Latest / Deep Dive into Joy / Part1: A Lawyer's Testimony of Transformation-with Eric Cummings

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Part1: A Lawyer's Testimony of Transformation-with Eric Cummings · Deep Dive into Joy

• 0:23
  This is Deep Dive into Joy, and I'm your host,
• 0:27
  Gina Rickner. Hey, dear listeners, it's your
• 0:30
  host, Gina Rickner. Welcome back to Deep Dive
• 0:32
  into Joy, the podcast where we talk about our
• 0:35
  own personal testimonies, how God shows up for
• 0:38
  us in our everyday lives, health and wellness,
• 0:42
  and journeying through the Bible. I'm so glad
• 0:44
  to have you all here with me today. Before we
• 0:47
  get started, I want to pause and share the sponsor
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  OK, so I'm going to sit down with Eric Cummings
• 3:19
  today and he is a husband, father and lawyer
• 3:23
  at his own firm called the Cummings Law Firm.
• 3:27
  And Eric's just going to sit down and share his
• 3:29
  testimony with us today. So I want you guys to
• 3:31
  sit back, relax and enjoy today's episode. So
• 3:35
  let's all welcome Eric Cummings to the podcast.
• 3:39
  So hi, Eric. I want to thank you so much for
• 3:41
  coming on with me today. I'm excited to hear
• 3:43
  your testimony, how God showed up for you. But
• 3:47
  I like to ask every guest before we start a fun
• 3:49
  little question. What is your favorite drink?
• 3:52
  Oh, that's a good one. Favorite drink, I would
• 3:57
  probably say it's going to be a double shot of
• 4:01
  espresso from Sheetz. And I have my my reasons
• 4:06
  are it's it's crazy, right? Because If anybody's
• 4:09
  ever had espresso, especially just black espresso,
• 4:12
  it tastes like garbage. It tastes. I was gonna
• 4:15
  say, do you mix anything with it? It tastes horrible.
• 4:18
  So it's for the functionality. I am not a morning
• 4:23
  person. Me either. Right? It's something that's
• 4:28
  plagued me. And I find the double shots of espresso
• 4:30
  do the trick. So they kick me in the tail and
• 4:34
  they get me over that. that starting line pretty
• 4:38
  quick and I chase it with water. And why is she
• 4:42
  it's just because it's convenient because it's
• 4:44
  right by my it's right there. It's right there.
• 4:47
  And it's cheap. I mean, I'm buying all those
• 4:50
  lattes and stuff. I can't do that. I can't justify
• 4:53
  it. But like a dollar, what is it like a dollar
• 4:55
  twenty nine or something for I don't even know
• 4:57
  for a double shot of espresso. It does the work.
• 5:00
  It's awesome. I highly recommend it. Just chase
• 5:03
  it with something or you're gonna taste it. Your
• 5:05
  mouth's gonna taste like garbage for the next
• 5:07
  couple hours. Yeah. So no, I'm glad to be here.
• 5:10
  I'm glad to be here. Okay, so this episode really
• 5:14
  is gonna be all about you. You're gonna take
• 5:18
  the wheel from here. I want you to share your
• 5:21
  story, your testimony. I know you guys have adopted,
• 5:23
  so maybe you can share a little bit about that,
• 5:24
  but it's... It's all you, you can let me know
• 5:27
  when you're done and we can move into the next
• 5:29
  session. How much time do we have? I'm a lawyer.
• 5:37
  This could take a while. I technically don't
• 5:41
  know if I've ever gone over maybe late. I know
• 5:44
  I've definitely gone over an hour, but that's
• 5:47
  up to you. You can talk as long as you want.
• 5:48
  I don't know where this program starts. I know
• 5:50
  it goes over an hour because I've done over that,
• 5:52
  but I don't know if it stops at a certain point.
• 5:55
  If it does, I'll let you know. we'll play it
• 6:00
  by ear obviously so yeah for everybody who's
• 6:04
  listening just praying that praying that whoever
• 6:09
  gets to hear this did any of the stuff that I
• 6:13
  am able to speak about just that Jesus does something
• 6:17
  crazy with it right where you are and the moment
• 6:21
  that you hear it the moment that that your heart
• 6:26
  hears it I just pray that that he does something
• 6:32
  amazing with it beyond understanding comprehension
• 6:35
  or anticipation something that that's going to
• 6:39
  change your life and that might even just that
• 6:41
  might be accepting him for the first time so
• 6:45
  I'll start with that a little bit I am like I
• 6:48
  said I'm a lawyer I've been doing this for almost
• 6:51
  20 years now It's hard to believe I feel so old.
• 6:54
  It's nuts. Wow. I don't think you're doing Yeah,
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  it's stupid. It is stupid how fast time goes.
• 6:59
  I know and and It's all part of it's all part
• 7:05
  of of my story And how I got there and stuff.
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  So I guess I guess what I do is is I'll just
• 7:12
  for all the listeners to anybody who's listening
• 7:14
  that is a type A that plans and and does their
• 7:18
  notes and all their stuff. I would drive you
• 7:20
  crazy because just like I drive my wife crazy
• 7:22
  who's type A that I love very much. I am a tap
• 7:26
  dancer, man. I don't I didn't read any notes.
• 7:29
  I don't. I'm winging it like we're going. This
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  is which which my wife would would probably just
• 7:36
  put her hand to her forehead that that slap to
• 7:39
  the forehead. I can. are doing that for sure.
• 7:43
  She certainly would, but I think what it offers
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  for me anyway is a very deep level of transparency
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  and off the cuff without filter that I think
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  is really the way that God has chosen to use
• 7:57
  me when I'm at my best for Him. So that's what
• 8:02
  I, so I was, I had an urge to kind of read up
• 8:06
  on on some stuff and see what was, but we're
• 8:08
  gonna just run through this. guess where I'd
• 8:12
  start is is I would because I don't know where
• 8:14
  someone's going to relate but I'll start at the
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  beginning I'll just I had a great childhood my
• 8:20
  mom and dad were phenomenal phenomenal parents
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  and and I was not a great kid You're gonna hear
• 8:36
  me when I describe this stuff because I talked
• 8:38
  to a lot of people obviously and I don't hesitate
• 8:41
  to use this type of language You're gonna hear
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  me use Terms like natural tendencies and natural
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  abilities and and and gifts and things like that
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  and my natural tendencies Since I was born they're
• 8:55
  in my blood right as I'm a contrarian I'm competitive
• 8:59
  I can be reactive. I'm spontaneous intuitive
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  but I think that the contrarian and argumentative
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  side of me is what makes me a good lawyer but
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  it made me a very bad student honestly in school
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  in high school and in elementary So if you're
• 9:25
  a teacher or I'm on the school board here in
• 9:28
  Clearfield and I have a vested interest with
• 9:30
  six kiddos, I figured I might as well get involved
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  that way as well. So I do understand the school
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  system, but I can tell you if you have a kiddo
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  in a class that is a problem for you and is stressing
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  you out every day when you're teaching and it's
• 9:46
  just wearing on your last nerve and won't shut
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  up. In the middle of class and isn't paying attention.
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  I was drawing in class I was sleeping in class,
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  but most of all I was talking and I could tell
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  you that back in the day back old -school man
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  Like I got sat out in the hallway in desks more
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  often than I was in the classroom For the lessons
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  because the teachers just wanted me out I would
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  encourage you don't give up on those kids man
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  because those natural tendencies if they are
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  driven in the correct direction especially in
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  accordance with God's will for that child's life
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  they are going to change the world they're going
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  to be a powerhouse and if they naturally have
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  that tendency and they're in a controlled environment
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  that doesn't foster that or encourage that like
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  a school classroom just doesn't it just doesn't
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  which isn't a there's a purpose for a school
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  classroom and there's an agenda obviously and
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  it's not free for all talking right so it doesn't
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  it doesn't encourage that or foster that but
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  that child will hear so much negative from the
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  other staff and from the other kids through that
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  that high school career that they will distinctly
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  remember the names and the the interactions with
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  with you who show them grace and lead them through
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  it and and try to give them opportunities to
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  be independent and to make arguments and to be
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  a contrarian so that's my spiel on that because
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  i specifically remember those teachers and and
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  i specifically remember the interactions with
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  my parents god bless them they had a hard time
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  handling me uh up through my probably from 13
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  until i i graduated um just just absolutely contrarian
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  you say the sky's blue and i'm going it's green
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  and i only say it because you said it was blue
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  literally like there's no logical reason other
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  than the fact that it's in my dna to act like
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  that um but my parents were phenomenal they were
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  they were amazing um going into I bring that
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  up because going into the summer between my junior
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  and senior year in high school so this would
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  have been 1998 I couldn't remember how much older
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  you were then. Yeah, 1990. Back in the olden
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  days, Dad. I'm like, shut up. You're fine. Back
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  in the 1900s, I think. They're like, did you
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  have running water? Did you have to go to the
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  bathroom out in the portal? No. Oh, you had running
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  water. But during that summer. So I attended,
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  I grew up in church, it was St. Paul United Methodist
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  Church in Grampian on 6th Street. A couple of
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  my friends, there's a couple little churches
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  around there, a couple of my friends had attended
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  St. Paul Adventure Catholic Church right by the
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  Grampian Park and they had actually, the one
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  girl I graduated with, Amanda, her brother Matthew,
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  he was probably in his late teens, early 20s,
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  he had volunteered to run a youth group and at
• 13:00
  that time I had no idea what a youth group was
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  I had no it wasn't the terminology now is much
• 13:05
  more um in the culture than it used to be right
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  um the the Christian music now is much more in
• 13:13
  the culture and and is much better frankly quality
• 13:16
  wise we had very little Christian music very
• 13:20
  and what it was was you know, Uncle Bob on a
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  keyboard and Aunt Mary singing with her frizzed
• 13:28
  hair in the corner is horrible. It was it was
• 13:31
  atrocious. But so I go to this youth youth group
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  and it was getting towards the middle of the
• 13:39
  summer, I remember, and we were we were singing
• 13:44
  and just doing what youth groups do. And it's
• 13:47
  the first time I had ever encountered it before.
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  and i specifically remember being asked at the
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  one meeting whether i would accept jesus and
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  i was not only was i 17 but i tell you i was
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  absent -minded i don't think my brain fully developed
• 14:09
  until i was in my 20s i was out the lunch which
• 14:12
  i think was why i didn't listen in school either
• 14:15
  is because i was just doing my own thing um and
• 14:18
  and i didn't understand the significance of it
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  but because i was so naive to the fact i know
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  that i know now that god saw the innocence of
• 14:31
  my heart because of my naivety and he accepted
• 14:36
  my sacrificial offering to him at 17 years old
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  in that saint bonaventure catholic church that
• 14:43
  day and I had this feeling of it's so hard to
• 14:51
  explain and put into words I want to say almost
• 14:54
  floating almost floating it's so weird to say
• 14:58
  it like that but just being above it was the
• 15:01
  Holy Spirit it was joy I had never felt that
• 15:04
  before and it was a supernatural result of of
• 15:08
  an eternal decision that at 17 years old i couldn't
• 15:10
  decide what i was going to have for lunch but
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  i decided to accept jesus christ as my savior
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  and and whether i understood the significance
• 15:18
  that or not god did and the holy spirit did and
• 15:23
  they did what they always do and they took over
• 15:26
  um and and began at that point to drive me the
• 15:29
  direction that i was intended to to go without
• 15:32
  me having a Idea in the world where I was going
• 15:36
  and what they were doing and what was about to
• 15:38
  happen. So you go from that and I Remember finishing
• 15:44
  out that summer and I had that feeling the whole
• 15:47
  summer is the best summer I ever ever ever had
• 15:50
  so I get through that summer and I go back is
• 15:52
  my senior year and I specifically remember Over
• 15:56
  the first few weeks. I lost that feeling and
• 16:00
  I remember knowing that I lost that feeling and
• 16:03
  whatever it was what it was and I figured I just
• 16:07
  it was what it was got done graduation ended
• 16:11
  up going to Penn State and I can tell you I don't
• 16:18
  know who all listens to this or who's going to
• 16:20
  listen to this but so Clearfield right Clearfield,
• 16:22
  Perlinsville, Grampy and the areas we're talking
• 16:24
  about these are very small areas geographically
• 16:27
  very small population all this stuff absolutely
• 16:30
  despise this area I grew up I did not have a
• 16:33
  great experience in school for a number of different
• 16:35
  reasons obviously I felt like I was bigger than
• 16:39
  this place I felt like I was better than this
• 16:41
  place I wanted to go to the city I wanted to
• 16:44
  go to a beach I wanted to go somewhere that I
• 16:47
  felt like I could be bigger and not for God in
• 16:52
  that moment frankly it was because of my ego
• 16:55
  and so if you have kids that are in a position
• 17:01
  where they are saying I'm moving out of here
• 17:03
  you're never gonna get me back here I'm never
• 17:05
  gonna be here again this place stinks no matter
• 17:07
  where you are right geographically if you're
• 17:10
  in a smaller area and your kids are talking like
• 17:12
  that or or if God wants them to be back here
• 17:18
  he will get them back here and because he got
• 17:21
  me back here and as we talk you'll hear how he
• 17:26
  got me back here and it was nuts but my point
• 17:29
  is is I did not have an enjoyable experience
• 17:34
  in the school setting I thought I was dumb I
• 17:37
  thought I was just all these things this baggage
• 17:40
  these lies that the enemy strapped on me behind
• 17:44
  closed doors that I didn't realize I was carrying
• 17:47
  that created disdain and resentment for the area
• 17:51
  and the people here so when i went to penn state
• 17:56
  i saw that as an opportunity to be to be unknown
• 18:00
  i wanted to be unknown i wanted to be i i wanted
• 18:04
  to start fresh right and so i go to i go there
• 18:08
  and i literally with again remember competitive
• 18:14
  um indignant contrarian argumentative ego growing
• 18:20
  from that age um that I still struggle with um
• 18:24
  and and so I started reading the dictionary and
• 18:28
  I was doing it and I knew what I was doing I
• 18:31
  was doing it not to be smarter I was doing it
• 18:34
  so I could pick fights with people and make them
• 18:36
  look dumb I'm just being honest like it that
• 18:39
  was my mindset going I disliked this area so
• 18:44
  much and these experiences so much that that's
• 18:46
  never gonna happen to me again and I'm going
• 18:49
  to absolutely crush everybody around me and that
• 18:54
  thinks they have a shot of beating me when it
• 18:56
  comes to school when it comes to intelligence
• 18:58
  when it comes to just anything like that and
• 19:01
  um from there i i i got into student government
• 19:06
  i uh was one of the lion liaisons uh for one
• 19:12
  of the campuses i was um CCSG Northwest Caucus
• 19:16
  Director, which puts me in charge of a bunch
• 19:19
  of the branch campuses in the northwest part
• 19:22
  of Pennsylvania. I used to boast that, and again
• 19:30
  I'm just giving this for relevancy on the build
• 19:32
  -up, because when you hear the fall, keep all
• 19:35
  of this content in mind. because it was in my
• 19:39
  mind when it punched me in the face. But I would
• 19:41
  boast that, you know, in school, they tell you,
• 19:44
  we have to get your always content of your resume
• 19:46
  on one page. And I would boast going, good luck.
