Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Holding Power, Releasing Control: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Six
Transcript
- 0:05SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Enea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted.
- 0:12SPEAKER_00: Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type.
- 0:26SPEAKER_00: It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this, to hear your own story differently.
- 0:35SPEAKER_00: To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself.
- 0:43SPEAKER_00: If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home.
- 0:50SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side.
- 0:56SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
- 1:05SPEAKER_00: Imagine walking into a room and instantly discerning who's safe, trustworthy, and in charge.
- 1:13SPEAKER_00: You're the one who protects, who defends, and who makes sure no one gets left behind.
- 1:19SPEAKER_00: You don't just survive hard things.
- 1:22SPEAKER_00: You own them.
- 1:23SPEAKER_00: You fight, you lead, you speak truth.
- 1:27SPEAKER_00: But underneath all that strength, there's a hidden ache, a quiet question you rarely let anyone hear.
- 1:34SPEAKER_00: Who's protecting me?
- 1:37SPEAKER_00: Today you're stepping into the heart of someone who's learning the true power doesn't always roar.
- 1:42SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it appears to be restraint, surrender, and a fierce trust in the one who fights on their behalf.
- 1:50SPEAKER_00: Can you guess which personality type I might be talking about today?
- 1:54SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to invite you to walk in their world.
- 2:02SPEAKER_00: The air is thick with heat and hunger.
- 2:05SPEAKER_00: Grandma's sitting in her lawn chair, waving her church fan like she's conducting a choir.
- 2:10SPEAKER_00: The gospel music's playing low from the Bluetooth speaker, and picnic tables are piled high.
- 2:16SPEAKER_00: Fried chicken, potato salad, sweet tea sweating in mason jars.
- 2:21SPEAKER_00: Every cousin, uncle, and sibling in matching reunion t-shirts, loud and laughing.
- 2:26SPEAKER_00: And they're swapping old stories like their currency.
- 2:30SPEAKER_00: I thought I'd made peace with this kind of chaos.
- 2:32SPEAKER_00: I even told myself I was coming for the food and the photos, not the drama.
- 2:37SPEAKER_00: But then it happens.
- 2:40SPEAKER_00: My cousin leans in, laughing like it's nothing.
- 2:43SPEAKER_00: Oh, we've known about that for years, she says.
- 2:47SPEAKER_00: Tossing out a secret I thought I had buried a lifetime ago.
- 2:51SPEAKER_00: Something I only trusted to one person years back.
- 2:55SPEAKER_00: I thought it was safe with them.
- 2:58SPEAKER_00: But it turns out everybody knew.
- 3:01SPEAKER_00: Everybody's known.
- 3:03SPEAKER_00: And they've been looking at me in the eye, smiling while whispering behind my back all this time.
- 3:09SPEAKER_00: The heat in my chest is immediate.
- 3:12SPEAKER_00: And it's not from the weather, it's from betrayal.
- 3:16SPEAKER_00: My mind lights up, already crafting the words I'll throw like daggers.
- 3:20SPEAKER_00: The speech I'll give that'll leave them stun, cut down and exposed for what they've done.
- 3:25SPEAKER_00: I can see it.
- 3:26SPEAKER_00: Their shocked faces, their fake smiles wiped clean in an instant.
- 3:31SPEAKER_00: But instead of lighting the match, I grab my car keys in and outs.
- 3:35SPEAKER_00: I'll go get more ice.
- 3:37SPEAKER_00: No one argues with me.
- 3:39SPEAKER_00: Their plates are too full of chicken and their mouths are full of gossip.
- 3:42SPEAKER_00: I slam the car door, crank the AC, and I peel out of the gravel driveway.
- 3:47SPEAKER_00: My heart is pounding, and my knuckles look pink on the steering wheel.
- 3:52SPEAKER_00: On the way to the gas station, I can barely hear the radio over my own screaming thoughts.
- 3:57SPEAKER_00: I'm plotting, I'm stewing, I'm replaying every word that was said.
