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Siddhartha · Siddhartha

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  First part to Romayne Rowland, My Dear Friend, Chapter one, The son
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  of the Brahman, in the shade of the house, in the sunshine of
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  the river bank, near the boats, in the shade of the salward forest,
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  in the shade of the fig tree, is where Siddartha grew up,
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  the handsome son of the Brahman, the young Falcon, together with his friend
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  Govinda, son of a Brahman. The sun tanned his light shoulders by the
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  banks of the river when bathing, performing the sacred ablutions, the sacred offerings
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  in the mango grove. Shade poured into his black eyes when playing as a
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  boy, when his mother sang, when the sacred offerings were made, when
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  his father, the scholar, taught him, when the wise men talked.
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  For a long time, Siddartha had been partaking in the discussions of the wise
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  men, practicing debate with Govinda, Practicing with Govinda the art of reflection,
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  the service of meditation. He already knew how to speak the olm silently,
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  the word of words, to speak it silently into himself while inhaling, to
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  speak it silently out of himself, while exhaling with all the concentration of his
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  soul, the forehead surrounded by the glow of the clear thinking spirit. He
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  already knew to feel utman in the depths of his being indestructible, one with
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  the universe. Joy leapt into his father's heart for his son, who was
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  quick to learn, thirsty for knowledge. He saw him growing up to become
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  a great wise man and priest, a priest among the Brahmans. Bliss leapt
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  into his mother's breast when she saw him, when she saw him walking,
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  when she saw him sit down and get up, Siddarthur, strong, handsome,
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  he who was walking on slender legs, greeting her with perfect respect.
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  Love touched the hearts of the Brahman's young daughters when Siddartha walked through the lanes
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  of the town, with the luminous forehead, with the eye of a king,
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  with his slim hips. But more than all the others, he was
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  loved by Govinda, his friend, the son of a Brahman. He loved
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  Siddartha's eye and sweet voice. He loved his walk and the perfect decency of
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  his movements. He loved everything Siddartha did and said, And what he loved
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  most was his spirit, his transcendent, fiery thoughts, his ardent will,
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  his high calling. Govinda knew he would not become a common Brahman, not
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  a lazy official in charge of offerings, not a greedy merchant with magic spells,
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  not a vain, vacuous speaker, not a mean, deceitful priest,
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  and also not a decent, stupid sheep in the herd of the many.
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  No, and he, Govinda as well, did not want to become one
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  of these, not one of those tens of thousands of Brahmans. He wanted
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  to follow sid Arthur, the beloved, the splendid, And in days to
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  come, when sid Arthur would become a god, when he would join the
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  glorious, then Govinda wanted to follow him as his friend, his companion,
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  his servant, his spear carrier, his shadow. Siddarthur was thus loved by
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  everyone. He was a source of joy for everybody. He was a delight
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  for them all. But he, Siddarthur, was not a source of joy
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  for himself. He found no delight in him himself. Walking the rosy paths
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  of the fig tree garden, sitting in the bluish shade of the grove of
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  contemplation, washing his limbs daily in the bath of repentance, sacrificing in the
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  dim shade of the mango forest, his gestures of perfect decency, everyone's love
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  and joy. He still lacked all joy in his heart. Dreams and restless
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  thoughts came into his mind, flowing from the water of the river, sparkling
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  from the stars of the night, melting from the beams of the sun.
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  Dreams came to him, and a restlessness of the soul, fuming from the
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  sacrifices breathing forth from the verses of the Rigvader, being infused into him,
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  drop by drop, from the teachings of the old Brahmans. Siddhartha had started
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  to nurse discontent in himself. He had started to feel that the love of
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  his father and the love of his mother, and also the love of his
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  friend Govinda would not bring him joy forever and ever would not nurse him,
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  feed him, satisfy him. He had started to suspect that his venerable father
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  and his other teachers, that the wise Brahmins had already revealed to him the
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  most and best of their wisdom, that they had already filled his expecting vessel
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  with their richness and the vessel was not full. The spirit was not content,
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  The soul was not calm, the heart was not satisfied. The ablutions
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  were good, but they were water. They did not wash off the sin.
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  They did not heal the spirit's thirst. They did not relieve the fear
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  in his heart. The sacrifices in the invocation of the gods were excellent.
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  But was that all? Did the sacrifice vices give a happy fortune? And
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  what about the gods? Was it really Prajapati who created the world? Was
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  it not the Utman? He the only one, the singular one. Were
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  the gods not creations? Created like me and you? Subject to time mortal?
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  Was it therefore good? Was it right? Was it meaningful? And
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  the highest occupation? To make offerings to the gods? For whom else were
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  offerings to be made? Who else was to be worshiped but him, the
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  only one, the Utman? And where was Utman to be found? Where
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  did he reside? Where did his eternal heart beat? Where else but in
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  one's own self, in its innermost part, in its indestructible part, which
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  everyone had in himself? And where where was this elf, this innermost part,
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  this ultimate part? It was not flesh? And bone. It was
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  neither thought nor consciousness. Thus the wisest ones taught. So where was it
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  to reach this place? The self, myself, the utman. There was
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  another way, which was worthwhile looking for alas, But nobody showed this way.
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  Nobody knew it, not the Father, and not the teachers, and
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  the wise men, not the holy sacrificial songs. They knew everything, the
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  Brahmans and their holy books. They knew everything. They had taken care of
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  everything, and of more than everything. The creation of the world, the
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  origin of speech, of food, of inhaling, of exhaling, the engagement
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  of the senses, the acts of the gods. They knew infinitely much.
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  But was ivaluable to know all this not knowing that one and only thing,
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  the most important thing, the solely important thing. Surely, many verses of
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  the Holy books, particularly in the Apanishads of samar Vada, spoke of this
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  innermost and ultimate thing. Wonderful verses, Your soul is the whole world was
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  written there, and it was written that man in his sleep, in his
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  deep sleep, would meet with his innermost part and would reside in the atman.
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  Marvelous wisdom was in these verses. All knowledge of the wisest ones had
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  been collected there in magic words, pure as honey collected from bees. No,
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  not to be looked down upon was the tremendous amount of enlightenment which lay
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  here, collected and preserved by innumerable generations of wise Brahmans. But where were
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  the Brahmans, Where the priests? Where the wise men or penitence who had
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  succeeded in not just knowing this deepest of all knowledge, but also to live
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  it? Where was the knowledgeable one who wove his spell to bring his familiarity
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  with the atman out of the sleep, into the state of being awake,
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  into the life, into every step of the way, into word and deed.
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  Sid Arthur knew many venerable Brahmans, chiefly his father, the pure one,
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  the scholar, the most venerable one. His father was to be admired.
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  Quiet and noble. Were his manners pure, his life wise, his
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  words delicate, and noble thoughts lived behind its brow. But even he who
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  knew so much did he live in blissfulness? Did he have peace? Was
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  he not also just a searching man, a thirsty man? Did he not
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  again and again have to drink from holy sources as a thirsty man, from
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  the offerings, from the books, from the disputes of the Brahmins. Why
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  did he, the irreproachable one, have to wash off sins every day,
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  strive for a cleansing every day, over and over every day. Was not
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  atman in him? Did not the pristine source spring from his heart? It
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  had to be found, the pristine source in one's own self. It had
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  to be possessed. Everything else was searching, was a detour, was getting
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  lost. Thus were Siddarthur's thoughts. This was his thirst, this was his
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  suffering. Thus he spoke to himself from a chandagaya, a punishad, the
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  words, truly the name of the Brahman is such a verily. Ye who
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  knows such a thing will enter the heavenly world every day. Often it seemed
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  near the heavenly world. But never he had reached it completely. Never he
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  had quenched the ultimate thirst. And among the wise and wisest men he knew,
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  and whose instructions he had received, among all of them, there was
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  no one who had reached it completely the heavenly world, who had quenched it
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  completely, the eternal thirst, Govinda said. Arthur spoke to his friend Govinda,
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  my dear, come with me under the banyan tree. Let's practice meditation.
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  They went to the banyan tree. They sat down, Sir Darthur right
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  here, Govinda twenty paces away, while putting himself down, ready to speak
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  the olm, Si Darthur repeated, murmuring the verse. Om is the bow,
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  the arrow is soul. The Brahman is the arrow's target that one should
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  incessantly hit. After the usual time of the exercise in meditation had passed,
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  Govinda rose, the evening had come. It was time to perform the evening's
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  ablution. He called Siddarthur's name. Siddarthur did not answer. Siddartha sat there
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  lost in thought. His eyes were rigidly focussed towards a very distant target.
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  The tip of his tongue was protruding a little between the teeth. He seemed
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  not to breathe. Thus sat he wrapped up in contemplation, thinking, Olm
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  his soul sent after the brahmin as an arrow. Once Samanas had traveled through
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  Siddarthur's town Esthetics on a pilgrimage, Three skinny withered men, neither old nor
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  young, with dust, usty and bloody shoulders almost naked, scorched by the
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  sun, surrounded by loneliness, strangers and enemies to the world, strangers and
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  lank jackals in the realm of humans behind them blew a hot scent of quiet
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  passion, of destructive service, of merciless self denial. In the evening,
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  after the hour of contemplation, Siddarthur spoke to Govinda early tomorrow morning, my
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  friend Siddarthur will go to the samanas he will become a Samana. Govinda turned
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  pale when he heard these words and read the decision in the motionless face of
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  his friend, unstoppable, like the arrow shot from the bow. Soon and
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  with the first glance, Govinda realized, now it is beginning. Now Siddarthur
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  is taking his own way. Now his fate is beginning to sprout, and
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  with his my own. And he turned pale like a dry banana skin.
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  Oh, Siddarthur, he exclaimed, Will your father permit you to do that?
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  Siddartha looked over as if he was just waking up arrow fast he read
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  in Govinda's soul, read the fear, Read the submission, Oh Govinda,
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  he spoke quietly. Let's not waste words tomorrow at daybreak, I will begin
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  the life of the samanas. Speak no more of it. Siddartha entered the
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  chamber where his father was sitting on a mat of bast and stepped behind his
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  father and remained standing there until his father felt that someone was standing behind him.
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  Quoth the Brahmin, is that you said, Arthur? Then say what
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  you came to say, quoth Siddartha, with your permission, my father,
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  I came to tell you that it is my longing to leave your house tomorrow
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  and go to the esthetics. My desire is to become a Samana. May
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  my father not oppose this. The Brahman fell silent, and remained silent for
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  so long that the stars in the small window wandered and changed their relative positions.
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  Ere the silence was broken, silent and motionless, stood the son,
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  with his arms folded, silent and motionless. Sat the father on the mat,
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  and the stars traced their paths in the sky. Then spoke the father,
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  not proper is it for a Brahman to speak harsh and angry words.
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  But indignation is in my heart. I wish not to hear this request for
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  a second time from your mouth. Slowly, the Brahmin rose. Sid Arthur
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  stood silently, his arms folded. What are you waiting for, asked the
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  father. Quoth Siddartha, you know what? Indignant, the father left the
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  chamber indignant. He went to his bed and lay down. After an hour,
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  since no sleep had come over his eyes, the Brahman stood up,
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  paced to and fro, and left the house through the small window of the
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  chamber, he looked back inside, and there he saw Siddhartha standing, his
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  arms folded, not moving from his spot. Pale shimmered his bright robe.
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  With anxiety in his heart, the father returned to his bed after another hour,
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  since no sleep had come over his eyes, the Brahman stood up again,
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  paced to and fro, walked out of the house and saw that the
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  moon had risen. Through the window of the chamber, he looked back inside.
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  There stood said Arthur, not moving from his spot, his arms folded,
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  moonlight reflecting from his bare shins. With worry in his heart, the
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  father went back to bed, and he came back after an hour. He
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  came back after two hours, looked through the small window saw Siddarthur standing in
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  the moonlight. By the light of the stars in the darkness, and he
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  came back hour after hour. Silently, he looked into the chamber, saw
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  him standing in the same place, filled his heart with anger, filled his
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  heart with unrest, filled his heart with anguish, filled it with sadness.
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  And in the night's last hour before the day began, he returned, stepped
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  into the room, saw the young man standing there, who seemed tall and
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  like a stranger to him, Sid d Arthur. He spoke, what are
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  you waiting for? You know what? Will you always stand that way and
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  wait until it becomes morning, noon and evening? I will stand and wait.
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  You will become tired, Si Arthur, I will become tired. You
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  will fall asleep, said Arthur. I will not fall asleep. You will
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  die, said Arthur. I will die. And would you rather die than
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  obey your father? Said d Arthur has always obeyed his father, So will
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  you abandon your plan? Sid d Arthur will do what his father will tell
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  him to do. The first light of day shone into the room. The
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  Brahmans saw that Siddartha was trembling softly in his knees. In Si d Arthur's
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  face, he saw no trembling. His eyes were fixed on a distant spot.
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  Then his father realized that he even now, said Arthur no longer dwelt
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  with him in his home, that he had already left him. The father
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  touched said d Arthur's shoulder. You will, he spoke, go into the
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  forest and be a samana. When you'll have found blissfulness in the forest,
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  then come back and teach me to be blissful. If you'll find disappointment,
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  then return and let us once again make offerings to the gods together. Go
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  now and kiss your mother, tell her where you are going. But for
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  me, it is time to go to the river and to perform the first
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  ablution. He took his hand from the shoulder of his son and went outside.
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  SidD Arthur wavered to the side as he tried to walk. He put
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  his limbs back under control, bowed to his father, and went to his
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  mother to do as his father had said. As he slowly left on stiff
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  legs, in the first light of day the still quiet town, a shadow
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  rose near the last hut who had crouched there and joined the pilgrim. Govinda,
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  you have come, said Sir Dartha, and smiled. I have come,
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  said Govinda. End of Chapter one, Chapter two with the Samanas.
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  In the evening of this day, they caught up with the ascetics the skinny
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  Samanas, and offered them their companionship and obedience. They were accepted. Saddartha
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  gave his garments to a poor Brahman in the street. He wore nothing more
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  than the loin cloth and the earth colored unsown cloak. He ate only once
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  a day, and never something cooked. He fasted for fifteen days. He
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  fasted for twenty eight days. The flesh waned from his thighs and cheeks.
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  Feverish dreams flickered from his enlarged eyes. Long nails grew slowly on his parched
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  fingers, and a dry, shaggy beard grew on his chin. His glance
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  turned to ice when he encountered women. His mouth twitched with contempt. When
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  he walked through a city of nicely dressed people. He saw merchants trading,
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  princes hunting, mourners wailing for their dead, haars offering themselves, physicians trying
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  to heal the sick, Priests determining the most suitable day for seeding, Lovers,
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  loving mothers nursing their children. And all of this was not worthy of
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  one look from his eye. It all lied, It all stank, It
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  all stank of lies. It all pretended to be meaningful and joyful and beautiful,
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  and it all was just concealed putrefaction. The world tasted bitter, life
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  was torture. A goal stood before, said Arthur, a single goal.
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  To become empty, empty of thirst, empty of wishing, empty of dreams,
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  empty of joy and sorrow, dead to himself, not to be a
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  self any more, to find tranquility with an emptied heart, to be open
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  to miracles in unselfish thoughts. That was his goal. Once all of myself
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  was overcome and had died, once every desire and every urge was silent in
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  the heart, then the ultimate part of me had to awake, the innermost
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  of my being, which is no longer myself, the great secret. Silently
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  Saddarthur exposed himself to burning rays of the sun directly above, glowing with pain,
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  glowing with thirst, and stood there until he neither felt any pain nor
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  thirst anymore. Silently, he stood there in the rainy season from his hair.
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  The water was dripping over freezing shoulders, over freezing lips and legs,
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  and the penitent stood there until he could not feel the cold in his shoulders
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  and legs anymore, until they were silent, until they were quiet silently,
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  he cowered in the thorny bushes. Blood dripped from the burning skin, from
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  festering wounds dripped pass and Saddartha stayed rigidly, stayed motionless, until no blood
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  flowed any more, and nothing stung anymore, until nothing burned anymore, Saddartha
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  sat upright and learned to breathe sparingly, learned to get along with only few
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  breaths, learned to stop breathing. He learned beginning with the breath, to
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  calm the beat of his heart, learned to reduce the beats of his heart
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  until they were only a few and almost none. Instructed by the oldest of
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  the Samanas, Siddartha practiced self denial, practiced meditation according to new Samana rules.
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  A heron flew over the bamboo forest, and Siddartha accepted the heron into
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  his soul. Flew over forest and mountains war A heron ate fish felt the
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  pangs of a heron's hunger, spoke the heron's croak died. A heron's death,
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  a dead jackal was lying on the sandy bank, and Siddartha's soul slipped
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  inside the body was the dead jackal lay on the banks, got bloated,
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  stank, decayed, and was dismembered by hyaenas was skinned by vultures, turned
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  into a skeleton, turned to dust, was blown across the fields, and
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  Siddartha's soul returned, had died, had decayed, was scattered as dust had
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  tasted. The gloomy intoxication of the cycle awaited in new thirst, like a
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  hunter in the gap where he could escape from the cycle, where the end
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  of the causes, where an eternity without suffering began. He killed his senses,
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  he killed his memory, He slipped out of his self into thousands of
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  other forms. Was an animal, was carrion, was stone, was wood,
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  was water, And awoke every time to find his old self again sun
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  shone or moon was his own self again turned round in the cycle. Felt
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  thirst overcame the thirst, felt new thirst. Saddarthur learned a lot when he
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  was with the Somana's many ways leading away from the self. He learned to
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  go. He went the way of self denial by means of pain, through
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  voluntary suffering, and overcoming pain, hunger, thirst, tiredness. He went
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  the way of self denial by means of meditation, through imagining the mind to
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  be void of all conceptions. These and other ways he learned to go A
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  thousand times. He left his self for hours and days. He remained in
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  the noneself. But though the ways led away from the self, their end
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  nevertheless always led back to the self. Though Siddartha fled from the self a
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  thousand times, stayed in nothingness, stayed in the animal, in the stone,
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  the return was inevitable, inescapable was the hour when he found himself back
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  in the sunshine, or in the moonlight, in the shade, or in
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  the rain, and was once again his self. And Siddartha and again felt
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  the agony of the cycle which had been forced upon him. By his side
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  lived Govinda, his shadow, walked the same paths undertook the same efforts.
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  They rarely spoke to one another than the service of the exercise is required.
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  Occasionally, the two of them went through the villages to beg for food for
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  themselves and their teachers. How do you think, Govinda, said, Arthur
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  spoke one day while begging this way, how do you think we progress do
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  we reach any goals? Govinda answered, we have learned, and we'll continue
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  learning. You'll be a great Somana, said Arthur quickly. You've learned every
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  exercise. Often the old Samanas have admired you. One day you'll be a
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  holy man, oh, said Arthur. Quoth said Arthur, I can't help
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  but feel that it is not like this, my friend, what I've learned
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  being among the Samanas up to this day, this, oh, Govinda,
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  I could have learned more quickly, clear, by simpler means, in every
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  tavern of that part of a town where the whorehouses are, my friend,
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  among carters and gamblers, I could have learned it, quoth Govinda. Siddartha
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  is putting me on. How could you have learned meditation, holding your breath,
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  insensitivity against hunger and pain there among these wretched people. And Siddartha said,
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  quietly, as if he were talking to himself, what is meditation?
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  What is leaving one's body? What is fasting? What is holding one's breath?
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  It is fleeing from the self. It is a short escape of the
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  agony of being a self. It is a short numbing of the senses against
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  the pain and the pointlessness of life. The same escape, the same short
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  numbing is what the driver of the ox cart finds in the in drinking a
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  few bowls of rice wine or fermented coconut milk. Then he won't feel hisself
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  anymore. Then he won't feel the pains of life anymore. Then he finds
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  a short numbing of the senses. When he falls asleep over his bowl of
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  rice wine. He'll find the same as what Siddartha and Govinda find when they
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  escape their bodies through long exercises, staying in the non self. This is
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  how it is a Govinda, quoth Govinda, You say so, oh friend,
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  Yet you know that Siddartha is no driver of an ox cart, and
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  a Somana is no drunkard. It's true that a drinker numbs his senses.
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  It's true that he briefly escapes and rests, But he'll return from the delusion,
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  finds everything to be unchanged, has not become wiser, has gas that
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  no enlightenment has not risen several steps, and Siddarthur spoke with a smile.
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  I do not know I have never been a drunkard, but that I,
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  SidD Arthur, find only a short numbing of the senses in my exercises and
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  meditation, and that I am just as far removed from wisdom from salvation as
• 31:23
  a child in the mother's womb. This I know, oh Govinda, this
• 31:30
  I know. And once again another time, when Siddartha left the forest together
• 31:36
  with Govinda to beg for some food in the village for their brothers and teachers,
• 31:41
  Siddartha began to speak and said, what now, o, Govinda.
• 31:45
  Might we be on the right path, Might we get closer to enlightenment?
• 31:51
  Might we get closer to salvation? Or do we perhaps live in a circle?
• 31:56
  We who have thought we were escaping the cycle? Quoth Govinda. We
• 32:02
  have learned a lot, Siddartha, there is still much to learn. We
• 32:07
  are not going around in circles. We are moving up. The circle is
• 32:13
  a spiral. We have already ascended many a level. Siddartha answered, how
• 32:21
  old would you think is our oldest Samana, our venerable teacher, quoth Govinda.
• 32:29
  Our oldest one might be about sixty years of age. And Siddartha,
• 32:35
  he has lived for sixty years and has not reached the nirvana. He'll turn
• 32:39
  seventy and eighty and you and me will grow just as old, and we'll
• 32:45
  do our exercises and will fast and will meditate, but we will not reach
• 32:52
  the nirvana. He won't and we won't, Oh Govinda. I believe out
• 32:59
  of all the samas out there, perhaps not a single one, not a
• 33:04
  single one, will reach the nirvana. We find comfort, we find numbness,
• 33:09
  we learn feats to deceive others. But the most important thing, the
• 33:15
  path of paths, we will not find. If you only spoke Gavinda,
• 33:23
  wouldn't speak such terrible words, said Arthur. How could it be that among
• 33:29
  so many learned men, among so many Brahmins, among so many austere and
• 33:36
  venerable Somanas, among so many who are searching, so many who are eagerly
• 33:40
  trying, so many holy men, no one will find the path of paths?
• 33:49
  But sid Arthur said, in a voice which contained just as much sadness
• 33:52
  as mockery, with a quiet, a slightly sad, a slightly mocking voice.
• 34:00
  Soon, Govinda, your friend will leave the path of the samanas he
• 34:05
  has walked along your side for so long. I am suffering of thirst,
• 34:09
  oh Govinda, And on this long path of a Samana, my thirst has
• 34:15
  remained as strong as ever. I always thirsted for knowledge. I have always
• 34:21
  been full of questions. I have asked the Brahmans year after year. I
• 34:25
  have asked the Holy Vaders year after year. I have asked the devoted Somanas
• 34:32
  year after year. Perhaps so, Govinda, it has been just as well,
• 34:38
  had been just as smart and just as profitable if I had asked the
• 34:44
  hornbill bird or the chimpanzee. It took me a long time, and I
• 34:50
  am not finished learning this yet, oh Govinda, that there is nothing to
• 34:55
  be learned. There is indeed no such thing. So I believe, as
• 35:00
  what we refer to as learning, there is, oh, my friend,
• 35:06
  just one knowledge. This is everywhere, This is utman, this is within
• 35:13
  me and within you, and within every creature. So I'm starting to believe
• 35:19
  that this knowledge has no worser enemy than the desire to know it than learning.
• 35:27
  At this, Govinda stopped on the path, rose his hands and spoke.
• 35:34
  If you said, Arthur, only, would not bother your friend with
• 35:37
  this kind of talk. Truly, your words stir up fear in my heart.
• 35:45
  And just consider what would become of the sanctity of prayer, what of
• 35:50
  the venerability of the Brahman's caste. What of the holiness of the Samanas?
• 35:57
  If it was as you say, if there was no learning, what o
• 36:01
  Sadartha would become of all of this? What is holy? What is precious?
• 36:07
  What is venerable? On earth? And Govinda mumbled a verse to himself,
• 36:14
  a verse from an upanashad, He who ponderingly of a purified spirit loses
• 36:22
  himself in the meditation of Atman. Unexpressible by words is his blissfulness of his
• 36:29
  heart. But Siddartha remained silent. He thought about the words which Govinda had
• 36:36
  said to him, and thought the words through to their ends. Yes,
• 36:42
  he thought, standing there with his head low, what would remain of all
• 36:46
  that which seemed to us to be holy? What remains what can stand the
• 36:52
  test? And he shook his head. At one time, when the two
• 36:58
  young men had lived among the Samanas for about three years and had shared their
• 37:02
  exercises, some news, a rumor, a myth reached them. After being
• 37:08
  retold many times, a man had appeared, Gautama by name, the exalted
• 37:15
  One, the Buddha. He had overcome the suffering of the world in himself
• 37:22
  and had halted the cycle of rebirths. He was said to wander through the
• 37:27
  land, teaching, surrounded by disciples, without possession, without home, without
• 37:34
  a wife, in the yellow cloak of an esthetic, but with a cheerful
• 37:39
  brow. A man of bliss, and Brahmans and princes would bow down before
• 37:45
  him and would become his students. This myth, this rumor, this legend
• 37:53
  resounded. Its fragrances rose up here and there. In the town the Brahmins
• 38:00
  spoke of it, and in the forest the Samanas. Again and again the
• 38:07
  name of Gautama, the Buddha reached the ears of the young men with good
• 38:12
  and with bad talk, with praise and with defamation. It was as if
• 38:19
  the plague had broken out in a country, and news had been spreading around
• 38:23
  that in one place or another there was a man, a wise man,
• 38:28
  a knowledgeable one, whose word and breath was enough to heal everyone who had
• 38:35
  been infected with the pestilence. And as such, news would go through the
• 38:39
  land, and everyone would talk about it. Many would believe, many would
• 38:45
  doubt, but many would get on their way as soon as possible to seek
• 38:51
  the wise man, the helper. Just like this myth ran through the land
• 38:58
  that fragrant myth of Gattama, the Buddha, the wise man of the family
• 39:04
  of Sakya. He possessed, so the believers said, the highest enlightenment.
• 39:10
  He remembered his previous lives. He had reached the nirvana and never returned into
• 39:16
  the cycle, was never again submerged in the murky river of physical forms.
• 39:23
  Many wonderful and unbelievable things were reported of him. He had performed miracles,
• 39:30
  had overcome the devil, had spoken to the gods. But his enemies and
• 39:36
  disbelievers said this Gautama was a vain seducer. He would spend his days in
• 39:42
  luxury, scorned the offerings, was without learning, and knew neither exercises nor
• 39:49
  self castigation. The myth of Buddha sounded sweet. The scent of magic flowed
• 39:55
  from these reports. After all the war, the world was sick, life
• 40:01
  was hard to bear. And behold, here a source seemed to spring forth.
• 40:07
  Here a messenger seemed to call out comforting, mild, full of noble
• 40:14
  promises. Everywhere where the rumor of Buddha was heard everywhere in the lands of
• 40:21
  India. The young men listened up, felt a longing, felt hope,
• 40:27
  and among the Brahman sons of the towns and villages. Every pilgrim and stranger
• 40:32
  was welcome when he brought news of him, the exalted One, the Sakya
• 40:37
  Mundi. The myth had also reached the Samanas in the forest, and also
• 40:45
  said Arthur and also Govinda, slowly, drop by drop, every drop laden
• 40:52
  with hope, every drop laden with doubt. They rarely talked about it because
• 41:00
  the oldest one of the Samanas did not like this myth. He had heard
• 41:05
  that this alleged Buddha used to be an ascetic before and had lived in the
• 41:10
  forest, but had then turned back to luxury and worldly pleasures. And he
• 41:16
  had no higher opinion of this Gotama Oh Siddhartha Govinda spoke one day to his
• 41:24
  friend, Today, I was in the village and a Brahman invited me into
• 41:29
  his house. And in his house there was the son of a Brahman from
• 41:34
  Magadha, who has seen the Buddha with his own eyes and has heard him
• 41:38
  teach verily. This made my chest ache when I breathed, and thought to
• 41:45
  myself, if only I would too, if only we both would too.
• 41:51
  Sidartha and me lived to see the hour when we will hear the teachings from
• 41:57
  the mouth of this perfected man, speak friend. Wouldn't we want to go
• 42:01
  there too and listen to the teachings from the Buddha's mouth, quoth said Arthur.
• 42:07
  Always, oh, Govinda, I have thought Govinda would stay with the
• 42:13
  somanas. Always. I had believed his goal was to live to be sixty
• 42:19
  and seventy years of age, and to keep on practicing those feats and exercises
• 42:25
  which are becoming to a somana. But behold, I had not known Govinda
• 42:30
  well enough. I knew little of his heart. So now you, my
• 42:37
  faithful friend, want to take a new path and go there where the Buddha
• 42:42
  spreads his teachings, quoth Govinda. You're mocking me. Mock me if you
• 42:49
  like, said Arthur. And have you not also developed a desire an eagerness
• 42:53
  to hear these teachings? Have you not at one time said to me you
• 42:59
  would not walk the path of the samanas for much longer? At this Saddhartha
• 43:04
  laughed in his very own manner, in which his voice assumed a touch of
• 43:08
  sadness and a touch of mockery, and said, well, Govinda, you've
• 43:15
  spoken well, you've remembered correctly, if you only remembered the other thing as
• 43:21
  well, you've heard from me, which is that I have grown distrustful and
• 43:25
  tired against teachings and learnings, and that my faith in words which are brought
• 43:31
  to us by teachers is small. But let's do it, my dear.
