Transcript

Sam Howard · Mommywood

0:00
Mom. Hey, I'm your host.
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Emily V. I'm an actor teacher, and a new
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mom. Once my daughter arrived, I went
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on the hunt for answers to all my questions about being a
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working actor. Mom, and what did I find?
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Well practically nothing. So here I am asking all the
0:22
questions to try to figure out how people do it, how our
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mothers balancing and not balancing Parenthood in this
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crazy. Three.
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Join me. And my amazing guess, as a, we
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take a real look into the life of a working entertainment
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industry moms everywhere. On this episode, I'm talking
0:41
with the hilarious. Sam Howard.
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Sam is an actress, a comic, a mom and a fellow st.
0:48
Louis Ian. Yeah, I get to some Ted Drewes
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Sam and I met a few years back into acting class when she had
0:55
just found out. She was pregnant, so it is so
0:58
great to catch up with her. And chat and hear about all that
1:02
has happened. Since she had a little baby boy
1:06
who now is not a baby anymore. We talked about everything in
1:10
this episode, we talk about her narcolepsy.
1:14
Unplanned pregnancy, how she deals with co-parenting, how she
1:19
does self tapes and getting babysitters and doing stand-up
1:25
and somehow manages to stay. So chill and Zen.
1:30
Through it all, it was so great to listen back to this episode
1:34
as well, just to hear how she really just loves being a mom so
1:40
much and she's so good at it. It's so great to listen to her.
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Just realize that everything is meant to be and I hope you enjoy
1:52
and get a little Zen from this episode and some laughs while
1:57
we're at it. So please enjoy.
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Sam. Howard.
2:03
Take their, I am Ali. Thanks for being here.
2:07
I'm so excited. It's been too long.
2:11
So you and I met in acting class property of on Sosa and I think
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you were pregnant or have just found out.
2:22
Yep. I was like brand-new pregnant,
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but I have showing yet and I remember being like this is ever
2:27
going to happen. Am I gonna is it going to be and
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then it Was quite an experience. I can't believe my stomach did
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that actually still. I know it's about how old is
2:37
your son. Now he's almost for in December
2:40
go before he's like a full man. Got a mustache.
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I'm really flies. Wow.
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And you're from st. Louis.
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Yes I am and I was going to ask you because I made myself a
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snack and the snack is pickles, wrapped in ham with cream
2:59
cheese. In between.
3:00
And I didn't know if that's a st.
3:01
Louis thing or just my particular family, so I don't
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know if it's st. Louis thing, but it sounds good,
3:08
it's delicious. Yeah, it's really good but I
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okay. So I guess that's my answer.
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It says my family, I don't know where they got it from, but it's
3:15
my, it's one of my favorite little treats.
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Well, then I have to ask, where did you go to high school in
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Charles West, so I'm st. Charles it doesn't, I feel kind
3:24
of bad because I did, I'm not in city city.
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I'm like the biggest suburb in Missouri but we've But I cannot
3:30
really from here. It doesn't really come.
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But then, I went to college and st.
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Louis, and I just flew. Oh, yeah.
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Now I'm here and I lived there for a while.
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So, how long were you here? When, when you found out you're
3:43
pregnant? I'm so bad at remembering dates.
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I think total I've been here. Now for seven years and then
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Jack is almost for. Like, this will be my beginning
3:53
of my, this is Anna. My some of your so he three
3:57
years. I guess I was here.
3:59
Yeah. Which makes sense.
4:00
Because I remember just recently, I was reflecting on, I
4:04
have narcolepsy sleep disorder. That's really just awful but,
4:08
you know, made me take care of myself better.
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And I got this really great medication.
4:14
I was like a year into living in Los Angeles, when I found a
4:17
really great sleep. Doctor, got on this medication,
4:20
changed my life, and I finally felt like I was actually here
4:24
and I was able to start having a career and like--, I could show
4:27
up to auditions without being afraid.
4:29
I would fall asleep. On the way there something, but
4:31
then got knocked up on accident. My situation was a condom got
4:36
stuck inside of me and it was terrifying.
4:40
It was like, oh well now I'm and then we I'm you know, I was with
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a Catholic guy so I kind of felt obligated to keep it.
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So we have a baby, which I'm very in hindsight, very
4:50
grateful. I like him a lot, but at the
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time, I don't know if I would have pitted, you know, it was a
4:55
challenging relationship. So we I but I ended up having to
4:59
get off of Narcolepsy medication that had kind of saved my life
5:02
and then it was it felt like it kind of feels like my whole life
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has been this like what they see in La has been this kind of like
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non-starter of a career because it was like, well, the
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narcolepsy was keeping me from really pursuing my dreams or
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even kind of knowing what they were.
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And then once I started getting a hang of that and I like
5:20
started getting more auditions and doing podcast my up against
5:23
myself. I started trying to start to
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finish because, you know, sleepy girl.
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So I ended up getting I was only on my medication for a A year
5:30
and a half before then I had to get off of it again, to then
5:33
birth or like, you know, build a baby in my belly and then
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breastfeed him. So then I just got back on it,
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right? When you turn one, I stopped
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breastfeeding at a little bit over a year.
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Hmm. And and then, yeah.
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So you it's been a little bit of a non-starter career.
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It feels but, you know, still kind of hodgepodge things
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together, I guess. Sure.
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So, since you were already, not sure about like having a baby.
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I would As in your fears of, like everything we're, you know,
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just heightened. The I think for my personality
6:08
type, it was probably better that I didn't have this plan
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because I get a little bit, like, it's funny.
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I fluctuate between sort of extreme perfectionism and like
6:22
control freak types of mentality things that and I just want it
6:26
to be exactly how I've envisioned it.
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And I just ever, I'm very Aeolus with details versus like, oh,
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this is Magic it happened. Okay, now, let's just whatever
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happened is great. So it kind of worked out for
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raising a child because I might have been much more controlling
6:41
than I have turned it turns out that I am as a parent like, I'm
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way, Grace is like a big theme and sort of my therapy about
6:48
being a mother, and just like, just giving myself Grace, giving
6:51
my kid Grace. Not trying to compare myself to
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other parents, like or, or my kids.
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Other kids his age, like, it's just like him, he's gonna Figure
7:00
out life, almost regardless of what I do.
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Like I'm going to traumatize him in some ways.
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Hopefully those ways can be discussed and he'll like, you
7:09
know, want to have a dialogue about it but I don't, I don't I
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try not to put too much pressure on myself, to be the perfect
7:17
mother, which I think I would have had.
