Latest / Hot Girl Energy Podcast / 75. from high school to marriage... how we have maintained our 11 year relationship

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75. from high school to marriage... how we have maintained our 11 year relationship · Hot Girl Energy Podcast

0:13
Hello you guys, and welcome back to another episode of the hawk Grel Energy
0:17
Podcast. I'm your host, Kaylee, and this is your Okay, this
0:23
is the co host, Zach, and thank you so much for listening to
0:27
the Hawkgirl Energy. That is totally not what I usually say. I just
0:29
blocked up because I didn't think Zach was gonna true that. But welcome back
0:34
to another episode. Zach is here. As you can tell, Zach is
0:40
on the podcast. If you guys follow me on social media, you guys
0:45
know that I wanted to do a Valentine's special episode with Zach on the podcast.
0:52
He's only been on the podcast. I think once, maybe twice.
0:56
I think twice. I think twice. Actually just kidding this, No twice
1:00
twice, I think just twice. Yeah, we have. This is the
1:03
seventy fifth episode, say five episode. That's crazy, and we're almost up
1:10
four million downloads, which is even crazier. So yeah, absolutely crazy that
1:15
we're already at seventy five episodes. But I really wanted to have a Valentine's
1:21
episode, as I said, because Zach and I have been together for a
1:25
very long time. If you guys are an OG follower, you guys know
1:29
that Zach and I have been together for almost eleven years. It's going to
1:32
be our eleven year anniversary in March, beginning of March, end of February
1:36
around there. So yeah, date, no, it's March second, but
1:42
just in terms of like it's the last week of February this year, like
1:46
not this. No. I know our anniversary date obviously, and we are
1:52
almost reaching the one year mark of us being engaged. This time last year,
1:57
we were recording a similar episode for Valentine's Day and at that point we
2:04
weren't engaged, but I had no idea that Zach was proposing. And on
2:08
the day before the podcast was posted, Zach was picking up the engagement ring.
2:14
You actually have had the engagement ring in your hands when we were recording
2:16
the episode, and I think a lot of the questions were about are you
2:20
guys going to get married? And you didn't. You kept your hold,
2:23
like in terms of not ruining the surprise or anything like you did good.
2:29
Yeah, that was a stressful, stressful week and a half having that ring.
2:34
Yeah, I bet it was. I just remember the last Valentine's Day
2:37
and you told me that you had it on Valentine's Day, and I had
2:39
no idea We're going to get into some questions because I wanted to base this
2:45
episode off what you guys wanted to hear from us. A lot of the
2:49
questions are exactly what we wanted to talk about, which was how we keep
2:52
the spark alive in our eleven years in just a long term relationship. Just
2:57
some advice as well as you know, getting to know us a bit.
3:01
So yeah, just kind of like a little introduction about a relationship and all
3:05
that. I feel like lately, I've also been posting a Zach a lot
3:08
more a Zach. I think I said a Zuck not Zuck. I've been
3:13
posing Zach a lot more on my TikTok and my Instagram. He's getting more
3:16
comfortable behind the camera. I'm feeling more comfortable about putting a relationship on the
3:21
camera, just because obviously we're getting married. We've been together for so long
3:23
that, you know, I wanted to show off our relationship. I know
3:29
some people in social media choose to either keep the relationship private or you know,
3:35
post it. I think it also depends on your spouse if they feel
3:38
comfortable being in front of the camera or not, but you know, Zach
3:42
also wanted to be involved and you know, almost support my career. Not
3:46
saying that someone doesn't support you if they're not involved in your social media,
3:50
but that was also just something that Zach wanted to be included in. Yeah,
3:55
I think it's important for all aspects of your life, not just what
4:00
you do on the day to day, but you know, including I mean
4:03
during your day to day a lot of it. I didn't want to show.
4:08
I didn't want to show my night routine when the reality is my night
4:11
routine involves Zach, Like we are a team. We live together, Like
4:16
seeing me cook dinner, clean all the dishes and all that, like it's
4:19
a team efforts. I don't do the cooking, so it's it's a team
4:25
effort, right. So it's like for me, I'd rather be authentic and
4:28
just show the reality of what we do together at night, or what we
4:31
do together on the weekends, because it's the truth. Same thing with a
4:35
Sunday reset, Like if we're cleaning the space, we're in it together.
4:39
It's not one person doing all the work, right, Because at the end
4:42
of the day, a relationship is a team, and you need to be
4:45
able to do things together. So yeah, anyways, I think you're answered
4:47
some of the questions. Yeah, fre like I feel like I did.
4:49
Okay, now I am going to tell you guys that we are doing a
4:51
two part series because I am shocked to see how many freaking questions there were.
4:57
I want to say there was at least almost two hundred questions, like
5:00
not even over exaggerating, it was literally so many, and I'm shocked to
5:04
my core. So we're probably gonna have to make this a two part series.
5:08
So let's get into this episode. I'm so excited to have Zach on
5:12
here and answer a few of your questions. So let's get into it.
5:15
Okay. The first question is how did we meet? So we met in
5:18
high school, grade seven, grade seven, And one funny thing that my
5:25
mom still holds me accountable to to this day is that I did not realize
5:29
that Zach was in my history class in grade ten. In grade ten,
5:32
I had no idea he was in my history class. So clearly there was
5:35
in front of you. Yeah, no, I know, I didn't realize,
5:39
but clearly we didn't have a friendship at that point, because if I
5:44
didn't recognize you, that sounds so sad. But anyways, in grade eleven,
5:48
we were in a lot of the same classes, specifically math class.
