Latest / Empowered Homes Podcast / Why Won’t My Kid Talk to Me? Learn to Listen Better, Ask Better Questions, and Build Connection

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Why Won’t My Kid Talk to Me? Learn to Listen Better, Ask Better Questions, and Build Connection · Empowered Homes Podcast

• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, welcome to the Empowered Homes podcast.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: The purpose of this podcast is to grow strong families by connecting church and home.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: And we want to get resources in your hands to help you win at home.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm joined in studio with Meg.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: What's up, Meg?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, friends.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Meg, uh, we have had a lot of fun with our last episode.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we had a segment in our last episode called Things I Never Thought I'd Say as a Parent.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we're starting to get some funny texts from folks sending us things, uh, making comments on your phrase that you shared last week.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to tell us what that was again.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: Which one?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Which one did I say?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: About underwear.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why I whispered.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Underwear.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Meg is losing it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: But wait, what did they say to me?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: I don't remember.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they were just making comments of like, oh yeah, that's natur that's normal in our house.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: People.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you said y'all don't.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Y'all aren't underwear walker-arounder people.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, we don't.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: We we're fully clothed people.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: But other people said that that's the one.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: But you're the phrase you we we talked about last week was you have to wear clothes.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: To the dinner table.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so you can't wear underwear at the table.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so what I got back was like, oh, underwear at the table is totally normal.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: You're not the only one I'm I'm not the only one fighting against fully clothed people.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: No, not fighting against wanting fully clothed people to come to the dinner table.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and the phrase that that I never thought I would say as a parent was stop showing people your booty to my youngest son.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: And when we filmed that episode, um, that day it happened.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, when are we gonna break out of this?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: So uh we got a fun segment.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: We want to hear more of like things that you never thought you'd say as a parent, and we will add that to another episode.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: But today's segment is kind of fun.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's gonna maybe set off some people or uh some people may have very big opinions on this, but I'm just gonna ask them to you, Meg.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: So this segment is called People gonna be mad?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: No one's mad at us.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: They can't be.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Segment's called Bless It or Break It.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: So we talk a lot about blessing uh in the home, and we want to add things in our home that adds value and blessing.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but there's habits and stuff that we need to break as parents.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna throw some softballs to you.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: You haven't heard any of these, right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: No, I have not.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is so you're like the listener.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm coming in blind, just like the listeners.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: So this one's easy, okay?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Bless it or break it, only talk about God on Sundays.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Bless it or break it.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: I would say break it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well, because we should always talk about God throughout the week, not just Sundays.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's we're gonna talk about that here in a second.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And our our topic.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, break it.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: So if you take an inventory, those of you listening were like, man, we really only talk about spiritual things, we only talk about faith or God on Sundays.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's a habit to break because we want to be talking and including Him into every part of our life.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So that was a soft one.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: That was an easy one.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: It gets harder from here.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: Couldn't get that one wrong.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: It gets harder from here.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, this one's not too bad.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: This one might I think the answer is obvious, but I think we all catch ourselves in this one, okay?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Talking negatively about your spouse in front of your kids, bless it or break it.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, the correct answer is break it.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but it's challenging sometimes, isn't it?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: It it is it can be challenging.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, do you talk about your husband in front of your kids?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well not like critically, like in a critical, like mean-spirited way, but we definitely joke around a lot in our family.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and so I can be kind of sarcastic, but we're usually doing it like in his face, like to his face.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, while he's there, yeah, yeah.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: So that's fine, right?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not behind his back.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the key.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all at some point, you know, whether we just had a crazy chaotic moment, and then we separate, and the kids are asking questions like, what was mom, what was wrong with mom, or whatever.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Our default, I think we want to be like, your mom is crazy.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Not that I'd ever say that about my wife.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I I think we catch ourselves in those moments of like with high-intensity things going on, lots of stuff, and our kids tend to like ask a lot of questions and want to know.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I would say a hundred percent we got to break this.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, I I say it all the time to my kids like I'm not I'm not talking negative about your mom, I'm not gonna let you talk negative about your mom.