- 4:01SPEAKER_00: But then at a red light, something unexpected crosses my mind.
- 4:06SPEAKER_00: It's an old memory of a time when I messed up badly and someone offered me grace instead of revenge.
- 4:14SPEAKER_00: That memory stops me cold.
- 4:16SPEAKER_00: And somewhere I dig down deep inside, but I hear it.
- 4:21SPEAKER_00: It's not a voice, but it is a question.
- 4:24SPEAKER_00: What if revenge won't make it right?
- 4:28SPEAKER_00: I sit there, the blinker ticking.
- 4:30SPEAKER_00: My heart is still blazing hot.
- 4:33SPEAKER_00: But my tight grip, it loosens just a bit.
- 4:37SPEAKER_00: I whisper through clinched teeth, God, I want justice.
- 4:42SPEAKER_00: I want to fight back.
- 4:44SPEAKER_00: Please help me.
- 4:45SPEAKER_00: Trust that you see it all, and you'll defend me in your time.
- 4:50SPEAKER_00: I pull into the gas station parking lot.
- 4:52SPEAKER_00: I buy the ice and I drive slowly back down the dirt road.
- 4:57SPEAKER_00: And when I finally park and walk back toward the music and the laughter, I'm not smiling.
- 5:02SPEAKER_00: I'm not pretending.
- 5:04SPEAKER_00: But I know I'm stronger for not unleashing the fire.
- 5:10SPEAKER_00: I choose to hold my peace.
- 5:11SPEAKER_00: And today, that feels like the boldest move of all.
- 5:30SPEAKER_00: Someone who walks through life strong and steady on the outside, yet carries a fierce loyalty and perhaps just as fierce of a temper, not always beneath the surface.
- 5:42SPEAKER_00: Now, before you guess this personality type, pause for a second.
- 5:47SPEAKER_00: What's your guess?
- 5:48SPEAKER_00: Who wrestles between the urge to protect and the invitation to surrender?
- 5:53SPEAKER_00: Who stands right on the edge of fight or forgiveness?
- 5:58SPEAKER_00: Is it a type one, a type eight, or perhaps a type six?
- 6:06SPEAKER_00: If you guessed an Enneagram type eight, you're correct.
- 6:10SPEAKER_00: Eights are bold and decisive.
- 6:12SPEAKER_00: They're fiercely protective of people they love.
- 6:15SPEAKER_00: And they're often the ones who take charge.
- 6:17SPEAKER_00: They speak truth and they are willing to make hard decisions when no one else will.
- 6:23SPEAKER_00: But underneath that strength or what you perceive is often a hidden fear.
- 6:28SPEAKER_00: It's a fear of being betrayed, controlled, or left vulnerable.
- 6:33SPEAKER_00: And eight's greatest desire is to protect themselves and their people, yet stay control of their world.
- 6:40SPEAKER_00: And their struggle often shows up as excess, a tendency to overdo, overdefend, or push too hard to keep themselves from being hurt again.
- 6:49SPEAKER_00: And Enneagram Eight's core longing is to hear you will not be betrayed.
- 6:55SPEAKER_00: They often carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, believing they have to be strong for everyone else.
- 7:01SPEAKER_00: But when they learn to release the grip of control, when they trust that God will defend them in ways they never could, an Enneagram 8 can become one of the most courageous, compassionate, and protective forces in the room.
- 7:14SPEAKER_00: And it leads them not from fear, but toward freedom.
- 7:19SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram 8 might teach you and the rest of us something we might often forget: that true strength isn't about controlling every outcome or defending every wound.
- 7:29SPEAKER_00: It's about knowing when to fight and when to let go.
- 7:33SPEAKER_00: An eight reminds us that courage doesn't always look loud or fierce.
- 7:38SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like holding your tongue, staying seated when every muscle is ready to rise or pounce, and trusting God to handle what they can't.
- 7:48SPEAKER_00: I like to think of a healthy Enneagram 8 like a controlled burn.