5:53
Yeah, but I think a lot also something else, I think a lot
5:56
of this. Yeah, but I think a lot of this. You can
6:00
think you're made of honor for yes, Yes, Alyssa, you guys know
6:05
I talk about all the time. She was good friends with Zach, well,
6:10
not good friends. But how did it start? Because she sat beside
6:15
me in math, Yes, and she would work with Stacy Stacy who also
6:20
sat in final Alyssa. Yes, because we are math past our teacher,
6:25
let us do our problem solving in pairs, because that's how serious of a
6:28
math class it was. Yeah. She did not allow any groups larger than
6:31
two people, so it only had to be a partner. And Zach was
6:34
beside Alyssa in terms of deaths. And I wanted to work close with Alyssa
6:40
and Stacy because they were my friends. Obviously I wanted to work close with
6:44
them, so I would basically make Zach be partners with me. So I
6:47
kind of took I guess. I guess I was kind of the one that
6:49
served all this, not Alyssa. I did. I took control because I
6:53
wanted to be with my friends, so I picked my desk up and I
6:56
went beside Zach and basically we were just well, I was just annoying him.
7:00
He would always have his headphones and not wanting to talk to me.
7:04
No, stop it. He didn't want to talk to me, So I'm
7:08
like, whatever, I'm only partners with him because I wanted to be beside
7:11
Alyssa and Stacy. Anyways, the rest is history. Basically, we started
7:15
off as friends. At that point, I was in a relationship. Zach
7:17
was not the guy and I ended up not working out, and you basically
7:24
slid in my snapchat and you basically asked me out. And I will say,
7:31
when I was dating this other guy my mom, I would tell my
7:35
mom about Zach all the time because Zach and I. Eventually he started to
7:39
warm up to me. Eventually he took his headphones out and he actually wanted
7:43
to start talking to me because I guess he started to like me as well.
7:46
And you know, I'd come home from class and I'd tell my mom
7:49
about Zach. I'm like, oh my god, Zach did this whatever.
7:53
My Mom's like, sounds like you really like this Zach guy. And I
7:55
was like, oh my god, no, mom, I do not like
7:58
him at all. Ew No, we're us friends whatever. Eleven and a
8:01
half years later, we are now getting married. So that was not something
8:07
I think we thought in the beginning. But yeah, ended up turning into
8:11
a relationship. So we were friends, then became boyfriend and girlfriend and have
8:16
been together ever since. Next question is how many kids do you want?
8:20
Okay, let's answer at the same time. One, two, three,
8:22
two. We both came from a family of two, so I have a
8:26
sister or Zach because a brother. I don't know. I think this was
8:30
something we always agreed on. There was no like, we never had a
8:33
situation where we felt like, oh, I actually want three, you want
8:37
two, and we have to come to an agreement. Like we both were
8:39
in agreement that we both wanted two kids. Okay. Next question was did
8:41
we date other people before our relationship. I've only dated Okay, I don't
8:48
count like elementary school, but I have only dated one other person. Well
8:56
like, yeah, yeah, one other person, and I wouldn't exactly say
9:01
it was a very serious relationship. Yeah, No, there were no Wow,
9:05
he only did two other people? Yeah? Two other people? Yeah.
9:09
So and then we started dating, and the rest is history. Next
9:13
question is have we ever broke up in the eleven years of dating and has
9:16
there ever been challenging times at any point? We have never broken up in
9:22
our relationship, which is honestly crazy to say that. We have definitely had
9:26
moments, like I think in the beginning the first year or two, I
9:31
think there was moments where we got in like a big fight. I can't
9:35
remember. This is so long ago, you guys have to understand that I
9:37
don't remember what would have caused it, but I do remember saying I want
9:41
to take a break, and that was only for twenty four hours, So
9:46
I still don't really count that as a breakup because we were fine, you
9:50
know, twenty four hours later we ended up resolving the fight or whatever it
9:54
was. So and so you're we were so young, and like, I
9:58
don't know. It's I feel like if you have ever been in a high
10:03
school relationship or a young relationship, at least what I can remember from I
10:07
don't have a very good memory. I will say that Zach has a better
10:11
memory than me, But I just remember being so in love because I think
10:16
that was Zach and I's both very first serious relationship, and I just remember
10:20
being so high in love with Zach that like literally nothing mattered, Like that's
10:26
all I cared about was my relationship and not gonna lie, I feel like,
10:31
not like it was toxic, but I do feel like I had a
10:33
hard time making my friendships a priority, for an example, because I was
10:37
so focused on our relationship. And you know, over the years, obviously
10:41
it got way better, but I feel like the first year of our relationship,
10:46
like I feel like you could probably say the same, like how often
10:48
were you hanging it with your guys? Like we were literally so in love
10:52
for a six month anniversary. He got me a promised rine and I got
10:56
him across. We both still wear that piece of jewelry to this and I
11:00
don't know, I feel like that was a huge symbolic thing for our relationship,
11:07
like buying that piece of jewelry, Like I don't know, I felt
11:09
like that really created a bond. I know that. I don't want to
11:11
make it seem like jewelry like did that, but it did give some type
11:16
of meaning to us, right in terms of like this was a symbol of
11:18
my love for you. You gave me a symbol of your love and that
11:22
was on our six year anniversary, which is six months, sorry, six
11:26
months, not six years. So in the question they also mentioned has there
11:30
ever been challenging times at any point? I think absolutely there's been challenging I
11:35
think, oh my god, I don't even like anyways, have we ever
11:46
broken up in the love of years, which we just answered, But has
11:48
there ever been challenging times at any point? For sure? Doubt, Like
11:52
any healthy relationship has challenging points. I think if you were to say that
11:56
your relationship has been perfect for seven to two and you're straight, that's a
12:01
complete lie, Like that can't actually be the truth. So I think things
12:05
that we've you know, done, has just overcome those challenging situations obviously,
12:11
like there's been a few. I wouldn't say there's been a lot, Like
12:15
I would say there's been a few ye that has you know, affected our
12:18
relationship, but we've found ways to overcome it and move past it by communicating.