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I planned the pregnancy a bit like this is, but there was also
7:23
some weird stuff. Like I went to this bougie,
7:27
dentist. Sever it was a year before I
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actually can see Jack and I've been with Michael for five years
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or four years at that point and in five years once we got
7:39
knocked up and I went to this booty dentist's office and this
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beautiful gay man was telling me that he's looking for a
7:45
surrogate for him and his partner to have the baby with.
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And I was like, oh, that would be awesome.
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Like I would genuinely do that because then I would get the
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experience of motherhood and childhood putting my body
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through the most insane. I still cannot believe that my
8:00
body did that like our body is so stupid to me, that that's how
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all of humanity got here. I'm like that, I don't really
8:06
plan. That's I don't understand how
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that's how women that are mothers.
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That's not all, that's not the first thing they say that
8:12
they're like yeah hey guess what I did like, fucking insane.
8:17
Right? Yeah.
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It's I don't, yeah. But it's also, I just was
8:22
thinking after CrossFit today, because that was very hard.
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And I was like, it's weird because you're not, it just like
8:27
a submission. Kind of like you don't even do
8:30
anything but it's the hardest thing you've ever done.
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Like I would literally sleep through all of my job of
8:35
building. My baby.
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That was it. Like it's the only job or
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narcolepsy is actually a pro because it's just like, oh,
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you're supposed to sleep this much actually.
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Now just hibernate and you may be losing.
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There you go. Yeah, I think that I so, I had
8:48
sort of, I planted a seed, I think of like, maybe almost
8:53
manifested it because I'm told Michael that.
8:56
I was like, I think that'd be really cool if he was like, I
8:58
don't think. I would want to be with you if
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you did that and I put him in a red flag.
9:01
Like oh you're not the right guy for me because I would love to
9:04
have a family. That's such a weird hybrid of,
9:06
you know this. This is my baby daddy here.
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This is this whatever. Yeah, and then, there was one
9:11
more thing that happens. I don't remember what it was,
9:15
but it was another conversation. We'd had where I was like I
9:17
think I want, I want to be a mom someday and basically like our
9:23
relationship was such a like, it was like we were just buddies
9:27
kind of but like not very Supportive buddies.
9:29
We just kind of like, I don't know, I wasn't a very healthy
9:34
thing but needless to say you two are not together.
9:39
We are not together anymore. What their co-parent.
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Okay, that's going. Yeah, yeah, I mean the best
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thing is he's like he's a very fun person like he's and he's
9:53
very kind and polite. So it's great because he's like
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he loves being a dad. Dad and he also loves following
9:59
the rules. So he's very like I can't like
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make sure I don't know to do all the things that parents got to
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do. So I also were there any like
10:09
specific fears. You had like finding out you're
10:11
pregnant. We're in regards to like being
10:15
an actor because I was like well do I were you like do I tell
10:22
people? Do I like am I still gonna
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audition what am I? What the fuck am I gonna do?
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Because that's kind of where I was at.
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I don't even though it was unplanned and not something.
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I was even sure I wanted. I was so stupidly excited.
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Like the first pregnancy test. I got I was on my way to Santa
10:42
Monica, look for am for this shoot for some, some commercial
10:47
about people or some industrial advertisement about people with
10:50
heavy periods. And it was I told you, I called
10:55
like 17 of my friends, I on the way.
10:58
Way and just left voicemails. And they all think the
11:00
voicemails are they I'm sort of the last person any of my
11:04
friends would have thought would have been ready for this kind of
11:06
responsibility. So it was all just they all the
11:08
were like, are you pranking us is real.
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Are you sure I had one friend who just like, are you sure you
11:13
want to keep it? And I'm like oh dear God like
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that. Yes, I'm going to now.
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But I told everybody every audition I had I was just like,
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oh, by the way, I have there's a fetus getting ready to like
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there's a bunch of cells or whatever the face.
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Was I would like because you get that app.
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That tells you I do today you built an elbow and it's a size
11:33
of an avocado or whatever. Yeah.
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So I would like tell everybody that another piece I was
11:39
challenging though is Michael didn't want to tell his family
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because he was terrified the gun.
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We found out. We were pregnant.
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He was, he started crying and about like, oh, nobody in his
11:48
family had ever done anything. This bad, I'm just like, oh,
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buddy. It says so bad.
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You're so bad. Not bad.
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This is wonderful. So we waited for four and a half
11:57
months to tell All them. And that was really hard for me
12:00
because I am not a secret purse. Like I don't like keeping
12:03
secrets at all, and I felt so stifled like I couldn't share
12:06
this insane thing I was happening to my body with the
12:09
world like kind of publicly. Like, I could tell people that
12:12
they were going to run into because they didn't come visit
12:13
away. Yeah, I told my family but it
12:18
really en and even though my family is also very religious.
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They were like, my mom actually said years ago.
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She was like, I think of you had a baby, it would cure your
12:27
narcolepsy. That's interesting.
12:29
Science ma'am, like, she's not a Christian Scientist.
12:31
Anything she's a Christian and, you know, kind of believes in
12:34
science, but it was just a funny thing.
12:35
It kind she was kind of right? Like there is this part of me
12:38
now that I was that was my biggest fear to answer that
12:41
question from 20 minutes ago. So I think my biggest fear was
12:45
that I was going to not be able to take care of Jack because I
12:49
would fall asleep while I was holding him or later while
12:52
driving him somewhere. Like I just didn't think I could
12:55
do it without. I would sleep there him crying
12:57
and meeting me. Or he'd be wrapped up in his,
12:59
you know, you always get scared of can't have anything on the
13:02
bed when their newborn on. It's just so terrible, he would
13:04
scream and gasp for air and I wouldn't hear it.
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So, I was so scared of that, but it was like, I mean, she was
13:11
kind of right? Like, there's something so much
13:14
more powerful about the mother instinct and there is about a
13:18
sleep disorder. Yeah, my experience at least
13:20
where it's like good any time and even now, like if he'll be
13:23
sick, I'll be on my medication, which is pretty intense of a
13:26
medication. And I will be able to like fully
13:28
Sober up and take care of him when he needs me or wake up when
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it's just like there's something.
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There's again I think it's like a Grace that kind of Falls over
13:37
me and I'm just like I'm able to do this job better than I've
13:41
ever been able to do any other job in my entire life.
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Like I cannot I've never been able to keep a job of very long,
13:46
but this one I'm like, I'm still doing it.
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I like it and yeah, he seems like the CEO likes me.
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Well, speaking of jobs. Then what is what's been, your
13:57
survival job? Because I'm so curious without
14:00
like prodding people about personal, like, money issues
14:07
like, but I'm like, how do you, how does it sound?
