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Discomfort Required Podcast: Shane Ramer | Growth, Discomfort and Purpose · Discomfort Required

• Trent: What's up guys, ⁓ this is Trent ⁓ Shane Ramer: You should keep all this in there, bro. I mean, it's always fun. Classic. So classic. Trent: For sure. It's absolutely gonna happen. All right Welcome to discomfort required. ⁓ I'm your host Trent Williamson growth is not optional and it's gonna get uncomfortable. That's for sure ⁓ got my good buddy Shane Ramer on here Shane is the voice behind that sober guy podcast Shane has been very influential to me He has helped me ⁓ more ways he thinks and knows and on top of that, ⁓ know I get it I used to be able to coach him which was really really great and ⁓ Shane does some really cool shit in his life. So without further ado, Shane Raymer, how are you my friend? Shane Ramer: Trent, it's so good to be on the podcast, man. Thank you, bro. And yeah, you mentioned, you know, you used to coach me and my wife at CrossFit in Vackville. And dude, like, I'll just tell you right now, that coaching then, what was that, five, six years ago, probably now, has so much carried over into, what's that? Oh. It wasn't, really? I know, time flies by. Trent: Yeah, I was longer than that, man. It was longer than that. It's been like seven. Yeah. Shane Ramer: I can't even keep up with what day it is some days right now. That coaching day has carried up and over into my life today, I had a good little workout this morning actually, just getting going and just something simple and just movement, moving my body at 40, am I 44 or 45? think it's irrelevant after 40 anyways, you're just 40s and then 40s. But yeah. Trent: you Nice. Shane Ramer: I really appreciate you bro and I'm so pumped for your podcast man. You know and you said you're like 500 something days sober right now which is freaking awesome dude so you know dude pumped to be here bro. Trent: Yeah. Yeah. And like, I want to let you know, Yeah, I want to let you know, like, sobriety thing is like, when it happened, it was, I was just, you get to a point where you're just sick of your shit, right? And it's like, we, me and my fiance, we were out to dinner for our anniversary. I had a drink and I was, I a really, really bad, bad ⁓ depression. it was like, I got get this shit together. ⁓ And this helping, right? So I was like, I'm gonna, ⁓ I'm not drink for a while, right? And my fiance, who's awesome. She's like, cool, I'll not drink with you. I'm like, you don't have to. It's fine. Like I'm this is this one's on me. And I decided then I was like, I'm just not I'm not I wasn't gonna drink for a while. Right. And then I thought it was gonna be really hard. And like, challenging to like go hang out with people and like, it was gonna be weird. And then it was like, I'm the only one that's making this weird. Why the fuck am I doing that? That's dumb. And it was like, it was one of the easiest things ever done, honestly. And it's like, I am so much better of a person now. Shane Ramer: Yeah. Yeah. Trent: Just be like, it's, I feel better, I'm higher performing. It's just, like, shit is good, man. And you are way more influential than you think you are, just so you know. Shane Ramer: over. Thanks, bro. When you said that, I was thinking, you know, one of the biggest things, like for me, I think this is true for a lot of guys, is like, we just need to get out of our own way a lot of the time. Like, I'm not the worst enemy. I'm the only worst, like, in my head. And, you know, even insecure at times, like questioning, know, doubt, like all, you know, that's the common, like... Trent: It's dope. Mm-hmm. ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: goal of the enemy, is to plant seeds of doubt in any person. it's just like, once I get out of my own way and kind of let God work in that, realized over time, it's not perfect all the time and there's still ups and downs, like no doubt, but it's a little bit easier and it just goes with the flow, you know? And it's like, okay, I was kind of making this a bigger deal than it actually really is. And with the drinking thing, like, Trent: ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: Most of the time people are too worried about themselves anyways to give two shits about what you're doing. it's like, once you realize that you're like, ⁓ yeah, I don't really fucking care. Yeah. ⁓ Trent: Oh, yeah. It's not even that big fucking deal, right? For sure. So what does discomfort require me to you? Shane Ramer: Yeah, it's a great question. Love the title of the show, too. You know, it's just like it's reps to me, I think it's reps and it's a lot of ups and downs. And, you know, I think in today's society, too, in today's culture, we want everything fast. We want it immediate. You know, look at the kids say, even my own kids sometimes, it's