12:24
And communication is key. Yeah, communication is so key, guys,
12:28
Like, if you cannot be honest and if you cannot communicate what you want
12:33
to say to your partner, it's it's not gonna work out, Like it's
12:35
going to be so hard to be able to move on. Honesty is also
12:41
a huge one. You need to be fully honest with your partner on how
12:46
you feel about the situation, on how you want to, you know,
12:50
overcome any type of situation that you might be in or anything like that.
12:54
I feel like I'm honest with you. I feel like you're honest with me.
12:58
We communicate, and that's kind of how we work through whenever we are
13:01
in a challenging time. At least that's from my point, unless you have
13:05
anything to add to that. No, Definitely, communication just talking everything out,
13:09
hearing both sides, and not just talking about how you feel, but
13:13
hearing what the other person is saying to you. Actually, yes, listen,
13:16
listening and understanding what they're saying and seeing it from their perspective. It
13:22
communication, just communication on a hole is key. This kind of goes into
13:24
the next question, which is do we ever argue or fight being together for
13:30
so long and how do we overcome it? Yeah. Yeah, when you're
13:35
in the same space with someone for a long period of time, obviously you're
13:39
due to have an argument about something, whatever it may be. We are
13:43
both aries, so we are very compatible in certain things. When it comes
13:46
to our personality. We're both very loud and both very outgoing when it comes
13:52
to fights. Though, when we have a fight, Zach is very patient,
13:56
like he wants to communicate things immediately, Like as soon as we have
14:01
a fight, he's okay, how are we going to get past this?
14:03
Like what can we do? Whereas me, I'm the kind of person where
14:07
I like to take my time, go hide in the bedroom, high in
14:13
the bedroom or whatever. I don't want to talk right after if I I'm
14:18
honestly just too upset about the situation, whatever it may be. But I'm
14:20
like, I don't have the conversation right now. Give me my space and
14:24
I will talk to you when I'm ready to talk to you. He tries
14:26
immediately, and I'm like, no, I'm not ready. I'm not ready
14:30
to have the conversation right now. Maybe what an hour or two later?
14:35
You're like, can I talk to you? Are you ready to talk?
14:37
And obviously, as a girl, you give that like silent, silent treatment.
14:43
Sili I'm like, you know what, I'm not listening, but you
14:46
can say what you want. But I'm actually I'm listening. But I say
14:52
I'm not listening to him, just so he thinks that I'm not listening,
14:54
but I'm actually listening. And you also just don't look at me. Yeah,
14:58
I don't like to look at him. I'm just like, whatever you
15:01
want to say, just say it. But I'm not gonna accept your bility
15:05
or whatever it is, because usually men are always the wrong. No,
15:09
I'm kidding, but that's simply what happens. And then you know, he
15:13
communicates. He tells me how he feels about the situation. Again, communication,
15:18
listening, telling you honest things about how you feel about the type of
15:22
situation. That's personally how we overcome our fights. No way to overcome a
15:30
argument is easy, Like, I still think there's ways that we can improve
15:33
on how we deal with arguments. This is just something that we do that
15:37
we feel works. That we communicate. We say our honesty in terms of
15:41
how we feel about the situations, act honest how he felt, you know,
15:46
with what was wrong? I say what I felt what was wrong that
15:48
he did? Maybe hugely ends with time. Yeah, usually it ends with
15:54
a hug and kiss and we move on from the situation. I think that's
15:58
kind of how we feel very much. Yet, Yeah, unless you have
16:00
anything to add, you you're not gonna sell the ballpark. I'm just kind
16:04
of sitting here. I'm along for the ride here. Yeah, I mean,
16:07
I'm just saying my honest opinion and how we deal with things. Now,
16:11
Okay, I'm going to bring this up because does anyone feel like,
16:17
like, does anyone have sex after they have an argument thinking that that's going
16:19
to cure the argument? Like, what's your thoughts on that? I'm not
16:23
sure. I think it might have to do with like builds up emotion.
16:27
Yeah, I can see having sex later in the day of creating more intimacy
16:33
after an argument. But I know people who have mentioned saying like, oh,
16:36
yeah, like you know, we got in a fight, we had
16:37
sex, everything's fine. Like to me, that doesn't sound healthy if you're
16:40
just having sex thinking that that's going to solve the problem. Yeah, maybe
16:44
that's not the case. You don't know the full story behind what's going on.