- 7:52SPEAKER_00: My husband is an arborist and is always reminding the family that out of control wildfires often happen due to the lack of diligence of well-planned controlled burns, because fires left to themselves are powerful, consuming, and capable of massive destruction, especially when the underbrush has not been cleared away.
- 8:12SPEAKER_00: But if you have a fire with the right conditions and the right boundaries, this is a controlled burn.
- 8:20SPEAKER_00: It clears out what no longer serves and it makes room for new growth and renewal.
- 8:26SPEAKER_00: So a healthy Enneagram A can be an amazing gift to the rest of the world.
- 8:31SPEAKER_00: And remind us that true power isn't about domination.
- 8:34SPEAKER_00: It's about discipline, passion, fair protection, and knowing when the time is right.
- 8:41SPEAKER_00: Now I want to introduce you to someone who has walked her own fierce and beautiful journey toward whole-hearted living.
- 8:48SPEAKER_00: This wholehearted client knows what it's like to carry the weight of protection.
- 8:52SPEAKER_00: She has stood strong for others.
- 8:54SPEAKER_00: She has fought hard for what's right.
- 8:57SPEAKER_00: And she has wrestled the tension between staying in control and learning to trust.
- 9:03SPEAKER_00: In Melody's coaching journey, she has begun to uncover the layers beneath her drive for strength.
- 9:08SPEAKER_00: And she's discovering the freedom that comes from choosing presence over power.
- 9:12SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait for you to dive into her story.
- 9:15SPEAKER_00: It's a story of boldness, honesty, and the quiet courage it takes to release control.
- 9:21SPEAKER_00: Here's Melody sharing her journey in her own words.
- 9:29SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Melody Kennybrew.
- 9:32SPEAKER_01: I live in Las Cruces, New Mexico, and here's my wholehearted journey.
- 9:37SPEAKER_01: Six months ago, I was stuck in a pattern of overdoing things.
- 9:42SPEAKER_01: I was engaged in too many activities, a member of too many online groups.
- 9:47SPEAKER_01: I even followed too many podcasts, 81 to be exact.
- 9:52SPEAKER_01: I kept buying new books when half of those already on my shelves remained unread, and each day I struggled to make progress towards the digital course I was creating, the podcast I was planning, the book I was writing, and keeping up the management of our household with all its responsibilities, which included preparing 95% of our meals from scratch.
- 10:14SPEAKER_01: I was using a planner, the third that I had tried in its many years, but that one didn't work for me either.
- 10:22SPEAKER_01: Wherever an empty time slot appeared, I'd somehow manage to fill it with a task, and then I'd wear myself out trying to complete every single one.
- 10:31SPEAKER_01: Pushing, pushing, pushing it to what I did all day long.
- 10:35SPEAKER_01: I was addicted to it.
- 10:37SPEAKER_01: Even though I knew my working so much wasn't working, even though I was experiencing extreme fatigue on a daily basis due to a chronic illness I've struggled with for years, and knew I needed more rest than average just to feel good most days.
- 10:53SPEAKER_01: He could say I was both the pusher and the addict.
- 10:56SPEAKER_01: There was Melody One who kept supplying impossible to-do lists, to Melody II, who constantly overestimated her capacity and pushed her body to do more than it could do.
- 11:08SPEAKER_01: Now, mostly I pushed myself, and that was bad enough.
- 11:13SPEAKER_01: But I began to see how I was pushing other people too, like my husband.
- 11:19SPEAKER_01: When I learned he had joked with a cashier at our local grocer's that if he didn't bring home the exact product I asked for, I would yell at him.
- 11:28SPEAKER_01: I knew he hadn't been joking.
- 11:33SPEAKER_01: Where I felt the greatest sense of failure was in not getting enough sleep.
- 11:38SPEAKER_01: You see, for many months I'd been sensing God telling me to get to bed at a regular time.
- 11:45SPEAKER_01: And I made plans to do so.
