14:48
  Speaker 1: John Greenman