Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: The Anti-Momentum Maller Manifesto
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Kaboom if you thought four hours a day 1200 minutes
- 0:05Speaker 1: a week was enough think again he's the last remnants
- 0:09Speaker 1: of the old republic a sole bastion of fairness he
- 0:12Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
- 0:15Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse wow the clearinghouse of
- 0:19Speaker 1: hot takes break free for something special the fifth hour
- 0:23Speaker 1: with ben maller starts right now.
- 0:29Speaker 2: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with me, Ben Maller.
- 0:36Speaker 2: Happy Friday to you as we slide on into the
- 0:41Speaker 2: 16th day of October. No overnight show. No overnight show
- 0:47Speaker 2: last night. The rare and appropriate day off. I will
- 0:51Speaker 2: explain at a later date why I was not in
- 0:56Speaker 2: the catbird seat last night. Some of you complaining about that.
- 1:01Speaker 2: I'll save that for another day. Today is the 291st
- 1:05Speaker 2: day of the year. There are 76 days left. That's it.
- 1:10Speaker 2: That's all. As we are already in the middle of October,
- 1:14Speaker 2: it is World Food Day today, a day established back
- 1:18Speaker 2: in the 1970s with the United Nations and whatnot. Back
- 1:23Speaker 2: in the day, more than 150 countries participate in in
- 1:28Speaker 2: activities promoting food security and fighting hunger. They've been doing
- 1:33Speaker 2: that for a long time, and people still having issues.
- 1:38Speaker 2: It is National Dictionary Day today, celebrating Noah Webster, who
- 1:43Speaker 2: was born in 1758. On this date, the man helped
- 1:49Speaker 2: standardize American spelling, including color instead of color, meaning C-O-L-O-R
- 1:57Speaker 2: instead of C-O-L-O-U-R. And if you're into words, you celebrate
- 2:03Speaker 2: National Dictionary Day. It is National Boss Day today. Which
- 2:10Speaker 2: is very exciting. Also on this date in 1793, Marie
- 2:16Speaker 2: Antoinette was executed by a guillotine in Paris during the
- 2:22Speaker 2: French Revolution. Now, the connection to Marie Antoinette, there's two
- 2:28Speaker 2: things that we have used on the show over the
- 2:32Speaker 2: years with this particular woman. The song, which was made
- 2:38Speaker 2: famous on our show by Lucky Tony... You might know
- 2:41Speaker 2: Lucky Tony from his work in the Bay Area. He
- 2:43Speaker 2: loves old porn stars and the Chicago Bears. And he sang,
- 2:49Speaker 2: for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly
- 2:53Speaker 2: good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody
- 2:57Speaker 2: can deny. It's a folk tune from France that was popularized, allegedly,
- 3:04Speaker 2: by Marie Antoinette. And also the, quote, let them eat cake.
- 3:11Speaker 2: has been attributed to Marie Antoinette. However, there's a counter
- 3:17Speaker 2: theory that that was a propaganda campaign against her by
- 3:23Speaker 2: French revolutionaries and that she didn't actually say it. It's
- 3:28Speaker 2: one of the most infamous stories in history when told
- 3:32Speaker 2: that the peasants of France were so poor, how poor
- 3:36Speaker 2: were they, that they couldn't afford bread. The queen, Marie Antoinette, replied,
- 3:42Speaker 2: let them eat cake. And that legend had been passed
- 3:46Speaker 2: down for centuries. And that was the narrative. And we
- 3:52Speaker 2: know from the man who shot Liberty Valance, when the
- 3:55Speaker 2: legend becomes the fact, you go with the legend. That's it.
- 4:00Speaker 2: That's all. 1854, Oscar Wilde, the Irish playwright, was born.
- 4:08Speaker 2: Walt Disney in 1923, on this date, Walt and his
- 4:12Speaker 2: brother Roy Disney founded the company that would become known
- 4:16Speaker 2: as the Walt Disney Company. And there was a point
- 4:19Speaker 2: in time where the Walt Disney Company didn't price gouge you.