like, hey, you want to sit down and watch a movie? They got about a Trent: Hey, thanks. Shane Ramer: two minute and 27 second attention span. It's like, and then you gotta get up, and even I'm like that too. I'm kind of a spaz and I still got, you know, some of those tendencies down on my website. Can you just sit down? I'm like, okay. And I can't sometimes, you know, I can't. There's always something. Like, yeah, you know, you're late, like there's just something to do or, so like, we want it immediate. We want everything fast. And unfortunately, you know, Trent: You can hear Jeff. I can hear. Shane Ramer: Most of the time that's not how it works. I'm not saying there aren't cases where people, you know, hit it big or they get, you know, one video goes viral or whatever you're kind of talking about. But if you use that same analogy, like from like a gym perspective or a fitness perspective, like I don't just walk through the door of the gym and just get ripped in the best shape of my life in a week. And so, unless you do, if you do steroids. Trent: right? Unless you're doing steroids. Shane Ramer: That is true. looking maybe two weeks, maybe two weeks, but yeah, you can, ⁓ can do that. But for most people, ⁓ yeah, me either. Me either, bro. Thank you. Yeah. But you know, for most people who aren't doing that, yeah, it's going to take some time. ⁓ And, know, I, so that, you know, back to the discomfort, like ⁓ there's going be days when you don't want to show up. There's going to be days when you don't want to do a podcast. There's going to be days when you don't want to do. Trent: That's a way. Right. Disclaimer, I am not supporting steroids. Shane Ramer: the project you're working on. And those are the days, those mundane days when you push through and you still put the work in. And over time, when you're consistent with that, that's when you start to see the payoffs. And a lot of the time they're not this huge grandiose thing that we think is going to be up the, you know, the, the, the big flag on top of the mountain. mean, I'm all for doing that, but like, you know, like the win, want to celebrate the win and yeah, I have, you know, visions of that too. think a lot of people do goals and stuff, like at the end of the day, that consistency ultimately what pays off. ⁓ there's a lot of pain and discomfort through a lot of those times. And even with sober, I've been doing that for ⁓ 12 years now. ⁓ there are plenty of times, even up until recently when I'm like, fuck this, I'm just kind of done. Like I love it. It's great. ⁓ like it's, it's, it's a lot some days. And the other real thing for I wrap this part up is like, A lot of the time we can set expectations. And I'll tell you from my experience, expectations are your worst enemy. There's a difference too between expectations and goals, I think. Like goals can be one thing, because I think those are super important. But the expectations of what something should be or what it could be or what you want it to be, it doesn't always work out like that. And that can lead to ultimate disappointment. And that's something I've struggled with over time. You know, I've gotten better at it. But I try to limit those expectations. and understand that this isn't a short race. This is a long game. It's a long race. And eventually I'm going to die. We all are. So like, how do I want to remember that race? You know what I mean? How do I want to remember that time? You know, so that's, know, I know I kind of threw in a couple different things there, but yeah, man, you've got to put the work in and there's going to be pain, you know? There's going to be pain. Trent: You we're here for? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, want to hear ⁓ want to hear everything you got to say about it, right. And it's like, I align a lot with that. No matter what, if you're gonna grow, it's gonna get uncomfortable, right? Because you're getting out of your comfort zone. And your comfort zone is like where like, that's where you go to die. Like, that's just 100 % it, And if you aren't growing, what the fuck are you actually doing? we have a very finite amount of time here. And if you look at it, it is a long time, right? Shane Ramer: Bye bye. Yeah. Trent: It is how you spend your time doing the things that bring you joy or make you hate life a little bit less, right? So like, I look at things like I'm not going to be happy every day. I try to be but it's not going to happen, if I'm still doing shit, I'm miserable doing, I'm having a great life, you know, and there's always days you don't want to work out and there's always days where you like, fuck. Shane Ramer: Yeah. Trent: napping sounds great, right? But sometimes you just don't get a nap, bro. And those are bad days. Shane Ramer: ⁓ yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. They're not, they're so over