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Like I fell a, how do I survive like how are you what jobs, what
14:15
job jobs do you have? What do you what do you do?
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I would I would earn I think I booked jack's first year of life
14:24
I booked like for commercials or something and that Gave me just
14:29
like money to do basic, like, just, I just like extra money.
14:35
I kind of think I helped pay rent, but Michael was paying for
14:39
everything because he's and his didn't really change.
14:42
Like he it actually got better because now, we had another
14:44
thing to talk about, he's a stand-up comic and he's been on
14:47
the road. He was on the road most of the
14:49
time. So he was just kind of funding
14:51
our existence and then any extra stuff.
14:56
I would if I wanted to like do something extra I would do
14:59
something. I also sold breast milk for a
15:01
while, my first year. So, breast milk husband actually
15:05
was just asking me about that because we have a freezer
15:08
stocked and he's like, can you sell that?
15:10
And I was like, I don't, ya know, I'm so glad I've got some
15:14
weird. Weird offers why, I can't.
15:18
Imagine there was one guy hanging, Nick, I think on
15:22
Craigslist, who was, like, just asking me for it, you know, can
15:26
I come? He said, he said something about
15:27
how he wanted to watch me. And I was like sure like I was
15:30
thinking like oh cause you want to make sure it's like pure and
15:34
definitely what I say it is or something like you want to trust
15:36
the product or whatever so I was like yeah I can do like a can
15:39
send you like a video of it so you know but I'm not going to
15:43
like I don't really want you to come over and talk like a just
15:45
feels weird and then I asked like what's your kid's name and
15:47
how old are they and all these things and he's like oh I don't
15:49
have a child I was like oh no this is just for fun creeper.
15:55
Oh no that's an idea. While you've got this titty milk
15:58
coming out Out didn't only fans account and just you don't even
16:01
show your face. It's just boobs and milk.
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Just set up like a, what is it? Only fan account for?
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Yeah, yeah. But then after once Michael and
16:13
I broke up, I was like, oh now I have to take care of myself.
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So I end up getting a day job in the career that I had before
16:20
acting. So usually it was easy to search
16:23
engine marketing and sort of yeah real brother.
16:27
Some guy called Which is cool because I've been, I've booked
16:30
so many commercials and I worked in advertising agencies for so
16:35
long. So I had this understanding of
16:38
like the nerdy kind of media buying aspect of it and the
16:42
analytics kind of stuff and the reporting.
16:44
And then also understanding how a commercial concept becomes
16:48
what it ends up being when I get sacked in it.
16:51
So it's a very cool like it's been cool to get to be a part of
16:54
kind of, the whole, the whole gamut of advertising for not all
16:58
of it, but a lot. A lot of it.
16:59
I need to see all the different roles that, you know happen.
17:03
Yeah, I did that for a while. I like to have like 11 months of
17:06
a day job and that I saved so much money because those jobs
17:10
pay so well. So, I saved a bunch of that was
17:12
like, 20, 20 when there was a lot of acting stuff anyway.
17:16
And then, I got laid off last November and it just kind of
17:20
worked out that like acting stuff started picking back up.
17:23
But I've noticed, I think, and I need to join the union, that's
17:26
really important to me. Just need to like figure out a
17:30
plan to do that because that's not cheap either.
17:34
Are you angry? I'm eligible I have been for
17:37
years now same but I'm just like all these non-union
17:41
opportunities are fun and I like doing them so much and I'm but
17:45
it just they're paying so much less now and I think because
17:48
there's so much more streaming services that they need to have
17:51
so much more advertisement so there's just more content being
17:54
made. So everybody's getting more
17:55
opportunities but getting paid less per opportunity.
17:58
Which is not sustainable at all. And so I think I need to join
18:02
the union and start really setting goals higher.
18:04
I think for me I waited so long. I have waited so long still
18:08
because I was getting so many non-union auditions and I want
18:11
to get good at auditioning and keep getting better at it and
18:14
feel confident because I remember when I first started
18:17
acting in l.a. every audition was like I would get like maybe
18:21
one a month and I was just like, I would hyperventilate and I was
18:23
like, I don't know, and I had to buy a whole new outfit and I
18:26
just didn't. I felt so Nervous all the time.
18:30
And now I just like, you know, I can do them kind of my sleep and
18:33
I can do the very efficiently and I feel confident about
18:37
never, I don't know the lines. It's like, well, I've got the
18:38
essence of the character, you know, it feels a little bit.
18:41
Yeah, I see that. You you audition like a ton.
18:45
So how do you do that with Jack? Is he in in like a day care?
18:50
Do you have? Somebody come over and watch
18:52
him. How do you do all these self
18:54
tapes? Because we literally just had to
18:56
do one. I'm mean, it was my husband and
18:59
I but what it's a nightmare. I don't know how you do it.
19:05
Well, I didn't get that many when he was at the age where I
19:09
was like, well, it actually might have been easier at that
19:12
age. I was thinking I was thinking
19:14
newborn age. Can you just put them in a room
19:16
and you just do it? Yeah, it takes.
19:19
It takes about. However, long to record and then
19:22
you bring you, I don't know. So I just, I just multitask, I
19:25
guess a little bit sometimes Jack will help me now.
19:27
He's at the age where he's like, he'll hold the bounce board,
19:30
which I don't even know how to use the bounce board, but I have
19:32
it. So it's kind of great that he
19:34
and he'll say action and then he'll film and sometimes he'll
19:37
be quiet. But a lot of times you won't be
19:39
and then I'll have to like let him go play with the iPad or
19:42
something while I'm filming. So it's a lot of that.
19:45
It's a lot of just like you go in this room and do this thing
19:48
while I do my audition. He's going.
19:51
We are visiting preschools which I've been begging his dad to let
19:54
him do preschool for two years now.
19:57
Yeah, he's more than ready. But his dad's fair, I think it
20:00
because his dad's on the road so much.
20:02
He's only in town, a couple days a week.
20:03
He wants those days to be with Jack and I'm like, well, we can
20:07
work something out with probably any preschool you don't, he
20:09
doesn't have an attendance policy yet so we could take him
20:11
out those days. So you can spend time with him
20:14
but I need that time to work so he hasn't.
20:18
Yeah. And then we get I A lot of times
20:20
if I have to go somewhere. Look, if there were for
20:23
in-person audition, sometimes I'll bring him with me, and then
20:27
sometimes my neighbors downstairs, we'll watch him.
20:30
Sometimes another friend of mine who has a kid Jack sage and
20:33
they're also the, dad's, an actor, they will they'll take
20:36
him and The Playdate. Well how does it go when you
20:41
bring him with you? How is when he was really
20:45
little, I remember it. I was at ASG on Lankershim and
20:50
My friend. Brittany came with me and held
20:53
him. He was so he was like less than
20:55
one? I think so.