• 43:37
  I am willing to listen to these teachings, though in my heart I believe
• 43:42
  we've already tasted the best fruit of these teachings, quoth Govinda. Your willingness
• 43:49
  delights my heart. But tell me how should this be possible? How should
• 43:54
  the Gautama's teachings, even before we have heard them, have already revealed their
• 44:00
  best fruit to us, quoth Siddhartha. Let us eat this fruit and wait
• 44:07
  for the rest of Govinda. But this fruit, which we already now received
• 44:12
  thanks to the Gautama, consisted in him calling us away from the Samanas.
• 44:19
  Whether he has also other and better things to give us, O friend,
• 44:23
  let us wait with calm hearts. On this very same day, Saddhartha informed
• 44:30
  the oldest one of the Samanas of his decision that he wanted to leave him.
• 44:37
  He informed the oldest one with all the courtesy and modesty becoming to a
• 44:42
  younger one and a student. But the Samana became angry because the two young
• 44:47
  men wanted to leave him and talked loudly and used crude swear words. Govinda
• 44:55
  was startled and became embarrassed. But Arthur put his mouth close to Govinda's ear
• 45:02
  and whispered to him, Now, I want to show the old man that
• 45:07
  I've learned something from him. Positioning himself closely in front of the Samana with
• 45:14
  a concentrated soul, he captured the old man's glance with his glances, deprived
• 45:21
  him of his power, made him mute, took away his free will,
• 45:25
  subdued him under his own will, commanded him to do silently whatever he demanded
• 45:34
  him to do. The old man became mute, his eyes became motionless,
• 45:39
  his will was paralyzed. His arms were hanging down without power. He had
• 45:46
  fallen victim to Saddarthur's spell. But Siddartha's thoughts brought the Samana under their control.
• 45:54
  He had to carry out what they commanded. And thus the old man
• 46:00
  and made several bows, performed gestures of blessing, spoke stammeringly a godly wish
• 46:07
  for a good journey, and the young men returned the bows with thanks returned
• 46:13
  the wish went on their way with salutations. On the way. Govinda said,
• 46:21
  Oh, Siddhartha, you have learned more from the Samanas than I knew.
• 46:25
  It is hard. It is very hard to cast a spell on an
• 46:30
  old Samana. Truly, if you had stayed there, you would soon have
• 46:37
  learned to walk on water. I do not seek to walk on water,
• 46:43
  said Siddartha. Let old Samanas be content with such feats. End of Chapter
• 46:52
  two, Chapter three Gottama. In the town of Savathi, every child knew
• 47:00
  the name of the Exalted Buddha, and every house was prepared to fill the
• 47:06
  arms dish of Gatarma's disciples. The silently begging ones near the town was Gatarmah's
• 47:14
  favorite place to stay, the grove of Jetavana, which the rich merchant Anatha
• 47:20
  Pindika, an obedient worshiper of the Exalted One, had given him and his
• 47:24
  people for a gift. All tales and answers which the two young ascetics had
• 47:31
  received in their search for Gatama's abode, had pointed them towards this area,
• 47:37
  and arriving at Savathi in the very first house, before the door of which
• 47:42
  they stopped to beg food has been offered to them, and they accepted the
• 47:46
  food, And Saddartha asked the woman who handed them the food, We would
• 47:52
  like to know, oh, charitable one, where the Buddha dwells, the
• 47:57
  most venerable one. For we are too Samanas from the forest, and have
• 48:01
  come to see him, the perfected One, and to hear the teachings from
• 48:06
  his mouth. Quoth the woman. Here you have truly come to the right
• 48:12
  place, you Samanas from the forest. You should know in Jettavana, in
• 48:17
  the garden of Anatha Pindika, is where the Exalted One dwells. There,
• 48:23
  you pilgrim shall spend the night, for there is enough space for the innumerable
• 48:29
  who flock here to hear the teachings from his mouth. This made Govinda happy
• 48:35
  and full of joy. He exclaimed, Well, so thus we have reached
• 48:40
  our destination and our path has come to an end. But tell us,
• 48:45
  o, mother of the pilgrims, do you know him, the Buddha?
• 48:50
  Have you seen him with your own eyes? Quoth the woman. Many times
• 48:55
  I have seen him, the Exalted One. On men many days I have
• 49:00
  seen him walking through the alleys in silence, wearing his yellow cloak, presenting
• 49:06
  his arms dish in silence at the doors of the houses, leaving with a
• 49:10
  filled dish Delightedly. Govinda listened and wanted to ask and hear much more,
• 49:19
  but Siddhartha urged him to walk on. They thanked and left and hardly had
• 49:24
  to ask for directions, for rather many pilgrims and monks as well from Gautama's
• 49:30
  community were on their way to the Jetavana, and since they reached it at
• 49:35
  night, there were constant arrivals, shouts and talk of those who sought shelter
• 49:40
  and got it. The two Somanas, accustomed to life in the forest,
• 49:45
  found quickly and without making any noise, a place to stay and rested there
• 49:52
  until the morning. At sunrise, they saw with astonishment what a large crowd
• 49:59
  of believers and curious people had spent the night here on all paths of the
• 50:04
  marvelous grove. Monks walked in yellow robes under the trees. They sat here
• 50:09
  and there in deep contemplation or in a conversation about spiritual matters. The shady
• 50:16
  gardens looked like a city full of people bustling like bees. The majority of
• 50:23
  the monks went out with their arms dish to collect food in town for their
• 50:28
  lunch, the only meal of the day. The Buddha himself, the Enlightened
• 50:34
  One, was also in the habit of taking his walk to beg in the
• 50:37
  morning. Siddarthur saw him and he instantly recognized him, as if a god
• 50:44
  had pointed him out to him. He saw him, a simple man in
• 50:49
  a yellow robe, bearing the arms dish in his hand, walking silently.
• 50:55
  Look here, said Arthur, said quietly to Govinda, this one is the
• 51:00
  Buddha. Attentively, Govinda looked at the monk in the yellow robe, who
• 51:06
  seemed to be in no way different from the hundreds of other monks, and
• 51:10
  soon Govinda also realized this is the one, and they followed him and observed
• 51:17
  him. The Buddha went on his way, modestly and deep in his thoughts.
• 51:22
  His calm face was neither happy nor sad. It seemed to smile gently
• 51:29
  and inwardly, with a hidden smile, quiet calm, somewhat resembling a healthy
• 51:36
  child. The Buddha walked, wore the robe and placed his feet just as
• 51:42
  all of his monks did according to a precise rule. But his face and
• 51:46
  his walk, his quietly lowered glance, his quietly dangling hand, and even
• 51:53
  every finger of his quietly dangling hand expressed peace, expressed perfection, did not
• 52:02
  search, did not imitate, breathed softly, in an unwithering calm, in
• 52:10
  an unwithering light, an untouchable peace. Thus Gottarma walked toward the town to
• 52:19
  collect arms, and the two Somanas recognized him solely by the perfection of his
• 52:24
  calm, by the quietness of his appearance, in which there was no searching,
• 52:30
  no desire, no imitation, no effort to be seen, only light
• 52:37
  and peace. To day, we'll hear the teachings from his mouth, said
• 52:42
  Govinda. Sir Arthur did not answer. He felt little curiosity for the teachings.
• 52:49
  He did not believe that they would teach him anything new. But he
• 52:52
  had, just as Govinda had heard the contents of this Buddha's teachings again and
• 52:59
  again, though these reports only represented second or third hand information. But attentively
• 53:07
  he looked at Gatarma's head, his shoulders, his feet, his quietly dangling
• 53:13
  hand, and it seemed to him as if every joint of every finger of
• 53:17
  this hand was of these teachings, spoke of, breathed, of inhaled,
• 53:23
  the fragrance of glistened of the truth. This man, this Buddha, was
• 53:30
  truthful down to the gesture of his last finger. This man was holy.
• 53:37
  Never before, said Arthur, had venerated a person so much, Never before
• 53:43
  he had loved a person as much as this one. They both followed the
• 53:49
  Buddha until they reached the town, and then returned in silence, for they
• 53:53
  themselves intended to abstain from food on this day. They saw Gatarma returning what
• 54:00
  he ate could not even have satisfied a bird's appetite, and they saw him
• 54:05
  retiring into the shade of the mango trees. But in the evening, when
• 54:09
  the heat cooled down and everyone in the camp started to bustle about and gathered
• 54:15
  around, they heard the Buddha teaching. They heard his voice, and it
• 54:21
  was also perfected, was of perfect calmness, was full of peace. Gautama
• 54:29
  taught the teachings of suffering, of the origin of suffering, of the way
• 54:34
  to relieve suffering, calmly and clearly. His quiet speech flowed on suffering.
• 54:44
  Was life full of suffering? Was the world, but salvation from suffering had
• 54:49
  been found. Salvation was obtained by him who would walk the path of the
• 54:54
  Buddha with a soft yet firm voice. The Exalted One spoke, taught the
• 55:02
  four main doctrines, taught to the eightfold path. Patiently, he went the
• 55:08
  usual path of the teachings, of the examples of the repetitions. Brightly and
• 55:15
  quietly. His voice hovered over the listeners like a light, like a starry
• 55:21
  night. When the Buddha night had already fallen ended his speech man near pilgrim
• 55:29
  stepped forward and asked to be accepted into the community. Sought refuge in the
• 55:35
  teachings, and Gatama accepted them by saying, you have heard the teachings,
• 55:39
  well it has come to you. Well, does join us and walk in
• 55:45
  holiness to put an end to all suffering. Behold, Then Govinda, the
• 55:52
  shy one, also stepped forward and spoke, I also take my refuge in
• 55:59
  the Exult One and his teachings, And he asked to be accepted into the
• 56:04
  community of the disciples, and was accepted. Right afterwards, when the Buddha
• 56:09
  had retired for the night, Govinda turned to Siddhartha and spoke eagerly said Arthur.
• 56:16
  It is not my place to scold you. We have both heard the
• 56:21
  Exalted One, and we have both perceived the teachings. Govinda has heard the
• 56:27
  teachings, he has taken refuge in it. But you, my honored friend,
• 56:31
  don't you also want to walk the path of salvation? Would you want
• 56:36
  to hesitate? Do you want to wait any longer? Sir Arthur awakened as
• 56:43
  if he had been asleep when he heard Govinda's words. For a long time,
• 56:47
  he looked into Govinda's face. Then he spoke quietly, in a voice
• 56:52
  without mockery, Govinda, my friend, Now you have taken this step.
• 56:59
  Now you have chosen this path always, Oh Govinda, you've been my friend.
• 57:05
  You've always walked one step behind me. Often I have thought, won't
• 57:10
  Govinda for once also take a step by himself without me, out of his
• 57:15
  own soul? Behold, now you've turned into a man and are choosing your
• 57:22
  path for yourself. I wish that you would go it up to its end,
• 57:27
  oh, my friend, that you shall find salvation. Govinda, not
• 57:34
  completely understanding it yet, repeated his question in an impatient tone. Speak up,
• 57:39
  I beg you, my dear tell me, since it could not be
• 57:44
  any other way that you, also, my learned friend, will take your
• 57:47
  refuge with the Exalted Buddha. Said Arthur, placed his hand on Govinda's shoulder.
• 57:54
  You failed to hear my good wish for you, oh Govinda, I
• 57:59
  am repeating it. I wish that you would go this path up to its
• 58:04
  end, that you shall find salvation. In this moment, Govinda realized that
• 58:09
  his friend had left him, and he started to weep, said Darthur.
• 58:16
  He exclaimed lamentingly. Sir Arthur kindly spoke to him. Don't forget, Govinda,
• 58:24
  that you are now one of the Samanas of the Buddha. You have
• 58:29
  renounced your home and your parents, renounced your birth and possessions, renounced your
• 58:34
  free will, renounced all friendship. This is what the teachings require, This
• 58:39
  is what the Exalted One wants. This is what you wanted for yourself.
• 58:46
  Tomorrow, oh Govinda, I'll leave you for a long time. The friends
• 58:52
  continued walking in the grove for a long time. They lay there and found
• 58:58
  no sleep, and over and over again. Govinda urged his friend he should
• 59:05
  tell him why he would not want to seek refuge in Gottarma's teachings. What
• 59:10
  fault he would find in these teachings? But Siddartha turned him away every time
• 59:16
  and said, be content, Govinda, very good are the teachings of the
• 59:22
  Exalted One? How could I find a fault in them? Very early in
• 59:28
  the morning, a follower of Buddha, one of his oldest monks, went
• 59:32
  through the garden and called all those to him who had as novices taken their
• 59:37
  refuge in the teachings, to dress them up in the yellow robe, and
• 59:43
  to instruct them in the first teachings and duties of their position. Then Govinda
• 59:49
  broke loose, embraced once again his childhood friend, and left with the novices.
• 59:57
  But Siddartha walked through the grove lost in thought. Then he happened to
• 1:00:04
  meet Gautama, the Exalted One. And when he greeted him with respect and
• 1:00:08
  the Buddha's glance was so full of kindness and calm, the young man summoned
• 1:00:14
  his courage and asked the venerable One for the permission to talk to him silently.
• 1:00:19
  The Exalted One nodded his approval. Quoth said, Arthur, yesterday,
• 1:00:24
  oh Exalted One, I had been privileged to hear your wondrous teachings together with
• 1:00:30
  my friend. I had come from Afar to hear your teachings, and now
• 1:00:36
  my friend is going to stay with your people. He has taken his refuge
• 1:00:39
  with you. But I will again start on my pilgrimage as you please.
• 1:00:46
  The Venerable One spoke politely. Too bold is my speech, said Arthur.
• 1:00:52
  Continued, but I do not want to leave the Exalted One without having honestly
• 1:00:59
  told him my thoughts. Does it please the Venerable One to listen to me
• 1:01:02
  for one moment longer? Silently, the Buddha nodded his approval. Quoth said
• 1:01:09
  Arthur. One thing, O, most Venerable One, I have admired in
• 1:01:15
  your teaching. Most of all, everything in your teachings is perfectly clear,
• 1:01:21
  is proven. You are presenting the world as a perfect chain, a chain
• 1:01:27
  which is never and nowhere broken, an eternal chain, the links of which
• 1:01:32
  are causes and effects. Never before this has been seen so clearly, Never
• 1:01:39
  before this has been presented so irrefutably. Truly, the heart of every Brahman
• 1:01:46
  has to be stronger with love once he has seen the world through your teachings,
• 1:01:52
  perfectly connected without gaps, clear as a crystal, not depending on chance,
• 1:02:00
  not depending on God's whether it may be good or bad, whether living
• 1:02:06
  according to it would be suffering or joy. I do not wish to discuss.
• 1:02:10
  Possibly this is not essential, but the uniformity of the world, That
• 1:02:16
  everything which happens is connected, That the great and the small things are all
• 1:02:22
  encompassed by the same forces of time, by the same law of causes,
• 1:02:28
  of coming into being and of dying. This is what shines brightly out of
• 1:02:34
  your exalted teachings, Oh Perfected One. But according to your very own teachings,
• 1:02:40
  this unity and necessary sequence of all things is nevertheless broken in one place.
• 1:02:47
  Through a small gap. This world of unity is invaded by something alien,
• 1:02:54
  something new, something which had not been there before, and which cannot
• 1:02:59
  be demonstrated and cannot be proven. These are your teachings of overcoming the world
• 1:03:07
  of salvation. But with this small gap, with this small breach, the
• 1:03:13
  entire eternal and uniform law of the world is breaking apart again and becomes void.
• 1:03:21
  Please forgive me for expressing the subjection quietly. Gautama had listened to him,
• 1:03:27
  unmoved. Now he spoke the Perfected One with his kind, with his
• 1:03:32
  polite and clear voice. You've heard the teachings, O, son of a
• 1:03:37
  Brahman, and good for you that you've thought about it thus deeply. You've
• 1:03:43
  found a gap in it, an error. You should think about this further.
• 1:03:47
  But be warned, oh seeker of knowledge, of the thicket of opinions,
• 1:03:52
  and of arguing about words. There is nothing to opinions. They may
• 1:03:59
  be beautiful, you are ugly, smart or foolish. Every One can support
• 1:04:03
  them or discard them. But the teachings you've heard from me are no opinion,
• 1:04:10
  and their goal is not to explain the world to those who seek knowledge.
• 1:04:15
  They have a different goal. Their goal is salvation from suffering. This
• 1:04:20
  is what Gautama teaches, nothing else. I wish that you, oh exalted
• 1:04:27
  one, would not be angry with me, said the young man. I
• 1:04:31
  have not spoken to you like this, to argue with you, to argue
• 1:04:35
  about words. You are truly right. There is little too opinions. But
• 1:04:41
  let me say this one more thing. I have not doubted in you for
• 1:04:45
  a single moment. I have not doubted for a single moment that you are
• 1:04:49
  Buddha, that you have reached the goal, the highest goal towards which so
• 1:04:55
  many thousands of Brahmans, and the sons of Brahmans are on their way.
• 1:05:00
  You have found salvation from death. It has come to you in the course
• 1:05:03
  of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation,
• 1:05:10
  through realizations, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means
• 1:05:15
  of teachings. And thus is my thought, O Exalted One, nobody will
• 1:05:21
  obtain salvation by means of teachings. You will not be able to convey and
• 1:05:28
  say to anybody, O Venerable One, in words and through teachings, what
• 1:05:32
  has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment. The teachings of the enlightened
• 1:05:38
  Buddha contain much. It teaches many to live righteously, to avoid evil.
• 1:05:45
  But there is one thing that these so clear, these so venerable teachings do
• 1:05:49
  not contain. They do not contain the mystery of what the Exalted One has
• 1:05:56
  experienced for himself here alone among hundreds of thousands. This is what I have
• 1:06:03
  thought and realized when I have heard the teachings. This is why I am
• 1:06:09
  continuing my travels, not to seek other better teachings, for I know there
• 1:06:15
  are none, but to depart from all teachings and all teachers, and to
• 1:06:19
  reach my goal by myself, or to die. But often I'll think of
• 1:06:26
  this day, oh Exalted One, and of this hour when my eyes beheld
• 1:06:30
  a holy man. The Buddha's eyes quietly looked to the ground, quietly,
• 1:06:38
  in perfect equanimity. His inscrutable face was smiling. I wish, the venerable
• 1:06:45
  One spoke slowly, that your thoughts shall not be in error, that you
• 1:06:50
  shall reach the goal. But tell me, have you seen the multitude of
• 1:06:56
  my somanas, my many brothers who have taken refuge in the teachings, And
• 1:07:00
  do you believe, oh stranger o Somana, do you believe that it would
• 1:07:05
  be better for them to abandon the teachings and to return into the life of
• 1:07:10
  the world and of desires. Far is such a thought from my mind,
• 1:07:16
  exclaimed said Arthur. I wish that they shall stay with the teachings, that
• 1:07:21
  they shall reach their goal. It is not my place to judge another person's
• 1:07:26
  life. Only for myself. For myself alone, I must decide, I
• 1:07:31
  must choose. I must refuse salvation from the self. Is what we Samanas
• 1:07:38
  search for, Oh Exalted One. If I merely were one of your disciples,
• 1:07:44
  O venerable one. I'd feared that it might happen to me that only
• 1:07:47
  seemingly, only deceptively, myself would be calmed and be redeemed, but that
• 1:07:55
  in truth it would live on and grow. For then I had replace to
• 1:08:00
  myself with the teachings, my duty to follow you, my love for you
• 1:08:04
  and the community of the monks. With half of a smile, with an
• 1:08:11
  unwavering openness and kindness, Gautama looked into the stranger's eyes and bid him to
• 1:08:17
  leave with a hardly noticeable gesture. You are wise, o Samana, the
• 1:08:25
  venerable One spoke. You know how to talk wisely, my friend, but
• 1:08:30
  be aware of too much wisdom. The Buddha turned away, and his glance
• 1:08:36
  and half of a smile remained forever etched in said Arthur's memory. I have
• 1:08:44
  never before seen such a person glance and smile, sit and walk this way,
• 1:08:49
  he thought. Truly, I wish to be able to glance and smile,
• 1:08:55
  sit and walk this way too, Thus free, thus venerable, thus
• 1:09:00
  concealed, thus open, thus childlike and mysterious. Truly, only a person
• 1:09:09
  who has succeeded in reaching the innermost part of his self would glance and walk
• 1:09:14
  this way. Well, so I also will seek to reach the innermost part
• 1:09:20
  of myself. I saw a man, said Arthur, thought, a single
• 1:09:27
  man before whom I would have to lower my glance. I do not want
• 1:09:31
  to lower my glance before any other, not before any other. No teachings
• 1:09:39
  will entice me anymore. Since this man's teachings have not enticed me. I
• 1:09:45
  am deprived by the Buddha, thought, said Arthur. I am deprived,
• 1:09:50
  and even more he has given to me. He has deprived me of my
• 1:09:56
  friend, the one who had believed in me and now believes in him,
• 1:10:00
  who had been my shadow and is now Gautama's shadow. But he has given
• 1:10:06
  me Siddhartha myself. End of Chapter three, Chapter four Awakening. When Sadarthur
• 1:10:18
  left the grove where the Buddha, the perfected One, stayed behind, where
• 1:10:24
  Govinda stayed behind, then he felt that in this grove his past life also
• 1:10:30
  stayed behind and parted from him. He pondered about the sensation which filled him
• 1:10:36
  completely. As he was slowly walking along, he pondered deeply, Like diving
• 1:10:44
  into a deep water, He let himself sink down to the ground of the
• 1:10:48
  sensation down to the place where the causes lie, because to identify the causes,
• 1:10:56
  so it seemed to him, is the very essence of things king And
• 1:11:00
  by this alone, sensations turn into realizations and are not lost, but become
• 1:11:08
  entities and start to emit like rays of light, what is inside of them?
• 1:11:14
  Slowly walking along, said Arthur pondered, he realized that he was no
• 1:11:19
  youth anymore, but had turned into a man. He realized that one thing
• 1:11:26
  had left him, as a snake is left by its old skin, That
• 1:11:30
  one thing no longer existed in him, which had accompanied him throughout his youth
• 1:11:36
  and used to be a part of him. The wish to have teachers and
• 1:11:42
  to listen to teachings He had also left the last teacher who had appeared on
• 1:11:47
  his path, even him, the highest and wisest teacher, the most holy
• 1:11:54
  one Buddha. He had left him, had to part with him, was
• 1:11:59
  not able to accept his teachings Slower, he walked along in his thoughts and
• 1:12:04
  asked himself, what is all this? What you have sought to learn from
• 1:12:11
  teachings and from teachers, and what they who have taught you much were still
• 1:12:16
  unable to teach you, and he found it was the self, the purpose
• 1:12:23
  and essence of which I sought to learn. It was the self I wanted
• 1:12:28
  to free myself from which I sought to overcome. But I was not able
• 1:12:32
  to overcome it. Could only deceive it, could only flee from it,
• 1:12:38
  only hide from it. Truly, no thing in this world has kept my
• 1:12:44
  thoughts thus busy as this my very own self, this mystery of me being
• 1:12:50
  alive, of me being one and being separated and isolated from all others,
• 1:13:00
  of me being Saddhartha. And there is no thing in this world I know
• 1:13:04
  less about than me, about Saddhartha. Having been pondering while slowly walking along,
• 1:13:14
  he now stopped as these thoughts caught hold of him, and right away
• 1:13:17
  another thought sprang forth from these, a new thought, which was that I
• 1:13:25
  know nothing about myself. That Saddartha has remained thus alien and unknown to me.
• 1:13:31
  That I know nothing about myself, that Saddhartha has remained thus alien and
• 1:13:39
  unknown to me, stems from one cause, a single cause. I was
• 1:13:45
  afraid of myself. I was fleeing from myself. I searched Atman, I
• 1:13:51
  searched Brahman. I was willing to dissect myself and peel off all its layers
• 1:13:59
  to find the of all peals in its unknown interior, the Utman life,
• 1:14:05
  the divine part, the ultimate part. But I have lost myself in the
• 1:14:12
  process. Saddartha opened his eyes and looked around. A smile filled his face,
• 1:14:20
  and a feeling of awakening from long dreams flowed through him from his head
• 1:14:26
  down to his toes. And it was not long before he walked again,
• 1:14:30
  walked quickly, like a man who knows what he has got to do.
• 1:14:36
  Oh, he thought, taking a deep breath. Now I would not let
• 1:14:42
  Sadartha escape from me again. No longer. I want to begin my thoughts
• 1:14:47
  and my life with Utman and with the suffering of the world. I do
• 1:14:53
  not want to kill and dissect myself any longer to find a secret behind the
• 1:14:59
  ruins. Neither Yoga Veda shall teach me any more, nor Athara Veda,
• 1:15:04
  nor the Ascetics, nor any kind of teachings. I want to learn from
• 1:15:10
  myself, want to be my student, want to get to know myself the
• 1:15:16
  secret of Saddartha. He looked around as if he were seeing the world for
• 1:15:23
  the first time. Be beautiful, was the world colorful? Was the world.
• 1:15:30
  Strange and mysterious was the world. Here was blue, Here was yellow,
• 1:15:35
  He was green. The sky and the river flowed, The forest and
• 1:15:41
  the mountains were rigid. All of it was beautiful. All of it was
• 1:15:46
  mysterious and magical. And in its midst was he Saddhartha, the awakening one
• 1:15:56
  on the path to himself. All of this, all this yellow and blue,
• 1:16:02
  river and forest, entered Siddartha for the first time through the eyes.
• 1:16:08
  Was no longer a spell of Mara, was no longer the vale of Maya.
• 1:16:15
  Was no longer a pointless and coincidental diversity of mere appearances, despicable to
• 1:16:21
  the deeply thinking Brahman who scorns diversity, who seeks unity. Blue was blue,
• 1:16:30
  river was river, and if also in the blue and the river in
• 1:16:35
  Siddhartha, the singular and divine lived hidden. So it was still that very
• 1:16:43
  Divinity's way and purpose to be here yellow, here, blue, their sky,
• 1:16:50
  there forest, and here Saddhartha. The purpose and essential properties were not
• 1:16:59
  some where behind the things. They were in them in everything. How deaf
• 1:17:08
  and stupid have I been, he thought, walking swiftly along. When someone
• 1:17:13
  reads a text wants to discover its meaning. He will not scorn the symbols
• 1:17:18
  and letters and call them deceptions, coincidence and worthless hull. But he will
• 1:17:26
  read them, he will study and love them, letter by letter. But
• 1:17:30
  I, who wanted to read the book of the world and the book of
• 1:17:34
  my own being, I have, for the sake of a meaning I had
• 1:17:38
  anticipated before I read, scorned the symbols and letters. I called the visible
• 1:17:44
  world a deception, called my eyes and my tongue coincidental and worthless forms without
• 1:17:51
  substance. No, this is over. I have awakened. I have indeed
• 1:17:58
  awakened, and have not been born before this very day. In thinking these
• 1:18:03
  thoughts, Siddartha stopped once again suddenly, as if there was a snake lying
• 1:18:10
  in front of him on the path, Because suddenly he had also become aware
• 1:18:15
  of this, he who was indeed like someone who had just woken up,
• 1:18:21
  or like a newborn baby, He had to start his life anew and start
• 1:18:28
  again at the very beginning. When he had left in this very morning from
• 1:18:33
  the grove Jetavana, the grove of that exalted one, already awakening, already
• 1:18:40
  on the path towards himself, he had every intention regarded as natural and took
• 1:18:46
  for granted that he, after years as an ascetic, would return to his
• 1:18:51
  home and his father. But now only in this moment, when he stopped,
• 1:18:59
  as if a snake was lying on his path, he also awoke to
• 1:19:02
  this realization. But I am no longer the one I was. I am
• 1:19:10
  no ascetic any more. I am not a priest any more. I am
• 1:19:14
  no brahman any more. What should I do at home and at my father's
• 1:19:18
  place? Study, make offerings, practice meditation? But all this is over
• 1:19:27
  all of this is no longer alongside my path, motionless, said Arthur.
• 1:19:32
  Remained standing there, and for the time of one moment and breath, his
• 1:19:38
  heart felt cold. He felt a cold in his chest, as a small
• 1:19:43
  animal, a bird or a rabbit woold when seeing how alone he was.
• 1:19:48
  For many years he had been without home and had felt nothing. Now he
• 1:19:55
  felt it still, even in the deepest meditation. He had, being his
• 1:20:00
  father's son, had been a Brahman of a high caste, a cleric.
• 1:20:05
  Now he was nothing but Siddhartha, the awoken one. Nothing else was left.
• 1:20:15
  Deeply he inhaled, and for a moment he felt cold and shivered.
• 1:20:20
  Nobody was thus alone as he was. There was no nobleman who did not
• 1:20:26
  belong to the nobleman, no worker that did not belong to the workers and
• 1:20:30
  found refuge with them, shared their life, spoke their language. No Brahman
• 1:20:38
  who would not be regarded as Brahmans and lived with them, No ascetic who
• 1:20:43
  would not find his refuge in the caste of the Samanas. And even the
• 1:20:47
  most forlorn hermit in the forest was not just one and alone. He was
• 1:20:54
  also surrounded by a place he belonged to. He also belonged to a caste
• 1:21:00
  in which he was at home. Govinda had become a monk, and a
• 1:21:03
  thousand monks were his brothers. Wore the same robe as he believed in his
• 1:21:09
  faith, spoke his language. But he, Siddartha, where did he belong
• 1:21:14
  to? With Whom would he share his life? Whose language would he speak?