or underrated, like so underrated. I don't get them in often, but if I can sneak in a little 30 minute or here and there, dude, so, so good. So good. Trent: Yeah, I nap way too often. It's, it's thing. ⁓ mean, I'm up super early. And it's like some days man, I'm like, Fuck, I'm tired, you know, but I'm like, I'm about to be 44. I'm right there with you. And it's like, I heard old guys need naps, bro. Shane Ramer: Yeah. Well, I don't know the science behind it, not an expert on it, but I know there is science behind it. I've read little bits and pieces here and there that, know, obviously, and actually, funny we're talking about this right now is one thing I've realized is I've gotten into my 40s is how important sleep is. Like I used to wear it like a bathrobe on, like, oh, I slept for four hours and like, yeah, I'm still going hard. And maybe I could do that in my 20s, maybe even in my 30s little bit. I definitely can't do that now for long periods of time. Like if I don't get a good night's sleep. Trent: ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: I'm off the next day. Like my energy sucks. My attitude sucks. I just feel out of whack, you know, so sleep like a lot ⁓ of my clients that I work with to like I asked them like, you know, because the drinking thing, obviously that's one thing ⁓ so I will have to sleep. And obviously if you're struggling with alcohol, your sleep is probably not going to be great either. ⁓ like aligning that ⁓ like a huge, huge part of getting everything else aligned once you kind of get into. some better habits, you know, in sleeping, diet, exercise, those kind of things. Trent: Oh, yeah, for sure. What's crazy is like when I did have that really bad, bad depression, I just wasn't sleeping well, right? It wasn't like I was drinking every day. It wasn't anything like that. I was just like, I just wasn't sleeping. I had a lot of stress. And it's like, I didn't process a lot of bullshit that happened at the beginning of the year, like, you know, when we had to close the gym, and there was a lot right. And it was my own dumbass fault for not asking for help sooner. Right? Because like, I was like, I got this, you know, I've been through therapy, I can do this, it's fine. Right? And it's like, Shane Ramer: Yeah. Yeah. Bye. Trent: Turns out I was fucked up. And it's like addressing that, get it handled. It's, you know, like I cannot tell everybody out in the world how important that shit is. Like don't hold your feelings in, just get them out. It's super important. ⁓ So what do you think sets apart a high Like there's different versions of it across the board, right? But what do you think it takes to be ⁓ somebody who a high performer? Shane Ramer: Yeah. You Yeah. Mindset. think mindset a lot of it. think and having a connection to God is a lot of it. Obviously, you know, there's a physical aspect to it too. But it's funny, was just telling my daughter about this and you remember Lucy. Dude, if you saw Lucy right now, you would be tripping. She's 15. ⁓ She drives. ⁓ a sophomore high school. She's beautiful. ⁓ She's just this young lady. ⁓ Trent: Okay. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ my god. Shane Ramer: It's crazy, bro. I can't even believe it sometimes. I'm just like, wow. yeah, dude, it's I'm sure you'll see her eventually soon. If you make your way out here, I'm sure I know we're going to connect at some point. ⁓ And so she she plays high school soccer and plays club soccer. And so she just went back. just went to Salt Lake City. She's traveling a little bit. You she's getting that whole experience like that whole thing. ⁓ And, you she struggles a little bit sometimes with. Trent: That's nuts. Okay. Shane Ramer: You know the fact through all the COVID BS that we went through We moved we pulled her out of soccer because at that time, ⁓ know They tried to say you got to wear masks to practice and we're like ⁓ out of your mind like sorry we're gonna ⁓ so, you know, ⁓ had that we pulled her out and so the only reason I say that is because she a couple of years of time that a lot of other girls got to stay in soccer and keep training and Trent: Yeah. Shane Ramer: So when she went back into high school and club, she was a little behind the game, like physically, mentally. and so it was kind of tough for her to catch up. ⁓ so we just had this talk yesterday and she said, well, ⁓ know, this girl and that girl and, or this, this team or whatever, some of the high school girls, ⁓ they have, you know, they have attitudes and they, ⁓ just not very nice and they're good. You know, they're good soccer players. ⁓ I was telling her like, look, like you are just as good as any of those girls. But the thing that you're lacking is your mindset, your confidence. Like I'm not saying be an arrogant punk, but you have to be a little bit overconfident in some spaces and