Latest / Behind The Village Podcast / Retiring at 48, Following Laughter, and Finding Purpose | Mark Vessey

Transcript

Retiring at 48, Following Laughter, and Finding Purpose | Mark Vessey · Behind The Village Podcast

0:02
You're listening to the Behind the Village podcast,
0:05
where we invite you to join us on a journey to
0:08
understand how to live a life worth living. Mark
0:12
is someone who's been part of my life and my
0:14
family's life for many years. When I first asked
0:18
Mark Vesey to be a guest on our podcast, his
0:20
exact response was, interestingly enough, three
0:23
months ago, it would have been an outright no.
0:26
But as he continued, he said that due to recent
0:28
events in his life, he would be happy to join
0:30
us. Mark began his working life by running away
0:35
and joining the circus at 16 years old. He then
0:38
pursued marine navigation in college. Eventually
0:41
making his way to Orillia, Mark ran the kitchen
0:43
at Brewery Bay Food Company for a number of years
0:46
before burning out and adjusting to his most
0:48
recent career as the owner of Memorial Auto Services.
0:51
He achieved his ultimate goal of retiring before
0:54
the age of 15, and three months after retirement
0:57
was given a cancer diagnosis that changed everything.
1:03
I was running the kitchen at Brewery Bay Food
1:05
Company for a number of years and burnt out doing
1:10
that, maxed out on my salary, needed a career
1:12
change. And auto mechanics was something I knew
1:15
nothing about, had no involvement in. But it
1:19
was an affordable way to go back to school and
1:21
change my career path. So hopped on board, tried
1:25
it out and went from there. Wow. That's really
1:29
cool. I don't think I knew that that you had
1:33
this whole like circus career. I'll have to go
1:39
through the photo album with you sometime. Oh,
1:41
please. I would love to see it. Yeah, I just
1:45
I love hearing that because it's kind of one
1:48
of the things that I feel like. We're on that
1:50
path a little bit, too, in terms of like switching
1:52
careers and like you get to a point where you
1:54
have burnt out or you've capped out or, you know,
1:56
you've hit that point. It's not fun anymore.
1:58
Like, you know, it's not the same. It doesn't
2:00
work the same. I'll be honest with you. That
2:03
is 100 percent how I've lived my life. If it's
2:05
not entertaining me and it's not making me giggle,
2:07
I'm not going to do it. I like it. How did you
2:12
end up like having that? Is this just instinctual
2:14
or is this something that you kind of learned?
2:15
Like, it's just who I am. It's who I've always
2:19
been. It's just, you know, you got to have fun.
2:21
You have to enjoy what we're doing. Absolutely.
2:24
That's super cool. I just, I don't know. I feel
2:28
like that resonates with me. It's just like trying
2:31
to find things in life that are going to give
2:33
me that fulfillment, you know? Yeah. Well, I
2:36
mean, we'll get to it. We're not quite there
2:38
in the conversation yet, but even the retirement
2:40
job, it took me back 30 years to where I started
2:44
with college with the Marine Nav Program. While
2:51
connecting and chatting about his life and his
2:53
past, we wanted to know what it was like to juggle
2:56
work and a young family. The biggest thing for
3:03
us being sort of a double income young family
3:06
around work was the cost of daycare. That was
3:10
our biggest struggle. With both of us sort of
3:14
working a nine to five Monday to Friday job,
3:16
we had no option other than. early daycare for
3:20
the kids. So by the time they were basically
3:22
after the one -year mat leave, they were straight
3:25
into full -time daycare. And I think at one point
3:28
we were spending close to $30 ,000 a year for
3:31
the two kids in full -time daycare. Yeah. And
3:35
as a young couple, new home, new in our jobs,
3:38
that was a pretty hefty expense. Janet one time
3:43
considered not working or going down to very
3:47
part -time and being a stay -at -home mom with
3:49
the children. She said, you know, it'll save
3:51
us the daycare expense. And at that time, I kind
3:54
of thought, you know what, we're still going
3:55
to lose. Right now, we're losing 50 % of our
3:58
income towards child care. If she stays home,
4:01
we lose 100%. So that's going to tap into our,
4:06
you know, groceries and fun money and even clothing
4:09
and footwear for the kids, stuff like that. So
4:11
it's, no, we... In essence, we both need to be
4:14
working full time. And unfortunately, we have
4:16
to sacrifice that time with the children. And
4:18
that was tough for both of us, just not being
4:22
as present as early parents as we would have
4:24
liked to have been. Yeah, absolutely. That's
4:28
a tough one. I feel that for sure. To some degree,
4:31
it is modern society. That's just how it is nowadays.
