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Screen Time, Family Time: Finding Tech-Life Harmony · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Hey, so we are on today with a special guest.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: She's been on before, of course, and she's absolutely just fantastic we have.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Laura Olinger is a seasoned teen and parent well-being coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Parent well-being coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: She specializes in helping parents of teens and tweens navigate the challenges of a digital age, which we're going to talk about that today.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: With a strong background in mental health and family dynamics.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Laura provides tools for fostering healthier relationships who doesn't want that?
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: She is passionate about raising awareness of Zoom fatigue and techno stress and the impacts of digital distractions on well-being and, again, this is a major thing we're talking about today.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: And, of course, she's committed to helping families create healthier boundaries with technology for better emotional connection and self-care.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, laura, why don't you tell us a little bit more about yourself that we didn't already talk about?
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, thank you for that wonderful introduction, Michael.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: I appreciate it.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I never really thought this kind of digital wellbeing topic would be something I was interested in because to me, like when I hear it, it like sounds like oh, there's rules and I don't like to follow rules Nobody likes to follow rules it sounds like very structured and very like rigid, and it became apparent that that is part of what I need to if I'm going to be a teen and parent wellbeing coach and I'm the mom of four teenagers myself.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: It became apparent a while ago that that's something I needed to kind of learn more about and kind of immerse myself in.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: How do I deal with this, how do I face this?
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: And so I ended up taking a year long course and became actually certified as a consciously digital, certified wellbeing coach, and so it's like the idea here doesn't have to be like it to me again like there's something about like digital habits that sounds like it's almost like a diet, Like you have to take something out, like no cookies for you.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: No ice cream right.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: No pun intended.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: No cookies for you.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: We're on a pun roll today, so yeah.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: So that's kind of just like how I got started and like why the interest is there is just like that.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Whether we like it or not, it's part of our reality today as far as our life and it affects everyone, like babies are on devices, toddlers, children, teens, tweens, adults, professionals, older people are now, you know, using technology really quite well, and so yeah, that's, I'm pretty passionate about it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's fantastic, you know, because here's the thing we were.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: So how do I say that?
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just going to say it.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: We're caught up in our lives and we're so just go, go, go.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: We don't take the time for ourselves.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: First of all, that's a whole nother podcast, but you know.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: But we're so just in the phone, in the computer all day long, right In the phone, in the computer all day long, right.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: And you brought up something absolutely that has befuddled me for a very long time, if that's a word, but I'm going to use it anyway.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: You see two-year-olds, four-year-olds, on phones doing the same thing.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: What's that going to do for their future?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Mind right, and mindset even more so.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So I mean, let's dive in if you're ready, yeah.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: I'm ready, yeah.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: So just before we do that, on the top right-hand corner of your screen there's a blue QR code.
• 4:17
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• 4:21
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• 4:22
  Speaker 2: We love seeing comments and that kind of thing as we go.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: But for future, for people listening on the podcast, it takes you to Empower Performance Strategies Again, empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 4:34
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• 4:34
  Speaker 2: We have free eBooks for families and for veterans themselves, and we have Facebook groups for both and everything else.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: So, please, and we have Facebook groups for both and everything else.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So please, come join.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: There's lots of resources and things there.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, so, Laura, where do you think the most concern is?
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Is it an age group?
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Is it just everybody?
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, for me it feels like it's everybody, but the younger generations are the ones that are gonna be in it the longest, if you will.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: Well, yes, and their brains are still developing.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: So to me, if we had a sound and emergency alarm, it would be around children.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: However, you know, the way adults are using it as well can be just as dangerous, but in a slightly different way.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: We'll talk about that please.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: So when you think about it, right, most of us and most of us have some type of a habit where we wake up, we check our phone, or at night we're relaxing and we're watching Netflix and we've got our phone here and our computer here and we're switching between apps and checking our fantasy football scores and, you know, texting friends and WhatsApp and YouTube and this and that, right, and I don't have to keep because we kind of get the picture there, right, it's just multiple devices, multiple platforms and apps and whatnot.
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: And so if you think about it just like the description of that, it's like what is that doing for your brain, right, and like what is the ideal?
