Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Love, Grit, and Growth: A Parenting Secret for Every Age | Ep. 109

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Love, Grit, and Growth: A Parenting Secret for Every Age | Ep. 109 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hello there.
• 0:06
  Amazing parents.
• 0:08
  I'm Cheryl Lang and I'm absolutely thrilled to have you join me for another conversation on the Parenting podcast.
• 0:16
  Today we're diving into the timeless insights of the esteemed Harvard Grant study, A standard for understanding.
• 0:25
  in the realm of human development.
• 0:28
  You see, this study uncovered something truly profound for us as parents.
• 0:35
  The twin pillars of lifelong impact of love and work ethic.
• 0:43
  They found that these two elements wield an extraordinary influence in shaping the adults our children will become.
• 0:52
  It's about nurturing their hearts with love.
• 0:55
  and fueling their souls with a strong sense of responsibility.
• 1:00
  Oh, and before we dive in, a quick note.
• 1:04
  It seems we're still tinkering with a few technical gremlins and my mic.
• 1:10
  So, I truly appreciate your understanding and patience as we work through it.
• 1:14
  Thank you for being here.
• 1:16
  Let's jump right in.
• 1:28
  Carol: Well, Christy, it's obvious, Ellen is not here with us today.
• 1:31
  Carol: I know,
• 1:32
  Christie: I miss her when she's gone.
• 1:34
  Christie: But
• 1:34
  Carol: she had a great time.
• 1:35
  Carol: She's in New York
• 1:35
  Christie: with her daughter.
• 1:35
  Christie: Yes, oh man, what a great trip they got
• 1:39
  Carol: to have.
• 1:39
  Carol: It's boy, that's one of the perks of maintaining a relationship with your kids.
• 1:44
  Carol: That's right.
• 1:45
  Cheryl: Because, remember, when I went with my daughter and we went to the beautiful island of Cyprus in May.
• 1:50
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 1:51
  Cheryl: But it was 16 days with her.
• 1:54
  Christie: Oh my goodness.
• 1:55
  Cheryl: What a treat.
• 1:56
  Cheryl: I would have stayed in a Motel 6 for 16 days.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: I know.
• 2:01
  Christie: yeah, it's, it's so great whenever you're with your adult kids and enjoy each other and get a time away like that.
• 2:07
  Christie: So I'm, I'm sure Ellen had a great time and I can't wait to hear all about it.
• 2:11
  Christie: I know.
• 2:11
  Cheryl: Won't it be fun?
• 2:13
  Cheryl: Well, I love to do research and I'm not looking to say, what does WebMD say about this?
• 2:18
  Cheryl: Right, right.
• 2:19
  Cheryl: What do the big people, the long studies, they're called meta studies, where they look at what everything's really going on, and I don't read all about it, and I go to the conclusion.
• 2:30
  Cheryl: I like what they say.
• 2:31
  Cheryl: Okay, so there's one that's really famous called the
• 2:33
  Carol: Harvard Grant Study.
• 2:35
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 2:36
  Cheryl: And, there's never been one that's been as long and that's studied, I don't know if this is anthropological, I don't know, but just study mankind Okay.
• 2:47
  Cheryl: So they started over 75 years ago.
• 2:50
  Cheryl: And they've just studied people, they started with this huge group of people and just watched to see what plays out in their lives.
• 2:59
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 3:00
  Cheryl: Just watching and seeing the ebb and flow of their life and saying, can we make any deductions about who they became from where they started?
• 3:09
  Cheryl: Wow, over
• 3:09
  Christie: the course of their lifetime.
• 3:11
  Christie: Wow, that's
• 3:11
  Cheryl: interesting.
• 3:12
  Cheryl: Whether it's money or, location.
• 3:15
  Christie: And then just the common trends that they can see.
• 3:17
  Christie: That's it.
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  Cheryl: Okay.
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  Cheryl: And because it's so long and diverse, it's really well respected.
• 3:23
  Cheryl: it has some famous people in it.
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  Cheryl: For example, President John Kennedy was one of the people who was in the study, of course, that was observed.