a little bit arrogant, not disrespectful, but you have to know that you're good. And I've interviewed a lot of top athletes and I remember I had an interview with Aubrey Huff one time, he used to play for the Giants. And I'll never forget this. And I said, I said, what do you think, like when you're stepping in the box of like a major league, Trent: ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: picture and you're like, what are you thinking? And he goes, I'm scared out of my fucking mind. He goes, but go up to that plate every time and I think I'm the baddest motherfucker out there and I'm going to absolutely destroy this guy. ⁓ there's a battle there, even with professional athletes, ⁓ down to someone playing high school soccer, you know, there's a battle ⁓ mindset and that. Am I good enough? Can I do this? ⁓ I do this? So Trent: Yeah. Shane Ramer: That mindset thing is huge and I think it just comes with, I think building that up comes with a lot of failure, unfortunately, and that's why a lot of people quit, because they fail and they're like, fuck it, I'm done. But working through that, like I said, those reps, that's where you start to build that coming back to that, ⁓ strong and having confidence. And ⁓ when you fail, that's a really hard time too. ⁓ do you stay confident when you just fail? And I think the kind of the trick to that there's always a lesson to be learned even in the failure. So I do try to model that even on the days when I'm like, man, screw this. ⁓ kind of getting defeated because it happens, you know, but it's the long game once again. Coming back to that long game and just knowing it's another rep, you know. Trent: Yeah, yeah, for sure. like, I mean, for me, and it goes for it. And I know this goes for you too, like, the lesson in the failure is how you get better, if you took it as face value, like, oh, fuck, I failed. And this is what I get now I need to quit. Like, that isn't growth. That isn't how we succeed. And I think that's a little bit how high performers can set themselves apart. having that confidence mindset and just being like, you know what, I'm going to give 100 % of what I got. Shane Ramer: Yeah. Trent: And if I give 100 % of what I got, that's me performing well, right? And it's like, whether you win, lose or draw, that's what it's going to come down to. mindset is everything when it comes to ethic, when it comes to, how you react in any situation, Like how it goes with a verbal argument, say with your partner, or it goes with, ⁓ some ⁓ kid's parent that's on Cassius team and you're like, Shane Ramer: Thank you. home. Trent: fuck this guy, I'm gonna fight him, right? It's all in how you react and shit, But like what sets other people apart. when it comes to that, what do you think is one of like the biggest mindset shifts you've had in the last five years? Shane Ramer: Good. ⁓ man, yeah, that's a one. I think just trying to like be present and just trying to slow down a little bit. And I'm not saying ⁓ I say that, ⁓ definitely haven't mastered it. It's really hard actually. But as like a revelation and like how fast this life goes ⁓ and fast your kids grow up ⁓ and fast like your body changes, you ⁓ start have physical things that change. Trent: Okay. ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: You know, like I'm dealing with like some tendonitis in my elbow the last few months. And it's just like, I'm like, damn, I'm, I'm for, okay, I'm starting to feel this is what they talk about, you know? And so like, really back to like presence and being present. Um, I don't know if it's just me, just when I talk about this, I don't know if you're feeling this trend, if maybe anyone out there listening to this is feeling this. It just feels like ever since COVID, like everything has sped up. Everything is super fast. Like the days. fly by and almost feels like a simulation. I know that sounds crazy, but feels, something feels different. And so ⁓ think staying grounded in presence being connected to, to ⁓ and just being grounded. think that is, Trent: It does. Shane Ramer: I think that's something that's helped me to slow down and just stay in the moment a little bit, a little bit better. so what that does for me too is not only does it help me stay in the moment when things happen or when I'm dealing with something and it could be even something that's good. Isn't it? So you have to be anything like this bad or challenging or anything. ⁓ allows me to respond in those situations ⁓ react to. ⁓ like I can take a breath. I can step back a minute. I'll give you a good example of this real fast. I mentioned this before we started recording. So we got a new TV recently, right? And my wife wanted me to hang it over the fireplace. So it was like nine o'clock at night, right? And these things, my brand, I'm a creative dude. I'm an artist. Like good at things. Like