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: So when I think of you know kind of like parts of our day, like how we chunk it out, the idea is like the morning we get up, we get kind of get organized, we get going.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: At night we're trying to like wind down and relax, and then in the middle of the day there's maybe assuming you like have a normal, like work schedule.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: You know it could be, maybe you're working later, I don't know, everybody has their own.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: You know rhythm, yeah, but if you think about, like, what is the technology adding and also, what is it taking away?
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: And a lot of times we don't realize, like, what it's taking away, because so much of it is, you can't see it right.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: Like it's like the things that are happening in our brain.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: It's like an operating system for a computer and your brain only has a finite amount of bandwidth.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: So in the back right, if we have multiple tabs open on our computer and all these different things that we're doing at the same time, how is that allowing you, if that's the evening time, to relax right, Like it's like your brain is still like tracking all these different things.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: You might not even be aware that you're doing it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: So I do think that the danger is that we are in a very stressed out society, we're in a very overstimulated society, which is what that techno stress term comes from.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: It's it's it's stress from technology.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: And when we're doing so much of it so much of the time, how can we relax?
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: And so our bodies, like circadian rhythm, is to like rest and digest, like at night, like wind down, so that it can do all the healing processes, both physically and mentally and emotionally, and getting good quality sleep, getting good quality REM and non-REM sleep, and so it's like, really, technology is affecting all these parts of our life, like all the parts of our health and wellness, all the parts of our body, and again, so we have a rhythm.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: So in the morning we rise, we want to be focused, we want to be present, we want to be able to give the best version of ourselves.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: And when we're distracted and um, you know right, like oh hi, honey, how are you, how's your day?
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Did it right?
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Like that's.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Um, I learned a term is called technoference, where technoference is interfering with our daily lives as far as social interactions and relationships.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: How many times have you been having a conversation with a family or friend and they're just like, oh, one second right.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Or maybe they don't even say one second, like, maybe they just like start doing it and you're like hello.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I'm owning it right now, I've done it it.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: And you're like hello, I'm here, I'm owning it right now, I've done it.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what a conversation was over in my mind.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, my beautiful wife conversation's over.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I picked it up and she's like what the you know I was we're still having and I, you know, I feel horrible and I apologize once I realize because it happens and we all do it, I think yeah, I think it's a great point you bring up.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: It's funny because I was thinking your wife was probably in between breaths, like she just was pausing for a second and she wasn't done.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: She was going to keep talking, but you're like, you took one, she took one breath and all of a sudden you're, you know, down on your oh, yes, I love it, yes, so so I'm going to share you.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Here's a joke.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Honey, don't get mad.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: When I say this, I always say because I'm, I'm very fast paced, right, you, you know me.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm, I'm rolling right, Conversations, whatever, and I, I will say, oh, but you took a breath.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: She's like I took a breath and in all, it's ridiculous, it really is Be present, slow down, you know.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: That's because, like you say, there's so many other things being going.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm reading, reading messages.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: I know I'm loving reading these.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so, and you know it's real talk, right, I mean, it's, it's the reality of how it affects our relationships alone.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: That's the only part we're talking about right this second.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: It's, it's the reality of how it affects our relationships alone.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: That's the only part we're talking about right this second.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: So it's just, it's, it's a, it's a real eye opener and we have to be present, we have to take that time.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: So do you want to continue talking about that?
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Because I also want to talk about you know, we have plenty of time, but skill sets and and those, those, let's not call them rules, let's call them guidelines, whatever is a good word for it, you think, but how to get, how to change it?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: So do you want to keep on where we were, or kind of pivot a little bit?
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I think we can blend the two together.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: So I know one of the things we were going to talk about is like Zoom fatigue.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: So if you're the type of person that has a job, that you're on technology all day and you're in back-to-back Zoom meetings, it's all about the small things, and so that's where I'm blending these two topics together, because this could apply to all the ages and all the.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: You know, wherever you are in life, whatever you're doing, it doesn't have to be this big, dramatic, okay.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Okay kids, no technology all summer, no devices all summer.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Like it doesn't have to be big, it can be small.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: So if you are in back-to-back meetings, schedule five minutes in between meetings schedule a standing up break schedule, a even um effects like the muscles in our eyes.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: So if you're staring at a screen all day, you know you might start to get headaches, you get that zoom fatigue.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: You start to just feel like cranky and irritable.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: I know I do when I'm sitting in my desk and I'm on meetings all day.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: I just start to not feel good.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: So getting up, taking it breaks, looking outside, like picking something 30 feet away, kind of allowing your eye muscles to even like refocus on something more more distant.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: And and the other thing, the other piece about like, like, what can be the new habits is, I think, if it is again not taking something away, but what can we add?