• 3:31
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 3:31
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 3:32
  Cheryl: You know, but here's what I wanted to ask you.
• 3:36
  Cheryl: Okay They did all of this.
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  Cheryl: And they came to the conclusion that there are two things in a person's childhood that have the biggest impact on helping them become who they are as adults, and particularly adults that are flourishing and doing well.
• 3:54
  Cheryl: Okay.
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  Cheryl: And my question to you.
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  Cheryl: What would you guess those two factors are?
• 3:59
  Cheryl: Um, gosh.
• 4:01
  Cheryl: Okay, now, because we're Christians, we would say the
• 4:05
  Carol: spiritual is what's most important to us.
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  Carol: Right, right.
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  Carol: Set that aside.
• 4:08
  Carol: Okay.
• 4:09
  Carol: What other two factors would you say?
• 4:11
  Christie: In the childhood.
• 4:12
  Christie: I, I mean, I, I guess being a relational person, I would hope and think that it had something to do with attachment or people, you know, being invested in by their parents.
• 4:22
  Christie: Okay.
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  Christie: Or maybe like material provision, not needing, you know, being in.
• 4:26
  Christie: in, uh, desperate poverty or, or something like that.
• 4:30
  Christie: Those are great.
• 4:31
  Cheryl: Uh huh.
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  Cheryl: I don't know.
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  Cheryl: I read it before.
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  Cheryl: I could have guessed what I would have said.
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  Cheryl: First one is love.
• 4:38
  Cheryl: It's what you said.
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  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:40
  Cheryl: That this
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  Carol: big secular study said when we look at all these people's lives, being loved is the number one influencing
• 4:50
  Cheryl (2): factor.
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  Cheryl: Wow.
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  Cheryl: Wow.
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  Cheryl: That's huge.
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  Cheryl: And what an encouragement for all our parents listening out there.
• 4:59
  Christie: Yeah, I mean, it's a thing that we can all give our children, you know, that it's a level playing field.
• 5:04
  Christie: We all can love our children.
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  Christie: And
• 5:07
  Cheryl: choose to love.
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  Cheryl: I mean, we always say it, hang in there.
• 5:10
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:11
  Cheryl: Love them.
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  Cheryl: We're fighting to love well.
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  Carol: Even though we're a mess.
• 5:15
  Carol: Yeah.
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  Carol: In the midst of mess.
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  Carol: So I was amazed love, that's the key factor and the second key factor was a work ethic.
• 5:24
  Carol: Wow.
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  Carol: So it's completely in contrast to what you said.
• 5:28
  Carol: Yeah.
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  Carol: It's not being provided for or your living circumstance.
• 5:33
  Carol: It was having a work ethic.
• 5:35
  Carol: Ethic.
• 5:35
  Carol: That is fascinating.
• 5:37
  Carol: And then when they expanded they said, actually it's kids who do chores and work at home.
• 5:43
  Carol: Okay.
• 5:43
  Carol: Develops all the stuff and they have all kinds of things.
• 5:47
  Carol: That make them successful adults.
• 5:50
  Christie: Wow, you know, after you say that, I can see that connection, especially with the two paired.
• 5:59
  Christie: Because, you know, pushing your kids to have a work ethic that could just be harsh and cruel.
• 6:05
  Christie: Yeah.
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  Christie: But without being coupled with, you know, love.
• 6:08
  Christie: I'm doing this out of love for you to equip you for adulthood.
• 6:11
  Christie: And, um, that's
• 6:13
  Cheryl: interesting.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: And what a short list.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:16
  Christie: And again, something we can all give our children.
• 6:19
  Christie: That's right.
• 6:20
  Christie: So
• 6:21
  Carol: how about today if we start talking about how to build that work ethic?
• 6:26
  Cheryl: Uh, we've talked a lot about love so in this, conversation here, let's focus on how to develop that work ethic and look at different aspects of it, um, we'll call it chores.
• 6:39
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:40
  Cheryl: And then what we can find from it because they enumerated so many different character traits that come out of it and when I think about it, I agree with them.