• 1:21:20
  Out of this moment when the world melted away all around him, when
• 1:21:26
  he stood alone like a star in the sky. Out of this moment of
• 1:21:30
  cold and despair, Siddartha emerged more a self than before, more firmly concentrated.
• 1:21:39
  He felt this had been the last tremor of the awakening, the last
• 1:21:45
  struggle of this birth, and it was not long until he walked again in
• 1:21:49
  long strides, started to proceed swiftly and impatiently, heading no longer for home,
• 1:21:57
  no longer to see his father, no longer Back end of chapter four,
• 1:22:04
  second part, Chapter five dedicated to Wilhelm Gundet, my cousin in Japan.
• 1:22:14
  Chapter five Kamala Sad Arthur learned something new on every step of his path,
• 1:22:23
  for the world was transformed and his heart was enchanted. He saw the
• 1:22:30
  sun rising over the mountains with their forests, and setting over the distant beach
• 1:22:34
  with its palm trees. At night. He saw the stars in the sky
• 1:22:41
  in their fixed positions, and the crescent of the moon floating like a boat
• 1:22:45
  in the blue. He saw trees, stars, animals, clouds, rainbows,
• 1:22:51
  rocks, herbs, flowers, stream and river, the glistening dew in
• 1:22:59
  the bush in the morning, distant high mountains which were blue and pale.
• 1:23:04
  Birds sang, and bees wind silverishly blue through the rice field. All of
• 1:23:13
  this, a thousandfold and colorful, had always been there. Always. The
• 1:23:19
  sun and the moon had shone always, the rivers had roared, and the
• 1:23:25
  bees had buzzed. But in former times, all of this had been nothing
• 1:23:30
  more to sid Arthur than a fleeting, deceptive veil before his eyes looked upon
• 1:23:35
  in distrust, destined to be penetrated and destroyed by thought, since it was
• 1:23:42
  not the essential existence, since this essence lay beyond, on the other side
• 1:23:47
  of the visible. But now his liberated eyes stayed on this side. He
• 1:23:54
  saw and became aware of the visible, sought to be at home in this
• 1:23:59
  world, did not seek for the true essence, did not aim at a
• 1:24:03
  world beyond. Beautiful was this world, looking at it thus without searching,
• 1:24:12
  thus simply, thus childlike. Beautiful were the moon and the stars. Beautiful
• 1:24:19
  was the stream and the banks, the forest and the rocks, the goat
• 1:24:25
  and the gold beetle, the flower and the butterfly. Beautiful and lovely.
• 1:24:30
  It was thus to walk through the world thus childlike, thus awoken, thus
• 1:24:39
  open to what is near, thus without distrust. Differently, the sun burnt
• 1:24:47
  the head, differently, the shade of the forest cooled him down. Differently,
• 1:24:54
  the stream and the cistern, the pumpkin and the banana tasted short.
• 1:25:00
  Were the days short, the nights. Every hour sped away like a sail
• 1:25:05
  on the sea. And under the sail was a ship of treasures, full
• 1:25:11
  of joy. Siddarthur saw a group of apes moving through the high canopy of
• 1:25:17
  the forest, high in the branches, and heard their savage, greedy song.
• 1:25:25
  Siddarthur saw a male sheep following a female one and mating with her in
• 1:25:31
  a lake of reeds. He saw the pike hungrily hunting for its dinner,
• 1:25:36
  propelling themselves away from it in fear, wriggling and sparkling. The young fish
• 1:25:44
  jumped in droves out of the water. The scent of strength and passion came
• 1:25:49
  forcefully out of the hasty eddies of the water, which the pike stirred up
• 1:25:55
  impetuously hunting. All of this had always existed, and he had not seen
• 1:26:01
  it. He had not been with it. Now he was with it,
• 1:26:06
  He was part of it. Light and shadow ran through his eyes, Stars
• 1:26:12
  and moon ran through his heart. On the way, Saddartha also remembered everything
• 1:26:18
  he had experienced in the garden Jetavana, the teaching he had heard there,
• 1:26:25
  the divine Buddha, the farewell to Govinda, the conversation with the Exalted One.
• 1:26:31
  Again, he remembered his own words. He had spoken to the Exalted
• 1:26:35
  One, every word, and with astonishment, he became aware of the fact
• 1:26:42
  that there he had said things which he had not really known yet at this
• 1:26:46
  time. What he had said to Gautama, his the Buddha's treasure and secret
• 1:26:53
  was not the teaching, but the unexpressible and not teachable, which he had
• 1:26:59
  experienerienced in the hour of its enlightenment. It was nothing but this very thing
• 1:27:05
  what he now began to experience. Now he had to experience his self.
• 1:27:13
  It is true that he had already known for a long time that his self
• 1:27:17
  was utman in its essence, bearing the same eternal characteristics as Brahman. But
• 1:27:26
  never had he really found this self, because he had wanted to capture it
• 1:27:30
  in the net of thought, with the body definitely not being the self and
• 1:27:36
  not the spectacle of the senses. So it also was not the thought,
• 1:27:43
  not the rational mind, not the learned wisdom, not the learned ability to
• 1:27:49
  draw conclusions and to develop previous thoughts into new ones. No, this world
• 1:27:58
  of thought was also still on this side, and nothing could be achieved by
• 1:28:04
  killing the random self of the senses if the random self of the thoughts and
• 1:28:11
  learned knowledge was fattened. On the other hand, both the thoughts, as
• 1:28:16
  well as the senses, were pretty things. The ultimate meaning was hidden behind
• 1:28:24
  both of them. Both had to be listened to, both had to be
• 1:28:29
  played with. Both, Neither had to be scorned nor overestimated. From both
• 1:28:36
  the secret voices of the innermost truth had to be attentively perceived. He wanted
• 1:28:44
  to strive for nothing except for what the voice commanded him to strive for,
• 1:28:49
  dwell on nothing except where the voice would advise him to do so. Why
• 1:28:57
  had Gautama at that time, in the hour of all hours, sat down
• 1:29:02
  under the bow tree where the enlightenment hit him. He had heard a voice,
• 1:29:08
  a voice in his own heart, which had commanded him to seek rest
• 1:29:13
  under this tree. And he had neither preferred self castigation, offerings, ablutions,
• 1:29:19
  nor prayer, neither food nor drink, neither sleep nor dream. He
• 1:29:26
  had obeyed the voice to obey like this, not to an external command,
• 1:29:32
  only to the voice to be ready like this. This was good, this
• 1:29:38
  was necessary. Nothing else was necessary. In the night, when he slept
• 1:29:45
  in the straw heart of a ferryman by the river, Siddhartha had a dream.
• 1:29:51
  Govinda was standing in front of him, dressed in the yellow robe of
• 1:29:57
  an ascetic, and was how Govinda looked like. Sadly, he asked,
• 1:30:03
  why have you forsaken me? At this, he embraced Govinda, wrapped his
• 1:30:10
  arms around him, and as he was pulling him close to his chest and
• 1:30:15
  kissed him. It was not Govinda anymore, but a woman, and a
• 1:30:19
  full breast popped out of the woman's dress, at which Siddarthur lay and drank
• 1:30:26
  sweetly and strongly tasted the milk from this breast. It tasted of woman and
• 1:30:33
  man, of sun, and forest, of animal and flower, of every
• 1:30:39
  fruit, of every joyful desire. It intoxicated him and rendered him unconscious.
• 1:30:47
  When Siddartha woke up, the pale river shimmered through the door of the hut,
• 1:30:53
  and in the forest a dark call of an owl resounded deeply and pleasantly.
• 1:31:00
  When the day began, Saddartha asked his host, the ferryman, to
• 1:31:04
  get him across the river. The ferryman got him across the river on his
• 1:31:09
  bamboo raft. The wide water shimmered reddishly in the light of the morning.
• 1:31:15
  This is a beautiful river, he said to his companion. Yes, said
• 1:31:21
  the ferryman, a very beautiful river. I love it more than anything.
• 1:31:28
  Often I have listened to it. Often I have looked into its eyes,
• 1:31:32
  and always I have learned from it. Much can be learned from a river.
• 1:31:39
  I thank you, my benefactor, spoke Saddarthur, disembarking on the other
• 1:31:44
  side of the river. I have no gift I could give you for your
• 1:31:47
  hospitality, my dear, and also no payment for your work. I am
• 1:31:53
  a man without a home, a son of a Brahman and a Samana.
• 1:31:59
  I did see it, spoke the fairyman. And I haven't expected any payment
• 1:32:03
  from you, and no gifts, which would be the custom for guests to
• 1:32:09
  bear. You will give me the gift another time, do you think so,
• 1:32:15
  asked Siddarthur, amusedly. Surely these two I have learned from the river.
• 1:32:23
  Everything is coming back you too, Samana, will come back now farewell.
• 1:32:29
  Let your friendship be my reward. Commemorate me when you'll make your offerings
• 1:32:34
  to the gods. Smiling, they parted. Smiling, said d Arthur was
• 1:32:43
  happy about the friendship and the kindness of the Fairyman. He is like Govinda,
• 1:32:48
  he thought, with a smile. All I meet on my path are
• 1:32:53
  like Govinda. All are thankful, though they are the ones who would have
• 1:32:59
  a right to receive thanks. All are submissive, all would like to be
• 1:33:04
  friends, like to obey, think little, like children are all people.
• 1:33:13
  At about noon he came through a village. In front of the mud cottages.
• 1:33:18
  Children were rolling about in the street or playing with pumpkin seeds and seashells.
• 1:33:24
  Screamed and wrestled, but they all timidly fled from the unknown Samana.
• 1:33:30
  In the end of the village, the path led through a stream, and
• 1:33:34
  by the side of the stream a young woman was kneeling and washing clothes.
• 1:33:41
  When sid Arthur greeted her, she lifted her head and looked up to him
• 1:33:45
  with a smile, so that he saw the white in her eyes glistening.
• 1:33:49
  He called out a blessing to her, as is the custom among travelers,
• 1:33:55
  and asked how far he still had to go to reach the large city.
• 1:34:00
  Then she got up and came to him beautifully. Her wet mouth was shimmering
• 1:34:06
  in her young face. She exchanged humorous banter with him, asked whether he
• 1:34:12
  had eaten already, and whether it was true that the Samanas slept alone in
• 1:34:16
  the forest at night and were not allowed to have any women with them.
• 1:34:23
  While talking, she put her left foot on his right one and made a
• 1:34:27
  movement as a woman does. Who would want to initiate that kind of sexual
• 1:34:31
  pleasure with the man, which the text books call climbing a tree? Said?
• 1:34:38
  Arthur felt his blood heating up, and since in this moment he had
• 1:34:42
  to think of his dream again, he bent slightly down to the woman and
• 1:34:46
  kissed with his lips the brown nipple of her breast. Looking up, he
• 1:34:53
  saw her face smiling, full of lust, and her eyes with contracted pupil
• 1:35:00
  pills, begging with desire. Sadartha also felt desire and felt the source of
• 1:35:08
  his sexuality moving, But since he had never touched a woman before, he
• 1:35:14
  hesitated for a moment while his hands were already prepared to reach out for her.
• 1:35:19
  And in this moment he heard, shuddering with awe, the voice of
• 1:35:25
  his innermost self, and this voice said no. Then all charms disappeared from
• 1:35:33
  the young woman's smiling face. He no longer saw anything else but the damp
• 1:35:40
  glance of a female animal in heat. Politely, he petted her cheek,
• 1:35:45
  turned away from her, and disappeared from the disappointed woman with light steps into
• 1:35:51
  the bamboo wood on this day. He reached the large city before the evening,
• 1:35:59
  and was happy, for he felt the need to be among people.
• 1:36:04
  For a long time he had lived in the forest, and the straw hat
• 1:36:09
  of the ferry man in which he had slept that night had been the first
• 1:36:13
  roof for a long time he had had over his head. Before the city,
• 1:36:18
  in a beautifully fenced grove, the traveler came across a small group of
• 1:36:24
  servants, both male and female, carrying baskets in their midst Carried by four
• 1:36:30
  servants, in an ornamental sedan chair, sat a woman, the mistress,
• 1:36:36
  on red pillows under a colorful canopy. Saddartha stopped at the entrance to the
• 1:36:43
  pleasure garden and watched the parade, saw the servants, the maids, the
• 1:36:48
  baskets, saw the sedan chair, and saw the lady in it, under
• 1:36:55
  black hair which made to tower high on her head. He saw a very
• 1:37:00
  fair, very delicate, very smart face, a brightly red mouth like a
• 1:37:06
  freshly cracked fig, eyebrows which were well tended and painted in a high arch,
• 1:37:14
  smart and watchful dark eyes, a clear, tall neck rising from a
• 1:37:20
  green and golden garment, resting fair hands, long and thin with wide golden
• 1:37:28
  bracelets over the wrists. Saddarthur saw how beautiful she was, and his heart
• 1:37:34
  rejoiced. He bowed deeply when the sedan chair came closer, and straightening up
• 1:37:43
  again, he looked at the fair, charming face, red for a moment
• 1:37:47
  in the smart eyes with the high arcs above, breathed in a slight fragrance
• 1:37:54
  he did not know. With a smile, the beautiful woman nodded from her
• 1:38:00
  and disappeared into the grove, and then the servants as well. Thus I
• 1:38:05
  am entering this city, said Arthur thought, with a charming omen. He
• 1:38:12
  instantly felt drawn into the grove, and he thought about it. And only
• 1:38:17
  now he became aware of how the servants and maids had looked at him at
• 1:38:21
  the entrance, How despicable, how distrustful, how rejecting. I am still
• 1:38:30
  a Samana, he thought, I am still an ascetic and beggar. I
• 1:38:34
  must not remain like this. I will not be able to enter the grove
• 1:38:40
  like this, and he laughed. The next person who came along this path,
• 1:38:45
  he asked about the grove and for the name of the woman, and
• 1:38:49
  was told that this was the grove of Kamala. The famous courtesan, and
• 1:38:56
  that aside from the grove, she owned a house in the city. Then
• 1:39:00
  he entered the city. Now he had a goal. Pursuing his goal,
• 1:39:08
  he allowed the city to suck him in, drifted through the flow of the
• 1:39:12
  streets, stood still on the squares, rested on the stairs of stone by
• 1:39:17
  the river. When the evening came, he made friends with a barber's assistant
• 1:39:24
  whom he had seen working in the shade of an arch in a building,
• 1:39:28
  whom he had found again praying in a temple of Vishnu, whom he had
• 1:39:31
  told about stories of Vishnu and the Lakshmi. Among the boats by the river.
• 1:39:38
  He slept this night and early in the morning, before the first customers
• 1:39:43
  came into his shop, he had the barber's assistant shave his beard and cut
• 1:39:48
  his hair, comb his hair and anoint it with fine oil. Then he
• 1:39:55
  went to take his bath in the river. When late in the afternoon,
• 1:40:00
  beautiful Kamala approached her grove in her sedan chair, Siddartha was standing at the
• 1:40:05
  entrance, made a bow and received the cortazan's greeting. But that servant who
• 1:40:13
  walked at the very end of her train. He motioned to him and asked
• 1:40:17
  him to inform his mistress that a young Brahman would wish to talk to her.
• 1:40:24
  After a while, the servant returned, asked him who had been waiting
• 1:40:29
  to follow him, conducted him who was following him, without a word into
• 1:40:34
  a pavilion where Kamala was lying on a couch, and left him alone with
• 1:40:41
  her. Weren't you already standing out there yesterday greeting me, asked Kamala.
• 1:40:48
  It's true that I've already seen and greeted you yesterday. And didn't you yesterday
• 1:40:56
  wear a beard and long hair and dust in your hair? You have observed
• 1:41:01
  well, you have seen everything. You have seen Siddartha, the son of
• 1:41:06
  a Brahman who has left his home to become a Samana, and who has
• 1:41:12
  been a somana for three years. But now I have left that path and
• 1:41:17
  came into this city. And the first one I met, even before I
• 1:41:23
  had entered the city, was you to say this. I have come to
• 1:41:29
  you, o, Kamala. You are the first woman whom Sirdartha is not
• 1:41:33
  addressing with his eyes turned to the ground. Never again, I want to
• 1:41:39
  turn my eyes to the ground when I am coming across a beautiful woman.
• 1:41:44
  Kamala smiled and played with her fan of peacock's feathers and asked, and only
• 1:41:50
  to tell me this. Saddartha has come to me to tell you this and
• 1:41:58
  to thank you for being soure beautiful. And if it doesn't displease you,
• 1:42:01
  Kamala, I would like to ask you to be my friend and teacher,
• 1:42:05
  for I know nothing yet of that art which you have mastered in the highest
• 1:42:11
  degree. At this, Kamala laughed aloud. Never before this has happened to
• 1:42:18
  me, my friend, that a samana from the forest came to me and
• 1:42:24
  wanted to learn from me. Never before this has happened to me, that
• 1:42:30
  a samana came to me with long hair and an old torn loincloth. Many
• 1:42:35
  young men come to me, and there are also sons of Brahmins among them.
• 1:42:42
  But they come in beautiful clothes, They come in fine shoes, They
• 1:42:46
  have perfume in their hair and money in their pouches. This is o samana.
• 1:42:53
  How the young men are like who come to me, quoth Sadhartha.
• 1:43:00
  Already I am starting to learn from you. Even yesterday I was already learning.
• 1:43:06
  I have already taken off my beard, have combed to the hair,
• 1:43:11
  have oil in my hair? There is little which is still missing in me?
• 1:43:15
  Oh, excellent one, fine clothes, fine shoes, money in my
• 1:43:21
  pouch. You shall know Sir Dartha has set harder goals for himself than such
• 1:43:27
  trifles, and he has reached them. How shouldn't I reach that goal which
• 1:43:32
  I have set for myself yesterday? To be your friend and to learn the
• 1:43:38
  joys of love from you. You'll see that I'll learn quickly, Carmala.
• 1:43:43
  I have already learned harder things than what you're supposed to teach me. And
• 1:43:48
  now let's get to it. You aren't satisfied with Sir Dartha as he is
• 1:43:54
  with oil in his hair, but without clothes, without shoes, without money.
• 1:44:00
  Laughing, Kamala exclaimed, No, my dear, he doesn't satisfy me
• 1:44:05
  yet. Clothes are what he must have, Pretty clothes and shoes, pretty
• 1:44:12
  shoes, and lots of money in his pouch and gifts for Kamala. Do
• 1:44:17
  you know it now? Samana from the forest? Do you mark my words?
• 1:44:23
  Yes? I have marked your words. Sair Dartha exclaimed, How should
• 1:44:28
  I not mark words which are coming from such a mouth. Your mouth is
• 1:44:33
  like a freshly cracked fig. Kamala, My mouth is red and fresh as
• 1:44:40
  well. It will be a suitable match for yours, you'll see. But
• 1:44:44
  tell me, beautiful Kamala, aren't you at all afraid of the Samana from
• 1:44:48
  the forest who has come to learn how to make love? Whatever? Should
• 1:44:54
  I be afraid of a somana, a stupid somana from the forest, who
• 1:44:59
  is coming from from the jackals and doesn't even know yet what women are.
• 1:45:04
  Oh, he's strong, the Samana, and he isn't afraid of anything.
• 1:45:09
  He could force you, beautiful girl, He could kidnap you, he could
• 1:45:14
  hurt you. No, Somana, I am not afraid of this. Did
• 1:45:19
  any Samana or Brahman ever fear someone might come and grab him and steal his
• 1:45:25
  learning and his religious devotion and his depth of thought? No, for they
• 1:45:30
  are his very own, and he would only give away from those whatever he
• 1:45:35
  is willing to give, and to whommever he is willing to give. Like
• 1:45:41
  this, it is precisely like this. It is also with Kamala and with
• 1:45:45
  the pleasures of love. Beautiful and red is Kamala's mouth, But just try
• 1:45:53
  to kiss it. Against Kamala's will, and you will not obtain a single
• 1:45:58
  drop of sweetness from it, which knows how to give so many sweet things.
• 1:46:03
  You are learning easily, said Arthur. Thus you should also learn this
• 1:46:10
  love can be obtained by begging, buying, receiving it as a gift,
• 1:46:15
  finding it in the street. But it cannot be stolen. In this you
• 1:46:20
  have come up with the wrong path. No, it would be a pity
• 1:46:25
  if a pretty young man like you would want to tackle it in such a
• 1:46:29
  wrong manner, said Arthur, bowed with a smile. It would be a
• 1:46:34
  pity. Kamala, You are so right, It would be such a great
• 1:46:40
  pity. No, I shall not lose a single drop of sweetness from your
• 1:46:45
  mouth, nor you from mine. So it is settled. Si Darthur will
• 1:46:49
  return once he has what he still lacks clothes, shoes, money. But
• 1:46:57
  speak lovely, Kamala. Couldn't you still give me one small advice? An
• 1:47:03
  advice? Why not? Who wouldn't like to give an advice to a poor,
• 1:47:08
  ignorant Somana who is coming from the jackals of the forest. Dearkamala,
• 1:47:15
  Thus advise me where I should go, that i'll find these three things most
• 1:47:18
  quickly, friend, many would like to know this. You must do what
• 1:47:26
  you've learned and ask for money, clothes, and shoes in return. There
• 1:47:31
  is no other way for a poor man to obtain money. What might you
• 1:47:35
  be able to do? I can think, I can wait, I can
• 1:47:42
  fast, nothing else, nothing, but yes, I can also write poetry.
• 1:47:49
  Would you like to give me a kiss for a poem? I would
• 1:47:55
  like to If I like your poem? What would be its title? Sir
• 1:48:00
  Arthur spoke, after he had thought about it for a moment. These verses
• 1:48:05
  into her shady grove stepped the pretty Kamala. At the grove's entrance stood the
• 1:48:12
  brown Somana. Deeply, seeing the lotus's blossom, bowed that man, and
• 1:48:18
  smiling Kamala thanked. More lovely, thought the young man than offerings for God's
• 1:48:26
  More lovely is offering to pretty Kamala. Kamala loudly clapped her hands so that
• 1:48:32
  the golden bracelets clanged. Beautiful are your verses, o, Brown Somana.
• 1:48:40
  I am losing nothing when I am giving you a kiss for them? She
• 1:48:45
  beckoned him with her eyes. Heath tilted his head so that his face touched
• 1:48:48
  hers, and placed his mouth on that mouth, which was like a freshly
• 1:48:55
  cracked fig for a long time. Kamala kissed him, and with a deep
• 1:49:00
  astonishment, Sir Darthur felt how she taught him, how wise she was,
• 1:49:06
  how she controlled him, rejected him, lured him, and how after this
• 1:49:13
  first one there was to be a long, a well ordered, well tested
• 1:49:17
  sequence of kisses, every one different from the others. He was still to
• 1:49:23
  receive. Breathing deeply, he remained standing where he was and was in this
• 1:49:30
  moment astonished like a child about a corner copia of knowledge and things worth learning,
• 1:49:36
  which revealed itself before his eyes. Very beautiful are your verses, exclaimed
• 1:49:44
  Kamala. If I was rich, I would give you pieces of gold for
• 1:49:48
  them, But it will be difficult for you to earn thus much money with
• 1:49:54
  verses as you need, for you need a lot of money if you want
• 1:49:58
  to be Cammala's friend. And the way you're able to kiss, Kamala stammered,
• 1:50:04
  said Arthur, Yes, this I am able to do. Therefore,
• 1:50:10
  I do not like clothes, shoes, bracelets and all beautiful things. But
• 1:50:15
  what will become of you? Aren't you able to do anything else but thinking,
• 1:50:20
  fasting, making poetry? I also know the sacrificial songs, said Siddartha,
• 1:50:29
  but I do not want to sing them anymore. I also know magic
• 1:50:32
  spells, but I do not want to speak them anymore. I have read
• 1:50:36
  the scriptures. Stop, Kamala interrupted him. You're able to read and write,
• 1:50:44
  certainly, I can do this. Many people can do this, Most
• 1:50:48
  people can't. I also can't do it. It is very good that you're
• 1:50:55
  able to read and write. Very good. You will also still find and
• 1:51:00
  use for the magic spells. In this moment, a maid came running in
• 1:51:05
  and whispered a message into her mistress's ear. There's a visitor for me,
• 1:51:11
  exclaimed Kamala. Hurry and get yourself away, said Arthur. Nobody may see
• 1:51:16
  you in here. Remember this tomorrow. I'll see you again. But to
• 1:51:21
  the maid, she gave the order to give the pious brahm in white upper
• 1:51:26
  garments. Without fully understanding what was happening to him, Sir Arthur found himself
• 1:51:32
  being dragged away by the maid, brought into a garden house, avoiding the
• 1:51:36
  direct path, being given upper garments as a gift, led into the bushes,
• 1:51:44
  and urgently admonished to get himself out of the grove as soon as possible
• 1:51:48
  without being seen. Contently, he did as he had been told. Being
• 1:51:55
  accustomed to the forest, he managed to get out of the grove and over
• 1:51:59
  there hedge without making a sound. Contently, he returned to the city,
• 1:52:05
  carrying the rolled up garments under his arm. At the inn where travelers stay,
• 1:52:12
  he positioned himself by the door. Without words, he asked for food
• 1:52:17
  without a word. He accepted a piece of rice cake. Perhaps as soon
• 1:52:23
  as tomorrow, he thought, I will ask no one for food anymore.
• 1:52:29
  Suddenly pride flared up in him. He was a samana no more. It
• 1:52:35
  was no longer becoming to him to beg He gave the rice cake to a
• 1:52:42
  dog and remained without food. Simple is the life which people lead in this
• 1:52:47
  world here, thought said Arthur. It presents no difficulties. Everything was difficult,
• 1:52:56
  toilsome and ultimately hopeless when I was still a samana. Now everything is
• 1:53:02
  easy, easy, like that lessons in kissing which Kamala is giving me.
• 1:53:09
  I need clothes and money, nothing else. This is a small near goal.
• 1:53:15
  They won't make a person lose any sleep. He had already discovered Kamala's
• 1:53:20
  house in the city long before there he turned up the following day. Things
• 1:53:28
  are working out well, she called out to him. They are expecting you
• 1:53:31
  at Kamaswami's. He is the richest merchant of the city. If he'll like
• 1:53:38
  you, he'll accept you into his service. Be smart, Brown Samana,
• 1:53:43
  I had others tell him about you. Be polite towards him. He is
• 1:53:47
  very powerful, but don't be too modest. I do not want you to
• 1:53:53
  become his servant. You shall become his equal, or else I won't be
• 1:53:59
  satisfied with you. Kamaswami is starting to get old and lazy. If you'll
• 1:54:04
  like you, he'll entrust you with a lot. Sid Arthur thanked her and
• 1:54:11
  laughed, and when she found out that he had not eaten anything yesterday and
• 1:54:15
  today, she sent for bread and fruits and treated him to it. You've
• 1:54:20
  been lucky, she said, when they parted. I'm opening one door after
• 1:54:26
  another for you. How come do you have a spell, sid Arthur said,
• 1:54:32
  yesterday I told you I knew how to think, to wait, and
• 1:54:38
  to fast, and you thought this was of no use, But it is
• 1:54:43
  useful for many things. Kamala, You'll see. You'll see that the stupid
• 1:54:48
  Somanas are learning and able to do many pretty things in the forest which the
• 1:54:55
  likes of you aren't capable of. The Day before yesterday, I was still
• 1:55:00
  a shaggy beggar. As soon as yesterday I have kissed Kamala, and soon
• 1:55:05
  I'll be a merchant and have money and all those things you insist upon.
• 1:55:13
  Well, yes, she admitted, But where would you be without me?
• 1:55:17
  What would you be if Kamala wasn't helping you, Dear Kamala, said sad
• 1:55:24
  Darthur and straightened up to his full height. When I came to you in
• 1:55:29
  your grove, I did the first step. It was my resolution to learn
• 1:55:34
  love from this most beautiful woman. From that moment on, when I made
• 1:55:40
  this resolution, I also knew that I would carry it out. I knew
• 1:55:45
  that you would help me. At your first glance at the entrance to the
• 1:55:49
  grove, I already knew it. But what if I hadn't been willing you
• 1:55:57
  were willing. Look, when you throw a rock into the water, it
• 1:56:02
  will speed on the fastest course to the bottom of the water. This is
• 1:56:09
  how it is when Sadartha has a goal, a resolution. Sadartha does nothing.
• 1:56:15
  He waits, he thinks, he fasts, but he passes through the
• 1:56:20
  things of the world. Like a rock through water, without doing anything,
• 1:56:27
  without stirring, he is drawn. He lets himself fall. His goal attracts
• 1:56:35
  him because he doesn't let anything enter his soul which might oppose the goal.
• 1:56:42
  This is what Sadartha has learned among the Somanas. This is what fools call
• 1:56:47
  magic, and of which they think it would be affected by means of the
• 1:56:51
  demons. Nothing is affected by demons. There are no demons. Every One
• 1:57:00
  can perform magic. Every one can reach his goals if he is able to
• 1:57:05
  think, if he is able to wait, if he is able too fast.