4:35
I bought the shop in 2008 and my first was born
4:39
in 2009. So by the time I had kids, I was already
4:41
a business owner. It allowed me or granted me
4:46
a lot of freedom to come and go as I pleased,
4:48
to be more present and be more available for
4:50
the kids with pickup and drop off around appointments,
4:54
schedules, birthdays. And I mean, early stages
4:57
as a business owner, I had to be very present
4:59
there. I couldn't just stop and run, but I could
5:02
take off for 10 minutes. Tell the staff, hey,
5:04
you know, got to get the kids to school. I've
5:06
got to be here. I could come and go a lot more
5:09
readily than I could had I been working for somebody
5:11
else. So that definitely was a benefit and did
5:17
make it a lot easier to transition into family
5:19
life because I did have that little extra freedom.
5:26
As parents ourselves, we often feel this pressure
5:29
to try and give our kids everything, everything
5:32
they want. everything we didn't have, all of
5:34
our attention. We're losing sight of the bigger
5:37
picture and what's truly the most important.
5:42
Probably the key takeaway that I learned going
5:46
through it all was you can do these. Big, massive,
5:51
incredible birthday parties for the kids. You
5:53
can spoil them rotten. At the end of the day,
5:57
sometimes it's that little comment in the vehicle
6:00
going down the road that passed over you and
6:03
you didn't even notice it, but that is the kid's
6:05
fondest memory. Just that one little snippet
6:08
of conversation that they couldn't stop giggling
6:10
and belly laughing over. And to them, that's
6:12
going to be their biggest, most important memory.
6:15
So we need to stop wasting our time on trying
6:17
to go over and above and making... sure that
6:19
everything's perfect sometimes it's just being
6:21
present and being in the moment with the children
6:23
that matter the most yeah i love that yeah because
6:28
it's true like you you you that's kind of the
6:32
idea of what we're trying to figure out is like
6:34
how do we how do you slow down how do you be
6:37
present how do you actually you know pay attention
6:39
to the things that matter right yeah it's so
6:41
easy to get caught up in that and you know i
6:44
gotta work more i gotta do this more i gotta
6:46
you know We got to do birthday parties. We got
6:48
to do this, you know, and it's we don't have
6:50
to. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's the it's the moments
6:55
that matter, you know, and it's a lot of times
6:58
it's the little moments that we don't even recognize
7:00
that are the most important. And sometimes what
7:03
seems the most important to you is completely
7:05
insignificant to be your partner, your employer,
7:09
the child themselves. It's the hard part is figuring
7:13
out which moments are the important ones. And
7:17
how do you figure that out for your own life?
7:22
It's a work in progress. I will never profess
7:27
to have the secret or the key to that answer.
7:30
It is definitely a work in progress. But what
7:33
I'm recognizing is just paying attention to the
7:35
reaction of my kids. You know, I just, my 14
7:41
-year -old is such a... sarcastic, dark little
7:44
monster. She's amazing. I love her to death.
7:46
But sometimes it's just that sly little grin
7:49
or that sideway glance that she gives me. It's
7:51
like, oh yeah, she liked that. There it is. There
7:55
it is. And that's the answer right there. And
7:58
that's all the answer I need. With so much going
8:03
on in our lives, one of the struggles that June
8:06
and I have is how often we talk about business
8:09
outside of business hours. Honestly, there was
8:12
a stretch where June and I only related to each
8:14
other and spoke about business. And it's only
8:18
recently where we've discovered that there's
8:19
actually so many other things that we could be
8:21
talking about. June and I also really struggle
8:24
with letting work issues consume our brain space
8:26
far longer than they should. Mark had some great
8:29
insight about that. For the most part, come 5
8:36
p .m., I turn my business brain off. And I very
8:41
much tried to keep a separation between home
8:43
and business. Even for a number of years, we
8:46
lived directly above the shop. And everybody
8:48
asked, you know, how do you keep business and
8:50
home separated? And I said, the minute I walk
8:52
out the door of the shop and head up to my apartment,
8:54
business is closed for the day. It's not on my
8:57
thought. It's off my radar. It's not something
9:00
I'm concerned with. Now it's all about family
9:04
time. And definitely there were times where phone
9:07
calls would come in, bankers, lawyers, whoever,
9:10
whatever the case may be. There were definitely
9:12
times where I couldn't keep that separation.
