Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How do Narcissists keep you trapped in the toxic cycle

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How do Narcissists keep you trapped in the toxic cycle · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how do narcissists keep
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  you trapped in the toxic cycle of narcissistic abuse, How they
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  keep you to how they keep you emotionally bonded to them.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back folks. I'll be good luck if y'all,
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  y'all don't see me when I'm on here, I'll be I'll be hyped
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  behind the scene when my when the theme music is playing.
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  Y'all don't understand how hype I'd be behind the scenes.
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  I'll be dancing behind here, just jamming, getting hyped for
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  the video, just getting my energy up, getting pumped up.
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  That's why I'll be bringing out the heat when I say boom, I come
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  back, I'm bringing, I know I'm about to bring some heat.
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  I know it, I know it. So how do narcissists keep you
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  trapped in a toxic cycle? It it's a lie.
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  Y'all narcissistic people and is this is not me trying to just
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  brag, brag on narcissist or you know, speak, speak good on
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  narcissist. This is not what I'm trying to
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  do. What I'm trying to do is just
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  let you know how the mind of a narcissist works.
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  They put in a lot of work to be this damn manipulative.
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  Let's keep it hot. Like I say, I always try to keep
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  it hot and ready. Like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  Let's keep it as hot and ready as we possibly can because
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  that's what narcissistic people do.
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  Like seriously, that's what they do.
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  Like they put a lot of work in getting you to feel safe with
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  them. They put a lot of work in
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  getting you to share your deepest, darkest secrets with
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  them. They put a lot of work in
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  getting you to share your trauma and the things that you've
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  experienced and went through with it.
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  They do a lot of work of bonding to you and giving, you know,
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  giving you everything that you wanted and needed, everything
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  you've been pursuing, everything that you've been looking for.
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  And a significant other. They work hard to do that.
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  They go, they like them, them to go above and beyond the Call of
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  Duty to do this type of stuff for you just so, just so they
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  can keep you there, just so they can keep you bonded there.
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  That's why I like it's so hard to leave a narcissist because
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  when you get like a lot of times people have been in long term
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  relationships with them, right? This is all like this person is
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  all, you know, some, some woman told me the other day she was
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  like, I don't know if I said this before some other days.
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  I've been in a relationship for 12 years.
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  I was like, that's the same amount of time you spent in
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  primary school, kindergarten all the way to, I mean, first grade
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  to 12th grade. That's 12 years.
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  Like you got a whole education with this person.
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  You have a whole education with this person.
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  That's why it made it so hard to leave.
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  You've been, you said you've been here so long.
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  So narcissist stayed with you for a long time.
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  Not every narcissist will do this, y'all.
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  So I mean, I've been in short term relationships, three weeks,
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  two months, six months. I've heard a lot of different, I
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  heard a lot of different varying timelines on how long people
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  have been with narcissist, right?
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  I've heard so many different timelines, but it doesn't matter
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  the length, it matters the intensity.
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  Length versus intensity. You can have an extremely
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  intense relationship that's short.
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  You see what I'm saying? You could try an extremely
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  intense relationship that's short because sometimes people
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  will be, sometimes people will be describing their
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  relationships when I'm doing a coaching call with them and I'll
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  be like, damn, they, they, they'll be describing so many
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  different things that they've experienced to dealt with this
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  narcissist, right? I'm like, how long were y'all
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  together? And they'll tell me they were
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  like, we're together like six months.
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  What? And I'll be like, damn, I was
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  going to guess six years. I like y'all squeezed so much
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  juice out of that relationship. It's so intense, so quickly.
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  That's why it's so hard to leave it.
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  Yeah, be realistic. That's why it's so hard to leave
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  it. It's so intense, so damn quick.
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  It's hard to leave. It's hard to get out of there
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  and narcissist the people when you a lot of times not out of
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  time. A lot of time we try to leave.
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  They'll revert back to the person that you first met, the
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  person that you fell in love with, the kind, caring,
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  empathetic person, the person that was doing everything for
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  you. They'll turn back into that
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  person when you try to leave. And that can be confusing as
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  hell. That keeps you bonded to them
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  more, right? They will, they'll, they'll
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  start like sometimes they'll how do you keep, how do they keep
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  you trapped in the cycle? They just turn back into the
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  person that got you, got you into the cycle in the 1st place.
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  They just revert back to their old behaviors.
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  They've got you trapped with them.
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  And then once they feel like they got you, they just withdraw
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  push pull, push, pull, push, pull, push pull the pushing in
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  the pulling keeps you bonded to this person.