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: So, instead of movie night on Netflix, maybe we add, oh, family walk time.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Or maybe we add, you know, let's prepare a meal together, time, like, what can we add?
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: And, when you realize it, if there's only 24 hours in a day, if we start adding stuff, that's naturally going to subtract the other kind of like, less desirable behaviors.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: And so, in this case it is the technology and you might find, to some pushback and especially, you know, with kids and teenagers, like taking things away, because you know they, they, they naturally feel, um, like their kids need to feel autonomous, they need to feel like they have some control over their own lives, and even adults, like we found that, um, mental health really depends on autonomy and, um, the feeling of being able to make your own decisions.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: So maybe what it looks like is, if you really do want to set those limits, all right, kiddos, you know you get one hour or two hours, whatever it is for you, of fun time or screen time or whatever that might be, and you get to choose about how you're going to use that right, so you can blend these two things.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: You get to choose what and allow them to have some choice.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: So that's, that's a couple, that's a couple things of it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: But again, instead of thinking of it as this big thing, I would think of it as small little things you could do.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: And the next piece which I, I'm sorry to kind of take over, the the question here.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Don't worry about it Before we get to the next piece, and don't?
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: You know we're just talking, you're not taking over anything.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Just be you, do not sweat it.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: All right, really you don't want a Stephen King movie in your, in your household, of the summer of no tech, you know.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: So I think, what you bring up because here's the reality, man it will be hell season in your house if you take away all the tech.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Right, and the things you just said, laura, were fantastic, because it's not about taking it away, it's about doing something else, fun, and the more you celebrate it and have fun with it, whether it be.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: I love cooking with my wife, you know I do the chopping, of prep and whatever the case may be, or walks, whatever that is.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: But when kids get out in nature and it's fun and it's celebrated and it's good conversations and not just kids, everybody it's not a punishment, it's a magical thing when they hear the birds chirping or you see that cute squirrel run up the tree and acting goofy, or whatever the case may be.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: So find those gifts.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Find those gifts and make it a celebration, not not a.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: You can't stay off your phone.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Stay off your phone.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Stay off your phone kind of thing.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Yes, right, um, and of course I can always add on to that nature part because, um, you know a lot of whether there's a diagnosis of ADHD or there's just kind of an awareness that my child has a short attention span or I have a short attention span.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: There's so much research about being out in nature actually brings us back to our natural rhythms as far as that circadian rhythm but also our ability to focus.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: So there's like a study that said, like kids out in nature for two weeks, they just naturally are able to focus better.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Like if you're trying to like find a cure for your child's inability to sit still or have that if they have a high like hyperactive predisposition, nature is one of the biggest keys, along with, obviously, the other things the food, the diet, the exercise, the stress management, all the things like I call modifiable lifestyle factors.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I'm glad you, I'm glad you wanted to talk a little bit more about just like being out and being present and like getting that seeing the squirrel, seeing the rock, seeing the stream, like all the things.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and even adding onto that, just take your shoes off and put your feet in the grass for a minute yeah, it's big, I love that yeah, I mean the grounding effect.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: You know I know grounding is very big online right now, all that stuff, but it's been there all along, guys.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: It's been in there all along.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: That's why it was so much fun to go out and play in the grass.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: You know, roll around, do all those things when you're young it's still fun.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I'm 53 years old.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I've laid out my grass and just sat there and looked up at the trees and the birds in the sky and the clouds moving.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're never.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Don't let the kid die in you.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: That's great, I love that.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: So back to what you were going to talk about.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: Well, the other part that's kind of like big in this is not just the picking up the phone, but like there's part of it is like what is the draw?