- 4:22Speaker 2: That was when Walt Disney was alive. And then after that,
- 4:26Speaker 2: forget about it. See you later. Bye-bye. Back in the 1960s,
- 4:31Speaker 2: President John F. Kennedy, 1962. was informed that America, in
- 4:38Speaker 2: private eyes, whatnot, they had photographs showing Soviet missile installations
- 4:43Speaker 2: in Cuba, which began the infamous Cuban Missile Crisis back
- 4:49Speaker 2: in 1962. And my favorite factoid, which doesn't necessarily relate
- 4:54Speaker 2: to this date, I was scrolling around and I came
- 4:58Speaker 2: across this. There's a science... Institution calling for new inventions.
- 5:04Speaker 2: This is many years ago, right? Back in the day.
- 5:07Speaker 2: So Benjamin Franklin, one of the original Americans, Benjamin Franklin
- 5:13Speaker 2: wrote a letter advocating for a solution to smelly farts.
- 5:19Speaker 2: And that's right. Benjamin Franklin, I'm not named after him,
- 5:24Speaker 2: but what a jokester. And the fart... He wrote all
- 5:29Speaker 2: kinds of stuff. But 1781, Benjamin Franklin wrote a satirical
- 5:33Speaker 2: essay about farting, formally titled A Letter to a Royal
- 5:39Speaker 2: Academy About Farting, now commonly known as Fart Proudly. He
- 5:47Speaker 2: was mocking the Royal Academy of Brussels, which had offered
- 5:52Speaker 2: a prize for scientific papers and practical inventions. And Franklin
- 5:58Speaker 2: argued that human digestion naturally produces gas, but society pressures
- 6:04Speaker 2: people to suppress this gas because of the offensive smell.
- 6:11Speaker 2: And Franklin wrote in this satirical column that holding in
- 6:16Speaker 2: farts could cause pain, chronic illness, ruptures, and even death.
- 6:20Speaker 2: Modern medical experts consider death from supporting flatulence extremely unlikely.
- 6:26Speaker 2: But at the time Franklin went for it, he proposed
- 6:30Speaker 2: developing a food additive that would transform foul-smelling gas into
- 6:37Speaker 2: something pleasant, like a perfume. Every time you fart, it's
- 6:41Speaker 2: like a perfume. But wait, there's more. Benjamin Franklin suggested
- 6:46Speaker 2: that powdered lime or another chemical might neutralize the odor. Yeah,
- 6:53Speaker 2: how about that? Now, Franklin claimed his invention... would be
- 6:57Speaker 2: so beneficial that other scientific proposals would hardly be worth
- 7:03Speaker 2: a farting. Yes, he never actually submitted the essay, supposedly,
- 7:09Speaker 2: to the Academy. Instead, he just sent it to all
- 7:13Speaker 2: his friends. Like, you know how you'll post stuff on
- 7:15Speaker 2: Instagram or whatever? TikTok, I guess. I'm not on there.
- 7:19Speaker 2: You just do it for your friends. So Benjamin Franklin
- 7:22Speaker 2: was ahead of his time. Yeah, one of America's most celebrated...
- 7:27Speaker 2: Early intellectuals devoted his brain power to making farts smell better.
- 7:37Speaker 2: Isn't that great? Benjamin Franklin helping give American independence, inventing bifocals.
- 7:46Speaker 2: experimenting with electricity, and he still found time, despite all
- 7:50Speaker 2: of that stuff, Benjamin Franklin still found time to tackle
- 7:53Speaker 2: mankind's greatest unsolved mystery, how to break wind without clearing
- 7:59Speaker 2: the room. The man wasn't just a founding father. He
- 8:04Speaker 2: was a founding farter, is what he was. Meanwhile, now
- 8:11Speaker 2: to the main event. You know what word I am
- 8:15Speaker 2: sick of hearing? Do you? It's one word. Starts with
- 8:21Speaker 2: an M, ends with an M. It's not mom, no. Momentum. Momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum, momentum.
- 8:33Speaker 2: Every dadgum sporting event I'm watching, and I watch a
- 8:38Speaker 2: lot of them because of the dumb show, somebody's got momentum.
- 8:42Speaker 2: I'll give you an example. A couple weeks back, the
- 8:44Speaker 2: baseball playoffs were just getting going. There was a team
- 8:47Speaker 2: in San Diego called the Padres, and they had won
- 8:51Speaker 2: at 1.20 out of 23 games. I am told that
- 8:56Speaker 2: is very good. And every single broadcaster, everyone summed up
- 9:03Speaker 2: the thing that the Padres had done was momentum. Right
- 9:09Speaker 2: now in the NFL, heading into this weekend, I know
- 9:11Speaker 2: there was a game But heading into this weekend, you've
- 9:14Speaker 2: got the Chiefs who are undefeated. Why? Momentum. 49ers, Seahawks, Vikings, momentum. Whoop-de-effin'-do.