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  Y'all, that's how they do it. They know you know a lot of
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  times yes, it's intentional really.
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  How do you know it's intentional?
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  How do you how do you know they're they're not just the
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  middle doodle it's accident No, y'all, you can't first of all,
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  you can't accidentally cheat, but how?
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  Because they know how to make you happy.
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  Think about like this. They've been treating you bad
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  for so long, and then when you try to leave, all of a sudden, I
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  don't know where they start treating you good.
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  You don't think that's intentional?
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  You see what I'm saying? You don't think there's any type
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  of intent behind that? How they get this?
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  And you didn't tell them what? You didn't tell them what they
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  needed to do to make you happy. They just started doing it.
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  You wake up, the trash is hanging out, the house is clean,
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  the kids are going to school already.
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  You like what's going on. You haven't done that in years.
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  Oh, I know. Just like when you file for
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  divorce, you had me served in front of my friends and family
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  at their party. You you had me served those
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  divorce papers in front of my friends and family when I was
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  with my affair partner. Oh, it kind of woke me up.
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  I knew I needed to step up. You know what I'm saying?
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  Now all of a sudden, they're doing everything you've been
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  wanting to do, and it's too late.
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  Yeah, sometimes it's too late. Just be real.
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  Sometimes it absolutely is too late for that person.
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  It's like it's too late for the relationship.
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  It's too late to apologize. Who's like that song?
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  It's too late. It's too late to apologize.
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  It's too late. I forgot the name of that song.
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  But sometimes it's too late to apologize.
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  It's too late to change their behavior.
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  Sometimes it is, but it might. It's it's tricking you.
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  It tricks you. It tricks y'all.
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  It can. It can't absolutely trick you.
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  Some people really. I don't want to be tricked,
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  y'all. I'm just look, I'm just the
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  messenger. I'm just the dread headed
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  messenger. Break you the information.
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  I didn't say that. I ain't did nothing different.
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  I ain't did nothing to you. I ain't said nothing to you.
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  I'm just the messenger delivering the message.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's all I'm doing here and I
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  want y'all to win. This is the person right here.
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  Me, I want you to win. I really, really do take read
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  them home. This is the part where I really,
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  really do want y'all to win so badly because narcissistic
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  people, toxic people, when they're doing this type of
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  stuff, when they're like messing with your head, when they're
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  like pulling you back in, you have to understand that it's
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  another line of manipulation to keep you bonded to them.
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  They turn it on. How do they keep you trapped in
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  the cycle? They just turn it back on and
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  being who they are, who they were to get you.
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  It's only temporary. They're not going to do this for
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  long. They do it long enough for you
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  to change your mind and get comfortable back with them.
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  And then they then they pull it back.
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  Push, pull, push, pull, push, pull.
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  And then guess what happens? How else do they keep you
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  trapped in the cycle when you try to leave, when you're
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  finally trying to escape All of a sudden now they want to get
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  married. They hadn't.
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  Marriage wasn't an option before.
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  Now I don't want to get married. Talked to a woman the other day.
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  She's been in a relationship for 5-6 years with this person.
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  She decided to leave. Now he's like, you know what?
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  Here's a ring her on her way on her way out the door and she
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  said yes. You see what I'm saying?
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  I'm like, I'm telling y'all, it'd be y'all.
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  It'd be working sometimes because this is everything that
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  you ever wanted and now they're giving it.
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  Now they're offering it up to you and now you don't also you
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  don't want it anymore. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is a very unique space to be in.
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  This is a very unique dynamic to be in.
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  This is how things are going to get wrecked and whatnot.
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  This is how it really is part of the mindset and part of the the
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  space that people fall into. This is something for y'all to
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  consider. It really, really is.
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  You know, they'll watch out for watch out for proposals on the
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  way out the door because they can keep you trapped getting
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  married, buying something. And I talked to I talked to
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  yeah, I know. I keep giving, giving the
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  women's stories. Talked to a guy very recently.
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  I talked to a lot of men of my one-on-one coaching as well.
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  Y'all, I don't just coach women. I talked to a lot of men, talked
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  to a ton of men over the last four years I've been doing this
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  ton of men as well. This is where y'all find my
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  coaching cool. Of course, it's support groups.
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  Everything is mental illness.net man said he on the way out the
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  door. He finally had enough.
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  Girl was cheating on him. He finally had enough.