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like we can, and if I have an issue, it's it's our kids can't emotionally handle that.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not fair for our kids.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: They start to develop a mindset of mom or dad that based off of you, they trust you.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you are constantly saying something uh negative about your spouse, your kids are gonna start to believe that that's true.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So this is a big break it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I would say break it.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: If this if you catch yourself in this or you if you feel guilty, there's no guilt or shame.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're listening, you're like, man, I just did that in a car ride, talking bad about whatever.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let's break that habit.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a that's an easy one.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: All right, another one, Meg.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, ready?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Ready, similar vein, but different.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um same, same but different.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's what how we say that.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Same, same but different.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Talking badly about church leaders on the drive home from church.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well blessed or break it.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's also a break it, but I would add to that talking badly about teachers or coaches or other kids.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: Or parents.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think breaking that habit.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, your car ride home should be about what you learned about God, what what what went well.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: If things did not go well at church or on the baseball field or basketball court, that's not the time to to throw people under the bus, your coaches, whatever.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Again, not help helpful.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I would say that's a break it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: This one's uh it's getting tougher.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: These next two, I got two more.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Tougher.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And those of you listening, um, we'd love to hear what you you think about this.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh bless it or break it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Would you, would you, are you okay with this?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh are you not?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is especially in our Western church culture.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um this one's a this one's a tough one.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Letting your teenagers sleep in instead of going to church after a late Saturday night.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Bless it or break it.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: What if we've done it?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: Is that a blessed?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's a tough one.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like situationally it's a blessing.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like it it it just kind of depends on on the situation.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: If it becomes a habit, yeah, then to me that's a break it.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, there are times um when yeah.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it it's it's been more like, you know, it's just been a long week, really tired, um, needed the extra sleep type of thing.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: And so you know.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I we've done it.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I would I would say bless it from time to time.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: If it becomes a habit, then break it.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, you know, my oldest had a crazy week at school and he had a uh scrimmage and party and all this stuff, and he went to church, but he just looked off and he got home.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I just feel so sick.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, buddy, what let's take some.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have a fever, like let's take some time.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, go take a nap.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: The dude slept for two and a half hours, yeah, and then he woke up, he's a new man, and he just needed some rest.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I think there's times you know your kids.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know, I I I'd say we work at a church, so I I I should say break it, but uh there's times where yeah, bless it.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: All right, last one.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: This one, uh especially those of you with teenagers, it's this one doesn't really apply to young kids because um uh it it doesn't make sense.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'll tell you why here in a second.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: But bless it or break it, making your kids sit with the family during during church instead of with friends.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: This one's a this is kind of funny because the last few weeks I've had a conversation with one of my children who I've asked them something about the sermon and um readily says responds, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention because my friends were talking to me that you know, sitting next to friends.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm trying to be like, you know, okay, cool, I get it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: Distraction.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: And then like the next week, same thing.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so and so was texting me the whole time.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't hear, I didn't hear the thing, and I was like, you know, maybe you should come sit by me just for a couple weeks, just to like, you know, yeah, be able to clearly listen, understand, comprehend, yeah, yeah, not be distracted.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I know that's a hard one.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um sometimes I get lonely though, because I end up being all by myself because my children go sit next to their friends and my husband is off pastoring people.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so if it this doesn't apply if you have preschoolers, please make your preschoolers sit with you.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to see them roaming the the aisles.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: No, we we wouldn't care here, but uh, but if you have yeah, older kids, um man, this is a tough one because there's there's two sides, you know.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the distractions and they can be a distraction.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um but man, there's something special when you see your kids and their friends worshiping right and together.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I watch my kids sometimes, I'm like, man, that's so cool.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: They have community, they love to be at church, they want to be at church, they want to sit together.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I think this is like a mid for me because there's times where I just want to sit together with my family.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: When I know we're doing the Lord's Supper, it's a no question.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like we have to sit together.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, it's it's funny now because you know I'm running around most Sundays, but if most Lord's Supper Sundays, I'm like, okay, we gotta sit together because we want to do the Lord's Supper, Lord's Supper together.