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Transcript

Happy Hour #98: Sorry! · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to Stephane
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: never told your protection to I Heeart Radio, and welcome
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to a another edition of Happy Hour. As always, drink
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: responsibly if you choose to do so, and I'm very
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: happy that Samantha is back back back. What was funny
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: is like, I think I cursed myself because last time
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: when we recorded, I was sick, and we have like
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: talked about this. I'm like, but you know, because we
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: worked from home, I see no reason that I shouldn't
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: just keep going because you know, you can sit You're fine.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: But then I had such an awful dizzy migrain and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can't sit up right. Then
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I cursed myself. I'm like, oh, this is what I'm
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: going to be like, I'm canceling because I am sick, sick,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: So I'm back. Though I don't sound wonderful, I sound better,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: but I'm upright. You are upright? You know that's that? Yeah?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Actually that kind of relates to what we're talking about
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: today in a way. Um, but I'm assuming what are
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: you sipping on, Samantha. I shall make no assumptions. I
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: think you you are correct in your assumption that I'm
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: not drinking once again because uh, seasonal stuff, but also
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: if I'm sick, I'm usually staying away from that. Sometimes
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I do enjoy my hot dotty with some whiskey because
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: you know, beneficial in that. But today, because part of
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: my thing has been very being dizzy and head issues,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like, let's not, let's not be an alcohol to this. Also,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I'm drinking the classic Roadcoat with my shatrone mixed. That's
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: the ginger lemon and orange pills with honey, and it's
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: a very delightful drink. Guess it is kind of wintry,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: but not really because it's some like sixty I think,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: but I'm pretending like it is. Yeah, but you have
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: been disappointing. Yeah, like this winter, like it went cold
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: for a split second and then yesterday I thy believe
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: it went to the seventies at one point. Yeah, Because
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I don't go out that often outside, I was expecting
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: it to be cold, so I had gotten all bundled
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: up and it looked really dreary, right, and it was warm.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: It was quite warm. Actually, I am once again drinking
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: my bottled bottled boxed red wine in my trying to
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: be fancy. No, thank you. A box will do me
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: just just fine. From the lovely tumbler that you gave
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: me so that I can read fan fiction in bed.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. Yes, I have specifically bought it
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: for you so that you did you were less likely
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: to break or spill. It has little lid and all
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: of that, because yes, and I love it, so thank you.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: It's a great gift. So today this is actually an
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: episode I've had on my mind for a while. We're
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: talking about saying sorry and women saying sorry, and I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: have a lot of thoughts about this. I know a
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: lot of people have a lot of thoughts about this.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: This is going to be very anecdotal between us um
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: because a lot of there's a lot of like think
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: pieces about women stop saying sorry, you're like making yourself
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: up here weak or or whatever what have you, especially
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: in a business context. I'm of the opinion that it's
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: one of those kind of filler words that a lot
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: of women use, and not just women. But you know,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: like you say sorry and it doesn't necessarily mean you're
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: like assuming guilt or or I don't know. I think
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: it's more complicated in nuance than those headlines right make
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: it seem I guess, and I do see I kinda
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I kind of get that argument, but it's one of
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: those things like then I get so torn in an
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: email about like should I put sorry in here or not? Um?