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  Guess what happened now? Now she wants to let's try to
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  have a baby. Let's finally try to have a
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  baby. Of course he started clapping
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  the cheese again and thank goodness he didn't get her
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  pregnant because he if he would have, he'd been trapped in that
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  cycle. But even trying to have a baby
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  with this person get you stuck and can get you stuck in here.
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  Even trying to have a baby can get you strapped in here.
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  Trying to have a baby, trying to, you know, do this type of
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  stuff can get you stuck and trapped with this person.
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  Don't do it. Don't do it.
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  Do not do it. You just ruin your life.
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  I'm just saying, of course it's your life.
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  Y'all are adults. You want to do what you want to
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  do, right? Only thing I can do right now is
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  provide you the information. That's all I've ever tried to do
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  is provide people the information that I feel like it
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  was necessary to help them heal, help them grow, help them
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  escape. That's all I've been doing for
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  the last few years, right? But I keep telling people just
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  hey, look, in this world, you're an adult, you're going to make
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  your own decision. Are you willing to live with
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  that decision? You see what I'm saying?
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  You got 12. I tell people like write down
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  how much you, how long you been in a relationship.
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  Y'all want to get unstuck? Write down how long you been in
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  a relationship. Write that down at the top of
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  the table. Six years, six months.
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  You see what I'm saying? 15 years, 20 years.
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  Ask yourself right here after you put 20 years or let's just
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  let's use a, a, a, a wild #12 years.
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  Let's say you've been in there for 12 years.
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  We said that earlier, right underneath that 12 years.
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  Ask yourself this question, do I have 12 more in me before you
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  accept the pregnancy pregnancy request or ring or buying a
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  house together or moving, doing something, going on a trip,
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  whatever, before you accept that, ask yourself the question,
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  do I have 12 more years in me? Do I have three more years in
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  me? Do I have this much more time in
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  me? I know y'all in the short term
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  relationships. Well, Lee, I've been in three
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  months. I got three more.
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  I can give three more months even in with the short term
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  y'all. Three months is it can be a long
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  time. It seems like a short term short
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  time, but I told y'all earlier, length versus intensity.
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  If they're trying to keep you stuck with them, guess what
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  happens then? You know, he's like, well, yeah,
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  I I can do three more months. Within those three months, you
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  didn't got engaged or married. You got, there's a baby on the
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  way and now you stuck. You see what I'm saying?
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  That three months can turn into the rest of your life very, very
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  quickly. So it's not always just three
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  months. Ask yourself, do I have the rest
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  of my life to do this? So you can write the time I got
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  if you have 12 years in it, right on 12 years, right
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  underneath that, ask yourself, do I have 12 more in me?
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  And right underneath that, do I have the rest of my life in me
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  to do this? And some people, if your answer
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  to the question is yes, hey, look, right, hey, let's ride,
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  right goes country, let's ride. But that's the mindset, That's
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  the mentality that so many people face.
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  That's something that you have to understand as a survivor, as
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  a thriver in what you have going on in your life.
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  Like seriously, you have to choose because the type, they'll
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  keep it going on, they'll try to trap you, they'll the, the push
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  and pull the trauma bond. They'll try to make the trauma
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  bond stronger, you know what I mean?
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  They'll start doing the stuff that they used to do.
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  They'll do whatever it takes to try to keep you there with them,
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  to mess with you, to get into your head, to get into your mind
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  and whatnot. It absolutely will.
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  This is something that you have to consider.
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  This is something that you have to think about.
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  This is just something the, the way to quote UN quote the way
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  the cookie crumbles, so to speak and whatnot.
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  Anyways, y'all, thank y'all for riding with me on this video.
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  I know I ran on a little longer than what I wanted to do.
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  At least try to always keep it around 11, but you know, go over
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  11 at 12 right now. I'll end by saying this.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to check out joining my
• 12:10
  newsletter and mental illness.net.
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  I have an online workshop coming up in the next couple of weeks.
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  It's about healing for narcissistic abuse and preparing
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  for the holidays with a narcissist.
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  Oh, Christmas. Because it'll probably be after
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  Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is coming up pretty
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  quickly, isn't it? We'll see.
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  Yeah, we'll see. I had to talk to my my partner
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  today. You register for the newsletter,
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  coaching courses, support groups, or at mentalillness.net.
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  Subscribe. Yeah.
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  Now, if you made it this far, hit that subscribe button, too.
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  Hit it. Hit it.
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  It's an order. I love y'all.
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  I'm so super grateful for y'all. I'm super thankful for y'all.
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  There's always y'all. Mental illness is up.
• 12:47
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video.