9:16
In those instances, it would just be deal with
9:19
it, get it done, don't let it drag out and back
9:22
to the family as quickly as possible. One of
9:26
the things I always tell my kids, and I've been
9:29
telling them this for years, and it's something
9:31
I still try and reinforce with them. is don't
9:34
stress over the things that you can't control.
9:37
You need to focus on what is in your control.
9:40
First and foremost, about the only thing that
9:42
you are in 100 % control of is how you choose
9:46
to react and respond to a situation. When something
9:50
arises, when something comes up, you can choose
9:53
to go off the handle, blow it out of proportion,
9:56
let it bring you down, stress you out, or you
9:58
can choose to look at that situation and go,
10:01
you know what? Only one aspect of that is in
10:03
my control. So I'm going to focus on that point.
10:05
All of the points in the situation that are going
10:08
to drag me down and stress me out, nothing I
10:10
can do about it out of my control. So no point
10:14
focusing on that. Let's put my focus and my energy
10:16
on the positives, on the parts that I can improve
10:19
and make a change to. And by focusing on those
10:22
areas, I was able to see progress and change.
10:26
If I start focusing on all the negative stuff
10:28
that I can't change, it's out of control, that's
10:30
unattainable, I'm wasting my time and spinning
10:34
my wheels. So let's not expend that energy in
10:37
that direction. Let's just shut down those areas
10:42
and focus on the areas that we definitely can
10:44
move forward in. The other stuff, it's going
10:48
to be there. That stress from work, it'll be
10:50
there in 20 minutes after I get the kids tucked
10:52
in. You know, back of my mind, I'm sure I'm mulling
10:56
over and there is stuff going on. You know, how
10:58
am I going to handle this? What am I? But I try
11:01
not to let that drag my focus and attention away
11:05
from the children in that moment. Something that
11:09
was said to me a little while back and it said
11:13
it really resonated with me very strongly. Say
11:18
there's 1440 minutes in every single day. Of
11:24
those 1 ,440 minutes, you may start your day,
11:27
you open your emails while you're having your
11:29
morning coffee, and you get that one email that
11:31
just sets you off and puts you in a bad mood.
11:33
That one email, are you going to take your five,
11:36
10 minutes, absorb it, realize it, recognize
11:39
it, then move on? Or are you going to let that
11:42
email nag at you and nip at you and chew at you
11:45
all day long? What I've learned in that 1 ,440
11:48
minutes in every single day, I'm going to give
11:51
that email that little upsetting piece of information.
11:53
I'm going to allow it five minutes of my time.
11:57
It's only going to interrupt my day for five
12:00
minutes. I have the rest of those 1 ,440 minutes
12:04
to improve my day and move forward. Or I could
12:08
choose to let that one email. ruined 260 minutes
12:13
of my day, or I could let that email ruin half
12:16
of my day. That's my decision. That's up to me.
12:21
And I am 100 % in control of how much of my time
12:28
of my day of my energy is expended over that
12:30
email. It's only worth five minutes of my time.
12:34
Yeah. I like that. I like that quite a lot. Yeah.
12:40
I've never actually thought about the fact like,
12:42
you know, how many minutes there are. But there
12:44
is like there's a lot of minutes, obviously.
12:46
Right. It's and just thinking about it from that
12:49
minute perspective, just how much time you spend
12:53
mulling things over or stressing out or like
12:56
whatever and how many minutes it actually takes.