• 19:50
  Right. You're not fitness on one page cupcake.
• 19:53
  You're not going to be able to. And I made sure
• 19:55
  you couldn't unless you're writing an eight point
• 19:58
  font and you're not going to be able to read
• 19:59
  it. And so. I'm doing all these things and accomplishing
• 20:05
  all these things and it's just win after win
• 20:07
  after win after win and God was so far from me
• 20:11
  and all the ways that in college we fear that
• 20:14
  our kids will get tied up in substance and altercations
• 20:18
  and relationships that are bad and just horrible
• 20:21
  time management and horrible all those things
• 20:25
  I Was participating in and subject to did you
• 20:28
  feel like you're feeling like truly being fulfilled
• 20:31
  by those things? You're getting those wins. I
• 20:35
  I'll be honest. I did yeah, and if you would
• 20:38
  have if it would have just been one win i would
• 20:42
  probably have said no in the short term like
• 20:44
  any anything short term you feel satisfied yeah
• 20:47
  but i would have i would say but i'm telling
• 20:49
  you like it was win after win after win i was
• 20:52
  the guy right i was the guy and i'm also love
• 20:56
  language notice i am a words of affirmation love
• 20:58
  language so now i'm having people around me constantly
• 21:03
  going you're the guy right and so in my mind
• 21:07
  to uphold and maintain the status for words of
• 21:10
  affirmation of you're the guy plus the wins to
• 21:13
  satisfy the competitive nature that's naturally
• 21:15
  in me you're the guy i had to keep winning and
• 21:18
  seeking out things to win at and to just keep
• 21:22
  adding to that resume and adding and it was almost
• 21:24
  an addiction um so was i i was which plays into
• 21:29
  who I am now. Like I said, these things are not
• 21:33
  bad things if your heart is in the right place,
• 21:36
  right? Like I am the hardest worker that you're
• 21:38
  ever going to meet. No one is going to work me.
• 21:41
  I'll work you under the table. Like I'll put
• 21:44
  people to shame because of what I'm doing now.
• 21:48
  So looking, seeking out challenges to win. I'm
• 21:52
  still doing that. But I'm doing it for Jesus.
• 21:55
  I'm doing it for my family I'm doing it for the
• 21:58
  people my team and their families that work with
• 22:01
  me. I'm doing it for for being able to go behind
• 22:04
  closed doors and give things away that people
• 22:07
  have no idea that I do and and but God does and
• 22:11
  that he tells me to do and and so So yes, I felt
• 22:15
  satisfied. But if you would have if you would
• 22:20
  have isolated each win would say no but because
• 22:26
  I got into this it was like a dopamine joyride
• 22:30
  like and it was four years long and I was on
• 22:33
  it and I was the man it was just a bad scene
• 22:39
  and it was so self -indulgent and again I don't
• 22:44
  think that my brain turned on fully until I was
• 22:49
  25 years old serious I think until I was 25 so
• 22:52
  this is so I'm still a kid I'm rolling through
• 22:55
  this okay to be fair I think for guys their brains
• 22:57
  don't fully develop until 25 or 26 yes I agree
• 23:01
  as a fact I completely agree and and a real quick
• 23:05
  sidebar I remember I was 25 I came home to visit
• 23:11
  my mom and dad before I left to go to law school
• 23:14
  in Florida and my dad and I were sitting outside
• 23:18
  talking And I looked at him and I said, Dad,
• 23:23
  I love you. I said, this is such a good talk.
• 23:26
  I said, I feel like we're just talking. And he
• 23:30
  looked at me with a straight face, completely
• 23:32
  loving, and he goes, Eric, your mother and I
• 23:36
  haven't changed a bit. Making the obvious point
• 23:40
  that one of us had changed, and we couldn't have
• 23:43
  civil conversations before because of one of
• 23:46
  us, and it was me. So I'm rolling through college
• 23:52
  and I'm doing what I'm doing. The whole time
• 23:56
  I have my family telling me you need to be a
• 23:58
  lawyer and because I'm a contrarian, stupidly
• 24:01
  I'm going, no, I'm not going to be a lawyer.
• 24:02
  I don't want to be a lawyer. It's stupid. I don't
• 24:04
  want to do that. And I think at that time...
• 24:08
  Wow, so that was never in your brain? Never.
• 24:10
  No, no. And I just was not... I was... Super
• 24:14
  social super all over the place shaking hands
• 24:16
  and kissing babies like I thought politics. I
• 24:19
  thought Which I would not I don't like now I
• 24:25
  was thinking at one point I was hotel restaurant
• 24:28
  management And and so but this is the conversation
• 24:32
  my dad and I another conversation my dad and
• 24:34
  I had which was awesome was He said Eric. He
• 24:37
  said listen. He said if want to run a hotel and
• 24:43
  own a hotel or whatever you want to do and you
• 24:47
  you could do that right you could do that that's
• 24:50
  fine he goes but if you're a lawyer that opens
• 24:56
  that gives you keys to doors that you can't unlock
• 24:59
  if you were only in hotel he goes if you're a
• 25:03
  lawyer you can go back and own the hotel He goes,
• 25:08
  you can go back and do that. And I argued with
• 25:11
  him about it until years later, now I'm a lawyer.
• 25:15
  And I remember telling my dad one night and I
• 25:20
  said, you were right. What every parent wants
• 25:22
  to hear. And my dad smiled and he goes, About
• 25:28
  what and he goes I have a list and And but but
• 25:33
  he was absolutely correct And and so I tell people
• 25:36
  I've told people that going no matter if you
• 25:38
  feel like you have the same natural giftings
• 25:41
  that I have And to any degree it's worth looking
• 25:46
  into if you're creative. You're an abstract thinker
• 25:49
  your Go to the march of your own beat you um
• 25:53
  like i was fired from every job i ever had until
• 25:58
  i worked for the attorney that hired me out of
• 26:02
  law school i was fired because i'm a contrarian
• 26:06
  like you put me in a in a place for an extended
• 26:09
  period of time especially when it's not in my
• 26:12
  gifting like if you sit me at a desk and i can't
• 26:17
  talk to anybody Give me two weeks before I start
• 26:21
  causing problems There are people listening right
• 26:23
  now that are by nature Entrepreneurs that God
• 26:26
  has created to be entrepreneurs and you are torturing
• 26:29
  your employer I'm just saying it because I did
• 26:32
  you are a problem and and you need to Embrace
• 26:36
  that on the side open the job open something
• 26:39
  up on the side and just to get that creative
• 26:41
  energy out that independent streak out and See
• 26:44
  where it takes you if you trust God But anyway,
• 26:49
  I digress. But yeah, I got fired from everything.
• 26:51
  It was like, I'm like, I really think Walmart's
• 26:55
  best should be red and not blue. You're fired.
• 26:57
  Get out. We know what we're doing. I'm like,
• 27:00
  OK. So so anyway, so I'm going through college
• 27:06
  and and I mean, I'm telling you, I'm not going
• 27:09
  to I'm not. I think Hope one time saw how nauseating
• 27:13
  my resume was that I pulled out of an old box
• 27:16
  of stuff from college and she was just like,
• 27:19
  that is ridiculous. And it was written ridiculously.
• 27:24
  And so you have years of this buildup of this
• 27:28
  pride and who I am and it's going and going and
• 27:32
  going. I get to graduation and I remember. going,
• 27:36
  I don't know what I want to do. I'm literally
• 27:38
  sitting at commencement for Penn State University
• 27:40
  and I don't know what I'm going to do with a
• 27:44
  job or go get another degree or go to law school,
• 27:47
  whatever. So I ended up trying to go to law school
• 27:50
  and what I ended up doing was I got accepted
• 27:52
  and this is crazy because we'll put a thumbtack
• 27:54
  in this. I got accepted. to a basically it's
• 27:59
  a fair program I guess but it's more as a moneymaker
• 28:02
  to weed out people. Widener Law School down towards
• 28:05
  Harrisburg it's a branch campus of the main Widener
• 28:08
  Law School. They allowed they chose me to enroll
• 28:12
  in a summertime it was about a one and a half
• 28:14
  month program three class intensive basically
• 28:21
  we'll give you all this content you need to understand
• 28:24
  it we're going to treat it like a real semester
• 28:26
  and at the end we're going to grade your whole
• 28:30
  attendance doesn't matter your reading assignments
• 28:33
  don't matter you do them if you want not do them
• 28:35
  i don't care but just like in law school 99 of
• 28:40
  your grade all hinges upon your curved final
• 28:45
  exam right so like if you and i or in regular
• 28:49
  school anywhere else and we take the same test
• 28:52
  you get a hundred percent i get a hundred percent
• 28:54
  that's great in law school that is not what happens
• 28:57
  it is someone the best paper in class sets the
• 29:01
  a the worst sets the the d and they the lion's
• 29:07
  share are c pluses and b minuses and um and so
• 29:12
  that's the way that curve works and uh um it's
• 29:17
  everybody in those classes would be getting hundreds
• 29:20
  otherwise so they have to be very very rigid
• 29:23
  on how they do that so anyway so we're doing
• 29:26
  this and I enroll in this I moved to Harrisburg
• 29:28
  I lived with a gentleman named Jason who was
• 29:30
  a current Widener Law student I had no idea what
• 29:33
  I was doing and I got down there and lived off
• 29:37
  campus and attended the classes like I was supposed
• 29:39
  to and everything and I took the exams the way
• 29:42
  I was supposed to in order to get an offer to
• 29:46
  then be admitted for real to the upcoming fall
• 29:51
  semester for law school you had at a minimum
• 29:54
  to get all C's in order to on your final exams
• 29:58
  in order to be admitted. So I take the exams
• 30:01
  and they tell you out the door like it's going
• 30:03
  to take a month or two before we give you the
• 30:05
  the results so whatever. Impulsive Eric goes
• 30:10
  to the Catskill mountains with no running water
• 30:12
  or electricity Shave my head. it, learn how to
• 30:19
  make hemp jewelry. Oh, wait, you did have a period
• 30:21
  of time where you didn't have electricity. Oh,
• 30:24
  yeah. Yeah, I was. It was not. So there was it
• 30:27
  was like it was a boy scout. It just wasn't the
• 30:29
  nineteen hundred. No, no, no. It wasn't just
• 30:31
  the nineteen hundred. I literally went to the
• 30:33
  Catskill Mountains. It was I needed to fill time.
• 30:36
  And a guy that a group of guys that I bounced
• 30:40
  with as a bouncer at State College at the old
• 30:42
  gingerbread man. He was like this big time, which
• 30:46
  I was never in Boy Scouts. Shout out to whoever's
• 30:49
  in Boy Scouts or Eagle Scouts, whatever, because
• 30:51
  I have respect for it. But at the time, again,
• 30:54
  he was like the Eagle Scout master something,
• 30:57
  something. And he ran this entire camp outfit
• 31:00
  in the Catskill Mountains, which is like four
• 31:05
  and a half hours from the nearest people. Like
• 31:08
  there's nothing like there's bears and wolves
• 31:11
  and mountain lions. And you are there is nothing.
• 31:15
  And you get up there and. The guy's name was
• 31:18
  Bill who would drug me into this because I used
• 31:22
  to lifeguard. So it was like, oh, you can lifeguard
• 31:25
  at the waterfront at this camp. And I'm like,
• 31:27
  cool, whatever, dude. I don't care. Let's go.
• 31:29
  So we go. His was the only location that had
• 31:34
  electricity. in his cabin, and then all the rest
• 31:37
  of us were peons living in tents down amidst
• 31:40
  the animals and the water and everything. I was
• 31:43
  in phenomenal shape by the end of that summer.
• 31:45
  I could say that you had to walk everywhere.