16:45
Yeah, to teach their own everybody's got their own way to cope with
16:49
it. Not some people might not like the way we deal with like weah
16:53
arguments. Yeah, No, that's a good point. I want to bring
16:56
that up because I feel like that's something I've heard from other relationlationships. Obviously
17:00
not comparing relationships, but sometimes I feel like people do think sex is a
17:04
way to resolve an argument, and in my opinion, I think that's just
17:10
like I feel like you need to communicate, like, sure, give me
17:11
three hours and if you want to go up sex or why not people have
17:15
a kid to save their marriage. Yeah, doesn't work exactly exactly, it
17:21
sometimes does work. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, Okay, that's what
17:26
I was just curious on that. Let's get into moving in together because Zach
17:30
and I we have lived together now for I think four years. Yeah,
17:34
four years, so I mean, if you ask your parents, it's been
17:37
eleven years. Yeah, Zach is basically like, well, you never lived
17:42
in my house. It was not living together. Zach would be at my
17:45
house all the time or I would be at his house all the time.
17:48
Obviously being in a relationship in the beginning and all that. So we were
17:52
dating I think for six years when COVID hit fifteen to sixteen, sixteen,
17:59
seventeen, seventeen, eighteen eighteen, and nineteen nineteen to twenty. Okay,
18:03
so we were dating for seven years before COVID hit, and my parents were
18:07
super strike during COVID, and they did not want Zach and I seeing each
18:11
other. So for the first month and a half during COVID, we were
18:15
doing six feet apart dates. We would do garage dates. It was honestly
18:21
so hard, like it was terrible. We were both at home. Zach
18:26
got laid off. Oh no, you didn't get later from your job at
18:27
that point. That was the one reason why my mom didn't want him with
18:32
me, is because he was still working during COVID, and my mom was
18:34
concerned about obviously getting six since at that point everyone thought, well it was
18:38
we were going to die. It wasn't just me working, it was I
18:41
was still working, my dad was still working, my whole family was still
18:44
wait for the whole house working. And our you know bubble when those were
18:48
a thing, Yes, we're like our social bubble was like wait, two
18:52
hundred to one hundred and twenty people between the between the four of us.
18:56
So for a month and a half we were doing you know, virtual calls,
19:00
face times, garage dates, all that, and then you know,
19:04
obviously I was pretty emotional about it. I was like, you won't let
19:07
me see my boyfriend, like, you know, we've been dating for so
19:11
long. Like, what can we do at this point, We're gonna rent
19:14
an apartment and just live together and you know, be completely distant from from
19:18
you. That way Zach and I can be together, right, And then
19:22
my parents knew that I was saving money, well, we were both saving
19:26
money for a house at that point. So my mom was like, I
19:27
don't want you go wasting all your money that you've been wanting to put towards
19:30
a house. Let's try and figure something else out. The next day,
19:33
after having this huge argument with my parents and all that, obviously they must
19:37
have talked themselves about figuring out a situation that I could see Zach. I
19:41
woke up the next morning to my dad bringing me downstairs in the basement and
19:47
my dad's setting up an entire bedroom for Zach. I'm not even kidding,
19:52
a dresser, a coat hanger, he even put like a whole bed,
19:57
free together shelving, Like, yeah, he completely transformed a bedroom for him,
20:03
just so he could have clothes, have his own space. All that
20:07
isolate isolate exactly from COVID. And so my parents allowed Zach to move in,
20:14
which allowed us to live together for the first year. That was our
20:18
first year of living together. As him living at my parents' house. And
20:21
I want to say, in the beginning, it honestly didn't feel much different,
20:26
just because he would come over to my house all the time, right,
20:30
all my free time, all my free time was at your place.
20:32
Yeah, we were always together, we were always doing things, so it
20:33
didn't feel that different until you know, I guess household chores started to become
20:41
a thing, and groceries became a thing, right Like, that's when we
20:42
started to go grocery shopping together and start making meals together. So that's kind
20:47
of when it started to, you know, feel like we were living together.
20:51
But it didn't officially hit of moving in together until we moved into our
20:55
apartment, which is when we got Freddy. That's when it felt like,
20:59
Okay, we've officially moved in together, because that's when we had household chores
21:03
and other responsibilities besides living with two other adults, right because living with my
21:07
parents, like they took on, obviously a lot of the responsibility was their
21:10
house. We were just kind of living in it. So I don't know
21:12
what you think about that, Zach, I think we really the big step
21:18
to moving in together and feeling like, Okay, this is officially a test
21:21
in a relationship if you know it's going to work out or not right.
21:25
And that's when we bought the house and moved into it together, and so
21:29
the apartment was a really good test figuring it out. Obviously things went great
21:33
with us being together in the same space. It was also during COVID too,
21:36
right, so at that time Zach was actually working from home. Well,
21:40
no, you weren't working from he was in school, sorry, trade
21:42
school. He was in trade school. So I was working from home for
21:47
my job. So we were together constantly and obviously, you know, being
21:49
together for a long period of time can cause some issues, but we honestly
21:53
had no issues. We were able to, you know, overcome our arguments.
21:57
We were able to just, I don't know, live together and have
22:00
no issues. Like I really think it was a great start to moving in
22:03
together and then now being in this house, like, it's been great.
