Latest / Silver FM 100.6 / Overcoming romantic obsession
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: American journalist Austin Tice vanished in Syria over a decade ago.
- 0:05Speaker 1: For years, we've been searching for him. And now, we
- 0:09Speaker 1: finally have some answers. This is the prison that Austin
- 0:12Speaker 1: was in.
- 0:13Speaker 2: Oh my God.
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- 0:24Speaker 2: Hey, it's Marielle. I saw this video the other day
- 0:27Speaker 2: of a little bird that's sitting on somebody's kitchen counter.
- 0:31Speaker 2: It must be a pet. And the bird, it sees
- 0:34Speaker 2: a potential mate on the floor. So it jumps down
- 0:38Speaker 2: and sidles up to the other bird, nuzzles it, tries
- 0:41Speaker 2: to mount it. Yes, that's the Ying Yang twins playing
- 0:47Speaker 2: in the background. The iconic seduction song, Wait, the Whisper Song,
- 0:53Speaker 2: came out in 2005. Anyway. Then you realize the other bird,
- 0:58Speaker 2: it's not actually a bird. It is a bird wind-up toy.
- 1:02Speaker 2: I feel like I've done this before in dating. Set
- 1:06Speaker 2: my sights on somebody juicy, slid into their view, did
- 1:10Speaker 2: my little mating dance, and then realized they were not
- 1:14Speaker 2: a suitable companion. And yet I couldn't stop thinking about them,
- 1:18Speaker 2: even after I knew they were a wind-up toy.
- 1:20Speaker 3: I would say limerence is an altered mental state. fundamentally.
- 1:24Speaker 3: So it's a state that many of us go into
- 1:27Speaker 3: in the early stages of love. And it's kind of
- 1:30Speaker 3: a profound romantic infatuation with another person. So the kind
- 1:35Speaker 3: of early experience of limerence could quite be well described
- 1:39Speaker 3: as a love intoxication.
- 1:42Speaker 2: Tom Bellamy is a neuroscientist and author of the book Smitten,
- 1:45Speaker 2: which is all about the neuroscience of this state called limerence.
- 1:49Speaker 2: Limerence is a term coined by a psychologist named Dorothy
- 1:52Speaker 2: Tenov in the 1970s. And Tom says it's essentially when
- 1:55Speaker 2: you get an extraordinary natural high from being with or
- 1:59Speaker 2: around another person. You feel euphoric and exhilarated, and you
- 2:03Speaker 2: have this strong desire to bond with them, typically romantically
- 2:06Speaker 2: or sexually. And that's not always bad, right? You might
- 2:10Speaker 2: feel limerence in the early stages of a healthy mutual relationship.
- 2:14Speaker 2: I felt that myself. But sometimes these feelings get pointed
- 2:17Speaker 2: in the wrong direction. You have them for someone who
- 2:20Speaker 2: you can't or shouldn't be with, And you get all
- 2:23Speaker 2: twisted up.
- 2:24Speaker 3: Limerence, if it goes on for too long, usually either
- 2:28Speaker 3: because the other person isn't available or they're incompatible in
- 2:32Speaker 3: some way, and there's some uncertainty around it, so you're
- 2:35Speaker 3: not actually able to form a healthy bond with them,
- 2:39Speaker 3: then it can take quite a negative turn.
- 2:42Speaker 2: Sure, you still get that high feeling when you're with them.
- 2:45Speaker 2: But when you're not, you get anxious. And instead of
- 2:48Speaker 2: desiring them in a straightforward way, you crave them.
- 2:52Speaker 3: And it kind of develops into an obsession that's very
- 2:55Speaker 3: hard to break. And so I think limerence, certainly in
- 2:58Speaker 3: those later stages, is very well described as addiction to
- 3:02Speaker 3: another person.
- 3:03Speaker 2: Tom started writing about and researching this topic after he
- 3:07Speaker 2: experienced this kind of limerence, limerence that was a problem.