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And uh if if we ask our kids or tell them like, no, no, no, you gotta sit with us today, they're immediately like, oh man, are we doing Lord's Supper today?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't want to cause that, but I also want them to know like it's a special moment with our family.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have to sit in the same seats every Sunday with your family?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: So now that my youngest is worshiping with us, um, last year we let started letting him pick the seat.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Just um he talks the entire service.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: So he sits in the balcony.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh he wants us to be in the balcony so he can just talk and talk and talk.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um so it's uh yeah, we I I can see them up in the balcony if I have to do announcements or anything.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I just kind of give a head nod to them.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, making your kids sit with you with the family during church instead of with friends.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Bless it or break it.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think either one of us said which one.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: I know we were non-committal on the thing.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta commit to one, bless it or break it.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I do enjoy watching them sit with their friends, and you know, I don't know, six times out of ten, they're probably paying attention.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, um, but there's kids too.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, so sometimes they catch one word and that's that's what they got for that day.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think for this segment we gotta come up with like a middle one.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: I know what's what's the B word.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh blend it.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna blend it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll we'll bless it sometimes and we'll break it sometimes.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Let's blend it.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: Does that sound like a good word?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Blend it.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna blend it.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's our segment of bless it or break it.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: We got a lot more.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: I got a long list of stuff.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: You'll see this pop up um in future episodes.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we'd love to hear uh your takes on on would you bless it or break these these things?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: So enough with some silly stuff.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Just want to kind of get us going.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Meg, we got we got some stuff to talk about today.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know, today we're talking about something that almost every parent probably wants to know, or at some point they've asked themselves, how do I get my kids to actually talk to me?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Because we've all been there.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe we've picked our kids up from school or picked them up from a friend's house.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, we're excited because we've been away from them.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: We want to know how it went and and what they did, and and we just love to hear about our kids' lives, right?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I do, I get excited.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: But then we say, you know, how was your day?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: Fine.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: What did you do?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: Anything interesting happened?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: Nope.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: And you're like, seriously, that's what happened for seven hours while you were away from me at school, you know, and they're just like, nope.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: Or my favorite is when my kids ask, they they answer the same answer to every question that I ask them.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: And like I'm like, ugh, so annoying, right?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: But sometimes you can feel like, what am I doing wrong, or why can I not get my kid to talk to me?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: And um, you know, we've we've kind of learned a few things about the way that you can approach your kids and the way that you can really help them open up a little bit more.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, maybe a better question is how can I become a parent that my kids want to talk to?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_03: And so today we just want to dig into that and talk about different things like asking better questions, listening without immediately trying to fix everything.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe, you know, one of the hardest things might be learning how to not freak out when your kids finally tell you something when when you weren't expecting it.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: And and so we're just gonna talk through that today because, you know, at the end of the day, what we want from our kids is not information, we want relationship.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: We want connection with them.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: We talk about that all the time.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: Open communication, open connection, fostering those things.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of our resources, that's what we're trying to do is open up the lines of communication and connection amongst your family.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: We want to give you spiritual elements, we want to give you practical tools to do that.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: And and in the vein of like we're following Jesus together, but also we just want to be super practical for everyday life of how are you keeping the lines of communication open?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so, as parents, you know, what are some of the things that we can actually do in order to help that?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: And so before we jump in, I do have one question for you now that you've quizzed me about all the bless and break it.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Are you, Bobby, a naturally as a parent, are you naturally a listener, a fixer, or a lecturer when your kids come to you with problems?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um naturally I'm a fixer.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think kids, you know, explaining to me the situation and what's going on.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: My first thought is or my first thing that starts spinning in my brain is like, oh, I know how I know how to solve this.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is easy.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, sometimes I catch myself of like jumping on them of like, well, that this is what has to happen.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: This is where we're what you need to do, or this is what this person needs to do, or this is how to resolve this issue.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um and it so my wife told me this years ago.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I I use it when I do marriage classes and and parenting classes, and I quote her, and she used a phrase like, I just want to be heard, I don't need you to fix it.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: I I just need you to listen.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I try to do that as much as I can, but my default is like, oh, you're asking, I can give advice or wisdom, and I want to fix it for you.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes all they need is to be heard.