22:07
Obviously, we've created a routine for ourself. You know, we have different
22:11
household chores, different things that people are responsible for, and it's worked out
22:15
really really well for us. And I think if there's anything when it comes
22:18
to, you know, household chores. That was another question that someone asked,
22:22
how do we divide that? You have to understand that living with your
22:26
partner is a team effort. If you, as the wife or the girlfriend,
22:32
is taking on too much responsibility and your man is playing video games all
22:36
day and not doing dick all like story, but that's not healthy in a
22:42
relationship, Like that's that's something that you need to communicate with him, saying
22:47
that, Hun, instead of spending five hours watching football on a Sunday,
22:51
why don't you spend an hour vacuuming cleaning the living room while you're watching football?
22:56
Like kind of compromise, right, Like you I get it, like
23:00
men like their football on Sunday. I don't want to say, yeah,
23:02
you can't watch football, like you don't want to be a psycho wife,
23:04
but you'd be like, hey, can you vacuum the floors, fluff the
23:07
couch, dust the coffee table while watching the football game? Like you know
23:11
what I mean? Like figure something that he can do while doing something that
23:15
he actually enjoys. That way, you're making a compromise, right, Like
23:18
you're saying, hey, watch football, but stay on the main level and
23:21
help me clean because this needs to get done. Guys, thoughts on that
23:25
guys, just do it before or before kickoff. Like I know we're using
23:33
football as example, but just I think I'm using football because the Super Bowl
23:37
what just happens. So that's why, because normally have football and on Sundays,
23:41
and usually it's Sunday when I'm doing cleanings. So that's why I'm also
23:44
thinking of if you give half an hour, it's not as bad. I
23:49
spend more time even still to this day, when you want to do your
23:52
resets, I spend more time trying to come up with excuses why I gotta
23:59
gotta wait, I gotta I gotta do it after this, after this.
24:03
Yeah, just do it. It's way less hassle. Yeah, they're not
24:10
nagging. She won't nag me if I just do it right away. Yeah,
24:11
if you do it, I won't. I'll be like, Okay,
24:14
you have the whole afternoon, free, do whatever you want. Like it's
24:17
not obviously I don't want him to feel like I'm controlling him, but it's
24:21
a team effort to live together. The quicker you do it and more share
24:26
the space. And yeah, so I think like Zach and I we've divided
24:32
our household chores by you know, Zach does a lot of the outside work.
24:34
He does a lot of cleaning, the dishes, dishwasher, garage,
24:40
basements, toilets. What do you do around the house, geez, No,
24:48
I do the dishes as well, and the dishwasher because no, no,
24:55
I vacuum the floor. Okay, I don't need to list online,
24:56
but I dust the house. Clean the house, do the laundry, clean
25:02
the bedding, you know, clean the floors, clean the kitchen. Like
25:07
there's other things like appliances. Yeah, I don't know. That's kind of
25:11
a rundown. I do the Okay, So this is an example for Zach
25:15
does toilets. I do sinks and mirrors. So I feel like each room
25:19
we kind of just separate each thing, you know what I mean. In
25:22
the kitchen, Zach usually does the dishes. I usually clean the countertops,
25:26
everything, my fridge. We separate each room into Yes, it's true,
25:36
it's kind of true. I hate cleaning toilets. I have to be honest,
25:38
so and I hate cleaning dishes. So I say, okay, you
25:42
do this, but you like doing dishes. Let's be honest. You like
25:47
doing dishes. Therapeutic have to work. Yeah, he likes doing dishes.
25:51
I wouldn't say, you like doing toilets, but I don't love doing it.
25:56
I will do it if I have no choice. If I see the
25:57
toilet dirty, I'm like, okay, I need to clean this. I
26:00
will do it. But if it's a Sunday reset and I had to pick
26:03
and choose what I want to do, I do not want to clean the
26:07
toilets. But that's kind of how we split up our household chores. I
26:10
think at the end of the day, as I said, it's just a
26:11
team effort, mutually agreeing on what needs to be done. And as Zach
26:15
said, boys just freaking do it when the wife tells you to do it.
26:21
No, no, do it before she even asks. Oh, by
26:23
the way, when she comes down, she's like, really you have the
26:26
game on, like we need to do this. You need clean the bathroom?
26:29
We uh, you know, garbage, dishwasher? Don don you already
26:33
done? Done? Okay? So moving in together household chores. Another question
26:37
was moving in before marriage. Thoughts on it and is moving in a big
26:42
step and can it be challenging? I think we kind of just sort of
26:45
cover that, but it is a big step. It's important too, It's
26:48
an important step. I think it's obviously something that you need to communicate with
26:52
your partner first and if you're ready to take on that step in the relationship.
26:55
We always just knew we were ready to take on that next step of
26:57
moving in together, but we also wanted to wait as long as we could
27:03
because we wanted to buy a house. We didn't want to rent an apartment.
27:07
We wanted to buy a place, so we did have to get an
27:10
apartment, but we were lucky enough that we didn't have to rent it because
27:11
it was my family's space, So we actually didn't pay anything for the apartment
27:15
and we lived there for almost a year, so that was really nice.
27:19
I know not everybody has a luxury of doing that, but it's still really
27:22
important obviously to test out living together. I personally think you need to test
27:27
out living together before marriage. Like, I know that's not what everybody would
27:32
agree with, Like I think at least my grands Yeah, Like my grandparents
27:37
were not okay with that. Like when my nana found out that Zach and
27:41
I were moving in together before getting married, she wasn't a big fan of
27:44
it. But my mom knew that I wanted to move in with Zach before
27:48
marriage, because I wanted to make sure that we were ready to move in
27:52
together and we were ready to take on that next step of marriage. Right,
27:56
if I could live with Zach, we would not be getting married to
27:59
this day, Like, if it doesn't work out living together, how do
28:03
you expect to have a future with this person? You know what I mean?