- 3:10Speaker 2: He was happily married, but that didn't stop him from
- 3:13Speaker 2: developing this craving for somebody else.
- 3:16Speaker 3: My first thought, obviously, was, well, what's going on in
- 3:18Speaker 3: the brain? What's happening to me? How can I make
- 3:20Speaker 3: sense of this experience that I'm going through? And so
- 3:23Speaker 3: I then came across the book Love and Limerence by
- 3:26Speaker 3: Dorothy Tenhoff and realized that this described exactly what I
- 3:32Speaker 3: was going through, but that I had a perspective on
- 3:34Speaker 3: it with an additional sort of 40, 50 years of
- 3:38Speaker 3: neuroscience research. I had a completely different perspective on limerence
- 3:42Speaker 3: compared to when the book was written in the 1970s.
- 3:46Speaker 2: So he started a blog anonymously and it grew and
- 3:48Speaker 2: grew until he had a large following in and a
- 3:51Speaker 2: community of people who'd been through the same thing.
- 3:53Speaker 3: And so that also gave me a huge kind of
- 3:56Speaker 3: database of information of what limerence is and how people
- 3:59Speaker 3: experience it and the effect that it has on our lives.
- 4:02Speaker 2: On this episode of Life Kit, I talk to Tom
- 4:04Speaker 2: about limerence. What does it feel like? When does it
- 4:07Speaker 2: become unhealthy? And how can we snap ourselves out of
- 4:10Speaker 2: an overwhelming crush or remove ourselves from a romantic relationship
- 4:14Speaker 2: that's become unhealthy and addictive? That's after the break.
- 4:24Speaker 4: On the next through line from NPR.
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- 5:32Speaker 2: I'm looking at the list here from the book of
- 5:35Speaker 2: symptoms that are characteristic of the condition. Frequent intrusive thoughts
- 5:39Speaker 2: about the other person. an acute need for reciprocation of
- 5:44Speaker 2: equally strong feeling, insecurity or shyness when in the presence
- 5:48Speaker 2: of the other person, often manifesting in physical discomfort like sweating, stammering,
- 5:53Speaker 2: racing heart, an aching sensation in the heart when uncertainty
- 5:57Speaker 2: is strong, a remarkable ability to emphasize the positive features
- 6:01Speaker 2: of the other person and minimize or empathize with the negative,
- 6:05Speaker 2: exaggerated dependency of mood on the other person's actions, So
- 6:09Speaker 2: elation when they're reciprocating and devastation when you sense disinterest
- 6:14Speaker 2: from them. Yeah, I've been there.
- 6:20Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a common experience for me that when I
- 6:24Speaker 3: describe the symptoms of limerence, people split into two camps.
- 6:29Speaker 3: Either they say, just as you have, oh gosh, yes,
- 6:31Speaker 3: I've experienced that. Or they say, that doesn't sound healthy,
- 6:36Speaker 3: that sounds neurotic. Yeah. So some of us go into
- 6:39Speaker 3: that very intense state of intoxication and addiction, but others don't.
- 6:46Speaker 2: You talk in the book about how unhealthy limerence is
- 6:49Speaker 2: a lot like gambling. It's like you go to the
- 6:51Speaker 2: slot machine and then most often you don't get a payout,
- 6:55Speaker 2: but sometimes you get a big one and then you
- 6:57Speaker 2: get nothing for a while and then you get like
- 6:59Speaker 2: just a little small reward. And something about that really
- 7:04Speaker 2: keeps you hooked.
- 7:05Speaker 3: For some people, the thrill of winning... in gambling is
- 7:09Speaker 3: so exhilarating that it's a very powerful reward that can
- 7:13Speaker 3: get reinforced. It's the same idea. So when we were
- 7:16Speaker 3: talking about uncertainty in a relationship or uncertainty about being
- 7:20Speaker 3: able to form a bond with the person that you're
- 7:23Speaker 3: limerent for, that's what's going on in gambling addiction as well.
- 7:28Speaker 3: The payouts are intermittent. So they're not predictable. There isn't
- 7:33Speaker 3: really a pattern to the payout from the slot machine.