• 31:48
  It was actually a fun experience, but here's
• 31:51
  what I will never forget. I'll never forget.
• 31:57
  The night, so right, so pause for one second.
• 32:00
  Pause for one second. Years and years of winning
• 32:05
  not just one thing multiple things. That's who
• 32:08
  I was It was what was built into me intentionally
• 32:12
  by me errant Lee I allowed this persona to take
• 32:18
  on a life and Fed it over the course of time
• 32:23
  through prideful self -indulging things over
• 32:27
  and over and over and over and over and over
• 32:30
  and over and over and over and I was i was on
• 32:33
  this pedestal that i just was it was an impossibility
• 32:41
  for me to envision a loss and and and when i
• 32:47
  put my mind and purpose and energy into something
• 32:51
  and i think we all feel that there's times where
• 32:54
  we put everything we have into something and
• 32:58
  it just doesn't work and we can get so it can
• 33:01
  mess us up now put it just not into putting my
• 33:04
  effort into something but everything into everything
• 33:07
  for years and I remember my mom calling me and
• 33:12
  it was it was late at night and I remember her
• 33:16
  calling and my mom man she I'm cut like her man
• 33:24
  and she she tore the band -aid off she didn't
• 33:29
  sugarcoat anything And I said, Mom, I said, what's
• 33:33
  up? What's wrong? And she said, honey, she said,
• 33:36
  we got the results from Widener. And honey, you
• 33:43
  didn't make it. And have you ever had a situation
• 33:53
  where, or maybe like when you hear, like if you
• 33:56
  turn on a noise machine and it's white noise.
• 34:00
  standing in the middle of the woods in the dark
• 34:03
  in the middle of the night and it was like white
• 34:07
  noise I I was knocked off my pedestal and all
• 34:12
  that energy and effort and and pride everything
• 34:16
  all the eggs were in that basket man all everything
• 34:19
  all of me was in that and it was not good enough
• 34:24
  and I remember Fast walking slash jogging away
• 34:31
  from the people at the camp down a dark trail
• 34:33
  to get away so that I could cry And Mom just
• 34:44
  kept telling me she just she just kept saying
• 34:47
  she said honey, you're gonna be fine. We're gonna
• 34:49
  figure it out. You're gonna You're gonna we're
• 34:55
  gonna figure it out right and I say this to my
• 34:58
  kids now like what no matter what they're facing
• 35:00
  no matter what we're gonna figure it out we'll
• 35:02
  get it together um we're gonna make it happen
• 35:05
  we'll figure it out so here is what now the result
• 35:11
  as bad as that hurt and it sent me into such
• 35:14
  a tailspin that it was perfect listen if you
• 35:19
  are in a tailspin right now or someone you love
• 35:22
  is in a tailspin right now I promise you That
• 35:27
  if your heart is in the right place And and and
• 35:32
  you are seeking God's will to be done. I promise
• 35:36
  you it's going It's perfect It's it's perfect
• 35:42
  so In the moment, obviously it felt like garbage.
• 35:46
  I had no idea what I was gonna do next And and
• 35:52
  what became a reality That started to materialize
• 35:57
  in my in my mind was the fact that I had To go
• 36:02
  back to the place I hated That I had left basically
• 36:08
  given at the middle finger I had to go back to
• 36:10
  the place I hated Not as a winner but losing
• 36:16
  That sparked such a fire in me Just the notion
• 36:26
  that I had to absorb that. Now again, keep in
• 36:30
  mind, this is absent Jesus, at least on my side
• 36:34
  of the fence. Jesus was 100 % there. He was there.
• 36:39
  He never left. No. No. He was front and center
• 36:44
  because the other thing that this did was not
• 36:47
  only did it temporarily take me home, which was
• 36:50
  nice, but it removed people. That he did not
• 36:56
  have as part of his plan. It removed them from
• 37:00
  that path. It took something It was and that
• 37:04
  hurt. Yeah, it does that hurt. Um, and that was
• 37:07
  so I'm like on top of the fact that I I just
• 37:10
  fell off of this now I'm losing these people
• 37:14
  that I at the moment you believe are your they're
• 37:18
  supposed to be with you and then later you look
• 37:20
  back and realize that was a seasonal friend,
• 37:25
  right? The Bible is very clear. It talks about
• 37:28
  there's seasons for this and seasons for that.
• 37:29
  There's also seasons for people in our lives.
• 37:31
  And they were a seasonal person for me. and but
• 37:36
  i didn't understand that at that time so i come
• 37:38
  back and my poor parents because i literally
• 37:42
  like i don't even know if i unpack stuff out
• 37:44
  of my car like i was like this is a temporary
• 37:47
  stop i am going somewhere i don't know where
• 37:50
  but i'm not staying here i still had that resentment
• 37:53
  now it was magnified through broken pride and
• 37:56
  anger and a calloused resentment and and just
• 38:00
  not good um i ended up moving I ended up moving.
• 38:07
  I called an old friend of mine. Her name's Summer.
• 38:12
  She was a year older than me in high school.
• 38:15
  Fantastic person. Shout out. She's a principal
• 38:19
  over at Belfort now. She's super nice. Awesome,
• 38:22
  awesome woman. She and her family. I think I
• 38:24
  remember her just because her name sticks out
• 38:26
  to me. She was a dear, dear friend of mine. And
• 38:30
  I knew she lived in Pittsburgh. and I knew that's
• 38:33
  where I, it was the closest proximity to energy
• 38:37
  and activity, just everything that I felt I needed
• 38:40
  to be in the middle of. I was like, I need, so
• 38:44
  I called her. And it was awesome. I called her.
• 38:47
  I was like, Summer, what are you doing? Where
• 38:49
  do you live? What do you do? And she's like,
• 38:51
  I'm a teacher. She's like, what is going on?
• 38:54
  Talk to you for a couple of years, Eric. Like
• 38:56
  what is I'm like, yeah, I want to catch up and
• 38:57
  move in with you. Like what is just temporary.
• 39:00
  And so she was living up on Mount Oliver with
• 39:04
  a group of women. They were all teachers and
• 39:06
  they were all so gracious to me. They were so
• 39:08
  kind and. And and it was the first time in years
• 39:16
  that I was single I had no connections I could
• 39:20
  do whatever I needed to do and I wasn't it's
• 39:24
  not that far from my mom and dad still right
• 39:26
  so I'm going I'm going to Pittsburgh right I'm
• 39:28
  out later so I move into Mount Oliver I slept
• 39:32
  on their Sun porch seriously slept on their Sun
• 39:35
  porch which was not heated slept on their Sun
• 39:40
  porch for I think I went to Ikea and bought like
• 39:45
  like literally like a couch that you fold up
• 39:50
  into an ottoman and like when you need it to
• 39:52
  be a couch you can unfold the pieces so it's
• 39:55
  like four pieces long that are all connected
• 39:57
  it was a tall ottoman but it was and I stayed
• 40:02
  on their sun porch all my my suitcase everything
• 40:04
  was out there I just was a fly on the wall and
• 40:07
  I needed to find a place to work so I ended up
• 40:11
  working for a temp agency in Pittsburgh and for
• 40:15
  anybody who doesn't know a temp agency, basically,
• 40:18
  it's you're an independent contractor. If there's
• 40:21
  businesses that need help doing things like they
• 40:23
  need help moving their filing system, like literally
• 40:26
  moving boxes from one building to another, and
• 40:29
  it's going to take longer than a few days, they
• 40:32
  will call a temp agency who has, you know, 10,
• 40:36
  15 people ready and they'll just go and work
• 40:40
  and do that. And and I ended up what was awesome
• 40:45
  was I ended up getting the temp agency sent me
• 40:49
  to a law firm. Yeah, it was interesting. It was
• 40:55
  in one of the gateway buildings right downtown
• 40:57
  Pittsburgh. And I just remember. Right. So you
• 41:02
  back up. I thought this is what I wanted to do,
• 41:05
  but I didn't know if this is what I want to do.
• 41:07
  And And I remember walking in and man, there's
• 41:11
  a crazy story. Remind me at the end of this that
• 41:14
  if I am the worst person. I don't want to hear
• 41:18
  people. It would be a laugh, but it's not worth
• 41:20
  it. But anyway, so I get into the testimony,
• 41:23
  testimony, testimony. Right. I got to stay focused.
• 41:25
  So we I'm working in Pittsburgh. I track if you
• 41:28
  want to tell I will in a second. OK. But what
• 41:31
  happened was is I ended up working at this law
• 41:33
  firm and there was a senior partner there. His
• 41:34
  name was Rick. He was the lead attorney for Blue
• 41:39
  Cross Blue Shield in Northeastern United States
• 41:42
  at this large law firm in Pittsburgh. And if
• 41:48
  you could and if he ever hears this, I don't
• 41:51
  even know if he's still alive to be honest with
• 41:53
  you. I hope he is and I hope he hears this because
• 41:55
  I'm so thankful to him for the kindness and unwarranted
• 41:58
  grace that he gave me. But this part. He was
• 42:02
  the embodiment of Ebenezer Scrooge I mean like
• 42:06
  the rough gruff shut up like don't talk to me
• 42:11
  slamming doors attorney and He hated young attorneys
• 42:15
  sucking up to him. He hated this he hated that
• 42:18
  and and I was this lowly copy guy that was kind
• 42:24
  of in the background and I Remember him coming
• 42:29
  to me for the first time He said, what's your
• 42:32
  name? I'm Eric, sir. He goes, I'm Rick. I said,
• 42:37
  nice to meet you, sir. And he goes, I told you
• 42:39
  I'm Rick, not sir. I said, OK, I got it. Sorry,
• 42:42
  Rick, I guess. I'm sorry, sir. And and he's like,
• 42:46
  whatever. He says, you're doing copy jobs. I
• 42:49
  said, yes, sir. And this was probably I'd say
• 42:51
  four o 'clock in the afternoon. He said, you
• 42:54
  good at this? I said, yes, yes, I am. Yeah. And
• 42:58
  he goes, that's all I needed to hear. and he
• 43:01
  snaps his fingers and yells down the hallway
• 43:03
  and he has his secretary of 20 years bring this
• 43:10
  giant box down and sets it on the table by the
• 43:14
  copy machine now if you would look at this box
• 43:18
  of files it was pristine it was the accordion
• 43:24
  file inside the accordion were the the manila
• 43:29
  folders that were all tabbed and labeled inside
• 43:33
  of those were the big sticky notes with different
• 43:36
  colors and inside of those were the paper clips
• 43:40
  with the big clips and the just pristine it was
• 43:44
  amazing he says uh do you think you could do
• 43:51
  something for me and i said yes sir what and
• 43:54
  he says i need 15 boxes exactly like this by
• 44:01
  tomorrow morning at 7 a .m. in my office. Wow.
• 44:05
  Exact replicas. By the paperclip. Exact replicas.
• 44:11
  Can you do it? I've always told my kids, somebody
• 44:14
  asks you, can you do it? You say yes. You figure
• 44:15
  it out. Right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I
• 44:18
  did. Yes sir, I can do it. Okay. He walks away,
• 44:22
  disappears. I was there all night. night and
• 44:27
  I did it and at 530 in the morning when I carried
• 44:30
  those boxes one by one into his office and set
• 44:34
  them at the foot of his desk he treated me so
• 44:39
  well from that day until my last day with them
• 44:41
  and it was amazing he's the one who wrote my
• 44:47
  letter of recommendation to get into law school
• 44:52
  that's so cool Who if I swear to God Scrooge
• 44:57
  before before the Christmas miracle like pre
• 45:00
  Christmas miracle Scrooge like if anyone would
• 45:03
  have asked him for anything in that law firm
• 45:05
  He would have told him to go pound sand the copy
• 45:09
  boy. He wrote a letter of recommendation That
• 45:12
  took me to Jacksonville, Florida and changed
• 45:15
  the trajectory of what God had for me. So I got
• 45:21
  fired from that job while Rick was on vacation
• 45:24
  The office admin who hated me because Rick liked
• 45:28
  me I was gonna say jealous he was jealous and
• 45:31
  he waited till Rick went on vacation and He comes
• 45:35
  in and he's like you're fired jobs over And I'm
• 45:38
  like what are you talking about? I'm not done
• 45:41
  with my project yet. Like I was doing this long
• 45:44
  -term project that was supposed to lead up so
• 45:47
  by this point I had been accepted to law school
• 45:50
  down in Jacksonville and I had probably five
• 45:53
  four or five months before I was supposed to
• 45:55
  leave for Jacksonville and he goes you're fired
• 45:58
  get out and I'm like what are you okay I said
• 46:04
  fine so I went into Rick's office it's dark because
• 46:08
  he's not there because he's on vacation and I
• 46:11
  hand wrote him a note thanking him for just how
• 46:16
  kind he was and how inspiring he was to me and
• 46:20
  how I Came in not knowing whether I wanted to
• 46:23
  be a lawyer and I'm now leaving knowing what
• 46:27
  I want to do and just thanking him for that and
• 46:33
  So I and I'll just know which one of the one
• 46:42
  of the women Donna who worked there, who was
• 46:45
  adorable. She was so awesome. She called me about
• 46:48
  three weeks later. So I'm at home with my mom
• 46:51
  and dad and I'll explain that. But I was home
• 46:53
  with mom and dad. Donna calls me from Pittsburgh
• 46:55
  and she goes. Rick just fired that guy for firing
• 47:01
  me and I was like, what? And she goes, he threw
• 47:05
  he turned his desk over and told him to get out.