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, that's my default.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think I tend to I'll jump into a lecture a little bit, you know, which is probably a little bit of fixing too, but you know, I'm just like uh I'll start talking and talking, and then I'm like, oh wow, I'm just I'm just talking at this child and not listening anymore.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: So anyway, so let's talk first, just kind of kicking off.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like, why do we think that kids don't want to talk to their parents?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what are some of the main reasons why kids don't open up or don't have communication with their parents?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, man, so many reasons.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um the uh a big one is they it's a learned behavior sometimes.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um they've tried and you blew them off or you blew up on them, and so they just default to um well I'm not gonna do that again.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and or that that didn't go well, or that didn't work out well.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: So that I know that's that's one big reason.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um and sometimes like they know they our kids know us well.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Our kids know uh especially as they get older.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how many times my son's going, Dad, are you okay?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's going on?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Did you have a hard day?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm just living my life and acting like everything's great, but he he knows, and so in those moments where we're tense or anxious or worried, our kids are picking up on that.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one reason they're like, I can't have this conversation right now.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um mom or dad's not safe, or mom or dad's like got they got enough to do that.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Right, I don't want to burden them or yeah.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think those are two things that are are easily reasons why kids don't um want to talk to us.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I think sometimes they feel interrogated when we ask too many questions, too, you know, too many questions in a row, you know, they can feel like, oh okay, like what why why are you like coming at me?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's what the other day, that's what our son said to us.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: We were talking to him about something, and Joe and I both were like, question, question, question, question, question.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: And he was like, Why are you coming at me, bro?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, first of all, I'm not your bro.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, don't bro me.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, but but okay, you know, like, okay, we get it.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like that does feel like we're coming at you a little bit.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: And really, we're just trying to talk to you, but it's like we can pressure our kids and ask too many questions.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: And like, anyway, so we're gonna talk through just a few things that parents can do that can just help them grow in the way that they can receive and open up the lines of communication with their kids.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, the first one is really just asking better questions.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it's it seems really simple, um, really kind of easy in some ways, but it's really not.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we talk about and and we do we use the we're we're gonna refer to our conversation kit that we have on our website from EmpoweredHomes.org.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: But um, you know, we talk about like after school conversation starters, and so it's really just flipping those questions so that they're more open-ended, so that it's it's more of a instead of saying, How was school, you know, or how was your day, where it's just like it it begs for a one-word answer, right?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you're you're asking different questions that are gonna kind of draw your kids out a little bit more.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so just even the way that you word the questions can really make a difference.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: And that I feel like is just a huge in terms of conversation and communication in general in your life.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: Like the way that you word questions can be really important.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, instead of saying, Did you have fun at school?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right, they're like, Yes, no, whatever.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know, what was the silliest thing that happened today?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like drawing them out and making them like have to think about a situation rather than just giving you a yes or a no or a one-word answer.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: Or, you know, maybe it's um, was there anything that confused you today?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what was what's the question that you like to ask?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I I do the like go back in time question.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: If you could go back and restart the entire day, what would you do differently?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so it really like when the kids were younger, that they would really get into the details of like, well, I walked in and I tripped on the stair and then I did this, and I would or I went to the water fountain, the water fountain shot off and got me wet.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like you get it kind of they are talking about their entire day to you out loud.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as they've gotten older, I think they got, I mean, they're on to me now.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, Dad, that's a dumb question.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, stop, stop it.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but one of the key ones we do is like, okay, what was your favorite moment today?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like sum up your day in one moment, and that's super hard to do.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so it opens up well, this happened.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that was my favorite, or this happened.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: That was my favorite.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'll never forget.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Chapman got his tonsils taken out, and uh he's coming out of you know the fog and he's hurting and he's got an ice pack on his throat.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: And me and the nurse were sitting there, and uh I'm just rubbing his head and he's looking at me.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Chapman, what was your favorite part uh of the surgery?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he just like looks at me so bizarre, like, what are you talking about?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: But the nurse just lost her mind.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I've never heard that before.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: She's laughing her head off.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: What was your favorite part?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Who's out of it?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so that that's a key one that like, what's your favorite moment?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's a better question, it allows them um to to don't accept just the oh that's fine, or yeah, like push into that.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: And don't get snarky when they're just like one-word answers.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I get it, it's frustrating, right?