- 7:38Speaker 3: And so you end up in a situation where you
- 7:41Speaker 3: have what psychologists call an intermittent reinforcement schedule. Because it's
- 7:46Speaker 3: not predictable, because there isn't a pattern that you can
- 7:49Speaker 3: actually learn, you kind of just keep reinforcing that dopamine drive,
- 7:55Speaker 3: that wanting drive. And so that is what would be
- 7:58Speaker 3: happening in a scenario like, say, a situationship where Sometimes
- 8:03Speaker 3: they're very affectionate. Sometimes the person obviously shows that they're
- 8:06Speaker 3: attracted to you and you're together and you're enjoying each
- 8:09Speaker 3: other's company. But other times they're not available or they're
- 8:12Speaker 3: not forthcoming and maybe they're emotionally withholding. And so it's
- 8:16Speaker 3: very difficult in that scenario for you to kind of
- 8:19Speaker 3: settle into a state of thinking, oh, I can learn
- 8:23Speaker 3: what predictably gives me the good reward. And so you
- 8:28Speaker 3: end up just constantly in a state of uncertainty. And
- 8:32Speaker 3: that can deepen the addiction.
- 8:34Speaker 2: I think what happens in these situations is you keep
- 8:37Speaker 2: going back to the other person hoping they can fix things, right?
- 8:41Speaker 2: And almost thinking they're the only person who can make
- 8:44Speaker 2: me feel better again.
- 8:45Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 8:47Speaker 3: And I mean, there's other details to the neuroscience as
- 8:49Speaker 3: well about it that are a bit depressing when you
- 8:53Speaker 3: reflect on it. But in that sort of later stages
- 8:56Speaker 3: of addiction, it's more that you desperately want contact just
- 9:00Speaker 3: to relieve the pain. rather than that it is actually
- 9:05Speaker 3: exciting or euphoric or rewarding anymore. It's just being absent hurts.
- 9:12Speaker 3: So you have almost withdrawal pains if you try to
- 9:15Speaker 3: detach from somebody that you've been limerent for for a
- 9:19Speaker 3: long period of time. And the way that the brain works,
- 9:22Speaker 3: it's a bit peculiar that reward and motivation is actually
- 9:29Speaker 3: separate things. at a neurochemical level from liking. So wanting
- 9:35Speaker 3: and liking are actually different drives in the brain. So
- 9:39Speaker 3: you can get into a state where even after you
- 9:43Speaker 3: stopped liking something, like if you're addicted to a person
- 9:47Speaker 3: that's not treating you well, you still want them.
- 9:51Speaker 2: I think that that's so powerful because a lot of
- 9:56Speaker 2: us have experienced that, wanting someone who we don't even
- 10:00Speaker 2: like or who doesn't treat us well. And it's easy
- 10:03Speaker 2: to beat yourself up for that and say, what is
- 10:05Speaker 2: wrong with me? That is so pathetic.
- 10:07Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 10:08Speaker 2: First of all, that's not a great way to talk
- 10:10Speaker 2: to yourself, but also learning about the neuroscience of it,
- 10:15Speaker 2: I think is really helpful.
- 10:16Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree.
- 10:17Speaker 3: I mean, I think... Again, a lot of addicts feel
- 10:20Speaker 3: guilt because they know what I'm doing is destructive, but
- 10:23Speaker 3: I can't stop myself. And if you do understand the
- 10:27Speaker 3: neuroscience of it, of what's happened, it makes sense. Oh, yes,
- 10:31Speaker 3: I have actually driven my brain into this state. But
- 10:35Speaker 3: that is also a starting point for trying to change
- 10:38Speaker 3: your behavior so that you can get out of that state.
- 10:44Speaker 2: After the break, we'll have tips on how to move
- 10:46Speaker 2: on from limerence.
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- 11:14Speaker 8: Hi, it's Terry Gross.
- 11:16Speaker 7: Ladies and gentlemen, I can say that now because this
- 11:19Speaker 7: administration thinks there's only two genders, and I'm both of them.