- 11:47SPEAKER_01: I did my best to schedule each day's activities so I could turn off all the tech by 9.30 p.m.
- 11:53SPEAKER_01: to start winding down and be in bed lights off by 10.30.
- 11:58SPEAKER_01: Yet night after night, I'd still be bopping around until sometime after midnight when I'd crawl into bed, brain and bone tired.
- 12:08SPEAKER_01: And what had I been doing?
- 12:11SPEAKER_01: Pushing myself to finish up some project to meet an unreasonable deadline that I had set myself, all while moving at the pace of a sloth because I felt so tired.
- 12:24SPEAKER_01: The worst thing about it was that I knew I was being disobedient over and over again.
- 12:30SPEAKER_01: I cried to God about this, confessing it much.
- 12:34SPEAKER_01: I wanted to stop staying up.
- 12:36SPEAKER_01: I wanted to stop doing so much.
- 12:39SPEAKER_01: I wanted to change, but I couldn't.
- 12:42SPEAKER_01: And about that time, I began dropping more and more of the pins I'd been juggling because I had no margin.
- 12:50SPEAKER_01: Canceling at least one meeting or appointment each week because I couldn't handle it became a regular occurrence.
- 12:57SPEAKER_01: I realized I couldn't afford to keep making and breaking commitments and follow the path I was sure God was leading me on towards building a business.
- 13:06SPEAKER_01: I needed to establish an effective daily routine.
- 13:09SPEAKER_01: I wanted to be a better wife, and I had to learn how to rest.
- 13:14SPEAKER_01: But how?
- 13:16SPEAKER_01: I knew I needed help.
- 13:18SPEAKER_01: I needed help identifying the non-essentials to cut from my life, and by life, I mean schedules, email subscriptions, projects, activities, goals, and commitments.
- 13:29SPEAKER_01: And I wasn't sure where or how to begin.
- 13:33SPEAKER_01: I felt overwhelmed and scattered.
- 13:36SPEAKER_01: So even though I had never worked one-on-one with a coach before, when I learned that Amy was accepting new coaching clients, I was sure that saying yes was my way forward.
- 13:47SPEAKER_01: That was six months ago.
- 13:50SPEAKER_01: During our time together, I've experienced three major mindset shifts that have changed my life for the better.
- 13:58SPEAKER_01: The first one occurred while reading a book Amy recommended, Sarah Haggerty's The Gift of Limitations.
- 14:04SPEAKER_01: Among the many thoughts that Sarah shared that landed with me was that the death of my dreams could actually mean the beginning of hearing and seeing God's dreams for my life.
- 14:15SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, before the struggles with my health began, I had had more than a few big and beautiful dreams for my life.
- 14:25SPEAKER_01: As I continued to meet and pray with Amy, I realized I had made idols of those dreams and had not wanted to surrender them to God.
- 14:33SPEAKER_01: And I saw how very willful I had lived for well most of my life.
- 14:38SPEAKER_01: Looking back, I saw how even in my prayers, I pushed for control over my surroundings and what would affect me.
- 14:46SPEAKER_01: I remembered how I used to tell God that what I wanted to hear Jesus say when I got to heaven was extremely well done.
- 14:55SPEAKER_01: Talk about wanting to influence outcomes.
- 14:58SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad God has a good sense of humor.
- 15:02SPEAKER_01: Anyhow, I realized that if it's to be, it's up to me, had been a lyric playing in the background of my mind for too many years.
- 15:11SPEAKER_01: And though it may have served in bringing about the outcomes I wanted once upon a time, now that I was in Christ, it had only made me super sick.
- 15:22SPEAKER_01: That's when it hit me that I'd lived trusting myself more than I'd been trusting God, that the main reason I'd persisted in overworking was to take care of myself.
- 15:33SPEAKER_01: In a flash, the title of a 1970s Broadway musical came back to me, your arms too short to fight, or rather, was it to box with God, yeah.