12:58
And you start saying, oh, it's like hundreds
13:00
like it's, you know, or whatever it is. And it's
13:02
like, that's not that's not good. Like this is
13:04
not where you should be focusing your time, your
13:06
attention. Right. Like that's. Yeah. That's crazy.
13:10
That's pretty cool. And I mean, you factor in
13:12
how many minutes of those you spend sleeping,
13:14
resting, relaxing, unwinding. We don't have those
13:19
extra minutes to give away to those wasted moments,
13:24
energies. So it's accept it, realize it, move
13:32
on. With some fantastic thoughts and insight
13:38
that has already shaped the way we're living
13:40
and approaching business, we wanted to hear about
13:42
the incredible moment of achieving retirement
13:44
before 50 and seeing his excitement lead him
13:47
in a direction that connected to his past. Long
13:54
-term goal, I wanted to be retired by 50. That
13:57
was long -term. I was able to achieve retirement
14:01
in my 48th year. which was awesome. Unbelievable.
14:08
Yeah, it was exceptional. I had absolutely zero
14:13
plans, no ambition. Everybody said, what are
14:15
you doing next? And I said, I have no idea. I'm
14:18
going to wait until something sort of piques
14:20
my interest, something makes me laugh or giggle,
14:24
and I'll go with it. And I'll carry on that path
14:27
until something else. excites me more or pulls
14:32
me in a different direction. But my intent through
14:34
retirement was simply do whatever keeps me entertained,
14:38
keeps me laughing, allows me time with my wife
14:42
and my kids, allows me time with my parents.
14:45
I mean, thankfully, we still have all of our
14:48
parents in our lives. And I wanted the time to
14:53
be with everybody, make those memories, those
14:56
moments and make them all count. And what did
15:00
you end up doing after retirement? What did you
15:04
find? So flipping through stupid videos on Facebook,
15:10
an ad for Santa's Village is looking for boat
15:13
captains. Apply here. I clicked on apply now.
15:18
A couple of days later, the hiring manager called
15:22
me and he said, we have never had an applicant
15:23
this full. This prepared for the position we're
15:27
trying to fill. And it was a result of the Marine
15:29
Nav Program I took 30 years ago. That's awesome.
15:35
Full circle. Yeah, yeah. And it was, you've seen
15:40
the boat. You know what it looks like. It was
15:42
just, oh my God, I'm going to be captain of that
15:44
boat. It was just hysterical. It was a big sort
15:48
of ha -ha. It was a joke. It was hysterical.
15:54
And it was exactly what I needed. It was exactly
15:56
what I was looking for. They ended up getting
15:59
me through their training and licensed with Transport
16:02
Canada. It's Master Mariner Restricted Under
16:08
60 Gross Ton Restricted Waterways was the official
16:12
captain's license I got. So basically commercial
16:15
captain on boats under 60 gross tons. Probably
16:22
the proudest moment in anything I had accomplished
16:25
in my life was getting that captain's license.
16:29
That's pretty cool. It all started off as a joke,
16:32
just on a whim. But I love that way of living,
16:35
right? That way of just outlook on life to just,
16:38
you know, whatever makes you giggle, whatever
16:40
makes it fun, just go for it because you never
16:43
know what's going to happen, right? Unfortunately,
16:48
after enjoying only three months of life post
16:51
-retirement, Mark received some really devastating
16:53
news. Yeah, so, and I mean, realistically, I've
16:59
been chasing this for this coming Christmas.
17:02
It'll be three years. I've just had random abdominal
17:04
and back pain. You know, three years ago, I had
17:08
all the scopes done. It seemed like nothing major.
17:12
You know, maybe a little surgery if it was an
17:14
ulcer or something to that effect. But, you know,
17:17
in, out, done, no big deal. And ended up a 10
17:22
-day stay in the hospital. Biopsy came back as
17:26
stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Basically, they've
17:31
given me 9 to 11 months. That was August 1st.
17:35
Wow. So from retirement in May to August 1st,
17:43
wow, yeah, plans changed. Plans change hard and
17:48
fast. What changed for you? I quit work immediately.