• 1:57:13
  Kamala listened to him. She loved his voice, she loved the look
• 1:57:17
  of his eyes. Perhaps it is so, she said, quietly, as
• 1:57:25
  you say, friend. But perhaps it is also like this, that Siddartha
• 1:57:30
  is a handsome man, that his glance pleases the women, and that therefore
• 1:57:35
  good fortune is coming towards him. With one kiss, Siddartha bid his farewell.
• 1:57:44
  I wish that it should be this way, my teacher, that my
• 1:57:46
  glance shall please you, that always good fortune shall come to me out of
• 1:57:53
  your direction. End of chapter five. Chapter six, with the childlike people
• 1:58:02
  said, Arthur went to Kamaswami the merchant. He was directed into a rich
• 1:58:08
  house. Servants led him between precious carpets into a chamber where he awaited the
• 1:58:14
  master of the house. Kamiswami entered, a swiftly, smoothly moving man with
• 1:58:21
  very gray hair, with very intelligent, cautious eyes, with a greedy mouth.
• 1:58:29
  Politely, the host and the guest greeted one another. I have been
• 1:58:33
  told, the merchant began, that you were a Brahmin, a learned man,
• 1:58:40
  but that you seek to be in the service of a merchant. Might
• 1:58:45
  you have become destitute Brahman, so that you seek to serve No, said
• 1:58:51
  sad Arthur. I have not become destitute, and have never been destitute.
• 1:58:57
  You should know that I am coming from the Sama with whom I have lived
• 1:59:01
  for a long time. If you're coming from the Somanas, how could you
• 1:59:06
  be anything but destitute? Aren't the Somanas entirely without possessions? I am without
• 1:59:14
  possessions, said said Arthur. If this is what you mean, surely I
• 1:59:18
  am without possessions. But I am so voluntarily and therefore I am not destitute.
• 1:59:27
  But what are you planning to live of being without possessions? I haven't
• 1:59:32
  thought of this yet, sir. For more than three years, I have
• 1:59:36
  been without possessions and have never thought of what I should live. So you've
• 1:59:43
  lived of the possessions of others. Presumably this is how it is. After
• 1:59:49
  all, a merchant also lives of what other people own. Well said,
• 1:59:56
  but he wouldn't take anything from another person for nothing thing He would give his
• 2:00:00
  merchandise in return. So it seems to be Indeed, everyone takes, everyone
• 2:00:09
  gives. Such is life. But if you don't mind me asking, being
• 2:00:15
  without possessions, what would you like to give? Everyone gives what he has.
• 2:00:23
  A warrior gives strength, the merchant gives merchandise, the teacher teachings,
• 2:00:30
  the farmer rice, the fisher fish. Yes, indeed, and what is
• 2:00:36
  it now that you've got to give? What is it that you've learned?
• 2:00:42
  What you're able to do? I can think, I can wait, I
• 2:00:48
  can fast. That's everything. I believe that's everything. And what's the use
• 2:00:58
  of that? For example, sample the fasting? What is it good for?
• 2:01:03
  It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat,
• 2:01:08
  fasting is the smartest thing he could do. When, for example,
• 2:01:13
  Sir Arthur hadn't learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of
• 2:01:16
  service before this day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever,
• 2:01:21
  because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, said
• 2:01:26
  Arthur, can wait calmly. He knows no impatience, He knows no emergency
• 2:01:32
  for a long time. He can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh
• 2:01:38
  about it. This, sir, is what fasting is good for. You're
• 2:01:43
  right, Samana, wait for a moment. Kamaswami left the room and returned
• 2:01:47
  with a scroll, which he handed to his guests while asking can you read
• 2:01:54
  this? Sad Arthur looked at the scroll, on which a sales contract had
• 2:01:59
  been written down, and began to read out its contents. Excellent, said
• 2:02:04
  Kamaswami, And would you write something for me on this piece of paper.
• 2:02:10
  He handed him a piece of paper and a pen, and Saddartha wrote and
• 2:02:14
  returned the paper. Kamaswami read, writing is good. Thinking is better,
• 2:02:21
  Being smart is good, Being patient is better. It is excellent how you're
• 2:02:28
  able to write. The merchant praised him. Many a thing we will still
• 2:02:32
  have to discuss with one another. For today, I'm asking you to be
• 2:02:38
  my guest and to live in this house. Saddartha thanked and accepted, and
• 2:02:45
  lived in a dealer's house. From now on. Clothes were brought to him
• 2:02:49
  and shoes, and every day a servant prepared a bath for him. Twice
• 2:02:56
  a day a plentiful meal was served, but sad Arthur only ate once a
• 2:03:00
  day, and ate neither meat, nor did he drink wine. Kamaswami told
• 2:03:06
  him about his trade, showed him the merchandise and storage rooms, showed him
• 2:03:13
  calculations. Saddartha got to know many new things. He heard a lot and
• 2:03:18
  spoke little, and, thinking of Kamala's words, he was never subservient to
• 2:03:25
  the merchant, forced him to treat him as an equal, yes, even
• 2:03:29
  more than an equal. Kamaswami conducted his business with care and often with passion,
• 2:03:35
  but Saddarthur looked upon all this as if it were a game, the
• 2:03:41
  rules of which he tried hard to learn precisely, but the contents of which
• 2:03:45
  did not touch his heart. He was not in Kamaswami's house for long,
• 2:03:51
  when he already took part in his landlord's business. But daily, at the
• 2:03:57
  hour appointed by her, he visited beautiful Kamala, wearing pretty clothes, fine
• 2:04:03
  shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. Much he learned from
• 2:04:09
  her red a smart mouth. Much he learned from her tender supple hand,
• 2:04:15
  him who was regarding love still a boy, and had a tendency to plunge
• 2:04:20
  blindly and insatiably into lust, like into a bottomless pit. Him. She
• 2:04:27
  taught thoroughly, starting from the basics, about that school of thought which teaches
• 2:04:32
  that pleasure cannot be taken without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every
• 2:04:40
  caress, every touch, every look, every spot of the body, however
• 2:04:44
  small it was, had its secret which would bring happiness to those who knew
• 2:04:49
  about it and unleash it. She taught him that lovers must not part from
• 2:04:55
  one another after celebrating love, without one admiring the without being just as defeated
• 2:05:02
  as they have been victorious, so that with none of them should start feeling
• 2:05:08
  fed up or bored, or get that evil feeling of having abused or having
• 2:05:13
  been abused. Wonderful hours he spent with the beautiful and smart artist, became
• 2:05:18
  her student, her lover, her friend. Here with Kamala was the worth
• 2:05:25
  and purpose of his present life. Knit with the business of Kamaswami, the
• 2:05:30
  merchant passed to duties of writing important letters and contracts onto him, and got
• 2:05:36
  into the habit of discussing all important affairs with him. He soon saw that
• 2:05:42
  Siddarthur knew little about rice and wool shipping and trade, but that he acted
• 2:05:48
  in a fortunate manner, and that Siddartha surpassed him the merchant in calmness and
• 2:05:55
  equanimity, and in the art of listening and deeply understanding previously unknown people.
• 2:06:02
  This Brahman, he said to a friend, is no proper merchant, and
• 2:06:08
  will never be one. There is never any passion in his soul when he
• 2:06:14
  conducts our business. But he has that mysterious quality of those people to whom
• 2:06:19
  success comes all by itself. Whether this may be a good star of his
• 2:06:25
  birth, magic, or something he has learned amongst the manas he always seems
• 2:06:30
  to be merely playing with our business affairs. They never fully become a part
• 2:06:36
  of him, They never rule over him. He is never afraid of failure,
• 2:06:42
  He is never upset by a loss. The friend advised the merchant,
• 2:06:48
  give him from the business he conducts for you a third of the profits,
• 2:06:54
  but let him also be liable for the same amount of the losses. When
• 2:06:58
  there is a loss, then he'll become more zealous. Kamaswami followed the advice,
• 2:07:05
  but Saddarthur cared little about this. When he made a profit, he
• 2:07:11
  accepted it with equanimity. When he made losses, he laughed and said,
• 2:07:15
  well, look at this. So this one turned out badly. It seemed,
• 2:07:20
  indeed, as if he did not care about the business. At one
• 2:07:25
  time, he traveled to a village to buy a large harvest of rice there,
• 2:07:30
  but when he got there, the rice had already been sold to another
• 2:07:33
  merchant. Nevertheless, Siddartha stayed for several days in that village, treated the
• 2:07:39
  farmers for a drink, gave copper coins to their children, joined in the
• 2:07:44
  celebration of a wedding, and returned extremely satisfied from his trip. Kamaswami held
• 2:07:50
  against him that he had not turned back right away, that he had wasted
• 2:07:55
  time and money. Siddartha answered, stops scolding, dear friend. Nothing was
• 2:08:03
  ever achieved by scolding. If a loss has occurred, let me bear that
• 2:08:07
  loss. I am very satisfied with this trip. I've gotten to know many
• 2:08:13
  kinds of people. A Brahmin has become my friend, children have sat on
• 2:08:18
  my knees. Farmers have shown me their fields. Nobody knew that I was
• 2:08:22
  a merchant. That's all very nice, exclaimed Kamaswami indignantly. But in fact
• 2:08:31
  you are a merchant, after all, one ought to think. Ah,
• 2:08:35
  might you have only traveled for your amusement? Surely, said Arthur laughed.
• 2:08:41
  Surely I have traveled for my amusement. For what else? I have gotten
• 2:08:46
  to known people and places. I have received kindness and trust. I have
• 2:08:50
  found friendship. Look, my dear, if I had been Kamaswami, I
• 2:08:56
  would have traveled back, been annoyed and in a hurry as soon as I
• 2:09:01
  had seen that my purchase had been rendered impossible, and time and money would
• 2:09:05
  indeed have been lost. But like this, I've had a few good days.
• 2:09:11
  I've learned, had joy. I've neither harmed myself nor others by annoyance
• 2:09:16
  and hastiness. And if I'll ever return there again, perhaps to buy an
• 2:09:22
  upcoming harvest, or for whatever purpose it might be, friendly people will receive
• 2:09:28
  me in a friendly and happy manner, and I will praise myself for not
• 2:09:31
  showing any hurry and displeasure at that time. So leave it as it is
• 2:09:37
  my friend, and don't harm yourself by scolding. If the day will come
• 2:09:43
  when you will see this sir Darthur is harming me, then speak a word
• 2:09:48
  and Saddartha will go on his own path. But until then let's be satisfied
• 2:09:56
  with one another. Futile were also the merch attempts to convince Siddartha that he
• 2:10:01
  should eat his bread. Saddartha ate his own bread, or rather they both
• 2:10:07
  ate other people's bread, all people's bread. Saddartha never listened to Kamaswami's wiries,
• 2:10:15
  and Kamaswami had many wiries, whether there was a business deal going on
• 2:10:20
  which was in danger of failing, or whether a shipment of merchandise seemed to
• 2:10:24
  have been lost or a debtor seemed to be unable to pay. Kamaswami could
• 2:10:31
  never convince his partner that it would be useful to utter a few words of
• 2:10:35
  wiry or anger, to have wrinkles on the forehead to sleep badly. When
• 2:10:41
  one day Kamaswami held against him that he had learned everything he knew from him,
• 2:10:46
  he replied, would you please not kidney with such jokes. What I've
• 2:10:52
  learned from you is how much a basket of fish costs and how much interests
• 2:10:58
  can be charged on loan money. These are your areas of expertise. I
• 2:11:03
  haven't learned to think from you, my dear Kamaswami. You ought to be
• 2:11:07
  the one seeking to learn from me. Indeed, his soul was not with
• 2:11:13
  the trade. The business was good enough to provide him with the money for
• 2:11:18
  Kamala, and it earned him much more than he needed. Besides, from
• 2:11:22
  this, Sir Arthur's interest and curiosity was only concerned with the people whose businesses,
• 2:11:30
  crafts, worries, pleasures, and acts of foolishness used to be as
• 2:11:35
  alien and distant to him as the moon. However, easily he succeeded in
• 2:11:39
  talking to all of them, in living with all of them, in learning
• 2:11:45
  from all of them. He was still aware that there was something which separated
• 2:11:50
  him from them, and this separating factor was him being a Samana. He
• 2:11:56
  saw mankind going through life in a child like or animal like manner, which
• 2:12:03
  he loved and also despised. At the same time, he saw them toiling,
• 2:12:09
  saw them suffering and becoming gray for the sake of things which seemed to
• 2:12:13
  him entirely unworthy of this price for money for little pleasures, for being slightly
• 2:12:20
  honored. He saw them scolding and insulting each other. He saw them complaining
• 2:12:26
  about a pain at which a samana would only smile, and suffering because of
• 2:12:33
  deprivations which a samana would not feel. He was open to everything these people
• 2:12:39
  brought his way. Welcome was the merchant who offered him linen for sale.
• 2:12:45
  Welcome was the debtor who sought another loan. Welcome was the beggar who told
• 2:12:50
  him for one hour the story of his poverty, and who was not half
• 2:12:54
  as poor as any given Somana. He did not treat the rich foreign merchant
• 2:13:01
  any different than the servant who shaved him, and the street vendor whom he
• 2:13:07
  let cheat him out of some small change when buying bananas. When Kamaswami came
• 2:13:13
  to him to complain about his worries or to reproach him concerning his business,
• 2:13:18
  he listened curiously and happily was puzzled by him, tried to understand him,
• 2:13:26
  consented that he was a little bit right, only as much as he considered
• 2:13:31
  indispensable, and turned away from him towards the next person who would ask for
• 2:13:35
  him. And there were many who came to him, many to do business
• 2:13:41
  with him, many to cheat him, many to draw some secret out of
• 2:13:46
  him, many to appeal to his sympathy, many to get his advice.
• 2:13:52
  He gave advice, he pitied, he made gifts, He let them cheat
• 2:13:58
  him a bit. And this entire game, and the passion with which all
• 2:14:01
  people played this game, occupied his thoughts just as much as the gods and
• 2:14:07
  Brahmans used to occupy them. At times, he felt deep in his chest
• 2:14:13
  a dying quiet voice which admonished him quietly, lamented quietly. He hardly perceived
• 2:14:22
  it, And then for an hour he became aware of the strange life he
• 2:14:26
  was leading, of him, doing lots of things which were only a game
• 2:14:31
  of though being happy and feeling joy at times, real life still passing him
• 2:14:37
  by and not touching him. As a ballplayer plays with his balls. He
• 2:14:43
  played with his business deals with the people around him, watched them, found
• 2:14:50
  amusement in them, with his heart, with the source of his being,
• 2:14:54
  He was not with them. The source ran somewhere far away from him,
• 2:15:01
  ran and ran invisibly, had nothing to do with his life any more.
• 2:15:07
  And at several times he suddenly became scared on account of such thoughts and wished
• 2:15:13
  that he would also be gifted with the ability to participate in all of this
• 2:15:16
  childlike naive occupations of the daytime, with passion and with his heart really to
• 2:15:24
  live, really, to act, really, to enjoy, and to live
• 2:15:28
  instead of just standing by as a spectator. But again and again he came
• 2:15:35
  back to beautiful Kamala learned the art of love, practiced the cult of lust,
• 2:15:43
  in which more than anything else, giving and taking becomes one. Chatted
• 2:15:48
  with her, learned from her, gave her advice, received advice. She
• 2:15:54
  understood him better than Govinda used to understand him. She was more similar to
• 2:16:01
  him. Once he said to her, you are like me. You are
• 2:16:07
  different from most people. You are Kamala, nothing else, and inside you
• 2:16:13
  there is a peace and refuge to which you can go at every hour of
• 2:16:18
  the day and be at home at yourself as I can also do. Few
• 2:16:24
  people have this, and yet all could have it. Not all people are
• 2:16:30
  smart, said Kamala. No said, said Arthur. That's not the reason
• 2:16:37
  why Kamaswami is just as smart as I and still has no refuge in himself.
• 2:16:43
  Others have it who are small children. With respect to their mind.
• 2:16:48
  Most people Kamala are like a falling leaf which is blown and is turning around
• 2:16:54
  through the air and wavers and tumbles to the ground. But others a few
• 2:17:01
  are like stars. They go on a fixed course. No wind reaches them.
• 2:17:07
  In themselves. They have their law and their course. Among all the
• 2:17:11
  learned men and samanas of which I knew many, there was one of this
• 2:17:16
  kind, a perfected one. I'll never be able to forget him. It
• 2:17:22
  is that Gautama, the exalted one, who is spreading that teachings. Thousands
• 2:17:28
  of followers are listening to his teachings every day, follow his instructions every hour.
• 2:17:35
  But they are all falling leaves, not in themselves. They have teachings
• 2:17:41
  and a law. Kamala looked at him with a smile. Again, you're
• 2:17:46
  talking about him, she said. Again, you're having a samana's thoughts.
• 2:17:54
  Saddarthur said nothing, and they played the game of love, one of the
• 2:17:58
  thirty or forty different games. Kamala knew her body was flexible, like that
• 2:18:03
  of a jaguar, and like the beau of a hunter. He who had
• 2:18:07
  learned from her how to make love, was knowledgeable of many forms of lust,
• 2:18:15
  many secrets for a long time. She played with Siddartha, enticed him,
• 2:18:20
  rejected him, forced him, embraced him, enjoyed his masterful skills until
• 2:18:28
  he was defeated and rested, exhausted by her side. The Courtizan bent over
• 2:18:35
  him, took a long look at his face, at his eyes, which
• 2:18:39
  had grown tired. You are the best lover, she said thoughtfully. I
• 2:18:46
  ever saw You're stronger than others, more supple, more willing. You've learned
• 2:18:52
  my art well, said Arthur. At some time, when I'll be older,
• 2:18:58
  I'll want to bear your ChIL child. And yet, my dear,
• 2:19:01
  you've remained a samana, And yet you do not love me. You love
• 2:19:07
  nobody, isn't it? So? It might very well be? So,
• 2:19:13
  said Arthur, said tiredly, I am like you. You also do not
• 2:19:18
  love. How else could you practice love as a craft. Perhaps people of
• 2:19:24
  our kind can't love the childlike people can. That's their secret. End of
• 2:19:33
  chapter six, Chapter seven, Sansara. For a long time, sadd Arthur
• 2:19:41
  had lived the life of the world and of lust, though without being a
• 2:19:46
  part of it. His senses, which he had killed off in hot years
• 2:19:50
  as a samana, had awoken again. He had tasted riches, had tasted
• 2:19:56
  lust, had tasted power. Never the less, he had still remained in
• 2:20:01
  his heart for a long time a Samana. Kamala, being smart, had
• 2:20:07
  realized this quite right. It was still the art of thinking, of waiting,
• 2:20:13
  of fasting which guided his life. Still, the people of the world,
• 2:20:18
  the childlike people, had remained alien to him, as he was alien
• 2:20:24
  to them. Years passed, surrounded by the good life, Saddarthur hardly felt
• 2:20:31
  them fading away. He had become rich for quite a while. He possessed
• 2:20:35
  a house of his own and his own servants, and a garden before the
• 2:20:39
  city by the river. The people liked him. They came to him whenever
• 2:20:45
  they needed money or advice. But there was no one close to him except
• 2:20:50
  Kamala. That high, bright state of being awake, which he had experienced
• 2:20:56
  that one time at the height of his youth, in those days after Gautama's
• 2:21:01
  sermon, after the separation from Govinda, that tense expectation, that proud state
• 2:21:09
  of standing alone without teachings and without teachers, that supple willingness to listen to
• 2:21:16
  the divine voice in his own heart, had slowly become a memory had been
• 2:21:22
  fleeting, distant and quiet, the Holy source murmured, which used to be
• 2:21:28
  near, which used to murmur within himself. Nevertheless, many things he had
• 2:21:35
  learned from the samanas he had learned from Gautama, he had learned from his
• 2:21:39
  father, the Brahman, had remained within him for a long time afterwards,
• 2:21:45
  moderate living, joy of thinking, hours of meditation, secret knowledge of the
• 2:21:52
  self and of his eternal entity, which is neither body nor consciousness. Many
• 2:22:00
  part of this he still had, but one part after another had been submerged
• 2:22:05
  and had gathered dust. Just as a potter's wheel, once it has been
• 2:22:11
  set in motion, will keep on turning for a long time and only slowly
• 2:22:16
  lose its vigor and come to a stop. Thus Siddartha's soul had kept on
• 2:22:20
  turning the wheel of asceticism, the wheel of thinking, the wheel of differentiation,
• 2:22:28
  for a long time, still turning. But it turned slowly and hesitantly,
• 2:22:33
  and was close to coming to a standstill. Slowly, like humidity entering
• 2:22:41
  the dying stem of a tree, filling it slowly and making it rot,
• 2:22:46
  the world and sloth had entered Siddartha's soul. Slowly, It filled his soul,
• 2:22:54
  made it heavy, made it tired put it to sleep. On the
• 2:23:00
  other hand, his senses had become alive. There was much they had learned,
• 2:23:05
  much they had experienced. Sair Arthur had learned to trade, to use
• 2:23:11
  his power over people, to enjoy himself with a woman. He had learned
• 2:23:16
  to wear beautiful clothes, to give orders to servants, to bathe in perfumed
• 2:23:22
  waters. He had learned to eat tenderly and carefully prepared food, even fish,
• 2:23:30
  even meat and poultry, spices and sweets, and to drink wine,
• 2:23:35
  which causes sloth and forgetfulness. He had learned to play with dice and on
• 2:23:41
  a chess board, to watch dancing girls, to have himself carried about in
• 2:23:46
  a sedan chair, to sleep on a soft bed. But he still had
• 2:23:52
  felt different from and superior to the others. All was. He had watched
• 2:23:58
  them with some mockery, some mocking disdain, with the same disdain which a
• 2:24:03
  samana constantly feels for the people of the world. When Kamaswami was ailing,
• 2:24:11
  when he was annoyed, when he felt insulted, when he was vexed by
• 2:24:15
  his wiries as a merchant, Siddartha had always watched it with mockery, just
• 2:24:22
  slowly and imperceptibly, as the harvest seasons and rainy seasons passed by, his
• 2:24:28
  mockery had become more tired, his superiority had become more quiet, just slowly,
• 2:24:37
  among his growing riches, Siddartha had assumed something of the childlike people's ways
• 2:24:43
  for himself, something of their childlikeness and of their fearfulness. And yet he
• 2:24:50
  envied them, envied them just the more, the more similar he became to
• 2:24:56
  them. He envied them for the one thing that was miss from him,
• 2:25:01
  and that they had, the importance they were able to attach to their lives,
• 2:25:05
  the amount of passion in their joys and fears, the fearful but sweet
• 2:25:11
  happiness of being constantly in love. These people were all of the time in
• 2:25:18
  love with themselves, with women, with their children, with honors or money,
• 2:25:22
  with plans or hopes. But he did not learn this from them.
• 2:25:28
  This out of all things, this joy of a child, and this foolishness
• 2:25:33
  of a child. He learned from them, out of all things, the
• 2:25:37
  unpleasant ones which he himself despised. It happened more and more often that in
• 2:25:45
  the morning, after having had company the night before, he stayed in bed
• 2:25:50
  for a long time, felt unable to think and tired. It happened that
• 2:25:56
  he became angry and impatient when Kamaswami bored him with his worries. It happened
• 2:26:03
  that he laughed just too loud when he lost a game of dice. His
• 2:26:07
  face was still smarter and more spiritual than others, but it rarely laughed and
• 2:26:13
  assumed one after another those features which are so often found in the faces of
• 2:26:20
  rich people, those features of discontent, of sickliness, of ill humor,
• 2:26:26
  of sloth, of a lack of love. Slowly, the disease of the
• 2:26:31
  soul which rich people have grabbed hold of him like a veil, like a
• 2:26:39
  thin mist. Tiredness came over, said Arthur, slowly, getting a bit
• 2:26:45
  denser every day, a bit murkier every month, a bit heavier every year.
• 2:26:52
  As a new dress becomes old in time, loses its beautiful color in
• 2:26:56
  time, gets stains, gets wrinkles, gets worn off at the seams,
• 2:27:01
  and starts to show threadbare spots here and there. Thus, said Arthur's new
• 2:27:07
  life, which he had started after his separation from Govinda, had grown old,
• 2:27:13
  lost color and splendor as the years passed by, was gathering wrinkles and
• 2:27:20
  stains, and hidden at bottom, already showing its ugliness. Here and there,
• 2:27:26
  disappointment and disgust were waiting, and hidden at bottom, already showing its
• 2:27:31
  ugliness. Here and there, disappointment and disgust were waiting. Sir Arthur did
• 2:27:39
  not notice it. He only noticed that this bright and reliable voice inside of
• 2:27:45
  him, which had awoken in him at that time and had ever guided him
• 2:27:50
  in his best times, had become silent. He had been captured by the
• 2:27:56
  world by lust, covetousness, and finally also by that vice which he had
• 2:28:03
  used to despise and mock them most as the most foolish one of all vices.
• 2:28:09
  Greed, property, possessions, and riches also had finally captured him.
• 2:28:18
  They were no longer a game, and trifles to him had become a shackle
• 2:28:22
  and a burden. In a strange and devious way, Siddartha had gotten into
• 2:28:28
  this final and most base of all dependencies by means of the game of dice.
• 2:28:35
  It was since that time, when he had stopped being a somana in
• 2:28:37
  his heart, that Siddarthur began to play the game for money and precious things
• 2:28:43
  which he at other times only joined with a smile and casually, as a
• 2:28:48
  custom of the childlike people, with an increasing rage and passion. He was
• 2:28:54
  a feared gambler. Few dared to take him on, so high and audacious
• 2:29:01
  were his stakes. He played the game due to a pain of his heart,
• 2:29:05
  losing and wasting his wretched money in the game that brought him an angry
• 2:29:11
  joy. In no other way could he demonstrate his disdain for wealth, the
• 2:29:16
  merchant's false god more clearly and more mockingly. Thus he gambled with high stakes
• 2:29:24
  and mercilessly, hating himself, mocking himself. One thousands, threw away,
• 2:29:30
  thousands, lost money, lost jewelry, lost a house in the country,
• 2:29:35
  won again, lost again. That fear, that terrible and petrifying fear which
• 2:29:43
  he had felt while he was rolling the dice, while he was worried about
• 2:29:46
  losing high stakes, that fear he loved and sought to always renew it,
• 2:29:52
  always increase it, always get it to a slightly higher level. For in
• 2:29:58
  this feeling alone, he still felt something like happiness, something like an intoxication,
• 2:30:05
  something like an elevated form of life. In the midst of his saturated,
• 2:30:11
  lukewarm, dull life, and after each big loss, his mind was
• 2:30:16
  set on new riches, pursued the trade more zealously, forced his debtors more
• 2:30:22
  strictly to pay, because he wanted to continue gambling, He wanted to continue
• 2:30:28
  squandering, continue demonstrating his disdain of wealth. Saddarthur lost his calmness when losses
• 2:30:37
  occurred, lost his patience when he was not paid on time, lost his
• 2:30:43
  kindness towards beggars, lost his disposition for giving away and loaning money to those
• 2:30:48
  who petitioned him. He who gambled away tens of thousands at one roll of
• 2:30:54
  the dice and laughed at it, became more strict and more petty in his
• 2:30:58
  bay business, occasionally dreaming at night about money, and whenever he woke up
• 2:31:05
  from this ugly spell, whenever he found his face in the mirror at the
• 2:31:09
  bedroom's wall to have aged and become more ugly, whenever embarrassment and disgust came
• 2:31:18
  over him, he continued fleeing, fleeing into a new game, fleeing into
• 2:31:24
  a numbing of his mind brought on by sex by wine, and from there
• 2:31:30
  he fled back into the urge to pile up and obtain possessions in this pointless
• 2:31:37
  cycle, he ran growing tired, growing old, growing ill. Then the
• 2:31:45
  time came when a dream warned him. He had spent the hours of the
• 2:31:48
  evening with Kamala in her beautiful pleasure garden. They had been sitting under the
• 2:31:54
  trees, talking, and Kamala had said thoughtful words, words behind which a
• 2:32:01
  sadness and a tiredness lay hidden. She had asked him to tell her about
• 2:32:05
  Gautama, and could not hear enough of him, How clear his eyes,
• 2:32:11
  how still and beautiful his mouth, how kind his smile, how peaceful his
• 2:32:16
  walk had been. For a long time, he had to tell her about
• 2:32:20
  the exalted Buddha, and Kamala had sighed and had said, one day,
• 2:32:26
  perhaps soon, I'll also follow that Buddha. I'll give him my pleasure garden
• 2:32:33
  for a gift, and take my refuge in his teachings. But after this,
• 2:32:39
  she had aroused him and had tied him to her in the act of
• 2:32:41
  making love, with painful fervor, biting and in tears, as if once
• 2:32:48
  more she wanted to squeeze the last sweet drop out of this vain, fleeting
• 2:32:54
  pleasure. Never before it had become so strangely clear to Siddartha, how closely
• 2:33:01
  lust was akin to death. Then he had lain by her side, and
• 2:33:09
  Kamala's face had been close to him, and under her eyes, and next
• 2:33:13
  to the corners of her mouth. He had, as clearly as never before,
• 2:33:18
  read a fearful inscription, an inscription of small lines, of slight grooves,
• 2:33:24
  an inscription reminiscent of autumn and old age. Just as Siddhartha himself,
• 2:33:31
  who was only in his forties, had already noticed here and there gray hairs
• 2:33:37
  among his black ones. Tiredness was written on Carmala's beautiful face, Tiredness from
• 2:33:45
  walking a long path which has no happy destination, tiredness and the beginning of
• 2:33:52
  withering and concealed, still unsaid, perhaps not even conscious, anxiety, fear
• 2:34:00
  of old age, fear of the autumn, fear of having to die with
• 2:34:05
  a sigh. He had bid his farewell to her, the soul full of
• 2:34:11
  reluctance and full of concealed anxiety. Then Sir Arthur had spent the night in
• 2:34:18
  his house with dancing girls and wine, had acted as if he were superior
• 2:34:22
  to them towards the fellow members of his caste, though this was no longer
• 2:34:28
  true. Had drunk much wine and gone to bed a long time after midnight,
• 2:34:33
  being tired and yet excited, close to weeping and despair, and had
• 2:34:39
  for a long time sought to sleep in vain, his heart full of misery
• 2:34:45
  which he thought he could not bear any longer, full of a disgust which
• 2:34:50
  he felt penetrating his entire body, like the lukewarm, repulsive taste of the
• 2:34:56
  wine, the just too sweet, dull music, the just too soft smile
• 2:35:03
  of the dancing girls, the just too sweet scent of their hair and breasts.