I'm handy, I guess you would say. ⁓ like it usually takes me a little bit longer. I really think about it and I try to map it out so I can limit like mistakes along the way. even just hanging a TV. So I go, okay, I'm looking at it, she's sitting out there with me. finally hang it in the spot and is like, it's too high. And I'm like, fuck. ⁓ It too high. Okay, so let me take it down. ⁓ I an undecided do the bolt's by hand. So I move it again. ⁓ fuck, it's too low now, right? It's too low. So by this time it's like midnight, right? After we try to get everything going. ⁓ Cause kind of doing stuff in between and. You know, old me, think, not being present, not understanding like everything doesn't have to be a rush and like I don't have to get mad about everything, probably would have gotten pissed off and kicked the TV and broke it and threw it out the back door and been like, fuck this. Fuck you. Like, we'll mount a phone up there and we're not watching TV. Sorry, guys. You know, this is not happening. But like, I don't do that anymore. You know, I'm not an idiot like that. I, you know, I can be a jackass sometimes still, but like, so, you know, so I moved it again. And we figured it out, but it was something with the plug that was on there and we got it now and perfect and it looks great now, you know? And so I went to bed at one o'clock. I was a little tired yesterday morning or whatever it was, like that, I know it's kind of a funny example, but like those are like the little things in life that can really piss us off and drive us crazy. And they, they pour over into other things in our life and just staying present and understanding that this life's short. I don't have time to get mad at dumb stuff anymore. It's been a huge, huge awakening and huge help for me. Trent: Yeah, and I honestly think that comes with age too, Like, because we're pretty much the same age. I remember even in my 30s, dude, I would get irritated at very little things, Like, this is fucking bullshit. Fuck this, you know? now, patience has like, it's next level now. I'm much more understanding and just like, OK, is this the hill I want to die on? This probably isn't the hill that I want to die on. And I don't want to look like a complete fucking idiot. Shane Ramer: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Trent: Right? Do I want this on my headstone? Mm-mm. I don't think so. So, it's like, ⁓ TV doesn't win today. ⁓ Shane Ramer: Nope. It doesn't. It doesn't. And thankfully, looks good too. No one knows. ⁓ Trent: Exactly. And it's not a phone taped to the wall. So you're watching shit on a phone. And I'm sure Jess is like, you know, I guess this is fine. I'm just kidding, Jess. I'm just kidding. So when it comes to high performing and you see change in people, because like you work with people that are going through some very difficult times, they're becoming sober or you're, you know, not necessarily a sponsor for him, like you're there to help him out and through things like that. can you tell when somebody has lost their pursuit of what their passion is or if they're still on their pursuit trying to find their passion? Shane Ramer: Mmm. Yeah, I mean, I think, I think you can tell if somebody is just like, they're just not, they're not motivated. Well, I don't even know if it's motivation. I think it's purpose. Like they've kind of lost their direction. They kind of lost their purpose. So I think, yeah, you can definitely tell. I work with a lot of guys who are really high performing dudes who have like big businesses or small businesses that are just doing well and they're Trent: Okay. Shane Ramer: You know, they're, have families, you know, most of them are dads. Um, and they're like, in, in like society's like vision, guess you would say they have their shit together, but like alcohol is such a roadblock for a lot of dudes out there. So it's like, there's a lot of dudes who have their shit together, but like they were raised in families where alcohol was very normal or Trent: ⁓ yeah. Shane Ramer: We grew up going to baseball games and concerts and everything we did, alcohol was always like a main focal point of that. And it's everywhere. It's legal. It's one of the legal drugs out there. And so I think there's this normalcy bias behind it. And so I think what happens is a lot of guys, even though they quote unquote have their stuff together, they can get lost in that cycle of like working hard all week and then partying on the weekend. Trent: ⁓ yeah. Y'all yeah. Shane Ramer: And then sometimes it starts moving into the week. Maybe you have a business meeting or you have a networking event and you're gonna have a couple of drinks at the event on Wednesday night and it rolls over into Thursday and you get to a point where you just don't feel alive anymore. You can't feel dead inside. I hear that from a lot and I