- 11:24Speaker 8: That's actor and drag king Murray Hill. In the series
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- 11:38Speaker 2: Well, let's talk about getting out of it. How do
- 11:41Speaker 2: you start to step back? How do you start to say, okay,
- 11:45Speaker 2: I'm breaking this addiction?
- 11:48Speaker 3: So I think the starting point is to begin with
- 11:53Speaker 3: your mindset. Recognize that what's happened is that you followed
- 12:00Speaker 3: completely natural urges, completely natural processes that feel good. And
- 12:06Speaker 3: in many contexts are good because falling in love with
- 12:10Speaker 3: another person and getting head over heels for them actually
- 12:13Speaker 3: does feel fantastic if things go well. But it's happened
- 12:18Speaker 3: in a context in which it's not good for us.
- 12:21Speaker 3: And so the kind of mindset shift is to get
- 12:24Speaker 3: into that idea of, okay, well, this is all happening
- 12:28Speaker 3: in my head. It's happening within my brain, within my mind.
- 12:32Speaker 3: So that's where I need to fix it. And so
- 12:36Speaker 3: kind of realising I don't need to change the behaviour
- 12:40Speaker 3: of of the person that I'm infatuated with. It is
- 12:44Speaker 3: going to be within my own mind that I can
- 12:48Speaker 3: recover from this state. And so then reverse the behaviors
- 12:55Speaker 3: that you were following that were reinforcing the limerence and
- 12:58Speaker 3: do the opposite. So you kind of, if you like,
- 13:00Speaker 3: you've accidentally trained yourself into limerence. Now you can deliberately
- 13:06Speaker 3: train yourself out of limerence.
- 13:11Speaker 2: Okay, takeaway one is to shift your mindset. There's nothing
- 13:15Speaker 2: to be ashamed of here. Having a crush on somebody
- 13:18Speaker 2: or being in those early stages of a relationship with them,
- 13:21Speaker 2: that is a very strong natural high. It's just that sometimes,
- 13:25Speaker 2: especially if you can't be with them or if they're
- 13:27Speaker 2: not a good fit for you, these feelings get all
- 13:29Speaker 2: twisted up and they turn into a behavioral addiction. You
- 13:33Speaker 2: feel like you need this person. You overvalue their opinion
- 13:36Speaker 2: about you and your life. When that's the case, it's
- 13:39Speaker 2: time to step back. And you can do that. You
- 13:44Speaker 2: give a few strategies in the book on how to
- 13:47Speaker 2: get over limerence, and one of them is to limit contact. Yeah.
- 13:52Speaker 3: So cut off your supply, basically. So as far as
- 13:57Speaker 3: you can, it's not always possible, of course, that sometimes
- 13:59Speaker 3: you can't necessarily control if you're going to have contact
- 14:03Speaker 3: with this other person. But as far as you can,
- 14:07Speaker 3: limit contact so that you're not reinforcing the addiction. You're
- 14:12Speaker 3: not reinforcing that connection.
- 14:14Speaker 2: And limiting contact isn't just about like, I don't date
- 14:16Speaker 2: this person anymore, or I don't get into long conversations
- 14:20Speaker 2: with them or whatever, but it's also, I don't look
- 14:24Speaker 2: at their social media and I don't daydream about being
- 14:29Speaker 2: with them.
- 14:30Speaker 3: Exactly. So any of those sorts of things will reinforce
- 14:35Speaker 3: the desire, reinforce the connection. So you want to try
- 14:38Speaker 3: and first look at the things that are within your control,
- 14:42Speaker 3: like blocking them on social media or using software to
- 14:47Speaker 3: mean you literally can't connect with them, but then trying
- 14:52Speaker 3: to reduce in-person contact as well.
- 14:55Speaker 2: Takeaway two, limit contact. That also means you cannot be friends,
- 15:01Speaker 2: at least not until you're over this crush or these feelings.