• 2:35:09
  But more than by anything else, he was disgusted by himself, by
• 2:35:16
  his perfumed hair, by the smell of wine from his mouth, by the
• 2:35:20
  flabby, tiredness and listlessness of his skin, like when someone who has eaten
• 2:35:26
  and drunk far too much vomits it back up again with agonizing pain, and
• 2:35:33
  is nevertheless glad about the relief. Thus, this sleepless man wished to free
• 2:35:39
  himself of these pleasures, these habits, and all of this pointless life,
• 2:35:45
  and himself in an immense burst of disgust. Not until the light of the
• 2:35:52
  morning and the beginning of the first activities in the street before his city house,
• 2:35:56
  he had slightly fallen asleep, had found for a few moments a half
• 2:36:01
  consciousness, a hint of sleep. In these moments he had a dream.
• 2:36:09
  Kamala owned a small rare singing bird in a golden cage. Of this bird,
• 2:36:15
  he dreamt. He dreamt this bird had become mute, who at other
• 2:36:22
  times always used to sing in the morning. And since this arose his attention,
• 2:36:26
  he stepped in front of the cage and looked inside. There the small
• 2:36:31
  bird was dead and lay stiff on the ground. He took it out,
• 2:36:37
  weighed it for a moment in his hand, and then threw it away out
• 2:36:43
  in the street. And in the same moment he felt terribly shocked and his
• 2:36:48
  heart hurt, as if he had thrown away from himself all value and everything
• 2:36:54
  good by throwing out this dead bird. Starting up for the stream, he
• 2:37:01
  felt encompassed by a deep sadness worthless. So it seemed to him worthless and
• 2:37:07
  pointless was the way he had been going through life. Nothing which was alive,
• 2:37:13
  nothing which was in some way delicious or worth keeping, he had left
• 2:37:18
  in his hands alone. He stood there and empty, like a castaway on
• 2:37:22
  the shore, with a gloomy mind, said Arthur went to the pleasure garden
• 2:37:28
  he owned, locked the gate, sat down under a mango tree, felt
• 2:37:35
  death in his heart and horror in his chest. Sat and sensed how everything
• 2:37:41
  died in him, withered in him, came to an end in him.
• 2:37:46
  By and bye. He gathered his thoughts and in his mind. He once
• 2:37:50
  again went the entire path of his life, starting with the first days he
• 2:37:56
  could remember. When was there ever a time when he had experienced happiness,
• 2:38:03
  felt a true bliss? Oh, yes, several times he had experienced such
• 2:38:07
  a thing in his years as a boy. He has had a taste of
• 2:38:11
  it. When he had obtained praise from the Brahmans, he had felt it
• 2:38:16
  in his heart. There is a path in front of the one who has
• 2:38:20
  distinguished himself in the recitation of the Holy verses, in the dispute with the
• 2:38:26
  learned ones, as an assistant in the offerings. Then he had felt it
• 2:38:31
  in his heart, there is a path in front of you. You are
• 2:38:35
  destined for the gods are awaiting you. And again, as a young man,
• 2:38:41
  when the ever rising upward, fleeing goal of all thinking had ripped him
• 2:38:46
  out of and up from the multitude of those seeking the same goal, when
• 2:38:52
  he wrestled in pain for the purpose of Brahman, when every obtained knowledge only
• 2:39:00
  kindled new thirst in him. Then again he had, in the midst of
• 2:39:03
  the thirst, in the midst of the pain, felt this very same thing,
• 2:39:09
  go on, go on, you are called upon. He had heard
• 2:39:15
  this voice when he had left his home and had chosen the life of a
• 2:39:18
  somana, and again when he had gone away from the somanas to that perfected
• 2:39:24
  one, and also when he had gone away from him to the uncertain.
• 2:39:30
  For how long had he not heard this voice anymore? For how long had
• 2:39:35
  he reached no height anymore? How even and dull was the manner in which
• 2:39:39
  his path had passed through life, for many long years, without a high
• 2:39:45
  goal, without thirst, without elevation, content with small, lustful pleasures,
• 2:39:52
  and yet never satisfied. For all of these many years, without knowing it
• 2:39:58
  himself, he had tried hard and long to become a man like those many,
• 2:40:03
  like those children. And in all this his life had been much more
• 2:40:09
  miserable and poorer than theirs. And their goals were not his nor their worries.
• 2:40:16
  After all, that entire world of the Kamaswami people had only been a
• 2:40:20
  game to him, a dance he would watch a comedy. Only Kamala had
• 2:40:28
  been dear, had been valuable to him. But was she still thus?
• 2:40:33
  Did he still need her? Or she him? Did they not play a
• 2:40:39
  game without ending? Was it necessary to live for this? No? It
• 2:40:46
  was not necessary. The name of this game was Sansara, a game for
• 2:40:52
  children, A game which was perhaps enjoyable to play once, twice, ten
• 2:40:58
  times, but forever and ever over again, then, said Darthur. Knew
• 2:41:05
  that the game was over, that he could not play it any more.
• 2:41:11
  Shivers ran over his body, inside of him, so he felt something had
• 2:41:16
  died. That entire day, he sat under the mango tree, thinking of
• 2:41:22
  his father, thinking of Govinda, thinking of Gotama. Did he have to
• 2:41:28
  leave them to become a kamaswami. He still sat there when the night had
• 2:41:33
  fallen. When looking up he caught sight of the stars, he thought,
• 2:41:39
  here, I'm sitting under my mango tree, in my pleasure garden. He
• 2:41:43
  smiled a little. Was it really necessary? Was it right? Was it
• 2:41:48
  not a foolish game? That he owned a mango tree, that he owned
• 2:41:52
  a garden? He also put an end to this, This also died in
• 2:41:58
  him. He rose bid his farewell to the mango tree, his farewell to
• 2:42:03
  the pleasure garden. Since he had been without food this day, he felt
• 2:42:09
  strong hunger and thought of his house in the city, of his chamber and
• 2:42:13
  bed, of the table with the meals on it. He smiled tiredly,
• 2:42:18
  shook himself and bid his farewell to these things. In the same hour of
• 2:42:24
  the night, Siddartha left his garden, left the city, and never came
• 2:42:30
  back. For a long time, Kamaswami had people look for him, thinking
• 2:42:35
  that he had fallen into the hands of robbers. Kamala had no one look
• 2:42:39
  for him. When she was told that Siddartha had disappeared, she was not
• 2:42:46
  astonished, did she not always expect it? Was he not a samana,
• 2:42:52
  a man who was at home nowhere, a pilgrim, And most of all,
• 2:42:56
  she had felt this the last time they had been together, and she
• 2:43:01
  was happy, in spite of all the pain of the loss, that she
• 2:43:05
  had pulled him so affectionately to her heart for this last time, that she
• 2:43:11
  had felt one more time to be so completely possessed and penetrated by him.
• 2:43:18
  When she received the first news of Siddartha's disappearance, she went to the window
• 2:43:24
  where she held a rare singing bird captive in a golden cage. She opened
• 2:43:30
  the door of the cage, took the bird out, and let it fly.
• 2:43:35
  For a long time, she gazed after it, the flying bird.
• 2:43:41
  From this day on she received no more visitors and kept her house locked.
• 2:43:46
  But after some time she became aware that she was pregnant from the last time
• 2:43:52
  she was together with Sir Arthur. End of chapter seven, Chapter eight,
• 2:44:00
  by the river, sid Arthur walked through the forest, was already far from
• 2:44:05
  the city, and knew nothing but that one thing, that there was no
• 2:44:11
  going back for him, that this life as he had lived it for many
• 2:44:16
  years until now was over and done away with, and that he had tasted
• 2:44:22
  all of it, sucked everything out of it until he was disgusted with it.
• 2:44:28
  Dead was the singing bird he had dreamt of. Dead was the bird
• 2:44:33
  in his heart. Deeply he had been entangled in Sansara. He had sucked
• 2:44:39
  up disgust and death from all sides into his body, like a sponge that
• 2:44:45
  sucks up water until it is full and full. He was full of the
• 2:44:50
  feeling of being sick of it, full of misery, full of death.
• 2:44:56
  There was nothing left in this world which could have did him, given him
• 2:45:01
  joy, given him comfort. Passionately, he wished to know nothing about himself
• 2:45:07
  anymore, to have rest, to be dead. If there was only a
• 2:45:13
  lightning bolt to strike him dead, if there was only a tiger to devour
• 2:45:16
  him, if there was only a wine a poison which could numb his senses,
• 2:45:22
  bring him forgetfulness and sleep, and no awakening from that. Was there
• 2:45:28
  still any kind of filth? He had not soiled himself with a sin or
• 2:45:33
  foolish act, He had not committed a dreariness of the soul. He had
• 2:45:39
  not brought upon himself. Was it still at all possible to be alive?
• 2:45:46
  Was it possible to breathe in again and again, to breathe out, to
• 2:45:50
  feel hunger, to eat again, to sleep again, to sleep with a
• 2:45:54
  woman again? Was this cycle not exhausted and brought to a conclusion for him?
• 2:46:03
  Sird Arthur reached the large river in the forest, the same river over
• 2:46:07
  which, a long time ago, when he had still been a young man
• 2:46:11
  and came from the town of Gautama, the ferryman had conducted him by this
• 2:46:16
  river. He stopped hesitatingly. He stood at the bank. Tiredness and hunger
• 2:46:24
  had weakened him, and whatever he should walk on, wherever to to whichever
• 2:46:30
  goal, No, there were no more goals. There was nothing left but
• 2:46:35
  the deep, painful yearning to shake off this whole, desolate dream, to
• 2:46:41
  spit out this stale wine, to put an end to this miserable and shameful
• 2:46:46
  life. A hang bent over the bank of the river, a coconut tree.
• 2:46:54
  Sir Arthur leaned against its trunk with his shoulder, embraced the trunk with
• 2:46:58
  one arm, and looked down into the green water which ran and ran under
• 2:47:03
  him. Looked down and found himself to be entirely filled with the wish to
• 2:47:07
  go and to drown in these waters. A frightening emptiness was reflected back at
• 2:47:13
  him by the water, answering to the terrible emptiness in his soul. Yes,
• 2:47:20
  he had reached the end. There was nothing left for him except to
• 2:47:24
  annihilate himself, except to smash the failure into which he had shaped his life,
• 2:47:30
  to throw it away before the feet of mockingly laughing gods. This was
• 2:47:35
  the great vomiting he had longed for. Death. The smashing to bits of
• 2:47:41
  the form he hated let him be food for fishes. This dog, said
• 2:47:46
  Arthur, this lunatic, this depraved and rotten body, this weakened and abused
• 2:47:52
  soul. Let him be food for fishes and crocodiles. Let him be chopped
• 2:47:58
  to bits by the demons. With a distorted face, he stared into the
• 2:48:03
  water, saw the reflection of his face, and spit at it. In
• 2:48:09
  deep tiredness, he took his arm away from the trunk of the tree and
• 2:48:13
  turned a bit in order to let himself fall straight down, in order to
• 2:48:16
  finally drown. With his eyes closed, he slipped towards death. Then out
• 2:48:24
  of remote areas of his soul, out of past times of his now weary
• 2:48:30
  life, a sound stirred up. It was a word, a syllable,
• 2:48:37
  which he, without thinking, with a slurred voice, spoke to himself,
• 2:48:41
  the old word, which is the beginning and the end of all prayers of
• 2:48:46
  the Brahmans, the holy Olm, which roughly means that what is perfect or
• 2:48:56
  the completion. And in the moment when the sound of Olm touched Siddarthur's ear,
• 2:49:01
  his dormant spirit suddenly woke up and realized the foolishness of his actions.
• 2:49:09
  Sad Arthur was deeply shocked. So this was how things were with him.
• 2:49:15
  So doomed was he so much? Had he lost his way and was forsaken
• 2:49:20
  by all knowledge? That he had been able to seek death, That this
• 2:49:24
  wish, this wish of a child, had been able to grow up in
• 2:49:28
  him, to find rest by annihilating his body. What all agony of these
• 2:49:35
  recent times, all sobering realizations, all desperation, had not brought about.
• 2:49:43
  This was brought on by this moment. When the Olm entered his consciousness,
• 2:49:50
  he became aware of himself, in his misery and in his error, Olm.
• 2:49:56
  He spoke to himself Olm, and again he knew about Brahman, knew
• 2:50:03
  about the indestructibility of life, knew about all that is divine, which he
• 2:50:09
  had forgotten. But this was only a moment. Flash By the foot of
• 2:50:15
  the cocoanut tree, Sir Arthur collapsed, struck down by tiredness, mumbling om
• 2:50:22
  placed his head on the root of the tree and fell into a deep sleep.
• 2:50:28
  Deep was his sleep, and without dreams. For a long time he
• 2:50:33
  had not known such a sleep any more. When he woke up after many
• 2:50:39
  hours, he felt as if ten years had passed. He heard the water
• 2:50:43
  quietly flowing, did not know where he was and who had brought him there.
• 2:50:50
  Opened his eyes, saw with astonishment that there were trees and the sky
• 2:50:56
  above him, and he remembered where he was and how got there. But
• 2:51:01
  it took him a long while for this, and the past seemed to him
• 2:51:05
  as if it had been covered by a veil, infinitely distant, infinitely far
• 2:51:13
  away, infinitely meaningless. He only knew that his previous life in the first
• 2:51:20
  moment when he thought about it, this past life seemed to him like a
• 2:51:24
  very old previous incarnation, like an early pre birth of his present self.
• 2:51:31
  That this previous life had been abandoned by him, that full of disgust and
• 2:51:37
  wretchedness, he had even intended to throw his life away, But that by
• 2:51:43
  a river under a cocoanut tree, he has come to his senses the holy
• 2:51:48
  word olm on his lips. That he had fallen asleep and had now woken
• 2:51:54
  up and was looking at the world as a new man. Quietly, he
• 2:52:00
  spoke the word om to himself, speaking which he had fallen asleep, And
• 2:52:07
  it seemed to him as if his entire long sleep had been nothing but a
• 2:52:11
  long meditative recitation of om a, thinking of om, a submergence and complete
• 2:52:18
  entering into Olm, into the nameless, the perfected. What a wonderful sleep?
• 2:52:26
  Had this been never before? By sleep? He had been thus refreshed,
• 2:52:31
  thus renewed, thus rejuvenated. Perhaps he had really died, had drowned,
• 2:52:39
  and was reborn in a new body. But no, he knew himself.
• 2:52:45
  He knew his hand at his feet, knew the place where he lay,
• 2:52:48
  knew this self in his chest. This Saddarthur, the eccentric, the
• 2:52:54
  weird one. But this Siddartha was nevertheless transformed, was renewed, was strangely
• 2:53:01
  well rested, strangely awake, joyful and curious. Sadd Arthur straightened up.
• 2:53:09
  Then he saw a person sitting opposite to him, an unknown man, a
• 2:53:15
  monk in a yellow robe with a shaven head, sitting in the position of
• 2:53:18
  pondering. He observed the man, who had neither hair on his head nor
• 2:53:24
  a beard, and he had not observed him for long when he recognized this
• 2:53:28
  monk as Govinda, the friend of his youth, Govinda, who had taken
• 2:53:33
  his refuge with the exalted Buddha. Govinda had aged he too, but still
• 2:53:41
  his face bore the same features, expressed zeal, faithfulness, searching, timidness.
• 2:53:50
  But when Govinda, now sensing his gaze, opened his eyes and looked
• 2:53:54
  at him, said Arthur, saw that Govinda did not recognize him. Govinda
• 2:54:01
  was happy to find him awake. Apparently he had been sitting here for a
• 2:54:05
  long time and had been waiting for him to wake up, though he did
• 2:54:09
  not know him. I have been sleeping, said sair D Arthur. However
• 2:54:15
  did you get here? You have been sleeping, answered Govinda. It is
• 2:54:20
  not good to be sleeping in such places where snakes often are and the animals
• 2:54:24
  of the forest have their paths. I, oh sir Am, a follower
• 2:54:30
  of the exalted Gautama, the Buddha, the Sakya Mundi, and have been
• 2:54:33
  on a pilgrimage together with several of us on this path when I saw you
• 2:54:39
  lying and sleeping in a place where it is dangerous to sleep. Therefore I
• 2:54:43
  sought to wake you up, oh sir And since I saw that your sleep
• 2:54:48
  was very deep, I strayed behind from my group and sat with you.
• 2:54:52
  And then so it seems I have fallen asleep myself. I who wanted to
• 2:54:56
  guard your sleep bad I have served you. Tiredness has overwhelmed me, and
• 2:55:03
  now that you're awake, let me go catch up with my brothers. I
• 2:55:09
  thank you Somana for watching out over my sleep, spoke Sir Arthur. You're
• 2:55:13
  friendly, you followers of the Exalted One. Now you may go, then
• 2:55:20
  I'm going, sir. May you, sir, always be in good health.
• 2:55:24
  I thank you, Somana. Govinda made the gesture of a salutation and
• 2:55:30
  said farewell. Farewell, Govinda, said Sir Arthur. The monk stopped.
• 2:55:37
  Permit me to ask, Sir, from where do you know my name?
• 2:55:43
  Now? Said Arthur smiled. I know you, oh Govinda, from your
• 2:55:48
  father's hut, and from the school of the Brahmans, and from the offerings,
• 2:55:52
  and from our walk to the Somanas, and from that hour when you
• 2:55:56
  took your refuge with the Exalted One in the grove Jetavana, Your Sir Darthur,
• 2:56:03
  Govinda exclaimed loudly. Now I'm recognizing you, and don't comprehend any more
• 2:56:09
  how I couldn't recognize you right away. Be welcome, said Arthur. My
• 2:56:16
  joy is great to see you again. It also gives me joy to see
• 2:56:20
  you again. You've been the guard of my sleep again. I thank you
• 2:56:26
  for this, though I wouldn't have required any guard. Where are you going
• 2:56:31
  to, oh friend, I am going nowhere. We monks are always traveling,
• 2:56:39
  whenever it is not the rainy season. We always move from one place
• 2:56:43
  to another, live according to the rules of the teachings passed on to us,
• 2:56:48
  except alms move on here. It is always like this. But you
• 2:56:52
  said, Arthur, where are you going to? Quoth said Arthur. It
• 2:56:58
  is as it is with you. I am going nowhere. I'm just traveling.
• 2:57:03
  I am on a pilgrimage. Govinda spoke. You're saying you're on a
• 2:57:09
  pilgrimage, and I believe in you. But forgive me, oh, said
• 2:57:13
  Arthur. You do not look like a pilgrim. You're wearing a rich man's
• 2:57:18
  garments. You're wearing the shoes of a distinguished gentleman. And your hair and
• 2:57:22
  the fragrance of perfume is not a pilgrim's hair, nor the hair of a
• 2:57:28
  samana. Right, So, my dear you who observed, well, your
• 2:57:33
  keen eyes see everything. But I haven't said to you that I was a
• 2:57:37
  samana. I said, I'm on a pilgrimage, and so it is.
• 2:57:43
  I'm on a pilgrimage. You're on a pilgrimage, said Govinda. But few
• 2:57:48
  would go on a pilgrimage in such clothes, few in such shoes, few
• 2:57:54
  with such hair. Never I have met such a pilgrim, being a pilgrim,
• 2:57:58
  Micel for many years, I believe you, my dear Govinda. But
• 2:58:05
  now to day you've met a pilgrim just like this, wearing such shoes,
• 2:58:11
  such a garment. Remember, my dear, not eternal is the world of
• 2:58:15
  appearances, not eternal, anything but eternal our our garments, and the style
• 2:58:22
  of our hair, and our hair, and our bodies themselves. I'm wearing
• 2:58:26
  a rich man's clothes. You've seen this, quite right. I'm wearing them
• 2:58:31
  because I have been a rich man. And I'm wearing my hair like the
• 2:58:35
  worldly and lustful people, because I have been one of them. And now,
• 2:58:41
  said Arthur, what are you now? I don't know it. I
• 2:58:48
  don't know it, just like you, I'm traveling. I was a rich
• 2:58:52
  man and am no rich man any more. And what i'll be to morrow,
• 2:58:58
  I don't know. You've lost your riches. I've lost them, or
• 2:59:05
  they me. They somehow happened to slip away from me. The wheel of
• 2:59:11
  physical manifestations is turning quickly, Govinda. Where is Sir Darthur the Brahmin?
• 2:59:18
  Where is Siddartha the Samana? Where is sad Darthur the rich man? None?
• 2:59:22
  Eternal things change quickly, Govinda, you know it. Govinda looked at
• 2:59:28
  the friend of his youth for a long time with doubt in his eyes.
• 2:59:33
  After that, he gave him the salutation which one would use on a gentleman,
• 2:59:39
  and went on his way with a smiling face. Sad Darthur watched him
• 2:59:43
  leave. He loved him still, this faithful man, this fearful man.
• 2:59:48
  And how could he not have loved everybody and everything in this moment, in
• 2:59:54
  the glorious hour, after his wonderful sleep filled with olm, the enchantment which
• 3:00:01
  had happened inside of him in his sleep, and by means of the olm,
• 3:00:05
  was this very thing that he loved everything, that he was full of
• 3:00:09
  joyful love for everything he saw. And it was this very thing, so
• 3:00:16
  it seemed to him now, which had been his sickness before that he was
• 3:00:20
  not able to love anybody or anything With a smiling face, said Arthur watched
• 3:00:26
  the leaving monk. The sleep had strengthened him much, but hunger gave him
• 3:00:33
  much pain. For now he had not eaten for two days, and the
• 3:00:37
  times were long past when he had been tough against hunger. With sadness,
• 3:00:41
  and yet also with a smile, he thought of that time. In those
• 3:00:48
  days, so he remembered he had boasted of three things to Kamala, had
• 3:00:52
  been able to do three noble and undefeatable feats, fasting, waiting, thinking.
• 3:01:01
  These had been his possession, his power and strength, his solid staff.
• 3:01:07
  In the busy, laborious years of his youth. He had learned these
• 3:01:11
  three feats, nothing else, and now they had abandoned him. None of
• 3:01:18
  them was his anymore, neither fasting nor waiting, nor thinking for the most
• 3:01:24
  wretched things. He had given them up for what fades most quickly, for
• 3:01:31
  sensual lust, for the good life, for riches. His life had indeed
• 3:01:37
  been strange, and now so it seemed, now he had really become a
• 3:01:43
  childlike person. Sir Arthur thought about his situation. Thinking was hard on him.
• 3:01:50
  He did not really feel like it, but he forced himself. Now,
• 3:01:56
  he thought, since all these most easily perishing things have slipped from me
• 3:02:01
  again. Now I'm standing here under the sun, again, just as I
• 3:02:07
  have been standing here a little child. Nothing is mine. I have no
• 3:02:11
  abilities, there is nothing I could bring about. I have learned nothing.
• 3:02:18
  How wondrous is this now that I am no longer young, that my hair
• 3:02:22
  is already half gray, that my strength is fading. Now I'm starting again
• 3:02:28
  at the beginning, and as a child again, he had to smile.
• 3:02:35
  Yes, his fate had been strange. Things were going downhill with him,
• 3:02:39
  and now he was again facing the world, void and naked and stupid.
• 3:02:45
  But he could not feel sad about this. No, he even felt a
• 3:02:48
  great urge to laugh, to laugh about himself, to laugh about the strange,
• 3:02:54
  foolish world. Things are going downhill with you, he said to himself,
• 3:03:01
  and laughed about it. And as he was saying it, he happened
• 3:03:05
  to glance at the river, and he also saw the river was going downhill.
• 3:03:11
  All was moving on downhill, and singing and being happy through it all.
• 3:03:18
  He liked this well kindly, he smiled at the river. Was this
• 3:03:24
  not the river in which he had intended to drown himself in past times a
• 3:03:28
  hundred years ago? Or had he dreamed this? Wondrous? Indeed was my
• 3:03:35
  life? So he thought, wondrous detours has it taken. As a boy,
• 3:03:41
  I had only to do with gods and offerings. As a youth,
• 3:03:45
  I had only to do with asceticism, with thinking, a meditation, was
• 3:03:48
  searching for Brahman, worshiped the eternal in the Utman. But as a young
• 3:03:54
  man, I followed the penitents, lived in the forest, suffered of heat
• 3:04:00
  and frost, learned to hunger, taught my body to become dead. Wonderfully,
• 3:04:07
  Soon afterwards, insight came towards me in the form of the Great Buddha's
• 3:04:11
  teachings. I felt the knowledge of the oneness of the world circling in me
• 3:04:16
  like my own blood. But I also had to leave Buddha and the great
• 3:04:22
  knowledge. I went and learned the art of love with Kamala. Learned trading
• 3:04:28
  with Kamaswami, piled up money, wasted money, Learned to love my stomach,
• 3:04:35
  learned to please my senses. I had to spend many years losing my
• 3:04:39
  spirit to unlearn thinking again, to forget the oneness. Isn't it just as
• 3:04:46
  if I had turned slowly and on a long detour from a man into a
• 3:04:52
  child, from a thinker into a childlike person, And yet this part has
• 3:05:00
  been very good, and yet the bird in my chest has not died.
• 3:05:05
  But what a path has this been? I had to pass through so much
• 3:05:09
  stupidity, through so much vices, through so many errors, through so much
• 3:05:16
  disgust and disappointments and woe, just to become a child again, and to
• 3:05:22
  be able to start over that it was right. So my heart says yes
• 3:05:28
  to it, my eyes smiled to it. I've had to experience despair.
• 3:05:33
  I've had to sink down to the most foolish one of all thoughts, to
• 3:05:37
  the thought of suicide, in order to be able to experience divine grace,
• 3:05:43
  to hear om again, to be able to sleep properly and to awake properly
• 3:05:48
  again. I had to become a fool to find utman in me again.
• 3:05:56
  I had to sin to be able to live again. Where else might my
• 3:06:01
  path lead me to? It is foolish, this path. It moves in
• 3:06:05
  loops. Perhaps it is going around in a circle. Let it go as
• 3:06:11
  it likes. I want to take it wonderfully. He felt joy rolling like
• 3:06:18
  waves in his chest. Wherever from? He asked his heart, where did
• 3:06:24
  you get this happiness? Might it come from that long good sleep which has
• 3:06:30
  done me so good, Or from the word om which I said, or
• 3:06:35
  from the fact that I have escaped, that I have completely fled, that
• 3:06:39
  I am finally free again, and am standing like a child under the sky.
• 3:06:46
  Oh, how good it is to have fled, to have become free.
• 3:06:50
  How clean and beautiful is the air here? How good to breathe there?
• 3:06:56
  Where I ran away from there? Every things smelled of ointment, of
• 3:07:03
  spices, of wine, of excess of sloth. How did I hate this
• 3:07:09
  world of the rich, of those who revel in fine food, of the
• 3:07:13
  gamblers? How did I hate myself for staying in this terrible world for so
• 3:07:20
  long? How did I hate myself? Have deprived, poisoned, tortured myself,
• 3:07:26
  have made myself old and evil? No, never again I will,
• 3:07:33
  as I used to like doing so much, delude myself into thinking that Siddartha
• 3:07:37
  was wise. But this one thing I have done well, This I like.
• 3:07:45
  This, I must praise. But there is now an end to that
• 3:07:50
  hatred against myself, to that foolish and dreary life. I praise you,
• 3:07:56
  Siddartha. After so many years of foolishness, you have once again had an
• 3:08:03
  idea, have done something have heard the bird in your chest singing, and
• 3:08:09
  have followed it. Thus he praised himself, found joy in himself, listened
• 3:08:16
  curiously to his stomach, which was rumbling with hunger. He had now so
• 3:08:22
  he felt, in those recent times and days, completely tasted and spit out,
• 3:08:28
  devoured up to the point of desperation and death. A piece of suffering,
• 3:08:33
  a piece of misery like this, It was good. For much longer
• 3:08:39
  he could have stayed with Kamiswami, made money, wasted money, filled his
• 3:08:46
  stomach, and let his soul die of thirst. For much longer he could
• 3:08:50
  have lived in this soft, well upholstered hell if this had not happened,
• 3:08:56
  the moment of complete hopelessness and despair, that most extreme moment, when he
• 3:09:03
  hung over the rushing waters and was ready to destroy himself. That he had
• 3:09:09
  felt this despair, this deep disgust, that he had not succumbed to it.