• 6:52
  Cheryl: It builds character, and so actually that's what they were looking at is how do people become people of character?
• 7:01
  Cheryl: First, they need to be securely loved and
• 7:03
  Carol: attached and then secondly is developing the character through working hard.
• 7:08
  Christie: You know, I think I've said it.
• 7:11
  Christie: It really is relieving to be here because it's, it's been, and I think I've said it on the podcast before, it was kind of a core value at our household that our girls would have strong work ethic but, um, especially for my husband, he wanted them to be hard workers where I was sometimes the softy.
• 7:30
  Christie: So he held me accountable in that area to, you know, um, just call them to, to rise to the occasion and put the effort in and not take the easy way out.
• 7:40
  Cheryl: that's great.
• 7:41
  Carol: Actually, it was that conversation, I don't know, several episodes ago, where you were talking about your, a chicken era, where you had chicken coop.
• 7:51
  Carol: Oh, yes, yes.
• 7:52
  Carol: That ship has sailed, but yes, that was a thing.
• 7:54
  Carol: So that generated some interest about a work ethic and working hard.
• 7:59
  Cheryl: What does that mean for us parents?
• 8:03
  Cheryl: As I was preparing this, I had a friend, shoot
• 8:07
  Carol: me a text going, help me, I have a self centered older teen, and she only thinks about herself.
• 8:15
  Carol: How do I develop a thoughtfulness, a generosity to the others, a not me first all the time attitude?
• 8:22
  Carol: Did you send
• 8:23
  Christie: her a welcome gift?
• 8:26
  Cheryl: And so our conversation went down this line about what we're going to talk about here.
• 8:32
  Cheryl: is
• 8:33
  Carol: that actually working hard at home helps to develop the kind of character she'd like to see in her daughter.
• 8:39
  Carol: And I handed to her, uh, spoiler alert, you may not see it for another 10 or
• 8:44
  Christie: 15 years.
• 8:45
  Christie: You are definitely planting some seeds that may not be harvested for a minute.
• 8:51
  Cheryl: Okay, so what are some things, I want us to make a case to parents, not just based on that study, but what really are the kinds of character traits that come from something as mundane as regular household chores?
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  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 9:07
  Cheryl: Mm
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  Christie: hmm.
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  Christie: Well, I want to just kind of stop and back up a little bit on the word chores first.
• 9:13
  Christie: Um, when I hear the word chores, I was thinking this as, as you were saying it, it's, Chores to me sound kind of like a to do list or like a like a honey do list, you know The things that you you kind of do to make your mom happy and drag your feet doing it where maybe Responsibility is a is a better and you know, we can use them interchangeably here, but I just think we We oftentimes kind of, um, delegate responsibilities to our kids, so they had areas they were responsible for and the whole family was kind of dependent on that person taking care of their responsibilities where a chore kind of makes me think more like Did you take out the trash?
• 9:56
  Christie: You know, there's lots of nagging with chore language, and I don't know, that might be kind of picky, but...
• 10:01
  Cheryl: No, no, no, this is really good, because that's really accurate.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: I like what you're saying, because we're not talking about saying...
• 10:09
  Cheryl: Billy, go pick up the garbage bag and put it in the trash can.
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  Christie: Okay, Mom.
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  Christie: Yes,
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  Cheryl: because that's not going to develop all these other
• 10:19
  Christie: things.
• 10:19
  Christie: Right, and I think there's rarely a house where a child doesn't have any chores.
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  Christie: But it's, it's motive behind the chores, how we're approaching the responsibility we're putting on our kids.
• 10:31
  Christie: And we're
• 10:31
  Cheryl: sort of talking about a lifestyle of responsibility is what we're saying.
• 10:35
  Cheryl: Yeah, because we're still
• 10:36
  Christie: working towards that autonomy we talk about often of, from the very get go, we're working on releasing our kids.
• 10:44
  Christie: And so the part of that is going to be preparing them to have the responsibilities of an adult.
• 10:49
  Christie: But
• 10:49
  Cheryl: it's really interesting.
• 10:51
  Cheryl: So many studies, and this was an article I read over out of a neurological magazine or something, and it was talking about how doing family responsibilities on a regular basis, that it develops extreme executive function.