• 47:07
  Wow. And I was like, I have to admit, I was satisfied.
• 47:11
  Yeah, I was like. Awesome, you deserve that.
• 47:15
  I think the guy's name was dawn He was he was
• 47:18
  a butthead. But anyway anyway, so I Essentially
• 47:23
  was faced with the question of whether I was
• 47:25
  going to find another temp job for the last four
• 47:28
  months and stay in Oh, by the way, I was no longer
• 47:31
  living on the Sun porch at this point. I was
• 47:33
  living In the I'll just say it I was living in
• 47:38
  the slums at the top of Mount Oliver Going up
• 47:42
  on it's on the south side. I think it's 18th
• 47:44
  Street You go up towards Mount Oliver, and I
• 47:47
  mean crack houses boarded up windows surrounding
• 47:50
  me mine was I had rats in my Apartment when I
• 47:57
  say apartment my apartment was two rooms Thank
• 48:00
  you, and the rats were bigger than most small
• 48:04
  dogs, and they were those Pittsburgh River rats
• 48:07
  they were disgusting I whatever but literally
• 48:10
  such a Had to step out of the shower and turn
• 48:14
  around and step back in to wash my back Okay,
• 48:18
  like my bed Was my box spring my mattress and
• 48:23
  they were on cinder blocks makes me think of
• 48:25
  the elf Yes Yes, exactly. Yeah Yes, no, but I
• 48:32
  get the shower it was he was so huge for that.
• 48:35
  Yeah, no, and it was such a small small Small
• 48:40
  apartment and but it's it's i mean public transportation
• 48:44
  the whole time i was there um just drugs everywhere
• 48:49
  before drugs was a thing the way it is now like
• 48:53
  it was bad um and and and i'm going do i stay
• 48:58
  here for another for the last four months or
• 49:02
  do i go do i go home and i'll just mention something
• 49:08
  real quick too because this is god's given this
• 49:12
  to me as i just i feel like he's poking me saying
• 49:14
  you need to mention this so amidst all of this
• 49:16
  right i'm still imperfect i'm definitely imperfect
• 49:19
  i'm an absolute mess i'm living in the slums
• 49:22
  in pittsburgh is this crazy poor white kid like
• 49:27
  i i had somebody steal 20 bucks from me and i
• 49:30
  got it i beat the crap out of them on the bus
• 49:33
  i told the bus driver i said stop the bus i said
• 49:37
  don't move the bus until i get back and he goes
• 49:39
  don't go back there and I said because I dropped
• 49:42
  the money and I just saw hands and somebody took
• 49:45
  it and I said I pulled the string to stop the
• 49:49
  bus because it was my stop I walked up set my
• 49:51
  briefcase down I was in a 98 dollar jc penny
• 49:55
  suit and I said don't move the bus until I get
• 49:59
  back here don't pull away and he I went back
• 50:04
  God told me I didn't know it was God at the time
• 50:06
  I knew exactly who it was even though when it
• 50:10
  happened I saw no one's face because I dropped
• 50:12
  a pile of money and I see hands and hands handing
• 50:16
  it back to me but I saw one go and that money
• 50:20
  was to go towards because I was poor that money
• 50:23
  was specifically designated it was earmarked
• 50:26
  to go towards buying a piece of stereo equipment
• 50:28
  so that I could DJ that weekend when I went home
• 50:31
  for my brother's birthday party my little brother
• 50:34
  and I I see money disappear and I went back I
• 50:39
  dealt with the guy and his dad and got the money
• 50:44
  back and The bus driver was this older gentleman.
• 50:51
  He was African -American. He's looking at me
• 50:53
  like, you are a nut. Like, you are a nut job.
• 50:57
  And I looked at him, and I leaned down to him,
• 50:59
  and I said, thank you for not going. Thank you.
• 51:03
  And I picked up my stuff, walked off the bus,
• 51:06
  and walked the opposite direction from my apartment,
• 51:09
  in case anybody was going, where's that kid live?
• 51:11
  Because we're going to come back later. But so
• 51:16
  amidst all of that and those are the encounters
• 51:18
  I'm having I specifically remember at the bottom
• 51:22
  of 18th Street at a bus stop There was an older
• 51:27
  gentleman who was getting on the bus as I was
• 51:31
  getting off and He was I'm 6 1 6 2 Hughes 5 7
• 51:37
  I'd say older gentleman white beard like a mini
• 51:40
  Santa Claus, but I remember him having a big
• 51:44
  you know those those cross necklaces that have
• 51:48
  the leather they're like the leather band and
• 51:51
  then the like thick wood cross and like big and
• 51:57
  gnarly looking and he had a little hat on and
• 52:00
  all this stuff and now i think back and i'm like
• 52:07
  oh my goodness um but i go to get off the bus
• 52:11
  and as I'm coming off I don't know I forget if
• 52:14
  he dropped something or if I let him do something
• 52:17
  or I let him on and I stood there and helped
• 52:19
  them on or I forget exactly what gesture I made
• 52:22
  to help him or to be helpful to him but he looked
• 52:26
  one way to me and sounded one way when he spoke
• 52:30
  to me and then as my head turned I felt him grab
• 52:34
  my arm and I stopped and looked back he said
• 52:42
  you know that God loves you right he sounded
• 52:48
  different and it's stupid me in the moment I'm
• 52:55
  like yeah I know but but it left a lasting impression
• 53:03
  on me because then I get done and I'm like that's
• 53:08
  an odd thing for him to say to me like again
• 53:12
  i'm you don't tell me what to do like you don't
• 53:17
  invade my space you don't that's just naturally
• 53:19
  my and this guy it was such a warm voice like
• 53:29
  when i say he sounded different like he was nice
• 53:32
  when we were encountering each other in the exchange
• 53:35
  on and off the bus but it was different when
• 53:37
  he grabbed me and and and he said that you know
• 53:41
  god loves you right and i needed to hear that
• 53:46
  and i didn't know it then that i needed to i
• 53:49
  love stories like that i i needed to hear it
• 53:52
  right so okay and again this is i know i accepted
• 53:56
  jesus when i was younger but this was still not
• 54:01
  Jesus and Eric together yet. This is still me
• 54:04
  complete. I'm still a mess, but this was me mess
• 54:06
  mess mess Okay, and I'm I'm like, okay. I Am
• 54:11
  so like I just got fired. I this is a waste.
• 54:14
  I'm going home, man I'm out like I'm going back
• 54:16
  to mom and dad's for four months. I'll figure
• 54:18
  it out so I go back and Move back to stronic
• 54:23
  which is a suburb of Grampian I moved back there
• 54:26
  right and we have one red light that's awesome
• 54:30
  and so and I'm at that point it was interesting
• 54:35
  because I was I think I was past the being angry
• 54:44
  at the place I think Pittsburgh did that for
• 54:48
  me I think seeing it really opened up my appreciation
• 54:56
  for what was here in this area versus what is
• 55:01
  in those places especially with the crack houses
• 55:04
  and the drugs and the confrontations that are
• 55:07
  everywhere and just just that being on guard
• 55:10
  constantly and my being able to be home for four
• 55:13
  months and having my guard down was cool so but
• 55:16
  despite all that and i was happy to go home i
• 55:18
  was for a little bit before i left for florida
• 55:20
  but but here was crazy still i was angry i got
• 55:23
  fired like that was my plan like i was going
• 55:26
  to ride it until i went to florida but again
• 55:30
  it was perfect right so again we're taking a
• 55:33
  fall off the pedestal moment derail the eggs
• 55:35
  in the basket dump them out Looking back, it
• 55:39
  was absolutely perfect, because here's what happened
• 55:40
  that summer I moved back. That summer I moved
• 55:42
  back, I ended up meeting and working for Skip
• 55:46
  Kerber, who ended up being the mentor and attorney
• 55:48
  that was one of my spiritual mentors, one of
• 55:51
  my best friends, and was my legal mentor, primary
• 55:55
  legal mentor, through the duration of our relationship
• 56:00
  together professionally. until he passed away
• 56:03
  and also that summer I met my wife and which
• 56:09
  was crazy because She was so on the week during
• 56:14
  the weekdays. I was working at the law firm and
• 56:16
  to make extra money I went back to bouncing and
• 56:19
  it's I think it's gone now but it used to be
• 56:22
  the old holiday in off of interstate 80 and Du
• 56:24
  Bois and The first two years of college at Penn
• 56:27
  State Du Bois. I was a bouncer there And so I
• 56:29
  was like I'll go back and do it on Friday Saturday
• 56:32
  nights, whatever Well, hope was unbeknownst to
• 56:36
  me. She was attending a wedding and then a wedding
• 56:41
  reception that was being held at the Holiday
• 56:45
  Inn. And I was always a bouncer. I was never
• 56:48
  a bartender. I didn't know anything about bartending.
• 56:51
  And that one occasion, the bartender manager,
• 56:57
  Daggy, she said, Eric, she goes, I'm sure the
• 57:00
  bartender at this banquet, at this wedding reception,
• 57:03
  could you? do it with me and i'm like taggy i
• 57:06
  don't know what i'm doing i don't think you want
• 57:08
  me to i was like literally i was like i don't
• 57:11
  know like i don't know what i'm doing this is
• 57:13
  not gonna work and this is before we had you
• 57:16
  know grok or chad gbt where i could look up drink
• 57:18
  contents on on the on the fly i was like whatever
• 57:22
  and so she forced me to do it basically i that's
• 57:25
  the type of woman daggy was she was awesome uh
• 57:28
  and and so i did it and i remember seeing my
• 57:33
  wife the first time. And I remember, because
• 57:38
  very uncharacteristically of me, she walked in,
• 57:43
  I saw her, and I turned and I knocked about 20
• 57:47
  wine glasses off the edge of the bar. And the
• 57:50
  whole wedding party starts. And you looked at
• 57:52
  her and you're like, I told you, you didn't want
• 57:53
  me. And yeah, and Dagi, well Dagi goes, what
• 57:57
  is wrong with you? Because she knew me. She knew
• 58:00
  that I wasn't klutzy or clumsy. and so i'm like
• 58:04
  and and and of course hope and like i didn't
• 58:07
  know where the time hope and all the bridesmaids
• 58:10
  and everybody's like stopped on a dime and they're
• 58:12
  looking at the bar because i'm like 20 wine glasses
• 58:14
  all here at the same time and smash and i'm like
• 58:18
  okay and uh it ended up that night that uh she
• 58:24
  thought i was cute and it was because i was giving
• 58:28
  her too much alcohol I think and more than the
• 58:31
  drink called for on purpose so I got better and
• 58:34
  better looking as the night progressed and it
• 58:38
  was that was it we exchanged numbers and so I
• 58:43
  ended up leaving for Florida I think three weeks
• 58:50
  well three weeks after I met her okay so she
• 58:54
  got her master's Here in Pennsylvania. She's
• 58:58
  she was a teacher So she got her master's in
• 59:01
  education. I went to Jacksonville, Florida and
• 59:05
  a 1991 1991 white Chevy Beretta a twin mattress
• 59:12
  folded in half in the backseat My all my belongings
• 59:17
  were in Contractor style garbage bags that car
• 59:25
  was a death trap and I waved the do to everybody
• 59:31
  and started my journey south on 95 for about
• 59:37
  14 and a half hours my kids I would be terrified
• 59:43
  like I think my poor mother and father were like
• 59:46
  oh my gosh I know that things we did and went
• 59:49
  through oh my goodness oh horrible and like and
• 59:53
  I'll tell you even this this is something and
• 59:55
  again you can't driving down at 95 and you know
• 1:00:00
  how like when you're running with a group of
• 1:00:02
  people now again I just keep saying this was
• 1:00:04
  pre Jesus on my side of the fence but Jesus was
• 1:00:06
  there right because it was so crazy we're driving
• 1:00:09
  down 95 and you know how you when you're running
• 1:00:11
  on the interstate a lot of times you'll get around
• 1:00:13
  kind of the same group of cars and you're running
• 1:00:15
  and running with them for miles and miles and
• 1:00:17
  miles especially long -distance stuff and and
• 1:00:20
  you just kind of get used to that group so I
• 1:00:24
  a bunch of the group cars in the group all just
• 1:00:28
  i was like i i gotta i gotta use the restroom
• 1:00:31
  i need to pull over i'm gonna grab a drink whatever
• 1:00:34
  so i pull over a bunch of the cars we'll say
• 1:00:36
  eight or nine cars just happened all kind of
• 1:00:39
  pull off and we go to a rest stop and i don't
• 1:00:41
  know these people and do my thing whatever and
• 1:00:45
  kind of i'd say half of us all kind of pull back
• 1:00:47
  out onto the interstate and start going and it
• 1:00:51
  wasn't Two exits from that I'd say two exits
• 1:00:56
  I had to go bathroom again like I had to pee
• 1:00:59
  and I'm going I just went I'm not pulling over
• 1:01:02
  right like this is I'm one of those Nazis like
• 1:01:05
  people wear diapers in that car like you are
• 1:01:07
  not stopping we are getting to our destination
• 1:01:09
  and and we're not stopping and I it was one of
• 1:01:14
  the first times that I felt like I Didn't hear
• 1:01:18
  God, but I felt my my Intuition pushing me off
• 1:01:24
  the interstate and so I did I Quickly went peed
• 1:01:29
  as quick as I could run back out because I don't
• 1:01:31
  want to fall more time back Jump back in the
• 1:01:34
  Beretta go out. I'm going on to the on ramp and
• 1:01:37
  stop in traffic That whole group of cars probably
• 1:01:43
  400 yards after the exit were all in an accident
• 1:01:47
  and They were everywhere all over the interstate
• 1:01:52
  and I would have been right in the middle of
• 1:01:54
  all of them if he hadn't, right? So, you gotta
• 1:02:00
  listen, right? I tell my kids all the time, man,
• 1:02:03
  if you're hearing that voice, like the Bible
• 1:02:05
  says, that's still small voice, if you learn
• 1:02:07
  to hear that and trust that over the course of
• 1:02:11
  time, instead of running to your friends and
• 1:02:12
  asking for advice, they don't know anything,
• 1:02:13
  they'll go to that, right? Like, you don't have
• 1:02:16
  to, if you can listen to that in the moment and
• 1:02:20
  shut up the doubt, that that you have because
• 1:02:23
  of our own because of our own hang -ups and insecurities
• 1:02:27
  and we can go no no no no i know i just did that
• 1:02:30
  and i know it's a waste of time and i know you
• 1:02:33
  know what i'm gonna i'm gonna follow this urge
• 1:02:35
  i i'm gonna do it i promise you you're gonna
• 1:02:39
  have a pulling back onto the rampway moment sooner
• 1:02:41
  or later where you go thank you jesus right that
• 1:02:45
  that number one you told me and number two thank
• 1:02:50
  you god that i listened um because that would
• 1:02:53
  have been a train wreck so that's just me getting
• 1:02:56
  to jacksonville so i get to jacksonville and
• 1:02:59
  this is i promise this is leading up to it so
• 1:03:01
  so i get down to jacksonville had no idea where
• 1:03:05
  i was going which was crazy i get down to jacksonville
• 1:03:07
  and i got an apartment by myself i was not going
• 1:03:10
  to live with a roommate i was 100 like i'm doing
• 1:03:13
  this on my own i'm not going to have distractions
• 1:03:15
  i my nickname my first couple semesters in law
• 1:03:19
  school they called me turtle because I was in
• 1:03:21
  my shell man like and that's odd for like a social
• 1:03:25
  person right like that's but I needed to get
• 1:03:28
  this win I needed to get back what I wanted to
• 1:03:32
  do and I knew now for being in Pittsburgh that
• 1:03:34
  this is what I wanted to do and so I was just
• 1:03:39
  like I'm doing this and So I get down there and
• 1:03:43
  of course you know you make friends and you get
• 1:03:44
  to see everything and they say in law school
• 1:03:47
  they say the first year they they they scare
• 1:03:50
  you to death the second year they work you to
• 1:03:52
  death and the third year they bore you to death
• 1:03:54
  and uh it's all Socratic method teaching like
• 1:03:57
  there's no raising your hands like you get called
• 1:03:59
  on and it's it's like Eric I'm gonna stick with
• 1:04:03
  you for the next 45 minutes in front of 250 people
• 1:04:06
  and we're gonna dialogue about this case and
• 1:04:08
  so you better read it or you're gonna look stupid
• 1:04:11
  like I saw professors horribly like I saw a professor
• 1:04:16
  one time a girl didn't read and he said you go
• 1:04:20
  ahead and read it and he crawled up onto the
• 1:04:23
  table at the front of the class and used his
• 1:04:25
  backpack as a pillow and said I'm going to take
• 1:04:28
  a nap, you go ahead and indulge yourself, get
• 1:04:30
  that taken care of, and you wake me up when you're
• 1:04:33
  ready to talk. This little girl is crying, right?
