Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 182. Empty Nest Awakening: Ruthie Gray’s Wisdom for Launching Kids with Faith

Transcript

182. Empty Nest Awakening: Ruthie Gray’s Wisdom for Launching Kids with Faith · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

0:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Henkelman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama Podcast, the show for Christian moms who want to watch their kids well and actually enjoy their empty nest.
0:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a certified emptiness coach, speaker, and mom of five adult kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go, the setting healthy boundaries to rediscovering your purpose and reconnecting with your husband.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Each week I'll be your guide, offering heartfelt conversations
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[SPEAKER_01]: Faith filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in the next chapter.
0:42
[SPEAKER_01]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong and growing relationships with my adult kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I want the same for you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And don't miss the end of each episode.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'll share a quick coaching tip.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
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[SPEAKER_01]: One favor before we dive in.
1:01
[SPEAKER_01]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
1:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It helps other moms discover the show.
1:07
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
1:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get started.
1:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, the place for a faith friendship and real talk for empty nest moms.
1:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Pamela Henkelman and I'm so glad you're here.
1:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Today we're diving into the one one of the most emotional and transformative seasons of motherhood.
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[SPEAKER_01]: launching our kids into adulthood.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And to help us navigate this journey with Grayson Wisdom, I'm thrilled to welcome my friend Ruthie Gray to the show.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Ruthie is a season Gen X mama for a grandmother, author of emptiness awakening, and host of the sandwich season sanity podcast.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I recently binge listened to her show, and it was amazing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: She brings such practical insight and spiritual depth to this conversation.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you're feeling a little lost,
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[SPEAKER_01]: or unsure in this season, you're not alone and you're in the right place.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So grab your coffee and settle in.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This episode is full of hope, tooth and encouragement for your mama heart.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome, Ruthie.
2:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for having me.
2:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so honored to be on this show.
2:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I love what you do here, and I love your message to midlife, Mama's.
2:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let's jump in.
2:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So many moms feel like they're losing their role when their kids leave home.
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: How can we redefine our identity in the season of launching?
2:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That is a good one.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I fell lost when my kids left because I did not realize it, but I had wrapped my identity and being a mom because I achieved my goal.
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That was my life goal.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did it, realize that until they were leaving, and I was feeling grief, which I didn't expect because I was excited for them.
2:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that what we need to do and kind of prep ourselves before they ever leave seeing, you know, their junior high there and their teens are getting ready to go.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's real important to recognize that that is not your identity.
3:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Our identity as believers is in Christ and that that impacts a whole, a whole bunch of joy-filled gifts and it's a whole another topic.
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that we need to realize we're not just small.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're daughters, we're wives, and we are servants of the most high who has a play for us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
3:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
3:45
[SPEAKER_01]: What are some tips you have for the mom who really only sees herself as the mom?
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: What can she do to understand the depth of who she actually is?
3:56
[SPEAKER_01]: She's a friend.
3:57
[SPEAKER_01]: She has gifts that the Lord wants to pull out of her and use now that the kids are gone.
4:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Perhaps some of the gifts that she shoved away.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because she brought that was my experience.
4:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I have lots of dreams.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have time for this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So talk to her.
4:10
[SPEAKER_01]: What practical things can she do?
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: my best tip is to journal.
4:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And I realize that some people are not journal or spits you could be a type or stinson.
4:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like though that that active action of writing and just writing down your thoughts and possibilities
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[SPEAKER_00]: brings more than you realize it's going to.
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[SPEAKER_00]: As you write, I, this is what I did.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I said I was lost and I just started journaling things that were possibilities, things that I could do, things that had been on the shelf like the writing and just
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[SPEAKER_00]: brainstorming possibilities, writing my thoughts, and really getting in the word to really leaning into prayer and asking God what he would have for me.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: That is an invaluable practice, I think.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.
5:15
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to remember we're not alone in this and the, you know, we knew it was coming, but we didn't always prepare.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so when we're in it, we have to say, Lord, show me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Help me see this in a positive light because we can respond to it in two ways.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We can be like, oh, no, my life is over.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is where we can say, we can get curious and say, wow, God, what do you have for me?
5:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so I would love to hear about your grief.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: How did your grief manifest?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Did it come with the first one?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Could you have four kids?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Was it the same for all of them?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Was it different?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What were the layers?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Good, buddy.
5:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny, but it's not funny.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was not funny at the time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
5:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So, but the first one, that first one was she was the strong, wild one.
6:02
[SPEAKER_00]: She was raised.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She'd been ready to leave for years.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, okay, go on.
6:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Get out here.
6:06
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was, it was a joyful time.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: She had arrived to
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was time for her to get married and we were in a healthy space at this point.
6:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But she was only like twenty minutes down the road.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought that's fine.
6:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I still have three kids.
6:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's great.
6:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But then a couple years later, the two middle ones left at once, per colleges in separate states.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when it really hit me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And there was like this for boating and grief.
6:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did have the one at home.
6:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was so thankful for her, but it was like, it hit all of those great years are gone.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like that era had come to a close.
6:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And although I was so excited for them, I started staring out windows like I would find myself staring out windows like I don't do that.
7:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I am always busy doing something that I love, you know, and staring out windows and watching football of all things.
7:13
[SPEAKER_00]: It was not a sportsman.
7:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just sitting on the couch with my husband watching football and ruminating my life and what is life?
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[SPEAKER_00]: That was so in grief.
7:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's important to recognize that grief, but not while I win it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Again, journal.
7:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's how that was me.
7:38
[SPEAKER_00]: That was just like, that's how it was.
7:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.
7:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It's transitional grief.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not the same grief as when we lose a loved one.
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[SPEAKER_01]: No forever.
7:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's transitional grief.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to normalize that this is part of it.
7:53
[SPEAKER_01]: But we cannot get stuck there because it's stuck there.
7:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be really sad.
7:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I worked with a client last year who had spent ten years in that space.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Still grieving.
8:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She felt purposeless.
8:07
[SPEAKER_01]: She didn't understand what gone had for her soul.
8:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just so lovely to help her see.
8:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to stay stuck there.
8:15
[SPEAKER_01]: That was never the intention.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: We knew these kids would grow up.
8:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a thirty-five year old in the basement.
8:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to do something.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You need to do something for not letting go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're not letting go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is God's good intention for families that our kids would launch and step out onto the world because he has things for us.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But it's okay to accept the grief.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think
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[SPEAKER_01]: tears are always a signal and we should pay attention and say, okay, Lord, what are you trying to teach me?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What want me to know?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And in the grief as long as we bring it to God, he is so ready to go sweetheart.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know you're broken hearted.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm ready to help you through this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, a process in a process our emotions in healthy way is so
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[SPEAKER_01]: powerful.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Amen.
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, you would think by the time you had five kids, by the time the fifth one left, you'd be fine.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not to like, I'm just like, she almost supported us.
9:14
[SPEAKER_01]: She looked at us and it's just like, come here mom and dad, it's gonna be okay.
9:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, oh, is our nest was truly empty after number five, but I was like, it's just such a
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[SPEAKER_01]: an awareness that life will be different, but there's so much good.
9:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So tell me a little bit about how you communicate with your adult kids.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What is especially when they're newly independent when they've stepped off to college?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What was your rhythm like?
9:43
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you manage just sometimes the conflict that comes around just a simple conversation?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I didn't realize that everybody was going to go off to college and change their majors.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That was through me for a loop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: One of them changed like six times.
10:01
[SPEAKER_00]: That was the oldest of that told you about it.
10:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll turn down courage.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: She's fantastic.
10:06
[SPEAKER_00]: She's such a fantastic mom and wife.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: She's such a driven person.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Mom's be encouraged.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You're strong willers.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to do big things.
10:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Great things.
10:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's in a side.
10:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So
10:22
[SPEAKER_00]: When they go off to college, it's easy to want to keep a pulse on them, like they're every move.
10:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And why isn't my son texting me for, you know, weeks on in?
10:33
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's what boys do.
10:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I have one boy and three girls.
10:37
[SPEAKER_00]: The girls were very commuter-cative.
10:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But they were also involved in their social lives, which I was so glad for.
10:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think the biggest thing is to realize there is a separation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You do not need to be involved in every
10:56
[SPEAKER_00]: decision that they make.
10:59
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the time for you to get used to the fact that they have to make decisions and they have to learn on their own and they're gonna make mistakes and you're gonna not be able to save them from it all.
11:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Very good.
11:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Very good.
11:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Very good.
11:16
[SPEAKER_01]: How did your handle?
11:17
[SPEAKER_01]: How did your handle like how often you would talk?
11:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you have a conversation about it or did you sometimes sit at home and go, oh, is there any calling me?
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I did do that.
11:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's see.
11:30
[SPEAKER_00]: How did we do it?
11:33
[SPEAKER_00]: We did not have a conversation about how often to talk.
11:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I just tried to play off of their rhythm.
11:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I really tried.
11:43
[SPEAKER_00]: to not be annoying because I knew that being annoying was going to mean that they were going to push me away.
11:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had lots of talks with my husband about this or that child, why are they not texting?
11:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Why is it only one sentence every other week or whatever?
12:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, he grew up with three brothers, no sisters.
12:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So he knew all about, you know, how guys communicate.
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But also with the girls, you know, every once in a while, there would be long pauses, or I have some that communicate more than others, you know, some are just like one sentence or just factual.
12:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had to kind of dig into their personalities and kind of look at personality traits and different, you know, like any Graham and stuff like that, you know, just there are things out there that help you understand your children and that really helps me.
12:37
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just had to learn that it's not really personal, you know, they're just living their lives.
12:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That's ding ding ding.
12:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, our college age kids and young adults, they're very self-absorbed.
12:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's be honest.
12:52
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not thinking about us as much as we're thinking about them.
12:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's learn from just be like, let them be free to live their lives and we're going to be okay.
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, think about yourself at that age.
13:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I was not thinking about calling my mom or telling her what I had for dinner or any of that.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I was thinking about going out with the next guy and, you know, finishing that exam or project or whatever, staying up till midnight and one a.m.
13:23
[SPEAKER_00]: with everybody else and in the lounge, all the girls trying to finish our papers and stuff.
13:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean,
13:29
[SPEAKER_00]: They're busy and we can't take it personally.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
13:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a question for you.
13:36
[SPEAKER_01]: What did you think about the apps like life three sixty or find me on Apple?
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you use those with your adult kids or did you not because we tracking them and say, or are they today?
13:48
[SPEAKER_01]: What do they have to?
13:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you have to consider that we didn't have too much of that back then.
14:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been, so my first one, it has been married for thirteen years now.
14:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that stuck was just starting.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: We didn't do that because we realized that we needed to kind of respect their privacy, but it just wasn't
14:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It just wasn't something we got into.
14:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's a good tool.
14:26
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have junior high and high school, if you have teens, and maybe even the young adults as they go on to college, but I think it's important not to get super absorbed in that.
14:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But I will say that my own daughters track me, like I see you over there at Target when you pick up XYZ for me.
14:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so that's hilarious.
14:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I think so many moms overuse it.
14:55
[SPEAKER_01]: The only time I used it because I had it with all my kids, but it was with my daughter who would make that seven hour drive home from college alone and she did it.
15:05
[SPEAKER_01]: for four years and I was like, why do we think that's a good item?
15:09
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just wanted to know she would say it's good.
15:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But we got to let go of that mom because when you're doing that, when you're interrupting, even privately, you're saying I don't really trust what the Lord has my child because I need to know what's going on.
15:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's a wedding journey.
15:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's a whole journey and it takes time.
15:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It takes practice, but try to use it less and see the peace that you feel.
15:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want to know what are some healthy boundaries moms can set as their kids become more independent, especially when moms still want to help or stay involved.
15:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think we have to practice, shutting our mouths.
15:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Say less.
15:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Say less.
15:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Just make this your mantra.
16:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Say less.
16:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
16:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It's important to go ahead and let them fail sometimes.
16:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It is important to start giving them respect.