20:56
I don't think he's even walking yet and she held him and then
21:01
she ended up like he hit his head on the bench while I was in
21:04
the room and it was just so funny.
21:07
Somebody was just like, is he okay?
21:09
Like she like came to me and was just like, it's your friend like
21:12
you trust her and I was like, yeah, it happens.
21:14
People bump their heads. Like it was just such a funny
21:17
like people just having their opinions about like is that
21:20
woman okay to watch. Watch your kid.
21:21
I'm like, yeah. She like I would have been me if
21:24
it wasn't her. Like yeah, you did hit a bump,
21:26
their heads. I mean, he's just he's know,
21:29
it's just kind of another adventure for him, you know.
21:32
Yeah. The hardest part is like getting
21:34
him to stop talking. Now that he's so vocal and he's
21:38
a lot like me and I don't shut up as humans.
21:41
So a lot of it's like you just yeah, he just won't stop talking
21:46
and I'm like, buddy I gotta do this.
21:47
You gotta let me give me a moment.
21:51
Yeah. I mean, you'd rather have a
21:52
talker than a silent child. I mean?
21:55
I would. Yeah, I think so.
21:57
I hope I have a chatty one. I'm sure sloppy.
22:01
Yeah, I'm trying. Well, that's good.
22:06
That you would say you have a little bit of like a because I
22:09
know your family you don't have family out here, family here.
22:13
Yeah yeah. And then like when we pay
22:15
babysitter's it's like I have I try to only pay babysitters and
22:19
I'm actually making money. But that's really hard to do
22:22
because I'm in the investment stage of my career, still hear a
22:27
lot of stuff, especially doing open mics, I'm not making any
22:29
money, I'm spending money and then also spending 25 bucks an
22:32
hour on a babysitter because a lot to do.
22:35
So yeah. It's kind of it's just sort of
22:38
like weighing every every opportunity as like, is this
22:41
going to advance my career? Is it worth the childcare costs?
22:45
Yeah, because I was going to ask you about since you do.
22:49
Do you do Stan? Up a lot and I assume most of
22:52
those are late in the evening. Do you just every time you have
22:57
to get a babysitter. So if it's what I try to do is
23:03
schedule doing open mics or shows for when Jack is already
23:06
going to be asleep and that's the best if I can do that
23:09
because then I can usually get a neighbor to just come and sit at
23:12
my apartment and watch TV, or work from here or whatever they
23:16
would be doing anyway, from their apartment, while Jack is
23:18
sleeping. So that's the Best.
23:21
That's like but it just doesn't work out very frequently.
23:24
So mostly it just I do as many open mics as I can when Michael
23:28
has Jack. And then I can get my kind of
23:31
it's interesting like being a co-parent and living separately
23:35
from my child's. Father almost makes it easier
23:39
because then I have this time purely to myself like I have
23:43
Monday to Mondays and Tuesdays. Almost always are just my days
23:46
and nobody gets that like, no parents get.
23:49
See ya anytime Themselves, if they stay together.
23:52
So I'm almost like maybe this is a good idea.
23:54
Have a baby with somebody that like, you know, has good genes
23:57
or to send you. Yeah, take a break.
24:00
You get your break. So I do a lot of stuff for as
24:02
much as I can. I try to pack in those days.
24:05
So yeah, what, um, what it, what is it, what have you found like
24:11
more? Like, what is unexpected like,
24:14
with acting and the industry and being a mom?
24:18
What's something that like you didn't?
24:20
Expect to like be the case. Like I wouldn't have expected to
24:24
be able to bring him with you for an audition which you know I
24:29
guess. Yeah.
24:30
You gotta do what you gotta do. It's not that big video people
24:33
of kids. I think that my what I expected
24:38
was I expect actually for all of society to be so much more
24:42
accommodating to and like, and nurturing of and nourishing of,
24:48
of parents and children than they are.
24:51
Because it is, I mean it's impossible doing stand-up doing
24:55
auditions doing all of it. Like I feel like I'm constantly
24:57
having to do a million different things to make this work and
25:01
sometimes you get really lucky and you get somebody that's so
25:04
kind and they'll fly casting director, he'll be like oh let
25:06
him sit there or I'll hold them or whatever.
25:08
Like another assistant will hold him or something.
25:11
But it's like it's just really, it's really rare and and it's
25:16
really upsetting because I'll ask almost every comedy show.
25:20
I do. I'll ask if I can go up somewhat
25:22
earlier and leave after I perform.
25:25
So I can get home. If I'm, especially if I'm paying
25:27
a babysitter, it's what I'll do. So I can get home to get to
25:30
sleep because the next morning I have to wake up early with my
25:32
child and I have a Sleep Disorder so it's like it's
25:35
really hard because especially when you're starting out like
25:38
nobody there just like you get to do five minutes and you're
25:42
there for two hours and it's like this is not its it didn't
25:45
realize is that a thing where you have to like stay and watch
25:49
the other people it's not Times there are some clubs and like
25:53
boogers and things that are so accommodating.
25:56
And then there's some that are just pretty impossible.
25:58
And like I had one Booker call me entitled.
26:01
And I was like, this is not an entitlement.
26:03
This is me. I asked you in advance if this
26:05
is possible and if it's not I just won't do the show, but if
26:08
it's possible then I would love to do it.
26:10
Like, I want stage time. I just have to take care of
26:12
myself and my child. Like, I can't not do that.
26:15
Yeah, so I think I just I expected and I expect it to
26:19
change what I would like for for it to change.
26:21
I think that people, I but I think this in general, not even
26:24
people that have kids. I think that we work people so
26:28
hard and we make it just impossible to get a decent
26:32
night's sleep, and also have a sort of a life outside of work.
26:36
Like, it's just, there's so much and it's just capitalism, which
26:39
is my, I hate so much. It's just such a selfish system
26:44
of Economics like it. Yeah, when people are like
26:46
bragging about how busy they are with work.
26:49
And you're like, okay, Right? The only got five hours of sleep
26:52
and I did a line of coke and then I fucking killed it.
26:54
I'm just like you're killing yourself for money.
26:58
That you don't even get to spend something.
26:59
You enjoy it. Like, it's hot.
27:00
It's just that you're working depressing.