- 15:04Speaker 2: You're trying to do incompatible things to stay close to
- 15:07Speaker 2: this person while also losing your romantic feelings for them. Also,
- 15:11Speaker 2: your feelings are not likely to stay buried. If you're
- 15:14Speaker 2: really crushing on them, it's going to show itself through jealousy,
- 15:18Speaker 2: weird behavior, coldness, attempts to smell their hair when you
- 15:22Speaker 2: hug them goodbye. Seriously, take a beat. Take many beats. Okay,
- 15:29Speaker 2: another strategy you offer is to train your brain.
- 15:33Speaker 6: Right?
- 15:33Speaker 2: Like to show yourself that you can exercise self-discipline. And
- 15:37Speaker 2: you can start by simply noticing the urges you have
- 15:40Speaker 2: around this person.
- 15:41Speaker 3: So it's recognizing when those impulses, when those urges are
- 15:46Speaker 3: coming up from the subconscious, when that wanting drive is
- 15:50Speaker 3: pushing you, that you train your executive brain by recognizing it.
- 15:56Speaker 3: And even as a first stage, you don't have to
- 15:58Speaker 3: take any action. You can In theory, just behave exactly
- 16:03Speaker 3: the same way as you would have done, but just
- 16:05Speaker 3: spotting it is very powerful. That, oh, that was a
- 16:08Speaker 3: limerent urge. Oh, that's my brain trying to push me
- 16:11Speaker 3: to connect. That's my reward-seeking urge. So psychologists sometimes call
- 16:17Speaker 3: this metacognition. You're sort of thinking about thinking. So you're
- 16:21Speaker 3: recognizing your thoughts as you have them and then processing
- 16:26Speaker 3: about what the meaning of those thoughts and the meaning
- 16:29Speaker 3: of those feelings are. And so that can be very
- 16:32Speaker 3: useful as well, because that is a point at which
- 16:35Speaker 3: you can kind of exert your willpower to intercede and think, oh,
- 16:42Speaker 3: that was a limerent urge. I've decided not to act
- 16:46Speaker 3: on those.
- 16:49Speaker 2: Takeaway three, train your brain. When you find yourself wanting
- 16:53Speaker 2: to interact with this person or get their attention, recognize
- 16:55Speaker 2: that urge for what it is. Even if you act
- 16:58Speaker 2: on it this time. That'll remind you that you do
- 17:00Speaker 2: have free will and that you have choices. You can
- 17:04Speaker 2: also do things that reinforce your self-discipline unrelated to this person.
- 17:08Speaker 2: Make small promises to yourself and keep them. I'm going
- 17:11Speaker 2: to drink a glass of water every morning when I
- 17:14Speaker 2: wake up. I'm going to go to bed by 11.30 p.m.
- 17:17Speaker 2: I'm not eating lunch at my desk this week. Tom
- 17:20Speaker 2: says small things like that can have spillover effects in
- 17:22Speaker 2: other parts of our lives and help us exercise self-discipline
- 17:25Speaker 2: when we have the urge to, say, look at our
- 17:28Speaker 2: crush's Instagram. Another strategy that you offer in the book
- 17:34Speaker 2: is about spoiling the rewards you're getting from this person.
- 17:38Speaker 2: And you talk about that in terms of daydreams. You
- 17:41Speaker 2: say if you find yourself fantasizing about this person, turn
- 17:45Speaker 2: your daydreams into your daymares. Can you talk about that?
- 17:48Speaker 3: Yeah. So the idea here is that you want to
- 17:52Speaker 3: break the association between the person you're infatuated with and reward.
- 17:58Speaker 5: Right.
- 17:59Speaker 3: So the idea with the daymare strategy is that you
- 18:01Speaker 3: take a daydream that you've had and you turn that
- 18:06Speaker 3: previously pleasant daydream into a nightmare. If you had this
- 18:11Speaker 3: daydream about driving off into the sunset with them, now
- 18:15Speaker 3: you change it and they suddenly shout, stop the car,
- 18:18Speaker 3: stop the car, and they jump out and say, this
- 18:20Speaker 3: is a terrible mistake, I don't know what I was thinking,
- 18:22Speaker 3: and they run off and you're left there feeling foolish
- 18:26Speaker 3: and ridiculous.