17:53
I'm on high enough levels of opioids. I probably
17:56
shouldn't be driving a commercial vessel, but
17:58
I can start getting into what they refer to as
18:01
chemo brain. Just sort of foggy, not clear thoughts
18:07
on both the vessels that I was running. Things
18:12
can happen quickly and I need to be of clear
18:15
mind and be ready to move and react very, very
18:18
quickly for the safety of myself and the vessel
18:20
and every passenger on board. And I just, I made
18:24
the conscientious decision with the treatment
18:27
and the diagnosis that, you know what, I don't
18:30
feel I'm 100 % in charge of all of the faculties
18:34
that I need to be to be in command of the vessel
18:36
the way I should be. We're just calling it and
18:39
and I quit work completely. I'm I'm a homebound
18:45
stay at home dad, I guess now for two teenagers.
18:48
Yeah. Yeah. What was that shift like going from
18:54
because it happened so close together in time
18:57
that, you know, the retirement almost a celebratory
19:01
like you had one path and then from one day to
19:04
the next, it was a completely different situation.
19:07
I very, very quickly, and I'm not sure why, resigned
19:11
myself to the fact or accepted my fate in that
19:16
I just said, you know what, I'm going to die.
19:19
This is going to kill me. And it could be very
19:21
quickly. I mean, long and short, we just celebrated
19:25
my birthday, middle of August. We're planning
19:27
Thanksgiving and every celebration that we're
19:31
planning for right now. I'm very aware that this
19:35
very well could be my last. It could be my last
19:37
birthday. It could be my last Thanksgiving, this
19:39
Christmas. I may not even make it to Christmas.
19:42
We just don't know that. And that's the way the
19:44
beast of pancreatic cancer works. I know they've
19:48
given me a term of nine to 11 months. I might
19:52
get six weeks. I might get two years. We just
19:55
don't know. It's an educated guess. Pancreatic
19:57
cancer is different in everybody. It's very,
20:00
very aggressive. It's very fast moving and there
20:06
is no cure for it. That's the long and short.
20:09
And I just took that information and I accepted
20:11
it. I resigned myself that this is my fate. To
20:15
some degree, I feel like I got off lucky. I've
20:17
got the easy end of this whole situation. It's
20:20
my family that's got to live on without me. My
20:23
parents would have to lose a son and no parent
20:25
should ever have to bury a child. Sorry. The
20:36
hardest one for me was, I want to see my daughter
20:39
graduate high school. Yeah. And that hit me hard.
20:48
Best case scenario, I will not be around for
20:51
her graduation. She's just at grade nine. And
20:54
I won't get four to five years. Yeah, that's
20:58
tough. And I'm... I'm more heartbroken for them
21:06
than I'm worried about myself. I've got a finality.
21:10
I've got an end. And I'm okay with that. I've
21:16
accepted that. And that made it a hell of a lot
21:23
easier for me to move forward with the fact that
21:26
I won't say I don't care about myself, but I
21:30
don't care about my fate. It is what it is. Again,
21:33
it comes back to that, what I was saying not
21:35
too long ago, that I can only worry about the
21:39
things that I can make a change to, that I can
21:43
affect, that this I can't. And speaking the way
21:49
I am right now and in the candid conversation,
21:51
I haven't given up. And a lot of people look
21:53
at my attitude as, oh, don't give up, don't give
21:57
up. And it's like, I haven't given up. I've accepted
21:59
the fate. And the fate is inevitable. Whether
22:06
it's two months, six months, 18 months, it's
22:10
inevitable. And I've accepted that. Having said
22:13
that, it doesn't mean I've stopped fighting.
22:15
It doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and
22:17
prolong it. I know I can't beat it. That's a
22:22
reality. I mean, it's less than a 1 % chance
22:26
that I'll get five years, statistically. I've
22:30
always said I'm not a stat. I'm not a number.
22:33
I never have been. I've always proven that wrong.
22:37
When somebody says, you'll never do that, you
22:39
can't do that. Screw you. Watch me. Hold my beer.
22:45
I've never been one to be put down or told you
22:48
can't. You say that's impossible. Well, watch
22:51
me. You just challenged me. And it's no different
22:56
in this situation, in this instance. It's really
23:02
difficult watching my family members and all
23:05
of them, different levels of family. My brother's
23:09
reaction, we've somewhat been estranged for years.