27:03
Yeah. So, what would your like,
27:06
obviously? Like you said, there's so many
27:08
things to juggle and balance. So in your perfect, like, the
27:13
days that it does balance or Or in the dream sense, like, what
27:19
would be your perfect like balance day with mothering and
27:24
career? Like, yeah, I would love to be
27:28
like at the point where I'm whatever I'm doing series
27:33
regular on a TV show. I'm guest starring somewhere in
27:37
a film. I would love to have like the
27:40
ultimate accommodations. And to be able to, within my
27:43
contract, it's covered that. I have just The same play Child
27:47
Actors will have the bike on set tutors.
27:49
Like I would love to always be able to have whatever whatever
27:52
level Jack is. It is education, have somebody
27:55
there that can so you can still be with me, especially if I'm
27:58
out. I mean, unless he's already in
27:59
school, that I'm fine with him being at school, but I would
28:02
just love to be able to kind of like it was when I was working
28:07
full-time here. Like he had babysitter's, come
28:11
every day and it would be like, I got to still have breakfast
28:14
with him and lunch with him and do.
28:17
Teen with him and do nap time routine because I could take
28:19
breaks according to his schedule and still have a day with him,
28:23
but also, like the time that I'm working, not in quotations
28:28
working. It's the time that he's working
28:30
or just playing but with somebody that's like, doing
28:32
whatever, you know, whatever. He wherever he is in his
28:35
developmental stage. So they're like, playing with
28:38
puzzles or blocks, or whatever it is.
28:40
But one him, and I would love for that to be offered every on
28:44
every set, like, for a person. And to be taken care of all of
28:48
the children, if there are children, that need to be taken
28:50
care of, and I would think the same for pets.
28:52
Like, just like the things that we need that bring us like, want
28:55
to stay connected to that. We don't want to go beyond set
28:58
for 13 hours and not get to see our kid the entire day.
29:01
But I would just love if that were built into this industry
29:05
and every industry, but this is the one I meant.
29:06
So this is what I'm going to fight for.
29:08
Yeah, well you'd think if people don't have kids most people have
29:12
like a pet or something, or someone's something that they
29:16
come. Home to or need to even if you
29:19
don't like just to have a moment away from the work to go just
29:24
meditate or nap or whatever it is like that would be.
29:27
So we would all be so much happier.
29:29
Like we're just running it. I just see somebody cranky
29:32
wardrobe people and PAs and just it's like we shouldn't do this
29:36
to you. We shouldn't be doing this to
29:37
anybody. I guess.
29:40
What is your what is something that's like been saved you?
29:46
That's been like, A lifesaver or something that you would
29:51
recommend for moms. Oh man, that's a great question.
29:59
I think they can be tangible or intangible.
30:04
I think therapy like having a good therapist and just having a
30:08
person every week, there have been so many weeks where I'm
30:11
like, I really don't need therapy this week, I'm doing
30:14
fine. But then something happens.
30:17
You're like all I do I would love to talk this through oh I
30:19
have have it in place like just having that person that
30:23
hopefully you trust and like can remind you to forgive yourself
30:28
and just like know that you're always doing the best you can
30:31
with what you have. There's no there's no goal here.
30:35
Like there's no like you just do the best you can and be kind and
30:39
be present with your kid as much as you can be.
30:41
And like and maybe a sense of humor is also something.
30:44
I'm so grateful. I have you know You know,
30:47
something will happen like especially with potty training.
30:49
It's the most heinous experience.
30:52
It's better than, I don't know. There's something about my kid
30:54
is so fascinated by his poop and he just wants to always like he
30:57
want to take it out and then put it everywhere and it's because
31:00
it's my fault because I read a book to him about how rabbits
31:03
eat their poop and he's not trying to eat it.
31:05
Thank God but he like connects it so I don't know.
31:08
I think just kind of having a like a sense of this kid is
31:13
going to be who they're going to be kind of Without you but try
31:18
to make the with you part as like really enjoyable as
31:22
possible. Like it's know every moment is
31:24
fleeting and it's like I get to do this.
31:28
I get to do this weird thing that continues Society.
31:31
It's such a cool things. Are just like yeah grateful that
31:34
like in every everywhere it might stunt my career growth.
31:39
It's also there's another side of that where it's nourishing me
31:43
and giving me another part of my life that I meant to have or Um,
31:46
reason for some. Yeah.
31:48
How do you, how do you think that, that mothering that being
31:54
becoming a mother, being a mom has enhanced or given you
32:02
something? You didn't know how does it
32:04
influence your acting? Does it changed you from like
32:09
where you can pull things from? Has it made it worse?
32:12
Like I don't know, like I can't, I can't cry.
32:16
I think it's made me more professional and like like it's
32:25
weird because sometimes I've heard people say like you have
32:28
this life that you're raising that matters the most so that
32:31
these scenes no longer matter as much, so you can kind of have
32:35
that nonchalant attitude about it.
32:37
I think for me it's almost the opposite like having this Life
32:43
that matters so much. Makes me think like every moment
32:46
I'm away from being his mom presently, and then always his
32:50
mom. But like, being right there, and
32:51
raising him. Watch a little mermaid, or
32:53
whatever. We're doing.
32:54
Like, every I want to really use those moments and make sure they
32:59
matter to, and they have purpose.
33:01
And that I'm, I'm setting an example for him and like, his
33:06
fulfilling, what I believe is my purpose, or one of my purposes.
33:10
And I'm not, like, wasting time basically.
33:12
Like, I, I don't know. It's just, it's made me take
33:15
care of myself so much better. And really, that whole thing
33:18
about when you're on an airplane, you're supposed to put
33:20
your own mask on first and then, yeah, I used to be so adamantly
33:24
against that I was just like, no, like self-sacrifice is
33:27
everything, like you should be whatever.
33:29
But now I'm like no I have to take care of myself first
33:33
because I've seen it, I've seen myself show up for my kid and
33:37
everyone else. Everything else in my life so
33:38
much better when I set my boundaries and I take really
33:41
good care of Help and my just basic needs and just like my
33:45
time that I need, I just need an extra 15 minutes.
33:47
You know, like whatever it is like whenever I can do that.
33:50
I've been able to do that so much more without guilt and like
33:54
sorry I'm inconveniencing you then I used to have like now I'm
33:57
like no I'm taking care of myself.
33:59
If it's not going to work out that I can't do this thing that
34:02
somebody wants me to do but I would also like to do.
34:05
It's not it's not a personal thing I'm not like it's just
34:09
that I have to do what's best for me.
34:10
So I think it's made me more Selfish actually in a good way.
34:14
I love that. I yeah I would like to work on
34:17
that too. Like we apologize.
34:19
We have all my specially Midwest people, we're so yeah.
34:23
There's nothing to like we're all doing our best there.
