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Light In The Dark: The Version of You That Loved Too Hard · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Sarah. If you're feeling heavy tonight,
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  or lonely, or sad, or anything that's just too hard to handle
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  by yourself right now, then this is for you.
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  And I want you to think of my voice as a Lantern in the dark,
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  shining just a little bit of light ahead so that you're not
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  quite so alone now. I'm not here to fix anything.
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  I just want to sit with you for a few minutes and whatever it is
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  that you're carrying. And I want to talk to the
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  version of you that loved so hard.
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  The one who gave more than was asked.
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  More than was returned more than was probably wise.
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  The one who saw a potential in someone and decided that
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  potential was worth pouring yourself into even when the
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  evidence kept suggesting otherwise.
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  The one who stayed a little longer than made sense.
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  The one who explained themselves one more time, hoping that this
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  time it would land differently. The one who made themselves
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  smaller or more available, more understanding, more patient.
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  Not because they were asked to, but because they were trying to
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  make the thing work through sheer force of loving.
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  I know that version of you. I know it well.
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  And I want you to hear something that nobody probably said to you
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  when it was falling apart. That wasn't a character flaw.
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  That was a heart that hadn't yet learned to protect itself
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  without closing. That was a person who believed,
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  genuinely believed, that if you loved hard enough, clearly
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  enough, consistently enough, it would eventually land and it
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  would eventually be enough. They would eventually see it and
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  rise to meet it. And that's not stupidity, and
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  that is not weakness. That's not you being naive or
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  blind or foolish. That's someone who still
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  believed in the transformative power of love at a time when
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  that belief was costing them everything.
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  And there is something quietly courageous about that, even when
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  it ends badly. But here's what I need you to
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  sit with tonight. The love was real.
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  No one can take that from you. What you felt was real.
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  What you gave was real. The connection, however
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  complicated it became, however much it hurt on the way out, it
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  was real. Don't let anyone, including
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  yourself, minimize that into a mistake you made.
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  And it still wasn't the right place to put all of it.
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  Not because you were wrong to love, but because you were
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  loving a potential instead of a person.
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  A version of someone that existed just enough to be
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  believable, but never quite enough to be sustainable.
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  And you kept showing up for the version you could see was
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  possible. The one you caught glimpses of
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  on the good days, in the quiet moments, in the version of them
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  that showed up when things were easy, while the version that was
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  actually there kept falling short of it when it mattered.
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  And that gap between who they were and who you believed they
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  could be? That gap cost you something.
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  It cost you time. It cost you energy.
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  It cost you some of your own clarity, the moments when you
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  second guessed what you were seeing because you didn't want
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  it to be true. It probably cost you some of
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  your own identity as well, the things that you set aside or
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  didn't pursue because you were so focused on holding space for
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  them. And here's the part that's hard
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  to say and harder to hear. They couldn't receive what you
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  were giving, not because it wasn't good enough and not
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  because you weren't enough, but because a person who hasn't done
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  their own work doesn't have the capacity to receive real love
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  without flinching away from it or trying to manage it or
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  eventually retreating from it entirely.
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  You weren't rejected. You were too much for where they
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  were, and that's a different thing entirely.
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  And I want to stay with that for a second, because I think it
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  matters. There is a version of this story
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  where you walk away believing you love wrong.
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  That you love too intensely, too deeply, too hopefully, that you
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  should have known better, that you should have pulled back
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  sooner, that you should have been less.
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  That version of the story is a lie.
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  The truth is, you love exactly right.
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  You love with your whole self, with presence and consistency
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  and genuine belief in the people you choose.
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  And that is not a problem. That is not something to be
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  managed or dialed down or apologized for.
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  It just needs a different home. It needs to be pointed somewhere
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  that can actually receive it. Someone who doesn't need you to
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  love them into figuring out who they are.
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  Someone who is already doing the work the work on themselves, who
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  has already looked at their own patterns, sat with their own
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  wounds, chosen their own growth, and wants you beside them while
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  they continue. Not someone you're carrying.
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  Not someone replaying and reliving old patterns.
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  Someone walking next to you. A partnership, a team.
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  You were not too much. You never were.
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  You were just in the wrong place with all of that love.
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  And the wrong place will always make the right thing feel like a
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  problem. It will make your depth feel
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  like pressure, your consistency feel like expectation, your hope
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  feel like demand. Not because those things are
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  problems, but because the wrong container cannot hold them.
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  The right container, it won't flinch.
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  The right container will feel like finally being able to
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  breathe. The right container will feel
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  like coming home. So tonight, if you're sitting
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  with the grief of having love too hard in the wrong direction,
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  I just want you to know that the love itself was never the
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  mistake. The love is the best thing about
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  you. It just deserves somewhere and
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  someone worthy of it. And you, you are allowed to wait
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  for that. You are allowed to stop pouring
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  yourself into places that cannot hold you, that cannot contain
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  you. You are allowed to be selective
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  with something that precious. You earned that right the hard
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  way. So I'm going to leave the
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  Lantern right here next to you tonight.
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  Not so you can see where you went wrong, but so you can see
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  how much you still have, how full you still are, how much of
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  you is still here, still whole, still open, still capable of
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  exactly the kind of love that felt like it broke you.
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  It didn't break you. It taught you where not to put
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  it next time. And that is not a small thing.