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: But I just noticed because it is the holidays and
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I've been seeing my mom more than I usually do
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: the rest of the year, and one of the recent
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: times we hung out, I just noticed like we were
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: apologizing for like literally everything, just like moving like oh sorry,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: oh sorry, sorry. And I'm not saying that's necessarily bad,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: but I do think during the pandemic, I've also picked
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: up on because I've been alone a lot more that
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like a general state of sorry. Like I
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: feel like I had like apologizing to no one. I
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: will apologize there's no one here. This is why I
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: tell you to get a dog. I have my Ruby,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: my billow Bit. Do you apologize to Ruby sometimes if
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I spill soy sauce on her face, which I recently did. Yes,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I just it was interesting and so like
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I noticed that the way my mom and I would
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: apologize a lot of times, we would say it under
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: our breath, like we didn't even want the other person
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: to hear it, you know, like it was almost like
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: an embarrassed apology. It's sort of going back to our
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: anniversary of our holiday party many years ago, but many
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: years ago, one of the first hang out times during
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: the pandemic for both of us that we were triggered by.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I just felt so like the next day I wanted
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: to apologize to everyone I talked to that night, even
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: though I didn't do anything right. Really, that actually happens
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: a lot to me when I hang out with people
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: after like parties or something. But it's been I think,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: keyed up by the pandemic because I just don't see
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: anybody anymore. Yeah. Yeah, So I'll like hang out with
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: people friends, have a lovely time, and the next day
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: be fighting the urge to text him like I'm so sorry.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: It's just like no reason, it's just for existing, for
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: bothering you. I don't know, is it. Is it where
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: you are thinking of a specific situation where you're like, oh,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I may have really offended this person because I said
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: this wrong, or said this with this tone, or I
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: ignored this, and so therefore I need because you're analyzing
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: every bit of what you did and you're so horrified
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: about what may or may not have happened or what
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: you may or may not have said. So the next thing,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I've got to apologize, or is it
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: like I'm pretty sure I did something wrong, so I'm
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and give a blanket statement. No, it's
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: more the first thing, but it's often just I felt
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: like I was being too much, or like one big
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: one is, um, if I tell if I talk too much,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: If I feel like I talked too much or I
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: hugged too much attention, I want to apologize. I am
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: very sorry. I feel that way. I feel that same
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: same sense, but I'm also the person that comes into
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: an event and I'm like, I'm gonna go ahead and
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: apologize ahead of time because I have not been around
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: like literally every time I've been hanging out with friends,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: and like, look, you know sometimes I don't read you
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: well and that I don't care enough and my have
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: come out the window essentially because it's pandemic and I
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: haven't been around people enough. So I'm sorry in advance,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: like that's what I've been doing, which is not not
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: necessarily healthy either, but it's kind of that like self
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: effacing thing that I have to do in order to
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: be understood, or a light or go ahead and beat
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: them to the punch just in case. Yeah, I've felt
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: that too. I felt an urge to like apologize before
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: anything's even happened. I'm just like, oh gosh, I'm so
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: sorry for what. I don't know. It's funny because it's
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: like walking a tight rope where I'm damned if I
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: do dan if I don't, I feel bad if I
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: don't make sure people are in a good time, if
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I don't go to hang out event or I I
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: arrived late or I leave early, like then I feel sorry,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: But I also feel sorry if I'm there on time
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: and stay the whole time. I'm sure they wanted me
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: to leave like I used to have been so annoying.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Like it's definitely a self esteem thing, but it's also
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: one of those things which we've talked about before. You know.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I'm sure most people the next day're like, oh, I
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: had fun, Like they're not thinking, oh God, edny one night,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Marre she was she stayed late. I hope not um,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: but it is it's just like one of those things
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: that's no joke all day awake at night and thank oh,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: why didn't I do this? And if I had done
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: that thing, I would be like, why did I do that? Right?
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I mean absolutely, And we talked about that recently with
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: some of the stuff that we have done outside of
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: the show, trying to be professional and trying to like
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: it seems like podcasters to be like, we know what
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: we're doing, and at my we just did in a
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: wonderful interview with a guest who was an amazing Native
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: woman talking about her story, and I was horrified afterwards,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: like holy I could not stop talking a because I
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: was nervous, be because I was fan girling, and see
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: because I was nervous, like it was just in my
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: head so badly that I'm like, I this up real
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: good and wanted to apologize to her specifically because out
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: the gate, I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm fan girling,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: like it was immediate, should be that way. But and
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: then like, obviously it's been what a week. It's still again, yes,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: no one, A hundred percent. Every time we interview somebody,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: we have somebody on for an interview almost always afterwards,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're way cooler than me. I am so sorry,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: and I know, we get approached to be like, you
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: have a podcast that has a million downloads. No, but