experienced that myself. I mean, that was a big one for me. I just felt so much lack of purpose, but it was crazy. At the same time, I felt God tugging on my heart. like saying like, gosh, like I have something more for you, you know, but I just, there was that roadblock and there was a lot of it's like peeling back the onion. Like if you picture the big onion is like the alcohol, ⁓ once I cut that out, started peeling back those layers, ⁓ then things started to open up. But yeah, I think you can tell ⁓ when lost their purpose. And I that, ⁓ you know, kind of back at what, one of the things I do to help guys tap back into that. is like, what did you love to do as a kid? Like, and I always use riding a bike as an example because it's like the most common one. But think back, like when you were a kid and you got on that bike and you started riding around, man, you felt free. You felt so free. You joy, genuine joy. Like it was exciting. It was fun. You had no responsibilities. You had no worries. You were just riding your bike with your buddies or your skateboard or whatever it is. And then we get in high school. graduate, you know, and we, some of us go to college, some of us go off to trades, we start businesses, we get jobs, we get families. And then by, before you know it, you're like 30, 35, and you're like, damn, who am I? You know, like, don't even know who I am anymore. Like, I don't do anything. I play golf maybe once every couple months and like, I just work all the time. And so man, like try, try to tap back into that. And I'll be honest, I'm going through some of that right now. Like, just like I work a lot. Trent: Right? Shane Ramer: I dad a lot, which I love, I'm super grateful for, but I'm like, I gotta get back into doing, it's like taking some time for me and doing some of those hobbies that I enjoy, like golf, like riding with my son. so yeah, man, tapping into that purpose is huge. Yeah. Trent: Yeah, definitely. And I feel the same way. Right. So like, I think there's a huge difference when you know, like, because I work with a lot of people on mindset, being their coach when it comes to not just, you know, being an athlete, but like, I do a lot of mindset coaching a lot of just nutrition coaching. And there's so many people that I work with that, you know, have some broken form of nutrition that has happened in their life, right, that they have some sort of eating disorder that they don't really realize that they have like this because it happened from the parents or whatever, right. But Shane Ramer: Yeah. Trent: I think I can see a difference between somebody who has lost their passion and I can see somebody who is striving to find their passion, The ones that are striving to find their passion ⁓ like they're trying to throw themselves at everything and nothing is sticking and they just keep trying to force things, right? And people that have lost their way or lost their passion is like they're trying to find it, but they're burying it with all of their other responsibilities, right? So it's like, it's two different sides of the coin, but it's still just like a longing for it in a way, Shane Ramer: Yeah. Yeah. Trent: And it's like, it's a trip and getting to work so closely with so many different people and different personalities. It's really opened my eyes to like how to coach people and like how to be there for them in a different way. Right? So it's like, you know me as a coach, like I'm not give you the easy way out. I'm gonna call you out on all of your bullshit and it's gonna be what it is because it's gonna help you grow. ⁓ That's just who I am. And when people start working with me, they're like, ⁓ wow. Shane Ramer: Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Trent: This is kind of cool. And then it's like we get into it and it's like three weeks in and they're like, wow, they're telling me their entire life story, right? They're breaking down and crying in a, in a session where we're supposed to be lifting, which is nothing wrong with that. Right. But I'm the one that's going to ask the questions that most people won't ask. Like the amount of times. So every, every athlete that I have, I asked them, they happy? And most people are like, yeah, I'm happy. And I'm like, are you happy? Like, think about that for a second. What is bringing you joy in life? And they're like, well, I'm not really sure. You know, while I like going to hockey games, I'm like, yeah, but like, Shane Ramer: Yeah. Trent: What is bringing you joy genuinely? is helping you wake up in the morning to go live your life with purpose? And 90 of anybody that I work with when I start with them has no idea. And we have to start peeling back those layers of that onion. like, what the fuck do you want? ⁓ And as as you can find out a little something of what you want, then we can start working towards it. ⁓ And