28:07
Like why would you put a ring on someone's finger, move in together
28:10
and find out holy shit, I actually can't stand this person and I don't
28:15
like living with them, and then it's like, Okay, now I need
28:17
to file for a divorce. Like I don't know. For me, I
28:19
just feel like it naturally makes sense to put your relationship to the test by
28:23
moving in first, before you know, securing for marriage, because now you
28:27
know we've moved in together, we have a dog, like I see how
28:33
you care for Freddy, And I don't know, like I feel like about
28:36
that point, you know, I was like, Okay, I think we're
28:38
ready to take on marriage, like we were ready to take on the next
28:41
step, Like I just feel like it's steps that you have to go through
28:45
before. Yeah, I completely agree, but that kind of goes into how
28:49
we were, how and why we've been together songs because we see things the
28:52
same way. Yes, it's just little things like that you've learned about somebody,
28:57
or how they spend free time. Are they actually an organized person or
29:02
are they just good at hiding their mess? That's another thing you learn.
29:06
There's all these things that you learn by living with somebody they don't necessarily learn
29:10
by just spending time with them. I also feel like living together really helped
29:14
me build more trust with you. Like, what do you think? I
29:18
think you're definitely right. I feel like you see the person, you see
29:22
the person in all their colors. Yeah, Like obviously there's like you feel
29:26
like more secure and like more safe and yeah, I don't know. I
29:30
just feel like trust just got so much stronger once we live together. And
29:37
yeah, I don't know. I agree, I agree, I agree.
29:41
So we're talking about moving in together and just taking a relationship onto the next
29:45
step. This question here is how do you keep your relationship fun so you
29:51
don't have to go through the roommate phase. That's a good question. It's
29:56
a great question because and I think I think most couples, the majority of
30:00
couples, would be lying if they said they hadn't hit a roommate phase or
30:07
felt like they were about to hit a roommate phase. It's almost inevitable because
30:12
inevitable inevitable because you become complacent after you know so long with somebody. You
30:22
end up in the same routines. Okay, Friday take out, Okay,
30:25
this, Okay, you know, Sunday football or whatever. Right, Okay,
30:29
I'm gonna you know, girls, girls' night, girls book club or
30:32
whatever. I don't bachelor atte night right right, Just you end up in
30:37
the same routine. But it's a you. In my opinion, we both
30:45
make an effort to come up with new ideas of stuff to do together.
30:48
Yes, And I think that's the biggest thing is you can't the effort.
30:52
You can't stop with the effort to add on to the effort. Point.
30:56
I think what makes things fun and exciting is I really love surprising Zach,
31:03
like I love just like you know, like one night if you anyone in
31:07
the relationship should be able to surprise each other, whether it's the female or
31:11
the male, like you know. An example could be, Okay, you
31:14
know your partner, you know, has been working late nights the past few
31:18
days, and you feel like you haven't really had a night with him,
31:18
for an example, go to the grocery store, pick up steak dinners,
31:23
like, get a bunch of steak, maybe get some you know, vegetables,
31:26
whatever, come home, prep it all, and then have him come
31:30
home to a steak candle at dinner. Like he would be so surprised.
31:36
He would feel like, oh, my goodness, you put so much thought
31:37
into surprising me and putting this all together. Like it shows him that you're
31:42
putting the effort in the relationship, and it makes him feel good. And
31:47
then you know he wants to, you know, do something for you,
31:51
right, and then you know he might want to surprise you another time.
31:53
Right, So I feel like surprising each other. Thinking of fun date night,
31:59
I'd like, for an example, Zach and I, we have not
32:02
gone to the movies in what five years pre COVID Zach and I in high
32:09
school, think about high school students having no money, we would always go
32:14
on a movie date because that was just our go to cheap night, right,
32:16
Like we'd go to the movies. We'd get you know, yeah,
32:21
like literally almost once every two weeks, I think we'd go to the movies
32:23
and that was our date night. That was just our thing, like we
32:25
loved to go to the movies. We love to just see good flicks in
32:29
the theater and that was just our thing. But we have not gone to
32:32
the theaters in five years. And literally, I think it was what three
32:37
weeks ago. Was it your idea or was it my idea? And we
32:39
were just like, let's I think you said, and you were like,
32:42
let's ho to the movies. And I was just like, oh my god,
32:44
we have not done that in so long. And it was so fun
32:45
because it just kind of brought back old memories and it was like something different
32:50
that we haven't done in a long time. So keeping things fun by thinking
32:53
of different ideas, like if you have to go on Google and search up
32:58
like fun day night I did, is to do at home or to go
33:00
out, like you'll find stuff to do. But even game night, like
33:05
playing a board game together, Like find the more childish, the more fun
33:09
yacause we've done mini putt, we've done we've done a bowling Like I find
33:15
almost the more childish it is, the more fun it is because you let
33:19
you let loose and you're more relaxed and it's it's fun for both persons.
33:22
Yes, I will one hundred percent agree with that, and pretty good at
33:25
many pet I will say, but terrible golf. I am very terrible at
33:30
golf. But that's another idea to do right and the summer golfing me and
33:34
Zach. I know how much Zach loves to golf. I'm not so good
33:37
at it, but it's something to do together, so I go with him.