• 11:11
  Cheryl: And so executive function.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: Christy, it is the thing that helps you figure out how to do stuff, to prioritize, I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do that.
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  Christie: Okay, so like some critical thinking.
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  Cheryl: It really is.
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  Cheryl: It has to do with self regulation
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  Carol: and that you can switch between tasks you can remember instructions.
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  Cheryl: And when I start to describe like that, if you're thinking about.
• 11:34
  Cheryl: Family chores, that's what they have to do.
• 11:37
  Cheryl: They have to learn to remember, oh, here's how to do the dishwasher or to do all of these things.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: But it looks so mundane.
• 11:45
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:46
  Cheryl: But when we realize, no, the professionals are saying it's high level executive
• 11:51
  Carol: function.
• 11:52
  Cheryl: And that's why what a two year old
• 11:54
  Carol: does, you change when they're four and they're six.
• 11:57
  Carol: It's an increasing.
• 11:59
  Carol: slope of what they learn to do and it actually prepares them that this makes sense to me because Well functioning adults have high level of executive function.
• 12:08
  Carol: Yeah, I never saw
• 12:10
  Christie: it like that.
• 12:10
  Christie: That's fascinating.
• 12:11
  Christie: Mm hmm Yeah, well, you know when I'm thinking about the chores my kids had at different ages They did best if I could give them Um, their own, and I've actually heard people use this term, but they're like authority over their own jurisdiction.
• 12:27
  Christie: If they felt some ownership over it, and that's what you're saying, I can really see where they were exercising those skills and growing in those skills of, okay, I've chosen to organize all the canned goods in the pantry like this and, and choose, you know, to use these baskets for the dry goods in this way and, and some organization skills in certain areas I can see where that would cause those things
• 12:50
  Cheryl: to grow.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Yeah, and as you're saying that, I'm remembering specific instances.
• 12:55
  Cheryl: And that's when I'm going, yes, this is working.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: For example, for many years, our family
• 13:02
  Carol: had a discount, produce group that we ran.
• 13:05
  Carol: And at one time it was, we had quite a few people in it.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: And so we would go and
• 13:11
  Carol: get the fruits and vegetables.
• 13:12
  Carol: And then we had all these crates and we divided them up and we organized it.
• 13:17
  Carol: But I gave the kids lots of.
• 13:20
  Carol: responsibility and autonomy to help us figure out the best way to do it.
• 13:24
  Carol: And they took such leadership, and they would come up, no mom, it's going to be more efficient if we do this.
• 13:30
  Cheryl: And it was really interesting because I saw what you're talking about, how they would think about it and then say, no, actually we have to, Switch this and do it this way.
• 13:42
  Cheryl: And it just became like I was working with peers rather than telling my children you need to do this.
• 13:48
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:49
  Cheryl: And I, then I saw that transfer to other projects that we did together.
• 13:54
  Cheryl: So you're right.
• 13:55
  Cheryl: I really have seen it.
• 13:56
  Cheryl: Ownership is a really good thing if we can Get in the point where you're in charge of the toy box
• 14:02
  Christie: right?
• 14:02
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:03
  Christie: And that's that's a good way to say that is when you get you're getting to the point because obviously when they're very young, you're training them on very basic skills.
• 14:11
  Christie: So you're not just going to leave it to the discretion of the year old of how we keep the vegetables.
• 14:16
  Christie: You're gonna have to teach them, you know, some skills and how they do these things.
• 14:20
  Christie: But yeah, I mean, I can remember when my girls were a little older, maybe early teens, and they would actually be telling me you know, Mom, it works best if you do it this way because they had, they had the experience where, gosh, now that my house is emptying out, I'm having to do chores I haven't done in years because all my kids have been doing it for so
• 14:37
  Cheryl: long.
• 14:38
  Carol: And see what I'm listening to you is I'm trying to think what other kinds of character traits would I want in my adult children and developing through this and what you described that's independence.
• 14:49
  Carol: Yeah.
• 14:50
  Carol: Independence.