23:12
We hardly ever talk unless my brother needed
23:16
car repairs. We went different paths. We didn't
23:19
see each other other than holidays. The minute
23:24
I got the diagnosis, he was here. He was in my
23:26
driveway. Friends I haven't seen in 30 years.
23:31
My high school sweetheart's flying in this coming
23:34
Friday. She's spending the weekend with us. We
23:38
haven't seen each other since 2001, I think was
23:43
the last time. We dated through the mid -90s.
23:47
But we both, formative years, had a profound
23:50
impact on each other's lives, who we are today.
23:52
A lot of that comes from... the relationship
23:55
we had in that young, carefree teenage relationship
24:00
we had. So, yeah, when she heard the diagnosis,
24:05
it definitely hit hard. But to have that support,
24:10
to have that kindness, to have that care and
24:12
love around me has definitely made things easier.
24:17
And when you think about it, because as you're
24:19
speaking, what my mind is going to is, you know,
24:22
we all have. a point in time but it's unknown
24:25
when it's going to be our turn right it's just
24:28
that you've been given a timeline and you know
24:32
it's made it easier and look at what you're choosing
24:35
to focus on and look at the relationships that
24:38
are coming out of the woodwork because of a connection
24:41
that you've had yeah that you haven't you know
24:44
necessarily fostered over the years because we
24:46
all get distracted and you know life is life
24:48
and you get busy but you know if we all knew
24:52
what change would that make like what would we
24:56
focus on like if we decided to be more present
24:58
if we decided to actually pay attention to the
25:01
things that we care about just thinking about
25:02
that idea right like what would we what would
25:06
we do right what would be how would we spend
25:09
our time would be would it be different than
25:11
the way that we are spending it now day to day
25:12
just kind of as if yeah i got plenty of time
25:15
i got you know uh 20 40 years still right like
25:19
to to to as opposed to like what are you doing
25:23
right now to be present, to be happy, to be,
25:25
you know. Interestingly enough, in the past week,
25:29
I've really recognized what the answer to that
25:32
question was. If you had asked me that a couple
25:34
of weeks ago, I would have hemmed and hawed a
25:36
little bit. And I wouldn't have really known
25:39
what to say to you. What I have found in the
25:42
last week, or recognized, I suppose, is negativity
25:46
brings me down. I have no time for it. In conversation,
25:53
when somebody focuses on the negative or we're
26:00
telling a story about an event that happened
26:02
and it's all about, oh, this negative, this negative,
26:04
this individual came in or this comment was made.
26:09
Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I want to hear
26:12
the fun part of the story. Yeah. I want to hear
26:15
how it ended. I want to hear. What everybody
26:19
was wearing. I want to hear about the jokes that
26:21
were told. I want to hear about the memories
26:23
that were made. I don't care about the neighbor
26:25
that complained about the noise and called the
26:27
cops. I don't care unless it turned into a funny
26:30
story. Yeah, I don't care. And I just I have
26:34
absolutely no time, ambition or energy at this
26:38
stage of my life for for negativity or down talk.
26:44
It's no longer a part of who I want to be. And
26:51
I think human nature, we tend to hold on to the
26:54
negatives because it's a lot easier to focus
26:56
on that than it is to recognize and appreciate
27:00
the positives. And that's been a huge shift for
27:06
me. And it ties back to what you were saying
27:09
about the minutes we have every day. Right. Like
27:12
how many of those minutes are we giving to negativity?
27:15
Absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, even even
27:19
trying to get the kids tucked into bed and they're
27:21
screaming and crying and you're stressing about,
27:23
oh, my God, I should be at my computer doing
27:25
the work. And you know what? We take away the
27:28
negativity and we focus on the positives and
27:30
we get that child smiling and giggling. Do what
27:33
they're going to do. They're going to curl up
27:34
in your arms. You're both going to feel warm
27:36
and fuzzy and they'll fall asleep with any luck.
27:40
With any luck, you might get that nap you didn't
27:42
realize you needed with them for half an hour.
27:45
And that moment, you wake up and you go, you
27:49
know what, I've wasted the time, but it was worth
27:51
every goddamn second. That was heavy. It was
28:00
difficult to hear. But honest and moving. Mark
28:06
spoke from such an unfiltered place that we felt
28:08
it was important to keep the conversation in.