34:25
You can still be kind, you don't be an asshole and just walk all
34:28
over people but it's just like like I've learned to have a
34:31
friend. Who does a great job of saying
34:33
like thank you for your patience with me on this instead of I'm
34:36
sorry I was late. It's just like oh what a
34:38
brilliant way to approach that like yes, thank you.
34:42
Patience. And assuming they will rise to
34:44
the occasion, instead of being mad at you for something.
34:46
I'm going to start saying that in emails now.
34:50
Yeah, yeah, I've died. Try to remember.
34:52
Yeah, sorry for the delay. I mean, thank you for your
34:56
patience. I think.
34:58
If someone said that to me, I'd be like, oh, oh yeah.
35:02
Yeah, you're welcome. I have had three kids.
35:04
He's like, hey, you guys forgot? They were late.
35:09
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think so?
35:12
I know your son's only three-and-a-half user almost for
35:17
um what age. So far has been the best.
35:22
The worst in regards to like with like, with acting and
35:29
scheduling and career crap or, you know, just in general.
35:35
What, what have you enjoyed or not?
35:37
Enjoy. I don't feel like I can answer
35:41
that confidently with the acting stuff because there's been so
35:45
much so many other factors. Like I haven't had a clear case
35:48
study with like the variable staying constant covid-19
35:54
situation. Also where I was in my career
35:56
was, you know, in my narcolepsy management kind of played big
35:59
factors and then our breakup had a big role in everything.
36:02
So yeah, a lot of things been going on.
36:04
Yeah, I think like too much other stuff is fluctuated for me
36:07
to know but I think as far Is what age he is?
36:11
That like I've enjoyed the most I every time he gets to a new
36:15
kind of phase in life. I want all this is my favorite.
36:18
I like this a lot o. This you think you're doing is
36:20
very funny. I like this.
36:21
I like this. So probably the worst for me was
36:25
when he was just brand new. And it was like I was terrified
36:28
of everything I could. It was like he always paid on me
36:31
when I changed his diaper by myself and we had 75 people
36:34
helping and I just it was sort it.
36:37
What I was gonna say it was boring but it wasn't because
36:39
you're just a kid. Obsessed with your kid but in
36:41
hindsight, I'm like, that's when he was the most boring, I guess
36:45
because he was just like sleeping all the time and like,
36:48
yeah, I don't know, but I don't know what I did, but I liked all
36:53
of the ages so much and he got, we got really lucky with.
36:55
Like, he doesn't really have a lot of Tantrums.
36:59
Like if he does have a breakdown of some kind, we just talk it
37:02
through and it's like it usually, I'm like, bro, I'm
37:05
feeling the exact same way. So thank you for letting it out
37:08
like, yeah. Well, I'm sure he can also see
37:11
that you you take care of yourself in that like you're
37:14
going to therapy. And I'm sure that that's
37:17
helpful. Yeah, well I think he's a
37:19
little, he's already sort of like right moms talking, a lot
37:22
about this thing, like every anytime he does anything that's
37:25
like he disobeys a little bit. We have a very long conversation
37:28
about it so that he understands like, this isn't for me, bro.
37:31
Like I don't need you to be a good person so that I'm not
37:34
embarrassed, or whatever like this is so that you have the
37:36
best life you can. So I think if you can learn to
37:39
be respectful, People even when you're upset and you can try to
37:41
find a problem way, you're going to be half of this is truly just
37:45
advice for you. Take it or leave it and he sort
37:48
of like all right I'll do it. Like he just has like that's a
37:51
nice way to look at it because you think my parents are like
37:54
don't do that. Just don't do this.
37:56
Don't do that. Like we talked here you we talk
38:00
it all out and it's the same with like eating like he'll he
38:03
won't want to eat broccoli but he will want to eat cookies
38:06
every day. He would choose that and I'm
38:07
like, all right, what's so we talk?
38:09
Your belly. We're just like, let's talk to
38:11
your belly and see what your belly wants and then we look on
38:13
Google and see what cookies do to your body versus what
38:16
broccoli does and it's like oh it sounds like your belly wants
38:18
broccoli. A little bit.
38:20
That would be good. It's just like didn't he also
38:23
developed a schizophrenic person because he hears voices for
38:27
everything? And that's very funny.
38:28
He's like now my right hand is talking.
38:30
I loved it. Oh my God.
38:32
That's amazing man. Cuz they're so weird.
38:34
I love it. And he's so clearly the sign of
38:37
to improviser actor comic the People like it's just he's such
38:41
an Entertainer and like his imagination is epic and he's
38:45
just like he's always improvising like he's always
38:47
just like doing some ice cream on that.
38:49
It wasn't, this is this and he's great.
38:50
The weirdest little dishes for me all the time and like he's
38:53
always playing doctor with everything, he's the best.
38:58
So there's a favorite, I guess, you know, he's a born
39:06
Entertainer. Would you have you had
39:09
auditions? With him yet, I didn't want to
39:12
or if he showed interest or what's your do you have any
39:18
thoughts or plans for that? I did one audition with him,
39:22
that was a mother-son thing and that was the one where my
39:26
friend, no. Because that wasn't because he
39:27
was in there with me. Maybe she was.
39:30
Maybe that was what happened when she went to the ER, when I
39:34
went to the bathroom, maybe I don't remember but I did not
39:38
like it because it was Way too much waiting, like I'm fine.
39:43
This is my dream. So I am okay with you know, the
39:46
awful hustle of it and having to sit in a waiting room for three
39:49
hours because everything's behind schedule and they can't
39:51
communicate that for some reason.
39:53
Like it's just like time I can do that for me because this is
39:56
what I signed up for, but I would never put a kid or anyone
39:59
else through that unless they express they genuinely wanted to
40:02
do this. So if Jack starts to express
40:05
that he wants to, then I'll talk to him about all of.
40:09
And how I've seen what I've seen of child actors.
40:12
And there's some that clearly they want to do it and they
40:15
enjoy every moment of it. Some of them, their parents push
40:18
a little too hard because they want to make that McDonald's
40:20
money. And it's just like, I don't, I
40:22
don't respect that. I don't want to do that to my
40:25
kid. I think money is again.
40:28
Like, like the Bible says, the root of all evil, the love of
40:31
money is the root of all evil. So I'm just, like, I don't, I
40:33
don't even know. He's such a cute kid.
40:35
He could be like, the next Gerber, baby.
40:37
I'm going to want to put him through that unless Yes, he's
40:40
going, he expresses interest in wants to do it, but I don't know
40:43
in hindsight I don't I think maybe it would have been if I
40:46
had been some like in a better place in my career, maybe I
40:49
would have had to do some stuff before his memory started being
40:52
aware of it because he's not gonna it's not gonna matter if
40:55
he was the baby on. This is us or something, but
40:58
that money could be great. So that way my friend, my
41:02
friend, kinas can't Iris was a baby on.