• 14:51
  Carol: And not, don't tell me what to do but the independence of, I know what I want to get done, and I'm looking at a way to accomplish it.
• 14:58
  Cheryl: Ownership
• 14:59
  Christie: Right
• 14:59
  Carol: And that's just what you described, I, I just never looked at chores as being this great friend that I had as a tool to develop these in my children.
• 15:09
  Christie: Right.
• 15:10
  Christie: Well, independence and, on the flip side, a healthy amount of dependence.
• 15:15
  Christie: Because I know there were certain chores in our house.
• 15:17
  Christie: That one couldn't do their part until the other part had been done.
• 15:21
  Christie: Like, one person was to unload the dishwasher and the other person was to load it.
• 15:25
  Christie: Well, one has to be done before the other.
• 15:27
  Christie: So, if your teammate is not on top of their game, then that puts you in a bind.
• 15:32
  Christie: Because you can't go and play until they get their chore done.
• 15:35
  Christie: Well, so that's
• 15:36
  Carol: teamwork.
• 15:37
  Carol: But I like it because teamwork is interdependent.
• 15:39
  Carol: True.
• 15:40
  Carol: Yeah, that's a better way.
• 15:41
  Carol: We're all, and that was one phrase that I would use is our house.
• 15:46
  Carol: We're doing this together.
• 15:47
  Carol: This is ours they aren't mopping my floor.
• 15:50
  Carol: Right.
• 15:50
  Carol: But we are doing this together and the interdependence of working together.
• 15:55
  Carol: And, um, I mean, when it worked well it was sweet where even as they got older, maybe not too old, maybe in the middle spot there where they were trained and mature enough, you just work together like you and I if we were cleaning the kitchen I wouldn't say why don't you do the silverware and up?
• 16:16
  Carol: We just would start doing the different things together to accomplish it Maybe the bigger pictures that we have a bigger goal outside of ourselves and we're willing to work together I I don't want to oversell it.
• 16:30
  Carol: But really that's what we're talking about is what that mom was complaining to me Yeah And our text and talking is such self focus.
• 16:39
  Carol: And when you're having to work like this with people, you're having to work for a goal that's outside of me, that's not really for my benefit.
• 16:46
  Carol: Yeah,
• 16:46
  Christie: and I think it's really empowering for our kids, too, in a good way to, that they feel capable.
• 16:52
  Christie: Like this, this family, I do have an important role in this family, and I need to do my part.
• 16:58
  Christie: And I'm able to do my part and, and that I have an important role to play.
• 17:03
  Christie: I remember one time we all got sick, all got the flu and nobody was doing anything.
• 17:08
  Christie: You know, when you have the flu, you're
• 17:11
  Cheryl: just like, that like the black winter.
• 17:13
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 17:13
  Christie: exactly.
• 17:14
  Christie: And you come out of the bedroom and you're the light blinds you and nobody can move.
• 17:18
  Christie: And so of course, no chores were getting done.
• 17:20
  Christie: The kitchen was.
• 17:21
  Christie: You know, overflowing, the trash was overflowing, everything.
• 17:24
  Christie: And the girls started making comments of like, Oh man, this is a lot.
• 17:29
  Christie: You know, we're all kind of behind on things.
• 17:31
  Christie: And so they kind of got to see the absence of us doing our responsibilities, what happens.
• 17:37
  Christie: And so they realized we all do a lot around here.
• 17:41
  Cheryl: Because what we're talking about is a long game.
• 17:44
  Carol: Yeah none
• 17:45
  Cheryl: of my 10 year olds kids ever said, Oh, thank you so much for teaching me how to clean a kitchen.
• 17:51
  Cheryl: You know, thank you so much that I have to clean the bathroom for my sisters who don't say thank you.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Right.
• 17:57
  Cheryl: You know, we're in for the long game.
• 17:59
  Cheryl: But when
• 18:00
  Christie: they have a roommate who doesn't know how to clean the bathroom, they may come home and say, thank you for teaching me to do these things.
• 18:05
  Christie: Take care of it.