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: But but like just be patient and realize, like, oh, I could maybe ask a different question or a better question.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: And also, I think too, giving your kids some space and time, like just because they don't give you an answer right away, doesn't mean they won't answer your question eventually.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, so don't like press them, especially like right after school or right after an activity, or you know, like ask them, hey, do you wanna do you wanna download your day with me?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: How you feel you know, are you how how is your emotional?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_03: Are you are you feeling like good or are you tired today?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm tired.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you know, let's just like wait.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: So being able to kind of read where your kid is at and and not like judge them for it or pressure them because we've all had days where we come home and we don't want to talk or you know, and so I think just giving them space but then using better.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Not just school, but after activities, the same thing, after sports.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my oldest had a football scrimmage and he messed up on the field.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: He slammed his helmet down, and he I could see the coach just on top of him.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember leaning over to Jen going, I'm not gonna say a word.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: He he knows he messed up.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I I went into the the car conversation with that in my back pocket.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: I needed we're gonna talk about it.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that wasn't the time, right?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so we we went home and later on, like you I just talked about the plays he did good and you know how his team did, and then we're sitting on the couch.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Did you did you see me?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Yeah, I did, buddy.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I did.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, What happened?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me what was going on.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I just I just kind of got angry, and he's like, But just know it'll never happen again.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's it.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: End of the conversation.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I wanted to jump his butt watching him in the stands of like that's not how we respond when we're mad.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: We don't slam our helmet and take it off in the middle of a play.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what and what are you thinking?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: You he wasn't.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: He wasn't that we should that that break it is that question.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, break don't bless what were you thinking?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're gonna break what were you thinking because he wasn't, yeah, and but I knew that I wanted to handle that correctly, so in right after it happened, I I I made a commitment of like we're gonna talk about it, but I'm not gonna hammer him as soon as we he gets in the car.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I know a lot of other dads, and there's the stereotype of post-sports lectures, and kids just hate playing sports because of that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want that to be for them, like I want them to enjoy it and all that stuff, but he knew he messed up.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he was he he was wearing the the weight of that mess up, and I didn't need to add more to it.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's hard though as a parent because you want to talk about it right away, you want to address it right away.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: I get that totally.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: Well, what's the next one, Bobby?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Next one.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh, you know, when it comes to being super practical, uh I I've already mentioned I'm not good at this, but that's why you have to talk about it.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know listening without fixing, listening without fixing.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, our kids, when they finally want to talk to us, um, we can't just immediately solve the problem.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now there's times like, hey, the stove's on fire.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, like we're gonna fix that problem.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: But if if they're struggling or wrestling with something at school or relationship, um, I I know our default is let me rescue, let me jump in, let me, and so just listening to what's going on with them.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: So uh something to ask um to your kids, and this is super practical.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh ask them, do you want me to listen, help you think through it, or help you do something about it?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's putting it back on them of saying, Hey, I do you just want me to listen?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because I'm all ears.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, do you want me to help you think through this, or do you do you need me to help you um do something about whatever it is?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so remembering to listen, clarify, emphasize, and then guide.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because our goals as parents, we're teaching and training our kids to to become uh productive adults.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we say all the time, uh, we're not raising kids, they're we're raising adults, and so helping them process through whatever the situation is.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh every time if we just rescue and fix everything, um it it's it goes back to our episode on kids can plug that one, go back and listen to that.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: This morning, Chandler forgot her lunch, her water, and her ID.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing Jen wanted to do was like, I gotta run these up to school.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Nope, she'll figure it out today.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, she forgot she forgot her phone too.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so she forgot to pick up somebody's phone.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: She had to forget everything.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: But when in the same vein when it comes to um listening, like we we're shaping them to be problem solvers, and so yes, there's seasons and times, especially with littles, we gotta fix the problem quickly.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: But as they get older, we're teaching them skills on how to to think uh constructively, to think productively, and to to think for themselves, help themselves fix these problems.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, listening without fixing again, it's my my weakness in all of this.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um but one big thought don't correct the emotions before you understand the story.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big one for us.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: We've been talking so much in our family about um Proverbs 32 or Proverbs 16, 32.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: It talks about um self-control and a big I got emotional kids who are big emotions.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: How do we respond?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a big one for us.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So don't correct the emotion before you understand the story.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I want, why are you crying?
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: Stop it.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like instead of listening, what's going on in your heart, buddy?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: What's happening right now?