• 1:04:37
  And this is the competitive nature. And so then,
• 1:04:40
  and I'll add to it, before the internet really
• 1:04:44
  blew up, right? Like, I'm one of those kids that's
• 1:04:47
  like, I'm a Gen X, but right at the edge of it,
• 1:04:52
  like... We were the first like we didn't have
• 1:04:56
  there was a huge window of my my All of my teens
• 1:05:01
  and into my adult like I don't think I had a
• 1:05:03
  cell phone so I was 22 Yeah, right like there's
• 1:05:06
  a big part where we didn't have any and and and
• 1:05:12
  So like now in law school. Well research this
• 1:05:15
  and research that and like I said super competitive
• 1:05:18
  super you get an one person gets an a two people
• 1:05:21
  maybe everybody else gets garbage grades we had
• 1:05:26
  research assignments where we had to go to the
• 1:05:27
  library i would go to the library and there were
• 1:05:30
  pages ripped out of books people would rip them
• 1:05:33
  out so you couldn't find them wow so that they'd
• 1:05:36
  beat you okay this is this is the this is the
• 1:05:40
  environment that you're you're created in this
• 1:05:42
  is the the mold that they're putting you in this
• 1:05:45
  this pressure and the stress and this whatever
• 1:05:48
  that you learn to deal with so i am hunkered
• 1:05:52
  down a million miles an hour all study all the
• 1:05:55
  time i'm back on track man i'm gonna win you
• 1:06:01
  had to have a 2 .0 cumulative gpa if you got
• 1:06:08
  less than that the next semester you were kicked
• 1:06:14
  out at the end of the second semester if you
• 1:06:17
  could not get your cumulative up above a 2 .0
• 1:06:20
  I'll never forget getting my grades back at the
• 1:06:25
  end of the first semester and I had a 1 .78 I
• 1:06:33
  called my mother and I'm going it's happening
• 1:06:36
  again Right? But this time, I'm 1 ,400 miles
• 1:06:41
  away, I feel like I've grown, I feel like I'm
• 1:06:45
  a different person now, which I know I was, because
• 1:06:49
  I had matured through Pittsburgh and that, but
• 1:06:52
  I'm still stuck. What is wrong with me? Like,
• 1:06:57
  what is this? Now, remember, do you remember
• 1:07:03
  the... the floating feeling I told you about
• 1:07:05
  when I accepted Jesus and as a junior in high
• 1:07:09
  school at the beginning of law school I had started
• 1:07:17
  to remember that feeling not experience it but
• 1:07:24
  remember what it felt like there's a difference
• 1:07:26
  right and I remember how good I felt and I remember
• 1:07:31
  quietly wanting that feeling back and I remember
• 1:07:37
  knowing but not admitting what it was that gave
• 1:07:42
  me that feeling right I knew deep down that it
• 1:07:46
  was God I knew deep down it was submission I
• 1:07:48
  knew deep down but all of that was so contradictory
• 1:07:53
  to who I was Who I had to be in order in that
• 1:07:58
  moment how I perceived I needed to be in order
• 1:08:01
  to do what I was supposed to do It was not submit.
• 1:08:04
  It was not be can not making concessions. It
• 1:08:08
  was the opposite, right? I needed to push through
• 1:08:11
  and do this So all of that those urges and those
• 1:08:16
  those things and when I got those grades It was
• 1:08:21
  like God hit light switch where take the darkest
• 1:08:34
  dark you can't see your hand in front of your
• 1:08:37
  face and you hit a panel of lights of 200 lights
• 1:08:42
  and it just illuminates I knew exactly what he
• 1:08:47
  wanted I knew exactly what he wanted that was
• 1:09:01
  the first I say talk it was more yelling the
• 1:09:07
  first talk that I ever had with God and I was
• 1:09:13
  done to say I was at the end of myself is is
• 1:09:19
  the understatement of the century I was so emotionally
• 1:09:24
  physically psychologically I was so exhausted
• 1:09:31
  of trying to do better by myself I was done and
• 1:09:51
  I told him I was done I told him I was done And
• 1:09:56
  it ended in my dining room. Right. So like I'm
• 1:10:00
  very visual when I have to learn things. So dining
• 1:10:04
  room table day two living in this apartment got
• 1:10:07
  thrown out in the backyard. It was gone. It was
• 1:10:09
  an empty room with an eight foot long dry erase
• 1:10:12
  board on the wall. And that's where I would pace
• 1:10:14
  and do all my I would read off the dry erase
• 1:10:18
  board. And that's how I'd memorize things. And
• 1:10:20
  that's just how I learn is is drawing it out
• 1:10:23
  and then vocalizing it and hearing myself vocalizing
• 1:10:26
  it through memorization and but this day I was
• 1:10:31
  pacing and yelling and crying and pacing and
• 1:10:34
  yelling and crying and it ended with with absolute
• 1:10:40
  and utter submission and I can say that if My
• 1:10:51
  heart was wide open man like that that was the
• 1:10:55
  that was the end all be alright, so God knows
• 1:10:58
  our hearts inside and out not only because he
• 1:11:00
  created them, but he knows right and And he allows
• 1:11:07
  our free will yeah, and He still pursues us.
• 1:11:12
  It's amazing his hand is an everything it's amazing
• 1:11:16
  and and You know people don't know the thoughts
• 1:11:23
  we have people don't know the asks that we make
• 1:11:27
  people don't know the the level of energy that
• 1:11:31
  we put into something people see the outward
• 1:11:34
  reflection that they see the result in front
• 1:11:37
  of them and and I do it too I drastically underestimate
• 1:11:43
  the amount of energy time sacrifice that goes
• 1:11:47
  into these resulting things God knows every ounce
• 1:11:52
  of quiet moment right like he just does and So
• 1:11:58
  when I told him I am done I said, here's the
• 1:12:01
  deal God I said If you don't want me to be a
• 1:12:05
  lawyer, I'm not gonna be a lawyer fine Fine fine.
• 1:12:09
  I don't need it. I Submit to you. I give you
• 1:12:13
  everything that I am. I said, but if you want
• 1:12:18
  me to do this and do it for you then you have
• 1:12:21
  to run the show because I can't I said I can't
• 1:12:24
  do it I'm failing like you you have to do it
• 1:12:29
  and when I say that how raw it was in the sincerity
• 1:12:38
  the depth of the sincerity cannot be understated
• 1:12:41
  it cannot be downplayed and and that our kids
• 1:12:46
  are talking to us in that sense we're going to
• 1:12:50
  react and respond with more vigor and with more
• 1:12:56
  bold determination knowing how exposed they are
• 1:13:01
  with a fury that is righteous and that's exactly
• 1:13:06
  what he did from that moment I can tell you from
• 1:13:11
  that day to this not once Not once has he failed
• 1:13:18
  me not once he has been faithful and Here's the
• 1:13:23
  other thing If you don't know If you don't know
• 1:13:28
  how you communicate with God you need to figure
• 1:13:30
  it out because I know that there's different
• 1:13:32
  ways that different people communicate with God
• 1:13:33
  Because I am so impulsive and because I'm so
• 1:13:36
  stubborn naturally and because I am so contrarian
• 1:13:40
  if I get my mind on a task or on accomplishing
• 1:13:43
  something my communication with God sounds like
• 1:13:46
  this literally out loud God you need to slam
• 1:13:49
  this door in my face so abruptly and blatantly
• 1:13:54
  make it so obvious so that I know it is you and
• 1:13:59
  it's impossible for me make me see that it is
• 1:14:03
  impossible because otherwise I'll push through
• 1:14:07
  and get myself into trouble. I literally just
• 1:14:09
  prayed one of those prayers recently. Seriously?
• 1:14:11
  And I'm telling you, people need to, they need
• 1:14:14
  to pray out, like, I used to be one of the, there's
• 1:14:20
  some, God, right, I'm not gonna sit here and
• 1:14:23
  talk about what prayers God hears and what he
• 1:14:25
  doesn't, but I know that when a sincere heart
• 1:14:30
  is vocalized, especially loudly, his direction
• 1:14:36
  with a submissive and curious and childlike heart
• 1:14:43
  going show me what to do show me what especially
• 1:14:52
  God but what parent isn't gonna step in and show
• 1:14:54
  him what to do if you have a parent's heart what
• 1:14:56
  that that's right like he's gonna step in he's
• 1:15:00
  gonna respond And it might not be in that moment,
• 1:15:03
  but if you continue to listen, he's going to
• 1:15:06
  show you. So here's what happens. So I submit,
• 1:15:09
  and I think the game's over, right? And now we're
• 1:15:13
  starting semester number two. Once this is the
• 1:15:15
  other thing for people who don't understand this,
• 1:15:17
  once you start getting your GPA to a certain
• 1:15:21
  level, that's why when people go to college,
• 1:15:24
  or when you're calculating a GPA, you want the
• 1:15:27
  first few semesters to be as high as possible
• 1:15:29
  because that cumulative GPA over the course of
• 1:15:33
  time is very hard to move from its initial number
• 1:15:37
  the more you add to first semester second semester
• 1:15:41
  by third semester you're kind of locked into
• 1:15:44
  that range a very narrow range of where your
• 1:15:47
  GPA is going to move so mine started off at a
• 1:15:50
  1 .78 right garbage right semester two and three
• 1:15:57
  semester two had to get me to a 2 .0 it had to
• 1:16:01
  or else I was gone I was going back to Pennsylvania
• 1:16:03
  and even if I went back up above a 2 .0 if my
• 1:16:09
  grades the third semester or any semester thereafter
• 1:16:11
  would drag me below a cumulative 2 .0 I'm gone
• 1:16:14
  okay and I had friends who had they were gone
• 1:16:17
  by second third semester they were out right
• 1:16:20
  you don't you in law school you don't end with
• 1:16:22
  the same group of people you start with they're
• 1:16:25
  they're they parse them out and they for all
• 1:16:27
  different reasons but grades is a big piece and
• 1:16:29
  they'll you're done okay so after I submitted
• 1:16:39
  I felt better I felt I knew what I needed to
• 1:16:44
  do and I knew that this second semester was on
• 1:16:46
  God not on me as long as i did what i did the
• 1:16:49
  first semester as far as not screwing off and
• 1:16:52
  as far as putting time and energy into working
• 1:16:55
  at my studies the outcome was on him it took
• 1:16:58
  all the pressure off me and that's how fully
• 1:17:01
  submitted i was now i still would have been upset
• 1:17:03
  if i would have gotten kicked out but i wouldn't
• 1:17:05
  have blamed myself on the back side right as
• 1:17:09
  as heavily and so god was in it with me and i'm
• 1:17:12
  like fine you want to it's like a relationship
• 1:17:14
  it's almost like right like where you're like
• 1:17:17
  i'm going to give this person a little bit of
• 1:17:19
  trust and see if they disappoint me see if they
• 1:17:22
  follow through see if they come through like
• 1:17:24
  they say they're gonna it sounds like a bunch
• 1:17:26
  of hocus pocus we're gonna see and And I can
• 1:17:29
  tell you that it wasn't hocus pocus. I can tell
• 1:17:33
  you that I was doing the same exact thing second
• 1:17:35
  semester that I had done the first semester,
• 1:17:38
  but the results were absolutely opposite. I can
• 1:17:41
  tell you that I got best oral advocate my second
• 1:17:44
  semester out of my entire class. I got that award,
• 1:17:47
  which bumped my, and I'm going, Oh Jesus, this
• 1:17:52
  works. What the heck? right and and and then
• 1:17:57
  migrate so i get my i i'm just all these things
• 1:18:00
  are going by my efforts are remaining the same
• 1:18:03
  but my I'm searching. I begin to search in my
• 1:18:07
  apartment actively and daily start searching
• 1:18:10
  for God. So the way I did that was as I got on
• 1:18:12
  Christian Broadcasting Network, which again,
• 1:18:15
  now everybody knows what it is if you're a Christ
• 1:18:18
  follower. But back in the day, I don't think
• 1:18:20
  we had it on the channels up in Pennsylvania
• 1:18:23
  back then. But Florida is like in the buckle
• 1:18:26
  of the Bible belt. So it was on. And and I remember
• 1:18:30
  I listened to Joyce Meyer. I listened to T .D.