• 18:06
  Christie: There's been those and then there's been a handful of things that I think, I know that I taught you to do this.
• 18:14
  Christie: Why is this not fleshing out in your adult life?
• 18:20
  Cheryl: And those are those thoughts we keep to ourselves because,
• 18:23
  Carol: you know, we can say, well, my job is to equip them, their jobs to do what they want to do in But we've equipped them.
• 18:31
  Carol: Yeah, it's interesting and talking about this, my son, Jonathan, who just recently got married.
• 18:37
  Carol: He does all their cooking.
• 18:38
  Carol: Cool.
• 18:39
  Carol: Yeah.
• 18:39
  Carol: And she says, Oh, why would I do it?
• 18:41
  Carol: He's a great cook.
• 18:43
  Carol: He enjoys it.
• 18:44
  Carol: And he knows what he's doing.
• 18:46
  Carol: And I just go, Oh, yes, there was nothing specifically said about where he learned all of that, but that's exciting to see my son flourish in that in something I didn't know that was going to happen.
• 18:59
  Christie: Right.
• 19:00
  Christie: Well, just like with everything else, we, if we aren't exposed to things, we never know what passions and excitements we have.
• 19:06
  Christie: And that's a neat thing that he loves
• 19:08
  Carol: to do that.
• 19:09
  Carol: I wish he'd come to my house and cook.
• 19:10
  Carol: Yes.
• 19:13
  Carol: You know, Christy, I keep, in our conversation and thoughts, I keep going back to this mom that was, so upset yesterday, um, really wanted me to, Give her that tip that would fix, I think, a 17 year old who is so extremely me focused right now in her life.
• 19:34
  Carol: And one of the things I explained is, this comes with the age, okay, it's typical, but it was entitlement.
• 19:43
  Carol: They live in an economic and social community where the children are very well provided for.
• 19:50
  Carol: And one of the downsides of that does develop a sense of entitlement.
• 19:55
  Carol: Right.
• 19:56
  Carol: And so one of the things when I was talking with her about it is is her teen working hard and giving to others helps, hopefully to develop some gratitude, because lack of gratitude was another issue, and that's part of it.
• 20:14
  Carol: Like you said, when your girls, when all y'all came out of the black flu that they appreciated Because they saw it not being done.
• 20:23
  Carol: And that you hope that your children, over the long haul, maybe it diminishes some of the entitlement.
• 20:31
  Carol: Yeah.
• 20:31
  Carol: Because they realize, I've got to get my hands dirty.
• 20:35
  Cheryl: I've got to get out there and do that.
• 20:37
  Cheryl: And to produce, otherwise it's not going to happen.
• 20:41
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:41
  Cheryl: And.
• 20:42
  Cheryl: Appreciation for what the other people in the family and others do for them.
• 20:46
  Christie: Well, and I mean, 17 is a good time to start feeling those feelings because adulthood is knocking on your door and it's true.
• 20:55
  Christie: If it's, if things are provided and come naturally, you really can't fault the kids for knowing or for feeling that way.
• 21:02
  Christie: That's just the circumstance that they've been in.
• 21:04
  Christie: And one of my girls sent me a meme one day that said.
• 21:08
  Christie: Now that I pay for my own groceries, I realized my mom was right.
• 21:11
  Christie: We do have food at home.
• 21:12
  Christie: And I thought, yeah, that's, that's the thing is, you know, now you're grateful for the food at home since you, then you don't have to spend money on fast food.
• 21:22
  Christie: But it, it is kind of a.
• 21:25
  Christie: Just because you can doesn't mean you should sort of thing with kids, you
• 21:29
  Cheryl: know, so tell what do you mean by that?
• 21:30
  Cheryl: well
• 21:31
  Christie: I mean just because we're able to Drive through and get coffees every day or just because we're able to have someone come in and take care of some of the dirty Work around the house or the yard or whatever Doesn't necessarily mean we should do those things because maybe, you know, our kids do need to be pitching in on that stuff and seeing what goes into keeping a home and, and making financial choices and, um, how to start from the bottom and work up to those things rather than them just being expectations that they're used to.