- 9:27Speaker 2: They won some games. Whee! That's what you're supposed to do,
- 9:33Speaker 2: I'm told. However, that is not enough to... For our
- 9:38Speaker 2: friends who are better people than us because they're television idiots. No, no, no, no, no.
- 9:44Speaker 2: They needed to invent some invisible magic dust years ago
- 9:48Speaker 2: floating around the locker room. And every single locker room,
- 9:52Speaker 2: every single locker room has this. And my favorite part,
- 9:57Speaker 2: nobody knows what the F is. it is. Nobody, no man, woman,
- 10:05Speaker 2: or child. Momentum is the Bigfoot of sports. It's the Sasquatch.
- 10:11Speaker 2: Everybody claims they've seen it. Nobody can produce a body.
- 10:16Speaker 2: It's like they die and the Sasquatch dies and just vanishes.
- 10:20Speaker 2: You can't see momentum. You can't hear it. You can't
- 10:24Speaker 2: smell it. You can't taste it or touch it. You
- 10:26Speaker 2: can't buy it. You can't sell it. Can't rent it.
- 10:29Speaker 2: Can't lease it. Can't mortgage it. Can't refinance it. Or
- 10:32Speaker 2: you certainly can't put it on layaway. Costco doesn't have
- 10:36Speaker 2: a 48-pack of Momentum on sale, Kirkland brand Momentum. right
- 10:41Speaker 2: next to the toilet paper and the dog food. You
- 10:44Speaker 2: can't deposit it in the bank and say, maybe I'll
- 10:47Speaker 2: use this later. Or, hey, how about this? I have
- 10:50Speaker 2: extra momentum. Why don't I leave some for my children?
- 10:55Speaker 2: I know what I'll do. I'll put it in a will.
- 10:58Speaker 2: To my beloved son, I leave the house, the car,
- 11:02Speaker 2: and all the malar momentum. I pick this up. Starting
- 11:07Speaker 2: back in the 1980s, my first brush with momentum. Like,
- 11:12Speaker 2: what the F are we talking about? And listen to
- 11:17Speaker 2: the language. You can't, there's a lot of things in
- 11:21Speaker 2: life you can't do, right? You can gain momentum. You
- 11:25Speaker 2: can lose momentum. You can build momentum. You can seize momentum.
- 11:31Speaker 2: You can steal momentum. You can give it away. Jiminy Cricket.
- 11:37Speaker 2: Is this a football game or a commodities exchange? And
- 11:42Speaker 2: where does it go when you lose it? If you
- 11:44Speaker 2: give it away, where does it go? Does it evaporate?
- 11:48Speaker 2: Does it migrate south for the winter? Does it crawl
- 11:52Speaker 2: under the bleachers and die by itself? Somebody ought to
- 11:57Speaker 2: put its picture on a milk carton. Not that many
- 12:00Speaker 2: people drink milk these days. Missing. Momentum. Last seen in
- 12:05Speaker 2: the third quarter. Answers to the name Uncle Mo or
- 12:10Speaker 2: Ozzy Momentum. A couple of characters on the show that
- 12:16Speaker 2: have embraced the Mo. And then there's my favorite, the
- 12:21Speaker 2: coach who calls a timeout because he's convinced he has
- 12:25Speaker 2: the power to stop the other team's, yep, momentum. Oh, really?
- 12:32Speaker 1: Really?
- 12:34Speaker 2: What does he do during the timeout? Does he perform
- 12:37Speaker 2: some kind of exorcism? Does he get a Ouija board out? Hey,
- 12:42Speaker 2: everyone gather around. Their momentum is getting out of control.
- 12:47Speaker 2: Somebody get the holy water. Call the Vatican. Get the Pope. Well,
- 12:51Speaker 2: that's another thing. The White Sox, who lost in the playoffs,
- 12:54Speaker 2: they had the Pope in their back pocket. They had
- 12:56Speaker 2: all the mo. What happened?
- 12:59Speaker 1: The Pope.