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: And and and instead of just hearing out what's going on in his little mind, I just want him to stop whatever the emotion is.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's a a little sidebar of listening without fixing.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: So we got a big one, Meg, that we talk about a lot here with Empowered Homes.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's right.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: Don't freak out, right?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_03: We call that the 10 second principle here at Empowered Homes.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, really what that is all about is our reaction to them when they come to us today or over time can kind of um impact if they'll come back to us.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because when when our kids come and they tell us something, and and you know, maybe it's something that is gonna shock us, disappoint us.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um they've they've done, they've acted in a way that you're like, we don't do that, you know.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but when they come to you or they finally bring it up, if you just like jump down their throat, what were you thinking?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_03: What are you doing?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: We don't act like that, you know.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I get it.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: I I've said the things.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_03: I've said the things, yes.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to say that just to be clear, we're not pretending like we get this lots nailed down.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_03: This is like a lot of trial and error and error, and then maybe now we get it right sometimes.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: But um, but what we've learned, right, through through with parenting our own children or you know, my husband Joe, working in student ministry for so many years, what he learned is that, and really he learned it from a student.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: A student, he went to a student, he said, Hey, I'm gonna go talk to some parents at a at a class.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna just talk to them about how to talk to their kids.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if if I could tell them one thing, what would you tell them?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: And he said, Tell parents not to freak out when they come to you with hard things.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like this literally came from the mouth of a teenager.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and so really he's what he's saying is, I want to know that I'm safe to come to you and tell you the hard things.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to know that you you still love me and that you're gonna walk with me through these hard things.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, that doesn't mean that there's not gonna be consequences.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: That doesn't mean that, you know, it's not gonna be a long journey, um, difficult things.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: But, you know, when they experience failure and and maybe poor friendships, bad choices, something that's inappropriate, you know, even doubts in their faith, the way that you can really receive them well, the way that you can be a parent that a kid wants to talk to is to be calm, right?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_03: To be steady and just to say to them, thank you for telling me that.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, it probably was really hard for you to come to me and say that.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and and just receiving them and accepting them and and opening up those lines of grace to go, hey, we can walk through this together no matter what it is.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Because the more that you do that, and that starts like with little things, you know what I mean?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: When your kids are little, if you're listening and you have preschool students, preschoolers or young kids, you know, when they come to you and they say, I don't know, silly things, you can just always say, Thank you for telling me that.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so glad that you come talk to me.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so over time you can you can like build this trust of communication and saying, like, I always love talking to you.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to tell me anything.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you you continue to build that.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_03: And and and here's the thing, we've all freaked out on our kids.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: And so if you freaked out, then you can go back and you can apologize and you can say, you know what, I'm sorry, I mishandled this situation.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but the more that we learn to not freak out, the more that we stay calm, the more that even though we're welling up on the inside with how could you, or I'm a terrible parent, or you know, what am I doing wrong?
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_03: All of those things start to to kind of come up to the surface.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: They start to boil up.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_03: The more that we can stay calm and receive them first, and then kind of level headed and we can talk to them and we can really help them walk through in in a way that I think is even more productive for them because they can see like, oh, even though I've made a mistake or even though that this thing has happened, like we can we can work through this and I can move on from this.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_03: It gives them hope also.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, yeah.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important like you know, we we've talked about this.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you've if you're a longtime listener of the podcast, you probably heard us say 10 second principle, don't freak out.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you're probably like me going, gosh, I need to hear that every day.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like the you we can't grow tired of of hearing this practical 10 second principle because like even this week, man, I need to apply this.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's such a a powerful way for us to when a kid, when your kid comes to you and they say, Dad, can we talk?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: And my phrase is always buddy, or always.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: And uh immediately I'm thinking, okay, ten seconds, ten seconds.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just wait and listen and hear what they have.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now when my youngest, he's kind of out of it, but hey dad, can I tell you something?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Can I tell you something?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: Can I tell you something?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was just we'll get in the car.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: We'll go in, we'll get in the car, and it's like, I don't think he breathed.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: He just talked, talked, talked, talked.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: I just said two words, but it's such a uh a good reminder that to to keep us.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think it's okay.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: My kids know about the 10-second principle, and they know about well, hey, I'm trying to to receive whatever you say as calm as I I can.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Now that can backfire.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a friend who his kid knows the 10-second principle, and his kids start the conversation.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hey dad, can we talk?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: You need 10 seconds.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a little different, but it's okay to talk.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm human and I've never done this.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't, and and so, but I'm on your team, I'm for you.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can trust me.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's it's uh it's definitely a a principle that that will last.