41:04
This Is Us. Oh well, I guess the ones that
41:07
were in like the just The bins, the nurse, all the different.
41:12
It were. Yeah.
41:13
The ones that like they didn't actually and actually yeah yeah
41:16
and I was like when they were these two like big biker dudes
41:19
that were the baby puppets people and like it when they're
41:24
babies. Sorry track.
41:26
I was just great. I'm glad you know that I was
41:28
like, this is amazing. I love seeing this.
41:32
Um, so yeah, I kind of wish that I had gotten him and stuff just
41:36
to have them money for his savings ready.
41:39
But I don't think I was in a place in my career where I could
41:42
have, like, my friend who did have her kids stuff is like a
41:45
working actor, who only goes out for series regular roles, so
41:48
she's much more established. So maybe if I have another kid,
41:52
I'll hopefully be in a better place in my career and then
41:55
maybe I would do that just to have the savings but yeah, just
41:58
until he expresses interest. Like, he wants to do stand up
42:01
with me sometimes. So he'll like, you know, and he
42:03
writes his own jokes for all. Not good yet.
42:07
Emily not. They're just not.
42:09
It's The kids are just went at that age.
42:11
It's just a question and an answer like this.
42:15
It's a box with a hat. Get it.
42:20
You get it really throws the laughs now.
42:23
Oh man, that's funny. So, so funny.
42:26
Did you ever do auditions like while you were pregnant?
42:31
Yeah, the only have me. Remember?
42:34
An underwear commercial? Hmm.
42:37
I got to be fully Bell. Lead pregnant.
42:40
That was fun. I don't think I had that many
42:43
though. Once I started showing a lot
42:46
which is a bummer and I remember being frustrated because I was
42:50
like, here's the thing, I shouldn't be just auditioning
42:53
for the pregnant woman stuff. I should be auditioning for
42:59
pregnant woman stuff and the banker or the flight attendant
43:02
because guess what, flight attendants and bankers are
43:04
pregnant. Sometimes like that should be
43:07
okay and which is the same as Think about like how, like black
43:11
people feel in this industry. It's just like, I don't want to
43:14
just be like the token black person I want to just be the
43:17
flight attendant sometimes or the whatever like I don't need,
43:19
it doesn't have to be like, yeah.
43:22
This there should be more opportunities basically for all
43:25
types of minorities. Yeah.
43:28
Yeah, I think when I was pregnant, I mostly just had
43:33
auditions for pregnant woman and I was like, great.
43:39
But also Oh yeah, I would like, I would like to do other things
43:42
and then you're like, I don't know about you, but did you
43:45
worry about? Like towards the end of it?
43:48
Like I would almost get nervous. Like well, what if I do book
43:52
something? Then like I'm this pregnant or
43:56
how what if the baby comes. And I'm yeah, no, it's all
44:02
timing. I guess.
44:03
I mean I never understood why they wouldn't sometimes like
44:09
sometimes as a pregnant woman can be a distraction because you
44:12
feel like it should be a part of the plot.
44:14
So I kind of get that and that beside your question, your
44:16
question. I don't think I was worried
44:18
about it because I know they can put a pregnant suit on you.
44:25
If you need to look a certain amount pregnant.
44:27
Yeah I never I actually did book a short film that I was supposed
44:32
to do the day before I went into labor to get to do it.
44:38
I would get no that was that was that but I didn't worry about
44:44
it. Again, I think the fact that I
44:47
had the baby, it was an accidental pregnancy would just
44:50
made me. Like, I don't really think about
44:51
much. I don't really worry about
44:53
anything and I should say I did worry, but not about.
44:58
Yeah. We're your, how did you have
45:02
reps at the time? How it?
45:03
What was their response like? It had eyes.
45:06
Same reps, I still have some commercial and Theatrical.
45:09
I've said, I haven't had a manager yet in my career, but I
45:12
will hopefully get one that really fits me and some Point.
45:17
But they, they were all great. They just I just kept them
45:22
posted. I would send them pictures of
45:23
the bump as it increased. I want my theatrical agent was
45:27
one of the first people I told that I was pregnant and she her
45:30
voicemail back was so funny. She was like, oh my gosh, he's
45:34
going to be the funniest baby in the family company.
45:37
Junya is that was that was fun flattering.
45:39
And she like got us is really beautiful Christmas ornament,
45:43
his first year of being born. And so did.
45:46
She's yeah, she was supportive. She was a, I got a little bit
45:49
frustrated with her, which I expressed when I booked my first
45:53
Lifetime movie. My first feature film in Jack
45:57
was almost one and, oh, wow, my agent was like, and I had to go
46:03
to Detroit to film. And she was like, well, what you
46:05
going to do with Jack and I was like, Susan, have you ever asked
46:09
Michael that ever? Like he's gone literally every
46:12
single weekend. And do you ever ask him what he
46:14
going to do with Jack? Like don't Ask me that then like
46:17
it's not okay. Like just yeah we're gonna
46:19
figure it out because I'm also a professional.
46:21
Just like he is and this like I'm yes I'm a mother.
46:25
Yes, he's a father were also both tried to have careers.
46:27
So it's like I think it is really hard people to see that
46:32
like this matters also and yeah Dad's don't get the same, the
46:37
same questions but how did you make it work?
46:40
No, Michael had something. He canceled his show that
46:44
weekend I would have been Table with like having somebody.
46:48
Somebody here that we trust stay with him.
46:51
That just stay in her house or goat.
46:53
Like I would that's what I would have done if we had.
46:55
Yeah either the time but Michael was so anti other people, taking
46:59
care of him basically. So he just he just canceled his
47:02
week of his weekend of work or whatever it was and then stayed
47:06
home and he would stay at home dad that we that works out.
47:10
That's nice. I have trouble like The fact
47:16
like that, we don't have family here.
47:18
It's like, oh yeah. You gotta find those people that
47:20
you trust that can actually stay and know what to do or at least
47:27
follow the rules, like, you know.
47:30
Yeah. No it's really hard.
47:33
It's hard to know we've had and we've had so many baby sitter
47:37
interviews and just kind of processes and it's hard to find
47:40
people that you're like, these are really people who love this
47:43
kid and like, do a good job. And yeah, don't leave him as
47:47
poopy diaper and stuff like that.
47:48
Like, that's really hard because the, yeah, I always go about it.
47:52
I uh, I think of that sometimes because nannying was my day job
47:58
forever and I would think of that, I was like, huh?