• 1:18:35
  Jakes and I listened to Ron Carpenter. And I
• 1:18:41
  went and bought a Bible. I bought Joyce Meyer's
• 1:18:43
  Bible, actually. And I. Shout out. Shout out
• 1:18:50
  to Joyce Meyer. Oh, and I got something. I actually
• 1:18:52
  there's a whole other story. I got to see her.
• 1:18:56
  But that's we'll get to that. It was crazy how
• 1:18:58
  God just was like giving me cherries on top everywhere.
• 1:19:01
  as I wrapped up in Florida but so I'm going through
• 1:19:06
  this and I'm when I'm reading the Bible so I
• 1:19:11
  constantly kind of during that window of time
• 1:19:13
  I had Christian broadcast network turned down
• 1:19:15
  low it's in the background playing in my apartment
• 1:19:18
  and when I'm reading the word I was not reading
• 1:19:23
  a lot I wasn't reading for length I was reading
• 1:19:29
  I like words And I want to know meanings. And
• 1:19:34
  I was tearing and ringing out sentences and looking
• 1:19:39
  in the dictionary at what words meant and trying
• 1:19:44
  to get every piece. And I was writing all through
• 1:19:47
  the margins of my Bible, everything I could,
• 1:19:51
  everything I could find. And just just if you
• 1:19:55
  I literally was. I just picture myself just ringing
• 1:19:58
  out those sentences and getting everything out
• 1:20:01
  of them that I could because I wanted to I didn't
• 1:20:03
  know it at the time but I wanted to know who
• 1:20:06
  he was right and and so that's how I personally
• 1:20:10
  since I'm into words that's what he that's where
• 1:20:13
  it drove me then hero was awesome so this was
• 1:20:15
  cool this is guys I do not cry and except for
• 1:20:20
  when I talk about this stuff I don't cry and
• 1:20:22
  this is hard but it's it's It's so good. So as
• 1:20:31
  a Christian broadcast network was playing, there
• 1:20:34
  was a commercial that would run. And again, I
• 1:20:40
  had not listened to Christian music at all. And
• 1:20:43
  in fact, any Christian music that I had listened
• 1:20:46
  to, I disliked because number one, I didn't think
• 1:20:49
  the quality was any good. And number two, I just
• 1:20:51
  had no interest in that culture for those years.
• 1:20:54
  I just was so i didn't resent it but i had no
• 1:20:57
  interest in it however i remember that commercial
• 1:21:02
  coming on and i don't remember what was in the
• 1:21:05
  commercial but i remember the song and i liked
• 1:21:10
  it i liked it a lot and i found myself turning
• 1:21:15
  the tv up to try to listen for the commercial
• 1:21:19
  to come on because that song it was the first
• 1:21:24
  time that God was using music to fill me up later
• 1:21:32
  I would learn that that's one of the primary
• 1:21:35
  ways that God fills me up that's how he created
• 1:21:37
  me was through worship through music and I did
• 1:21:43
  not I was oblivious it was new it was like it
• 1:21:46
  was like I just I just picture I just picture
• 1:21:54
  being in the desert and being being stuck in
• 1:21:56
  the desert without water and You don't even realize
• 1:22:00
  you're so delusional You don't even know how
• 1:22:02
  bad you need the water until the water Until
• 1:22:05
  someone puts it on your lips and you're like,
• 1:22:08
  what is that? I need that. Where has that been?
• 1:22:11
  And that was that song that was what was coming
• 1:22:14
  out And so once I figured out the name of the
• 1:22:19
  song, I'm going to date myself again. I don't
• 1:22:21
  remember. I think I went to Napster and downloaded
• 1:22:24
  it. Napster. Shout out. So ridiculous. It was.
• 1:22:30
  Yeah, I remember it was the live version. So
• 1:22:33
  like I love live. Christian music like when I
• 1:22:36
  so if there's ever a chance to hear a studio
• 1:22:38
  recording versus alive I love the crowd because
• 1:22:41
  I feel like that's what heaven's gonna be like
• 1:22:43
  I love I love the live the sing back from the
• 1:22:47
  crowd and it was a live version of I think the
• 1:22:51
  guy's name was Israel something and the name
• 1:22:53
  of the song was I'm a friend of God and For a
• 1:23:00
  number of different reasons like it's funny now
• 1:23:02
  because I can hear the song and it's still a
• 1:23:04
  good song But again, it was a seasonal song God
• 1:23:09
  Wanted to use that as a tool to get me to the
• 1:23:13
  next Heart condition that he needed me to be
• 1:23:16
  in to put me on the path that he ultimately needed
• 1:23:19
  me to go And so I'm listening to that song and
• 1:23:26
  once I get it on Napster now, it's on repeat
• 1:23:28
  so like I'm studying for law school. I'm doing
• 1:23:31
  my thing. I'm in the word, bringing sentences
• 1:23:34
  out. I have Christian Broadcast Network. I had
• 1:23:38
  a giant fish tank, which I love. So I have my
• 1:23:40
  fish. And I'm just living the dream, man. And
• 1:23:43
  Hope, we're wearing batteries on phones out watching.
• 1:23:48
  This was cute. I'll give a shout out to my beautiful
• 1:23:50
  wife, Hope. How many phones did we kill, honey?
• 1:23:54
  How many folks we we would do date night on a
• 1:23:57
  Friday night. We'd go to like a blockbuster and
• 1:24:00
  each rent the same movie and go in and put them
• 1:24:02
  in the VCR. She's in Pennsylvania. I'm in Florida.
• 1:24:05
  And we would go one, two, three, and we press
• 1:24:07
  play at the same time and watch the movies together
• 1:24:10
  on speakerphone. And it was so stupid. But it's
• 1:24:14
  what we needed in order to stay connected during
• 1:24:17
  those three years of law school. And it was awesome.
• 1:24:21
  It was awesome. It was it was cool. So I'm doing
• 1:24:26
  all this and I feel like God was like, you need
• 1:24:29
  to go to church and you used to go to church.
• 1:24:33
  I need you to be part of a church. And I'm like,
• 1:24:37
  I. don't know where one is. I am like in this
• 1:24:40
  little corner of Jacksonville, Florida. I was
• 1:24:42
  not venturing out very much because I was a hobbit
• 1:24:45
  studying and I was not like willing to. So this
• 1:24:50
  is crazy. So I go to campus. I just think about
• 1:24:53
  how random it's not random, but it was for me.
• 1:24:57
  And I walk onto a law school campus. which is
• 1:25:00
  overly liberal at the education system even back
• 1:25:03
  then it's more so now but it even then was liberal
• 1:25:05
  and i was a conservative and uh and i just thought
• 1:25:11
  you know what i'm going to walk around the professor's
• 1:25:15
  building because their offices so long corridor
• 1:25:19
  and all of their office fronts were glass walls
• 1:25:24
  so they had their glass door and their glass
• 1:25:26
  wall so you could literally look at them like
• 1:25:29
  fish in a fishbowl as you're walking through
• 1:25:31
  this building and I figured I'm just going to
• 1:25:34
  walk and see who I see that's going to throw
• 1:25:38
  up a signal that Jesus wants me to see that goes
• 1:25:41
  you can talk to them about church and so like
• 1:25:45
  and I'll tell you what I'm walking and I hit
• 1:25:52
  her name was professor Susan Dyckhoff she was
• 1:25:54
  a contracts professor phenomenal phenomenal woman
• 1:25:57
  great brilliant legal mind she actually was before
• 1:26:01
  she was a professor I believe that she was a
• 1:26:04
  commercial transactions attorney which I would
• 1:26:06
  hope to make her proud because that's the primary
• 1:26:08
  crux of what I do now but sidebar she was fantastic
• 1:26:12
  and I walked past her office and there was a
• 1:26:17
  painting on her wall would say was four feet
• 1:26:22
  tall three feet wide and it was it was a it was
• 1:26:26
  a painting an oil painting of Jesus dressed in
• 1:26:31
  a white robe and in front of him so Jesus was
• 1:26:38
  behind a guy the guy in front of him was dressed
• 1:26:43
  in regular street clothes and he looked like
• 1:26:45
  he was exhausted and passed out like he was And
• 1:26:49
  Jesus had him under the armpits, holding him
• 1:26:54
  up. The guy is unconscious. And in one hand,
• 1:26:58
  the guy's hands are hanging to his sides. And
• 1:27:00
  in one hand, he has the hammer that is falling
• 1:27:03
  out of his hand. And in the other hand, he has
• 1:27:06
  the spike that is falling out of his hand. And
• 1:27:10
  Jesus is holding him up. And you can see the
• 1:27:15
  holes in his hand. So I was like, that's definitely
• 1:27:20
  the person I'm going to talk to, right? So I
• 1:27:23
  go in, introduce myself, and she was awesome.
• 1:27:26
  And she said, you need to go to this church,
• 1:27:28
  blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the time
• 1:27:30
  the services are all this stuff. Now, I'm telling
• 1:27:32
  everybody this for a reason, because like, it's
• 1:27:37
  go big or go home with me. And God has never
• 1:27:39
  let me down. And this is how he does stuff in
• 1:27:42
  my life. And it's go big or go home. And it's
• 1:27:45
  crazy. Right. So Like cool. I found a church.
• 1:27:50
  I'm gonna look up back in the day We had a map
• 1:27:52
  quest it and print out the instructions on how
• 1:27:54
  to get there. How did we ever do it? I don't
• 1:27:56
  know Right, like I'd love to see our kids try
• 1:28:01
  Like they would be and then if you'd write the
• 1:28:06
  map in cursive They would be lost like they would
• 1:28:08
  know how to read it or anything think it's a
• 1:28:10
  treasure map It's so I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna
• 1:28:14
  go to this church and I wake up Sunday morning
• 1:28:17
  I cannot tell you for the life of me what caused
• 1:28:21
  it but I was late and I remember I Don't know
• 1:28:28
  if anybody can relate but like when you're late
• 1:28:30
  for church is anybody like me where you're not
• 1:28:34
  in the greatest Jesus mood and like if if any
• 1:28:38
  mood Is the opposite of Jesus. It's typically
• 1:28:42
  Eric running late to church mood and like you're
• 1:28:45
  gonna get pulled over You're gonna probably say
• 1:28:47
  some things your kids you shouldn't say like
• 1:28:50
  you're probably gonna argue with your spouse
• 1:28:52
  and you never argue with them like that's the
• 1:28:54
  that's the tension right so and now I'm driving
• 1:28:57
  in a place that I'm not familiar with trying
• 1:28:59
  to read a stupid map while I'm in the middle
• 1:29:00
  of traffic and And I remember so like if you
• 1:29:04
  can picture this with me, right so picture this
• 1:29:07
  anybody who's from around here if they are aware
• 1:29:10
  of or they've ever seen if you haven't jump online
• 1:29:13
  and check it out tri county church of god the
• 1:29:15
  dewboys campus for our area that is a smaller
• 1:29:19
  geographic and popular populated area they call
• 1:29:23
  it on the hill so on the hill is a big campus
• 1:29:26
  okay and i don't have the exact numbers because
• 1:29:29
  they've remodeled a couple times great church
• 1:29:30
  is my it's our our tri county church of god is
• 1:29:33
  our is our church and we go to the Clearfield
• 1:29:36
  campus but on the hill is it's phenomenal. They
• 1:29:40
  house over a thousand maybe two thousand people
• 1:29:44
  at capacity. They remodeled so I can't speak
• 1:29:48
  to the exact numbers anymore but but it's a massive
• 1:29:50
  church for in stark contrast to the standard
• 1:29:55
  church in a small town which has the pews and
• 1:29:59
  is right we all know these churches we grew up
• 1:30:02
  in and we may still attend them and they're still
• 1:30:04
  fantastic um as long as they're alive you know
• 1:30:08
  and and they maybe have 50 people maybe they
• 1:30:12
  have right okay so take tri county on the hill
• 1:30:17
  and multiply that by 10 to 15 times this was
• 1:30:24
  a mega church it was Massive. OK, so when I pull
• 1:30:28
  into this parking lot, it's one of the biggest
• 1:30:32
  parking lots. It's like pulling into PNC Park
• 1:30:35
  parking lot like the Pittsburgh Steeler parking
• 1:30:37
  lot. It's massive. OK, the amount of of pavement
• 1:30:42
  work that they paid for is in the millions easily,
• 1:30:44
  I promise. uh that that non -profit church paid
• 1:30:48
  for so i'm going goodness gracious so i pull
• 1:30:50
  into this parking lot because i'm late the church
• 1:30:53
  parking lot is packed you have to walk miles
• 1:30:55
  you have to walk miles in the hot suns jogging
• 1:30:59
  semi -jogging because i'm late and i'm angry
• 1:31:02
  and so i park and i'll never forget right so
• 1:31:08
  the the entrance to this place was all glass
• 1:31:13
  and and it was probably I'm gonna get it wrong.