that's where my been and that's where my coaching direction has gone. I still have athletes, but fuck man, let's get the... Shane Ramer: Yeah. Thank Thank home. Trent: shit in between your ears straight. And then let's beat, you know, capitalize on that. Shane Ramer: Yeah. And that's why you're one of the top performance coaches, bro, is because you're not just coaching fitness and it's relationship. There's a lot more to it. ⁓ more like you said, mindset, what we're talking about right now. Like ⁓ so much more to it and there's so much more personal stuff to it. And if you can tap into that ⁓ and relationship, everything else will fall into place, man. That's huge. Trent: Man, I really, I really appreciate that. That is very kind of you to say. So, I got a quote here. I want to bounce it off you and see your, not just your take, but like how you would kind of finish the quote and give somebody advice on it. Right? So one can choose to go back towards safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again. Fear must be overcome again and again. Shane Ramer: Yeah, absolutely. and then Trent: by ⁓ Abraham Maslow. So how would you finish that and how would you give advice to somebody that came to you and was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Shane Ramer: but anyway. Cool. Can you read it one more time for me? Please? Trent: Yeah. ⁓ one can choose to go back towards safety or forward towards growth. Growth must be chosen again and again. Fear must be overcome again and again. Shane Ramer: Yeah. So I think we have this general idea and it kind of ties back into what we were talking about at beginning of the conversation about the quick, we want immediate gratification, right? And when we fail, when somebody fails, and I used to do this too, when I fail, I just quit, I'm just done. Like that's it. There's no, you know, I'm not gonna go forward anymore. What we don't see is that almost every single person who's quote unquote successful, don't see all the failures, the years of disappointment, the years of frustration, the years of pain, the years of rehabilitation, recovery. Like you don't see all that stuff. ⁓ Now you see it. or hear it in a podcast later or see it in a documentary later on, know, 20, 30, 40 years down the line. But like in today's just like, ⁓ you're successful. I should wake up tomorrow and just be successful. I'm not going to go through any of that. It's just not how it works. It's just not how it works. not. And, know, fear aspect of it, fear is a motherfucker. Like it just ⁓ that can get anybody at any time. And so ⁓ Trent: Right, it's not a light switch. Shane Ramer: I think there's a way to use it to your advantage and understand what it is. like, I'll ⁓ speak for me personally. When I'm fear, ⁓ I'm fearful, I go back to God every time. God, why am I fearful? ⁓ also another thing that my mentor, one of my great friends, Buddy C, taught me over the years. He said like, when you're angry, especially anger, anger is a really big one, right? Like maybe we get upset at our kids or we have an argument with our wife or we're pissed off at someone at work or whatever. ⁓ so much on what this, what that is first. Ask yourself, what am I scared of? Like what am I fearful of right now? and, and a lot of the times, almost every time you come back to that, you'll figure out a way to work through some of that stuff because it, comes back on us at the end of the day. ⁓ so. Trent: Mm-hmm. ⁓ absolutely. Shane Ramer: You know, like it does. And that's when we get to a point where we can ask ourselves that instead of the blame game. You know, I played the blame game for a long time and that doesn't, that doesn't help anybody. So yeah, just, just understanding that for me, that there's something higher, you know, that, that I can rely on, that's an anchor to me. When I get fearful and go, I don't have all the answers. I'm not in control of this. I'm just trying to do the next right thing. And I'm just going to let God, God lead me. And that doesn't mean be a lazy ass. I'm not saying I just lay on the couch and be like, God, help me. It doesn't work like that. You know, so it's being active. It's being actively disciplined and getting out there and doing what you got to do. But once again, limiting those expectations, understanding that I'm just going to do the next right thing and work out. It always works out. Might not be exactly how I wanted, but it's going to work out. Trent: Yeah. For sure. And like, I agree with that 100%. Right? And I look at it like this, and I explain most things to, most of this to most people is like, hey, on the other side of fear is where you're going to grow the most. Because as soon as you face a fear or like, say you're scared to take the next leap on like a small business, or you're scared to ask for a raise, or you know, like, if you're scared, you're