- 15:43SPEAKER_01: And I thought, how could I be anything but sick while fighting him and against my best interest?
- 15:52SPEAKER_01: And finally, I believed God's dreams for me were better than my dreams for me.
- 15:59SPEAKER_01: His grace really was sufficient.
- 16:02SPEAKER_01: I could trust him completely.
- 16:05SPEAKER_01: That was my second major mindset shift.
- 16:09SPEAKER_01: And as a result, for the first time ever, I decided to surrender my dreams for myself to God in exchange for his, whatever they were.
- 16:18SPEAKER_01: When I did that, God's word came alive to me in a new way as I sensed him speaking to me through a favorite verse, Psalm 46.10, in the classic edition of the Amplified Bible.
- 16:32SPEAKER_01: In that translation, the command, be still and know that I'm God, is preceded by another, let be.
- 16:39SPEAKER_01: I believe then, as I do now, God was telling me to trust him with myself, with all of my current limitations, and that by letting things be, I was not only to stop trying to defy nature and his good plans for me, I was also to cease striving to do more each day, and to trust he was more than enough for whatever I lacked, to see that business of ours come to life, improve my health, and make me into a more patient and merciful companion for my husband.
- 17:13SPEAKER_01: In short, I was to let go of the many things that didn't serve me well so I could invest my energy in the few things that did.
- 17:23SPEAKER_01: Wow, just saying that sentence right now has put a smile on my face.
- 17:27SPEAKER_01: Can you hear it?
- 17:30SPEAKER_01: And here's the funny thing that happened then.
- 17:32SPEAKER_01: Funny, interesting, not funny, ha ha.
- 17:35SPEAKER_01: With trust came peace.
- 17:37SPEAKER_01: I stopped resisting naps so much and got more comfortable with actually going to bed at night, trusting that whatever I had done for the day would be enough.
- 17:48SPEAKER_01: To help me stay aligned with the truth that stillness, rarely my first choice, is valuable and life-giving to me, Amy suggested a practice I still follow today.
- 17:59SPEAKER_01: It's three minutes of remaining still in front of a lit candle.
- 18:03SPEAKER_01: Mostly, I praise God with songs and remind him, and myself, how good and faithful he is and how I want nothing more than to walk closely with him.
- 18:14SPEAKER_01: My developing this desire for a close relationship with God over everything else I've ever wanted most, including my dreams of living overseas again, to be a mom, even to steward a successful business, has been the third major mindset shift.
- 18:31SPEAKER_01: Because of the wholehearted rhythms I've learned since working with Amy, my life has become more peaceful.
- 18:38SPEAKER_01: First of all, I've been learning to rest and just let the rain of fatigue fall.
- 18:42SPEAKER_01: I've come to accept fatigue as nature's way of getting me to pause.
- 18:46SPEAKER_01: I now regard those unexpected downtimes and prompts for rest that my body gives me as divine opportunities to meet with God and give him my full attention.
- 18:55SPEAKER_01: I'm also unlearning the pushing of myself and going to bed late.
- 19:00SPEAKER_01: In regards to stress, I'm experiencing a lot less in my new rhythm of life.
- 19:06SPEAKER_01: Now that I recognize my tendency to direct my energies towards too many interests and to do things in excess as my personal brand of kryptonite, I stay watchful to guard against it.
- 19:18SPEAKER_01: It helps that Amy is an ace in coming up with good ideas to help me thrive in my business and personal life while doing the same amount of work or less.
- 19:27SPEAKER_01: As a result, I'm learning to live at a slower pace and to ensure margin is in my schedule.
- 19:33SPEAKER_01: For instance, I'm developing the habit of deleting activities from my life and files from my computer in greater numbers than I add.
- 19:41SPEAKER_01: I now aim to accomplish a single big item each day rather than the big three items I used to.
- 19:49SPEAKER_01: And with each new project I take on, I drop two.
- 19:52SPEAKER_01: That habit, my friend, feels really good.