• 22:01
  Cheryl (2): That's true
• 22:01
  Carol: And, you know, Christy, I think you and I had the blessing of not being able to have everything hired.
• 22:08
  Carol: Because I was a widowed single mom and I did not have the money to go out and hire anything to be done.
• 22:16
  Carol: And so my kids did it.
• 22:18
  Carol: If we didn't do it, it didn't happen.
• 22:20
  Carol: And so my kids did work really hard, and they had to be trained in all of these things.
• 22:26
  Christie: Well, and I think you just have to get creative and you know, there's no shame and I was just telling someone the other day.
• 22:33
  Christie: Pay someone to do the things anybody can do.
• 22:35
  Christie: So it frees you up to do the things that only you can do.
• 22:38
  Christie: So there's no, no, we're not bashing anybody for doing this, for hiring out your cleaning or whatever.
• 22:45
  Christie: But be intentional about what you're bringing in help for.
• 22:48
  Christie: And then be strategic and intentional on what you're going to put on your kids plates.
• 22:53
  Christie: That's so very good Well, and there's just, even if your income doesn't change, there's less work to do.
• 22:59
  Christie: I mean, we've seen that in our house.
• 23:01
  Christie: It just is a byproduct of having fewer people in it that there's less work and not as many needs.
• 23:06
  Cheryl: Yeah, Yeah,
• 23:07
  Christie: and it's hard because, gosh, isn't it easier to write a check or send a cash up than have to sit and retrain your kid that doesn't know how to do the the task well and to the satisfaction that you're used to?
• 23:20
  Carol: And to and that's what we're going to talk about next time what challenges and what
• 23:24
  Cheryl: difficulties in choosing to do this.
• 23:27
  Cheryl: And you're right.
• 23:28
  Cheryl: Easier is just easier than harder.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: but I'm really thankful because we were forced into a situation that did something for my children.
• 23:38
  Cheryl: That I had no idea the long term benefits
• 23:43
  Christie: that there are.
• 23:43
  Christie: We, we had, you know, the same situation where I just, we weren't able to do a lot of things.
• 23:48
  Christie: And I, like I said, I do see that as we have fewer coffees to buy in the drive through, that we do get to sit in coffee shops a little more often than when I had a gaggle of girls to pay for.
• 23:59
  Christie: And, and there is a difference.
• 24:01
  Christie: in the environment of the home when you have to sacrifice a little more, you
• 24:05
  Carol: know, so parents, we just, um, want to encourage you we hope you see that there's value to household responsibilities we talk about and not just the little stard sheet when they're little and they make their bed, right?
• 24:20
  Carol: But this total package that you have throughout their childhood.
• 24:24
  Carol: So we I have absolutely run out of time, Christy.
• 24:26
  Carol: How about we come back next time and talk about some of the challenges?
• 24:30
  Carol: Because there are plenty.
• 24:31
  Carol: Oh, are there ever.
• 24:33
  Carol: And how to deal with those.
• 24:35
  Carol: Yeah, that sounds good.
• 24:36
  Carol: Okay, thank you.
• 24:37
  Carol: So parents remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it.
• 24:50
  And that brings us to the end of another episode of TPP.
• 24:55
  I hope our discussion today has left you feeling inspired to cultivate a lifestyle that not only fosters love, but also instills a strong work ethic in your children.
• 25:05
  Regardless of their ages, as we continue on this journey of character development together, let's commit to nurturing in our children the values that will serve as their compass throughout life's journey.
• 25:18
  Since fostering love and a strong work ethic are integral to our children's growth, I'd like to leave you with a question to consider.
• 25:28
  What practical step can you take to integrate love?
• 25:31
  and responsibility into your family's daily routines.
• 25:36
  We're always eager to hear your thoughts and experiences, so please don't hesitate to share them with us.
• 25:42
  Reach out through our website, social media channels, or drop us a message at contact at the parentingpodcast.
• 25:49
  com.
• 25:51
  Join us next time as we tackle the hurdles parents face when managing household responsibilities.
• 25:57
  Until then, continue to nurture love, resilience, and togetherness in your home.