• 1:31:19
  I would say 50 to 80 foot tall glass front Into
• 1:31:26
  the lobby that was was a lot of glass on the
• 1:31:29
  outside So a lot of sunshine it was wide open
• 1:31:33
  everything like that And if you'd be on time
• 1:31:35
  to come into a church like that you would probably
• 1:31:38
  get energized and greeted right away hi welcome
• 1:31:41
  to our church we glad to have you you want refreshments
• 1:31:44
  are here if you need this you're that because
• 1:31:46
  i was late it was a ghost town i opened the glass
• 1:31:49
  doors and i lit there was not a human being in
• 1:31:53
  the lobby this massive lobby that would the the
• 1:31:57
  size of the lobby alone could fit most standard
• 1:32:01
  size it would it would it would fit five churches
• 1:32:06
  Wow five standard size churches just in the lobby.
• 1:32:08
  It was massive The marble floor your shoes are
• 1:32:12
  echoing as you're walking and I remember As i'm
• 1:32:19
  panicked and embarrassed and angry and frustrated
• 1:32:22
  and i'm walking and i'm late And I remember seeing
• 1:32:26
  the doors going in. There were multiple doors
• 1:32:29
  in the door that was closest to me. I started
• 1:32:31
  walking towards and these doors were floor to
• 1:32:34
  ceiling oak doors, probably 10 feet tall. Almost
• 1:32:40
  think of like, you know, the the big doors to
• 1:32:44
  get in to see the Wizard of Oz, where the little
• 1:32:47
  guy sticks his head out the hole and talk those
• 1:32:50
  giant double like you open them towards you big.
• 1:32:54
  big brass oversized handles right like to open
• 1:32:58
  to go into this the into the sanctuary and i
• 1:33:02
  remember the the music they were worshiping and
• 1:33:09
  i was late right and i'm going son of a gun and
• 1:33:12
  i'm like semi john my favorite parker i know
• 1:33:15
  right and i didn't even know what literally i
• 1:33:17
  had never been to a contemporary church before
• 1:33:19
  i didn't know any other song other than that
• 1:33:22
  one song i but it sounded awesome so i'm like
• 1:33:25
  okay we're going we're going going all of this
• 1:33:28
  stuff i grab the door handles i pull the doors
• 1:33:31
  open and they are singing my song oh my gosh
• 1:33:38
  they're singing i'm a friend of and this is the
• 1:33:46
  significance all of the stuff before that right
• 1:33:54
  and even the few weeks ahead of this where I
• 1:33:59
  was having I was yelling at God and talking to
• 1:34:01
  him this was the first time that I knew that
• 1:34:10
  God was real because I could have walked in in
• 1:34:29
  any state to a church. I could have walked in
• 1:34:33
  to any of the thousands of churches in Florida.
• 1:34:37
  The millions of moments in that church. The thousands
• 1:34:44
  of songs, song sets that were sung on Sundays.
• 1:34:58
  I walked in what are the odds I mean you calculate
• 1:35:04
  that out if you're if you're an intellectual
• 1:35:06
  being and and you're trying to because I've run
• 1:35:09
  those numbers and the odds are inconceivable
• 1:35:13
  that it was anything other than intentionally
• 1:35:17
  orchestrated by the creator of the universe for
• 1:35:21
  me let that sink let that sink in in those moments
• 1:35:31
  right in those moments where only he can hear
• 1:35:38
  and know our thoughts and know our heart in those
• 1:35:41
  moments he keeps track of those he knows them
• 1:35:47
  and he uses those right when right when you need
• 1:35:59
  to hear it right when you need to encounter him
• 1:36:04
  he has it teed up like a golf shot he has it
• 1:36:09
  served up on a platter waiting for me to walk
• 1:36:14
  in so that he can show me who he is I was sold
• 1:36:23
  that was it end of story that was the end of
• 1:36:26
  my questioning that was the end of my arguments
• 1:36:30
  my argumentative nature and spirit with him that
• 1:36:34
  was the end of my trust issues with him it was
• 1:36:37
  the end i didn't get my second foot in the door
• 1:36:41
  it did not break it didn't break the plane of
• 1:36:46
  the door and i was i was i was i was his i was
• 1:36:51
  done okay And here's the craziest part you've
• 1:36:57
  been sitting here listening to this crazy story.
• 1:37:00
  This is just the beginning Right, this is just
• 1:37:06
  this is how he started the story. This is the
• 1:37:09
  opening scene Right, we're not even close to
• 1:37:13
  the end yet. We're not even to the big parts
• 1:37:15
  yet This is just the beginning and if he did
• 1:37:19
  it for me he does it for you if You accept him
• 1:37:23
  and trust him. So. You've seen me in church,
• 1:37:31
  you see that I worship and for anybody who attends
• 1:37:35
  a contemporary church or any type of worship
• 1:37:38
  event, whether no matter where you attend or
• 1:37:40
  if you attend and you look around and see people
• 1:37:43
  with their hands up in the air and you're going,
• 1:37:45
  what are they doing? yeah because at first that's
• 1:37:47
  like completely weird oh it's totally weird you
• 1:37:50
  just got out of your comfort zone really what's
• 1:37:52
  going on it's stupid is what like you're just
• 1:37:54
  like what is this now again i'll add to my list
• 1:37:58
  of of natural characteristics unless you are
• 1:38:01
  in my inner circle which i have a very small
• 1:38:05
  inner circle of people um i have a lot of acquaintances
• 1:38:09
  and i'm nice i try to be nice to everybody I'm
• 1:38:12
  a mess so I mess up, but I try to be nice to
• 1:38:14
  everybody But I have a very small inner circle
• 1:38:15
  unless you are in my inner circle One of my natural
• 1:38:19
  tendencies is I do not care what you think of
• 1:38:21
  me. I just don't I'm not doing it to be defiant.
• 1:38:24
  I'm doing it because I'm focused on what I'm
• 1:38:27
  doing and spending energy even contemplating
• 1:38:34
  the notion that you should be influencing my
• 1:38:37
  decision -making is an utter waste of time. Right,
• 1:38:40
  I think that's how it should be for everyone.
• 1:38:42
  But it's a struggle. I know, I wish I had it.
• 1:38:45
  I'm a people pleaser for sure. But here's the
• 1:38:49
  first thing, be thankful that you understand
• 1:38:52
  that about yourself. Because there's so many,
• 1:38:55
  how many people do we know walking around in
• 1:38:57
  our daily lives that don't have that understanding
• 1:39:01
  of themselves? they just don't and they're not
• 1:39:04
  self -reflective and they're not intentionally
• 1:39:06
  looking into how to not change it but how to
• 1:39:10
  temper it so that it doesn't affect you negatively
• 1:39:12
  right so all that said i don't care what i just
• 1:39:19
  don't care what people think about me and when
• 1:39:23
  it comes to my decision making and stuff which
• 1:39:26
  i think is one thing that makes me an effective
• 1:39:27
  leader and business owner anyway what was i talking
• 1:39:34
  about worship oh yeah so that okay so yeah so
• 1:39:37
  that's exactly thank you so we're doing the i
• 1:39:42
  obviously right like i walk in and i'm late and
• 1:39:46
  i'm crying so to this church service so i find
• 1:39:50
  myself in the back of the church and just like
• 1:39:53
  any contemporary church or any church for that
• 1:39:54
  matter i'm guessing um back then it was the same
• 1:39:58
  The people sitting towards the back were less
• 1:40:00
  likely to be worshiping. They didn't have their
• 1:40:02
  hands up. They were more seekers like I was at
• 1:40:04
  the time trying to get a feel for the vibe of
• 1:40:06
  what was going on. And everybody up front had
• 1:40:08
  their hands up worshiping. And the worship was
• 1:40:12
  killer. It was so good at that church. And shout
• 1:40:18
  out to Pastor Stovall Weems. It's Celebration
• 1:40:25
  Church. I think he's actually on. He's on Christian
• 1:40:29
  Broadcast Network now. That's how big of a church
• 1:40:31
  it is. And I pray that he has stayed the course
• 1:40:35
  and surrounded himself with strong men to keep
• 1:40:38
  him protected and grounded. But nonetheless,
• 1:40:42
  here's what happened is I didn't know why I felt
• 1:40:47
  the urge so strongly. but my very first time
• 1:40:50
  i was like i need to put my hand up i need to
• 1:40:52
  worship but i couldn't because i was afraid of
• 1:40:56
  what people were going to think of me which is
• 1:41:00
  not me that is not me and so i knew because it's
• 1:41:04
  not me i knew it was someone else i knew it was
• 1:41:06
  the enemy i had just accepted jesus and i knew
• 1:41:09
  this i knew and because of my combative uh contrarian
• 1:41:18
  pig -headed natural tendency I Was like that's
• 1:41:23
  not gonna work enemy. That's not gonna work.