- 13:00Speaker 2: Team and football marching down the field, matriculating the ball
- 13:03Speaker 2: down the field. They're unstoppable. They're a runaway locomotive. And
- 13:07Speaker 2: then some fat guy in a headset makes a T
- 13:11Speaker 2: with his hands, and suddenly the mystical force disappears. Apparently
- 13:18Speaker 2: the only thing stronger than momentum is a commercial break
- 13:22Speaker 2: for erectile dysfunction medication. And the broadcasters eat this up.
- 13:28Speaker 2: They just can't get enough. They can't. Oh, you can
- 13:33Speaker 2: feel the momentum changing. You can feel it. Where exactly
- 13:38Speaker 2: did you feel it? In your pants? Did you feel
- 13:40Speaker 2: it in your pants? Is there a special momentum gland
- 13:44Speaker 2: that we were unaware of? It's probably somewhere between your
- 13:47Speaker 2: liver and your spleen. It's the momentum gland. Do doctors
- 13:52Speaker 2: check for this? Is there a test? It's like, well, Mr. Maller,
- 13:57Speaker 2: your cholesterol is high. Your blood pressure is elevated. But
- 14:01Speaker 2: the good news, you've got tremendous momentum. Well, that's freaking great.
- 14:07Speaker 2: We got so much momentum. Hallelujah. What in the hell
- 14:13Speaker 2: does that even mean? So anyway, I watch all these games,
- 14:16Speaker 2: and it just bothers me. And I text a few
- 14:18Speaker 2: of my friends. This is more therapeutic than anything else.
- 14:23Speaker 2: I just wanted to spend a little bit of time.
- 14:25Speaker 2: I figured the podcast was the perfect format. And these
- 14:29Speaker 2: announcers have every statistic imaginable. There's a whole town called Dorksville, USA,
- 14:40Speaker 2: where every blithering idiot comes up with some kind of
- 14:44Speaker 2: new stat. And they do it with precision. They do
- 14:49Speaker 2: it with precision, these stats. They got a stat for everything.
- 14:52Speaker 2: They can tell you how fast a baseball spins. They
- 14:55Speaker 2: can tell you the exit velo, how many inches a
- 14:59Speaker 2: football travels, how far a receiver separates from a defensive back.
- 15:04Speaker 2: They've got computers, satellites, cameras, sensors, lasers, and 47 guys
- 15:10Speaker 2: in a production truck outside the inner workings of the stadium.
- 15:14Speaker 2: And after all that technology and all the analysis, and
- 15:18Speaker 2: it just doesn't stop, And it's like, well, Bob, momentum
- 15:23Speaker 2: is a funny thing. Really? Is it appearing at the improv?
- 15:30Speaker 2: Momentum opening up this Friday. Momentum. Come one, come all. Yeah,
- 15:39Speaker 2: that's what we get. Millions of dollars in technology and
- 15:44Speaker 2: the intellectual conclusion is that momentum is a funny thing. Yes,
- 15:51Speaker 2: very funny. So is diarrhea. Nobody's putting it on a
- 15:56Speaker 2: pregame show. And we can sing the die, die, diarrhea song, which,
- 16:03Speaker 2: of course, Eddie Garcia got very upset with during the
- 16:05Speaker 2: Stanley Cup Finals years ago when I pointed out that
- 16:08Speaker 2: Ben Bishop had diarrhea. He wanted no part of it.
- 16:11Speaker 2: Lamar Jackson also had diarrhea with the Ravens a couple
- 16:15Speaker 2: years ago. And then there's the thing, what we head to.
- 16:20Speaker 2: They bring in the scientists. We must bring that out
- 16:24Speaker 2: or point that out, I should say. If I could talk,
- 16:25Speaker 2: that would help. It's early. It's been a long week. Well,
- 16:29Speaker 2: Newton proved momentum exists. Physical momentum does exist. So every
- 16:36Speaker 2: time I pointed out that I am an anti-salary, I've
- 16:39Speaker 2: said I'm an anti-salary cap, I'm also anti-momentum, and I
- 16:43Speaker 2: point this out, And number, you say, well, what about Newton? Yes,
- 16:49Speaker 2: physical momentum, mass times velocity, an object in motion stays
- 16:54Speaker 2: in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. That's
- 16:58Speaker 2: called Newton's first law of motion. I am not sitting
- 17:02Speaker 2: here to push back against Newton's first law of motion.