- 18:30Speaker 2: Alright, so takeaway four, spoil the rewards for yourself. If
- 18:33Speaker 2: you're always fantasizing about this person, change the ending of
- 18:37Speaker 2: those daydreams so it's not fun to get lost in
- 18:39Speaker 2: them anymore. You could also think about the details of
- 18:42Speaker 2: this person that you don't like. The way they treat you,
- 18:45Speaker 2: for one. Like that time they were supposed to meet
- 18:47Speaker 2: up with you and never showed. Or the fact that
- 18:50Speaker 2: they always wear cargo shorts and you think they look
- 18:53Speaker 2: bad in them. What you're doing here is intentionally trying
- 18:56Speaker 2: to give yourself the ick.
- 18:58Speaker 3: There's one last stage that is very important. And that
- 19:03Speaker 3: last stage is everything that I've kind of been talking
- 19:06Speaker 3: about so far is pretty negative. It's pretty demoralizing. So
- 19:11Speaker 3: you're spoiling rewards, you're training your brain, you're breaking contact
- 19:15Speaker 3: with somebody that used to be, even if it was unhealthy,
- 19:19Speaker 3: a source of excitement and exhilaration. So it's very important
- 19:24Speaker 3: that you have something positive going. to look forward to
- 19:28Speaker 3: as well as you're going through this process. And so
- 19:31Speaker 3: that's the concept that I call purposeful living, where you
- 19:36Speaker 3: essentially have to think about using the experience of a
- 19:41Speaker 3: negative limerence episode as an opportunity for renewal, that you've
- 19:46Speaker 3: learned something about yourself and that you've can then use
- 19:51Speaker 3: that to improve your life looking to a more positive.
- 19:55Speaker 2: Future yeah and you don't necessarily just have to go
- 19:59Speaker 2: from one relationship or crush or whatever into another romantic pursuit.
- 20:03Speaker 3: No absolutely it's probably a good idea to take a
- 20:07Speaker 3: break from romantic things until you're sure, you're confident that
- 20:11Speaker 3: the limerence has passed.
- 20:15Speaker 2: Takeaway five, to overcome limerence, live with purpose. Find the
- 20:19Speaker 2: things that you enjoy and that offer new rewards that are,
- 20:23Speaker 2: as Tom puts it, similar in scope to the feeling
- 20:26Speaker 2: of limerence. So basically get your thrills somewhere else. I
- 20:29Speaker 2: feel like I've been doing that this summer by playing softball.
- 20:32Speaker 2: I love the way it feels when I successfully make
- 20:34Speaker 2: a play, the way it feels when the ball lands
- 20:37Speaker 2: in my mitt, when my bat cracks against the ball
- 20:40Speaker 2: and sends it flying through the air, when I high-five
- 20:42Speaker 2: with my teammates, when my foot hits home plate. That's
- 20:46Speaker 2: a high, and it includes connection with other people and
- 20:49Speaker 2: successful completion, which is one thing that's lacking from an
- 20:53Speaker 2: unhealthy limerence situation. So if you're someone who's experienced a limerence,
- 20:58Speaker 2: you might be wondering, how am I supposed to date?
- 21:03Speaker 2: It's kind of a bummer if you've had one of
- 21:06Speaker 2: these unhealthy crushes before or unhealthy romantic situations. Because then
- 21:12Speaker 2: going forward, you're not sure you can trust yourself when
- 21:15Speaker 2: you like somebody. Because it's like, it led me astray
- 21:21Speaker 2: last time. Maybe I just like people who are emotionally unavailable.