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: I I think not just with our kids, but with our friends, with with with anybody that we we do life with.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh it's such a powerful tool.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, don't freak out on your kids.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: Please don't freak out on them.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: Another practical just um tool that that I think uh sometimes gets overlooked, but also not really thought of, but it it is essential.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: We want to disciple our kids, right?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: We want to to walk with them and help them grow in their relationship with the Lord.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so listening is discipleship.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, could listening actually be important in the in in family discipleship?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: It is vital for family discipleship.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: James 119 says everyone should be quick to listen, slow to pee, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um when we learn the skill of listening, especially when it comes to faith development and growing our kids in the ways of the Lord, um, it the foundation is being a good listener.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're not a good listener, that may be a muscle you need to work out, maybe something that um you you need to practice um with them of just keeping your mouth shut and listening to what they have to say and what what's going on in their little heart.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, if you got littles, there's times your kids are gonna say the most off-the-wall stuff.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: But every once in a while there's a nugget that you're like, okay.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're not receptive listeners, we'll miss that.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: We'll miss that opportunity if we just blow past it.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: And as they get older, they'll be telling some deep stuff, we'll be in a deep conversation, and they'll say something that kind of peeks into their heart of what's really going on.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're not listening, we'll miss that.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: They're telling uh the my kids, my oldest, he's telling me the story of a relationship with a friend and all this stuff, and he's talking about his friend, and then I hear him say a phrase that just didn't fit.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so I let him finish talking.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: I went back to it, and I was like, hey, help me understand what you meant by that.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: And his light bulb went off, and my light bulb went off.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: The reason for the conflict that he's feeling was something that had nothing to do with him, and he vocalized it, but he didn't even hear it.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so, because I was listening, I was able to pinpoint it for him.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, miss though, that's discipleship.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: We've got to leverage our listening ears um to disciple our kids.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's the foundation of it.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and really, I mean, that's the posture of God towards us, right?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_03: He's a gracious God who sent his son to die for our sins for which we cannot pay the penalty.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_03: And he graciously receives us, right?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_03: Think of Adam and Eve in the garden.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: And he didn't come at them when they they sinned, right?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: He sought them out and and graciously clothed them and um and loved them well, you know, even when he could have been like, uh, I told you so, you know.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: And um, and and he he receives us and he wants us to talk to him, you know, and so as as parents, like we we get to be that kind of gracious to our kids and listening.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_03: Now we won't be perfect, right?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because we are not God, right?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_03: And we need God as well.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_03: But that is his posture towards us, and and that's what we get to model for our kids is that's how much God loves us, is that he listens to us and we can seek him and talk to him.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my f one of my favorite stories in the New Testament with Jesus is him walking through the crowds, and the lady who had been bleeding touched his garment, and it says in scripture, he got down and heard her whole story.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_01: He listened to everything, he knew what was going on, he knew what was happening, but he still took the time in the middle of this huge crowd.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Even the disciples are like, boss, right?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: How could you just there's a million people over here?
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: How do you know someone touched you?
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, No, no, no, someone touched me.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: And he got down on her level and listened.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: Even though he knew everything, he still gave the gift of listening.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was a powerful tool as parents to model that for our kids.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's huge.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_03: It is, yeah.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: So, parents, hey, we just want you to win at home.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, a part of that is just to kind of offer a little bit of a challenge.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so, what are the areas that maybe you need to work on?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe you just need to ask better questions.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um, maybe you need to listen without fixing, or you need to control that freak out, maybe calm down a little bit.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um, or maybe you just really need to focus on like how am I listening in in the discipleship of my child?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: And and and maybe looking at those areas and just choose one this week that you can just focus on, or maybe you're choosing one different question to ask your kids this week, and just focus on how much am I actually listening when I ask my kids questions or throughout the whole week, like how much am I listening this week?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe you just are like, I'm only gonna listen and see what happens, you know.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_03: So we hope that you find this helpful, that it encourages you as a parent.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_03: We definitely don't want you to feel like, oh man, more things I need to do.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_03: We want you to feel encouraged and equipped.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_03: We have resources for you.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_03: I mentioned earlier the conversation kit.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_03: You can download that on our website, empoweredhomes.org slash conversation.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then another resource that I really love that I think we've given out.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: I actually gave out all of our copies.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted to bring a copy and I didn't have any more.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's a book called How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Becky Harling.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_03: It has wonderful tools in there to really grow in the way that you listen.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_03: And so we encourage you to check out our free resources, or if you want to pick up Becky's book, it would be a good resource for you.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, this was fun.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_03: It was fun.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Let's be good listeners this week.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Listening.