33:40
He teaches me. It's kind of fun to have you know your partner
33:45
teach you to do something. I'm also very competitive though I'm very sport oriented,
33:50
so I don't love to be taught a new sport. When I'm not
33:52
good at something, it makes me mad. You can say the same thing,
33:54
though, Zach's not the best skater so well, right under the bus,
34:00
I have a really I'm a really good skater, but I'm not a
34:05
good teacher. So I try. Yeah, but I mean I'm not a
34:07
not a no. I don't think anybody's a great golfer because it's impossible to
34:12
be good at. But I think I'm a pretty good teacher. Yeah you
34:15
are. Zach is a very good teacher. Now, Zach does have a
34:19
lot of coaching experience. He is also a foreman, so he manages projects
34:24
like he was born to be a leader. Basically, he is just born
34:28
to be a leader. So I feel like, for you, you're just
34:30
a natural when it comes to teaching people. Freddie just interrupted us, but
34:34
we're going to move on to the next few questions, So we have two
34:37
left, and then we'll make this a part two series and record these next
34:40
few questions in a Leader episode. This next question is do you ever wish
34:44
you experienced being single in your early slash late twenties. Absolutely not, No,
34:50
not at all, Not at all. I don't feel like I missed
34:52
out on anything. I've loved every moment I've spent with you. I haven't
34:57
taking it for granted. So that's the biggest You're so sweet. I went
35:01
to college. Zach has a different school experience with his job. I mean,
35:07
he went to college, but it's it's like every three months. It's
35:08
not it's every two years, but it's for only three months. Like he's
35:14
only in college for three months at a time every two years, right,
35:17
So whereas for me, I was in college for three years straight. So
35:22
obviously there was some college experiences Like I wouldn't really say for you, it
35:25
wasn't the typical college experience where you had all these parties and no, I
35:30
went straight to work. Yeah, he went straight to work. And I
35:34
just like never imagined being single, Like I never imagined, like without a
35:38
doubt, never wanted to be without you, Like I always had a good
35:43
relationship with Zach. I also think being best friends prior to our relationship really
35:46
helped as well, Like creating our friendship prior to a relationship, Like I
35:52
feel like there comes a point in your relationship where you realize, like do
35:54
you want Like can you imagine your life without this person? And I'm like
36:00
imagining that, like imagining my life without Zach. I didn't want that,
36:06
Like I was like no, Like he's a part of my life. He's
36:07
a part of my family, Like I love him to death, Like I
36:10
could not imagine doing anything without him, Like he's the first person I thought
36:14
of. Like when we were going to college parties, I'm like, oh,
36:15
I'm going to invite Zach, Like I didn't think, Oh, I
36:17
want to go alone. I want to be with just my friends, like
36:21
I always wanted him to be included, Like I wanted to be involved in
36:24
my college experience with me, Like I wanted to remember college and all that,
36:30
Like, I don't know, so if anything, Like I never had
36:32
that mentality where I was like, oh, I wish I was single in
36:36
my early twenties, Like I was always like I want him to be involved
36:39
and experience this together, like I want to do this together. I don't
36:43
know. I just always had the mentality that, you know, you're my
36:46
best friend. So that's what I think you need to do it. Like
36:49
as much as you need to treat your relationship like a relationship, you need
36:52
to treat your relationship like he's your best friend, like if he's not your
36:55
best friend. It's a fine line. It's a really it's a really fine
36:58
line to skate. And I think we're lucky that we were able to,
37:02
you know, ride that line, yeah properly. And yeah, no,
37:07
I never had any I never I don't regret being in a relationship at all.
37:12
For the last eleven years. I've enjoyed every every minute I've spent with
37:16
you, all the moments together. Yeah, and we were able to grow
37:20
together and lean on each other, and especially for you know, it's a
37:24
little more personal. But there was you know, some tough times or some
37:29
interesting, you know things that have happened in my personal life that if you
37:34
weren't here, it would have made them a million times worse. And I'm
37:37
very thankful that I had you on my side. That's so true. There's
37:40
definitely been some yeah, a lot of challenges in you know, some family
37:45
issues and all that, and I was happy that I was able to be
37:49
there for you because I know it wouldn't have been easy if I wasn't there
37:52
for you. So again, just we're both likely about to get emotional here
37:55
because we're really opening up in this episode. But yeah, he's my rock,
38:01
I'm his rock, and like as I said, like we're best friends,
38:05
so you know, we do whatever we can for each other. And
38:07
I do think growing up together like has helped in sense, like we've literally
38:15
grown together. We were like you look from seventeen to almost twenty eight now,
38:21
like that's the maturity level, like the amount of like personal growth and
38:25
interperson like yeah, like personal growth, social growth. And as we said,
38:31
there was challenges. It's not like we want to say that, oh
38:35
it was so easy to be in these eleven years. There was so many
38:37
not so many challenges, but there was challenges, challenges, and we had
38:42
found ways to overcome it again, talking communication, like we just never stopped
38:47
because we fought for each other, Like we put the effort in our relationship
38:52
and we wanted to make it work. Relationships are effort. Relationships are effort.