• 1:41:26
  I Walked out of that service did not raise my
• 1:41:28
  hand and I was so angry at myself Next week I'll
• 1:41:33
  add this if you don't know what what putting
• 1:41:36
  the hands up is I had actually our Pastor Gunther
• 1:41:39
  in Tri County Clearfield. He explained this to
• 1:41:42
  me one time. He's a phenomenal singer and and
• 1:41:44
  he was He was much younger than me, but I mentioned
• 1:41:49
  it to him one time and I said, you know He goes
• 1:41:51
  this is how it was explained to me. He said Eric
• 1:41:53
  he goes If you're somewhere if you're in a convenience
• 1:41:58
  store and somebody walks in with a gun and puts
• 1:41:59
  a gun to your face What do you do you say put
• 1:42:03
  your hands up? I? Say yeah, and he goes that
• 1:42:07
  Action of putting your hands up. What is it signifying
• 1:42:10
  of you about you? Surrender full surrender full
• 1:42:16
  surrender i'm not i'm i'm i'm surrendered he
• 1:42:20
  goes that is what you're doing when you worship
• 1:42:23
  he goes that is what that's what encapsulates
• 1:42:28
  that that activity and that intention you're
• 1:42:31
  fully surrendered and thankful um so for anybody
• 1:42:36
  who never heard that i hope that that gives you
• 1:42:39
  a little bit of because that's helped me um but
• 1:42:43
  The next week next week. I was there 20 minutes
• 1:42:46
  early. I sat in the front row I swear it was
• 1:42:50
  so ridiculous I hope that Jesus was laughing
• 1:42:53
  because the very first note of the very first
• 1:42:56
  song I didn't know what the song was I didn't
• 1:43:00
  feel led but I put my hand up and worshiped as
• 1:43:04
  soon as that first note hit as Basically an fu
• 1:43:11
  to the enemy going we're not playing this game
• 1:43:14
  from the beginning i'm telling you no and i'm
• 1:43:17
  going to do it because i want to do it and uh
• 1:43:21
  i just i picture jesus going there you go there
• 1:43:25
  you go that's my boy that's that's why that's
• 1:43:28
  when that spirit is a good spirit that's when
• 1:43:31
  that natural tendency that's an example of it
• 1:43:34
  being used for a good purpose because so many
• 1:43:38
  of us are caught and i am in many ways too we
• 1:43:40
  are bound by chains that are unseen that we have
• 1:43:44
  created or inherited some through blood some
• 1:43:49
  through just exposing ourselves when we shouldn't
• 1:43:53
  have been exposed to people or seeing or hearing
• 1:43:55
  things that we were not intended to hear or see
• 1:43:58
  and we are bound by these unseen chains so any
• 1:44:03
  opportunity that we have to cut it out at the
• 1:44:09
  source and you break the chain snap the chain
• 1:44:12
  off at the floor you take it and and and and
• 1:44:17
  i'm telling you it's never been an issue with
• 1:44:20
  me now i've always been a worshiper from that
• 1:44:22
  day forward and uh it is literally it's an art
• 1:44:27
  form like i to be able to to be able to put your
• 1:44:33
  mind into a place of thankfulness forget about
• 1:44:38
  every forget about what you have coming up this
• 1:44:40
  week forget about what you just went through
• 1:44:42
  this week forget about what you have right after
• 1:44:44
  church forget about whether the kids did this
• 1:44:46
  or that forget about whether the house is clean
• 1:44:48
  or dirty forget about the list of chores or groceries
• 1:44:51
  focus on thankfulness and to close your eyes
• 1:44:57
  and to be able to just tell your dad I appreciate
• 1:45:02
  it thank you I need you and he hears it he reciprocates
• 1:45:07
  it he reciprocates it so so now I'm going to
• 1:45:15
  I've accepted Jesus I'm going to this church
• 1:45:18
  And I'll just throw this out here, which was
• 1:45:20
  crazy. So I ended up graduating at the top of
• 1:45:24
  my class in law school. OK, so not only like
• 1:45:27
  my cumulative GPA jumped hurdles, which was supposed
• 1:45:30
  to be an impossibility. My grades were through
• 1:45:32
  the roof. I ended up graduating not just as an
• 1:45:35
  honor, but with high honors at the top of my
• 1:45:37
  class. It was all Jesus. I did not change a thing
• 1:45:42
  in my study habits, which is just unbelievable
• 1:45:44
  to me. It was unbelievable. unbelievable and
• 1:45:49
  so you have that then our last one of my last
• 1:45:54
  semesters there in Florida I remember I was excited
• 1:45:57
  because I was hoping to get to see Hillsong United
• 1:46:02
  who was coming down and doing a concert in Jacksonville
• 1:46:06
  But I and I was ready to buy the tickets and
• 1:46:08
  I was ready to get to go because right so like
• 1:46:11
  I am on fire for Jesus and like I'm making CDs
• 1:46:15
  and like sending them home to my I'm burning
• 1:46:18
  Jesus music CDs I do actually I actually do and
• 1:46:23
  and and I I'm sending them to my mom and dad
• 1:46:26
  who weren't accepted Jesus yet and they're like
• 1:46:29
  yeah, and they're like what are you doing and
• 1:46:32
  like I'd come home and like I'm telling them
• 1:46:34
  all about Jesus and they're like Okay, like you're
• 1:46:38
  you need to settle like you are yeah, like you're
• 1:46:41
  a nut job and here so I'll add this to what I
• 1:46:45
  Hope accepted Christ while she was attending
• 1:46:48
  Tri County Church in Dubois almost at the same
• 1:46:51
  time that I accepted Christ in Jacksonville,
• 1:46:54
  Florida and Even though we were wearing phones
• 1:46:57
  out It was a taboo topic that neither of us were
• 1:47:02
  at that point talking about until we finally
• 1:47:05
  talked about it and realized that God did it
• 1:47:09
  almost at the same exact time. And we both accepted
• 1:47:14
  Jesus. And so the way that we were acting with
• 1:47:19
  each other changed at the same time. The way
• 1:47:23
  that what we expected from each other changed
• 1:47:26
  at the same time. and and we just think that
• 1:47:30
  we're in love and we're whatever and it just
• 1:47:32
  it's meant to be so stupid and it was Jesus he
• 1:47:37
  was in the middle of it and and uh and it was
• 1:47:42
  just crazy and and so but here's what I'll with
• 1:47:46
  the Jacksonville part I'll end it with this it
• 1:47:47
  was pretty cool so I had an exam and I could
• 1:47:52
  not see Hillsong I because I could not skip my
• 1:47:56
  final exam for this class and I tried every way
• 1:47:58
  to get around it so I ended up taking the final
• 1:48:00
  exam I missed Hillsong and it was about two weeks
• 1:48:06
  later in church where the pastor pastor so well
• 1:48:11
  gets up and he goes two things We have two surprise
• 1:48:18
  things that are coming up. They completely are
• 1:48:19
  random They were not expected or planned whatsoever,
• 1:48:22
  but they've just hit our calendar and we're gonna
• 1:48:24
  let it happen Our church is going to host Hillsong
• 1:48:29
  United next week Stop it. That's stupid. It's
• 1:48:34
  so ridiculous He's like we're going to host in
• 1:48:38
  our church Hillsong United and then two weeks
• 1:48:42
  later Joyce Meyer is coming and preaching at
• 1:48:45
  our church and I'm gonna get to see her I got
• 1:48:48
  to sit five rows back for both of them like the
• 1:48:55
  worship for Hillsong United so like it encapsulated
• 1:49:00
  The voices that I was exposing myself to the
• 1:49:06
  most Those three years that I or those two years
• 1:49:10
  that I first accepted Jesus I was listening to
• 1:49:13
  Joyce Meyer and reading her Bible every single
• 1:49:16
  day. And I was listening. I got hooked on Hillsong
• 1:49:19
  and just started cranking Hillsong United and
• 1:49:22
  for him to to bring them in front of me. Like
• 1:49:27
  it was and that was the first like worship in
• 1:49:30
  church is awesome. But to. Be at the concert
• 1:49:37
  with Hillsong 10 feet away from me. singing in
• 1:49:41
  my face like it was the closest thing to heaven
• 1:49:46
  at that point that I believe I had ever experienced
• 1:49:49
  like I literally when I closed my eyes and was
• 1:49:52
  worshiping so hard my voice sucks too I feel
• 1:49:57
  bad about people who stand around me but I sing
• 1:50:00
  and and and but jesus hears it i think he hears
• 1:50:03
  the good voice i think it filters our voices
• 1:50:06
  are different in heaven they are by the time
• 1:50:08
  it makes like our bodies will be perfect yeah
• 1:50:10
  exactly so he doesn't hate my sing but i mean
• 1:50:13
  i was singing my face off and i had my eyes closed
• 1:50:17
  and i literally again and i'm just as i'm I'm
• 1:50:25
  sorry. So as I'm thinking about this, I'm putting
• 1:50:28
  this connection together that I never put together
• 1:50:30
  before. So when I just now. Yeah, just now. It's
• 1:50:34
  amazing. The Holy Spirit does. I'm like, I literally.
• 1:50:40
  Silly how I never put that together before. I
• 1:50:43
  literally felt like it was specifically the song
• 1:50:46
  Hosanna, and it was being sung by the woman that
• 1:50:50
  sang it originally and. i literally had my eyes
• 1:50:54
  closed my both my hands up in the air and i literally
• 1:50:57
  felt like i was floating thinking back to when
• 1:51:05
  i accepted christ at saint bonaventure church
• 1:51:10
  and i had that feeling of floating the rest of
• 1:51:14
  the summer right so that's the holy spirit and
• 1:51:21
  and that As deep as I've like I'm telling you
• 1:51:27
  that was the closest to heaven I've ever felt
• 1:51:29
  in that in that moment with with that worship
• 1:51:34
  It's not just words I mean the Bible is very
• 1:51:38
  clear that life and death is in the tongue the
• 1:51:40
  Bible is very clear that how man speak is show
• 1:51:43
  that's how it's going to turn out that's what
• 1:51:44
  he becomes the Jesus was very clear specifically
• 1:51:48
  about how our words will will dictate Things
• 1:51:53
  he is the word right so the the the flesh became
• 1:51:57
  word the word the words that come out of our
• 1:52:00
  mouths about ourselves are of paramount importance
• 1:52:06
  and You know in a world that God created where
• 1:52:12
  there are rules and laws that are unseen Right
• 1:52:17
  gravity exists. I can't show you or I can't I
• 1:52:21
  can't tell you how it works i just know it exists
• 1:52:24
  when i drop something and it falls the words
• 1:52:29
  that we speak on ourselves open or closed doors
• 1:52:34
  in spiritual places the way we speak about ourselves
• 1:52:40
  i think our very molecules our very body has
• 1:52:46
  life in it and it reacts to the word However,
• 1:52:51
  we're talking And and so we have to guard our
• 1:52:55
  tongue. We have to guard our mouth and speak
• 1:52:58
  intentionally in Ways that are progressing us
• 1:53:03
  the way that God wants us to progress us and
• 1:53:05
  protect right and and I do this with my kids
• 1:53:10
  I tell my kids and this is the same with words
• 1:53:12
  though, too is why I'm gonna say it is You do
• 1:53:16
  not plant apple seeds and get an orange tree
• 1:53:19
  you reap what you sow it is an unseen law that
• 1:53:25
  God created that I have seen play out in my life
• 1:53:30
  when someone gossips a certain way or when someone
• 1:53:36
  um lies on someone a certain way or acts like
• 1:53:41
  it really they're doing this because they need
• 1:53:43
  to pray for you but really they just want to
• 1:53:45
  talk about you they're doing it with the wrong
• 1:53:47
  heart and and this whatever seed that heart condition
• 1:53:53
  is planting you will get it back i have had people
• 1:54:00
  speak on me to hurt my reputation about when
• 1:54:10
  my wife was dying from cancer you cannot Plant
• 1:54:18
  that seed without getting that tree and I pray
• 1:54:22
  to God Please do not Please do not take people
• 1:54:30
  from that person or that person from that tree
• 1:54:34
  because It's an impossibility for it not to come
• 1:54:41
  out the other side I tell my kids when you tell
• 1:54:45
  a lie it will come out on the other side it will
• 1:54:48
  be shot the light will shut it'll all be brought
• 1:54:51
  all the darkness will be brought to the light
• 1:54:53
  it will come out you can hide it for a long time
• 1:54:58
  but it is natural it is god's law that it will
• 1:55:03
  be exposed over time and he will make it better
• 1:55:08
  he will be the vindicator the attorney the judge
• 1:55:12
  he will be the finisher and it will be made right
• 1:55:17
  which is horrible a horrible struggle for me
• 1:55:23
  in the position the way that God naturally wired
• 1:55:26
  me my biggest struggle is retaliatory submission
• 1:55:31
  there are some people that will make threats
• 1:55:38
  towards other people and they'll just be threats.
• 1:55:44
  Because of the position that God has entrusted
• 1:55:47
  me in, in our community, and because it's not
• 1:55:50
  something that I take lightly whatsoever, because
• 1:55:53
  of not only the position, we're blessed financially
• 1:55:56
  because of how we steward things and what we
• 1:55:58
  do and the hard work that we put in. The financial,
• 1:56:02
  the social, the educational, all these different
• 1:56:07
  places of... that God has placed me and my family
• 1:56:13
  added to an unbridled sinful vengeful rage -filled
• 1:56:22
  man who by nature is methodical and manipulative
• 1:56:32
  by nature I am I could do a lot of damage if
• 1:56:39
  someone hurts me, in reality, to their reputation.
• 1:56:43
  I mean, we're talking, we're putting billboards
• 1:56:45
  up, honey. Like, I'll pay for it, put them up,
• 1:56:47
  right? And it's not going to be lying, I'm going
• 1:56:50
  to be putting truthful stuff up that I know or
• 1:56:53
  have proof of. And we're putting them on billboards,
• 1:56:57
  yard signs, I'm building websites. I will humiliate
• 1:57:01
  you for doing this to my family. but I have my
• 1:57:09
  wife who and my mother and a couple other people
• 1:57:15
  in my life that are not seasonal that are there
• 1:57:18
  to keep me from being the worst version of myself
• 1:57:22
  and for refocusing back on Jesus and in this
• 1:57:26
  sweet little voice hope goes honey what part
• 1:57:32
  of that are you trusting God? what a punch to
• 1:57:38
  the face because she's absolutely right none
• 1:57:41
  of it hope none of it none of that is is god
• 1:57:44
  none of that that is all me she already knows
• 1:57:46
  before she has the question this is rhetorical
• 1:57:48
  i know why you ask i know and and but it's a
• 1:57:51
  million percent and and so pay attention to the
• 1:57:55
  people That are that God puts in your life to
• 1:57:58
  be the the guardrails because he uses those people
• 1:58:02
  Especially if you have a lot of similar traits
• 1:58:05
  naturally to me Just depend and lean on those
• 1:58:11
  people and be thankful for those people for keeping
• 1:58:14
  me out of jail probably and out of trouble and
• 1:58:17
  out of because here's the thing even if my Real
• 1:58:21
  quick With little kids, right? I got I got three
• 1:58:25
  little kids and three big kids If you have kids
• 1:58:30
  all parents, I think of experiences once or twice
• 1:58:34
  Kids walking up the steps in front of you. You're
• 1:58:36
  walking behind them without warning signal reason
• 1:58:41
  the child doesn't about face and is staring at
• 1:58:45
  you and You're you have a moment to react as
• 1:58:50
  that child leaps into the air towards you for
• 1:58:56
  you to catch him or her. Let me guess who that
• 1:58:59
  was. Well, it was all of them. They all do it.
• 1:59:01
  They still do it. My big ones do it, which I'm
• 1:59:03
  like, you guys need to settle that. But when
• 1:59:06
  that chopped. Now, here's the point, though.
• 1:59:08
  This is crazy, right? When I had kids and started
• 1:59:11
  thinking about this stuff like this is crazy.
• 1:59:14
  If you don't. If if if you've grown up. Without
• 1:59:21
  a dad. or if you've grown up with a dad who is
• 1:59:28
  supposed to protect you but instead he hurts
• 1:59:31
  you and you're in a position where it is inconceivable
• 1:59:38
  it is nauseating and inconceivable for you to
• 1:59:42
  even entertain the notion that a man or a god
• 1:59:50
  exists that could possibly love you the condition
• 1:59:54
  he left you you hear me you can relate to this