28:11
He has such great insight into life and what
28:14
is truly important coming from a perspective
28:17
of having limited time left. We asked if he had
28:21
any other nuggets or life lessons to share. I
28:26
came to a realization. So many of us in our life,
28:30
we're trying to become that successful individual.
28:32
We have this goal that we want to achieve. And
28:36
it's, you know, before I die, I want to be this
28:39
individual. And I recognized and realized that
28:42
every one of us on this planet are just an ant.
28:45
We are insignificant in the big picture. It doesn't
28:49
matter what we... hope to achieve, what we strive
28:53
to achieve, at the end of the day, the only one
28:55
we ultimately and truly matter to are the ones
28:58
in our immediate circle. So the only goal, the
29:02
only ambition that I need to achieve to satisfy
29:06
the people in my immediate circle is happiness.
29:11
Yeah. Happiness. If we don't have that, if we're
29:15
striving for this big ultimate goal and we're
29:18
giving up, we're sacrificing happiness. what
29:21
what are we doing why what's the point what are
29:24
we doing what is the point and and you just asked
29:27
me that you said you know what is my point and
29:30
the point is to be happy and to give and to love
29:34
and to have that happiness around you and and
29:38
those friends and that support around you at
29:40
the end of the day that's all that really matters
29:43
you know what are i'm just i just have in the
29:47
back of my mind like there's so many things that
29:49
you that you just kind of mentioned that are
29:51
like really, really powerful. I wonder how, uh,
29:54
if there's any other types of outlook that changed
29:57
after, you know, um, you know, knowing what you
30:01
know now about your diagnosis and stuff like
30:02
that. Is there any other outlooks that you kind
30:04
of use? Do you see life differently? Uh, you
30:07
know, it's, it's perception. Um, and my son and
30:12
I get into this conversation on a fairly regular
30:14
basis. Um, he's 16 years old. He's a very, very
30:18
old soul. Um, Just to put a little bit of context
30:22
in, he's high functioning and autistic, which
30:24
you would probably never notice on the daily
30:27
with him. But he does definitely have a difficult
30:34
time controlling emotional response to certain
30:41
situations. So I'm working very hard with him
30:43
to teach him that the only thing you're ultimately
30:45
in control of is how you choose to respond to
30:49
set situation. And normally I'll give him five,
30:53
10 minutes, just go calm down, think about it.
30:55
He comes back and he says, okay, here's how I'm
30:57
feeling. And we realized that his response and
31:00
my response are so ultimately different because
31:02
of perception. And it's all in how we're looking
31:08
at the same statement, comment, situation, scenario,
31:12
whatever it may be. We're looking at the same
31:14
thing, but we're looking at it. He's looking
31:16
in the front window and I'm looking in the back
31:17
window and we're seeing it differently. So walk
31:22
around. Look in the other window. Have a little
31:26
different perspective. Instead of making a snap
31:30
decision, make an informed decision. An informed
31:34
response. Yeah. We asked Mark to look back and
31:41
talk to us about the things he was proud of and
31:44
some of the things he regrets. What are things
31:51
I'm proud of? Yeah, well, definitely my children.
31:57
Yeah. Definitely my children. The relationship
32:03
I'm in now is incredible. That is definitely
32:08
something I'm proud of. It's something I never
32:10
knew existed. My parents. I mean, I'm... So proud
32:18
of my parents. No, ultimately, like I said, that
32:22
captain's license, that was a huge point of pride
32:25
for me. All of the other ridiculous things I
32:30
did in life, it was just, it was, that's what
32:33
I was doing. That's what made me smile at the
32:35
time. It wasn't necessarily accomplishments.
32:39
It wasn't a checklist I was trying to achieve.
32:44
Um, I was very, very proud of the shop and, uh,
32:47
and the little, I used to joke my little empire.
32:49
I was very proud of that. That was, uh, quite
32:51
an accomplishment considering I came into it
32:54
with basically nothing and built it on my own.