38:57
You have to work for it. Yeah, you have to work for
38:59
it. So we're going to bring this into the last question, which is
39:01
how did you know Kailey was the one? And how did I know Zach
39:06
was the one? I feel like we kind of said that. I think
39:07
it's kind of a summary of everything we've talked about so far. Yeah,
39:12
I feel like just because I when I was making the decision to propose,
39:16
I look back the last you know, at that point, it was almost
39:20
ten years night between nine ten years. He says that because he wants to
39:23
make sure people know that he proposed for the ten before ten years. I
39:27
proposed before ten years because everyone was on his back and I looked at everything
39:32
as a whole and it was just like, I'm just so thankful for everything
39:37
you've done for me. Uh, thankful for being by my side, helping
39:43
me grow as a person. And you know, I've learned a lot from
39:46
you, like just you know, little life lessons I've learned from you.
39:50
I'm sure you've learned some things from me, like yeah, and I looked
39:54
forward and then I looked ahead of my life and I couldn't picture it without
39:59
you. Yeah, And I don't know, it's it's I don't think it's
40:02
easy to know when the person's the one for me. It was just like
40:07
I know, like that's yes, it's I know. But also it's like
40:10
you see things that the person is done for you, and it makes you
40:15
realize like wow, like the fact that person did that for me, Like
40:20
I don't know, I feel it is hard to describe, but like I've
40:24
seen everything that you've done to me, you've done for me, and it's
40:29
made me feel so blessed and so lucky because I see the effort that you
40:32
put in a relationship and that makes me feel good because I can see how
40:37
much you love me. It's reciple, yes, but I see how much
40:42
you love me, and that makes me love you even more because it's like,
40:45
Okay, I can see how much he loves me, he puts in
40:47
the effort, like he just also just gets me. Like I don't know,
40:52
like I'm that kind of person that sometimes I'm hard to read and you
40:55
need to be able to like match each other's energy, and we are definitely
40:59
the same energy and it just works, like I don't know. And it
41:04
goes back to the same point where it's like I was trying to picture my
41:07
life without Zack, where it's like, Okay, can I imagine being single
41:12
and being with someone else in my life? And I'm like absolutely not.
41:15
Like if you can sit there and picture your life without your significant other and
41:22
you know you see a different future for yourself, then maybe he's not the
41:28
right person. But for me, like the thought of Zach being with someone
41:30
else makes me want to throw up, Like I'm like, holy fuck,
41:35
Like that is my man. Nobody could touch him like that for me,
41:39
Like also kind of proves like yep, like no, like he's the one,
41:44
Like he's the one because I know that he's the one, because he's
41:47
the only person I can imagine my life with. He's the only person that
41:51
I want him to be, the father to my future kids, just the
41:52
person that I want to grow old with when I'm like ninety. I want
41:57
to be that couple where you see that girl aunt bought the airport holding flowers
42:00
waiting for his wife to get off the flight, like that is my dream
42:05
and we've been together for eleven years and I know we're gonna be together for
42:07
so many other years. So does questions emotionally, Yeah, it got deep,
42:14
But anyways, I think at the end of the day, like you
42:15
can just tell that we are very much happy and in love. Friendship and
42:22
relationship has just been so amazing. But I feel like everything we've talked at
42:28
in this episode has kind of brought us to this end point where it's like
42:31
we realized you were the one because we made the effort. Yes, because
42:36
we were on our challenges. You saw what the other person was doing for
42:40
you. You can see how much that person loves you. You put in
42:44
the effort. I put in the effort. Like if those things everything that
42:46
we've talked about, you know another reason why you'll know if the person is
42:51
the one. You know, Zach was honestly one of the ones that was
42:53
like, okay, like when are we moving in together? Like that shows
42:57
that he was ready to take on the next step in a relationship, right.
42:59
Like there's little things like that too, where it's like if you're talking
43:02
about the future and you're talking about the next steps in your relationship, Like,
43:06
obviously that's a good sign, knowing that you know it's to help.
43:12
I don't know anymore. I feel like we're just going to circle. Yeah,
43:15
I feel like we're distributing ourselves. But I think a lot of the
43:17
stuff we talked about in this episode kind of helps describe that why we think
43:21
we are the one for each other. But you know, when you know,
43:24
I think that's a thing, like you just know, it's a feeling
43:28
and it's a love that you can't just can't. You literally can't describe it.
43:31
I can't. I can't put into words how I knew. No,
43:35
I know, I know, and I'm the same. So it's going to
43:37
be very emotional wedding day for us. The vows are do they know about
43:43
the proposal and how I didn't say a single word? Yeah, we had
43:46
a proposal episode. I think that was the one that you were oh no,
43:49
wait, no, I you weren't in it. It was just me
43:51
and I just talked about how you literally cry oh okay, and then yeah
43:54
I didn't say for four hours. Yeah, basically it was just all tears.
43:58
So you can imagine our wedding day is going to be quite an emotional
44:01
time, but that's fine, that's us. We're the same right, so
44:06
that's just our energies are just matching. Literally. But thank you guys so
44:12
much for listening to this episode. We definitely will have a second part because
44:15
I just can't believe how many questions we had, so we still have a
44:17
lot of questions to answer from you guys, so we'll be recording that next
44:21
week. But thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. If
44:23
you guys are new, definitely make sure to follow at the Hawk Grow Energy
44:27
Podcast Instagram page. You can also follow me the KILLI, Me the Killi.
44:30
You can also follow me the host Killi on Instagram, TikTok YouTube,
44:35
all that. But I love you guys also much. Thank you Zach for
44:37
being on the podcast. We'll have you on the next episode as well.
44:43
But I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I love you all so much.