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I'm still not good at this and I'm Terri way
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: cooler than me. It doesn't matter what or who and
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: for me, you of this. We talked about this before.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It's not they're famous, it's what they do that makes
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: me so like just in awe of these individuals. And
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: that's kind of one of those points of like people
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: are like, this is just a regular person, or but
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: have you seen what they've achieved that is that puts
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: me in awe of them. But in general, even if
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: they didn't, I was still questioned and feel bad for
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: the interaction that I may or may not have had. Right,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: It's just a constant state of like, oh, I'm so sorry,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. It does happen a lot at work.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I wasn't really thinking about that specifically, but it does,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: especially with interviews from me. I get in my head
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: about it. But you know a lot of us we
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: can joke about you have your memory from kindergarten or whatever,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and you're like, oh God, why did I do that.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I'm that person where I just it could be the
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: smallest infraction and I can't. Let's just feel bad about it, right.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I think that's just kind of our innate being. We
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: really want to change that. But it's hard for me,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: who boasts of confidence or at least being really funny
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: and jokey and sarcastic. That stuff ways for days. Literally,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: as we talked about it could be crippling. It's according
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: to whatever state, to the point that it puts me
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: in an episode, whether it's of depression, whether it's anxiety,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: it can get me there that in looking back on it,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: oftentimes I'm like, Matt, Wow, why did I let it
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: do that to me? Yeah? This is so unnecessary and
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: it had so much power over me, And oftentimes the
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: people who involved probably would have felt awful knowing that
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: was what was in my head or that allowed that smiles.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: That's the way, you know a lot of these things,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Like I had an argument recently, um, and in that
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: argument talking about how I talked so awfully, And it's
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: funny because I do. I can, I can be loud,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: but oftentimes when I'm just initially talking to you, I
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: talked pretty softly. Um. And oftentimes I talk to myself
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: because I'm scared of what I'm saying to you, so
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: at the very least I could have the second chance
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: to say never mind if you don't hear me. So
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: being quiet is a protection, but like that has caused arguments,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: But I feel like that's the same thing like being
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: sorry or saying sorry is that same level, like trying
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: to take it back because you're not confident in what
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: you just did or said right. And that's one of
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: the reasons I get. As I said, it's it's a
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: complicated conversation, but that's one of the reasons why I
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: kind of get frustrated when I see things like don't
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: women stop saying sorry. It's one of the things we
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: talked about all the time where it might just be
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: a safety thing or like you don't want to get
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: especially men angry at you. We've talked about how in
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: the workplace women are much more harshly judged if they
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: come off as quote aggressive, which is basically they didn't
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: a sorry or whatever for the point, or they don't
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: put an emoji at the end right exactly. So it's
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: like we get judged for doing that, but we get
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: punished if we don't. So I don't think it's as
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: easy as telling women like stop saying sorry, um, And
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of it when I as I said,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: it's clearly a self esteem thing. But women are pretty
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: conditioned to like apologize and make themselves smaller and not
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: draw too much attention to yourself, So I I don't
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: think that this is strange at all. It was just
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: it was seeing me and my mom do it for
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: over a weekend that I was kind of taken aback by.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: We would literally like be whispering sorry to no one
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: and I couldn't tell for what. It's like, you moved
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: your arm like sorry, sorry, you're standing there and someone
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: comes in You're like, oh sorry, oh sorry, exactly why
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: am I sorry? I'm here? I know it's very reflexive.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: That's a good point because sometimes I just do it
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and then I'm like, wait, why did I wait? I
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: think they are in the wrong. Nothing or no one's
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: in the wrong. It just happened. Yes, aren't just happens.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: But it's literally like my version of the drunk midnight
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: text is the day after text of like hovering over
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: should I send an apology text message to everyone that's
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: ever met me and I'm totally sober, and they'll be
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: like okay, but yeah, that's just something I noticed that
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about. I do think we could
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: revisit this with more like in a in a more
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: researched way. But you know, I think during the holidays too.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: We've got our episode on people pleasing coming out. This
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: does come out a lot kind of like perhaps safety
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: things that you do that you don't notice to keep
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: the peace are just you. I haven't been around that
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: many people that often, so I feel like I'm re
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: noticing things about myself that I perhaps had forgotten. But anyway,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I would love to know if listeners have any thoughts
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: on this. Cheers to you, Smith the God. Glad to
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: be back. Yes, if you would like to write to us, listeners,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: you can our emails stepinitea mom step at i heeart
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: media dot com. You can also find us on Twitter
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: at most of the podcasts, or Instagram and stuff I
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Never told you. Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: who we often apologize to. Yes she deserves that, Yeah
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you are, and thanks to you for listening. Someone ever
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: told the production of I Heart Radio. For more podcast
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: in My Heart Radio, you can check out the iHeartRadio,
• 15:52
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• 16:00
  Speaker 1: We have a long mod