- 21:25Speaker 3: Yes, and that can be actually... True, in the sense
- 21:30Speaker 3: that you may identify the things that attracts you or
- 21:34Speaker 3: causes the limerence within you to be something negative. So
- 21:40Speaker 3: if it's people that treat you badly or people who
- 21:43Speaker 3: are very sarcastic or put you down or something like that,
- 21:47Speaker 3: often it can be the case that the triggers for
- 21:53Speaker 3: that early excitement, that glimmer, predict bad outcomes for a
- 21:59Speaker 3: long-term relationship. And in that case, you know, it is
- 22:04Speaker 3: sensible to see it, you know, the limerent glimmer almost
- 22:08Speaker 3: as a warning sign rather than, you know, a sign
- 22:11Speaker 3: of promise. And, you know, limerence isn't necessary to have
- 22:18Speaker 3: a full and happy romantic life.
- 22:21Speaker 2: This has been so wonderful, Tom. I really... I loved
- 22:26Speaker 2: the book. I learned a lot from it, learned even
- 22:29Speaker 2: more from this conversation.
- 22:30Speaker 3: That's great to hear. Thank you.
- 22:34Speaker 2: That was Tom Bellamy, neuroscientist and author of the book Smitten. Okay,
- 22:40Speaker 2: time for a recap. Takeaway one, shift your mindset. Having
- 22:44Speaker 2: a crush on someone or being really excited about them
- 22:46Speaker 2: isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if you find that
- 22:49Speaker 2: you're craving a person you can't be with or someone
- 22:52Speaker 2: who you know isn't good for you, it's time to
- 22:54Speaker 2: step back. Takeaway two, limit contact. Try not to see
- 22:59Speaker 2: them or text them or look at their social media
- 23:02Speaker 2: or daydream about them as much as you can. Takeaway three,
- 23:06Speaker 2: train your brain to recognize limerent urges and call them
- 23:09Speaker 2: out to yourself. Also do things that reinforce your self-discipline
- 23:13Speaker 2: unrelated to this person. Takeaway four, spoil the rewards that
- 23:18Speaker 2: come with this person. If you're always fantasizing about them,
- 23:21Speaker 2: turn those daydreams into daymares. Intentionally give yourself the ick. Finally,
- 23:27Speaker 2: takeaway five, to make unhealthy limerence less likely, live purposefully.
- 23:33Speaker 2: Find the things that you enjoy and that offer new
- 23:35Speaker 2: rewards that are similar in scope to the feeling of limerence.
- 23:41Speaker 2: And that's our show. One more thing before we go.
- 23:44Speaker 2: Do you follow Life Kit in your podcast app? If not,
- 23:47Speaker 2: would you do it now? Go ahead and tap follow
- 23:50Speaker 2: so you never miss an episode. This episode of Life
- 23:53Speaker 2: Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. Our visuals editor
- 23:56Speaker 2: is CJ Riquelon, and our digital editor is Malika Garib.
- 24:00Speaker 2: Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez
- 24:03Speaker 2: is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle,
- 24:07Speaker 2: Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from David
- 24:12Speaker 2: Greenberg and Jimmy Keeley. Fact-checking by Tyler Jones. I'm Mariel Segarra.
- 24:18Speaker 2: Thanks for listening.
- 24:26Speaker 3: This week on Shortwave, Krista Pike's botched execution was no
- 24:29Speaker 3: surprise to medical experts.
- 24:31Speaker 8: The only thing we did not predict is that she
- 24:33Speaker 8: would actually survive all of this.
- 24:35Speaker 3: Lethal injection is often portrayed as the most humane way
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- 24:39Speaker 8: Because it looks medical and it looks like it's not
- 24:42Speaker 8: too brutal, but looks are deceiving.
- 24:45Speaker 3: What really happens on Shortwave, the science podcast from NPR.
- 24:50Speaker 6: This fall, there are a lot of movies and TV
- 24:53Speaker 6: shows on tap for you to see. And we're as
- 24:55Speaker 6: excited for all of it to arrive as you are.
- 24:58Speaker 6: On Pop Culture Happy Hour, we've got a guide to
- 25:00Speaker 6: what's worth keeping on your radar. Listen via the NPR
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