- 17:05Speaker 2: But Newton wasn't talking about the frickin' Minnesota Vikings. He
- 17:11Speaker 2: was not. He was not sitting under an apple tree thinking,
- 17:15Speaker 2: you know, if Kansas City wins three games in a row,
- 17:18Speaker 2: they'll probably beat so-and-so.
- 17:21Speaker 1: No.
- 17:22Speaker 2: A rolling football... has physical momentum. A 300-pound lineman running
- 17:30Speaker 2: downhill has physical momentum. A baseball team winning on a
- 17:37Speaker 2: Tuesday does not mean they carry the invisible suitcase full
- 17:43Speaker 2: of victories into Wednesday. It's a bunch of poppycock. That's
- 17:47Speaker 2: not physics. That's bullpucky. Bullpucky with a science degree. And
- 17:55Speaker 2: the whole thing is designed to explain events after they've
- 18:00Speaker 2: already happened. This is another one of my mishegas. Team
- 18:05Speaker 2: wins five straight games. Momentum. Team loses the sixth. Well,
- 18:11Speaker 2: they lost their momentum. Team wins the seventh. They got
- 18:15Speaker 2: the momentum back. Well, isn't that convenient? Isn't that convenient?
- 18:21Speaker 2: You can never be wrong. How great is that? How
- 18:26Speaker 2: wonderful is it? What a great mitzvah. There is something
- 18:30Speaker 2: in life you can never be wrong about. You win,
- 18:34Speaker 2: you got momentum. You lose, you lost momentum. Win again,
- 18:37Speaker 2: you got it back. It's the perfect alibi, the perfect explanation.
- 18:43Speaker 2: Because it explains absolutely nothing. And sports fans have been
- 18:50Speaker 2: programmed with this dogma where they just repeat it and
- 18:55Speaker 2: they love to hear the person with the microphone say it.
- 18:59Speaker 2: They can't get enough. Oh, I love it. Momentum. Give
- 19:04Speaker 2: me more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more momentum.
- 19:09Speaker 2: It's kind of like astrology for people who wear sports jerseys.
- 19:14Speaker 2: We don't say Mercury is in retrograde watching a sporting event.
- 19:19Speaker 2: We don't say that. Well, Jupiter is aligned with Venus,
- 19:23Speaker 2: and the Dodgers had momentum, and then they lost it,
- 19:28Speaker 2: or the Yankees had momentum in the bottom of the eighth.
- 19:31Speaker 2: And notice how momentum always belongs to the team playing better.
- 19:36Speaker 2: You never ever hear someone say, boy, that team really
- 19:39Speaker 2: has bad momentum. It's amazing. It's always the team playing better.
- 19:45Speaker 2: It's almost as if playing better causes people to think
- 19:48Speaker 2: you have momentum. What a coinkydink. The same broadcasters who
- 19:53Speaker 2: can't explain a blown coverage, a misblocking assignment, or why
- 19:59Speaker 2: a pitcher through six consecutive sliders somehow they have an
- 20:05Speaker 2: advanced degree in momentum detection. Yes, a special subset momentum detection.
- 20:15Speaker 2: They can't tell you why the defense sucked at a
- 20:18Speaker 2: time you cannot suck and gave up 400 yards. But
- 20:22Speaker 2: they can tell you exactly when momentum shifted. Yeah, it
- 20:27Speaker 2: really happened at the 742 mark in the third quarter.
- 20:30Speaker 1: Really?
- 20:32Speaker 2: Was there a ribbon-cutting ceremony? Did they ring the bell?
- 20:37Speaker 2: I'm sure somebody rang the bell. Did Momentum get transferred electronically?
- 20:44Speaker 2: Did it end up in your Apple wallet? Did the
- 20:47Speaker 2: league office send out a memo? Congratulations to Seattle. You
- 20:53Speaker 2: now are the official owners of Momentum. That's right. Please
- 20:58Speaker 2: keep your receipt. All Momentum sales are final. And sports
- 21:03Speaker 2: television can't get enough of this stuff. Garbage. They can't
- 21:10Speaker 2: get enough of it. They need a narrative. They need
- 21:13Speaker 2: a storyline. I understand how they make the sausage. You're
- 21:15Speaker 2: not supposed to look at how they make the sausage.