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: And there is all the neurochemicals, the neurotransmitters that are going on our brain.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: And so there's you know, these tech designers, the app designers, intentionally create, they design it that way, so it's called this habit loop and it's the equivalent of a Las Vegas slot machine, where the dopamine starts pumping in our brain, because the dopamine is what gets released when we're searching for that reward.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: And so the idea, the thing that keeps you coming back again for again and again, even if you're on a losing streak, you're like I'm going to win, I'm going to win, I'm going to win Right Next time.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Right, and that is the exact chemical that they have designed these apps around, because they know that that's what is getting released.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: And so when you go back to check your Facebook or whatever social media that you might be using, they know that if they that they are hooking you, they know even like the dating apps are designed because if you get a like or a rose or whatever the things that you I don't even know all the things, but you know any type of I don't either.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: Thankfully, I'm out of that, but, um, you know, anything that is interactive.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: That's why they design it that way to keep us coming back.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: And so, in a way, I don't want people to feel um shame or um kind of judge themselves in a negative way when they notice that they're doing this, because in a way I don't know how to say it where I want to take equal responsibility for my behavior and the fact that it is designed this way.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: So if you find yourself one of these people that's constantly picking it up, in a way, it's not your fault.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: The app designers have developed it that way and you just happen to be one of their customers.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: They are trying to get your time and attention and that is their, that is their currency, that is what they want.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: And so once you kind of have that awareness, it begins to develop maybe some new thoughts where, oh, I don't want to be that person that's getting sucked into my phone every three seconds.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I don't want it Right.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Like you start to like feel like a little angry, like I don't want to be their customer who's giving away all my time and all that stuff, and so the idea is like I want to empower people to know that you do have the ability to set up new habits for yourself.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: And I was talking about this with somebody and she goes yes, sometimes I just throw my phone across the room when I am tired of looking at it, and I said so do I?
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: So I literally like check it because I notice if I'm starting to do it, and so sometimes it's like you just need that physical like like I don't want this to take over my life, and so yeah, yeah.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I love that Because you're winning, yes, and it feels good to be like, yeah, I'm not going to cuss, I know I win, we know what you're going to say, you know what I wanted to say, yeah, but how cool is that?
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: And then here's the thing.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: Right, you talk about feeling guilty and bad about yourself, all that stuff.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: You talk about feeling guilty and bad about yourself, all that stuff.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: What if we played the game, like Laura's talking about right, and literally realize it's a game to win and just go, ah yeah, smile, celebrate and toss your phone to a safe location?
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: What if we just celebrated playing the game and winning it?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Because all you got to do is win a little bit here and a little bit there and everything else is getting better.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Because, like Laura, said if you're cooking dinner or you're doing this or doing that, you're automatically taking away the screen time.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I think that's so fantastic that you bring up the guilt, because how many people are going to do that?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: And it's just unnecessary thoughts.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: Right and those are not helping us in any way, you know like it's not helpful to feel that guilt or shame.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: So you know what is helpful.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry my wife just put on there.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I think about that.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: I have a feeling that's coming soon to a theater near you.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Okay, make sure it lands on a soft surface.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: That's always my goal.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: It has to be like on a couch or a bed, I don't know what we're is so funny.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know what we're talking about now.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, I lost track.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: So let's, if we can, and we'll come back, if you think about it, please.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: You know a lot of us work in the digital world, right?
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I mean probably more now than ever before.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: So, like for me, I'm going to get personal, I'm going to be vulnerable here.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I always and this isn't an excuse, my dear wife but you think about oh well, what if I'm missing something?
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: What if someone's trying to reach me?
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: What if this, what if that?
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: And I know it's not reality, because, even though I work with veterans and first responders and their families and so on, there sometimes are emergencies, but it's rare because I'm not a hotline, you know, but it's rare.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: So, where's that line?
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Where's that line that we need to maneuver, set for ourselves and celebrate it, obviously because it's not a punishment?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Where do you think that line is and how do you navigate that?
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for real tips here.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Laura, come on, okay, okay.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: I think that's such a good question because the FOMO is real, right.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: We want to be connected in that way in our digital worlds, to the real people.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: They are real people, assuming you're not talking to bots or whatever, because that's a whole other thing.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: People have, like AI, ai boyfriends and girlfriends that are not real people, you know, that's a whole thing.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: And now there's like AI therapists and AI, all this stuff.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: But anyway, where's the line?