48:03
I mean I'm a great Nanny but they do just trust me.
48:08
I could be shit. Yeah, I could be horrible.
48:12
I mean, I guess they would come to find that out eventually Lee.
48:15
Yeah well you can also kind of tell like I can tell Jax
48:18
reaction to certain people, but we always do the first interview
48:22
as like a three-hour play date where I kind of observe them and
48:26
they're of course they're going to be on their best behavior as
48:29
okay but I just really like trying to see Jack's kind of
48:33
energy around them because he feel like he knows better than I
48:36
do and then we I try to like build up to like okay give them
48:41
a couple of hours without me and then see how Jack is Is and it's
48:45
kind of kind of. Yeah, test and learn some man,
48:52
there's so many like just unknowns, what do you think?
48:56
What is like, currently? What's something that you find
49:02
that? You just really struggle with
49:05
with mothering and acting and what's something that you find?
49:08
Comes easy. Think we're struggle with the
49:14
most most is getting as much sleep, as I would like to get
49:21
and getting as much work done, as I would like to get and then
49:25
just kind of like, it feels like every week is a new set of
49:30
challenges of like, how much time am I going to get with Jack
49:34
with this much and this many auditions in this much time on
49:37
set and it's just like it's kind of like the inconsistency
49:42
stresses me out and I just wish there would be more of a pattern
49:46
to it all and I know that's my responsibility to create, but
49:50
it's also like then trying to create that with a co-parent Who
49:54
His whole career is also that the good, just we're both
49:56
artists with very fluctuating careers and on top of that, like
50:02
he doesn't have a Sleep Disorder.
50:03
So he doesn't think about how important like a consistent
50:06
bedtime and all of that is so I think it's like those kinds of
50:11
challenges are. It's like not being it not
50:13
feeling like I have a partner that's really going to
50:17
communicate and collaborate with me on everything and like adjust
50:21
whatever schedule needs to be with.
50:23
Good attitude like it just feels like, it's always like pulling
50:26
teeth to get him to agree to a bedtime, or even try.
50:29
And then it's just like that's just a lot but just if it takes
50:34
a lot of like my energy and then the thing that comes most
50:38
naturally, I think it's just being around him.
50:42
Like when I'm around jackets just like It just feels like
50:47
this soulmate connection of just like this person is.
50:52
I love him so much and I like him so much and everything he
50:56
does is so interesting to me and funny and I'm just like what a
51:00
weird. Like I just think he's so cute.
51:02
So captivating and so like I just think and I feel like
51:07
genuinely so proud of him like every time he, you know, puts
51:10
his shoe on after that's been a, you know, struggle to try to get
51:13
the little tag in the back and He gets it stuck and the way he
51:16
communicates about that. He'll just be like, Mommy.
51:19
It's so hard, but I don't want you to help me.
51:22
It's just like, it's just so I love talking to him.
51:26
I always love talking to me before he was speaking English
51:30
yet, but now, it's like so fun because he just has his opinions
51:34
about everything. Like, there's, this, this cup
51:37
that they give to the kids at Denny's that asks, like, would
51:39
you rather be an asked different questions?
51:42
Like an elf or sword fighting hero?
51:44
Or Magical Elf or whatever. And we started playing that like
51:48
will ask the questions on the cup and then we'll just ask more
51:51
questions and just getting to know.
51:53
Him is so funny. It's just like he's a human.
51:57
Like he's this person that like I'm essentially like going on
52:01
dates with, but I'm getting to know this unit as he's getting
52:04
to know himself, I get like first, you know, first day or
52:08
whatever, it's called front row seats to his figuring out who he
52:11
is and like, I would I rather be the ocean or the rain, I Yes,
52:15
I'm kind of, but like, it's just like, it's, it's so fun to get
52:18
to know who he is and how and watch him get to know that.
52:22
And like just hanging out, like, he's so fun to hang out with and
52:26
like, and to create with and do when we have, we play so much
52:30
and it's just like, it's just great.
52:33
Do you think I wonder? I'm, that's interesting of like,
52:37
children of actors. Like, do you like, and you get
52:41
to play and you Imagination with him, which is also your job.
52:49
That's interesting thing I never really thought about before we
52:53
get to. I wonder if that's also kind of
52:57
like a good and a bad thing, I don't know or it's like, am I
53:01
working all the time? But I mean it definitely it's
53:05
hard because it's like, I'm not getting paid to do this play,
53:07
but right now, if I think, but if I think of it holistically as
53:13
like, yes, I'm not Getting paid money but I'm getting paid in
53:17
like the grand scheme of my life.
53:20
It's like sure of the amount of income iron does change the like
53:25
level of comfort I have in my life but like this shit is
53:29
irreplaceable. Like just loving what you do and
53:31
being able to being able to go from Like Loving hang out with
53:35
my kid to then loving having like getting to do an audition
53:39
or going on set and being this other character is such a fun.
53:44
It's just such a fun life. It's like oh I'm loving every
53:46
moment of my life now like there's I'm not everything I'm
53:48
doing. I'm enjoying even when it's
53:50
hard, and it's like, oh my gosh, it's 3 a.m. and now you woke up
53:54
with a poop and you have a rash and it's terrible and it hurts
53:56
to white, but it's just like, I, you know, have to go bath.
53:58
And I'm on my medication. It's just like, even those
54:01
moments, I'm like, this is great.
54:03
This is such a, like, I don't know.
54:06
This is life. Like all these little moments,
54:08
add up to your big big, weird life that you get to have on
54:11
this planet. That doesn't make any sense that
54:13
were here. Like it's just so, It's so cool.
54:17
It's so I mean I you know what, I think you really need to hear
54:20
a lot of that today especially after just having this like self
54:25
tapeworm like this is this is stupid.
54:28
She's here, I want to be with her.
54:30
I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, I I think I just really
54:34
needed is so good to chat with you and I could go on forever
54:39
chatting with you. It's thank you so much for your
54:43
time and I hope everyone takes away but I've, you know, taken
54:50
from you. You've such a good vibe as a
54:55
mom. I love it and I definitely
54:58
needed it here. Some of those things and makes
55:01
me feel less alone in this. Yeah, industry in this world as
55:06
a mom and an actor and all of that right there and that is a
55:13
look into To Mommy would thank you so much to my guest and a
55:20
special. Thank you to my producer,
55:23
Cecilia trip with Laurel Canyon creative, and thank you to Edith
55:28
much for my theme music and don't forget to follow mommy,
55:33
would podcast on Instagram and Tick-Tock and please leave a
55:39
nice review and a few Stars while you're at it and I hope
55:44
you Enjoyed this episode of mommy would and take care.