• 3:09:15
  That the bird, the joyful source and voice in him, was still
• 3:09:18
  alive after all, This was why he felt joy, This was why he
• 3:09:24
  laughed, This was why his face was smiling brightly under his hair which had
• 3:09:30
  turned gray. It is good, he thought, to get a taste of
• 3:09:37
  everything for oneself, which one needs to know, that lust for the world
• 3:09:41
  and riches do not belong to the good things. I have already learned as
• 3:09:46
  a child. I have known it for a long time, but I have
• 3:09:50
  experienced only now, and now I know it. Don't just know it in
• 3:09:56
  my memory, but in my eyes, in my heart, in my stomach.
• 3:10:01
  Good for me to know this. For a long time, he pondered
• 3:10:05
  his transformation, listened to the bird as it sang for joy. Had not
• 3:10:11
  this bird died in him? Had he not felt his death? No,
• 3:10:18
  something else from within him had died, something which already, for a long
• 3:10:22
  time had yearned to die. Was it not this what he intended to kill
• 3:10:28
  in his ardent years as a penitent. Was it not his self, his
• 3:10:33
  small, frightened and proud self he had wrestled with for so many years,
• 3:10:39
  which had defeated him again and again, which was back again after every killing
• 3:10:45
  prohibited joy felt fear. Was it not this which today had finally come to
• 3:10:52
  its death, here in the forest, by this lovely river. Was it
• 3:10:58
  not due to this death that he was now like a child, so full
• 3:11:03
  of trust, so without fear, so full of joy? Now Saddarthur also
• 3:11:11
  got some idea of why he had fought this self in vain as a Brahman,
• 3:11:16
  as a penitent. Too much knowledge had held him back, too many
• 3:11:20
  holy verses, too many sacrificial rules, too much self castigation, so much
• 3:11:28
  doing and striving for that goal. Full of arrogance. He had been,
• 3:11:35
  always the smartest, always working the most, always one step ahead of all
• 3:11:41
  others. All was the knowing and spiritual one. All was the priest or
• 3:11:46
  wise one into being a priest. Into this arrogance, into this spirituality his
• 3:11:54
  self had retreated. There it sat firmly and grew. While he thought thought
• 3:12:00
  he would kill it by fasting and penance. Now he saw it, and
• 3:12:05
  saw the secret voice had been right, that no teacher would ever have been
• 3:12:11
  able to bring about his salvation. Therefore he had to go out into the
• 3:12:16
  world, lose himself to lust and power to women and money. Had to
• 3:12:22
  become a merchant, a dice gambler, a drinker, and a greedy person
• 3:12:28
  until the priest and Samana in him was dead. Therefore he had to continue
• 3:12:35
  bearing these ugly years, bearing the disgust, the teachings, the pointlessness of
• 3:12:41
  a dreary and wasted life up to the end up to bitter despair, until
• 3:12:46
  Saddarthur the lustful, Saddarthur the greedy, could also die. He had died,
• 3:12:56
  a new Saddarthur had woken up from the sleep. He would also grow
• 3:13:00
  old. He would also eventually have to die. Mortal, was said Arthur.
• 3:13:05
  Mortal was every physical form. But today he was young. Was a
• 3:13:11
  child, the new, said Arthur, and was full of joy. He
• 3:13:18
  thought these thoughts, listened with a smile to his stomach, listened gratefully to
• 3:13:22
  a buzzing bee. Cheerfully, he looked into the rushing river. Never before
• 3:13:28
  he had liked a water so well as this one. Never before he had
• 3:13:33
  perceived the voice and the parable of the moving water thus strongly and beautifully.
• 3:13:39
  It seemed to him as if the river had something special to tell him,
• 3:13:45
  something he did not know yet, which was still awaiting him. In this
• 3:13:50
  river, Saddartha had intended to drown himself in it. The old, tired,
• 3:13:56
  desperate Saddartha had drowned today. But the new, said Arthur, felt
• 3:14:01
  a deep love for this rushing water, and decided for himself not to leave
• 3:14:07
  it. Very soon. End of chapter eight, Chapter nine, The fairy
• 3:14:15
  Man by this river I want to stay, thought said Arthur. It is
• 3:14:22
  the same which I have crossed a long time ago on my way to the
• 3:14:26
  childlike people. A friendly fairy man had guided me. Then he is the
• 3:14:31
  wine I want to go to. Starting out from his hut, my path
• 3:14:37
  had led me at that time into a new life, which had now grown
• 3:14:43
  old and is dead. My present path, my present new life, shall
• 3:14:48
  also take its start there. Tenderly, he looked into the rushing water,
• 3:14:56
  into the transparent green, into the crystal l lines of its drawing, so
• 3:15:01
  rich in secrets, bright pearls he saw rising from the deep quiet bubbles of
• 3:15:09
  air floating on the reflecting surface, the blue of the sky being depicted in
• 3:15:15
  it with a thousand eyes. The river looked at him with green ones,
• 3:15:20
  with white ones, with crystal ones, with sky blue ones. How did
• 3:15:26
  he love this water? How did it delight him? How grateful was he
• 3:15:31
  to it? In his heart? He heard the water talking, which was
• 3:15:37
  newly awakening, and it told him, love this water, stay near it,
• 3:15:43
  learn from it. Oh yes, he wanted to learn from it.
• 3:15:48
  He wanted to listen to it. He who would understand this water and its
• 3:15:54
  secrets? So it seemed to him, would also understand many other things,
• 3:16:00
  many secrets, all secrets. But out of all secrets of the river he
• 3:16:07
  today only saw one. This one touched his soul. He saw this water
• 3:16:15
  ran and ran incessantly, It ran and was nevertheless always there was, always,
• 3:16:22
  at all times the same, and yet knew in every moment. Great
• 3:16:30
  be he who would grasp this, Understand this He understood and grasped it,
• 3:16:37
  not only felt some idea of its stirring a distant memory, divine voices.
• 3:16:46
  Sad Arthur rose, the workings of hunger in his body became unbearable. In
• 3:16:54
  a daze, he walked on up the path by the river, up river,
• 3:16:58
  listen to the current, listened to the rumbling hunger in his body.
• 3:17:05
  When he reached the ferry, the boat was just ready, and the same
• 3:17:09
  ferryman who had once transported the young Samana across the river stood in the boat.
• 3:17:16
  Sad Darthur recognized him. He had also aged very much. Would you
• 3:17:22
  like to ferry me over? He asked. The ferryman, being astonished to
• 3:17:28
  see such an elegant man walking along and on foot, took him into his
• 3:17:33
  boat and pushed it off the bank. It is a beautiful life you have
• 3:17:39
  chosen for yourself. The passenger spoke, it must be beautiful to live by
• 3:17:46
  this water every day, and a cruise on it. With a smile.
• 3:17:52
  The man at the oar moved from side to side. It is beautiful,
• 3:17:56
  sir. It is as you say. But isn't every life? Isn't every
• 3:18:01
  work beautiful? This may be true, but I envy you yours. Ah,
• 3:18:07
  you would soon stop enjoying it. This is nothing for people wearing fine
• 3:18:13
  clothes, said Arthur laughed. Once before, I have been looked upon today
• 3:18:20
  because of my clothes. I have been looked upon with distrust. Wouldn't you
• 3:18:26
  ferrymen like to accept these clothes, which are a nuisance to me from me?
• 3:18:33
  For you must know I have no money to pay your fare. You
• 3:18:37
  are joking, sir, the ferry man laughed. I'm not joking. Friend.
• 3:18:43
  Behold, once before you have ferried me across this water in your boat
• 3:18:48
  for the immaterial reward of a good deed. Thus do it today as well,
• 3:18:54
  and accept my clothes for it. And you, sir, intend to
• 3:18:58
  con traveling without clothes. Ah. Most of all, I wouldn't want to
• 3:19:05
  continue traveling at all. Most of all, I would like you, fairyman,
• 3:19:11
  to give me an old loincloth and keep me as your assistant, or
• 3:19:16
  rather as your trainee, for I'll have to learn first how to handle the
• 3:19:20
  boat. For a long time, the ferryman looked at the stranger, searching.
• 3:19:26
  Now I recognize you, he finally said. At one time you've slept
• 3:19:33
  in my hut. This was a long time ago, possibly more than twenty
• 3:19:39
  years ago, and you've been ferried across the river by me and we parted
• 3:19:45
  like good friends. Haven't you been a samana? I can't think of your
• 3:19:50
  name anymore. My name is Sadhartha, and I was a samana when you
• 3:19:56
  last saw me. So be welcome, said Arthur. My name is Vasudiva.
• 3:20:03
  You will, so I hope, be my guest to day as well
• 3:20:07
  as sleep in my hut, and tell me where you're coming from and why
• 3:20:11
  these beautiful clothes are such a nuisance to you. They had reached the middle
• 3:20:16
  of the river and Vasudeva pushed the oar with more strength in order to overcome
• 3:20:22
  the current. He worked calmly, his eyes fixed on the front of the
• 3:20:28
  boat with brawny arms. Siddarthur sat and watched him and remembered how once before,
• 3:20:37
  on that last day of his time as a samana, love for this
• 3:20:41
  man had stirred in his heart. Gratefully, he accepted Vasudeva's invitation. When
• 3:20:48
  they had reached the bank, he helped him to tie the boat to the
• 3:20:52
  stakes. After this, the ferryman asked him to enter the hut, offered
• 3:20:58
  him bread and water, and sa Dartha ate with eager pleasure, and also
• 3:21:03
  ate with eager pleasure of the mango fruits Vasudiva offered him. Afterwards, it
• 3:21:09
  was almost the time of the sunset. They sat on a log by the
• 3:21:15
  bank, and Sadartha told the fairy man about where he originally had come from
• 3:21:20
  and about his life as he had seen it before his eyes to day,
• 3:21:24
  in that hour of despair, until late at night lasted his tale. Vasu
• 3:21:33
  Diva listened with great attention, listened carefully. He let everything enter his mind,
• 3:21:39
  birthplace and childhood, all that learning, all that searching, all joy,
• 3:21:48
  all distress. This was among the fairy Man's virtues, one of the
• 3:21:54
  greatest. Like only a few he knew how to listen without him having spoken
• 3:22:01
  a word. The speaker sensed how Vasudiva let his words enter his mind,
• 3:22:07
  quiet open waiting. How he did not lose a single word, awaited,
• 3:22:15
  not a single one with impatience, did not add his phrase or rebuke,
• 3:22:22
  was just listening. Saddarthur felt, what a happy fortune it is to confess
• 3:22:30
  to such a listener, to bury in his heart his own life, his
• 3:22:35
  own search, his own suffering. But in the end of Saddarthur's tale,
• 3:22:41
  when he spoke of the tree by the river, and of his deep fall
• 3:22:46
  of the holy om, and how he had felt such a love for the
• 3:22:50
  river after his slumber, the fairy man listened with twice the attention, entirely
• 3:22:58
  and completely absorbed by it, with his eyes closed. And when Saddartha fell
• 3:23:05
  silent, and a long silence had occurred, then Vasudeva said, it is
• 3:23:11
  as I thought. The river has spoken to you. It is your friend
• 3:23:18
  as well. It speaks to you as well. That is good, That
• 3:23:24
  is very good. Stay with me, said Arthur, my friend. I
• 3:23:30
  used to have a wife. Her bed was next to mine, but she
• 3:23:35
  has died a long time ago. For a long time I have lived alone.
• 3:23:41
  Now you shall live with me. There is space and food for both.
• 3:23:48
  I thank you, said Sadartha. I thank you and accept. And
• 3:23:52
  I also thank you for this, Vasudeva for listening to me so well.
• 3:23:58
  These people are rare who know how to listen. And I did not meet
• 3:24:03
  a single one who knew it as well as you did. I will also
• 3:24:07
  learn in this respect from you. You will learn it, spoke Vasudeva,
• 3:24:13
  but not from me. The river has taught me to listen. From it,
• 3:24:20
  you will learn it as well. It knows everything, the river.
• 3:24:26
  Everything can be learned from it. See you've already learned this from the river,
• 3:24:33
  to that it is good to strive downwards, to sink, to seek
• 3:24:37
  depth. The rich and elegant Siddhartha is becoming an oarsman servant the learned Brahman
• 3:24:46
  Siddhartha becomes a faery man. This has also been told to you by the
• 3:24:52
  river. You'll learn that other thing from it as well, quoth said Arthur,
• 3:24:58
  after a long poor what other thing, Vasudiva? Vasudiva rose, It
• 3:25:07
  is late, he said, let's go to sleep. I can't tell you
• 3:25:11
  that other thing. Oh friend, you'll learn it, or perhaps you already
• 3:25:16
  know it. See I'm no learned man. I have no special skill in
• 3:25:22
  speaking. I also have no special skill in thinking. All I'm able to
• 3:25:28
  do is to listen and to be godly. I have learned nothing else.
• 3:25:35
  If I was able to say and to teach it, I might be a
• 3:25:39
  wise man. But like this, I am only a fairy man. And
• 3:25:43
  it is my task to ferry people across the river. I have transported many
• 3:25:50
  thousands, and to all of them, my river has been nothing but an
• 3:25:54
  obstacle on their travels. They traveled to seek money and business, and for
• 3:26:01
  weddings and on pilgrimages, and the river was obstructing their path, and the
• 3:26:07
  ferryman's job was to get them quickly across that obstacle. But for some among
• 3:26:13
  the thousands, a few four or five, the river has stopped being an
• 3:26:18
  obstacle. They have heard its voice, they have listened to it, and
• 3:26:24
  the river has become sacred to them, as it has become sacred to me.
• 3:26:31
  Let's rest now, said Arthur. Sir Arthur stayed with the ferryman and
• 3:26:37
  learned to operate the boat, And when there was nothing to do with the
• 3:26:41
  ferry, he worked with vasudiva in the rice field, gathered wood, plucked
• 3:26:46
  the fruit off the banana trees. He learned to build an oar, and
• 3:26:52
  learned to mend the boat and to weave baskets, and was joyful because of
• 3:26:58
  everything he learned. And the days and months passed quickly, but more than
• 3:27:05
  Vasudeva could teach him. He was taught by the river incessantly. He learned
• 3:27:11
  from it. Most of all, he learned from it to listen, to
• 3:27:16
  pay hose attention, with a quiet heart, with a waiting opened soul,
• 3:27:22
  without passion, without a wish, without judgment, without an opinion, in
• 3:27:31
  a friendly manner. He lived side by side with Vasudeva, and occasionally they
• 3:27:37
  exchanged some words few and at length thought about words. Vasudeva was no friend
• 3:27:45
  to words. Rarely said Arthur succeeded in persuading him to speak. Did you
• 3:27:52
  so, he asked him, at one time, Did you too learn that
• 3:27:56
  secret from the river, that there is no time? Vasu Diva's face was
• 3:28:03
  filled with a bright smile. Yes, said Arthur. He spoke. It
• 3:28:09
  is this what you mean, isn't it? That the river is everywhere at
• 3:28:15
  once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at
• 3:28:20
  the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains,
• 3:28:24
  everywhere at once, And that there is only the present, for it not
• 3:28:31
  the shadow of the past, not the shadow of the future. This it
• 3:28:37
  is, said, said Arthur. And when I had learned it, I
• 3:28:41
  looked at my life and it was also a river. And the boy,
• 3:28:45
  said Arthur, was only separated from the man, said Arthur, and from
• 3:28:48
  the old man, said Arthur, by a shadow, not something real.
• 3:28:56
  Also said Arthur's previous births were no part, and his death and his return
• 3:29:01
  to Brahma was no future. Nothing was, nothing will be, Everything is,
• 3:29:11
  everything has existence and is present. Sad Arthur spoke with ecstasy deeply.
• 3:29:20
  This enlightenment had delighted him. Oh was not all suffering. Time were not
• 3:29:28
  all forms of tormenting oneself and being afraid? Time was not everything hard,
• 3:29:37
  everything hostile in the world gone and overcome as soon as one had overcome time,
• 3:29:43
  as soon as time would have been put out of existence by one's thoughts.
• 3:29:50
  In ecstatic delight, he had spoken, but Vasu Diva smiled at him
• 3:29:56
  brightly and nodded in confirmation. Silently, he nodded, brushed his hand over
• 3:30:03
  Sir Arthur's shoulder, turned back to his work, and once again, when
• 3:30:09
  the river had just increased its flow in the rainy season and made a powerful
• 3:30:16
  noise. Then said Sir Arthur, isn't it so o? Friend? The
• 3:30:22
  river has many voices, many many voices. Hasn't it the voice of a
• 3:30:28
  king, and of a warrior, and of a bull, and of a
• 3:30:33
  bird of the night, and a woman giving birth, and of a sighing
• 3:30:37
  man, and a thousand other voices? More so it is, Vasudiva nodded.
• 3:30:48
  All voices of the creature are in its voice. And do you know,
• 3:30:54
  said Arthur, continued, what word it speaks when you succeed in hearing
• 3:30:58
  all all of its ten thousand voices at once? Happily, Vasudeva's face was
• 3:31:05
  smiling. He bent over to Siddhartha and spoke the holy om in his ear.
• 3:31:15
  And this had been the very thing which Siddhartha had also been hearing.
• 3:31:20
  And time after time his smile became more similar to the fairy man's, became
• 3:31:26
  almost just as bright, almost just as thoughtfully glowing with bliss, just as
• 3:31:35
  shining out of thousand small wrinkles, just as alike to a child's, just
• 3:31:43
  as alike to an old man's. Many travelers seeing the two faerry men,
• 3:31:50
  thought they were brothers. Often they sat in the evening together by the bank
• 3:31:56
  on the log, said nothing, and both listens to the water, which
• 3:32:01
  was no water to them, but the voice of life, the voice of
• 3:32:05
  what exists, of what is eternally taking shape. And it happened from time
• 3:32:13
  to time that both, when listening to the water, thought of the same
• 3:32:18
  things, of a conversation from the day before yesterday of one of their travelers,
• 3:32:24
  the face and fate of whom had occupied their thoughts, of death,
• 3:32:30
  of their childhood, And that they both, in the same moment, when
• 3:32:35
  the river had been saying something good to them, looked at each other,
• 3:32:39
  both thinking precisely the same thing, both delighted about the same answer to the
• 3:32:46
  same question. There was something about this fairy and the two ferry men which
• 3:32:52
  was transmitted to others, which many of the travelers felt. It happened occasionally
• 3:33:00
  that a traveler, after having looked at the face of one of the fairy
• 3:33:03
  men, started to tell the story of his life, told about pains,
• 3:33:09
  confessed evil things, asked for comfort and advice. It happened occasionally that someone
• 3:33:18
  asked for permission to stay for a night with them to listen to the river.
• 3:33:22
  It also happened that curious people came who had been told that there were
• 3:33:28
  two wise men or sorcerers or holy men living by that fairy. The curious
• 3:33:35
  people asked many questions, but they got no answers, and they found neither
• 3:33:41
  sorcerers nor wise men. They only found two friendly, little old men who
• 3:33:46
  seemed to be mute and to have become a bit strange and gugger. And
• 3:33:52
  the curious people laughed and were discussing how foolishly and gullibly the common people were
• 3:33:58
  spreading such empty rumors. The years passed by, and nobody counted them.
• 3:34:07
  Then at one time monks came by on a pilgrimage followers of Gautama the Buddha,
• 3:34:15
  who were asking to be ferried across the river, and by then the
• 3:34:18
  ferrymen were told that they were most hurriedly walking back to their great teacher,
• 3:34:24
  for the news had spread the Exalted One was deadly sick and would soon die
• 3:34:31
  his last human death in order to become one with the salvation. It was
• 3:34:39
  not long until a new flock of monks came along on their pilgrimage, and
• 3:34:45
  another one, and the monks, as well as most of the other travelers
• 3:34:48
  and people walking through the land spoke of nothing else than of Gautama and his
• 3:34:56
  impending death. And as people are flocking from everywhere and from all sides,
• 3:35:03
  when they are going to war or to the coronation of a king, and
• 3:35:07
  are gathering like ants in droves, Thus they flocked, like being drawn on
• 3:35:13
  by a magic spell, to where the great Buddha was awaiting his death,
• 3:35:18
  where the huge event was to take place, and the great perfected one of
• 3:35:24
  an era was to become one with the glory. Often said Arthur thought,
• 3:35:31
  in those days of the dying wise man, the great teacher, whose voice
• 3:35:37
  had admonished nations and had awoken hundreds of thousands, whose voice he had also
• 3:35:43
  once heard, whose holy face he had also once seen with respect. Kindly
• 3:35:50
  he thought of him, saw his path to perfection before his eyes, and
• 3:35:56
  remembered with a smile those words which he had once as a young man said
• 3:36:01
  to him the exalted one. They had been so it seemed to him,
• 3:36:07
  proud and precocious words. With a smile, he remembered them for a long
• 3:36:13
  time. He knew that there was nothing standing between Gautama and him anymore,
• 3:36:18
  though he was still unable to accept his teachings, No there was no teaching
• 3:36:26
  a truly searching person, someone who truly wanted to find could accept. But
• 3:36:33
  he who had found, he could approve of any teachings, every path,
• 3:36:39
  every goal. There was nothing standing between him and all the other thousand anymore
• 3:36:46
  who lived in that what is eternal, who breathed what is divine. On
• 3:36:54
  one of these days when so many went on a pilgrimage to the dying Buddha,
• 3:36:58
  Kamala also went to him, who used to be one of the most
• 3:37:03
  beautiful the Cortazans. A long time ago, she had retired from her previous
• 3:37:09
  life, had given her garden to the monks of Gatarma as a gift,
• 3:37:15
  had taken her refuge in the teachings, was among the friends and benefactors of
• 3:37:20
  the pilgrims. Together with Siddartha, the boy, her son. She had
• 3:37:26
  gone on her way due to the news of the near death of Gatarma.
• 3:37:31
  In simple clothes on foot with her little son, she was traveling by the
• 3:37:37
  river. But the boy had soon grown tired, desired to go back home,
• 3:37:43
  desired to rest, desired to eat, became disobedient and started whining.
• 3:37:52
  Kamala often had to take a rest with him. He was accustomed to having
• 3:37:58
  his way against her. She had to feed him, had to comfort him,
• 3:38:03
  had to scold him. He did not comprehend why he had to go
• 3:38:09
  on this exhausting and sad pilgrimage with his mother to an unknown place, to
• 3:38:16
  a stranger who was holy and about to die. So what if he died?
• 3:38:20
  How did this concern the boy? The pilgrims were getting close to Vasudeva's
• 3:38:26
  ferry when little Saddhartha once again forced his mother to rest. She Kamala herself
• 3:38:35
  had also become tired, and while the boy was chewing a banana, she
• 3:38:39
  crouched down on the ground, closed her eyes a bit, and rested,
• 3:38:46
  But suddenly she uttered a wailing scream. The boy looked at her in fear
• 3:38:52
  and saw her face having grown pale from horror, and from under her dress
• 3:38:58
  a small black snake fled by which Kamala had been bitten. Hurriedly, they
• 3:39:05
  now both ran along the path in order to reach people, and got near
• 3:39:11
  the ferry. There, Kamala collapsed and was not able to go any further,
• 3:39:18
  but the boy started crying miserably, only interrupting it to kiss and hug
• 3:39:22
  his mother, and she also joined his loud screams for help until the sound
• 3:39:30
  reached Vasu Diva's ears, who stood at the ferry. Quickly he came walking,
• 3:39:37
  took the woman on his arms, carried her into the boat. The
• 3:39:41
  boy ran along, and soon they all reached the hut, where Siddartha stood
• 3:39:48
  by the stove and was just lighting the fire. He looked up and first
• 3:39:52
  saw the boy's face, which wondrously reminded him of something like a warning to
• 3:39:58
  remember so something he had forgotten. Then he saw Kamala, whom he instantly
• 3:40:05
  recognized, though she lay unconscious in the ferry man's arms, And now he
• 3:40:11
  knew that it was his own son whose face had been such a warning reminder
• 3:40:16
  to him, and the heart stirred in his chest. Kamala's wound was washed,
• 3:40:22
  but had already turned black, and her body was swollen. She was
• 3:40:28
  made to drink a healing potion. Her consciousness returned. She lay on Siddartha's
• 3:40:35
  bed in the hut, and bent over her stood Siddartha, who used to
• 3:40:41
  love her so much it seemed like a dream to her. With a smile,
• 3:40:48
  she looked at her friend's face. Just slowly she realized her situation,
• 3:40:56
  remembered the bite called timidly for the boy. He's with you. Don't worry,
• 3:41:03
  said sad Arthur. Kamala looked into his eyes. She spoke with a
• 3:41:09
  heavy tongue, paralyzed by the poison. You've become old, my dear,
• 3:41:16
  she said, You've become gray. But you are like the young Samana who
• 3:41:22
  at one time came without clothes with dusty feet to me into the garden.
• 3:41:28
  You are much more like him than you were like him at the time when
• 3:41:33
  you had left me and come aswami. In the eyes, you're like him,
• 3:41:39
  said Arthur. Alas I have also grown old. Old, could you
• 3:41:46
  still recognize me? Said Arthur, smiled instantly, I recognized you, Kamala,
• 3:41:54
  my dear. Kamala pointed to her boy and said, did you recognize
• 3:41:58
  him as well? He is your son. Her eyes became confused and fell
• 3:42:05
  shut. The boy wept, said Arthur. Took him on his knees,
• 3:42:13
  let him weep, petted his hair, and at the sight of the child's
• 3:42:18
  face, a Brahman prayer came to his mind, which he had learned a
• 3:42:22
  long time ago when he had been a little boy himself. Slowly with a
• 3:42:28
  singing voice. He started to speak from his past and childhood. The words
• 3:42:35
  came flowing to him, and with that sing song, the boy became calm.
• 3:42:41
  Was only now and then uttering a sob and fell asleep, said Arthur.
• 3:42:50
  Placed him on Vasudeva's bed. Vasudeva stood by the stove and cooked rice,
• 3:42:58
  said Arthur. Gave him a look, which she returned with a smile.
• 3:43:03
  She'll die sad, Arthur said quietly. Fasudeva nodded over his friendly face,
• 3:43:11
  ran the light of the stove's fire. Once again, Kamala returned to
• 3:43:16
  consciousness. Pain distorted her face, said Arthur's eyes read the suffering on her
• 3:43:24
  mouth, on her pale cheeks. Quietly, he read it attentively, waiting,
• 3:43:31
  his mind, becoming one with her suffering. Kamala felt it. Her
• 3:43:37
  gaze sought his eyes, looking at him. She said, now I see
• 3:43:43
  that your eyes have changed as well. They've become completely different. But what
• 3:43:50
  do I still recognize that you're said Arthur. It's you and it's not you,
• 3:43:58
  Sir, Arthur said nothing. Quietly, his eyes looked at hers.
• 3:44:05
  You have achieved it, she asked, You have found peace. He smiled
• 3:44:11
  and placed his hand on hers I'm seeing it, she said, I'm seeing
• 3:44:16
  it. I too will find peace. You have found it, said Arthur,
• 3:44:22
  spoke in a whisper. Kamala never stopped looking into his eyes. She
• 3:44:30
  thought about her pilgrimage to Gautama, which wanted to take in order to see
• 3:44:35
  the face of the perfected One, to breathe his peace. And she thought
• 3:44:39
  that she had now found him in his place, and that it was good,
• 3:44:45
  just as good as if she had seen the other one. She wanted
• 3:44:50
  to tell this to him, but the tongue no longer obeyed her will.
• 3:44:56
  Without speaking, she looked at him, and he saw life fading from her
• 3:45:01
  eyes when the final pain filled her eyes and made them grow dim, When
• 3:45:07
  the final shiver ran through her limbs, his finger closed her eyelids. For
• 3:45:16
  a long time, he sat and looked at her peacefully dead face. For
• 3:45:22
  a long time, he observed her mouth, her old tired mouth, with
• 3:45:28
  those lips which had become thin, and he remembered that he used to,
• 3:45:33
  in the spring of his years, compare this mouth with a freshly cracked fig.
• 3:45:39
  For a long time he sat red in the pale face, in the
• 3:45:45
  tired wrinkles, filled himself with this sight saw his own face lying in the
• 3:45:52
  same manner, just as white, just as quenched out, and saw at
• 3:45:58
  the same time his face and hers being young, with red lips, with
• 3:46:05
  fiery eyes, and the feeling of this both being present and at the time
• 3:46:09
  real. The feeling of eternity completely filled every aspect of his being deeply.
• 3:46:18
  He felt, more deeply than ever before, in this hour, the indestructibility
• 3:46:26
  of every life, the eternity of every moment. When he rose, Vasudiva
• 3:46:33
  had prepared rice for him, but Siddartha did not eat. In the stable
• 3:46:39
  where their goats stood, the two old men prepared beds of straw for themselves,
• 3:46:46
  and Vasudiva lay himself down to sleep. But Siddhartha went outside and sat
• 3:46:52
  this night before the hut, listening to the river, surrounded by the past,
• 3:47:00
  touched and encircled by all times of his life at the same time.
• 3:47:05
  But occasionally he rose, stepped to the door of the hut and listened whether
• 3:47:11
  the boy was sleeping. Early in the morning, even before the sun could
• 3:47:18
  be seen, Vasudeva came out of the stable and walked over to his friend.
• 3:47:26
  You haven't slept, he said, no, Vasudeva, I sat here
• 3:47:31
  I was listening to the river a lot. It has told me deeply.
• 3:47:37
  It has filled me with the healing thought, with the thought of oneness.