- 21:18Speaker 2: But the TV people need a dramatic graphic with lightning
- 21:22Speaker 2: bolts and soundtrack with some dramatic music. And they put
- 21:29Speaker 2: all that together, and they just can't get enough of it.
- 21:32Speaker 2: It's the momentum meter thing. Why not? I love that.
- 21:38Speaker 2: How dumb is that? What a scam. And each team
- 21:42Speaker 2: has a momentum score. Kansas City, 97 momentum units. Well,
- 21:49Speaker 2: that's good. Seattle's at 84. They have 84 momentum units.
- 21:53Speaker 2: And Minnesota's at 73. Now the Raiders, negative 600 with
- 21:59Speaker 2: a service charge. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
- 22:03Speaker 2: Or at least put it on the screen. So right
- 22:04Speaker 2: next to The gambling odds, the sponsored injury report, and
- 22:11Speaker 2: the announcer's giant effing head. All of that right there.
- 22:15Speaker 2: Put that all on the screen. And here's the truly
- 22:19Speaker 2: amazing part. Momentum is like honey. It has no expiration date.
- 22:28Speaker 2: If you're going to get into business, sell honey. It
- 22:30Speaker 2: doesn't expire. If you're going to get into business... Make
- 22:34Speaker 2: sure to sell momentum. There is no expiration date. We've
- 22:36Speaker 2: looked for it. We can't find it. Team wins six straight.
- 22:41Speaker 2: Then they get the bye week. Does the momentum survive
- 22:45Speaker 2: the bye week? Well, it depends if they win. Does
- 22:47Speaker 2: it sit in the refrigerator? Does it have to go
- 22:50Speaker 2: somewhere frozen? Do you have to freeze it like a
- 22:53Speaker 2: piece of chicken? Coach, we had great momentum before the bye,
- 22:57Speaker 2: but somebody left it out overnight, and now it's growing mold.
- 23:05Speaker 2: And we have to find new momentum. And what about
- 23:09Speaker 2: the offseason? Can you inherit momentum from last year? Does
- 23:12Speaker 2: it spill over to the following year? The Boston Red
- 23:15Speaker 2: Sox had all the momentum at one month after the
- 23:18Speaker 2: All-Star break. They had all the momentum. But what happened
- 23:22Speaker 2: to it? Why did it stop? Did they trade it back?
- 23:25Speaker 2: Can momentum even be traded? Imagine the transaction report. Imagine that.
- 23:32Speaker 2: The Yankees have acquired two prospects, cash considerations, 14 pounds
- 23:38Speaker 2: of momentum. They got that in a deal from the
- 23:42Speaker 2: Giants because they don't know what to do with their momentum.
- 23:45Speaker 2: They have had momentum in a couple years there. And
- 23:49Speaker 2: I would watch the news conference. Can you imagine that?
- 23:52Speaker 2: And don't give me the crap about confidence. Confidence is real.
- 23:57Speaker 2: It's real. It's legit, right? You feel confident. Fatigue is real. Oh,
- 24:03Speaker 2: the grind. Keep on trucking. Nerves are real. Preparation is real.
- 24:09Speaker 2: Good coaching, real. Bad coaching, very, very real. You can
- 24:15Speaker 2: point to those things. You can describe them. You can
- 24:19Speaker 2: explain how they affect performance. Fatigue, nerves, preparation, good coaching,
- 24:25Speaker 2: bad coaching. But momentum, momentum is what you say when
- 24:31Speaker 2: you don't know what else to say. However, you would
- 24:36Speaker 2: like to get credit for sounding kind of smart, right? Well,
- 24:41Speaker 2: if I say this, everything's good, right? Everything's good. People
- 24:47Speaker 2: think I'm smarter than I am. It's the Swiss Army
- 24:51Speaker 2: knife momentum, right? of bullshoy, if you feel me on that. Bullshoy.
- 24:57Speaker 2: Does it cost an arm and a leg? No, you
- 25:00Speaker 2: can't buy it. It's all BS. And the TV networks
- 25:04Speaker 2: have turned this into a religion. It is a religion.
- 25:10Speaker 2: I'm guaranteeing you that I am going to get some
- 25:14Speaker 2: blowhard who's going to be in my inbox and on
- 25:17Speaker 2: my social media later today, or maybe they'll hear it this...