- 19:56SPEAKER_01: But it could be in the area of relationships that I'm experiencing the most significant changes.
- 20:02SPEAKER_01: I've noticed that because I'm confident that I've become more gentle and merciful in my interactions with others, I'm increasingly using my perseverance and leadership skills to make things happen, which is one of the things I do best.
- 20:17SPEAKER_01: In other words, I'm free to be more myself because I'm more like Jesus.
- 20:23SPEAKER_01: One thing that I've noted about myself that surprises the me from a year ago is that I no longer resent the physical limitations that get in the way of my accomplishing things and require me to rest.
- 20:36SPEAKER_01: I also no longer feel discouraged when my energy is below sea level, and I remember all the projects I've yet to complete.
- 20:45SPEAKER_01: Not because I know every one of us is struggling with something or other, but because I know even though I've got those limitations, God remains the same loving Father, looking after and refueling me from moment to moment, and that it is thanks to these beautiful limitations he has allowed for this season that I'm now leaning on him for everything I need.
- 21:09SPEAKER_01: To live well, love my husband, manage our household, and build this business that I sense he's using to build me.
- 21:19SPEAKER_01: And that's a good place to be.
- 21:35SPEAKER_00: Just a reminder, that's the paradox of the Enneagram AIDS journey.
- 21:39SPEAKER_00: The world tells them their power is in their control, but the real power comes when they choose trust over revenge, presence over protection, and grace over grit.
- 21:52SPEAKER_00: Now, if her story stirred something in you or the fictional one, I want to invite you to this moment to breathe.
- 22:00SPEAKER_00: I want you to let go of that deep hot anger or the relentless need to defend yourself.
- 22:06SPEAKER_00: So let's pause together.
- 22:10SPEAKER_00: To prepare you for the breath prayer, I wanted to pray with you.
- 22:14SPEAKER_00: Feel free to echo these words or just put your hand on your heart and let these words be said over you.
- 22:22SPEAKER_00: Lord, when I feel the pull to fight, to defend, to burn bridges before they can hurt me, remind me that you are my defender.
- 22:33SPEAKER_00: You are my shelter.
- 22:35SPEAKER_00: Teach me to trust your timing for justice, to release the grip of control and to let go.
- 22:43SPEAKER_00: Not because I am weak, but because I am loved and protected by you.
- 22:50SPEAKER_00: May I remember that the strongest ones aren't always the loudest or the fiercest.
- 22:55SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the bravest thing I can do is to simply let you carry the weight.
- 23:05SPEAKER_00: Now, my friend, take this breath with me.
- 23:09SPEAKER_00: Breathe in.
- 23:11SPEAKER_00: I am safe.
- 23:14SPEAKER_00: Breathe out even when I release control.
- 23:26SPEAKER_00: As you step back into your day, I wonder which one of these stories stuck most with you, or what part stuck out to you?
- 23:35SPEAKER_00: Was it the sting of betrayal, a burning desire to fight back, or the courageous step it took to trust God as defender?
- 23:46SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've been carrying the weight of wanting to take justice into your own hands, or to fight back, or carrying the deep pain of betrayal, I want you to know that you don't have to do this all on your own.
- 24:01SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be the one to stay strong or to stay in control.
- 24:05SPEAKER_00: There is someone who could walk with you in this journey to hold you accountable, to help you process, and to find healing and freedom.
- 24:15SPEAKER_00: Take your next step at simplyholhearted.com forward slash any a summer.
- 24:20SPEAKER_00: You can get a free guide sheet designed just for your personality type.
- 24:24SPEAKER_00: And as you go through that process, you'll be invited to book a clarity call to take your next step.
- 24:31SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do this alone.
- 24:33SPEAKER_00: There is strength in surrender, and strength in numbers, and peace on the other side of control.
- 24:41SPEAKER_00: And this is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
- 24:45SPEAKER_00: We're all broken, we're all blowing in.
- 24:48SPEAKER_00: But the brave one, she does something about it.