Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / How Work Friendships Boost Women Career Advancement
Transcript
- Lucas: A new study from Catalyst — they surveyed about 2,500 professionals across the US and Canada, released it just a few weeks ago — found that women who reported having at least one close friend at work were promoted twice as often over a five-year period as women who said they lacked those connections. Luna: Twice as often — that's a huge gap. And I think a lot of us have felt that intuitively, but seeing it quantified is striking. Lucas: Right. And what's interesting is that the study controlled for things like industry, job level, and hours worked. So it's not just that people who are more social or more connected somehow already have better career trajectories. The friendship itself seems to be a causal force. Luna: So what is it about a workplace friendship that actually moves the needle on promotion? I mean, we talk a lot about mentorship, sponsorship — but this feels different. Lucas: It is different. Mentorship is typically a formal or semi-formal arrangement where someone senior gives you advice. Sponsorship is when they actively advocate for your advancement. But friendship — close friendship — gives you something else. It gives you psychological safety, candid feedback, and inside information that you wouldn't get in a meeting. Luna: And I think that's especially important for women, because women are often left out of informal networks — the golf outings, the after-work drinks, the 'let me grab a coffee with so-and-so' moments. Lucas: Exactly. There's a well-known study from a few years ago that found men's professional networks are denser and more instrumental — they trade favors and information more readily. Women's networks tend to be broader but weaker. So this Catalyst study suggests that women who manage to build those dense, trust-based connections — even just one or two — see real career payoff. Luna: But here's the thing — building a genuine friendship at work isn't easy. Especially when you're already stretched thin, or you're the only woman on a team, or you're managing people. It can feel like one more thing to do. Lucas: Absolutely. And there's a risk of it backfiring. If you're seen as too close with someone, especially across levels, it can look political. Or if your friend leaves the company, you might lose that access. So it's not a simple 'go make friends and you'll get promoted.' Luna: Right. So what are the strategies that actually work? You read the study — what did they find in terms of specific behaviors or approaches? Lucas: The researchers highlighted three things. First, prioritize quality over quantity. One or two genuine relationships where you can be vulnerable — ask questions, admit mistakes — are better than ten surface-level LinkedIn connections. Second, be intentional about cross-functional relationships. Don't just befriend people on your own team. Third, reciprocate. Friendships are built on mutual support, not just taking. Luna: That second point about cross-functional really resonates. Because when you're up for a promotion, decisions are often made by people outside your immediate team — HR, senior leaders from other departments. If they don't know you personally, they have less reason to advocate for you. Lucas: Exactly. And this is where the friendship angle departs from pure networking. When you have a real relationship with someone in another function, they're not just a contact — they're someone who will go to bat for you in a room where you're not present. That's the kind of advocacy that formal mentorship rarely produces. Luna: So for a woman listening who feels like she doesn't have that kind of connection at work, where does she start? I mean, 'go make a friend' sounds so simple, but it's not. Lucas: The study suggests starting with small, low-stakes interactions. Ask a colleague about a project they're working on — not to get something, just to learn. Offer help on a task that's outside your scope. Join an employee resource group or a cross-functional committee. Those are natural places where relationships can form without it feeling forced. Luna: That feels doable. And I'd add — be curious about people's lives outside work. Not in a prying way, but if someone mentions they have a kid starting kindergarten, ask about it next week. That kind of consistent, human interest builds trust over time. Lucas: Yeah. And one thing the Catalyst researchers emphasized is that managers play a role too. If you're a manager listening, you can create conditions for friendships to form — by structuring teams for collaboration, by encouraging peer mentoring, by modeling vulnerability yourself. Luna: Because if the culture is hyper-competitive or if people are siloed, those natural connections never get a chance to grow. Lucas: Right. And I want to address the elephant in the room — there is a double standard here. When men are close work friends, it's seen as networking or team cohesion. When women are close, it can be dismissed as cliquish or emotional. Luna: That's real. And it's one reason women sometimes pull back from forming close bonds at work — they don't want to be perceived that way. But the data says those bonds are actually career critical. Lucas: So the takeaway isn't 'ignore the risk,' but rather be strategic about it. Invest in friendships that are mutual and professional, and don't be afraid to be seen as close with colleagues you respect. The promotion data backs you up. Luna: One thing I'd love to see more research on — how this plays out for women of color, or women in male-dominated fields, where the pool of potential friends is smaller. Lucas: Yeah, the Catalyst study had a diverse sample but didn't break down results by race or gender composition of the industry. That's definitely a next question. But the overall principle — that relationship depth matters more than breadth — probably holds. Luna: So if I'm a woman in a very male-dominated field — say, engineering or finance — how do I adapt this advice? Lucas: You might need to build friendships across functions more than within your team, if your team is mostly men and you feel less comfortable there. Find the women in HR, marketing, legal — they may be in different departments but they face similar dynamics. Also, don't underestimate the value of one strong male ally who is genuinely a friend, not just a sponsor. Luna: Right. And that ally needs to be someone who will challenge other men when they make biased comments, not just support you privately. Lucas: Exactly. Friendship as advocacy — that's really the core of what this study is measuring. It's not just about having someone to eat lunch with. It's about having someone who will say your name in a room full of decision-makers. Luna: You know, this episode feels like a natural place to mention something that's been on my mind. We put out nine episodes before this one — every single week — and we've never run a single ad. That's intentional. This show is listener-supported. Lucas: Yeah, and it's a small group of listeners — a couple hundred people at this point — who chip in a few bucks a month through Buy Me a Coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's literally what makes it possible for us to keep doing these deep dives without any corporate sponsor telling us what to cover. Luna: And we're really grateful for that. It means we can be honest about what the data says, even when it's uncomfortable. So if this conversation has been useful, and you're in a position to throw a few dollars in the jar, that's the link — Buy Me a Coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just an open invitation. Lucas: Alright. So back to friendships — one concrete thing I want listeners to take away. The study found that the promotion boost from workplace friendships was especially strong for women in middle management. That's the level where the pipeline often leaks — women get stuck at director or senior manager and don't make it to VP. Friendships seem to be a ladder out of that bottleneck. Luna: So the advice is: if you're at that level, invest in one or two deep, trusting relationships with people who are either at your level or one step above, in other parts of the organization. And make sure those relationships are reciprocal — you're giving as much as you're getting. Lucas: And if you're a manager, look at your team. Do people have opportunities to connect? Are you rewarding collaboration over individual heroics? Those are things you can change. Luna: This was a good one, Lucas. I think a lot of women will hear this and feel permission to prioritize relationships they maybe thought were just 'nice to have.' Lucas: Yeah. The data says they're not nice to have — they're career infrastructure. Thanks for listening.