- 25:23Speaker 2: Fifth Hour podcast at another time, and they'll hear my sermon,
- 25:29Speaker 2: and they'll lose their mind. They'll be like, you can't
- 25:32Speaker 2: say that was wrong with you. Yes, it's a religion.
- 25:36Speaker 2: And I'm going against the orthodoxy. The announcers in this
- 25:42Speaker 2: religion are the priests. The studio analysts are the cardinals.
- 25:47Speaker 2: The producers are the bishops. And the viewers, that's you
- 25:52Speaker 2: and I, are the poor bastards dropping money into the
- 25:57Speaker 2: collection plate. And everybody seems to be a believer. Nobody
- 26:02Speaker 2: asks questions. And if you dare suggest that momentum is
- 26:06Speaker 2: a meaningless explanation, they look at you like you've denied
- 26:12Speaker 2: the existence of gravity. You evil wench. What is wrong
- 26:17Speaker 2: with you? So here's my proposal. A seven-day ban on
- 26:22Speaker 2: the word momentum. One week. That's all I'm asking. If
- 26:26Speaker 2: a team wins six games, say it won six games.
- 26:30Speaker 2: If a quarterback completes ten passes in a row, just say, hey,
- 26:34Speaker 2: he completed ten passes in a row. If a pitcher
- 26:36Speaker 2: strikes out the side, just tell me how he did it.
- 26:41Speaker 2: And if an announcer insists on saying a team has momentum,
- 26:48Speaker 2: I want proof. I'll be the a-hole. I want proof.
- 26:51Speaker 2: Bring it out. Put it on the desk. Let me
- 26:55Speaker 2: touch it. Let me smell it. Let me put it
- 26:57Speaker 2: on a scale. Tell me where it came from. Tell
- 27:00Speaker 2: me how much it weighs and whether it's covered by
- 27:04Speaker 2: your homeowners association, insurance, and all that stuff. Until then,
- 27:09Speaker 2: shut the hell up. Because here is the bottom line
- 27:14Speaker 2: on all of this. Momentum is the only thing in
- 27:17Speaker 2: sports that can win you a championship, lose you a championship,
- 27:22Speaker 2: disappear without warning, and never, ever be held accountable. Which
- 27:30Speaker 2: means momentum has the greatest job security in the history
- 27:35Speaker 2: of the industrial complex of professional sports. Big sporty, as
- 27:40Speaker 2: we like to call it. Now, come to think of it,
- 27:42Speaker 2: momentum sounds exactly like your run-of-the-mill network television executive. And
- 27:50Speaker 2: not to generalize, now, I am friends with some TV people.
- 27:54Speaker 2: I will not include them in this, but just in general,
- 27:57Speaker 2: having met a few others over the years, these TV
- 28:00Speaker 2: executives are overpaid, impossible to measure, and nobody can explain
- 28:07Speaker 2: what the F is going on, right? I mean, it's just,
- 28:12Speaker 2: it's serious. Trim... Trim the nonsense. Just trim out the
- 28:18Speaker 2: momentum and we're good to go. On that note, we
- 28:22Speaker 2: will have new episodes of the Fifth Hour Podcast all weekend.
- 28:27Speaker 2: Get on the bandwagon. Thank you for listening to this.
- 28:30Speaker 2: You are not part of the unwashed. You're part of
- 28:32Speaker 2: the great legends of the Malheur Militia. And so we
- 28:36Speaker 2: thank you for supporting the Fifth Hour Podcast and helping
- 28:39Speaker 2: us out and getting enough people listening. I won't have
- 28:43Speaker 2: to Beg people to listen on the regular radio show,
- 28:48Speaker 2: which is on during the week. On that note, enjoy
- 28:52Speaker 2: the day today. We will be back again on Saturday
- 28:56Speaker 2: with a fresh pod and then the mailbag. I believe
- 28:59Speaker 2: we'll have the mailbag on Sunday. Who knows? You never know.
- 29:03Speaker 2: some whiz kid could come along and say, we're not
- 29:06Speaker 2: doing the mailbag. Put me on the podcast. I said,
- 29:09Speaker 2: I'll put you on the podcast. Until then, this podcast
- 29:12Speaker 2: had all the momentum, all of the momentum, unless it didn't.
- 29:16Speaker 2: All right, have a great day. As Dick and Dayton
- 29:19Speaker 2: would say, social butterfly Dick and Dayton, bye-bye, bye-bye.