16:15
[SPEAKER_00]: They are adults and they're becoming adults.
16:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And just because they're your children doesn't mean that they should have less respect than say your neighbor or your mom or the people at church that you talk to.
16:33
[SPEAKER_00]: This took me a while to realize they deserve my respect.
16:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to let everything fly out of my mouth.
16:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a journey, Mom, because, you know, you're still paying for bills when they go to college and things like that.
16:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I realize there are things you do have to say.
16:55
[SPEAKER_00]: But you don't have to micromanage.
16:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's super important to allow them
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: to share with you without cutting them off.
17:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And immediately saying, don't do that or no, that's not a good idea because I've been there.
17:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And that shuts your child down faster than anything.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything.
17:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm still working on the t-shirt.
17:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep it shot mom.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to start with no one.
17:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Say less.
17:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say less.
17:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it will take you years to build back that relationship.
17:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Trust me.
17:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Say less.
17:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Get curious.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
17:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Ask.
17:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, why do you think that or what is your opinion on X, Y, Z?
17:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't just spew all of your opinions.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't do that at all.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Just don't do that at all.
17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You will shut them down and they will not come around.
17:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me more about that.
17:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me how you came to that conclusion is such a good question, especially when you have a child who's wrestling with their fate.
18:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that is a mother's greatest fear, but it will happen.
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Your kids will try on ideas once they go to college.
18:11
[SPEAKER_01]: The world gets a little bigger and we have to be ridded in the Lord and say, just be curious and love them like crazy.
18:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all we're called to do.
18:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, the conclusion that I came to, because all of my kids have wrestled with their faith.
18:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And the conclusion that I came to was, they know where I stand.
18:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to give my opinion.
18:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I gave it to them.
18:39
[SPEAKER_00]: They're whole life.
18:41
[SPEAKER_00]: They were in church.
18:42
[SPEAKER_00]: They were in the word.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: They were in Christian school.
18:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They were homeschooled.
18:47
[SPEAKER_00]: They were with the group use groups.
18:50
[SPEAKER_00]: They know my opinion before I ever say it.
18:56
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't need to hear that.
18:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So getting curious is more
19:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It's more like, well, why do you?
19:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Why do you think that?
19:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember there was a conversation when one of my kids was in college.
19:14
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so foreign to me.
19:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It came out of nowhere this thought that was clearly unbiblical.
19:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And it took me back and I didn't know what to do with it.
19:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I let it lie and I let it lie and I let it lie too long without asking.
19:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have asked why do you think that?
19:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But I illuminated it inside and took it personally and then I almost got bitter.
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So I let my thoughts run away with me
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And to this day, I still don't know for sure about how that child thinks about that, because I let it go too long.
20:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But don't let it go so long and don't take it personally, do not take it personally.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: They have to journey.
20:15
[SPEAKER_00]: They're on a journey with God.
20:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't have to play the Holy Spirit.
20:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Amen.
20:22
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not your job.
20:24
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not our jobs.
20:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank the Lord.
20:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And something else that we need to realize is that this is a spiritual journey just as much for us as it is then.
20:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So God is working on you and your heart and theirs.
20:46
[SPEAKER_01]: He's growing you up just as well.
20:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's a beautiful truth.
20:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd love that so much.
20:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Oops, did I just say that?
20:53
[SPEAKER_01]: We've all been there one tiny comment, and suddenly you're adult child pulls away or shuts down.
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: As moms, we mean well, but some phrases do more harm than good.
21:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I created a free guy just for you.
21:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Ten things not to say to your adult child, and five ways to stop yourself from saying them.
21:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It's packed with practical wisdom to help you speak with love, not regret.
21:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Grab your copy today at the link in the show notes and start buildingconnection.conflict.
21:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about how your faith helped you through the launching years.
21:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I picked up a through the year Bible and thought I had been a whiny about rating my Bible through all these years.
21:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's do it.
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I can do this.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was, I think it was thirteen or fourteen years ago.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still doing it every year.
21:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It was the best thing I could have done was to journey through the scriptures and see the Bible as a whole.
22:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But that was only part of the component because I started really leaning into prayer and praise.
22:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And I realized that it wasn't just about me asking God for things.
22:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It was about communing with God and listening.
22:22
[SPEAKER_00]: to him, then journaling.
22:25
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a journaling again.
22:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
22:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't get away.
22:29
[SPEAKER_00]: God has spoken so much to me through journaling.
22:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how I heard from him what to do next.
22:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, exactly.
22:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
22:39
[SPEAKER_01]: He is our rock in this season of transition when we feel so shaky.
22:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, this is so unfamiliar.
22:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You mean, I'm supposed to let go.
22:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm supposed to not direct.
22:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm supposed to just support.
22:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm supposed to be curious instead of taking it personally.
22:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we cannot do that on our own.
22:58
[SPEAKER_01]: We would just get it all wonky.
23:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But with the Lord, he becomes our rock.
23:04
[SPEAKER_01]: He studies our souls when we're
23:07
[SPEAKER_01]: stuck in this transitional grief and we're trying to understand when our kids come to us with these unusual ideas about God.
23:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it's the only way.
23:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there are so many things we say, God, help me do this and help me do that.
23:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Help me speak to these women at this fellowship dinner, help me to write this book or help me whatever
23:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not enough that when it comes to our kids, we think we are because we've always been in operation mode with those kids.
23:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's time to take the hands off and let God do his work.
23:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
23:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, Ruthie, give us your best tip for the mom who's on the threshold of launching or she's maybe she's launching number two or three or four.
23:56
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you tell her?
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say that you need to deepen your faith.
24:05
[SPEAKER_00]: This is your faith journey.
24:07
[SPEAKER_00]: This is probably the beginning of it.
24:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though you didn't hit all these years, this is the real beginning.
24:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Go and strengthen the Lord.
24:17
[SPEAKER_01]: That's beautiful.
24:18
[SPEAKER_01]: We are just constantly given the opportunity to lean in and trust God more.
24:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think you've described that so well for this launching season.
24:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, Ruthie, I want to thank you for being here today.
24:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And could you please tell us where my listeners can find you online and then about the free resource you have for them?
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find me at RuthieGray.com.
24:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a podcast called Sandwich Season Sanity.
24:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find it over there or wherever you listen to podcasts.
24:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And hot.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: My sources.
24:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can find that podcast anywhere on the app of your choice.
24:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I have my book in the Nest Awakening, weaving the threads of your passions into purpose.
25:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an interactive guide for your next step.
25:09
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find that there.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I have something for you that is just called a get this you're going to really be surprised.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Next steps journal.
25:24
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a journaling guide and it's taken for my book and there's a free chapter for my book in there too that will help you work through what to do next.
25:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's lovely.
25:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go get that journal for sure.
25:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, wasn't that encouraging?
25:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I love Ruthie's honesty and wisdom about the hard and holy work of launching our kids and how our identity doesn't end when our kids leave home.
25:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It just begins to unfold in a new way.
25:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's your coaching tip of the week.
25:53
[SPEAKER_01]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
25:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
26:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, this week, I would love you to download Ruthie's journal and just start writing.
26:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing about journaling.
26:12
[SPEAKER_01]: No one's going to see it.
26:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be grammatically correct.
26:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to flow easily.
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It just has to be honest.
26:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And so take that journal and work through some of the things you're dealing with with this launch.
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know it will bless you.
26:29
[SPEAKER_01]: If today's episode blessed you, would you do me a favor?
26:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Share it with a friend who's also in the empty nest season and don't forget to leave a review.
26:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It helps other moms find the midlife mama podcast.
26:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks again for listening.
26:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, mama.
26:41
[SPEAKER_01]: God is not finished with your story.
26:43
[SPEAKER_01]: There is purpose and joy ahead.
26:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll see you next time.
26:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
26:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
26:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the empty nest, helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
27:09
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection call.
27:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The link is in the show notes and we'll talk about how I can walk alongside you as your coach.
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's stay connected.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman.
27:24
[SPEAKER_01]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman, M-T-Nest Coach.
27:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own mama.
27:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm here for you when you're ready.