32:56
Um, it, uh, that, that definitely was a point
33:00
of pride. You know, I don't know. Uh, you don't
33:02
have to answer this question if you don't want
33:03
to, but like, do you have any regrets? I'm going
33:09
to say yes and no to that question. Yes, there
33:13
are definitely some things that I look back on
33:16
and go, wow, I wish I had done some things differently.
33:19
At the end of the day, I'm so satisfied with
33:22
the life that I live that no, I can't regret
33:24
anything because every decision I made brought
33:26
me to today. So I'm not going to call them regrets.
33:32
Would I have done a few things differently? Absolutely.
33:36
But I don't regret it because if I hadn't made
33:38
the choices I had made at that point, particular
33:40
moment, I wouldn't be here today. Yeah, exactly.
33:44
You know, I like I like your way of kind of like
33:46
looking at things of just what makes me smile,
33:49
what makes me giggle, what makes me, you know,
33:51
and just following that. Like, I feel like everybody
33:54
needs something to follow on, like, you know,
33:57
for for for choices or for whatever. There's
33:59
something that, you know, that you believe in
34:01
or that you care about. That's going to take
34:03
you to where hopefully where you want to be right
34:06
in life, because that's what you you know, that's
34:09
what you find important. Well, at the end of
34:11
the day, if I'm doing something that makes me
34:15
giggle, that makes me smile, when I come home,
34:18
I'm going to be a better person to my family.
34:21
If I'm going to a job that makes me absolutely
34:24
miserable and brings me down and wears me out,
34:28
who am I going to be when I come home? I'm going
34:30
to be that monster. That's not who my family
34:36
deserves. It's not who I deserve. And it's not
34:39
the life I want to live. So I'm going to choose
34:42
to do things that make me giggle and make me
34:48
smile and make me a better man and husband and
34:52
father and son. And it's simply by having fun.
35:02
It's really not a bad outlook. All I have to
35:04
be to be the man I want to be is have fun. Too
35:08
often, too often we get, uh, we get tied up in
35:10
life. We get carried away and, um, and we quit
35:14
having fun. Yeah. Well, what, what are we here
35:17
for? What is the purpose? You can, well, I'd
35:21
say you can try and solve cure cancer, but that's,
35:24
um, yeah, it just have fun, have fun, make every,
35:29
every moment count. You know, when you have,
35:32
when you have, that's, that's kind of the takeaway
35:34
that I'm getting is like, when you have happiness
35:36
in your heart, you're, you're going to be the
35:38
best person you can be, right? In whatever moment
35:40
that you are in. My ex -wife's mother used to
35:46
say they're pearls. She called them pearls. She
35:48
said, there's pearls of wisdom that you'll pick
35:50
up throughout life. And she said, you never know
35:53
when you'll get those pearls, but when you do,
35:55
put them in your pocket and hold on tight because
35:58
those pearls of wisdom will last you a lifetime.
36:01
you know and and sometimes it's uh you know come
36:04
in the door at the end of a long day and and
36:06
feeling exhausted and the kids say hey dad let's
36:08
go uh let's go paddle around the lake on the
36:10
in the paddle boat and i'm like oh i really don't
36:13
feel like this but then you get out there you
36:16
go wow i really needed this and it's uh you know
36:21
just don't don't forget to go have fun This conversation
36:28
truly impacted both June and myself in such a
36:31
beautiful and profound way. And we're so thankful
36:33
to Mark for being willing to be this open with
36:35
us. Mark himself messaged us after to thank us
36:39
for the opportunity to speak and how it had helped
36:41
him feel very light and invigorated. He hopes
36:44
his words resonate with at least a few people.
36:47
That so often in life it feels as if we don't
36:49
have a voice. Thank you for listening to the
37:03
entire episode. All the links and info you heard
37:05
in this conversation will be featured in the
37:07
show notes on our website. If you'd like to know
37:09
more about anything we mentioned in this episode,
37:11
make sure to check villagermagazine .ca slash
37:14
podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please
37:17
leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify
37:19
or wherever you're listening from. If you'd like
37:22
to help this podcast grow, consider subscribing
37:24
to our podcast channels like YouTube or Spotify
37:26
so you never miss an episode. Thanks again and
37:29
I'll see you next time.