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: The line, I assume, is different for everyone.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: But my first thought, my first kind of like instinct, is it's a simple like balance of who's here with me right now and is this person in my connection more important than kind of being on call in a social way?
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: And I think yours is a little nuanced, because maybe somebody is having a crisis and I know you're not a hotline, but if somebody really does need you, like that's a different category or section of this, I would think.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: But if it's just social, like I want to see what everybody's doing, right, and I have a husband or a wife or a child, right, like you need to kind of decide and maybe you need to set up your own.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, all this is really about is boundaries, right.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: This is like create your own boundary and so finding that balance and I don't know if I can make a blanket rule for everyone just they would have to just think about it and think about what's more important, and that's what we're looking for.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: I'm not in this podcast.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I'm never looking for rules for anybody.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I'm just looking for ideas, because something will connect with someone and will work for someone, and that's what this is all about.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: It's just brainstorming, it's just talking.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: So I get that.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: What about people for work?
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, my initial thought is I mean you let it go and you have certain hours and then you just step away, and it's something I struggle with.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: That's such a big topic because this is like an American cultural thing, because the course that I'm telling you about that I got certified consciously digital is actually based out of Europe, is actually based out of Europe, and so when we were looking at all these case studies and all the research, it talks about a lot of countries, their value, much more than shutting it down at whatever time.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: They're.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Shutting it down, no response required or respond at your leisure is kind of the norm there.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: And so in America somehow we've developed this 24-7 access thing and it's gotten completely out of control.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: And so I think it's like everybody, whatever company you're working for, that's part of the culture.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: And if it's not, like in existence, like to have any downtime or rest and relaxation time, they need to bring a wellbeing expert in for consultation, because all the research shows that when you have employees that are connected 24 seven, they're obviously not getting the rest.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: And everybody under everybody Well, not everybody.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: People generally underestimate the importance of rest and sleep.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: They they underestimate it big time.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: And if your employees or your group has that proper amount of rest and relaxation, they will be 10 times more productive, they will be 10 times more engaged.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Your company will probably be 10 times more profitable if your people get the downtime.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: So, depending on if we're talking about business owners or employees, maybe you have to have a conversation with your boss or your manager and say, hey, I have a wife, I have a baby.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: Um, I need to be, you know, checked out between 8 PM and 8 AM and that's what works for me.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: Is that okay?
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Right, like I can't speak to what people's jobs are, but like knowing that there is that downtime makes people so much more motivated to be engaged during the on time.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I love that you said that.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: And here's the other thing If you have a boss I got, I just got God bumps or goosebumps If you have a boss that won't listen to that, that's not the right leader in that company in the first place.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: My opinion, there's a reason why Google I think it was Google used to have pods where you can go take naps when you're feeling drained.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I think they still have those.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: I'm sure they do.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: In fact, they're probably just even better now.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I mean, that was 15 years ago, probably that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I remember hearing about those when those first came out and everybody's like how spoiled are they?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: No, they just know they're going to get more productivity out of those people.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: And not just can I jump in for one second Not just productivity, but creativity.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: So most people's jobs is to some way be creative, to find solutions, to find problems.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, even if you're at home and you're a mom, you work constantly.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Because I'm a mom of four kids, I'm constantly putting out fires small fires, but sometimes bigger fires.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: But I have to be creative and I have to be inventive and I have to be have good communication skills and I have to learn how to.
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: How do I manage this person while I'm also doing this Right?