• 3:47:43
  You've experienced suffering, said Arthur. But I see no sadness has entered your
• 3:47:50
  heart. No, my dear, how should I be sad? I who
• 3:47:56
  have been rich and happy, have become even rich and happier. Now my
• 3:48:03
  son has been given to me. Your son shall be welcomed to me as
• 3:48:07
  well. But now, said Darthur, let's get to work. There is
• 3:48:13
  much to be done. Kamala has died on the same bed on which my
• 3:48:18
  wife had died a long time ago. Let us also build Kamala's funeral pile
• 3:48:26
  on the same hill on which I had then built my wife's funeral pile.
• 3:48:33
  While the boy was still asleep, they built the funeral pile. End of
• 3:48:41
  chapter nine, Chapter ten, the sun timid and weeping, the boy had
• 3:48:48
  attended his mother's funeral. Gloomy and shy. He had listened to Siddartha,
• 3:48:54
  who greeted him as his son and welcomed him at his place in vas Adiva's
• 3:49:00
  hut pale. He sat for many days by the heel of the dead,
• 3:49:05
  did not want to eat, gave no open look, did not open his
• 3:49:09
  heart, met his fate with resistance and denial. Said Arthur spared him and
• 3:49:18
  let him do as he pleased. He honored his mourning. Sir Arthur understood
• 3:49:22
  that his son did not know him, that he could not love him like
• 3:49:26
  a father. Slowly, he also saw and understood that the eleven year old
• 3:49:33
  was a pampered boy, a mother's boy, and that he had grown up
• 3:49:37
  in the habits of rich people, accustomed to finer food, to a soft
• 3:49:43
  bed, accustomed to giving orders to servants. Sir Arthur understood that the morning
• 3:49:50
  pampered child could not suddenly and willingly be content with a life among strangers and
• 3:49:56
  in poverty. He did not force him. He did many a chore for
• 3:50:01
  him, always picked the best piece of the meal for him. Slowly he
• 3:50:07
  hoped to win him over by friendly patience. Rich and happy, he had
• 3:50:11
  called himself when the boy had come to him. Since time had passed on
• 3:50:16
  in the meanwhile, and the boy remained a stranger and in a gloomy disposition,
• 3:50:22
  since he displayed a proud and stubbornly disobedient heart, did not want to
• 3:50:28
  do any work, did not pay his respect to the old men, stole
• 3:50:33
  from Vasudiva's fruit trees. Then Siddarthur began to understand that his son had not
• 3:50:39
  brought him happiness and peace, but suffering and worry. But he loved him,
• 3:50:46
  and he preferred the suffering and worries of love over happiness and joy without
• 3:50:52
  the boy. Since young Siddarthur was in the hut, the old man had
• 3:50:56
  split the work. Vasudiva had again taken on the job of the fairy man
• 3:51:03
  all by himself, and said Arthur, in order to be with his son,
• 3:51:07
  did the work in the hut and in the field for a long time.
• 3:51:13
  For long months, said Arthur, waited for his son to understand him,
• 3:51:18
  to accept his love, to perhaps reciprocate it. For long months,
• 3:51:22
  Vasudiva waited, watching, waited, and said nothing. One day, when
• 3:51:30
  said Arthur the younger had once again tormented his father very much with spite and
• 3:51:35
  an unsteadiness in his wishes, and had broken both of his rice bowls,
• 3:51:41
  Vasudeva took in the evening his friend aside and talked to him. Pardon me,
• 3:51:48
  he said, from a friendly heart, I am talking to you.
• 3:51:52
  I am seeing that you are tormenting yourself. I am seeing that you're in
• 3:51:56
  grief. Your son, my dear, is worrying you, and he is
• 3:52:01
  also worrying me. That young bird is accustomed to a different life, to
• 3:52:07
  a different nest. He has not, like you, run away from riches
• 3:52:11
  and the city, being disgusted and fed up with it. Against his will,
• 3:52:18
  he had to leave all this behind. I ask the river friend,
• 3:52:22
  many times I have asked it. But the river laughs. It laughs at
• 3:52:28
  me, It laughs at you and me, and is shaking with laughter at
• 3:52:33
  our foolishness. Water wants to join water. Youth wants to join youth.
• 3:52:41
  Your son is not in the place where he can prosper. You too,
• 3:52:46
  should ask the river. You too should listen to it. Said Arthur,
• 3:52:50
  looked into his friendly face, in the many wrinkles of which there was an
• 3:52:56
  incessant cheerfulness. How could I puss with him, he said, quietly,
• 3:53:01
  ashamed. Give me some more time, my dear. See, I'm fighting
• 3:53:07
  for him. I'm seeking to win his heart with love and with friendly patience.
• 3:53:13
  I intend to capture it. One day, the river shall also talk
• 3:53:18
  to him. He also is called upon. Vasudeva's smile flourished more warmly.
• 3:53:26
  Oh, yes, he too is called upon, He too is of the
• 3:53:31
  eternal life. But do we, you and me know what he is called
• 3:53:37
  upon to do? What path to take, what actions to perform, what
• 3:53:43
  pain to endure? Not a small one his pain will be after all,
• 3:53:50
  his heart is proud and hard. People like this have to suffer a lot,
• 3:53:54
  oer a lot, do much injustice, burden themselves with sin. Tell
• 3:54:01
  me, my dear, you're not taking control of your son's upbringing. You
• 3:54:05
  don't force him, you don't beat him, you don't punish him. No
• 3:54:11
  vasudiva, I don't do anything of this. I knew it. You don't
• 3:54:16
  force him, don't beat him, don't give him orders, because you know
• 3:54:20
  that soft is stronger than hard, water, stronger than rocks, love stronger
• 3:54:28
  than force. Very good, I praise you, But aren't you mistaken in
• 3:54:33
  thinking that you wouldn't force him, wouldn't punish him. Don't you shackle him
• 3:54:39
  with your love? Don't you make him feel inferior every day? And don't
• 3:54:43
  you make it even harder on him with your kindness and patience. Don't you
• 3:54:48
  force him, the arrogant and pampered boy, to live in a hut with
• 3:54:54
  two old banana eaters, to whom even rice is a delicacy, whose thoughts
• 3:54:58
  can't be his, whose hearts are old and quiet, and beats in a
• 3:55:05
  different pace than his. Isn't forced? Isn't he punished by all this?
• 3:55:11
  Troubled? Said Arthur, look to the ground quietly, he asked, what
• 3:55:16
  do you think I should do, quoth Fasudeva. Bring him into the city,
• 3:55:24
  Bring him into his mother's house. There'll still be servants around, give
• 3:55:28
  him to them. And when there aren't any around any more, bring him
• 3:55:33
  to a teacher, not for the teaching's sake, but so that he shall
• 3:55:37
  be among other boys, and among girls, and in the world which is
• 3:55:41
  his own. Have you never thought of this? You're seeing into my heart?
• 3:55:48
  Said Arthur, spoke sadly. Often, I have thought of this.
• 3:55:52
  But look, how shall I put him, who had no tender heart anyhow?
• 3:55:58
  Into this world? Won't he become exuberant? Won't he lose himself to
• 3:56:03
  pleasure and power? Won't he repeat all of his father's mistakes? Won't he
• 3:56:09
  perhaps get entirely lost? In Sansarah? Brightly, the ferryman smiled, lit
• 3:56:16
  up softly. He touched Sadarthur's arm and said, ask the river. About
• 3:56:22
  it, my friend, hear it, laugh about it? Would you actually
• 3:56:26
  believe that you had committed your foolish acts in order to spare your son from
• 3:56:31
  committing them too? And could you in any way protect your son from Sansarah?
• 3:56:37
  How could you by means of teachings, prayer, admonition, My dear,
• 3:56:45
  have you entirely forgotten that story, that story containing so many lessons,
• 3:56:52
  That story about Saddhartha, a Brahman son, which you once told me here
• 3:56:56
  on this very spot, Who has kept a Samana Saddhartha's safe from Sansara,
• 3:57:03
  from sin, from greed, from foolishness. Were his father's religious devotion,
• 3:57:11
  his teacher's warnings, his own knowledge, his own search able to keep him
• 3:57:16
  safe. Which father, which teacher had been able to protect him from living
• 3:57:22
  his life for himself, from soiling himself with life, from burdening himself with
• 3:57:28
  guilt, from drinking the bitter drink for himself, from finding his path for
• 3:57:33
  himself. Would you think, my dear, anybody might perhaps be spared from
• 3:57:39
  taking this path, That perhaps your little son would be spared because you love
• 3:57:45
  him, because you would like to keep him safe, because you would like
• 3:57:50
  to keep him from suffering and pain and disappointment. But even if you would
• 3:57:54
  die ten times for him, you would not be able to take the slightest
• 3:57:58
  part of his life destiny upon yourself. Never before Vasudeva had spoken so many
• 3:58:05
  words kindly. Siddhartha thanked him, went troubled into the heart, could not
• 3:58:13
  sleep for a long time. Vasudeva had told him nothing he had not already
• 3:58:20
  thought and known for himself. But this was a knowledge he could not act
• 3:58:26
  upon. Stronger than the knowledge was his love for the boy. Stronger was
• 3:58:31
  his tenderness, his fear to lose him. Had he ever lost his heart
• 3:58:37
  so much to something? Had he ever loved any person thus thus blindly,
• 3:58:43
  thus sufferingly, thus unsuccessfully, and yet thus happily. Siddartha could not heed
• 3:58:52
  his friend's advice. He could not give up the boy. He let the
• 3:58:56
  boy give him orders, he let him disregard him. He said nothing and
• 3:59:01
  waited daily. He began the mute struggle of friendliness, the silent war of
• 3:59:09
  patience. Vasu Diva said nothing and waited, friendly, knowing patient. They
• 3:59:16
  were both masters of patience. At one time, when the boy's face reminded
• 3:59:22
  him very much of Kamala Saddarthur suddenly had to think of a line which Kamala,
• 3:59:28
  a long time ago, in the days of their youth, had once
• 3:59:33
  said to him. You cannot love, she had said to him, And
• 3:59:37
  he had agreed with her, and had compared himself to a star while comparing
• 3:59:41
  the childlike people with falling leaves. And nevertheless, he had also sensed an
• 3:59:48
  accusation in that line. Indeed, he had never been able to lose or
• 3:59:52
  devote himself completely to another person, to forget himself, to commit foolish acts
• 4:00:00
  for the love of another person. Never he had been able to do this.
• 4:00:05
  And this was, as it seemed to him at that time, the
• 4:00:07
  great distinction which set him apart from the childlike people. But now, since
• 4:00:13
  his son was here, now, he said, Arthur had become completely a
• 4:00:18
  childlike person suffering for the sake of another person, loving another person, lost
• 4:00:26
  to a love, having become a fool on account of love. Now he
• 4:00:31
  too felt late. Once in his lifetime, this strongest and strangest of all
• 4:00:37
  passions, suffered from it, suffered miserably, and was nevertheless in bliss,
• 4:00:46
  was nevertheless renewed in one respect, enriched by the one thing. He did
• 4:00:52
  sense very well that his love, this blind love for his son, was
• 4:00:58
  a passion, very human, that it was sansara, a murky source,
• 4:01:05
  dark waters. Nevertheless, he felt at the same time it was not worthless.
• 4:01:11
  It was necessary, came from the essence of his own being. This
• 4:01:16
  pleasure also had to be atoned for. This pain also had to be endured.
• 4:01:22
  These foolish acts also had to be committed. Through all this the son.
• 4:01:28
  Let him commit his foolish acts, let him court for his affection,
• 4:01:33
  let him humiliate himself every day by giving in to his moods. This father
• 4:01:39
  had nothing which could have delighted him, and nothing which he would have feared.
• 4:01:45
  He was a good man, this father, a good, kind,
• 4:01:50
  soft man, perhaps a very devout man, perhaps a saint. All these
• 4:01:56
  were no attributes which could win the boy over. He was bored by his
• 4:02:01
  father, who kept him prisoner here in this miserable heart of his He was
• 4:02:07
  bored by him. And for him to answer every naughtiness with a smile,
• 4:02:13
  every insult with friendliness, every viciousness with kindness. This very thing was the
• 4:02:20
  hated trick of this old sneak. Much more the boy would have liked it
• 4:02:26
  if he had been threatened by him, if he had been abused by him.
• 4:02:31
  A day came when what young Siddhartha had on his mind came bursting forth,
• 4:02:37
  and he openly turned against his father. The latter had given him a
• 4:02:41
  task. He had told him to gather brushwood, but the boy did not
• 4:02:48
  leave the hut. In stubborn disobedience and rage. He stayed where he was
• 4:02:52
  thumped on the ground with his feet clenched his fists and screamed in a powerful
• 4:02:58
  out rust his hatred and contempt into his father's face. Get the brushwood for
• 4:03:05
  yourself, he shouted, foaming at the mouth. I'm not your servant.
• 4:03:11
  I do know that you won't hit me. You don't dare. I do
• 4:03:16
  know that you constantly want to punish me and put me down with your religious
• 4:03:20
  devotion and your indulgence. You want me to become like you, just as
• 4:03:26
  devout, just as soft, just as wise. But I listen up just
• 4:03:35
  to make you suffer. I rather want to become a highway robber and a
• 4:03:39
  murderer and to go to hell than to become like you. I hate you.
• 4:03:45
  You're not my father, and if you've been ten times my mother's fornicata.
• 4:03:50
  Rage and grief boiled over in him, foamed at the father in a
• 4:03:54
  hundred savage and evil words. Then the boy ran away and only returned late
• 4:04:01
  at night. But the next morning he had disappeared. What had also disappeared
• 4:04:07
  was a small basket woven out of bast of two colors, in which the
• 4:04:11
  ferrymen kept those copper and silver coins which they received as a fair. The
• 4:04:18
  boat had also disappeared. Sad Darthur sought it, lying by the opposite bank.
• 4:04:24
  The boy had run away. I must follow him, said Sadarthur,
• 4:04:30
  who had been shivering with grief since those ranting speeches the boy had made yesterday.
• 4:04:35
  A child can't go through the forest all alone. He'll perish. We
• 4:04:39
  must build a raft, Vasudeva, to get over the water. We will
• 4:04:46
  build a raft, said Vasudeva, to get our boat back, which the
• 4:04:50
  boy has taken away. But him, you shall let run along, my
• 4:04:56
  friend, he is no child anymore. He knows how to get around.
• 4:05:01
  He's looking for the path to the city, and he is right. Don't
• 4:05:05
  forget that. He's doing what you've failed to do yourself. He's taking care
• 4:05:11
  of himself. He's taking his course Alas said, Arthur, I see you
• 4:05:18
  suffering, but you're suffering a pain at which one would like to laugh,
• 4:05:22
  at which you'll soon laugh for yourself. Sadd Arthur did not answer. He
• 4:05:28
  already held the axe in his hands and began to make a raft of bamboo,
• 4:05:33
  and Vasudeva helped him to tie the canes together with ropes of grass.
• 4:05:39
  Then they crossed over, drifted far off their course, pulled the raft up
• 4:05:45
  river on the opposite bank. Why did you take the axe along, asked
• 4:05:50
  Siddarthur. Vasudeva said, it might have been possible that the oar of our
• 4:05:56
  boat got lost. But Siddhartha knew what his friend was thinking. He thought
• 4:06:03
  the boy would have thrown away or broken the oar in order to get even
• 4:06:07
  and in order to keep them from following him, And in fact, there
• 4:06:13
  was no owe left in the boat. Fasudeva pointed at the bottom of the
• 4:06:18
  boat and looked at his friend with a smile, as if he wanted to
• 4:06:22
  say, don't you see what your son is trying to tell you? Don't
• 4:06:26
  you see that he doesn't want to be followed? But he did not say
• 4:06:31
  this in words. He started making a new awe, but Siddartha bid his
• 4:06:37
  farewell to look for the runaway Fasudeva did not stop him. When Siddartha had
• 4:06:45
  already been walking through the forest for a long time, the thought occurred to
• 4:06:48
  him that his search was useless. Either so he thought the boy was far
• 4:06:54
  ahead and had already reached the city, or if he should still beyond his
• 4:07:00
  way, he would conceal himself from him the pursuer. As he continued thinking,
• 4:07:07
  he also found that he, on his part, was not worried for
• 4:07:11
  his son, for he knew deep inside that he had neither perished nor was
• 4:07:16
  in any danger in the forest. Nevertheless, he ran without stopping, no
• 4:07:22
  longer to save him, just to satisfy his desire, just to perhaps see
• 4:07:26
  him one more time. And he ran up to just outside the city.
• 4:07:33
  When near the city he reached a wide road, he stopped by the entrance
• 4:07:37
  of the beautiful pleasure garden, which used to belong to Kamala, where he
• 4:07:43
  had seen her for the first time in her sedan chair. The past rose
• 4:07:48
  up in his soul again. He saw himself standing there, young, a
• 4:07:52
  bearded, naked Samana, his hair full of dust. For a long time,
• 4:07:58
  so Arthur stood there and looked through the open gate into the garden,
• 4:08:03
  seeing monks in yellow robes walking among the beautiful trees. For a long time,
• 4:08:09
  he stood there, pondering, seeing images, listening to the story of
• 4:08:15
  his life. For a long time, he stood there, looked at the
• 4:08:18
  monks, saw young Saindartha in their place, saw young Kamala walking among the
• 4:08:26
  high trees. Clearly, he saw himself being served food and drink by Kamala,
• 4:08:33
  receiving his first kiss from her, looking proudly and disdainfully back on his
• 4:08:39
  Brahminism, beginning proudly and full of desire his worldly life. He saw Kamaswami,
• 4:08:48
  saw the servants, the orgies, the gamblers with the dice, the
• 4:08:52
  musicians, saw Kamala's songbird in the cage live. Through all this, once
• 4:08:58
  again breathed Sansara. Was once again old and tired, felt once again disgusted,
• 4:09:09
  felt once again the wish to annihilate himself, was once again healed by
• 4:09:15
  the holy om. After having been standing at the gate of the garden for
• 4:09:20
  a long time, Saddarthur realized that his desire was foolish, which had made
• 4:09:24
  him go up to this place, that he could not help his son,
• 4:09:28
  that he was not allowed to cling him deeply. He felt the love for
• 4:09:35
  the runaway in his heart like a wound, And he felt at the same
• 4:09:39
  time that this wound had not been given to him in order to turn the
• 4:09:43
  knife in it, that it had to become a blossom and had to shine.
• 4:09:50
  That this wound did not blossom, yet did not shine yet at this
• 4:09:54
  hour made him sad. Instead of the desired goal which had drawn him here
• 4:10:01
  following the runaway sun, there was now emptiness. Sadly he sat down,
• 4:10:07
  felt something dying in his heart, experienced emptiness, saw no joy anymore,
• 4:10:16
  no goal. He sat last in thought and waited. This he had learned
• 4:10:22
  by the river, this one thing waiting, having patience, listening attentively,
• 4:10:31
  And he sat and listened in the dust of the road, listened to his
• 4:10:35
  heart beating tiredly and sadly waited for a voice. Many an hour he crouched
• 4:10:43
  listening, saw no images anymore, fell into emptiness, let himself fall without
• 4:10:50
  seeing a path, And when he felt the wound burning, he silently spoke
• 4:10:58
  the olm, filled himself with om the monks in the garden saw him,
• 4:11:05
  And since he crouched there for many hours, and dust was gathering on his
• 4:11:09
  gray hair. One of them came to him and placed two bananas in front
• 4:11:13
  of him. The old man did not see him. From this petrified state,
• 4:11:20
  he was awoken by a hand touching his shoulder. Instantly he recognized this
• 4:11:26
  touch, this tender, bashful touch, and regained his senses. He rose
• 4:11:33
  and greeted Vasudeva, who had followed him. And when he looked into Vasudeva's
• 4:11:37
  friendly face, into the small wrinkles, which were as if they were filled
• 4:11:43
  with nothing, but his smile, into the happy eyes, then he smiled
• 4:11:48
  too. Now he saw the bananas lying in front of him, picked them
• 4:11:54
  up, gave one to the ferry man ate the other one himself. After
• 4:12:00
  this, he silently went back into the forest with Vasudiva returned home to the
• 4:12:05
  fairy. Neither one talked about what had happened to day. Neither one mentioned
• 4:12:11
  the boy's name, neither one spoke about him running away, neither one spoke
• 4:12:18
  about the wound in the hut. Said Arthur lay down on his bed,
• 4:12:24
  and when after a while Vasudeva came to him to offer him a bowl of
• 4:12:28
  cocoanut milk, he already found him asleep, end of chapter ten, Chapter
• 4:12:37
  eleven OLM. For a long time, the wound continued to burn. Many
• 4:12:45
  A traveler said, Arthur had to ferry across the river who was accompanied by
• 4:12:48
  a son or a daughter, and he saw none of them without envying him,
• 4:12:54
  without thinking, so many, so many thousands possessed this sweetest of good
• 4:13:00
  fortunes. Why don't I even bad people, even thieves and robbers, have
• 4:13:07
  children and love them, and are being loved by them, all except for
• 4:13:11
  me? Thus simply, thus, without reason, he now thought, Thus,
• 4:13:18
  similar to the childlike people, he had become differently than before. He
• 4:13:24
  now looked upon people less smart, less proud, but instead warmer, more
• 4:13:30
  curious, more involved. When he ferried travelers of the ordinary kind, childlike
• 4:13:37
  people, business men, warriors, women, these people did not seem alien
• 4:13:41
  to him as they used to. He understood them, He understood and shared
• 4:13:46
  their life, which was not guided by thoughts and insight, but solely by
• 4:13:52
  urges and wishes. He felt like them. Though he was near perfection and
• 4:13:58
  was bare his final wound, it seemed to him as if those childlike people
• 4:14:03
  were his brothers. Their vanities, desires for possession, and ridiculous aspects were
• 4:14:11
  no longer ridiculous to him, became understandable, became lovable, and even became
• 4:14:16
  worthy of veneration to him. The blind love of a mother for her child,
• 4:14:22
  the stupid, blind pride of a conceited father for his only son,
• 4:14:28
  the blind, wild desire of a young, vain woman for jewelry and admiring
• 4:14:33
  glances from men. All of these urges, all of this childish stuff,
• 4:14:39
  all of these simple, foolish, but immensely strong, strongly living, strongly
• 4:14:46
  prevailing urges and desires, were now no childish notions for said Arthur any more.
• 4:14:52
  He saw people living for their sake, saw them achieving infinitely much for
• 4:14:58
  their sake, traveling, conducting wars, suffering infinitely much, bearing infinitely much,
• 4:15:07
  And he could love them for it. He saw life, that what
• 4:15:11
  is alive, the indestructible, the brahmin. In each of their passions,
• 4:15:16
  each of their acts worthy of love and admiration. Were these people in their
• 4:15:22
  blind loyalty, their blind strength and tenacity, they lacked nothing, There was
• 4:15:30
  nothing. The knowledgeable one, the thinker, had put himself above them,
• 4:15:35
  except for one thing, a single, tiny, small thing, the consciousness,
• 4:15:41
  the conscious thought of the oneness of all life, And said Arthur,
• 4:15:46
  even doubted in many an hour whether this knowledge, this thought, was to
• 4:15:50
  be valued thus highly, whether it might also perhaps be a childish idea of
• 4:15:56
  the thinking people, of the thinking air, childlike people. In all other
• 4:16:03
  respects, the worldly people were of equal rank to the wise men were often
• 4:16:08
  far superior to them, just as animals too, can after in some moments,
• 4:16:14
  seemed to be superior to humans in their tough, unrelenting performance of what
• 4:16:18
  is necessary. Slowly blossomed, slowly ripened in said Arthur, the realization,
• 4:16:26
  the knowledge, what wisdom actually was, what the goal of his long search
• 4:16:32
  was. It was nothing but a readiness of the soul, an ability,
• 4:16:37
  a secret art to think every moment while living his life, the thought of
• 4:16:44
  oneness, to be able to feel and inhale the oneness. Slowly this blossomed
• 4:16:49
  in him, was shining back at him from Vasudeva's old childlike face, harmony,
• 4:16:56
  knowledge of the eternal perfection of the world, smiling oneness. But the
• 4:17:04
  wound still burned, longingly and bitterly, said Darthur. Thought of his son,
• 4:17:11
  nurtured his love and tenderness in his heart allowed the pain to gnaw at
• 4:17:15
  him committed all foolish acts of love, not by itself, this flame would
• 4:17:22
  go out, And one day, when the wound burned violently, SidD Arthur
• 4:17:29
  ferried across the river, driven by a yearning, got off the boat and
• 4:17:33
  was willing to go to the city and to look for his son. The
• 4:17:37
  river flowed softly and quietly. It was the dry season, but its voice
• 4:17:44
  sounded strange. It laughed, It laughed clearly. The river laughed. It
• 4:17:51
  laughed brightly and clearly at the old fairy man. Siddarthur stopped. He bent
• 4:17:56
  over the water in order to hear even better, and he saw his face
• 4:18:00
  reflected in the quietly moving waters. And in this reflected face there was something
• 4:18:07
  which reminded him, something he had forgotten. And as he thought about it,
• 4:18:11
  he found it. His face resembled another face which he used to know
• 4:18:17
  and love and also fear. It resembled his father's face, the Brahmin,
• 4:18:23
  And he remembered how he, a long time ago, as a young man,
• 4:18:27
  had forced his father to let him go to the penitents, how he
• 4:18:32
  had bade his farewell to him, how he had gone and had never come
• 4:18:36
  back. Had his father not also suffered the same pain for him which he
• 4:18:42
  now suffered for his son. Had his father not long since died alone without
• 4:18:49
  having seen his son again, did he not have to expect the same fate
• 4:18:55
  for himself? Was it not a comedy, a strange and stupid matter,
• 4:19:00
  this repetition, this running around in a fateful circle? The river laughed.
• 4:19:07
  Yes, so it was. Everything came back which had not been suffered and
• 4:19:12
  solved up to its end. The same pain was suffered over and over again.
• 4:19:18
  But said Arthur went back into the boat and ferried back to the hut,
• 4:19:25
  thinking of his father, thinking of his son, laughed at by the
• 4:19:29
  river, at odds with himself, tending towards despair, and not less tending
• 4:19:34
  towards laughing along at himself and the entire world. Alas the wound was not
• 4:19:42
  blossoming again, his heart was still fighting his fate. Cheerfulness and victory were
• 4:19:48
  not yet shining from his suffering. Nevertheless, he felt hope, and once
• 4:19:55
  he had returned to the hut, he felt an undefeatable desire to open up
• 4:19:59
  to Bassadeva, to show him everything. The master of listening to say everything,
• 4:20:07
  Vasudeva was sitting in the hut and weaving a basket. He no longer
• 4:20:12
  used the ferry boat. His eyes were starting to get weak, and not
• 4:20:17
  just his eyes, his arms and hands as well. Unchanging and flourishing.
• 4:20:22
  Was only the joy and the cheerful benevolence of his face. Sir Arthur sat
• 4:20:29
  down next to the old man. Slowly he started talking what they had never
• 4:20:34
  talked about. He now told him of of his walk to the city at
• 4:20:40
  that time, of the burning wound, of his envy at the sight of
• 4:20:44
  happy fathers, of his knowledge of the foolishness of such wishes, of his
• 4:20:49
  futile fight against them. He reported everything he was able to say, everything,
• 4:20:56
  even the most embarrassing parts. Everything would be said, everything shown.
• 4:21:02
  Everything he could tell, he presented his wound. Also told how he fled
• 4:21:08
  today, how he ferried across the water, a childlike runaway, willing to
• 4:21:15
  walk to the city, How the river had laughed while he spoke, spoke
• 4:21:21
  for a long time while Vasudeva was listening with a quiet face. Vasadeva's listening
• 4:21:27
  gave Siddartha a stronger sensation than ever before. He sensed how his pain his
• 4:21:33
  fears flowed over to him, how his secret hope flowed over, came back
• 4:21:40
  at him from his counterpart. To show his wound to this listener was the
• 4:21:45
  same as bathing it in the river until it had cooled and become one with
• 4:21:49
  the river. While he was still speaking, still admitting and confessing, Siddartha
• 4:21:56
  felt more and more that this was no longer Vasadi, no longer a human
• 4:22:02
  being who was listening to him, That this motionless listener was absorbing his confession
• 4:22:07
  into himself like a tree the rain. That this motionless man was the river
• 4:22:14
  itself, that he was God himself, that he was the eternal itself.
• 4:22:19
  And while sid Arthur stopped thinking of himself and his wound, this realization of
• 4:22:26
  Vasudeva's changed character took possession of him, and the more he felt it and
• 4:22:32
  entered into it, the less wondrous it became. The more he realized that
• 4:22:37
  everything was in order and natural, that Vasudeva had already been like this for
• 4:22:42
  a long time, almost forever, that only he had not quite recognized it.
• 4:22:49
  Yes, that he himself had almost reached the same state. He felt
• 4:22:55
  that he was now seeing old Vasudeva as the people see the gods, and
• 4:23:00
  that this could not last. In his heart, he started bidding his farewell
• 4:23:06
  to Vasudeva. Through all this he talked incessantly. When he had finished talking,
• 4:23:14
  Vasudeva turned his friendly eyes, which had grown slightly weak, at him,
• 4:23:19
  said nothing. Let his silent love and cheerfulness, understanding and knowledge shine
• 4:23:26
  at him. He took Sir Arthur's hand, led him to the seat of
• 4:23:30
  the bank, sat down with him, smiled at the river. You've heard
• 4:23:36
  it, laugh, he said, But you haven't heard everything. Let's listen,
• 4:23:41
  you'll hear more. They listened softly, sounded the river singing in many
• 4:23:48
  voices, said Arthur. Looked into the river, and images appeared to him
• 4:23:52
  in the moving water. His father appeared lonely, mourning for his son.