just going to keep you in that, in that, in that same spot, right? Challenge it, right? Don't be scared. Just go for it. Right? Like what's the worst thing to happen? You're to end up in the same spot or where are going to move forward? Like, come on. It's not the it's not the end of the world. Right. And it's like, ....just grow. Just just do the damn thing. You know. And yeah, man, it's just it's that's just what it is. You know, like we're not we're not none of us are going to be able to just flip a light switch and be like, oh, we're billionaires unless some crazy shit happens. Right. But like, just work your ass off. Be a good person. Fucking don't be an asshole. Shane Ramer: Yeah. Thank Trent: Yeah, man. I beyond appreciate you coming on. ⁓ So let, let everybody where they can find you. We're all we're also going to be doing like a follow up episode where we can like sit down and we can chat a little bit longer. I have a really cool idea for one. We're going to talk about how to make life suck less. So it's going to be dope. ⁓ Yeah. ⁓ Shane Ramer: Hell yeah, in time. Yeah. I love it. Hey, thanks for having me on today. One thing I love about you, is you always know how to have a good laugh, man. And I mean that in the best, like, you know, we talk about things that are motivated and exciting and we want to better our mindsets and our bodies and our overall health and like our spiritual game, our business game, all that. like, It's always fun to have conversations with you because we can laugh together and we can joke around and we can we can take it serious, but we can also not take it so serious. And that's it's one of my favorite things about you. And it's also one of my favorite rules. They said this. I learned this 10 plus years ago. Rule 62. Don't take yourself so damn serious. And sometimes I need a reminder of that. And so you kind of help with that even today, man. Just like just laugh a little bit. I really needed it today, man. So I appreciate you. Yeah. Trent: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate you, man. It's like thing about is like we can go a long time without talking. It's like we didn't miss shit. You know what I mean? And I love that about you. And it's like, you know, yeah, ⁓ can't. Shane Ramer: Yes, exactly. Exactly. Well, yeah. So you can you can find. ⁓ sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say you can find all of our stuff at that sober guy dot com. We have a great men's community called the Victory Circle. So there's a lot of dudes in there from all over the country, man, just that are sober, that are trying to stay sober, that are running businesses, that are running marathons, doing all kinds of different cool stuff in there. Trent: No, go ahead. Go Go. Shoot. Shane Ramer: And it's free to join so can find that at thatsobreguy.com. I also, well, I didn't do a lot of, I didn't really do any promoting at this, but I wrote a book that came out recently, Sobre Guy, How Do I? Real answers for men who want to quit drinking, lead strong, and win at life. And it's just, it's a real easy read, Some of the chat, it's not really designed to be like a, like you don't have to read it from, you know, beginning to end, I guess. But it's just different chapters like silver guy. How do I deal with cravings and triggers? You know, or how do I do with stress without drinking? Just stuff like that. So you can find that on Amazon. It's like $7.99. But it's a good little book just to help guys out there, you know, look at, take a look at what some of the, if you're having some issues with alcohol, you know, it doesn't necessarily mean you're an alcoholic and you got to go to meetings. Maybe you do. I don't know. I mean, that's up for the person to decide, but. Sometimes we just need a little insight into some things and that's what the book helps guys do. yeah, that's over at guy.com. What's that? Trent: Also, why didn't you tell me you wrote a fucking book? Why didn't you tell me you wrote a fucking book? Shane Ramer: I don't know man, I probably need to promote it a little bit more. It just one of those things that just, it had been sitting like in my docs forever and I finally just, you know how it is, you just get super motivated and I like banged it, finished it out in like a week and then I just put it out and just having that time to really do much with it. But yeah, it's cool to have and yeah. Trent: Okay. All right. I'm gonna definitely put I'm gonna put the link in the show notes for that book for sure. I'm gonna pick one up because I didn't know I would have already owned it by now. I know you I know you got to run. ⁓ I will your contact info and stuff ⁓ in all the notes and everything and Shane again, thank you so much for being here dude is so good seeing you Shane Ramer: Awesome. Yeah. Love you Trent. Thank you, bro. ⁓ Trent: Love you too, bro.