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: So, no matter what you're doing, the creativity required for almost any position in life is great, and that only you only get that through a rest and be.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: There's such thing as in our brains, the default mode network, which you know.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I know you're having Dominique on tomorrow, who you know she's great at talking about all the systems in the brain.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: But my awareness of it is, you know, when you're in the shower and that's where your best ideas come from.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Or sometimes like you're driving and you're like, oh my gosh, I should write a book about this Right, like certain times, our brain when it's just relaxed and it's doing something on autopilot, kind of like even a walk, something that you're on autopilot, your brain finally gets that space and that default mode network is starting to get active and that's the creative part of our brain.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: And so, yeah, just that, that, that shut off time is important and with the Google thing, like you said, even a rest during the day, like if you can carve out five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, even you know, an hour lunch break.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Go for a walk, don't look at your phone, take some, let's let your brain, kind of like, do its thing.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love it.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: You know it's funny, you talk about that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I just watched a special on Warren Buffett that was on TV and he literally his favorite thing to do and he does it every day is he literally goes in his office and he either just reads for hours and hours and hours, like literally like six hours a day, but his favorite thing to do is just be in his own presence and think.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Here's the difference.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: A lot of people when they're thinking it's all the overwhelm, it's all the negativity, it's all of those things.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: His is how to solve problems and he says sometimes I am super productive and a lot of times I'm not.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: But imagine that little skill set, that time he takes for himself to do that.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: His favorite thing is to think and solve problems.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: How many problems has he solved In what?
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: 95 years?
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I think he's 95 now.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, wow.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, that's what I said too I didn't know.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: He said all that.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: What was that?
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I didn't realize he was 95.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's a long, long life.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I didn't either, and anybody gets a chance to watch it, check it out.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely fantastic.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Not necessarily just about business or any of that stuff, but just a different perspective.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: It's very, very cool.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: With that said, I think we're already over time.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we are.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: This just flew by Laura.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for being on, obviously.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: So if we can start off with, how do people reach out to you?
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, come visit my website, positivelyhealthycoachingcom, and there you'll find a section for teens, you'll find a section for parents and then all my other resources.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: I have a blog, I have my own podcast, the Positively Healthy Mom podcast, and all my resources are there.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: So if you just go to positivelyhealthycoachingcom and that'll take you to my social media as well.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you, and people reach out to this lady.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: She really is one of the fantastic people in this world, not only as a coach and that kind of thing, just a person.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: She's fantastic.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Don't tell her I said that, so what was that?
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, thank you, I feel flattered.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Thank you for the compliment.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: You deserve it.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: So can you give us three tips to get veterans and their families further faster?
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this is always the fun question.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and does it have?
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: to stay on topic, or is it just?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: general.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Give them some brilliance.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: No rules, no rules, ok, to get further, to get further faster, yeah.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Number one um, it's just that whole topic that we're talking about.
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: There's this slow down to speed up, and that's so counterintuitive and people like me, especially like the ADHD brains who we, we went immediate, we went fast, right, but I guarantee you you will get more done in a big way and in a small way if you can just slow down and be present in that moment and you'll end up getting the results that you want.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: Number two this has been on my heart a lot lately is the idea of empathy, and this is something I teach to all parents and teens, because we're in a world and technology is part of this that people are mean and people are doing a lot of.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: You know, everybody's talking about cyber bullying and teenagers.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: Well, there is cyber bullying with adults and it is bad.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: It's bad, it's really bad.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's uncontrollable.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: In fact, I just watched a YouTube of Monica Lewinsky and how she's just asking for you know, she came out and give this talk and she'd been silent for so long and this was actually a while ago but I just watched it and she's just like, just be nice.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Just be nice.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: We're all humans, just have some empathy.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: We all do stupid things, we all make mistakes and have compassion and empathy.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: So that is, I think, a further, faster number two and number three would be the idea of taking care of yourself in the ways that you can.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: So, like I mentioned earlier, the modifiable lifestyle factors.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Do not underestimate the power of sleep I'm extremely passionate about.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: There's a book I highly recommend called why we Sleep by Dr Matthew Walker, and it changed my life.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: In fact, if you could get him on the podcast, that would be awesome.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: Dr Matthew Walker, why we Sleep.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: It is so important to get that rest and relaxation time, but also to get the movement also to put the right things in our bodies and to just take care of yourself.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: You know, we only get this one life, we get this one body and we want to take good care of it.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: So those that would be it.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love it.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: So anybody that knows Matthew Walker connect me.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to meet him too.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Laura.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: You know it's the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: We do not get this time back.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on again, sharing your beautiful wisdom, your thoughts and just having fun with us.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: We really appreciate it.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: You're very welcome.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Mike.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: And on that note everybody, we're out of here.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: And, on that note, everybody we're out of here.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts, your Reality podcast, with your host, Michael Cole.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.