• 4:24:00
  He himself appeared lonely, he also being tied with the bondage of yearning to
• 4:24:06
  his distant son. His son appeared lonely as well. The boy greedily rushing
• 4:24:12
  along the burning course of his young wishes, each one heading for his goal,
• 4:24:18
  each one obsessed by the goal, each one suffering. The river sang
• 4:24:26
  with a voice of suffering longingly. It sang longingly. It flowed towards its
• 4:24:30
  goal lamentingly. Its voice sang, do you hear Vasudeva's mute gaze asked Sirdarthur
• 4:24:41
  nodded, listen better, Vasudiva whispered. Sir Arthur made an effort to listen
• 4:24:48
  better. The image of his father, his own image, the image of
• 4:24:52
  his son merged. Kamala's image also appeared and was dispersed, and the image
• 4:25:00
  of Govinda, and other images, and they merged with each other, turned
• 4:25:04
  all into the river headed, all being the river for the goal, longing,
• 4:25:11
  desiring, suffering, And the river's voice sounded full of yearning, full
• 4:25:17
  of burning woe, full of unsatisfiable desire for the goal. The river was
• 4:25:23
  heading. Saddarthur saw it, hurrying, the river which consisted of him and
• 4:25:29
  his loved ones, and of all people he had ever seen. All of
• 4:25:33
  these waves and waters were hurrying, suffering towards goals, many goals, the
• 4:25:41
  waterfall, the lake, the rapids, the sea, and all goals were
• 4:25:45
  reached, and every goal was followed by a new one. And the water
• 4:25:49
  turned into vapor and rose to the sky, turned into rain and poured down
• 4:25:56
  from the sky, turned into a source stream, a river headed forward once
• 4:26:03
  again, flowed on once again, but the longing voice had changed. It
• 4:26:10
  still resounded full of suffering, searching. But other voices joined it, voices
• 4:26:15
  of joy and of suffering, good and bad, voices, laughing and sad
• 4:26:21
  ones. A hundred voices, a thousand voices. Said Arthur listened. He
• 4:26:27
  was now nothing but a listener, completely concentrated on listening, completely empty.
• 4:26:36
  He felt that he had now finished learning to listen. Often before he had
• 4:26:41
  heard all this, these many voices in the river. Today it sounded new.
• 4:26:48
  Already he could no longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy
• 4:26:53
  ones from the weeping ones, not the ones of children from those of men.
• 4:26:59
  They all belonged together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the
• 4:27:04
  knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones.
• 4:27:10
  Everything was one, Everything was intertwined and connected, entangled a thousand times,
• 4:27:18
  and everything altogether all voices, all goals, all yearning, all suffering,
• 4:27:23
  all pleasure, all that was good and evil. All of this together was
• 4:27:30
  the world. All of it together was the flow of events, was the
• 4:27:36
  music of life. And when said Arthur was listening attentively to this river,
• 4:27:41
  this song of a thousand voices, when he neither listened to the suffering nor
• 4:27:45
  the laughter. When he did not tie his soul to any particular voice and
• 4:27:51
  submerged his self into it. But when he heard them all perceived the whole,
• 4:27:56
  the oneness. Then the great song of the thousand voices consisted of a
• 4:28:02
  single word, which was om the perfection. Do you hear Vasudeva's gaze,
• 4:28:10
  asked again, brightly, Vasudeva's smile was shining, floating radiantly over all the
• 4:28:18
  wrinkles of his old face, as the olm was floating in the air,
• 4:28:22
  above all the voices of the river. Brightly, his smile was shining when
• 4:28:27
  he looked at his friend, and brightly the same smile was now starting to
• 4:28:32
  shine on Siddartha's face as well. His wound blossomed, his suffering was shining,
• 4:28:38
  his self had flown into the oneness. In this hour, Siddartha stopped
• 4:28:45
  fighting his fate, stopped suffering. On his face flourished the cheerfulness of a
• 4:28:52
  knowledge which is no longer opposed by any will, which knows perfection, which
• 4:28:59
  is in agreement with the flow of events, with a current of life,
• 4:29:03
  full of sympathy for the pain of others, full of sympathy for the pleasure
• 4:29:07
  of others devoted to the floe belonging to the oneness. When Vasudeva rose from
• 4:29:15
  the seat by the bank, when he looked into sad Arthur's eyes and saw
• 4:29:19
  the cheerfulness of the knowledge shining in them, he softly touched his shoulder with
• 4:29:25
  his hand in his careful and tender manner, and said, I've been waiting
• 4:29:30
  for this hour, my dear, and now that it has come, let
• 4:29:34
  me leave. For a long time. I've been waiting for this hour for
• 4:29:40
  a long time. I've been Vasudeva the fairy man. Now it's enough.
• 4:29:45
  Farewell, Hut, farewell, river, farewell, said Arthur. SidD Arthur
• 4:29:52
  made a deep bow before him, who bid his farewell. I've known it,
• 4:29:57
  he said quietly. You'll go into the forests. I am going into
• 4:30:03
  the forests. I Am going into the oneness, spoke Vasudiva with a bright
• 4:30:08
  smile. With a bright smile, he left. Saddartha watched him leaving with
• 4:30:15
  deep joy, with great solemnity. He watched him leave, saw his steps
• 4:30:22
  full of peace, saw his head full of luster, saw his body full
• 4:30:29
  of light. End of chapter eleven. Chapter twelve Govinda, together with other
• 4:30:37
  monks. Govinda used to spend the time of rest between pilgrimages in the pleasure
• 4:30:41
  grove, which the Courtizan Kamala had given to the followers of Gautama for a
• 4:30:47
  gift. He heard talk of an old ferryman who lived one day's journey away
• 4:30:52
  by the river, and who was regarded as a wise man by many.
• 4:30:59
  When Govinda went back on his way, he chose the path to the ferry,
• 4:31:03
  eager to see the fairyman, because although he had lived his entire life
• 4:31:07
  by the rules, though he was also looked upon with veneration by the younger
• 4:31:14
  monks on account of his age and modesty, the restlessness and the searching still
• 4:31:19
  had not perished from his heart. He came to the river and asked the
• 4:31:25
  old man to ferry him over, And when they got off the boat on
• 4:31:29
  the other side, he said to the old man, you're very good to
• 4:31:33
  us monks and pilgrims. You've already ferried many of us across the river,
• 4:31:37
  aren't you, too, ferryman, A searcher for the right path, quoth
• 4:31:44
  said Arthur, smiling from his old eyes. Do you call yourself a searcher,
• 4:31:48
  oh venerable one, though you are already old in years and are wearing
• 4:31:55
  the robe of Gautama's monks. It's true, I'm old, spoke Govinda.
• 4:32:00
  But I haven't stopped searching. Never I'll stop searching. This seems to be
• 4:32:07
  my destiny. You too, so it seems to me have been searching.
• 4:32:11
  Would you like to tell me something, O honorable one, quote, said
• 4:32:17
  Arthur, What should I possibly have to tell you, O venerable one,
• 4:32:22
  Perhaps that you're searching far too much, that in all that searching you don't
• 4:32:26
  find the time for finding. How come, asked Govinda. When someone is
• 4:32:34
  searching, said said Arthur, then it might easily happen that the only thing
• 4:32:40
  his eyes still see is that which he searches for. That he is unable
• 4:32:45
  to find anything, to let anything enter his mind, because he always thinks
• 4:32:51
  of nothing but the object of his search, because he has a goal,
• 4:32:56
  because he is obsessed by the goal means having a goal, but finding means
• 4:33:03
  being free, being open, having no goal. You, oh venerable one,
• 4:33:11
  are perhaps indeed a searcher, because striving for your goal, there are
• 4:33:17
  many things you don't see which are directly in front of your eyes. I
• 4:33:22
  don't quite understand yet, said Govinda. What do you mean by this,
• 4:33:29
  quoth said Arthur, A long time ago, oh venerable one, many years
• 4:33:33
  ago, you've once before been at this river and have found a sleeping man
• 4:33:40
  by the river, and have sat down with him to guard his sleep.
• 4:33:45
  But, oh, Govinda, you did not recognize the sleeping man, Astonished
• 4:33:51
  as if he had been the object of a magic spell. The monk looked
• 4:33:55
  into the ferry man's eyes. Are you, said Arthur, He asked with
• 4:34:00
  a timid voice. I wouldn't have recognized you this time as well. From
• 4:34:06
  my heart, I'm greeting you, said Arthur. From my heart, I'm
• 4:34:11
  happy to see you once again. You've changed a lot, my friend,
• 4:34:15
  and so you've now become a faeryman in a friendly manner, said Arthur,
• 4:34:21
  laughed, A fairy man. Yes, many people, Govinda, have to
• 4:34:26
  change a lot, have to wear many a robe. I am one of
• 4:34:30
  those, my dear be welcome Govinda, and spend the night in my heart.
• 4:34:36
  Govinda stayed the night in the hut and slept on the bed which used
• 4:34:40
  to be Vasadeva's bed. Many questions he posed to the friend of his youth.
• 4:34:45
  Many things, said Artha had to tell him from his life when In
• 4:34:51
  the next morning, the time had come to start the day's journey. Govinda
• 4:34:55
  said, not without hesitation these words before I'll continue my path, said Arthur,
• 4:35:02
  permit me to ask one more question. Do you have a teaching?
• 4:35:07
  Do you have a faith or a knowledge you follow which helps you to live
• 4:35:11
  and to do right? Quoth said Arthur. You know, my dear,
• 4:35:17
  that I, already, as a young man, in those days when we
• 4:35:21
  lived with the penitents in the forest, started to distrust teachers and teachings and
• 4:35:26
  to turn my back to them. I have stuck with this, nevertheless,
• 4:35:32
  I have had many teachers since then. A beautiful courtesan has been my teacher
• 4:35:37
  for a long time, and a rich merchant was my teacher. And some
• 4:35:42
  gamblers with dice once. Even a follower of Buddha traveling on foot has been
• 4:35:48
  my teacher. He sat with me while I had fallen asleep in the forest
• 4:35:52
  on the pilgrimage. I've also learned from him. I'm also grateful to him,
• 4:36:00
  very grateful. But most of all I have learned here from this river
• 4:36:04
  and from my predecessor, the fairy man Vasudeva. He was a very simple
• 4:36:11
  person. Vasudeva. He was no thinker, but he knew what is necessary
• 4:36:17
  just as well as Gautama. He was a perfect man. A saint.
• 4:36:22
  Govinda said, still, oh, Siddhartha, you love a bit to mock
• 4:36:27
  people, as it seems to me. I believe in you and know that
• 4:36:33
  you haven't followed a teacher. But haven't you found something by yourself? Though
• 4:36:37
  you found no teachings, you still found certain thoughts, certain insights, which
• 4:36:44
  are your own and which help you to live. If you would like to
• 4:36:48
  tell me some of these, you would delight my heart, quoth said Arthur.
• 4:36:52
  I've had thoughts, yes, and insight, again and again, sometimes
• 4:36:59
  for an hour or for an entire day. I have felt knowledge in me
• 4:37:03
  as one would feel life in one's heart. There have been many thoughts,
• 4:37:07
  but it would be hard for me to convey them to you. Look,
• 4:37:11
  my dear Govinda, this is one of my thoughts which I have found.
• 4:37:15
  Wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom which a wise man tries to pass on
• 4:37:22
  to someone always sounds like foolishness. Are you kidding, asked Govinda. I'm
• 4:37:30
  not kidding. I am telling you what I have found. Knowledge can be
• 4:37:33
  conveyed, but not wisdom. It can be found, It can be lived,
• 4:37:40
  it is possible to be carried by it, Miracles can be performed with
• 4:37:45
  it. But it cannot be expressed in words and taught. This was what
• 4:37:52
  I, even as a young man, sometimes suspected what has driven me away
• 4:37:56
  from the teachers. I have found the thought Govinda, which you'll again regard
• 4:38:03
  as a joke or foolishness, but which is my best thought. It says,
• 4:38:08
  the opposite of every truth is just as true. That's like this.
• 4:38:15
  Every truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one sided.
• 4:38:21
  Everything is one sided, which can be thought with thoughts and said with
• 4:38:26
  words. It's all one sided, all just one half. All lacks completeness,
• 4:38:33
  roundness, oneness. When the exalted Gautamas spoke in his teachings of the
• 4:38:40
  world, he had to divide it into sansara and nirvana, into deception and
• 4:38:45
  truth, into suffering and salvation. It cannot be done differently. There is
• 4:38:52
  no other way for him who wants to teach, but the world itself,
• 4:38:56
  what exists around us, in insight side of us, is never one sided.
• 4:39:03
  A person or an act is never entirely sansarah or entirely nirvana. A
• 4:39:08
  person is never entirely holy or entirely sinful. It does really seem like this
• 4:39:15
  because we are subject to deception, as if time were something real. Time
• 4:39:22
  is not real, Govinda. I have experienced this often and often again.
• 4:39:29
  And if time is not real, then the gap which seems to be between
• 4:39:32
  the world and the eternity, between suffering and blissfulness, between good and evil,
• 4:39:38
  is also a deception. How come, asked Govinda timidly. Listen well,
• 4:39:45
  my dear, listen well. The sinner which I am and which you
• 4:39:49
  are, is a sinner. But in times to come he will be Brahma
• 4:39:53
  again. He will reach the nirvana, will be Buddha. And now see
• 4:40:00
  these times to come, our a deception are only a parable. The sinner
• 4:40:04
  is not on his way to become a Buddha. He is not in the
• 4:40:08
  process of developing, though our capacity for thinking does not know how else to
• 4:40:14
  picture these things. No, within the sinner is now and today already the
• 4:40:19
  future Buddha. His future is already all there. You have to worship in
• 4:40:25
  him, in you, in everyone, the Buddha which is coming into being,
• 4:40:30
  the possible, the hidden Buddha. The world, my friend, Govinda,
• 4:40:36
  is not imperfect or on a slow path towards perfection. No, it
• 4:40:41
  is perfect in every moment. All sin already carries the divine forgiveness in itself.
• 4:40:49
  All small children already have the old person in themselves. All infants already
• 4:40:56
  have death, all dying people the eternal life. It is not possible for
• 4:41:03
  any person to see how far another one has already progressed on his path.
• 4:41:08
  In the robber and the dice gambler, the Buddha is waiting. In the
• 4:41:14
  Brahman, the robber is waiting. In deep meditation, there is the possibility
• 4:41:21
  to put time out of existence, to see all life, which was,
• 4:41:26
  is and will be, as if it were simultaneous. And there everything is
• 4:41:30
  good, everything is perfect, Everything is Brahman. Therefore I see whatever exists
• 4:41:37
  as good. Death is to me like life, sin, like holiness,
• 4:41:44
  wisdom, like foolishness. Everything has to be as it is. Everything only
• 4:41:49
  requires my consent, only my willingness, my loving agreement to be good for
• 4:41:56
  me, to do nothing but work for mine, I benefit to be unable
• 4:42:02
  to ever harm me. I have experienced, on my body and on my
• 4:42:07
  soul that I needed sin very much. I needed lust, the desire for
• 4:42:12
  possessions, vanity, and needed the most shameful despair in order to learn how
• 4:42:18
  to give up all resistance, in order to learn how to love the world,
• 4:42:23
  in order to stop comparing it to some world I wished I imagined some
• 4:42:30
  kind of perfection I had made up. But to leave it as it is,
• 4:42:34
  and to love it and to enjoy being a part of it. These,
• 4:42:40
  oh, Govinda, are some of the thoughts which have come into my
• 4:42:42
  mind, said Arthur bent down picked up a stone from the ground and weighed
• 4:42:48
  it in his hand. This here, he said, playing with it,
• 4:42:53
  is a stone and will after a certain time perhaps turn into soil, and
• 4:43:00
  will turn from soil into a plant or an animal or human being. In
• 4:43:04
  the past, I would have said, this stone is just a stone,
• 4:43:10
  it is worthless. It belongs to the world of the Maya. But because
• 4:43:15
  it might be able to become also a human being and a spirit in the
• 4:43:18
  cycle of transformations, therefore I also grant it importance. Thus I would perhaps
• 4:43:26
  have thought in the past. But today I think this stone is a stone,
• 4:43:33
  it is also animal, it is also God, it is also Buddha.
• 4:43:38
  I do not venerate and love it because it could turn into this or
• 4:43:42
  that, but rather because it is already and always everything. And it is
• 4:43:48
  this very fact that it is a stone, that it appears to me now
• 4:43:52
  and today as a stone. This is why I love it and see worth
• 4:43:57
  than purpose in each of its veins and cavities, in the yellow, in
• 4:44:03
  the gray, in the hardness, in the sound it makes when I knock
• 4:44:07
  at it, in the dryness or wetness of its surface. There are stones
• 4:44:11
  which feel like oil or soap, and others like leaves, others like sand.
• 4:44:18
  And everyone is special, and praise the Olm in its own way.
• 4:44:23
  Each one is Brahman. But simultaneously and just as much it is a stone,
• 4:44:30
  it is oily or juicy. And this is this very fact which I
• 4:44:34
  like and regard as wonderful and worthy of worship. But let me speak no
• 4:44:40
  more of this. The words are not good for the secret meaning. Everything
• 4:44:45
  always becomes a bit different as soon as it is put into words, gets
• 4:44:49
  distorted, a bit, a bit silly. Yes, and this is also
• 4:44:53
  very good, and I like it a lot. I also very much agree
• 4:44:57
  with this that this what is one man's treasure and wisdom always sounds like foolishness
• 4:45:03
  to another person. Govinda listened silently. Why have you told me this about
• 4:45:11
  the stone, he asked hesitantly, after a pause. I did it without
• 4:45:17
  a specific intention. Or perhaps what I meant was that love this very stone,
• 4:45:22
  and the river, and all these things we are looking at and from
• 4:45:26
  and which we can learn. I can love a stone, Govinda, and
• 4:45:30
  also a tree or a piece of bark. These are things, and things
• 4:45:34
  can be loved. But I cannot love words. Therefore teachings are no good
• 4:45:41
  for me. They have no hardness, no softness, no colors, no
• 4:45:45
  edges, no smell, no taste. They have nothing but words. Perhaps
• 4:45:51
  it is these which keep you from finding peace. Perhaps it is the many
• 4:45:56
  words, because salvation and virtue, as well Sansara and nirvana as well are
• 4:46:03
  mere words, Govinda. There is no thing which would be nirvana. There
• 4:46:08
  is just the word nirvana, quoth Govinda. Not just a word, my
• 4:46:15
  friend, is nirvana? It is a thought? Sid Arthur continued. I
• 4:46:21
  thought it might be, so, I must confess to you, my dear,
• 4:46:23
  I don't differentiate much between thoughts and words. To be honest, I
• 4:46:29
  also have no high opinion of thoughts. I have a better opinion of things
• 4:46:34
  here on this ferry boat. For instance, a man has been my predecessor
• 4:46:37
  and teacher, a holy man who has for many years simply believed in the
• 4:46:42
  river, nothing else. He had noticed that the river spoke to him,
• 4:46:48
  He learned from it, It educated and taught him. The river seemed to
• 4:46:52
  be a god to him. For many years he did not know that every
• 4:46:57
  wind, every cloud, every bird, every beetle was just as divine and
• 4:47:03
  knows just as much and can teach just as much as the worshiped river.
• 4:47:10
  But when this holy man went into the forests, he knew everything, knew
• 4:47:15
  more than you and me, without teachers, without books, only because he
• 4:47:21
  had believed in the river. Govinda said, but is that which you call
• 4:47:27
  things actually something real, something which has existence? Isn't it just a deception
• 4:47:33
  of the Maya? Just an image and illusion? Your stone, your tree,
• 4:47:37
  your river? Are they actually a reality? This too, spoke said
• 4:47:44
  Arthur. I do not care very much about let the things be illusions or
• 4:47:48
  not. After all, I would then also be an illusion. And thus
• 4:47:53
  they are always like me. This is what makes them so dear and worthy
• 4:47:57
  of veneration for me. They are like me. Therefore I can love them.
• 4:48:03
  And this is now a teaching you will laugh about love, Oh,
• 4:48:07
  Govinda, seems to me the most important thing of all to thoroughly understand the
• 4:48:12
  world, to explain it, to despise it. May be the thing great
• 4:48:18
  thinkers do, But I'm only interested in being able to love the world,
• 4:48:22
  not to despise it, not to hate it, and me to be able
• 4:48:26
  to look upon it and me and all beings with love and admiration and great
• 4:48:33
  respect. This I understand, spoke Govinda. But this very thing was discovered
• 4:48:38
  by the Exalted One to be a deception. He commands benevolence, clemency,
• 4:48:45
  sympathy, tolerance, but not love. He forbade us to tie our heart
• 4:48:49
  in love to earthly things. I know it, said said Arthur, his
• 4:48:56
  smile shone golden. I know it, Govinda. And behold with this,
• 4:49:02
  we are right in the middle of the thicket of opinions, in the dispute
• 4:49:07
  about words. For I cannot deny my words of love are in a contradiction,
• 4:49:11
  a seeming contradiction, with Gatarma's words. For this very reason I distrust
• 4:49:18
  in words so much, for I know this contradiction is a deception. I
• 4:49:23
  know that I am in agreement with Gattarma. How should he not know love,
• 4:49:29
  He who has discovered all elements of human existence, in their transitoriness,
• 4:49:34
  in their meaninglessness, and yet loved people thus much to use a long laborious
• 4:49:41
  life only to help them, to teach them, even with him, even
• 4:49:45
  with your great teacher, I prefer the thing over the words. Place more
• 4:49:52
  importance on his acts and life than on his speeches, more on the gestures
• 4:49:57
  of his hand than his appear onions, not his speech, not in his
• 4:50:03
  thoughts. I see his greatness only in his actions, in his life.
• 4:50:08
  For a long time, the two old men said nothing. Then spoke Govinda,
• 4:50:14
  while bowing for a farewell, I thank you, Sir Darthur, for
• 4:50:18
  telling me some of your thoughts. They are partially strange thoughts, not all
• 4:50:23
  have been instantly understandable to me. This being as it may, I thank
• 4:50:29
  you and wish you to have calm days. But secretly, he thought to
• 4:50:33
  himself, this, Sir Darthur, is a bizarre person. He expresses bizarre
• 4:50:40
  thoughts. His teachings sound foolish. How differently sound the Exalted One's pure teachings,
• 4:50:48
  clearer, purer, more comprehensible, Nothing strange, foolish or silly.
• 4:50:52
  As contained in them, but different from his thoughts, seemed to me,
• 4:50:57
  said Arthur's hands and feet, his eyes, his forehead, his breath,
• 4:51:03
  his smile, his greeting, his walk. Never again, after our exalted
• 4:51:08
  Gautama has become one with the Nirvana. Never since then have I met a
• 4:51:14
  person of whom I felt this is a holy man. Only him, this
• 4:51:19
  Siddhartha, I have found to be like this. May his teachings be strange,
• 4:51:26
  May his words sound foolish. Out of his gaze and his hand,
• 4:51:30
  his skin, and his hair, out of every part of him shines a
• 4:51:34
  purity, shines, a calmness, shines, a cheerfulness and mildness and holiness,
• 4:51:41
  which I have seen in no other person since the final death of our
• 4:51:45
  exalted teacher. As Govinda thought like this, and there was a conflict in
• 4:51:52
  his heart, he once again bowed to Siddhartha. Drawn by love deeply,
• 4:51:59
  he bowed to him, who was calmly sitting, said Arthur. He spoke,
• 4:52:04
  we have become old men. It is unlikely for one of us to
• 4:52:10
  see the other again in this incarnation. I see, beloved, that you
• 4:52:15
  have found peace. I confess that I haven't found it. Tell me oh,
• 4:52:22
  honorable one, one more word. Give me something on my way which
• 4:52:26
  I can grasp, which I can understand. Give me something to be with
• 4:52:30
  me on my path. It is often hard, my path, often dark,
• 4:52:37
  said Arthur. Sir Arthur said nothing and looked at him with the ever
• 4:52:41
  unchanged quiet smile. Govinda stared at his face with fear, with yearning,
• 4:52:48
  suffering, and the eternal search was visible in his look, eternal not finding.
• 4:52:56
  Sir Arthur saw it and smiled. Bend down to me, he whispered
• 4:53:03
  quietly in Govinda's ear. Bend down to me like this, even closer,
• 4:53:08
  very closer, Kiss my forehead, Govinda. But while Govinda, with astonishment
• 4:53:15
  and yet drawn by great love and expectation, obeyed his words, bent down
• 4:53:22
  closely to him and touched his forehead with his lips. Something miraculous happened to
• 4:53:27
  him while his thoughts were still dwelling on said Arthur's wondrous words, while he
• 4:53:34
  was still struggling in vain and with reluctance to think away time to ignore Nirvana
• 4:53:41
  and Sansara as one, while even a certain contempt for the words of his
• 4:53:45
  friend was fighting in him against an immense love and veneration. This happened to
• 4:53:53
  him. He no longer saw the face of his friend, said Arthur.
• 4:53:59
  Instead, he saw other faces, many a long sequence, a flowing river
• 4:54:06
  of faces, of hundreds of thousands, which all came and disappeared, and
• 4:54:11
  yet all seemed to be there simultaneously, which all constantly changed and renewed themselves,
• 4:54:19
  and which were still all Sadarthur. He saw the face of a fish,
• 4:54:25
  a carp with infinitely painful opened mouth, the face of a dying fish
• 4:54:30
  with fading eyes. He saw the face of a newborn child, red and
• 4:54:36
  full of wrinkles, distorted from crying. He saw the face of a murderer.
• 4:54:42
  He saw him plunging a knife into the body of another person. He
• 4:54:47
  saw in the same second this criminal in bondage, kneeling and his head being
• 4:54:52
  chopped off by the executioner with one blow of his sword. He saw the
• 4:54:57
  bodies of men and w women, naked in positions and cramps of frenzied love.
• 4:55:04
  He saw corpses stretched out, motionless, cold void. He saw the
• 4:55:11
  heads of animals, of bores, of crocodiles, of elephants, of bulls,
• 4:55:15
  of birds. He saw gods. He saw Krishna. He saw Agni.
• 4:55:21
  He saw all of these figures and faces in a thousand relationships with one
• 4:55:25
  another, each one helping the other, loving it, hating it, destroying
• 4:55:30
  it, giving rebirth to it. Each one was a will to die,
• 4:55:37
  a passionate, painful confession of transitoriness. And yet none of them died.
• 4:55:45
  Each one only transformed, was always reborn, received ever more a new face,
• 4:55:52
  without any time having passed between the one and the other face. And
• 4:55:57
  all of these figures and faces rested, flowed, generated themselves, floated along
• 4:56:03
  and merged with each other, and they were all constantly covered by something thin,
• 4:56:10
  without individuality of its own, but yet existing, like a thin glass
• 4:56:15
  or ice, like a transparent skin, a shell or mold, or mask
• 4:56:21
  of water. And this mask was smiling. And this mask was Sir Arthur's
• 4:56:26
  smiling face, which he Govinda, in this very same moment touched with his
• 4:56:32
  lips. And Govinda saw it like this, this smile of the mask,
• 4:56:40
  this smile of oneness, above the flowing forms, this smile of simultaneousness,
• 4:56:45
  above the thousand births and deaths, The smile of Sir Arthur was precisely the
• 4:56:52
  same, was precisely of the same kind as the quiet, delicate, impenetrable,
• 4:56:57
  perhaps benevolent, perhaps mocking wise, thousandfold smile of Gautama, the Buddha,
• 4:57:06
  as he had seen it himself, with great respect a hundred times like
• 4:57:11
  this, Govinda knew, the perfected ones are smiling, not knowing any more
• 4:57:17
  whether time existed, whether the vision had lasted a second or one hundred years,
• 4:57:22
  not knowing any more whether there existed a Siddharthur, a Gattama, a
• 4:57:26
  me, and a you. Feeling in his innermost self as if he had
• 4:57:32
  been wounded by a divine arrow, the injury of which tasted sweet. Being
• 4:57:37
  enchanted and dissolved in his innermost self, Govinda stood still for a little while,
• 4:57:44
  bent over Siddartha's quiet face, which he had just kissed, which had
• 4:57:48
  just been the scene of all manifestations, all transformations, all existence. The
• 4:57:56
  face was unchanged after under its office the depth of the thousandfoldness had closed up
• 4:58:03
  again. He smiled sweetly, smiled quietly and softly, perhaps benevolently, perhaps
• 4:58:11
  very mockingly, precisely as he used to smile the exalted one. Deeply.
• 4:58:18
  Govinda bowed tears. He knew nothing of ran down his old face like a
• 4:58:25
  fire burnt the feeling of the most intimate love, the humblest veneration in his
• 4:58:30
  heart. Deeply he bowed, touching the ground before him, who was sitting
• 4:58:37
  motionlessly, whose smile reminded him of everything he had ever loved in his life,
• 4:58:45
  what had ever been valuable and holy to him in his life. End
• 4:58:52
  of Chapter twelve and end of Siddartha by Hermann Hesse